#feeling nervous but anyway I post my curved doodles

[the-meeks]

[arigathanksgozaimuch]

head to toe | lee taeyong.

genre: ten pounds of fluff. slightly suggestive?  character/s: taeyong x reader.  overview: you love each other from head to toe. literally. word count: 2971.

13. "Sorry I'm late." 28. "Drive safely." 99. "Be careful."

A IS FOR:

ankle

“C’mere.”

Taeyong’s voice pulls you out of your concentration. You look up from your laptop screen and scan the entire room until your eyes finally land on his figure. Calm and quiet, he’s sitting in front of his easel where a blank canvas is placed. Sunday nights mean the both of you catching up with the work you’ve put off over the weekend – you with your Film App paper, and him with his commissioned portrait.  

You stand up, dragging your chair with you to where he was. He hooks an arm around your ankles and lift them up to his lap. Being able to touch you and feel you near brings him a deep sense of comfort. And only then is he able to start his own work.

B IS FOR:

belly

You sit on the sofa and let out a loud sigh of relief. Nothing beats having a boyfriend who can cook – and cook deliciously, mind you. Taeyong wears a smug look on his face as he watches you. "Full?"

Still in the last few moments of food coma, you could only nod. And then, when his gaze is back on the TV, you pull your shirt up just enough to uncover your belly and take Taeyong's hand. He immediately glances at you as soon as his palm rests on the soft skin of your stomach.

"You feel this?" you ask. "It's our food baby."

He snorts. "Wow, what's its name?"

"Chicken-stir-fry Lee."

"I swear to God you're the weirdest thing ever," he says. But he squeezes your waist and pulls you into his side, anyway.

back

Irritated Doyoung is in the middle of his speech when a hand lands on the small of your back. "What did I miss?" Taeyong asks, stealing the glass of champagne from your hands and taking a sip himself.

"Not much." You see Doyoung catching sight of Taeyong, the supposedly man of the hour, amidst the crowd and grimacing. "Just your opening speech, is all."

The man beside you snickers. "He handled it well, anyhow."

"But I was anticipating seeing you talk about your work."

He looks at you from the corner of his eye and frowns. "I’m sorry I'm late."

You want to snap back at him but you don't have a chance to, because Doyoung is already marching over to where you and Taeyong were standing. He then thrusts the wireless microphone onto your boyfriend’s chest and drag him to the spotlight, much to your delight and Taeyong’s dismay.

C IS FOR:

chest

There is a certain kind of security to be felt when you’re caged in between Taeyong’s arms and your legs are all tangled up. You feel like everything can go wrong – you can fail your exam, get sick with the flu for days, lose all your hair, and even misplace your lucky pen – but still feel happy and content. Because nothing can make you unhappy. Not here. Not when you’re safely tucked under his chin and pressed oh so warmly against his chest.

E IS FOR:

eyebrow

“What happened to his eyebrows?” Taeyong’s sister asks you as you bond over cups of coffee. She chances upon her brother’s latest profile picture and tsks in disapproval at the sight of him with one of his eyebrows partly shaved.

You shrug. “I’m the one supposed to know him the best, but even I don’t know what goes through his head sometimes.”

“There, there,” she cooes. “He’s a lot to handle, isn’t he?”

“I’m just at that point where I’m glad his fingers and toes are still complete.”

You and his sister sigh in unison.

H IS FOR:

hand

Taeyong holds your hand tightly after he sits you down on the couch. His hands are hot and sweaty against yours.

"What's wrong?"

He sighs, avoiding your gaze. "I've been hiding something from you."

"What is it?" Immediately, you are on full alert. Whatever he's going to say, you already know it's not good. You begin to anticipate something bad, like he's killed someone and now he needs help hiding the body; something worse, like he's going to use you for his upcoming exhibit; the worst, like he's going to break up with you.

"I have chicks," he says, eyes quickly searching yours for a response. He doesn't know what he sees there. Disappointment? Betrayal? Fury?

"You mean... you've been cheating?"

"What?" Your boyfriend shifts in his seat more comfortably. "No! I meant chicks, as in baby chickens. I just didn't want to tell you because you said you didn't want pets, and they're not pets! I'm just keeping them for inspiration for my new exhibit." He picks at your fingernails as he spoke, fidgeting with your hands out of nervousness.

You exhale the breath you don't realize you've been holding. If you didn't love this guy, you probably would have punched him. He sometimes makes you nervous and panicky for no reason. "Okay. Okay, that's fine."

He clutches your hands to his chest as he too sighs in relief. "Okay, good."

"How did you bring them here without me noticing?"

"Oh, that was easy. I bought them as eggs and then incubated them under our bed. I kept a daily log of them in my phone and not in a notebook so you wouldn't be able to see. Everyday, when you leave, I check up on them and cuddle them one by one like a mother hen. And then, after weeks and weeks of just pure love and warmth, they started hatching. So now, I've eight baby chicks."

"Did you just say you incubated them under our bed?"

"Uh-huh."

"For weeks and weeks?"

"Yep."

"And now that they've hatched, where do you keep them, exactly?"

"Oh! The pet store where I bought them from said to put them somewhere with soil and proper ventilation, so I put them on your mini garden."

"Lee Taeyong!"

hair

"The hell is this?"

You grab a handful of your boyfriend's hair and frown. Taeyong being an artist has its fair share of crazies. But having been with him for years has made you immune to them, so seeing him now with electric blue hair isn't as surprising as his old "experiments". But seeing Yuta and Johnny with red and green hair respectively is nothing short of shocking.

"What, you like it?" Yuta asks, his bangs covering his eyes as he blowdries his hair.

"It's like a powerpuff convention I wasn't invited in."

"See, I told you she'd hate it." Johnny elbows Taeyong against the rib.

"Shut up, Buttercup."

J IS FOR:

jaw

“Yes, give it to me, baby!”

Your arms and legs are starting to hurt from the awkward positions you put yourself into, but the smile it brings to your boyfriend’s face makes it all worth it.

“Okay, I think that’s enough pictures, [Y/N],” Taeyong says as he walks towards you. He’s beginning to think that asking you to take his picture for his Facebook profile is a bad idea. You do have a slight tendency to go overboard. Because even as he’s fast approaching you, you still manage to capture him in a candid shot or two. He quickly removes the strap from your wrist and manages, with great difficulty, to retrieve the camera from your grip.

“Not yet, just a few more!” You let out a whine in protest, almost shoving the camera lens in his face to give him a lot of pictures to choose from. “Whoa, look at that jawline,” you exclaim to distract him, knowing full well that he takes so much pride in what he considers to be his best asset. “What a killer.”

Later on, he’s posting one as his new profile photo. Before he could even finish uploading it, Taeyong tosses you your own phone so you could be the first person to like it.

L IS FOR:

lips

You know you’re in for a wild night when your boyfriend wears his clip-on lip ring, with Taeyong knowing full well how the small piece of accessory makes you feel all sorts of things.

N IS FOR:

neck

"I don't see how–"

Taeyong shushes you before you could finish your sentence. "You won't be able to see it if you keep talking. Be quiet and just stare at it."

You do as you're told, but after a minute or so, you complain once again. "I still can't–"

"Any second now."

You purse your lips and swallow the complaints that bubble up your throat. Instead, you take a deep breath and really concentrate on the canvas that was in front of you. Besides the weird splash of colors that seemed unorganized and accidental, you focus on the black lines that curve fluidly across the plane. And just like that, it hits you.

"It's a bunny!" you exclaim, straightening your posture at the same time. Taeyong has insisted you look at the picture with your head tilted at exactly 45 degrees. Now your neck just hurts and you let out an involuntary yelp.

"Good job, baby," he praises, dropping a quick kiss on your forehead. He puts the canvas away and places a new one in front of you. "Now, this one you have to look at from the back like you're walking away and someone from behind you suddenly calls your name..."

"Taeyong!"

P IS FOR:

palm

You rest your chin over your palm as you watch Taeyong dote on Jisung, his latest intern.

“Why are you being so mean to him? It’s his first day,” you complain as soon as he leaves the intern to do his assigned task and goes to you. “On my first day here, I didn’t even do much.”

“Yeah, well, I was faking being strict on you because I liked you. But now, I have to be really strict,” he says in defense.

“Because you might end up liking the new interns too?”

He shakes his head and steals a peck from your lips. “Nope. I’m actually a very strict and uptight person. I’m just nice to you because I’m whipped.”

You laugh at his strange attempts at flirting. And you don’t understand if you find it funny because his advances come off as awkward or because no matter how strange it seems, his flirting still manages to make your heart flutter. “You drive me nuts, seriously.”

“I may drive you nuts, but at least I drive safely.” And then Taeyong winks with both of his eyes.

S IS FOR:

shoulder

Scrolling through Instagram on his phone, Taeyong drops his head on your lap. “Hey, you think my doodles are pretty, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“How come you never thought of having it tattooed on you?”

You frown. “Because it’s permanent?”

The word makes Taeyong sit up. “And we’re not?”

“Nope.”

Now it’s his turn to frown. He mulls over something for a while before speaking again. “Then let’s be permanent.”

“Like married?”

“Yeah,” he says, a small smile gracing his lips at the thought. “Like married.”

You shrug, feigning nonchalance, when inwardly you were screaming. “Fine.”

“Fine,” Taeyong repeats. “I want my fleur de lis drawing inked on your shoulder.” As he spoke, he grabs ahold of the collar of your shirt and drags it sideways to expose more skin. And then he marks the spot where he wants you tattooed by leaving open-mouthed kisses on your skin.

T IS FOR:

tooth

Besides his genuine macabre style of painting, Taeyong is also known for his rather strange exhibitions.

“Are those—”

“Yes,” he cuts you off, urging you to move on to the rest of the artworks on the first day of your internship. But you choose to stand still and stare at the teeth scattered behind the glass display.

“Are they real?”

“Yes. Have you read the description?”

Your eyes dart away from the teeth and briefly shift to the justified paragraph printed on clean white paper just at the bottom of the display, but you don’t bother reading.

“Are they yours?”

Taeyong sighs. “Of course not. You know where I got them?”

“Where?”

“I pulled them out from the mouth of interns who ask too many questions.”

You don’t speak a word for the rest of your mini tour.

toes

“You call yourself an artist with this kind of work?”

You groan, taking the brush from your boyfriend’s grip. Sitting up, you fold your right knee up to your chest to inspect your foot. And, just as you expected, Taeyong has smudged the nail polish all over your toes.

“Well, I’m sorry the wand is too small!”

“Ugh.” You snatch the bottle from the table and work on your nails yourself. “I’m painting your toes in the same way you did mine and then we’ll see how you like it.”

tongue

Doyoung makes his usual round of the exhibit just before closing time. As usual on a Friday night, there are still several students taking notes, connoisseurs basking in the different sights, and just random visitors taking pictures. Nothing is out of place, he thinks, but he could only sigh when he catches sight of you and Taeyong by the corner. If he had a dollar for every time he catches the two of you with your tongues down each other’s throats, he would have been able to purchase an original Van Gogh by now.

thigh

Love means compromise. So on days you really need a dose of your boyfriend’s cuddles, he lets you sit on his thigh and hugs you with his left arm while working on a sketch with his other.

W IS FOR:

waist

“You nervous?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be with you the whole time, I promise,” Taeyong reassures with a smile. His hands find purchase in your waist before his fingers find each other and interlock behind you, keeping them in place. “Now, take a deep breath for me.”

You do as you’re told and exhale after a few seconds. His words don’t completely quell the nervousness within you, but they manage to calm you down a little. You’re now beginning to regret agreeing to holding your first exhibition in your boyfriend’s own place. But you realize it’s too late to back out now, because Taeyong is already ushering you towards the crowd. You see your family and friends, who all congratulate you for a job well done. You catch sight of your professors, whom you avoid on purpose for fear of a long, intellectual discussion about art theory. You also get to meet fellow artists, most of whom were invited by Taeyong himself.

Somewhere along the way, you lose your boyfriend in the crowd, but you let him be, not wanting to disappoint your guests by sticking to Taeyong’s side the entire time. However, when the crowd thins and your social skills get drained, you look for him first. And it isn’t that hard to look for a red-haired boy in a sea of brunettes.

As soon as you appear in front of him, he says, “I’m proud of you,” as if he has been practicing all night to say it and now that he has the chance to blurt it out, he does. You squeeze his hand and smile. After all, despite the countless criticisms and comments you’ve heard all night, Taeyong’s approval is the only thing that mattered.

wrist

Being an intern for Taeyong – the Lee Taeyong – is taking up all your patience, to say the least. Sure, you have been offered an internship by other artists, but Taeyong's studio was the nearest to where you live. Traveling back and forth daily for an ordinary university student like you is taxing and costly, so you decided to choose him over others. You're starting to rethink that decision now.

"Be careful!" he shouts at you for the hundredth time today. "That's an authentic Rothko you're holding, not some poster from a souvenir shop.”

You roll your eyes. Usually, it’s Doyoung, his curator and closest friend, who gives you tasks and assigns you work to do, but he has flown out of the country since the weekend, leaving you under the wing of the devil himself. Taeyong’s first job assignment for you is to clean up his studio. You think of it lightly at first, but later on realize he hasn’t cleaned the place ever since he has turned it into his workplace. Media of various kinds cling to his floor and easel like glue (you found some kind of blood-like substance that you didn’t bother asking about), and it has taken you almost three whole days to scrub them off completely.

Now he’s making you move all the paintings from his exhibition area to the storage room for some reason he isn’t telling you. As carefully as you can, you attempt to lift the painting higher as per your boss’ instruction. But with the day’s worth of carrying and transferring finally catching up to you, you stumble back, the painting in your hands becoming dangerously close to being damaged. So Taeyong comes to your rescue, catching your wrist just in time.

But this isn’t like what you see in romance movies or John Green novels where boy catches girl and they stare into each other’s eyes until they fall in love. Because Taeyong takes No. 15 from your grip and brings it to storage himself. The painting is saved, but you never hear the last of it, because he scolds and nags your ears off and leaves you standing in the middle of his studio feeling like the worst intern ever. You cry about it to Doyoung over the phone, but he still says he ships the two of you together.

“Oh, please.” You scoff. “I will never fall in love with someone like him.”

But boy are you wrong.

Send me an idol and a number!

Masterlist

[ssauronn]

personal art rant below the cut \o7

long ass rant post TLDR im mad about a non issue and my brain sucks sometimes

i swear. i SWEAR

im.. sleepy angry

blowing th hell up at unsolicited critique that rly wasn’t insulting but i’m frustrated because i’m fucking inspired to make ANYTHING for the first time in such a long fucking time and the thought of having dumb tiny garbage stuck in my head stagnating me with this piece makes me want to throw my phone across the room and shriek into a pillow until i pass out. just please i didn’t need nitpicky shit i could have done with an “ok yeah looks cool bro” and ik im flipping the hell out over nothing, but i have a lot of brain worms and if i fixate on them then i will literally never be able to create anything and i’ll wither away with nothing to my name and i’m simply upset that i even have to think about it!!! here i am again in a vicious cycle

im so fucking sick of trying to make shit perfect i fucking swear if it doesnt look off immediately i literally don’t fucking care

i appreciate where the critiique comes from but i simply did not ask for nitpicky bullshit. it’s very small and unnecessary and i’m fucking sick of not ever producing anything because of stupid perfectionist shit. i’m really trying to affirm myself that i am okay and everything i’ve worked on for this fucking piece i was? am? happy with so far that literally no one is going to scrutinize that hard. i don’t need to fucking add more to the laundry list of problems i had already figured out myself to please anybody, because it straight up will not fucking matter. it genuinely doesn’t contribute to the feeling of it. it’s definitely not supposed to be perfect and damn, i don’t even know if it’s good at all but holy fuck

like sorry to be that bitch that can’t take crit or whatever but it literally. it literally isn’t even anything, it’s one tiny thing that will objectively only serve to slow me down in finishing and not add to the piece overall.

the thought that one day I will be dead and not having put out something because ONE curve got picked out and made me stall and stall until i got bored of the piece for trying to fix a non issue is making my blood boil

it’s why i dont fucking post! i’m tired physically and spiritually and i don’t care!!! i don’t fucking care!!!!!! let me make shit and let it be bad!!! fuck it all. fuck it all

anyway it wasn’t insulting or anything, rather i’m tired of getting 1000000 pieces of pointless tiny bullshit stuck in my head while creating for no fucking reason, and i can think of a ton of reasons why i don’t actually have to take this non-critique into consideration, and i absolutely do not owe it to anyone to make the alteration! and like. to hear it from a person with the same issue is making me more sure that i just don’t have to do it. no one’s requiring shit from me and the only person that needs to be happy with it is me. i want to use the image i am creating and i goddamn will until i think it looks shitty.

i fucking wish i didn’t fixate on the one negative thing that makes me fucking nervous to keep going. it doesn’t make any goddamn sense to do and i know i should just be able to make the thought go away but goddamn. no fucking beta viewers for non professional endeavors ever again, i’m only using my own eyeballs. if sharing any of my shit was my raised-by-narcissist-borne compelled to overshare trait jumping out, well ig i’ll keep everything even closer to my chest lmao. if i didn’t ask, then i didn’t ask.

i think that’s it and i would like to turn off the emotion spigot to go back to my silly little self indulgent doodles

but yeah i’ve been making things and feeling the fun of it. it’s wild and i don’t want anyone getting in the way of my healing or trying to help myself. it’s better to end on that note i think

[dragon-temeraire]

Hot Docent

Summary: Stiles usually doesn’t have any trouble concentrating on drawing when he’s at the museum, but lately he’s been very distracted by someone with a wonderful voice and a perfect jawline.

Notes: Written for the museum AU on this post. (On AO3)

The Beacon Hills Art Museum isn’t the greatest, no. But it’s free for college students and always peaceful and quiet, so Stiles shows up pretty often anyway.

The museum has recently put several new pieces on display, which is great for Stiles because it gives him new things to sketch, but it also sucks, because now there’s a bunch of other people showing up to look at them. Noisy, distracting people.

Usually the tours only happen every few hours, because visitors so rarely want to go on one, but today it feels like they’re happening every twenty minutes. Often enough to keep him from concentrating on his drawing, anyway.

He’s been pointedly trying to tune out the tour guides’ rote speeches every time they come through the wing he’s in, but this time he can’t quite do it. There’s something about this docent’s voice—it’s warm and pleasant, and unlike some of the other docents, he doesn’t sound bored.

Stiles lifts his pencil from the paper, intrigued. He’s facing away from the group, so his mind has already conjured up an image of what the lovely-voice docent looks like. But when he casually turns around to have a look, he finds that he’s very wrong.

He’s wildly torn between the descriptors handsome and beautiful, and he can’t help but stare as the docent explains the significance of the painting hanging behind him. The entire tour group is giving him their full attention, and Stiles completely understands why.

He finds himself longing to draw Ridiculously Hot Docent, even though his usual subject matter is stuff like robots and mythical creatures.

He knows he’d never be able to capture that handsome-beauty on paper, anyway.

He’s more than a little disappointed when RHD leads his group away, and Stiles tries to listen to him as long as he can.

 *

 When Stiles visits the museum the next week, he’s delighted to see that Hot Docent is there again. He’s is tempted to join his tour group, just for kicks, but he has his sketchbook and an assignment that’s due in a couple of days, so he has to get to work.

He does take a little break when Hot Docent leads a tour through, passionately describing different eras of art history, and after he’s gone, Stiles finds himself idly sketching his perfect jawline and stubble. When he realizes what he’s doing, he rolls his eyes at himself and scribbles over it.

 *

 The popularity of the new exhibit must be waning, because there’s no tour group to disturb him the next week. He gets to spend hours drawing the bronze tiger statue in the east wing with absolutely no distractions.

He tries to pretend he’s not disappointed.

 *

 When there’s no appearance of Hot Docent the next week, Stiles goes looking for him. He roams through both main wings, and even goes out to the small relaxation garden, with its fancifully shaped topiaries. He makes a couple of quick sketches while he’s there, but then he continues his search.

He swings by the entry desk, and even checks the children’s arts and crafts room. There’s a lot of tiny masterpieces on the wall, but no docents at all. Stiles sits down in one of the tiny chairs and doodles a happy little robot on a scrap of paper, and he sticks it to the cup of pencils and markers before he goes.

 *

 Stiles is considering changing his usual museum day. Sure, he’s been super productive these last few weeks, but he at least wanted a chance to talk to (and probably get shot down by) Hot Docent.

Or, at the very least, find out his actual name.

Stiles can only guess that he either moved on from his museum job, or he got a shift on a different day. He’s really hoping it’s the latter, because otherwise he’ll probably never see him again.

He considers asking at the front desk, but going up and saying “do you know when the hot guy with the perfect stubble and the amazing voice works?” would be pretty weird. He has a couple of friends that work non-docent jobs at the museum, and he considers asking them too, but they’d know right away that it was another one of his hopeless crushes.

Stiles tries to push the Hot Docent issue to the back of his mind, and focus on the tree he’s sketching instead. It has a smooth, flowing texture in the painting, and Stiles can’t quite capture it, no matter how hard he tries.

He’s putting in some light shading, hoping that helps, when he hears footsteps approaching. “Hey, that’s really good,” says a very familiar voice.

Stiles turns, and there, taking a seat on the bench next to him, is Hot Docent. Or maybe just Hot Guy, because he’s in his regular clothes, not the museum uniform. He somehow looks even better than he did a few weeks ago, which is completely unfair.

Stiles swallows, trying to find his voice. “Not as good as that,” he says, nodding toward the painting. It’s better than staring awkwardly.

“You’re trying to get that movement, huh?” he says perceptively. “I’ve always found this work very soothing because of that implied motion.”

“Do you talk about it on your tours, then?” Stiles says, glancing at him curiously.

“Sometimes. Depends on how well we’re moving along. Our guided tours aren’t supposed to be longer than an hour, so sometimes you have to skip things,” he explains.

Stiles nods. “But no tours from you today, I’m guessing?”

“No,” he says, smiling. “I had to cover some shifts on Wednesday because of how well-received the exhibit was, but I’m back to my usual Tuesdays.”

“The number of people that showed up surprised me, too,” Stiles says. “And I’m Stiles, by the way,” he says, because he feels like they’re more than due for an introduction.

“Stiles Stilinski, right?” he says, nodding, and Stiles’ raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“Um, yeah?” he confirms, wondering if he should be worried.

“Some of my co-workers kind of consider you a fixture here,” he explains. “So I’ve heard about you. And I’m Derek Hale,” he adds with a smile.

Stiles grins. “I’m guessing one of the people who told you about me was Allison.” He’s been friends with her for years, after they met in French Art History class, and they stayed in contact even after she graduated from college.

“Yeah. I asked her about the cute little robot drawing in the craft room, and she immediately knew it was yours,” Derek says.

“Well, of course. She’s always been a fan of my art, she has very discerning taste,” Stiles jokes.

“She does,” Derek says, completely genuine. “She says you come here to draw every week.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Stiles says, shrugging. “Who better to learn from than the people good enough to show up in a museum?”

“I suppose that’s true,” Derek says. “If showing up in a museum is your end goal.”

Stiles laughs. “Ah, I’m still trying to figure that out. Here, have a look at this,” he says, flipping to the drawing of the tiger statue he did last week.

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Derek says, gently taking the sketchbook out of Stiles’ hands and peering at it closely. “You made it look better than it actually does.”

“Nah, I just gave it better lighting,” Stiles says, shrugging. “Thanks, though. I was proud of the way it turned out.”

Derek nods. “You should consider submitting something for the Local Artists Exhibit that’s coming up.”

“Oh, I have just the thing,” Stiles snorts, flipping to a different page. He’d spent hours sketching one of the gallery’s layouts, because he’d been so taken with it—it had featured a series of paintings of the ocean, and they’d been arranged on the wall in a flowing wave pattern, drawing the eye smoothly from start to finish.

Derek’s eyes widen when he sees it. “You liked that, huh?”

“Yeah,” Stiles says excitedly, because no one ever seems to appreciate the artistic ways some exhibits are displayed. “It was really captivating, and it gave extra power to the ocean imagery, making all the works feel connected even though they were from different artists. And it caught the eye way more than the usual row of paintings hung at the same height.”

Derek smiles then. “It was my idea to arrange them like that, so it’s good to know someone appreciated it.”

“It was awesome,” Stiles says, and doesn’t miss the pink on Derek’s cheeks. “I went in there all the time while that exhibit was up.”

“I helped display paintings at The Gallery on Fifth before I came here, so I’ve had some practice,” Derek says, still looking a little embarrassed. “Well, Allison told me not to bother you too much, so I better get going.”

“Wait, you’re not bothering me—” Stiles tries, but Derek is already gone. He sighs and flips the sketchbook closed.

He’s done for the day anyway.

There’s no way he can concentrate on his art now, not after seeing Derek smile and blush like that.

 *

 Stiles definitely considers showing up on Tuesday instead, since Derek mentioned that was the day he worked, but decides that might be too weird. Besides, Lydia has told him numerous times that people don’t usually want to be hit on while they’re working, so.

He ends up going on his usual Wednesday. It’s pretty much completely empty, and Stiles figures that’s because most of the other college students who come here are holed up in the library, studying for their midterms. Stiles has managed to stay on top of things this semester, so he doesn’t feel the need to cram.

Instead he begins to sketch a painting of a dove, marveling at the way the artist managed to make it look kind and gentle. It’s in the eye, Stiles is pretty sure.

He’s drawing the curve of a wing when he hears, “Hey,” and Derek sits down next to him, giving him a shy smile.

“I lost my nerve last time, so I’m just going to do it now,” he says determinedly, and Stiles sets his pencil down, giving Derek his full attention. “Would you—” he tries, then shakes his head. “Do you want to go to dinner with me? Or a movie? Or maybe—”

“Derek,” Stiles cuts in, halting his nervous ramble. “I would love to go on a date with you.”

“Really? I mean, okay,” Derek gets out, blushing a little. It’s adorable. “Yes, good. Tonight?”

“Yeah,” Stiles says easily, giving Derek a smile. “Dinner tonight sounds great.”

Derek smiles back, and Stiles feels his heart flutter pleasantly.

He has a feeling that Derek is going to end up in his sketchbook after all. There’s no way Stiles can resist drawing something as beautiful as that smile.  

[masterzii]

GameDev

I periodically get emails from indie devs who are just getting started. They're looking for advice. Sometimes, their questions are so relevant to the kinds of things that I'm currently thinking about that I end up typing way too much in response to them. Seems like a waste of typing for just one person's benefit. I post what I typed here, hoping that it will benefit multiple people.

In this case, the person was looking for advice based on specific games that weren't total failures, but didn't sell as well as they were hoping. They were thinking about giving up, getting a job, etc.

The games in question are here:

Pillar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z7AAJbMFeU)

The Path of Motus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXEjMuZmVww)

It's a little weird to make a public example out of someone, but it's hard to understand what I wrote without this context. And furthermore, I think this particular designer is doing something pretty cool, and above-and-beyond what I usually see from first-time designers that email me. So I feel okay elevating the profile if this work while also dissecting it at the same time.

To summarize the question with condensed quote:

I've come to the conclusion that maybe my games just aren't appealing to the mass amount of gamers. Both titles are really strange conceptually... but then I see your games do very well and I feel that debunks my theory as your games also stand out conceptually. I also feel I've made a mistake in taking too long on my games. Perhaps I need to churn out games faster and work on building up more of a following. I'd appreciate hearing any thoughts or advice you have. What do you think helped your games have financial success?

Here's what I wrote in response:

Well, Step #1 is email me so that I watch your Pillar trailer and have my mind kinda blown by the vibe that it's giving me. :-)

Really complicated and haunting feeling. Reminds me of the feeling that I got years ago from "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream."

Next step is read this Reddit post of mine:

https://www.reddit.com/r/gamedev/comments/7wnud8/note_i_didnt_make_any_money_until_game_14_if/

And gird your loins to keep failing and not give up yet.

That said, when I look at these games, I'm not at all shocked that they're not selling well. I can't put my finger on it.... but there's something about the presentation that feels a tad amateurish. I think part of it may be that you're overshooting your abilities in terms of content creation/animation/etc. You're trying for a "pro" polished look, but falling short. I mean, these games don't look as put-together as Braid, for example, but they're clearly shooting for something like that. Whereas, The Castle Doctrine achieves a cohesive "nu low-fi" look, and no one would try to compare the look to Braid.

I'm too close to One Hour One Life to judge it properly (I absolutely LOVE the way that it looks), but I think that other people describe it's look as "charming". Somehow, these simple cartoons "work" and are seen as cute. Again, the low aim disarms people a bit. It's not pixel art.... but it's like the hand-drawn equivalent of that. Doodles. My first non-pixel-art game in like a decade, but I somehow hit a different kind of sweet spot.

So that's the look component of it. The Pillar look is actually the better of the two. The only thing that feels slightly off on that one is the walking animations, but it almost works anyway.

Next: WTF are we doing in these games?

Weird new games need to be CRYSTAL CLEAR about how they are innovative. The trailers need to get people's gears turning, and make them understand exactly why they've never played a game like this before.

Take a look at the The Castle Doctrine trailer or the One Hour One Life trailer. After watching those, you really have a deep understanding of how these games work (the trailer is almost like a tutorial), and you can clearly see why there has never been a game like this before.

And that may be another canary in the coal mine moment for you. Even if your trailer did explain it better, would the core "what people are doing in the game" part be mind-blowing enough to even be included in the trailer?

"A game where you build security systems and then try to break through security systems designed by other people"

"A game where you're born as a helpless baby to another player as your mother, and you live an entire life in one hour"

Pretty much everyone I've ever told those elevator pitches to (even non-gamers) was instantly intrigued.

I often wait until I have that kind of idea before making my next game. A "Holy crap!" idea. An idea that is so obvious and perfect that I rush too Google, hoping that no one else has thought of it yet. An idea that will make everyone else say, "Why didn't I think of that?"

In the case of The Castle Doctrine, I had at least 5 designer friends of mine sheepishly admitted to me that they had been working on exactly the same game. So I was right to be nervous about someone else doing it first. Then I saw the movie The Purge. A lot of people were thinking along the same lines around that time....

And if you have that kind of idea, it's easier to communicate that in the trailer and get people really excited about it.

Finally: Value proposition

When people decide to plunk money down for a game, they are generally doing one of two things:

They are so overwhelmed by the emotions stirred up by the very idea of your game that it's an impulse buy. Games with extremely evocative visual styles can often pull this off. The Last Night is a great forthcoming example of this. It will make enough people scream HERE DAMMIT TAKE MY MONEY that it will sell well no matter what. Hyper Light Drifter is another. These are first-week games. These games are like Levitron Tops. The idea of a floating top on your coffee table is enough.

They conduct a careful research project about your game, and the math works out to them. This is a deep game that they could get into for a long time and reap many weeks/months/years of enjoyment out of. They kick the tires, pinch the fabric between their fingers, heft the thing in their hands.... yes, this is gonna be worth $20. These games are like backpacks. You spend some time finding just the right one. You're going to be wearing it on your back for a while. (Monkey-on-my-back metaphor is not lost on me here.)

Single-player games usually have to rely on #1 to sell well. There are a few exceptions---usually some kind of endless building games where what the player does is up to them (Stardew Valley, Factorio, Subnautica), or steep-curve rogue-likes (Spelunky, Nuclear Throne). Emergence and long-term replayability is key, either way.

Sadly, as a result, I think single-player games are kindof a dying breed in the modern ecosystem. We're not going to see many Braid or Fez type success stories these days. And the few that do succeed will do so on raw emotion alone (pure #1). But the road is currently littered with big-budget single-player indie failures that totally would have been successful five years ago. Also, we must keep in mind that even Braid- or Gone Home-level success is small potatoes next to Stardew Valley or Factorio.

Thus, I'm skeptical of the indie apocalypse. People are just generally playing different types of indie games now than they were before. The old guard is experiencing system-shock when their short, consumable, single-player games aren't selling like they used to, and first-time indie devs are experiencing the same thing for the same reasons (because first games are almost always short, consumable, single-player games). But indie games are making way more money now than they ever have made.

So, if you're making this kind of game.... you REALLY better be sure that you're punching #1 square in its impulse-buying heart. If your game's initial impression gives people pause, it's already over.

But it's much more viable to target #2.

Many people played The Castle Doctrine every day for 11 months straight. Many people have played One Hour One Life 900 hours over the past seven months. Can your game do that? If so, then it can fit into the #2 ecosystem.

These games are NOT first-week games. These are the types of games that have their biggest week a year after launch, when people collectively realize just how deep the value proposition of the game really is.

Multiplayer is the easiest way forward. But there are also single-player paths here, as mentioned above. But my first "hit" game (14 games in, Sleep is Death) just happened to be a multiplayer game....

Even so, you still have to have a tiny bit of #1 in there to get people intrigued enough in the first place that they conduct the research project and find the value proposition. But it doesn't have to punch them in the heart. It can also tickle their brain conceptually. If they walk away from the trailer musing about the game, that's the seed that will grown into a research project where they will eventually decide to buy it.

But most importantly, you're only two games in. You have a lot of learning to do, and you will keep getting better and better at designing and making and selling games. Go back and look at my second game, and imagine if I had given up there.

[masterzii]

"My Games Didn't Sell Well" --- Here's my advice for you.

I periodically get emails from indie devs who are just getting started. They're looking for advice. Sometimes, their questions are so relevant to the kinds of things that I'm currently thinking about that I end up typing way too much in response to them. Seems like a waste of typing for just one person's benefit. I post what I typed here, hoping that it will benefit multiple people.

In this case, the person was looking for advice based on specific games that weren't total failures, but didn't sell as well as they were hoping. They were thinking about giving up, getting a job, etc.

The games in question are here:

Pillar (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z7AAJbMFeU)

The Path of Motus (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXEjMuZmVww)

It's a little weird to make a public example out of someone, but it's hard to understand what I wrote without this context. And furthermore, I think this particular designer is doing something pretty cool, and above-and-beyond what I usually see from first-time designers that email me. So I feel okay elevating the profile if this work while also dissecting it at the same time.

To summarize the question with condensed quote:

I've come to the conclusion that maybe my games just aren't appealing to the mass amount of gamers. Both titles are really strange conceptually... but then I see your games do very well and I feel that debunks my theory as your games also stand out conceptually. I also feel I've made a mistake in taking too long on my games. Perhaps I need to churn out games faster and work on building up more of a following. I'd appreciate hearing any thoughts or advice you have. What do you think helped your games have financial success?

Here's what I wrote in response:

Well, Step #1 is email me so that I watch your Pillar trailer and have my mind kinda blown by the vibe that it's giving me. :-)

Really complicated and haunting feeling. Reminds me of the feeling that I got years ago from "I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream."

Next step is read this Reddit post of mine:

https://www.reddit.com/r/gamedev/comments/7wnud8/note_i_didnt_make_any_money_until_game_14_if/

And gird your loins to keep failing and not give up yet.

That said, when I look at these games, I'm not at all shocked that they're not selling well. I can't put my finger on it.... but there's something about the presentation that feels a tad amateurish. I think part of it may be that you're overshooting your abilities in terms of content creation/animation/etc. You're trying for a "pro" polished look, but falling short. I mean, these games don't look as put-together as Braid, for example, but they're clearly shooting for something like that. Whereas, The Castle Doctrine achieves a cohesive "nu low-fi" look, and no one would try to compare the look to Braid.

I'm too close to One Hour One Life to judge it properly (I absolutely LOVE the way that it looks), but I think that other people describe it's look as "charming". Somehow, these simple cartoons "work" and are seen as cute. Again, the low aim disarms people a bit. It's not pixel art.... but it's like the hand-drawn equivalent of that. Doodles. My first non-pixel-art game in like a decade, but I somehow hit a different kind of sweet spot.

So that's the look component of it. The Pillar look is actually the better of the two. The only thing that feels slightly off on that one is the walking animations, but it almost works anyway.

Next: WTF are we doing in these games?

Weird new games need to be CRYSTAL CLEAR about how they are innovative. The trailers need to get people's gears turning, and make them understand exactly why they've never played a game like this before.

Take a look at the The Castle Doctrine trailer or the One Hour One Life trailer. After watching those, you really have a deep understanding of how these games work (the trailer is almost like a tutorial), and you can clearly see why there has never been a game like this before.

And that may be another canary in the coal mine moment for you. Even if your trailer did explain it better, would the core "what people are doing in the game" part be mind-blowing enough to even be included in the trailer?

"A game where you build security systems and then try to break through security systems designed by other people"

"A game where you're born as a helpless baby to another player as your mother, and you live an entire life in one hour"

Pretty much everyone I've ever told those elevator pitches to (even non-gamers) was instantly intrigued.

I often wait until I have that kind of idea before making my next game. A "Holy crap!" idea. An idea that is so obvious and perfect that I rush too Google, hoping that no one else has thought of it yet. An idea that will make everyone else say, "Why didn't I think of that?"

In the case of The Castle Doctrine, I had at least 5 designer friends of mine sheepishly admitted to me that they had been working on exactly the same game. So I was right to be nervous about someone else doing it first. Then I saw the movie The Purge. A lot of people were thinking along the same lines around that time....

And if you have that kind of idea, it's easier to communicate that in the trailer and get people really excited about it.

Finally: Value proposition

When people decide to plunk money down for a game, they are generally doing one of two things:

They are so overwhelmed by the emotions stirred up by the very idea of your game that it's an impulse buy. Games with extremely evocative visual styles can often pull this off. The Last Night is a great forthcoming example of this. It will make enough people scream HERE DAMMIT TAKE MY MONEY that it will sell well no matter what. Hyper Light Drifter is another. These are first-week games. These games are like Levitron Tops. The idea of a floating top on your coffee table is enough.

They conduct a careful research project about your game, and the math works out to them. This is a deep game that they could get into for a long time and reap many weeks/months/years of enjoyment out of. They kick the tires, pinch the fabric between their fingers, heft the thing in their hands.... yes, this is gonna be worth $20. These games are like backpacks. You spend some time finding just the right one. You're going to be wearing it on your back for a while. (Monkey-on-my-back metaphor is not lost on me here.)

Single-player games usually have to rely on #1 to sell well. There are a few exceptions---usually some kind of endless building games where what the player does is up to them (Stardew Valley, Factorio, Subnautica), or steep-curve rogue-likes (Spelunky, Nuclear Throne). Emergence and long-term replayability is key, either way.

Sadly, as a result, I think single-player games are kindof a dying breed in the modern ecosystem. We're not going to see many Braid or Fez type success stories these days. And the few that do succeed will do so on raw emotion alone (pure #1). But the road is currently littered with big-budget single-player indie failures that totally would have been successful five years ago. Also, we must keep in mind that even Braid- or Gone Home-level success is small potatoes next to Stardew Valley or Factorio.

Thus, I'm skeptical of the indie apocalypse. People are just generally playing different types of indie games now than they were before. The old guard is experiencing system-shock when their short, consumable, single-player games aren't selling like they used to, and first-time indie devs are experiencing the same thing for the same reasons (because first games are almost always short, consumable, single-player games). But indie games are making way more money now than they ever have made.

So, if you're making this kind of game.... you REALLY better be sure that you're punching #1 square in its impulse-buying heart. If your game's initial impression gives people pause, it's already over.

But it's much more viable to target #2.

Many people played The Castle Doctrine every day for 11 months straight. Many people have played One Hour One Life 900 hours over the past seven months. Can your game do that? If so, then it can fit into the #2 ecosystem.

These games are NOT first-week games. These are the types of games that have their biggest week a year after launch, when people collectively realize just how deep the value proposition of the game really is.

Multiplayer is the easiest way forward. But there are also single-player paths here, as mentioned above. But my first "hit" game (14 games in, Sleep is Death) just happened to be a multiplayer game....

Even so, you still have to have a tiny bit of #1 in there to get people intrigued enough in the first place that they conduct the research project and find the value proposition. But it doesn't have to punch them in the heart. It can also tickle their brain conceptually. If they walk away from the trailer musing about the game, that's the seed that will grown into a research project where they will eventually decide to buy it.

But most importantly, you're only two games in. You have a lot of learning to do, and you will keep getting better and better at designing and making and selling games. Go back and look at my second game, and imagine if I had given up there.

https://www.reddit.com/r/gamedev/comments/9k8wsi/my_games_didnt_sell_well_heres_my_advice_for_you/