#february '08 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

versussystem2 · 22 days ago

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TM GAME TOURAMENT MAGAZINE ANNOUNCEMENT 08 Part 01

Please Help Me

On Monday (02/03/25), my mother, Sok Nghim Hoi scolded at me. So, I started crying. Then, she asked me why I cried. I told her I have a poor life with a lot of bad lucks.

I continue telling her that both of my cell-phones have broke around a year ago. I keep asking for donation to replace my cell-phone. Or, someone buy something in my fundraising, so I could have some money to replace my cell-phone.

She told me the same thing again. There is a table with free cell-phones, why didn't I take one of the free cell-phones? She have told me about the free cell-phone multiple times. Each time she told me about getting a free cell-phone. I asked her to please give me a tiny bit of mercy stop joking about my poor life.

So, she told me she will take me to the table with the free cell-phone. So, the next day, on Tuesday (02/04/25), me and her walk together to the Dollar Tree store. She told me the table with free cell-phone is in front of the Dollar Tree store. Me and her saw that there were no table in front of Dollar Tree store. So, I asked her if I could return home?

About 100 yards away from the Dollar Tree store is the Starbucks store. She told me there might be a table at the Starbucks store. So, I walked with her to the Starbucks store. When me and her saw there were no table. She told me I could return home.

Please help me by giving me a tiny bit of mercy about my poor life with a lot of bad lucks.

Afterward, she told me she want to show me how to get the food stamp. I stopped myself from crying again. So, I didn't say anything.

I been self-helping myself since 2012 when I started the PTTS. I would do the best I can to write down everything I do to have evidences, so that the PTTS could have a history. Later on, I started using the camcorder to record myself speaking in front of the camcorder as evidences.

To me, I see establishing the PTTS as a poor life with a lot of bad lucks. Example: I got rejected by the society. I'm self-helping myself by creating the PTTS. Maybe one day, people could show me some mercy. Or, sympathy/pity. By accept me and the PTTS.

Even though, I have told my mother many times about the PTTS. Example: Starting on 2012. Each time me and her got into talks I would told her about the PTTS. But, each time I vibe that she might not understand what I'm talking about or she is making it hard on me by seeing the PTTS as unimportant. Or, worse, she would told me to give up on the PTTS or try something different.

In summary, she have intention on attacking me. I'm only defending myself by not creating more problems. Also, like I wrote above, I wanted to be accepted in the society.

Later on, in the talks, I would told her the following reasons to not have problems with talking with her:

I would told her maybe people don't like to hear me talk. Because I'm just ordinary USA citizen and I got elected as Club President of Mesa Multimedia Club from 2008 to 2011.

Please let me hanging on to a little bit of hopes to be accepted in the society.

There are time I told her I'm busy I can't talk with her. But, there are time she made me have to talk with me.

On the days, she is upset at me. Because of the years after years in our talks, she been attacking me and I'm only defending myself. So, I would want to defend myself with the following: Why would she be upset at me? I'm supposed to be upset at her for her verbal attacks against me. This mean when she is upset at me it would mess up my schedule and my life for day(s) of time. Each time when she is upset at me, I would make a PTTS Session video where I speak in front of the camcorder. In the video, I would explain how it all started.

On Wednesday (02/05/2025), she told me about her concerns the house inspection. Then, in the talks, she said something about the police officers is making investigation on me. I replied I don't understand. I took out multiple certificates that prove I have did a lot of community services. I shown those certificates to her. Those certificates are signed by Ron Roberts (Date of signed, 2010).

Again, please help me by giving me a tiny bit of mercy about my poor life with a lot of bad lucks.

I thought being rejected by the society is already a punishment. That is why I try to redeem myself in the PTTS by showing responsibilities.

In the "Sad Wake Up Call" PTTS Session video, I announced that I would be checking out Ashley Tisdale's interviews. From Ashley's circle (other female musicians), I would continue check out the Actress' interviews also.

In Hilary Duff's interview, she said that people doesn't take her seriously. I think she still able to manage her life after she said that because she is famous, rich, and have connections.

As for me, I have a poor life with a lot of bad lucks. Please give me a tiny bit of mercy about my poor life with a lot of bad lucks. Please… Please… Please…

On the same day (02/05/2025), I went to the San Diego Audio Video (SDAV) store and Staples office store for camcorder repair service. Those stores don't have repair service for camcorder. Bad luck days (days where problems just happen to me for no reasons) like today been happening to me. On those days, I would use my camcorder to record myself talking in front of the camcorder. About the problems in my life. About my situation. About being responsible. About living together and sharing. About community service. Other days, I would beg for forgiveness. Asking for mercy. And, so on.

Because my camcorder is not working. So, I can't record myself. So, I'm writing instead. I'm asking for helps to repair my camcorder. Example: Please give me donation, so I could repair my camcorder. Or, replace it.

At the night time on the same day, I still stress out about my camcorder not working. So, I used the CX12 handycam and recorded myself. A quick video to tell myself to forgive myself.

Later into the night, I held on to the Holy Bible. And, got on my knee. I started pray the following prayer over and over: Please god give me a tiny bit of your mercy. Please give me a chance of salvation.

Through the night. I would mumbled that prayer when I felt that I have weary thoughts.

In the past, for a period of time, watching Charlotte Church's Concert on DVDs. I was able to feel the church welcome. Or, self-pity to ease my situation. So, I started watching one of those DVDs again.

Today (02/06/25), this morning, right when I woke up, I reached over to the Holy Bible and started reading the Psalms starting from Psalm 1. Then, 2, 3, 4, and so on. in the Holy Bible.

I would mumbled that same prayer to ease the weary thoughts and concerns. Then, I watched the time. I have woke up late than my usual time. Also, the weary thoughts and concerns have took up some of my time.

So, I started hurrying. During my hurrying, as I was in the kitchen getting my breakfast ready to eat. My mother walk up behind me told me to open up the cabinet under the sink.

So, I got on my knee and begged her to give me a tiny bit of mercy for my poor life with a lot of bad lucks.

When she started questioning me. I started crying. During my crying, I asked her to please show me a tiny bit of mercy for my poor life with a lot of bad lucks. Over and over. While on my knee I also bow my head down all the way to the floor and hitting the floor. I bowed multiple times.

I have a poor life with a lot of bad lucks. So, I want to focus on discretion. And, the importance/seriousness of the topics I talked about. In summary, come clean. Come clean mean avoid hiding secrets.

So, the articles I wrote and videos I made I have been focusing on what I wrote above. But, I think masturbation is a private and intimate/sensitive topic to talk about. So, I didn't talk to anyone about the masturbation in my life. In a way, masturbation is like a secret that I hide from the public.

Bad Luck Scenario: In this scenario, people decided to give me a chance by reading the articles I wrote and/or watch the videos I made. Then, people found out I'm a hypocrite/liar, because I said that I focus on seriousness, because of having a poor life with bad lucks. But, I keep the masturbation in my life a secret.

No one want to says the only tiny bit of mercy I'm going to get is people telling me that no one going to show me any mercy.

Like I wrote above, please help me by giving me a tiny bit of mercy about my poor life with a lot of bad lucks. Example: Seeing the masturbation in my life as part of being poor and having a lot of bad lucks.

I told her that if my mother who have gave birth to me and raise me up. Can't show me any mercy about my poor life with a lot of bad lucks. Then, it will be hard for me to see that people would show me any mercy. Then, I started bowing my head against the floor multiple times. And, I asked her please tell me, "Can you show me a tiny bit of mercy to my poor life with a lot of bad lucks?" She replied. "Okay, so you don't want me to take you to get the food stamp."

I want to defend myself with the following: I have seen my mother's kindness before. I don't know how the distance created between me and her that she is being so hard on me.

On 2012 I created PTTS to redeem myself. I'm very scare right now. Just like on 2012. The things that scare me is what else could happen to me, I already have a poor life with a lot of bad lucks? So, I thought as long as I try very hard and keep working on PTTS. Then, San Diego might give me a break by looking at PTTS. Also, San Diego will tell me that I don't have to be scare anymore.

Working on achieve my goal to have a manageable schedule. Dealing with the problems in my life. Dealing with my situation. And, so on.

Currently, I'm writing the documentary, "Leading Student Redemption". I have wrote many pages. There are more pages to be write. This documentary is on the selected events in my Pacific Beach Middle School (PBMS) years and Mission Bay High School (MBHS) years. And, other events. The thesis (main topic) of this documentary is to me I thought it was very unfair and very upsetting that I have got selected to be one of the leading students. I'm redeeming myself by writing what happen. Also, explain about the more difficult problems I have to handle. This documentary happen around the 2000.

#1-3 creating a lot of weights in my life. Make me want to runaway from #1-3 and escape to a place where I don't have to think about #1-3. Back then on 2000, I thought being leading student was very unfair and upsetting. Right now, looking at being leading student is much better than the situation I'm in. Yet, I remember back on 2000 there were days I was so pissed off about my situation. I would shout out loud in loud shouts during my jogging at the Crown Point park in the night when no one is around. In those loud shouts, I would cussed out bad words. There were 1 time, while shouting and cussing bad words I also started kicking the trash can at the park.

My mother told me there is house inspection on 02/20/25. That is about 14 days away. The following is my brainstorm about my situation:

I would prepare myself to get ready to hear my mother talking about her concerns about the house inspection. Also, I'm going to straighten my shelfs and desk for the house inspection.

I would watch Charlotte Church's concert on DVDs. I would watch Charlotte Church interviews and documentaries on the Internet. Also, I would read the Holy Bible. To ease my situation.

I would finish up writing the documentary on "Leading Student Redemption" (A series of articles). The documentary is on a period of time in my life involving leadership, influence, and TM Game tournament.

If my situation made me have to do something not listed in #1-3, then I would do those things.

The following is the highlights of "Please Help Me":

I need to replace my broken cell-phone. I need to replace my not working camcorder. Making donation to me (the same as making donation to PTTS), so I could replace my cell-phone and camcorder. If I have time in my schedule, then I'll bring back the fundraising I had before.

Like I wrote above, please help me by giving me a tiny bit of mercy about my poor life with a lot of bad lucks.

To Be Continue...

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