#featuring my world famous jewish dani headcanon asjhdgsfnsdf

[cattles-bians]

the damie vibecca exes au part 7

post directory

obsetress: i just. started thinking about little spoon viola and got

obsetress: rly emotional

em: yeah.....

obsetress: and then i thought

obsetress: yeah ok rebecca big spoon viola little spoon but then i was like

obsetress: dani big spoon viola little spoon

em: YEAH BABY

obsetress: and then i really hurt myself

obsetress: esp bc dani is canonically a big spoon

em: i’m tryna remember how tall bexs is but i cannot place it alas

em: dani canon big spoon

em: well! now i’m thinking abt it and now I’m emo

obsetress: google says tahirah is 5'4 so same more or less

obsetress: viola n her shorties

em: viola is nothing if not consistent

em: loves a routine

obsetress: another thing for her and jamie to bond over

obsetress: routine

obsetress: and dating the same women

obsetress: no literally the same women

em: jamies like um. before they leave for a trip jamie packs everything up and sits on the couch for 15 minutes to see if she’s forgotten anything

em: otherwise if danis checking everything they will get 30 minutes down the road and realise they forgot pants

em: dani can also be a little bit of a disaster as a treat

obsetress: as a treat!

em: it’s not her fault! she’s got a lot on her plate

obsetress: dani clayton: will remember the strap but forget their toothbrushes

obsetress: every time

em: bsgskdhdjdhdjgdksdjdhkdgdkshsjdhsjeg

em: dani: yeah but.. in my defence... you can buy toothbrushes everywhere... jamie: no but i really like those bristles

obsetress: jamie: spent two months wearin em down

obsetress: dani: you brush too hard anyway, jamie, really, just

em: breaking them in like boots

em: dani clenched fist clayton talking abt brushing teeth too intensely

em: i love them. i love these idiots

obsetress: god right

obsetress: they're Perfect

obsetress: you know who else is perfect

obsetress: dani big spoon clayton holding viola while she cries herself to sleep because the judge changed their custody agreement and now arthur's getting isabel on christmas day and and whispering in her ear that it's going to be okay and pressing soft kisses to the back of her neck and shoulders and––

obsetress: deranged. absolutely deranged

em: hannah

em: like it’s v good and emotionally rich and a big brain concept but i despise u for putting it out in the world

obsetress: i despite myself

obsetress: anyway um

obsetress: dani and viola do christmas together that year because it's not like dani has anyone either

obsetress: and then, y'know, viola's alone again (rip) and sits in her big apartment and drinks martinis and orders catered duck or some shit and watches it's a wonderful life and cries

obsetress: but then

obsetress: christmas miracle time something something all forces yield to time and a couple years later

obsetress: there's a new christmas tradition and dani and jamie and vi n becca all spend christmas together

em: ahhhhh i love that

em: my one quiet headcanon is. jewish dani so i flipflop between ‘dani alone on christmas angst potential found family aw nice’ vs like ‘dani wasn’t really doing anything anyway but it’s nice doing things w people u love :)

obsetress: oh i love that

em: anyway viola drinking alone on christmas and dani rocks up w a birthday cake that says happy birthday **jesus

em: & she’s like sorry i couldn’t uh. find any fruit cake lmao

obsetress: god yeah that's perf

obsetress: dani's like "i know it's not, uh, the same for... for a lot of reasons, but... i could... spend it with you? if you want?"

em: love that love viola and dani watching old movies on christmas

obsetress: dani's like "i don't know christmas, but i know judy garland"

em: maybe there’s a little absolute shit talking abt arthur but dani manages to steer it back when it gets Too heavy

em: knows when to push and when to lay off etc

obsetress: she's so good

em: also OT4 christmas parties sound absolutely bananas

obsetress: god yeah like

em: they’re ALL the lesbian aunts that down a bottle of vodka and ruin christmas lunch

obsetress: ok they get together for the last night of hanukkah to all celebrate with dani but it's usually very chill but then over christmas they just go apeshitt

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: like

obsetress: viola's making her and bex heavy handed martinis and then dani and jamie are going ham on the eggnog

em: jamie goes nuts for hanukkah she’s like ur telling me there’s a holiday dedicated to fried food

em: count me in

obsetress: she's over the stove making latkes for dani every night she's so excited

obsetress: even tho she burns them 99% of the time

em: beautiful beautiful jamie

em: i’ve never tried eggnog

em: kinda want to try it but the idea of raw egg texture freaks me out

em: vegan eggnog

obsetress: v fair

obsetress: ngl i almost said, dani and jamie drunk on oat milk eggnog

em: love that

em: i am constantly flipping between trendy health food vegan lesbians dani and jamie vs like. well. the brits are well known for eating various grey meats

em: dani makes jamie do meat free mondays

obsetress: dani like

obsetress: ok jamie likes her grey meat too much

obsetress: dani is a midwestern boomer beef is basically a food group for her but

obsetress: although i guess they're not boomers in this au

obsetress: still midwestern still likes meat but

obsetress: she reads a lot of articles

obsetress: and she's very insistent about making meatless monday a regular staple of our week, jamie

em: like spiritually dani and jamie are the old soul boomers to the terrifying vibecca power lesbians

obsetress: so true

obsetress: but yeah midwesterners. eat a lot of meat

obsetress: esp the part of the midwest dani's from, it's all farmland basically

em: dani: we can try out new recipes jamie :) it’ll be fun :)

jamie: (british grumbling) cooking’s hard enough when i know what i’m cooking

dani: well. it is harder to get food poisoning from an undercooked vegetable

em: jamies like how was i supposed to know the sushi had been in the sun. it was an accident

em: what’s another midwestern staple i wanna know abt hmmmm

em: oh yeah what the fuck is puppy chow. like it’s in BHAH and i know google is right there but i kinda want to confirm it: even exists

obsetress: oh my GOD

obsetress: i ALSO have a dani clayton puppy chow hc i

obsetress: classic comedy of errors she loves it a lot and is always talking about it and jamie thinks it's actual dog food and then dani makes it one day and

obsetress: jamie sweet tooth taylor eats it all in one sitting

em: jamie sweet tooth taylor never had a chance