#feeling so goddamn unsafe around my F/Os kicked them all out of my head and I don’t know how to get them back

[frecklystars]

My Ryan character hyperfixation is completely gone, I don’t want to be online unless if I have something to blog about/self ship. So I’m gonna stay offline and hope it comes back, im gonna try to watch a few of his movies I haven’t seen yet or something. If it doesn’t work then uh. Oh well I just won’t come back until I have something or if I need to vent

Sorry I still haven’t checked my inbox/dms since April, I just am so fucking depressed/suicidal lately and now I feel worse without my hyperfixation to help me get through how stupid awful my cptsd has been. I am exhausted from crying and feeling so unsafe all the time and I have zero energy to socialize here even though it used to REALLY HELP when I would read F/O-related asks. But I don’t engage with the fandom here and I never read fics for personal reasons and I just. idk I just don’t. feel. anything whatsoever for my F/Os because they’ve been so poisoned. I haven’t celebrated a single F/O anniversary. I had all these plans to treat myself and I just don’t have the heart to do that.

If the hyperfixation doesn’t come back then idk if I’ll come back online or not. My queue is just full of hyperfixation-related content and I don’t see a point in being here scrolling through it when it makes me feel nothing, it just hurts to look at.