#feelin like sisyphus with all of e

[phoenix-before-the-flame]

Wip Meme

Tagged by my good homie @kiliinstinct to do this, which tbh is kinda evil cause i dont name my art files >:( but whatevs, ill do 50/50 art n writing wips

Rules: Post the names of the files of your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you ask with the title that most intrigued them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it. If you want, tag as many people as you have WIPS.

Art wips

Uhhhhhhh

Yeah ok.

Writing Wips

Ok these ones actually have names lol still gonna get kinda uh, lengthy lol

Rewrite Scriptz

In Tartarus' Wake

One Step Forward

Two Steps Back

Leaflet

Outsider's View

Thunderstroke

Zephyr's Chill

Double Tempering

Ice Fall

Total Recall

At Home Crossing

Cruciform

From the Ground Up

To the Stars and Back Again

Natsu Alone

Island Retreat

Home

Other fic wips

Canon Divergence Fic

Demon that I know

Embers to Ashes

Through the Haze

What Hides in the Woods

Wrangle the Slayer

Told yall this shit was gonna get long lmao

Anyways imma tag @grayseyebrowscar @pencilofawesomeness ( >;] ) and @genavere have fun nerds

[monkeymd-blog]

End of MS1: 40% MD and loading

(Has it been really 10 months since the last time I wrote in this blog?)

Warning: idle blabla ahead.

I’m still exhausted from this past month of craziness, and it’s been a week since I’ve officially gone on vacation.

Last Tuesday, I had my last exam (orthopaedics), which consisted of staring into the digital void (i.e. my computer screen) till the sun burnt out (i.e. for 3h+ in duration) over the course of 100+ exam questions, crafted by no less than 5 orthopaedic surgeons. And before this exam, I had spent over an entire week neck-deep in orthopaedics -I breathed and ate it till I embodied everything from Hill-Sachs to avascular necrosis of the hip, but honestly that could just be my poor posture. And the entirety of House of Cards season 5 marathon in bed.

Despite the atrocious experience of the final exam, I quite enjoyed orthopaedics as a block. I initially was apprehensive about it (like I was apprehensive about neuro), since musculoskeletal biomechanics and innervations are the bottom 3 of my expertise. However, my tutor, Dr S, made each chapter bearable -and dare I say- fun. My study group went to brunch with him at the end of the block, during which we learnt how incredible (chill, good-hearted, pleasant) a human he was outside of the clinician persona. I would be happy if I could become someone like him in a few decades: surgeon- but beyond that, family-centered, unjaded, and genuinely nice. 

Ok, maybe I’m already too cynic and snarky of a person to begin with, but hey, maybe one day I’ll get to teach a group of med students and they’d enjoy my dry dark snarky humour anyway.

And thus ended my MS1.

So, going back to the timeline -I spent the entire Wednesday following the orthopaedics final passed out in bed. Then, on Thursday, I caught up with a long-time friend, E, whom I’ve known since CEGEP and through uni. Isn’t it crazy that I feel like I’m an entirely different person from who I was 5 years ago, and somehow, friends still recognize me as me? Hell, I don’t recognize me from me (and this is a completely different self-reflection I’m gonna get into later). For about an hour in E’s company, I just thirstily soaked up all that I could learn from what she’s been up to since... 2015. Probably.

Every time I catch up with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, I feel like such a doofus, because they’re all graduated from school, are married/actually have a life and lead such interesting lives, whereas I... wake up in the mornin’ feelin’ like Sisyphus? Honestly. Just another day at school! Nothing to write home about. But I guess, like Albert Camus’s Sisyphus, I have to learn to let go of “should”s and “musts” to embrace whatever this universe decides to throw at me and grasp those fleeting, rare moments of clarity whenever it engineers them. 

My meet-up with E was such a moment. I’m not quite sure how I expected meeting friends from pre-med school would go, since I’ve ever only met up with Megan (who’s been front and center to my woes via iMessages circa 2012). But E and I clicked like we’ve never spent any time apart, which is crazy! Friends from my past that I’ve bumped into always have such stilted conversations with me, but luckily, this was not the case with E. In fact, barely 4 days later, we spent an afternoon together cringing about picking splinters out the butt (from an old wooden bench), and then sweating in a dance studio at the barre till our legs fell off from fatigue. 

I’m meeting with Megan tomorrow. The last time I saw her physically was literally half a year ago. We’ve FaceTimed and texted (she probably knows all of my daily comings and goings, from a fallen eyelash to my repeated tantrums about the sheer amount of exam material each block) but it’s still not the same thing. Isn’t that crazy as well? What else does physical proximity do to friendships that texts and FaceTime don’t? I’m flummoxed. I guess I still haven’t gotten over the fact that Megan’s not in school with me anymore. (Last year, in premed, I would sit in class and snicker at something the prof said, then turn to the side to share a witty joke with her only to realize where I was. Sad.)

Ok yes I miss people and human contact and I am secretly in affective deficiency which makes sense, since the only company I’ve had over the past week were my books and my own wretched handwriting. 

Whew. What a year.