#feelin crushed by despair over the state of the world
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not doing so hot rn lol
#feelin crushed by despair over the state of the world#thinkin about the fact that the ppl in power are evil as shit and we cant do anything about it#thinkin abt all of the hatred and oppression in the world. abt how the greed of just a few capitalist pigs are destroying countless lives#thinkin abt the fact that ill probably never be accepted as i am or be able to transition the way i want to bc i cant afford it#thinkin abt the fact that i have so many unconscious biases and shit bc of my conservative upbringing#and im light-years behind every other leftist when it comes to unlearning that shit so im a dangerous toxic person to be around#and no matter what im never going to be able to completely unlearn those things so i will always be unsafe to be around#even for ppl in my own demographic. im never gonna be a safe person to hang around in lgbtq/disabled/etc circles#bc i am so wildly far behind everyone else#untangling my own toxic shit never seems to end and every time i catch myself being shitty i realize#im not.. a good person. im a danger to the ppl i care about#i dont want to be like this. i hate it so fucking much. i wish i had grown up in a more liberal family. i wish id had more experience#i want to reach out to other lgbtq/disabled communities in my area and online. i want to meet other people like myself#but i know i shouldnt. i know i would be bad for them#its so so so so much better and kinder and SAFER for me to figure this shit out on my own#im gonna deal with the transphobia homophobia ableism etc the world shoves down my throat on my own#bc if i interacted with any marginalized communities i belong to i would basically just be hurting the cause#id rather kms than expose others to my toxicity. im unsafe disgusting evil ive been abusive to people before n i dont want to risk#being that way ever again. i wont let it hsppen. i wont#suicide cw
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