#fe sylvia
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Fire Emblem Genealogy of the Holy War | Lewyn & Sylvia for “A Distant Melody: FE Music Zine”
#long time no see#I can finally post this piece I did a few months ago#hope you'll like it!!#unfortunately the zine had to be cancelled#but it was a really good experience#I loved working with everyone else!!#featured#fire emblem#fire emblem genealogy of the holy war#fe4#fe#fire emblem heroes#feh#fe lewyn#fe silvia#fe sylvia#fe edain#fe sigurd#fe alec#alec#sigurd#edain#lewyn#silvia#art#my art#my artwork#fe fan art#fe fanart#expand
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FE: Should they kiss?
Sylvia x Claude
#fire emblem#poll#fe4#fe genealogy of the holy war#fire emblem genealogy of the holy war#sylvia fire emblem#fe sylvia#fe claud#fe4 claude#claud fire emblem
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@nagamas
for archaneaisms on twitter.
Im terribly sorry if its not a lot i tried my best.
#myart#Nagamas 2023#fe4#fire emblem genealogy of the holy war#fe lachesis#fe4 lachesis#fe sylvia#fe4 sylvia
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FE Alphabet Day 19: Silvia
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#lizzy grant#aphrodite#coquette#girlblogging#ultraviolence#femcel#honeymoon#pretty girls#lanadelrey#lana del rey#divine feminine#dollette#born to die#daddy issues#fe#female anger#femme fatale#female hysteria#fashion#cassie howard#alana champion#borderline blog#girl blogger#crazy girl#girlblog#devine feminine#siren#sylvia plath#black swan#liz vicious
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Genealogy Qualifier 5
Feel free to reblog and comment with your reasons!
#Fire Emblem#FE4#FE Genealogy of the Holy War#Genealogy Fuckability face off#polls#tournament#Ethlyn#Edain#Ayra#Deirdre#Laquesis#Sylvia#Erinys
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i think quad dancers like the herons and silvia/lene are healthier for the game than the single dancers don't @ me
they promote more tactical gameplay by pushing high-risk high reward attacks of a larger number of your units into enemy attack ranges while simultaneously promoting better positional planning to be able to get the dance off on all 4 targets of your choosing while keeping your dancer safe and keeping all your danced units alive through multiple combats
modern dancers just brainlessly send the same juggernaut unit in again and again without as much care for positioning or planning while your roided up waifu or mc or whatever just kills everything
.
#fe#fire emblem#gameplay takes#reyson fire emblem#leanne fire emblem#lene fire emblem#sylvia fire emblem
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I could tell he thought I was crazy as a loon, because I told him I believed in hell, and that certain people, like me, had to live in hell before they died, to make up for missing out on it after death, since they didn't believe in life after death
- Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)
#english literature#literature#mental health#nostalgia#novel#quotes#book quote#philosophical#philosophy#sylvia plath#the bell jar#mentally tired#lonley#hell#believe#after l!fe
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Dark Academia Names For Writers + Includes FREE PDF DOWNLOAD
I previously made a post about this, but I felt compelled to share again. I've created a free PDF that’s available on my Gumroad, which features a list of over 75 names, both male and female. It’s a little guide that I hope you can refer to as you develop your characters and worlds. I understand how challenging the naming process can be, and I truly hope this resource brings you a bit of inspiration and ease in your creative journey.
FREE PDF DOWNLOAD:
80 Dark Academia Names | For Writers, Gamers, and Artists
🖤 Dark Academia Names 🖤
Female Names:
Athena - Greek origin, meaning "wisdom"
Beatrice - Latin origin, meaning "she who brings happiness"
Cordelia - Latin origin, meaning "heart"
Daphne - Greek origin, meaning "laurel"
Elowen - Cornish origin, meaning "elm tree"
Felicity - Latin origin, meaning "happiness"
Genevieve - French origin, meaning "tribe woman"
Hermione - Greek origin, meaning "messenger, earthly"
Iris - Greek origin, meaning "rainbow"
Juliet - Latin origin, meaning "youthful"
Lydia - Greek origin, meaning "from Lydia"
Minerva - Roman origin, goddess of wisdom
Niamh - Irish origin, meaning "bright"
Ophelia - Greek origin, meaning "help"
Persephone - Greek origin, meaning "bringer of destruction"
Quilla - Incan origin, meaning "moon goddess"
Rosaline - Latin origin, meaning "beautiful rose"
Sylvia - Latin origin, meaning "from the forest"
Theodora - Greek origin, meaning "gift of God"
Viola - Latin origin, meaning "violet"
Male Names:
Ambrose - Greek origin, meaning "immortal"
Barnaby - Hebrew origin, meaning "son of consolation"
Caspian - Persian origin, meaning "from Caspian Sea"
Dorian - Greek origin, meaning "from Doris"
Ezra - Hebrew origin, meaning "help"
Fitzroy - Norman origin, meaning "son of the king"
Gideon - Hebrew origin, meaning "feller, hewer"
Hugo - Germanic origin, meaning "mind, intellect"
Ichabod - Hebrew origin, meaning "no glory"
Julian - Latin origin, meaning "youthful"
Killian - Irish origin, meaning "bright-headed"
Leander - Greek origin, meaning "lion man"
Magnus - Latin origin, meaning "great"
Nikolai - Greek origin, meaning "victory of the people"
Oscar - Irish origin, meaning "deer lover"
Perseus - Greek origin, meaning "to destroy"
Quentin - Latin origin, meaning "fifth"
Raphael - Hebrew origin, meaning "God has healed"
Silas - Latin origin, meaning "wood" or "forest"
Thaddeus - Aramaic origin, meaning "gift of God"
FREE PDF DOWNLOAD:
80 Dark Academia Names | For Writers, Gamers, and Artists
#on writing#creative writing#writing#writing tips#writers block#how to write#thewriteadviceforwriters#writeblr#writers and poets#writers on tumblr#novel writing#fiction writing#romance writing#writing advice#writing blog#writing characters#writing community#writing help#writing ideas#writing inspiration#writing guide#writing prompts#writing a book#writing resources#writing reference#writing tips and tricks#writers#writing tools#writing life#writing software
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NATURE ID PACK
NAMES︰ abelia. acacius. aciano. aini. alder. alfie. almus. amaryllis. ame. antonio. archer. arthur. ashe. ashley. aspen. asper. aster. aveline. aviv. azalea. basil. belle. benedict. berry. bloom. blossom. bluebell. brook. calix. calla. carli. carline. carly. carolina. carrillo. cassia. cassiopeia. cedar. cherie. chun. cider. cira. cirrus. clover. coral. cordelia. crescent. cynthia. cypress. cyrus. dahlia. daisy. daphne. douglas. dune. echo. eilir. elara. elm. elowen. elyana. enon. erica. ester. everest. everett. evergreen. ewan. fauna. fern. finn. finnley. fleur. floor. flora. florian. florise. flower. flynn. forest. forrest. glen. gracie. gunner. haru. haruhime. haruki. hawthorne. heather. hemlock. honey. hyacinth. ianthe. indigo. ione. ipomea. iris. ivy. jaskier. jasmine. jasper. juniper. kalina. kallie. karolina. karoun. kath. kelda. ken. kingsley. lake. lavae. lavender. leilani. lennox. lente. lief. lilac. lily. linnea. lotus. lucinda. lucky. lucy. maayan. madeline. maggie. magnolia. maple. maren. mari. marian. marigold. mars. mary. maud. mauve. meadow. miles. momo. moss. mossie. mossy. moxie. muna. narcisow. nimbus. noi. oak. oasis. oleander. oybahor. pandora. pearl. pebble. pege. petal. plum. poppy. pınar. quanlian. quill. river. rosa. rosalie. rosalind. rose. roswell. rue. rune. saem. sage. sakura. san. sky. sol. star. story. strider. striker. summit. sunny. sylvia. sylvie. tasnim. terra. thistle. thorn. thorne. tree. udaberri. vasanta. verna.���violet. waipuna. wells. westley. willow. wisteria. wisty. wren. yuki. zephyr. ziedonis. zinnia.
PRONOUNS︰ amaranth/amaranth. aster/aster. bee/bee. bee/bees. bless/blessed. bloom/bloom. bloss/bloss. bloss/blossomself. bud/bud. camell/camell. camellia/camellia. carnati/carnation. chirp/chirp. ci/cir. cloud/cloud. colum/columbine. columbine/columbine. comfort/comfort. dais/daisy. dawn/dusk. dew/dew. dog/dogwood. dog/wood. ey/em. fe/fer. fer/fern. fern/fern. field/field. fir/fir. fleur/fleur. flor/flor. flor/flora. floral/floral. flori/florid. flow/flower. flower/flower. freesi/freesia. fruit/fruit. fuch/fuchsia. garden/garden. grass/grass. green/green. grow/growth. hawth/hawthorn. hawth/thorn. hi/hits. hib/hibiscus. honey/honey. hy/hys. hya/hyacinth. hyacin/hyacinth. h✦/h✦m. ir/iris. jas/jasmine. jessa/jessamine. jour/ney. laven/lavender. le/leaf. leaf/leaf. leaf/leave. lil/lily. lotu/lotus. lu/luna. mag/magnolia. mar/mar. matcha/matcha. misel/mistletoe. mo/moth. morning/morning. moss/moss. mossy/mossy. narc/narcir. narcissus/narcissus. nature/nature. orch/orchid. pe/peony. peace/peace. peak/peak. per/peri. peri/periwinkle. petal/petal. pi/pix. picnic/picnic. plum/plum. pollen/pollen. pop/poppy. prick/prick. pur/purple. qu/quest. rain/rain. rhod/rhode. ros/rose. rose/rose. sa/sap. sage/sage. sakura/sakura. scent/scent. se/ser. shine/shine. shroom/shroom. sh✦/h✦r. si/strike. smile/smile. soft/soft. sol/solar. spikes/spike. spring/spring. sprout/sprout. star/star. stem/stem. sun/sun. sun/sunrise. sun/sunset. syr/syringa. tea/party. tea/tea. thist/thistle. thorn/thorn. th✦y/th✦m. tul/tulip. vi/vier. vi/viol. wi/wild. win/winkle. wind/wind. wister/wisteria. yucca/yucca. zinni/zinnia. ☀️ . 🌱 . 🌳 . 🌷 . 🌿 . 🍎 . 🍏 . 🍵 . 🐝 . 🐞 . 💐 . 💐.🌷 . 🕷️ . 🦋 . 🦟 .
#pupsmail︰id packs#id pack#npt#name suggestions#name ideas#name list#pronoun suggestions#pronoun ideas#pronoun list#neopronouns#nounself#emojiself#naturekin#naturecore#cottagecore#forestcore
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Narciso "Ciso" Platero Abeyta, or Ha So Deh (1918–1998) was a Navajo painter, silversmith and Navajo code talker. He is known for his colorful paintings depicting Navajo life. His work is in the permanent collection of museums including the Smithsonian National Museum of the American Indian.
Abeyta was born in 1918. He is named after his father, Narciso. His mother was Pablita. He started drawing when he was eleven. He attended the Santa Fe Indian School, starting in 1939. Dorothy Dunn was his teacher. Abeyta was a Golden Gloves boxer. He served in World War II in the United States Army, as a code talker. After he returned from service, he was unable to work for ten years due to his experiences at war. Eventually, he attended the University of New Mexico. He trained under Raymond Jonson.
Abeyta was primarily a painter. His paintings document Navajo life, and use brush stroke techniques that are reminiscent of Navajo rugs. He had two known commissions for work as a muralist; a 1934 mural for a social science classroom in Santa Fe, New Mexico and in 1939 for Maisel's Indian Trading Post in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He demonstrated painting at the 1939 San Francisco World's Fair.
Abeyta married Sylvia Ann, a Quaker ceramics artist. They had seven children, including artists Tony Abeyta and Pablita Abeyta. The family lived in Gallup, New Mexico.
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How about a series of Genealogy classics (aka, the not-technically-canon-to-genealogy options that are nevertheless the 'starting kit' pairs?) Aideen/Jamke Ayra/Lex Sylvia/Claude Finn/Lachesis Levin/Erinys Tailtiu/Azel Brigid/Dew
FE: Should they kiss?
Aideen x Jamke
#fire emblem#poll#fe4#fe genealogy of the holy war#fire emblem genealogy of the holy war#fe aideen#aideen fire emblem#fe jamke#jamke fire emblem
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"even if IS just said she was the villain and needed to be stopped, clear as day, people would reject it." Let's be real: the moment people started using "death of the author" to reject the Nintendo dream interview where IS confirms Supreme Leader is the villain, that's when we should've realized that people have already made up their minds and don't care anymore. It's like telling a flat-earther that the earth is not flat or trying to debunk a conspiracy theory to believers of that theory.
Tbh, I agree sometimes with disregarding the author's intent, especially in some games where the "author" wants to push "feels" and tells the olayer how they should react.
Take Berkut for instance, for a reason I still don't understand, SoV wants to paint him as a tragic figure, who ultimately redeems himself dying. You're supposed to feel bad for Berkut and sad for what happened, to the point where Alm, the Hero - who was challenged on earlier opinions - plainly states Duma is the reason why Berkut turned sour, and no one is here to tell him "uh no sorry to tell you but your cousin was a bona fide asshole".
Ditto for the devs's lunar interview about Clout's story being a "heart-warming story", like no, sorry, no matter how much you push for it, I personally don't think his story is heart warming, rather it's blood boiling.
Does it mean I use the "death of the author" like the people we're talking about?
Yeah, maybe!
But what is more gratting about those people isn't how they use DoA to make up their own canon and story (everyone can make headcanons!), but how they push their headcanon on everyone's lawns and asking for everyone else to treat it as the truth - the Aeneid is the perfect example, people really rec this fanfiction to have a "better understanding" of canon characters, or some people said it understands the characters better than the canon does. For a fanfic, sure, it's cool and all*, but to treat this as canon?
Like, there is no discussion possible between people who argue canon and others who argue using headcanons and imo that's the crux of the discourse bcs FE Fodlan is vague about 70% of its worldbuilding.
I don't like Berkut and believe he toasted Rinea because he loved being Rudolf's heir more than he loved her, but FE15 makes it uwu clear that Berkut apparently loved Rinea a lot and apparently torched her just because Duma promised him power, which makes somehow Duma the reason why Rinea was Bernie'd.
But you won't see me pop up in a discussion about FE15 or people talking about their favourite ships in that game to point out how Berkut burnt his fiancée at stake for "power" on his own volition - canon is canon - even when it blows - I'd rather rant about it and have my own HC in this space rather than piss canon-lovers/users with it.
Saying in your hcs Supreme Leader isn't the villain of the game?
Sure, do whatever you want, have a nice day, eat a sandwich, whatever. Maybe some people will join you, share your sandwich and you'll have fun developping hcs!
Saying in canon Supreme Leader isn't the villain and disregarding the dev's interviews?
That's going to be more problematic, in a way that this specific interview isn't subjective or open to interpretation (thus hcs, like Sylvia being FE4!Claude's relative or not), so people are going to disagree and be more vocal about it.
Some other blogs already explained it, but it seems like FE Fodlan attracted a lot of persons who aren't used to fandom, as in a place with transformative works and where making OCs and fics and having headcanons isn't "BaD" - so they try to retrofit canon in their headcanons because "fanfics" and transformative works are BaD etc etc (insert the general dislike for fanfictions from the early 2000s (?) and the regular/usual insults towards people who write fanfiction from the same era (them being fujos, etc etc)) so they're not writing fanfictions or arguing headcanons, no, they're just writing "totally meta pieces that are better than the canon".
Imo, the second you're disregarding canon to write something about a work, you're writing a fanfic (let it be a "real fic", random hcs, etc etc etc) and that's totally fine! You're not a "fujo degenerate" for not liking the canon and "rewritting" scenes, or building more stories about a character your like!
What's not "fine" is forcing everyone to adopt your headcanons and fanfictions - if the flower is red, you cannot force people to admit the flower is blue, otoh, if you write a story where the flower isn't red but blue, it's your story and you can whatever you want with it! Ditto with fanfic writers when someone argues canon against them, dude, you're reading a story where the author wrote the flower to be blue, like they gaf about the flower's canonical colour to be red - it's a fanfic!
Don't like, Don't read!
*not withstanding with the actual quality and body of the Aeneid, which isn't something I'd personally call cool or "alright", but that's another debate.
#anon#replies#idk if I replied to you anon?#fandom woes#sort of#the games are so vague thus encourage headcanons and that's why we have some many fan content!#even if I really don't like 90% of the fics posted on Ao3 but again if you don't like just don't read#but there's no superiority or hierarchy in what is acceptable to like#you like canon sure good for you i like my hcs and some friends like it too and we discuss about it#forcing people to like something the same way you do though it's always a big no#so if they reject the interview okay death of the author or whatever let them enjoy their hcs#but it becomes annoying when they argue their hc is The Canon (tm)#i used to be an ass who commented on fics saying they weren't canon#but then i stopped being 15
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I finished Fire Emblem 4: Genealogy of the Holy War!
Wew after 50 hours I'm finally finished! It certainly was an experience, and on the whole worthwhile. Excellent story and the gameplay was an interesting divergence, but had flaws mostly in that it could be a bit of a slog as turns took ages.
Some general thoughts
Played the Project Naga translation patch, hence some names and thoughts might only apply to that.
The storytelling is very different to modern Fire Emblem, but has its own charm. It's a lot more like a histoy book or epic stage play, and it's got its strengths and weaknesses. The story is told on a grand scale by a few major players, so it feels suitably epic and dignified, but at the cost of supporting characters falling by the wayside. The lack of support conversations hurts minor characters a lot here, although the conversation events do help a bit.
The game has so many funky little differences to regular FE, like everyone having their own reserves of gold, no one is able to trade but you have to use the pawnbroker instead, weapons (and some staves) have 50 uses and can be repaired from broken and repairing them enough powers them up, and abusing the arena is encouraged. All of these odd quirks quickly become quite endearing and give the game its own character, although if you don't know how to properly use them I can imagine them being more annoying than fun.
What is less fun is that the maps are HUGE and they take ages to complete. Or rather, the huge maps let you feel the scope of the story and there are some really fun tactical bits, but there are also some real bullshit things it drops on you that are more of a slog than anything, and often large stretches where you're just moving your units across the map without anything interesting happening. But making your way across the map and seeing all of the other characters (enemy, neutral or ally) acting and reacting makes it feel more alive and immersive as a game.
Horse Emblem is real here, and anyone who doesn't have a horse really falls behind when it comes to traversing maps. Ayra and her kids (Ayra x Lex OTP btw) turned out so strong, but it was so hard to use them because they just couldn't move as far ;_;
Ced with Forseti is absurd, but lacks a horse.
The pairing system is obtuse and inheritance is kind of terrifying at first, but fun to plan out. I definitely got some unintended pairings out of nowhere (Sylvia x Alec wtf) but most of them were planned and the kids were set up appropriately, and let me tell you it's very fun to make broken demigod child units /Awakening player
The ending bit was really cool, very modular and they all said their goodbyes in a way that felt pretty natural, and it was great to see everyone still alive and going off to rule well in the world. Except Verdane, Verdane got screwed because Jamke didn't marry anyone.
Oof I got some kind of glitch that set everyone's 'losses' to 116, even those that didn't fight, and my combat ranking was an E.
I really liked the story itself, and a lot of the characters stood out to me, even though I wished many of them had more dialogue and relevance. Often you'd get characters making a strong impression only to fade into the background, occasionally popping up again.
I definitely see all the inspirations that modern FE took from this. Awakening got the generational story and shipping system and demigod child soldiers. Three Houses got the epic scope and fleshed-out worldbuilding, and Edelgard owes a lot to Arvis (and I kinda wish she was more unapologetically villainous despite good intentions like he was, she feels like a watered down version, but I still <3 her), and the academy aspect probably draws from Sigurd and Eldigan's shared backstory. Fates got the incest. idk about Engage
Would I recommend it? To someone who's familiar with SRPGs, interested in a more epic grandiose story, and has a lot of patience, yes! To a newcomer or FE fan who is here for the anime hijinks and shipping, maaaaybe, depends on how appealing the gameplay all sounds - but if interested in the story and characters I'd still reccommend watching a playthrough.
Not sure where I'd personally rank it out of all the FE I've played, but story-wise it's definitely up there, gameplay-wise it's perhaps less so.
#fire emblem#fire emblem 4#fire emblem genealogy of the holy war#fire emblem 4 spoilers#fire emblem 4 review#kinda review also sort of just thoughts and opinions#video games
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knightrope : a low activity and private iconless mixed media multimuse, narrated by chai, she/her, 25+. operating on sporadic activity / semi-hiatus. character roster + rules are under the cut. memes.
rules.
all headcanons / original characters stories are mine. however, the media in which they may be inspired from are not.
i will not write or participate in writing explicitly sexual material, holiday specific threads or ships based on infidelity.
if you feature infidelity heavily on your blog (regardless of it being tagged), i most likely will not be following back.
suggestive content may appear but will ultimately fade to black.
force shipping ≠ asking if i ship our muses / wanting to discuss the potential for a ship. i generally prefer to have some discussion romantic shipping before jumping into things to check for chemistry! and, i’m always always down for all other kinds of ships!
i have a preference for plotted threads. but, i do believe in memes as ice breakers + will continue them as threads whenever possible.
notes for plotting: when i say plotting, i don't mean plotting out every interaction between our characters or building a world from top to bottom in one go, this usually means i'd like to discuss how we might proceed with a dynamic / get a general feel of ideas we may have for threads, and build from there on. so, no pressure to have it all figured out!
plotting is also a two way street, please don't leave it all up to me to come up with ideas. this makes me feel uncomfortable and i may softblock if this persists.
trigger warnings will be tagged as 'trigger //'. i ask that you please tag your usfw, jumpscares, and anything involving infidelity.
roster.
original characters ;
ferris caine. "the cleaner". fandomless. zane holtz. affiliated with whitelace.
friday lukas. stormchaser. xmen. rory culkin.
hayato tendou. bleach / modern verse available.
otorobashi akai. pirate captain. fandomless / modern verses available.
takagi seto. bleach / modern verse available. kawaguchi haruna.
ricardo de la fe. private investigator. hancock-inspired. oscar isaac.
canon.
animanga ;
abarai renji. bleach. anime + manga.
hirako shinji. bleach. anime + manga.
ichimaru gin. bleach. anime + manga.
inoue orihime. bleach. anime + manga.
ise nanao. bleach. anime + manga.
shiba kaien. bleach. anime + manga.
unohana yachiru / retsu. bleach. anime + manga.
osaki nana. nana. anime + manga.
takagi yasu. nana. anime + manga.
anya forger. spy x family. anime.
literature;
ellington feint. atwq series. natasha liu bordizzo (older).
kit snicket. atwq / asoue series. amita suman.
movies ;
morticia addams. the addams family / family values. angelica huston.
tv shows ;
connell waldron. normal people. paul mescal.
marianne sheridan. normal people. daisy edgar jones.
REQUEST MUSES ( written privately/highly selective -- feel free to ask ) ; dallas winston, chrissy cunningham, gerry keay, kozume kenma, matthew murdock, max mayfield, nyota uhura, son hak, sylvia sherwood, tomoe.
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Codelo dejó de darle comida al Banano porque se encontró una pulga en el calcetín. ¿Cómo sabes que no es el perro?, le pregunté. Ese perro negro que viene a comerse los restos que deja el Banano. Porque he visto al fat bastard rascándose mucho más que el perro, respondió.
Al perro le pusimos García, al Banano le pusimos Banano. Hacía meses yo había soñado con un gato amarillento, y supongo que medio manchado de negro, al que yo llamaba Banano. Concluí que debía encontrarlo. Desde El Paso lo había venido buscando, hasta que apareció este gato gris, aterciopelado y terso, de ojos amarillos como el diablo.
Pobre Banano, dice el Codelo, él no sabe por qué dejé de darle comida.
Por qué ya no me quiere el gordito, se preguntará, pensé yo, pero no lo dije. Nunca le hago comentarios a Codelo a propósito de su peso, es mi regla de oro, código de honor de las tca en recuperación.
Ya lo sprayeé otra vez, dice el Codelo, le di comida para que se acercara.
Me casé con un hombre hermoso. A veces no lo veo. Es que en Texas hace demasiado sol y el mundo como que se difumina.
Entro en un letargo por el calor, en hiperrevolución hiperkinética en el frío. El consumo calórico se me despatarra, tengo hambre y estoy llena, me siento cansada e inutilizada. Le he pedido a mi terapeuta que me canalice a psiquiatría, me dice que no. Que es mi compulsión la que genera mi ansiedad y no mi ansiedad mis conductas repetitivas.
Quince años con ella. Por lo menos tres veces me ha salvado la vida. Más de una, literalmente. Lo que diga, le creo.
Acto de fe.
Las agnósticas no tenemos dios, pero tenemos terapeuta.
Cuando veas llegar la compulsión..., me dice.
Pero, Eva, cuando vea llegar la compulsión ya será demasiado tarde, la compulsión es como la lluvia, si la sientes en la cara es que ya se te mojó la ropa del tendedero.
Últimamente me ha dado por mover el pie, en este momento lo percibo tembloroso. Como los perros cuando sueñan que corren, así mi pie, pero a nosotras no nos gusta correr.
El otro día platicaba con Iveth sobre mis compulsiones. En el bar tocaba una banda que comenzó covereando a Elvis y terminó cediéndole el micrófono a una mujer para que cantara (creo que) boleros. Iveth se preocupó. Me dijo: pero, ¿cómo vas a convulsionar de ansiedad? Y yo: compulsionar, compulsionar, así le digo, para apropiarme, como Ale dice ansiar para ansiarse.
Y esta Iveth: Ahhh.
Y yo: Tengo tanto adentro, tanto burbujeando, ya me está temblando el pie otra vez.
A menudo quiero mesurarme por lo mismo que platicaba, por el pudor de mostrar los calzones (tendidos, mojados de lluvia). Y para cuidar a los míos. Yo sé que mi mamá se angustia a la distancia, pero también sé que es porque se adueña de problemas que no le pertenecen. Que de hecho son míos. Suéltalos.
Dice Ian McKewan (no sé por qué yo pensaba que quien lo había dicho era Lorrie Moore, o Mary Karr, o alguna mujer, pues) que hay que escribir como si tus padres estuvieran muertos. Pero, chale. Tampoco hay que ser. Yo sólo apagar la luz de mi cabeza, taparle los ojos a los espectadores que viven adentro.
A lo mejor sí abro otro blog secreto.
A lo mejor vuelvo privado este espacio.
Si este blog fuera privado contaría más sobre dichas variaciones. También diría que un cierto libro que leí estos días me gustó menos de lo que esperaba.
Acto de fe, la escritura. Las escritoras no tenemos dios, pero tenemos amigas. Sylvia me convenció (no tuvo que esforzarse mucho) de que mi novela tomara un u-turn, more like a v-turn, more like a sharp-turn, y en esas he estado, acto de fe (siempre ha llovido, lo que significa que lloverá), escribiendo con el pie tembloroso, escribiendo con el miedo a cagarla, a que esta vez no funcione, a que no exista dios y la lluvia no caiga nunca jamás de nuevo.
Pero al menos no se mojaría la ropa del tendedero.
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