#feeding you crackers while you swim around in a little pond

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

KAHDHBSHDBSJSBSJNSKA if only i could write papers for my classes as easily as i can asks for you </3

I’M LIKE GOING OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD RN BECAUSE I’M SENDING THIS ON PHONE SO I MIGHT NOT REMEMBER EVERYTHING BUT I AGREE I AGREE I AGREEEEEEEE GOJO MOST DEFINITELY SAID ‘aishiteru’ (for the nuance 😫😫😫😫) AND I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWERRRRRRR (i watched jjk 0 on my laptop and when i tell you the amount of times i rewatched that specific scene to see if i could make out what he said……… 💀💀💀💀💀 I COULD SEE THE AISHITERU I WATCHED IT SO MUCH)

geto’s “at least curse me a little at the end” to gojo’s “love is the most twisted curse of all”

LIKEEEE JABSJSBHDBSJSBSN

“see you later” (this one wouldn’t age well 💀) was one i was telling one of my other friends because she was like what if it’s not ily and i was like 1) be quiet but 2) IMAGINE he said it thinking he’d see him again in some sort of afterlife or another universe and he sees him again as a shell for another being THE ANGUISH THE DESPAIR HE WAS STOLEN FROM HIM NOT ONCE BUT TWICEEEEEE

“my six eyes tell me that you’re geto suguru but my soul knows otherwise” I AM SO NORMALLLLLLLLLL ABOUT THEM OH MY GODDDDDDD biting my fist and banging my head

anyways :3

NANAMI’S BLACK FLASHES WERE SO COLD OH MY GOD AND I MIGHT BE WRONG BUT DOESNT HE SAY LEAVE IT TO ME IN JJK 0 to his i’ll leave it to you (you’ve got it from here) in shibuya arc </3 I HATEEEEEEE AIDHJSBDJSNDN (i love)

AND YOU LOVED I LOVE YOO OMG ARI I LOVE YOO WAS SO AJDHJSNDJSJ THAT WAS MY LIFEEEEE kissing the ground you walk on IM SO AJSHJSBDJSNDJ YOU DONT UNDERSTANDDDDD

AND AND YOU MIGHTVE SEEN OPERATION: TRUE LOVE AROUND the mmc’s are sooooooooo :3 they’re so yummy looking IF I WERE SUA (fmc’s name) I WOULD WANT THEM BOTH I COULD NOT PICK

OH YEAH AND LOWKEY I DO SEE YOU LIKING DOKJA MORE HAHHAHAHAHHAA HES JUST SO SHDHJSNS HES JUST GOOD LIKE THAT IM NGL TO YOU

OH AND i am picking the manga back up for you i swear ITS OKAY I DONT NEED MY HEART AND SANITY ANYWAYS (thinking about the leaks…….)

AND AND AND WHO IS YOUR HSR TEAM IF YOU DONT MIND ME ASKING :00000 (and ty ;-; every time i get a quest out of the way a new one pops up and i’m just like LET ME LEVEL MY BOOTHILL UP PLEASEEEEEE)

AND AND AAANNNDDDDD i saw that you wanted to start bnha :3 ANYTHING I TRY TO SAY TO COMFORT YOU MIGHT MAKE IT SOUND WORSE BUT IMAGINE ALL THE DABI THOUGHTS YOU COULD HAVE yummy yummy dabi thoughts PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEEE omg abdhsbsnns

okay let me shut up now

EAT LOTS OF YUMMY FOOD AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND TAKE AS MUCH REST AS YOU NEEEEDDDDDD much love to you <333333

MY DEAREST KOI 🥹🥹🥹 forgive this late response i’m going through my inbox ask by ask….

I HOPE YOUR CLASSES ARE GOING WELL 🙏… assuming you aren’t on summer break……. i soooo get that 😔😔😔 i wish i had as much motivation to do my assignments as i have when it comes to. writing abt hot men LMAO

BUT YES HE 100% SAID AISHITERUUUU I REFUSE TO BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE. it’s funny that you mention the ”see you later” because it’s actually kinda true!! the lyrics to ao no sumika + the jjk 0 light novel together highly imply that gojo wanted to say ”we’ll meet again, won’t we?” but chose not to because he knew it’d become a curse :’3 (ironic since he still ended up cursing suguru into seeing him again by not properly disposing of his corpse…… ow ow ow.) ANDDD THE SEALING SCENE!!!! SO GOOD!!!!!! they did it sm justice in the anime…

NANAMI’S BLACK FLASHES 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 the way he ate his 30 seconds of screen time….. AND WAHH YOU’RE RIGHT I HADN’T NOTICED THAT BEFORE. our beloved working man :(((((((

I WAS SOOOO OBSESSED WITH I LOVE YOO KOI 😭😭😭😭😭 i loved ….. the ginger……… he was so good………… THE OPERATION TRUE LOVE MLS DO LOOK TASTY . and dokja…… his soggy meowmeow vibes have captivated me <33333

MY HSR TEAM IS THIS :3333333

….. aka. three parental figures and the shady uncle……….. lmao. i love them!!!!!!!! :3

i started playing a while ago but took a lot of breaks so…. i’m still very early in the game :’3 i feel like i missed so many cool characters while i was gone…. i love himiko but . i’m not super fond of her playstyle so i think i’ll switch her out for someone else!!!! i’m having trouble choosing between huohuo and jiaoqui :< i’d like them both but….. i only have a single ten pull saved up………..

WHAT ABT YOU KOIIIII what’s your team???? :333

AND PLEASEEEE NOT THE DABI BAIT 😭😭😭 yeahhhh……. the manga finally ended so i might. pick it back up. or maybe just the anime…. YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO KNOW 🙏🙏 i fear aridabi will be real whether i like it or not…….

ILY KOI <333333 make sure to take care of yourself too!!!! drink water and eat tasty food!!!!!!! :333

[ducktracy]

178. i wanna be a sailor (1937)

release date: september 25th, 1937

series: merrie melodies

director: tex avery

starring: robert winkler (peter parrot), elvia allman (mother parrot), mel blanc (duck), berneice hansell (patrick parrot, patricia parrot), billy bletcher (father parrot)

though porky was established as a star by this point, his stardom was a lonely one indeed. gabby goat had come and gone as a failed experiment, petunia only had a handful of shorts left, and daffy wouldn’t be established as a sidekick until a year or two later. aside from the pig himself, warner bros. didn’t have a vast repertoire of characters to boast. but that didn’t stop them anyway.

perhaps “boast” is a bit too hyperbolic, but there’s a rather fascinating trend in the late ‘30’s of warner bros. advertising characters who ranged from minuscule to down right obscure. porky, petunia, gabby, and the early prototype of daffy are all reasonable characters to tote, but it got to the point where one-off characters such as petunia’s dog fluffnums, “sammy sparrow”, and peter parrot where toted around as well. this marks the debut of peter parrot who, despite only starring in this short, found his way onto ice cream packaging, publicity sheets, and even wall hangers.

so, what’s all the hubbub with this little parrot? the short, an unofficial sequel to i love to singa, chronicles peter’s wishes to follow in his footsteps and become a sailor, despite his mother’s pleas against him. peter sets off for shore anyhow, but quickly realizes that it isn’t a captain‘s life for him.

the short begins with mama parrot (voiced by the great elvia allman) teaching her children how to talk. specifically, how to cite the ever-appropriate “polly want a cracker.” berneice hansell voices the first two siblings, patrick and patricia, who both fumble over the sentence in cute, giggly, slow voices. avery loved to put hansell’s squeaky voice to use, specifically to test our patience to see how annoying and how long he could drag it out. both children manage to spit out the magic words, much to the approval of mama. the underscore of “we’re working our way through college” is a nice touch--one of my favorites!

in the averyverse, it’s common knowledge that the third attempt at a gag results in a mix-up, and here is no exception. mama drills our star, peter, (named patrick on his various mediums of advertisement) but to no avail. instead, he resists, robert winkler (who was one of the voices for scrappy over at the columbia studio) providing his vocals as he grovels “i don’t wanna cracker, see? i wanna be a sailor like me pop, see?”

pan over to reveal a framed portrait of dear old dad, clad in a sailor suit, bulging popeye arms and all. mama does not agree, and is quick to launch into a rant. “huh. like your pop! why, that sea-bearin’ homewrecker, that high-seas hitchhiker... a fine father he’s been, the sea-goin’ sob!” her rant segues into a flashback sequence, animated by the great irv spence. the layout and background of the newly-weds’ new abode in the canary islands is very pretty indeed, great contrast with the blues and the yellows of the moon/light from inside.

elvia allman’s deliveries are great as always--she doesn’t get nearly the same amount of buzz as the other female stars of warner bros. such as berneice hansell, sara berner, bea benaderet, and of course june foray. the fond trip down memory lane includes warm memories of the new mother feeding her infants, the atmosphere warm... and then we pan over to the father, allman’s narration now acidic and vitriolic as she hurls insults in conjunction with the animation--the “rum-soaked old seagull” is surrounded by a wall of empty bottles, pouring himself a hearty dosage of shots. 

irv spence’s animation of the father’s lumbering, drunken exit out of the house is great--i especially love the extra details such as the swirls and stars. just as allman mentions the father’s venture to hawaii (on account that he could never stay in one place), we get a moment of avery genius as pa shoves his face back in the door to interrupt the narration (voiced by billy bletcher): “no, ma, it was catalina!” allman’s bite that was so harsh earlier is completely absent as she corrects herself. “oh... oh, yes. set sail for catalina.”  

another great avery gag that would be reused in the smash hit red hot riding hood, another avery piece: ma fondly remembers how she would “burn a little light in the window.” cue a giant spotlight beaming out the window, sweeping the entire island. 

mama parrot tearfully ends her lecture, asking her son “now you don’t wanna be a sailor, do you?” wonderful comedic timing as a tearful, mournful peter wipes his eyes. after a few seconds of sniveling, he responds with a warbled “...yes!” 

“WHAAAAT!?” so taken aback by her son’s reaction, mama parrot faints, literally hanging by her toes from the bird cage as she dangles unconscious. thus provides the perfect escape for peter, who opts to take matters into his own hands. cue the similarities to i love to singa: estranged bird children leave their over-protective parents in order to pursue their dreams. 

there’s a wonderfully smooth transition between multi-plane pans here: close-up to peter haughtily stalking off, footsteps tinkering to the beat. the surroundings of his household melt away to reveal a pan of the outside, the momentum never halting, no breaks in the walk-cycle, just perfectly timed. VERY impressive! i’m always a fan of the multi-plane pans to begin with, but this in particular is very well executed. in the midst of peter’s angsty stewing, he bumps right into a spare barrel. suddenly, an idea hatches, and he lifts the barrel (cartoon physics!) as we fade out. 

fade back in to another multi-plane pan, this time of a pond. i love the lush, painterly look of the backgrounds in the late ‘30′s and early ‘40′s--daffy duck and egghead in particular has some divine color styling. this pan reminds me quite a bit of the backgrounds in that one, as we’ll explore relatively soon (8 more to go!)

peter has successfully crafted a makeshift ship out of his barrel, the perfect size for such a pint-sized parrot. cue the introduction of the archetypal annoying blabbermouth--warner bros. loved their blabbermouth characters. dizzy duck, a blabbermouth facsimile to a certain disney-owned duck, would be porky’s sidekick for a whopping two cartoons. friz freleng would play around with the trope in his little blabbermouse, and even chuck jones would refine his sweet, mellow character sniffles into a bonafide chatterbox. 

here, it’s a little yellow duck (who looks awfully similar to daffy’s next appearance in daffy duck and egghead), barraging peter with a number of questions. peter is quick to shut the duck up, closing his beak as he snarls “well, see, i’m buildin’ a boat, see!” his explanation, reused from egghead rides again, is “because, because, because... today, i am a man!”, a take of the same line used in bar mitzvahs. while there may be a disconnect between the catchphrase and audiences today, one can at least appreciate the vocal talents ingrained in the line--specifically, the squeaky, prepubescent “i am a man!” provided by mel blanc here. little duck is eager to tag along. peter agrees, but not before clamping a spare clothespin down on the duckling’s beak to shut him up. 

cue the song sequence, which is more talk-song-y than anything. irv spence provides some nice animation as the two climb onto deck, peter shoving a mop into the curious duckling’s grip (”all aboard! c’mon, by heck! your job will be to scrub the deck!”) while the song continues, peter peels a skull and crossbones off of a spare poison bottle (how safe!), using it as a flag. the up shot of the flag being raised is nice and dynamic, even if the timing is a little bloated.

the ship has set sail. after glowing at his makeshift sail (a pair of long underwear), peter directly addresses the audience, a nice reminder that tex avery is directing the short. “this picture’s kinda like mutiny on the county, [actually titled mutiny on the bounty] dont’cha think?” he pauses for a few beats before turning back to the audience, now with a glower: "or dont’cha?”

to assert his dominance and strong masculinity, peter pulls out a stick of licorice from his pocket, tearing off a bite as a makeshift glob of tobacco. the animation of him chewing (and thusly spitting) the tobacco has a nice sense of weight to it--the push and pull is strong. he hocks it up over the side of the ship, and, like all spitting gags, the piece of “tobacco” traverses through the bottom of the water and lands perfectly in a submerged spittoon.

self-satisfied, peter now opts to scale the crow’s nest, using his beak and feet to guide him along the way (woodblocks doing a nice job of synchronizing animation and music). suddenly, he does a take to something offscreen. a storm’s a-brewin’, as indicated by the lightning that literally spells out “BAM!” as it streaks past. experimenting with typography is always refreshing to see in the shorts, especially when the words themselves form works of art. 

just as quick as he was to leave the family, peter drops his tough-guy demeanor, panicking and running around his ducky first-mate, who’s still dutifully swabbing the poop deck. peter snaps the clothespin off of the duck’s mouth, ordering him to do something. cue rambling duck: “what for? i like the rain. i like the water.” as he rambles on, borderline incomprehensibly, avery strikes again to remind us of what he’s capable as the duck interjects to the audience (in an adult voice), “ain’t i the talkingest little guy?” even better is that he wastes no time launching back into his hyperactive rant about swimming in the water and splashing around.

to make matters worse, the button flap of the long underwear sail unbuttons, rendering the sail useless. the combination of the rain, music (william tell’s “the storm”, of course), and sound effects all blend together nicely. the “ocean” currents, now forming ferocious waves, look hilariously cartoonish and not at all believable, but what’s the fun if the waves were drawn with precise accuracy?

peter wrestles with the ship’s wheel, which is out of control. his efforts are futile—he ends up twirling around the wheel. elsewhere, we get another gag that would be reused time and time again: a bucket of paint spilling and pouring back into itself due to the rocking of the ship. the timing holds on just longer than it needs to for it to warrant any laughs, though i’m sure it was much more amusing to an audience in 1937 than now, especially if you’ve seen the gag over and over again like i have.

speaking of reused gags: the blabbermouth duck is just reveling in the rain, not at all bothered by the catastrophic events unfolding. this gag is taken from one of tex’s last cartoons from his previous job, making the walter lantz oswald cartoons at universal. more specifically, his 1933 picture five and dime (about the 1:33 mark.) nevertheless, back to warner bros., the little motif of “september in the rain” adds another layer to aid in appreciating the gag. 

in an attempt to haul an anchor, peter’s plan fails: instead, half of the ship is yanked off with the anchor, sending the ship down. the little duck is beside himself, willfully diving into the current to soak up those sweet white caps. peter does not share his ecstasy, nor his courage. instead, he cries for help, crying for his mother... which, miraculously, she hears. seems he wasn’t that far off from shore after all! the extra touch of peter lowering his voice to bellow “calling all cars, calling all cars!” (also used in i love to singa) is a great little humoristic touch. 

despite her previous harshness, a mother’s love prevails, and mama parrot takes off after her son. cue another great joke, one that’d probably be even more uproarious during a time when the song was popular: mama dashes through the rain, reassuring her son “I’M COMIN’! I’M COMIN’!” and, in an instant, she drops her panic to sing a few lines of "old black joe” to the audience. wonderful timing--tex’s fourth wall breaks in this one are definitely satisfying. 

peter continues to cry for help, even in the tune of “shave and a haircut” at one point, much to the disgust and contempt of the duck, who goes as far as to give him a black eye. clearly, he doesn’t think highly of his captain. maybe this is more like mutiny on the bounty than we thought! 

and, with that, the duck easily tosses peter ashore, snarling “ya big sissy!” before frolicking in the rain once more. while some of the ship scenes dragged in momentum, tex does create a strong suspension of disbelief: remember, they were in a pond, not a treacherous ocean!

mama reunites with her baby boy, swaddling him and cooing all the way. “now... you don’t want to be a sailor, do you?” if you believe we’re about to learn some sort of moral, remember what you’re watching here. peter sniffles, wiping his eyes, giving a few sobs before answering in a direct parallel to the beginning, “...yeeeeees!”

it’s two iris out gags in a row for tex. like the beginning, mama shrieks another “WHAAAAAT!?” and passes out from the shock, iris closing in on her. just then, the iris widens back up as mama pulls herself up to face the audience. she heaves a sigh, her tone surprisingly gentle as she asks “now what would you do with a child like that?” iris out for good.

thus puts an end to tex’s 1937 dry spell. tex was no stranger to the vices of burnout (been there!), and i suspect he may have suffered a bit of burnout throughout mid-1937, or, at the very least, have been at a crossroads in terms of where to go and who to please. he had some great momentum going—porky’s duck hunt would, of course, become monumental in animation significance, birthing daffy and a whole genre of characters with it (and you could argue it’s why we have bugs, too). and, despite the nastiness of the short (which is inexcusable), viewing the technicalities, uncle tom’s bungalow was rife with energy and wit as well. but, for awhile after, tex floundered: shorts like a sunbonnet blue completely lack the avery wit and charm. egghead rides again was enjoyable, porky’s garden tolerable, but none carried the momentum that these shorts once had. thankfully, this dry spell comes to an end after this short.

so, moving on: this is a short i’m neutral on. it still lacks the fervor and conviction of previous tex entries, but it isn’t dismal. it has some bits of greatness that could constitute a watch: elvia allman does a wonderful job as the mother—the “burning a light in the window” gag with the giant spotlight was great, as were the various fourth wall breaks. those in itself constitute a watch, but other than that, this short remains largely unremarkable, at least to me. some of the scenes drag in pacing, but that’s an easy verdict to make when you constantly compare to the speed of forthcoming avery cartoons (especially at mgm), where you miss an entire gag if you blink.

ultimately, i think you could go either way. watch it if you’re more devoted to animation like i am, or at least snoop around for some of the high points. however, you won’t be missing too much if you skip it for now. thankfully, better cartoons are ahead!

link! (pardon the title, it’s fake, but the print is good enough quality.)

[theliterateape]

Fat and Somewhat Happy

RE: Jury awards couple $2 billion in Monsanto Roundup [glyphosate] Cancer Case

It’s pre–apocalyptic grocery shopping: flowers and flatulence and fear of food.

What can I buy that will keep me alive?

Organic is better, but you can settle for BST–free cheese

(if it comes from Wisconsin and not the glowing Pacific Coast).

Look for the BST symbol.

And the Master’s Mark sign

to make sure your kids are not getting that nasty radiation

still leaking from Fukushima

(except when they go out for pizza).

It’s true there’s actually no double-blind fool proof that radiation is bad for you

but it’s hard that it’s hard not to think about Sadako during dinner.

You have to let up when you buy for a party: the taste is the same

no matter what you spend:

and you don’t want to come off like a lunatic

and those people eat that shit anyway

and so do you when you’re at their house.

You can eat what they call conventional avocados,

It being the convention to apply poison first, ask questions later,

most don’t get through

their skins so much thicker than yours.

You can sneak your fingers into the goopy green dip

when you think no one is looking

and lick it off not even bothering to think

about the lesion–and–hemorrhage–inducing

Flavr–Savr Tomatoes with the anti–freeze flounder genes

which have been mercifully discontinued

because they killed the rats that ate ’em.

You do have to skip the tox-alicious chips,

or peek at the bag for or –GMO labels

to avoid the extra layer of poison they spray on the roundup–tolerant corn

• or the glu-FO-sinate–resistant corn

• or the GLY-pho-sate–resistant corn

• or the corn with the Bt bacteria built in—either

—Cry-1-A.105 (MON89034),

—Cry-I-Ab (MON810),

—Cry-I-F (1507),

—Cry-2-Ab (MON89034),

—Cry-3-Bb1 (MON863 and MON88017),

—Cry-34-Ab1 (59122),

—Cry-35-Ab1 (59122),

—Cry-3-A (MIR604),

—or VIP-3-A (MIR162)

which is also in your lovely retro cotton dress

(though that product too may be discontinued

like unsuccessful apparel and dessiccated lords

because the pink bollworm and the Florida army worm are already resistant.

And the Bt killed some more rats. Or some others).

Othering is alive and well these days (Hey! Tom Philpott says

the Obamas

and the Bushes

and the Clintons

and the Romneys

all secretly eat organic foods.

But the Trump glow speaks of a new aesthetic, and

Anyway—so, a few rats have died. Who wants rats

eating our corn? Fuck ‘em. Let ‘em die like the rats they are.”

Who says rats and roaches have to inherit the earth?

They’re not the meek.

But back to the oil (in the chips—remember the chips?

Remember, I told you, you’d have to skip the chips?)

The oil in the chips might be GMO,

so it really is best to use your fingers when no one is looking .

There! A snack! And it’s OK, you’re not that hungry,

and they have organic micro–distilled bourbon and gin on hand.

Of course, the kids can’t drink gin all the time,

even if it makes them smell nice, like Christmas,

So I’m standing as if in supplication, peering at the good old-fashioned ice cream:

is that you, there, churning with

• propylene glycol,

• ethyl acetate,

• yellow dye #5

• and hold the vanilla, but not the vanillin— a very good lice killer, I’m told, vanillin:

I scream / You scream / We all scream for—OK skip it. Skip

the ice cream, but pick up some whole and low–fat and skim and two–percent

(just over a buck at Jewel, if you don’t mind

• the GMO hormones

• that give the cows infections

• that require the antibiotics that are more useless every day)

I limit my angst to four horsemen:

• Jewel for cheaper bread and jam. Except when Mariano’s has a sale.

• TJ’s for bananas, pasta, chips, and apples,

(and just a bite of the samples ‘cause they taste so good).

Pizza, too, though the family hates that kind.

• Caputo’s for produce, wishing it were laced with coke like the watermelon they sold in the 90s.

• Whole Foods for the dry goods: no union but fewer poisons. Whole paycheck? Maybe—but they say we’ve got a choice:

Poorhouse or hospital? Rickets or cancer?

Twenty years from now, when we’re all dying

from a cell tower or silicon disease

we don’t know about yet, will it matter?

No, no one is pure. Not even

Barak, Michelle,

George, Laura,

Bill, Hilary,

Willard and Lenore,

Or Casey Wessel—came down with leukemia today.

Four horsemen—and still no meat to be had.

You can go straight to the farm and inspect it yourself,

unless you want one of those

* USDA self-inspected chickens—

* Racing chickens, speeding along the production line

at 175 birds perminute,

3 per second, like

“We don’t need no stinkin’ inspections.”

Or—Direct from 60 Minutes, compromised but still kickin’—

• The fish we get “from China” (in four–point type).

It feeds directly from the chicken’s ass:

Their crates, arranged in a tiny Chinese Alcatraz,

suspended over a man–made pond.

Yeah, its gross to you and me,

but think of it from the Dante Aligheri fish point of view:

Manna rains down, still warm,

from poultry purgatory up above.

• And the garlic grown in sewage.

• And the cold medicine full of fecal bacteria.

• Silks and that are fresh from chemical baths . . .

Just. Like. You: Your sweet little a carcinogenic soup

Starring formaldehyde (29 names for formaldehyde, and gee she looks well preserved).

And don’t forget A-ZO-di-car-BON-amide—get it while you sleep!

A-ZO-di-car-BON-amide—get it while you sleep!

And just in case you’ haven’t had enough—you can get it for free

in your favorite fast food:

That foam in your mattress so comfy you can eat it up, at

• Subway.

• McDonald’s.

• Arby’s.

• Starbucks, too, except for Starbucks in Europe & Australia, where its not even allowed in their yoga mats or shoes.

• Whatta they afraid of? A little asthma won’t kill ya.

This the poor can’t afford to know. But you know

and you’re getting poorer by the minute, so now you’ll have to forget.

And it’s on to Cassandra’s problem, and Eve’s: How can you un–know it?

• Ignore the Caen study showing cancers in rats?

• It was after all retracted by the journal itself, which is run by

Richard Goodman nee Monsanto. They said it: “No definitive conclusions can be reached.”

The rich though, make it their business to know.

• Their patron, Pandora makes ’em kill the rat.

• Or maybe it’s Hades—who yeah, was a kidnapper and rapist but really did love her. Persephone. Our sister the resister.

It’s time we became resistant, too—followed suit instead of suits. It might be enough

to eat rarely and spare:

• meat once a week

• fish once a month

• rice rarely to sidestep the arsenic still in the soil we spray with new stuff now

• fruit to avoid the acrylamide baked into those

—chips,

—cookies,

—crackers,

—cereal,

—fries.

Another list, but at least this time we know the words.

Is it better, maybe, if the chips are organic

so they only have one kind of poison, or two?

Better if the fish swim in fecal farms

or wild and free

off the hot coast of Japan? )

Anyway

• Organic’s got pesticide drift, curable only if you by a driftcatcher—opposite of a dream catcher— catches garbage where you stand.

• Cassava’s got cyanogenic glucosides,

• Acorns can be toxic in large quantities,

• A pound of greens three times a day means kidney stones and a sluggish thryroid.

• & anyone ever eat too many beans?

Yeah, I know: we’re human and we’re all doomed anyway.

But it’s still gross when Tom’s sinuses swell up

from too much of the weird–ass big–protein in the wheat we invented in ‘71.

Or when Zak throws up after fish from China

and the vomit takes the finish off the hardwood floor.

Or you develop an allergy to eggplant,

which you love so much you keep trying it anyway—

and you’re only sensitive when the eggplant’s non–organic.

That you was me—here I am again.

I know now I can buy three things. And still I shop in the valley of the shadow.

I could thank you,

• Sauget which once was Monsanto, then Syngenta/Pioneer/Dow/BASF/Bayer.

• And AquaBounty/ArborGlen/ArcadiaBioSciences/Mendel/Targeted Growth.

• And lovely suburban City of Wood Dale, thank you more,

for spraying right inside our summer–night windows.

• Thank you Mom, for the color-coded meals, the DDT–laced meat (Grade A: you tried so hard!) But I wish I never wished I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener!

Thank you thank you—there are more—but we’re running out of time.

Thank you thank you thank you all for making it here to the Pre-Apocalypse.

Thank you all for sticking around so we can all go down together, fat

& somewhat happy till the sores set in.

Previously published in “Stubborn” by Sheri Reda, Moria Press 2017.