#femhwake

[mass-effect-galaxy]

Dragon Age 2 - The Movie

This is the "Tale of the Champion" who came to Kirkwall as a poor refugee and rose to the rank of the Champion of Kirkwall - losing everything she had on that path.

[allymentswritingandarts]

Connection

This is a somewhat dark Shortstory. If you’re triggered by dark thoughts and or emotions, don’t read it.

“ You look like shit.”

- “ Thanks Varric, I can always count on you for a compliment. What are you doing here, anyway?” Hawke asked and turned around to face her friend.

“ You were supposed to meet me an hour ago.”

-“ Oh, shit. I'm sorry, I forgot.” she sighed and used the heel of her hand to rub her forehead. ” I can see how that happened, what you're doing looks very exciting and all consuming .” his sarcasm was so thick she could almost feel it sticking to her skin.

Hawke was currently sitting on the edge of her roof, looking down at Varric, it was one of her hiding spots and a good place to overlook the city.

“ I don't know what you mean. I saw two whole pigeons  flying around earlier. If that's not entertainment I don't know what is. ” she attempted to joke, but it fell flat as she made her way back down to the window where Varric was waiting for her.

“ I'm sorry. I just didn't feel like going out today, or at all. Some crisis will pop up soon enough, demanding my attention...” Hawke, usually a being of energy, laughter and strength seemed colourless and bleak today and the dwarf couldn't understand why.

Varric had never seen her like this. He had seen some sadness in her eyes, some nights at the Hanged Man, but with everything she had been through so far, it wasn't really a surprise.

“ Are you okay, Hawke? You know I'm always there for you if you need help.” he looked worried and tried to remember if maybe today was a specific day? But no, Bethany had died in Spring, her father had died during a Winter.

“ Thank you Varric, but I... “ she sighed and shook her head. “ I just... I feel isolated. I know how it sounds. I have friends, good friends, and we spend a lot of time together. Every one of you loves me, I know, I know. But I can't shake this feeling. I feel disconnected, and I want to connect but the more I try the more I seem to lose. I reach out and I know that there is nothing  that I can touch. In the end, I'm alone.”

Varric didn't know what to say. How could this be? How was it, that he had never noticed her feeling like this before. Why hadn't she asked for help? He would have been there, he was always in her reach. But the more thoughts ran through his head the more he understood. They were all counting on her, they knew she would come to fix there problems. Hawke, fighting everyones battles for them. Standing tall for those who need someone like her. No one had ever offered to fight a battle for her. They stand by her side, but that wasn't the same. While she was busy picking up the pieces for everyone else around her, her own pieces lay scattered on the ground.

He stood there, in silence, not knowing what to say. Could he do it? Pick up the pieces for her? Fight the fight? It didn't seem like he had it in him. She was is closest friend, she was family, he should leap to her rescue. But there he stood, looking at her, the girl who had been larger than life as long as he had known her. It seemed so impossible that she would need help. How -

“ It's alright Varric. You don't need to worry about me. It's not your job to fix me. I can do this on my own.” her expression was blank as she said that and even though he knew that this was her, making up an excuse for him, so that he didn't have to, he felt relieved.

“ You know you can always count on me.” now his own words sounded empty. She had counted on him a few seconds ago and he had let her down. But he couldn't do it, he couldn't do what she needed him to. So he followed the script that was bound to happen.

“ I know, thank you Varric, and thank you for coming by. I'll lie down for a bit. I'll make me feel better. Don't worry alright? Im probably just tired. We all have them.” More lies. More excuses for him. She was standing in front of him, she was in pain, and still it was her comforting him?

“ Of course. Any time. I'll see you tomorrow?” - “ Sure. I don't think Kirkwall will give me more than a day off.” she smiled at him, but it didn't fully reach her eyes. How many times had she smiled at him that way without him realising it?

He felt terrible, but didn't know what else to do. So he turned around and left. She would be fine. It was Hawke, of course she would be fine.

No one was able to touch her, after all.

[allymentswritingandarts]

For my dearest unfxrtunxte