#femboy elin

[littlemilks]

[rokkit-story-time]

Some (very gay) introspection

It's so goddamn freeing to understand myself better. To know who I really am: a very gay (technically pan but that's not the point here) woman.

It puts so much into perspective...

I never liked mainstream romance stuff before. Romantic comedies were acceptable (if written well enough), but the romance part always felt a little off-putting. I'd chalked it up to just being bitter about not having any romance in my own life, but now I think it's that they were all just so damn straight. Gay romance is something I am *loving* these days! She-Ra and The Owl House both make me all kinds of giddy when I see the cute little lesbeans blushing over each other~ (And also I'm writing it a lot >_>)

I always had a preference for bi girls. I'd reasoned it as "I'd prefer a girlfriend who can appreciate pretty ladies with me," but now it makes a little more sense ^_^;

I had a few lesbian friends/acquaintances throughout my life, and I always thought they were cute... I even had crushes on most of them! And I also always ended up scolding myself for it, telling myself that I was being a creep for wanting what I couldn't have (as a "straight male"). The thing is, when straight men are creeping on lesbians, they think/say things like, "well obviously I'd be an exception" or "she just hasn't had good dick yet" or something else gross. They apparently *don't* think, "I kinda wish I was a lesbian too, 'cause then I might have a chance with her..." If only I'd know that little detail sooner <_<

I'd play as female characters in *some* games (MMOs mostly) under the excuse of "I'd rather look at a girl's ass than a guy's." But my main character generally wasn't one I sexualized at all: I'd always make a blaster-mage in whatever the smallest, cutest race was: WoW was Gnome/Goblin, Tera was Elin, Guild Wars 2 was Asura, Wildstar (oh WOW, remember Wildstar?) was Chua, FFXIV I've obviously got a Lalafell, etc. "Oh, it's for the irony, tiny package making big explosions" I would explain. And yes, to some extent it was. But being smol and cute is also something I'd more and more come to realize I craved... no, it was something I already *felt*, at least in certain headspaces. It was only in the last couple of years (thanks to an online roleplay site) that I went the rest of the way from "I wish I was a femboy" to "I wanna be a girl".

There's more I'm sure, but that's what I can conjure to mind at the moment. There's still a lot for me to figure out, too... I might never really know myself entirely. But I at least know this aspect of me, and I'm happy for that ^_^