#feminaferitas

[tattlesandtales]

[Starter for @feminaferitas]

V. Palmer. 

Vanessa Palmer. Van Palmer. Van. 

The V. Palmer on her prescription bottle of pills was for her and Van couldn’t stop staring at it. She shared those initials with her mother, a woman that Van actively avoided thinking about, and now here she was, taking prescription medication with a V. Palmer on the label just like she used to. Back then, Van’s mother had used some bullshit excuse about an old injury playing up that needed the pain relief, and eventually mixing the opioids with booze had been what killed her in the end. Van had always known it would, and getting the call hadn’t been a surprise. 

Van sighed and shook the pill bottle, debating whether she wanted to take them or not. She’d not taken any since she’d been given the prescription a couple of months ago, but as the cancer had begun to eat its way deeper through Van’s body, the pain had increased to an almost unmanageable level. Even then, Van was doubled up in pain over her kitchen counter after closing the store, using her hips and her elbow to keep herself from falling all the way down to the floor. 

Still, Van felt doubt creeping into the edges of her thoughts and she turned the bottle over to read the potential side effects. 

Nausea. Check.

Vomiting. Sometimes. 

Rapid heart rate. Yep. 

Migraines. Increasing in regularity. 

Constipation. You have to eat for that. 

Loss of appetite. Very much so. 

Dizziness. The pain was worse. 

Drowsiness. All the time. 

Lowered libido. Not relevant. 

Hallucinations. Maybe tripping balls was a better option to the bone deep pain she was already feeling. 

Addiction. Van knew she wasn’t going to live long enough for it to matter. 

With a tired, defeated and pained groan, Van twisted the lid off the pill bottle and shook two capsules onto the countertop before putting the lid back and putting the orange bottle aside. It took another moment of deliberating and talking herself into it before she was able to put the little pills into her mouth and stick her face under the faucet to gulp water and force the medicine down her throat. 

Van wasn’t sure how long it was going to take to start working, so she forced herself to straighten up and walk over to her sofa, sinking down into the plush surface to wait and see what came next.

[hivechose]

@feminaferitas liked for a lyric based starter

There's a small, humorless chuckle before she speaks, "When will everyone have every reason to call all my bluffs?" It's the feeling that's been with her since her knee injury, since she started overusing pain medications to cope with it. The feeling has only grown since ending up stuck in the wilderness. She's tried to keep it quiet, not wanting to draw anymore attention to any of it. But of, course, it was bound to overflow eventually. Now, after her knee gave out when trying to lug water back to the cabin, it's been waiting for anyone to voice it. "I mean, we all know I can't do anything out here, how long until people just say it?"

[scatcrccio]

@feminaferitas gets a band au starter for whoever.

THE CROWD WAS WILD TONIGHT— as they usually were, before Nat even hit the stage she could hear the screams and shouts just outside getting riled up and it gave her the energy levels that she needed. That effervescent euphoria that she so craved each and every time that kept reminding her why she was doing this in the first place; to spread joy; spread art and music to all those who wanted it just as much as she did. It fueled her in a way that nothing else did, giving her a purpose again.

A smile brought to her face and she's hopping up and down at the same time, stoking herself up to get up onto that stage and give the people what they came here to see. She's stretched, she's focused and she's pumped. Everything else about her past didn't seem to matter, regardless of the fact that it's the very thing that brought her some amount of fame in the first place. A soldier who'd once wandered lost in a need for survival now turned into someone special and important. Giving meaning to others. That's what it was in the end, right? A meaning.

A metaphorical synopsis that insinuated a means to an end justifying everything her own personal misery and guilt while turning it into something actually good who might be questioning their own existence on this Earth. She's turned it and shaped it through music and with her words. Every lyric she's ever written signifying the basis of what could only be described as: uplifting. Turning towards the other woman in the room, her fingers flex and then curl. Wiggling in such a way that insinuates every ounce of energy that's become coiled with an underlining want to be let loose and uncontrolled.

❝ What's it like out there? Are they stoked? Are they excited? ❞ She already knows the answer, but she wants to hear it stated out loud. To be told by someone else that what she's about to do is warranted and desired. As if the verbal justification in itself has more meaning like a reminder to why she started this in the first place. ❝ I mean… obviously, they are but, what's the overall vibe? How big is the crowd? Crowd surf worthy or… what—? ❞

[sadauroras]

@feminaferitas (for jackie!)

it's not like she wanted jackie dead. but mari would admit it - there was a certain annoyance that she felt surrounding the fact that the other woman couldn't just be in the group. do what everyone else did. it was true what they say about a pack mentality. she just never thought she'd be so invested in one, especially when she had nothing but good things to say about jackie back when she was team captain.

but she'd also admit that it was terrifying when jackie had almost died the night that they had all kicked her out in the cold. to be fair, mari had no idea it was going to snow, none of them did. even that excuse didn't hold up when she would sometimes think about what would have happened if lottie wouldn't have saved her that night. now there was just an awkwardness in the air that nobody could shake.

mari watches as jackie attempts to change her bandages, eyebrows raising as she looks around to see if anyone else was going to step in. she would have assumed that misty would have been by her side the whole time, she knew the blonde always had something to say about anything medical. for once though, everyone else seemed busy. mari almost forces her feet to walk forward, sitting right where jackie was on the floor. "i don't think you're going to be able to do that one handed."

[itchose]

@feminaferitas said, "Maybe it makes me selfish. I don't think it makes me wrong."

It's been frustrating to watch Jackie these past few weeks,   noticing the way she seemed to turn her nose up at the tasks they've all been forced to complete in order to make it through another day here.   Akilah never wants to judge the way any of her teammates cope with their conditions,   because she knows firsthand just how horrifying their circumstances are and how easy it would be just to completely shut down,   but she also knows that without them all coming together,   without the help of everyone,   they'll eventually start turning against each other,   and that's the last thing she wants.   Maybe Jackie needs a push in the right direction  —    though Akilah isn't sure she's the right person to do it.   All she can try to do now is remind her what's important,   try to reason with her in a way that maybe no one else has.

❝  I don't think it makes you selfish,  ❞    she says quietly,   though she's sure the others wouldn't agree,  given the glares and the sighs that have been shot Jackie's way every time it feels like she's unwilling to help.   Akilah's not innocent from that,  either,  finding herself frustrated with Jackie despite the logic in her brain reminding her that she's just as scared as the rest of them,  too.   She takes a deep breath,   shaking her head as she thinks it over.   ❝  Hey,  I know it's hard,   trying to figure out what you're good at out here.   It's not easy for me,  either.  ❞    That's not entirely true;   her girl scout training has prepared her for this,   in some twisted way,   and she's doing everything she can to try to prove her own worth,   something in her gut telling her that's going to be important,  the way others may perceive it just as they watch Jackie.   But if it helps level with Jackie and make her feel better,  then she'll say it anyway.   

She can't shake the way it feels wrong,   being the one to say any of this.   She's younger than most of them,   and she's not used to being part of their team,   only brought to nationals last minute because of Allie's injury.   She's still trying to figure out her place here and when it's okay to speak up,   but she likes Jackie,   and she doesn't want to see anyone turn against her —  nor does she want to,  either,   so she's trying.   ❝   But you'll figure it out.   We just,   you know,   all have to do our part.  It's how we're going to survive.  ❞

[lcveblossomed]

"Don't make a big deal out of this," Van says, what a great start to a sentence, right? Still, they had saved up a bit of babysitting money and gotten a little something. They pull out a bouquet of tulips pretty and pink. With a sheepish smile, they offer up the flowers. "You didn't strike me as the red roses type. I just you know uh- I mean I wasn't sure if you were gonna get any other flowers. I mean not that you wouldn't- fuck I need to shut up I'm sorry. Take these before I say more dumb shit."

@feminaferitas // valentine's day starter

[exjacket-a]

PLOTTED,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎@feminaferitas.

She dreads knocking before her knuckles even dare rap on the door‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(You shouldn't be here,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎go home Audrey).‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎If Misty hadn't declared,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎interrupted even,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Audrey before she could hit the hang up button,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎perhaps she wouldn't even be here doubting her choices before they are committed.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎TWENTY FIVE YEARS,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎the timeline can't be unreasonably expected...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎if something were to come to light,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎why the fuck wouldn't it be now?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎The anniversary doesn't have to just be another day!

Yet for a moment she wonders the validity of Misty's claims...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎haven't they all been offered sketchy book deals before?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Bar hookups turned into fanatical conversations?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Job interviews where they have one lingering quest...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎couldn't this just be another daily annoyance rather than paranoia inducing disturbance?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Then why would Misty call?‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎(Audrey,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎go home,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎keep it silenced where it's always been...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎don't feed a dog that barks)...

Knock,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎knock,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎knock.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎A sharp inhale,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎and she closes her brown eyes.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎It's not long after that the sound of a door on old,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎hometown hinges,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎snaps them back open and she's met with:‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎"Misty...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎hey.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Um,‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎nice...‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎place you got here."

[darkconsumed]

@feminaferitas (for callie) gets a semi-plotted thing!

To say the last couple months had been a lot would be an understatement. Deep down, she always knew her past would forever keep her life on a constant rollercoaster of unexpected dips and turns, but she also had no one to blame but herself. What had happened with Adam Martin would forever be solely her fault and dragging everyone into that mess as well was her fault. All she could do now that it was somewhat taken care of ( she still wasn't certain of Jeff's reassurances that it was over ) was to pick up the pieces and mend the jagged puzzle that was her life.

Shauna had a lot to fix and figure out when it came to her marriage and relationship with her daughter. To remember that she had a living child who mattered and was innocent in all of this. And that she hadn't been exactly fair when it came to Callie and her overall existence. But how could she sit down and tell her daughter about someone she was still mourning, but hadn't really allowed herself to mourn? Even the thought of him made her stomach churn and her vision to grow blurry. Maybe one day she would talk about that with Callie, but for now she would just take baby steps with her.

Tonight was just that, taking baby steps with trusting her daughter. Ignoring the fact that she had been gone all day and hadn't left a text or voicemail telling Shauna where she was or how long she'd be gone. She was probably running around with Alana and had lost track of time and maybe her phone had died. It was fine, it would be fine...at least that's what she told herself three hours ago before the sun had set. Now it was nearly 10pm and she was getting a little worried and continued to check her phone, finger hovering over the track-a-phone app. It was something she rarely used ( a lie, a very big lie ) and was trying to not distrust Callie, but it was getting late and later and...

The front door was opening and it wasn't Jeff as he was already in bed sound asleep. She'll be home soon, babe, don't worry he had told her before going to bed for the night. Big help he was considering everything that had happened and they'd gone through since that night at Lottie's. But when the door opened, Shauna was sitting on the couch in the family room to the left of the entrance way, waiting. Her head turned when she heard the girls footsteps near the doorway of the room and a small smile came into place.

"Oh good, you're home...finally," she said with a small released breath of relief. She wanted to immediately begin her course of interrogation, but also wanted to see what Callie would say in defense. "Dinner's in the fridge. We had pizza, your dad insisted seeing as you weren't home and we weren't sure when you would be."

[chasingtitans]

Keiko didn't miss the way Jackie's voice hitched around Jeff's name, but she couldn't begin to remember nor presume what might have caused it. So for tonight, she didn't comment; whatever teenage angst laid at the root of that was far beyond her pay grade and her time by now.

"Right. That’s certainly not the plan, anyway," she affirmed with a hint of laugh. Stance relaxing slightly now that there was no chasing or convincing left to do, Keiko allowed herself to simply take Jackie in. Not the ghost, not the curiosity, just Jackie. Despite the years that chasmed between them now - everything Keiko had become in the time since that had been but a mere dream back then, if she'd even thought of it yet at all - that mindset was easier than she'd expected to slip right back into.

"You can ask freely about the time you've missed, if you want. I'll just tell you if I can't answer," she offered after a beat, words punctuated by a shrug. Keiko knew there would be some subjects she couldn't - or wouldn't - touch, not tonight, but... She couldn't bring herself to deny Jackie any small thread of connection to the outside world she'd been severed from for so long, either.

Ultimately, however, curiosity won out; Keiko couldn't resist asking first. Head canting to one side, her next words were the most uncertain she'd sounded all night: "Am I... the first one you’ve known, who's come back here like this?"

Jackie wore a relatively blank expression on her face, though her brows were pinched with thought and wide eyes focused on the gentleman who spoke up. Honestly, she didn't really know what a cryptid was and she wasn't sure if he was comparing her to a sea creature. But clearly he and Keiko were speaking the same language, and if it meant something about helping Jackie out of her unnatural predicament (within certain limits, of course), then on with the nerd speak.

"Oh-kaaay," she said, not entirely convinced. The girl folded her arms across her chest. "Yeah, thanks, Billy."

Jackie turned her focus back to her former classmate and kind of shrugged noncommittally. "Yeah. I mean, it was so rare that Shauna already had other plans when I wanted to hang out. Kind of hard to forget," she said casually. There was no hint of jealousy in her voice, just amusement. "Which is fine, y'know I was always back and forth with... Jeff."

She dropped his name quickly, as if it were sour on her tongue. Something about the thought of Jeff and Shauna now being married, now with a child... It dragged up the memories of reading Shauna's journals... did Keiko and her other classmates know? About the two of them behind her back? How much of high school had actually been a big joke at her expense? The overwhelming dread of it made her want to disappear, back into the walls and the whispers of the town -- but she couldn't just leave when she had a chance to make something better of her situation, could she?

"Hey, I mean it's not like I'm going anywhere fast, right? As long as it doesn't hurt, it's not exactly as if you could make me any more dead," she shrugged. "I guess it'd be nice to reconnect with a classmate... feel like I didn't miss out on everything."

[femmeraege]

@feminaferitas

Shauna was shaking so badly she was practically buzzing. Her hands white-knuckled the steering wheel the entire drive home, not daring to glance in the rearview in case her mind fucked with her again, putting Jackie in Callie's place.

One brisk walk and the front door slamming so hard Shauna heard the knocker bounce against the wood, and they were inside. Shauna saw Callie start for the stairs and snarled, "Callie, get back here."

Pacing in an effort to work off the rage pulsing through every cell in her body, she stuttered as she tried to form words, wincing with the knowledge that Callie would just think she was being weak. It was so familiar, not just from their seemingly constant feud that started when Callie hit puberty, but decades before. Their surroundings blurred and shifted, she saw log cabin walls, then Jackie's baby-pink room, then things jerked back into place.

"This is-- This is too far, Callie. Don't you get that?! You took something important to me, that I can't get back, and-- And rubbed dirt in it! And ripped it!" Shauna bit her lip, chanting internally, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. "I just-- Why?!"

[scatcrccio]

portrayal? your nat is phenomenal!!! seriously, I'm in love. and you're so seamlessly able to integrate her into new dynamics that haven't been explored before and I'm so grateful you're letting me tag along for the ride <3

beep beep how’s my portrayal ?

LISTEN.... !! i love how hard you've fallen into this YJ world with the rest of us because we are so lucky & grateful to have you, honestly! you put on that helmet & said LET'S GOOOOOO! thank you for this & thank you for being so willing to ride! love youuu!

[chasingtitans]

Which member of a doomed spaceship crew are you?

MEDIC

You're the person on this ship that everyone's supposed to trust, but what happens when you can't trust yourself? You know exactly how slim the odds of survival are, exactly how much the body can take before it shreds apart, and you also know, down to the vein, how resilient humans can be. If anyone's going to bring this story back from the dead, can't it be you?

tagged by: @helltechnicality

tagging: @feminaferitas @inkorrnate @dieasone @torturedp0etry @scatcrccio + steal it!

[silencedrage]

what colour does your love feel like ?

cold stark gold

Fireworks, borrowed lighters and sparklers against a dark backdrop, yours is a love that burns stark and bright. It's scary though, like things that burn always tend to be, but for you it isn't the thrill of the open flames that gives pause and a slight stomach drop of terror, but rather the time when the flames go out, the sparkler ends and the night is cold and dark once again. Fireworks, borrowed lighters, a striken match, your love burns bright and fast and then maybe it passes, maybe the feeling dies out and you're left in the cold once again. And that's the feeling isn't it? Of being bored and waiting for someone to light you up again? To be fair, you do know you don't need it, but then again we don't often crave the things we need. And you crave and yearn and burn in the wait, restless in the knowledge that at some point someone will pass and rub you the right way, that some day you'll light up the night sky bright yet again. There's comfort in the darkness and solace in the predictable loneliness of the in between, but your heart still squirms inside you, waiting and willing and begging to burn up again. Your love might not be comfort, it's not one for the sick days, but then again, there's a reason why everyone waits for the shining lights in the sky during holidays.

tagged by: @feminaferitas

tagging: people who want to do it

[tattlesandtales]

Nine* People I'd Like To Know Better

last song: shut up and dance by kinna granis

favorite color: teal!

currently watching: perception

spicy/savory/sweet: sweet.

relationship status: engaged!

current obsession: yellowjackets, grey's anatomy, horses and sad and haunting music.

tagged by: @scatcrccio tagging: @wickedlehane @perfectionreached @vaguevirgo @darkconsumed @feminaferitas @swallowthebanjo

*six

[hivechose]

"That's easy for you to say, you're like the most important one here." It's not said out of any bitterness or jealousy, just resignation.

She knows how others have talked about her since her knee injury. How things had shifted from sympathetic to what had happened to whispered speculations. the rumor that she wasn't actually still having issues from it, that she was faking it. For attention, to get out of things, as an excuse for more pills. Despite her insistence that she just kept them around just in case, she knows people saw through the lie. At first it had been for pain, the pain had just been almost constant. but then the judgement and the pressure pushed her to use it for more than pain.

It's that same speculation that causes her response, "No, it's fine, I can—" She knows what the others would say, it's her just trying to get out of things. She grabs the buck, and she does reach for Nat's hand, however, upon standing, she attempts to move away, towards the lake. It just ends up being a stagger, stumbling before catching herself on a tree before she falls again. "I just need to, I just need to steady myself."

"C'mon, Chess -- it's not exactly like we're a professional Girl Scout troop out here. We're all just trying to do the best we can. You included."

Natalie certainly wasn't going to get on anyone's case for having a moment of weakness. She'd long heard the bullshit about 'your body is a temple' as people like Tai and her teachers gave her crap for drug use. Not medically necessary most of the time, but one of the only ways to make it through the endless days with some scrape of her sanity intact. But being soccer players -- varsity champs, no less -- Nat understood that for most of these girls, their bodies felt like the most important thing about them.

The blonde crouched and extended a hand in an effort to help Chess stand. "If you aren't feeling up to getting the water, I'm sure Mari wouldn't mind help with the food. O-or Shauna's cleaning some rabbit skins. We can find something more comfortable," she offered reassuringly.

[darkconsumed]

some quick facts for valerie "val" amoros while i work on a more detailed bio for her, enjoy!

attended columbia for law ( personal lawyer )

met taissa turner via the soccer team ( centre-back / defender ), had an off and on again relationship/situation-ship with tai that was nothing serious ( discussed with @perfectionreached , will not be assumed with other taissa blogs )

family immigrated from cuba to new york in 1980 when val was three years old; has two older brothers, ernesto and gerald

would fit into the category of "dirty lawyers" as she'll do whatever she has to do to make sure she gets a win no matter what

is very career oriented so never been married and doesn't particularly see the point in marriage ( parents divorced when she was about fifteen and it wasn't pretty )

raging lesbian

relocates to new jersey to start up her own firm; high profiled case didn't go as she had hoped and came under fire so she was let go from the firm she had been with for the better part of fifteen years

as well as knowing taissa, she knows jackie who she spent time with in class; isn't aware that the two know one another or about their shared past; ( discussed with @feminaferitas , will not be assumed with other jackie's )

more to come, please feel free to reach out with any questions!