#feel free to always drop a rant in my ask box think of me as your tumblr therapist

[http-shield]

Got diagnosed by my therapist today for having commitment issues, intimacy issues and daddy issues and as she was saying it I literally thought in my head “ah yes well that makes sense” based off the fan fic I read 🤣🤭😩 It’s why any form of a “I got you, you’re safe, cum for me” or a big strong man who cares for me calling himself daddy is an instant ✨✨✨✨✨ trigger. Just needed to rant that out somewhere, sorry haha 🫣😮‍💨

SCREAM !! literally me !!! bestie this is every type of issue safe zone ! ♡ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ౨ৎ ‧₊ .ᐟ

[lemotmo]

hey so this has been rotting in my brain since yesterday and I'm going crazy so I need some outside perspective

im a buddie shipper and 100% believe they are perfect for each other, but sometimes it feels like buck is a better to friend to eddie than vice versa? like buck is there for eddie all the time and often goes above and beyond for him, buck gave eddie carla, was there for him during eddie/shannon troubles (s2 christmas ep), showed up to his probie ceremony in his cast, took care of him and chris during shooting, built chris a skateboard, literally saved him in the shooting, always gives him advice on relationships (told him to prioritise his happiness over chris during ana), showed him charlie at horse therapy, was there for him with his panic attacks, and then his eventual breakdown (repairing his wall), he was there at the diaz household when eddie went to texas, helped chris when eddie was at therpay, always babysists, was with eddie when the kim fiasco went down, never judged but gave good advice, he was there when chris left and even after (eg s8 chris bday zoom party)

if we compare this with the times eddie supports buck its not nearly as extensive, or oftentime his help/time comes with strings attached, eg tsunami (gave buck chris to cheer him up, but also got free childcare (twice)), with the poker (used his maths powers, but also helped cheer him up), he was just missing mostly from buck sperm donor storyline, he did help buck with donor baby trauma and all his relationship traumas, the thing is that whenever hes there for buck its often buck instigating it, he always akss for advice/help, its very rare that eddie does something completetly selfless for buck unprompted, whereas we have so many examples of buck doing that for eddie,

it rly funny when eddie complains of buck always thinking of himself/being selfish when hes consitently THE character who cares for others more than himself, im not saying buck is a perfect uwu little baby (the lawsuit for example, but even in this case the way it panned out buck took 100% of the blame, and no one even tried to understand where he was coming from except maybe Hen), or that eddie is the devil, i just want to acknowledge that buck similar to his childhood is always giving but never getting that same energy back, and that does make him a tragic character, because even in adulthood when he does have a found family he still sometimes faces the problems he did as a child, the show should actually acknowledge that buck is so used to being treated like shit he kinda takes it from everyone, and when they do get together maybe they have a conversation about this idk, sorry for the long ass rant and feel free to maybe add some counterpoints of eddie helping buck unconditionally, but this is all i could think of

Oh no no NO no NOOOO no NO no no no NO No NOOOOOOO no NO Nonny, just NO. 🤦‍♀️😬🤦‍♀️😬🤦‍♀️

Don’t drop this in my ask box Nonny. You need to back waaaaaaay up with this. You need to get rid of this bad take, because it’s absolute garbage. 😖

It seems to me that you fundamentally do not understand Eddie Diaz and how much he KNOWS and GETS Evan Buckley.

So buckle up Nonny, I’m about to take you on a walk down Eddie Diaz-lane:

Buck doesn’t need someone to feel sorry for him or to indulge him. Buck needs someone to tell him that enough is enough. That’s where Eddie comes in. He is the one who steps in and tells Buck to stop spiralling, because that’s canonically what he does. Remember how Maddie had Buck’s friends and family check up on him in shifts after the lightning strike? Eddie was the only one who said no. Why? Not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew exactly what Buck needed and it wasn’t to be pampered, but to be understood. And lo an behold, who shows up on Eddie’s doorstep at the end of the day? Buck. Ready to commit murder because he is tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him. And Eddie is the only one who knew Buck enough to know this wouldn’t end well. He knows exactly what makes Buck tick.

He knows what Buck needs or doesn’t need. He knows that Buck sometimes gets into his own head a little too much and that is when he acts and does something small and inconspicuous that will resolve the situation.

Often times Buck only sees the worst sides of a problem and he becomes blind to the good things in life. That’s when Eddie steps in and puts him firmly back on the ground again, reminding him that he is loved by his friends and family and he’ll be okay.

Do you remember whose voice Buck heard when he disassociated in the scene with Gerrard? Eddie’s was most prominent. Why? Because he knows he can always count on Eddie to get him out of his spirals. Eddie understands him on a fundamental level. Throughout the whole time that Gerrard was the Captain of the 118, Buck was struggling while Eddie kept his cool. We saw him hovering near Buck a lot of the time, trying to give him some advice, but mostly he offered him silent support.

It’s at these difficult times when Eddie comes in and NO Nonny, this does not come with any strings attached. Yes, Eddie barged in and told Buck to take care of Chris before the tsunami, but not to get free child care. That was just an excuse, a little white lie. No, this was because he knew that Buck was wallowing in self-pity and he wanted to get him out of that pit. He told him that Chris never ever feels sorry for himself and that Buck should take that as an example. And it's exactly what Buck needed as well. Bringing Chris was a very clever diversion to get Buck out of the house and start living again. (Of course then they got caught in a tsunami, but that’s not the point here.)

The poker date had NOTHING to do with Eddie wanting to USE Buck’s math powers. I assure you, Buck is a grown man. If he hadn’t wanted to go on that poker date he wouldn’t have gone and if he hadn’t wanted to stay there, he could have just gotten up and left. Eddie wouldn’t have held it against him either, because that’s the kind of friend he is… selfless. In that episode we see that Eddie was bang on again. Buck thrived during that poker game. He had fun being the best and Eddie indulged him, keeping a close eye on him at all times. He knew exactly how to get Buck out of his funk and his spiral of self-pity.

When has Eddie ever been selfish in all of these scenarios? I’ll tell you… NEVER.

Another example: After Eddie got shot, Buck sat in that hospital chair, telling Eddie it should have been him that was shot. Eddie immediately said: OH HELL NO! He then revealed he had put in his will that Chris would go to Buck if anything ever happened to Eddie. And not just to the benefit of Chris, because we all know that boy would thrive with a caretaker like Buck, but also for Buck himself. Eddie knows that if anything were to happen to him, there wouldn’t be anyone there who understands him enough to get him out of that slump and that spiral of blaming himself. So he gave Buck a task and a goal, something to do to keep him focused and sharp. Buck would never give into self-blame if he had to take care of Chris.

Eddie has consistently been shown to be willing to step in to Buck’s messes, sitting down next to him and listening to his plight. The hospital talk after Chimney got stabbed and Buck decided it was a great idea to illegally get into Chim’s phone? Eddie sat next to him and really listened, told him that he understood, but that he was still in the wrong. Buck needed to hear that, as he was increasingly getting more and more anxious about Maddie. He needed the voice of reason.

The balcony talk, after Chim had given Buck the black eye, where Eddie reassured him that Chimney would forgive him. Sure, he did it with a joke, but again that was what was needed. That joke provided some levity to the situation. Something Buck absolutely appreciated in that moment.

Even that last scene in 8x06. Eddie had just danced in joy (and in his underwear), the bell rings and who's there? Buck, looking miserable. Eddie could have turned him away, unwilling to deal with his obvious bad mood. Instead he just welcomed him in and no words needed to be spoken. His quiet acceptance was enough to let Buck know that he would be there for him, no matter what.

Point is, Eddie Diaz KNOWS Evan Buckley to the core and there isn’t anything he isn’t willing to do for him. Nothing he has ever done for Buck came with strings attached.

And as for Buck helping Eddie out and doing all of the things you listed? That’s just the way Buck loves. He loves completely and wholly. Once you are a part of his family, he will go above and beyond for you, no questions asked. He goes to bat for Eddie again and again. Him and Chris are two of the most important people in his life and Buck loves to give selflessly to the people he loves.

So taking care of Chris, babysitting him? That’s not a hardship for him. He does it with love and joy. Showing up for Eddie with his leg in a cast? Eddie never asked him to do that. He decided to do this because of love. Helping Eddie out during and after the breakdown? He willingly stepped into Eddie’s mess because that is the way Buck loves.

I could go on and on about this, but I’ll end it here.

Bottom line is this Nonny…

NO! Eddie doesn’t wait until Buck comes to him to ask for help. He gives him some time, yes. But then, when he sees him struggling? That’s when he steps in to help him out, to care for him, to love him the way Buck deserves to be loved. The only selfishness Eddie indulges in is that he WANTS and NEEDS to see Buck happy again. Because seeing Buck happy? That is what makes Eddie happy.

So NO, he has never treated Buck like shit and he never will. Neither has anyone else on the 118 by the way. Buck was treated like shit by his parents, that’s true, but the moment he stepped into the 118 he found his family. And they always treat him with the respect and love he deserves.

I’m not going to get too deep into the lawsuit arc, because I think both Buck and the 118 made some mistakes there, but in the end they got through it, which is what a good family does. Eddie was a little prickly in the beginning sure, but he had good reason for that. Buck had hung out all of his dirty laundry to that stupid lawyer. But they got through it and their bond became even stronger. At the end of that arc I do feel like everyone in the 118 understood Buck a little better than before. So did Eddie.

So NO. They don’t need to have some kind of conversation about this ‘imaginary’ problem you think they have Nonny. They do however, need to sit down and have a conversation about what they want out of life and how to go on from there. Them having been friends for so long, the switch to become more than friends is huge. They definitely need to talk about that and about Chris’s part in that as well. Whatever decision they make and take in life, Chris will be a part of it.

*deep breath*

Okay, I feel like I got out of my system what I needed to get out.

Listen Nonny, I appreciate you taking the time to drop something in my ask box and asking for some outside perspective, but in the future? Maybe keep these very bad and wrong takes about Eddie Diaz out of my ask box and just post them on your own blog? I’m sure you’ll find people out there who will agree with you, but I am decidedly NOT that person.

Thank you kindly. 😌

[ko-existing]

Hello Ko! I'm so glad you joined Tumblr, I think out of everyone I know and follow, you are the most trustworthy person to get information from. You truly know what you're talking about and you're very very helpful to us with questions. ❤️ I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible because I don't want to make you read a long, rant-ish question. Basically, I really really need some guidance/advice. Like I need some serioussss help..

For about 6 years, I've been "trying" to manifest, reality shift etc. I was focused on desires and getting. I was focused on doing methods to get things and "trying" things. would look all the time for information and "how to's" because I just wanted to shift realities so badly so I could experience all of the crazy things I would imagine. Nothing ever worked for me, not once in those 6 years. I eventually started to panic and think I was wasting years of my life on stuff that wasn't real (yet I'd still hope and try anyway) however I found non-dualism. Like I said, I was VERY focused on desires and getting, so as much as I told myself that I understand non-dualism, deep down I was still attached to ego and understood nothing. I viewed nondualism as a method. I still wanted desires deep down, even if I tried to say "No I want to be free!". I've now come to accept that if I truly want to be free, I need to genuinely STOP seeking desires and things of the ego. I need to accept that if I'm gonna be stuck on desiring, then ND isn't for me. So with that said, I told myself I'd follow non dualism properly and I wouldn't use it as a manifestation or shifting method.

This is the part where I ask for advice. When you're someone who has been stuck up on wanting to shift realities and get things so badly, for SO long, it's hard to let it all go suddenly. I don't know how to drop these thoughts that I get. I feel delusional and depressed because I hate this "life". I remind myself that it isn't real but then I feel insane and I tell myself I need to accept reality and stop hoping for miracles. I no longer wish to fulfill desires or use methods, I want to be free from feeling like this, I want to genuinely not live as if I'm ego anymore but it feels like my thoughts never stop. In the back of my mind, I always think "but I just wanna shift" "I'm delusional" "I am this body/mind"

Ko, I need any kind of guidance. Is there some materials I should read? I'll honestly read whatever books necessary. I don't know what to do 😅 I want to have the same understanding you do. I go to sleep every night thinking "maybe I can wake up in a new reality" and it completely defeats the purpose of me having no duality. I'm always hoping and trying, even when I don't want to "hope" or "try". I get so confused so easily and I think about going back to manifestation, but it never worked and I got depressed because of it. I want to free myself from these ego emotions, free from thinking I need this or that, free from having duality. I want to TRULY understand nondualism and live that way. Forgive me if this is long! I didn't intend to trauma dump or vent in your ask box, like I said before you're just one of the people I trust most. You're very knowledgeable on nondualism and I appreciate your posts very very much 🤍

First step, understand that Non dualism is ONLY(!!!!!!!!!!) a POINTER to what 'you' are. Being fixiated on 'trying to understand ND' is a trap you shouldn't fall into. I used it as a pointer(!) i do not "practise" any concepts.

I cannot stress enough how it is ONLY A POINTER, NOT THE "SOLUTION" NOR "ABSOLUTE TRUTH". "THAT" which you fundamentally are, IS Absolute.

Who has been "trying" all this time? -> The 'person' you THINK you are.

Who "wants" to understand? -> The 'person' you THINK you are

Use it as a pointer and then drop it.

I'm so serious, NEVER see it as the solution, it is a trap to do so. It will help as a start but go BEYOND that. It is nothing but another concept TO HELP.

A lot of you speak about the "ego" like it is some separate entity causing confusion and suffering but it is not. It is ONLY(!!!!!) who you THINK(!!!!) you are. If you stopped thinking about it, could you tell me who you seemingly are?

There are no books needed to """understand""" the basics of this concept, even if you read it, to drop it and be beyond such illusory concepts, is something that is done with or without books.

What you are can NEVER be defined. "THAT" has no name, no label, no characteristics. Nothingness. Yet it seems(!!!!!!) to contain "everything".. but "everything" = "nothingness".

By repeatedly returning to "Nothingness", it becomes clear that you never actually left that "Nothingness" and that it is everywhere.

Drop every label and concept. Everything you SEEM to know. What are you left with?

-> " "

If 'you' want to, you can listen to "YourHigherSelf" on YouTube or the shorter videos of Swami Sarvapriyananda on YouTube.

But again, seeking continously for the Absolute, is a funny game and an even funnier trap. Have enough discipline to not do that and simply BE.

[milaisreading]

Hello~ Just want to tell you that your blue lock manager series is absolutely amazing! Feel that my life have became better since I found your blog. I already dropped some requests in your ask box, hope that was ok. x) and I definitely wanna read the part 2 about y/n's time with Bastards. I can imagine that Kaiser and Ness both want her attention (Ness is happy at heart that she likes him more that Kaiser and Kaiser wants go get her attention for himself finally) and Noa warm up for her too and now wants her to stay as official Bastards manager (poor real official manager, omg x)).

Oh, sorry, I can't be short not only in requests, which seems like a headcanons, not like requests, but also in my thoughts and messages. x)

Bless your blog! Wish you lots of inspiration! And feel free to talk and rant about bllk or manager to me if you want.

Author: Here ya go! They would all three honestly be a mess right after she leaves😭 it's funny to think of it tbh. Hope u enjoy this one tho!

Warnings ⚠️ : reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Blue lock belongs to:Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

Basically a continuation of this

'This is just like the first day at Blue Lock... I am about to throw up...' (Y/n) gulped as she nervously played around with the hem of her new uniform. It felt weird to be wearing the Bastard München one, when for the past months she had been wearing the one of Blue Lock.

'Is this what butterflies in the stomach feel like?!' (Y/n) thought as she waited for the coach to walk out of his office.

'Can't believe I will ne working for THE Noel Noa for the next 3 weeks! Should I ask him for an autograph for Isagi? No, that would be creepy! Haaaa I think Ego-san in the beginning was less stressful.' (Y/n) gulped as the door finally opened and the white-haired man walked out.

"Ah, you are here already. Pretty early too, I thought you won't be here until 8." Noa said, sounding genuinely surprised that (Y/n) was there earlier, since it was only 6.30.

"I always start earlier back in Japan. Sorry."

The girl said, sounding a little panicked that the man might find it weird.

"No need to apologize, it's good to that you did come earlier. It will give me now more of a chance to show you around. Come." Noel said as (Y/n) followed after the man.

'So cool!'

The tour around the stadium lasted for about an hour, with Noel giving her some introductions where certain places and rooms are, as well as what her role will be.

'Essentially I am doing what I did at Blue Lock, just for a professional team. I can do that!' (Y/n) perked up as Noel called out her name again.

"Yes?"

"If Kaiser says something uncalled for, tell me. He can be quite a handful." The French player explained as (Y/n) nodded her head.

"Thank you Noel-san, I will keep that in mind. I just wanted to know what the training plan was for the next 3 weeks? And if I can have a list with all the players? I want to be able to write the progress the players make during my time here."

"You won't be needing those, as I said you are just doing what you did in Japan-"

"I actually do that."

Noel blinked down at the girl as she felt her face turn redder in embarrassment.

'I shouldn't have said that?!'

"Ego makes you do all that?" The coach asked as the girl shook her head.

"Not really! I do it on my own freewill, I like keeping notes and analyzing." (Y/n) explained, which made Noel nod his head and then pointed at a nearby bench.

"You can wait over there, I will get you those things."

(Y/n) sighed in relief as she did as told and Noel went to his office to get the requested items.

'I wonder how the player here usually are. I know they are good,monsters more, when they play against other teams, but watching them train will be so cool!' (Y/n) thought, not realizing that two figures were approaching her, until...

"Ah! Ness, your little girlfriend is here." Kaiser exclaimed, putting an arm around the girl's shoulder.

"Kaiser, please leave her alone." Ness said, sounding a little annoyed as the girl looked at them both.

"Where did you two even come from? I didn't hear you."

"You looked lost in your thoughts, maybe that's why you didn't hear us. We came a little earlier to greet you." Ness explained. (Y/n) nodded her head, blushing a little as he smiled and removed Kaiser's arm from her. The blonde tsked a little as the two talked, still not over the fast that a girl picked Ness over him.

'Well I do have 3 weeks to change her mind.' Kaiser thought as he watched the duo talk over some random things.

"Good job you two. That was a pretty cool trick." (Y/n) said as she handed the duo their water bottles. It was the 2nd day by now and (Y/n) had made out a plan on what and how to do things. Noel was positively surprised how well she adjusted to the team and by the notes she had taken in the two days. Ness and Kaiser would act as her translators if one of the senior staff members told her something or to go to the store.

"You are doubting the great Michael Kaiser now?" The blonde wondered as Ness clapped a little.

"Well, the bar for you is low, so whatever you do will be interesting." (Y/n) said back, and to Kaiser's surprise Ness said nothing. He would usually attack anyone who offended Kaiser, but he couldn't bring himself to be the same with (Y/n). Something about the girl just warmed his heart, and he couldn't deny the small bit of satisfaction that she had picked him over Kaiser back then.

"Is that so? Then you will be in for a ride. Better keep your socks on unless you want me to knock them off."

"Hmmm..."

"So you finished the papers I gave you?" Noel asked at the end of the first week, surprised with how fast she had done the job. He expected her to need the whole 3 weeks to finish, but here he was holding them.

"Yeah, Ness and Kaiser helped me out with the translations and I got this ready too."

(Y/n) said, handing Noel the notebook she had been using for the past week. The man quietly started reading as a knock was heard and Kaiser barged in.

"Noel, is (Y/n) done yet? Ness and I are hungry!"

The man looked up from the notebook and looked at the blonde in confusion.

"What does she have to do with it? Just go and eat."

"She owes us food for being her translators." Kaiser argued as Ness peeked inside.

"This was Kaiser's idea."

Noel sighed and nodded his head, telling the three they are free to go. Once Ness and Kaiser pulled (Y/n) out, Noa kept on reading the notes, amazed with some of the things that caught her eyes.

"Hmm..."

"We are going to that food stand!" Kaiser announced as Ness stayed quiet while (Y/n) looked at it in confusion.

"Here? Alright, I would have expected you two to prefer some fancier place." (Y/n) commented as Ness patted her back and Kaiser handed her a piece of paper.

"I wrote down what you should order, now don't make my hours of teaching you German go futile."

"It was more Ness teaching anyways-"

"Technicalities. Now go." Kaiser said as he pulled (Y/n) along while Ness simply smiled along.

The 2nd week started off with the club having their day off, so Kaiser and Ness decided to use the opportunity to bring (Y/n) to some famous places in Munich. It was a rather cold day and while she wanted to refuse at first, Ness kept on asking so she caved in, to which Kaiser was a little offended.

"Are you still mad I told you no?" (Y/n) wondered as they ate breakfast.

"I am more offended that you told me no, while not even 3 minutes later saying yes to Ness." Kaiser argued, sending a side glare to the magenta-eyed eyed boy.

"I think those are skill issues on your part." Ness said, earning a laughter from (Y/n).

"Also, Ness was less aggressive about it." The girl blushed as she sent a few glances at Ness, who was flattered by the attention. Kaiser cleared his throat and leaned against his chair.

"Lovely, you two make me want to throw up-"

"Anyways, I made us a plan where we can go. We are in luck that today is less of a crowded day..."

With narrowed eyes, Kaiser stared at Ness and (Y/n) as the boy started explaining everything to her. It was honestly annoying how she was looking at him and hanging onto every word of his.

'Meanwhile she is pretending like I don't exist or isn't taking me seriously. Do I have to act nice around her to get some attention?'

"What...are you doing exactly?" (Y/n) asked as she walked into the storage room to get the equipment for the day. Kaiser turned around as he held the big box, surprised that she was here now.

"Helping."

"Why?" (Y/n) wondered, never expecting the blonde to pick up a box for her.

"Because I want to help you while you are still here." Kaiser answered simply and the girl nodded her head. His voice was a lot softer, making his words sound a lot more genuine than usually.

"I...uh thank you." (Y/n) said timidly and looked at her feet, a sight that made Kaiser stop and stare at her for a moment.

"Nothing worth mentioning." He smiled and (Y/n) followed after him, still in shock from his genuine words.

"Today's practice has left me a mess. I can't wait to sleep." Ness muttered as he leaned against the wall of the stadium, both him and (Y/n) waiting for Kaiser to finish changing.

"Really? I didn't notice it on you. You seemed to enjoy yourself a lot." (Y/n) spoke up as the magenta-eyed boy nodded his head.

"I did, football and playing with Kaiser makes me happy... a lot. But the day was just too tiring. Thanks for being here and helping us, I think it would have been a lot harder otherwise." Ness said, genuinely happy the girl was here with them, with him.

'I really wish I was in Blue Lock sometimes.'

"It's really nothing, I like helping you guys." (Y/n) grinned.

"Say.... why did I catch your attention of all people?" Ness suddenly spoke up, his face turning as red as (Y/n)'s was.

"I like your charisma...and the way you play football, it really looks like a magical performance."

'Also your smile is adorable!' (Y/n) finished the last part in her head, not daring to sat it out loud.

"Oh... I didn't think my play was that special. But thank you." Ness said with a soft smile.

"(Y/n), did you put up all the equipment?" Noel asked as the girl looked up from some papers the man gave her.

"Yep! I asked the assistant coach for some help though. Also! I finished writing down the plan for next week and I made an analysis diagram of the past two weeks. Kaiser went up with his speed and Ness became a lot swifter with his dribbling."

Noel looked at the said items again as (Y/n) continued speaking, the out of the blue patted her head.

"H-huh?" She stopped and looked up to see the man smiling softly at her.

"Great job. I will bring these to my office. Thank you."

"No... problem..." (Y/n) watched Noel leave with a flustered expression as Kaiser approached her with a pout and put a towel over her head.

"Hey?!"

"A bird pooped on you! Let me wipe it off!' The blonde said.

'Damn you,Noel.' Kaiser thought, glaring at the back of the man's head.

It was the third week now and Noel was nervously on the phone, waiting for Ego to answer.

"Yes?" Came the man's bored voice from the other side.

"I will cut to the chase. How much money do you want for (Y/n) to transfer to us?"

"Nothing, she is coming back to Japan this week. You all have a manager already. We need (Y/n) back here."

"Please Ego, she does a way better job than our manager did while he was here. Understand me too." Noel groaned, already dreading the day the man comes back. He wasn't bad or lazy... he just lacked the enthusiasm for the sport.

"I understand, but I do not care. (Y/n) is coming back this week." With that the man ended the call and the Frenchman sighed.

"Maybe she will have a change of heart in a month or two."

"Here! These are for you two." (Y/n) said, handing Kaiser and Ness two boxes. Confused, the boys took the boxes and observed them, one was blue and the other one was a light purple shade.

"What are these?" Kaiser raised an eyebrow as Ness kept staring at his with a lost look.

"I made some chocolates for you two, as a gift for helping me out these past 3 weeks."

With a red face, Ness started saying it was nothing and how they did just a normal thing. Kaiser felt his own face heat up a little bit too and he cleared his throat.

"It was nothing..." The duo looked at Kaiser, surprised by his soft tone.

"But why are you ficing us these now?"

"Huh? I am leaving for Japan tomorrow morning, what other time can I give them to you?"

"Tomorrow morning?!"

"And you didn't tell us anything?!" Ness and Kaiser asked in shock as (Y/n) raised her eyebrow.

"I thought Noel-san told you two..."

The two stopped talking and thought over her words, remembering that the man did mention something related to (Y/n), but they zoned out right after he said her name.

"Well, let's spend the rest of the time we have left with you." Kaiser said bitterly, pulling (Y/n) by the sleeve of her jacket.

"Yeah, let's make the best of what we have left." Ness added putting his arm around her shoulders.

"Do you two have to be this close though?" (Y/n) asked with a flustered face.

"Yes!"

[vikingstoner69]

Fandom; one piece

Paring: Zoro/reader

Warnings; unsafe sex, biting, choking, possoves zoro

A/N: I know this took absolutely forever! I'm really sorry it's been a rough month for me and haven't been able to do much writing. As always feedback is always welcome and my ask box is open as well.

You can see your breath as you walk beside Brook where you were freezing in this part of wano. Things had taken a turn for the worst like normal and you all were now being hunted down. You had heard Zoro was badly injured so you came with Brook to see how he was doing, you were not expecting what you found though.

"We were just sleeping!" You hear Zoro yell and peek your head inside to find Zoro laying on a mat with a beautiful woman laying beside him and you feel your heart crack. Zoro and you had been fooling around and as time went on you had thought he had felt the same you did, guess not. Biting your lip you feel eyes on you and see Zoro stare at you but you don't look him in the eye.

"I'm going back to the hut Brook" you say loudly enough for everyone to hear as tears feel your eyes. You had no right to be angry. He was not yours to clam and he could do whatever he wanted but It still hurt more than you had liked.

"Well okay, are you sure? We just got here" he says looking at you, you look at him then finally at Zoro once you pull yourself together, you would not let him see how much this hurt you.

"Yeah, I have seen all I need too and he is clearly more than fine" you say harshly, venom laced at the end making Brook look at you oddly and you heard a groan come from the hut you were standing at.

"Oi! (Y/N)! Wait!" You hear Zoro call but you ignore him and keep walking. You bite your lip harshly and hold back yours when you feel him grab your arm.

"Let go!" You snap, turning and yanking your arm free, you were pissed and hurt and wanted to be left alone. Zoro glares at you and your tone.

"What is the matter with you!?" He growls clearly not happy with your attitude but you didn't really care at that point. You ball your hands into fits wanting to punch him but you think better of it.

"Why don't you go back to her, I'm done being your plaything Zoro!" You snarl and turn away from heading back into your hut slamming the slide door behind you leaving you in a low lit room with the only light coming from the fire. You roughly rub your eyes from the tears and you felt like you wanted to scream.

"You wanna explain what you mean by that" you jump and swing around at his voice, the glim in his eye is dangerous and you almost feel like prey under his stare.

"You heard exactly what I said Zoro! I'm done with whatever the hell this is! I'm done being in love with a man who doesn't feel the same! Im-" your rant is cut off as your back hits the wall and you look up at Zoro who now towers over you and you feel your stomach drop, you knew he would never hurt you but that look excited you more than it should.

"You're not leaving me (y/n) and you're more than a play thing! Your mine" he said huskily and your mouth goes dry at his words. Zoro leans down and kisses you deeply pulling your face and body close to him and your arms are placed on his chest. You try to push him away but he is hard as stone making him growl and nip your lip and you moan.

"But your injury?" You moan as he sucks a mark into your neck. Zoro chuckles darkly before he bites leaving a mark behind that he soothes with his tongue making you cry out.

"Nothing is going to stop me from showing you that you're mine in every way" he says huskily, never breaking eye contact, your hands run up his chest to rest behind his neck where you run your nails through his hair there making him shiver.

"And you're mine?" You whisper his lips so close to yours. Zoro reaches for your hand and he places it on his chest.

"Every last part of me til I take my last breath" he says, you lean up and kiss him deeply and he growls lifting you up and you wrap your legs around him and moan at the friction. Zoro carries you over to the mat on the floor and lays you down hovering over you. Zoro undresses you leaving you bere under him.

"Zoro!" You moan your back arching as he kisses and bites down your neck. You reach up pushing his kimono open and your nails run down his chest making him growl. You lean up kissing and biting his neck leaving marks behind and he groans grinding into you.

"Who do you belong to?" He asks huskily his hot length running through your folds making you moan and you look up at him.

"You zoro I belong to you, and you belong to me" you moan and he smirks before he slowly enters you and you cling to him. You let out a moan at the stretch and burn as he bottoms out, no matter how many times you two have done this he always feels too big.

“Always so wet and tight for me” he groans as he lets you adjust. You lean up and kiss him deeply, nipping his bottom lip making him growl.

“Always for you, now fuck me zoro I need you” you moan clinging to him tightly. Zoro groans and starts to move his thrusts rocking your body making your nails claw down his back.

“Fuck your mine! All mine” he growls his hand wrapped around your throat as he pounded into you making you cry out his name.

“Oh fuck zoro! There!” You cry out as your toes curl. Zoro snarls at the sounds he was making you make and every time your nails clawed down his back he would see stars.

“Fuck! I wanna feel you cum on my cock” he growled as he pounded into you. You cling to him as the knot grows tighter, you are so close.

“Zoro please, I'm so close!” You moan your hips thrusts up taking him deeper and he groans.

“Come for me” he groans and you tighten around him as you cum hard.

“Zoro!” You cry out as you cum, Zoro hips slams into you once more before he stalls and you feel his hot cum shoot inside of you.

“God Dammit (y/n)” he pants as he leans his head down trying to catch his breath as you do the same. Zoro pulls back and grins down at you as he slowly pulls out loving the face you make every time he does. You look up at him and stroke his face softly and he leans down and kisses you deeply, stealing your breath once again.

“Never forget your mind, but I'm always here to remind you” he chuckled dark and you lean up your naked breasts rub his chest and you feel his cock twitch. You grin and flip him on his back so you were now straddling him, his hands resting on your hips as you lean down close to his ear.

“your mine Zoro don't you forget that, don't make me chain you up” you say hottiy in his ear before biting his neck.

“Promise?” He chuckles darkly and you sit up a bit.

“Don't start something we don't have time for” you smirk, climbing off him and looking for your clothes.

“Just you wait” he grins.

[thedragoninsideyourself]

Helloooo,

I'm dropping this into your ask box because of the post you made about a Cody-centric fanfic? I love the concept so much!!! I have so many thoughts about Cody on Kamino, his feelings on Clone Culture and him beeing just such an amazing Commander, brother and mum. Cause he is mum coded. I probably wont fit them all into this rant so it's possible that I will randomly ask you again, because I remembered something or I had an idea, I hope you don't mind :).

So first of all, you said you wanted to deal with Cody and Jango wich I find realy cool. I realy would love to see maybe some interaction or at least Cody's thoughts on Boba as well. I think the clones might have mixed feelings about Boba since he is treated so differently but is he actually? I mean do they ever get jelous or annoyed by him? I don't think Cody would be but maybe some of his brothers. And what's ot like for Boba, with no real friends his age, because they all age mucg faster then him? Does he even know the clones? Mhmmm many thoughts here as you can maybe tell.

Also I don't know how you wan't to do the whole Jango and Cody relationship (feel free to ignore this haha), but I always imagined that, personality-wise Cody would not actually like him. With Jango beeing a bounty hunter who sells his Service to the highest bidder, beeing a lone fighter and also rather self-centric and a bit arrogant, I imagine he would not fit well with Cody's loyalty, his morals, his selflessness and his devotion to his brothers. However, I think Cody is fascinated by what Jango represents. He is an original. He has knowlege of the world outside of Kamino. He is allowed to have a personality. He is free. He is his own human beeing. These are all things, Cody wants so badly, for himself and for all his brothers. And, through Jango, he can get little glimpses at that, can phantom what it would mean or be like, can catch a glimmer of hope. Even though it could be argued that this aching and knowing you have to settle for a fraction of everything youncould be is worse than having never known about the possibilities at all. That's why I think his relationship with Jango is incredibly important, because it's not just about them as persons but also about the collision of their worlds and the clones' potential and what the Kaminoans made them.

I don't know how you want to approach clone culture, if you want it mandalorian or not, (I always imagine a heavy mandalorian influence, but altered to fit their restricted lifes and added with little things that come just from their very unusual everyday life on Kamino) but if you want Mandalorian Influence then I think Jango plays a very important role in that as well. And maybe that's also why Cody has very complicated feelings about him. I think Clone Culture is incredibly important to him, because it can make them feel like people and Jango brought them something to start with, to hold onto. Does he idiolize Jango? I don't think so. Not as a person. But he wouldn't be who he is without him (he wouldn't even exist wow) so... it's complicated.

I think my feelings about his batch are a topic for another time, but I NEED them adopting Baby Rex. That's very important to me. They are all protective older brothers.

On the Codywan topic: I like to imagine that Cody already catched a glimpse at him when Obi Wan visited Kamino in AotC. And... not to say that he had an instant crush, but I do think seeing someone from the outside world, maybe even the first other human that didn't bear his face, had a huge impact on him. I actually wrote a scene about that a while ago (someday I will get on with writing my own Codywan Fics haha), it's in german but if you want I can translate it and send it to you so you can see what I mean. I think his visit probably was a huge turning point in their time on Kamino. It meant the war was coming and they all anticipated it, but did they realy want it to come? It would get them off Kamino, but they would also most likely die sooner or later.

In terms of them realy meeting and falling in love I usually cant even decide what flavor I prefer. I usually love the shit out of every Codywan variety, if it's a Cody fresh from Kamino still ideolizing the Jedi and then beeing taken aback by how much they actually care and how unsuited for war they realy are. Or if he has had a few missions already and then beeing surprised that Obi Wan is actually quite capable and conpetent. Anyway I think Obi Wan earns Cody's respect by beeing competend and badass, then his trust by caring for his men and always listening to Cody in making his plans and decisions and then his love by beeing his caring, compessionate, selfless and loving self. Obi Wan is just so effortlessly treating them like persons, with him, Cody doesn't have to fight for that and it makes everything so much lighter. They share the burgen of leadership and trsponsibilty and it's a heavy burden but together it's just a little bit easier, just a little bit more durable. But hey, you know all this, I'm just rambling at this point.

Depending how early into the war you want them to meet, I also love some Cody and PadawanAnakin interaction. Just him and Rex getting into shenenigans as Commander and Captain of the 212th and Cody and Obi Wan standing by, facepalming. Older sybling solidarity is important part of their dynamic to me haha.

Oh god, I already wrote far to much, but just for the last part: I'd love for clone-rebellion-era Cody to meet either of Quinlan, Ventress and Hondo, if not all of them. Ventress' history with the clones (Wolffe) and Obi Wan would make for a very interesting dynamic and I can see him just beeing completely done with Hondo and Quinlan, just like he was in Clone Wars (their dynamic was already so fun to watch haha), only now, they also remind him of Obi Wan and he doesn't now if that makes it better or worse but it certainly makes it more personal. Especially with Quinlan it's probably hard, he has every reason not to trust Cody and to Cody it's probsbly hard to accept that Quinlan survived if he at this point still thinks that Obi Wan died. If not, maybe Quinlan can help him find Obi Wan and then we also have Quinlan and Obi Wan Reunion! Only if you even want a reunion of course haha.

OK anyway I'm sorry I rambled and I also apologize for the millions of spelling mistakes I probably made but... You asked! I will probably be back with more thoughts if you'll have me, haha. Keep me updated with how this fic is coming along, I'd hate to miss it :)!

Lots of fun and good writing!

I'm really hapoy you reached out and shared your ideas with me, that's why i put that post up after all ;)

I've already written part of the Kamino Arc by now, but I will try to include what you said, because it actually fits rather well with what I already have. In my story Jango takes an interest in Cody first and pays special attention to him. In the beginning Cody likes this and feels more mandalorian pride, but throughout the next years his admiration for Jango and what he stands for transforms into resentment because he matures and learns what it means for Jango to do what he had done and also, because the special treatment he gets separates him from his brother's. He realizes the unfairness of how his brothers are treated and how they seem to start to dislike Cody too. He transforms from Kote, who is Jango's protege, to Cody, who is the clone's certified big brother. He's a bit proud and selfish in the beginning, but I want to show how he changes and how he came to care about his brothers so much, even more than most other clones.

I'm not at the Rex part yet, but Cody will probably notice him and the batch will adopt him.

At the moment Cody and Boba have a really good relationship, due to Jango liking Cody. But when Cody eventually prioritizes his brothers over being Janho'g favourite and starts to get angry with him, Boba will probably feel abandoned by him. I feel like he would think Cody has chosen everything else over him and Jango probably won't let them spend time with each other anymore. So Boba once loved Cody and eventually resents him for leaving him alone once more. Boba grew up isolated from everyone else and Cody was one of the only ones Jango allowed to spend time with him, since the other clones don't like Boba for getting to be a child.

Cody focuses a lot of his time on the clones afterwards and neglects his relationship with Boba. I will come back to this later when Jango dies and the whole thing with Boba and Mace and the Bounty Hunters starts during the war.

I hope this fits with what you think about Cody's characterization.

Feel free to add anything you want to this. You can also ask questions, if you want to know how I'll handle certain relationships or events.

I'm not really planning the Codywan part until I'm finished with Kamino and know where this story has led me, but I will come back to your points then.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you like mine hahha

I also plan on uploading a glimpse of the beginning sometime next week and I hope you'll give me feedback on that one. :)

PS. I'm actually German too, so if you want to you can send me yours. That's also why I'd be glad for everyone to point out spelling mistakes or something similar.

[seiwas]

sel sel sel!!! its been a while since i popped into ur ask box so i thought id thank u for ur rb on my gojo drabble here :3 i come w treats 🍵☕️🍩🍪🍰!!

but god sel u r. the sweetest in the universe i think?? i appreciate you so so much for working ur way through my masterlist 😥🥺 n taking the time to pick out lines and comment so thoughtfully on everything!! (pls dont feel pressured to keep going if its draining tho!!! just knowing that u enjoyed them makes me so happy!! <33) u always say the kindest things and u always Get it so well too… ur spoiling me w all ur bigbrained thoughts i love reading em sm <3

as always im so happy u enjoyed my characterization of our boy 🥺🥺 means sm coming from u!! i dont write for teen gojo v often but i see him and adult gojo as fairly different… to me teen gojo is in this state where hes detached, but still has some kind of hope that he can breach that distance and connect w others…. while adult gojo is totally resigned to the impossibility of anyone genuinely understand him </3 but thats also why i can see teen gojo having a crush and like. wanting to Act on it as opposed to adult gojo who feels one single ounce of intimacy and immediately backs off LMAO

im trying not to rant too much in ur ask box PHDJD but!! i rly do want u to know how grateful i am for u!!! knowing that u like my writing means the world to me 🥺😥 all ur comments r so thoughtful and u rly do always see exactly what im trying to do w certain lines n dynamics and its just :’3 yeah. im picking u up and spinning u around!!! i hope this week treats u w all the kindness that u deserve sel <333

ari omg?!!?! 🥺 YOU are so sweet coming in here, thanking me with this looooong and sweeeeet message 🥺

read ari’s drabble here

i am munching on all those treats 🥺 thank you so much 🥺🫶🏻

i am soooo far from completing your masterlist omg this is just the tip of the iceberg!! truly!!! i always save ur works for a time when i know i’ll be in the right headspace to read and process it 🥺 but!! i am always so excited and happy to leave my comments on your stuff!! i adore the way you write and characterise!! you deserve every bit of appreciation 🥺

YOU have a big brain pls. 😭 i agree that teen gojo varies so much from adult gojo & i think the turning point was probs suguru 😭 i love the hope you attach to gojo as a teen, how he still hopes for something amidst everything 🥺 it also just ACHES me to think that he’s turned a bit jaded as an adult and no longer thinks anyone will get him 😭

pls feel free to drop by w everything and all that you wanna share ari 🥺 i appreciate YOU so much for writing works like this, for also being so supportive of others’ stuff, for being sososo sweet 🥺 i hope u r getting all the love u deserve this week ily 🥺

[almostangrything]

So, I just finished reading Amulet.

Small rant, feel free to skip, cuz I'm expressing my distaste for a ship.

So, Triva. In the series, Riva is set up as Trellis' love interest. I have a few concerns with this, and one of my main reasons that I dislike tis ship is because I ship Tremily more. Now, Triva has the capacity to be a nice ship. It's just now my cup of tea, and for multiple reasons. For starters, I've always viewed their relationship as more of a sibling one. Riva sometimes acts like Trellis' older sister, and Trellis certainly seems to think of her as a sister/good friend. I also don't think it's definitely canon. Might be grasping straws, but still.

I know Riva says she has that vision, but, and correct me if I'm wrong, she's never been show before to have any psychic abilities. Her vision was probably a daydream or dream, and although she says it's about Trellis, she might have just substituted him in bc she needs a family. And as for the kid we see her carrying in the end of Waverider, I don't think she would have had a baby so soon, bc that was not nine months. She probably found him and adopted him (also for the two kids in the vision, I like to imagine that they're Riva's adopted kids, and Trellis gets to be the cool uncle. Emily is the wine aunt who drops in occasionally to give them amazing life advice, help them learn how to do or evade taxes, and give them harmonicas).

Onto my bigger reason for why I dislike this ship. Trellis is confirmed to be the elf equivalent of 16. The war began when Riva was a teenager, which was easily at least 30-50 years ago. I know elves age slowly, but she's mayor of Lucien. How many teenagers are mayor of a whole city? She's definitely already a grown adult, and while I'm not going to hate people for shipping them, I find the ship a little discomforting.

I think that's everything. If you stuck around this long and want to discuss Amulet, or Triva/Tremily and other ships, you can use this post or send me an ask, and my message box is always open! But please don't send hate, these are just my opinions.

[katsukisilkbonnet]

Bookworm

Hi everyone, first off I want to start off by thanking you all for your support! It means a lot to me and inspires me to want to post more content. I’ve decided to turn this cute little drabble into a series since so many people like it, I think I’m going to name the series Bookworm as well.

Once again, thank you for everything, my ask box is open and as always enjoy yourself.

Minors DNI

                                             ______________

Pairing: Dilf!Kirishima x Librarian!Reader

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Age gap, 

                                             ______________

“Hello?”

“H-hi, um it’s Eijirou Kirishima, the uh, the dad from the library. Well that doesn’t really help much-'' He begins to ramble and can’t seem to stop himself.

“Yes, I remember you and your adorable daughter. You both come in every week for more children’s stories.” You complete his sentence and he quietly lets a sigh fall past his lips.

“Yeah that’s us, if she hasn’t told you already, her name is Mia, and you can call me Eji, or Kirishima, or if Kiri works for you then that works for me.” He subconsciously walks back and forth, very similar to a girl in high school talking to her crush.

He trips himself up on his mini stroll when a low giggle leaves your lips, your laugh makes him perk up in ways he never knew were possible, is he crazy for feeling this way so fast? Or does he finally deserve a chance at happiness like everyone keeps saying?

“You have a beautiful laugh.” He bites his lip almost immediately after the compliment, hoping it didn’t come off as strange.

“Thank you Kiri, I think you’ve got a gorgeous smile. Mia resembles you a lot.” He feels himself full on blush at the way you compliment him and his daughter.

“She’s a pretty girl, just like her daddy.” Kirishima stops in his tracks after the word rolls off your tongue. He had to release his grip on the couch after the words left your mouth, he shouldn’t be affected by such a word, but it’s been so long since he’s been touched or even shown proper romantic affection. 

“Thank you, you’re too sweet. We enjoy seeing such a beautiful woman like you too.” He sits down on his couch and leans back against the pillows.

“Oh I’m beautiful? It seems like you’re trying to one up me Kiri. I’m pretty competitive when it comes to complimenting people, so I don’t think you want to go there with me.” You threaten him playfully, ending your little rant with a laugh. 

He laughs along with you and sighs out in happiness, closing his eyes while he listens to you tell him about your day. 

He feels the nerves leave his body as you continue to talk to him more and more, he didn’t realize that you two had ended up on the phone for almost two hours.

“I’m sorry if I kept you up, I hope you don’t have to be up too early.” He says apologetically, glancing at the time on his phone as he plugs it into the charger.

“Actually I’m off work tomorrow, well technically speaking today. And even if I had work today, I’d still end up talking to you.” You let out a quiet yawn, slipping under your bed sheets.

“You flatter me Y/N, I mean that. You make me feel young again, not that I’m old! I mean there’s nothing wrong with getting older either, it’s just-”

You cut him off with another one of your angelic laughs and he rubs his hand over his face.

“I get what you’re saying, there’s nothing wrong with getting or being older. In case you were wondering I’m 22, and for the record, 32 looks amazing on you. I found it hard to believe until I saw your driver's license when you signed up for the library card.”

“I knew you would end up seeing it somehow, look I know it’s getting late so I’ll let you go soon, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out soon? Maybe like a date, if you’re interested of course, I can take you out, or we could have dinner at my place.” He bites his lip in anticipation while waiting for your answer. 

“I’d love that actually. I have to drop off some books at a donation store, but I’m completely free after that, what were you thinking of doing?” 

“Well, Mia is with her mom for the weekend and I did just buy a fuck ton of groceries. I like to try recipes I see on Tiktok if you want to try that.” He rolls his eyes and slaps his forehead at the dumb suggestion.

“Um, I’d love that. I need more recipes other than pasta and chicken nuggets. Whatever you want and have the ingredients for I am more than okay with that.

“I honestly can’t wait, I’ll text you my address, and you just let me know when you’re heading over. I’ve talked your ear off enough, go ahead and go to sleep, pretty girl.” He finds himself on his back, grabbing one of Mia’s blankets to cover part of his legs.

Sofa: 1 Kirishima: 0

“Will do, I can’t wait to see what you come up with. I’ll keep you updated, have a great night Eji.” You say sleepily, your voice becoming more drowsy with each word.

“Goodnight sweetheart.” He hangs up the phone, saving your name and number in his contact list before he could forget.

The next day Kiri wakes up on the couch with a sore back to prove it, he checks his phone to make sure he hasn't missed anything from you or about Mia, eventually he manages to peel himself off the sofa. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes was his first mission, then it’ll be time to clean up the house.

He goes to stand up but is immediately put back into his previous spot when his muscles don’t move with him.

“A little yoga wouldn’t hurt first.” He says to himself, raising his arms above his head while extending his leg muscles. 

After his mini yoga session, he drags himself into the kitchen for breakfast. He pulls the refrigerator door open and grabs out the items he wants to indulge in.

His ringtone pulls him out of his trance of mixing the dry and wet ingredients for his pancake.

“Ejirou speaking.” He greets whoever is on the other end of the line, he really needs to pay attention to who’s calling.

“You still answer the phone instantly? Anyways, what happened to you last night? You never called me back.” 

Luckily for him it wasn’t just some silly spam caller, it was his best friend and daughter's god-father, Katsuki.

“Oh yeah man you’re right. I finally called her like you said and we just ended up talking all night long. Mia’s gonna be gone this weekend so I have the house to myself for a few days.” He explained, watching his pancake closely.

“Oh thank god, thought you were gonna say some shit like ‘I couldn’t go through with it’ or, ‘All i could do was think about her so I just rubbed 

one out and called it a night’” He stares at the phone is slight disbelief, scoffing loudly. 

“First off, have some faith in me, and second of all, my sexual life isn’t your business, asshole.” He mumbles the last word, flipping his pancake and smiling at the perfect golden brown color. 

“Yeah yeah whatever, you haven’t had a decent pussy in years and I”m your best friend so yeah it is my business, what are you going to cook. Do you need me to come over? I don’t need you scaring this one away with you cooking.” The black haired man couldn’t help but laugh at his friend.

“No I don’t need you to come over and cook for us, her and I are going to cook together. Maybe drink some wine and get to know each other, I dunno, we’ll see where the night takes us.” He trails off, removing his pancake off the heat and transferring it to his plate.

“Whatever you say man, I don’t have work today so if it’s a cooking emergency or some shit, you know who to call.” He gives Kiri a goodbye before ending the call.

Kirishima smiles at his phone and shakes his head at his best friend's antics, he tops his dish off with some chopped fruit, powdered sugar, and hot syrup. He takes his plate to the kitchen table and digs in. 

He sighs in content at the hot food in his mouth, sitting back in his chair with his phone, watching his messages to see if you end up calling him any earlier. Once he’s finished his food he takes his dishes to the dishwasher and starts the machine.

He ties his long hair back into a ponytail and works on picking up any toys Mia may have left behind, before he knows it he finds himself back in the kitchen to wipe off the counters and put the dishes away. 

When he checks his phone it’s 12:45, he raises an eyebrow and smiles at his progress. 

Ding!

He damn near drops his phone on the counter when your name pops up on his screen. He lets it ring two more times before picking it up and clearing his throat.

“Good afternoon gorgeous, how are you doing?” He starts the conversation off smoothly and playfully pats himself on the back.

“Hey handsome, so I just finished donating the books, did you want to text me your address and I can make my way over to your place?” 

You on the other hand are currently applying a layer of chapstick before you go through your bag to look for perfume.

“That sounds like a plan, I’ll text you the address!” He texts you the address and looks down at his appearance.

He’s still in his pajamas, his hair is definitely due for a brushing, and maybe so can his teeth.

“Hey you’re only 15 minutes away from me right now and there’s not a lot of traffic out at this time.” You say happily and prop your phone up on the dashboard.

“Perfect! I can’t wait to see you again, drive safe.” He ends the call and rushes to his bedroom in order to get changed.

In the process of looking for an outfit, he picks up the clothes on the floor around him as well, just in case you two do make it that far.

Once he gets dressed, he rushes to the bathroom and begins to brush through his long locks, he winces in pain while he tries to brush the knots out of his hair. 

Once his hair is all brushed out, he opts for keeping it up and out of the way of his face, he shrieks when he looks at the clock. 

You’ll be here in less than five minutes if the time matches up correctly. 

He anxiously grabs his tooth brush and mint toothpaste, applying it to the brush and cleansing his teeth. 

He hums one of the tunes that he and Mia listen to every morning when she gets ready for school. He finishes brushing his teeth with two extra minutes to spare.

He takes one last look at himself in the mirror and sighs out nervously, the poor man hasn’t been on a date in years. Any free time he does have is spent sleeping or given to Mia, he’s nervous because he doesn’t want to ruin this, and you’re a gorgeous woman.

Also because Katsuki and Sero won’t let him hear the end of it.

His doorbell pulls him out of his mental rambling and he tenses up again.

“No Kiri everything’s going to go smoothly.” He repeats to himself, making his way back downstairs.

He smiles at himself in the mirror near the front door and opens it slowly, looking down at your smaller frame.

“Hello again.”

[wandaromanova]

Little Sister

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: one cuss word, minor BW spoilers

A/N: hello! i’d like to note that this takes place sometime before the events in the Black Widow movie! if you haven’t seen the movie yet, please skip over this story and come back later if you’d like! happy reading <3

anon requested: hiii i have a fluff request after seeing bw haha: could you do nat x fem reader where they're laying in bed snuggling, and r asks her about her family and nat tells her and r notices how cute she looks when she's talking about yelena and it's so soft and ahhhh

Summary: Natasha tells her girlfriend about a piece of her past that she never talks about; her sister.

Word Count: 2K

| masterlist | request rules/guidelines | wips |

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

Natasha Romanoff has lived a lot of lives. She has been through more than most.

Nat had been taken as an infant by an organization that trained little girls to become lethal assassins.

She was psychologically conditioned to become a killer, having taken more lives than she could count.

Eventually, Natasha had managed to break free from the cage she was forced into and was recruited as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent; it was a new start for her, an opportunity to compensate for the red in her ledger.

So, Natasha took her job seriously, saving as many people as she could, even more so when she became an Avenger; one of earth’s mightiest heroes.

Natasha found something in the team that she never really had before; a family. She found a home within the dysfunctional team she had been recruited into.

Not only did Natasha find a family within the Avengers; she also found the love of her life.

Natasha hadn’t even considered the possibility of ever finding love.

For starters, the Red Room had instilled the concept that love was nothing but a distraction; a liability.

She had been taught that love was for children and it was nothing but a weakness that needed to be avoided at all costs.

She was quite literally programmed to be emotionally closed off and to always have her guard up. Letting someone into her heart was a risk she didn’t want to take.

When Natasha gained her independence from the organization, she had to do a lot of self-discovering. She had never been able to be her own person, but now that she could, she quickly learned that she didn’t even know herself.

However, it was Natasha’s insecurities that truly turned her off from the entire idea of love.

How could any ever possibly love her? She thought she was a monster for the things she’d done. She has done the unspeakable since ever she was a child.

What if she wasn’t enough? What if her baggage was too much for someone else to carry? She didn’t want to be a burden. She didn’t want to have to protect someone, just to fail them like she had failed so many others.

Natasha was positive that no one would ever be crazy enough to love her.

Little did she know, she would end up finding someone crazy enough to do so; you.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

When the Avengers were formed, you were extremely nervous about it.

All of the files that you’ve read on your new teammates were unbelievable; they were all phenomenal in their own rights. A super-soldier, a god, a genius, a trained-spy.

You were a spy yourself, so you knew exactly who Natasha Romanoff was. She was a S.H.I.E.L.D legend, the best of the best.

You were more nervous about meeting her than anyone else. What if she judged you? What if she didn’t think you were good enough to be an agent, let alone an Avenger?

Not only was she your superior, but she was also your crush. Yeah, you’d never even met the woman before, but you were crushing on her hard.

She was drop-dead gorgeous, but also quite literally a deadly force. Natasha could easily take down anyone she wanted to, and honestly, you wanted to be one of those lucky people.

When you met Natasha for the first time, you were a flustered mess. The redhead found it amusing, how your cheeks turned a bright shade of red and you stumbled over your words as you praised her work.

Natasha never told you this, but she was immediately smitten the moment she laid eyes on you.

There was a kindness and positivity that just radiated off of you and it was extremely contagious.

You were this beaming ball of light that lit up the darkest parts of her soul.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You got to know Natasha extremely well while being on the team. From observing her closely and paying very close attention to her actions, you had managed to pick up on little things.

She didn’t put any creamer or sugar in her sugar; opting for strong, black coffee.

She was kind of a clean freak. If she saw something out of place, she would be quick to put it in the correct place or position.

When she was happy, she would let a small smirk cross her features. When she was annoyed, she would raise her eyebrows.

When she was stressed out or angry, three little creases would appear on her forehead as her eyebrows would knit together tightly; a subtle frown on her face.

Of course, when you began dating the redhead, you didn’t really have to survey her so closely anymore because she’d tell you things herself.

No matter the circumstances, Natasha would always come to you and rant about it. Whether it was about how shitty a mission went or how she beat Clint’s ass during training; you were the only person she wanted to tell.

Natasha had opened up to you, something she never did with anyone. She told you all about her past.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You had some knowledge of Natasha’s previous life, considering it was in her files, but you didn’t realize just how horrible her childhood truly was.

The Red Room, the heavy weight of guilt that rests on her shoulders, the nightmares that forced her to relive the murders she committed, her time as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, and becoming an Avenger.

She’d go on and on about her road to redemption or ‘clearing the red out of her ledger.’

Natasha was terrified when she told you about her demons. She figured you were going to leave her the second she finished talking, waiting for you to get up and walk out the door, but you didn’t.

So, you completely caught her off guard when you pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, placing a soft kiss onto her temple, the redhead relaxing in your embrace.

“You’re the strongest person I know. It’s not your fault, you were forced and conditioned to do the things you did.”

Natasha focused on the sound of your voice and took in your words as you softly caressed her red locks with one hand.

“Baby, the amount of respect I have for you is immeasurable. I applaud you for turning your life around for the better. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Your words had brought tears to Natasha’s eyes, which was a rare occurrence.

She was expecting you to run for the hills, but you chose to pull her closer instead.

In that moment, Natasha knew she never had to be afraid of love again.

You were the most understanding and accepting person she’d ever met.

You would never judge her for her worst mistakes; Natasha had found the one for her and she wasn’t ever going to let go.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

Now, a few months later and a year into your relationship with the Russian, you were both lying in bed and cuddling.

You were both watching a movie when a particular scene came on. It was of a family gathering around a Christmas tree, children excitedly opening up presents with gleeful smiles across their faces.

“You know, my sister and I got to take pictures with a Christmas tree once.” Natasha spoke, her eyes fixated on the screen.

You looked up at her in shock. You didn’t know that Natasha had a sister. She told you that she didn’t even so much as know her parent’s names.

Natasha looked down and noticed your confused expression. She reached for the remote on the bedside table and paused the movie before returning her gaze to you.

“There was a mission I was assigned to in Ohio, as a kid. I was assigned to play the daughter of two other Russian spies, Alexei and Melina. It wasn’t just me though, there was a little girl who was assigned as my younger sister. Her name is Yelena.”

Natasha had a reminiscent, happy smile on her face as she recalled the brief period time of her childhood. She looked absolutely adorable as she rambled on about this part of her childhood.

“We took photoshoots of various holidays to make our family look more realistic. My favorite one was Christmas. Even though I knew they were just empty boxes, I wanted to rip open every single one.”

Natasha let out a small giggle at the thought. Even though she had a smile on her face, you could feel and hear the underlying tone of sadness in her voice.

“Yelena and I would spend hours outside, just playing together. Swinging on the swing-sets, looking up at the stars, bending over backward, and getting into a ridiculous competition to see who could hold the position the longest… I always let her win.”

You could see the fondness in her eyes, the longing. It warmed your heart that there was a small glimmer of light in Natasha’s past. There was at least a sliver of hope that she clung tightly onto throughout her time in the Red Room.

“After 3 years, the mission ended. Yelena and I were sent back to the Red Room and were torn apart from one another.

Natasha’s breathing grew heavier as she recalled the unfaithful day. The sight of her sister being taken, and not being able to do anything to help her; still haunted the redhead to this day.

“There were so many men with guns and armor, they literally ripped us away from each other. I was eleven and she was only six.”

Your heart sunk at your girlfriend’s words as her smile dropped. She tore her eyes away from yours as she blinked rapidly, fighting back tears, but failed. You reached your hand up to her cheek and wiped away the fallen droplets.

“I haven’t seen her since. I’d like to think that she found a way out and got a life of her own; a nice, happy life.”

Natasha placed her hand on top of yours before looking down at you once more. You sent her a soft smile when she let out a shaky breath.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I knew that the it was all fake, but it was still the best part of my childhood. It was real to me.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You nodded your head at her words. She took a brief pause, trying to regain her composure, before continuing.

“Even if we have no true relation to one another, and even if I haven’t seen her in years, she is still my little sister.”

Natasha finished off with a big gasp as sobs wracked her body. You sat up from her embrace and pulled her into your arms, just like you had many times before.

You rubbed her back soothingly as she cried into your shoulder, her tears hitting the exposed skin.

“She sounds amazing, baby. I’m really happy that you had some sort of happiness back then and I hope one day you get to see her again.”

You whispered and Natasha pulled away from the hug, still in your arms as her emerald eyes surrounded by a sea of red, a result of her crying.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I doubt she’d even want to see me. I didn’t even try to find her. I’m a horrible sister! I-“

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You immediately pressed your lips against hers, effectively getting the Russian to calm down. You broke the kiss when her breathing slowed.

“Honey, of course, she’d want to see you again. Like you said, you guys are sisters. I’m positive that it was just as real to her as it was to you.”

You reassured your girlfriend, her eyes a pool of worry and guilt. You rubbed your thumb against her waist, the material of your her hoodie beneath your touch.

“From what you’ve told me about the Red Room, it would’ve been impossible to find her. Stop beating yourself up over it. You’re the best, and I’m totally not biased or anything.”

Natasha let out a small chuckle at that and you smiled at her, wiping away the last of her tears. She collapsed into your hold further, shoving her face into the crook of your neck.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much.”

Natasha’s words came out muffled as her face pressed further into your skin.

“You never need to thank me for anything. I’ll always be here for you, Natty.”

You hugged her as tight as you possibly could, her cold skin meeting your warmth. Natasha let out a small sigh at the feeling.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Wherever you go, I go.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[so-writing]

i’m sorry i didn’t tell you earlier. With Barzy in a diner eating a grilled cheese 🫣🫣

-T

(sad/angst blurb weekend)

Sharp cheddar sandwiched between parmesan crusted sourdough bread: The Ol’ Reliable. 

It was your favorite sandwich in the world and it was sitting in front of you getting cold while you processed what Mat Barzal, your freshly minted fiance, was telling you. There was no way this was happening. Not now, not after everything had finally started to fall into place. 

“Baby,” he was smiling but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, “you still here with me?” 

Of course you were. You’d always be with Mat, no matter what the circumstances were, the two of you were a team. 

“Yeah, sorry, this is just a lot to take in.” 

“I know. I’m trying my best to accept the fact that it’s finally real. I knew it was coming but really living it is something entirely different.”

His last sentence brings your thoughts to complete halt, “you knew it was coming?”

Mat shrugs and pulls a fry off of your plate. He pops it in his mouth and pretends to enjoy it but you know better. It probably tastes like acid, or better yet, betrayal. 

“I did.”

“You didn’t tell me, why? I thought we were a team?”

“We are a team.”

“So why am I just finding out you’ve been traded to the fucking Kraken? Why am I just finding out you need to pack tonight and be on a plane in a few hours to Seattle? Why am I just fucking finding out you’re leaving when you knew you were leaving?!”

The sound of your voice is rising in tandem with the anger you’re feeling and you can’t stop yourself from lashing out at the server who simply came to check on how the food is.

“Tell me,” you practically spit at her, “how would you feel if that man that just proposed to you took a job on the other side of the country and didn’t tell you? Would that piss you off?” 

“Uh, I, uh,” she stutters but finds her footing after a few moments, “I wouldn’t love it.” 

“So you’d be upset, right?”

“Yes.” 

“Because this man is supposed to be the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with. How could he keep something so big from you?” 

The server had snuck away while you were ranting but you didn’t care. You weren’t focused on her. You were focused on the man across the table from you.

Mat’s regular order at the diner was gouda and pepperjack sandwiched between gluten free wheat and stuffed with jalapeno peppers: The Risk Taker. 

The irony didn’t escape you. 

Unlike your sandwich sitting cold on your plate, Mat was downing his like he hadn’t eaten in weeks and, despite the spice, loving every second of it. 

“Can you stop fucking eating that sandwich and talk to me?!” 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I didn’t think it was a done deal until I got the call.”

“When did you get the call?”

He’s sheepish and doesn’t make eye contact as he takes another bite of his sandwich, “three days ago.” 

You can’t believe it. You could’ve made so many plans in three days. In the hockey world, three days is a long time and you both know it. 

“We should get home,” you roll your eyes and ask the server for a box for your sandwich, because you’re definitely not wasting it, “we need to pack you up.” 

The car ride back to your shared apartment is silent and you glance at Mat a few times, noticing that he opens and closes his mouth to say something more than once. The two of you move in silence as Mat speaks to his agent on the phone and you pack his suitcase with the things he’ll need the most. 

You pack everything you feel is essential for him to take to his new home in Seattle and you don’t hesitate to pull the beautiful pear shaped diamond off your ring finger and drop it into his suitcase before closing the lid and zipping it up. 

“All done,” you shout out of the bedroom and he rushes in to grab the bag. He gives you a quick kiss and promises he’ll book you a flight out to Seattle as soon as he’s landed. 

Twelve hours pass before you get an email to confirm a flight to Seattle. You ignore it and wait. He’ll see the ring eventually. 

An hour later he calls and you don’t answer. He calls again and again and again. You don’t answer. Mat sends countless text messages and you don’t respond to any of them. 

He made his choice when he found out he was leaving and kept it from you. A few days pass and you finally decide to entertain his bullshit. The first thing you see is the last message he sent. 

It’s a picture of your ring sitting in his palm. No text is included. 

You slide your phone into your pocket and head out to grab a bite to eat at your favorite diner. The booth you and Mat always occupy is open and you seat yourself before picking up the menu, hellbent on ordering something new and out of your comfort zone. 

The waitress comes up and takes your drink order. You ask her what she recommends and she tells you what her favorite sandwich is. 

Sharp cheddar, swiss, provolone, sandwiched between texas toast filled with deep fried macaroni and cheese patties, cheddar cheese sauce and pulled pork: The Mistake.

-

should I do more of these blurb weekends?

[shemarmooresfedora]

Protective of the Princess

Summary: Jo comes home with some unexpected news and Spencer isn’t a fan. (This is a stand-alone one-shot of my completed ‘Rebuilding Family’ series)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: mentions of little kids kissing, spencer freaking out, fluff

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: based on this ask from @reidsbookclub and this ask from @samuel-de-champagne-problems

Masterlist

Spencer made it clear to Jo she could be anything she wanted to be growing up.

She would change her mind about her career path quite often but Spencer was always supportive. When she wanted to be a vet, she had a bunch of different stuffed animals to practice on. When she wanted to be an astronaut, you all built a rocket ship out of a cardboard box. When she wanted to be a scientist, Spencer got her a book set of kid’s science books.

One afternoon after school, Jo hopped up on the kitchen counter as Spencer was making her a snack and you were playing with the twins on the floor.

“Daddy, I can’t go to work any more,” Jo stated.

“Why not, Princess?” Spencer asked, sliding apple slices and peanut butter in front of her.

“I have a baby and husband now,” Jo explained.

“You got a baby and husband in one day?” you questioned.

“Thomas kissed me and then we got married under the slide at recess and now we have a baby. I don’t have time for work, Daddy,” Jo sounded exasperated.

“Thomas did WHAT?” Spencer gaped.

“He kissed me like you kiss Mommy every morning before work,” she demonstrated the little peck on her baby doll.

Spencer’s eyes widened, “Y/N, please help.”

You stood from the blanket where the twins were having tummy time.

“Jo, how about you wait until you’re a little older to start kissing people? A hug or high five can show love to. You can try that next time,” you suggested.

“Daddy says kissing is safer than handshakes though,” Jo reminded you.

“Nope! I lied! Kissing is very dangerous,” Spencer shook his head empathically, “Don’t kiss.”

“But we have a baby together,” Jo held up her baby doll.

“I see that. What’s their name?” you asked.

“This is Derek,” she informed you.

“You named him after your uncle? That’s very sweet,” you smiled.

“I want a real one so I can name it Penelope. I want to have a big belly like Mommy used to have. How are babies made?” she questioned.

Spencer grasped your hand, looking very pale, “Y/N, I need to lie down.”

“One second, love,” you squeezed his hand before turning back to Jo, “You can’t have a baby until you’re much older. Then, I’ll explain it to you, okay?”

Jo nodded.

“I need to take Daddy to bed. He’s feeling a little sick,” you told her, “You can play with the twins.”

“Actually,” Spencer slipped his hand out of yours, “I’m going to go for a drive. I’ll be back in a bit.”

You looked at him curiously as he leaned in for a kiss but then retreated under the watchful eyes of Jo.

You followed him into the entryway as he laced his converse up, “Where are you going?”

“I’ve never heard of a Thomas before until now. I need Penelope to check this kid out.”

“Check this kid out?” you laughed, “What are you expecting to find? A nine year old with a criminal record?”

“I need to make sure my daughter is safe,” he looked up at you seriously.

“Okay,” you relented, “You’re a great dad albeit very protective,” you kissed him goodbye.

“Are we going to start having to only kiss in private now?” you smirked.

“I don’t want her seeing and copying it at school,” Spencer sighed, “The last thing I want is to get a phone call from her teacher that our daughter needs to stop kissing people.”

“Okay, sneaking around could be fun anyways,” you smiled, giving him another kiss, “Tell the team I say hi.”

-

“Who does this Thomas kid think he is?” Spencer grumbled to himself as he was in the elevator, “Kissing my sweet little precious daughter. I should have him arrested. Maybe I don’t have the grounds for an arrest but I can show him my badge and scare him off.”

His ranting stopped as he knocked on Penelope’s door.

“Who is it?” she chirped.

“Spencer,” he replied, “I brought you a croissant.”

“It’s open!”

Spencer opened the door and handed her the paper bag.

“And it’s still warm!” she squealed, “You must really love me.”

“I do but I also need a favor,” he spoke.

“Name it, boy wonder,” she readied herself at her keyboard.

“I need you to look up a boy named Thomas in Jo’s class.”

“Is this kid bullying her?” she gritted her teeth, “I swear to god, I will reign hell down on this kid if he is.”

“No, it’s the opposite actually. He kissed her,” Spencer sighed.

“She already got her first kiss?” Penelope gasped.

“I know! I didn’t even have mine until 25,” Spencer replied.

Penelope clicked away at her keys, “We’ve got two Thomases in her class but according to the attendance record, Thomas Jacobson was out sick today meaning Thomas Bennett is our guy.”

“What do we know about him?” Spencer asked, crouching down to look at Penelope’s screen.

“Plays on the town soccer team, has an allergy to shellfish, good report card,” Penelope stated.

“Anything else? Any visits to the principals? Sketchy friends?” he questioned.

“I guess the sketchiest friend he has would be his imaginary friend named Robby the cowboy according to his mom’s facebook. He’s got a squeaky clean school record.”

“Let me see what this kid looks like,” Spencer desperately demanded.

Penelope gave him a look.

“Please,” he added.

The group class pictures of the past 3 years popped up on to Penelope’s screen. Each year, Jo and Thomas were standing next to each other smiling and laughing in various poses.

“He doesn’t look like much of a threat to me,” Penelope stated.

“Why hasn’t she ever asked for him to come over on a playdate?” he asked.

“She was probably scared her dad was going to embarrass her,” Penelope chuckled.

“She’s in 3rd grade! No boys!” Spencer crossed his arms.

“That rule is setting you up for a rebellious stage later in life,” Penelope rolled her eyes.

“So I just let this happen?” Spencer sighed, dropping into the chair next to Penelope.

“Yes, you’re supposed to protect her but not from nice boys who make her happy.”

“But she’s just my sweet little girl,” Spencer started to tear up.

“And she always will be but you need to let her live her life,” Penelope explained.

“I know. Thanks Penelope.”

-

You heard the car pull in while you were making dinner. You lowered the setting on the stove and made your way over to the door.

“Hey,” you greeted him, wrapping your arms around him.

“Hi,” he snuggled into the crook of your nest.

“Did you find Thomas on the FBI’s most wanted list?” you joked.

“No, he’s a good kid,” Spencer sighed in defeat, “I just don’t like the thought of her growing up. Then, she’ll eventually have to leave us.”

“That’s what being a parent is,” you whispered, “You love them, care for them, and prepare them for the world as best you can but then you have to set them free. But, I have good news for you,” you smiled.

“What?”

“You’re stuck with me forever,” you grinned.

“Thank god,” Spencer squeezed you tighter.

“Daddy!” Jo ran into the room, “Lion King is playing in theaters tonight! We need to go!”

“Okay, Princess,” he looked to you for support and you squeezed his hand, “Do you think Thomas would want to come?”

“Yes! He loves Lion King!” Jo exclaimed, running to go get ready.

“You’re a great dad,” you reminded him once again.

“I’m still going to be watching this kid like a hawk,” Spencer admitted.

“As you should,” you grinned, kissing him.

Soon enough, Jo came home next week saying she wanted to be a congresswoman and they were back to their old adventures.

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[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing v.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 2, 435

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a glimpse into the past

“Yes. I’ve literally just stepped foot into my apartment.” Jungkook huffs with his phone between his ears and his shoulders as he attempts to multitask, hands moving a box of the dining table.

But Jimin is persistent and he’s yapping his ear off, something about dropping by in a few but Jungkook is barely paying attention, not when the existential crisis of no longer being a high school student that could hide under an institution with a false sense of security. College was different. He was on his own, even with the presence of his friends; and Jungkook was both terrified and excited.

He’d always dream of the start of his college life. Jungkook was a bit of a dreamer, and he aimed to live out the best life possible; all while trying to juggle his academics and do some extracurriculars on the side. When he told Taehyung about his ambitions, his friend just blinked and him and offered a snort; with an almost taunting pat on his shoulder.

You’ll see.

Jungkook didn’t know what he meant then, and he can only wait to find out.

“Do you need help moving in? Tae and I just finished a lecture and we’ve got the rest of the day off.” Jimin asks over the phone, and while Jungkook wants to start off his journey being independent; there were boxes of his belongings that looked way too unappealing to deal with alone.

“You’d to that?” Jungkook sighs, eyebrows furrowing when he searches for the box that goes into his bedroom.

“Come on, Kook.” Jimin whines, “You think your own hyungs won’t help you out?” His jibe is lighthearted, which only makes Jungkook roll his eyes at his friends' words.

“I know.” Jungkook affirms, “Just college life, you know? Thought you’d be busy having your third existential crisis of the week to help out.”

Jimin snorts over the line, “Try this day, kid.”

Jungkook chuckles, and mumbles something under his breath before puffing; grabbing his phone with his hand as he thinks of a question he’s meant to ask for a while, ever since he stepped foot onto campus and his accommodation.

“Is ____ with you?” Jungkook asks.

Jungkook did so some growing in the time after you’d graduated, and he supposes that he relied a little too much on you as well as Jimin and Taehyung growing up in high school. Because once the three of you graduated, Jungkook was essentially left to fend for himself when you no longer were able to pick him up with a call away or help him out with difficult math problems when you had college to worry about.

It was horrible at first, purely because Jungkook missed you and your kindness. Sure, phone calls and texts worked—but your presence was always more than what words could ever offer, and Jungkook found himself searching for other methods to survive the next two years in high school without you there looking over him.

His football teammates had always been just his football teammates until he was forced to fraternise with them on a deeper level, and he realised that they weren’t too bad. They were fun and full of life, definitely the type of people that he found himself having fun with. He’s always been surrounded with people that were older than him, you, Jimin and Taehyung for example—and having peers his age to hang out with was a pandora box he never knew he’d ever get used to.

Take Eunwoo for example. Jungkook was petrified of him because there was no way a sixteen-year-old could look that could, and if he looked like that before puberty finished its course—then what the hell was he going to look like after?

But he was a nice guy, a fun person to hang out with and he definitely taught Jungkook some things he’d never dare ask Jimin or Taehyung. Things about women and men; the interrelationships that could be navigated with enough practice.

And enter Yuna, the first girl he’s ever had the ability to get to know in his life besides you. It was the typical cheerleader-meets-footballer trope that Jungkook would always scoff at, but according to Eunwoo “it’s only right that the same type of people minded together.”

Jungkook furrowed his brows when Eunwoo clasped him on his back when he told him that with a wink, suggestive eyes when he exposed a not-so-secret that Yuna had on Jungkook after one of their football games during his senior year.

But Jungkook thought otherwise, probably because he remembered you telling him that people were fundamentally different and social interactions with different walks of life only made life more beautiful and worth living. Seeing the diversity in cultures and experiences opens up our hearts to a world that doesn’t exist for us—it keeps us humble.

Jungkook blindly agreed then, likely entranced with you in general to consider the weight of your words. But Eunwoo was like a constant reminder, and he was older then—a little more subdued enough to pay attention to the words of his friend.

And when Jungkook continued his high school life, it seemed like more and more people seemed to pay attention to him. It wasn’t like he was unpopular before, he definitely caught the eyes of many—but it was different then. It was like Jungkook was his own person and people thought he was cool enough to approach.

So when Yuna shyly asked him out for a date, Jungkook said yes even though he still thought of you.

And when Eunwoo slapped a pack of condoms into his palm while his other football teammates hollered, Jungkook took the leap of faith and lost his virginity the same night.

So, yeah. Jungkook did some growing up—and he hopes that it’ll be enough for you to see him as a man.

“—she’s always doing so much that she barely has time for us and I get that she’s always been an overachiever but we miss her, you know?” Jimin complains, and Jungkook just about returns back from his flashback.

“Sorry, what did you say?” Jungkook says sheepishly.

“Were you not listening to me rant for the past five minutes?” Jimin exasperates and Jungkook hears some shuffling and a chuckle, possibly coming from Taehyung, on the other end of the line.

“You do have the tendency to go off tangent, Jimin,” Jungkook mutters.

Jimin scoffs, “It’s called paying attention to the details you brat. But anyway, to sum it up for you since you wanna be annoying—_____ isn’t with us. She’s got this student council thing and a meeting with a bunch of ambassadors visiting the campus in the evening.”

Jungkook blinks, taking a moment to process the information. He smiles fondly to himself, realising that you always did fine on your own—and he supposes it’s always been that way. You were quiet and never imposing, but you still did your best.

“Oh.” Jungkook says, “Will I be able to see her soon?”

Jimin snorts on the other end.

“Why are you asking me? You have her number right?” Jimin retorts, “Though it may be difficult reaching her cause she takes like five business days to reply if you aren’t work-related.”

Jungkook chuckles while he fiddles with his thumb. He can see you working hard, eyebrows furrowed as you type out emails and organise events like the efficient woman you were.

He’s seen pictures of you on social media, courtesy of Jimin and Taehyung who’d post stories of your pouts when they’d drag you out for some social time, according to their captions. And God, did you grow up even more beautiful than you were in high school.

Jungkook saw you as the girl he admired in high school and it was mostly his puppy-loved up brain thinking of you like this super smart and out of his reach senior that he wanted to respect. But now that Jungkook was … older. He still thinks you’re admirable and smart, but he can’t lie and say he didn’t notice other things.

Like how certain tops flatter your collarbones so nicely that he wonders what it’s like to sink his teeth into them. Or how you’ve experimented with tennis skirts that look like easy access for a territory Jungkook’s used as one of many of his spank bank materials. Even the way your eyes innocently glance up in pictures makes Jungkook’s brain hazy.

Jungkook was older, and so were you. The two of you were in college and it was different. You weren’t just his high school senior and he wasn’t just the little kid that worshipped you. It was free game and Jungkook wanted to make to most out of it.

“I will.” Jungkook nods with a declaration and a sense of determination in his chest. “What time does she finish?”

A brief moment of silence until Jimin responds, snorting to himself.

“She usually gets off her meetings at—10 pm?” Jimin ponders out loud. “You’re really going to wait for her?”

Jungkook wants to add he’s been doing that all this while, but keeps it to himself.

“Just can’t wait to see her.” He shrugs casually.

“You still have that schoolboy crush on her?” Jimin teases. But Jungkook doesn’t flush this time. He’s had his handful of experiences to navigate his way with feelings and desire.

“Not a crush.” Jungkook rolls his eyes. But he wasn’t going to admit that to Jimin or Taehyung just yet. “Is it bad to want to see an old friend?”

“Whatever you say, Jungkook.” Jimin sing-songs. “But I will warn you; _____ isn’t the type.”

At this, Jungkook furrows his eyebrows.

“What?”

Jimin sighs, “Whatever it is you’re thinking … stop.” And his words oddly set off an uneasy feeling in Jungkook’s chest that he doesn’t like. “You know _____. She’s not the kind of person that dates or fucks around. I don’t think she’s even looked at any guy on campus ever since we were enrolled two years ago.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, feeling slightly ashamed that he’s been caught so early on. But along with growing up, Jungkook’s grown quite a bit of an ego too.

“What makes you think I want to fuck her? What if I really just miss her?” Jungkook snaps.

“Kook, I love you and you’re my best friend but I’ve seen your Instagram stories and escapades. I have no problem with you being sexually active or whatever—you do you, as long as it’s consensual and within respectable boundaries. I know you think college is like this unobstructed territory where you can just fuck around with people but _____ really isn’t like that. I’ve been there and I’m telling you to drop it.”

Jungkook clenches his jaw, “You’ve wanted to fuck her?” Jungkook accuses.

He can practically hear and feel Jimin’s eye roll over the phone.

“No, you idiot.” Jimin sighs, “I’ve had the same intentions as you with other women. While they may be receiving and comfortable with that, _____ won’t be. I hear and recognise your tone and I’m warning you against it.”

Jungkook purses his lips, wanting to defend himself further. But he realises, who is Jimin to tell him what to do with his life? He isn’t a kid anymore.

“You’re reaching.” Jungkook tells Jimin, “You don’t have to worry okay? I just miss ____ and I want to see her before orientation on Friday. Is that a crime?”

“Again, I don’t know what you really want so I won’t project anymore. But I’m telling you, ______ is _____. You don’t think dudes have tried with her before?”

Somehow the revelation of the fact that you did have two years to mingle around with other people and potentially get with men (or women) that weren’t him causes a different type of dread to fill his stomach, an ugly emotion of jealousy. One that he’s never felt before and he doesn’t like it at all.

“God, I haven’t even seen you yet and you’re already micromanaging my entire life.” Jungkook scowls.

“The double standard is real.” Jimin scoffs, “You used to follow _____ around like a lost puppy when we knew each other first? I feel betrayed, man.” Jimin is joking but the reminder makes Jungkook still.

"That's ... different." Jungkook protests.

Jimin snorts as if he doesn't believe his friend.

"Oh, it is different all right. You, my friend, are whipped." He snickers, "Too bad the two of you are basically polar opposites, huh?"

Jungkook freezes on the other end when Jimin casually lets it slip the thought that somewhat plagues his mind, too.

"We're not that different." Jungkook defends himself.

"Says you Mr Athlete all throughout high school. I bet you ten bucks that you were already recruited by one of the football dudes here."

Jungkook scowls because Jimin was spot on.

"Okay. I do sports and she doesn't. That's it." Jungkook snaps.

Jimin clicks his tongue, "You're all for the attention, dude. _____ always keeps it on the down-low while you do your best when people are cheering you on. It's like the spotlight follows you wherever you go and she does her best avoiding it."

Jimin clenches his jaw because while Jimin's words were lighthearted, and he knew better than to ever put you down because the three of you were all good friends—the fact that someone as close to the two of you as Jimin; was laying out the obvious makes Jungkook doubt himself a lot more.

"Oh, and you're the best at psychoanalysing people right?" Jungkook sneers.

Jimin snickers on the other end but Jungkook can't find it in himself to laugh.

"Relax. I'm joking, all right?" Jimin reassures his friend. "You don't even like her that way, right? That's what you said anyway."

Right. He didn't. That's what he told Jimin.

"Right," Jungkook says stiffly.

"If the two of you ever ended up together, though ..." It's as if Jimin was the one dead-set on pushing for it as Jungkook wishes for him to drop it. "Nah. It wouldn't happen. It probably wouldn't work out either."

Jungkook forces a dry chuckle before muttering a lame excuse and hanging up.

He loved Jimin, the guy was a good friend on an average day and an absolute sweetheart on better ones. And Jungkook knew that Jimin meant no malice when he spoke of the potential relationship between you and Jungkook because, well ... Jungkook has always been the younger guy. And that would be weird, wouldn't it?

But Jungkook knows he's done some growing up. And he'll prove it—in whatever way possible.

Jimin doesn’t need to know.

[taetaespeaches]

“You know I prefer apple jacks.”

yoongi x reader (oc) genre: fluff word count: 2.3K

a/n: Eeeek ok this is actually nerve-wracking posting this because like, it’s min and kid!!!! Anyways, you know the drill- they’re soft and in love and nothing is different here. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! :))

Mornings with Yoongi were always your favorite. The stress of the outside world was yet to intrude upon you both as you slowly moved about the apartment. It was quiet, peaceful, serene.

Or maybe you loved mornings with Yoongi so much because of his adorable bed head that he waddled around with, yet to comb out the evidence of a heavy slumber.

With a coffee cup in hand as you sat on the kitchen stool, you fondly watched Yoongi water your small patio garden outside the glass door. He was especially stunning under the glow of the warm rising sun, making it a challenge to look away from him. So you didn’t look away.

Emptying the watering can, his puffy sleep-filled eyes looked toward you through the glass barrier, a cute honey boy smile overtaking his features as he realized you were watching him. Ducking his head, he bashfully evaded your stare as you giggled from inside.

“Stop staring,” Yoongi complained in a playful grumpy tone the moment he stepped back inside the apartment.

“You’re so cute though,” you told him with a pout, the man scoffing as he set the watering can on the table next to the patio door. “My favorite movie,” you added with a smirk.

Avoiding your gaze, he walked across the living space toward you. “Speaking of, you fell asleep again last night,” he pouted adorably, you giggling as he easily slotted his legs between the v of yours.

“It was late,” you defended as he took the mug from your hands, bringing it to his lips to take a drink despite your glare. “And that movie was boring,” you whispered under your breath, the man meeting your words with an exaggerated gasp.

“That is one of the best movies ever made,” he pointed out, handing your coffee back to you. “Why didn’t you tell me you put sugar in that?” He questioned, nodding down to the beige beverage with a small winced expression.

“Why would I?” You teased, Yoongi chuckling lowly as he leaned toward you, pressing his lips to your forehead. “Thanks for watering my plants,” you told him softly.  

“Someone has to,” he joked in a whisper against your skin. You tried to hold back your laugh but a single giggle left your lips before you used one hand to reach around his frame and playfully smack the side of his ass. “Do you want breakfast?”

Looking down at you as you sat on the stool, he raised his eyebrows. “Are you cooking?”

“I can make you something,” you told him with a smirk, acting cocky all of a sudden in your average cooking skills.

“If you really want to,” he chuckled, triggering you to push him away just slightly so you could stand. “Ok, Kid, show me what you got,” he teased.

Setting your coffee cup down on the counter, you then stepped behind your boyfriend, placing your hands on his hips as you directed him to sit on the stool. “Watch and learn,” you bragged, appreciating the way Yoongi’s shoulders shook slightly in laughter. Placing a kiss to the back of his head, your lips touching his messy hair, you stepped away and made your way around the kitchen island.

“Welcome to Cooking with Kid,” you announced, your arms held out to your sides as you showed off the space. “I’m Kid,” you said with a smile, Yoongi flashing his own gummy grin at you as he watched you in amusement. “Today we’ll be cooking a bit of a controversial meal, as many disagree on the order in which you prepare this queen of all breakfast foods but first,” you paused, Yoongi’s eyes widening in response, “coffee for grampa.” The smile on Yoongi’s face only widened as he shook his head at your antics. Pouring him a cup, you placed it in front of him. “Made by my boyfriend, of course,” you informed him.

“Ah,” Yoongi said with a nod as he chuckled lightly. “Thank you, Kid”  

“No flirting, I’m working,” you told him in feigned offense, Yoongi’s mouth falling open just slightly as he scoffed at you because that was hardly flirting. “See me after the show,” you winked before moving right back into your act. “Ok, for this meal, we’re going to need two bowls,” you continued, Yoongi’s eyes intently watching you as you moved around the kitchen, fetching the ceramic bowls from the cupboard. “Any guesses on what the main ingredient is?” You pointed to your boyfriend, the man opening his mouth to respond, but you cutting him off before he could. “That’s right, it’s cereal,” you said enthusiastically with a nod. “But what kind?” You exaggerated the excitement of the decision.

Bounding over to the cupboard, you opened it to display a box of fruit loops. Raising his hand, your eyes widening. “Audience participation, love it,” you called out excitedly, gesturing at him to answer.

“I’m gonna guess fruit loops,” he played along with your act as he scanned the cabinet and saw just one single box of cereal, a wide smile spreading across your face in response to his cute playfulness.

“That would be correct!” You cheered. “Because I forgot to go to the store yesterday so it’s literally all we have,” you added in your celebratory voice, Yoongi silently chuckling at you.

Grabbing the cereal, you set it on the counter next to the bowls before going to the refrigerator. “Anyone who has made cereal before knows that milk is absolutely necessary. A crucial ingredient,” you noted, Yoongi giggling as he took a drink of his coffee. Raising his hand once more, you gasped. “Yes, Mr. Min?”

“Does the cereal or milk come first?” He asked curiously, leaning forward to hear your answer.

“Ah, that’s what makes this meal so controversial,” you noted, trying not to smile at the feigned seriousness in Yoongi’s face. “Some idiots like my good pal Jeon Jeongguk will do stupid things like pour the milk first, but that’s wrong,” you said, Yoongi nodding as if he was actually interested. Well, perhaps he was. “The cereal should come first if you have any common sense, I mean milk first? Why would you do that?” You ranted, falling out of character for a moment. “You know, that’s actually so annoying of him, you should douse the cereal, what good does putting cereal into mi-”

An adorable giggle left your boyfriend’s lips, his glowing face stealing your attention and cutting off your rant as you both stared at one another. His eyes were amused and fond, and as soft as ever. Biting your bottom lip, you shyly looked to the bowl on the counter in front of you. “Let me show you how this is done,” you commented quietly, feeling Yoongi’s adoring gaze still on you.

As you poured the cereal into one bowl, you watched as Yoongi’s hand came into your vision as he closed it over your free one that held the bowl lightly. Your orbs settled on his hand as you began slowly trailing them up his arm toward his face. “I said no flirting until after-” you started to playfully protest.

“You should marry me,” he suddenly spoke, cutting you off, your heart racing instantly as your gaze met his stunning features. His hand enclosed over yours, holding it sweetly, his eyes dripping with honey sweet affection and a sincere intention.

“What?” You asked just as a small breathy laugh left your lips while they spread into a smile.

“Will you?” He asked, letting you know it wasn’t a slip of the tongue. He meant it. He wanted to marry you. “Marry me?

“Really?” You questioned him, setting the box of cereal down as the man chuckled fondly.

“It would make me very happy,” he told you sincerely. To emphasize his point, he scooped up a fruit loop from the bowl with his hand that wasn’t holding yours. Holding it up to you as if it was a ring, he asked once more. “Will you marry me, Kid?”

As tears gathered in your eyes, a smile spreading on your face, you cocked your head to the side. “You know I prefer apple jacks,” you teased, Yoongi’s gummy grin growing affectionately.

“I can get you apple jacks,” he assured with a fond grin. “I’ll make that happen,” he added with a tiny nod.

“Of course, I’ll marry you, Min,” you told him, tears forming in his own orbs.

You both started around the kitchen island quickly to get to each other, meeting at the side of the counter as Yoongi’s hands found the sides of your face, pulling you into a passionate kiss. Fruit loop ring, or apple jacks, a real ring or no ring, you wanted to marry that man. Before you knew Yoongi, you hadn’t thought much about marriage, or what it all meant. But now, you just knew you wanted to marry him.

It wasn’t until later that night that you realized his proposal that morning wasn’t quite as sudden as it appeared. Yoongi took you out to celebrate your engagement, returning to the café where your second date took place; an impromptu meeting in which Yoongi had trekked several blocks in the snow to surprise you with a visit simply because he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

As you sat together, Yoongi suddenly interrupted your mindless but never meaningless conversation by saying, “I know you don’t mind, but I’m sorry it took me so long to propose.” Shaking your head at him, you disagreed with the apology because he was right, you didn’t mind. However, before you could say anything, he reached across the table and you expected him to intertwine his fingers with yours. When you didn’t feel their touch, you looked down at his hand to find a ring sitting in his grasp, your jaw dropping open. “I’ve had this for a few weeks now,” he admitted.

Pulling your gaze from the jewelry to inspect his features, you found him smiling at you with that soft gummy grin you adored so much. His cheeks were plush, a pink tint upon them as he chuckled at himself.

“I was on my way home from the studio one afternoon and you called me just to tell me that Holly had actually eaten some celery,” he smiled as he recalled the conversation. “Then you told me to hurry home because you missed me and I just- realized I want to be your husband.”

“Yoongi,” you whispered in surprise as he slid the ring on your finger. Both of your gazes bounced to the ring, you and Yoongi appreciating the way it looked at home on your digit.

“I started ring shopping the next day,” he informed you, you giggling as tears formed in your orbs.

Despite the touching moment, you couldn’t pass up the opportunity to tease your now fiancé, shooting him a smirk as he sighed, knowing something was coming. “Who helped you?” You joked, Yoongi feigning offense as he sat back against his chair and scoffed.

“You think I need help picking out a ring for the love of my life?” He asked through a pout, you laughing as you leaned across the table, grabbing his hand in yours, the ring twinkling beautifully on your finger.

“The ring is stunning,” you assured him. “I love you so much,” you continued, a soft smile overtaking Yoongi’s features. Standing, you made your way to Yoongi, hovering over him as you stared down at him fondly.

Brushing your fingers through his hair, his hand grasped your waist. “I love you more,” he confessed, you smiling as you lowered your head toward his, kissing his lips softly.

“I still want my apple jacks ring,” you teased against his mouth, Yoongi chuckling as he squeezed the flesh of your side in response.

“Whatever you want, Kid,” he mumbled before deepening the kiss just slightly.

Though a marriage proposal didn’t change much in regards to the feelings you shared for one another, you were thrilled to be able to spend forever with him, devoted as husband and wife.

You both finished the day a few hours later, wrapped up in bed in one another’s arms, your bare skin pressed together as you dozed into slumber. And it was then that he revealed with a gummy smile that he didn’t just recruit the help from one or two people for ring shopping, but rather had an entire posse made up of Jin and his soon-to-be wife, Jungkook and his girlfriend, and Taehyung and his girlfriend.

“They were no help at all though,” he insisted.

“Oh my god, you had a whole ring shopping gang,” you giggled against his chest, staring at the jewelry adorning your finger.

“I actually took them all at different times and had them look at the same rings to ensure I was making the right decision,” he laughed at himself as you kissed his chest before your lips spread into a massive smile. “They all chose different rings though, but Tae and Peachy Keen agreed with me on this one.”

“You’re so fucking cute,” you beamed, trailing kisses up his body, pressing them to his neck alluringly. “You made the right choice,” you assure him as you glanced once more at the ring. “Just slightly better than an apple jack,” you teased, Yoongi groaning as he suddenly pushed you so your back was against the mattress, the man hovering over you.

“Would you shut up about the fucking apple jacks?” He beamed, unable to even feign annoyance.

“Make me,” you flirted, the man chuckling as he brought his lips to yours. And he did make you. At least until the next morning when you woke up and ate fruit loops for the second morning in a row.

Everything was different but the same; better but as good as ever. Watching him eat his fruit loops as he zoned out looking at your ring on your finger, you once again realized, for the millionth time since you’d met him, that you would be loving him for a very, very long time. But sooner rather than later he’d be your husband, and that was pretty fucking cool.

[charmspoint]

Hi! Not the same anon, but you said in a previous ask that you fell out of love with bsd. I was thinking about starting that series so I'm curious, can you tell me about more about your opinions on bsd?

Oh boy uhhhhh my opinions about bsd. Anon I'm so so sorry for what is about to happen.

Quick and easy advice: Read until the end of the guild arc and then drop it and consider the series done, that would be until end of ch 37, enjoy

Now for the crazy version:

It doesn't IMMIDIETLY go bad Guild arc but after that is where things slowly start to slack and slip and then we end up with what we ended up ye.

I really enjoyed bsd up until the end of the guild arc! I won't say it has NO writing problems, they were always there, but there were a lot less noticeable. The characters are cool and creative and if you are watching the anime the animation is stunning (though I do rec the manga, anime has a bad habit of cutting corners or changing scenes, especially when it comes to soukoku for some reason). Like it's no coincidence that even after I've completely fell out of love with the manga, characters like Chuuya and Ranpo are still ones I think about and consider amongs my favs. BSD had a lot lot lot of potential.

Anyway, Kafka Asagiri can't write for shit.

That's mean I know, but I'm really really tired of this dude like, the way he writes reminds me of the way i wrote when i was like 15 and that is NOT a compliment.

He has a really really unfortunate habit of making characters Just so many characters. Go to bsd fan wiki, go look at how many fucking organizations there are, that's too many organizations. This is why bsd was good until after guild arc. You had Port Mafia you had Detective Agency, they are at war, in comes Guild, they have to unite, simple but effective. And then like 11 other organizations are pulled out of nothing and each of them has at least a couple of names characters and sometimes a few of them will get developed but probably really only one and that is what Kafka does. He's a character designer. He makes shiny new toys and plays with them for a while and then he throws them away because he's bored and he wants a new toy. That's just how everything has started to feel.

Like

I hadn't kept up with the manga for a while. I used to get some info about what was happening from my friend but then she dropped it too, so now i only get what accidentally ends up on my dash. I heard Kenji got a bit of a backstory recently good for him. I honestly dont know where bsd is going rn, is it better, is it worse, is it trudging down the same old track. If anyone who follows me reads it feel free to jump into my ask box to tell me about it, especially if its like 'you are wrong lucy its actually good now' because god knows i want it to be.

But that's just the overall impression I got from kafka's writing. Like, I think he knows somewhat where he is going, maybe the end goal, but he's honestly flying by the seat of his pants. Things happen and you are like 'wait what, is that allowed?', Chuuya is a god now, its a nitpick only im upset about but its my blog, and god, god kafka thinks hes so smart

It was cool at first you know, we had Ranpo and Dazai who were both genius detectives with their own flavors and it was fun. But you know that sherlock video where the guy rants how sherlock just magically knows things and we are just supposed to accept it because sherlock is so smart and special THATS HOW THE WHOLE OF BSD STARTS TO FEEL. Every other villain is a brilliant genius strategist and they do things and know things and battle with dazai who also does things and knows things and none of it is ever explained because well they are geniuses just trust me they would know, dw they can do this, they are geniuses. Kafka just uses them to do whatever the fuck he wants without having to work for it because they are geniuses. It's annoying! The fucking code talking scene will be something ill be mad about on my death bed i stg.

Anon, I'm a character driven person. If i like the characters, I can stand a mediocre plot that's fine. But Kafka displays such massive misuse of all his characters its simply unbearable. I love Chuuya with all my heart and I don't acknowledge more than like 5% of his backstory. I was looking forwarded to his backstory! This never happened to me before, that i find out more about a character n just stand there n go

'well thats stupid as shit, that didn't happen'

And believe me anon I could rant about misuse of Chuuya until next year.

Just. It really really does have that feeling, you know. Like Kafka makes characters and gets bored of them and then just plays around with new characters until hes bored of them too. On and on and on. Instead of deepening the relationships between already pretty big 'core' cast, he keeps throwing new characters at them, that were never mentioned before but are suddenly super important. Only to forget about them too.

It feels pointless to care about characters when you read bsd. Nothing will be done with them, and this goes beyond like 'well this is a side character, they won't get much work' I feel like fucking Atsushi has been half forgotten and he's the mc. Or maybe Dazai is the mc??? But then i heard Kafka started to abandon him too which is just??

Ugh, sorry about huge ass angry rant, bsd is just THAT sort of topic with me, I feel like i said this same thing like 50 different times to a dozen of different people and i still get upset about it every single time.

If i could steal one set of characters and make them my own it would be the original cast of bsd, agency, port mafia, guild. I love those characters, i wish they had a better writer and attention they deserved, it could have been very cool

I said so much but i didnt even talk about how cannibalization arc is completely wasted or anything, I feel like every time i write this it ends up less and less coherent and more just me screaming at the clouds

I hope that helps?

[bonelessghoul]

Until My Last Breath

requested by: @just-deka

summary: A heartrender in the rankings of the Crows and with an unspoken relationship with Kaz Brekker finds herself in trouble during a heist when there is a run in with the Dime Lions. When Kaz fights his way in to get her out of the mess it became, the two end up trapped and fighting for their lives. But in their last moments, the truth comes out. 

note: LMAO THIS WAS THE BEST WAY I COULD SUM UP THE REQUEST, but I was genuinely panicking at the end of this hoping this turned out the way you wanted it to!! Hope you enjoy :)

~

If you knew your life was going to end, what would you do? That would be a fun question to answer, but not if you only had minutes to live. Maybe hours. Hours was too optimistic though, and they realized that if they weren’t found soon, then the light in their eyes would be put out forever.

It was pure misery and bliss all at once as they stared at each other, the crushing weight of the rubble they were trapped under causing a flicker of fear deep in their stomachs. The things they wanted to say to each other could wrap around the world twice, but they settled with an endearing yet pained look only they knew with nothing but the space between their fingerprints reaching out to one another. It hurt to be so close and unable to touch.

If you had minutes to live, who would be the last face you’d want to see?

~

The chandeliers spaced throughout the high ceiling of the Crow Club gave a vintage touch with its dim light, making the deep red curtains around the room seem darker and masking the daylight from the outdoors. But tucked away in the second story was Kaz Brekker’s office. It was his solace away from the clamor of the club that was only muffled from where he sat hunched over his desk.

The midday crowd was already filling the club to the brim from the booths to the game tables and every space in between.  

But one figure slipped through it with ease, weaving in and out in a fresh white blouse, cinched in the middle and sleeves like balloons like an angel. It was like clockwork when you would find your way up the stairs to the office, bypassing the allure of the liquor and games Jesper engorged himself with. You were busy back in your room at the Slat, tinkering with new scraps of the latest mechanics you dug for, but like you said; your arrival was like clockwork.

Kaz, glancing at his pocket watch, stared as the thin needle of a hand rolled around the center point and as if on cue, he found YN breezing through the door with a breath of relief from squeezing through the crowd. His office smelled like remnants of firewood, the freshly brewed coffee he had filling the air. While the daylight was hidden in the club downstairs, a window was opened allowing a cool breeze and the cloudy skies to find their way into this massive space which also held a small bedroom.

As a Heartrender, you would never admit to the way Kaz’s heart would pick up whenever you were near.

“Morning.” you greeted, a handful of mail sent for him to the Slat in your hands as you crossed the space between the door and his desk.

Offering him the small stack and he took it, the shadows under his eyes seeming darker today. You were always up before the sun when your mind could not stop thinking of a new idea, and more often than not, you’d hear Kaz sneaking out in the early morning without a word.

“It’s afternoon.” he said, slyly glancing up at her as his gloved hand took the papers.

With your hands free, you sat yourself upon the very corner of his desk and looking down at the two cups of coffee still topped off with steam, one cup significantly lighter than the other. Smiling contently to yourself, you wrapped your hands around the mug and picked it up to your lips.

“Hope you got it right.”

Kaz glanced up once more as he sorted through the letters.

His eyes flickered over you for a moment, pausing from what he initially wanted to say and you could hear his heart beat in your ears as it skipped.

“Don’t worry, I made it sickening sweet.” Kaz mused, heaving a sigh as he leaned back in his chair.

“Good, I’ll slip slowly and waste more time here then.” you chuckled lightly.

You would be lying if you said you didn’t enjoy sitting on his desk, sharing a cup of coffee and hearing him rant as he read the bills, the offers from others, imported goods, the bank statements, and everything else that came with the stress of running a club, not to mention an entire gang. There as a guilty pleasure as a Heartrender that involved enjoying just how flustered became down to a cellular level , but her relationship with Kaz was different; being a Heartrender taught her how much she could push and how to know when to stop pushing given his complicated boundaries.

Admittedly, as indifferent as she made herself seem when it came to Kaz, had he been the Heartrender you would have been in trouble if he could hear your heart. Every time you saw his face at the end of a job, whenever he’d look at you as you sat like you did now, and even every little bit of your unique intimacy sent your heart racing.

It seemed there were many ways to love someone that didn’t involve touching, you thought to yourself, watching Kaz’s brows furrow in the slightest with every word he read with a bittersweet smile. But it hurt when she couldn’t hold his hand or feel his comforting arms at the end of the day.

“So, what’s on the agenda today?” you asked, clearing your throat. “Things have been awfully quiet lately.”

Kaz smirked, snickering lightly to himself as he looked up at her.

“We don’t say the words quiet around here because next thing you know, it won’t be so quiet and our hands will be full with trouble.”

You raised your brows. “Well, is something coming our way?”

The look on his face confirmed it all. A simple job was offered to the Crows and a select few Dregs of his choosing (but Kaz would tell you to round up those best for it anyway), to steal a vintage piece of jewelry just brought to  Ketterdam’s historic society display room. It was a job within a job, for the person requesting this jewelry and its unique elemental composition worth hundreds of thousands, it was the key to a bigger job after this which they hoped to secure.

“They have a pretty tight security system.” You sighed, holding up the blueprints he pulled out in front of you.

“Perhaps, you can figure it out in a more spacious area than the corner of my desk.” Kaz frowned, looking away as his chin rested in his palm. Then, only his eyes moved towards her. “I’m leaving the tight security system to you because you’re the only one who is creative enough to get by them. Inej scouted every entrance and found the source of the security system’s mechanics.”

It seemed easy, nothing you hadn’t come up with before, and an idea was already forming in your head to your excitement.

“Tinker around, get the ancient necklace, and a boat load of kruge.” You said simply, your voice only wavering in the slightest as your eyes narrowed at just how intricate the alarm system was.

Kaz stood up from his seat, taking the maps from her to wrap up and slide away in its casing.

“You should be on your way. Best to get a quick start so we can be in and out tonight.” Kaz said, handing her the cylinder casing for the blueprints.

“Oh, I’d sit here all day of you let me.” you grinned, earning an eye roll from him.

“Go.” Kaz pressed, his face more asserting now, trying to hide his own smirk.

But even as you strolled out the door, you could hear his heart rate jumping. Kaz’s eyes didn’t leave your figure on the way out, still staring out into space after the door shut. He leaned over his desk with his palms pressed into the wooden edge and his head dropped with a sigh.

Kaz Brekker was in trouble and his little Heartrender already knew.

~

There was a slightly calmer hour to be found at the Crow Club between the midday crowd leaving and night crowd slowly taking its place. In that time, you found yourself sitting at a booth and sinking into the curved red velvet seating.

You were sketching out a tool that will silence the alarm mechanisms that you had been reading up on for the past two hours. Time was running slow and your back began to ache from the position you barely moved from as you dug the lead into the parchment.

“Hey, YN! How’s it—”

“Jesper!”

Your hands frantically waved him off as his palm came down on your sprawled out pile of sketches and he jumped back, staring at you with wide eyes.

“Sorry, sorry.” You said, piling up the previous sketched of the tool you were designing, the exhaustion clear in your skiddish movements. “I have just been trying to wrap my head around this job tonight.”

Jesper smoothly slid into the booth, sitting next to you with eyes scanning over the maps. From behind, Inej approached them and slid into the booth from the other side and now, both Crows were perched upon her shoulders and looking at her work.

“The historical society in the Geldestraat is no playground.” Inej sighed.

“Oh, it’s a playground for sure, just one with little landmines at every step and Stadwatch at every corner. Then, it’s a race to the last swing on the swing set and that is our prize at the end of tonight.” Jesper ranted, his hands flailing as he spoke.

By the time he was done speaking, you and Inej stared at him, speechless.

“You must have been the child that was always bullied at playgrounds, weren’t you?” you muttered, turning your head back to the blueprints. “It’s one of the most complex, yet easiest security systems we’ve had to break into. If the necklace is on display in the spot you say it is, Inej, then this window here is our best bet.”

“Best bet for what?” Inej asked, looking at her quizzically.

Grinning, you held up the drawing of a box no bigger than your hand, the inner workings of your mind scribbled across the page.

“The window has about 5 seconds from the moment it’s opened all the way before it starts setting off an alarm which has a domino affect on the other alarms. It’s a system of bells and the window we’re going through is the start of the system. If I can forge this box to the right dimensions of the window and the string that is triggered from the window opening, then we will have a few minutes before it breaks, and the bells signal any Stadwatch in the area.”

Jesper scoffed. “Then don’t build a little tool that is going to break.”

Your hands ran over your face and instantly, you swatted at his shoulder.

“My work is impeccable, but that string is thin and ready to snap, it’s why they used it so that when the window opened, it would cut it and set off the bells.”

“Oh!” he said slowly, coming to the realization as his lips formed an o.

Even as you spoke of your plan as easily as floating down a stream, it was too good to be true. There were a dozen other factors you haven’t considered yet that made this all the more tricky. In theory, it sounded simple but getting through the window and setting up the tool in time was critical, not to mention getting to the lower level of the museum and back in time before the bells go off.

Leaning on your elbows, your shoulders sunk just a little as your mind continued to pour over the plan.

“I have to be efficient. I say we get a few minutes, give or take another fifteen minutes tops, to make it to the necklace and back without a single peep.”

Jesper glanced at Inej who was standing beside you now and looking it all over.

“Can you do that Inej?”

Immediately, the girl shook her head.

“I may be the most graceful here, but I’m surprisingly not the fastest.”

You didn’t pay any mind to the attention being shoved on you. While you wouldn’t admit it, you’ve already been thinking of it all afternoon and it left your stomach in knots.

“I’ve been walking through this all afternoon.” you sighed, a hint of defeat in your face. “Partially, I feel like taking our chances by taking these jewels in broad daylight.” you half joked.

Suddenly, your hearing focused in on a heart that almost had a third pound through his chest from the cane who always wore. That and his heartbeat both resounded through Kaz’s body with such strength, but, even when you expected him to be near, you didn’t expect him behind the booth sending the three of you with the Saints.

“We do not have the luxury of stealing things in broad daylight, YN.” Kaz said, startling everyone out of their own skin, looming over their shoulders until they he was in front of the table. “We got the jump on this before anyone else, there is no other time to do this but tonight so you all have to be ready.”

You looked up at him, slightly taken back at how high strung he was over this job, his own stressed soul infecting theirs. His eyes scanned over the three of them and then, fell on yours, but you were already looking at the hard lines in his face accentuated by his frown.

Nodding, you tore your eyes away from him and got back to work.

This job was going to break a sweat out in all of them before it even started.

~

“This one won’t explode, yes?” Kaz asked you.

Frowning at him, you waved the contraption you built in an hour Iin the air.

“Look, I know the last one did but this was a simple put together of a few different pieces. See, if you just-'

Kaz put his hand up with an exasperated look, signaling you to stop the demonstration you tried to put on by showing him the inside of your invention.

The two or you stood by one of the street level windows to the small brick building, it’s window panes and shutters painted black, and on this little side street there was no light that found its way here except the faint blue moon above their heads. Kaz had just unlocked the windows, and he stood there just inches away before he would open the window and you’d crawl in, having to be quick.

As you looked at him, you almost couldn’t distinguish who’s heart was racing faster.

Every time you tried to think of your path to the second story where the famous necklace was on display, your thoughts kept getting scrambled.

“Be fast, but not sloppy and get back here in one piece with that jewel in your hand.” Kaz said, his voice not missing a confident beat.

You nodded, smiling reassuringly and your hands nervously straightened the flaps of his wool jacket and you took a shaky breath.

“Got it. Open it up.”

With his cane, Kaz stepped towards the window and gave you one last look as you prepared to jump from the crate and through the opening. Even the first story was a bit of a height difference from the street, but you were quick and had the jumping skill set needed.

Kaz nodded at her and without a moment to waste, Kaz opened the window and you sprinted in, your foot pressing into the crate, pushing off of it and your hands clutching the windowsill to guide you in with ease. There was only a few seconds left and you leaped up to the top of the window, watching as the string that held together their alarm system was growing taught and with your heart pounding, your arm shot out to grab it before it snapped and finally, you could let out a breath or relief.

“Did it work?” Kaz asked, peaking his head through the window

Your tongue was peaking through your lips as you focused intently on wrapping the string in your contraption without moving it too much, settling it against the window secured in place like it were a second addition to big metal box against the wall that was the start it.

“YN!” he hissed.

You shushed him, beads of sweat forming at your temples, slowly leaning back as you released your invention that would keep the string in place, everything seemingly more quiet than normal.

That was good though, the silence being a sign that it was working.

Leaping down, you faced Kaz on the other side of the window and smiled at him, giving a wave of the hand in the form of a salute.

“See ya in a minute.”

Kaz grinned at you, but you turned and ran before you could hear him say a word.

The historical society was an old mansion, when they were a little smaller back in the day, converted into a museum. The hardwood floors and floral carpets were the original, the walls having been painted over a baby blue and hung with artwork that dated before Ketterdam was even recognized on the map. Everyone believed they were copies though.

You came out to the front entrance, a massive open space with a chandelier made of diamonds that sparkled and cast sharp little reflections around the room from the moon that shone in through the window above the tall double doors.

Holding your breath, you slowly looked around, not a single sound or movement to be made.

It was clear and you were set to take off up the stairs, careful not to place your hand along the railing. At the top of the stairs, it split into two hallways but you need not worry about which one to go down because the jewels were sitting in a small case, overlooking the home. They were meant to be in a room down the hall, having yet to be put on display, but it seems your job just got easier.

With a devious, proud grin across your lips, you looked at the ember colored jewels sat into the heavy golden necklace, and even you had to take a moment to admire it’s beauty as if there was a fire burning in each and every individual stone. But, you glanced at the pocket watch you had stolen from Kaz years ago and knew you only had a minute of assurance that the alarm wouldn’t go off before you had to run back

With gloved hands, you lifted the glass boxand plucked the jewel out from it.

In one swift move you placed the glass back and turned around, ready to bolt down the stairs, but two gunshots shattered your senses and while you couldn’t understand why at first, you were sent hurdling down the stairs with no control of your body.

Kaz was growing impatient standing in the alleyway, anxiously checking his watch, counting down the minutes. It shouldn’t have taken this long, and he knew that you knew that as well. Maybe they hid the necklace after the museum closed or maybe they haven’t even had the chance to put it out yet, but Kaz was not looking forward to having to jump to their plan B.

“Dammit, YN" he hissed, glancing through the window into the dark hallway.

But the sound of guns being fired sent him in a frenzy and without waiting a second, Kaz climbed through the window fearing the worst.

By the time you landed, rolling to a stop, the wind had been knocked out of you, pain started surging through your backside from your left hip to right shoulder blade, and left you dizzy and gasping for air. Still clutched in your hands was the necklace, and you tried to focus on how many heartbeats were in the room, but you couldn’t concentrate with the pain you were in.

“Lock her up, she’s a Heartrender.” said a man with a thick Kerch accent that sent her stomach in knots.

“No.” you painfully gasped, trying to bring your hands together.

But one boot came stomping down on the wrist that held the necklace and your screamed out in pain as your shattered bones grinded against. Suddenly, your numb fingers could no longer find the golden chain as it was taken from your hands in Pekka Rollins came into view.

“I’ll be taking that, darling. Thanks for doing the work for us!”

As Pekka stood over you, his shadowed face looking down at you with a horrid grin that made your blood boil. Your hand was shaking as you tried to bring them together, but he waved his finger in front of your face.

“Don’t even try it or a bullet will be put in your head the moment you even move a muscle.” he threatened.

At the sound of a cane smacking into a man’s skull, your head sharply turned as you lay on the ground, watching Kaz storm into the room and begin fighting the Dime Lions that charged at him.

“Kaz, no!” you cried out, your heart nearly lurching from your chest.

It was only moments before two of them seized Kaz, bringing him down on his knees. Tears pricked your eyes as you watched them relentlessly dig their fists into every part of his body, his head refusing to fall in defeat.

“What a surprise, Mr.Brekker.” Rollins taunted, strolling over to him. “I worried you might have been here before we were when your little Wraith hijacked our meeting with the buyer, but I figured, why not sit back and let you do the work for us?”

Kaz glared up at Pekka, his eyes flickering to you as you lay there, a gun pointed to your head at the hands of another Dime Lion and you watched his face drain of all its color.

“Not her.” Kaz said unconsciously, the words passing through his lips like he were thinking out loud. 

That was their first mistake.

“I didn’t know the Dregs at a Heartrender in their rankings.” Pekka said, observing Kaz’s faulty eyes, glancing back at you with a smug grin. “That sounds a bit like cheating.” But then, he shrugged and his head rolled back to Kaz. “Bah, what do I care? She won’t make it much longer, but you? If you manage to crawl out of this mess, I might have a little more respect for ya.”

You didn’t know what mess Pekka Rollins was referring to, but your backside was already aching, blood seeping through your clothes now as you lay on the cold floor.

Kaz was writhing in their grips, bloody murder written across his face as he seemed to make his way out of one of their grasps and just as you thought he would have won, a gun shot rang through the air and made you jump.

Despite all the pain, you watched as Kaz crumpled to the ground and your body instantly shot up, wincing as Pekka kicked him in the face. But another shot resounded through the air, and you collapsed back on the ground with your hand still reaching for him, your leg now feeling useless as the bullet lodged itself in your calf. You watched as Kaz roll in his back, face contorted with pain.

The tears began to fall and you lay there, looking at him, waiting for his eyes to open and look back at you.

“Let’s leave, boys. Blow the place on the way out.”

That order sent a chill through your body and you helplessly watched them walk away.

“Kaz…” you weakly croaked out, watching him begin to prop himself up, one hand holding his stomach. “Kaz, we need to go.”

As you tried to shuffle towards him, every muscle in your body screaming with pain, you were only inches away from your fingertips reaching the lapels of his coat. Kaz looked at you, his eyes wide, but the moment he reached out for you, a blast shook the entire building and the last thing you saw was the walls crumbling down around you.

~

“YN!”

The voice was muffled, just barely heard over the ringing over your ears. Slowly, your eyes blinked open, and you couldn’t feel a thing as you watched the dark blue twilight sky above your head. It was almost peaceful, the sky lightening ever so lightly that you could make out the thick clouds that were almost black against the backdrop of the sky.

But then, the sharp scent of smoke that clouded your lungs and the irony taste of blood in your mouth took you away from your blissful moment and thrusted you into one of sheer panic as it crawled up your spine.

“YN!”

The ringing stopped and you could hear the cackling of flames and rubble grinding against each other now, turning your head to see Kaz.

Soot streaked his face; the panic you felt now visible in his widened eyes and the way his lips hung open like he was staring at a ghost. Your hands were merely inches from each other now and all around, the ceiling lay in shambles, the chandelier at your heads spreading its little diamonds across the space between you two. For a moment you wonder if that was what spared you two from the wood and stone that lay around you, but when you looked, you see that wood was piercing your thigh and the door lay over your ankle.

“Kaz.” you said shakily, looking back at him.

It was amazing how you couldn’t feel a thing, but that was probably good.

You two stared at each other, panting and clearly at a loss of what to do, except all you two could do was look at each other.

If you knew your life was going to end, what would you do? That would be a fun question to answer, but not if you only had minutes to live. Maybe hours. Hours was too optimistic though, and they realized that if they weren’t found soon, then the light in their eyes would be put out forever.

It was pure misery and bliss all at once as you stared at each other, the crushing weight of the rubble they were trapped under causing a flicker of fear deep in their stomachs. The things they wanted to say to each other could wrap around the world twice, but they settled with an endearing yet pained look only they knew with nothing but the space between their fingerprints reaching out to one another. It hurt to be so close and unable to touch.

If you had minutes to live, who would be the last face you’d want to see?

“Don’t look at my like that, YN.” Kaz grunted, trying to pull himself up. “Don’t look at me like you’re going to die.”

The bruises scattered across his face and the blood that soaked through his shirt were clear as day, but he seemed unphased as he tried to move closer.

You faintly smirked at him, feeling a trickle of blood from the corner of your lip.

“I think only you could look like an angel even when a building exploded around us.”

Kaz saw you smile through the pain, and every effort to be strong he tried to put up was whisked away by the look on your face as his shoulders fell. He could have collapsed back to the floor, letting the sleep take him away, had it not been for the way you smiled at him. Of course, he was in pain too, but it was insurmountable to the pain caused by the sight before him. His heart raced, wondering just how he would manage to drag the two of you out of this as his own limbs grew weary and tired from trying to sit up.

“I think you should get a demo man, Jesper always wanted one.”

Kaz, exhaled, letting out a brief chuckle.

“Why should I when half of your inventions explode anyway? We’ll have plenty more to come.”

There was a tinge of fear to his voice, hidden by the hope that you would make it til morning, and you could hear it; he didn’t want to lose you. He couldn’t let Pekka Rollins take someone else from him, even if it meant waiting until his last breath to take his life.

You rolled your eyes at him, the pain slowly starting to return as you gazed at the ceiling.

You kept your heart beating, your blood flowing, but you tried to pull yourself closer to Kaz only to sink back into the floor with defeat and suddenly, your chest started to rise and fall quicker. This couldn’t be it. You were stronger than this. You had to survive—if not for the Crows, but for him. Perhaps, you were being too hopeful after all.

“Kaz.” you croaked out, looking back at him with the tears threatening to pour out of your eyes.

“YN, we will be okay.” he said, his voice stern as if he could read your mind.

Suddenly, when he was within reach, you clasped his gloved hand and forced as much life into him as you could, watching him become caught off guard as his heart began to race.

“No.” he pleads.

Kaz tried to pull away, but you wouldn’t let him.

“You need to conserve your energy. We need to get out of here before the Stadwatch find us in the middle of this.”

“I’m saving you so you can save the both of us!” you argued, using his hand to pull yourself a little closer, both of you straining to bring yourselves together. But you paused for a moment, trying to catch your breath. “One of us needs to make it out of here tonight and I’m the only one who can make sure of it.”

Kaz finally pulls his hand away, and you watch him fight against everything that brought him down to sit up, leaning his back on the heavy chandelier and the remnants of the ceiling that supported it. He shut his eyes for a moment, and you watch the connection between you break as he becomes overly drained, still thinking desperately of a way out of this. As he sat there, you too fought against the pain coursing through every nerve of your body, the bullets lodged within you taunting your beaten soul as you tried to sit yourself up too. The cracked bones in your wrist made you gasp when you tried to put pressure on it, but you fought through it for one last push as you sat yourself up against the chandelier just a foot away with him.

“I cannot leave here alone. I can’t go back if you’re not with me.” Kaz said slowly, his head turning to you.

Now that you two were closer to each other, you could see just how hurt he was.

You opened your mouth to speak, ready to grasp his hand again, but blood spattered through your lips as you coughed it up.

Black spots danced across your vision, and you slowly start to fall over.

Kaz’s breath hitched, and his arms moved before he could even think to do so, dragging you towards him.

The moment you felt his arms around you, you came back to your senses, looking up at him from where your head lay on his chest.

“Kaz, you don’t—”

“I-I have to.” He says, shuddering slightly.

Kaz’s mind could not seem to push away the suffocating feeling your touch brought, and he found himself looking away, trying to fight off the horrifying memories of the ocean swallowing him whole. 

But he squeezed you tight, all flesh and bone still warm with life, trying to push out the gruesome images of his last memories with Jordie. You were alive in his arms, and he wouldn’t live to see the day you weren’t despite their odds right now.

For so long, you dreamed of the day Kaz could hold your hand, even let his knuckles brush by yours. But you never thought this is how it would go.

“It’s because I’m dying, isn’t it?”

Yes.

Kaz looks down at you, already accepting the defeat of the night, and he is almost too horrified to speak as your eyes seemed calmer now than from the second you finally regained consciousness.

“It’s because—”

He pauses, looking away from you and you hang on to every word.

The only thing he wanted to do was hold you, hating himself for never doing it sooner.

“It’s okay, Kaz.” you smile sadly. “There was going to be a day when I’d watch you all grow old and leave me, but if I don’t make it through this, at least I won’t have to watch that happen.”

There was a million things you could say, a million things you built up for years since the day you saw him. In all that time you never imagined it all coming down to this and you were just so tired, but you wanted to hear him say the words.

“But I want to hear you say it.” You said, your voice growing quiet.

No matter how much you tried to justify letting go, you didn’t want to. Your heart beat for him as you looked up at him and all you wanted to do was hear him say those words.

As your eyelids became heavy, you tried to focus on the way your heart beat alongside his, pressing your hand against his chest so that you could fight for the two of you, but his heart was already racing. You loved the sound of it, remembering every time you would hear it jump the moment you stepped into a room.

“I’m afraid we don’t have enough time for me to hold you and tell you the words you want to hear.”

Kaz was fighting for his life and his urge to finally tell the truth about everything. The way he hated when you’d sit on his desk, play with his jacket when there was a slight hair out of place, and he hated how even now you were fighting to keep both of you alive. But there was the way he loved watching you outwit everyone of the Dregs when they played at the tables, the way he loved when you’d doze off in his office after a long day of working with your tools and so much more he hated himself for only paying attention to now.

“Are you going to make me do everything?” you ask, weakly smiling, hiding your face as your hot tears stained his chest.

You could feel him smile, and you could also feel your energy draining by the second.

“I love you, Kaz. Until my last breath.” you said, fearing this would be your last.

The words were on both of their minds, yet, Kaz couldn’t wrap his head around it and when you said it, his lips parted ever so slightly, staring ahead at the rubble as if that was the biggest shock to come of the night. Those words were foreign to him, they belonged to a shell of who he was and he couldn’t allow himself to accept it. His heart ached though, almost wanting to hear it again from your lips.

But then, when his heart suddenly slowed and he felt your hand leave his chest, Kaz looked down at you in a panic.

“YN…” he whispered urgently.

“I’m here.” you murmured; your eyes closed.

It felt so nice to shut them for a moment.

Kaz looked down at you, everything in him spinning, and he was ready to march you out of here now to get help but even then, as he tried to move, the pain in his body kept him grounded. Sighing in defeat, he smacked his head against the back of the chandelier and rubble he leaned upon, wanting to scream or yell and curse the world for making him so weak. His mind lingered back to the waters, Jordie’s molted and rotten skin at his fingertips, while he kicked back to the harbor swimming against all odds.

“I love you too, YN.” he said, the words cutting through the silence around them.

Deep down, he didn’t want to say the words out loud, knowing they might be the last he says to you. He yearned for more time to love you, to stroke the hair off your face as he did now as the corner of your lips turned upwards. 

It made him forget to breathe as he frantically searched around, wondering if there was a way out.

But the exhaustion was tearing him apart and he looked down at you one last time, the smile off your face as your head rolled slightly. 

It wasn’t long before his eyes closed too.

~

“I found them!” 

The Dregs were scouring the rubble after they heard the explosion from the rendezvous point, Jesper and Inej running back after seeing that the two of you never made it. 

When the pair heard one of the Dregs call out, the pair exchanged a worried look before pushing through the remnants of the mansion. They feared they would find your mangeled bodies waiting for them, but they skidded to a halt when they saw something else entirely.

Jesper’s face fell, as Inej’s hand clamped over her mouth, watching as Rotty checked their pulses, the man’s hands shaking as they checked. 

“They’re still breathing!” Rotty shouted with relief. “Let’s move them out of here, they’re hurt pretty bad.”

But Inej and Jesper could not move just yet, staring with teary eyes from the overwhelming release of the weight on their shoulders. You sat curled up alongside Kaz, his arms wrapped around you, holding so tightly they could have swore he turned to stone. 

There was no time to waste though, and they ran to you and Kaz to drag the two of you out to safety.