#fat nude male actor

[glennk56]

Jay Brazeau (2010- 2020s)

Jay Brazeau appeared in Canadian Action Comedy/Drama Gunless in 2010.

Brazeau also appeared in Canadian Comedy Fathers & Sons in 2010, baring his ass in a sex scene.

Jay showed some more skin in another Canadian film, Sex After Kids in 2013.

Also in 2013, Jay appeared in the comedy Jinxed.

For the last 10 years Jay has appeared in 1 or 2 Holiday TV Movies each year.

[spicywomenyouwant]

It was only your second day as a casting director at Swallow Talent Agency when Hallie Greene, an up-and-coming movie star, walked through your door. You had just been given the job to cast for a big new Hollywood blockbuster, and word spreads quick in acting circles apparently.

You greeted the 21-year-old actress and invited her to your office. She was obviously enthusiastic to take on the lead role; one big break like this, and her career would be set. Hallie had spent three years in the supporting cast, steadily gaining an impressive resume of roles, but she had never been given the lead. Nonetheless, the pretty girl’s petite figure, winning smile and one famously shocking nude scene where her character was fucked by a German Shepard dog built a cult-following of horny male fans who would flock to watch anything she appeared in.

Smiling at the erotic memory of watching that scene for the first time, you gave Hallie an excerpt from the script to prepare for a screen test, and left the office to let her rehearse. When you returned, the best surprise you had had for a while was waiting for you. There, sitting on your desk, was one of the most desirable and sexy starlets in Hollywood, naked from the waist up. Her nipples were pierced and hard in the chilly air, her tits perky and cute.

“I want the lead role,” Hallie said, “I really want it.” She pushed out her chest a little more. “I know what it takes to succeed in this industry as a woman, and I’m willing to do whatever you want…”

Little did you know, she was completely serious. Hallie got her start acting in commercials at age 12, and more than once she watched her mother suck a producer’s cock to get her daughter a shot at the big time. When she turned 16, she took mommy’s place on her knees and swallowed her first semen, and she never looked back. Since then, she had sucked and fucked her way into every role she could. She spent hours pleasuring fat, sweaty executives with her mouth and hands, and went on secret weekend getaways (otherwise known as fuckfests, no holes barred) with certain directors to secure her place in their films.

On one such getaway at 19 years old, she was even forced to recreate her infamous German Shepard scene for real with a particularly sadistic casting director, getting dominated by the rutting animal whilst he took humiliating photos for his own personal use.

“What do I have to do for the role?” She asked with a smile. This girl was a good actor. “I can wank you off or suck you here and now, or I could come over to your house tonight so you can help me… rehearse my lines,” she said with a smirking wink, lightly brushing your arm.

“If you want to do anal stuff or cum inside me without protection I want a bonus on top of the role’s salary, but other than that I’m easy.” And with that, she sank to her knees, smiling sweetly. Her mouth was enticing, begging to be filled with your cock, her nipples were pink and her breasts firm. Without a doubt, her pussy would be sweet, tight and satisfyingly wet.

What would you do? Would you take Hallie up on her offer, and if so how? Would you fuck get mouth and make her gag on your cock in the office, shooting a load down her throat? Or would you take her home with you and exploit your position to molest her A-lister pussy for free?

Once you’ve fucked her, would you give her the role? Or would you break your deal and wait for the next desperate, horny young actresses to stroll through your door and repeat the process?

[nysocboy]

The Naked Thugs: Danny McBride thinks we "won't like these dicks." Is that even possible?

Commenting on the frequent male nudity in the first season of The Righteous Gemstones, Edie Patterson said "We're not gay baiting" (using the term wrong), and Danny McBride (Jesse) claimed that gay men "won't like these dicks." 

Nonsense.  All dicks are beautiful. They all draw us toward the power and promise of the male body.  And the rest of these guys ain't bad, either.

They are a group of thugs hired in Episode 1.3 to take down Eli Gemstone by destroying his satellite church, set up in a shopping mall.  He gets the upper hand and humiliates them by forcing them to run naked through the shopping mall.  

1. Casey Hendershot, who has played a variety of mobsters, bouncers, rednecks, serial killers, and miscellaneous miscreants.  He didn't show us his junk, but his physique more than makes up for it.

2. Zach Osterman, a Savannah, Georgia-based actor who appeared on Danny McBride's previous show Vice Principals. He's an avid cosplayer, gamer, comic book fan, ghost-tour guide, and pizza expert.  Some people with his physique get fat-shamed and size-shamed, so it took a very positive self image for him to agree to bare tt all for Gemstones viewers.  

3. Justin Matthew Smith, who has 29 acting credits on the IMDB, plus a special thanks for the short The Runner.  Nothing wrong with his dick.

The Running of the Butts: The guys and some extras are forced to run through the mall nude, as the shoppers all laugh at them.

Why is male nudity assumed humorous for the viewer and humiliating for the subject?  If I saw one of these guys running through the mall, I would not be laughing.

Uncensored dicks and a chubby guy bonus on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[theuncutjuice]

Favorite Genre: Interracial, Granny, CFNM

The perfect adult film has to have Interracial [Black man + White woman] with the woman being older than the male actor like a Cougar [40+] a Mature [50+] and Granny [60+] preferably a Cheating Wife with a diamond wedding ring with a large silver or gold band, if blonde with wavy hair that reaches past the shoulders and piercing blue eyes or deep green eyes with DDD breast and nice round asses, The same goes with brunettes however they can have pixie haircuts. I prefer the older women to also have a double chin and a hunch back, a barely visible neck with wrinkles all over, thick wrists and fat fingers that can barely wrap around a fully erected cock. Both actors have to be well endowed and natural (males at least 8- 12+ inches long and 7+ inches in girth circumcised or uncircumcised doesn’t matter as long as he produces a lot of cum when it’s time to). If women do have implants then large teardrop ones from D cups to K cups. If it’s CFNM the woman must be fully clothed and dress in club wear or look a bit conservative. When it comes to Granny/Gilf porn, I prefer to watch dirty talking larger women BBW/SSBBW with huge breast, arms, belly, legs and ass taking on one or more younger men (gangbangs, bukkake, jousting, blowbangs or double barrel). Favorite Porn stars of all time are Daphne Rosen, Deauxma, Desiree Devine and Sensual Jane.

Definition of favorite genres:

Interracial porn features men and women of different races having hardcore sex. The most common pairing is a black man with a white girl and the black guys are often blessed with enormous cocks.

Granny porn scenes typically feature women over the age of 60. They are characterized by sagging breasts and skin, wrinkles, sexual maturity, and often looser looking pussy lips. Some are gray haired ladies, but that is not overwhelmingly common.

CFNM stands for clothed female nude male and there's often an element of humiliation or embarrassment included, especially when the guy has a small penis that is made fun of. Handjobs from fully dressed girls are the backbone of this porn genre, but it also includes hardcore fucking of ladies in skirts and dresses.

Mature porn stars women in their late 40s and 50s. They're a little bit wrinkled, their tits are often saggy, and their bodies are not nearly as firm as they used to be. The beauty of youth has left them but they still maintain a passion for pleasure that is shared with their sexual partners, most of which are younger.

SSBBW is a super-size big beautiful woman and the acronym is used to refer to only the largest women. They have giant stomachs and thighs, large saggy breasts, and spectacularly massive asses.

Cougars are the more aggressive version of a milf in that they explicitly hunt for cock and great sex, usually from a younger man. They're not shy about their sexual desires or ashamed of them and enjoy sucking dick and taking deep penetrations. Cougar women typically have big breasts and exude class and sophistication.

PAWG is an acronym for phat ass white girls and these videos star Caucasian girls with exceptionally large butts. These confident, curvaceous ladies create solo scenes with booty shaking, unknowingly star in public scenes where their asses are followed and have hardcore sex in amateur and professional contexts.

Brunettes are often thought of as more cerebral sexual creatures that will stop at nothing in pursuit of an orgasm.

Wives star in scenes of all varieties. Amateur couples share their sex lives and the naughty desires of the beautiful wife. Pornstars play wives that behave badly, including incredible hardcore with their husbands and cheating to find satisfaction. Scenes of this nature tap into a common male desire to see married women getting laid and loving it.

Party scenes what is a gathering of people to celebrate turns into a wild group fuck with everyone stripping, sucking, and screwing. They're set in homes, night clubs, dance halls, and more and can range in size from four people to hundreds. These tend to be the largest of group scenes and the loose atmosphere generates more interesting sexual results.

Bachelorette Party women are implicit permission to cut loose and behave as wildly as they desire, which leads to truly wild porn scenes. Otherwise buttoned-up girls throw back a few shots, suck on male stripper cock, and on occasion get fucked by a stranger one last time before committing to one man for the rest of their lives. Real parties are captured in these scenes.

Hentai is traditionally a Japanese art form that uses the anime style of drawing to create pornographic cartoons. Hallmarks include big eyes, colorful hair, big breasts, tiny waists, and exceedingly feminine features.

Dogging is a British term for sex in public and has grown in popularity over the past twenty years. It most often happens in car parks and secluded outdoor spots and is common in the evening where darkness provides a sense of anonymity for the participants. Masturbation, blowjobs, hardcore sex, and cumshots are all part of the dogging culture.

Below is a list of favorite Porn stars and Actresses. [This list will have names added to it consistently]

UNITED STATES A.J. Applegate Alexis Diamonds Alexis Fawx Alexis Golden Alice in Swingland Alina Lopez Alura Jenson Andi James Angela Attison Annabelle Brandy Annette Haven Ashley Evans Asia Ava Lauren Bea Cummins Becky Bandini Bella Bendz Bella Reese Brandi Love Brenda Douglas Brooke Tyler Busty Dusty Candy Samples Carey Riley Carter Cruise Cassie Blanca Chanel Carrera Cherie DeVille Chica’s Place Classy Katia Claudia Marie Coco Austin Corinna Blacke Dalny Marga Dana Hayes Danni Ashe Darla Crane Dayne Vendetta Deauxma Deedra Rae Desirae Spencer Desiree Devine Devone Lee Diamond Foxxx Dylan Rider Eden Dd Erica Campbell Erin Green Eva Notty Faith Leon Georgette Parks Gianna Michaels Ginger Lynn Harley Raines Hayley Jane Holly Body Holly Halston Honey Ray Honey Wilder Janet Mason Jaylene Rio Jeanna Fine Jessica Bangkok Julia Butt Juliet Anderson Jyns Maze Kagney Linn Karter Kailani Kai Kali West Karen Fisher Karen Kougar Karen Summer Karla Lane Katie Kox Kelly Leigh Kelsi Monroe Kendra Grace Kendra Lust Kiara Mia Kimberly Kupps Kitty Foxx Kitty Langdon Krissy Lynn Krissy Rose Lady Lynn Lana Rhoades Larkin Love Leah Lamour Lin Boyde Lisa Lipps Lisa Sparxxx Lotta Topp Maggie Green Mandy Thai Marcy Diamond Margo Sullivan Mariah Milano Marilyn Chambers Melissa Monet Melissa Moore Mellanie Monroe Mia Malkova Mia Melano Monet Staxxx Monica Erotica Naughty Alysha Nicole Aniston Nikki Sixxx Norma Stitz Olive Glass Ona Zee Patty Plenty Payton Hall Peaches LaRue Penny Porshe Penny Sue Persia Monir Rachel Steele Rae Hart Rayveness Rebecca Love Rheina Shine Rita Daniels Ryan Keely Sally D’ Angelo Sandra Otterson (Wifey) Sara Jay Selena Star Shay Fox Sheri Fox Sienna West Skyler Luv Sofia Rose Suzanne McBain Teri Weigel Tia Gunn Tiana Rose Tiffany Cross Trinity Loren Trisha Swallows Vanessa del Rio Vanessa Videl Veronica Avluv Veronica Vain Victoria Secret Violet Myers

UK Annellise Croft Carol Brown Kay Parker Kimmy Haze Lacey Starr Lady Sonia Lara Latex Leanna Crow Leyla Morgan Lolly Badcock Rebecca Moore Samantha Sanders Sophie Dee

HUNGARY Cathy Heaven Deborah Wells Laura Orsolya Margo T. Michelle Wild Monica Cameron Monica Roccaforte Veronica Sinclair Wonder Tracy

CZECH REPUBLIC Angel Wicky Busty Reny Krystal Swift Lucie Wilde Lucy Li Milena Velba Stella Fox Terry Nova

JAPAN Hana Uehara

GERMANY Angelica J. Karin Schubert Kira Red Nadine Jansen Oma Vera Valerie De Winter

CANADA Capri Cavanni Carrie Moon Kianna Dior Shyla Stylez

SPAIN Bridgette B Montse Swinger

FRANCE Ava Addams Natasha Nice Sharon Lee Sophie Lorraine

BRAZIL Bia Costa Cleo Cadillac Darlene Amaro Sabrina Santos Sybil Stallone

COLOMBIA Monique Fuentes

ITALY Veronica Rossi

POLAND Abbi Secraa Sexy Susi

AUSTRALIA Angela White Mesha Lynn Mia Magnusson Savannah Bond

ROMANIA Sensual Jane

SWEDEN Anna-Kena Svensson

SLOVAK REPUBLIC Chloe Lamour Diana Doll

MEXICO Kitten Natividad

VENEZUELA Rose Monroe

THAILAND Kim Anh

CUBA Julianna Vega

PUERTO RICO Becca Diamond

BELGIUM Babette Blue

KOREA Minka

CHINA Jade Feng

ISRAEL Daphne Rosen

CHILE Tara Holiday

MOROCCO Dalilia

CELEBRITIES Adriana Falcon Adriana Lima Adrienne Barbeau Agot Isidro Alexandra Daddario Alexis Bellino Alexis Knapp Alison Doody Alison Hammond Alison King Allyn Ann McLerie Alyssa Farah Amanda Lamb Amanda Peet Amy Pietz Amy Walsh Amzie Strickland Andrea Bræin Hovig Andrea McLean Andrea Sawatzki Angela Lansbury Angela Lansbury Angela Visser Anita Gillette Anjelica Huston Ann B. Davis Ann Gillespie Anna Beletzki Anna Bey Anna Chancellor Anna Chlumsky Anna Kaiser Anna Popek Anna Simon AnnaLynne McCord Anne Diamond Anne Haddy Annechien Steenhuizen Annie Potts Anri Sugihara Antonella Clerici Antonella Elia Antonia Thomas Ariana Madix Ariel Hoffman Ashley Jensen Ashley Leggat Audine Leith Ava Jules Bar Refaeli Barbara Alyn Woods Barbara Bouchet Barbara Crampton Barbara D'Urso Barbara Rush Barbara Stanwyck Barbara Thorn Bea Arthur Beata Tyszkiewicz Belinda 'Love' Rygier Belinda McClory Betty Grable Beverley Callard Birgitte Federspiel Bo Derek Bonnie Root Brandi Passante Braunwyn Windham-Burke Brenda Blethyn Brenda Strong Bridget Everett Brie Larson Briga Heelan Brigitte Nielsen Brigitte Poupart Brittney Palmer Brittney Powell Caitlin Burles Cameron Diaz Candice Bergen Caren Kaye Carla Bonner Carla Hidalgo Carla Peterson Carol McGiffin Carole Malone Carolina Ferré Caroline Tensen Carolyn Mackenzie Carrie Coon Cassie Crotzer Cate Blanchett Catherine Hicks Catherine Tate Catherine Zeta-Jones Cecilia Gessa Cecilia Roth Celeste Holm Celia Imrie Charity Holloway Charlie Theron Charlotte Arnold Charlotte Gainsbourg Charlotte Rampling Charlotte Ross Chelsea Ambriz Chelsea Ambriz Cherry Pie Picache Cheryl Bricker Cheryl Hines Chloe Sevigny Christian Serratos Christiane Krüger Christina Hendricks Christine Lakin Christine Taylor Christy Kern Christy Kern Claire Benito Claire Forlani Claire Richards Claire Sweeney Claudia Ferri Claudia Koll Cobie Smulders Coleen Nolan Connie Nielsen Connie Sawyer Constance Wu Courtney Henggeler Cristina Bianchino Cristina Blackwell Cynthia Bailey Cynthia Sikes Daisy Ridley Dana Delany Dana Delany Dana McLoughlin Dana Min Goodman Danica Patrick Daniela Blume Danielle Bisutti Darcy Shean Deborah Kerr Deborah Unger Dee Sadler Demi Moore Denise Van Outen Diane Klimaszewski Diane Ladd Diane Lane Donna Dixon Dorothée Doutzen Kroes Dr Pam Spurr Dr. Dana Brems Dylan Tays Echo Yue Edwina Currie Elaine Klimaszewski Eleonora Pedron Elisabeth Bost Elisabeth Shue Elisabetta Cavallotti Elizabeth Debicki Elizabeth Scherer Elizabeth Tan Ella Leyers Ellen Burstyn Emilia Clarke Emilie Ullerup Emily Mcleod Emily Osment Emily Rutherfurd Emily Symons Emma Atkins Emma Willis Emmanuelle Devos Emmanuelle Seigner Estelle Parsons Estelle Winwood Esther Williams Eva Amurri Evy Gruyaert Ewa Skibińska Fabiana Britto Fala ChenLena Olin Federica Tommasi Fern Fitzgerald Fiona Gubelmann Francia Raisa Frankie Bridge Frankie Pain Gal Gadot Garima Jain Gayla Neufeld Gaynor Faye Gemma Arterton Gemma Atkinson Geraldine James Gillian Anderson Gina Carano Gina Torres Gloria Hunniford Grace Kelly Grażyna Szapołowska Greta Lee Gretchen Helbig Gretchen Rossi Hallie Jackson Hallie Todd Hannah Palmer Harnaaz Sandhu Hayley Atwell Hazel Douglas Heather Graham Heather Haase Heather Paige Cohn Helen McCrory Hilary Duff Hilary Rhoda Hilde Van Mieghem Hồ Quỳnh Hương Inga Swenson Irena Pavlásková Irène Jacob Isabel García Lorca Jacki Weaver Jackie Brambles Jackie Siegel Jade Fonda Jami Gertz Jane Alexander Jane McDonald Janet Street-Porter January Jones Jaroslava Pecharová Jean Louise O'Sullivan Jeanne Cooper Jeannie Mai Jena Sims Jennie Bond Jennifer Aspen Jennifer Jason Leigh Jennifer Knable Jennifer Lopez Jennifer Morrison Jennifer Saunders Jennifer Valentyne Jenny Doan Jenny Powell Jenny Seagrove Jessica Hecht Jessica Lowndes Jessica Serfaty Jessica Szohr Joan Hickson Joan Rivers Joanna Kerns Joanna Krupa Joanna Lumley Jodi Lyn O'Keefe Jovita Moore Judi Dench Judi Dench Julia Louis-Dreyfus Julia Sweeney Julianna Margulies Julie Chin Julie Etchingham Julieta Díaz June Squibb June Whitfield Kaitlyn Bristowe Kamalika Chanda Kang Mal-geum Karen Grassle Karla Souza Karren Brady Kate Beckinsale Kate Bolduan Kate Higgins Kate Thornton Kate Winslet Katelyn Ohashi Katherine Kelly Lang Katherine Norland Katherine Norland Katherine Webb Katheryn Winnick Kathleen Chalfant Kathleen Harrison Kathleen McClellan Kathy Lamkin Katie McGrath Katie Piper Katy Perry Kavita Radheshyam Kaye Adams Kelly Berning Kelly LeBrock Kelly Macdonald Kelly McGillis Kenisha Awasthi Kerry Katona Kim Iversen Kim Novak Kim Rhodes Kim Smith (model) Kim Zolciak Kirsten Dunst Kristin Cavallari Krystal Ball Kylie Jenner Kym Marsh Lacey Hodder Lady Annabel Goldsmith Laia Marull Lariss Hofmann Laura Dern Laura Harring Laurel Coppock Lauren Bacall Lauren Blanchard Lauren Graham Laurie Metcalf Lea Michele Lee Meredith Leigh French Leigh Zimmerman Lena Headey Leontine Ruiters Lesley Garrett Leslie Bevis Lien Van de Kelder Liliana Komorowska Linda de Mol Linda Fiorentino Linda Lusardi Linda Robson Lindsay Hollister Lisa Ann Walter Lisa Arning Mayer Lisa Cloud Lisa Maxwell Lisa Robin Kelly Lisa Whelchel Liz Fraser Lolo Jones Lonneke Engel Louisa Clein Louise Portal Luci Pinder Lucie Jones Lucy Alexander Lyndsy Fonseca Maggie O'Neill Maggie Q Mair Mulroney Maitê Proença Makaila Nichols Manami Hashimoto Margaret Rutherford Margot Robbie María Fernanda Callejón Maria Furtwängler Marianne Adams Marianne Howanitz Marie Saavedra Marika Prochazkova Marina Ovsyannikova Marina Shiraishi Marina Sirtis Marla Sokoloff Martha Raye Martha Stewart Martha Sugalski Martina Gedeck Mary Bruce Mary Linda Rapelye Mary Orsini Maura Tierney Megan Boone Megan Fox Megan Gallagher Megan Park Melanie Griffith Melissa Rivers Mercedes Stephenson Merritt Patterson Michelle Hardwick Michelle Hunziker Michelle Kim Mikie Hara Milana Vayntrub Minka Kelly Miranda Cosgrove Molly Reed Monica Bellucci Morgan Brennan Nadege Dabrowski Nadia Sawalha Nan Martin Nancy Carroll Nancy Walker Naomi Wolf Natalia Estrada Natalie Ann Jamieson Natasha Curry Natasha Curry Natasha Herbert Natasha Richardson Nathalie Meskens Nedra Volz Nichelle Medina Nicky Whelan Nicola Wheeler Niece Waidhofer Nina Totenberg Noël Thurman Norma Varden Olesya Sudzilovskaya Paola Turbay Paola Volpato Patricia Betancort Patricia Garwood Patti Ann Browne Patti Austin Pattie Coldwell Paula Campbell Paula Tilbrook Pavla Hodková Paz Vega Peggy Glenn Penny Lancaster Piper Laurie Polly Holliday Polly Holliday Priscilla Allen Rachael Taylor Rachel Buschert Vaziralli Rachel Hunter Rachel Kim Rachel Reynolds Rebecca Luker Rebecca Ryan Regine Velasquez Renee Simonsen Rianne ten Haken Rita Moreno Rita Volk Rose Byrne Ruth Williamson Ruth Wilson Sabine Hagedoren Sadie Stanley Saira Khan Sally Lindsay Salma Hayek Sam Aotaki Samantha Ferris Samantha Giles Samantha Womack Sandrine Quétier Sara Cosmi Sara Saudkova Sarah Beeny Scarlett Johansson Selina Scott Serene Branson Sharon Gless Shelley Fabares Sheree Murphy Sherilyn Fenn Sherrie Hewson Shevonne Sullivan Shirley Eaton Shirley Jones Sigourney Weaver Simona Ventura Siobhan Fallon Hogan Sophia Bush Sophia Choi Sophie Davant Stacey Solomon Stefany Hohnjec Stephanie March Summer Phoenix Susan Bayh Susan Sarandon Susan Stroman Suzanne Shaw Sydney Penny Sylvie Meis Tachia Newall Tamra Judge Tamzin Outhwaite Tania Baron Tania Baron Tania Raymonde Terri Dwyer Thekla Reuten Tia Carrere Tina Fey Tracey Gold Tyne Daly Ursula Buschhorn Vahbbiz Dorabjee Valerie Bertinelli Vanessa Evigan Veerle Baetens Vendela Kirsebom Vera Holtz Veronica Ferres Vicki Lewis Victoria Smurfit Victoria Tsyganova Vika Tsyganova Vilma Cibulková Virginia Welch Vivean Gray Vivi Winkler Wendy Van Wanten Yola Berrocal Yolanthe Caba Youn Yuh-jung Zara Tindall Zoe Bell Zoey Dutch Zuzana Vejvodová

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS

CARTOON NETWORK Deb Turnbull Dexter’s Mom Muriel Bagge Sally McKnight Super Girl Wilma Flinstone Wonder Woman  

NICKELODEON Asami Sato Britney Britney Charlotte Pickles Geraldine Waxelplax Judy Neutron Maddie Fenton Mrs. Turner

DISNEY Belle Cinderella Esmeralda Gothel Jane Porter Jasmine Lady Tremaine Megara Nani Pelekai Princess Eilonwy Tinker Bell

DRAGON BALL/Z Andriod 18 Bulma (Buu Saga Especially) Chi-Chi Launch Videl

NARUTO/SHIPPUDEN Anko Mitarashi Hinata Hyuga Ino Yamanaka Kushina Uzamaki Mabui Mei Terumi Tsunade

POKEMON Jessie Officer Jenny

BLEACH Kirio Hikifune Kūkaku Shiba Orihime Inoue Rangiku Matsumoto Yoshino Soma

ONE PIECE Boa Hancock Gerd Gion Hiramera Makino Nami Nico Robin

PIXAR Chel Colette Tatou Elastigirl Gladys Sharp Ms. Grunion Queen Lillian Pendragon Sleeping Beauty Snow White Susan Murphy Vanessa Bloom

TEKKEN Angel Anna Williams Christie Monteiro Eliza Katarina Alves Kazumi Mishima Lidia Sobieska Ling Xiaoyu Nina Williams

THE KING OF FIGHTERS Alice Nakata Angelica B. Jenet Baiken Chizuru Kagura Diana Mai Shiranui Mature

STREET FIGHTER Blair Dame Bloody Hokuto C. Viper Cammy White Chun-Li Decapre Eliza Masters Falke Laura Matsuda Rainbow Mika Tiffany Lords

DRAGON AGE Anora Therin Bethany Hawke Cassandra Pentaghast Elenour Cousland Isabela Josephine Montilyet Leliana Marian Hawke Morrigan

HENTAI Izayoi Seishin Milk Junkies Oda Non Sugi G

[freebooter4ever]

i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me. 

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

Are you currently wearing anything red?

my red nail polish

Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today?

nope

What would you say is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted?

not a fan of christmas pudding but would I say its the most disgusting thing ever? hmmm probs not maybe I need to try more foods and get back to you

What was the last food you got a random craving for?

toast, but that is a daily occurrence

Has anyone/anything made you angry recently?

yes.... I arranged to stay with my friend for a weekend to which she announces that she has also arranged for another one of her friends to stay. So instead of telling her friend that she’s busy, this friend is gonna crash and it made me angry because I wanted to spend the weekend with her, I don’t mind meeting her friends but now they’re gonna be there 24/7. I made my peace with it now

Who did you last go to the cinema with?

probs the same friend mentioned above haha

What was the last song that got stuck in your head?

Little Big Town - Better Man

When was the last time you listened to it?

the other day

Who was the last person to say something thought-provoking?

my friend questioned our group if we think we’re fat phobic so we had an open discussion about it and it got us thinking

On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day?

who knows

How old were they?

probs 22 or 23

What did you/are you having for dinner tonight?

I had steak, yum

Is your best friend in a relationship?

I have a few close friends, some are dating and some aren’t, tis a mixture

How old were you 5 years ago?

17

What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at?

dancing, hehe

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’?

probs Cara :)

What colour are that person’s eyes?

brown

Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating.

CUCUMBER FOREVER

What is your favourite Studio Ghibli film?

hmm haven’t seen many Studio Ghibli films but Howl’s Moving Castle was a rollercoaster, note to self: watch more Studio Ghibli creations

Do you have a favourite hair accessory? What does it look like?

yes and no, I love using sunglasses or normal glasses to push my hair back so its both a hair accessory and isn’t

What’s your favourite type of insect?

one that leaves me alone

What’s your LEAST favourite type of insect?

slugs

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?

Laura!

What’s his/her favourite food?

I do not know haha

Did you have a good day yesterday? What did you do?

hmmm it was a stressful day, my dad and brother were driving up to join us for my grandad’s 90th over the weekend but they broke down on the M1 and took the car back to home in a lorry. mum was stressed and I was sad that we wouldn’t have use of our car to travel back in 

When was the last time you went to a fancy dress party?

have I ever? maybe when I was like 10

Who/what did you dress as?

witch?

What genre was the last film you watched? Did you like it?

FANTASY - I re watched Narnia Prince Caspian and oh wow 

Have you made a sandwich today? What did you put on it?

nope I had a salad

Do you remember the last time you overheard part of a random conversation?

nope, I do like to eavesdrop but can never remember what I hear

Did it make you feel awkward?

nah, I doubt it

What were you doing at 10 o'clock this morning?

showering

How many vowels are there in your first name?

3

What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you?

Taylor Swift - right where you left me. It reminds me of my last relationship and it’s literally just ONE moment it reminds me of because the song is about the narrator being left at the restaurant and I can just vividly see the moment when my partner and I went for korean bbq. He didn’t leave me at the restaurant and I don’t know why the song would remind me of that moment besides it being at a restaurant. Crazy how taylor works her magic

What flavour was the last cupcake you ate?

tomorrow evening I’ll be able to tell you because we have cupcakes for my Grandad’s 90th :)

When was the last time you complimented a stranger?

in a pandemic? pfffttt hardly spoken to anyone let alone a stranger

What’s your favourite milkshake flavour?

nutella and oreo

Have you had an interesting or amusing dream recently?

nope they’re all stressful and weird

Do you know how old your favourite actor is?

27

Is there anything worrying you right now?

yes

If so, have you talked to anyone about it?

I want to but I just can’t bring myself to

Is there anything you desperately want, that you can’t have?

bread

When will you next see your best friend?

a couple weeks time but we keep in touch every day

Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight?

read

What’s the age difference between your parents?

5 years

You can only have one flavour of ice-cream for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?

chocolate always

Are there any foods you’ve been craving, or eating a lot of, just recently?

I always crave yoghurt so situation normal there

When was the last time you wanted to do something, but didn’t do it?

I wanted to drive my dad and brother back from the station

Why did you choose not to do it?

I knew it would cause a fight with my mum so I let it go

When was the last time you ate an apple?

within the last week for sure

What’s the nicest thing your best friend has ever said to you?

it’s not something they say once it’s more that they keep coming back to say more nice things :)

Have you ever experienced a hangover?

yep

What was the last food or drink that you tried for the first time?

blood orange gin

Did you like it?

yes

What do your friends think of the person you’re currently interested in?

I’m not interested in anyone rn

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ’S’

sausage!!!!

The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do?

waited for my parents in the car whilst our parents went food shopping

Who was the last blue-eyed person you spoke to?

padre

Is there a person you’d like to speak to right now?

I hope to get a response from Rena soon but I can wait

Why that person, specifically?

She has organised a party and I need more details haha

When you woke up this morning, what was on your mind?

It is spider season :/

At this moment, what are you most looking forward to?

CAKE (for my grandad’s 90th bday) and ofc seeing the extended family

Do you have any scented candles in your home? What scent(s)?

I do, sea salt, bergamot & another one from & other stories

Are you planning any special outings with family or friends?

YES my grandad’s bday dinner is tomorrow

Who were the last 3 males you talked to?

my padra, mon frere and Yao

Do you ever wear lipstick? What colour(s) do you prefer?

either nudes or deep reds, difficult to not look like a clown in the latter, that is always the fear

If you have a pet, when did you last pet him/her?

I don’t :(

Do you have a favourite Celine Dion song?

nope

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ‘C’

chicken!

Does the person you love/like have a car? What colour is it?

I’m sure Timothee Chalamet does not sure what colour

Have you ever received a compliment on anything you’re wearing?

yes

Have you had any caffeinated beverages today?

nope

What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time?

blood orange gin 

Did you like it?

yes

Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind?

so much

The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you?

older

When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused?

mum wanted me to not have so much smoothie but I wanted the smoothie haha

What’s your favourite feature of the person you’re currently interested in?

nobody right now but I always notice a nice smile and kind eyes

How many people have you hugged today?

loads! twas my grandad’s 90th bday - we had the whole family come to celebrate

Do you have a favourite hair colour or eye colour on your preferred sex?

I don’t

Do you remember the first CD you ever bought?

it was probably taylor swift’s 1989 album. If it was the first CD I ever bought I dont know but I sure remember buying multiple copies of 1989 to get the polaroid collection

Is there anyone on your mind atm?

not in particular

The last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone?

nope

Is your birth year an odd or even number?

odd

Have you eaten any of your favourite foods today?

CAKE!

What did you have for lunch yesterday?

fish finger salad!! I hope I’m never too old for fish fingers

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged?

Laura

How many different towns/cities have you lived in?

4

What are your parents’ middle names?

Steven & Anne

Are your eyes the same colour as your sibling’s?

nope

How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?

I don’t have any! we used to have bunnies and I would love some more again

Do you prefer still or sparkling drinks?

depends on the mood

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?

Little Big Town’s Better Man is on repeat rn

Did you have a strange or interesting dream last night?

nope

Which friend do you confide in most?

I kinda tell the world my problems hehe

Who was the first male you talked to today? What colour are his eyes?

either my dad or brother, dad has blue eyes, brother has brown

Are you wearing any accessories in your hair? Describe them.

nope

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong?

I caught this WEIRD bug that would just make me feel awful all of a sudden and then drained my energy. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt it made me miss the normal cold

If given the chance, would you change anything that’s happened today?

the food came later than expected so I would change how much breakfast I had

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person?

nope

Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you?

It fits my name

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift?

nope

Have you received any compliments about your appearance today?

yes! my auntie said I looked like a doll and how much I’ve grown since we last saw each other!

Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?

nope

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you text messaged?

probably

What colour is your shampoo bottle?

pink

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged?

she is wonderful but I am not attracted to her in that way haha

Do you have any ice-cream in your freezer? What flavour is it?

chocolate & raspberry 

Have you spoken to any of your neighbours today?

nope

[ladywinterwitch]

Dead Girl Walking

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Actress! Reader  (Teather AU)

Summary: The reader is the sobstitute in a off-Broadway production for the Musical Heathers. The female lead can’t do the show, so she gets called in her place where she’ll met the male lead, a charming blue eyed man.

Warnings: musicals, cursing, mentions of smut, mentions of drugs, making out, Seb’s a little minx, other people from the Marvel cast are in here.

Word Count: 5007 (long AF)

A/n: Okay so the idea obviously came to me when I was listening to the song Dead girl walking from the off-bway musical Heathers. It’s my favorite song from the musical and where I find it really enjoyable and funny to listen to, it made me wonder how two actors would be dealing with the performace which is A LOT. I recommend you to see this video if you want to understand better how the dynamic works and to listen to the song.

The songs mentioned in order are Beautiful, Candy Store, Freeze Your Brain, Big Fun, Dead Girl Walking and Seventeen (reprise) 

ps: Yes, that’s an actual gif from the show

                                                (gif not mine)

It was a normal day, calm, average. You woke up, read a few times a script for a new audition, went out for lunch with your best friend, came home and started to read some pages of your last purchase, Stephen King’s Gerald’s game.

Now you were chilling on your sofa, with your cat sleeping near your feet, when suddenly the cellphone rang, scaring the shit out of you.

You jumped a little scaring off your pet which ran away. You sighed and streched to reach your phone on glass coffe table in front of you. The number was unknown, but you answer anyway.

-Hello?- 

-Y/n? Thank God, that’s the right number.- You recognized the voice of the director of the theatrical show you auditioned for, Heathers. Unfortunately you didn’t get the part, but you were called back to be a reserve for the main role.

-Theresa? Is everything all right?- you asked, sitting straight and putting your legs down the sofa, two of your fingers used as bookmark.

-Yeah it’s just, you got anything planned tonight? Or, well, right now?- the woman asked a little nervous. You could hear noise in the background.

-No, no. Absolutley nothing, uhm, why?- you basically jumped up.

-Perfect. Then we’ll wait for you at the theatre in like, ten minutes, yeah? See you.- Before you could ask anything else, she hang up. 

-Fuck.- you cursed loudly, literally throwing the book on the table and running to your bedroom. How the hell were you supposed to be ready and get there in ten minutes, when you were in your pajamas, had messy hair and didn’t have a bit of make up on? 

You think quickly and take from the wardrobe a military green dress and a pair of heel boots. Comfortable and quick, but still presentable. Then you rushed to the bathroom, brushed your theeth and your hair to make them look at least deacent. You decided to stuff into your bag you mascara and a dusty pink nude lipstick and you went to your car. You had already put on the musical’s playlist, listening to it while you drove there, just in case.

-

You arrived some minutes later, parked the car in a miracolously free spot and went inside. You entered the stage room and saw that the cast was rehearsing the song “big fun”. Theresa, which was at her director spot under the stage, turned around and when she saw you she motioned for you to come closer. You did, while the others continued to perform.

-I’m sorry, I’m a little late.- you apologized keeping your voice low. She shook her head.

-Don’t worry, our JD hasn’t arrived either.- she said with an hint of irritation, referring to the leading male part. She sighed recomposing herself.

-You can already imagine why I’ve called you, but still. Our actress for Veronica just broke her ankle, so she won’t be able to perform for a while. Are you still available? Tell me right away because you either would have to jump right on the stage and reharse all day until tonight or I’ll have to call reserve number three, which to be honest I wouldn’t be really thrilled to do.- she askedlike someone who definetly didn’t have time to lose.

You were in seventh heaven. You wanted that part so bad. You didn’t have a long resumee yet, and a show so popular like Heathers would’ve opened many doors to you as well as helping to make yourself know to the public. For a moment you didn’t even realized what she had just said. She gave you a side eye and you suddenly came back to your senses.

-Yes!- you said a little too loud, gaining a few eyes from the crew in the pit, but not from the cast on stage who were still singing. You calmed down a bit, before widening your eyes.

-Wait, you said tonight?- Theresa checked her phone while answering with a ‘yes’. You felt stupid for forgetting that.

-Tonight’s the premiere, honey. C'mon now, get on the stage, you have to rehearse and meet the cast.- you did as you were told, going up the stage. The guys were dressed with their own clothes and a man was on the piano. They were just singing and not doing the whole thing, which worried you a little, despite the fact that you knew all the choreographies and lyrics thanks to the rehearsals you did with the ‘backup’ cast. So you didn’t knew anyone from the actual one.

-Guys, we have our Veronica.- you head a few ‘thanks God’ and sighs of relief. 

-Five minutes break then we resume.- she clasped her hands going off the stage to make a call. A little group of people came to you. There were two blonde, fair skinned girls and one with dark curly hair and dark skin.

-Hey, I’m Scarlett, I play Heather Chandler. Those are Elizabeth and Tessa, and they play Heather McNamara and Heather Duke. Nice to meet you..?- she efficiently introduced herself and the other two girls with enthusiasm. You smiled at them, waving slightly.

-Y/n. And well, you already know I’ll be Veronica Sawyer.- you chuckle a little and they smiled. Then two guys joined you introducing themselves as Chris and Anthony, which respectively play Kurt and Ram, the two stereotypical frat boy douchebags. But they were all but that, instead they were both quite attractive and funny, and nice above all.

Then Hayley, a nice british girl, introduced herself too and said she was going to play Martha. You honestly could’ve never pictured her as a stereotyped loser with a few extra punds like the character. She was too pretty and definetly not fat. She had curves and she was stunning. But you knew that the voice was the main requirement to be choosed in this type of castings so you imagined that that was the reason they choosed her. Also, the make up would’ve done the rest.

The director interrupeted your conversation saying that it was time to resume the reharsals, so you all got in position, this time adding the dancing to the singing.

-

You started with the song “beautiful”, then the Heathers trio sang “candy store” and so on, until you got to your personal favorite, “Dead girl walking”. It had gone all pretty smoothly, the director intervening a few times to give advices and correct something.

-Okay y/n, you’re on your own now, I’ll sing for JD. Start at the note.- the piano man said and you nodded, clearing your throat slightly to prepare yourself. He started to play and on the right timing you began to sing, standing next to him since your partner wasn’t there to perform and doing it on your own would’ve been kinda awkward.

You performed beautifully and at the end the crew even clapped. You knew that was one of the hardest songs, so you felt a pinch of pride at their reaction.You blushed a smiled grateful.

-I see you found my new partner in crime.- you heard a deep, amused, voice coming from behind you. You and the rest of the cast turned around. A guy was standing on the door jamb with a smirk. He was tall, had brown hair, a little long just under his ears, and they were pulled back. He was probably the most attractive guy you’ve ever seen.

-What an honor for you to join us mortals. And you guessed right, Sebastian. Y/n will be your Veronica. Probably for the rest of the plays.- Theresa said shocking you. Your head snapped towards her which was looking at you with a grin. You smiled widely, a hand covering your mouth from the surprise.

-What about the other girl?- you asked walking to her. She shrugged.

-We don’t know when she will be able to walk and dance again, plus, your talent is pretty much the same. Only you’re nicer.- she confessed, you shook your head a bit in disbelief and gave her a hug.

-Thankyou, that’s an honor.- you thanked her sincerely. She nodded and tilted her head to the side.

-Don’t thank me, thank your preparation. Now go meet your partner. He’s a bit presumptuos, but he’s good deep inside.- 

You left her with the some other cast member and got closer to the group that surrounded Sebastian. Chris saw you coming and smiled.

-Hey y/n, congrats. We’re happy you’re going to stay with us.- you laugh a bit.

-Thankyou Chris, I still don’t realize it.- 

-Aw c’mon, you deserve it. In any case, we’ll leave you talk, from Veronica to JD.- Tessa held your arm for a second before going away with the rest of the people.

At that point you were left alone with Sebastian. You felt a bit intimidated for some reason. You didn’t know if was for his confident behaviour or the amused look that he was giving you.

-Well, hello there.- he clearly checked you out, keeping his smirk. You understood that he didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, it was just his way to be friendly.

-Hi.- you said a bit embarassed. 

-I would say congratulations, but it would be probably the tenth time, so I’ll just settle with nice to meet you.- he offered his hand and you shook it a few times, a lopsided smile on your lips.

-Likewise.- he didn’t take his eyes off of you. Before you could talk again, one of the producers spoke to everyone.

-All right folks, it’s time to get ready. The people will arrive in two hours and the stage must be prepared. To the changing rooms.- Your eyes widened and your heart started to race.

-Hey now, don’t panic. You were amazing earlier. Just take a deep breath. It’s time to get ready. It’s going to be alright.- he spoke in a reassuring tone that made you automathically smile a little. He started to walk away, then turned back for a split second.

-Well, actually maybe a few drops of alchol would help, just in case.- you laughed and he winked at you.

-

You shared the room with the four girls. It was a bit chaotic, but everyone did their thing professionally and without losing time. After a good forty-five minutes of make up, which was included: foundation, mascara, eyeliner, blush, and a pale cherry lipstick. The red lipstick was actually a tint, because you would have to kiss a lot and certainly there wouldn’t have been time to clean the mess and re-apply it over and over.

 The rest of the time was left for the hair to get done. First they tied up your hair with a few bobby pins, then applied a bald cap fixing it, and last but not least, they slipped on a raven black, shoulder lenght wig on your head. The hairstylist started to curl the black locks in loose curls at the tips. In the mean time the make up artist gave the last touches to the make up and then applied the tiny mic at the top of your forehead. applying some foundation to try to blend it better with your skin tone. 

During all the process you talked and had fun with the girls. You found out that Scarlett was dating Chris, that Tessa was excited because her new girlfriend would’ve been here to see her perform, that Hayley was originally from London but came to New York because her dream was to be on Broadway and that Lizzie was from a family of actors but that she was the only one who sang.

When the hairstylist had finished curling and styling the wig, she applied a blue hairband with a very simple knot on the right side.

Lastly, it was time to get dressed. You thanked God when you finally stood up from the make up chair, you couldn’t take to be seated anymore. The costume designer took yout plastic covered costume from the trolley hanger and uncovered it. 

-Tak off the robe, please.- the lady asked you nicely.

-Sure.- you responded right away taking it off. She passed to you a blue lacy bra and you rose an eyebrow. She shrugged.

-You know, that scene.- she responded, and you understood right away. She covered you with a jacket and you took off your current bra putting on the blue one. It was a bit tight, but it wasn’t uncomfortable thankfully. Then she helped you put on the rest of the costume which consisted in a plain white shirt, an electric blue elegant jacket, a light grey pleated mini skirt which barely arrived at your mid-thigh, a pair of white parisian stockings that reached just above your knees, and last but not least a pair of black heels. Not too high, thankfully.

You heard a whistle and turned your head. The girls were all ready except for Hayley which was still getting her, probably fifth, layer of clothes fixed. Scarlett wore red, Tessa green and Lizzie yellow, as their characters. They looked stunning.

-Look who’s gonna kick all asses tonight.- Tessa said. You all laughed. The costume designer helped you fit into a loose wool pullover with some ygly designs on it, then a scarf and an equally loose pair of brown sweatpants above your current costume. You started to feel a bit hot, but your told yourself that it was just for a few minutes of the first song.

-You don’t look bad yourself.- you talked back. Then there was a knock on the door.

-Girls, it’s time. Y/n on stage in ten.- a member of the crew opened the door and then quickly went away.

You breathed in and out to calm yourself down while you and the girls went to the backstage.

-So, all here? Good, good. So, just a few words.- Theresa spoke and you felt a hand on the small of your back. You tought that it was one of the girls, but you couldn’t be more wrong. You looked at your side, and got face to face with an incredibly sharp jawline. You turned back to look at Theresa, not wanting to embarass yourself, even if Sebastian’s touch was making you freak out a little.

-We worked very hard to get at this point. So behave and don’t screw up, kids. Love you all! And break a leg!-

A few seconds later you and the cast got called for the first song, 'beautiful’.

-See you later.- a shiver ran down your spine when he whispered in your ear. You looked at him. He had his hair back, just like before. He was now wearing combat boots, black jeans, a black t-shirt and a black long coat. And a smirk was painted on his face. The perfect Jason Dean.

You hated yourself for letting him have this effect on you, so you got your shit together and smiled seductively, gazing him straight in the eyes.

-Later, bad boy.- you teased referring to his role. had just a flash of his amused expression before walking away. You got on stage and began to sing.

- September 1st 1989. Dear diary…-  at first you were alone on stage, then some extras joined you, then Ram got introduced.

Anthony wore a pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt, nikies and a red and white bomber jacket with a big W on the left side. He hit the prop lunch tray you were holding with a fakely innocent ‘oops’.

-Ram Sweeney, third year as linebacker. And 8th year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick.- you talked to the audience as planned with an annoyed tone.

-What did you say to me, skank?- he got closer, menacing. You jumped a bit and put on a scared face.

-Aagh! Nothing.- you responded quickly. You sang a few words of the chorus and then Hayley got on stage. She was almost make up-less and with some baggy and pastel colour clothes, glasses and and ugly liliac t-shirt with an unicorn at the front which could’ve easily made anyone at least two sizes bigger. She was almost unrecognizable.

-Martha Dunstock. My best friend since diapers.- you talked again to the audience, then to Hayley. 

-We on for movie night?- she replaced her british accent with the american one and pitched her voice a bit.

-Yeah! You’re on Jiffy Pop detail.- 

-I rented the princess bride.- she responded timidly. You laughed slightly raising your eyebrows.

-Ooh! Again? Wait, don’t you have it memorized by now?- you cross your arms against your chest, listening.

-What can I say, I’m a sucker for a happy ending.- she answered sadly. Then Chris came running from the right part of the backstage, and smacked Hayley’s prop lunch tray just like Anthony, and like him he was dressed with the same pants, shoes and bomber jacket except for his shirt that was grey. 

-Martha Dumptruck! Wide load, aah!- he screamed mockingly.

- Kurt Kelly, quarterback. He is the smartest guy on the football team, which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf.- you addressed the audience again, gaining a chuckle. Then you returned to spoke to Chris.

-Hey! Pick that up! Right now.- you ordered loudly. 

-I’m sorry, are you actually talking to me?- lucky enough that you knew that he wasn’t a real douche, because at this point you would’ve already slapped him. You noted to make Chris compliments later.

-Yes, I am. I want to know what gives you the right to pick on my friend. You’re a high school has-been waiting to happen, a future gas station attendant.- you said with the most insulting tone you could master. He furruwed his brows and narrowed his eyes a bit, looking down at you. 

-You have a zit right there.- he states. All the extras laugh out loud and you all resume to sing. 

Then after a brief instrumental pause everyone but you start to chant softly the name ‘Heather’. Scarlett, Tessa and Lizzie walk slowly on stage, almost in slow motion.

-And then there’s the Heathers. They float above it all.- you start to talk to the public as a narrator while you introduce them one by one. 

-Heather McNamara, head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings.- the spotlight is on Lizzie, then it shifts to Tessa. 

-Heather Duke, runs the yearbook. No discernable personality, but her mom did pay for implants.- you continue, then do a shot pause and the light shifts on Scarlett, which was in the middle. Their costumes were basically the same: very short mini skirt, a white shirt underneath an elegant short jacket, parisian white stockings that reached above the knee and black high heels. The only differecies were the colours, yellow, green and lastly red. 

-And Heather Chandler, the almighty. She is a mythic bitch.- the music gets a bit faster while you keep going. Another piece of song goes on and you get introduced to the Heathers, you ask them to sit at their table so that no one could pick on you and in the end they accept and decide to transform you. So while another chourus goes on, you four get behind the scenes and the costume designer is quickly at your side, helping you to take off the scar, pants, pullover and to put on the heels, fix any eventual crease and in the end she brushed a bit the wig while you put on a rosy lipstick. Just in time, you go back on stage after Scarlett, Tessa and Lizzie.

The song ends and there’s a little banter between you and them which want Veronica to give Martha a fake love letter form Ram to bully her. You refuse and they get angry, which leads to their song.

After another song, finally is JD’s turn to be introduced. He and Veronica meet in a gorcery shop and you start to eat some red licorice while he was drinking a frozen slushie. He looked charming. You were also having a lot of fun, which was ideal for your chemistry. A few lines later he began to sing.

-I’ve been through ten high schools, they start to get blurry. No point in planting roots ‘cause you’re gone in a hurry. My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it’s only a matter of when.- he begins, and boy, was he talented. You smiled at him, not only because you felt like it, but also because it was in the script. 

-Freeze your brain, suck on that straw get lost in the pain. Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs cocaine?- he sang a few words, then came back to talking. 

-Care for a hit?- he raised the plastic glass, pointing the straw towards you.

-Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?- you smirked teasingly. He tilted his head to the side, raising his eyebrows.

-Not anymore.- he resumed singing along with the music. -When mom was alive, we lived half way normal, now it’s just me and my dad, we’re less formal. I’ve learned to cook pasta, learned to pay rent, learned the world doesn’t owe you a cent.- the note got a bit high and his voice changed in a more teasing tone. 

-You’re planning your future, Veronica Sawyer. You’ll go to some college and marry a lawyer. But the sky’s gonna hurt when it falls, so you better start building some walls.- he sings the chorus towards the audience, then the song ends, and on the last note he snaps his head towards you, his arm stretched offering you the slushie.

-Try it.- the public applaudes and the lights go off, giving you the time to prepare for the next song. It’s a very crowded and messy song, set in a house party. At some point you refuse to obey Scarlett’s Heather Chandler and she says that you’re over. You go away from the party feeling lost. The song ends and the lights go off to give the time to the everyone in the cast to get away.

You were slightly getting more and more nervous for the next song, which woul’ve been a lot more challenging, both to sing and perform, considering that you had to basically ride Sebastian in front of the audience.

You were left alone on stage, if you didn’t consider Sebastian pretending to sleep on the higher stage behind you on a mattress.

-The demon queen of high school has decreed it. She says Monday, 8 am I will be deleted.- you start, the music fastening a little. -They’ll hunt me down in study hall Stuff and mount me on the wall. Thirty hours to live, how shall I spend them?- You walked near the lockers, your voice dripping worry.

-I don’t have to stay and die like cattle,I could change my name and ride up to Seattle. But I don’t own a motorbike.- you stopped suddenly, a lopsided smile sppearing on your face -Wait.- you looked at the audience.

-Here’s an option that I like. Spend these thirty hours getting freaky!- you hit the fist high note, pointing at Sebastian’s, fake, sleeping figure.

-Yeah! I need it hard, I’m a dead girl walking! I’m in your yard, I’m a dead girl walking! Before they punch my clock, I’m snapping off your window lock. Got no time to knock! I’m a dead girl walking..- the line getting softer.

You went up the stairs to the upper stage and walked towards him. He opened his eyes and sit up, straddled.

-Veronica! What’re you doing in my room?- he exclaims confused. You went closer and he got on his feet. Now he didn’t have shoes, had a pair of white boxers and a white tank top.

-Shh...- you put a finger in front of your mouth, shushing him seductively. -Sorry but I really had to wake you. See, I decided I must ride you 'til I break you ,'cause Heather says I got to go. You’re my last meal on death row, so shut your mouth and lose them tighty whiteys!- you start with a sweet tone that goes higher and stronger ‘til you hit the last note. You pointed at his boxers.

-Come on! Tonight I’m yours, I’m your dead girl walking! Get on all fours! Kiss this dead girl walking!- You pushed his shoulders with your hands until he got on his knees in front of you. The public laughed slightly.

He looked up at you, starting to caress your tighs with his surprisingly soft hands. They were going up and up, until he reached your ass cheeks. He wasn’t taking his gaze away from yours.

-Let’s go, you know the drillI. I’m hot, and pissed, and on the pill.- you snapped your head towards the audience, raising an eyebrow, gaining a chuckle. Then you returned your attention to Sebastian. -Bow down to the will-Of a dead girl walking!-

You both got on all fours and you gave him a little push to make him sit back, and crawled between his legs. 

-And you know, you know, you know. It’s 'cause you’re beautiful, you say you’re numb inside, but I can’t agree.-  You changed tone and got sweet, placing a hand on his heart. -So the world’s unfair? Keep it locked out there! In here it’s beautiful, let’s make this beautiful!-  

He looked at you and smiled, then exclaimed  -That works for me!- 

An instrumental moment began, and you both knew what would’ve come next. So you just did it, without thinking too much. He cupped your cheeks and forcefully pulled you to him, kissing you. You responded right away, trying to think straight and follow the script you started to take off your jacket and then his t-shirt, leaving him in his underwear. If your faces weren’t stuck together you woul’ve probably been jaw dropping at his tanned and muscular figure, but there wasn’t time for that. You pulled away and started to sing again.

-Yeah! Full steam ahead,take this dead girl walking!-

-How’d you find my address?- he asked scared. The public laughed.

-Let’s break the bed! Rock this dead girl walking!- you ignored him.

-I think you tore my mattress!- again, the crowd laughed.

-No sleep tonight for you, Better chug that Mountain Dew! Get your ass in gear, make this whole town disappear!- you motioned a ripping movement with your arms and hands. 

-Okay, okay!- he gave up, still scared.

You got on his lap, your legs on each side of his hips. The only thing that separated your intimate parts were your panties and his boxers, but it wansn’t actually enough.

-Slap me, pull my hair, touch me there, and there , and there and no more talking! Love this dead girl walking!- you hit another high note. This moment should’ve been arranged between you two before, like every performer ever does when he had to play scenes like that, but you had to improvise now.

It all happened rather quickly: He gave you a not-so-light spank on the butt, then put his hand in your hair and gently pulled to expose your neck, to the first 'there’ he cupped your breasts, then your ass and at the last one he tore open your shirt, that thankfully had clasp buttons and not normal ones.

In the end your lace covered breasts were exposed to him. You didn’t even had the time to blush, 'cause you started to ride his lap automatically following the script. He helped your movement with his hands on your hips.

-Love this dead girl walking!- you sang.

-Yeah!- you said together. -Yeah!- thrust -Yeah!- again.

-Ow!- he cried when you grazed on his neck with your teeth as you were planned to do, and then one last harsh thrust.

-Yeah!- you hit the highest note and the song ended. The audience cheered as the lights went down. You and him wnr behind the scenes while the crew collected the clothes and came back to the backstage, you didn’t dare to look at him as you both were getting dressed again with the help of the assistants.

-

The rest of the show went perfectly, even if you had a little bit of trouble looking in Sebastian’s eyes after that song. After the ’Seventeen’ reprise the show ended. You all came back on stage for the salute, and after that you went straight to the dressing room to change.

Scarlett was kind enought to let you borrow one of the two dresses she brought from home for the after party. You choose the first, which was mid-tigh, rose gold and sparkly, and had a collar to which the spaghetti straps were attached, leaving the back bare til the lower part. And abviously high heels. You fixed your make up and put on a quite deep shade of pink on the lips, then you were ready.

The girls continued to tease you about Sebastian. They haven’t seen the performance really well, but they did see the faces of you both when you came back to dress up. And that was enough. You shushed them while finishing to fix your now wig-free hair.

You arrived and many poeple made theri congratulations and compliments on your performance. Then you went outside to take a bit of air, your champagne in your hands.

-Hey. Nice play up there.-  you had learned to recognize that voice by now. You turned around. He was wearing a suit, the first few buttons of his white shirt unbuttoned.

-You weren’t that bad yourself.- you smiled briefly. He inched closer and whispered to your ear.

-Y'know it was a miracle that I didn’t get hard on the last bit. Your pussy grinding against my cock like your life depended on it.- you blushed from head to toe. You felt fire on your cheeks and not only there, if you’d had to be honest.

-And I know you did enjoy that too. The little wet spot on my boxers is proof. Am I wrong, babygirl?- he asked, his voice like velvet. You were a bit taken aback, but finally decided to do something. Fuck it.

-No.- you answered. The courage, didn’t even know where that came from. All that you knew, was that in that exact moment his lips were on yours, his hands on your waist and yours on his chest, leaving the glass to fall to the ground.

Someone must’ve heard that, 'cause Chris went outside to check and found the two of you quite occupied. He smirked and closed the door, going to Anthony to retrieve those twenty dollars they bet on you two.

This was a bit of an experiment. I really like Broadway songs and this looked like fun to write, so I did it. Obviously the musical’s plot, characters and lyrics do NOT belong to me in this case. Hope you liked it ;)

[theteaisaddictive]

It just hit me in a flash that i never asked for your thoughts/rankings of the Cats 2019 soundtrack. Please forgive my ignorance and bestow the gift of your wisdom upon us

i have been caught in a whirlwind of events, which is why i have not responded sooner, but i’m currently home sick so what better excuse is there to wax evangelical (evan . . . jellicle??) about the cats movie soundtrack than this precise moment

i. jellicle songs for jellicle cats

i mean. well. first things first, it was recorded in advance (i assume that the 90s version was a live recording, but i could be wrong here) so of course it is going to sound awkward and stilted. this is nothing compared to how awkward and unnatural it is to see a bunch of actors naked save for cgi fur and ken-doll-like crotches singing and . . . uh, i think they’re dancing? -- around the white cat victoria, who did not have nearly so big a part from what i can digest of the 90s youtube clips. my favourite part has to be the fucking techno beat though. god damn. party on, you funky little abominations.

ii. the naming of cats/the invitation to the jellicle ball

yes, i will be smushing the exposition-related songs together unless i feel like separating them. this is my life, these are my choices. idk, it was fine?? i guess? munkustrap (aka The Main Cat Who Isn’t Victoria or Judi Dench and Quite Frankly Deserved Better Because He Was Giving This Performance His All) kind of just says the naming instead of it being a company-wide thing. they did not include bombalurina or demeter’s names in the naming, and this was the point at which i realised that the big name stars were not, in fact, going to lounge around in the background for the entirety of the play like they do in the musical. :(

the invitation also sees my Sweet Boy mr mistoffelees get his first solo line, which is good bc i fell in love with his sweet little face over the course of the film, and bad bc it marks the start of the absurd victoria/mr mistoffelees subplot which i am convinced was put in because of course a plotless weirdmageddon like cats needs a romantic subplot

iii. the old gumbie cat

something that needs mentioning is that idris elba shows up as macavity at various points in-between songs. i’m pretty sure he shows up for the first time here and like, tries to lure victoria away?? i think?? anyway it obviously does not work bc unfortunately we are stuck with victoria for the entire film, so onto the gumbie cat song we go.

what can i say about the rebel wilson song that hasn’t already been said. she unzips her skin. the cockroaches are uncanny in the extreme. there are slater-sized mice played by children. there is no funky tap routine, or if there is it was erased from my mind by the frequent awkward gaps in which rebel wilson attempted to be funny. dear god. 

iv. the rum tum tugger

miiiiilllllkk

ok, ok, fine. jason derulo gave a fun, lively performance and didn’t even have the decency to do a bad english accent, which means there is at least one song which i have to genuinely like and can’t just like ironically. but also miiiiillllkkk why is there a milk bar in london which is perfectly cat-sized whyyyy. 

v. grizabella

i am going to be honest. i think that this song appeared later in the movie, but the soundtrack only lists ‘highlights’ so it doesn’t appear in the track list. idk what to say. there are some girl cats (unnamed, although i think they have names in the stage version) who are mean to grizabella and then they say that she started working for macavity?? i’m not sure if this does or does not imply that he became her pimp, although he certainly has the coat and hat for it, which only raises more questions which i dare not put voice to.

vi. bustopher jones

fuck james corden. what the fuck did he do to the refined, fat old cat who frequents gentleman’s clubs and only dines on the finest stuff?? he made him dig around in the rubbish bins and interrupt the song twice to make ‘jokes’ about how fat he is. god i cannot fuckign stand james corden and i do not think he’s funny so i’m aware i may be biased but still. god. 

oh yes and then at the end macavity lures him over to a giant bin (in full view of the other cats, might i add) and thanos snaps him out of existence, but sadly not out of the movie. rebel wilson also got thanos-snapped earlier i just forgot to mention it.

vii. mungojerrie and rumpleteazer

i understand that this melody is the original melody and that the melody used in the 90s recording was a change made for broadway; however, this was the most boring fucking song in the movie and they should have used the broadway version, good night. also victoria is there while they burgle the house, for some reason, bc having an audience surrogate means she needs to be in Every Fucking Scene, so that was a Choice.

viii. old deuteronomy

a nice, sweet song introducing judi dench, sung by munkustrap in such a manner that i began to wonder if he was like, her boytoy or something. also the nuzzling is, like, out of control. i know there’s nuzzling in the stage version, but onstage they're also all crawling around on all fours and stuff whereas here they’re bipedal most of the time. it makes it look like everyone is constantly going in for a kiss when they’re actually just being sociable, and it is fucking disorienting.

ix. the jellicle ball

by the way, the jellicle ball itself takes place in some sort of cat-friendly dilapidated theatre, and it is both the weirdest and least weird thing about this whole movie. 

idk, it was fine?? oh wait, i actually forgot -- so waaaaay back at the start, victoria has a famous solo which wasn’t actually a solo in this version but danced with munkustrap, which . . . .was a Choice. so now she dances with like five different male cats, and it gets frantic, and Every Single Cat is just tearing it up on the dance floor, seriously the dancers in this are incredible, and then i think they all collapse on the floor in a heap, and it was at this point that i learned to be thankful i was not subjected to watching a cgi cat orgy while sitting next to my horrified sister

x. grizabella the glamour cat/memory (prelude)

like i said, i can’t remember what order this happens on the movie, so i’m taking the tracklist from the olc on genius. anyway victoria sneaks out for . . . reasons, and she sees grizabella. and grizabella is sad, and sings her song in the first person, because demeter got cut, because fuck demeter, i guess. oh yeah, and tom hooper, he of the masterful subtlety, had jennifer hudson sitting at a lamppost with withered leaves collected at her feet which she pointed to at the relevant lines. i’m surprised he didn’t add a sound effect of a moaning wind.

xi. beautiful ghosts

this was the song that taylor swift wrote for the movie and by god can you tell. it is incredibly jarring and serves no purpose (beyond, i guess, the purpose of deepening the nothing character of victoria), and -- ugh. look, it’s a pretty little song, and both victoria and taylor swift sing it well, but it’s thoroughly unnecessary. it’s like ‘suddenly’ in 2012 les mis -- why is this here??

xii. gus the theatre cat

i am not ashamed to admit that ian mckellen ‘singing’ gus the theatre cat was enough to bring a tear to my eye. because, well. the man may not have sung, but by god he acted. i challenge anyone with a heart to sit through all of cats and not even feel the slightest tug at their heartstrings when gus’s song plays. not even judi dench lifting one leg in appreciation could completely break the mood. oh wait. it did. (also gus got thanos-snapped by macavity immediately after exiting the stage)

xiii. skimbleshanks the railway cat

oooooh fuck YESSSSSS this is the single best song in the whole damn film. skimbleshanks himself?? wonderful. iconic. beautiful. his tap routine?? inspired. he’s skimbleshanks the railway cat -- the cat on the railway train! he inexplicably is wearing red dungarees, making him the fourth cat to be wearing clothes for no reason, and at the very end he spins like a top all the way into the air, before being thanes-snapped out of existence (but happily, not out of the movie) by.....

xiv. macavity the mystery cat

taylor swift is there. she’s undressed except for her cgi fur and a pair of stage heels. she starts tapping her little container of catnip over the collective of cats, causing munkustrap to make the sort of face you see reeve!superman make when he’s being poisoned by kryptonite, except that he is a cat being drugged with catnip and it is hard to take him seriously as a result. the song itself is a perfect guilty pleasure. taylor swift’s accent is shitty enough that you can enjoy the ridiculousness of the entire situation. idris elba cuts in to join the final chorus on ‘the Napoleon of criiiiiimmme’ and then he takes off his pimp coat and is . . . distressingly nude for the rest of the film. he dances briefly with taylor swift. it’s a thing.

anyway they thanos-snap judi dench to a boat on the thames bc she won’t let him go to cat heaven and the rest of the cats are left discombobulated. this is when Local Sadboy mr mistoffelees is uh, peer-pressured into attempting to magic judi dench back to the cats. bc mr mistoffelees has an arc now, you guys. and his arc?? is about getting his mojo back.

xv. mister mistoffelees

this song is also sung in first person by mistoffelees, which makes less sense when you get to the second verse, but whatever the movie only has about twenty minutes left let's just do it. it’s a solid song, but they keep pausing after every chorus to see if he can get judi dench back yet, which really dampens the groove that they have going on. anyway, they get her back, mr mistoffelees believes in himself now, yadda yadda yadda. meawhile back on the boat, this dickhead apparently didn’t bother to teleport the other cats back, so they fight their way out and rebel willson unzips her skin again. at this point in the cinema i was praying for mercy.

xvi. memory

memory was a song. it was clearly sung with a lot of emotion. for me, personally?? that emotion did not connect. sorry jennifer hudson. oh yeah also victoria has a verse in this song and i mentally wanted to s c r e am because this is not your fucking moment victoria, let the sad jennifer hudson cat belt her lungs out in peace

xvii. the ad-dressing of cats

god. let it end. let it end. this last ‘song’ was dragged out minute after minute after minute. judi dench looked into my very soul when she told me a cat was not a dog, and i still don’t know what she found there. when she started talking about cream and pie i could see munkustrap, he of the Giving This Performance His All, continue his impeccable acting by making faces of delight at her words. oh, munkustrap. even now, at the very end, you brought me joy. thank you, dear cat. thank you. 

[yuckitup-jwd]

Men VS Women

Women have many faults Men only have 2 Everything they say And everything they do

RELATIONSHIPS: First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis."

When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.

SEX: Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.

Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults.

Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

COMEDY: Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching tele- vision, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited - they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge.

The women will roll their eys, groan, and wait it out.

HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch.

Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

BATHROOMS: A man has at most seven items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, shampoo, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.

Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things.

A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a lemon, and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on The Beverley Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

GOING OUT: When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.

When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup...

SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When she arrives at work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk.

A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.

CATS: Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

MIRRORS: Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror.

Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head...

GARAGES: Women use garages to park their cars and to store their lawnmowers.

Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless wooden things in garages.

MOVIES: For women, their favorite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in "Gone With The Wind."

For men, it's when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae Clark's face in "Public Enemy."

JEWELRY: Women look nice when they wear jewelry.

A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that's it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

MENOPAUSE: When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of the changes varies with the individual.

Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction. He buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap, leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for an expensive foreign sports car.

THE TELEPHONE: Men see the telephone as a communications tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

LOW BLOWS: Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television, and one of the fighters is felled by a low blow.

The woman says, "Oh, gee, that must hurt."

The man doubles over and actually feels the pain.

DIRECTIONS: If a woman is out driving and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions.

Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. A man will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there," and, "I know I'm in the neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store."

ADMITTING MISTAKES: Women will sometimes admit making a mistake.

The last man who admitted that he was wrong was General George Custer.

RICHARD GERE: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way.

Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works out at the health club and dates only married women.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail...

A man will dress up for: weddings and funerals.

NUDITY IN MOVIES: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by men.

The only actor who has ever appeard nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

DAVID LETTERMAN: Men think David Letterman is the funniest man on the face of the earth.

Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

CAMERAS: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state- of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes.

Women purchase Kodak Insta-matics, and often produce better-looking shots.

POLITICS: Men love to talk about politics, but they often forget to do political things such as voting.

Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys are growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room, men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women.

Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. Not in abstract terms, either. They're graphic and technical, and they *never* lie.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days.

A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat, and expect to meet a beautiful woman while he is there.

WEDDINGS: When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about the "ceremony."

Men talk about "the bachelor party."

GYM SOCKS: Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks.

Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

TOYS: Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest.

Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of mens toys: miniature TV's, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, and anything that blinks, beeps and requires at least six "D" batteries to operate.

PLANTS: A woman will ask a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man will water the plants. The woman returns five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

NICKNAMES: With the exception of female body-builders, who call each other names like "Ultimate Pecs" and "Big Turk," women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.

But if Mike, Dave, and Jack go out for a brewski, they will affectionately refer to each other as Peckerhead, Scumbag, and Louse.

There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy, according to an article in last April's issue of Sassy magazine.

The five questions are: 1 - "What are you thinking?" 2 - "Do you love me?" 3 - "Do I look fat?" 4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?" 5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example: 1 - "What are you thinking?"

The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things: a - Baseball b - Football c - How fat you are d - How much prettier she is than you e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died

According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers: 2 - "Do you love me?"

The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include: a - I suppose so. b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c - That depends on what you mean by "love". d - Does it matter? e - Who, me?

3 - "Do I look fat?"

The correct male response to this question is to quickly, confidently, and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include: a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either. b - Compared to what? c - A little extra weight looks good on you. d - I've seen fatter. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy

4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way. b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things. c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality. d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner. e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5 - "What would you do if I died?"

Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way." This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid exchange: "Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" "Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry." "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes? "I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." "Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too." "Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed..."

[kymanifesto]

unpopular opinions because I enjoy fighting people:

I know in most fanfiction Carfman is protrayed as some big stud with a huge sex drive who’s always sneaking out into the bathrooms to fuck and is super sadistic but uh...

But there’s a lot of evidence that disproves that.

If you believe that i won’t judge you (well...maybe a little bit) but you are entitled to your opinion and I respect that.

1. Eric Cartman is not the biggest fan of sex,Especially if it’s with someone he doesn’t completely trust.

I think it’s pretty clear that’s Eric has sadly been sexually abused in the show,To be fair this is southpark and it’s supposed to be taken as a joke but that doesn’t mean the tramua that causes is within the character. If you look at the wiki you can see a LOT of instances where Eric has been sexually abused but the main ones to come to mind are:

Scoutmaster Mr. Grazier forced Cartman and many of his male classmates take nude photographs in the shower and threatened to hurt them if they told on Grazier.

An unidentified man once allowed Cartman to suck semen “out of a hose” if he closed his eyes.

Cartman once gave Hollywood Actor Ben Affleck a handjob, Cartman was once sound asleep while Affleck had sexual relations with Hennifer Lopez in Cartman’s bed.

These alone can cause lots of trauma and I’d like to add more but I don’t want this post to be too long...

Another indication that cartman doesn’t like things sexual in nature is in TFBW game where he describes your parents having sex (A consensual and normal thing) as a tragic backstory.

And in tweekxcraig when Tweek and Craig were fighting he yelled “Guys! They’re about to have sex!” Showing he thinks violence is correlated to sexual things.

And lastly,I believe once he DOES mature and understands the fucked up things that he went through,And if you STILL think he might enjoy sex still because “it feels good/he likes power/whatever you think” Theres one last thing that I deeply believe will make Eric Cartman not the biggest fan of intercourse.

His mom.

Now it’s easy to see that Liane is not the best mother,Especially in the earlier seasons.

But her lifestyle and “career” is probably her biggest fault.

In the early seasons cartman mentioned how “It sucks to have a whore mom” or “Oh god...my moms a slut” and no offense to anyone who believes otherwise but I think that Eric defiantly doesn’t want to follow his mothers footsteps.

(Also can I mention how messed up it is that cartamn is Jack Tenormans child.. )

time and time again Eric had shown sadness,disgust,and disappointment in his mother’s life choices. Although he’s more apathetic towards the situation now it’s still promamant.

If Cartman was to...Well fuck someone then I believe he’d had to trust them almost completely. Now this doesn’t mean he had to have a established relationship with them that’s romantic or anything,Infact the popular “fuck with no strings attached” Trope is one I enjoy especially when cartmans a bottom .

But I believe he wouldn’t like a purely sexual relationship,Afterall he wouldn’t want to follow his moms lifestyle.

Anyways thanks for coming to my tedtalk. Here’s some quickies:

1. Butters is not some pure innocent boy,Sure he’s somewhat innocent and ignorant of most things at the moment bUT HES DONE SO MUCH FUCKED uP stUFf. Even if he didn’t know what he was doing.

Like,He was a full on pink for awhile.

He also has pretty high beauty standards which granted isn’t a huge fault but still.. like “sorry,you’re too fat for me” or when he thought every single Canadian at the school was pretty ugly except one.

But he’s also a well meaning character who i love so uh...yee.

3. OK SO CAN I JUST SAY I LOVE EARLY SEASON WENDY S O MUCh.

Like,I love her still but... I miss the Wendy who would launch a teacher into the sun bechase she was jealous.

4. KENNY IS A HARD WORKING BOY WHO CARES ABOUT HIS FAMILY AND FREINDS AND MAKES SO MANY SACRIFICES FOR THEM SO IM GETTING REAL TIRED OF EVERYONE SAYING HIS ONLY PERSONALITY TRAITS ARE HIM BEING HIGH AND LOVING SEX.

5. Kyle’s a T O P

6. tWEeK May be feminine in nature but I keno damn well he’s a tough boy who isn’t afraid to stand up for himself. And Craig? HA the lil red racer space nerd who cares about his guinipig? You think HES a top? Really?

7. I just want to say I have no complaints about how the fandom protrayed Clyde as a meme loving semi popular semi loser like damn good job. But if you draw him a lil chubby you get bonus points.

There’s SO many spelling errors but I’m lazy and typing this on my phone so uh sorry .

[hibiki-the-beast-archived]

All of the questions, since you seem a little needy today

   A kind anon showed some mercy with me. No one can resist my cocky smile, right?

When was the last time you masturbated?I barely masturbate. But yesterday I did, after I dreamed of ravaging a cute prey and woke up completely ruttish. Who knows, maybe it was not even a dream?

   Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering?I enjoy the former over the latter, but in the end I would do both.

   How do you feel about food during sex?'Food' like blood? Very appreciated. Other kind of food doesn't need to be involved.

   What do you do directly after sex?Smoking, eating my partner out or just staying on top of them. When the submissive part is mine I might mainly focus on getting back to reality - hopefully with the help of the dominant. Yes, I even enjoy to cuddle afterwards, but I suppose this was another question.

   Cuddle with the tip in?Torture for me as a sub, torture for me as a dominant. If the next round should not take place within the next two minutes I prefer to pull out.

   What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done?Many of my naughty fantasies are not fulfilled yet. Knifeplay was an earth-shattering experience for sure, same for wearing a chastity cage and having a ruined orgasm thanks to it. We better don't talk about my crimes here.

   Name a follower you would fuck.Really? This is embarrassing...and hard to choose actually. But if I had to pick someone it probably would be @the-devils-proof telling by mere appearance.

   Name a follower you have fucked.@aki-in-tokyo Come on, just admit we are a match made in heaven...or rather hell.

   What’s the sexiest part of your body?I suppose it is my tongue, but it only becomes sexy since I know how to use it right.

   FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat JoeI actually googled them. I am in killing rappers, and they all look like being into this kind of music.

   Would you ever be with a trans person?I never thought about it, but in theory I would not have a problem with it.

   Riding dick or doggy style?Riding is definitely more exciting.

   Ever fucked in a school?No.

   Most random place you’ve had sex?On a playground. No, not with an underage, I might be disgusting but this would be even too much for me.

   Would you ever be part of the mile high club?No?

   Name three of your spots.Neck, hips, feet

   Fuck on the first date?Very likely to happen.

   Do you suck dick?With pleasure.

   Do you eat ass?Sure.

   Do you eat pussy?I might not be that much into women, but in fact this is one of my favorites.

   Do you like kissing?I liked to kiss only one or two persons so far. However I could refrain from it.

   Is farting during sex sexy?No.

   Ever fucked in the shower?Kind of.

   How old were you when you lost your virginity?I don't have memories left of the time before my transformation. My actual virginity I lost only a year ago anyway during a night that turned my whole world upside down.

   Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night?The night is my time and the one I am most likely to be in heat, so I prefer it for this kind of activity, too.

   Do you like drunk sex?I am horrible drunk, but I definitely would like to get taken advantage of while being half unconscious.

   Do you like high sex?Never had it. The only drug I would consume is weed anyway.

   FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash DollI am not interested in doing anything to those persons.

   When was your first kiss?The kiss of eternity? I think around 175 years ago. Any other kiss does not matter much, besides of the kisses I shared lately with a very special someone.

   How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to?Referring to my actual virginity again; he approached me via tumblr. He provoked me. He threatened me to teach me manner with an electric collar. I paid him a visit and made clear that I did not take it as a joke.

   Have you ever faked an orgasm?How is this supposed to work for a male? Spitting on their back?

   Ever painted/been painted on?No, but sounds like an interesting idea.

   You like sex toys?Not that much. A little more when I can use them in someone else's company.

   What’s your favorite sex position?Missionary or standing.

   Sex on a bed, couch, or floor?Bed is rare since I don't let anyone into my bed. Couch is too small for going crazy. It is likely I would do it on the floor.

   Do you like car sex?Never had it, I think a car is a little small though for raging yourself out.

   You get instantly horny; what happened?I probably got humiliated verbally.

   FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina.Not interested in this kind of game anymore.

   Describe your crush.I don't know who I should consider my crush (there is someone, but putting things into categories is something I refrain from doing mostly). The men I feel attracted to are mainly tall, tattooed and more or less muscular - and have a weak spot for violence.

   Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD?Depends on when I learn about this. When I am already on fire I probably would not say no to them anymore.

   Rate your head game.Is this supposed to mean oral? I did not give much oral so far, but when you add passion, my swift tongue and my willingness to deep throat I would give me an 8 out of 10 probably.

   Rate your sex.As dominant: 7/10; as submissive: 5/10...but how should I know?

   Would you fuck someone outside of your race?So a werewolf? I would. Or a western man? I would. Especially because they are so tall. I have a certain weakness for this idea.

   Describe the type of freak you are.'Freaks' was the name for the fans of my former band...however you could say I am all kinds of freak. I am a violence and fight freak, mainly. If my partner does not struggle or complain I have to suppose they are already dead, and corpses do not stir me up.

   Ever tasted your own nut/cum?Yes.

   Into golden showers?Mh...rather into omorashi.

   Body count: Under or Over 25?I don't know what my body count is. But I am not as thin as many Japanese men.

   How do you feel about nipple play?As an addition to other things, yes, of course.

   Where do you like to be nutted on?In fact my face. A wonderfully degrading gesture.

   Which are you better at: topping or bottoming?Topping. I may be a hungry and tough bottom who endures everything, but if I am the actor and not only the reactor I am probably more fun. Assumed you never wanted to see someone's eyes water because of submissive pleasure...

   What do you consider “too small?”Anything less than ten centimeters probably, as erected blood penis.

   Is play fighting foreplay?I could not imagine a better foreplay.

   Do you like angry sex?Yes. This is the nonpareil.

   How long should a quickie be?Not much longer than ten minutes.

   How long is “too long” to have sex?A session can last a whole day even, or longer, so there is nothing that is too long.

   How long is “too long” to go without sex?When you feel ruttish even an hour spent without sex can be too much.

   Is “no” relevant in a relationship?I think so. But the aim for me is to never need to say no to anything the dominant demands.

   Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex?Of course.

   Would you have sex in a public bathroom?Sure.

   Would you have sex in a changing room?Sure.

   Who was the last person you had sex with?Again something embarrassing. There are three people I had sex with during the last months, but I will not name them here.

   Describe your type.Already done so earlier: Tall, tattooed, maybe pierced (because I react strongly to being in touch with metal and silver) and not afraid to take off their kid gloves to touch me. Or at least into the finger things in life, means: Violence, blood, fucking with morals.

   Name 3 turn-ons.Forced feminization, getting tied up (preferably in humiliating ways), anything pet play related.

   Name 3 turn-offs.Doctor-patient-roleplay, anything feces related, feeding (as in making someone grow fat).

   Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex.My partner triggering my submission in any way while I am dominant.

   Would you answer a phone call during sex?No.

   Would you ever pay for sex?No.

   Would you accept money for sex?When it is part of a roleplay, then yes.

   How do you typically feel after sex?Either very exhausted and vulnerable but proud of myself for being strong and good, or just exhausted and satisfied.

   Do you like your body?Yes.

   Ever sent nudes?No. I would do though if someone was interested.

   Have you ever cheated on someone?Kind of.

   Have you ever been cheated on?Not that I knew and not as if it was possible.

   Would you have a threesome?Yes, maybe.

   Would you have a foursome?Maybe.

   Would you take part in an orgy?Maybe.

   Would you let’s train be ran on you?If it is the thing I think it is then definitely yes.

   How often do you masturbate?Not often. It is not my thing and does not give me much satisfaction. Maybe once a month.

   Sex with the lights on or off?On.

   Sex with music or tv in the background?Music, yes, if it is fitting. TV, yes as well, if my partner pretends the movie is more interesting than me while I please them.

   Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related?No.

   In your last relationships, rate the sex?I don't want to.

   Do you sleep naked?Yes.

   How often do you go commando?Happens, in summer I prefer it so I do it regularly.

   Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced?No and no. I doubt it would fit me.

   Do you dive right into sex, or converse first?Both can be exciting, depending on the partner, but an animated conversation can be very erotic and get me in the mood.

   After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move?Who says the fun begins after taking the clothes off? And who says I have a standard program for sexual situations?

   Do you make the first move?I mostly have to, but I prefer it the other way round, especially because I have a hard time approaching handsome and intimidating looking men (well, approaching in general is harder for me than you might think).

   Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day?Can't remember, but I doubt it.

   Do you like dryhumping ?Yes.

   Can you twerk or do a split on a dick?No...

   Have you ever been recorded during sex?No, but my exhibitionistic vein would highly appreciate it.

   Do you watch porn during sex?No, porn is not my cup of tea in general, but same for watching TV during sex when it comes to my partner.

   After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand?Usually not.

   What’s your kink?I have many...but being a pet is my favorite one because it is all natural for me.

   Would you hook up with the same hook-up again?If it was good, why not?

   Ever made a relationship from a one night stand?No.

   How romantic are you during sex?Oh. Not at all.

   Describe your sex in 5 words or less.Feral, physically and mentally intense

Now I am quite exhausted, I hope you felt entertained...and grant me a little reward?

[firlefanzus]

Frederyk Nyborg

I literally bumped into this tall handsome blond guy when I went into the supermarket in my hometown. I dropped my bag and he helped me to collect my stuff, excusing thousands of times. Finally I had to agree to be invited to a cup of tea (for me) and a cup of coffee (for him). We had some cake with it and we chatted..in English. Frederyk was from Sweden and didn’t knew a single word in German...and me, I don’t know a word of Swedish.  While we talked, the sparks flew from his eyes to mine and vice versa. Finally I got my nerves together and complimented his good looks...my heart was beating like hell. I don’t remember his full answer but in the end it was “likewise” and we fell silent for a moment,  staring at each other *spark spark spark* “Wanna join me to my place?” I asked and he smiled “Thought you would never ask!” A hand grabbed into my stomach and turned everything around in there. I stood up and took his hand, tearing him to my car. I guess, I was afraid he might rethink. He laughed..but he followed. At home we immediately began to undress each other. My eyes went extra big when I saw his extra big penis.....it was not extra long....but it was BIG. “Wow” I said. “Nice!” He smiled and caressed the hair on my chest “Very nice. Likewise!” He answered in his lovely Swedish accent. After kissing and sucking on his tongue, after sucking and biting his nipples and after eating his balls I finally swallowed his big-one...completely. He immediately started to moan. “Good Gracious...you are the first to swallow him completely on first try.” I pulled him out again, smiled at the Swedish guy and answered “Yeah...I guess I have some talent there. At least I was told so on several occasions.” And then it went inside again. he moaned and said some words in Swedish..in other words: He liked my treatment. Then he asked me “What means ‘to fuck’ in your language?” And I told him “Ficken” “Shall we....ficken?” “Up your ass or mine?” I asked. He lay down on his belly and looked at me. “Mine”  I kneeled down between his very long and muscular legs, grabbed both his lovely golden hair covered asscheeks and spreaded them, revealing his anus. Then I lowered my head and licked across the rosy crinkled flesh...again and again. “Mmmmmhh...ohhhhh......yeeeeesss!” he moaned. He obviously liked it. He too liked it when I poked a finger inside him, massaging his prostrate.  With my other hand I massaged the balls beneath him. He liked that too! Finally I spat into my hand and...well ...you know. Then I squeezed my cock into him and fucked him...he begged for more..and more...and more! He made me go harder and deeper until I eventually came and pumped my load into him. When I was able to breath and move again, I turned him on his back and went back to eating his hard meat. I loved his fat glans going up and down my throat. He warned me that he was about to cum and I made him do so in my mouth. He pumped a massive load onto my tongue..and I liked the taste of it very much!

After sex we talked..still lying naked on my bed. I told him of my passion of being a photo-artist for nude male photography. Of course I asked him if he would pose naked for me. He did not agree! “You see, I work as a photomodel...but I do not allow nude photos. I can not  allow a nude photo for you. But we can do underwear...if that’s okay for you.” Well, sometimes you have to take what you are offered...and so I agreed. At least he had this lovely dark red undie....it perfectly matched his golden taint. Can you see how big his glans is?

So, this is exclusive for my Tumblr-followers. On my other blog on blogspot I have added a nude photography of the actor Milo Ventimiglia. Very lovely!

–>Firlefanzus Of Brunswick (Blogspot)

[michellelewis7162]

Porn Star - Escorts In Boston

Porn Star - Escorts In Boston

 To improve seminal fluid to porn star quantities, there are factors you can possibly do. What you need to note is actually generally a well-balanced lifestyle. You have to balance your food consumption, cocktail bunches of water and also maintain an energetic way of life. Healthy living surely has its own perks as well as possessing enough ejaculatory quantity is actually one of them.

 Meals for notion. What you eat delivers a big effect to your wellness and also the quantity of sperm you climax. Protein-rich foods are actually generally the diet of option if you're aiming to raise seminal fluid volume. Animal resources like pig, beef, chicken, fish, liver, dairy, eggs, and cheese are quite excellent resources of protein. If you are vegetarian, cowpeas, algaes, tofu, fruit leaves behind, almonds as well as seeds give really good substitute. You 'd flourish to steer clear coming from fatty meals as these will definitely not assist you in all Porn Star Escorts In Boston. Nude Massage Boston

 Water therapy. Given that semen is actually comprised of water, it merely makes feeling to continuously consume substantial amount of water everyday. As you know, ample water in the physical body has additional benefits than one. Making certain that your body is actually certainly never striped of liquids will definitely assist boost seminal fluid. Although, you are actually advised to avoid coming from beer and also other boozes due to the fact that they provide a negative flavor to your semen. Bear in mind that seminal fluid is actually not truly palatable. Incorporating beer taste will just make it even worse.

 Relocate it. Working out is found to increase the degree of testosterone level in the blood. Other than its own part in the readiness of the second man characteristics, it also assists in the creation of normal as well as well-balanced semen by switching on a particular type of tissue. Along with low blood stream degrees of testosterone, potency is going to take a cost-free loss.

 High up on medications. Supplements like vitamins C and also E, Zinc, Selenium, L-Carnitine, L-Arginine, as well as the vital fats all perform particular jobs in the creation of healthy and balanced regular sperm, and boost development, quality and also motility Porn Star Escorts In Boston.

 Grow Yourself a Porn Star Penis That Will Change Your Life! Start Today!

 Ever wondered why porn celebrities possess such sizable penises? Well since they were actually very most likely born along with a big penis! There utilized to become an opportunity where adult stars went to the rivalry of every male, that you whatever you were born with you needed to stick to. Over the years there have actually been actually thousands of various type of penis enlargers, varying from pills to pumps to plastic surgical treatment. Some are actually a lot more authentic than others, however honest truth be informed, surgical operation aside, every one of these items provide incredibly poor end results. None are going to offer you long-term development of over 1/2 in, you think worried yet do not quit trying and by more items. This is how the penis enlargement industry operates, it is actually unfortunate, but it earns money. It targets folks instabilities as well as manipulates them for their very own personal revenue. However do not drop complete faith however, there are actually legitimate techniques of being actually to achieve that porn star penis you do badly desire Porn Star Escorts In Boston.

 Supposing I informed you there was one thing around that you are going to probably certainly never have actually read about because it is actually thus low trick as well as covert. A body that has actually merely lately appeared to the restricted segment of the general public due to the fact that it was actually dripped coming from resources inside a primary research business. There are a handful of units readily available at the moment being, however it will most probably only be a minimal amount of opportunity being they're discovered and also turned off. They all focus on one major principle - Natural Penis Growth.

 Heard It All Before?

 I can easily practically listen to the mumbles as you spin you eyes, thinking that you've heard that expression manies times from makes advertising and marketing magic" all-natural growth" pills. Effectively, this differs every other body or item you'll possess ever observed or even become aware of before. I guarantee. When the term" organic penis development" is actually made use of, our experts instantly consider organic pills, or even items that make use of" all-natural" items. For the developers of organic penis development though, they all mean a single thing - you perform not break the body systems will certainly to expand, instead you permit the body to allow the penis expand, typically Porn Star Escorts In Boston.

 Still Confused?

 Rather than tablets that just result in a reaction in the body, which triggers short-lived small swelling of the penis. Natural penis growth sets off receptors in the mind to create it believe that it is once more in adolescence. The biochemicals as well as hormones in our blood stream are actually liable for penis development in the course of our years with adolescence, all-natural penis growth simply reproduces these impacts.

 What About Side Effects?

 You 'd correct to keep in mind that in the course of adolescence, not merely performed our team experience penis development, however acne, higher testosterone level etc. The main reason why this device has actually taken such a long time to appear is as a result of the cancellation of these negative effects has actually taken an even though to make. There have actually been no reported cases of any side results aside from penis development, boosted constructions and a more healthy libido Porn Star Escorts In Boston.

 Fantasize Penis

 Males are currently starting to achieve their aspiration penis utilizing this body, no more are they the guys that envy others along with big penises, they are actually the men being actually coveted! 41 out of 50 situation studies currently have penises over 8 inches in size. The goal is currently available, for the amount of a lot longer it's unsure, but whilst it's out certainly there minority men that are actually privileged enough to have made use of the unit have possessed their lifestyles changed for good. So If you're serious about penis augmentation, ensure you decide on a device that gives you the greatest results Escorts In Boston.

 What helps make porn celebrities last therefore long in mattress? How do they manage postpone their ejaculation therefore a lot, while possessing an energetic and also extreme sex? Permit's examines some techniques of their sexual stamina Boston.

 Masturbate Before Hand

 Incredibly enough, also qualified pornography superstars use this method for lasting much longer in mattress. They masturbate 2-3 hrs before firing the film. Second climaxing lasts a lot longer for any type of man, so they use this home of male physical body to their perk Escorts In Boston.

 Breathing

 Porn star actors consistently maintain their breathing in check to be sure it does not acquire quickly and also heavy. Prompt as well as heavy breathing spell damages guys's sex-related endurance very swiftly. Rather they keep aware of their breathing spell as well as take in a measured and also deep-seated way Boston.

 Unwind Your Muscles

 An additional method is to maintain your physical body kicked back, especially your stomach area, thighs and also butt. It is organic for those muscular tissues to begin flexing during sex, yet along with a small amount of interest you may effortlessly be sure they are actually relaxed. Bending your abdominals, buttocks as well as lower legs may significantly hasten your ejaculation Escorts In Boston.

 Correct Mental Game

 As you could understand porn celebrities are extremely confident and that aids them greatly to last long. Maintain your mind crystal clear of all the notions concerning sexual activity and also be actually certain. You can easily see substantial renovations coming from this alone

 Remain in Control

 As a result of their self-confidence, male porn actors regularly keep in management during gender. If you experience that you are actually hitting a very early orgasm, carry out certainly not be reluctant to take out as well as kick back. When you gain back command of your stimulation levels, place your penis back into vaginal canal and also continue the sexual intercourse. Ladies like men who reside in management Boston.

 PC Muscle Squeeze

 Several pornography stars use this state-of-the-art approach. Basically there is a COMPUTER muscular tissue between your rectum as well as testicles, which manages your ejaculation response. When you are peing in the restroom, if you make an effort to stop your pee form showing up, you are utilizing this muscle mass. Similarly to pee, you may quit sperm coming from visiting by bending this muscular tissue currently of ejaculation.

 The complication is actually that you need an extremely established COMPUTER muscle to be actually capable to do that. However perform not fret: amateurs can make use of a simpler technique. Instead of stretching the muscle mass, press it with your finger the minute prior to climaxing. Secure it securely for 20-30 secs and you should have the capacity to avoid the climaxing. Afterwards you may proceed your intercourse.

[takenews-blog1]

Martin Ransohoff, 'Cincinnati Kid' Producer and Founder of Filmways TV, Dies at 90

New Post has been published on https://takenews.net/martin-ransohoff-cincinnati-kid-producer-and-founder-of-filmways-tv-dies-at-90/

Martin Ransohoff, 'Cincinnati Kid' Producer and Founder of Filmways TV, Dies at 90

Martin Ransohoff, the co-founder of Filmways Tv who went on to provide such acclaimed options as The Cincinnati Child — on which he fired director Sam Peckinpah — Save the Tiger and Jagged Edge, has died. He was 90.

Ransohoff, whose credit additionally embrace Arthur Hiller’s The Americanization of Emily (1964) and Silver Streak (1976) and John Sturges’ Ice Station Zebra (1968), died Wednesday morning at his residence in Bel-Air, his stepson, Steve Botthof, advised The Hollywood Reporter.

The son of a outstanding espresso dealer, Ransohoff based Filmways in 1952 with Ed Kasper to make industrial movies and TV commercials. Nonetheless in his early 30s, he grew to become one of many youngest males to take an leisure firm public when Filmways boarded the American Inventory Change in 1958.

Filmways grew to become referred to as the house of such 1960s TV reveals as Mister Ed, The Beverly Hillbillies, Inexperienced Acres, Petticoat Junction and The Addams Household and, by means of the 1966 acquisition of Heatter-Quigley Productions, the sport present The Hollywood Squares.

With the assistance of fellow Filmways govt (and future MGM, Warner Bros. and Sony studio head John Calley), Ransohoff burst into the film enterprise with a good quantity of bluster.

“Any longer, this can be a enterprise for the independents who can provide essentially the most high quality product with essentially the most economic system. The main studios have had it. Now the majors are minors,” he advised Budd Schulberg in a 1963 story for Life journal.

Filmways’ first movie was Boys’ Evening Out (1962), a romantic comedy starring Kim Novak and James Garner, adopted by The Wheeler Sellers (1963), which was directed by Hiller and starred Garner once more, this time alongside Lee Remick. (Garner would quickly exchange William Holden atop The Americanization of Emily, written by Paddy Chayefsky.)

Only a few days into filming The Cincinnati Child, the 1965 New Orleans-set drama a few high-stakes poker recreation that starred Steve McQueen, Edward G. Robinson, Ann-Margret and Karl Malden, Ransohoff obtained a take a look at Peckinpah’s dailies (the director needed to make the film in black and white, for one factor) and determined to oust him.

“It was dour, it was grey and bleak,” Ransohoff mentioned of Peckinpah’s work in David Weddle’s 1994 ebook If They Transfer … Kill ’Em!: The Life and Instances of Sam Peckinpah. “Right here I used to be making an attempt to make an upscale film. This film was purported to be a popsicle.

“MGM had a really clear imaginative and prescient, we knew what we needed to make, they usually have been paying me and counting on me to make it, and I didn’t suppose Sam was making it. Shutting down meant shedding $500,000. We had an all-star forged and no director. Consider me, it was not executed calmly. I used to be actually disillusioned as a result of I had actually gone out on a hook for Sam. It was very embarrassing for me.”

Norman Jewison got here on to direct, and the movie was a crucial hit.

Save the Tiger (1973), written by Steve Shagan (who then turned his screenplay right into a novel), starred Jack Lemmon as a disillusioned Beverly Hills garment govt who suffers a midlife disaster. The efficiency netted him his second Academy Award, and Shagan and supporting actor Jack Gilford additionally acquired Oscar nominations.

The pushed Ransohoff had one other hit years later with the Joe Eszterhas-penned courtroom thriller Jagged Edge (1985), toplined by Glenn Shut, Jeff Bridges and Robert Loggia, who earned an Oscar nom for portraying a foul-mouthed gumshoe.

In his 2004 novel Hollywood Animal, Eszterhas wrote how Shut barred Ransohoff from the filming of her nude scene in Jagged Edge and that the producer took revenge by relentlessly speaking about her “fats ass.”

Ransohoff additionally was recognized for shepherding the profession of actress Sharon Tate. After she had auditioned for the function of Billie Jo Bradley (which wound up going to Meredith MacRae) on Petticoat Junction, he positioned her on The Beverly Hillbillies as financial institution secretary Janet Trego.

When Ransohoff produced The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967), he launched Tate to director Roman Polanski, who forged her within the movie. She and Polanski married in January 1968; lower than two years later, at age 26, she was murdered in her Los Angeles residence by members of the Manson Household.

Ransohoff was born in New Orleans and graduated from Colgate College in 1949. He went into promoting with Younger & Rubicam on Madison Avenue earlier than leaping into the tv enterprise. Within the late 1950s, Filmways acquired Richard Donner’s New York-based TV manufacturing firm and introduced the longer term Deadly Weapon director to Los Angeles.

Ransohoff cashed out at Filmways in 1972.

His producer résumé additionally consists of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton’s The Sandpiper (1965), for which Ransohoff supplied the story; Tony Richardson’s model of Hamlet (1969); Eye of the Satan (1966), starring David Niven (and Tate); Fort Maintain (1969), directed by Sydney Pollack; Catch-22 (1970), tailored by Buck Henry; The White Daybreak (1974); Hiller’s Nightwing (1979); Class (1983), starring Rob Lowe and Jacqueline Bissett; Switching Channels (1988); Responsible as Sin (1993); and Turbulence (1997).

Ransohoff additionally was seen onscreen in an uncredited function in Filmways’ The Cherished One (1965), the variation of Evelyn Waugh’s scathing novel about Hollywood.

Along with his stepson, Ransohoff is survived by his spouse, Joan Marie; sons Peter, Kurt and Steve; stepdaughter Erica; and 10 grandchildren.

Duane Byrge contributed to this report.