#fave bit where he strangles a guy to death and is just like oh sorry you had to see that babygirl

[harlowheiress]

Bulldog Drummond (1929) "Well I'll be—can't you stay away from here?" "I find it very difficult."

[danfanciesphil]

Give Me A Try (New Chapter)

Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 3

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Read on Ao3!)

Dan’s in the middle of his break, scrolling through his phone, when a text notification appears at the top of his screen. He drops his bagel into his lap, cursing.

The text is from Phil. He doesn’t know any other Phil’s, so it has to be AmazingPhil, texting him, inexplicably.

He clicks the notification, eyes wide, simultaneously scooping up the bagel bits that have fallen onto his knees.

From: Phil To: Dan im in makeup for a weird photoshoot for some korean clothing brand and they just put loads of silver goo in my hair to make it chromey

As Dan is reading the message, searching between the lines for a reason Phil might be telling him this information, another text pings through.

From: Phil To: Dan whoops, i kinda meant to send that to PJ. but hey, if you’re interested, here’s a pic of me with ‘Kpop Idol Silver Hair Paste’ in lol xx

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

The phone slips from Dan’s fingers, clattering through his legs to the floor of the staff room. Phil has sent him a selfie. An un-edited, un-Instagrammed photo of his breathtaking face, up close. Sure, there’s a weird silvery goop in his usually raven hair, but still. Gingerly, Dan retrieves the phone, a small, strangled sound escaping from his throat as he surveys the image in front of him.

It makes a little more sense now that Phil has informed him that he had actually mistakenly texted the original message, but did the guy really have to follow up with a photo? He must, surely, be aware of Dan’s crush. He witnessed the brunt of Dan’s obsessive stalking in person on his phone, after all.

Bagel entirely forgotten, Dan just stares down into the pixelated blue of Phil Lester’s eyes, wondering how to respond, and if he even should. Deciding eventually that it would be rude not to, Dan shakily types out something he hopes is vaguely witty.

From: Dan To: Phil hahaha wow :’) kpop? more like kpoop. (it looks like bird poop, sorry dude.) x

From: Phil To: Dan hahaha it does ur so right. and if you think thats bad you should see the outfits… xx

Settling back into his chair, Dan bites his lip. As he thinks of a potential response, his eyes wander over to the spot, just to the right of him, where he and Phil had stood not long ago, when it had seemed like maybe, possibly, Phil might’ve…

But obviously that’s absurd. 

Dan’s wishful thinking had clearly driven him to the point of hallucination, because the very notion that Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, the famous Instagram model, would ever have looked at Dan as anything more than a random bartender, is laughable.

Dan sighs to himself, then smirks. Well, just because he has no chance, doesn’t mean he can’t utilise his semi-connection to the celebrity to get some behind-the-scenes footage of his fave.

From: Dan To: Phil well now i have to see x

There’s a noticeable pause, and Dan wonders, panicking vaguely, if he may have pushed too far. Is it a little much to ask this of Phil? Maybe he just won’t respond, and Dan will have to quit his job forever, or maybe just spend his shifts on red alert that Phil will wander into the bar, and hide from him if he does-

He texts back.

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

From: Phil To: Dan hot, right? xx

For two long, uninterrupted minutes, Dan is frozen. Then, he lets out a muffled groan of frustration. The photo Phil sent is a full body shot taken by someone else; he’s dressed in an asymmetrical long white t-shirt with several long rips through the chest, some bright pink camouflage trousers, and a shiny silver puffer jacket with a black fur-lined hood. The outfit is a complete disaster, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. His chest is visible through the slits in the tee; having seen it twice now IRL, Dan is drawn to the slivers he can see. The trousers make his eyes pop, and the jacket matches the silver streaked through his hair.

His pose is casual, feet apart, smirking at the camera, with his hands gesturing to his body as if to say ‘see what i mean?’. If he’d posted this on his Instagram, Dan gets the feeling he’d have saved it to his camera roll anyway, maybe even made it his phone background.

Dan’s done that with a few of his favourite photos of Phil in the past. He won’t even dwell on the time when Phil posted a photo of himself in the bath and Dan, in a semi-sleep-deprived fit of insanity, printed the photo out and stuck it on his wall.

Tyler came over once, weeks later, saw the photo taped above Dan’s bed, and tore the thing down. He’d told Dan, quite rightly, to stop being such a creep and keep his crazed obsessive behaviour to social media like everyone else.

“Who even has physical photos these days?? You’re like a fucking serial killer!”

Dan chuckles at this memory. He’s glad for Tyler, sometimes, even if he’s only good for keeping Dan’s stalkerish behaviour within the realms of normalcy.

Belatedly, he realises it’s been over five minutes and he still hasn’t responded to Phil. Also, his break is close to being over.

From: Dan To: Phil woww. please, phil of the future, tell me what life is like in 2087 x

From: Phil To: Dan stawwp. i keep laughing out loud at what ur saying and now the designer is sending me death glares :’’’D xx

Trying hard to ignore the fact that his dorky jokes are apparently literally making Phil ‘lol’, Dan checks the time, and sighs, typing out another message.

From: Dan To: Phil is the designer a martian? or maybe secretly one of those reptile-people? maybe skin him just to be safe. also my break is over so i gtg. have fun on set of NASA’s moonlanding recreation x

From: Phil To: Dan aww ur at work too? that sux. i forgot that u work at night lol. hope u stay dry this evening ;) xx

From: Dan To: Phil speaking of… why are u at work? isnt it kind of late for a photoshoot? x

From: Phil To: Dan well its 8am here so no haha xx

From: Dan To: Phil where are you? x

From: Phil To: Dan seoul :) hence the… unusual fashion lol xx

Dan’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. He stands from his chair, throws his half eaten bagel in the trash, and looks around himself. He’s in the staff room - a small, dusty space with a row of falling apart lockers, a couple of chairs and a small table. There’s a hook on the wall which holds a load of unused aprons, and a rusty heater for when it’s especially cold.

He’s about to go back out to serve a load of rowdy customers some overpriced cocktails, then mop a dancefloor sticky with sweat, alcohol, and whatever other liquids might have found their way there. Then, he’s going to go back to his crummy flat way across in Kemptown, unfold his sofabed, and fall asleep to Netflix.

Phil, on the other side of the world in Korea, is having his hair, makeup and wardrobe done by professionals. He’s being treated like a celebrity, no doubt, and pampered excessively. Later, he’ll receive high-definition, professional photographs of himself looking gorgeous, and post them to his Instagram, where millions of people will tell him how stunning he looks.

Dan sighs to himself. How the other half lives.

*

The following day, Dan wakes up to find that Phil has updated his Instagram story, and posted the photo with the silver goo in his hair. The same one he’d sent to Dan. The caption reads:

Not sure silver hair was a good idea! The designer was going for Kpop, but ended up with Kpoop… can’t wait to show you guys the photos from this shoot! xx

Two things cross Dan’s mind.

First, Dan can now officially state that he had a sneak-peek at an official AmazingPhil photo before it was posted.

Second, the bitch totally stole his joke.

He smiles to himself ruefully, then decides to leave a comment. There’s no way that Phil will even see it - he’s never seen any of Dan’s others, or at least Dan sincerely hopes he hasn’t, as they’re mostly things like ‘choke me’ or ‘slap me round the face with your yaoi hands dad’.

Okay, maybe he tends to leave those sorts of comments when he’s less than sober.

This time, Dan just taps out a simple:

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

Still smiling to himself, Dan rolls over onto his side, and settles in to watch Phil’s story. The stories are usually long, silly, and full of adorable clips of Phil being clumsy and cute. As expected, this one is no exception. It’s a tour of Phil’s hotel room in Seoul, which is very posh.

Phil exclaims over the origami hand towels on his bed, the robe provided for him in the wardrobe, and the multiple options on the ‘disco shower’ as he calls it. Just as Dan is marvelling at the panoramic shot Phil has filmed of his view from the balcony, a notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil replied to your comment: joke stealing is…

Dan sits bolt upright in bed, the sheets falling off him. He runs a hand through his messy hair, eyes wide. He clicks the notification before it disappears, heart pounding.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Dan hadn’t intended for him to actually see. What if Phil thinks he’s being rude? He doesn’t actually mind Phil stealing his stupid joke about the hair goo. It’s an honour, if anything, that Phil finds his dumb joke good enough to post as a caption millions of people will read.

Heart thrumming, Dan finds the response Phil left.

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

amazingphil: @danisnotonfire aha i was kinda hoping you wouldn’t see ;D

Another notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil started following you

“Holy shit,” Dan says to nobody.

amazingphil liked your photo

“Fuck,” Dan squeaks, clutching his pillow for support. “Stop it Phil, I’m gonna have a heart attack.”

Curious, Dan clicks the last notification, wondering which photo it was that Phil pressed the little heart for. To his surprise, it’s a selfie, one he took at work around a month ago. He took it during a lull between serving, if he remembers correctly. The lighting hadn’t been awful when he was doing his hourly fringe check in his phone camera, so he’d snapped a pic. It’s nothing special, just a moody expression and a wash of pink lighting across one half of his face.

amazingphil commented on your photo

amazingphil: nice pout ;) xx

Dan falls back into the pillows, mind obliterating itself into a thousand, tiny pieces.

*

Over the next few weeks, Dan has several text conversations with Phil. They’re usually started by Phil himself, who will - out of what Dan assumes is boredom - sometimes send him a random meme, a musing about his surroundings, or a selfie. For obvious reasons, Dan prefers the latter.

No matter how many times Phil reaches out via text, the surreality of it never fails to send Dan’s mind freewheeling. It always knocks the wind out of his lungs, it always makes him stop dead in his tracks, and it always leaves him struggling to recover for the next few hours. Whenever this happens at work, Tyler never fails to tease him mercilessly.

“Whoops! Please excuse him, sir, his mind has been blended by a single text from his crush,” Tyler tells a customer the fifth time Dan drops a glass behind the bar.

Dan scowls at his friend, but doesn’t try to defend himself. It’s true, after all. One text from Phil has him behaving like a moron. He becomes physically inept, unable to make the simplest drink.

One night, after the bar has closed, Dan and Tyler are cleaning up.

“So when’s he gonna stop torturing you over text and come sweep you off your beer-drenched tootsies?”

Dan rolls his eyes at this. “He’s not, Ty. He’s a rich and famous superstar, and I’m clearing up puke for the third day in a row.”

Dan wrinkles his nose as he continues mopping up the patch of vomit. He’s suspicious at this point; three days in a row is unusual. Is the same person coming in each night and spewing their guts all over the dance floor out of spite? Perhaps it’s some sort of hate crime.

“It’s like a Cinderella story!” Ty exclaims, pirouetting around his broom. “Except it’s gay, which makes it even better.”

Dan scoffs at him. “I’m pretty sure fairytales don’t involve stalking someone over social media and having them find out. He’s just taking pity on me because he saw that first night that I’m a fan.” Dan dunks the mop back in the bucket, turning to Tyler. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he has a boyfriend.”

Tyler sucks in a scandalised breath. “What! Who?”

Dragging the mop back to the supply closet, Dan laughs. “Remember the drunk guy he came with? The one who gave me a lovely Rainforest shower?”

“Him?”

Dan sighs, locks the cupboard, and nods. He digs into his pocket for his phone, and brings it over to show Tyler the photo of Phil and Charlie kissing. Matt, the security guard wanders over to see as well, letting out a low whistle.

“He’s a nonce if he thinks that guy’s behaviour was attractive,” Matt says. “He puked ‘soon as I got him out the door that night. All over the pavement.”

Dan looks at Matt, tilting his head in interest. “He did?”

Tyler plucks the phone out of Dan’s hand, zooming into the photo to have a better look, a frown on his face.

“Yep, your friend there came out, called him an Uber and sent him off,” Matt says. “Doubt pukey there would’ve made it home without him.”

“Nice guy,” Dan mutters, cheeks warm.

“This is staged,” Tyler announces abruptly.

“What?”

“Look,” he says, bringing the phone back over for Dan to see.

He zooms in on the crux of the kiss, right onto Phil’s face. Dan grimaces.

“Ty, I don’t want to see-”

“Shut up and look at his face,” Tyler interrupts, grabbing Dan’s chin and angling it towards the phone. “See how his lips are puckered? All stiff and pointed, like he’s kissing his grandma. And his eyes are open.”

“He’s looking at the camera!”

“Nah, Tyler’s right mate,” Matt says. The gum he’s chewing is making gross squishy sounds right in Dan’s ear as he leans over to look. “He looks awkward as hell.”

Dan narrows his eyes at the photo, trying to see what the others see.

“Besides, didn’t you say he hated that guy?” Tyler asks, clicking off the photo.

Dan tuts, snatching his phone back. “Well, apparently he was just being nice to compensate for the fact his kissing buddy covered me in sugary cocktail.”

He makes the smart decision to step away from this preposterous conversation before he does something stupid. Like allow either of these morons to give him hope that Phil is actually single.

Not that Phil being single would even matter.

“Or he was making it clear that he’s available!” Tyler calls after him as Dan stalks over to the staff room. “He whipped his shirt off for you twice and gave you his number. Do you think he’d do that if he had a boyfriend?”

“Drop it, Ty!” Dan calls back, shutting the staff room door behind him.

He will not let himself fall into the trap of daring to believe he could get someone as gorgeous, as hilarious, as pure and… amazing, as Phil Lester. 

He won’t.

*

This is a good philosophy, in theory.

In practise, it turns out to be a lot more difficult. Dan finds this out to his cost when Phil strolls into Habenero the following Friday with Charlie Hickory at his side. Dan’s stomach sinks as soon as he sees the pair, the butterflies that appear each time Phil so much as acknowledges exploding into dust the moment he registers who Phil is here with.

Phil makes a beeline for the bar, a big smile on his face as he sees Dan. Warily, Dan smiles back, very aware that he is not exactly Charlie’s biggest fan.

“Dan!” Phil sings, chipper as ever.

Blushing already, Dan waves an awkward hand. He will never, he’s sure, get used to hearing his name on Phil Lester’s lips. “Hi. You’re back.”

“Of course! This is my local hangout now,” Phil says, winking. “Great cocktails, cute bar staff, crazy Bingo nights… this place has got it all.”

“Some people might not agree with you about the cocktails,” Dan can’t help himself saying, glancing at Charlie.

Charlie shuffles awkwardly on the spot. “Right,” he says, casting a look at Phil. They share a look that seems loaded with something Dan is not privy to, and then Charlie sighs, turning to Dan. “I wanted to, uh, apologise. About last time. Totally not cool of me to… tell you off like that. I was wasted.”

For an awkward moment, Dan waits for the actual word ‘sorry’ to leave Charlie’s mouth. It becomes obvious fairly swiftly that the dude feels he’s already said enough, so Dan just gives him a tight smile, and clears his throat.

“Oh, yeah man,” he says. “Let’s just… move on, I guess.”

If Charlie won’t say sorry, then Dan’s sure as hell not going to say he forgives him.

“So, drinks?” Phil asks, seeming to sense the taut atmosphere. “Maybe not cocktails?”

Dan can’t help the splutter of laughter, but Charlie shoots a dagger-like glare Phil’s way. It makes Dan’s lip curl; how could anyone be angry with Phil, of all people?

“Maybe some beers?” Dan suggests, teeth clenched. “We have a load of craft beers, or if you’re more into spirits I could make you guys a-”

“I’ll have a vodka and light tonic, no ice,” Charlie interrupts. “A double. If you use regular tonic, I will know.”

“Charlie,” Phil hisses under his breath.

They exchange another loaded look, and again Charlie sighs, turning to Dan with a fake smile. “Please.”

Swallowing the urge to roll his eyes, Dan nods, then gladly turns his attention to Phil. “And for you?”

“Oh,” Phil says, like it’s only just occurred to him that he needs to order as well. “God, I’m so bad at deciding, err…”

As he’s dithering, Charlie sighs. “Are you cool to get these, Phil? I’m gonna go find us a table.”

“You don’t wanna dance?”

“Not in the mood.”

Phil nods, obviously disappointed. “Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you in the back.”

With that, Charlie is gone, slipping into the crowd. The look of distaste must be more evident on Dan’s face than he thinks, because Phil laughs at it.

“I know,” Phil says. “But he does have a few… marginally amiable qualities.”

‘Why have you chosen to be with someone that’s marginally amiable when you’re so great,’ is what Dan wants to ask. Instead, he simply shrugs, deciding to change the subject.

“Have you decided on a drink yet? I’d better get on with making his low-cal dishwater.”

Phil laughs a little, then leans forwards, his smile deepening as he leans across the bar. “Surprise me.”

Something sparks a roman candle in Dan’s stomach, and his skin prickles with the heat it creates. He drags his eyes free of Phil’s with some difficulty, nodding, and turns to make the drinks.

He prepares Phil a ‘PopQueen’ cocktail, which is one of their most popular. It’s inspired by popcorn, along with the trio of Pop Queens that rule the gay music scene: Gaga, RiRi, and Bey. The moscato vodka base is made from Italian grapes to represent Gaga’s heritage, the spiced rum is a shoutout to Bey’s favourite drink, and Riri comes in in the form of a smoky splash of passion fruit bitter. The rest is topped up with popcorn syrup, lemonade, a sprinkle of caramel popcorn kernels, and as many sparkly cocktail sticks as Dan can fit in.

He explains the whole concoction to Phil as he presents it, a little smug because he knows this is an impressive looking cocktail. It’s probably his favourite one to make; the Viniq shimmery moscato vodka makes the drink swirl and shimmer - always exceptionally pretty.

Sure enough, Phil’s mouth drops open at the sight of it. “Okay wow,” Phil says, chuckling. “I’m gonna get drunk tonight, aren’t I?”

“If that’s your plan, this should definitely help you on your way,” Dan says, laughing too. “I wouldn’t recommend having a second if you want to remember your evening.”

Phil leans forwards to take a sip of the PopQueen, moaning around the straw, much to Dan’s dismay. He plucks one of the popcorn pieces off and eats it, eyes closed. In related news, Dan struggles not to fall to the floor. “Dan, you are an artiste,” Phil says. “Popcorn is my all time favourite food.”

“Oh, wow, that’s... lucky, I guess,” Dan stammers, a swell of pride surging up into his chest. “Glad you like it.”

“So, how much?”

“Oh, on the house.” Dan smiles, sliding the cocktail across the bar along with Charlie’s vodka tonic. “I feel bad for not letting you in on the forfeit for Bingo last time.”

The look on Phil’s face softens into something so sweet Dan can taste sugar on his tongue. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Phil says softly.

“It’s fine, really,” Dan assures him, all but sliding his elbows across the bar towards him. “I insist.”

A twitch in the corner of Phil’s mouth, and then he’s leaning across the bar. It happens slowly, but Dan still manages to be caught off guard. One moment, he’s watching, bemused, as Phil inches towards him, and the next there’s a light press of paper-soft lips to his cheek. A scratch of stubble grazes over Dan’s skin as Phil leans away.

“Thanks,” Phil tells him, smiling. “You’re sweet, Dan.”

And then he’s turning away, drinks in hand, slipping into the mass of people.

*

For the next few hours, Dan hopes for Phil to return to the bar for another round. He waits, eagerly, for this moment to come. Instead, Charlie is the one who brings his and Phil’s glasses back over, and waves to flag down Dan’s attention.

He nods in acknowledgement, finishing up the drinks order he’s in the middle of, and sidling over to Charlie. He forces a strained smile.

“Same again?”

“Yeah,” Charlie says, digging out his phone. “And a couple of vodka shots.”

He says nothing else, eyes glued to his phone screen. Dan waits for a moment before moving off, eyes stuck to Charlie’s face. He’s the kind of gorgeous that shouldn’t exist in real life. Unblemished, tanned skin. Clean, dark stubble, lacing his perfect, razorblade jawline. His hair is a swoop of glossy mahogany; even the cut of it looks expensive.

Charlie’s eyes flick up to Dan’s, obviously questioning why he’s staring, so Dan nods, embarrassed, and hurries to make the drinks. From a superficial standpoint, it’s obvious why Phil is with Charlie. Obviously, in Dan’s eyes, Phil is the most attractive man on the planet, but that’s just because he’s Dan’s type. Even he can tell that Charlie is objectively a beautiful human being.

It’s just a shame about everything below the surface level.

Dan pours the two shots Charlie ordered. “All together it’s twenty pounds, please.”

Charlie snorts, then pockets his phone at last. “Figures you’d give Phil the discount.”

He pulls out a twenty and slaps it on the counter.

“Sorry, I can’t give you guys free drinks all night.”

Charlie just stares back at him, a faint, knowing smile caught on his dusty pink lips. One of this thick eyebrows is slightly quirked, sliding an irritation under Dan’s skin. “Listen, Danny, is it?”

“Dan,” he grits.

“Dan,” Charlie says, leaning across the bar. “A little advice, yeah? Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.”

He downs both the shots in quick succession, baffling Dan, who is frozen, mortified, to the spot. Before his brain can thaw enough to stammer out some witty rebuttal, Charlie has swept the drinks off the counter, and is moving away.

Cheeks burning, Dan turns around, trying to calm his boiling blood. He squeezes his fists together, counting to ten, the way he makes himself after all encounters with dickhead customers.

“Hey, sweetcheeks, can we get some drinks over here, please?”

With a deep sigh, Dan unclenches his fists, and turns to the next customer.

*

At around one in the morning, Dan runs to the bathroom for a minute, and on his way, he sees Charlie. He’s against the wall of the club, near the DJ booth. There’s a muscular, dark-skinned man pressing him there; their faces are close. Dan can’t stop, he’s left Tyler and Dodie to the mercy of the drunks in their worst state - things get rowdy an hour before closing - and he needs to get back there. So, instead, he simply tucks the image away in his mind, to think about later on.

That man, leant against Charlie in a less-than-innocent seeming stance, was certainly not Phil, after all. As he exits the bathroom, he notices that Charlie is gone, as is whoever was with him.

*

At 1:55am, the lights come on. As usual, an enormous groan chants out of the crowd of patrons on the dance floor, followed by a few pairs awkwardly stepping out of the shadows, some squinting and eye-covering, and the slow, jelly-legged walk to the coat-check area.

“I think I just saw some guy getting up off his knees in the corner,” Tyler says despondently. “Shotgun not mopping the floor tonight.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dan sighs. “On the dance floor? Really? Why can’t they suck each other off in the bathroom like normal people?”

“Oh, there were definitely people doing that in one of the stalls about an hour ago,” someone says to Dan’s right. The voice, for some reason, sends the hairs up on the back of Dan’s neck.

He turns, wondering when Matt’s voice got so low, only to find that Phil has perched himself on one of the bar stools, the dregs of his cocktail still in a glass in front of him. For a moment, Dan is too stunned at the sight of him to reply. Then, he registers that the lights are on, and cringes, knowing he likely looks frightful. Phil, of course, looks radiant as ever even under the harsh fluorescents, apart from a faint tiredness, visible in the dark circles underneath his eyes.

“You’re still here,” Dan comments. “I thought you guys had gone.”

“Charlie left,” Phil says, looking away from Dan. “Or I assume he did.”

Out of sight, Tyler catches Dan’s eye, making an obscene gesture with his hands before snickering and running off in the direction of the supply closet. Dan just glares after him, pink-cheeked, and turns back to Phil.

“Wait, he left without telling you?”

One of Phil’s shoulders moves towards his neck, then falls. “He does that.”

“Wow that’s… kind of shitty.”

As soon as the words are out, Dan regrets them. He can’t help but think of Charlie’s comment from earlier; it rings in his ears as if the guy had screamed it at him.

Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.

He was right, probably, though Dan had hated hearing it. He should stop being such a suck-up. It must be awkward and cringey for Phil to see Dan so obviously smitten.

Still, Phil throws him a faint smile. “It’s cool. He’s just a flaky guy. A bit of a princess. He grew up rich, so he’s always been a bit superficial. I’m trying to wring the bourgeoisie out of his blue blood.”

Dan snorts with laughter. “In my experience, you can’t filter the dickishness out of people very easily.”

There’s a silence, then. Phil regards him with a faintly curious expression.

“Maybe I’m wrong,” Dan says once the silence gets too uncomfortable. He shrugs, grabbing the rag from his back pocket and starting to wipe down the bar. “I don’t know the guy, really. I’ve just had a couple of unfortunate experiences with him.”

“Oh no,” Phil says, face falling. “What did he do this time?”

Dan laughs, bitterly. “Don’t worry about it. He’s just a little mouthy, is all.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“So, when do you get to leave this place?” Phil asks, playing with his glass. He still hasn’t drunk the remainder of his cocktail. “Or do you sleep here?”

“On weekdays, the bar closes at two, so I get out of here at around two-thirty.”

“Christ,” Phil mutters. “And I thought my job was long hours.”

A laugh bursts out of Dan’s throat, but he covers it as best he can with a cough, turning away. Busying himself with ‘dusting’ some liquor bottles, Dan tries to compose a straight face. Is Phil honestly going to try and argue that his job is difficult? When was the last time that guy ever grabbed a broom, or handled someone’s sticky change?

In a minute, Dan is going to go into the corner of the dance floor, get down on his knees, and clean up some randomer’s come. A few weeks ago he saw Phil swanning about a five-star hotel in Korea. If AmazingPhil’s worst complaint is that he had to have a few questionable outfit choices put on him, and some silvery goo in his hair, then he needs a reality check.

Nevertheless, Dan knows that he can’t say any of this. Not only would he never dream of insulting Phil Lester, but it’s pointless to try and explain the differences between classes to someone in a privileged position. They’ve usually forgotten how to understand.

“Are you close by, at least?” Phil asks, interrupting Dan’s thoughts.

Dan turns back to him. “Kemptown. It’s half an hour’s walk, more or less.”

“You walk?” Phil asks, eyebrows skyrocketing towards his quiff. “At two in the morning?”

“Five in the morning on weekends,” Dan confirms, hiding a smile at Phil’s surprise. “It’s okay, you get used to it. Besides, it’s mostly just drunk idiots chugging cans of cider and threatening to run into the sea. Not too scary.”

Despite Dan’s reassurance, the look of pity and concern on Phil’s face doesn’t subside. After a while, Dan turns from it, feeling awkward. He busies himself with clearing away the last of the empty glasses, yawning into the crook of his elbow. Tonight was rough.

“You should crash at mine,” Phil blurts.

Sure he must have misheard, Dan faces Phil slowly. “Um, what?”

“If you’re exhausted, I mean.” Phil fidgets, fingers tapping against his glass. “Like, on the nights you can’t face walking all the way home, you can totally just sleep on my sofa.”

Speechless, Dan simply stares.

“The couch is pretty comfy,” Phil continues in a ramble, not meeting Dan’s eye. “And my flat is just up the road, literally like a minute away. I’m not saying, y’know, come over every night, ‘cause obviously… that might be an issue, but you can absolutely stay round on, say, Saturday nights when you finish later. That wouldn’t be a problem.”

He’s just being nice. That’s Dan’s only explanation. Phil Lester is a sweetheart of a person, and he got so worried about the hypothetical danger involved in Dan’s walks home, that he offered something big, even though he didn’t really mean it.

Dan is a stranger to him. He needs to decline the polite offer, and let Phil off the hook he accidentally created to string himself up on.

So, Dan forces out a small chuckle, and says: “Oh, no, it’s really fine. Thanks for the offer, that’s really good of you, but I quite like the walk. It’s a nice come down after a busy night.”

Phil nods, chewing his lip. He looks unconvinced. “I’m not just saying it, though.” His voice has dropped to a lower tone. “Like tonight… you’re so tired, I can see it. Just grab some sleep at mine before you head back across town.”

As soon as Phil mentions it, the quilt of his own exhaustion flops around his shoulders, dragging Dan’s bones towards the floor. He tries to picture the stumble back to his crummy flat in Kemptown, loathing each imaginary step.

“You barely know me,” Dan says - one last attempt at refusal.

Sensing he’s won, Phil smiles very slightly, then downs the rest of his cocktail at last. “I don’t know if it’s just me, Dan, but I have this feeling that we’re going to be good friends.”

(Part 4!)

[readbythestarlight]

c2e30 (I’m very late and I know it but here it is anyway)

I’m almost a week late but hey that’s fine let’s do this!

Still miss Ashley but I’m gad Travis and Laura are back!

I also miss Keg

I’m so glad they fucked Lorenzo up. I’m sorry for Matt’s plans but fuck that guy.

“Enduring it silently” Yasha my girl

“Case closed” cool make me cry again that’s fine

Nott just has no fucks to give for Fjord xD

Oh, Yasha, my girl.

"I have healing I have healing who are you I have healing" oh sure Jester NOW you wanna heal

“Where’s Molly?” FUCK it’s fine I’m fine

“is he waiting upstairs?”

“He didn’t make it.”

“To… this dungeon? Cause he’s waiting upstairs?”

IT’S FINE IM NOT CRYING

Fjord sounds so exhausted someone hug him

Everyone’s sad I’m sad I don’t wanna live with this again

Fjord. Honey. It’s not your fault.

God Fjord and Jester and Yasha are going to have such a rough time healing and moving on…

This is really hard… like. My heart hurts.

“We learned for the future. This won’t happen again, understand me?”

“Nothing this good ever happens, this is great.” I love him. He’s sweet and he tries.

Jester and Beau back at the cute BFF banter already

B: “I would have laid down my life for you guys.”

J: “I would have tried to heal you back.”

Oh lord guys you can’t just make butt jokes in the middle of my crying.

Oh damn, I forgot Molly and Fjord shared a room the most often. Poor Fjord.

“It’s probably stolen.”

“People need killin’ if that happens.”

Them talking about Molly possibly coming back like that’s what we’re all still hoping for please don’t pull my heartstrings like this.

And the Fjord/Jester train rolls on again. They wasted no time.

“Oooooo, ooooo! That’s all I need to know.”

“INSIGHT CHECK”

oh my god Sam xD

WHISPERS

“Fuck human traffickers, ammiright?” You are so right.

“Please bring me any books” Caleb’s priorities back in place again

Cad cooking food I love him

Matt plz chill with the torture stuff

I love how they’re always finding random potions

Godddd Lorenzo’s chamber…

“Some young creature” it’s a baby Matt just say it

Bag of holding?? IT IS A BAG OF HOLDING?

YAAAS

Please no body parts please no body parts…

Fjord checking the room for books <3

I want Fjord and Caleb to get back to being bros man I miss that so hard

Fuck I forgot Caleb was still injured Jester plz heal him

I adore Cad you guys. Adore him.

“Roots.”

“Do I smell anything…? Nah it smells like breakfast fuck it I go back down” xD Travis

A long rest sounds like a good idea, but is the fortress safe?

“WHAT’S THAT NEW MAGIC YOU USED?” SAAAAM LOL

Cad is gonna be the weird uncle of the team who keeps them all fed and relatively healthy

I’m curious about the bag and what all it can do and stuff

lol Fjord just spilled everything out

“I have deep arcane abilities” lol Fjord

101 PLATINUM NICE

Ooooo a gem!

Oh daaaamn wax sealed envelope

AN ACTUAL ENVELOPE

okay what is it….

omg could they collect anyone 101 platinum?

Oooo Wayfairer’s Cove? Is it Pirates?? Please be pirates.

Also does that mean they’ll go to Nicodranus?

OH.

OH SHIT.

FJORD HAS ONE. IN HIS STOMACH.

“You have 50 rings, do you have a glass bead?”

Nott has the most amazing collection of stuff

Ouch, 5 intelligence check

Fjord my darling why are you collecting a tusk?

Also guys i’m over my annoyance with Fjord I missed him so much he’s back to being one of my faves

“HEY LOOK WHAT I MADE :D” Caleb my son he’s so proud and happy look at him

He’s been working on it so he can protect his friends I’m crying

Cad just makes me smile every time he speaks. Taliesin just knows how to cheer me up with every character he makes.

I can’t believe Caleb actually managed to make them a small “home” they can move just like he wanted I’m so proud of him

NOTT PLZ

Jester dragging Yasha in lol

Niiiice magic potion and magic red gem

bad magic manacles no

C: “This has great power.”

N: “What is it?”

C: “It’s a meat hook.”

300 bolts nice

Beau looking for something throwable

Those are creepy manacles 0/10

Caleb please stop being weird about fire YOU’RE SCARING ME

“It’s not my thing” hnnn

Beau honey please keep it for him he doesn’t need it right now

Fjord using Molly’s sword is good

DON’T EAT THE GODDAMN SWORD

PLEASE

Fjord’s actual identity is a bag of holding I’ve solved it

BEAU

BEAU NO

beau plz

Oh Jester… oh honey… I’m crying again

“Why didn’t you come?” IT’S FINE

I’m fine

it’s not fine

Bye Keg WE’LL MISS YOU

Letter for Nott I cry

“Oh, a note… It’s really badly written…” Nott plz

That letter I’M CRRRYYYYYING

“p.s. if anyone hurts you I will kill them” <3<3<3<3

Marisha’s face when she looked at the letter I’m crying

Ashley B is the best I miss her so much

Fjord keeping the glaive for Yasha. <3

Cad offering to help dye the bag pink xD

He and Jester are going to be good buddies

C: “I need to head east at some point.”

Cad: “What is east?”

C: “I don’t know. But I’d like to find out.”

—

B: “He makes dead people tea.”

F: “He makes what?!”

Hmmm okay so what’s making the illusion. the cart itself?

MAGIC ILLUSION CART that could be great

Stealth cart yessss

Happy (late) birthday, Ashley!

Cad should stay with the cart maybe?

They’re very touchy about the cart xD

Ophelia is classy as hell and I don’t trust her but I like her

Oooo smart to remember to bring the glaive Fjord good job

My boy with the Nat20 persuasion ayyyyyyy

No wait we’re keeping it for Yasha

Nice okay good she let them have it

Oh dang I forgot they were supposed to escort her back to Zadesh

“I think ‘hot fuck’ is accurate on a few levels” Beau continues to be THE disaster lesbian

Fjord is creeped out by Cad and I’m loving it

Oh no who’s coming…

Oh okay it’s just the carriages lol I was worried

Stealth check for giggles lol

Money says Beau will try to sleep with Ophelia before the trip is over

SAM NAMED THEM AFTER ABBA SONGS omg I’m crying

Oh oh oh a crick person. What were they called?

J: “Shady deals happening!”

Cad: “Oh is that what that is? I’ve never seen one before.”

Okay we’re in the slums this is where something is going to happen

Driving through slums in fancy carriages is bad

Frumpkin is gone sadly

Oooo Jester has a fancy new spell? Nice

“Next time you use it maybe it will have a purpose” xD harsh, Nott.

Oooo some Beau and Caleb talk! It’s been a few weeks. And yesss give us some Beau backstory!

“Why are you running around with criminals? And me?” Caleb you are just as much a criminal as the rest of them

Beau and Caleb’s friendship and their conversations are my fave

I SAW SPOILERS ABOUT WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN AND IM NOT OKAY

is his coat there

HIS COAT IS THERE

thank god

I’m not ready for this

Taliesin looks like he might cry, I’m gonna cry, everyone’s gonna cry

Letting Taliesin choose which card Jester pulled I’m weeping

the same card she pulled when they met I’m sobbing now

Fjord with Summer Dance I’m just. A wreck.

Yasha wakes up AT MOLLY’S GRAVE THIS ISN’T OKAY

“What’s going on” noPE MATT HOW DARE

Oh Yasha my dear oh god

“It happened again” stop please I beg you

She didn’t even get to help kill Lorenzo

Oh, oh, Yasha…

Oh fuck.

Oh. Oh, my heart.

She doesn’t even have her sword.

Caleb and Nott please don’t make me cry either

TALIESIN DONT

IM

I CANNOT

He’s gone.

He’s really, forever, never coming back, gone.

“I made the earth remember him. Something will be here.”

Like… like I had this vague hope that somehow he’d come back, ten, twenty episodes from now. Hell, maybe close to the end, he’d just come back. He’d return to life and maybe he wouldn’t remember at first, but they’d help remind him who he is. But no… he’s gone. Tal gave him the best goodbye he could.

C: “Come, everyone. Molly wanted us to keep living.”

B: “And make things better.”

I’m glad they all got to say goodbye but my god, none of them had ever die, because I can’t handle anything like this ever again.

Goodbye, Molly. For real this time.

“Those ideas I had have come to fruition” oh god what does that mean

Caleb worries me

New feat is cool but he still worries me

Ophelia and the Gentleman, huh?

PFFF SHE BIT HIM. kinky.

I like Ophelia more and more tbh

Cad just grins

also the Gentleman doesn’t have Cad’s blood that’s probably good

Hey @ the Gentleman don’t be a dick “that’s just the way of it” i’m gonna kick you

LOL Nott and the moisture thing again I’m cackling

How much money? I don’t remember

“mostly platinum” O_O

600 platinum NICE

250 gold

6250 alksjdlaksjflkjsdhfkjasdhg

+50 platinum for the loss of Molly HE WAS WORTH SO MUCH MORE HE WAS PRICELESS

Nott explaining “money” to Cad lol

“I can’t think of four things I’d like to get, that’s nice.”

A tea set, a skillet, more cups.

Fuck okay he’s gonna get his blood sigh

WHISPERRRSSSSS

Cad and his bugs alksjdlkas

I’m actually glad that Caleb lied about Molly… I’m not sure why but I’m just glad. Molly didn’t want to be tied to Lucien, even in death.

Metagaming pigeon lol

GO SEE PUMAT SOL I just want him to meet Cad desperately

Tal rolling to determine how Cad feels about milk lol

Tal wants to strangle Sam/Nott for their tragic lack of knowledge (r their total deception) about how whiskey is made lol

Introducing Cad to alcohol lol

Fjord is so baffled whenever people flirt with him I love it

“Here is to fucking making it work” <3

Beau I don’t think he wants to talk about it, darling

Alright Fjord needs a goddamn hug. Like a big one.

They think Jester is fine but guys she’s not fine keep an eye on her. This is how she copes but she’s gonna fall apart. There are cracks.

Caleb is right about her. She’s suffering.

Cad: “I’ve had six drinks. I’m in the biggest city I’ve ever been in. Everything tastes TERRIBLE.”

—

N: “Have you not thrown up yet?”

Cad: “Is that part of the—are you supposed to?”

—

Oh boy intruding Jester to alcohol too let her be sweet and innocent and not a useless drunk like all of you smh

Jester is going to have so much fun introducing Cad to pastries

“What’s a smut shop?” Oh lord.

C: “To that purple devil. To Mollymauk Tealeaf.”

B: “And now to our new… tea leaf…”

Travis just suggested shopping the world must be ending

Matt just keeps ducking his head and giggling I love him

Nott my dear you are not subtle

I’m so glad they all back together (minus Yasha—come back soon, Ashley!!). I missed these happy nights of goofiness.

And I’ll always miss you, Mollymauk.

“FOR MOLLY!”

Goblight lol

“Caduceus Clay, we are your destiny!!” xD Caleb

Oooo some downtime episodes coming! Some time to get to know Cad, that’ll be nice.

THEY EACH HAEV OVER 1000 GOLD

amazing

“Just one 10 hour Critical Role episode, please.” Someday, Liam, someday.

Good episode. Good, good episode.

[throughtheinterstices]

it is time. sof has waited 13 years in azkaban—jk but i have waited and now i am here. lez go.

and now you have to deal with whatever predicament Bokuto Koutaro has seemed to find himself in.

okay HAHAHA, just in the second paragraph and bokuto is in trouble. we seem to be on a good start 😂

“Bokuto-san has had death threats sent to him for months and you’re only now asking me whether you should report this to the police?”

even I WANT TO STRANGLE HIS MANAGER

looking at you with watchful eyes, and almost cowering into his seat.

i am imagining this and melting from his cuteness

“I’m sorry for causing so much trouble.”

whut—bokuto—i—

It doesn’t even occur to Bokuto not to respond to these messages, so he pours in his usual sunshine in a bit to cheer her up, until it just gets too much and she starts sending unhinged messages and well -

awww he was trying to be a good guy 🥺

“It isn’t stupid to be kind”, you state fiercely. “It isn’t stupid to want to help others or reach out to someone you think is in need, and the world is wrong for telling you so. I think the opposite, really. You’re brave for being kind, especially in this day and age when kindness is in short supply. And you can tell anyone who tries to convince you otherwise to go and eat shit.”

i love this. this is similar to the one you wrote in that oikawa bit huhuhuhuhu. kindness. so simple, but so essential. this has to be one of my fave of your lines ever.

You really should head back to the office to clear the work that must have already started piling up by now but your thoughts are very rudely interrupted by a loud rumble that’s almost as loud as the cars speeding by you. Bokuto scratches the back of his head sheepishly, and you try your best to hide your smile.

“Would you like to grab Yakiniku with me? I’m sure you know the best place to recommend.”

It’s well known that Bokuto Koutaro is very much loved by all the Yakiniku joints in the area for proudly proclaiming the virtues of grilled meat on his very active instagram page, and it’s borne out when he nods eagerly and practically drags you to his favourite hole-in-the-wall joint, where the owner knows his order by heart, and the food just keeps coming until you lean back in your seat, completely stuffed as Bokuto makes off with the bill despite your protests.

Your belly is full and you’ve made a new friend. Your first day working for the MSBY Jackals wasn’t  a bad day after all.

this is probably the most wholesome thing ever

But your favourite is still Bokuto. He whirls into your office at least twice a week after training with the air of a good natured tornado, lighting up your dreary desk with a grin that’s full of sunshine, chasing away any gloom with his booming laugh. At first, you chalked his incursions into your territory up as an excuse to check in on how his case is proceeding with the police (things are moving at a glacial pace, but at least no new threats have come in), but now you realize he seems to just want a friend, he just wants someone to talk to. Which is strange, because Bokuto Koutaro is a man with many friends. You’re not quite sure why he bothers with you.

ate nikki! how have you written bokuto so cutely?

“I’m sure you have plenty of friends”, you answer, shrugging on your coat. “Come on, Mr. Popular, let’s go.”

“Ehhh? I guess?” he says, head tilted. “But they’re not you.”

You think he’s just being friendly. You think he’s just being polite.

bokuto, take my heart, please. don't spur out lines from a drama so suddenly.

That’s just what you expect is the most interest anyone would show to you. You’ve spent your whole life navigating first the education, then your professional career, without the time to consider that romance might slip into your life someday.

THIS IS ME. OH MY GOD.

“Cos they might need someone”, he answers.

“Everyone needs someone”, you reply, inelegantly tipping your glass back, falling into a fond smile. “Why you?”

“Why not me?” he says, genuinely confused.

the cuteness—

There’s a lot you want to say to him – like how much you admire him for genuinely being so good that he doesn’t even think twice about it, like how rare he is – a kind soul surrounded by world full of wolves, but you don’t because you’re just little old you, feet firmly on the ground while people like him reach for the sun – nay, while people like him are the sun.

awwww the MC doubts herself 🥺

You probably shouldn’t have asked because he manages to talk you into a yoga class, of all things. At least you don’t have to pay for it (he has a one for one offer, he says) and you’re not alone in a room of strangers. There’s Bokuto (coach said I had to find some ways to calm down), obviously, and Hinata who apparently took up meditation in Brazil, but there’s also Kaiyo, Atsumu’s wife and Ichika, her best friend – and it’s actually fun, especially when they all drag you out after class to an izakaya to unwind.

awww the whole storm chaser gang in one place!

“Oh my god”, Ichika interrupts, slapping her hand over her friend’s mouth. “Not this again – Atsumu, control your wife for gods’ sake –“

omg kaiyo and her matchmaking strikes again!

You suspect they end up kissing in the alley behind because, well, you hear sounds.

👀

okay, i am loving the oblivious to the guy liking the girl thing over here. aaaaaaaa it's just the beginning but i am loving this! and bokuto is portrayed so cutely! aaaaaa 💓

when the sun loves the moon: chapter 1 

chapters: one.~ two.~ three.~ four.~ five.~ six.~ seven.~ eight.~

pairing: bokuto koutaro x f! reader  genre: romance, angst, loads of fluff  wc: 3.1k summary: bokuto loves you. he can’t help but tell the world 

Your first day working for the MSBY Jackals wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

The corridors you run down frantically looking for your new office smell faintly of sweat and salonpas, a world away from the sterile offices you used to work in, and distracting you enough you barrel directly into Meian Shugo, the captain of the team. Then as if it weren’t bad enough that you’ve slammed into a literal brick wall face first, you were dealt with a mountain of files, stacked to the ceiling that your predecessor left for you to wade through, which meant that you missed lunch (the horrors, your stomach shrieks) and now you have to deal with whatever predicament Bokuto Koutaro has seemed to find himself in. 

The guy in question seems nice enough, though he curls in on himself, shoulders bowed, allowing his manager to do most of the talking. The manager in question – well. He reminds you of the scumbags you met in law school, the boys who hide their smirks behind their hands when you make a mistake, talking within your earshot about how the girls in class are going to pad the bell curve, hi-fiving obnoxiously whenever one of them would land some cushy job with a big law firm (jokes on them, most have crashed and burnt out of law completely, while you’re working in their dream job HA) – 

“Wait a minute”, you silence the manager (Ono-san, you think his name was) with an imperious wave of your trusty red pen. “Repeat. Rewind.” The manager looks vaguely offended, but you can’t be bothered, you’re too annoyed by the stench from his sliminess that’s permeating your nostrils. 

“Bokuto-san has had death threats sent to him for months and you’re only now asking me whether you should report this to the police?” 

Keep reading