speedybeardconnoisseur

[sistertonin]

don't call me "butch"

[void-detective]

Earned Place 💰

[[GIF NOT MINE! ALL DIVIDERS MADE BY CAFEKITSUNES]]

Author note: This is a request made by @eboni-napalm that continues as part to my Gunther series, check the other two parts here. My requests are currently open as of now 🖊️ Final part for the Gunther series as of right now! Sorry about lack of proof editing btw 🖤

Word count: 2,646

Warning: praise kink, 18+, sex, gentle sex, two way(?), and face fucking

Summary: After Gunther's king of the ring win the reader seeks a way to prove their spot within the Imperium. After winning the tournament the reader gets greeted by more than they had bargained for.

May 25, 2024 - Women's Queen of the Ring finals

After your previous encounters with Imperium you had sought out a way to prove you deserved a spot within the tag team. And what better way to do it then win the Queen of the Ring tournament just like how Gunther had won against Orton. It only seemed fair that you proved you could hold your own like Kaiser, believing you needed to earn your spot in their team.

So you worked your ass off towards the finals of the Queen of the Ring and ended up in one last match against Lyra who was an upcoming star like yourself but you had more to prove compared to her.

This was for Imperium.

You staggered backstage panting and skin glistening backstage as you smiled, feeling the adrenaline finally ebb away as you wiped down your face. You felt relieved with your win and secretly hoped it was possible that Gunther had seen how hard you worked to get the win on Lyra. You were still sore but felt happy with the results of your win as you brushed damp strands of your hair back with a satisfied look.

So you made it through backstage quietly walking down the corridor a bit lost in thought as you went with a small sigh letting the tension finally ease out your body. It felt nice to actually win a big match for once in your career and even more to prove you could hold your own as a singles competitor outside of NXT and the indies.

You were still buzzing from the match as you moved past other superstars till you made it towards the locker room. You exhaled a nervous breath and pushed open the door to the locker room. You peered around as you stepped further in being greeted by the ever smug and annoyed expression of Kaiser standing of course in the way of where Gunther was.

“Can I help you?” Ludwig narrowed his eyes as he folded his arms behind his back with a small frown, assessing you with a scrutinizing gaze. His brows drawn down in that glare and a bit of a sneer pulling at his lips as he stared you down.

You let out an exasperated huff and looked around the locker room for the General before you glanced back towards Ludwig. “Are you ever going to like me?” You questioned with a quirked brow giving him a half amused yet tired stare.

“Probably not.” Ludwig shrugged and chuckled in amusement at your frustration as he waved a hand. “I just believe he deserves better.” He muttered with a scoff and stepped out your way with his eyes narrowed and a bitter scowl present on his features.

You ignored his comment with a roll of your eyes as you moved further into the locker room with a sigh. You stopped coming across Gunther lounged on one of the couches with that nice navy suit that he wore when he wasn't scheduled to fight. You smiled shyly as you stepped towards him and he sat up straight to meet you with a friendly look.

“You did good y/n, always impressive.” Gunther chuckled warmly and smiled as he observed you carefully with a intrigued look. “You did well on your promise to earn your spot as a member and lucky for you, we have an opening.” The offering felt like the biggest luck and like your wish had been granted but you secretly felt bad for Giovanni who had been kicked out of Imperium not too long ago by Ludwig. It made sense because of the fact that he wasn't used much unlike Kaiser but it still stung regardless.

“Thank you, your praise means a lot to me.” You smiled warmly looking fond as you brushed your hair out your face. “Although I don't know if Ludwig will ever like me.” You added jokingly as you peered over towards Kaiser who was still standing nearby, listening in as always.

Gunther cracked a genuine laugh and patted his chest with a smile as he turned his gaze towards his tag team partner. “Ah well, he'll warm up eventually..if not I'll chop him for you.” He hummed back in a playful way but still in a serious tone that had the other man tense a bit noticeably.

Ludwig held his hands up in a placating gesture and chuckled as he looked off to the side as he cleared his throat. You couldn't help but laugh to yourself at the gesture and the way he looked at the response but you couldn't blame him either. Being on the receiving end of one of Gunther's chops sounded less than ideal.

“Anyway y/n, I had an idea to reward your hard work but I need to know if you're comfortable with..Ludwig too. If he gets out of hand I will straighten him out for you.” Gunther patted his lap leaning forward with his hands on his knees trying to ensure you saw he was serious as he gazed up at you intently.

“You mean like..as in sex?” You questioned as you scratched your cheek turning to gaze at the younger man with curiosity, feeling your cheeks warm up in embarrassment. Your heart beginning to race in your chest are the implications like it was the most dirty thing to do.

“No he means in the ring.” Kaiser muttered with an amused snort as he raised a brow in amusement over the situation. His lips turned up into a wide smirk as he eyed you in an almost condescending way. God you wanted to smack him.

The thought made your head reel but it wasn't an unsavory idea now that you thought about it. You weren't into Kaiser like you were Gunther but if it meant getting even more good favor within the group, you were in for it. Plus maybe he'd stop being such a dick about all of it.

“I'm good with it.” You whispered back fiddling with your ring gear as you smiled over at Gunther with a nod of reassurance. It made you feel a lot better knowing how considerate he could be even now in these situations.

Gunther nodded his head in approval and leaned back on the couch looking up at you with an appraising gaze almost like a proud mentor. “Well go ahead I'll let you choose whatever you want.” He chuckled, the Austrian accent still ever prominent and you couldn't help but internally melt.

You let out a small breath feeling your nerves rack but with his permission you told a lot more at ease as you walked toward him. You watched him relax and give you another nod before you slipped onto his lap, gently straddling him as you looked up at him with your thighs on each side of his legs as you looked up at him. You felt his hands slide up your thighs and stay there which you didn't mind anyway.

As you adjusted getting used to sitting on his lap you could just feel the warmth and difference in your sizes. He was a big guy in general with everything and you could never not marvel at it all. You knew a lot of the women in the locker room didn't find him attractive but to you he was and not just in looks but the style and passion for the business.

You hesitated and felt him gently squeeze your thighs in response, almost trying to silently soothe you and tell you it was okay. You took another deep breath through your nose and moved a hand over his arm and onto his shoulder. Your other free hand moving up to gently caress his face like he was fragile even though it would take a lot to even dent him at all. You saw the glimmer of amusement in those green eyes as he raised a brow in question at your gentle handling of him.

“..Sorry, uh just admiring.” You cleared your throat and felt your blush burn toward the tips on your ears in response and felt your heart flutter at the soft chuckle that left him.

“Really? You're an odd one y/n, I don't have many women say they're trying to admire me.” The Austrian mused with a shake of his head but didn't deter your touches, only looking amused by them.

Contemplating your next moves you leaned your head forward peering at him uncertainty before mentally saying ‘fuck it' and closed the distance between you both. You kissed him gently and sighed, relaxing as he reciprocated the kiss and you moved the hand to his shoulder.

Eventually you parted and avoided his gaze as you rubbed your neck looking down as you shifted in his lap. You had an idea for what you wanted so you shifted and rocked your hips forward against the erection you could feel hardening against your thigh. “This okay?” You whispered a bit breathless as squeezed his shoulders, getting a hum in response.

You lifted yourself up and helped undo the belt carefully with his help pulling the pants down enough so they wouldn't get stained. You shifted and felt your breathing hitch as he helped pull down your ring gear to help get better access. As you shifted he guided you to lean back a bit and ran his hand over your side gently.

“I'm going to have to prep you, I don't have any condoms on me either. Plus I need to ensure you stay quiet so..” He gently laid you down on the couch, shifting to lean over you as he ran his fingers over your folds gently. He chuckled feeling you shiver and whimper under him before he nodded to Ludwig who had been patiently waiting at the sidelines for que.

Kaiser smirked in amusement and dark enjoyment as he stepped forward as he pulled down his wrestling trunks. He coaxed you to look over by turning your head towards his now freed cock and stepped towards you. “I hope you remember last time.” He mused with a smirk as he guided you to take him slowly.

In time with Kaiser's thrusts you could feel Gunther's thick fingers scissoring the inside of your entrance as you whimpered around Ludwig. The feeling on both ends was overwhelming even as you trembled beneath both men who were assaulting your senses on each end.

“Breath princess, you're doing very good.” Gunther pulled his fingers free from you and he gently stroked your thigh as he watched Ludwig thrust into your mouth. One of his hands soothing your trembling thigh while his partner worked towards his release. “That's a good girl.” He whispered to you and rubbed the soft skin of your inner thigh.

You trembled, breathing through your nose as you hollowed your cheeks and gently reached to hold Ludwig's hip as the man steadied his ever shuttering thrusts. You felt his movement getting erratic as he grunted above you before grabbing a handful of your hair and pushing deep with a low groan. You internally grimaced as the salty taste went down your throat and grunted around him as you tapped his hip.

Ludwig pulled back from you and ruffled your hair with a chuckle as he stepped back. “She's all yours, Gunther.” He wiped himself clean and tucked himself back in his trunks as he turned walking across the locker room.

You coughed lightly and made a face as you huffed watching the other man leave with a small huff of breath. Your breathing slowly coming back to normal as you turned your gaze back towards the larger man above you.

The General smiled at you and brushed your hair out your face as he looked down at you from above. “Are you sure this is what you want, y/n?” He whispered and ran his thumb over your cheek in a gesture that was almost too sweet. Everything about him was so tough and dominant but it seemed he was showing you a softer side of himself.

As you nodded in confirmation and gently spread your legs, you could see him relax and his eyes flick up to your face as he moved over on top of you. One hand braced over the arm of the couch and the other soothing your side and coming down to rub your hip as if steading your nerves.

You breathed shaky and shifted, placing a hand on his shoulder and the other on his side, guiding him closer. You bit your bottom lip as you wrapped your legs around his waist and used your free hand to free his cock from the confines of his boxers. You felt his grip tighten on your hip as he lifted your body up towards him a bit and he positioned himself between your legs.

“Ready? I need you to breathe and tell me if you need me to stop okay? Alright..” The Austrian murmured gently soothing a hand over your stomach as he guided the tip into your entrance. “Easy love, easy..I got you.” He whispered, feeling you tense and whimper under him as he slowly pushed more of himself into you. “There, you're doing so good for me hm?” He chuckled and leaned down to kiss your jaw before he moved the hand off your hip to cover your mouth. “Tap me if you want me to stop okay? I can't risk being heard.”

You felt your heart racing in your chest both from anticipation and excitement as you slowly nodded in agreement to his words. You let yourself relax beneath him and jolted at the first experimental thrust he gave which made you feel just how much he filled you up. You trembled and exhaled through your nose as he set a steady yet gentle pace so you could adjust to the foreign sensation. The burning and discomfort slowly gave way to pleasure like sensation lightening your senses on fire.

Upon feeling you begin to relax and hear your soft muffled sounds against his hands he had begun to move a bit faster and with more force. The movements made you shake and jolt beneath him and you braced yourself by holding his shoulders as his hand clamped over your mouth more. He grunted softly with the effort and watched your reactions carefully for any signs of discomfort as you tilted your head back and arched your back into his movements.

It didn't take long for you to feel the familiar pooling in your stomach and increasing heat that was building towards your release. You trembled upon the intense feeling as you gasped softly against his hand and tightened your grip on his shoulder to try and anchor yourself as your mind began to blank.

“That's a good girl.” Gunther growled in your ear and thrusted deep making you lightly scratch his shoulder and tense up. “Let go for me.” He whispered and kissed your neck, keeping a hand over your mouth as he used the free one to rub the sensitive bud which sent you right over the edge. He grunted and scrunched his nose as you clamped around him as you moaned against his hand.

As your release slowly died down you could feel him pull out and rub your thigh. You watched as he sat back slightly and pumped himself a few times before he came with a low growl and panted softly. God you loved being underneath him. Even now boneless and spent you could feel your attraction and love for the man only increasing.

“You did so good for me, my queen.” He whispered and cupped your cheek giving you a soft kiss before he pulled back to watch you with a soft look. “You earned your spot.”

[nerdlife0612]

Dragon Bound Part 1

Author Note: WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO MY NEW WORK! It’s being called ‘Dragon Bound’ (for now at least). For the time being, this is going to be an original work set within a WWE-Paranormal/AU type of setting.

That means original male characters and original female characters as the leads with occasional appearances of already established ‘characters’ (a la Triple H, Stephanie Mc., Roman Reigns, etc).  

Let me know what you think!! This journey is just getting started.

Tag List: @evilangel84 @empress-with-the-crown @chambcrofechocs Chamb - tag bigpixiefoot for me. I can’t seem to do it for some STUPID REASON. Ugh Tumblr!) @thedevilnisworld @bigpixiefoot  @littledeadrottinghood

And away we go!

--------------------------------------------------------

Dragon Bound: Part 1 Word Count: 860 for the actual story Rating for P. 1: E is for Everybody

David was incredibly antsy. Even though he’d been on the main roster on RAW for a few months now, every show still felt like a new experience. And he sought to impress the big wigs and remind me them just why they brought him up from NXT each and every single time.

But something about tonight… this Monday night had a different feel to it. Walking into the BOK center in Tulsa, where a special episode of RAW was being filmed this week, he just couldn’t shake the goose bumps that crept up the back of his neck.

“Hey man!” A voice called out to him as he walking to catering, causing him to jump. The same voice cackled, receiving a scowl from David. “So, the new hot item on the roster – David Levias – is easily spooked huh? Oh don’t look at me like that.”

“Fuck off, Rollins.”

Seth raised his hands, eyeing the newbie warily, “Testy, testy! What’s up man?” David grunted.

“I don’t know. I’m just really on edge for some dumb ass reason.” David ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

“Hmm. Seeing as I don’t know your background exactly, I’m almost tempted to say it’s a more human issue.” David snorted, slightly amused. “Oh yeah? And that’d be?”

“You need to get laid man.” David took a swing at Seth, who was laughing hysterically as he dodged the attack. “Easy man, you know it was just a joke.”

“Ah fuck off.” Seth’s annoying laugh echoed through the arena as David continued to catering. He couldn’t help but to think that maybe the annoying Encantado* might have a point. Either way, it was going to be a long, long night.

A few hours later, the same sensation hadn’t left him. In fact, it kept growing worse. Now in his ring gear, he sat in the locker room doing his dead level best to ignore the feeling that was rising to the surface.

He was busying himself with wrapping his hands and tapping his feet. To say he was anxious about the impending match was an understatement. It was perhaps the biggest one of his career to date - the type to make or break a push.

Suddenly, he felt a dull ache in his side. Head snapping up, his nostrils flared as he caught a new scent on the air. A scent that was fresh and clean and sent a pounding in his veins the likes of which he has never felt before. Beating a hot path towards the gorilla position, he hovered just behind the curtain – scenting the air again and again. Eyes focused, he could barely see a faint topaz glow in the area. Clutching his side, the sensation of a tattoo gun at work spread across his skin. It was then a hand appeared on his shoulder.

“Pull the match.”

“But sir – “

“You get paid to write and you get paid to listen to me. Pull the match. Get creative with something. Write him out with an injury. Something, damn it I don’t care what right now.”

“May we ask why sir?” David vaguely realized the voice belonged to none other than one of his bosses, Hunter Helmsley**– better know by his in ring persona of Triple H.

“Just. Pull. The. Match.” The owner of the authoritative voice suddenly grabbed him by the nape of the neck, pulling him back towards the locker-room. “C’mon, lover-boy. Just when we thought you weren’t ever going to manifest….”

“Manifest? What the hell do you mean Hunter?” His voice croaked.

“Oh yes… You just crossed paths with your other half. And it’s bringing your perspective beast to the surface. Speaking of which…. What’s with your side?” David just shook his head. Hunter yanked at the hem of the tank top, raising it up. He chuckled, an eyebrow shooting up and a smirk crossing his features. “I see…”

“What? What am I?”

“A dragon.” David blinked rapidly.  He was not unfamiliar with the fact that the WWE had become a haven for all sorts of creatures and machinations of the paranormal kind. And he was also not unfamiliar with the fact that his own ancestry had been pretty well hidden from him from an early age. Now to find out he was one of them… And more over to find out apparently his mate – his missing piece – was out in the crowd in Tulsa only fueled the beast closer to the surface.

“You were right to pull the match, sir. I feel….”

“Out of control? Like you’d go into the crowd if I let you go out there and not realize it?” David took a shaky breath and nodded. “Don’t worry, son. We got resources to help you with this change. Come on.” And before he knew it, David was swept into the locker room to gather his things and then escorted from the building. He couldn’t help but wonder as he sat into his rental car as to how Hunter was going to explain his prolonged absence.

I know you’re here in Oklahoma, little one. I will be back. And the black car faded into the night. -------------------------------------------------

Author’s notes: Okay few things to explain. Levias is obviously a play on the word Leviathan, which is a cousin term to Dragon. So obvious is obvious there right? Second, I put Seth as an Encantando because according to the resources on mythological creatures I found it’s listed as a ‘trickster dolphin’ or something and I felt like Seth might fit the idea of a ‘trickster’. I will define others for you as I put them in here and explain my thinking on the pick. Also, I know Trips real name is NOT Hunter but I will only use real names as appropriate (such as where a wrestler is actually using their name etc).  Part 2 is unknown as of yet. I’m trying to decide if I want to go straight to David’s time away and training etc or if I want to introduce our OFC. Let me know what you think. (PSTT! Look at the tags - starting a new tag -- nerdlife writes!)

[daleisgreat]

WrestleMania 36

Welcome to my annual WrestleMania-week entry where I recap the previous year’s WrestleMania (WM). Please indulge me for a bit, because the 2020 show had so many unprecedented circumstances going into it that it will require a bit of a prologue before I evaluate the card. For those that remember 2020’s installment of WWE’s biggest PPV of the year, it will be remembered as a WM like no other (hopefully!). For the better part of the latter half of WM history, the event has transpired in mammoth outdoor stadiums and/or sports arenas, oftentimes with inflated attendance numbers of well over 50,000. WWE would spare no expense with elaborate entrance stage sets, live band/artist performances, major celebrity/sports guests, etc. That all changed with 2020’s WrestleMania 36. WWE was set to roll forward with a pirate-themed WM, with countless pirate-themed ads, signage and a meticulous CG montage of WWE wrestlers decked out in pirate gear, and animated waves splashing against them while doing heroic sword-slashing poses to open the show. However, as we all know by now plans drastically altered, when with under a month before WM36’s original date of April 5th, the worldwide Co-Vid pandemic was declared on March 11th. This promptly shutdown a majority of travel and businesses internationally for the better part of the next two months before businesses and travel restrictions started to ease up, at least here in the United States. No one knew how long the shutdown was going to last, so WWE hastily taped the matches at their Performance Center training facilities, while rumored the tapings lasted up until the final hours before the lockdown went into effect in Florida.

This would mean for the first time in WM history, the even would be taped, and not on a short several hour delay ala Summerslam ‘92, but taped a couple weeks in advance! WWE officials allegedly were warning of severe consequences if spoilers leaked. Upon re-watching this WM36, it is still jaw-dropping to see the show associated with said large sports arenas and near six figures of fans was now emanating in front of ZERO fans in a small black-curtained off area of a training facility. Since the Network-era of WM PPVs in 2014, most of the events have went notoriously long around the six-to-seven hour mark when factoring in a two hour pre-show. While WWE was marketing yet another loaded 16-match card that would likely last that long, it seemed highly undesirable to force fans to watch that long of a show with zero fan atmosphere so WWE for the first time split WM into two nights on April 4th and 5th. On previous WM recaps here I advocated for two-night WMs because those one night marathons pushed alert limits to new levels, so I was relieved to hear WWE announce the two-night event. Keep in mind this was a few weeks into the pandemic, well before WWE started experimenting with NXT talent as fans for a couple months before eventually settling on the ubiquitous video walls of virtual fans at the Thunderdome that major WWE telecasts currently transpire in.

Usually the yearly WWE Hall of Fame ceremony is included with the BluRay as a bonus feature, but the 2020 ceremony that was slated to happen on WM36 weekend was postponed a year, and transpired earlier this week the same night with the 2021 inductees. Out of sheer habit and self-imposed obligation, I will give a quick breakdown of the 2020 half of the ceremony. It took place at the Thunderdome with Jerry Lawler back hosting, and in order to breeze through so many inductions there was no inductors, and some inductees like the Bellas were told they had a five minute time limit for their speeches. The 2020 Hall of Fame class is the nWo (Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Sean Waltman), British Bulldog, Jushin Thunder Liger, Nickie & Brie Bella, Justin Bradshaw Layfield, Warrior Award winner Titus ‘O Neil and representing the celebrity wing: William Shatner. Dave Batista was supposed to be inducted too, but he postponed his induction because of a scheduling conflict and wanted to accept in person. It was kind of odd seeing the Hall of Fame done with virtual fans, but WWE did their best with piping in artificial fan noise at appropriately timed references and jokes, and even fake chants when the hall of famers hit their catchphrases. A nice video recap aired for each inductee, and then most inductees gave roughly five minute speeches. JBL kicked off, and for a five minute speech he hit as many key highlights as he could in that short time allocated, and had a nice closing where he teased a heartfelt apology to locker room rivals. Some inductees like Shatner and Liger could not attend, but sent in brief, pre-recorded acceptance speeches. One inadvertent positive side effect was Liger’s speech was translated through subtitles, and there was no pauses to wait for the translator that would happen if it was done live. Shatner’s breezy speech took a fun jab at Lawler, and was to the point. Between each induction, brief backstage interviews were done with current WWE stars acknowledging how big a night this was for the legends and shared past stories and memories. Davey Boy Smith’s son, Harry, alongside Bulldog’s widow, Diana and Matilda’s granddaughter, Huffy, gave an affectionate induction to his father.

The “Legacy Wing” of the Hall of Fame occurred next, and the 2020 class was represented by Ray Stevens, Brickhouse Brown, “Dr. Death” Steve Williams, Baron Michele Leone and Gary Hart. A very deserving Titus ‘O Neil was recognized with the annual Warrior Award for his countless philanthropic efforts, and Titus gave an inspirational and heartwarming acceptance. The Bellas were expectedly on brand with their speeches, and each of the four nWo members shared some fun Monday Night Wars tales, except for Scott Hall who said only about 20 words. Hogan teased he never lost the nWo Title and that he would make a return to defend it. All told the 2020 portion of the ceremony was about an hour and a half, making it the shortest WWE Hall of Fame ceremony in quite some time! 2020 was undoubtedly a tough year on everyone. Come that WM36 weekend I, like many others, was in a rough place. Being a few weeks into the pandemic I had no idea what to make sense of on the news. I originally had a vacation planned for a week starting a few days before WM where I was going to be travelling out of town for a retro videogame convention I try and hit up most years, and it would have conveniently wrapped up shortly before WM started. As anticipated, the convention was cancelled, and in a crazy coincidence the day before I originally was planning to leave a water pipe burst in my home and my place had all kinds of water damage and furniture moved around for several days before it was all put back into place and cleaned up. Adding to the coincidental timing, night one of WM happened to be on my birthday, and this was early in the pandemic before masks were widely available and a lot of adherence to the lockdown and social distancing was being recommended and I felt gutted when family members wanted to celebrate and all I told them I felt safe doing was briefly visiting a few of them on my driveway. Needless to say, with all that going on my headspace had seen better days, and having WM36 to selfishly fall back on that weekend was a modicum of respite I desperately needed.

Thank you for indulging me with all that prefacing. With that all out of the way, it is time to move onward to looking at night one of WM36. Both nights of WM36 had a half hour kickoff show, with one match on each kickoff show that are included as BluRay bonuses. Night one saw Cesaro and Drew Gulak tear it up in a hard-hitting, five minute technical showcase with Cesaro getting the win with a momentous Airplane Spin. Stephanie McMahon gave a special introduction to the unique circumstances that were forced upon WM36 once the show officially began. I will give props to WWE for their contingency plan when their planned special artist to sing “America the Beautiful” could not make the event, and instead WWE went with a medley/montage of all past WM artists and bands like Little Richard, Aretha Franklin, Boyz 2 Men, Ray Charles and many more singing the anthem that traditionally kicks off WM. From there, four-time Super Bowl winner and host of WM36, Rob Gronkowski welcomed everyone, and his real-life friend and WWE star, Mojo Rawley, joined him in the hosting balcony. The first official WM36 match was for the Women’s Tag Titles with Asuka & Kari Sayne defending against Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross. I miss Kari Sayne, and am still in disbelief how WWE wrote her off TV a few months later via implied murder! Kari & Asuka’s foreign taunting and screaming helped fill the void of no crowd noise to an extent, but was not enough for them to retain after Alexa pinned Kari with her Twisted Bliss to win the gold for her and Nikki. Baron Corbin faced Elias who Baron thought would be unable to compete after recently tossing him off a balcony, but Elias made it in time to whack Baron with a guitar, and eventually Corbin’s jawjacking with the ref got the best of him as Elias capitalized with a roll-up for the win in this brief fan favorite arc of his character. Becky Lynch defended the RAW Women’s Title against Shayna Baszler next. Becky was near the end of her red-hot year+ long reign as champ here, but this bout had a peculiar build highlighted by Shayna bloodily biting Becky’s ear. This also-peculiar match saw Becky mostly taking a ground attack beating from Shayna until Becky pulled off a reverse pinning combination for the sudden win.

Sami Zayn defended his Intercontinental Title next against Daniel Bryan. Zayn was accompanied by Cesaro & Shinsuke Nakamura while Bryan was seconded by Drew Gulak. Interference from all three played a factor throughout this intense battle, with a distracted Bryan falling victim to Sami’s Haluva Kick for the victory. The Smackdown Tag Titles were on the line next in a triple threat ladder match, but with only one member from each team due to Miz being quarantined for Co-Vid symptoms. So that meant John Morrison defended the tag titles solo against Kofi Kingston of the New Day and Jimmy Uso. The three did not disappoint with many creative highspots and sequences, with a unique finish that saw all three unhook the tag titles at the same time and Morrison collapsing off the ladder with the titles after a tug-of-war battle with them to successfully retain the titles. Seth Rollins faced Kevin Owens next, and Owens continued his awesome tradition of paying homage to vintage WM posters, with a nod to WMIV’s poster design on his shirt. Rollins DQ’d himself early in the match after using the ring bell, but Owens goads Rollins into restarting the match with No DQ. This time Owens repeatedly hits Rollins with the bell to lay him out long enough for Owens to climb on top of the WM sign to deliver a Cannonball Splash through the announcer’s table in an eye-opening spot. Owens then dragged a lifeless Seth to the ring to execute a Stunner for the win. A WM host check-in with Mojo and Gronk was interrupted by Hardcore 24/7 champion, R-Truth, who was seeking refuge from all comers up in the host balcony, but instead fell to a gut-punch from Gronk, only to see Mojo sneak in a quick pin and run off from his hosting duties as the new 24/7 champ.

The Universal Title match was up next that was scheduled to have Bill Goldberg defend against Roman Reigns. Several days before the WM tapings however, Roman Reigns shocked everyone by legitimately pulling out of the match due to understandable Co-Vid concerns from having underlying health issues from being a two-time Leukemia survivor. With such short notice, WWE did not have time to build a storyline replacement for last minute substitute, Braun Strowman, and only briefly publicly declared the substitution during a rundown of all the matches the day before on Smackdown. The match was a quick smashmouth flurry of finishers, with Goldberg unable to pin Braun after four straight spears, and instead Braun achieving the pin and Universal title after unleashing four straight powerslams.

The main event for night one of WM36 was the cinematic “Boneyard Match” between AJ Styles and The Undertaker. For those not keeping up with pandemic-era WWE, the first few PPVs of the pandemic saw the inclusion of one or two matches on each PPV shot in the form of a movie, often without commentary and instead ambient music in the background. I embedded the match above (or click or press here to check it out) for those who have not seen it, because if you are a lapsed fan and have not witnessed it yet, the match garnered surprise acclaim from both wrestling and non-wrestling fans. It saw AJ and ‘Taker duke it out in a dilapidated graveyard, complete with Eastwood-esque trash talk, mystical druids, old-school ‘Taker dark magic, Good Brothers, motorcyles and Metallica. It was freaking great, and a much needed distraction from the empty arena. The finish saw ‘Taker big boot AJ into an empty grave, and dump a truckload of dirt on him to gracefully exit the “Boneyard” on his motorcycle with Metallica singing him out. As of this writing, this was Undertaker’s last match, and going by his latest interviews it sounds like he is indeed hanging it up for good this time, especially after WWE threw him a “final farewell” retirement-esque ceremony on the character’s 30th anniversary several months later at Survivor Series. Still with me for night two coverage of WM36? Take a break, grab a Steve-weiser, and relax for my night two coverage! The kickoff match saw Liv Morgan usurp Natalya with a reverse roll-up after a solid back-and-forth match. Night two officially started with Rhea Ripley defending the NXT Women’s Title against Charlotte Flair. Sorry to report that I am not a big fan of either of these two, and this match did not sit well with me either as it was mostly Flair working over Rhea’s leg until she locked in the Figure-Eight for the tapout win. Charlotte’s NXT title run wound up being a disaster, and she did not put over anyone while she was champ there. Onto better things as Aleister Black and Bobby Lashley squared off next. I completely forgot Lashley was married to Lana at this point in his character, but that would change soon after this as Lana urged Lashley to switch up finishing moves on Black, which backfired and saw Aleister connect with his Black Mass finisher for the pin. Next up saw Dolph Ziggler face Otis in the apex of a meticulous storyline where Otis fell victim to Dolph’s treachery when trying to win the heart of Mandy Rose. Mandy’s former friend Sonya Deville was assisting Dolph throughout the match until Mandy ran out to take care of her, which set up Otis to hit his outrageous Caterpillar finish for the win, and the happy uniting with Rose which tried its darnd-est to be on the same level with Randy Savage and Elizabeth from WMVII.

The next match was Edge’s big return singles match against Randy Orton after coming back at the Royal Rumble a couple months earlier. The buildup to this bout was impressive too, with Edge, Orton and Beth Phoenix all having emotional and investing promos leading up to this. This was a Last Man Standing match that saw the two battle all over the Performance Center throughout the backstage area, offices, training facilities and parking areas before reaching its final act on top of a semi where the two traded finishing moves until Edge hit a con-chair-toe for the 10-count win. The match held up much better on second viewing, and is best to watch it on its own as it lasted nearly 40 minutes. Shortly after this, Mojo Rawley re-emerged into the ringside area fending off 24/7 Title pursuers. Gronk took this moment upon himself to leap onto the pile of wrestlers from the host balcony and pin Mojo to win the 24/7 Title, a belt he would hold for a couple months until shortly after un-retiring from football where a sneaky R-Truth would roll-up Gronk for the title in his yard while filming a Tik-Toc video….seriously. Titus ‘O Neil would shortly arrive later to wrap-up hosting duties for Gronk for the remainder of the show. The RAW Tag Titles were on the line next with the Street Profits defending against Angel Garza and Austin Theory, who was a last minute sub for an injured Andrade. This was a quick five minute recharge bout, with the four competitors all staying in third gear throughout it for a non-stop action affair. Angelo Dawkins pinned Theory after a surprise splash from Montez Ford. The Smackdown Women’s Title 5-Way Elimination match followed with Bayley defending against Lacey Evans, Sasha Banks, Tamina and Naomi. Sasha and Bayley team up for a lot of early success, until their teamwork fails and Sasha falls victim to Lacey’s Women’s Right leaving it down to Lacey and Bayley. Right when it looks like Lacey has Bayley’s number, Sasha returned with a Backstabber on Lacey, which allowed Bayley to follow that up by driving Lacey down to the mat for the win.

The cinematic match of the second night was a “Firefly Funhouse” bout between “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt and John Cena. I have no idea where to begin describing this one. Essentially, Bray Wyatt suffers from multiple-personality disorder, and in this match Cena journeys to Wyatt’s multi-dimensional funhouse. It is filled with decades of pro-wrestling references that sees Cena and Wyatt cut Saturday Night’s Main Event-era promos on each other, join the nWo and relive Cena’s debut against Kurt Angle. I swear I am up not making any of this up! Just check out the embed above or click or press here to see for yourself! This cinematic match did not quite measure up to the Boneyard match, but was still an entertaining spectacle to experience with the deluge of references and callbacks to wrestling history. Eventually “The Fiend” pinned Cena with his Mandible Claw (while Bray Wyatt counted the pin, just roll with it), and the live feed then cut to a confused Titus ‘O Neil proclaiming what we all were thinking “I have no idea what we just saw.” The main event of night two saw Brock Lesnar defending the WWE Title against Drew McIntyre. This was built up as Drew’s big redemption story after being fired from WWE several years earlier, and it taking him 16 years to win his first major championship. It was too bad it all played out in the empty performance center, but the duo made the best of it with another instant hard hitting affair similar to the Braun/Goldberg match. After a little bit of early brawling, Brock hit three F5s which Drew all kicked out of, and then Drew countered with three straight Claymore kicks to be crowned the WWE champion for the feel-good closing of the show. What aired on RAW the next night, but actually transpired about 20 minutes after the Brock match and is on here as a BluRay bonus feature is Drew coming back to the ring for a victory interview only to be interrupted and challenged for the title by Big Show. Drew accepts the challenge, and after taking a pounding from Big Show for several minutes, Drew recovers and fires back with a Claymore for his first successful title defense. Drew has went on to be “the guy” for RAW for the better part of the next year, and while it feels he has been fulfilling that role, it is impossible to tell without a live, paying, audience, and I am curious to see how Drew is received at WM37 this weekend against Lashley.

The WM35 BluRay had the 2019 Hall of Fame as a digital bonus feature, and on the disc it had the entirety of the next night’s RAW, and a couple segments from the next Smackdown. The WM36 BluRay went down a different road with its bonus features, and aside from the two bonus kickoff matches and the post-WM Drew/Big Show match, there is about two hours of accumulated interviews, promos and segments from the previous two months of RAW, Smackdown and NXT. I watched them all, and it was a nice refresher of all the rivalries, although awkward at the same time, because about half of the segments still have fans in the arena which felt weird to see again after so long with empty/virtual arenas. Some highlights include a couple vintage Paul Heyman hype promos, AJ Styles and the Goodbrothers messing with Undertaker, the awful Rhea Ripley/Charlotte Flair interactions from NXT and Randy Orton’s epic must-see promo on Beth Phoenix for why he attacked Edge. It would be unfair of me to give a traditional yay/nay grade to WrestleMania 36 due to how the event barely came together at the final hour in the early stages of the pandemic. Seeing a lot of these matches in the empty Performance Center simply feels weird, and proved constantly difficult to suspend disbelief and get into the pro-wrestling fan mindset during viewing. The two cinematic matches are what essentially helped get me back into “fan mode” and get invested in the unique nature of those two bouts, and if you have to watch two matches from this show, then those two are the way to go. The two “slobberknocker” world title brawls are also quick, intense matches that are worth checking out. Once again, I love the two-night concept as it serves as a perfect break point for watching at home, and I am thankful WWE is doing that again for this year’s WM. All things told, this will go down as a historical achievement that WWE managed to put this together, and probably worth one day going back to watching to see how far we have come from those early dark days of the pandemic before we knew what the next eventful year had in store for everyone.

Past Wrestling Blogs Best of WCW Clash of Champions Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 2 Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 3 Biggest Knuckleheads Bobby The Brain Heenan Daniel Bryan: Just Say Yes Yes Yes DDP: Positively Living Dusty Rhodes WWE Network Specials ECW Unreleased: Vol 1 ECW Unreleased: Vol 2 ECW Unreleased: Vol 3 Eric Bishoff: Wrestlings Most Controversial Figure Fight Owens Fight: The Kevin Owens Story For All Mankind Getting Rowdy: The Unreleased Matches of Roddy Piper Goldberg: The Ultimate Collection Hulk Hogans Unreleased Collectors Series Impact Wresting Presents: Best of Hulk Hogan Its Good to Be the King: The Jerry Lawler Story The Kliq Rules Ladies and Gentlemen My Name is Paul Heyman Legends of Mid South Wrestling Macho Man: The Randy Savage Story Memphis Heat NXT: From Secret to Sensation NXT Greatest Matches Vol 1 OMG Vol 2: Top 50 Incidents in WCW History OMG Vol 3: Top 50 Incidents in ECW History Owen: Hart of Gold Randy Savage Unreleased: The Unseen Matches of the Macho Man RoH Supercard of Honor 2010-Present ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Scott Hall: Living on a Razors Edge Shawn Michaels: My Journey Shawn Michaels: The Showstopper Unreleased Sting: Into the Light Straight Outta Dudley-ville: Legacy of the Dudley Boyz Straight to the Top: Money in the Bank Anthology Superstar Collection: Zach Ryder Then Now Forever – The Evolution of WWEs Womens Division TLC 2017 TNA Lockdown 2005-2016 Top 50 Superstars of All Time Tough Enough: Million Dollar Season True Giants Ultimate Fan Pack: Roman Reigns Ultimate Warrior: Always Believe War Games: WCWs Most Notorious Matches Warrior Week on WWE Network Wrestlemania III: Championship Edition Wrestlemania 28-Present The Wrestler (2008) Wrestling Road Diaries Too Wrestling Road Diaries Three: Funny Equals Money Wrestlings Greatest Factions WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2017

[ohnojustimagine]

smash or pass: bobby roode?

Smash that, for sure. Especially full-on kayfabe Bobby in all his ridiculous GLORIOUS-ness, I feel like that would be quite the experience. I have this half-done fic I’ve been picking at for ages which is you’re a wrestler at NXT and you find this envelope in your locker and it’s this really weird formal invitation to dinner at chez Roode and when you walk out of the locker room Bobby’s standing outside all creepy and smarmy saying, “I do hope you’ll join me.” And it’s fucking weird as hell, but you’re curious, so you say yes. So the next night he sends a car for you, and you go and... do you remember the promos for NXT Takeover Chicago? Which featured Bobby at his ‘house’? Which was this enormous, utterly ludicrous cross between a castle and a McMansion? You’re taken there, and there’s a butler who ushers you in and like the WHOLE HOUSE is filled with semi-terrible portraits of Bobby. Every wall, Bobby painting. And the man himself greets you, and he does look pretty fine in his nice suit, so you have dinner in this big hall, and Bobby spends the entire meal talking about His NXT and how he’s decided that you’re the only woman in NXT worthy of standing by his side and he’s sure you’ll be honored to be his GLORIOUS companion and you’re like, “Um, okay.” 

And after dinner he disappears and you’re not sure what to do and then the butler appears again and takes you into this smaller room, like a study, with an open fire burning and many photos of Bobby on the walls. And you wait, and finally Bobby appears in the doorway, and he’s just standing there, posing, and wearing one of his entrance robes and you fucking swear if the GLORIOUS theme starts playing you’re not going to be able to stop laughing, but fortunately, it doesn’t. So Bobby sits down and arranges himself in a manner that makes it very, very clear he’s not wearing anything under the robe, and starts shitting on again about His NXT. 

You can’t stand it, so you slide off the couch and crawl over to him and open the robe and somewhat surprisingly, his cock’s as huge as his ego, so you start stroking him and sucking him off but the WHOLE TIME he’s still talking, all, “Yeah, you ever had balls that big in your mouth before? I don’t think so,” and “That’s the biggest dick you’ve ever seen, isn’t it? How good does it taste, you love it, don’t you?” until you can’t stand it anymore so you climb in his lap and sit on his cock and clamp your hand over his mouth and when he goes to speak again, you just shake your head.

And it’s actually really good, and once you’re right into it Bobby lifts you up and throws you down on your back and gets on top of you and REALLY fucks you, and when you’re both done, he’s still blissfully silent. And you are definitely seeing this guy again but next time there is one hundred percent going to be a ball gag involved.

[balorclubbabe]

Never Gonna Happen

Enzo Amore/OC (smut): Despite his constant playful flirtations, you and Enzo have never been anything more than friends. After a drunken night at the club, and a questionable morning after, you learn how he really feels about you.

(This is my first fic on here, I’m so nervous but I hope you all really enjoy it! It ended up waaaay longer than I anticipated.)

Special thanks to @imaginingwwesuperstars for being super supportive and an all-around sweetheart, ily. <3

“Come on, where are you?” I said quietly to myself, as I rounded another corner only to be met with an empty hallway. With a huff, I adjusted the bag that was hanging over my shoulder, contemplating my next move. I hadn’t had a match today, and after using most of my free time to get some training in, I had one last task to complete before I could head back to the hotel to relax.

Before whipping out my phone so I could text one of them (which I probably should have done sooner, in retrospect), I spotted the pair that I had been looking for; my close friends and fellow wrestlers Enzo Amore and Colin Cassidy. They had just beaten Anderson and Gallows for the tag team title, and I had been fruitlessly trying to track them down for almost half an hour now so I could congratulate them.

“Jeez you two haven’t been easy to find today. But congrats, I can’t believe you did it!!” I threw my arms around Cass, struggling only slightly due to his wide torso.

The big guy grinned, ruffling my hair playfully. “Ay you know we’re busy guys! But thanks kiddo. ‘Preciate it.”

“What? Pfft, you know the realest guys in the room had it in the bag! Don’t tell me you were havin’ doubts, sweetheart.” Enzo slung an arm over my shoulder, teasingly putting his whole weight onto me.

“Of course not! Still, that was an intense match! I thought for sure Anderson had you at the last second with that pin, Enzo!”

I felt my heart skip a beat (or two) when I pulled away and saw that Enzo was smirking at me. That trademark smirk that left me feeling weak in the knees, paired with the pet names he’d give me like “sweetheart” or “doll”.

It was safe to say I had a fairly large crush on the one and only “Smacktalker Skywalker” that seemed to grow a little every time I saw him. Enzo was one of the very first people who welcomed me when I got moved up to Monday Night Raw and was without a doubt one of my closest friends there (along with Cass of course). Despite his cocky, trash-talking persona, the real Enzo was not only funny, but also one of the most kind-hearted people I knew. Always asking if I needed anything, helping me train if I had an important match coming up, or even listening to me vent when things didn’t go exactly as planned in the ring.

I will admit though, there were times where my thoughts concerning him would be the furthest thing from…friendly. I guess that’s when I realized my feelings were maybe more than just a “crush”. Reminiscing back to times where he’d do something insignificant, like throwing an arm around me or planting a kiss on my cheek after a particularly good match; those little things were it all took for me to lay awake late at night, fantasizing about how badly I wanted him in my bed and all of the not-so-friendly things I’d picture him doing to me.

My thoughts were interrupted when I suddenly heard Cass saying my name, waving his large hand in front of my face. “Did ya hear me?” I blinked, glancing at the duo, both of them having looks of clear confusion on their faces.

Shit, I was completely zoning out without even realizing it. “S-sorry I uh, spaced out for a second there. Long day, you know? What were you saying?”

Cass raised an eyebrow at me, but ignored my odd behavior and repeated himself. “I said, did you want to come out to the club and celebrate with us tonight? The one around the corner from the hotel? We were gonna head there in a few hours if you’re up for it.”

“Sure! I was actually just about to head back to the hotel anyways. I can change and meet you guys there later.”

Cass opened his mouth to speak but the buzzing of his phone cut him off, chuckling when he glanced down and saw the message displayed on the screen. “Mella’s freakin’ out because she doesn’t know what to wear tonight.”

I giggled, picturing the blonde haphazardly rifling through her suitcase, throwing items of clothing across the room out of frustration. “Well that makes two of us then. Tell her backup will be arriving shortly.”

Enzo shot me a wink as he and Cass headed in the other direction to their own respective dressing rooms. “Can’t wait. See ya later then, doll.”

Trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering in my stomach after he said that, I made my way out of the stadium and back to the hotel.

No sooner did I close the door to my room behind me did I hear a frantic knocking against it.

“Open up!!” On the other side stood Carmella, a handful of dresses squeezed tightly against her chest, practically bouncing in place as she waited for me to answer. She darted inside when I opened the door, tossing the dresses onto my bed. “Thank GOD you’re here girl, I’m having a frickin’ crisis.”

I laughed, dropping my bag in the corner. “So I’ve heard. I don’t know what to wear either so you’d better be planning on helping me out too.”

The blonde popped the gum she was chewing loudly, eyes dancing over each dress as she spread them out one by one. “I just really wanna wear somethin’ that’s gonna have Colin drooling the second he sees me! I narrowed it down to these few so gimme your honest opinion.”

I “hmmm’d” for a few seconds, “Let’s see,” as my eyes travelled over the dress, when I finally pointed to the one at the far end of the bed; fitted, strapless and and a dazzling shade of gold. “I know it’s not leopard but try that one on. Trust me, Cass won’t know what hit him.”

Ignoring my playful jab at her usual style of attire, Carmella nodded in affirmation and pulled her shirt up over her head. This was nothing new to me. Not just because of the countless times we’d changed together in the locker room back when we were in NXT together, but the fact that Mella was like a sister to me. Plus, she had been the one to introduce me to Enzo and Cass, which is why it bummed me out that she wasn’t on Raw with us. Being that she didn’t have a match on Smackdown tomorrow, she had come into town to support Enzo and Cass for their title run. “So any ideas on whatcha wanted to wear?”

I shrugged, opening the closet where the few dresses I had brought to the hotel with me hung, mostly for the purpose of any interviews or events that could potentially pop up last minute. “Not sure yet, I was hoping to get your input. You’re my go-to for fashion advice after all. And it’s been so long since I’ve gone out so I definitely wanna look good.”

She soon stood next to me, hands on her hips, making similar contemplative noises and continued to crack her gum between her teeth. “Mmm try that one on, ya look good in red. Plus I’m pretty sure it’s Enzo’s favorite color.” She sang the last sentence, adjusting the bottom of her dress.

I froze and turned towards her only to be greeted with the Cheshire-like grin that graced her bubblegum pink lips. “What does that have to do with anything?”

She shot me a puzzled glance, pulling the dress off of the hanger. “I’m trying to impress my man. Ain’t you trying to impress yours?”

I scoffed as she held the dress up against my still-clothed body, tilting her head to the side as she did so. The dress was fitted, low-cut and stopped just above the knees; definitely something a person would wear if they wanted to impress a certain someone. “He’s not my man, Mella. Enzo is just a friend.”

“Yep, this is the one,” she placed the garment in my hands, a skeptical look still painted on her features. “And I thought you and I told each other everything, hmm? Girl, I’m not blind! I’ve seen the way he looks at ya! There’s gotta be somethin’ there.”

With a sigh, I slid my yoga pants off of my legs and threw my tank top to the side, slipping the dress over my head. “You know how Enzo is-zipper, please?” Mella shuffled behind me, sliding the thin metallic piece up carefully as I continued. “He’s always flirty, that’s sort of his thing. Plus, we’re such good friends and I don’t wanna fuck that up, you know? So yeah wishful thinking, but never gonna happen.”

With her hands on my shoulders, the blonde spun me around so that we were now facing each other, giving me a once over. Seemingly ignoring my last statement, she smiled gently and said, “You look perfect. C’mon we still gotta figure out what shoes we’re wearin’.”

After helping each other with make-up and hair, Mella and I took a cab over to the club, the drive turning out to be about five minutes. I knew walking was a realistic option as well, but in heels we’d both be down for the count very quickly. As we stepped out of the car, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little anxious to see Enzo’s reaction to my outfit. Soon after making our way inside the colorful, flashing lights above and the music pumping through the speakers invaded my senses. It had been far too long since a bunch of us had gotten together for a night like this and given the occasion, it was the perfect excuse.

We made our way to a VIP table in the corner sectioned off by velvet rope, which had already been commandeered by Sasha, Bayley, The New Day, and of course, Enzo and Cass. They definitely had a head start on Carmella and I judging by the glasses and bottles littering the table.

I watched as Cass planted a kiss on Mella’s lips, and leaned down to whisper something into her ear, probably about how amazing she looked tonight, which was evident by the blush on her cheeks and the smile on her face.

Enzo came towards me with a teasing smile on his face, speaking much louder than usual (which was saying something since he was always so loud) thanks to the thumping music. “Fashionably late, huh?”

I let out a laugh, shrugging my shoulders and trying my damnedest not to stare at him. Having changed out of his eccentric leopard-print ring gear (of which I was very fond of), he was dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a tight black t-shirt, but accessorized heavily with an expensive looking watch and a chain, always finding a way to add a little bit of flashiness. “You know Mella. Plus I had to decide what to wear too, you know.”

Momentarily shifting her attention from Cass to Enzo and I, Carmella cupped her hand around her mouth, calling out, “Doesn’t she look great, ‘Zo?”

Enzo chuckled, eyes dancing over my ensemble. “Yeah. Yeah, you look amazin’. Red’s a real good color on ya, sweetheart.” Enzo briefly turned his back to grab something from the table, allowing me to shoot Carmella an “I can’t believe you did that” look, which she shrugged off, winking at me as Cass handed her a drink.

Enzo turned back around, a drink now in his hand that he passed off to me. “Here doll, got you a Jack and Coke to start ya off. You got some catchin’ up to do, though. Everyone else has been drinkin’ since we got here.”

I thanked him and took a rather large gulp, making my way over to the table to join and greet everyone else.

A few hours had passed since our arrival and it was safe to say I had definitely caught up. After the drink Enzo had bought me I had another. And another. Then I ended up doing a handful of shots with Sasha and The New Day, who I had experienced my fair share of drunken antics with since I’ve known them.

Whenever she could, Carmella would sneak by my side, whispering not so subtly into my ear, “Well?” or “Any progress?” which would be met with a resounding “no” every time. He was the same old Enzo, treating me more like a friend that he casually flirted with instead of a potential love interest; a touch or two here, a lingering look there, but nothing more. What was I expecting, after all; for him to pin me against the wall and kiss me in front of everyone? I sighed loudly at her third time around, parroting my words from before, “Never gonna happen, Mella! Let’s just have fun!” and continued drinking.

The last shot of whiskey I took didn’t have nearly as bad of a burn going down as it did when I started drinking. Xavier clapped me on the back with a hearty laugh, clearly impressed by my tolerance. “Look at you go, girl!! You want me to pour you another one?”

I shook my head no, laughing as Big E passed a shot to Sasha, who grimaced at first, but threw it back regardless. “I think I’m good for now you guys!”

Kofi chuckled, “Aw c’mon don’t be such a lightweight! I’ve seen you party before, I know you’re nowhere near done!” He held the empty shot glass towards me, nudging my arm.

Shakily, I got to my feet, “Later, I promise! I’m gonna go dance for a little bit!!” And after a few seconds of wobbling, I managed to keep my balance as I made my way to the dance floor with Sasha, joining Carmella and Bayley.

As my body moved with the beat of the song blasting through the speakers, Carmella danced next to me, having had her fair share of alcohol as well. She leaned towards me, trying to shout above the bass. “He hasn’t taken his eyes off ya since we got here! I swear to god, he totally wants you girl!”

It took me a few seconds to process what she had said, but sure enough I glanced over my shoulder back at the table and low and behold, Enzo was looking directly at me. As our eyes met, he shot me a smile, placing his empty drink on the table next to him.

With my newfound liquid courage, I shot him a wink, continuing to sway my hips from side to side. Why not, right? If he could flirt with me, who said I wasn’t allowed to flirt back? It was harmless, after all. From the corner of my eye, I saw him stand up and start to make his way over to me.

Carmella gasped in delight and took this as her cue to head back over to the table with Cass while Bayley and Sasha briefly wished me luck before they moved to the other side of the dance floor. Clearly Carmella had informed them of the situation with Enzo and figured this would be the perfect opportunity for me to be alone with him. Not that I particularly minded, of course.

I continued to dance alone, pretending not to notice that he was walking towards me until I felt him lightly press against me from behind. “Never knew ya were such a good dancer.”

I felt his hands position themselves on my waist as I peeked up at his face, which had that damned sexy smirk painted on it. Even though I was in heels, he was still almost a whole head taller than me. “Yeah, I’ve been told I’m pretty good.”

Enzo laughed, his lips close enough to my ear that goose bumps were beginning to form all over my body. “Oh yeah? Is that right?” I could smell the liquor on his breath and it almost made me want to kiss him more than usual. I could tell he was feeling buzzed, though still seemed to have a decently level head.

Nodding confidently, I continued my movements as nonchalantly as possible, as if I didn’t care if he was there or not, which couldn’t be further from the truth. “Why? Don’t believe me, Enzo?”

His grip on my waist didn’t loosen as I sensually danced against him, rolling my lower half so that it ever so slightly grazed his crotch. Through the jeans I could feel his arousal pressing against my ass.

He didn’t seem to hear, nor care about my question, which didn’t really need an answer judging by his reaction. “I know I said it before, but you look fuckin’ hot in this dress, sweetheart.”

I couldn’t help but giggle, leaning my head back into him so I was looking at him almost upside down. “Oh yeah? I don’t think you used the word “hot” before. But thanks. You’re lookin’ pretty hot yourself, babe.” I had dropped the pet name as a sort of challenge, trying to gauge his reaction.

He licked his lips, eyes glued to my form. “Hey I’m sayin’ it now, ain’t I? Doesn’t that count for something?”

I tried to casually shrug, but my body betrayed me and shivered the moment I felt his warm lips press against my neck gently, which earned a chuckle from him. “I-i guess so.”

Enzo moved his head back up to whisper into my ear. “Then let’s get outta here, huh? So I can let ya know how I feel ‘bout you in this dress. Whaddya say, doll?”

All I could do was nod as he took my arm and pulled me through the crowd of people. I only had time to glance in Carmella’s direction, knowing she’d kill me if I left without telling her, but she was nowhere to be found. Instead the one I spotted was Cass, who had a giant grin on his face, shaking his head in my direction as if to say, “Have fun, you crazy kids”.

We managed to catch a cab fairly quickly, riding in complete silence, making the merely five minute drive feel like an eternity. We scurried through the lobby to the elevator, the doors barely having time to close behind us before Enzo was on me.

Our lips were immediately fused together, his tongue exploring my mouth while his beard tickled my face as I threw my arms around his neck, pulling him as close to me as possible.

He pushed me against the wall, mouth attaching to my collarbone. “You look…so fuckin’ sexy in this dress…been thinkin’ about doin’ this all night, baby.” His lips found mine again in a fiery kiss, his hands firmly grasping onto my ass.

I writhed against him as he bit down lightly on my bottom lip, only stopping when the elevator dinged open, bringing us up to his floor.

After a few short strides down the hall, Enzo hurriedly tried to swipe the keycard, flinging the door open when it finally worked.

He unceremoniously shoved me onto the bed, practically throwing himself on top of me shortly after. Our lips reconnected as our hands began exploring one another, mine crawling underneath his shirt and his groping my ass, a silent sort of way of saying “This is gonna be mine”. He pulled away with almost a gasp for air, his voice a low, sensual whisper. “The dress is gonna have to come off, sweetheart. Don’t wanna go ruining it, do we?”

Before I could respond, I felt his hands bunch the fabric up and pull it up my thighs, causing me to groan when his fingers lightly brushed against my already wet slit.

His eyes met mine, his facial expression shifting from disbelief to pure arousal. “You ain’t wearin’ any panties, baby girl?”

I chewed my bottom lip, whimpering as one of his fingers worked its way inside of me, my walls clenching around the digit almost instantly. “O-oh shit Enzo.”

Clearly pleased at the sounds he was eliciting from me, he pecked me quickly on the lips before sinking lower, moving so that he was in between my legs.

I felt his beard brush against my inner thigh and I heard him mumble, “Gotta taste you, princess,” as he ran his flattened tongue up my folds, causing me to jolt from the sudden rush of pleasure.

Satisfied with my response, his tongue delicately began to circle my clit, while slipping another finger inside. He “mmm’d” when he felt my body quiver against his mouth, mumbling against my skin, “Tastes so fuckin’ good,” before continuing his actions, his pace borderline agonizing. His fingers began to curl inside of me while his tongue worked every last inch of my pussy, nibbling gently when he felt that he hit a rather sensitive area.

My hands found their way into his blonde hair, my eyes squeezing shut as I slowly began to feel my orgasm creep up on me. “E-enzo! Oh shit I’m so fucking close, please don’t stop!”

At hearing this, he began to pump his fingers into me hard and fast while still using his tongue to lap at my clit. My body began to shake as his speed became relentless, drawing a loud moan out of me as my orgasm ripped through my body, followed by several smaller shockwaves.

Enzo ceased his motions and moved back up, pressing his lips against mine in a sloppy kiss, allowing me to taste myself. He grinned when I began to lift his shirt up over his stomach, and assisted me by pulling it over his head the rest of the way. I sat back up in the meantime so he could tug the zipper of my dress down. I tore the fabric down and kicked it off right after my heels, over the other side of the bed, leaving me in just my lace red bra.

I couldn’t help but admire his well-toned body as he began to stand up to remove the rest of his clothing. It was no secret that Enzo was in good shape; besides seeing him wrestle, the two of us had gone to the gym together more times than I could count. But seeing him now, standing before me about to be naked was almost too much. “I think you’re still a little overdressed.”

Enzo laughed, unzipping his jeans and kicking them off, “Gotta fix that then,” which left him in only his tight leopard print boxer-briefs, his cock straining against the fabric, making a rather large tent.

“Still had to wear some leopard, huh?” I teased, biting my lip as my eyes trailed over his prominent hard-on.

Chuckling, his hands went to the straps of my bra, fiddling with them, “Maybe I wanted someone to see it. I know ya like my leopard ring gear, babe,” He hurriedly undid the clasp and tore my bra off of my body, dropping it to the floor. Giving my breasts a light squeeze, he gently rolled my nipples between his fingers, eyes glazed over with lust. “Oh shit…these are real fuckin’ nice baby…”

As he played with my breasts, I hooked my fingers in the band of his underwear and slowly slipped them down so they fell around his legs, trying my hardest not to flush red when his cock sprung free.

He seemed amused by the look that must’ve been on my face, humming when I moved my hand so that my fingers grazed over his erection ever so slightly. Grunting when my hand clasped around him, Enzo buried his face in my neck, peppering kisses wherever his mouth could reach. “Shit baby, don’t go teasin’ me now…”

Still recovering slightly from my orgasm, I sunk to my knees, giving him a few pumps with my hand before slowly taking him into my mouth. My eyes flicked upwards, meeting his as I ran my tongue over the entirety of his length, earning a loud moan from his throat. Not breaking eye contact, I swirled my tongue along the head for a few seconds before allowing him to slip past my lips once again. His hands buried themselves into my hair, tugging ever so slightly, as if to encourage the steady pace I began to build up as I bobbed my head up and down on his length.

Just as he hit the back of my throat, causing me to lightly gag around his cock, he pulled me back off of him and grabbed me by the arm, roughly jerking me back up towards him. “As much as I enjoy your mouth on me, I don’t think I can wait anymore. Gotta feel ya, baby.”

If possible, I felt myself grow even wetter at hearing the culmination of all of my thoughts about him coming from his mouth; this was practically everything I had ever wanted with him. Plus his accent made the words he was saying all the sexier. “Then don’t wait, Enzo. I need you-I’ve needed you for so fucking long.”

He embraced me again, this time softly and slowly, whispering against my kiss-swollen lips, “Hands and knees for me then, baby girl.”

I shuddered and immediately obeyed him, crawling on all fours, feeling him get onto the bed behind me, and jumping when he gently press his cock against my entrance. I clamped my eyes shut and waited for that blissful moment that I had literally been dreaming about, but it never came.

Instead I felt him run his right hand gently down my side until it reached my ass, squeezing roughly. “Beg me for it, baby. Gotta tell me how badly ya want it.”

This man was going to be the death of me; after all that’s been done now he was going to start teasing me? I whined when I felt him slowly running the head of his cock up and down my folds, clearly planning on waiting until I responded to his commands. “E-enzo, baby please. Please, I fucking want it- I want you so bad.”

That was apparently all he needed to hear as he immediately shoved his entire length inside of me, murmuring an “ah fuck” under his breath as he did so.

My back arched slightly as I felt a small, sharp jolt of pain, which faded considerably quickly as he began to move. “M-more! Oh fuck, please more, Enzo!”

He pulled almost entirely out of me before thrusting back in, filling me up completely. “Ugh you’re so tight, sweetheart.” The steady motions he was keeping with each thrust soon became more and more erratic.

With every movement into me he was hitting my g-spot head on, eventually causing my arms to give out underneath me, my face falling into the pillow as I fisted the sheets beneath me. You would think with the amazing work his tongue and fingers did that my body would be exhausted, but with each thrust I was already getting dangerously close to my second orgasm.

He must have felt it too because he took a fistful of my hair and yanked me back up, nibbling my earlobe as he did so. “You close baby? Gonna cum for me again?”

All I could do was nod, my mouth falling open as another strangled moan escaped from my lips, my back arched almost as far as it could.

Suddenly, he pulled out of me, flipping me over so that I was straddling him as he sat with his back against the wooden headboard. “Ride me, sweetheart. Wanna see the look on your face when you cum on my cock.”

I lifted myself slightly, just so I could sink back onto him yet again, a shudder going up my spine as I did. He fit me so perfectly, especially given the current position.

Enzo’s hands positioned themselves on my hips as I moved against him, bouncing in tandem with his upward thrusts. “Shit, Enzo baby you feel so fuckin’ good. Oh fuck, fuck- right there, oh my god!”

While I was content with being in control of the speed, Enzo was having none of it, tightening his grip on me and began pounding into me, my manicured nails digging into his shoulders and nearly drawing blood. “You like that baby? You like when I fuck this pussy?”

Practically sobbing with pleasure, I buried my face into his neck. He could’ve been asking me anything at this point and I would’ve agreed. “Y-yes! Oh fuck, so fucking much! Don’t stop, please don’t stop!”

He took this opportunity to tilt his head and to nip at my neck, only taking breaks to whisper dirty things into my ear. “You gonna cum for me, princess? You gonna fuckin’ cum all over my cock?”

I was completely lost as Enzo drove into me over and over again, holding onto him for dear life as a litany of ���fucks” were spilling free from my lips.

“Ugh shit, ya feel amazin’,” Contrasting his rough pace, I heard him softly say my name, causing me to meet his lust-filled gaze. He removed one hand from my hip and dipped it between us, stroking my clit with barely any pressure at all. “Go ahead, sweetheart. Cum for me.”

With the combination of his fingers and words, I cried out, feeling myself tighten and spasm around him as he continued his violent thrusts. After one, two, three more I heard him groan loudly as he came undone, emptying himself inside of me.

Saying that I was spent was an understatement as I rolled off of Enzo, collapsing into the white cotton sheets. My mind was buzzing with still tipsy thoughts while he laid beside me, clearly in the same, exhausted boat.

Enzo ran both hands over his face, smoothing his hair down and sighing heavily as he did so. “Babe that was…somethin’ else.”

I grinned up at him, cuddling up against one of the plush pillows. “I’d say so,” I was unsure if it was the alcohol that was still lingering in my system, or the two intense orgasms I had just experienced, but I felt a rush of drowsiness overcome me. As I closed my eyes and began to drift off to sleep, I felt a pair of warm arms wrap around me from behind.

The first thing to greet me the very next day were the harsh, unforgiving rays of sunlight that managed to sneak their way through the blinds. The bed sheets were a tangled mess around my naked body as I shifted to get a little more comfortable. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand I noticed it was almost 11:00 am, way later than I’m used to sleeping given my usually fully scheduled days, weeks, months, etc. Thankfully I had the day off today and I was prepared to do absolutely nothing.

“Mmm go back to sleep, princess.” A voice next to me murmured quietly.

I froze, my eyes moving to the source of noise next to me, who was yawning loudly, awakened by my tossing and turning no doubt.

It all suddenly came rushing back to me; the club, the plethora of drinks, then going to dance, essentially grinding against Enzo, making out in the elevator and fucking in his hotel room and passing out pretty much immediately after.

One would think that finally sleeping with the guy I had the biggest crush on, and quite literally making my dreams come true would have left me ecstatic, right? But for some reason, my chest tightened as last night’s events truly dawned on me and all I could feel was confusion and what I surmised was dread.

“Enzo?” Was all I managed to choke out. God, what was I supposed to even say to him? What was he going to say to me?

He let out a hum in response, clearly still half asleep as he turned over to meet my gaze. Had it not been for the confusing feelings in my head and heart, the adorable, sleepy grin on his face combined with the bedhead he had would have been all the convincing I needed for a round two.

Running a hand through my disheveled hair, I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, willing myself not to cry. Stupid, I was so fucking stupid. “It’s…I just…I-I should probably leave.”

He sat up suddenly, giving me a look of confusion. “Leave? Why would you wanna leave?”

Rushing out of bed, I began searching for my clothes, only to remember I hadn’t worn any underwear, meaning I’d have to make the infamous “walk of shame” panty-less. I could only hope that no one would spot me on the way back down to my room, two floors below. “Look, I know we were both pretty drunk last night and I don’t want things to get weird so I think it’s best if I get going before this can get any worse.”

Standing up as well, revealing that he had put his underwear back on at some point, he handed me my bra that was peeking out from under the bed. “Woah, weird? Worse? Didn’t ya have fun last night, babe?”

Frustrated, I snatched my bra from him, clipping it back on, trying my best not to look at him. The look on his face right now was one of genuine hurt, and the continual pet names weren’t making it any easier for me. “That’s the problem, I did. Enzo, last night was so wonderful and everything was better than I could have ever asked for.”

He reached into his bag and tossed me a pair of plain black basketball shorts, “But…?” he urged me to continue, clearly not yet satisfied with my admittedly half-assed explanation.

I muttered a “thanks” and slipped them on. Surely this wouldn’t look as bad when I snuck back to my room, right? “But…ugh look Enzo, I really like you…as in a “more than a friend” sort of way. And the absolute last thing I ever wanted to do was ruin our friendship and…” I gestured to the pile of clothes on floor, still not daring to look at him, feeling the tears begin to well up in my eyes. “Look, do you have a shirt I can borrow too? I’ll…wash it and give it back another time I just-“

Enzo abruptly cut me off, crushing his lips against mine, a gesture that threw me off considering what I had just been trying to tell him. He broke apart, holding my face in his hands so that I was forced to meet his shocking blue eyes. “Look at me. Do you got any idea how long I’ve been waitin’ to hear you say that? Sheesh woman, you had me worried! For a second there I thought I had underperformed or somethin’.”

Eyes widened in surprise, I opened my mouth to speak again, when a sharp, loud knocking at the door reached both of our ears.

Digging through his bag quickly, Enzo slipped on a similar pair of basketball shorts and hastily threw me a t-shirt, going to answer the door and calling out, “I’m comin, relax!” to whoever stood on the other side.

I slipped it on; giggling when I saw the word “SAWFT” was printed across the front of the shirt, trying not to smile like an idiot at how much it smelled like him. This was definitely something I could get used to.

As the door opened, I was met with the sight of Carmella and Cass, fully dressed for the day.

Mella squealed, running past Enzo and throwing her arms around me. “Girl, look at you! Spending the night with ‘Zo without tellin’ me, you frisky little thing!”

Enzo spread his arms out, as Cass also made himself welcome in the hotel room, setting the tray of coffees he held down on the table. “Ohh! I’m right here! If ya gonna gossip about me, at least wait ‘til I’m gone or something! Sheesh!”

Mella dropped her arms from me and spun around to narrow her eyes at Enzo, only to deliver a series of slaps to his arm. “And if you EVER steal her away like that again, I’ll beat your ass! Do,” slap “you,” slap “know,” slap “how,” slap “worried,” slap “I,” slap “was!?”

Enzo flinched at the blonde’s sudden tirade towards him, lightly swatting her hands away. “Jeez alright enough with the slapping already! Cass, help me out here!”

I glanced over at Cass, giving him a skeptical look. “You saw us leave and you didn’t tell her?”

Cass chuckled, sipping his coffee. For the most part, he seemed extremely indifferent to the situation at hand. “Nah this was way funnier. Baby, baby, you can stop I think ‘Zo’s learned his lesson.”

Carmella’s mouth hung open, pointing a finger in her boyfriend’s direction, a look of outrage on her features. “Hold up, you knew about this too!? Am I really the last to find out!?”

In an attempt to appease her, I handed her the coffee with her name scribbled on the side, grinning sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Mella. I would’ve texted you or something if I knew. I hope you weren’t too worried.”

She crossed her arms, sighing rather dramatically. “I guess it ain’t your fault. But never mind that, I better get some details on last night! What happened to “Never gonna happen” huh?”

Enzo huffed loudly, gesturing to the door. “Alright, not that I ain’t thrilled to see the two of ya, but would ya mind? We just woke up and we’d like a little time alone if ya catch my drift.”

“Call ya later, girl.” Carmella nudged me slyly before moving towards the door.

Enzo held the two open for the pair, gesturing with his arms for them to move a little quicker. “C’mon, c’mon let’s go.”

As he shut the door behind our two early morning visitors, I hesitantly wrapped my arms around his mid-section, planting a kiss on his bare shoulder. I was going to keep my distance at first, but the conversation seemed like it had been going in a good direction. Plus, we had sorta slept together already. “So…what were you saying before?”

He turned around and scooped me up in his arms, carrying me back over to the bed and dropping me in the middle of the messy sheets. “I was sayin’,” he hovered over me, planting a kiss on my forehead.

“To keep this short, the feelings mutual, doll,” he placed another one on my nose, earning a giggle from me.

“In case you couldn’t tell, I’m really into ya.” Finally pressing his lips against mine, he hoisted me towards him so I was sitting in an upright position on his lap.

“That bein’ said, much as I enjoyed it, last night didn’t really count, ya know as a date. So I think I should take ya out on a real, official first date. Today. That uh, sound alright to you?”

Joyfully I nodded, my nose grazing against his ever so slightly. “I’d love that, Enzo. But we should probably shower before anything. Plus, I have to go back to my room to change since this outfit isn’t exactly “date” material.”

He wiggled an eyebrow at me suggestively, “Oh yeah? ”We”, huh? I like the sound of that, sweetheart. And personally, I don’t think you look half-bad in my clothes!”

I tried to wiggle out of his vice-like grip, wanting to desperately shower and change, but his arms were locked around my mid-section. Realizing my efforts were futile, I slumped back down, my lips turned down into a pout.

“Aw don’t gimme that look. You’re just mad that I proved ya wrong,” It was one of those moments where I felt like I was talking to his in-ring personality and not the actual Enzo.

I arched an eyebrow at him, a puzzled look on my face. “What do you mean?”

“Do the words “Never gonna happen” ring any bells, baby?” There was an undeniable air of smugness both in his words and on his face.

I flushed red, realizing Carmella had sort of unintentionally given me away there. “Hold on, it’s not like I didn’t want it to happen. I just never thought it would, that’s all.”

“Oh is that so? Did my baby girl lay awake at night dreamin’ of me?”

When I buried my face in his chest to hide my burning cheeks, he understood what the answer was and proceeded to crack up, “No way, babe! Seriously?”

I felt his chest vibrate with laughter as he gripped my shoulders and attempted to bring me back up to face level. “Hey, c’mon it’s not a bad thing! I’m just happy I wasn’t the only one is all.”

I huffed, rolling my eyes, playfully jabbing him in the chest. “Oh please, you’re just saying that so I don’t look like as big of a loser here.”

Still amused by my flustered state, he drew me in with another kiss. “I’m tellin ya, it’s the honest truth sweetheart! But if ya don’t believe me, that’s fine. We got the day off and I certainly don’t have any issues with provin’ ya wrong again.”

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Upstaged by the Tubemen

More WWE Raw fun and Smackdown wackiness.

Don’t forget you can follow Emma on Twitter as @Waruce and I’m @grizzlefur.

Transmission date: Monday 16/Tuesday 17 January 2017

. Reigns. Rollins. Kendrick. Perkins. Kingston Anderson Woods Gallows GallagherDaivariGulakNese This is. This is. This is. FRIDAY AFTENOON RAW! Because what fun would this blog be without references that precisely one person reading it will get?

.

Some extended technical/life failures later (it's now Tuesday), let's start the show!

.

in memoriam of Jimmy Snuka to start .

RIP, quite possibly a murderer .

and we open the show proper on an MLK day memorial package .

wwe, that trailblazer of racial sensitivity and equality .

but tbh, it's just nice to see videos of dr king at the moment .

and now let's have inspirational pictures of famous black people, chosen seemingly at random

.

(i'm being cynical here, but that was nice) .

and roll titles .

featuring more cruiserweights than i remember .

but it's entirely possible i just wasn't paying attention .

in any case .

we're in little rock .

and we open with roman reigns .

aaaaaaand there goes all the goodwill in the room .

the shark cage is still posing on the stage for some reason .

recap package of roman getting dicked on by kevin and chris .

i'm all in favour of heel stables holding all the belts, tbh .

still waiting for sanity to sweep nxt .

chris wouldn't have to cut much weight to be a cruiserweight .

just saying .

credit to roman opening his promo by acknowledging that he has no right to complain about being outnumbered .

but this promo has also reminded me that he's totally going to take the universal championship and headline mania .

because that went so well last year .

and here comes paul heyman to show roman how promos should work .

apparently brock is here tonight .

great .

(ugh, the single-adjective coda has been ruined) .

(sad) .

crowd do enormous goldberg chants, paul just waits for them to get it out of their system and be like yeeeeeeah he's not here tonight

.

again, paul does the eat/sleep/elimination/repeat thing, and roman actually points out how that makes no sense .

and now we have chris and kevin .

to be fair, the us title belt really ties chris' stupid outfit together .

clearly his problem was too much midriff .

chris is still angling for a kevin/chris mania main event .

it'll never happen, but i would watch the shit out of that .

kevin's like yeahhhhh not convinced but ANYWAY .

tension is sown .

and now, add rollins .

fuck it, let's just bring everyone out .

start the rumble early .

seth is also angling to win the rumble .

to be fair, i could see seth/roman working as a mania headline .

let seth get his belt back before finn kills him for it .

and here's braun .

*waits for titus* .

ok, it's brock .

but still .

anyone else waiting backstage? .

titus? .

cody rhodes? .

dixie carter? .

sami appears from nowhere to jump on braun, cue everything being a brawl .

brock suplexes everyone to the underworld, gets a nice little faceoff with sami before doing it to him .

can we please push sami properly .

and now we tease brock/braun .

doesn't happen, but gives roman a chance to punch everyone .

and get f5'd .

good going there .

kick brock's music, everyone scowls and makes to leave .

only to mysteriously disappear during the next video package .

later, we get ceshearo/club title match .

but next, enzo and cass/rusev and jinder .

and let's play a total divas advert over their entrances .

fuck it, why not .

better than over the entirety of a women's match .

enzo's miraculously up and strutting again .

i swear, their intro gets faster every time .

because clearly we don't have enough time on raw .

enzo could do a half-hour standup set and not make raw run over time .

in any case .

enzo and cass, as ever, don't really give a shit about the rules of tag matches .

the heeliest of face teams .

for the first time in like a month, enzo gets to show off his amazing talent to have seventy-three shades of piss kicked out of him .

also sloppy tornado ddts .

he can do that too .

cass tags in, cue five moves of doom .

except he decides not to do the east river crossing, and rusev breaks it up .

that's why you do all five .

nasty big boot to badaboomshakalaka for the pin .

cass can do a big boot like nobody's business .

perks of being a literal giant, i guess .

rusev and jinder immediately ghost off like the unmemorable heels they are .

apparently, we have jack gallagher on announce next .

but first, an advert for the new xxx film .

because it has lita in it .

forming, along with ruby rose, the only two reasons i'd watch that film .

hooray for netflix .

but anyway .

crusierweight time .

graves/aries/cole/gallagher is a pretty damn strong panel .

because cole has a lot of potential, as we found out to our amazement at the uk tournament .

anyway, this match is ariya daivari/lince dorado .

oh yeah, this is leading into the i forfeit match on 205 .

looking forward to that .

daivari has a silver lion on his trunks .

has he forgotten his own nickname .

daivari pauses to DO YOU SEE YOUR CHILDREN at jack, who's just like maybe you should be focusing on that luchador in there with you .

austin questions jack's gentlemanliness, he's just like excuse me have you seen yourself .

daivari hits a rainmaker into a cobra clutch for the tap .

and cue him facing off with jack and willem .

end thing .

up next, stuff about sasha getting cocked on by nia .

oh god, they're doing recaps of the taker segment from last week .

will he say it .

will i lose my shit .

so many questions .

and there we go .

peeeeeeeeeacengflgflgmn .

still makes me giggle .

threatening words from the zombie squid over there .

but now we get recaps of the unalloyed delight that was the uk title tournament .

featuring our lord and master, tyler bate .

wait shit .

on second thoughts, he should probably just stick to 'lord' .

also reminding us what a horrible joy pete dunne is .

and seriously, the bitter end is possibly my favourite finisher rn .

and now cole gets an awkward segue into the sasha/nia angle .

training footage from earlier today of sasha testing her knee out, during which nia fucks her up some more

.

that's pleasingly meta .

blur that line .

but now, here's cesaro .

and his mate .

wow, having a championship belt under it really wrecks the line of that stripper suit .

but yeah, they're fighting gallows and anderson for the belt .

or indeed both of them .

like there's any chance they're dropping them this soon to their first proper feud .

and a lackluster feud it has been .

given that ganderson's whole motivation is 'we want the belts because we are good at wrestling' .

but hey, even if the narrative has been thin to nonexistent, the matches are good .

this partnership has improved sheamus so much .

sloppy double team as gallows seemingly forgets that anderson isn't as tall as he is and has to really reach to hit a dubious neckbreaker .

which shounds like it should have been a finisher at the uk tournament .

"Oh my God, Cole, he's going for the Dubious Neckbreaker!" .

graves calls him 'mr anderson', and in the distance, tna's legal division creaks into action like briefcase-wielding glaciers .

oh god, they've started calling cesaro's tiger feint kick a 'swiss19' .

crowd starts a this is awesome chant, i can't argue .

this match is just all the big spots all the time .

and sheamus accidentally kills the ref .

drama .

magic killer on cesaro .

and bullshit it was too .

gallows just does not give a shit about setting up for moves today .

they get the pin on cesaro, even with them having to pull a new ref in, but then they call it a dq for the ref bump .

so cesaro and shwamus retain, and the feud stays alive .

ahhh, the refreshing aroma of screwy finishes .

apparently later, charlotte reveals her winning strategy .

odds on it being "be charlotte flair" or some such? .

but now, we recap the opening segment .

In which the incensed Mr. LESNAR, an unrepentant brute and miscreant, unleashes his legendary fury on all and sundry .

main event is going to be roman/seth/sami v chris/kevin/braun .

because even though he went over on that opening segment, brock's stance is still 'fuck actually wrestling' .

and now, a memorial video for superfly .

whom everyone in the company loves, and is still probably a murderer .

but still, death is sad .

slideshow of wrestlers tweeting about it, including bret hart's heartening two-word sendoff .

and now let's ruin everything with an emmalina video .

apparently the makeover is nearly complete .

oh well .

and now, roman, seth and sami in the locker room .

with the lead piping .

sami trying to come up with a strategy for the team, seth and roman both just standing there like wtf is this guy .

sami tries to do the shield fist thing, the other two just look at him and walk off .

that was weird .

but now, more cruiserweight .

swann/nese .

both with music i enjoy .

petition for all weight divisions to be named after ships .

battlercruiserweight .

subweight .

tugweight .

carrierweight .

frigateweight .

ahem .

in any case, neville bursts in as swann gets in the ring, fucks him and his pimp coat up .

sidenote: in this inspirational mlk day episode, rich swann is the first black guy to appear .

63 minutes in .

well, apart from byron, i guess .

nese takes the opportunity to kick some shit out of swann as well .

and leaves .

so much for that match .

welp, i bet they're glad they changed the ropes and canvas for that segment .

up next, the new day .

but first, backstage man interviews a glowering Geordie troll .

(he doesn't get a number because i've never seen a man there before) .

par for the course, neville's attitude in the interview is FUCK EVERYTHING BEFORE I DO IT MYSELF

.

but now, new day .

big e continues to double down on the whole pouring breakfast cereal over crowd members thing .

this time, by dumping an entire box of it over one woman while making weird parrot noises .

taken out of context, that might be unusual .

they're ding a whole bit about how good the rumble lineup is .

(because they're in it) .

and how they're all going to be in it for themselves .

but fuck that .

because if one of them wins, they all win and get to main event mania .

because why the fuck not .

freebird rules .

i'd buy it .

and now here is titus? .

corey: "He's like a bad wart." .

i refuse to diminish that with context .

titus no longer wants to be in the new day .

he wants to replace the new day .

like literally .

take one of their spots in the rumble .

xavier like ummmmmmm no? .

big e is agreeing to fight him for a rumble spot, on the condition that when he wins, titus will just fuck off forever .

not in as many words .

but with more dick jokes .

so we're having that now .

(the match, not dick jokes) .

big e is just beating titus all over the ring .

titus gets the upper hand by hitting xavier .

and enraging his friends .

they're still pushing the titus brand angle, despite that having made literally no narrative progress .

to his credit, that was a lovely over-the-shoulder slam by titus .

man is strong .

(i can't remember the proper name for that move, fuck off) .

titus starts stealing all of e's spots, because wanker .

aaaaand turnaround to big ending for the win .

because fuck that guy .

up next, charlotte tells us how to beat up your friends .

but first, video about the first rumble .

and more mlk .

but now, queen bitch herself .

wearing her casual cape .

dress down monday .

charlotte's strategy is apparently scouting everything about her opponents .

which is why she's gonna beat bayley .

because she's average and there's nothing to learn .

and that's why fans love her .

to be fair, her appeal *is* that she's a normal fan .

and now let's roll some photos of young bayley meeting wrestlers .

and her poems about wrestling .

to be fair, this is exactly why we love bayley .

she is us .

loving charlotte being like kids, this is why you should be careful what you put on the internet .

and now, video of bayley reading an essay from 07 about wanting to be a wrestler and getting all emotional .

d'awwwwwww .

moral of this story: fuck following your dreams unless you're ric flair's kid .

which probably describes about 12% of this generation .

he's basically genghis khan .

and cue an angry hispanic girl .

(specifically bayley) .

just like wtf is this all in aid of .

and basically making exactly the point i've been saying .

being like fuck you i just love this industry .

and she's written charlotte a new poem .

(spoiler: it's bad) .

she's no enzo amore .

charlotte holds up the belt, gets effortlessly upstaged by the tubemen .

(Upstaged by the Tubemen is my tell-all 80s memoir) .

and now, more recaps of the opening segment .

cut to backstage, chris and kevin trying to teach braun about strategy .

his strategy is BRAAAAAAAUGGHHHHHHH .

basically, their strategy suggestions are hey braun if you could just murder everyone on the other team .

braun like FUCK THAT IMMA KILL EVERYONE and stalks off

.

chris and kevin just kind of shrug like yeah, alright .

and now, a man with a flag .

more cruisers .

kendrick/cedric .

alicia not entering with cedric for once .

building on the weird fox/dar thing .

it's just occurred to me: did austin wear those ever-present aviators before shinsuke fucked him in the eye? .

cedric does a weird moonsault to the floor, catching his arms on the apron and catching brian knees-first .

graves: "Look at that beautiful springboard...slingshot...moonsault of some sort" .

couldn't have said it better .

(because i also don't have a clue) .

brian's had a little bit of offence in this, but mostly just jobbing hard to cedric .

as soon as i say that, roll into the captain's hook .

enter alicia to help cedric get to the rope .

shot of dar watching the match backstage like eeeeeeeexcellent .

goes for the hook again, cedric pulls an absolutely beautiful reversal into the ever-unpleasant lumbar check .

for the pin .

alicia and cedric go for the hug, he just goes fuck it, ducks through it and walks off .

thankls for that slow-mo lumbar check video there .

ouch .

it's one of those finishers where they can do the whole thing in slow motion, .

because the impact is legit unpleasant

.

more sasha recaps, and now backstage guy interviews nia .

who's just like lol yeah fuck her .

everything else aside, can we stop saying "real woman"? .

[/intersectional feminism] .

ad break, and now backstage guy talks to alicia .

who claims their relationship is fine .

and then begins her bitches be crazy yo screaming .

byron: "Three things I've learned in life: don't tug on Superman's cape, don't drink mouthwash, and don't get on the wrong side of Alicia Fox." .

...thanks for that? .

but first, a video package about kurt angle because he's the first hall of famer this year .

in a move that confused everyone, especially him .

is this year's strategy to give hof spots to everyone they've had acrimonious breakups with so they'll love them again? .

cos we could be there a while .

but now it's main event time bitchezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz .

enter chrevin .

(for that is their name now) .

but first, a xxx trailer .

featuring the new day for some reason? .

eh, that looks like it could be a decent big dumb action flick .

OH MY GOD GUYS GOLDBERG IS GOING TO BE HERE NEXT WEEK oh wait i don't give a shit .

cole totally just called it the 'roidal rumble' .

best freudian slip ever? .

and immediate brawlitude

.

(my breakcore Avicii cover band) .

"Sami Zayn's guts on display!" .

well, that was horrific .

credit for not pulling out of the match, i guess .

maybe his strategy is to confuse braun, then strangle him with his small intestine .

can i just mention that even without factoring in ad breaks, that was a solid ten minutes from the first entrance starting to the match actually happening? .

this shit is why raw is three hours long .

and big ppvs are about seventeen hours .

on which note, how early is taker going to have to enter the rumble to make sure he actually gets to the ring while the match is still going .

unless everyone in the ring just gets a break when the first gong hits .

segment of owens/zayn there, and that matchup is still hot af .

roman cocks his fist, pan down to chris hugging his calf from outside the ring .

chris started the match, but now he seems to be set on never tagging and just running interference .

solid strategy .

really long working headlock there, but played for solid emotion and crowd pops all round .

see, this shit is why kevin is the headlock master .

lovely coordination as seth does a suicide dive out of one side of the ring and sami does a tope con giro over the opposite side .

relatively brief bit of rollins/jericho there, but actually great .

a year ago, you never would hav seen that coming .

now we get the bit where everyone gets to do their big spots .

seth does a crossbody to chris and kevin on the outside as sami does a blinding one to take braun down .

fuck all these rivalries, can we just have a zayn/rollins tag team? .

and braun powerslams sami for the pin .

welp, that was abrupt .

slings sami over his shoulder, walks off with him .

oh, taking him to the announce table .

i keep forgetting it's there .

but roman, seth and a chair are also there .

so much for that announce spot .

they're showing replays, and after roman spears him, braun goes down *hard* on the ramp .

ow .

roman and seth clear the announce table, just in time for chris and kevin to turn up and commandeer the spot .

they set up for a table spot, seth pedigrees chris, kevin hits him with a chair, roman gets up, gets hit with a whole lot of chair .

and kevin powerbombs roman through the table .

braun, meanwhile, seems to have evaporated .

titan confirmed .

and we fade on kevin standing over the body of his fallen foe .

rip large samoan man .

but this blog lives on! .

like .

why wouldn't it .

my ability to write bullshit is not ited to the consciousness of roman reigns .

i am not one of the things in his dream .

ahem .

um .

TUESDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN? .

open on a dramatic video package about shit going down with women in a cage .

(my 90s memoir) .

and now .

HERE COME THE MONEEEEEEEYYYYYYY .

wait, this is just shane mcmahon .

where the fuck is the money .

i should make a complaint .

we're in memphis .

i know this, because it was the third word he said .

and he's slightly more reliable than mick foley .

slightly .

now let's tell you how good the rumble is going to be, and get cheap pops just by listing wrestlers .

it is the mcmahon way .

and also, begin the hype for elimination chamber .

huh .

didn't think that was still a thing .

but hey, i'm happy with that .

apparently in four weeks they're putting the title up in it .

here's aj to complain about that booking decision .

shane does a flair strut and woo for some reason while talking about cena? .

sure, why not .

aj says this is a hothead decision .

did he consult jbl before using his word .

or are there copyright suits ahead .

shane's angle is basically we're putting the best guys in the chamber because THIS IS SMACKDOWN WHERE WE DO WRESTLE GOOD .

shane makes a crack about aj's attitude, aj is just like well why don't i just TAKE YOUR CHAMPIONSHIP BACK TO FUCKING JAPAN .

yep, that attitude .

and now we have a cena .

for all the things that need cening .

he makes a connection with one fan in particular, for reasons i can't see .

does a weird curtsey, shouts some stuff at them, then just basks in the chants .

starts talking, aj is just immediately YOU SHUT YOUR FUCK MOUTH .

still spinning the cena only got his title shot through family connections thing .

starts being like okay, who the fuck else you got back there, and miz immediately obliges .

maryse's deathbasque is even spanglier than usual .

give it a couple months, she'll be wearing a fucking mardi gras float .

his angle is basically i should have a chamber spot because fuck you i'm the miz .

solid argument .

cena is just hanging round the edges of this argument being a greek chorus and making fun of everyone .

oh hey, dick joke .

and cena being like hey bro are you really gonna let him talk to you like that .

he is the best bad idea fairy .

and shane is just like hey fuck it, let's make this a match .

so it's aj/miz now .

later, lawler is back because we were apparently bad people .

interviewing dolph .

but now, shane is collared backstage by dean .

who wants a new ic belt because this one smells of the miz .

and a chamber spot .

and a match with randy .

and shane's just like hey why not would you like fries with that .

a+ management .

but now, aj/miz with cena on announce .

fuck the match, cena is just riffing on his new film .

and frankly, i'm okay with this .

i can listen to cena talk shit for hours .

aj downs miz and starts fronting at cena, who's just like hey dude yeah whatever .

where was i .

while all this cena chat is going down, there's also a really good match happening

.

aj and miz are both fuelled entirely by rage and indignation, and it makes for really good wrestling .

aj has kicked miz's head clean off at ringside, then tries to throw him at cena .

he counters, ring the dq, and cena gets to aa everyone .

which necessitates taking his shirt off for some reason

.

so we can see his huge pecs and weird navel .

up next, nikki bella does a thing .

trailer for some youtube music shit that i am clearly too old to get .

but now, nikki .

and recaps of nattie dicking her over .

steadicam guy trips on something, so this promo gets briefly dramatically dutch .

nikki calls nattie out, to no effect .

so talk shit about her instead .

and now she appears .

talking from the back of the crowd? .

the fuck is going on .

she cues something on the tron, and leaves .

and the video is her going out to the merch stand to fuck up nikki's merch .

and be like why the fuck don't i have a shirt .

my uncle has a shirt and he's retired and going to die alone just like you nikki .

this is strange .

she gets all nikki's merch, starts throwing it in the trash, and nikki appears to put her through a table .

and cue brawlery .

as half a dozen security guys ineffectually try and hold them back .

i'll be honest, i'm still all for the backstage bits .

and end segment .

and now, backstage woman #372 interviews alexa about the cage match .

which apparently she's going to win .

bold claim .

and now we have the same video package about angle making the hall of fame as we had on raw

.

so feel free to reread my jokes from there .

i'm getting a drink .

oh ok, this is a more comedy-focused package .

so much for that drink, i guess .

including the bit where he drenched stone cold and stephanie with milk .

because that happened .

but now, dean/randy .

david offering his psychological assessment of randy .

dude, you're a law grad .

recaps of orton/harper tension .

apparently we should talk about tension between family members .

so feel free to do that among yourself .

so yeah, this match is happening, and thus far it's a little lacklustre .

apparently turkeys wake up in a different world every morning? .

god, i would love to live in the world inside jbl's head, where young people are supervillains and turkeys can travel between dimensions .

(and not just because i want to be a supervillain) .

there's a match going on behind all this weird commentary, but it's about as exciting as you'd expect from an ambrose/orton match .

dean gets out of the ring, bray has to weirdly hug harper to keep him off him .

while doing a strange grin and looking more like his brother than ever .

i'm just enjoying watching bray and luke at ringside .

bray's leaning in, shouting at randy, doing the whole ringside general thing, while luke is casually leaning next to him, a study in not giving a fuck .

while giving bray occasional looks like 'after this, i still get to murder him, right?' .

dirty deeds, counter, rko, counter, kick, bounce, lariat

.

wow, never seen that sequence before .

the thing with this match is that dean always does the same spots because he's a face and needs to get pops, and randy always does the same spots because he's randy orton .

case in point, suicide dive (onto bray) into draping ddt .

randy sets up for an rko, luke comes in to shout at him, dean gets a rollup off the distraction .

dean leaves, luke and randy start fighting, bray gets between them like BOYS .

and then when harper keeps talking shit, gives him a slap .

and advances on randy like TALK SHIT SO I CAN SLAP YOU TOO .

randy declines .

and luke storms off in a sulk .

and cut backstage, as woman #483 interviews becky .

who is angry and planning to win .

but next, lawler interviews dolph .

so *now* i can get that drink .

but first, a video about the 2005 rumble and batista .

(neither of which are likely to be relevant come Sunday) .

and also, they managed to make a video about that without mentioning vince 'i can sever both my quads simultaneously, because fuck your rules' mcmahon .

oh god, the king's court segment started while i was typing that and i had forgotten how nails-on-a-chalkboard lawler's voice was to me .

the man causes my mind genuine pain .

dolph arrives, and he doesn't give a shiiiiiiiit .

jerry is disappointed at dolph becoming evil .

clearly, you have never seen his twitter handle .

dolph is just refusing to engage this interview at all, and it's great .

it does give lawler more time to speak, but also showcases the correct way to respond to an overweight aging man in pants, a crown and a velvet cloak taking you to task for your life choices .

jerry cues recaps of dolph loisng to kalisto last week, which seems like a questionable strategy .

good way to piss a man off .

dolph still not saying word one .

keeps raising the mic and teasing the crowd .

and is now leaving .

jerry gets him to come back, and now he gets to do his promo .

dolph is like yeah whatever u lil shit i brought some footage myself .

of dolph fighting him in 2012 .

and being like lol jerry i gave you a legit heart attack .

i do appreciate dick ziggler .

just like now stop asking me questions or i'll finish murdering you .

so jerry calls him a loser .

which seems like a poor decision when talking to a man who just promised to kill you if you kept talking .

so he superkicks him in the chest .

makes sense, really .

jbl runs into the ring to check on his fellow aging douchewad as dolph leaves .

and jerry gets up and screams at dolph to get back in there .

thankfully, he doesn't, or jerry would straight-up die .

next up, main event cage shiz .

but first, another xxx trailer .

immediately followed by another one that ties it in with shane jumping off shit like an idiot .

as he does so well .

jerry's gonna be on talking smack, so i definitely won't be watching that .

announce team talk smack to jbl, wyatt cut to bray giving us a talk .

the wyatts are entering the rumble, and randy and luke are fighting next week to let them blow off some tension .

but now, actual main event time .

and surprisingly, i still adore becky's jacket .

slightly different version, but still outstanding .

bell rings, alexa immediately sprints to the door .

jbl takes the opportunity to explain the concept of victory to us all .

when they finally get down to actually wrestling, rather than becky desperately holding alexa off the door, it's p great .

as should be expected from these two .

becky gets onto the top of the cage, briefly forgets how to operate her right leg so alexa can drag her back in by the hair .

so she comes back with a bexploder from the top rope for a nearfall .

okay, this is great .

and now la luchadora appears, blocking the door .

i don't even know any more .

she gets in, kicks becky in the head to break a disarmher, and alexa hits a ddt for the pin .

and nobody has a clue .

alexa orders the ref out of the ring so she and her mysterious friend can kick the shit out of becky

.

becky manages to get a comeback and unmask her, and it's...mickie james? .

i honestly did not call that .

in that case, what excuse does she have for that weak-ass head kick? .

we know you can do better, mickie .

and fade on those two posing in the cage with the belt .

and so we close this particular bit of programming expect more soon, because i need to catch up before the upcoming BIG-ASS WRESTLING WEEKEND .

(not the big ass-wrestling weekend) .

(that's next week)

[usatrendingsports]

WWE broadcasts first-ever girls’s Royal Rumble match for January pay-per-view

For the primary time in historical past, WWE girls will compete in a Royal Rumble match for a shot at a championship alternative at WrestleMania 34 in April.

The information was damaged Stephanie McMahon to shut Monday’s episode of Uncooked in Windfall, Rhode Island, after the WWE’s chief model officer and on-screen Uncooked commissioner broke up a brawl between Absolution and the remainder of the Uncooked girls’s locker room to make the historic announcement. 

The 2018 Royal Rumble pay-per-view will happen on Sunday, Jan. 28 on the Wells Fargo Middle in Philadelphia. WWE has but to announce what number of girls might be concerned within the match, although the annual males’s Royal Rumble match, which debuted in 1988, options 30 individuals. 

“The primary-ever girls’s Royal Rumble match will mark a big second within the evolution of WWE,” McMahon stated in a press release. “WWE’s feminine performers are function fashions, inspiring and empowering girls and ladies to be assured and powerful. They deserve their very own match at Royal Rumble.”

The timing was ripe for the announcement, simply shy of three years into WWE’s self-proclaimed “girls’s revolution,” which has ushered in a brand new period of higher in-ring work for females and critical storylines on par with these given to the boys. 

Latest milestones embrace WWE deciding to go away from the time period “Divas” at WrestleMania 32 in 2016, Charlotte Aptitude and Sasha Banks changing into the primary girls to headline a pay-per-view at Hell in a Cell later that 12 months (contained in the famed construction) and the inaugural girls’s Cash within the Financial institution match this previous in June. Earlier this month, Banks and Alexa Bliss additionally took half within the first WWE girls’s championship match within the Center East throughout a present in Abu Dhabi. 

WWE just lately bolstered the depth of its girls’s division due to the 32-participant Mae Younger Basic match which aired on the WWE Community and featured wrestlers from around the globe. The end result has been a pair of three-woman factions, Absolution and the Riott Squad, which debuted over the previous month on Uncooked and SmackDown, respectively, comprised largely of NXT expertise. 

McMahon closed her announcement on Uncooked by asking the ladies contained in the ring, “What do you say women you make historical past as soon as once more? If there was ever a time for a ‘Sure’ chant, it is now.” McMahon led the Windfall crowd via the mantra because the present went off the air. 

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