#feel like an angsty teenager whenever i talk about my feelings on here fkn hell

[sammyloomis]

vent under cut 🫡

i am really really really sick of feeling like absolute dogshit tbh tbQh

its not even that i feel sad, i just feel vaguely angry and numb all the time and my outright Refusal to even Attempt to find work is pissing me the fuck off

why cant i make myself do it?? its not that fucking serious, and yet i feel so useless and worthless that even the most basic of basic jobs feel leagues out of my depth like im so terrified of failing and being made to Feel like a failure that im straight up refusing to put myself in any situation where i can potentially fail. cant fail if u never try!! cant succeed either but at least u cant fuckin fail!!!

like god, if i was anyone else id be able to be so optimistic and encouraging about it but the fact itself myself i have to encourage, it just feels impossible. i feel like im such a waste of space all the time.

and i SHOULDNT!!! like GOD!!! i got a first in my degree, thats the highest u can GET, who fucking cares that its just an art degree i still did it. i hated my old job but i still did the damn thing and applied for uni and got in, i did that, and that was terrifying but i did it. if the me who did that is still in here, i can fucking apply for a shitty retail job for christsake

the days are just blending together, i cant find joy in my hobbies anymore, i havent drawn in weeks, i feel like im losing my fucking Mind in this house, i need to get OUT

and the first step to that is getting a damn job so if i can just do the damn thing and stop being such a damn pussy and fucking MOVE ON WITH MY DAMN LIFE

all this being said, i understand low points like this are temporary and its all just valleys and peaks and shit, but when the lows hit they fuckin hit dude