#feels weird venting here but i guess it's better than silence
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midnight-rice · 8 months ago
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ok tumblr really *has* broken my speaking mannerisms, at work I found two cup lids that had melted together inseparably and muttered "this, too, is yuri" as if that's a normal thing to say on a sunday morning
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milchig-de · 1 year ago
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Vent
Pairing: Character & Reader
Summary: You talk about your problems. Not relationship related.
Warnings: This is basically just vent writing. Very depression, existential dread
Notes: i imagined scaramouche as the character but you can put whoever you want there. ill tag it as scaramouche x reader bc of that but really it doesnt matter. its one am, im tired and sad. please dont be mean to me
_______________
You sit on a chair, a beverage in front of you. It is a warm day, although not warm enough to be unpleasant. Lifting the cup to your lips, you take a sip. You are unable to discern what you are drinking. You put your cup down again.
Someone approaches you. They sit down in front of you. You greet them and they greet back.
Silence.
What are you waiting for? Start a conversation.
"So... nice weather we have?"
The person across you doesn't respond. The look in their eyes tells you something is wrong. They seem to doubt you, ask you if that is really what you wanted to say. They ask if you truly do not have other questions to pose.
You unnecessarily clear your throat.
Another silence.
This person isn't here to make small talk. Think of a meaningful question.
...
Or don't.
Truly, if you have nothing important to say, why are you here?
"When do I ever have something important to say? My life bears little meaning in the greater scheme of things."
The person still sitting across from you answers.
"Perhaps that is so."
"Then... why should I say anything?"
"You can sit in silence. But isn't that boring?"
"That's precisely why I always say nonsense. It's better than bearing this agonizing silence."
They do not respond.
Speak from your heart.
"Sometimes I wonder... If none of what I say is of importance, what even is the substance of me? In other's eyes I am defined by what I do and say. So am I not essentially unimportant?"
"Do you consider yourself unimportant?"
"..."
"I guess I do. I don't particularly care about myself. I barely feel as though I even have a presence. I perceive and interact with the world I am in, but I do not take the time to truly spend time with myself."
"What does it leave you with?"
"A certain sense of... emptiness."
"What do you do about it? Do you just let it fester inside you like a some species of mold? Like some parasite?"
"I usually fill it with things that aren't real. Hell, I'm doing that right now. You aren't real, this place isn't even a place and this beverage isn't anything."
You point at your unidentifiable surroundings to stress your point.
"But when does it end? When do you lose your touch with reality? When does your true self begin? Do you even have one? Or has your entire existence been based on things that aren't there? On things so terribly out of reach that it's fucking pathetic you're still trying?"
...
"I know I'm weird. And I know this weirdness makes me unloveable. I don't know what to do about it. Everything I do only makes my life worse. Every day I wake up alive, I see no possible improvement. No one will come around to help me. That isn't how it works. I need to be proactive, but do I even deserve any help? I haven't done anything of importance and all I will ever reach is mediocrity. What's the point in trying if I will only come so far? "
...
"Maybe there is no point."
Both of you look to the scenery. It's quite beautiful. Perhaps it, too, is undeserving. But at least it is there. Even if the point is truly gone, you will still be here, for better or for worse.
"For worse, I'm sure."
Regardless of it all;
Tomorrow is another day.
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3dayweeknd · 5 months ago
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here is a vent tw for weight and body image
ok i know parents lecture u and stuff no matter what and theyre gonna be annoying or whatever but why does my mom have to corner me to do it like she only does it in a situation in which i have no escape and in which i have to bear a weird silence after because i literally cannot escape. it's either gonna be in the car or right before i shower so im either having to sit in silence through the entire car ride and trip to the store after or i have to shower in a weird silence since im stuck in the fucking shower while she's brushing her teeth or something. why does it always have to be like that like why cant u just say ur part and leave me alone. in the car today she gave me unsolicited advice in which was useless she said to prioritize my academics. like duh what the fuck. she was like it doesn't seem like you're taking it seriously well ok then I guess me looking for tutors and staying up late to do work means nothing then. and then she told me to fucking smile. yeah i lectured u and made u feel bad now u better fucking smile like what the fuck. who does that. like she can never just say what she wants to say and then leave me alone she always has to be like "STOP POUTING" "JUST SMILE" like what the fuck. if you know it's going to upset me you should just don't say it or say it and let me be upset. it just makes me so mad like why can't you just don't say things that literally have no point or if u do then just leave me alone after like why do you have to make me endure you after it. have u ever heard of when people are upset they need time to calm down. like i'm still mad from this one time she was like "i have advice maybe try not to gain weight so u don't have to keep buying new clothes when u change size" like DUH WHAT THE FUCK. i'm still not over it cuz she said it right after i vented to her about how sad I was about gaining weight and my clothes fitting wrong. like do you think i didn't fucking think of that. like how is that a piece of useful advice at all. and then she was all like 'why are u upset!!!" and i was like literalyl what was the point of saying that and she was like "I was just saying!!!" like ok have you ever thought that maybe if you know something is going to upset me and if there is no other purpose of saying something other than just to say it oh idk. maybe just don't fucking say it. like this is how it goes every time she tries to give me a talk like its always some useless shit and then she tries to talk me out of being upset and then she corners me so i cant leave. and i give up trying to talk to her about it because she makes me feel bad for feeling however i feel. i just want to be left alone
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kit-williams · 11 months ago
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Zombie
More self insert this might be the final one I don't know might make Goblin a proper OC or just continue this sorta therapeutic writing.
The first fic wasn't really Ghost focused and never really expressed the hurt. The title is more so after the song by the Cranberries
Angst with comfort like with all of these ones
I really was trying my best. The strings of code that suddenly seemed to blend together. I was trying my best... but there was a rock hard lump in my throat... in my chest... in me as it hit harder and harder that I was stuck here.
Hey let me know when you're free for more than a couple of minutes.
I text to Simon doing my best to not spam him with the way I text. To me hitting the enter was akin to ending a thought so either I'd send walls of text or 5 texts that could have been gathered together in one text. None of these people were my family... I was doing my best to not subject them to all my weirdness... but I had a feeling I was failing.
Ya good?
Was the reply back I got.
Just let me know.
I did my best to avoid answering as I just continued to look over the code. I don't know how long it was, it felt like forever really, till I got a text from Simon and I hardly wasted time. Simon was very odd... not what I was expecting but then again trauma shapes us differently. The trauma of always being in survival mode... the trauma of my parents divorcing... just how we react to stimuli shapes us differently. I pressed my forehead against his back as things suddenly felt very loud.
I needed to be touched... to be held... to be grounded... for someone to read my mind when I could hardly do it. Someone to speak to me in that calming baritone... the warmth of a deep voice wrapping around me. Seeking out Simon hurt just as much as it comforted me. Because like my husband he was very good at it.
He let me scream at him, he let me cry, he let me vent out all my anguish and frustrations, he let me try my best to cope and he like my husband knew when it was better to distract me.
"Why don't blind guys skydive?" He pauses as my brain doesn't fully register that I already know this joke as I look up at him looking over his shoulder, "Scares the shit out of their dogs." I don't bother to stop the loud snort. Oh yes Ghost hurt me in a way that I loved... he knew puns and was as skilled with his words just as much as my husband was... is? I wasn't married in this timeline yet. I crawl over the couch and just lean against him hiding.
Ghost... Simon... was very competent, had to be, but it was terrifying just how easy I was to read I guess. How quick he picked up on my quirks... how he knew what type of hand I could handle. I could feel his hands in my hair as he did his best to help me survive. This was a nightmare for me of the loved ones I've left behind... how quickly it all just happened. I just sat in my car and then this nightmare started.
-----
Simon knew exactly the moment he had fallen for the weird little creature he knew the several moments that made up the times he could say his fondness grew. The days she would just find him to just sit in silence with him after answering his gruff 'why ya here' with a simple 'to hang out' and just be content with his company. It was the way she just would chirp songs from a long dead childhood at him though mainly to Johnny... sometimes she would talk his ear off about random things and just fill the silence.
He grew very fond of her strength, sure she brushed it off because it was a state of being she was so use to being in that she didn't see the way she just handled this all like a champ and only after 3 maybe 4 months was she starting to crack. He had caught her bawling her eyes out... he had caught her with such a dark look in her eyes... he caught her staring far too long at knives and ropes... and yet the way she just could easily slip into a smile. The way she chose to be happy. Even if he could tell she was dying on the inside she still tried to be happy for them.
She was dying in real time to him. She was dying slowly and painfully. She was wilting away and her will to live was wasting away. He pulled Goblin into his lap and just hugged as he could tell she was semi unresponsive... she was dying in his arms slowly and painfully but the way her eyes looked up at him... they screamed at him how much she wanted to live.
Maybe she would bounce back to the land of the living like she has been able too or maybe she would continue in a state of undeath but Ghost would do his best to make sure the grave didn't win.
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jenoslutie · 1 year ago
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random vent ignore this
just me or is it really weird talking about ur feelings to ur irls like i know they just dont get what i feel. like no one tries to understand my feelings when i try talking to them about things but when its literally anyone who tries talking to me about things i feel like i have to understand their feelings and help them feel better just because i care about them and their happiness but literally no one would do that for me.
everytime something exciting happens for me i gotta keep it to myself and just be happy for myself in silence because i know no one would be excited about it like i would be for them. i think its just me who loves people too hard and then gets upset when its not reciprocated. its really hard out here for me i guess.
that's literally one of the biggest reasons im so attached to nct and ive been so attached to them because after my most recent friendship breakup, the hardest one of my life, where i was being controlled in by my own best friend and forced out of things i enjoyed, nct being one of them, i realized that i was never truly happy during that time like at all. but as soon as i found my way back to them ive been the happiest ive been in the past year even through all my ups and downs (which there were ALOT of) and everytime i even see her now i realize how much happier i am now even if i dont have that many friends now, i find comfort in having the neos as my little safe haven but again, i can never talk to anyone about it because no one gets it. everyone would think im one of those kpop obsessed freaks when im literally just a girl coping with life through them.
i wish i could go back to 2020 when i was literally having the best year of my life. i was in the healthiest relationship of my life, i found nct, my baby was born, everything was just right for me. but of course good things like that never last because everything is falling apart lol...
even now, the guy im like very interested in right now, no one understands it, everyone tells me that hes ugly and i should find someone better but i find comfort in liking him. i like him cuz he actually makes me feel wanted after a whole fucking year of being single and going through countless situationships but ofc i cant say that to anyone cuz im just delusional right? no one gets it no one EVER gets it. everyone just thinks im delusional but its just how i cope with like everything in my life. stress, anxiety, literally anything, its my coping mechanism but whatever.
i cant even start to talk about my family BRUH. i can't complain about shit to my irls cuz everyone knows my family and i dont want it to be awkward but i guess its only sided cuz family does not give a FUCK about who knows me and who doesnt and is straight up just tearing me apart lmao.
on the bright side, im taking the time out for self to improve my mental health and be in a better state! ive started doing daily motivations and journaling on this app and its been helping alot. ive also started protecting my peace way harder so i literally dont talk to anyone other than like close friends lol.
ok bye i wrote like a novel here LMAO goodbye if u read this ignore it this is not who i am
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thisdreamplace · 3 years ago
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I’m sure this is something you’ve asked before I just feel like o have no one to talk to about this…
But I’ve been feeling kind of miserable, working towards my self concept, my desires, my power, to the void, to revise things. But I guess I have my doubts or I’m too anxious or whatever because I feel like I’ve been stagnant for some time, I *have* manifested things and I can tell my self concept has for a fact improved. However, I’m not really a patient person, I have no problem worrying about the how, it’s the when for me.
And so recently I had a bit of a falling out with my mom, not exactly an argument it was small…ish, but, basically I’ve been working on getting my desires, I think I’m getting a bit desperate because of this? Maybe also too desperately focused about a certain method. But she said something and it kind of conflicts what I have in my 4d and it just set me off and I got mad and it’s been 2 days since then and we’re in this weird awkward silence place.
I thought I revised it away but I didn’t. So now here’s kind of my thing, I have another friend who knows about the Law, the other who knows about manifesting, the first one is like oh just revise and the other is like oh if it Doesn’t work. I don’t know it’s just like… I’m in this place in the middle where I know I have the ability to change my reality, I KNOW I can get what I want but, I don’t know when it’ll click for me or the “perfect formula” (though I know there isn’t one)…. Like I know I can change things but because I haven’t had much success with it… it’s making me feel worse? I’m not sure how to react and what to do? Because I’m thinking do I just feel the miserableness? How would that affect my progress and manifestation? Should I be reacting or should I just ignore it and affirm that I’m better? How can I have all this power and still feel this miserable and not be able to change it? Am I affecting my progress by saying I can’t do this and I feel like that? I just feel super alone and confused. And jealous? I want things to work in my favor but they’re not now and it’s frustrating because I KNOW I have to power to change it, because I know the law and it’s worked for me and others but it’s not working the way I want it to… I just feel… stuck
This was a really long rant I apologize but I’m really not sure what to do, I feel like I kind of know the answer but also.. I’m not sure what to do? Thank you for listening, the rant alone in your inbox helped me a tiny bit
yeah there’s no perfect formula and actually, not everyone has this one special clicking moment. for some people, they just get it more and more over time. i wouldn’t worry about it.
overall to me it just sounds like you need one big BREATH. that lasts for however long you need it to. lmao as in….. don’t be afraid to turn away from the dramas of the outer world and actually pay attention to yourself and work on building yourself. working on strengthening a trusting relationship… with yourself. with the god within.
i understand you were expressing the old story and that’s okay !! venting can really help. but realize you must release it as well. when it’s all so heavy, imo, that’s just an opportunity to truly turn within and choose to allow all of this rather than trying to fight it. there’s nothing to affirm over, and i would say don’t ever ignore what your body is persistently trying to tell you. everything can get better but you must be willing to change before anything else does.
i have quite a few links in my quick resources that focus in on sitting with things, rather than running from them. when you’re in the process of an inner change/shift — it’s actually very normal to being going throuughhhh it emotionally. and even with the outer world sometimes. don’t resist it, just allow it. choose to trust in whatever is happening even if you don’t understand it. you will truly see the shifts within you — and that’s what matters most. you’re going to see changes in yourself before you see changes in the outer world. too many people ignore/don’t realize that simple fact.
i hope this helps 💖 you totally got this !! 💞
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poisonedapples · 3 years ago
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Patton’s Home For Traumatized Kids - Chapter Four
Self Care Day
Chapter Summary: Roman finally relaxes, and Virgil attempts to help.
First Chapter Previous Chapter Story Masterlist
Warnings: Anxiety, panic, mentions of past trauma and abuse, very minor self-injury (rubbing a little too hard with a loofah), food, and swearing
Chapter Word Count: 6,174
Taglist: @shade-romeo, @grayson-22, @pixelated-pineapple, @acrobaticcatfeline, @astrozei, @edupunkn00b, @princey-7258, @eternalmoonlight19, @remy-the-lemon-berry, @look-ma-im-on-tv, @mariniacipher, @bigwendymonster, @nonbinary-octopus
Notes: Thank you to Cornybird on Ao3 for betareading the chapter! You’re amazing and I appreciate you <3
It was one in the morning, and Roman was next to his bed pacing in circles so fast he was getting dizzy. It was officially the weekend and he was supposed to relax, but instead his mind was rushing a mile a minute and tormenting him. He was restless and exhausted, anxious and on the brink of tears, and Roman didn’t know what to do. He just wanted it to stop.
His head was spinning from all the pacing, so Roman sat on the foot of his bed and aggressively bounced his leg instead. He felt out of control, like danger was all around him and there was nothing to stop it. He felt like his heart was in his throat, sweat dripping down his face and making it hard to breathe. Roman gripped at his hair with both hands, physically recoiling at the feeling of grease and grime and-
…Oh. Wait. It made sense now. Roman hadn’t showered in a week.
He let out a deep breath, calming a little after finding a solution to his problem. He should’ve guessed, feeling dirty always made him anxious and stressed. He hadn’t had the energy to shower, but he was at a point where he had to force himself. If he didn’t, Roman would collapse from the stress.
He picked up his phone to look at the time again. 1:28 am, possibly the worst timing to sneak into the bathroom and try to shower without waking the house up. But he couldn’t wait any longer. He was exhausted and his brain was rushing through hundreds of thoughts. He needed some hot water to calm down.
Roman took the security bar off his door and slowly stepped into the hallway. He didn’t bother grabbing clothes to change into; his pajamas were clean and he could slip back into them after drying himself off well enough. He carefully turned the knob of the bathroom and snuck himself in.
It was very quiet in the house so early in the morning. Usually when Roman was in the bathroom, he could hear the TV downstairs or people talking outside the door, but now the only noise was the sound of his breathing and a slight buzz from the bathroom light. Roman stepped on the toilet to check for cameras inside of a vent high on the wall. Frustratingly, he found nothing. Patton’s camera-hiding ability was getting very annoying.
Regardless, he checked in the drawers and around the walls as well, flipping over shampoo bottles and toothbrushes just in case. He didn’t find anything, and Roman wanted to yell. Instead, he settled for clenching his fists and trying to move on with his task.
Fortunately, the shower had an opaque curtain that could make it harder for a camera to see, and Roman felt satisfied with that. Once he figured out how the shower worked and memorized where things were placed, Roman could also go back to showering in the dark again. He’d manage.
Roman wrapped himself in a towel in order to take his clothes off, folding them neatly on the toilet so that any water falling on the ground wouldn’t drench them. He skipped turning on the vent fan so he’d be quieter, stepping into the shower and tossing the towel outside the curtain on the floor for later. His legs clamped together subconsciously as he turned on the water.
Roman felt his shoulders relax a little when the hot water hit him. It helped the grease on his face and hair feel less gross, but the heat was also relaxing. He hugged himself and let the water fall down his face for a while.
…This is weird, Roman eventually thought, interrupting the rare silence in his head. He hadn’t felt this relaxed since he left the hospital. He thought after the trial that he’d be living on cloud nine for the rest of eternity, but the opposite was happening. His past and current situation was hitting him like a brick, filling him with constant anxiety and paranoia over the smallest things. It was getting unbearable.
Roman grabbed a shampoo bottle and squirted some out, slowly rubbing it into his hair and sighing. He was probably so on edge because he still hadn’t figured out Patton’s patterns. With his dad, Roman had lived with him for so long, he could guess his feelings by just a ten second conversation. He had detailed methods to work around him, how to sneak out of the house without getting noticed by cameras and how to delay the inevitable. But Roman didn’t know what Patton was thinking, what he even really wanted. Whatever it was certainly couldn’t be good, but at least if Roman knew, he could work around it. But here, there was no such luxury.
He stood back under the shower stream and felt the grease get cleaned out of his hair. Roman needed to change that uncertain feeling as soon as possible. He probably wasn’t going to sleep tonight anyway, so he could use this time to sneak around the house and at least find a hiding spot. At Roman’s old house, he had a little nook in a broken cabinet downstairs that his dad never opened, and he never found out where Roman’s hiding spot was. Patton didn’t have a basement, but maybe he had some place Roman could fit where Patton couldn't find him. It’d help him feel better if he found somewhere.
Roman ran his hands through his hair to check for extra suds and considered his hair clean now. Thank the heavens, there was nothing worse than feeling gross and exposed. Roman grabbed a bottle of body wash to clean the rest of himself next.
This was the tricky part. Roman had a habit of scrubbing too hard, and his aunt had a very long talk with him last time he came out of the shower redder than a lobster. He didn’t want Patton asking questions, so he had to watch himself. He couldn’t afford a spiral.
He poured some of the body wash on a loofah and tried to gently scrub. He didn’t realize how gross he felt, no wonder he was having panic attacks left and right. He was covered in grease and sweat and dirt that wasn’t even being rinsed, and Roman was getting more grossed out at the thought the more he realized. He really needed to start showering daily again, his hair was so thick and oily and teenager sweat stink smelled so bad, he couldn’t afford to miss a day-
…Shit, fuck, hang on, Roman thought, pulling away the loofah from his leg to observe the damage. He’d only realized what he was doing when he started to feel a stinging burn, looking away to see pink skin. Thankfully, he’d caught himself early enough where he’d be alright. He scooped some suds from the loofah onto his hand and gently rubbed the rest of the area so it wouldn’t be irritated, careful to focus on his movements from then on so it wouldn’t happen again.
He eventually finished without any further issues, rinsing off his body and turning off the shower. Roman dried most of himself as he stood in the shower, grabbing the towel off the floor and aggressively drying his hair with it. Usually he’d dry his hair with a hair dryer, but that would be too loud, so he settled with having a fluffy dog on his head for the night. Once he was dry enough, he grabbed his boxers and shirt to put on in the shower before stepping out to put back on his sweatpants. Despite the steam in the bathroom making it hard to breathe, Roman felt much better than before.
He turned off the light before he opened the bathroom door, stepping into the dark hallway wondering where to go. He still wasn’t tired, so he might as well look for that hiding spot. But where could he hide?
He slowly made his way downstairs, wincing every time a floorboard under him squeaked. The TV stand was an awful place since it was full of wires and CD cases, and behind the couch was far too obvious for a hiding spot. The entire kitchen was off limits since Patton spent most of his time there, he’d find Roman easily if he was hiding nearby. There was a small bathroom down here that barely fit a toilet and a sink, so maybe that could work?
Roman opened the bathroom door and looked inside, immediately becoming discouraged. There was no cabinet under the sink and everything was visible the moment you walked in, so that was a bust. He closed the door and looked around again.
The dining room off to the side of the kitchen was mostly bare, and hiding under the table wouldn’t work. Roman made a circle back to the stairs and looked around with his hands on his hips.
Suddenly, his eye was caught by a glass case display next to the stairs and it dawned on him. Underneath the stairs was a slight opening, but still too big to be a good hiding spot. But the display was pointed at a diagonal from the stairs, leaving a triangle opening that you couldn’t see by looking underneath the steps. Roman crawled under the stairs to see if he could fit in the hole.
It was a little cramped, but the cramped spots were always the best places. The only downside was that Roman was still visible from looking under the stairs, leaving his pants and shoes visible to anyone who could be looking for him. However, if he could get a box and paint it the same black color as the back of the glass display, he could rest on top of it and no one could see him. It could work!
Roman crawled out from the other end of the stairs and smiled. If he was quick and sneaky, he could hide under here and stay hidden for hours. Now he just needed a box he could paint black.
Roman opened the downstairs closet and looked inside, moving jackets and shoes around to look for what he needed. Nothing.
He walked into the kitchen to open the garage door and look inside, searching for any online shopping boxes Patton was planning to toss out. Nothing. Maybe he should sneak outside and check the recycling bin really quick-
“Roman?”
Roman froze like a deer in headlights at the sound of that voice. It was Patton, he didn’t need to look behind him to know that. To Patton, it must look like Roman was trying to sneak out through the garage door. He felt his breath stop.
“Roman, come back here. Right now.” Yeah, that was definitely what Patton thought was going on. His voice wasn’t angry, but it was firm and demanding, the voice a parent puts on when they refuse to be pushed around by you. If Roman didn’t think fast, he’d be fucked.
I can’t tell the truth, Roman thought. He can’t know I’m looking for hiding spots. But what can I do? Come on, Roman, make an idea! It’s the one thing you do so often!
…But there was that idea. An idea he used very rarely, but had yet to fail him.
Okay then, he decided, it’s go time. Lights, camera, action.
“Roman, I’m not joking. Come here.”
Roman deliberately ignored him, instead slowly closing the garage door and fumbling with the knob like he was stuck in a task. He kept his movements delayed and repetitive, just like people always told him he acted like in the stories.
Patton hesitated, like Roman’s reaction had confused him. “Roman, now.”
“Wait, wait, wait a minute.” Roman mumbled. “It’s gotta break.”
“…What’s gotta break?”
Roman opened the door and stood there looking out at the garage. He didn’t respond to Patton’s question, instead he stood there without moving. He heard Patton step closer.
“Roman?” He asked, his voice becoming softer as he realized what was happening. “Are you awake?”
“That’s a lot off.”
Roman could see Patton smile in the corner of his eye. His plan was a success. “I think you need to go to bed, kiddo. You can break things tomorrow.”
Patton took a hold of Roman’s hand, a grip that was so gentle it was less of a grip and more of Patton holding the tips of his fingers. Roman tensed his toes to prevent himself from jerking away from the touch, letting Patton lead him back up the stairs and to his bedroom. Patton went slowly so as to not lose Roman behind him, but he eventually led Roman back to bed while Roman kept up his sleepwalking ruse. It was a trick that always worked on his dad late at night, and it was good to know it worked on Patton too.
Patton brought Roman’s hand to touch the sheets on his own bed, and Roman reacted by slowly crawling back into bed and relaxing. He felt Patton cover him up with the blanket and tried not to squirm away from him.
“Goodnight, sleepy prince.” Patton whispered. Roman heard his footsteps head toward the door before his door slowly clicked closed, leaving Roman back in his room.
Roman waited until the coast was completely clear to jump back up and put the security bar under his door knob again. He was officially stuck in his room for the rest of the night, but at least he felt more in control now. Maybe he could try to sleep now.
Roman shoved his face in his pillow and tried to drift off, breathing deeply to keep his mind from spiraling again.
Yeah. After all he’d been through recently, tomorrow had to be a relaxation day.
***
“So…” Patton said to Roman with a smirk, handing him a plate with pancakes and blueberries during breakfast that morning. “Roman, I didn’t know you were a sleepwalker.”
Virgil and Logan both looked at Roman for his response. Roman feigned surprise. “…How’d you find out?”
“Last night I caught you walking around the house. I also heard the shower running for a while. Strange thing to wake up to!”
Crap, Roman thought, gonna have to remember that for next time. “Well, yes, I sleepwalk when I’m stressed. So, quite often.”
Patton’s smile seemed to drop a little. “Do you always try to sneak out of the house?”
“Sometimes. It’s not very often, though.” That’s what Roman always told adults. In reality, Roman had never heard a sleepwalking story of him trying to sneak out other than the times he was faking it after being caught. He didn’t even think Sleepwalking Roman had figured out how to take the security bar off the door yet, let alone try to walk into the street. But adults didn't need to know that. It was more convenient that way.
“Well, I might have to see about getting some sleepwalk-Roman-proof locks on the door, then. I don’t want you walking into oncoming traffic or something.”
Roman shrugged, taking a bite of his pancakes. “You can try. Can’t guarantee it’ll work, though.”
“Why do you sleepwalk?” Logan asked, leaning in closer to where Roman was sitting. “Do you know?”
“It ran in my family.”
Logan’s eyes lit up. “That’s quite interesting. I don’t know much about the science behind sleepwalking, but perhaps it’d be an interesting topic to research on. Brain functions during sleep can be quite bizarre.”
“You have fun with that, John Darling.” Roman finished the last bite from his pancake and stood up. “However, I have a nice date with the living room TV, so I’ll be busy.”
“…You consider that being busy?” Logan teased.
“Yes. Disney marathons are self care, and you can’t complain because I haven’t had the TV at all since I got here.”
“You do gotta share sometimes, Logan.” Patton mentioned.
Logan huffed. “Fine.”
Virgil stood up from the table to put his dishes away, placing his cup on top of his plate and balancing it. “He’s a little TV hog, some of us also wanna play games, dude.”
“All you have to do is ask!”
“And face confrontation? No way am I- fuck!”
Everyone jumped at Virgil’s sudden loud swear followed by the loud bang of a cup hitting the floor. Virgil’s balancing act showed to be a failure, with orange juice spilt all over the kitchen floor. Virgil stood deathly still and stared at the mess in horror, practically shaking with his knuckles turning white as he clenched at the plate in his hand. Roman cringed, subconsciously scooting as far back in his chair as possible and tensing. All the kids were silent. Virgil looked ready to cry.
“Oops!” Patton’s cheery voice is what broke the tense silence, crouching down at the mess and picking up the dropped cup. He looked it over. “Well, thankfully this cup isn’t glass, so it’s not broken! I’ll put it in the dishwasher and it’ll be okay, an easy fix. Could you get some paper towels and clean this up, kiddo?”
Virgil still seemed shaken, digging his nails into the metal plate and nodding. He slowly moved to grab the paper towels on the counter and drop them to the floor to dry the mess. Logan didn’t seem bothered anymore, but Roman felt himself prepare to book it upstairs in case things went south. But Patton didn’t scream or throw a fit, just put the cup in the dishwasher and stepped back to let Virgil do his thing.
Once Virgil wiped up the mess, he set his plate in the dishwasher and ran upstairs. Roman and Logan both watched helplessly, but Patton just smiled to himself. “I’ll check on him in a second. I think he just needs space now.”
Roman tensed at the idea of Patton checking on Virgil on his own, still not certain what he did to them behind closed doors. Roman put his own dishes away and ran upstairs to his bedroom. He closed the door and locked it like usual, but he didn’t put the security bar under the knob. Instead, he sat against the door and listened for the sound of Patton’s footsteps.
Eventually, the footsteps did come. Roman heard him knock on Virgil’s door and announce himself, asking if he could come in before the door opened. He heard the door softly close again, and that’s when Roman took his chance. He snuck out of his room and crept his way to the door to listen to what was going on. If Virgil was in pain, he could at least hear it.
“-Mad?” Virgil asked, his voice sounding higher and shaky. Roman clenched his fist in preparation.
“Of course not, kiddo,” He heard Patton say, “I’d never be mad at you. It was just a little cup, and everything’s okay.”
“…Sorry I swore, too.”
Patton laughed. “It’s okay. Sometimes it slips out, just don’t make it a habit.” There was a pause for a long moment. Roman felt something ride in his throat when he heard the bed creak a little. “Can I have a hug?”
Roman didn’t hear a verbal response, but Patton didn’t get angry afterwards, so he assumed that Virgil agreed. The bed creaked a little more, but it was silent. Way too silent, and that creaking was making Roman’s skin crawl. He didn’t trust it. He didn’t trust it at all.
Despite his better judgment, Roman swung the door open to catch him. He was breathing heavily and staring daggers, ready to throw a man twice his age across the room, but Roman froze when he processed the reality. Instead of whatever Roman was expecting to find, Patton had Virgil wrapped up in a tight hug as Virgil looked spooked from the sudden intrusion. Roman just stared, wishing more than anything now that he could reverse time. Oops, too soon.
“…Kiddo,” Patton eventually said in a confused tone, “You gotta knock before you enter.”
“…Yeah.” This didn’t make any sense. His dad had never gone this long being nice, so how hadn’t he caught Patton yet? What was he doing differently that made Roman not notice?
Patton rubbed Virgil’s back to help him ease up again. “How about you close the door and give us some privacy, then?”
“…No.” It was a trap. Roman was convinced it was a trap, and he refused to fall for it. He wouldn’t leave Virgil alone with him.
Patton seemed confused. “Why no?”
Roman was shaking. “Because.”
“Roman, I can only help if you tell me why you don’t wanna leave.” Patton’s face was still soft, rubbing Virgil’s back and letting him hide in the crook of Patton’s neck. If he was angry, he wasn’t showing it. “Can you tell me more than because?”
“Because.” Roman kept his voice sharp, remembering Patton’s ‘no yelling’ rule and trying not to push his boundaries more. But there was no way he was telling Patton his plans if he still hadn’t picked up on it.
Instead of exploding at Roman for being a brat, Patton seemed to focus intently and consider his options. Eventually, his eyes widened, and he smiled softly again at Roman. “What if you gave Virgil and I some space, but kept the door open? Would that be easier?”
Roman’s chest felt strange. Heavy, but like electricity was running through him around his heart. “Why do you want space so bad?”
“Because Virgil deserves privacy when he wants it, just like everybody does. Right?”
Roman looked at Virgil, who was peeking out from his hiding spot in Patton’s neck. He looked tired, but that wasn’t the only thing Roman noticed. He looked… Annoyed. Staring right at Roman with a death glare saying do you mind?, and Roman’s heart sank. Fuck.
Without saying a word, Roman ran off with the door still open and locked himself in the bathroom. He sat on the floor and put his head in his hands, still listening carefully for any concerning noises that might come from Virgil’s room, but he knew it was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous.
What the hell was wrong with him recently? He told himself last night he was going to spend today relaxing, instead he was freaking out and speeding up the process until Patton realized Roman knew what he was doing. Maybe that’s why Virgil seemed mad at him. He’s being an idiot and speeding up the inevitable for everyone, taking away the points of ignorant bliss between the horror. Roman should understand that. He was also guilty of wanting to pretend his dad loved him, and he was being a prick. He was going to get everyone in trouble if he kept this up.
Roman went limp on the floor, leaning his head against the door and sighing. He needed to leave them alone for a second and stop freaking out over everything. It seemed like Patton was in a good mood since Roman came along, it’d be bad news to ruin that. He wasn’t going to be the reason Virgil got hurt.
Roman shakily stood up off the bathroom floor and left, making his way downstairs to the TV. Logan still hadn’t turned it on, so he took this as his chance to claim it. He sat on the couch with his knees tucked close and pulled up a streaming service to look for some Disney movies, his eyes lighting up when he found one of his favorites as he switched the language to French and hit play.
He used to watch Beauty and the Beast all the time as a kid. It took place in France, so his mom would always say the movie should be played in French too, and Roman agreed. Now the English version sounded too weird for him to enjoy it the same.
Roman curled into himself as the intro played, the familiar prologue story of the beast’s curse that Roman could recite from memory by now. He slowly moved to rest his head on the couch’s armrest with his arms still wrapped around his own legs, keeping him tightly curled up. Maybe later he could make himself some tea, too.
Roman got through a good portion of the movie without interruptions, up to the point where Belle first came into the castle. Then, Virgil suddenly stood in front of the TV with his arms crossed.
Roman grabbed the remote to pause the movie, taking a moment to respond as his brain tried to remember English again. “What?”
“First off, why are you watching Disney in French?”
“I speak French, next question.”
Virgil rolled his eyes. “Come with me.”
Roman sat up and raised an eyebrow at Virgil. Virgil didn’t respond, just made his way up the stairs and expected Roman to follow. His curiosity got the better of him, so Roman did what he was told.
When he made his way up the stairs, Virgil was waiting in the doorframe of his bedroom. He motioned for Roman to follow him inside, so Roman did.
When Roman walked inside, Virgil moved to close the door behind them. “Don’t,” Roman warned.
Virgil gave him a look. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t close it. At least, not all the way.”
Virgil didn’t question further, just kept the door cracked open and wandered over to sit on his bed. Roman didn’t follow, just waited for Virgil to tell him what was happening.
“I wanted to talk to you.” Virgil said.
“I gathered.”
“Sleepwalker, huh?” Virgil teased. “That’s a load of shit.”
“I am a sleepwalker. It happens sometimes!”
“I was downstairs the same time you were, dude. You definitely weren’t fucking sleepwalking until Patton caught you.” Virgil smirked as Roman’s face dropped. “I’m impressed by the acting though, not gonna lie.”
Roman tried to think of a convincing lie, but he sighed and gave up, crossing his arms as he looked at the floor. “…Alright, it was an act. But I do sleepwalk. I just…wasn’t sleepwalking at that exact moment. But regardless, what were you doing awake? And why didn’t I see you?”
Virgil shrugged. “I’m a master at hiding. Every time you came around the corner, I just moved. I haven’t been caught by Patton in a long ass time.”
“Did you call me here just to boast then?”
“Nope.” Virgil popped the p, then smirked. “I called you here to teach you how to do the same.”
Roman seemed taken aback. “…Why?”
“You’re struggling a lot, I figured I might be able to put you out of your misery.”
“Wow, how kind.” Roman deadpanned. “I don’t need your help, for the record. I know I haven’t been in the system long, but this isn’t my first rodeo.”
Virgil sighed. “Look, I’m not good with emotional shit, we’ve been over this. But when Logan first came around, I had a lot of chances to help him out and I just didn’t, and it was a dick move that I regret now. I want to do different with you, so don’t think too deep into it and just accept it. Deal?”
“Um…alright?”
Virgil walked past Roman and opened his door all the way again, looking out into the hallway before speaking. “Alright, ready for lesson one?”
Roman thought about it. “…Answer something for me first.”
“Shoot.”
“Are you okay?”
Virgil made a face at him. “What do you mean?”
Roman could feel his chest aching. “You were alone with Patton.”
“Patton’s chill, dude. He hasn’t smacked me once in the two years I’ve been here, which I didn’t know was possible. He was just worried about me after my freak-out, but I’m good.”
“The bed was creaking.”
Virgil seemed confused. “Beds do that when you move on them. There might be a loose joint or something I gotta fix, though.”
Roman wasn’t convinced. “He didn’t do anything at all?”
“Patton’s never laid a hand on me.”
“…That’s not true.”
“Why would I lie about that?”
“So that I won’t be scared so much.”
Virgil sighed and rubbed his palms into his eyes. “Whatever, believe what you want, you’ll get there eventually. You want my help or not?”
“…Yes.”
Virgil stepped out of the room and gestured for Roman to follow him, just going to the hallway in front of Roman’s room. Once Roman moved to stand in Virgil’s doorway, Virgil motioned for him to stop. Roman stayed right where he was.
“Alright, lesson one, making it downstairs without being a loud ass.” Virgil pressed his foot on a specific part of the carpet where the floorboard squeaked underneath. “The upstairs has a lot of squeaky floorboards, no clue why. But there’s a way to dodge it. When leaving my bedroom, you take one step, skip a step, take two steps, turn left, skip a step, take one step, go right, then just don’t step on the first step of the staircase at all, the whole thing squeaks. You can try it if you want.”
Roman’s curiosity got the better of him, so he did what Virgil suggested, keeping his steps close together so his heel was touching his toe and followed Virgil’s pattern. He skipped all the places Virgil told him to and made it to the stairs without squeaking the floor for the first time since he came here.
“I have a pattern for a trip to the bathroom and to the stairs. Our rooms are pretty close together, so your pattern probably wouldn’t be much different than mine.” Virgil put one foot forward and tested the floor methodically, seeing which areas squeaked and which ones didn’t. He slowly made his way to the stairs where he stopped on the second step, seemingly satisfied with himself. “Skip a step, take two steps, skip another one, turn right, skip a step, then one more step. Though your feet are bigger than mine, so your pattern might be different.”
“Awww, you’re a shorty.” Roman teased.
“Shut the fuck up.” Virgil deadpanned. “Okay, next lesson. Follow me.”
Roman followed Virgil down the stairs, noticing the way Virgil stepped down them. He stepped in specific areas on each step and skipped some entirely as he made his way downstairs, effectively making a lot less noise than Roman did just walking normally. Though, Virgil did say he’d been living here for two years, so it’d make sense that he knows all the tricks to get around Patton. Maybe him and this stormy night could be partners in crime.
Virgil motioned for Roman to follow him into the kitchen and around where the garage door was, pointing to a window once Roman caught up to him. “Lesson number two, this window is your best friend.”
“How so?” Roman asked.
“Well, first off, it’ll help you sneak out without getting caught like an idiot. You know, like last night.”
Roman put an offended hand to his chest. “I was not trying to sneak out!”
“What were you doing then?”
“I was looking for something, and no, you don’t get to know what.”
Virgil gave him a look. “Right. Well, for when you do sneak out, this exit is the way to go. Patton has security cameras pointed at the back, front, and garage doors of the house. This is the only window out of the sight of all of them. Then, you sneak your way around the side of the house and go on your merry way until sunrise.”
Roman crossed his arms at Virgil. “And how often do you use this?”
“Like, twice a week.”
“Twice a week!? Not even I sneak out that often!”
Virgil shrugged. “I don’t go far, usually just to the park down the road. I haven’t gotten kidnapped yet, so it’s whatever.”
“You scare me.”
“Good.” Virgil motioned for Roman to follow him again. “Back upstairs.”
Roman scoffed. “We were just there.”
“And we’re going back up there again.” Virgil smirked mercilessly and walked back to the staircase. Roman rolled his eyes, but he was enjoying Virgil’s tips too much to not follow him. He went up the stairs and met with Virgil next to the closet.
Virgil pointed to the closet door. “This thing right here? Lesson number three, this place is your best friend.”
“It already is my best friend. I use all the paints up there.”
“More than that.” Virgil opened the closet door and turned on the light, motioning for Roman to come inside with him. Roman wasn’t very inclined to because of the cramped space, but his curiosity was greater than his fear for once, so he stepped inside and closed the door behind them while Virgil turned on the light.
“The attic makes a great hiding spot. There’s a lot of drawers and small spaces up there where it’s easy to hide. Granted, it’s easy to tell when someone is up there because you can’t pull the stairs back up when you’re in the attic. But that’s where this comes in.” Virgil grabbed a rope off one of the closet shelves. “Tie it around the doorknob and tie the other end to the stairs. No one can open the door if you do that.”
“Sounds like a great way to give away where you’re hiding if no one can open the door.” Roman pointed out.
Virgil shrugged. “Patton doesn’t try very hard. He might test the handle, but he gives up if the door won’t open. He’ll ask you if you’re okay once you leave, though.”
Roman liked his hiding spot better. It was enough in the open that no one would check it, and there was no indication that Roman might be hiding behind the cabinet. This could be a good temporary spot, though. At least until he could get a black box that could support his weight.
Virgil pulled down the stairs to the attic, grabbing the rope and tying its ends to the stairs and doorknob like he described. He then went up into the attic as Roman followed behind. When Roman peeked his head up into the attic, Virgil was crouched beside a box full of Christmas decorations. Roman walked over to where he was.
“Lesson four, keep your mouth shut about this or else.” Virgil reached behind the box into the corner of the room and pulled out a smaller box that had been hidden behind it. When he opened the small one, he let Roman take a good look at what was inside. Granola bars, a container of salted peanuts, water bottles and chip bags. Roman grabbed a granola bar and a water bottle as he gave Virgil a questioning look.
“Having a spot with hidden food just makes me feel better.” Virgil explained. “I’ve never had to use it, Patton feeds us like he’s four grandmas fucking combined. But if you’re hiding up here and you get hungry, I stash it regularly.”
“Does Logan know about all this?” Roman asked, opening his water bottle to take a sip.
Virgil shook his head. “Like I said, I didn’t show Logan jack shit when he first came. And it’s too late now, and it’s not like Logan would ever use it anyway. Lucky son of a bitch never feels the need to hide.”
Roman laughed. “Lucky is one word for it.”
Virgil didn’t respond, just took the container of peanuts and hid the box back in it’s hiding spot. The two ate in silence for a while; a kind of silence that wasn’t awkward or tense, but wasn’t exactly comfortable either. Maybe because Virgil still felt like a stranger to him.
After a while of them both relaxing next to each other, Virgil finally spoke up. “Tell me your trauma and I’ll tell you mine.”
Roman raised an eyebrow at him, “And knowing your trauma benefits me how?”
“You feel a little less alone. Also solidarity and shit.”
Roman rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m not spilling. Share whatever you want, but it won’t be reciprocated.”
“Can’t say I didn’t try.” Virgil ate a mouthful of peanuts. “I have a theory, you know. Less of a theory and more of the truth, but still. Patton purposely fosters abused kids.”
Roman snorted. “Sounds about right. Easy targets.”
“I think it’s more about him wanting to help us.”
“Believe whatever you want, Hot Topic.”
Virgil smirked. “Hot Topic?”
“Am I wrong?”
Virgil rolled his eyes, but he still smiled a little. “Whatever.”
They didn’t talk much after that, only enjoying the silence together in their own world trapped away in the attic. It wasn’t exactly Roman’s plan, but he still felt safe. He sipped on his water and thought a lot about Virgil’s lessons, trying to ensure they were deep in his memory. But he didn’t need them now. Instead, he sat in the corner of the attic, comforted by the knowledge of the door being locked underneath them, with a silent acquaintance a good distance from him.
It wasn’t the self-care day Roman had planned, but he wasn’t complaining. It worked.
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lyallblacklupin · 3 years ago
Text
My Truth about you.
Remus has a tendency to practice self-deprecation after full moon when he gets new scars. This time it is a big one on his face. He thinks that he looks hideous, but Sirius is there to tell him otherwise. 
Remus smacks the book on the table so loudly that even students sitting at the ends of the table jerk from their seats.
The marauders are staring at him with hanging jaw and bulging eyes like hawks.
“You okay there, Moony?” James tentatively asks.
“Does it look like I’m okay?” Remus glares at him, aiming his index finger towards the bandaged wound on his cheek. It has been three days, and everyone is steering clear from Remus’ way. The last full moon was a disaster that mostly did damages to his face and neck. He hated facial injuries, not because they were difficult to heal but they made him look ugly—considering the fact, his boyfriend is ten times beautiful than he could possibly imagine himself to be.
The silence settles, tinged with discomfort.  The marauders go back to their lunch before they are running to their classes. Throughout the whole day including the supper, Remus’ mood was at the same foul place. Sirius is trying hard not to step on his nerve that might trigger and eventually cause Remus to curse and boycott everyone and everything. Remus can see it but pretends it to be unacknowledged. He knows that Sirius is the only person he can be himself with, but not with the others because, James and Peter included, everyone is eyeing him with weird looks on their faces that mostly blooms one thing: fear.
They all go to their dorm, and begrudgingly Remus flops on the first bed. He remains there with his chest glued to the soft sheets, his face buried too, sniffing a strongly familiar scent. Before he processes the picture of the person in his head, a voice calls him out.
“Moony?” It is soft like the petals of a fresh white flower and silky like chocolate. He doesn’t open his eyes. He can feel that the exhaustion of the day is dumping out of him, dissipating into thin air.
“Moons?” This voice is much clearer but he doesn’t dare open his eyes again because there is something on his head, brushing his hair. He can picture it. Long, slender white fingers are spreading and fisting his golden curls.
And then, a kiss. On the temple. So gentle that he wanted to sink into its holiness. He groans with the felicity of experiencing such celestial intimacy.
“Wake up, Moons. Just for a moment then you can go back to sleep, love.”
Remus opens his eyes because this time he is shaken by the figure that is intoxicating him with their presence. And there he is. Grey eyes like silver orbs staring at him with such solace and the rippling dark hair are let down. The sight is scenic. Remus asks himself why didn’t he just look at his boyfriend the whole day. He know if he had, his day would’ve been spent much better. The regret is not strong but sweetly painful because Sirius Black is the foremost person in his life and being ignorant to his presence is nothing but ungratefulness.
“Sirius…” And he smiles. Sirius Black smiles his delicate smile which is only reserved for him. He hums in response. “What are you doing here?”
“The question is, my dear Moony, what are you doing here?”
“What do you mean?”
“This is my bed.”
“So? This is my bed, too.”
“Okay, okay, this is your bed too, Mr. Grumpy.” He chuckles but Remus continues to glare at him, “What!? Okay at least get up and take off your school robes. I’ll lend you my pajamas.”
Remus doesn’t move from his position because he knows if he surrenders, he will lose the chance of Sirius undressing and caressing him. There is always something ethereal about Sirius’ touch. He touches Remus like he is made of delicate glass.
And then it starts happening, Sirius is getting him out his school robes and shoes. The moment is pure bliss and dreamy. Once Sirius was done, Remus looks up to witness him staring at his face with an intense yet unreadable expression. He reaches out to cup Remus’ cheek, and then suddenly Remus flinches away. He hasn’t forgotten it. The ugly feeling started assembling back to him, making him feel all blue and dejected instantly. Sirius has caught that look on his face.
“Hey, don’t…” He whispers.
“Why not!? I’m hideous!”
“You are not hideous! You’re not even close to hideous! You are very attractive and beautiful—“
“Stop! Just stop. I don’t want to hear this, Sirius.”
“Moony…why? Why do you think like that?”
“I-I never had a scar on my face…before it used to be like the tiny ones on my nose or jaws or my lip or eye or…dammit! Everywhere! They are everywhere!”
“Shh…” Sirius draw close to him and made him sit up. He laces his arms around Remus’ neck, forehead pressed together, breathing each other in.
“This one is the worst, Sirius…my life is the worst! I mean if I was meant to be cursed with this physical affliction, the least God could have done was to spare me with its brutality! I don’t just go through this physical pain, it is the mental pain too! Where I have to stand before this bitter truth that tells me that I have no future. No job, no living, no healthy relationships, fuck! No health at all! I can’t pursue my education because I’m not a human. I can’t have a family of my own. There’s nothing I can have that a normal person does.”
And then he feels lighter. His heart is not heavy anymore. But tears are streaming down his face, wetting his hands in his lap. The most remarkable thing is that Sirius is still breathing him in. They are in the same position. But he doesn’t look up to hold Sirius’ gaze. Sirius is quiet like an obedient cat.
Remus’ hands move, as if they are automatically functioning, and clutches the fabric of Sirius’ shirt on his chest. He still doesn’t meet his eyes. He just clings himself to him. His head resting on his shoulder, and Sirius holds him by his waist.
“I’m sorry.” Sirius whispers in his ear, “I’m sorry you have to go through all of this. I know you said that you don’t want to hear it but it's the truth and you deserve to know it. You are perfect to me. And I don’t think I can be more honest about that. Look, Moony,” He pulls away gently to meet Remus’ eyes.
“Do you care about others’ opinions about you?”
“No—“
“Do you care about our, me, James, Lily, and Peter’s opinion about you?”
Remus knows what answer Sirius expects, but today—at the moment—is Remus’ truth day, he cannot say things that he meant half-heartedly. The truth is and has always been this: He only cares about Sirius Black. It is a mad truth but it is what it is. He was mad. Madly in love with Sirius Black.
“Moony?” Sirius’ eyes narrow down on him skeptically.
“I care about what you think. I care about you, only. It’s strange and weird and insane but it is…it is my truth.” Remus has said it, and there is no turning back because Sirius is looking at him blankly. His face is flushing, his mouth is in a thin line. He presses harder. His lips become thinner, his jaws clenched and his nostrils flares slightly. It is not anger. Remus can tell. He knows him. More than he knows himself. He is trying not to cry but then there are tears floating in those eyes and then fell simultaneously. Then they are falling.
“I just…can’t see you like this…” Sirius says, and Remus knows he is struggling with his voice.
“I’m sorry—“
“Are you mad? No, you don’t have to say sorry, you idiot.” It makes Remus smile because they conversing in whispers and it feels so beautiful, “Of course, you can say all those things to me, you know vent out, don’t keep it inside you. I just…get you know, anxious. I want to make your pain easier for you. I know how much you suffer but I can’t feel exactly how you do. And it makes me feel indebted, I guess? I don’t know…I just want you to be happy.”
Remus tugs a lock of Sirius’ dark hair behind his ear. His index finger still lingering there.
“Remus,” Sirius continues, “I can’t promise to fix all of your problems, but I promise you that you will not be alone in dealing with them. I’m gonna be here as long as it takes, no matter what and how. I love you, you know that right?”
Remus nods at him, blinking away the tears. Sirius leans into Remus’ left and plants his lips on the cheek which has the long jagged scar. His lips are there for longer than they should have been. He is kissing the scar as if it is something sacred.
And just like that, he uses Remus’ position as leverage to make him fall on the bed. And Sirius lays his head on his chest as he grips his torso. Remus can smell the coconut shampoo from his hair.
“You’re beautiful. And that is my truth.”
Remus hears Sirius say before the sleep drifts so quickly by the aid of each other’s warmth and love.
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supercorpkid · 4 years ago
Text
A weekend without Kara.
Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader.
Word count: 3300.
“AHHH!” You yell standing up in one movement, looking at the portal opening in front of you, right in the middle of your living room. “Holy shit.” You put your hand on your chest and watch the Flash coming out of the portal.
“Oh, hi Superkid!” He smiles at you and you give him a thumbs up, after the first scare. “Is Supergirl home?”
“MOMMA! Uncle Barry is here to drag you to another reality so you two can fight some…” You look at him raising an eyebrow.
“World-consuming alien.” He answers and you agree with your head.
“Some nonsense alien.” You yell again and you hear Kara agreeing from her bedroom, saying she’ll be right down.
“How did you know?” Barry asks, looking at you throwing yourself back on the couch.
“Please. Like you would just show up here to say she looks pretty on her dress or something.” He agrees with his head. You’re right.
“Hey, wanna race while she doesn’t come?” Barry smiles and you stand up again.
“Yeah, I’ve been training a lot. I think I can beat you now.” You walk to the front door and open it.
“One time around the block and here is the finish line?” He asks and you shake your head agreeing. You both get in position for the run. “Ready? Go!” Barry becomes a flash in your eyes, and stops next to you a second later. He looks at you standing by the door, furrowing his brows. “Wait! How are you here already? I’m pretty sure I just broke the sound barrier.”
“Well, I told you I could beat you.” You walk back into the house, and Kara appears all dressed as Supergirl.
“Kid, I’ll be gone for a while. Please text your mom to come stay with you.” Kara asks and you agree with your head, but you don’t move. She points at your phone in your pocket. “Now, come on. I want to see you typing.”
“Fine.” You grab the phone and pretend to send an audio message. “Hey guys, I’ll be alone for the weekend! Party at my house! Bring a beer keg!”
“Ha-ha. Very funny.” Kara is unamused while Barry laughs extremely loud next to her. She shoots him a disapproving look.
“Sorry. She’s hilarious.” Barry shrugs defensively and you smile.
You: Momma is going to another reality. World-consuming alien. The Flash. Probably another bunch of weird stuff.
Mom: OK! Do you want to meet me at the hotel, or should I go home?
You: Home, please.
Mom: Ok baby, see you there after work.
You show your texts to Kara, who shakes her head agreeing. Then looks at Barry next to her, giving him a nod.
“Ok.” He fumbles with the portal control, almost dropping it, then presses the button to open it. “Good to see you Superkid! Next time don’t let me race alone!” He winks at you and you smile.
“Guess you are smart.” You do finger guns at him and he goes into the portal. Kara walks towards you and kisses your forehead.
“Please, be good. If you need anything at all, call your aunt Alex. Be nice to your mom. If there’s an emergency and you need to save National City, please be careful.” She adds another kiss to your forehead. “I love you, little one.”
“I love you, mommy. Be careful out there.” You smile and she agrees, before walking into the portal and disappearing right after.
You look around the empty house and the clock on the kitchen wall. You’re not throwing a party, obviously, but what’s stopping you from having your girlfriend over? You text her, and it doesn’t take long until she’s at your door.
You have everything prepared when she arrives, and you both settle in the living room to watch a movie. She has her arms wrapped around you the entire time and you feel happy and bubbly about the whole situation.
“Hey.” She whispers on your jaw, and gives you a sweet kiss there. ���I don’t want to ruin the moment, but can we talk about what happened today at school?”
You forage your brain trying to remember what happened, but nothing comes. You look at her with furrowed brows to show your confusion.
“What that girl said to you?” Maya adds when she realizes you have no idea what she is talking about. “Babe, you can’t possibly have forgotten about it.” She opens a little more distance between you two, shaking her head in denial. “She told you to kill yourself.”
“Oh! Ah! Yes!” You stand up, a little uncomfortable, collecting the empty popcorn containers, and soda cans. “That’s just, you know-”
“That’s just heinous it’s what that is.” She stands up again. “How can you not have told her to go fuck herself or something?”
“Oh no, babe. That’s not-” You turn your back to her, so she won’t see your face completely red. “Why would I do that? I can’t drop to her level.”
“Oh my God, are you serious?” Maya’s voice comes a little louder. You know she’s not fighting you, and that she’s not upset with you, but with the situation. Your heart still starts pounding in your chest, either way. “She told you that you should die because you have Luthor in your name. How can you put up with that and not say a word?”
She walks towards you, taking everything you’re holding out of your hands and putting in the nearest surface. She cups your face and smiles at you.
“I get that you’re the nicest person in the universe, but I can’t stomach the way they treat you in that school. And I don’t like that you put your head down for them.” She kisses your cheek lightly. “If you’re not going to fight them, I will.”
“I just don’t think it’s worth it. It’s not like they’ll ever stop.” You shrug, looking into her eyes. She sighs. “Besides, I’m used to it.”
“Babe, that’s even more upsetting.” Maya puts her head on your collarbone. “What do your moms say about it?”
“Oh no. No.” You step a little further away from her, shaking your head. “They can’t know about the things they say. It would be very distressing.”
You hear a noise in the kitchen and you don’t even have to use your x-ray vision to know that Lena is home, making noises so you notice her there.
“Lena is here.” You say, and Maya holds your hand, when you two walk to the kitchen. “Hey mom.”
“Oh hey-” Lena raises her head from the grocery bags. “Girls.”
“Hello, Mrs. Luthor.” Maya answers and turns her face to you. “Walk me out?”
“Yeah.” Lena waves a quick goodbye at Maya, and you take her outside, closing the door for a little goodbye kiss without Lena being able to see it. “I’ll see you Monday.”
“Ok. Please, text goodnight.” Maya adds before turning on her heels and leaving your house.
You go back inside, and look at Lena putting the food she bought on the fridge. You help her, without saying a word.
“Please tell me you’re eating healthy.” Lena asks, knowing the answer by the things on the fridge. You shrug.
“Maybe you should come back home and make me.” You open a smile and she chuckles, holding your chin and looking at you lovingly.
“Funny.” Lena kisses your cheek and you hug her, laying your head on her shoulder. She strokes your back gently, and you sigh.
“I miss you here.”
Lena doesn’t answer. You know she misses you too by the way she’s holding you tight, and by the way her heart is beating. You know she’s hurt with Kara, and you wish there was something you could do about it.
“So.” Lena lets go of you, cleans one tear on her face, and looks at the things she didn’t put away. “You start on the salad, and I’ll start on the chicken.”
“Sounds good.” You two fall into a natural and comfortable silence while cooking together. It’s twice as fast without Kara around, but half as fun.
After you two finish cooking, she puts the food on the table, while you finish setting it up.
“You know I don’t have super hearing.” Lena says, while filling her glass with wine. You sit and wait for her to come closer. “But, when I got home, I heard you and Maya talking, and it sounded like you two were fighting.”
“Oh, no, we weren’t.” You deny with your head, and serve yourself. Lena finally comes back with her wine. She sits, crossing her legs, reclining on the chair and looking at you from the other side of the table.
“I know. I’ve heard.” She says and you look up to her, realizing what that means. “Baby-”
“Mom, I got it, ok? You don’t have to worry about it.” You sigh, putting food on your mouth, and giving her a thumbs up, because it’s delicious. “Let’s not ruin this perfect dinner with this conversation.”
“I’m sorry, babygirl. I think we should ruin dinner.” Lena says and you sigh. “What they do to you it’s not right. No one is supposed to hear the things you do, because of your stupid name. God, sometimes I regret giving it to you in the first place.”
“Mom.”
“No, I-I do. I should’ve known better. It’s too big of a burden to carry, and you are the opposite of what this name stands for.” Lena’s eyes are filled with tears and you bite your lip. “I actually thought people would forget about Lex. But he keeps coming back and dragging our names through the mud, all the time.”
You know she’s mad at Lex for mind controlling you still, so you let her vent. She’s been keeping this feeling bottle up for more than a week now, not having Kara to talk about it.
“And you, the sweetest, nicest person on the planet, keep paying for it.” Her tears fall, and your heart squeezes in your chest. You hate seeing her like that. “I wish you had nothing to do with this sick, rotten family.”
“But then I would have nothing to do with you.” You get up from your chair, rounding the table and going to her. “And you are the best thing in my life.” You smile. “And momma, of course.”
“Baby.” She cups your face with one hand, and smiles through the tears. “You are the best thing in my life. I love you so much.”
“Listen. You are right. I shouldn’t have to endure all the hate speeches, and all the teasing, but kids are stupid. I don’t think that half of them actually hate me because of my name, I think they hate me because it’s fun.” Lena raises her eyebrow at that. “It’s fun to laugh at the school genius, at least that’s what I see in every teen movie.”
Lena gives a little laugh and kisses your cheek.
“You’re amazing. Are you sure you’re just sixteen?” She asks and you shrug.
“You tell me.” You round the table again, going to your place. “You’re the one who made me in a lab.”
The dinner goes smoothly after that. The food is incredible and you know it’s only been a little more than a week, but you missed her food anyway. Lena’s presence feels right, like it always did. And you just wish she could stay more than just the weekend.
You two hang out a lot. It feels stupid when you think it hasn’t been that long since she left home, why were you missing her so much? Why were you missing her telling you to clean up your room, and help her with dinner?
After the conversation she overheard between you and Maya, she became Maya’s number one fan. It’s hilarious, and you didn’t see it coming. But every time you say Maya’s name, she just opens the biggest smile and it’s awesome.
You don’t want this weekend to end.
But it’s Sunday night, and your heart feels heavy even though Lena is still right next to you on the couch, talking about some experience that went wrong in the lab, and that one of the interns got so scared he’ll be blamed for it, he almost puked.
“Poor kid.” Lena adds, in the end, and you agree with your head.
“But you forgave him, right?” You ask and she agrees. “Then why can’t you forgive momma?”
“Baby, that’s not-”
“Mom, I don’t know what happened but, well, you once told me that we’re Luthor-Danvers, and that means that we might get upset, but we know how to recognize our mistakes and apologize.” You raise an eyebrow at her.
“I wish it was that simple.” Lena sighs, and you hug her.
“It could, if you two just stopped overcomplicating stuff and just talked.” Lena doesn’t answer. She kisses your forehead, and falls silent for the rest of the night, looking too lost in her thoughts.
When Kara comes back from another reality is really late at night. You and Lena are comfortable on the couch watching a cooking show, when the portal opens again in the middle of the living room.
“Lena!” Kara looks so surprised as if she didn’t make you text your mom in front of her to make sure Lena would come to keep you company.
“Oh, hi.” Lena stands up, fidgeting her fingers, nervously. You roll your eyes thinking this is very pathetic. Just make-up already! “Well, great! You’re home. I suppose other realities are saved?” Kara shakes her head, agreeing. Eyes looking at Lena’s hands, then focusing back at her eyes. “Then I should get going.”
“NO!” Kara says a little louder than she planned to, reaching out to Lena, but not really touching her arm. Damn, it was so close. “It’s late.” She guesses by looking at the sky. “You should stay. It’s-It’s your house.”
Lena raises an eyebrow, and they stare at each other for a few seconds. Do they even know you’re there or have them forgotten completely about your existence?
“You take the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch.” Kara points at it, and sees you sitting there. “Or with the kid.” Oh, so they know you’re there.
“I don’t know…” Lena bites her lips, and you open your eyes at Kara, encouraging her.
“Please. It makes no sense for you to leave. It’s late, and even if it wasn’t-just-yeah-please.” Kara is always so articulate. But still, somehow, that makes Lena agree with her head and she decides to stay. You smile to yourself, and whisper a ‘thank you’ when she sits back on the couch, and Kara goes to take a shower.
When you hear that Kara has finished getting ready, you go to your room, so you can leave them alone to see if they finally talk. They don’t. Seriously, what are you going to do about this?
“Hey.” Kara knocks on your door then puts her head inside. “Will you absolutely hate it if I sleep here tonight?”
“C’mere.” You open your arms, and Kara smiles, walking into your arms, and laying in bed with you. “How were things in the other dimension?”
“Hard. Maybe I’m getting too old for this.” Kara says making you laugh in response, and soon she adds. “Don’t you dare saying I’m 70.”
“But you are.” You say and she sticks her tongue out at you, and flop back on her belly next to you.
“How were things here?”
“Great. It’s really good having mom home.” You watch her expression when you say that. She hums in agreement, but doesn’t say anything. “So, are you going to apologize or what?”
“Why do you assume it was my fault?” Kara furrows her brows, and you ease her crinkle with your thumb.
“I don’t. I have no idea whose fault it is. Or even if it’s a matter of culpability, at all. All I know is that, it doesn’t matter.” You stroke her back gently. “You love her, she loves you. You guys have been through so much, and you have never ever given up on her.”
“I’m not giving up now, either.”
“Well, then do something about it.” You say and Kara breathes deep. You raise your eyebrow at her. “Now! Do something now!”
“Ok, yeah.” She stands up and goes to the door. Before she leaves, she comes back and kisses your forehead. “You’re the best kid in the entire universe. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. Now, go.”
It would be a lot easier if your power had just gotten out of control again, and you could blame your eavesdropping on this, but that's not the case. What is happening is that your heart is so heavy on your chest. You know they keep saying it was not your fault, but if this is true why is your guilt practically consuming you? So, you need to know.
“Hey.” You hear a knock on the door, and Kara’s voice right after.
“Oh, Kara. Do you need to grab something?” Lena’s voice comes a little surprised.
“No, I-Lena, I’m really sorry.” Kara breathes out, like she was holding the apology for days, which is probably true. “Of course, I believe you, and I don’t think there’s a world you would ever hurt her, but I got really scared. I saw the look on her face, and she kept calling me mommy, and I caved.”
So, it was your fault! Holy shit you knew it! Lena’s voice comes an entire minute later, which almost makes you faint in anticipation. Come on Lena, come on. You can do it.
“I’m sorry too.” OH, THANK RAO. “You were right, there were other ways, and she was in pain. But don’t think for a second I wasn’t scared too.”
“I know. I know you were. I know you ARE.” Kara says, and you lower your glasses to see if they’re hugging, and they’re still not. Goddammit Kara, do something! “It doesn’t matter how many times the world gets in danger and our existence is threatened. Every time she is the one in danger, I-It’s-”
“Yeah.” Lena’s face drops and you watch Kara coming closer. Reaching out with one hand. Fingers ghosting over Lena’s arm. Your heart is stuck on your throat the entire time, and it feels like it’s going to explode in anticipation. Go, momma, please.
But Kara doesn’t go to Lena.
It’s Lena who goes to her.
Lena hugs Kara’s waist tight and sobs on her t-shirt. You hear Kara’s heart skipping a beat, and a breath of relief leaving her mouth.
“We’re ok.” Kara kisses the top of Lena’s head, wrapping her arms around her head, pressing her further into her chest. “She’s ok. We-We’ll figure this out, love.”
Lena’s heart beats a lot faster and she looks up, gazing into Kara’s eyes. They don’t have to say the words, so you know what they’re thinking. But they do it anyway.
“I love you, Lena.” Kara smiles, kissing Lena’s head again, and it’s time for Lena’s heart to skip a beat. “Always have, always will. In a hundred lifetimes, in any alternative reality, in every world. I love you.”
“I love you, honey.”
You stop listening, because now it’s way too private and it seems like things are better. And since Kara doesn’t come back to your bedroom, you’re right to assume things are better than they were before. But your heart only truly eases, when Monday comes and Lena comes back home after work. That’s when you can finally breathe.
Notes:
@itzyourgirlnat prompted a week without Kara and I LOVED IT!
Also Kara and Lena are back together, so the angst is over, ooof! What a long ride!
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kaz11283 · 4 years ago
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Love Never Wins
Summary: Words will be said but do you really think either one of you mean them. Sometimes actions speak louder.
Warnings: slight angst
Characters: Loki, Thor, Y/n, Clint, avengers in the background here and there
Loki x you, Thor x you (platonic), Clint x you (brother,sister)
ANNOUNCEMENT: Not going to lie. This was going to be a simple short sweet straight to the point drabble but it turned into such a looooong one shot (i guess) I was in a good head space wgile writing this and just couldnt stop really. But it is something that I am very proud of.
ANNOUNCEMENT 2: I've had to make this a simple 2 part. I got way to carried away with everything in it!
Loki Masterlist
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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"What's going on with you?" You yelled as you grabbed Loki by the arm pulling him away from the girl who was obviously flirting with him and he with her.
"What are you talking about? We were talking." He yelled back.
"You were flirting Loki in front of everyone! Openly! Don't play me for the fool you think I am. You've been off lately. Not around as much, zoning out when we finally have some time together. If there's something you want to say tell me now." You felt the tears rush to your eyes. You had seen all the signs, hell you were an expert at the signs. Multiple boyfriends had given you the signs before but for some reason you though that maybe, just maybe, he was diffrent.
"I just feel like we've grown apart in the last few months y/n. I don't think I can do this anymore." he said simply.
"You said I brought out the best side of you, that I was the love of your life." You said tears streaming down your face now, to hell with the makeup you was wearing you wasn't going back to the party anyways.
"You're not." He stated simply clenching his jaw.
"Ok fine. It's not the first time I've been broken up with. Just the first time that I had ever put so much into someone that I truly did see a future with just to have my heart completely ripped out in front of me. You got me good this time trickster. Don't think I'll be able to fully recover from this one." You spat back at him before turning to head up stairs to your room that the two of you had shared for so long.
Luckily Tony hadn't done anything to the room you had once occupied on a lower level of the tower so you easily moved all of your clothing back into there in a matter of no time. You weren't use to the feeling of being alone but thats all you wanted right now for the rest of your life. The god of tricks had ruined other men for you, he had once shown you love like you had never felt, and now your heart broke like it had never broke before.
"Hey sis, noticed you weren't- oh god what did he do?" Clint asked walking into your room. "Knew something was up. I could feel it."
"Hawk stop with the twin shit, its creepy." You huffed whipping your eyes on the back your long sleeve hoodie.
"What happened? All I know is you two disappeared, he came back, you didn't, and he said I should probably find you in your old room." He sat down next to you.
"We broke up. Easy as that. Ya know I never understood why they say not to date your co workers till today." You shrugged turning to him. "When we first got together you hated it-"
"To be fair he did brainwash me."
"I didn't say you didn't have a right. We kept it from you for a while though. But we hadn't been together long, Hawk, I thought he was diffrent from any man I ever dated-"
"Well he is a god, kinda different."
"Would you shut up so I can vent just for a little bit then you can go back to the party."
"Na, parties lame anyways, I was thinking about hanging out here for a little bit." He said kicking his shoes off and proping his feet on the coffee table throwing his arms across the back of the couch.
"Whatever," you rolled your eyes as you snuggled into your brother. "He was so kind, gentle, he was paciant with me. He knew that me and you were close and he didnt wamt to get in the way of that. He wanted us to be closer than he and Thor was. I think it helped him realize just how important family is when you only have each other. We kept it a secret for so long though." You pulled the hood up closer to your face. You didn't want to admit to yourself but you had kept the jacket because it still smelled like him.
"Nat seen the two of you making out in the hall weeks before you told anyone by the way." He laughed pulling you closer to him. " I didnt say anything though because I knew you would tell me when you were comfortable with it."
"I love him so much and he played me. Completely tricked me into these feelings that I dont think will ever change." You sobbed wrapping your arms around his waist, he through his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer.
"Hes a dick with a god complex. Hes not good enough for you at all. Coming from a brother, a twin brothers point of view, I think you could do better. All is fair in love and war, but dont put it past me to be a little rougher on him during training, and I wont point anything out if you happen to let some bad guy kill him on the field." He said kissing the top of your head.
"Hawk, you know I'm not like that. I habe a reputation to up hold." You said slapping his arm before pulling away. "If you wanna stay theres still some of your sweats that I stole in the bedroom and ice cream in the freezer, but your sleeping on the couch. Its been since we were kids that we shared a bed but I bet you still kick."
~~~~
A few weeks had passed since you and Loki had called it quites. You had been mainly staying in your room trying not to cause any uncomfortable silence if you and Loki wede in the same room. On one occasion when you had ventured out to the living room you seen Loki holding an icepack to his eye and a busted lip, your first instinct was to rush over and make sure he was ok but instead you turned and took a seat between Thor and Clint.
"Lady Y/n, as always your peresnts lights up the room. We just havent been seeing much of it as of late." Thor greeted you with a warm smile throwing his huge arm ober your shoulder, making you look smaller than you already was.
"No more gods." Clint mumbled beside you.
"Thor is just a friend. One of the best I have." You laughed. "What happened?" Nodding toward Loki.
"Payback." He shrugged.
"Ah yes, it turns out Loki is not very good at hand to hand combat unles he is able to use his magic." Thor laughed. "I always tried to get him to train with me but he never did, turns out he probably should have."
"Oh for god sakes I'm right here and you three are not really whispering. I shouldn't have to learn hand to hand combat I have my sedair! I'm assuming it was just your brothers idea so that he could get back at me." He yelled.
"And you forget that there could come a time when you might need hand to hand. I told you many times that you needed to train but no mister 'I'm Loki prince of Asguard, burdened with glorious purpose', mister I have my magic. Bullshit. Your just sour because a mear mortal bested you at something. Grow a pair and learn how to actually fight." You jumped up. You had finally snapped. It had been coming tough sitting in you waiting for the right, or wrong, time to show up.
"You watch your tone!" He shouted jumping up. "I know how to fight better than half the people in here." Clint and Thor slowly stood watching the scene in front of them neither one know what to do.
"You know how to use your pixie dust to make things happen! Well guess what tinker bell this aint Neverland. We get in weird predicaments all the time you never know what to expect." You yelled back. "Hell Loki, your probably so bad at hand to hand even I could beat you."
"Oh your on. Training room, 30mins. That is unless your scared?" He said giving you a mischievous smirk.
"Trust and believe I'm not afraid of you by any means. No weponds, no sedair strictly hand to hand." You said turning on your heel to walk to your room to get ready leaving Clint and Thor standing alone in the living room aww struck.
"So what do we do?" Clint finally asked.
"Well of course we have to stop this. It will not end very well." Thor answered.
"So tell the others?"
"Yes you tell the others I will get refreshments for the battle." They took off in seprate directions.
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sneales · 4 years ago
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Hi!! if possible can i please request yuuta having a girlfriend that’s his childhood friend? (So like instead of rika it’s y/n and she doesn’t die) that loves to dote on him cause that boy needs some love. Thank you!! <3
Characters: Yuta, female reader Genre: hurt/comfort Warnings: grammar mistakes, mention of bullying Notes: Ok anon, I don’t know if this is what you were really asking for (the more I read it the more I think I completely missed what you wanted T.T), I guess this went a bit too dark but I took your ask as the opportunity to read again volume 0 and damn Yuta’s story is so sad T.T At the end, I mention the jujutsu school, so let’s say he still has some powers, it was just easier for me since most of his insecurities are born from his scary powers. I don’t know why this thing got so long either omg 
→Requests are open!
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You could say you knew each other all your life since you met Yuta for the first time in kindergarten. You were two shy kids, so it was natural to become close. You would always spend a lot of time together, it was very rare to see one without the other right by their side.  You also went to the same elementary school and the other kids started teasing you two, so every step you’d take there was always one of them who’d chirp “uuh lovebirds! lovebirds!” while pointing at you. That flustered you a lot and it flustered him even more, but surprisingly one day he took courage and decided to speak up, “So what? We’re gonna get married anyway!”.  The kid remained speechless, “Wow really?” Yuta nodded, “Yes, but not now because we’re too young.” Yuta doesn’t even know how, but he managed to get the other kids’ respect, they were probably so impressed he already had not only a girlfriend but also a soon-to-be wife. As for you, well… you considered that as your little secret so you were so embarrassed when he said that outloud, you probably didn’t talk to him for a couple of days, if you remember well. But anyway, those were precious memories that made you smile whenever you remembered them. After elementary school, you two enrolled in two different middle schools. It was a bit shocking at first, but you managed to get used to it. You found new friends and you spent almost every afternoon with Yuta, maybe studying together or playing games. Your life was good as it was, or at least that’s what you thought for a while. But then you noticed how you two almost never talked about him. It was mostly you telling him what happened to you during the day and if you asked him questions, his answers would always be so short. At first you thought it was normal. You two were always together so it was no surprise he was uncomfortable in school without you, you felt like that too before. As time went by, his sheepish smile was always sitting on his face, he never really talked about school besides what a certain teacher taught them or how much homework he got. You could sense he wasn’t getting along well with his classmates since whenever you asked him if there was someone nice he would always look away, shrug and say, “You are the nicest person.” He learned so well that some flatter and compliments made you happy and switched your focus away from the real topic. It’s their loss, you thought to yourself, if they can’t understand how kind and amazing he is, too bad for them.
In of the afternoon you usually spent together, he was nowhere to be seen even if you agreed to meet. You got worried when he wasn’t answering your texts and calls and decided to look for him at his house. You let out a huge sigh of relief when his mother told you he is in his room and she lets you in. You knocked at his door, a faint yes? came from the other side. You opened and showed your face. He was laying on his bed, the only light was coming from the tv, a documentary about sea-life was airing. “O-oh, y/n!” he sat up quickly, “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you I wasn’t coming today…” As he was talking, your eyes adjusted to the darkness and you saw a big patch on his cheek. “Are you hurt?” “Eh?”, Yuta smiled awkwardly, “N-no, I just fell on the stairs like an idiot.” A lie. You knew you couldn’t force him to talk about it if he didn’t want to, you knew you have to leave him room, but until now you never saw him with bruises, that wasn’t something you could ignore. “Who did that to you?” “I told you I fell from the sta-” “That’s not true”, you almost felt like crying, “Don’t lie to me, please.” “But it’s not a lie”, he mumbled. You closed his door behind you and sat beside him, “Yuta, I’m worried about you.” Silence fell between you two and no one spoke for what looked like a very long time. “It’s not really ok at school”, he said suddenly, his voice so low you feared you could miss his words. You figured that much already, “Do you want to tell me what happened?” He seemed unsure, he looked away, “I don’t think I get along with anyone at school, but it’s not like I can blame them. I wouldn’t want to be my friend either.” Your heart almost broke because no matter how close you two were, you could never see how deep his pain was, how far his worries and fears were taking root in his mind. And that scared you too, because he was sure he was worthless, even a danger for others,  “Don’t say those things about yourself! You are the best person I know, you’re always ready to help others, you’re kind, so don’t belittle yourself like that!” His eyes were opened in surprise, “A-are you getting angry?” Your tone had probably been too harsh, so you hugged him as strong as you could, “I am not angry at you, I’m angry at them. If I could, I would beat them up myself. You are the most important person for me, I want you to be safe.” You two stayed like that for a couple of minutes, until he patted your shoulder, “Hey, can you ease just a bit your grip, it hurts-” You didn’t realize you how hard you were holding him, “S-sorry.” “Don’t worry and thank you for your words.” His sweet smile appeared again on his lips, of course he was afraid he worried you and now he was trying to make you feel better. You grab his hand, softly this time, “You should value my opinion more than theirs because they don’t know you at all while I know you the best, so if I’m saying that you deserve the best you should trust me. And if you feel like you need someone to vent all your worries… well I’m here.” His lips trembled and you were afraid for one second he would cry, but instead he grabbed a chip and ate it. He simply said thank you and you started talking about the documentary on tv. When it was time to enroll in high school, your strongest desire was for him to find kind people or at least decent human beings. Was it so hard? Were people always so horrible like those kids in middle school? Were teachers always so blind and uncaring?
~
“There is a really weird teacher at school.” “Weird?” “Yep, he always walks around with a blindfold.” A blindfold, was it time to call the police? “Then there’s a super strong and cool girl, a guy who only talks with onigiri’s ingredients and Panda.” “Panda?” “Yes”, he grinned, “they’re all great.” You couldn’t really understand a word and what he said made little sense to you, but your worries slowly vanished as he looked way more relaxed and started talking about his new friends and his weird teacher. You could meet each other way less than before, but now you were sure his smile was not a lie to ease you.
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shelby-love · 4 years ago
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HARGREEVES SIBLINGS
What Brings us Together: Funerals
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Requested: yes [x]
Prompts: none
Warning(s): none
Word count: 3.5K
Author’s note: I hope this is what you wanted. You didn't specify what kind of interaction we should have w our siblings so I just went off what was most realistic. Luther is a b of course, that's just how he is at the beginning lol. Don’t think I hate him though! p.s. so is diego we know he wasn’t really nice to vanya in the beginning :(
~
You sighed heavily through your nose, gathering your brows in distaste at the building standing tall in front of you. The Umbrella Academy looks as imposing as ever, making you remember just how much it once scared you when you were a kid.
Time went by and you became an adult. Someone with common sense, living an ordinary life far away from your once bright future that suggested money and luxury. Of course, when you’re informed of your father’s passing through a TV screen, it’s mandatory to show up and pay your respects.
You snorted at the rogue thought. “Bastard.”
Seeing your siblings after so many years of being apart made you feel anxious. Your father and his ashes weren’t the cause of your sweaty hands. It felt weird. Too weird.
But you ignored the feeling and called out your inner adult, placing one foot in front of the other and walking straight through the two-winged doors.  
Your eyes fell on every surface of the academy, sweeping over every object while doing so. The number of memories, good and bad, that this place held was uncountable. But life, alas, is too short.
Your father a true example.
You gazed at the portrait with no emotion, looking at the picture of your father and siblings with a crooked smile of sadness. The tips of your bare fingers flickered with energy, and you fought the urge to curl them into a fist and punch a wall.
But your father's voice rung through your head, what you've been taught all your life bucking into instinctive actions. "You must know self-control Number Eight. You lack of it will be your downfall. Now put your gloves back on!"
You were 4 when those words big words started to leave his mouth, and you never heard the end of it. Not until he died.
You uncurled your fists, took a deep breath and felt the energy cave in.
"Y/N? Is that you?"
The sudden sweetness of a voice that belonged to your sister travelled into your ears, so quietly you almost didn't hear her. Your eyes widened slightly, and when you turned around – for a moment you didn't know what to do. The girl had turned into a celebrity, and you wondered if that had changed her in any way.
"Allison?"
She took a few sharp steps your way and wrapped her arms around you, pulling you in a bone-crushing hug you returned immediately.
"You're not wearing your gloves," she took note, looking tentative to touch you for a second after pulling away.
"I don't need them anymore," you stated proudly.
Your father graced you with leather gloves at the age of 4, telling you to never take them off. That in a way, you and the powers you possessed were a danger to your siblings. The dark leather gloves weren't comfortable, in fact, they felt suffocating every time you wore them. Because that's how silencing your powers feels like. Suffocating. For a second too short, you had wondered what Allison felt like. Not being able to use her voice for what it was made for.
"Well, I'm happy for you," said Allison, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "You never really liked them."
"No," you agreed with a mumble. "No, I didn't."
The two of you walked out of the hall and into the living area, legs paired with pace.
"Where is everyone?" You asked her quietly, your eyes inspecting an antique you knocked over as a kid more times than you could count.
"Diego is here, somewhere," she mused, and you raised your brows ever so slightly in surprise. "He has this weird hero complex, so he's out saving the world, I guess. Apart from us three, no one’s here yet."
"Do you know when he'll be coming back?" You wondered out loud, watching her give you an odd look a second later. "I haven't seen him in years, Allison. He's my brother."
A part of you wanted to tease her about Luther by saying that not everyone is into what they were, but you withheld it and instead locked your eyes onto your other brother.
Number Five.
"I missed you Y/N."
You smiled at her quiet voice, "Missed you too Ally."
***
"You know if I was murdered, and if one of my sons...adopted sons... happened to be able to commune with the dead, I might think about, I don't know, I don't know...manifesting!"
You attempted to stifle your laughter as you watched Klaus prance around your father's ashes in an attempt to talk to him. He wasn't sober, so you doubted it would work.
But it was pleasantly nice to see him try at least.
"I don't think he wants to talk," you interrupted him mid-vent.
You watched as his pacing stopped, his demeanor switching from crazy to collected in the seconds it took your voice to be heard. Klaus turned around slowly, beaming from one ear to another. "It's you! You're alive!"
His scream of joy brought a wide smile to your lips, and you rushed to his arms. Both of you screamed like little kids, telling how much you missed each other and how tragic life has been without one another. Making jokes on your dead father's account was overly present too.
"And you're high!" You squealed in delight, ruffling his crazy looking hair.
Klaus pulled away at that, swaying in a matter that looked like he was stretching before a run. He pointed his thumb at the ashes, "Dad's too stubborn. He won't talk to me."
"Did you try begging?" You asked amused.
"I-I guess…" He mumbled before groaning. "I'm too sober for this!"
Then his eyes snapped to you and a pout drew on his face. Klaus went to stand in front of you, grabbing your hands in his and placing them on his chest. "Y/N…"
You rolled your eyes but didn't remove them, "Yes, Klaus?"
"I was just wondering if you," He said gingerly. "You know…"
This time you did pull your hands away but placed them on his face. Teasingly you squished his cheeks like you used to when you were kids. "You want me to give you money, so you can go get high because your childhood trauma of being locked in a mausoleum catches up to you every time you're sober? Of course, I will. How much do you need?"
It took him a second to process your words. "Oh my God really?" Klaus whispered, almost as if he didn't believe that was happening.
"I tried it your way when I left -" you explained, pulling out your wallet and glancing at his stunned expression. "- to suppress my powers. It didn't work, and I continued to suffer. If that's what it takes for you to not suffer from them, I'll gladly help."
You handed him a wad of money but when he tried to take them you pulled away, "Just…be careful Klaus."
"Yeah of course I will," he replied absentmindedly before he turned his head to the side. "Shut up."
You furrowed your brows, "Did you say something Klaus?"
"Oh no, no, no, no, no," said Klaus quickly, a little too quickly. "I didn't say anything."
You hummed but swore you had caught him swing his leg at something too.
"Well, if that’s all…" you murmured, "I'll leave you to it then, I gotta go see Mom. Don't say hi to dad from me, okay? Don't you dare Klaus."
The sibling only saluted, turning around to get back to trying to reach your dad, securing the money into a pocket in his skirt.
"Hey! Wait!"
You stopped and turned back around. Klaus waved his hands at the big lone fireplace. "Can you do that thing, please?"
By that thing, he meant to say start the fire. You shrugged and walked back to the fireplace. The amount of time you lit it up for your siblings was infinite. It felt weird to do it now even though you light your fire at home with your powers all the time.
Fire comes out of your hands quickly and with ease in the shape of a golden ball, igniting the lone fireplace within seconds. You watched the inferno you created in a daze, only breaking out of it when Klaus came to stand in front of the fire to warm up.
"Love you Klaus."
"Awww I love you too sis."
You shook your head, turned and left the room.
***
"Heard you came from the moon." You mused, "Thought I'd stop by and see for myself."
When word spread that Luther was on the moon, you didn't quite believe it. Then you found out that he too came back to send your father off to the lands of the dead, and you just had to see him and ask for yourself.
It was no surprise to find him in your dad's office of all places, although at first glance he did look like an intruder. You felt yourself stiffen at the sight of a big man in a coat, looming over your father's desk imposingly. Power surged through your veins, and it took everything in you to stop it from overflowing in fear.
When your brother met your face, you exhaled in relief and a single candle lit in the room as a result.
Luther seized it, looking impressed. "You've gotten better."
"Cut the crap Number One," you snapped suddenly, the tone mainly coming from the fact that your powers activated because of the fear that came from seeing a completely new version of your brother. "First of all, what happened to you? I thought Diego would turn out like that, not you."
He shrugged his massive shoulders.
"Second of all," you began. "What are you doing in dad's office?"
"Nothing," he said quickly.
Luther might look big and dangerous but the creases in his face give you all the answers you need. "You haven't changed a bit," you mused, leaning against the door. A part of you still felt young and that made you respect your father's words a little more by staying put. "Save for the…" You pointed to your torso for reference.
Luther noticed the way you eerily stood at the doorstep, contemplating whether to enter and break his word. "He's dead you know."
You shot him a look, "I know that."
"So, why don't you come in?"
You contemplated to come in, but in all honesty - nothing was of interest. You would much rather like to interrogate Luther and his whims. 
"Is Allison really the only person you care about?" You asked him instead, the bubbled feelings you've been holding inside threatening to spill. It was rather hostile, the way you two met after years of not seeing each other. A big part of you felt angry at him for not calling you when things obviously went wrong somewhere. His body wasn’t a result of something natural, and you knew it. "I mean this as a sibling. Let's ignore the weird thing you two have for each other."
"We don-" he started, your seizing eyes stopping him mid-sentence. "Is it that obvious?"
You sighed, "Look Luther, I'm just trying to say…"
"No, you're accusing me."
"Of what?"
"You left. All of you."
You snorted, "You really want to do this right now?"
"I don't see why not."
"You're looking for something," you said instead, completely ignoring his words. "I won't help you find it nor will I try to lie if you ask me if I have it."
His ears perked, "Dad's monocle."
You chuckled, "That lame thing he always wore?"
Luther nodded.
"Why do you need it?"
"You said you wouldn't lie."
"I'm not lying Luther, I just asked you a question!" You told him. A thought washed over you when his eyes pinned you in, and you could barely even grasp it. "You think I killed him, don't you?"
"I didn't say that." He tried to reason, although he didn't move from around the desk to try and soothe you.
"You didn't have to," you said quietly, feeling tears gather in your eyes. "I see the way you look at me, brother. Ever since I hurt her-"
"Don't talk about her," he stopped you.
"Why the hell not?!" You exclaimed, "She's my sister you know. Our sister. You keep forgetting that."  
Luther stayed silent after your outburst, probably contemplating whether to apologize, but you cut him from speaking before he could even start. "We were 7 Luther. I didn't know what I was doing. You think I wanted to take the air out of her lungs? She was going to rumor me Luther. I was scared."
It didn't really matter how much you repeated it to him, he never understood. His love for her goes beyond siblingship, as weird and disturbing as it was. Whoever hurt Allison became a monster in his eyes. "But anyway. I didn't steal that ugly thing. You can cross me off your list."
You looked around the office, ignoring the way Luther stood silently. The lack of light was obviously making it difficult for him to sniff around. You raised your hands in the air, watching as the tips of your fingers turned into flames. A satisfying sight, but a sight you didn't want to look at currently. With a swipe of your hand, you controlled the small blazes until they broke apart and landed at the candles, lighting up the room, so Luther can see. "Hopefully this helps."
You walked away from the office after that, not daring to look behind yourself in fear of breaking down.
***
You stomped across the academy, anger flowing off you in waves. Having your emotions tied to your feelings was never fun. The chandelier above you swayed under the wind that came from your anger and candles burnt out, the fire that came within them disappearing into your body.
"Y/N?"
Suddenly, the wind stopped, but your lip started to tremble instead. "Vanya?"
When you turned around, she stood awkwardly at the door. With hands in her pockets she glanced between the shaking chandelier and you.
It was obvious that she was uncomfortable, at least until she saw your relieved smile. "Is that really you?"
She smiled, "I-I guess."
You outright laughed, the outcome of Luther and yours argument disappearing from your mind completely when you hugged her. "I missed you so much."
"You did?" She asked surprised.
"Why wouldn't I?" You asked her, confusion crossing your features. "You're my sister. Come here."
You brought her into the hug again, feeling her hug you tighter this time.
"You're not mad at me?"
Remembering what she was talking about had you cringing ever so slightly in discomfort. You scratched the back of your neck, "I mean… I was. But not anymore, Vanya. I'm all passed that now."
"You are?" She asked, hopeful.
"I am," you nodded in confirmation. "We're here to say our goodbyes to Dad. You have every right to be here, no one can tell you otherwise."
Vanya stayed silent, so you quickly added, "And the book was good. Exposing, but good. I like your way with words."
She snorted, "Yeah I thought you would."
Beaming, you slung an arm around her shoulders just like Allison did when you first came. Unfortunately, in your dysfunctional family, no one has peace for long. Diego came striding down the stairs in his black spandex suit, looking as he just came out of an action movie.
Seeing you had his smile growing by a mile, but upon glancing at Vanya the easy smile vanished and was instead replaced by a scowl. "You're still here? I thought I already told you. You don't belong –"
"Diego," your hand raised in the air to halt his mouth. "Now's not the time."
He let out a humorous laugh, walking up to you to give you a kiss on the cheek. You didn't fight it, instead letting him kiss your cheek and squeeze your shoulder as a greeting after not seeing each other for years. "Good to have you back sis."
"Enjoy it while you can," you said. "Because I'm leaving the moment dad's ashes are spread."
"Oh, I bet," he mused. "I'm leaving too. You should go now Vanya, save us the trouble."
"Okay Diego that's enough," you interrupted, standing closer to Vanya this time round, hoping she sees your support through mere change of standing. "Why don't you run along and go save lives? I heard that's your life's call."
He rolled his eyes before glancing at your outfit. "That's an awfully bold color for a funeral."
"That's because I'm not dressed yet," you rolled your eyes. "Now, if you don't have anything nice to say, I suggest you leave before I boil you."
Knowing you don't give out empty threats, Diego nodded grimly and disappeared upstairs, not giving Vanya a glance of acknowledgement. "You know, maybe he's right… I should just go."
You shook your head immediately, "Absolutely not. Look Vanya, your book might've not been the best thing that's happened to us, but it certainly isn't the worst. He's just being snappish. That's Diego's factory setting."
She laughed, this time giving you a smile. Not a fake smile, but a real one.
You felt victorious as you wrapped your arm around her again, leading her into the living area for a catch-up.
***
"Does anyone else see little Number Five, or is that just me?"
You and Klaus held to each other like little kids, not believing what, or who, stood in front of you. The little carbon copy of your long-lost brother swore under his breath, shocking you to the bones with the word ‘shit’. "I'm not high, am I?"
"I-I don't know," said Klaus awkwardly, "Do you feel high?"
"Klaus she's not high," Diego interrupted, standing in front of the group with Luther.
"You never know with her," Klaus tried to explain.
"Five is that really you?" You asked, ignoring the bickering that went all around you.
"Of course, it's me!"
"Oh God Klaus they even sound the same," you whispered, clutching Klaus' hand tighter.
"Look I don't have time to explain this all to you," the boy sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose like an old man.
"The hell you do," Diego mumbled, eyeing him with menace.
Number Five (if that was even him) rolled his eyes and tried to push through and walk right past you. No 30-year-old - despite how shocked and curious they were - tried to stop him.
Save for you of course.
A lone vine flew from the wall under your command, wrapping itself around your brother's wrist in a vice-grip. Five eyed it nonchalantly, as if the sight amused him rather than intimidated him. "You do know I can walk right through that?"
You dared him with your eyes and mocked him with your mouth, "You do know that you've been gone for 17 years? I've evolved little man."
He bunched his brows together, almost as if he didn't believe you. To test his theory out, he urged his body to travel through space. You all watched as he walked straight through the air, coming out on the other end in a different part of the yard, not being able to move due to the vine's grip despite having travelled through literal space.
"Cute!" Five called out, walking back toward you using his power. "Now let me go."
"And why would she do that?" Luther asked, the inner Number One in him surfacing.
"Because I've got work to do."
"Five you're a kid literally," Allison objected, gazing over your brother's tiny body.
"You don't understand…"
"Maybe he needs a nap," Klaus mumbled next to you.
"I don’t-"
By not literal smoke was almost coming out of his little ears, his face reddened from anger, and he looked annoyed beyond understanding. "They're too young… I knew it."
You creased your brows, not understanding why Five was mumbling weird things into his chin. "You alright Five?"
He glared at you, "I will be… Once you get this thing off me."
You shrugged with a sigh, mumbling an okay and hauling the vine away from Five who shook his head in irritation. He wrapped a hand around his sore wrist, massaging it with his thumb to get read of the soreness. "Can't say I missed you and your crazy plants. Although you would've been a great addition to my adventures."
"What adventures?" You asked confused. "You’re 13."
Five sighed, brushing you all off with a sway of his hand.
Klaus was the first one to dash back into the house mumbling something about not being able to handle the weather, Allison following behind him carefully. Luther, who looked like a lost puppy, followed after your sister until it was just Vanya, Diego, Five and you left.
"I'm going to head inside," said Vanya awkwardly, disappearing inside quickly.
Diego gave Five a sideward glance but shook his head and left too.
"Elemental manipulation is exactly what we need to fight it."
You rolled your eyes, not quite believing that he forgot how elemental manipulation isn't your favorite thing. "Fight what Five?"
"The apocalypse."
"I'm glad you're back bro, seriously I mean it," You told him sincerely, "But you're crazy. I'd say get some help but…"
MASTERLIST
~
Here is the link to my tag list masterpost! If you want to be added to one of my existing tag lists (or perhaps new ones) let me know! :) 
✭ GENERAL TAGS (all WIPs): 
@fofisstilinski @short-potato @miranda0102​ @httphiddlestan @caromichaela @xx-missunicorn-xx @jemmakates @theravenclawmarauder @tclaerh @chefdoeuvre @just-arather-veryconfused-being @crazy0lu @thirstykpophoe @abimoon @sofiasamps @princxss-fia @theletterhart 
 ✭ THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY: /
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sparklingpax · 3 years ago
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A Different Side (2/2)
Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts…but there’s more to that story.
///
A/N:
-Part 1 arguably where I should have ended it :’)
-Literally been a year and I apologize so hard sdjdj ;w; also this part is too long asfsksdjfl aaa 
-BEFORE YOU ATTACK ME, this is not “the first time optimus ever makes a joke!!!” kind of story, despite how much it looks like that. It’s just. something,,,
-as usual, there are definitely typos and mistakes; hopefully I get around to fixing them aha ^^’’ Also please don’t mind the weird spacing, for some reason the way I type things out never seems to translate well to when I put it here so,,,
-please I’m literally not funny, my humor is broken 😀 Like, I didn’t quite know how to continue or conclude this, and it’s not creative or interesting at all and it highkey doesn’t make sense tbh?? so aaa qwq I just hope it’s not too cringe,,,,but I did say I’d finish it so rather than keep y’all waiting any longer than I already have, here it is....part 2....
-I just. wanna apologize again that it took so long and this scrappy second bit is all I have to show for it. hh. 
///
             “At last…” Ratchet sighed contentedly to himself.
             He carefully placed two pieces of metal together and wielded them to one smooth shape.
             Stepping back to admire his work, smiling a little, he then picked it up and started towards the supply room. 
             After a long day of work, Ratchet was pleased to finally be able to place the repaired tool back on its shelf and retreat to his room for a few hours of quiet reading.
             Maybe three at the very most, he wagered his bet with a slight grimace. 
             After all, it was commonplace for commotion to interrupt his every attempt to enjoy himself quietly.
             Such is my fate. 
             However, hearing a familiar set of footsteps thumping slowly down the halls, Ratchet paused.
             “Optimus? Is that you?”
             He leaned to the side and peered down the hall.
             Said mech emerged from the corridor and into the medic’s view. He had a funny look in his eye as he came to a stop quite abruptly. 
             He placed his hands on his hips and regarded Ratchet for a strange few moments of….awkward silence…before speaking.
             “Ratchet,” his voice tremored almost imperceptibly, “Would you consider me…humorous?”
             The medic blinked at him. He was officially more confused.
             He had been just about to ask what had happened to upset him so much earlier, or if there was anything he wanted to talk about, one-on-one.
             After all, from time to time, Optimus would reach a point where he could no longer bear whatever was troubling him. And of course, Ratchet was right there for him, ready to listen and help. In the end, he was able to get Optimus to say what was troubling him, and they would talk about it or they wouldn’t. But something about the way Optimus walked away each time told Ratchet he’d done at least something to help.
             “…Ratchet?” Optimus prompted him gently, eyes showing a little concern.
             Scrap, I still haven’t answered his question—Ratchet, focus!
             Still, the thought drifted through the recesses of his mind: had Optimus…not been upset in the first place? 
             If so...what had it been all about? 
             Or was he simply reading too much into it?
             At a loss as to how to answer, the medic fumbled for a word to say in response. 
             He actually didn’t know, now that he thought about it. 
             Optimus—or Orion, even—had never really attempted to be funny before as far as Ratchet knew...which Ratchet was well aware that he didn’t know everything. It couldn’t be a yes or no. Of course, there were moments Orion was humorous, everyone has their moments.
              No, he means funny—as in, on a regular basis, as something part of his personality, even. And to that....
             A more appropriate response was ‘why?’ 
            But Ratchet knew better than to snark at Optimus like that. It was uncalled for, at the moment.  
             Perhaps Megatron would be more likely to know.
             After all, it had been him Orion had spent the most time with back in those days.
             As if I could just call him and ask! 
             “W-well, Optimus, I wouldn’t really know that!” Ratchet paused, feeling slightly guilty for his tone of voice just then. “You’ve never tried to be…that I knew of, anyway…”
             Optimus just nodded slowly. That weird glint in his optics remained. It hit him that something seemed….different. Like the Prime was planning on...doing something. 
             Just then, footsteps alerted the two of Jack’s arrival. He came into view, leaning against the wall and panting. He pointed wordlessly at Optimus for a second, trying to catch his breath. Ratchet stared at him, somehow growing more confused as the seconds passed. Then, finally, Jack straightened, managing to say what he’d wanted to.
             “Optimus was…not upset…”
             “What?!” Ratchet practically squawked. “What?!”
             Optimus glanced from Jack to Ratchet, looking surprised for all of a moment, then simply nodded. Just then, Arcee, Bumblebee, and Bulkhead returned to base. Their engines could be heard from all the way down the corridor. They skidded to a halt in front of Optimus and Ratchet, transforming a backing up a bit.
             “Oh no,” Bulkhead murmured to his teammates. “Cue pissed-off Ratchet.”
             And pissed Ratchet was. 
             He had been worried for his friend.
             “Wh—then—why on earth did you go off to your room in such a huff?!” The medic exclaimed, setting down the newly-repaired tool not-so-gently.
             “That is—”
             “AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU OPEN THE DOOR?!”
             “I—”
             Just as Optimus was about to answer, a proximity alarm went off. Everyone gathered wordlessly around the main computer screen as Ratchet pulled up the video feed. He rolled his optics, sighing heavily.
             Instantly everyone knew it could only be Agent Fowler.
             Jack took this opportunity to attempt to get Optimus’s attention and pull him aside for a second. He waved and whispered the Prime’s name.
             When Optimus finally heard him, he departed from the group and made his way over to Jack, kneeling down when the human motioned for it.
             “Hey, Optimus,” Jack started, a bit awkwardly. “Sorry—uh……so....I saw what you were watching…”
             “Oh…” Optimus instantly looked kind of embarrassed. “Well, I was….admittedly….curious.”
             Jack tilted his head.
             In the background, their liaison to the government was shouting something about Bumblebee and a burger joint parking lot, to which Ratchet was defending his teammate and annoyedly asking how it could be his fault or problem.
             “After yesterday,” Optimus began to elaborate quietly, “Miko said...something to Ratchet. It dawned on me that Earth humor is much different from Cybertronian humor—which, in honesty, I never knew much about anyway.”
             “You mean when she yelled ‘in this world, it’s yeet or be yeeted’ to Ratchet after he asked why Bulkhead decided to throw that guy he was fighting?”
             “Yes.”
             “So…” Jack sighed. He looked so confused. “You looked up vines?”
             “No, Jack,” Optimus responded rather seriously. “I used the Google Engine program you children seem to enjoy so much—”
             Enjoy…not when you have friends like mine, Optimus. I’ve seen some things...
             “—to find the meaning of ‘yeet.’ Through my research, I came across the concept you humans refer to as…” his optics flicked to the ceiling for a second as he held up a hand and air-spelled the word, trying to remember the pronunciation. “…Memes.”
             “You…you found memes?” Jack repeated, as if he couldn’t process this. 
             “Yes, Jack,” Optimus affirmed, looking very pleased with himself. He had that same sparkle as when he watched his teammates laugh, when he was tired but relieved everyone returned from a mission alive.
             Except. It was for memes he found. On the internet.
             Jack was about to ask another question when Optimus abruptly stood up again. He put a finger against his lip in a shushing motion, smirking ever so slightly. A twinkle in his eye told Jack all he needed to know.
             “O-Optimus, which videos did you exactly—”
             “Vine is no longer dead!!” Optimus whispered a little too excitedly.
             And then he winked.
             “This is a dream,” Jack murmured in disbelief as he heard Optimus walk away.
             He was apparently going to try to make vine jokes.
             Jack knew it would be hilarious, but he was also worried for the Prime’s dignity. 
             Oh, Lord.
///
            “Oh, YOU want to hang up on ME?!”
            “THAT’S DAMN RIGHT,” Ratchet hollered back, “YOU CAN TAKE YOUR COMPLAINTS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR—”
             ‘Ratchet!!!’ Bumblebee cut in, looking rather uneasy. He hated it when people were shouting at each other like that.
             The medic whipped around and Bumblebee flinched a bit. The older mech was fuming.
             He had been in a generally awful mood after the events of the day, and as the seconds of silence passed, he realized just how angry he was—or at least, how he seemed to everyone else.
             Can’t vent frustrations like this, Ratchet—you have to talk it out. He stared back up at the computer screen and watched Agent Fowler straighten his tie as he started up again.
             “Now you listen to me, Ratchet. Neither I—nor my superiors—will tolerate your—”
             Ratchet decided he’d had enough of dealing with others’ foul moods, because they were only making him even more upset.  
             “Agent Fowler, I’m frankly not the bot you want to talk to right now. These are not my doings, you in fact have no qualms with me. All you do is call us up and gripe at us, and no one here appreciates it,” he hissed at him, having toned his voice down to a mild stern one.
             “HEY!! DON’T YOU DARE—”
             “Goodbye.”
             And with a simple tap, the base fell silent again.
             “Well….that’s that,” Arcee said.
             “Yup,” Bulkhead agreed.
             ‘Why is Fowler so aggressive all the time?’ Bumblebee buzzed, annoyed. Arcee shifted her weight and shrugged.
             “He wants what’s best for humans, and he’s concerned for the planet. I mean, yeah--he has the right to tell us to be careful and all,” she made her guess. Then her optic twitched as she, too began to look rather irked. “But he’s so….”
             “Insufferably rude,” Ratchet finished for her. Arcee nodded.
             ‘And…loud.’
             After a moment of attempting to compose himself, Ratchet turned to Optimus, who had discreetly drawn up beside them.
             The medic was about to ask him what the scrap he’d been doing and why he left Ratchet to fight with Agent Fowler on his own. It was usually Optimus who took the calls, and that’s why there wasn’t always an argument like this. Fowler would yell at Optimus, but not for long.
             They had some kind of interesting mutual respect for one another. Of course, all the bots respected Fowler—even when he was being overly aggressive—but Optimus seemed to even get along with the government agent in a special way.
            Even more of a reason he should have been the one to talk to him.
            So, Ratchet was annoyed. Or he was.
             It was then he noticed the grin on his leader’s face. His first question was understandably, why.
             Before Ratchet could speak, Optimus put up one digit and tapped it against his lips, as if to signal for quiet.
             “I apologize,” he said solemnly, leaning a bit closer to Ratchet. The medic felt his spark begin to pound, and was sure that some color was heading to his face. He swallowed.
             “That’s alright….but, uhm…what were you doing instead?”
             “I was discussing with Jack a rather important finding…” he responded quietly. Ratchet tilted his head at Optimus.
             Arcee and Bulkhead exchanged confused looks. Bumblebee debated leaving the room or asking what exactly he was talking about.
             It was at that moment, Optimus bit his lip, visibly trying to hard not to laugh. He then took a shaky breath and stood straight.
             “Ratchet, I have but one question.”
              Tentatively, Ratchet moved the conversation forward. 
             “…yes?”
             Optimus pointed to his tools lying on the metal surface behind the two, and with the most level tone, spoke.
             “...What are thoooooose?”
             There was silence before Ratchet slowly and rather confusedly glanced back at the desk. He answered Optimus just as slowly. 
             “They’re.....my…reparation tools….”
             And with that, Jack lost it laughing so hard from the corner. Optimus looked on the verge of bursting into laughter himself.
             But Ratchet wasn’t laughing. He just stood, blank. 
             Very quickly, Optimus realized no one else was laughing either—except for Jack, of course—because they also looked like they were trying to process this.
             He felt a pang of worry.
             Even if gradually, Optimus had been hoping for a long while that he could show his teammates that Primes do laugh, lose their cool, cry, and party. It was a silly notion, he would often chide himself. Nonetheless…it was a hope.
             After all, it was the only reason he had gone to the Google Engine and decided to try and figure out what exactly humor entailed.
             But…I might have approached this incorrectly.
             Now looking just a little annoyed, Ratchet backed up and picked up his tools. He had no idea what had just happened and wanted some time alone in his quarters. 
           Optimus gently grabbed his shoulder, causing him to stop and look at him again. The Autobot leader looked rather abashed, obviously regretting the last five minutes of his existence. 
            In the background, Jack had gone over to the other Autobots and started explaining what had happened, the vines, the context of what Optimus had just pulled…
            “I…apologize, Ratchet…” Optimus looked away for a moment. “It seems I…lack the ability of timing…”
             Ratchet blinked a few times, then setting down the tools, he sighed.
             “Optimus…”
             “I know now that it is not my place to attempt humor.” He looked quite sad, but at the same time, resigned to it. Ratchet was about to tell Optimus that not everyone was cut out for everything, and that he was rather amusing in his own way.
             But he was interrupted for a second time by laughter. Ratchet and Optimus instead turned to see behind them, the other three team members absolutely losing it.
             Optimus was taken aback.
             He wondered briefly if they were laughing at how pitiful his attempt at humor had been. Then Bumblebee spoke up.
             ‘Jack just told us what that actually meant!’
             “Yeah!”  Bulkhead chimed in. “And now I wanna know what vines are!”
             Arcee, giggling, added, “Yeah, and what crocs are.”
             Ratchet felt Optimus next to him, struggling to contain his pride, and himself began to laugh. At this, Optimus let a little of that joy show, smiling and standing straight again. 
            What a funny thing to be proud of…
            But, then again, that had been the Prime’s intent.
///
*dies* I’m sorry I even wrote this please forgive me--
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gaemkyuu · 4 years ago
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Happy Valentine’s Day Daddy
Warnings: none! A/N: This is my valentine’s day entry for @cherrymaybank ! Back to back posts about Charlie, Riley and little Emerson! We do talk about the potential to having another one in the family, but I’m not sure if we like the trio as it is... do you guys want to see Dad!Charlie with a new born and an 8 year old daughter? Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece! In no way do I claim characters in this piece act this way in real life.
Masterlist *now taking requests ;)
Happy Valentine’s Day Daddy
Riley emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet, Charlie rushing into their ensuite to help hold her hair back. He soothed her back and got her a glass of water from the sink. They had gone to the clinic yesterday to confirm whether or not she was pregnant, since she had been nauseous and throwing up a lot lately. The drug store pregnancy tests were negative, but then again the same thing happened when Riley was pregnant with Emerson. She was normally irregular and active, but grew up with the doctors always saying she would have fertility problems. Emerson came to her as a shock.
“Mommy?” they heard their little girl call out from the hallway, and Charlie got up to intervene before she saw her mother.
“Hey Princess, bad dream?” Charlie scooped Emerson up from the hallway, feeling her heaviness set in. Emerson was 7 and soon to be 8, but Charlie wouldn’t pass the opportunity to pick her up. He didn’t want her growing up too fast, although mentally that ship had sailed.
“No, I had a weird one” she hugged his back and laid her head on his shoulder. “Can we have a midnight snack Daddy?” that’s when Charlie noticed the clock in the hallway read 1:13AM. He contemplated it for a moment, thinking about how Riley wouldn’t approve, but she wasn’t there to stop him and she would appreciate him distracting Emerson.
“Sure, you get the cookies and milk. I’ll be down to help with plates and stuff.” he set her down and kissed her on the head. Emerson looked up inquisitively at him and then back at their open bedroom door. Charlie noticed, and turned her around, gently pushing her towards the kitchen. “Mommy’s fine, just a tiny upset stomach. I’m gonna go make sure she’s good, so don’t eat all the cookies without me” 
This made the little girl giggle as she made her way to the kitchen. Charlie went back to check on Riley, who had her back to the wall adjacent to the toilet. She looked better, less pale, but still exhausted. “You want me to help you up?”
“No, I think I’ve got another round coming in a moment or two. Emerson okay?” Charlie nodded, taking the glass from her hand and refilling it. “Let me guess. Another round of Gillespie’s Midnight Munchies?”
“What can I say? She’s super persuasive” He passed her the glass and she scoffed before taking another drink. “She’s got me wrapped around her fingers”
“Well then don’t let me stop you! You’re princess awaits!” She made a flamboyant gesture of hands referencing her daughter, grateful for her acceptance of Charlie in her life. Riley had to admit that it was helpful to have Charlie around! 
Since the wedding, Riley had made the decision to homeschool Emerson. It meant that she could play with kids in the neighbourhood, but do schoolwork at her pace. Riley was able to work a lot more from home and with Charlie’s acting hours, it meant that he could be home a lot more too. She was often in charge of setting up Emerson’s curriculum, but it helped to have Charlie around. She knew Emerson was learning because she would hear her daughter teaching Charlie the concepts that she went through that day when he would get her ready for bed. Emerson often expressed that she liked doing this more than what they had been doing before. Occasionally, she would go to a daycare program when both of them were busy, but Charlie often brought her to set when he could.
Riley smiles fondly the first time Charlie brought her to set on a project he was working on. She snapped a picture as they walked through the door, Emerson wearing a pretty dress, Charlie in his comfy clothes and a pink backpack that was way too small hung over his shoulder. They walked hand in hand to the car and waved goodbye to her. The time that the two spent together did include a lot of shenanigans and sometimes being outnumbered or out voted, but Charlie never let it get out of hand.
***
Emerson’s lip quivered as her mother shook her head no. She wanted ice cream, but Riley had refused because of the cotton candy she ate earlier. Emerson didn’t take a nap and woke up early, and more sugar would mean a bigger problem later that day. Not wanting to take no for an answer, Emerson asked Charlie, who also agreed that she should forego the ice cream. 
That was the straw that broke Emerson’s back.
Riley had never seen Emerson tantrum so bad before, especially since her toddler was known to be very mature. She was used to her daughter clamming up and refusing to talk to her until she was ready, but that day was a completely different experience. Here she was screaming and crying, insisting she deserved ice cream.
Charlie sensed Riley’s flusteredness and tried to calm Emerson down. When she screamed and cried louder, she flailed her arms about, hitting Riley and Charlie. That’s when his usual sparkle and mischief that was normally present in his eyes disappeared.
“Emerson Gianna Gillespie. That’s enough.” Emerson was in shock at the tone of his voice. He didn’t yell, but he wasn’t quiet either. She could see that his eyes meant business, and he had never used her real name. She sunk to the ground in a last attempt at defiance. “Please stand up, or we are going home.” Emerson refused to stand. Charlie motioned for Riley to pack up their stuff quickly, as he picked up Emerson and brought her to the car. He didn’t say a single word, even as Emerson started to cry softly on their way to the car. She had started to realize the errors of her actions and felt awful.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a bad girl” she sniffed as Charlie buckled her into her booster seat. “Can we still get McDonalds?” she wiped away a few more tears as Riley got into the passenger side. Before she could reply, Charlie quickly answered the little girl.
“We are going home. We will talk about this when we get home” and with that he shut the door, and they drove home in silence. Emerson walked over to her time out corner in the house, a place where she rarely sat, but knew it was meant for her to reflect upon her actions. Emerson didn’t know that Charlie felt awful about being stone cold to her and was upstairs whisper venting to Riley, who patiently sat and listened. 
They made up over dinner that night and this was the first time that Emerson saw Charlie acting like a Daddy and not like a Charlie.
***
“Take all the time you need. I got Emmy” he kissed her head and went to join his little one at the kitchen island. As directed, the jar of cookies was on the counter, along with the jug of milk. She sat on the stood and swung her legs back and forth singing a song, waiting patiently for him. “Ready for some late night snicky snacks?”
“Mommy okay?” the little girl sat there waiting patiently but worrying about her mom. Charlie grabbed two dessert plates and two glasses for the milk and cookies. Charlie nodded and dished them up some cookies and poured the milk into the glasses, humming to himself. They clinked their glasses together and enjoyed their food in silence, only the sounds of the cookies crunching.
“Are you going to tell me about the weird dream you had?” he asked, a few crumbs spilling from his mouth. He wiped the corner of Emerson’s mouth with his thumb and took a sip of his milk.
“I had a dream that I had a baby brother” Charlie spat out his milk and choked, coughing at her comment. Emerson patted the man on the back, something she often saw adults do to other adults when they choked and something her parents did for her. “Isn’t that why mommy has an upset stomach?”
“Who told you that?” Charlie wiped his mouth and the counter of his mess, moving to dispose of the paper towel in the kitchen garbage. Emerson quietly munched on her cookie and took a drink of milk. “It was Uncle Owen wasn’t it?” she nodded, knowing that speaking with a full mouth was rude. Charlie made a mental note to chastise Owen later. Emerson was smart and perceptive but she was still a kid and who knows what the giant told her in his panic. Charlie gave her another cookie.
“Is this meant to keep me quiet? Uncle Owen did that last time. He said adults like to bribe children with things so they behave and don’t expose them. Didn’t anyone tell Uncle Owen that he’s not supposed to keep secrets or lie?” The little girl greatly accepted the cookie from Charlie and took a big bite, sipping on some more milk to help wash it down.
“No, it’s not a bribe. I’m giving you another cookie because you’re so tiny! I have to fatten you up if I’m going to bake you into a pie!” he joked as he tickled the girl. She laughed and dropped her cookie as Charlie attacked her sides and blew raspberries into her neck.
Even though Riley was 5”2 and her mother was short, Emerson seemed a little too much on the tiny side. She was still the height of your average six year old but she was thin and weighed very little despite the amount of food she ate. Her pediatricians worried that she wasn’t growing as healthily as the other children, but found no problems or illnesses within her. She was simply a late bloomer. It didn’t help that she was twice as smart as kids her age either, but Charlie made sure she knew that was something to be proud of. Both parents always told her that real friends would like her despite her differences and that being like the other kids is boring. 
“Seems like you two are doing fine without me!” the two froze in their act as they realized that Riley had walked into the kitchen. She smiled and grabbed the cookie off Charlie’s plate, sipping on his milk.
“Yup. Definitely pregnant. I guess I am getting a younger brother” Riley’s eyes were as wide as saucers and Charlie rolled his. She looked to Charlie for answers.
“Owen?”
“Owen.”
“Daddy? I think I’m ready to go back to bed” Emerson rubbed her eyes and hopped off the chair. Her mother smiled and gave her little girl a big hug, she couldn’t believe that Emerson would soon be 8.
“You and mommy go upstairs. I’ll clean up down here” Charlie gave both of his girls a kiss on the head before they retreated to Emerson’s bedroom. He began to pick up the plates and wipe the counter down, not bothering to wash the plates. He was supposed to be cooking breakfast for everyone in the morning, so he thought to wash their dishes then, but seeing as they were up so late, breakfast might be brunch. Just as he was putting away the milk and cookie jar, he heard soft footsteps rush into the kitchen. When he closed the door, he saw no one except a little red present box on the counter.
To Daddy
From Emmy
He smiled and carried the tiny box over to the bedroom. Riley was just tucking Emerson in, when he popped his head into the bedroom and shook the box. Emerson blushed and hid under the covers and Riley turned around seeing the box that Charlie shook.
“Is that where you went? I thought you were going pee!” her mother prodded, poking her daughter who was trying to hide. “Why are you hiding Emmy? There’s no need to be shy about it!”
“Did you know about this?” Riley shook her head no and peeled the blanket off her daughter. She hid her face in her hands, blushing a deep pink. “Emmy, come on, I wanna share this moment with you!” Charlie sat down at the foot of the bed and Riley sat beside her. Emerson lowered her hands from her face.
“Uncle Owen helped me with this when he babysat me last week” she smiled, avoiding eye contact. Charlie opened the box and instantly felt his heart grow big. Seeing his reaction, Riley peered into the box and understood the man’s reaction.
In the tiny red box lay a plastic guitar pick which had a picture from their wedding printed on it. It was a photo of the three of them, a stolen shot, between professional takes that encaptured their family’s dynamic. They were all smiling and laughing. It was Charlie’s favorite picture and it was his phone background. At the top of the pic was a tiny hole that connected it to a chain that he could wear around his neck.
“I haven’t been to daycare in a while, so I missed the Valentine’s day crafts. I’m going to a tea party with Aunty Savannah and mommy for Valentine’s day, but I didn’t have anything for you” Charlie opened his arms and beckoned for the little girl to crawl into his lap and hug him back. He rested his chin on her head and sniffed back the tears that had formed. “Did you read the back?” he pulled away and flipped the pick around.
Happy Valentine’s Day Daddy!
“Gosh Emmy, you are just so smart” he pulled the little girl in for another hug, a tear escaping his eye and he kissed her head again. “You didn’t have to do this Princess!”
“It’s my first Valentine’s day with a Daddy. Every year, the girls at the daycare got to have a Valentine’s day date with their Dads and would make them stuff at craft time. This is the first year I get to do it, so I wanted it to be special” she smiled up at him, happy that he liked the gift.
“I love it Emmy. I’ll never take it off” he placed it around his neck and fiddled with it again. Charlie really meant that he never wanted to take it off. Everything precious to him was represented on that pick. He made a mental note to thank Owen and probably not chastise him as bad as he wanted to before.
“Does that mean I get to spend Valentine’s day with the both of you?” Charlie and Riley shared a confused look, wondering where the question came from. Sensing their confusion, Emerson clarified her question. “Uncle Owen said that on Valentine’s day, you guys were going to play hide the zucchini, so he’d probably babysit me again. I thought it sounded like fun”
Cancel that. Charlie was definitely going to kill Owen.
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midnightsnyx · 4 years ago
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Forever After All - Mat Barzal: part 2
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summary: three years after a devastating break up, you wake up one morning in an unfamiliar apartment next to the man you thought was the love of your life: Mat Barzal. Is it a dream or a second chance? 
a/n: here is part 2! i have no idea how many parts this will be cause i have many plans and ideas for it. so i kinda want to explain something about the fic so it makes sense. the reader remembers the past, her breakup with Mat and what happened but when she woke up in the first part of this story, she obviously thinks she’s dreaming because Mat is there and she can’t remember what everybody is talking about regarding the previous days. im going to write some flashbacks (there’s one in this part) to give some backstory on what exactly happened. not sure if my explanation makes sense lol but yeah i wanted to try to explain it before you guys read this part!  anyway, i hope you guys like this!
word count: 2.2k warnings: none
forever after all masterpost
Part 2
You’re late for lunch because you spent nearly three hours picking through every inch of the apartment trying to get some answers because seriously, what the hell is going on? Everything you found was foreign and you couldn’t remember anything. Pictures, clothes, jewelry that you figured were from Mat that you had zero recollection of owning were neatly placed in the apartment you and Mat must be sharing.
So you’re not surprised when Hayden gives you her look. It could turn someone to stone but you’ve become immune to it through the years of your friendship. “You’re late.”
You pointedly look around the diner and raise a brow. “So is Jasper.”
She wrinkles her nose and shrugs. “Good point, I suppose.” Then she grins and looks at you expectantly. “So, how was last night?”
“Uh… last night?” You question because of course you have no idea what could’ve happened the previous night. You’re hoping she will fill in some of the blanks without being suspicious.
“Yours and Mat’s anniversary dinner?” She squints her eyes at you and then looks down at your hands that are neatly folded on the table. “And why aren’t you wearing it?”
You feel your entire body go cold and you know without seeing yourself that you look like a deer in headlights. “Wearing what?”
“The ring?” She says slowly and then her face drains of colour. “oh god, you guys didn’t break up did you? You two are like…” she waves her hands wildly. “The couple. This could break-”
You cut her off before she can stress herself out too much even through you’re still trying to process the current information. “We didn’t break up. I just…” you scramble your brain to come up with an excuse. “forgot to put it back on. After my shower.”
How the hell did you miss an engagement ring when you were going through your apartment?
“Okay, so how was last night? I want all the details. You know he’s been planning it for weeks.”
“Planning what?” Another voice says before you can answer. You look to your left to see Jasper sliding in the chair next to Hayden.
“Mat and Y/N’s anniversary dinner.” She explains and he grins.
“Oh, do tell. We need all the details.”
Great. They want all the details from a night you don’t remember.
You take a moment to figure out what to say. You don’t know if Hayden knew any of what Mat’s plans were so you can’t make something up completely.
“It was nice. You know what Mat’s like, he went all out.” You say because thinking back, when the two of you were together he had a tendency to go overboard. You knew it was his way of making up for being gone so often.
Hayden raises an eyebrow. “Awfully skimpy on the specifics.” you think she’s going to pry more but she just shrugs and smiles. “I’m sure it was lovely though.”
“It was.”
Jasper grins. “Good, ‘cause I don’t know if I could beat him in a fight.”
The smile you send back is forced because there’s so much information being thrown at you and you don’t know how to handle it. You just want whatever this is to be over.
Whatever it is, is messing with you and you’re not sure how much more you can take because it’s just reminding you of what you lost all those years ago.
. . .
After lunch you drive aimlessly through some of the neighborhoods on the island in attempt to clear your mind. There are aspects to what you’ve learned from Jasper and Hayden about your relationship with Mat that make sense. The ring caught you off guard but something that you knew after the two of you broke up was that he was planning on proposing.
It was a conversation you and Jasper had while you were grieving over your breakup. Your friends had been the rock you needed and listened when you needed to vent and were the shoulder to cry on. He showed up at your apartment at three in the morning when you’d called him crying with some chocolate and takeout in hand and the two of you had a heart to heart.
“Sam’s not mad I dragged you out of bed three in the morning is he?”
“Nah,” Jasper said. “He gets it.”
“Yeah,” you whispered. You knew the history Jasper had with dating and how understanding Sam was when they got together. He was the first guy who had the patience to deal with Jasper’s baggage and you were so grateful your best friend had found a guy who was deserving of him.
The two of you were quiet for a while, eating in silence and watching whatever movie he had put on.
“Can I tell you something?” He asked quietly and you nodded without looking up.
“He had a ring.”
It was in that moment that it felt like the entire world stopped. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, like you were drowning.
“He kind of asked for my permission? I don’t know. It was weird. I guess because he couldn’t ask a father figure in your life.”
When you felt like you could speak, you asked, “what did you tell him?”
“I told him that if he was going to give you that ring, he’d better be one hundred percent certain because I knew that if he proposed and then the two of you broke up, it was something you wouldn’t be able to get over. I told him not to hurt you.” He looked at you sadly and you’d realized there were thick tears making your cheeks wet. “I’m sorry.”
You just nodded and looked down at your left hand where there may have been a ring if things were different.
But they weren’t and there was no way you could have changed it.
. . .
You pull into the parking lot of yours and Mat’s apartment and slowly make your way in to the building. You didn’t notice his car so it’s probable that he isn’t home yet. You are glad because you want to find that engagement ring Hayden told you about.
You thought you searched everywhere but it was conveniently sitting on the bathroom counter. It’s beautiful and exactly the kind of ring you had always dreamed about which makes sense because this is a dream.
Sliding it on your ring finger, you examine it in the bright bathroom lighting. It somehow feels like it’s meant to be there while simultaneously feeling like it weighs a ton. Standing there for what feels like hours, staring at it, you nearly jump when you hear the front door open and close loudly. Mat calls out your name and you try to collect yourself because you can’t act as weird as you were this morning. You need to act normal until you figure out what exactly is going on.
“Babe?” He calls again and you hear his footsteps approaching the bathroom you’re in.
You ignore the way your voice cracks when you answer. “Yeah?”
He stops in the doorway and the smile he gives you takes your breath away. It’s painful how easy this feels - standing here with him in the apartment.
“How was lunch?” He asks, walking towards you and taking your left hand in his. His thumb runs across the engagement ring and the way he’s looking at you distracts you long enough that he raises an eyebrow, pulling you out of your thoughts.
Clearing your throat, you smile. “It was nice. They asked about last night.” You say, hoping he might give away some details.
“It wasn’t too much was it? I know how you feel about making a big deal over occasions but I couldn’t help myself.”
Helpful. You want to say but he’s looking at you expectantly so you wrap your arms around him and hide your face in his chest to hide the disappointment on your face. “No, it was perfect.”
You feel him press a kiss to the top of your head when he slides his arms around your waist. It’s so familiar, being held in his arms that it makes you want to cry because as much as you tried to move on after your breakup, you missed this. You missed him.
“Still coming to the game tonight?” He mumbles in to your hair and you just nod, knowing your voice will probably give away how close you are to tears. You step back and turn towards the shower.
“I’m gonna take a shower.” You tell him even though you’d showered this morning. You need to distance yourself from him to clear your head.
“Cool. I’m going to make some food, are you hungry or still full from lunch?”
“I can eat.” You say, reaching out to turn the shower on. When you’re satisfied with the temperature, you turn to look at him. Despite the affection you’ve shown him, you’re not ready to undress in front of him even though he’s seen you without clothes a million times when you were dating.
But this is different.
“You okay with some eggs and bacon? I know it’s a little late but that’s what I’m feeling.”
“I think it’s actually ‘cause you don’t know how to cook anything else.” You tease, laughing when he pouts.
“I’m wounded, Y/N.” He says, placing a hand over his heart and you can tell he’s holding back a smile. You walk towards his and give him a small push.
“Go make food.”
“Yes ma’am,” he grins, leaning down to kiss you before leaving the bathroom.You close and lock the door behind him, quickly stripping and hopping in to the shower. Knowing Mat will take quite a bit of time cooking, you let yourself stand under the hot water longer than normal and try to calm your mind.
It works pretty well because you are fairly clear minded when you finally go out to the kitchen. He’s just finishing cooking and you sit at the table while he dishes up the food. He sits across from you and you listen as he rambles on about how practice was and you try not to zone out but you can’t help it.
Sitting here with him with your feet resting on top of his and him insisting on holding one of your hands while you eat makes your heart ache.
Part of you still wants whatever is going on to end so you can go back to your old life but the selfish part of you wants to stay forever because you have Mat back and everything feels so perfect with him and you almost think you can forget about the past and the horrible break up between the two of you. This past day alone feels like one of the best days you’ve had in forever and it’s not even over. You’re almost afraid to go to bed tonight not knowing what you will wake up to.
If this is a dream, it’s going to break your heart to wake up and you don’t know how much more pain your heart can handle.
So for now, you let yourself savor this moment and try to forget everything about the past. You let yourself be excited for the Islanders game you’re going to tonight and you let yourself lay down with Mat after you eat and watch him after he falls asleep for his pregame nap. You stare at his features, running your fingers softly over his face trying to commit everything to memory, scared for if you fall asleep, he’ll be gone when you wake.
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impala666 · 4 years ago
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The One With The Boobies Part Three (Make Things Right)
This part is a little longer, but Chandler and Joey have a moment about the reader.
Last Part (Part Two), Series Masterlist
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You had just let Joey’s dad’s mistress Ronnie, into the apartment while she and Joey both waited for him. Chandler sat on the sofa having a conversation with Ronnie, while Joey paced back and forth by the door anticipating his dad’s arrival. You wanted nothing more than to go out to a bar and ignore everything, or even go back over to Monica and Rachel’s and vent and hide and drink wine there. But even though you and Joey had just broken up not even ten minutes ago, you couldn’t help but feel the need to still be by him while he was freaking out. You just guessed that it was the habit of being the girlfriend even though you weren’t anymore. “You see, most people, when their pets pass on they want them laid out like they’re sleeping. But, occasionally, you get your person who wants them in a pose like, ah, chasing their tail,” Ronnie mimicked the motion as she explained to Chandler. “Or, jumping to catch a frisbee.” To which she mimicked the pose again, like a dog jumping up to catch a frisbee in its mouth. 
“Joey, Y/N, if I go first I want to be looking for my keys.” Chandler joked to the both of you. But Joey couldn’t wipe off his angry face and you still haven’t wiped off the look like you wanted to cry. And Chandler noticed that you had been looking like that all night. But Ronnie didn’t have a problem laughing out loud, to which Chandler shot her an appreciated smile. 
“Hey, Joe.” Joey’s dad greeted his son as he walked in the door and nodded his head to you in a greeting. 
“Dad. Ronnie’s here!” Joey announced with fake joy and a fake smile. Because if he were being honest, he was devastated about what was all happening at once. First his mom and dad, and now you and him.
“Huh?” Big Joey asked. But he shifted his gaze to behind Joey when he saw a certain someone wave over his way.
“Hi!” Ronnie smiled and waved at the older man. 
“Hey!” Big Joey laughed in surprise. “Hello, babe! What’re you doing here?” He asked her as Ronnie stood up and made her way to meet him in the middle. 
“Well, you left your good hair at my apartment and I figured you’d need it for your meeting.” Ronnie explained as she went over to her purse and pulled out what looked to be a toupee and handed it to the man. 
“Thank you,” Big Joe said to her before everyone in the room fell into an uncomfortable silence. You and Chandler looked at each other to decide who broke the silence, and you shrugged to him deciding that he could have this one as you ran over to stand by him so you didn’t have to stand in the middle of the awkwardness. 
“So, who’s up for a game of Kerplunk?” Chandler offered, which made you laugh a little. It was just so random. 
“Look, I, uh...I shouldn’t have come.” Ronnie finally came out and said. “I better get going, I don’t want to miss the last train.” She started to gather her purse and the rest of her things, but Joey’s dad had another idea. 
“No, no, I don’t want you taking that thing this late.” He told her.
“Oh, where am I gonna stay? Here?” Ronnie asked him, like it was a ridiculous idea. Which she was right, it would have been very very weird. 
“Woah-ho.” Joey protested as he held the door open for her. 
“We’ll go to a hotel.” Big Joey offered his mistress another solution, but once she agreed and they tried to make their way out the door, Joey had his own plans. 
“No, you won’t.” Joey told them as he closed the door. 
“No, we won’t.” Ronnie announced to Joey’s dad. 
“If you go to a hotel you’ll be… doing stuff.” Joey insinuated. “I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.”
“You’re going to keep an eye on us?” Big Joe asked his son, almost like he was feeling insulted. Considering the thing that went on between his son and you. The thing with Ronnie should have been the least of his concerns. 
“That’s right mister, I don’t care how old you are.” Joey told him, to which you rolled your eyes at him. “As long as you’re under my roof, you live by my rules. And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.” You couldn’t believe Joey pulled that card that every parent loved to pull on their kids so they wouldn’t do something that the parent didn’t want the child to do. But in this case it was the parents turn. 
“Wow, he’s strict.” Ronnie somewhat joked to the man’s father. 
“Now, dad you’ll be in my room. Ronnie, you can stay in Chandler’s room.” Joey offered. That meant you, Joey, and Chandler would have to have another awkward conversation about who was sleeping where and why. You just weren’t sure where you were going to sleep just yet. But one thing was for certain, you were not sleeping on the floor. You lived with two men in their twenties. Who knew what was on that carpeting. 
“Come on, I’ll show you to my room.” Chandler offered to Ronnie as Joey Sr. started to make his way to his son’s room. “That sounds so weird when it’s not followed by “No, thanks. It’s late.” Chandler announced to you and Joey as Ronnie waved good night to Joey Sr. 
“Okay, now this is just for tonight. Tomorrow you gotta make a change.” Joey quickly grabbed his old man’s arm to have a last talk with him, before probably having a talk with you. “Six years is long enough.”
“What kind of change?” His father asked him with worry in his eye. 
“Either you break it off with Ronnie,” Joey started. 
“I can’t do that.” His dad pleaded. 
“Then you gotta come clean with Ma. This is not right.” Joey told him flat out that it was just not okay.
“But,” his dad started but that’s all he got out.
“I don’t wanna hear it. Now go to my room!” Joey told his dad, ending the conversation where he wanted to end it. He was done talking about his whole thing with his dad and Ronnie. With that Joey Sr. sauntered off to bed and Chandler came out of his room closing the door to give Ronnie and the three of you some privacy. 
“So, are you two sleeping on the pull out couch and I’ll sleep on the floor?” Chandler asked, not really thinking much of it. 
“Actually, I think you two should stay here and I’ll go stay at a hotel or something instead.” You told them, thinking that the idea to hide out in a hotel room didn’t sound so bad. 
“What? Why would you do that?” Chandler asked, to which you shrugged which wasn’t going to be enough for him. “Okay, that’s it. The both of you have been moping and not saying a word to each other the whole night. Are you guys fighting or something?”
“Wekindofbrokeupactually.” You mumbled as you rubbed the back of your neck.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you what was that?” Chandler asked, putting a hand to his ear pretending to try and hear you better.
“We broke up alright.” Joey told him for you. 
“What happened?” Chandler looked between the two of you. Joey’s hands on your crossed over your chest and your face looking at the floor, while Joey’s hands were on his hips while he avoided any kind of eye contact. 
“It just didn’t work out.” You told your brother honestly.
“Well, whether it worked out or not, I’m not letting you go to a hotel by yourself either.” Joey told you, making you roll your eyes at him. How dare he care about, you joked to yourself in anger. “I’ll go.”
“No, I said you two stay here so you two are staying here. I’ll just go ask Mon and Rach if I can sleep on their couch. I just need to sleep in not this apartment right now.” When everything was silent between the boys and the three of you looked at each other, you could tell that they were okay with it. “Okay, now that that’s settled, good night.” You plastered on as fake of a smile as you could and walked over to hug your brother, which he reciprocated. 
“Good night,” he smiled at you. Maybe it was for the best that you were sleeping over across the hall, it gave him the chance to talk to Joey about all of this. 
“Night, Joey.” You bid him as you quickly walked passed him, Joey could see you tense up as you barely even looked at him as you walked passed him to get to the door. As you walked out he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink into his stomach, he never meant to hurt your feelings. But maybe once you knew the real reason why he broke up with you, then the both of you could go back to being really great friends. 
You walked over to Rachel and Monica’s and knocked on the door as you felt tears coming up and a knot building in your throat. You just really needed your girlfriends right now. “Hey, what’s going on?” Monica asked you as she opened the door, Rachel stopped doing whatever she was doing when she saw you at the door with tears in your eyes.
“Joey and I broke up.” Was all you needed to say before you cover your face with your hands and let out a sob. The sobs became louder when you felt your friends safely and lovingly wrap their arms around you, bringing you into a big hug.
******
Joey and Chandler:
He couldn’t sleep, he just couldn’t sleep. He was worried about everything; his dad cheating on his mom, breaking up with you and you thinking that he didn’t love you, not having you sleep next to him, and above all else, trying to sleep in his underwear. Hey just kept tossing and turning, kicking his feet just to get comfortable. “Hey, kicky.” Chandler called Joey, trying to get him to stop moving. “What’re you doing?”
“Just trying to get comfortable. I can’t sleep in my underwear.” Joey complained.
“Well, you’re gonna,” Chandler told him flat out. You might have been into that, but he was not at all.
“I’ve been thinking. You know how I’m always seeing girls on top of girls?” Joey asked after he sat up in the bed, thinking about the relationships that he had been in. 
“Are they end to end or tall like pancakes?” Chandler joked as he sat up. 
“You know what I mean,” Joey told him, trying to get Chandler to be serious. “How I’m always going out with all these women. I always figured when the right one comes along I’d be able to be a stand-up guy and go the distance, you know? Now I’m looking at my dad, thinking…”
“You’re not him,” Chandler reassured him. “When they were all over you to go into your father’s pipe-fitting business, did you cave?”
“No,” Joey answered him. Not really sure where he was going with this. 
“No. You decided to go into the out of work actor business.” Chandler accurately joked with him. “And that wasn’t easy, but you did it. And I’d like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say, “no, thanks. I’m married.” Chandler honestly told Joey.
“You really think so?” Joey asked as he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to you and picturing you as his wife.
“Yeah, I really do.” Chandler said as he tapped him on the shoulder. “You're imagining Y/N as your wife aren’t you?” At first Chandler hated the idea of you and Joey but after seeing how well you cared for each other, he could see on Joey’s face that he already missed you.
“Yeah,” Joey admitted glumly. 
“Then why did you guys break up?” Chandler genuinely asked, hoping to know both sides, plus he was a little concerned when he clearly heard you crying in the hallway. 
“She broke up with me because she thinks that I don’t love her because I couldn’t say it in front of my dad.” Joey told him. 
“But you love her, don’t you?” Chandler wondered, after Joey’s dating streak he had to make sure you weren’t just another conquest.
“I love her more than any girl I’ve ever been with.” Joey told him honestly. “Hearing her crying in the hallway made me die inside. But I decided to end it with her because I want her to do all that she wanted to be and become who she wants to be. She just got to New York and I want her to find herself first.”
“Does she know this?” Chandler asked, not believing how much the dork next to him loved you, but Joey shook his head. “Then you better tell her, I don’t want to see her crying like she did today, and if she does… I’ll punch.” He tapered off with a weak threat. 
“Thanks, Chandler.” Joey fake swooned as he went to lay his head on Chandler’s shoulder. 
“Get off.” Chandler told him making Joey laugh to himself as he laid down on his side to finally get some sleep, so that he could actually be honest with you about what he wanted for you.
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