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pocmuzings · 4 years

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[1] hi, i’m the anon that was in your inbox. i’m so sorry, but i can’t come forward. i’ve had enough trouble with her in the past and i’ve just gotten to a point when her drama doesn’t make its way to me on a daily basis. honestly i’m not sure what to do because of how popular and “beloved” she is within this community.

[contd] she was thrown out of the group i was in for trying to make an OC who would purposefully make poc and female characters uncomfortable, as stated by her, because he was a white male politician. when confronted about this, she made herself out to be the victim and would not apologize. she was explicitly told that her actions and speech made people uncomfortable, not just other poc muns, but really everyone in the group, and she didn’t care a bit. she instead turned the conversation around and made herself out to be the victim in the situation, but the worst part of all of this is that she just didn’t care that she was making us uncomfortable, and totally didn’t understand how her actions and speech were racist. i’m scared that she is going to do this again, and i don’t want anyone to enter a space that she has control of (her roleplays) and feel that hostility, too. i don’t want them to be gaslit. i honestly thought that her being kicked would make her recede from the rpc, but it seems like she just waited for things to die down to return. she is evil, and nobody goes up against her because she has influence. i’m so sorry to put this on you, i’m just scared and needed to vent

ok holy fucking shit . i cannot believe this person has a place in the rpc . with your permission, id like to publish the asks you originally sent including this persons name and url . however , this is completely up to you . if you don’t want me to post those asks , that’s understandable ! i have put out some feelers about this person in general and have discovered even more horrifically racist things they’ve done just last year . this is unacceptable. this person somehow has a repeated history of being awfully racist and finding non-whites as not “ conventionally attractive “ ??? i don’t care if this person is “popular” or makes good graphics for the rpc . i don’t care and i don’t want to use their resources , and honestly i don’t think anybody else in the rpc should either . i don’t want to read their performance of pretending to care about poc and especially black people right now , when i’ve gotten this slew of information utterly disproving everything theyre now apparently trying to do and prove .

also please please know it’s so understandable to be scared and to not want to come off anon . i commend your bravery in speaking out . i want to thank you for coming to me and informing me . i want to thank you for feeling a safe space within me and my blog . i want you to know i see you and i recognise your feelings and you are so utterly and completely valid . if you don’t feel comfortable speaking out — that’s so fine ! you have done more then enough already ! i am more then happy to take this on and shut this person and their bullshit down but i won’t do it without your permission . from what i’ve now since found out though - they’ve done this sort of stuff repeatedly and it is Unacceptable and they’ve never had any repercussions for their actions . that has to change now . and it will . i promise you it will because i for one will not fucking allow it . i won’t allow for anybody else to feel what you have felt or gone through what you’ve gone through because it’s disgusting and Unacceptable in every damn way . basically : i’m sorry. i’m sorry you had to deal with this . i’m sorry somebody treated you this way . i’m so sorry to hear and know this person and have followed them . im sorry theyre “popular” and seemingly inescapable in the rpc . i’m sorry for the abuse and racism you suffered at their hands . you didn’t deserve that . nobody deserves that . in the meantime — again, if you’re comfortable — if people message me for this “popular persons” url , i will give it out because i don’t want anybody following them or giving to their resources when there’s plenty of OTHER non-racist resource makers who make amazing graphics and stuff , so let’s direct our attention to them . i will be deleting this persons content off my blog, too . i thoroughly encourage everyone else to do so too, if you wish to have the url . i strongly suggest people do ask me for the url . i know a lot of us follow this person . that stops now . i love you anon . i’m proud of you . i hope this helps lessen the weight on you. take a deep breath , you did the right thing and i’m in awe of you for everything you’ve gone through to now message me and make sure people are aware of this person .

#racism cw #racism tw #nope nope i dont care if this is seen as ‘cancelling’ or calling out a person #from what ive been told by others now too — this person has been spoken to about this before and hasnt changed a single behaviour #so . fuck that . i know SO MANY OF US who rb their content too #NOT ANYMORE WE DONT !#dm me for the url and unfollow them. delete their racist shit off our blogs we dont support that nuh uh #anonymous #shutup g.

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mattymurdox · 5 years

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Ok I’ve got thoughts on Jamestown that I know no one will read but I’m posting em anyway. First, the majority of the characters are just absolute trash people. And not in a look at my trash son who I love sort of way. In a gosh you’re the worst why am I watching this sort of way.

For example the sharrow brothers, trash (expect for pepper sometimes). Jocelyn, TRASH, despise her honestly she’s awful. The governor, trash pretending he’s ok but is absolute garbage. All the company men, trash. The doctor is an idiot for falling for the trash queen and not seeing through her bs and deserves better why is he so dumb.

Now that being said there are a lot of characters that I adore and keep watching for even though this show is not great. Namely, my love Chacrow, whom I adore. He’s such a good character and I legit want an entire show about him. Forget the colony of trash white people and give me a show about what Chacrow is up to all day. I’d watch.

Other than my main man though there’s a couple of other redeemable characters. I love Verity, she’s precious and I appreciate the complexity of her relationship with Meredith considering on surface it looks so shallow but then they have these super deep and sweet moments that break me. I like Alice... but sometimes she frustrates me. I liked her with James much more than with Silas because Silas is a dumbass tbh and James (while he went about things super wrong at first) at least can admit he was wrong and make amends and apologize. Which is why I love James as a character so much. He’s such a deep feeler and I love that he always owns up to his mistakes and tries to fix things. I feel like Alice is so stifled with the sharrows but wouldn’t have been with James. Which makes me sad.

#jamestown #this is super rambly but oh well no one will read it anyway

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ncfan-1 · 6 years

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ncfan listens to The Magnus Archives: S4 EP121, ‘Far Away’

And we’re back with Season 4! The first episode was not what I expected in some respects, but in retrospect, I suppose I probably should have been expecting Jonny Sims to cover this as quickly as possible after the opening. Namely, what exactly it means to be entangled with the Powers—a very relevant concern for Jonathan Sims, who is currently only still alive because he is so badly entangled with one of those Powers. We have the return of one of the themes that has been recurring and central to the show ever since we found out that normal humans can become agents and avatars for the Powers, presented from a new perspective, and we have an interesting moment from Georgie. Onwards to my rambling thoughts!

- I was hoping we’d hear from Oliver (alias ‘Antonio Blake,’ the statement giver of MAG 11 ‘Dreamer,’ and whose presence is all but outright stated in ‘Hive’ and strongly implied in ‘Grifter’s Bone’) again, since his experiences seemed like a rather unique insight into the way the supernatural works here. I’m a little sad he’s been corrupted into becoming as inhuman as he seems to be (he’s only superficially human, now), but that is how the story goes, isn’t it? The more exposure you have to the Powers, the more you interact with them, the more you get wrapped up in the world of the supernatural, the less human you become. Another parallel/potential foil for Jon.

- And I could tell, judging from the sheer amount of interference on the tape recorder when he came in, that there was something seriously up with Oliver. Him being one of the undead, perhaps similar to Justin Gough or the gamesters, was interesting.

Related to that, though, is Oliver still associated with the End? Because he makes mention of spiders in his head, and the strands that held him in England, kept him from leaving, that he wouldn’t look at, seemed more reminiscent of the Web than the tentacles Oliver sees that are associated with the End. Because it sounds like there was a bit of a tug of war between the End and the Web for control of Oliver Banks, and to me, it’s not entirely clear as to whether he was fully claimed by one of them, or if he still has them both fighting over him.

The Web seems like a force in the world that would have the ability to stick its feelers into a lot of different situations. Beyond arachnophobia being a pretty common phobia, there are a lot of situations you can find yourself in where the fear of losing control, the need to keep control, or the fear that someone might exert control over you and abuse it. Children in abusive situations, either at home or at school or church or elsewhere—hell, it doesn’t necessarily have to be abusive; I suspect a child with overly strict and controlling parents would, even without abuse entering into the picture, be a potential target for the Web. (And no, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that most of the child statements—statements where the statement giver was a child when all hell was breaking loose—we have involve the Web, somehow.) Toxic work situations that involve an abusive, controlling boss, and you can’t easily get away from that job to find another. And if you yourself happen to be a person who needs a lot of control in your life, that might get the attention of the Web, too. If I had to guess at which of the Powers has the most victims, currently, I would guess it’s the Web.

- It is possible that Oliver escaped the End’s grasp by embracing the Web, instead. Last season, we saw Julia Montork describe finally being able to shake the influence of the Dark by embracing the Hunt. This may be an issue for Jon. He was initially marked by the Web, and seems to have escaped being claimed by it by rushing into the arms of the Beholding, instead, but he’s just as terrified of the Beholding, and even if he’s much freer about using the powers it grants him than Gertrude was, he doesn’t want it, doesn’t want to be claimed by it, doesn’t want to be anything but a human being. He’s an addict—the way he gets the shakes whenever he goes too long without a statement has all the hallmarks of withdrawal, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Jon took up smoking again during his conversation with Jurgen Leitner, just after he was first made aware of what was happening to him—but he doesn’t actually want it. So what’s a man to do?

Make choices, as it happens. And in this world, nothing is for free.

- Oliver’s story provides a good example of how things inevitably deteriorate when you’re too deeply entangled with the Powers. I can’t remember who said it, but someone on Tumblr said that the Powers run on nightmare logic, and I’m inclined to agree. If you’re someone who is more fed upon than feeding, if you’re who gives a Power satisfaction more by being something it feeds on than something that spreads fear of it to others, then your life is a living nightmare, now and forever (Not that I think the people who feed it constantly, the way Jude Perry is implied to, are having a uniformly wonderful time, either; the adoration must be mingled with fear—but that’s a topic for another post). You never reach the point where things are as bad as they’ll ever get, and can’t get any worse; it can always get worse, and it will get worse if it drags on long enough. And there is no escape. Case in point: Oliver.

It used to be that Oliver only saw the veins/tentacles when he was dreaming, but eventually—and I actually predicted this back in my recap of ‘Grifter’s Bone’—it started to get to where he could see them when he was awake. Perhaps the terror of seeing people’s deaths predicted in his dreams was starting to grow a bit stale, and the End felt the need to pick up momentum again, escalate things so that it could juice Oliver’s fear a bit more efficiently.

And it worked; the fear certainly wasn’t stale anymore. Oliver was desperate to escape seeing the veins in his waking life, and he went to great lengths to try to find a place where there were fewer people dying—only to find that, once out in the country, he could see the future deaths of animals, as well. The more afraid he became, the stronger his foresight became. The more he desired to escape it, the greater the lengths he would go to to escape. The more he tried to escape, the more deeply entangled he became. And the more deeply entangled with the End (and, it seems, the Web) Oliver Banks became, the more divorced from humanity he became, the more inhuman he became, until he was willing to steal a dead man’s identity to get a good night’s sleep, until he was completely willing to doom a ship full of innocent people to make it all stop.

- My favorite background music cue from S1 is back; I’m happy.

- “Under all that awful fear, it felt like… home.” This is what it means to be an Avatar. To be as terrified as you are fascinated, and as fascinated as you are terrified.

- Point Nemo is potentially a convergence point for a few different Powers. The great, terrible creature Oliver sees swimming deep under the water may be the Vast creature Antonia Hayley saw in ‘High Pressure,’ and water stretching on forever, the sky stretching on forever, is classic Vast territory. At the same time, this point of the open ocean, so far from land that the satellites in orbit overhead are closer than the nearest human settlements, is definitely something I associate with the Lonely—and until mention was made of Captain Maccabee, I swear to you I thought the ship was going to turn out to be the Tundra. And of course, I imagine the End must have at least a low-level presence everywhere on the planet, because everywhere on this planet there is, if only on a bacterial level, things that can die.

Point Nemo can’t be the only convergence point on the planet, and I wonder about those others. Are they places where the veil between our plane of reality and the plane the Powers inhabit are a bit thinner? Do the convergence points themselves act as interstices, places where reality is more fluid than in other areas? Or is it something else?

- Georgie immediately twigging to there being something very wrong with Oliver was an interesting moment, because they have both been marked—and, arguably, claimed—by the End, though only one of them actually actively serves any Power. Is it a moment of like recognizing like? I am, at least, half-convinced that when Georgie says that Oliver reminds her of someone, she was referring to the corpse woman she talked about back in Season Three.

- There’s an interesting moment where Oliver refers to the End and the Web as ‘he’ and ‘she’ respectively. I wonder if this is a personal conceit of his, or if he started assigning genders to different Powers after specific experiences.

- Oliver tells Jon that, like him, he has a choice. He’s no longer human enough for the End to claim him—he’s already long since crossed that line—but he’s too human to survive as he is now. As far as Oliver is concerned, the horrors of Jon’s new life will tear him apart if he doesn’t shed his humanity. Jon is at a transition point, and it’s very uncomfortable to be at that transition point, to be inhuman, and yet still human.

- And at the very end, Jon takes his first unaided breath in roughly six months, and the tape recorder goes haywire… which does not signal good things.

As Oliver said, Jon has to make a choice, has to choose, one or the other. And as I said, in this world, nothing is for free. Nothing comes without a price.

I’m not sure what Jon has done, if he’s finally firmly chosen the Beholding, or if he found some other, equally damning way to come out of the coma. What I don’t think is that he’ll wake up being instantly as inhuman as Elias had become by the time we met him. It doesn’t make sense for his character for him to go directly to that place after where we last left him in S3. Just remember, the very last thing we listened to Jon do before going off to stop the Unknowing was burn Gerry’s page. However difficult it was for him, he managed it, managed to take this stand against being fully subsumed into the Beholding and becoming fully inhuman, and that means something.

But I do think he had to barter another piece of his soul away to wake up—nothing without a price. And I think he’ll be struggling even harder against the tide, when he comes back. He might, perhaps, be not unlike Beric Dondarrion from A Song of Ice and Fire, who was brought back to life so many times, and was less himself every time.

- I have a speculation that may be blown completely out of the water come next week. As I mentioned earlier this episode, there’s roughly six months between the last episode and this one. What I suspect is that we’re starting out Season 4 in medias res, and that the teaser that was dropped probably takes place, chronologically, not long before this episode. That teaser did have an air of mid-season terror to it.

#ncfan listens to The Magnus Archives

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loveleads · 6 years

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Pressing in to hear the sound of God’s voice in your life

Do you hear God’s voice? Do you know how He speaks to you? I grew up in a “Christian” home. We went to church regularly, we prayed before meals, we did what we knew to be right, my father served as an elder at our church and I went to youth group faithfully. I knew who God was and I was saved at the age of 16 when I attended the Harvest Crusade with Greg Laurie while Crystal Lewis sang the song “come just as you are”. I was a good kid in high school, I attended a Christian college and then worked at my church for the next 10 years. I met and married a Christian guy, we got married in our church and faithfully attended service each week. I was a good, Christian girl.

Fast forward 10 years. We started going to a new church. One that did not fit the mold of what church looked like for me growing up. I grew up with a lot of rules, ways to not disappoint God. I was taught that when you do good, God is pleased and when you do bad, God is disappointed. That along with life, crazy hard complicated life, taught me that if I behave good, then I am good. If I behave bad, then I must be bad. Having to live up to unreachable standards almost wrecked me.

We started attending this new church, a place where people worshiped freely, sang and danced, prayed in tongues and prayed for and expected healing. It was a church that made me feel uncomfortable. We continued to attend church service each week because Matt was on fire, he was sure this was the place our family needed to be. I respected where he was and I continued to show up, waiting and hoping to feel the same. The more we attended this church, the more out of place I felt. People were hearing God’s voice. Daily. They were getting words from the Lord for themselves and for others. At first, this scared me but I pressed in. I started wondering why the power of the Holy Spirit scared me, why did these things that I knew were from the Lord, scare me? I mean isn’t the bible filled with awe and wonder? Isn’t it filled with prayer and worship? Miracles and healings? Weeks passed and I realized I was yearning for more. I so desperately wanted what the people from that church had. I started boldly asking for God to speak to me.

Weeks past and I got nothing. It broke me. Literally broke me. In August of last year I was struggling. I was asking the Lord to speak directly to me, like He did to so many other people in my life. Yet He was quiet, or so I thought. September 2017 was a breaking point for me. I remember I felt like I was stuck and I needed someone to help me out of the hole I dug myself in. Matt and I would go back and forth with talks about God, about his experience and about mine. He encouraged me to speak to one of our leaders, to ask the hard questions and to seek the counsel I so desperately needed.

That is when I felt a shift, I sat with my friend and shared with her my battle, I told her where I have been and where I currently was. She spoke words of truth over my life, encouraged and equipped me to press in. I started asking the Lord boldly for Him to speak to me, for Him to be real in my life. I realized that day, the Lord is faithful, He is speaking to me and has been for as long as I could remember.

Have you ever listened for the Lord’s voice? Growing up, I was taught to pray to the Lord for things, to fix things, to receive things, to help things. I was really good at having a one way conversation with God. After my coffee date with my Pastor and friend, I remember going for a walk where I literally just listened for the Lord’s voice. I got nothing. I prayed for Him to speak to me and heard nothing. Discouraged and disappointed yet I kept pressing in. I have done a lot of talking to the Lord but rarely do I sit and listen to what He has to say.

I love how the Lord doesn’t just give us what we ask for when we ask for it, I love (okay I actually don’t love it but I have come to love what happens after) that He keeps us waiting. If I have learned anything the past two years of my crazy messy life, it is that the good stuff absolutely comes in the waiting. This is the time you are most vulnerable, this is the time you are clinging to Him and His truths. It is in the waiting that He can provide unexplainable peace, a time He builds our character, it is when He molds us to be more of who He created us to be. It is in the waiting that we learn how to preserve, how to fight the good fight, how we learn to “Trust the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5).

God has shown me much grace this past year. He has absolutely reminded me how truly loved and valued I am in His kingdom and He has given me the gift of hearing His voice. John 10:27 says: “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them and they follow me”. I am a feeler, I feel things deeply and I feel things often. The area to which I have always felt most embarrassed by (because really, I cry all the time, I have always been super sensitive and I have always felt super embarrassed by my emotions) is the very thing God uses to speak to me. Daily. When I started paying attention to my feelings, when I started praying about the things that broke my heart, that is when I heard the Lord speak to me. It comes fast, words just start flowing. Almost always in my head and I have learned that when it happens, to grab my phone and write it down. Some of my posts on FB have been just that, words that just flowed out of my mouth, right out of my heart.

I remember when we first started attending our church. I was literally praying weekly that the Lord would speak to my heart in a very obvious way. Matt had received prophetic words multiple times by multiple different people. It took me 17 months for that prayer to be answered. This past Sunday, our pastor spoke on hearing God’s voice. He said everything that has been in my heart this past year. He described my exact journey to finding God’s voice and it was a beautiful thing. And then after service he spoke over my life in such a powerful and obvious way. It was the Lord speaking right to my heart, it was everything I have been asking for and needing. It was beautiful, everything I hoped it would be. Had I gotten that message a year ago, I might not have been ready. God needed to work on my heart some before this message was delivered to me but once it was, it was powerful. It was in that year long wait that I was refined, transformed and made new because of a desire to know God more.

This past Sunday, God gave me permission to speak. He gave me permission to feel. He gave me permission to check myself every time I get a nudge, what could God be saying to me in this moment? He confirmed that it was Him speaking to me all these years and it was Him promising me He will continue to speak to me, even when I doubt, even when I fear.

Oh and I have to tell you the best part of this story…. Remember when I said I was waiting, waiting for the Lord to speak to me, desperately seeking Him? Yeah well we started attending this church during a very difficult season of my life. Ella was having some serious testing done. I was at the very bottom, feeling alone and scared. This church wrapped their loving arms around our family. Ella had an MRI done (which about wrecked me) and we were waiting on blood test results. People from this church would come up to me, people I didn’t even know, and ask how Ella was doing, they told me they were praying for her all week. And you guys, they were! They absolutely meant that they spent time that week going after Ella’s healing on our behalf. That Sunday, the pastor asked if we could come up on stage, that they wanted to lay hands on Ella and pray for that the results we were waiting on would come back normal (and guess what? They did! But that is a story for another day). Now I carry around some past hurt, some moments that I personally watched people struggle and I stood by as the church quietly turned their heads away from the heartbreak. Something I am learning to extend grace to now, but this moment, yeah this moment touched my heart in a way nothing else could. My family’s struggle was known, it was seen, it was understood. This was the Lord speaking to me, this was the moment I was waiting for although I couldn’t understand it at the time, this was God speaking to my heart. I look back to this moment and realize that the Lord was saying to me: “Beloved, I am in this, I am here with you, I am creating an army, a powerful army, to surround you and you will see miracles happen because of this moment.”

I came home from church on Sunday and felt a mixture of emotions. I was thankful, I felt like God affirmed in me that He actually sees me, I felt truly known by Him. But if I am honest, I also felt a little fear and maybe a little doubt. I tried to fight them but it was hard so instead of trying to make sense of my fear, I took it to the Lord. I have learned that speaking out my mess is way better then holding it in. Matt and I have developed such a deep relationship because of the vulnerable things we can share with one another nowadays. When we share our mess with someone, it becomes less messy. We take away the mess’s power to control our mind and our hearts. I prayed that the Lord would help me, take away all uncertainties and fill me with what He has for me. And this is when I heard God say to me: “You hear me, I know you do but then you allow my voice to be quieted. You allow insecurities and doubt to fill your mind. You tell yourself all the things you aren’t when I am quietly telling you all the things you are. You are my beloved child. You are worth fighting for so I will continue to pursue you, I will continue fight for you.” And friends, He says the same thing about you. I am 100% sure if this messy, broken, selfish girl has the Lord speaking to her, the Lord is also speaking to you.

God, you are so good. I am so thankful and grateful that I have decided to press in, not to give up, not to run from you and your promises. I am so happy to know that you do and have always spoken to my heart, I just needed to learn how to hear you. Doubt and insecurities fill my mind but you are bigger than those things, if I press in to you, I will no doubt become less of those two things. Do you want to hear the Lord’s voice in your life? Press in. And then press in a little harder for a little longer. He is there and He is more than ready to speak to your heart.

#hearinggodsvoice

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socialattractionuk · 5 years

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Dogfishing: The sinister dating trend haunting the apps

A cute man with a cute dog… but can he be trusted? (Picture: Ella Byworth/metro.co.uk)

One of the greatest tragedies of my entire life occurred earlier this week, when I thought I had been the first person to coin a new dating trend: dogfishing.

This is a phenomenon whereby people on dating apps pose with pictures of cute dogs, only for you to discover that these mutts belong to other people.

Convinced that inventing this term was going to be my ticket to stardom, I quit my job and divorced my husband (sadly, I don’t think it’s possible for a relationship to work when there is a disparity in wealth and fame).

I also started preparing quips for when I was inevitably invited onto the Graham Norton Show, where I would regale Helen Mirren and Post Malone with the story of how I first came up with it.

It’s a great anecdote: I was speaking to someone on a dating app who had lots of pictures of the same chow chow, so I asked him if the chow chow belonged to him, and he replied that no, it was his friend’s and he was just looking after it – and the rest is history.

So you can imagine the overwhelming pain, disappointment and humiliation I felt when I typed ‘dogfishing’ into Google and the search returned 4,960,000 results.

I scrolled down, in a state of rising dread, to see outlets covering the term – each fresh article like a knife through my heart. I realised then that there would be no money, no fame, no Helen Mirren with tears of mirth streaming down her face.

If you see an animal this cute or funny on a dating app, beware… (Picture: Getty)

But perhaps I’m overreacting. Perhaps this is no loss at all. Because, when you really think about it, isn’t the concept of dogfishing a little… stupid?

The supposed problem with dogfishing is that it rests on deception, that it’s an attempt at trickery. Women are statistically more likely to be attracted to men if they own a dog, apparently, on the basis that this suggests a kind personality – so the motive is certainly there.

But the same qualities that would make a dog owner kind or warm would surely also apply to dog lovers in general. There are lots of practical reasons why someone who likes dogs might not own one, unrelated to their personal warmth or lack thereof.

One study has suggested that a quarter of men with pets deliberately use them as ‘bait’ on dating apps. But it seems extremely unlikely that men who don’t like dogs are borrowing them from friends or relatives in a purely cynical effort to impress women on Hinge.

Maybe they just like dogs. Maybe they really do love their brother’s French bulldog with an all-consuming passion; maybe they would take a bullet for their landlord’s Chihuahua.

Being the ‘victim’ of dogfishing (that most heinous crime) might be disappointing in the sense that you wanted access to a cute dog yourself – but it’s hardly evidence of poor moral character.

After all, should you really be trying to date someone just because they have a dog?

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While we should never underestimate the capacity of other people to be horrible d**kheads, in this case it’s probably safe to assume that if someone has pictures of dogs on their profile, it’s because they like dogs.

If you also like dogs, that’s something you have in common, and it’s not really a cause for concern.

So that’s that. Anyway, I can’t wait to tell you guys about this hot new dating trend I’ve come up with – this one is really going to pop off.

It’s basically the same thing but with cats. I haven’t thought of a name yet.

Dating terms and trends, defined

Breadcrumbing: Leaving ‘breadcrumbs’ of interest – random noncommittal messages and notifications that seem to lead on forever, but don’t actually end up taking you anywhere worthwhile Breadcrumbing is all about piquing someone’s interest without the payoff of a date or a relationship.

Caspering: Being a friendly ghost - meaning yes, you ghost, but you offer an explanation beforehand. Caspering is all about being a nice human being with common decency. A novel idea.

Catfish: Someone who uses a fake identity to lure dates online.

Clearing: Clearing season happens in January. It’s when we’re so miserable thanks to Christmas being over, the cold weather, and general seasonal dreariness, that we will hook up with anyone just so we don’t feel completely unattractive. You might bang an ex, or give that creepy guy who you don’t really fancy a chance, or put up with truly awful sex just so you can feel human touch. It’s a tough time. Stay strong.

Cloutlighting: Cloutlighting is the combo of gaslighting and chasing social media clout. Someone will bait the person they’re dating on camera with the intention of getting them upset or angry, or making them look stupid, then share the video for everyone to laugh at.

Cuffing season: The chilly autumn and winter months when you are struck by a desire to be coupled up, or cuffed.

Firedooring: Being firedoored is when the access is entirely on one side, so you're always waiting for them to call or text and your efforts are shot down.

Fishing: When someone will send out messages to a bunch of people to see who’d be interested in hooking up, wait to see who responds, then take their pick of who they want to get with. It’s called fishing because the fisher loads up on bait, waits for one fish to bite, then ignores all the others.

Flashpanner: Someone who’s addicted to that warm, fuzzy, and exciting start bit of a relationship, but can’t handle the hard bits that might come after – such as having to make a firm commitment, or meeting their parents, or posting an Instagram photo with them captioned as ‘this one’.

Freckling: Freckling is when someone pops into your dating life when the weather’s nice… and then vanishes once it’s a little chillier.

Gatsbying: To post a video, picture or selfie to public social media purely for a love interest to see it.

Ghosting: Cutting off all communication without explanation.

Grande-ing: Being grateful, rather than resentful, for your exes, just like Ariana Grande.

Hatfishing: When someone who looks better when wearing a hat has pics on their dating profile that exclusively show them wearing hats.

Kittenfishing: Using images that are of you, but are flattering to a point that it might be deceptive. So using really old or heavily edited photos, for example. Kittenfishes can also wildly exaggerate their height, age, interests, or accomplishments.

Lovebombing: Showering someone with attention, gifts, gestures of affection, and promises for your future relationship, only to distract them from your not-so-great bits. In extreme cases this can form the basis for an abusive relationship.

Microcheating: Cheating without physically crossing the line. So stuff like emotional cheating, sexting, confiding in someone other than your partner, that sort of thing.

Mountaineering: Reaching for people who might be out of your league, or reaching for the absolute top of the mountain.

Obligaswiping: The act of endlessly swiping on dating apps and flirt-chatting away with no legitimate intention of meeting up, so you can tell yourself you're doing *something* to put yourself out there.

Orbiting: The act of watching someone's Instagram stories or liking their tweets or generally staying in their 'orbit' after a breakup.

Paperclipping: When someone sporadically pops up to remind you of their existence, to prevent you from ever fully moving on.

Preating: Pre-cheating - laying the groundwork and putting out feelers for cheating, by sending flirty messages or getting closer to a work crush.

Prowling: Going hot and cold when it comes to expressing romantic interest.

R-bombing: Not responding to your messages but reading them all, so you see the 'delivered' and 'read' signs and feel like throwing your phone across the room.

Scroogeing: Dumping someone right before Christmas so you don't have to buy them a present.

Shadowing: Posing with a hot friend in all your dating app photos, knowing people will assume you're the attractive one and will be too polite to ask.

Shaveducking: Feeling deeply confused over whether you're really attracted to a person or if they just have great facial hair.

Sneating:When you go on dates just for a free meal.

Stashing: The act of hiding someone you're dating from your friends, family, and social media.

Submarineing: When someone ghosts, then suddenly returns and acts like nothing happened.

V-lationshipping:When someone you used to date reappears just around Valentine's Day, usually out of loneliness and desperation.

You-turning: Falling head over heels for someone, only to suddenly change your mind and dip.

Zombieing: Ghosting then returning from the dead. Different from submarineing because at least a zombie will acknowledge their distance.

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socialattractionuk · 5 years

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Fireworking is the latest dating trend to describe your rubbish love life

If they’re only lovey-dovey in front of an audience, you’re being fireworked (Picture: Getty)

Let it be known that as long as people keep getting romantically entangled, there will be terrible behaviour designed to bring you pain and misery.

And, of course, there will be catchy dating terms created to describe this sh*t behaviour, because it’s nice to know that our seemingly unique experiences are in fact common enough to warrant their own name.

The latest term is fireworking.

Fireworking, as created and defined by Grazia, is essentially the opposite of stashing.

To firework is to date someone for the purpose of putting on a display to other people. A fireworker might be trying to make an ex feel jealous, impress their friends, show their parents that they’re not horribly alone, or seem impressive on social media for general clout.

If you’re being fireworked, you’re being used to show off. That’s sort of flattering because it implies you’re hot enough to be an effective way of showing off, but also soul-destroying, as the fireworker is more concerned with other people’s opinions of them than with actually being in a healthy, loving relationship with you.

Signs you’re being fireworked include spotting your photos all over their social media feed, especially in fancy locations designed to inspire envy from their followers.

Have you been fireworked? (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

You might notice that they’re not that affectionate IRL, but will suddenly be very cute and cuddly in front of cameras, in front of other people, or when expressing their affection on social media.

Now, this isn’t an openly evil, callous act, unlike lots of other dating trends.

Some people are just over-sharers on social media – that’s fine, and not the same as fireworking. The issue comes when the affection is only being put on when it’s for show, while your date is cold and withdrawn when it’s just the two of you. Essentially, do they treat you like they actually like, care about, and respect you? Or do they only care about looking like the perfect partner?

We all do fakery on social media to some degree, only sharing our most interesting bits and the most flattering photos, but when the difference between your relationship online and your bond IRL is making you miserable, it’s time to have a serious chat.

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Sit down and ask your partner what’s going on. If the way they’re posting and acting is making you uncomfortable, say so – it’s perfectly reasonable to have your own boundaries when it comes to what’s kept private and what’s open to the public.

You’re not a reality TV star who needs a relationship to get sponsorship deals and you’re also not a character in a zany romcom – there’s really no reason for you to stay in a relationship that’s neither real nor fulfilling.

If you’re being fireworked, get out of there before you get burned.