#fanfic pentagon

[chanyouchan]

⌕ terreno

⚠ em caso de inspiração, me credite.

📆 14/08/24 | ✎ @mnini (psd)

[nachosncheezies]

The Bet - Chapter 7

A canon-adjacent "pilot wedding" fic. Previous chapters can be found here.

Shock & Woe

5x01 - Redux, and 5x02 - Redux II; also on AO3. tagging @today-in-fic

~~~~~

For being ride-or-die, they sure were a pair of odd ducks. The Hoover's social diaspora was not wrong about that.

They didn't talk about their bet. Only once, indirectly - after the submarine incident. When she told him she'd had to paddle the juice back into his heart, she made one request. She renewed her licenses to practice on the living, and was officially listed in all the relevant places as his personal physician. If he did anything that hare-brained again, she wouldn't have to fight for the right to save him, and no one would have to know.

Strange, they would each reflect sometime later, the mutual assumption that that other card would remain in both of their arsenals.

Four years gone and no one knew, no one apart from three bureaucrats in some northwestern backwater who wouldn't be able to tell them from Adam. No one had learned when she was taken. No one had learned when she was returned. When her living will was to be carried out and her life support removed, her mother had called it 'a moment for the family, but.’ But then she offered him a place in the room to bear witness. As if it were a kindness. As if he needed permission. 

Maggie would drop her rosary if she knew the truth of it.

It remained their unexamined secret, but with her pale and unconscious from hypovolemic shock and two agents dragging him away, he almost, almost told the world. 

He spent as much time at her bedside as he could, probably more than propriety would have advised. Her mother was tolerant, even kind. Her brother hated him. 

Junior didn't know that Fox Mulder already had that market cornered. The man could be as much of a dick as he wanted. Soon, Mulder feared, soon he would know their secret, too.

~~~~~

Mulder, alive to the world, so busy and unsleeping. He was under suspicion, and for once rightfully so, but he would not take what she offered. He would not free himself on the back of her reputation, even as she was very nearly certain she wouldn't need it anymore. Every time he came to her room, she would try to ask him about the case. She worried for him, all alone now trying to root out the traitor and clear his own name. Halfway neglecting his own fate, she suspected, in scrambling for a means to save her. But when she asked, he just smiled and shook his head. "I'm not here for that," he said. "I'm here for my friend Dana."

She screwed up her chin, and said she wished he wouldn't call her that. Not now.

After so many months - years - together, they knew each other in ways she scarcely even knew her family. But somehow in all their long hours in the office and on the road, between the intellectual repartee, the philosophical debates, the quoting of studies both psuedo- and scientific, there were still things - little, biographical things - they had yet to learn about one another. He wanted to know what her favorite color was. Did she have a lucky number? Did she know how many generations back was she Irish-American - as opposed to Irish-Irish, he clarified - and was it just on her father's side? What superstitions did she have as a child - come on, Scully, kids are insane; surely you weren't always so committed to rationalism - and had any of them hung on? What was her favorite dessert; and was he right? Was it ice cream?

It was like he was trying to etch even the most mundane pieces of her into three dimensions in his mind. And that, more than anything, made her fear for him.

Mulder being Mulder, he sensed it. Mulder being Mulder, he wanted to change the subject rather than acknowledge it.

He started carrying a fat deck of Trivial Pursuit cards in his pocket. There was no board, but he'd cut the deck and hand her half, and they took turns asking each other whatever questions they felt like, tallying their points as they went. She surprised him by knowing much more than he would've guessed about sports. He surprised her by knowing very little about science. Or, he pretended to; she suspected he just wanted to listen to her lecture him on the topics she was best at. She, in turn, started playing dumb on things that might be of personal interest to him. She loved listening to him talk, too. 

On one visit, her energy waned much more quickly than normal, and she set aside her share of the cards. "Mulder-" she started, but he was instantly on his feet, leaning over her with his thumb brushing back and forth across her brow.

"Shh," he hushed. "I know." Her brows knit together and she opened her mouth to protest, but he put his finger across her lips and shook his head. "I know," he said again. He seemed surprised to find himself touching her lips, and didn't linger, but immediately moved to tuck back a lock of her hair.

She watched him, glassy-eyed, while he watched his hand, then he met her gaze again, his expression softly sad, his eyes pleading.

It wasn't fair. 'Until death do us part' was not supposed to have been literal. It was supposed to mean, 'Until one of us meets someone, or we otherwise come to our senses.' They were supposed to have been colleagues, amiable - she had hoped even good friends - with a silly story they could tell one day when it had been long enough to not matter. Something light to go with the war stories they would inevitably accrue. Since then he had become her confidant, her partner-in-crime, her blood brother. He was her dimorphic counterpart, her insular twin; grown up beside her and communicating with her in their own twisted tongues that no one else could understand. He was more than all of that in ways she could never hope to explain. He was the only one she truly trusted, the only one she would put herself on the line for, the only one she was always happy to see. He was her very best friend.

"Tell me about the pukwudgies," she requested, and he lulled her to sleep with one of the most fantastical, most ludicrous stories she'd ever heard.

~~~~~

She woke in the dead of night to someone holding her hand. Hot, jagged puffs of air blew over her knuckles. She peeked, and saw the top of his head resting very close to her pillow, his face turned away from her. His shoulders strained in an irregular rhythm and his whole body seemed to rise and fall with them. Her breath hitched as she realized what was happening, but he seemed too lost in his agony to notice.

She wanted to soothe him. To let him see that she hurt for him just as much. But he had asked her not to say it. He said that he knew. She hoped - she prayed - that they were talking about the same thing.

She took deep, measured breaths, and pretended to sleep. If the truth was too painful, she could at least give him his dignity.

When he seemed to have exhausted himself and cried himself to sleep right there on her floor, she opened her eyes. She looked at his darkened form, the light from the window catching on his silhouette and giving him a bluish aura; a full-body halo for her sad and tragic guardian. She slowly, gingerly moved her face closer, until her forehead came to rest on his crown. She placed a careful kiss there and nuzzled in, her dried-out nostrils giving her only a bare hint of shampoo and Mulder. She thought she heard his own breathing hitch, but if he was awake after all, if he knew, she knew they would never talk about it. She stilled, and after a time he got to his feet. She let her head roll limp on her pillow and kept her eyes closed. He whispered her name, sorrowful and reverent, and after another moment he bent to brush his lips, barely-there, upon her cheek.

When he was gone, she put her palm flat on the wet spot he'd made of her sheets, and she cried for him, too.

~~~~~

remission (noun)

/rəˈmɪʃən/ ruh-MISH-uhn

From Anglo-Norman remissiun, remissione, remissioun, via French remission. Historical meanings included forgiveness or pardon of sins; pardon for a political or legal offense; reduction of a debt; weakening or diminishing of a thing. Also from Latin remissiōn-, remissiō. Meanings included the action of sending back; action of letting go; action of slackening, relaxing, softening; action of relieving (the mind) of cares or preoccupations; cancellation (of a debt or penalty); forgiveness, pardon (of sins). Compare to Old Occitan remessió, Catalan remissió, Spanish remisión, Portuguese remissão, Italian remissione.

Definitions:

      1. Forgiveness or pardon of sins or other offences.

      2. Release from the obligation of a debt or payment.

     3. a. The cancellation or reduction of a debt, payment, etc.; an instance of this.

         b. The cancellation or reduction of a penalty or punishment; (now) esp. the reduction of a prison sentence as a reward for good behaviour; an instance of this.

      4. Diminution or reduction of effect or force; decrease or abatement of a condition or quality, such as heat, cold, etc.; (also) an instance of this.

      5. In medicine, the lessening of the severity of a disease or symptom; disappearance of symptoms or cessation of the activity of a disease for a period; an instance of this.

      6. The action of sending or sending back. In law, the action or an act of referring a case from one court to another....

No. Scratch all that.

remission (noun) 

/rəˈmɪʃən/ ruh-MISH-uhn

Definitions:

      1. Scully is alive. 

      2. Scully is going to live.

~~~~~

Content notes:

Regarding the pukwudgies: these are described as small, disappearing creatures, from the Wampanoag tradition. I found them while searching for mythologies and cryptids of Massachusetts, figuring that Scully would ask him about something he might have known since childhood. (I'm also assuming that young Mulder, at some undefined time in his past, turned his insatiable curiosity on Aquinnah and the Wampanoag just next door to Chilmark, and that Scully would have known or assumed this, too.) I selected them from amongst other legends precisely for being Wampanoag and thus local to him, but I do not know anyone from or very well-acquainted with indigenous traditions in the east of North America, so if I've carelessly stepped on something sacred or taboo here please DO let me know. I would be happy to explore alternatives.

The end section of this chapter was adapted (read: gently mutilated) from the Oxford English Dictionary's academic database here. You'll need an institutional or library login to access the full entry.

[cyncialwoo]

Hot Sugar Y.HS

-pairing: hongseok x female!reader

-genre: smut, angst, enemies to fwb to fake dating to lovers?!

-words:6.6k

-warnings: alcohol consumption

-a/n: Hi it's me again after a while later. I re-read this and I am eating it up, so I hope you guys will enjoy it too! It's longer than my other work, so that's also exciting. I plan to bring you guys something fresh too. I'm figuring out an idea now... I have like three? >>Masterlist

There was always some sort of jealousy toward those with easy access to success and money. There was frustration on why could they be born into it, and you have to work so hard only to receive a slither of the life that they were living. At this point complaining about working wasn’t enough. You had to drown it out with alcohol too and seriously your bank account was going to burn along with your throat for the amount of alcohol you were consuming. You threw your head down onto the counter letting out a groan of frustration, nothing was calming right now. You picked up your head from the counter rolling your eyes because of your empty glass being refilled. The last thing you need is a guy who thinks that he could get any woman he wants.

You searched the bar trying to meet with someone else’s eyes. A certain man with wavy dark brown hair taking a sip of his drink met your eyes. You darted your eyes away from him, the intensity of his stare was too much. He only took it as an invitation to move from his spot to the empty seat next to yours. By the time you lifted your head, he was next to you causing you to have a confused look on your face. You were sure you had blinked a couple of times before he began to speak to you. He was so pretty too and maybe it was the alcohol talking, but you started to lean towards his face closer and closer until he stopped you. He looked down at you and smiled with a chuckle. Something along the lines of “How Cute” escaped his lips. That wasn’t something you took too lightly and even worse when you had less of a hold on your tongue. Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked up at him. You opened your mouth but at first, nothing came out. You closed it and licked your lips before opening it again to say, “Calling me cute isn’t going to get me in bed with you, sir.” The corner of his mouth irked up a bit higher as if he liked it. You huffed again now getting irritated with the stranger who spoke none to you but just acted. So you just pushed him again. “Seriously, just give me an answer! Stop being a coward and just talk to me!” You honestly didn’t understand why you said what you said. Maybe you were lonely and craved his attention. 

There he went again, starting to laugh at your short fuse. He made you feel so small and you weren’t quite sure if you liked it or not. The way he just stared at you intently riled up something hot between your legs. Your body was on fire and wanted to inch more toward him, but your mind said no. “Seriously, it's not funny!” You said again but it seemed not even to reach his ear. His grin grew again. “It is when you’re huffing over something that might all be in your head. And has anyone ever told you that you’re so pretty when you’re frustrated?” His hand caressed your cheek and slipped under your chin lifting it. You let him do that to you while watching his eyes the entire time. You lost a couple of breaths along the way.  

His eyebrow lifted as if he was expecting you to answer that question of his right before he decided to take your breath away. You wanted to smile or to laugh– if you were sober, but now everything just gave in to him. Your whole body gave into him. “No... no one’s ever told me that” Your eyes strayed didn’t away from his, still wanting more. “I could tell you so many beautiful things about yourself if you would just follow me.” He smiled and the hand that rested on your chin went down to your hand and held it. You nodded slowly. You barely knew him yet there was so much enchantment in this stranger. Following him wherever he went could be dangerous, but you didn’t care. You needed to see where this went. You told yourself that you couldn’t live without knowing what would come next. 

Your movements out of your car were hazy. You just remember it was a nice car. Something that you could never afford in your life. You clung to his arm the entire ride. He drove so fast that everything looked like a picture of a fast-moving moment. Your body is still hot and excited as his skin touches yours. His smirk stayed on his lips every time you looked over at him to make sure that he was still there.

He didn’t take you to his apartment like you thought he would. Instead, the two of you stepped into this fancy hotel you had heard of before, but now you couldn’t remember the name of. Everything was so sparkly—the hatred of those who had more money than you hadn’t quite hit you yet. Nothing to stick to your morals hit you yet. Just how much liquor did you have that you gained this wonder of living a fairy tale? Your arm is still attached to his, the two of you walked to the elevator and up to a suite.

Hongseok stood back and watched you as you walked into the suite. Your eyes lit up as you pranced around the room still not believing you were there. You felt like a kid in a fairytale, something you would have dreamed about as a little kid. You walked up to him and kissed him on his lips so softly. He kissed back, but there was more hunger in his kiss. His hands went from your shoulders to your elbows to your waist. He lifted you to carry you and your legs wrapped around him. He kept his hands under your thighs as he led you to the bed. His lips smoothly glided across your own. You smiled into the kiss letting your hand touch his hair. His curls felt so soft in your hands. 

He laid you on top of the bed and pushed you down. His lips went for your neck leaving wet open-mouthed kisses. It was sloppy, but it felt so good. How could you not take in this drug that he was offering you? You pulled his hair in your hand bringing him closer to you and kissing him harder. His attitude changed and he got only hungrier for you, his hands rushed to the buttons of your shirt and began to unbutton your shirt. 

You let out a gasp when the cold air of the room hit your bare torso. Your hands grasped Hongseok’s hair tightly. You pulled him closer as a way to tell him that you needed more of him. You couldn’t get enough of this man—his hair, eyes, and mouth, especially his mouth. You could only imagine what more he had in store for you. 

You tapped his shoulders getting him to look up at you with a slightly confused face. You stared into his eyes for a moment. They were so pretty and dragging you in as you could just pull him closer and kiss him. That’s what you wanted to do, so that’s what you did. You gripped his shoulders pulling his body closer to yours. You were unaware of where this amount of need was coming from. Maybe it was the built-up stress from work or the hate towards rich people you kept inside. Either way, there was a fire burning inside of you, and no way it was going to be put out so easily. Your hands reached down to his jeans to undo them. You swore that if he had them on any longer it was going to kill you. Hongseok stepped back to completely strip in front of you. He motioned you to do the same which you did. The attachment to this man came too fast. He closed the space between the two of you again. Lips attached and flew to what you would describe as heaven on earth. He laid you on your back and kissed your neck as your hand reached down to line him up. He pushed in and let out a deep breath. Your lips met again as he started a slow yet rough pace. His lips went back to your neck. His hands gripped your waist and your back arched trying to have all of the space between the two of you closed—body on top of body. One plus one equals one right? You bit his shoulder and whispered for him to go faster. 

He lifted his body from yours to your dismay and pounded into you. His right hand gripped the sheets while the other held your waist. You’d probably have bruises there in the morning. Your vision was blurring more and more as you felt a knot growing. Your nails dug into the skin of his arm earning a groan in response. That enough pushed you over the edge and your body shook as you came down from your high. Your eyes were closed and all you could see was darkness as  Hongseok pulled out and spilled his seed on your stomach. You drifted slowly to sleep listening to Hongseok move around the room. You swore it was the alcohol that made you sleep so soundly.

.

When you woke up you were in another man's arms. Nothing from the previous night stuck to your mind. You jumped up from his arms waking him up. You were panicking looking around the room. Why were you in this fancy hotel? How did you get here? Judging by the guy next to you it must’ve been him, but why? How could this rich guy take so much interest in you? 

You tried to move slowly out of the man's arms. The man tightened his arms around you leaving opened-mouthed kisses on your neck and shoulders. “You’re not leaving me that fast,” he said as he buried his face in your neck.

You shook him off of you, “I don’t even remember–” You turned around to meet his eyes. “You’re that cute guy from the bar!” You saw the guy chuckle. “That I am... My name is Hongseok since you don’t know.” He smiled at you. You nodded at him and slowly backed away.

“I don’t remember what happened last night either and I’m going to take my leave now. It was nice having this arrangement between us. Sorry, it couldn’t be extended, but I have somewhere important to be…” You got up covering yourself with an extra sheet while gathering your clothes, You avoided the man–Hongseok’s gaze that you could feel on you. You turned around and waved him bye before slipping around a corner and dressing. You were double-checking to see if you forgot something. You honestly didn’t want to have to come back here. You noticed you didn’t have your purse with the things you needed to get home. You really didn’t want to see him or ask him. Although you had no choice but to.

You groaned and came out from the corner tucking loose hair behind your ear. “Hey, uhm… Hongseok? Do you know where I put my purse?” You didn’t look him in the eye. “Your purse?” Hongseok kept his stare on you. He looked away while raising his eyebrows. You followed his gaze to where your purse was. It was sitting perfectly on top of a chair unlike how you found your clothes. You glared at him for a second before retrieving it. Something about it felt off, but you weren’t sure what. He couldn’t have stolen anything. Why would he when he had a lot of money to spend on this suite? 

You swing the purse over your shoulder. You were still unsure about his intentions but didn’t want to seem too curious in front of him. “Thank you for last night.” You put on your best smile before walking out.

That was it. He let you walk out, watching your every move with his cocky, yet admiring glare. You kept on walking until you caught a taxi to your apartment. You sighed and looked into your bag to notice a wad of cash. That ticked you off. First of all, you weren’t selling your body to him, and you were pretty upset he’d take you for that. Even if it was indirect it seemed like an insult. Either that or just that you thought every rich person was arrogant.  When you got home you put the money away in a drawer. “For safekeeping”, you told yourself. The truth? You were disgusted by how he gave it to you. That’s probably why he was staring at you so hard. Like you were a game to him. You shook your head. The guy's memory slowly came back as you went around the apartment doing small chores you neglected during the week. You swore to yourself you were going to stay away from the bar for now. 

.

That promise didn’t stick because you were back at the same bar by two weeks as if the interaction wasn’t that important– to you at least. Hongseok had taken his liking to you and that one interaction still didn’t seem enough for him. His time with you that morning didn’t seem enough for him and he had been checking around for you. Maybe he gave the bartender a little extra just to tell him when you had arrived. Was his attraction to you that bad? Yes, yes it was. And that’s why twenty minutes later after you arrived Hongseok was already in the seat next to you.

You were caught up in some thoughts, mad about something that happened at work. Even if it was minor it ticked you off and you found it better to drown it in alcohol. That somehow made problems seem less important to you. That’s why Hongseok became to you a less critical problem you had. You hadn’t noticed him right away and he wasn’t very patient. Or well to him, he had been patient for two weeks.

“Why didn’t you call? I left you my number after all. It’s not something I do to just anyone.” Hongseok leaned into you, so when you turned your head to look at him he was already so close. He stared into you like his eyes were begging for an answer and it was almost cute. 

Almost. 

“Didn’t feel the need to,” you said as you took a sip of whatever was in your cup. Just when you needed to cool off steam he came. He still made you irritated and it showed on your face. The crack of his smile when he noticed how pissed you were pissed you off even more. “You know I might actually have called you back if you didn’t insult me so by giving me money. Thanks, but I don’t need it.”

Now it was his turn to become cocky. “Well, I thought you might have because, darling, all this alcohol adds up.” He smiled so sweetly at you like you weren’t to be taken seriously. You rolled your eyes in response and mumbled asshole. 

His smile grew even wider. “Fine if you’re upset with what I gave you then why don’t you just give it back?” He raised his eyebrows with the last syllable. You pressed your lips together looking away. You didn’t have it on you and it’s in your home. “Did you spend it already?” He smiled.

“No, I didn't it’s just that it’s put away. It’s at my house. You’re not going there, don’t ask. Maybe I could give it to you sometime later. I don’t have that much on me right now.” He let you rant about how much you don’t want him in your home or to see him.

“Okay, so then can I have your number to set up a time when I can receive it back?” You nodded. You held out your hand to receive his phone, which he gave to you.

You typed in your number and preferred name. You gave it back to him looking up at him and glaring at him as to say “Don’t even think of doing something else with my number.” He ignored you and just took his phone. He left after that leaving you intrigued about what would happen next. 

.

The two of you met up at a rather fancy dinner. He insisted on taking you out while you insisted that it wasn’t necessary. Hell, you even saved up a little extra so you could try and pay for what you were going to have. When you met him at the table you slipped a white envelope back to him with the money inside. You gave him a demanding glare again. 

He took it, slipped it into his suit jacket, and smiled. “I honestly thought you wouldn’t show up and bail on me with the money.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “And why would I do that? I’m honest to my word, and I don’t want to be around you.” That was half a lie. Yes, you did want to be around him. Something deep inside of you loved all of these things. You had dreamed of going on a fancy dinner date, and here you were. It’s just that the circumstances were different from your imagination. You hate rich people because you want to be them. Now you have a chance to be like them. The wavering thought of being with Hongseok or at least meaning something to him was there. You wanted more of a taste of his life. You know he would give it to you with the way he was so eager to have his dinner. Thoughts on how you would bring this up were in your mind. The two of you ordered and you kept making glances at him. The atmosphere was primarily silent with awkward glances from you to him. Are you still debating on how to ask him for such a thing? You did not doubt that he would accept, but some part of you still wanted to keep your pride. You took a sip of the wine that he ordered still looking away from him. You hoped that this would give you a sliver of confidence that you needed to ask him. “Are you going to give up on me after this?” You wavered your wine glass in your hand looking him in the eye. You held your gaze strong at him. You were curious about it so it shouldn’t be too out of character. “In all honesty, I wasn’t going to stop here. You should’ve seen by now that I cannot let you go.” He smiled at you and you smiled back more condescendingly. That was perfect for you at least. “Then how about I propose an idea?” You batted your eyelashes at him. Cringey– but slightly buzzed. “I think that we could arrange a relationship. No ties. No money exchange just you and me in the bed. Not at your home and mine and no personal life. Maybe outings like this. That is if you want to keep me close to you.” You smiled and leaned back into your chair. 

Hongseok just nodded along with your idea. “I understand.” Those two words made you uneasy. His face was unsure and he was confused about the sudden change. Why now are you suddenly interested in him? Did that mean you were trying to get something else? Either way, he came this far to get you– even though it took three meetings– and he wasn’t going to pass it up now. “I’ll be setting everything up, so you don't have to trouble yourself.” he squinted his eyes studying you to see if there was an ounce of fear inside of you. You just smiled back at him making him more suspicious of you. 

You shifted in your seat at his gaze. The suggestion had made things more awkward between the two of you. It was making you a bit irritated on how he could push to pursue you, yet think you were going to do him wrong. Hongseok kept giving you the impression that you were a shallow person. “Just so you know, I don’t have any further intentions than sleeping with you,” you spat at him. 

Again Hongseok cracked a smile at you. “Good because it would be a shame if we had to end.”

“There is no we in this Mr. Yang.” You glared at him. He was in over his head thinking that he could make some sly remark without you being able to catch it. You tried to eat your food peacefully while not making eye contact. You were leaving after this. No drives home either because who knows what he would try to pull. 

There was tension building up from the silence and you couldn’t help but cough. “So what do you do for a living?” You pressed your lips together. It was inappropriate to ask that. This whole time you had been mean mugging him. If you were going to in fact be spending time with him and, you know, sleeping with him, then you would have to make this relationship enjoyable. A deep sigh came from you when it was still silent. “Hm?” “I work in business. I’m a team manager of a good company slowly working my way up through my family.” Hongseok didn’t make eye contact with you at all. It was disappointing that he was so cold now. You frowned as you watched him eat his food. Something inside you was waiting for him to ask you what you did, or to see if he even cared.

When no response came from him it was even more frustrating. Blinking a couple of times in frustration, you went back to your food. If he wanted you so bad why was he being so arrogant right now? Why were all rich people such assholes and why did he have to hold up to that stupid standard for them in your head? You smiled kind of irritated looking at your now empty plate. Stress eating wasn’t going to make it better, but you could at least enjoy the food and make him pay for it. Forget about now wanting to owe him anything. That didn’t matter now. The lack of attention from Hongseok was getting to you. Even if you were being childish now you didn’t care because to you he would look down on you anyways. 

You grabbed your purse and stood behind your seat. “I’m going to the powder room, so if you excuse me.” You gave him a halfhearted smile that may have come off as more sarcastic than intended. He watched you not saying anything in recognition– kind of what he did that morning. He kept acting like he didn’t care. You wanted him to care about you and to take notice of you. He had you wrapped around his finger in a way you thought you were still in control of everything. You lied to him and he knew it. He liked seeing you walk away from him. He liked watching you as you walked out of the restaurant. He was just sad he wouldn't see your face when you realized you were in his game now.

.

Did you enjoy lying to me and going home? 

How’s your bed? Is it comfortable?

If it isn’t I could always buy you a better one.You rolled your eyes. He really couldn’t be that full of himself, but he was. Why did it have to be that way? You left him on reading. You didn’t have time for him or his childish game– again ignoring what you had done yesterday. You stayed in your bed curled up in some blankets watching reruns of whatever was on. No, it’s not as exciting as being rich and spending money, but it comforted you. Even watching rich people be stupid on television annoyed you even more.  

Why was it always the bad rich people that you saw? Was it the money that had gotten to their head? There was a buzz next to you followed by an irritated groan.

Anyways I booked us a hotel this afternoon at four. Don’t be late. Dress nice, or don’t. I’ll have something picked out for you anyway <3

You scoffed at his message. He was full of himself.

.

You ended up not dressing up for him. What was the point if he was just going to have you change anyway? Instead of seeing him in the hotel room, there was a shopping bag with a note attached to it. Maybe Hongseok was respectful after all. You smiled at the little nite of “Try this on!” It was a black satin dress that went down to your ankle with a pair of lace-up heels and a matching bag. There was no reason for Hongseok to spoil you so well. You already loved it, and this was just the beginning, no matter how hard you tried to hate him. 

Hongseok was waiting outside of the room arms crossed in a black suit. Black to keep it classy. When he saw you he turned to you and held out his hand in front of you. You smiled taking his hand and following him to a black car. You two exchanged small talk about the dress and you ignored anything he said about you leaving him. You didn’t care and didn’t want to hear anything more about it. You had no idea where he was taking you, but judging by your outfit it was somewhere fancy. It had been what you always wanted a lavish life a lavish lifestyle. 

The car stopped in front of a building that looked like it was made in the early 20th century. Hongseok stepped out of the car to get to your door and held out his hand once again. You took his hand and followed him inside where he gave them the tickets. Your eyes searched around you, there were no posters for a musical. There wasn’t any information just decoration and mirrors. Your eyes caught on a mirror in front of you. It painted a rich couple on a date. He took you on a date. 

He led the two of you to a private booth claiming that his family had reserved this for them and that he had to go today to this opera to support a friend. In all honesty, opera wasn’t your thing and he admitted it wasn’t for him either, but to root someone on their debut? That’s what the two of you were for. Plus he said he didn’t want to go alone and you were in this deal with him. That had you thinking that maybe the gifts weren’t gifts at all and it was just something so he could seem fashionable. You were taking advantage as you were just being an accessory that he dressed himself up with. 

Instead of paying attention to the plot of the opera and the music, you were staring as Hongseok focused. His eyebrows were knotted together and ever so often he would break out into a small smile. You began a guessing game on whoever his friend was and then you noticed that he only smiled when one person sang. 

You flipped the playbill open and searched for the man. “Jo Jinho..”, you mumbled getting Hongseok to turn to you. You smiled to yourself “He has such a pretty voice, your friend.” 

“That he does.” Hongseok smiled and nodded. His eyes were glowing and he couldn’t be even more proud of his friend. By looking at him you could tell how high Jinho was on Hongseok’s list of people. You smiled to yourself for the rest of the night now appreciating Hongseok as a person and looking forward to meeting his friend. 

At the end of the night, you met Jinho. He came off as an incredibly sweet person. Hongseok kept his arm around your waist the entire time while the three of you conversed. You watched as Jinho’s eyes wandered to the arm around your waist. You could there was slight confusion about who you were, but he never acknowledged it. 

The rest of the night went by smoothly. Taking in too much alcohol was your thing, and it didn’t stop when you were with him. The disbelief of being with him was fueling your need to feel loose, and you were. Your body was leaning on Hongseok’s constantly. You were feeding him this relationship he wanted purely out of spite. You wanted to give him a taste knowing it wasn’t real. Was it getting to him? You didn’t bother to check if it was. 

Afterward, he got you a taxi back to the hotel that he had earlier. Presuming that you were going to give him the clothes back you followed along with him. Again the car ride was silent with Hongseok looking out the window. He was handsome and you would go for him– if he wasn’t a rich prick. Maybe it was you– or the alcohol but you just kept leaning into him. The moonlight on his skin was something so magical. “Can I kiss you?” Was it you? Perhaps it is. Perhaps there’s more attractive than you give off. Hongseok’s head turned your way and he blinked a couple of times to see if he heard you right. It was cute. Something in your stomach turned. You weren’t sure if you liked the way alcohol brought down your prejudice against rich people. No matter how ridiculous it is. 

“You can.” Hongseok fixed his posture in his seat. You could tell that he was caught off guard by your words. Too drunk to think anymore about it, you closed the space between the two of you. 

.

The next morning you woke up before him. This time when you moved off of the bed he didn’t wake and you got dressed and left. No text from him or anything the whole way back to your apartment. There was a little taste of disappointment that settled in the back of your mind. You wanted some attention from him. Even if it was just a small text. Last night was a blast and you wanted more of it.

Almost half of the day went by until your phone buzzed. You checked it happily thinking he was just going to tease you, but that didn’t seem to be the case. 

So we might have been spotted by tabloids last night

And we might have caught my parents' attention

And we might have to go out to dinner with them. 

You face palmed yourself. You didn’t know anything about him. Yeah, you knew he was rich, but had no idea exactly where his money came from how could you be that stupid? What if you were messing with someone you shouldn’t be? What were you even going to do when you met them? Your mind was racing places and you returned to the hotel room. 

Hongseok was still there– surprisingly. He was walking back and forth and didn’t seem to notice you. He might have been just as worried as you were about the situation. “Hongseok?” He turned to look back feeling a sort of relief. You gave him a soft smile and walked closer to him. “So what’s the plan? Family meeting as soon as possible?” 

He took a deep breath and turned to you. There was a sort of twinkle in his eye when your eyes met. “Yeah, I’m thinking about that. That’s also what my mom is requesting, but she’s very judgy and I don’t know If I want to put you through that, or not.” You could see him panicking again. “Hey it’s okay I’ll do my best to please them.” You gave him another smile. You don’t know what it was, but something inside of you just wanted to see him smile. It’s just human kindness. You don’t like him, why would you? He’s just insanely attractive and that’s it. There’s nothing more to it and even if last night had made you respect him more, it wasn’t that much. 

Hongseok looked up at you finally returning a smile. “Okay, so how’s Saturday for dinner? They would want to meet at their house. I could set some things up for you.” He grabbed his phone now scrolling through different websites of clothes– women's clothes to be specific. He wanted to find what would make his parents like you. It’s not that he didn’t trust your style– he didn’t trust his parents. He knew they could ruin the way you looked at yourself. If they didn’t like you– or found one thing “wrong” they would say it most bluntly and would take it far. 

This time you didn’t question what he was doing. Based on the dress he had picked out for you from before you could tell that he was looking out for you. If he could gain some ounce of trust, he had gained it with his fashion sense. You sat back on one of the chairs in the room and let yourself rest about the issue. The thought of leaving didn’t come to you. It seemed he needed the support, and you weren’t one to back down.

You ate dinner with him soon after by ordering room service. It seemed like he never left the hotel room. Now that you started to look around there were drawers opened with folded clothes inside, and his laptop– you guessed– was at a coffee table. Once again, it hit you that you didn’t know much about Hongseok and his life. You ate with him in silence. Trying to crack a conversation now wouldn’t help kill the awkwardness that you were eager to get away from. 

“When was the last time you saw your parents? So I know how the vibe will be.” Your eyes met his and he still looked uneasy to the subject. He swallowed putting his hand over his mouth.

“About two weeks ago. Things should be fine… they’re just very nosey.” You nodded. You were feeling pretty cool about the whole dinner. Things would be fine as long as Hongseok was there. You turned to him looking over his features again. Maybe he wasn’t that ignorant person you first took him for.

The day arrived, and you were a nervous wreck. Hands fidgety, palms sweaty, and legs shaky as you opened the door to the hotel room. Another bag this time placed on the table. It was a dress suit that was a plum color. Not as pretty as the dress he had given you before, but it was still nice. It was still a perfect fit. He left little gold accessories in the bag. Everything still felt so distant to you. It felt weird how there was no exchange of words between the two of you. Just gifts here and there plus outings. 

He was waiting for you down in the lobby wearing a black suit with a matching tie, so you had to guess his parents were formal people. He had his eyes on you watching you as you walked toward him. His eyes wandered the lobby hoping to meet someone else’s gaze. He pulled you in for a quick kiss when you reached him. It was quick and sweet– something just for show in case someone was watching the two of you. You hooked your arm in his and walked him to a car. You two had come up with some sort of fake story– “We met at university. We fell in love and you wanted to have a humble job at some company. I of course lied to you about my status. You didn’t know you were oblivious but sweet. When you found out it didn’t change much, but I felt the need to shower you with gifts as many chances as I got. You only accepted it that night because you wanted to support my friend whom you know I care deeply about. It was a one-time thing. Make sure to pay attention to anything I say. Read between the lines with me. Do not pay attention to what they say. Don’t let them break you. They’re just mean because they’re overprotective.”You looked out the window of the car. It was silent with you, Hongseok, and the driver. He kept looking over at you. His hand was so close to yours wanting to reassure you, but not sure if he could. To him the two of you– could he even consider the two of you close? You were going to meet his parent. That had to count for something, right? He caressed your hand smoothing the skin. He wouldn’t meet your eyes. He didn’t want to see your reaction afraid of rejection. You held his hand squeezing it as a thank you.

 Things were mostly unsaid between the two of you when it came to the way you felt about one another. There was a sense of adoration for the other person. It was the way you carried yourself for him. You were fierce with high self-respect, not taking anyone’s shit. For you, it was the way he flaunted but still, he had something in him that was sweet. You wanted to unlock it but didn’t know how. This dinner was a good way to change it, or show the potential the two of you had if you were in a relationship. He believed with all his heart that the two of you could work this out, why couldn’t you?

Hongseok helped the two of you out of the car wrapping his arm around your waist once again. He made sure that the two of you were close together as you went inside. He had close eyes on you and his parents. He didn’t let you talk at all. It’s not that he didn’t trust you. He just didn’t want to give his parents the chance to put you on the spot. You two made it to the dinner portion until his parents found some way to get your blood pumping. 

“Oh don’t you remember Laura? I miss her at our family dinners with her. She was such a sweet and proper girl.” His mom gave off a smile. You kept up the smile on your face, but you gripped your dress. Hongseok said they were nosey, not just plain rude. His mom reminded you of the reason that you hated rich people. The thick remarks were filled with passive aggression. You didn’t want to be here anymore and forgot the reason why you came. It wasn’t important anymore.

You shifted in your seat and a hand met yours under the table. You were still silent, you felt so out of place and distant. This wasn’t real anymore. The rest of the night became one of those moments that would be blocked out of your head forever, thankfully forgotten. You closed yourself off even on the ride back to that damn Hotel. So lost in your tired thoughts of going home you didn’t notice the grip Hongseok still had on your hands. He held them so dearly– so close to him. He felt bad for what his parents did, secretly cursing them out in his thoughts. He felt protective of you– and ashamed. What he was doing to try and make you smile or form some other relation between the both of you wasn’t working anymore. 

For what it’s worth you felt comforted by his thought. Maybe it wasn’t so bad to be with him. Maybe he wasn’t so bad himself.

[jinkoh]

enough

shinwon x ace!reader

Tags: gender-neutral asexual reader, established relationship, coming out, fluff, hurt/comfort, pet names, SFW

word count: ~1k

a/n: i wrote this ages ago, before i even wrote the vernon x ace!reader fics (1 | 2) and i didn't think i would ever post it tbh but i feel okay about sharing it now. i know it's rlly niche but maybe someone enjoys this anyway or can find some comfort in it~

Masterlist

Shinwon and you had been dating for a few weeks now. From an objective point of view it probably didn’t look like anything serious. You’d slipped into this relationship so casually and you hadn’t even gone further than kissing yet, so how serious could it be?

To you though, it felt pretty serious. If you could, you would stay in bed with him cuddling like this all day everyday. There wasn’t really any urge within you to go further, not when this, his face tucked into the crook of your neck felt so much like home.

Shinwon hugged you a little tighter, his fingertips grazing the skin beneath your shirt. You instinctively flinched at the contact and your stomach filled with a sense of dread. 

His thumb drew small circles into your skin and you were almost sure he was doing it subconsciously. He didn't make any attempt to move his hand up higher under your shirt nor was there anything else implying that he had the intention to make this sexual. But just because there wasn’t anything right now, didn’t mean it couldn’t lead to something later. Only speaking up then might be a little too late.

You took a deep breath to steady yourself. It shouldn’t be so hard to say something but it was.

You liked this. Maybe not this in particular, but you liked what you had with him and you didn’t want to ruin it. Sooner or later you’d have to, but maybe you could drag it out just a little longer…?

Shinwon left a lazy peck on your neck, his breath tickling your skin.

No. You should get it over with, rip it off like a band-aid.

You cleared your throat and Shinwon promptly looked up at you with big eyes and tousled hair. It was unfair how cute he was.

“You good?”

You swallowed around the lump in your throat before you nodded reluctantly.

“Are you sure?”

“Uhm,” you pressed out and you already felt tears well up in your eyes. Trying to keep them from spilling out, you focused your gaze onto the ceiling. 

“I’m okay it’s just—” You took another deep breath. Then, with a shaky voice, you started again. “I don’t think I want to do this.”

When you finally dared to glance at your boyfriend, he was eyeing  you with a worried frown on his face. The hand on your waist had disappeared. Instead Shinwon was propping himself up so he could look at you properly.

“What do you mean?”

You wanted to say something but you couldn’t get a single word past your lips; didn’t know how to explain in a way he’d understand. You shrugged.

He tilted his head. “Do you mean us? Do you want to break up?”

You weren’t sure what you’d expected him to think, but this caught you off guard. Hastily, you shook your head. 

“No!” and then, hesitantly, you added “but maybe you will want to.”

The frown on his face deepened and it was clear that he had no idea how you could think that. 

“Why would I want to break up?” He leaned in a little closer, his lips in a pout. “Who will I watch my drama with if I break up with you?”

You wanted to smile at his words, but the moment you raised the corners of your lips, your chin started to tremble and tears rolled down your cheeks. 

“Because I–” Hiding your face behind your elbow you started sobbing, unable to hold it in any longer. Why was it so hard to talk about this? Why was it so scary?

Shinwons voice turned soft as he gently tugged your arm away from your face. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“But I don’t want to break up.”

He smiled and wiped away your tears with his thumb. “I also don’t want to break up, pumpkin. You can tell me. I promise it’s not as bad as you think it is.”

“How can you know that?” You choked out between sobs.

“I just do. So tell me.”

“I think I—I don’t want to do …it.”

Shinwon eyed you, still a small encouraging smile on his lips as he took in your words. “It?”

You swallowed around the lump in your throat. 

“...sex.” You pressed out, your voice barely a whisper.

He must have heard you anyway, because he slowly nodded. “Oh. Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. It’s fine, we don’t have to.”

“But—no."

His reply made you certain that he had misunderstood. “I’m not—I don’t mean now. Or, well, I also mean now. But I probably won’t want to do it ever.”

“Okay,” he said again. 

You searched for something in his eyes, disappointment or annoyance, maybe just incomprehension. But there wasn’t anything.

A frown appeared on your face. “Okay? Is it really?”

He furrowed his eyebrows then and you were sure that it was going to come now, the break-up talk, the whole actually, now that I thought about it, I can’t do this after all. 

But instead he asked “Do you not want it to be okay?"

"No, I do, but—how could it be okay?"

"But it is. Or I mean—unless you just don’t want to have sex with me?”

“That’s what I said, didn’t I? I don’t—I don’t want to have sex.”

“Yeah. But in general? Or just not with me? I’m not sure how I feel about sleeping with others, but we could probably figure something out…”

You looked at him in disbelief. That’s not the way you'd pictured this conversation to go. “No, uhm, I don’t want to do it with anyone. Ever. At all. I’m asexual.”

“Okay. That’s cool.” He layed back down, his face nuzzling into the crook of your neck and his arm thrown loosely over your torso. 

“Now that that’s settled, let’s take a nap.” After getting comfortable he abruptly raised his head again to look at you. “This is still fine, right?”

You felt yourself choke up. “Yeah, this is more than fine.”

He cuddled up to you again, closing his eyes. “Good.” 

“Are you sure this is …enough?”

“It’s more than enough.” he mumbled against your skin. 

“What about a year from now, will it still be enough then?”

“It will always be enough, pumpkin.” His voice was already starting to sound sleepy. “You’re enough.”

Masterlist

[natsukoshono]

HAIII!! i didn't know you'd reply so quickly, but im glad you did! THIS IS GONNA BE SILLY BUT LIKE... would you mind doing some headcanons for Sunshine, Pentagon, or maybe even Chaos? (your choice) Specifically of the romantical variety, and maybe a GN!reader insert? :Dc

(P.s. I'd like to learn more about your ocs! They seem interesting!)

Me: O-Oh, I'll write this! i'll start it soon

also Me: Forgets about Tumblr, in general.

I'm so sorry, i can't do Chaos AT THE MOMENT, as i need to re-read the tag arc. I've forgotten the majority of it. I barley remember who was even in it.

PERSONALLY i say Sunshine being into personality more then anything. He'd prefer that you could at least fight, but wouldn't care as much if you aren't on his level.

his love language is acts of service and quality touch (Ahem Ashuraman)

the way into this man's heart is food. So if you can make ANYTHING his hearts yours. He eats anything, literally.

he sucks at flirting but for some reason he thinks he's AMAZING at it.

-LOVES seeing you in yellow or gold. Since he likes to think that it's HIS colour.

Pentagon

god I love this man. I do so much.

He's likely looking for a long relationship, so essentially marriage.

gentle as hell, when it comes to touching you.

words of affirmation, and gifts are his love language. wouldn't matter, if it's expensive or something simple as a paper crane you made, perhaps a doodle of them, or his favourite flower.

personally i believe he'd prefer someone kind, and sympathetic. someone who wouldn't mind fixing his injuries.

He'd try and hide you from his fans, not that he's embarrassed the exact opposite. however personally i believe he wouldn't want his lovers or children to be in the eye of the paparazzi as he knows what they're like.

[blizzardfluffykpop]

12 days of Winter Year #7

Groups you can request for are MONSTA X, PENTAGON, SEVENTEEN, and Xdinary Heroes. 

To request, pick a prompt and a member from one of the groups listed above, and the specific reader you want it for (if not specified, I’ll make it gender neutral). Also, I do not take requests for smut.

Completed stories will be posted every odd numbered day of December!

Update: All prompts have been written so they are no longer strikethrough!

Please request!!!

“I’ll light the fire; you place the stockings on the mantle.” 

Building a snowman together 

“If I give you this peppermint kiss, will you give me a real one?” 

A Winter Postcard that reads, “Meet me in ____” (You choose the destination!)

“Your mom made me a gift?” “Yeah, you’re a part of the family now.” 

Cooking Christmas dinner together for your friends

“After sledding, do you want to have hot cocoa at the lodge?” 

(Bias) giving you frosted flowers

“Mistletoe… my arch enemy”

A Holiday Dress Up Party 

“Snowball fight!” 

Make your own prompt!

[multifanhoe99]

Kinktober 2023 MASTERLIST

Kinktober 2024 MASTERLIST

SF9:

Seventeen:

Pentagon:

P1Harmony: Jiung- Studio Sesh

NCT:

Monsta X:

KARD:

Ikon:

Enhypen:

Treasure:

The Boyz:

Big Bang:

Exo: Permission Granted-Chanyeol, Sehun, and Baekhyun

Got7:

BTS:

Ateez:

Stray Kids:

TXT:

Shinee:

[bluebad]

créditos não são obrigatórios, like or reblog if you save.

Dawn random icons;

[jae-bummer]

My Idol 3: Part Twelve

My Idol from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My Idol is a South Korean competitive reality dating game show. It currently airs on Saturday nights on Jae-bummer’s blog. First broadcast in 2016, the show offers the opportunity for a lucky fan to go on seven blind dates with seven idols. The idol plans the date with the show throwing in a specific mission to complete during the day. At the end of the initial dates, the show opens up an audience vote to decide what four idols will move on to the second date.

My Idol 3: The Series

"This is only temporary, little friend," Chan cooed, eye level with the small vase that housekeeping managed to scrounge up. "It's Papa Chris's fault for not thinking ahead."

"Papa Chris?" you mused as you watched the man crouching in front of you.

Glancing over his shoulder, he shot you a smile. "We're co-parenting."

"Are we?"

"Mhm," he nodded, pulling himself to his feet. "And we're doing very well with it."

Your eyes trailed from your date to the goldfish doing laps in his small space. When San had originally replaced your laptop, you weren't expecting for any of the guys to buy you anything you had lost. While it would be a kind gesture, you didn't know them. They shouldn't feel obligated to give you anything. This, though, came so far out of left field, you were unsure how to process the situation.

"Does that mean we've brought a child into a divorced household?" you hummed. "Since we're co-parenting and all?"

Chan's handsome face broke into a wide grin, dimples and all. "No, no, we're just separated. We have things to figure out first."

Returning the smile, you jumped as a PD bustled into the room. Looking from you, to Chan, and then back to Chan's bodyguard, she groaned. "What are you doing?"

"Visiting," Chan said, his smile more of a cringe.

"You're supposed to meet on camera!" the PD said, exasperated.

"Sorry," Chan grimaced. Whispering, he leaned toward you. "I have a tendency to apologize after I do something instead of asking for permission first."

"Come on," the PD sighed, motioning for Chan to follow her. "We have to get you on location.

And you!" she said, spinning around to point a finger in your direction. "Act surprised when you see him."

"Got it," you nodded.

You were at a loss as you glanced toward the last remaining stranger in your room. Chan's security guard gave you a small frown before he followed the other two out.

Plopping back down on your bed, you stared blankly at the door. You felt like a sitcom character at this point. The situational whiplash was exhausting.

.

"I didn't ask for him to come to my room," you challenged, looking moodily out the window.

"I left for a few minutes to go over security plans, and you were in your room with a contestant!" your bodyguard, Hyuk, squawked from the seat in front of you. As the older of the two bodyguards, he definitely took more of an older brother/uncle role in your life.

"We were supervised!" you reminded him after stating the fact nearly five times now.

"Not by me," he grumbled.

Rolling your eyes, you tried to remain patient with him. You knew he cared about your safety first and foremost, especially considering how your date with Hyungwon had ended. It was not on your to do list to get hit by eggs again.

Looking back on your morning, your initial meeting with Chan had been abrupt, but pleasant. Ever since Insu had left your room the night before, you had been trapped in the endless rotation of your thoughts. It was nice to have a surprise come in and distract you from your own brain.

As you were on the way to your next date location, you couldn't help but have your mind begin to wander again. Aside from wondering what fresh hell the day would provide, against your better judgement, you still held out a little bit of hope. All of your dates, whether they were sabotaged by fans or not, were so, so lovely. Barring the eggs and bum-rushes, you looked back on each one fondly. More than anything though, you were constantly overwhelmed by the feeling of getting so close to so many interesting men. They had been open and raw with their thoughts and opinions, and even after being sequestered in a hotel, they still wanted to stick it out.

You shouldn’t go about putting them on a pedestal, you reminded yourself. They were ordinary people, just like you. Their jobs were just extraordinary. You were all on the same playing field, trying to figure things out.

“Are you even listening?” Hyuk sighed, turning around to send a glare in your direction.

You felt your face grow hot. “Totally,” you lied. “But just for clarity, would you mind repeating it again?”

“It’s okay to have your head in the clouds,” he muttered. “But please keep at least one foot on the ground.”

“Did Confucius say that?" you asked sarcastically, tilting your head.

“No,” he deadpanned, not even humoring you. “We’re going to have a lot more security today. You may not see me much. I’m responsible for coordinating a lot of people, but I just want you to know that you’re safe. Okay?”

“Okay,” you said quietly, looking out of the window again. After the egg incident, Insu’s reaction had rattled you more than you would like to admit. You had never considered that a fan would go to more violent measures, but the behavior did seem to be escalating.

As the My Idol SUV pulled up outside your next location, you tried to swallow down all of the emotions careening in your chest. A mixture of fear, anxiousness, hope, and excitement danced together, none of them in step.

Sliding out of the vehicle, you remembered at the last second that you were meant to be meeting Chan for the first time. Luckily, your nerves seemed to have you prepared.

"Hi," you squeaked, staring at the already familiar face. He had changed since you last saw him, opting to wear a baseball cap and all black. The color suited him, but then again, likely every color did. That's just how it worked when you were devastatingly attractive.

Chan smiled coyly before bowing. "Hello, I'm Stray Kid's Bang Chan."

"I'm Y/N," you managed, giving a small bow back. This was going to look so awkward on screen. "It's nice to meet you."

"Much nicer for me, really," he hummed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "You look absolutely adorable."

If a human could turn red, you would have been scarlet from head to toe. "You think I'm adorable now? You should see me covered in rotten eggs."

You weren't sure why you said it, but could chalk it up to inappropriate coping mechanisms. When in doubt, make light of your misfortune.

"Really takes it up a notch?" he chuckled. "I heard about that. I'm so sorry that viewers took it that far."

"Fans will be fans, I guess," you sighed, glancing up to the building you were standing in front of. "Where-"

"No," Chan cut you off, shaking his head. "I don't know what your opinion is of our fans, but anyone who would put you through those things is absolutely no fan of mine."

"Oh," you breathed, not expecting him to respond to your statement. "I-I mean, I'm sure they just want the best for you guys."

"The best thing for me is to not worry about my personal life so intensely," he nodded. "They should focus on there's. I'm positive it's much more interesting than anything I'm doing."

It seemed like you had hit a nerve. This conversation would likely be best off camera.

"Speaking of things you're doing," you attempted to segue. "Where are we?"

Chan gave you a half-hearted smirk. He knew what you were doing and was not amused. "Why don't I take you in so you can see for yourself?"

Offering his palm, you hesitantly took it. It was difficult to describe the way that Chan was making you feel, but you were leaning toward liking it. Even though you felt like you were being pretty guarded, he had no issue reading you. Whether that was just from him being perceptive or the two of you meshing well, you weren't sure.

His narrow fingers fit well between yours, and you couldn't help looking down to appreciate his vascular arms and hands. How could something so simple be so hot?

"How's our boy?" he said quietly, eying the crew behind you.

"Adapting," you whispered. "I made one of the PD's promise to get him a better living situation by the time we got back."

"Great," he smiled. "I watched Youtube videos all the way here on how to set up the tank and-"

Notably getting more excited, you placed your free hand lightly on his forearm before motioning behind the two of you with your eyes.

"Right," he said, clearing his throat. "So our date today...it may seem a little childish, but..."

Chan had guided you into what appeared to be a small shopping center with individual stores renting out spaces inside. The one he was referencing in particular was not a Build-a-Bear (they hadn't made it to Korea yet) but was very Build-a-Bear adjacent.

"I thought maybe we could make plushies," he said, his expression nervous. "I'm not sure if you're into that kind of thing, but I've kind of always daydreamed about doing this with a partner."

You blinked in surprise, not at all expecting how vulnerable he looked. He was clearly uncomfortable not knowing if you thought this was lame or not and was looking to jump ship as soon as you showed any sign of disappointment.

"It's kind of silly, isn't it?" he coughed, growing more anxious the longer you were quiet. "There's another place a few stores over-"

"It's perfect," you said finitely. Something about the idea of creating a plushie with Chan was incredibly appealing to your inner child. "And not silly at all."

"Really?" he grinned before shaking his had. "I mean, yeah! If it makes you happy, who cares what anyone else thinks, right?"

"Right," you hummed. "Do you know what to do?"

"Oh yeah," he hummed. "I'm an old pro at this."

"Excuse me," a worker interrupted, wandering over from the counter. "Can I help you two?"

"Please," he winced. "I have no idea what we're doing."

You let out a burst of laughter. "An old pro, huh?"

"I may have embellished," he chuckled.

You shook your head, unsure if you'd be able to pin down Chan's personality on the first date. He was hilarious, presented as confident, but it also seemed to be a bit of a front. He was very cognizant of your reactions. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but was more than willing to do it to himself. An undercurrent of self consciousness flowed behind your interactions, and you were a bit surprised to see it.

"First, you'll need to find which friend is right for you," the worker instructed. "After that, meet me by the fluff machine."

"Fluff machine," Chan nodded, glancing around the shop. "Totally know what that is and will definitely find you by it."

"Come on," you laughed, pulling him toward the wall of plushie corpses.

You both assessed the choices in front of you before Chan spoke up. "You can totally say no, but why don't we pick out each others?"

"Why would I say no?" you hummed, giving him an encouraging smile. "That just makes it infinitely more special."

"I agree!" he said. "I just wanted to make sure I wasn't overstepping."

"Probably for the best," you sighed dramatically. "I take my plushies very seriously."

"You seemed like the type," he nodded sternly before dissolving into a laugh. Regrettably unwinding his arm from yours, he began to shuffle down the row, picking up several options and testing how soft they were.

You focused on the task at hand as well. What would be the best choice for Chan's bear? Should you make it to your preference or to his? A kangaroo seemed like too obvious of an option if you were making it in his likeness. Maybe it was safer to pick something that represented you. He'd have something to remember you by.

"A frog, huh?" he chuckled, finally meeting you by what you assumed to be the fluff filler.

"I wanted to get you something that reminded you of me," you grinned.

"Yes, when I see you, I definitely think "frog,"" he frowned, shaking his head. Holding up his own choice, it turned into a smile. "I picked a wolf."

"On brand," you nodded.

Chan lifted his brows, but you only grinned wider. "Skzoo is much too popular for me not to know about it, Chris."

"And for a second, I thought you may have been a Stay," he clucked. "Pity."

Rolling your eyes, you pushed your shoulder into his. "I'll up my game, I promise."

"You better," he teased, shouldering you back. "If you don't get your act together, I'll take the fish and run."

It wasn't long until the two of you had stuffed your respective animals and decided to put recordings in their hands. Stepping as far away from your date as you could, the words came to you easily.

"You have an amazing heart," you said into the small recording device. "Thank you for being you."

Wandering back over to Chan, you both finished up by selecting outfits. Chan was much pickier than you anticipated, but after discussing, you settled on an adorable onesie while he picked an all black ensemble.

After a small argument about who would pay (Chan won rock, paper, scissors), he pulled you over to an ice cream shop across the way. "Why don't we finish up with something sweet?"

"I'm not sweet enough for you?" you joked, sticking your tongue out at him.

"That was a good one," he laughed. "But I haven't tasted you yet."

"Whoa!" you gasped, pressing a hand to your chest. "Sir!"

Chan grinned sheepishly before ducking his head. "Sometimes the impulsive thoughts win. I'm sorry!"

Your stomach did a few flips as you replayed what he had said. He had nothing to apologize for, but you wouldn't be telling him that. You hoped your brain didn't make interesting use of his comment in your dreams.

After carefully selecting your flavors (you may have filled up on samples alone), the two of you sat down at a cafe table. Just as you were about to take the first lick, one of the PD's cleared their throat.

"Shame on me for almost forgetting," you muttered, eying the sudden appearance of the dastardly red envelope.

"I got it," Chan sighed, leaning forward to grab the challenge. Opening it swiftly, he read the words aloud.

"Could this be a sticky situation? Take ten laps around the shopping center without letting your ice cream drip on the floor. Make a mess and incur the penalty."

You glanced from Chan to your ice cream. "How are we supposed to stop ice cream from melting?"

"By moving fast!" he gasped, yanking your hand. Pulling you out of your seat, you stumbled forward into the main area of the shopping center. The set up seemed to be a large square, so the circuit wasn't too difficult to figure out.

"Can we stop the drips?" you called over to the crew now chasing after you.

"You just can't lick the ice cream!" a PD called, already finding the running to be difficult.

Chan dropped your hand and opted to keep his floating under the cone. If anything spilled, in theory, his fingers would catch it.

Digging around in your pockets, you were pleased to find the napkins you had grabbed after you had made your order. Wrapping them haphazardly around your cone as you ran, you offered a few to your date.

"Thanks!" he gasped. "This is ridiculous."

"It's meant to be," you groaned, now holding your hand underneath your ice cream. It was already starting to melt.

Tearing your way across the linoleum flooring, you dodged and ducked around shoppers and workers alike. It wasn't until the final lap that you dared to have any hope.

"We're going to make it!" you insisted, seeing your starting point in the distance. "I don't think I've spilled anything!"

"Me either!" Chan said through deep breaths. "Also this counts as my cardio for the day."

Laughing through your pained inhales, you focused on your stopping point. Unfortunately, that meant you weren't watching your feet. You hadn't realized that at some point during the run, your shoelace came untied and wouldn't actually notice until your feet began to trip themselves up.

"Agh!" you gasped, your body propelling to the ground at alarming speed. You could picture it already; splayed out on the floor, your ice cream dripping and melting everywhere, maybe a mild concussion.

"No you don't!" Chan shouted, gripping you under your arm and hauling you upwards again. You looked over to your date, shocked that he was able to correct your course without disturbing the treat in his hand.

Now overly aware of your shoe situation, you jogged with more caution. "Thank you!"

"No thanks!" he ground out. "That was entirely selfish. I don't want to do the penalty."

You laughed again, finally coming to a halt in front of the ice cream shop. "You saved the day. If I'm not mistaken, that makes you a hero."

"There may or may not be melted ice cream on your shirt now," Chan winced. "There was a good bit on my hand before I grabbed you."

"Perfect," you sighed. "I love the feeling of being sticky but not knowing where it came from."

Chan grinned at you before looking over to the production crew. "Did we pass?"

After several PD's carefully retraced your steps, they finally agreed. You both had somehow managed not to spill anything.

"Yes!" you shouted, hopping in place. Chan wrapped his free hand around your waist and pulled you in close. If your heartbeat wasn't already thudding in your ears, it would be now.

Letting your body fit into his, you tried to take measured breaths before looking up at him. "I meant what I said earlier. You really are the hero today."

"If I'm a hero in your eyes, my work here is done," he smiled shyly, his eyes tracing across your face. They finally came to rest on your lips, the sudden attention causing your adrenaline to spike again. "Y/N?"

Chan didn't need too say more than that. He spoke your name as a question, the underlying tone making his intent clear. He wanted to kiss you and your brain was screaming at you to allow it. The challenge had left you both on edge and this seemed like an excellent way to dissolve that tension.

"Excuse me?" a raspy voice called from across the room. Both of you hesitated before looking back at the little, old ice cream shop owner sat behind the counter. "Why don't you two throw those out? I can make you fresh ones."

"Oh, you really don't have to," Chan croaked, his voice much more gravelly than it had been. He glanced back to you, biting his lip.

"I insist," the owner smiled. "It'll be up in a moment."

"Right, thanks," Chan managed before taking a step away from you. The loss of his body felt immediate, like a cold bucket of water being poured over your skin. That had gotten dangerous very quickly. It was probably for the best that the worker had stepped in when he did.

"Let me take this," Chan hummed, gingerly pulling your melted ice cream from your hands. After you both wiped off your fingers and applied a generous amount of hand sanitizer, Chan knelt to the floor. "I'll take care of this too."

You were momentarily rendered speechless by the sight of Chan tying your shoe. Pulling it into a secure double knot, he stood again. "You alright?"

You knew your pupils had all but turned into hearts as you tried to choke out a response. "Never Better."

[compacflt]

don’t tell anyone but im touring the pentagon today 🤫 can’t wait to find out so many Interesting Facts that prove my military fanfic inaccurate, sometimes existentially! (btw that is a phenomenon that happens to me twice a week on average)

[kpopjust4u]

Kinkmas - Day 9: Mirror Sex W/ Kino

Post Date: 9th December 2022 Content: Smut - Pentagon Kino x Reader WC: 1K TW?: Mirror Sex/ Praise/ GN - Reader has vulva/ Ass smacking/ SoftDom!Kino

Summary: You admire yourself so much in your reflections through the town’s windows, Kino turns this into something for both of your pleasures.

Masterlist               Kinkmas Masterlist                     Prompt list

"Look how pretty these lights are," you excitedly squeal, pulling at your boyfriend's hand towards the lights from across the street.

"They're not as pretty as you," Kino cheekily replies, grinning madly as he watches the lights glitter in the reflections in your eyes, admiring how beautiful you really were.

But you weren't the only one admiring yourself, your eyes dropping to your reflection in the window, glowing with the Christmas lights around the town. How you love the reflection of you holding onto the love of your life's hand? How you admire how you looked in the outfit that Kino had picked out for you? And this didn't go a miss by Kino who watches you look at you both in the reflection, smiling to yourself.

Scoffing lightly, "So you like admiring yourself in your reflection, huh?" Kino asks, pulling you close to him, standing behind you with his arms wrapped around your waist.

He didn't know why but he was so attracted to the way you looked at yourself, smirking as he trails his hands down the contours of your body over your coat. The way you smile at him through the reflection when he trails soft kisses on your cheeks makes him think of many things, mainly about if you could admire yourself like this now, how could you react when you're watching yourself being sent to heaven and back when his tongue and fingers do the dirty work. Or even watching how your face contorts when his hips slam against yours.

And that didn't take long to find out at all. Ushering you home quickly, promising to take you out for hot chocolate and another light show, just so he could try his twisted little idea. Well, that's how he thought it would sound, but he wanted to try it, hoping you would be down for it too.

Getting through the front door, Kino struggles to keep his hands off of you, kissing all up your face and down your neck which makes you giggle, melting into his affection.

“What’s got you all excited, huh?” You squeal, trying to wriggle out of his grasp for a quick breather, and getting greeted by a lustful smirk on his face, the way he peels your coat off your body, throwing it to the side before directing you to the bedroom.

Sitting you down on the bed for the moment, he disappears and comes back holding onto your living room mirror, putting it up against the wall in perfect view of the bed. His hands attach to your body once again, inch by inch taking an item of clothing off your body.

“I wanna try something,” he almost growls when he talks, eyeing every bit of skin that was getting exposed to him every time items of clothing were getting removed, licking his lips in the process. 

“What is it?” You reply in confusion, brows furrowed together as you’re pulled to cradle his lap, skin getting warm to the touch from excitement as your naked bodies press against one another. 

Kissing all up your collarbone, he grips your ass tightly, peering around you to see how perfect you were from behind in the mirror, growling to himself, “You’re so fucking perfect, turn around and look at perfect you are in the mirror”.

Doing as he says, you turn your head, capturing yourself in your reflection on his lap, how the curves of your body are accentuated, smirking as you manage to get a glimpse of him looking at you too which makes your body shiver and goosebumps rise on your skin. 

His fingers trail up your sides, watching how your face contorts in pleasure to his light touches, feeling you starting to get wet on his lap as his other hand trails between your legs.

“Let’s have some fun, shall we? But you have to keep looking at yourself in the mirror,” he whispers seductively in your ear, brushing a finger across your clit to make you react, pleased to see you bite your lip and a muffled whimper leaves your lips. 

Nodding in reply, excited for what you’re in for, you turn around, taking place with your ass up in his direction whilst your chest and head buried into the sheets, turning it so you can still see yourself. Of course, you capture him biting his lip and smirking at your choice of position, happy that you read his mind. 

Making sure to keep an eye on you through your reflections, he gets on his knees behind you and caresses your ass before slapping down hard on the one cheek, making you wince from the stinging sensation. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him, how his face contorts in satisfaction, how his dark lustful eyes never leave your body. 

Teasing the tip of his cock at your entrance, he watches your face, plastered with a smirk as he slowly enters you, the pleasure making your eyes screw shut which makes him stop when he’s deep inside of you, “Keep your eyes open baby, look how pretty you are when you moan because my is cock deep inside of you”. 

“You’re doing so good, baby,” he instantly adds when he sees your attempt to do as he says, his length sinking deeper into you after pulling out ever so far, making you whimper and quietly cry in pleasure. 

Quickly, you were finding out that this may be your new favourite thing and Kino was all for it, being more vocal than usual with how he loves watching himself fuck you whilst you’re being pleasured like this. 

It was a struggle, you had to admit, to keep your eyes open to watch yourself as your world is getting rocked, the pleasure being too much, and oh how hot your boyfriend was, his growls to accompany his also contorting face made everything a whole lot better. 

“Look at you behaving so well for me, aren’t you so perfect? Look at yourself, you’re so perfect aren’t you?” He practically chants with each stroke he makes, making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

To add to it, he reaches under to circle your clit whilst he fills you up so perfectly, making you completely weak in the knees. 

“Yes, Kino... So perfect... Fuck,” you cry out loud, trying your absolute best to keep your eyes peeled on your reflections despite how much he’s trying you.

Stopping momentarily to kiss down your back, and your shoulders, he whispers, “You are, you really are”. 

~

Tags: @scuzmunkie, @ateezreactionsandscenarios, @trashlord-007, @fanfictrashlord-007

[proudahgase-exol]

I know your love's not real.

Optional bias x reader

Summary: You're in love with your best friend, who claims that he loves you too, but the truth is, that's not the way he feels.

Ps. I was leasing to 1D's Fool's Good and I got an idea, so this is what I come up with. Sorry if it's bad.

Update: I fix the mistakes I had made hopefully it’s better :)

When I started dating, it was like a dream come true. He was so sweet and caring; he made me happy, but the thing is, it wasn't the same for him. He pretends to be in love with me, and although that should have hurt me, it didn't. What actually hurt me was him lying to me for a whole year, pretending he loved me, and playing along. He hurt my feelings; he lied to my face for so long, and he expected me to forgive him. And the second thing that got me even pissed was that I found it from one of his friends. Was I a joke to him? So when I confronted him, I knew how this would end.

I had gotten home from work, and I was more than ready to talk to __. It was now or never that I needed to get this over, as much as it hurt me. So when I got home, I didn't waste time and talked to him.

"Hey, we need to talk," I said as soon as I walked through the door.

"Hey, babe, what's up?" he asked, sitting straight on the couch.

"Care to explain what your friend means by you not actually liking me?" told him without any emotions.

"Baby, what are you talking about?" he asks, getting up and trying to reach for my hand.

"Cut the bullshit. I know you don't fucking love me. I know you only date me because you couldn't reject me, so please do us a favor and tell me what your friend said was true," I told him as I shoved his hands away from me.

"Okay, fine, it's true. I just couldn't reject you, and I thought that if I said yes, I could eventually fall in love with you," he said with a low tone.

"Now I fucking understand the many times I told you I loved you and the times I talk about marriage with you, I know there's a fucking reason why you change the fucking topic." I said I was walking back and forth.

"I'm truly sorry, but I do love you deep down. I love you more than anything," he said, trying to touch me.

"Oh, fuck off. I know your love is not real; that's not the way you feel, so cut the bullshit," I said angrily.

"Please give me a change. I'll prove to you that I can love you. Give me a chance to show that I'm capable of falling in love with you," he replied with tears in his eyes.

"Oh, I think it's too late for that. If you didn't feel anything for me in the past year, what makes you think you will love me now? So get the fuck out of my place and out of my life. I don't ever want to see you again after you played with me, and on top of that, you have the audacity to ask to give you a second chance. You don't love me; you will never love me. That's clear as day. I know you're just feeling pity for me, but I don't need your pathetic excuses. Now get the fuck out of here." I replied frustrated

"Come on, we've been best friends since forever. I made a mistake by lying to you. Don't cut me off," he begged.

“A mistake that caused you a lot of mistakes and made me realize the kind of person you are a mistake that's caused a heartbreak a mistake that now will make me question people's feelings towards me. Now get the fuck out. Don't waste more of my time than you already have." I said, raising my voice.

After I told him all I needed to tell him, I got up and left for my bedroom. I heard him leaving my apartment, and I was now finally all alone. I let all my feelings out. I knew it would be hard to get back to how I was before. I was hurt; I truly loved __, but I couldn't stand the fact he lied. Now all that is left is a broken heart.

As the days passed by, I tried my best not to  think of him at all. I got my sled busy with work, and I tried to go out and try to get about the pain, and little by little, I'm starting to feel a lot better.

I try to be a natural reader. I hope I did well.

[cyncialwoo]

Lies Dipped in Rococo

-pairing: hyunggu x reader, huitaek x reader

-genre: angst, smut, rococo au, the progress of love???

-words: 7k words

-warnings: a bit of yelling,

-a/n: This one was in the works for a while. I might release a part two... if it goes well, and maybe separate endings. I just wanted to put something out there. I'm still active I swear!!! Thank you all for support!! >>Masterlist

Rococo is an art style, a lifestyle. Organically shaped and covered in gold and pastel colors. Putting an innocent tone over paintings that aren’t so innocent, for tea rooms where women gossip. The high life of the French. 

You sat in the tea room with the other ladies. You had on your best fake smile. You were the youngest out of all of them. Recently, you married the high priest. It was arranged, of course, but he was quite handsome. His name was Kang Hyunngu. Unlike your husband, you grew up in a noble lifestyle. He climbed his way to the top. 

You hummed at one of the lady’s comments. You weren’t listening to what she was saying. You were staring at the panties around the room. One caught your eye, a picture of naked figures on the sea with putti above them. 

“I see you like the painting I added to my collection.” She smiled at you. Her name was…. You could not seem to remember her first name. But her last name stuck out to you. You were still new to this group. Learning all of their names would take time.

“Ah yes, Mrs. Beaumont. What is the name of the painting?” You gained the attention of the ladies in the room. Most of them didn’t have an eye for art. You knew of some that would have their maids. 

“The Triumph of Venus by Francious Boucher.” She let out a slight smile while sipping her tea. You nodded back to her and let the conversation move elsewhere. 

.

The piece stuck with you throughout the day. It could be because of the erotic nature of the painting. She had planned a day to go to the academy to look at the new pieces. You took care of most of the finances in the relationship. It was the only task that you had that wasn’t mundane.  

When you went to his office, he barely looked at you when the two of you were talking about taking over the finances. He replied with one word and pointed at the finance books. You didn’t know him too well at that time. He didn’t know you too well either. 

You picked up the books and looked back at him. He hadn’t looked up from his papers to see you out. It seemed that he did not have even a bit of interest in you. You didn’t talk to him much after you left his office that day. The two of you had never sat down and had a proper conversation. With you, he was reserved and you were the same with him. Neither of you would open up. 

.

You had been home since the meeting at the Beaumonts' place. You were going over the spending for the month, what was in savings, and what were the allowances. You were in your own office, like a hermit. Most days you wouldn’t dare to come out ‘til supper. There was no reason to stroll, but now you wanted to explore art galleries. You were looking down at the finance book, how much money should be put away for artwork? How much did it cost to be a patron?

You could send a letter to some ladies, but you know how judgemental they are. You could ask your head maid to do some digging on others. You were reading about the art world, trying to get as much information as possible.

You had been alone for a while when someone entered the room. You didn’t pay it too much attention at first until a shadow had loomed over you. You looked up to meet the eyes of your husband. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you this late in my office?” You gave him a smile reaching out your hand. He took it and placed a small kiss. It was a flirty gesture you made at him, but a large smile reciprocated it. 

“I hope you will be this public for our upcoming ball.” You raised your eyebrows at his words. Hyunggu wasn’t a social type of person. 

“A ball? Us? We barely attend others, and you want me to host?” You added a bit of a playful tone in your voice even though the matter was serious. Your fake concern was seen, but not spoken on. Although it was true, you did not attend many balls when the two of you married. People didn’t see you and Hyunngy together outside in public often. This would be a first. “I was hoping for a change. I want to present our name as something grand. I am sure you can handle hosting”

You hummed for a bit. “I can handle hosting and planning, but can you handle all the aristocrats? They can be quite annoying.” No matter how much you wanted to add to a pet name, you held yourself back. He hadn’t gone that far with you, and you wouldn’t with him.

“I can’t wait to see how you pull it together. It is in a month. That should give you enough time.” He gave you one final smile before he left the room. He didn’t prolong the conversation, but you wanted him to. The conversation was a bit longer, and you thought you had kept the mood up. So why didn’t Hyunggu talk to you for just a little while longer? He seriously drove you crazy.

.

You were busy the rest of the week trying to design some theme for your home and party. You were still hung up on the artistic style of rococo and decided to go with that as a theme. It was a new and upcoming style. It would make the two of you seem more stylish than you gave off. And you had to budget the whole ball plus the gowns. To you– that was the most important part of the event. It would probably cost more than the catering and cake. 

You knew one thing for certain, you were going to be locked inside your office for the rest of the day. 

. 

The ball rolled around, and you were exhausted from all the planning. You had your maids help her get ready, the dress, the makeup, the hair. There was a sense of pride when you walked downstairs and saw the array of flowers and colors of pastels. Some of the paintings that you ordered have come and were displayed. 

Your husband walked up to you, “It looks amazing such as you do.” You smiled. You felt flattered. 

“Thank you.” 

You sat on a couch sipping tea while watching your husband converse with others. It was a big party with a large guest list. You thought that you were in over your head inviting people that were of a higher class than you. Especially this one noble family. Their son was best friends with the prince. You didn’t expect them to arrive, but it still was a way to get your name out there. 

Your made rushed to you whispering in your ear that they had arrived. You jolted up, the excitement was too much. You followed the maid to where. You were too stunned to speak just follow. It felt like there was no possible way that this man could be in your house right now. 

You walked up to him, still beaming with excitement. “Nice to meet you, Mr Lee. Thank you for coming to my event tonight.” When you looked up at him you could feel your heart beating faster. He had a sweet puppy-like face and was too handsome. Now you were glad he came to your event. 

“Now that I’ve met you, I can say that I’ve come for a good cause.” He reached out his hand to your own slowly bending down to kiss it without making eye contact. There was heat in your cheeks. “Why don’t you show me around your lovely home?”  There was a look in his eye, something of interest. 

.

You showed him around your house, ending up in your private library on a couch. The two of you were laughing. You had to say, he got some good conversation out of you. The more you two drank, the more handsy Hui had gotten. His hands hovering above your own and his eyes rarely broke contact with your own. You sucked in a breath before you took another sip of champagne. It had already been late when Hui arrived at the party, heavens knows what time it is now. 

The two of you were still in deep conversation when your maid slipped into the room looking a bit nervous. She tapped you on the shoulder. “Erm… I just wanted to (warn) tell you that your husband has been looking for you and is headed to the library. Most of the guests have left by now.” 

You brushed it off waving your hand in the air, “It’s probably about the clean-up and what to do next.” You had a smile on your face with a pink tint on your cheeks. It was Hyunggu and he didn’t talk much to you. He only spoke business because, technically, you were part of his business image. 

“Oh dear, does that mean I have to part ways with you already? I thought we were just getting started,” Hui added as he snuck his hand under your own and laid a kiss upon it once more. He had an enamored look in his eyes now like he got a taste of what he was looking for. 

The made to you two was once again a ghost, and nothing else existed but the sound of your voices and the heat between your bodies. The only thing that would break the trance would be two hands on your shoulders. Surprised, you looked behind you to find Hyunggu. “Oh, Dear! You have to meet my new friend. He says my home is lovely and–”

“I'm sure our home is lovely, you designed it after all, but shouldn’t I be the one to talk business with the man, I am the husband.” He didn’t leave much room for you to respond, tightening his grip on your shoulders. You spoke no more. 

“Ah, we should soon. Let’s make a date where I can come over again.” Hui had a smug look that anyone could mistake for liquor. But the way that Hui made a quick glance at you, made your heart skip a beat.

“You’re right. Tonight has already gone too far. I’ll walk you to the door.” Hui stood up and you watched him. Hyunggu had finally lifted his harsh grip from your shoulders. You stood up as well, but the men were already half out of the door. Hui looked back at you and gave you a wink with a soft smile. 

.

You had returned to your room undressing, bathing, dressing, and slipping into bed with a book. Hui gave you a recommendation from your library, and you promised to read it. You had walked around the library with Hui before sitting down and talking. Hui was an observer, the way he watched you talk, and the way he examined the room. While the two of you walked around the book collection, he suddenly pulled out a book and gave it to you. You smiled to yourself holding the book to your chest. There was a knock at your door that interrupted your flashback– or shall I say daydream. “Come in.” You said in a soft voice to the person on the other side of the door. 

Hyunggu opened it, only now you were able to see his eyes. Angry, almost, but for a reason that you don’t know. You only turned to him to see who walked into your room, then turned back to your book. 

Your husband bored you and to you, whatever he was going to say would not make it any better, so you went back to your book. You heard him sigh, maybe it was the stress from hosting such a huge party. You flipped the page. 

“Do you have any shame?” Hyunggu said in a slightly irritated voice. It was clear he was trying to hold himself back, but the venom slipped through the cracks. 

“What?” You said now putting your book aside. You looked directly at him. 

“You disappear for half of the night into some secluded room, and you don’t think people will talk. Especially with that man’s ties with the prince?!” There was urgency in Hyunggu’s voice. He ran his hands through his hair. He was still angry, now you looked at him, analyzing him. He hadn’t changed from his attire from the part. He looked like he had been sweaty. You were sure it had been some time since Hyunggu walked Hui out the front door. So what had he been doing since then? 

Either way, he was coming for you, almost accusing you of adultery. Sure, you didn’t like Hyunggu as a husband, but you did have some respect for the man. “So this is about image? Because if it is–”

“It’s not about image it’s about the fact that my WIFE was gone half of the night and I didn’t even have an answer as to where you were. God, I had to ask your maid for an idea. The event went well if people weren’t asking for your appearance half of the damn time.”

“You don’t like me by your side if you mind me reminding you.”

“And when I did seem to find you when everyone else was gone, you were with a man. A man? What do you think about how he thinks of me now? So oblivious that I can allow my wife to slip away? “ He didn’t even hear your statement. He was ignoring you just blabbering on and then he got to the part about Hui’s glances. “He was looking you up and down undressing you with his eyes. In my house! He was thinking of undressing YOU. IN. MY. HOUSE.” 

“Have you been drinking, Hyunggu?” You said without giving too much thought to what was coming out of your mouth. You were starting to become concerned. 

“THATS NOT IMPORTANT.” Hyunggu was pacing around the room now. He was in over his head angry. A part of you was scared. This normally quiet man of your husband was now yelling in your bedroom. 

“I think you need to calm down.” You said with a little more urge in your voice. You were ready for him to leave and didn't know how to calm Hyunggu down. He was still walking back and forth when you got up from your bed walking toward him. You cupped his face, “You need to calm down.” You spoke softly to him, looking into his eyes. “Okay?” He looked back in yours before he ripped his face out of your grasp, and stormed out of the room slamming the doors. 

You didn’t sleep that night, the book acted as a source of comfort.

. 

You had been avoiding meeting hyunggu ever since the incident in your room. Dinner was the only time that you couldn’t escape from him. Neither of you had spoken either. You avoided eye contact from him, or read your book at the dinner table. 

You awaited Hui’s return, but perhaps he did not mean it when he said he would visit again. You spent your time in your drawing room, embroidering, reading, painting, and anything to pass the time. Going on strolls in the garden behind your house was your new favorite pastime. It felt more and more empty with every day, and you asked for more flowers and asked for more statues. You needed something more than an empty garden.   

You searched for some type of fulfillment for your boredom. You frequented as many teas and balls as you could in hopes of running into Hui again. Especially at balls, since you had met him on your own. It was a new move trying to go to all of the events of the social season since you weren’t that high of a noble. You needed the connections, so you had the ball in the first place, but you didn’t see much of a chance moving up in the ranks. 

You did get the attention of many of the lady’s husbands, which got you somewhere in mentioning your husband. Even though you were not interested in Hyunggu as much, you still had to stick by him. Who else was going to support your endeavors in art? You could think of one person but still could not find him anywhere.

.

You were getting ready for another ball you frequented with or without your husband. Sometimes Hyunggu would “tag along” for the connections that were there. This ball in particular, Hyunggu did not fancy it at all. You didn’t hear anything from the staff about him getting ready or wanting to go.

You left your estate feeling free since there wouldn’t be someone’s (hyunggu’s) eyes on you all night. You walked into the ball, the lights were dim creating a sense of ambiance. You wandered about most of the ball. You weren’t much of a dancer, but more of a socialite. 

You were laughing with one of the ladies you usually have tea with when someone tapped you on the shoulder. You turned yourself around and met Hui’s eyes. You curtsied to him, and he took your hand again to kiss it. His lips left a small fire burning on your hand for the rest of the night. “I have not seen you in so long.” You smiled up at him. You wanted to say that you missed him, but it felt like too much. 

“I am not an easy man to come across.” He had a sly look on his face as if he had won something. He held onto your hand escorting you somewhere more quiet, like before. You could tell he liked his privacy. 

“I can tell, you never called when you say you would.” You remarked in a slightly pouty tone. You would not give him too much, not yet at least. “At this point, you are just... teasing” You looked up into his eyes looking for something, and was met with a soft smile. 

“I did not think even if I were to call, that your husband would accept it. I am glad you felt the same way I have.” His hands lingered on yours, holding them. The two of you were outside in the garden. The sky was clear and full of stars. 

“What feeling do we share?” You asked inching towards him. The moonlight only made him look more dreamy. 

“The feeling of something igniting every time your skin touched. The passion.” His hands holding your upper arm. “That is why you were looking for me again, is it not?”

“You looked down at your own hands, “That is why. I do miss your company and our conversation. Which is why I wish you could visit me in my garden. It is empty, almost like my house. Like my heart when you are not next to me.” 

He tucked a hair behind your ear as an excuse to hold your face. “Then I will meet you in that garden.” He leaned in to kiss you, and it was soft. You leaned more into him grabbing him by his waist, and he grabbed you by yours in return. You smiled into the kiss, as he ran his hands up into your hair. 

He pushed you up against the wall, as the two of you became breathless. His hands were still in your hair tugging at it making the kiss deeper. He pulled away after a few moments trying to catch his breath. “We both can’t continue this here nor today.” Hui was looking down at the ground. His hands were on his hips as he thought of a solution to both of your dilemmas. “I shall have to visit your garden sometime…” Hui said, looking at you with a smile. 

“We should get back to the ball now before we are missed.” You replied and linked your arm with his. The two of you walked back to the ball to enjoy the rest of your night dancing and talking with Hui. You enjoyed his company more than Hyunggu’s. You felt like you had known Hui for an entire lifetime. 

.

You spent more and more time in the garden. New flowers were blossoming, and your statues came in. There was one you put on a pedestal– an angel. He looked like he was sitting and had a finger in front of his mouth hushing. Two other statues sat on the ground. They were angels, one hugging the other. You smiled to yourself proud of the way you had decorated the garden, but it was missing something.  The trees around your garden looked overgrown. The biggest tree had a branch that seemed to curl into itself. You couldn’t put to your mind what you were missing just yet. You walked around more of your garden seeing where else you could put statues. You had a thing for putti, the little devious angles that were found everywhere. It was too cute and fitting for Hyunggu’s job. 

You smiled to yourself looking over at your garden one last time. You turned to head back to your estate when your maid ran to you with a letter in her hand. “A.. Letter… from Marquis Lee.” As soon as those words left her mouth you beamed and ran to her to retrieve the letter. Your two dogs barked in the back of her. One was a brown and white cocker spaniel who was perfectly groomed and a Coton de Tulear, who was more energetic. Coco, who was the white puppy, and Ava, who was the brown and white puppy both ran up to you before you could get your hands on the letter. You giggled playing with the puppies, for a moment before making sure to take the letter and shove it into a pocket of your dress for safekeeping. You continued to run around the garden playing fetch with the puppies. 

You had been out there for somewhat of an hour when you felt someone’s eyes on you. You turned around to see Hyunngu leaning on a pole of your veranda. He had a soft smile for a moment before he got caught. He made his way towards you, and you called the dogs to your side as you walked to meet up with him. “Did you need my presence?” You said as you curtseyed a little at him.

“No, but you can say it was missed. You are usually inside.” Hyunggu said as he looked around at your backyard. It had changed since the last time he had been back here. It bloomed with your taste and creativity. He allowed himself to smile, admiring what you did to the place. “I think I know what your garden is missing… I shall order it and have it installed.”

“I already have more statues on the way,” you said. You guessed earlier that the garden missed more statues. Your garden needed a story of itself to tell, and to you, statues would fix that. 

Hyunggu chuckled a little, “No not that. Something else. Exotic, but I think you will enjoy it.” He nodded to himself before looking down at the two pups following you. “Seems that you liked my wedding gifts as well.” He felt proud of himself with that one. 

“I have grown attached to them, yes.” You answered Hyunngu bending down to ruffle Coco’s soft white furr. Dogs were often a gift in marriage as a symbol of loyalty. Given to a woman for the expectation of her loyalty. You knew that and so did he. Coco and Ava were a symbol of what you were meant to be as a woman. Sometimes you loved them but hated them for the reason they were here. “I shall see you at dinner,” you said with a smile and a curtsey to excuse yourself. Once again, you called the dogs after you while heading inside. It was time to read your letter.

And write a new one you would send in secret.

.

You almost fell asleep at your desk with all of the drafts you had written to Hui. You wanted to sound smart and eloquent, but you could not seem to get the right tone down. You groaned in frustration, throwing yourself back in your chair. His words were so sweet and rolled off the page like melting wax with a cherry scent. How could you ever match up with that? How could you make him feel like he’d be melting off of a small piece of paper?

In the back of the garden, there lies a pathway leading to a woman with her angel of a child. Next to her is a pedestal of our own, where our love can grow taller than any tree in my garden. We will make the flora around us bloom continuously. 

At the end, you signed your name. You wished to meet him there in that spot, on that same pedestal. You wished to steal another kiss from his soft lips and feel the way he held you. You found yourself with your hands in your hair, soothing it and slightly tugging on it just the way he did. Your hands trailed to your lips, brushing your fingers across them softly. A smile fell upon your lips reminiscing the one kiss you shared with him, that made every fiber of your body burn even a couple of days after. You leaned back in your chair sighing from the satisfaction of your daydream. You stayed like that for moments upon a time, just thinking how it would be if Hui could have courted you. When you were satisfied with the tiny scenarios you opened your eyes. You still needed to seal the letter that sat on your desk. You melted the wax and bored it onto the folded paper before you pressed the wax seal on it. It was your old one– before you were associated with Hyunggu. It was personal and just… you. Just you and him. 

You hid the letter you had written for Hui in between a textbook, for safekeeping. The one he wrote you needed a special place in your room. You could go shopping the next day for boxes, but for now, the best place to keep the letter would be close to you. You crawled into bed, taking the letter with you, sliding into the covers, and sliding the letter under your pillow. 

.

You sat at the dining table dressed up ready to go get some more writing supplies along with a box for yourself. Something about it just made you feel so giddy about the idea of getting to exchange letters with Hui back and forth. Even though you prefer to speak to him face-to-face letters would have to do. You wouldn’t want Hyunngu to become as frustrated as he was the night of the ball. Nor would Hyunggu ever let Hui set foot on his property. Letters were still personal, but not as intimate. 

Hyunggu had been acting differently since the night he came into your room. He had been softer in a way, and trying to connect with you more. He would try and match up the time the two of you had meals, he would try to meet you in the library acting as if he needed a book, and the way he came in the garden the day before. The gift he mentioned, you wondered why he would possibly want to get you a gift and what even was the gift. Hyunggu was still three-quarters of a mystery to you. You broke fast talking with your maid about what stores you wanted to visit, and if there was anything new that you had not seen before. 

Hyunggu walked into the room, and you quieted down in front of him. You looked up to see him smiling so early in the morning. He walked up to you to where you were sitting, “I am going to have something being installed today. You are going to be out today, correct?” 

You nodded at him replying, “I am.” You took another bite of your food to postpone talking to him. Hyunggu stared down at you a small smile still on his lips. You looked up at him, there was something more that he wanted to say to you or wanted to do. You noticed the way his fingers twitched at the side of him. “So I suppose you better have it installed before I come home. So I should take my time out today.” 

.

You hadn’t checked the garden to see what was installed when you came home, not when you received another letter so fast. The rest of the afternoon was sent in your room drafting yet another letter. The day had gone by so fast that by the time you looked outside your window, it was already late at night and there was no use to go outside. Hui had mentioned how he would come by soon to that pedestal and how your love story would grow. 

There was a knock at your door in the middle of the night. You had called your maid to come retrieve the letter and have it sent off as soon as possible. Hyunggu peered his head through the door before a sound could come out of your mouth. You coughed a bit slipping the letter under other documents and books. You plastered a fake smile on your face sitting with your legs crossed. You were leaning against your desk wearing only a nightgown. Hyunggu let himself in your room, “You never visited the garden today… Did you catch something while you were out in town?” His head tilted to the side as he walked closer towards you. “You did not eat dinner either. I was worried about you.” Hyunggu’s hand fell upon your cheek and traveled to your chin lifting it. 

You cleared your throat once more. “I apologize, when I came home I was feeling too well. I retreated to my room for some rest. I hope you were not offended.” Hyunggu smiled. His hand left your chin and went up to your forehead. His other hand went up to his. 

“You do feel a bit warm. Shall I call our  physician?” You shook your head slightly. You could not be more of a bother to him, nor did you seek his attention. You used to try everything to get him to look at you. You had suspected that this had something to do with Hui. Ever since Hyunggu found you in the library smiling, laughing, and talking with Hui, something inside Hyunggu flipped. Hyunggu visiting you in the middle of the night is rare. He did visit you a few times on the topic of financial matters, but nothing more than business. “Alright,” He replied letting his hands fall to his side. “But you should rest nonetheless, so you can feel better in the morning. I will be there to break your fast with you as well.”  Hyunggu leaned in to kiss your temple before leaving your room. 

You felt stunned by the sudden affection from your husband. You touched the place he kissed on your forehead. You bit your lip and called in your maid to give her the letter. Your sentences were short, telling her to send the letter out and that you would spend the entire day outside tomorrow. When she left you could barely fall asleep drumming your fingers in your chest. Your head played back to the kiss on your forehead from Hyunggu, then to the kiss you shared with Hui in the garden.  

..

The next morning felt brighter than the rest. You would find a surprise in the garden, and hopefully have a surprise visit from your so-called lover. The day was quiet and bright with a subtle breeze flowing through an open window. You had eaten with Hyunggu earlier that morning, and you could still not get over how he smiled at you. He held your hand and walked you to the garden that bright morning. 

He showed you the swing, tied by a thick rope into the three. It was gold with a velvet seat. It almost looked like a throne he got only for you. Hyunggu had lifted you from your waist to sit you in the swing. He held his hands in yours gripping the rope and pulling you back on the swing. He pushed the two of you forward. It felt like a moment that could be frozen and displayed for eternity. The way you flew through the air was a different type of magic. The sound of his laughter rang in your ears. He sounded so pure, so childlike. It was different from the way you knew him before. Everything had changed so fast in such little time. You two stayed in that moment that could have been taken out of a fairytale before a butler called him into the house to work on some matters. He caught the swing to slow it down so you could get off. He helped you off, holding your hand and giving it a peck before bidding you adieu. 

A pinch of guilt was felt in your stomach, the feeling that you betrayed Hyunggu. Even though your vows weren’t genuine, they still existed. You strolled through the garden, fingertips grazing the blooming petals around you. The way Hyunggu kissed you by your hand, took you aback to the way Hui kissed your hand. And soon enough, you were thinking of the way he kissed your lips. Flashes of scenes of the past two to three weeks ran through your mind. You sat and thought on a ledge of a wall. You closed your eyes to feel the breeze and the way the sun made parts of your skin tingle and warm. The sun felt like there was a second embrace hugging you and comforting you through your thoughts. The warmth helped with the loneliness that you felt, till the warmth was gone and you were cast in a shadow. 

You opened your eyes slowly, slightly afraid of what your eyes would meet as soon as they were introduced to the outside world. Hui whispered softly, “I know this wasn’t the place we were supposed to meet, but I hope you don’t mind.” You smiled and scooted over patting a seat for Hui to sit.

“I don’t mind at all. I am grateful you saved me from loneliness on this beautiful day.” You laid your head on his shoulder, your smile growing by the seconds. The two of you were deep in the garden of your estate, hidden by the numerous flowers around you. The sweet aroma of the flora filled the two of you with romance. Hui had an arm around you, and his other holding your hand. “I read the book you recommended to me.” You said in a soft whisper.

“Do you think I have good taste?” The arm over your shoulder drew circles on your forearm. The two of you were looking ahead as if there was nowhere else to look, nothing else to do, and nothing more to say. 

“I think we both know the answer to that question”. You laughed a little, letting your eyes crease, relaxing and acting naturally with Hui. You turned your head to look at him and gave him a small peck on his cheek. The creases on the corner of his eyes soon mirrored your own. He leaned down trying to give you a proper kiss. Being playful, you quickly switched out your lips for a flower before running off. You threw the flower to the side once Hui realized what was touching his lips. You were on your feet, running around the garden while Hui sprung off of his seat behind you to chase you. The sounds of your giggles filled the air as Hui continued to catch up with you. He tackled you into a patch of grass, he nuzzled into your neck starting to peck you. Hui attacked you with kisses all over your face and neck while you squealed trying to escape him. 

The rest of the day went by quickly with mostly chatting, soft touches, and short kisses. It was a fever dream, an idea that you could escape your marriage in your magical garden. You had dinner with Hyunggu that night barely looking up to meet his face. There was guilt that beat the smile off of your face. You stared down at your food, watching it slowly get cold. You also couldn’t bring yourself to hold the fork to your mouth, not in his presence. “Was there something I did that was wrong today? I’m sorry that I could not stay outside with you. And because of that interruption, I have some news for you. I will have to leave the estate for some business out of state for a while– I shouldn’t be too long. Three weeks to a month.” You looked at him blankly, not knowing what to say. “I know this is a lot and sudden.”

There was nothing you could think to say to him. Guilt began to fill your mouth, trying to force its way out. “It is, I hope it goes well.” A nice quick reply would do for now. You didn’t mind him being gone when he was barely there initially. Only just recently did he start making an appearance in your life. Still, Hyunggu had the title of your husband, and that was enough to make you feel a bit of guilt. 

.

By the next day, Hyunngu was packed up and gone from the estate. You made the most of the time having the place to yourself. More talks in the garden lead to talks in the library and many things behind closed doors. Carelessness filled your head as you let Hui inside your room, for a break from the sun. Really, it was so that you wouldn’t sweat under the layers of clothing when he touched you. You could be free from worry, and clothing. Hui held your face kissing you with passion he had not shown you before. He had nothing to hide anymore, not his passion for you. You held his shoulders for support as he kissed down to your neck trying to pry open your bodice. You helped him take off your dress, smiling and giggling with him. Hui took care of himself as you got comfortable on the bed. Who knew sex could be so fun when you add a bit of passion and the joy of eating the forbidden fruit? Hui’s lips were on you in an instant, his hand on your thigh soothing it. He made room for himself in between your legs, while his kisses trailed down your body. He worshiped you, every inch of your skin was left on fire after his kisses. When his face reached your heat he looked up at you. Hui’s eyes were glistening by the candlelight. “May I, my dear?”, he asked licking his lips.

“You may,” was all you needed to say before his lips were attached to your clit lapping and kissing like he wasn’t going to be able to do this again. His hands squeezed at your thighs, to keep you from closing in on him. His breath was hot against your cunt, as he gasped for air. You moaned as you felt his tongue enter you. You grasped his hair, whimpering as he sped up this pace. You were so close to your release, holding onto your sheets for dear life as your legs shook. You came with a screech, closing your legs around Hui’s head. He continued to lap up your cum, rubbing his thumb on your inner thigh. Your breathing was heavy as you ran your hand through your hair. 

     Hui detached himself from you, only to kiss you. He was murmuring something you couldn’t hear. You could feel Hui’s hard against your thigh. You helped guide him towards your entrance, needy for what more pleasure he would bring you. He pushed in with a deep kiss on your lips. He was slow at first so you could get used to him. He pulled back to look at you, and you stared at him with all of your combined beauty. You pulled him into a kiss with such passion urging him to quicken his pace. Hui bit at your lip pulling it while he quickened his pace. You could feel him drawing near as he began to let out moans of pleasure. You kissed his neck biting it and sucking at it trying to draw him closer. Hui came with a shaky moan, falling on top of you and leaving small kisses. The rest of the afternoon was a blur. 

.

You had been so caught up in your new love affair, that Hyunggu was coming home sooner than expected. The house seemed buzzing, with gossip about the past week and preparations. You tried to control as much of the gossip as you could. It was bad that you only felt guilty after the fact that you had done something. Your maid had come with a letter from Hui, and you rushed to put it in a chest that you kept. This whole ordeal made you nervous, even though you had put yourself in a hole. You barely loved Hyunggu, so what was this sinking feeling in your chest? You waited in your room for Hyunggu to arrive home. You cross-stitched until there was a knock at your bedroom door. You opened it to see Hui smiling back at you looking a bit frantic. You hadn’t read the letter he sent you earlier. Moments later you heard the commotion of unpacking in the house.

[jinkoh]

(don't) wait up on me

wooseok x reader

summary: moving in with your childhood friend/former crush doesn't seem like a good idea but you were just so bad at saying no...

tags: childhood friends, roommates, mutual pining, slow burn, jealousy (y/n is dating someone else in between), severe case of idiots to lovers, hurt/comfort, gn reader (but wears make up/jewlery), reader is a year older, somewhat alternating pov, SFW; warnings: alcohol consumption

word count: ~13k

a/n: back with some ptg after a long time~ so i started writing this fic in september 2022 and uuuh i wasn't sure i would ever complete it but it would have been such a waste to abandon this when it already had over 10k. i wont lie this story is definitely a little messy but somehow i'm still attached, maybe just bc it's been with me for so long. either way i hope you enjoy. &go listen to navy blue or sth~

Masterlist

You'd known Wooseok since you were in first grade, when his family moved in next to yours. He was a year younger than you and so incredibly adorable. The two of you immediately grew close. Neither of you had any actual siblings but Wooseok really felt like a younger brother to you.

He followed you around so much, you probably spent more time together than apart.

Your parents were just as close and it wasn’t uncommon for both families to have dinner together. His mom clearly adored you, treating you as if you were her child as well. Their flat felt like a second home to you.

You went to the same schools too (you teased him about it, saying things like "aw, can't believe you followed me to middle school and now you're following me to high school too" without meaning anything by it, the way the tips of his ears grew red going unnoticed).

He hit a growth spurt sometime around high school, towering over most of his classmates and absolutely towering over you. Maybe things started to feel a little different to you, but you decided to ignore it. You had to ignore it in order to keep the friendship you had intact.

Even though you'd both hit puberty and all that stuff, he still didn't cut it down on the physical contact, throwing himself onto you like a giant dog that doesn't realize how big he is. The way it made your heart race felt all kinds of wrong. He was supposed to be like a brother to you!

After high school you moved away to study. You purposely chose a university a little further off, in order to put some distance between the two of you and get over this. (If Wooseok found himself tearing up a bit after sending you off he didn't let on.)

Wooseok and you had never texted much and suddenly starting with it now would have been awkward. So, aside from the one or the other "how have you been" or "look what i saw the other day" you were barely in touch, spare for the few weekends you visited home.

You found yourself missing him, but it also made you feel relieved when it gave the desired effect: You started thinking about him less, and even when you saw him the weird feelings from before had subsided.

When the time came for Wooseok to apply to universities as well, he applied to yours as well (just because it has a very good reputation for his subject of course!)

He didn't tell you, feeling kinda awkward about suddenly texting you with info like that. But when the acceptance letter came in he felt like it was too late to tell you. What was he supposed to say? By the way, I applied to your university and will go there next semester?

He didn't have to tell you though, because his mom already did it in his place.

After your move, she would send you food from time to time and the well mannered kid you were, you’d always call to give her your thanks.

In one of these calls—you wanted to thank her for the kimchi she’d sent—she told you about Wooseok being accepted to your university and looking for a place to live now.

The information caught you off guard. Of course, you hadn’t talked as much these days, but you still wondered why he didn’t tell you himself. You would have been so proud of him for getting accepted, especially since your university had a good reputation in the field he wanted to study. So why?

Still a little under shock, you barely paid attention when his mom continued on, about how she’d feel so much more at ease if she knew that Wooseok wouldn’t be by himself in the big town and how your mom had also told her that your lease was running out soon.

When a random, affirmative “mhm” of yours was met with excitement and relief at the other end of the line you knew you’d gotten yourself into something stupid.

“Really, y/n, I’m so glad that the two of you will live together. Of course, we’ll help you look for a flat.”

You didn’t quite share her excitement, but you also couldn’t back out now, not when she always treated you so well. And it wasn’t as though you were uncomfortable with Wooseok. You’d long gotten over whatever those odd feelings were!

Wooseok also wasn’t the fondest of his mom's administrations. She had practically painted him to be some lost helpless country bumpkin who wouldn’t survive a day in the city by himself. And that was the last thing he wanted you to think about him.

He'd always hated being a year younger than you, because he felt as if it caused him to miss out on so much. Not only had he never had the chance to be in the same classes with you; he also felt as if you didn’t take him seriously. Neither you nor your friends ever considered him cool. No, he was always just the cute "brother" that you took care of.

So yes, his mom doing this bothered him. But at the same time it was only thanks to her that he got to live with you now. And how could he ever hate that?

Seeing you everyday didn't really help the crush he had on you. The domesticity of it all was painful to bear; the way you looked all cute and sleepy when you got your morning coffee or how you rested your head against his shoulder as if it was nothing, while the two of you were huddled together on your tiny couch.

You got closer again too, of course you were, you were literally living together.

And even though he loved it to be close to you again, it also made him realize how truly impossible it seemed for you to see him as anything more than a friend or little brother.

It also felt as if you were drawing some kind of line between the two of you. You knew his friends and they sometimes hung out at the flat. At this point they were your friends too and when Hyunggu or whoever was hosting a party it was a given that Wooseok could bring you along.

But you never really let him spend time with your friends nor did you invite them over. It made him feel left out.

(You, of course, had a reason for that—but how would he know that?)

One evening when you got up from the couch, leaving the movie night behind in favor of getting ready to go out with your friends, he felt himself getting upset, a little jealous. Why couldn't you just stay home with him? Or your friends could come over instead? He didn't say that though. Instead he just watched you scurry around with a pout. When you retrieved something from the couch table, something inside of him snapped and he latched onto your wrist.

You chuckled the way one would laugh at the cute actions of a child and tried to shake him off, telling him you really had to get ready.

But instead of letting you go he just moved to wrap his arms around your waist.

"Can't you just stay home today?" he asked, still pouting but not looking up at you.

You felt your breathing catch and your heart skip a beat but quickly shook the feeling off. Chuckling again, you peeled his arms off and told him to stop being a baby.

He mumbled a barely audible "I'm not being a baby,” but you didn’t pay it any mind. Instead, you finished getting ready, grabbed your keys and made your way to the front door.

“Don’t wait up on me,” you shouted from the hallway, before letting the door fall shut behind you. 

The sentiment of his touch still lingered, leaving a tingly feeling in its wake. You knew this was bad, really bad.It was as if all the progress, the moving on, that you’d worked so hard on had gone down the drain in a split second, just because of a mere touch.

You leaned against the closed door for a moment, taking a few steadying breaths before reaching for your phone to text your best friend Claire. Sadly, your hand came up empty. You’d left your phone on the table.

But you didn’t want to go back inside, you couldn’t. So you decided to just leave, hurrying to make it on time to your meeting place with Claire.

She noticed right away that something was up with you, immediately asking if something had finally happened between you and Wooseok.

See, that’s the problem with oversharing: Even when you think they will never meet the person in question since he literally lives in a different town, you could never be entirely sure. And then you’re stuck with a best friend who knows that you used to crush on your now-roommate and teases you about it relentlessly.

When she wiggled her eyebrows at you knowingly, it was reconfirmed once more that not letting her meet him for more than a split second was the right choice. You loved Claire with all your heart, but you couldn’t trust her to keep her mouth shut.

She eventually let the topic go though, after you insisted that nothing had happened, and you made your way to the party she’d been invited to. It was her lawyer boyfriend’s crowd. Most people there seemed to be a little older than you, 4 to 5 years maybe, and so put together that you felt out of place in your worn out sneakers.

You sat in some corner nursing your drink when a guy came up to sit next to you asking if you were doing okay. He was handsome with his slicked back hair and the rolled up sleeves of his white dress shirt.

He wanted to know what's wrong and because he was so sweet and because you were already getting tipsy, you actually told him about what was preying on your mind. He listened to you calmly, letting you get it all out. Then he smiled softly. “Maybe you just needed a bit of a distraction?”

You didn't sleep with him that night. You could have, it was clear from the way he looked at you. But you hadn’t wanted to and he hadn’t pressured you either.

Instead you just talked for a really long time at the party and he walked you back to the station afterwards. You talked so much and walked so slowly that you missed your bus, so he offered to call you a cab. You declined, but he insisted.

Before the cab arrived he asked if he could have your number.

An apologetic smile crossed your face. “I actually forgot my phone.”

“Ah I see, guess I'm being rejected.” He chuckled defeatedly.

“No, I promise it’s not an excuse. I really did forget my phone. My friend scolded me about it too.”

He considered you for a moment, his gaze wandering from one eye to the other before he nodded slowly.

“Mhm, then, how about this-” He started cramming out a pen and a piece of paper from his bag, scribbling something down before he handed it to you. “I’ll just give you my number, and if you feel like it you text me. And if you don’t, you don’t. Okay?”

You nodded. “Okay.”

The cab arrived and he paid before opening the door for you and saying goodbye with a kiss to your cheek.

It was probably around 3 or 4 am when you unlocked the door to your apartment. You tried to be quiet, tiptoeing through the living room to get to your room, when you noticed soft breathing noises. Wooseok was curled up on the sofa, that was way too small for his height, sleeping soundly.

You walked over and pulled a blanket over him, shaking your head with a fond smile. "I told you not to wait up on me,” you whispered barely audibly, more to yourself than to him.

He blinked his eyes open and looked at you through the dark, his hand latching onto yours.

"You forgot your phone.” His voice was thick with sleep. “I was worried.”

You swallowed around the lump that was building in your throat and pulled your hand away.

"If you're awake now you should go to sleep in your bed.”

He made some grumpy noise instead of a proper reply and you just disappeared to your room.

When you were laying in bed, you still saw his sleepy eyes in front of you, looking at you through the darkness with drowsy affection.

It drove you crazy.

You tiptoed out of bed and got the little piece of paper out of your jeans pocket, before you slipped back under your blankets.

And then you texted the guy.

You met up with him a few times after that and he absolutely pampered you. He was always so sweet, inviting you to dinner or a coffee and seeing you home afterwards.

Wooseok caught on eventually, watching you with eagle eyes when you put on perfume or wore shoes that he knew you saved for important occasions. You didn't have to say you were going on dates for him to know and when he eventually asked about it you admitted to meeting someone.

It stung when he heard you say it but he couldn't stop his curiosity. So he asked more about him, his name and what he was doing and how old he was.

He immediately regretted asking. Knowing that he was older and a lawyer just made his insecurities worse. Curiosity killed the cat has never rang so true.

Why did it have to be someone older than you? Why did it have to be someone with a proper job and money while he was just some broke student?That guy would treat you to fancy dinners, while Wooseok was the pathetic roommate for whom you had to cover the rent when his money was getting tight. It haunted him but he couldn't say anything about it. What right did he have?

You started spending less time at the flat and more time with the lawyer guy.

It was good to have a distraction, you told yourself (even if it didn't really work at all. even if you were still thinking about Wooseok all the time, the way he looked at you, the way his hand felt wrapped around your wrist).

Aside from your uncooperative heart, the dates were going well. It had felt a little one sided at first, you only sharing your worries and him not sharing any of his. But as you spent more time together he also started to confide in you about stress from work. He told you about his family too, his older sister, his mom and all these things.

"Maybe you can meet them sometime" he said one afternoon and it sounded casual but when you met his eyes you felt a heavy meaning behind it.

You just smiled and nodded, saying you'd love to but feeling a little unsettled about it. Maybe it wasn't fair to meet him when you were clearly having feelings for someone else.

He noticed your sudden change in mood though and reassuringly took your hand in his.

"No pressure, dear. I'm not trying to force you into anything, okay?"

He was always like that, showing you how interested he was in you but still giving you time and space.

Eventually, he asked you if you wanted to make it official and date him. You hesitated, not sure if it was okay to say yes, but he smiled softly and told you that he didn’t mind if you didn't feel that way about him yet or that you were still hung up on your childhood friend. You could just try, right?

So you found yourself saying yes.

Dating him was nice. He still treated you well, taking you out for dinner or buying presents for you (even though you kept insisting he didn't need to). You started spending most of your weekends at his place and it almost felt as if you were living someone else's life.

His flat was big and clean and fancy. There weren't any dirty dishes on the counter (that Wooseok didn't do again), because your boyfriend had a dishwasher that took care of it. His couch too looked expensive and was actually big enough for two people to sit on comfortably. (Nothing like the small ratty couch in your flat, that barely fit Wooseok on it by himself, leaving the two of you to always huddle together in order not to fall off.)

Everything in your boyfriend's flat was better from an objective point of view. But it didn't feel much like a home.

You were at his place again that weekend, sitting together on his couch and watching TV.

After glancing at the time and realizing it was already afternoon you untangled yourself from him in order to head back.

"You don't have to go home though. You can just stay."

You shook your head. “I can’t, I have to prepare for my classes.”

“Can’t you do it from here?”

“I don’t have my things here.”

“Why not?”

"Huh?" You looked at him in confusion.

"I mean. Why don't you have some of your things here?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're here every weekend anyway. Why not leave some stuff here?"

You just stared at him, not knowing how to reply. It never occurred to you to do that. Somehow you'd always felt like a guest in his home. Clearly it hadn't been his intention to make you feel that way but you did and it didn’t seem appropriate for a guest to leave things around.

"Or you know," he continued "you could also just move in. I have enough space."

You hadn’t known what to say before, but now you were completely at a loss of words. You just stared at him in disbelief. Eventually, he smiled and leaned in to you, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear before he got up from the couch.

"Just think about it, hm?"

You nodded and then he helped you gather your clothes and drove you back.

When you reached home Wooseok was  sitting in the living room. He barely acknowledged you walking in. Things had been like this between the two of you for a while now; a little awkward, a little cold. You hated it but maybe that’s what was necessary in order to get over him?

You sighed and went to the kitchen, being welcomed by a stash of dishes in the sink. It struck a nerve with you, but you didn’t want to pick a fight, so you just sighed again. After getting yourself a glass of water you disappeared into your room to prepare for classes. But somehow you couldn’t stop thinking about what your boyfriend had said. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea?

When you got out of your room later that evening with your laptop under your arm Wooseok was sitting there again (or still?). You squeezed yourself onto the couch next to him, but instead of scooting over he just got up to leave without even saying a single word.

It made you angry. Why was he treating you like this? You glared after him but when he didn't turn around you snapped. 

"Are you being serious right now?!"

He turned around then, looking annoyed. "What?"

"Are you seriously going to ignore me like this? You haven't seen me all weekend and this is what I come home to?!"

You were angry but mostly you were hurt by his behavior.

Wooseok just shrugged. "If it bothers you then don't come home I guess. You're at his flat all the time anyway, why do you even bother?"

That stung. That really really stung.

You didn't want to have tears welling up in your eyes but you couldn't help it.

"Maybe I should! He asked me to move in with him, and I might just say yes!"

You shut your laptop angrily to get back to your room. When you walked past him Wooseok was looking at you with big eyes.

"...are you really?"

You avoided his gaze. "Maybe. What's it to you?"

With that you disappeared to your room, slamming the door behind you.

After the fight you texted your boyfriend if you could stay with him for a bit. So, the next day after classes he used his break to pick you up before driving back to work. Left alone in the flat you felt a little lost. You'd never been there by yourself and somehow you were worried about touching or dirtying or using anything. What if something broke? You supposed though, that this feeling would go away if you stayed a little longer. You sat down on his couch to do your university work and then ordered food because you didn't dare to use his kitchen.

You stayed like this with him for a few days, him often working late but always making sure to call you in his lunch break. It was sweet, really.

One evening, when he came home a little earlier than usual, he caught you sitting on the couch, the pizza carton from your dinner still on the couch table. He looked at it kinda funnily and you immediately apologized for not throwing it out yet.

But he just shook his head with a smile. "Y/n, have you been ordering pizza for dinner every day this week?"

"...maybe."

He laughed softly before he leaned in to kiss you on the cheek. “You know I have a kitchen right? You're allowed to use it."

You chuckled awkwardly.  “I'll keep that in mind."

And yet, the next day, you found yourself eating pizza again.

As the end of the week approached, you realized you hadn't packed for staying a long time. Of course, you could hypothetically wash at his place but it was another thing you didn't feel comfortable doing and somehow the prospect of him handling your dirty laundry felt even worse. So, it was time to stop at home to pick up some fresh clothes …or to go home for good.

The two of you were cuddling on Thursday night, when you told him and he was mumbling into your neck that he could just drive you on the weekend. But you insisted on going by yourself. You felt it was better not to let him run into Wooseok right now but you didn't tell him that.

When you unlocked the door at home on Friday it was so quiet you assumed you were alone. You went to the kitchen to fetch your favorite tea. But as soon as you walked in, you stilled for a moment. It was squeaky clean, no dishes anywhere, nor any crumbs.

Still caught up in your surprise you didn't notice that Wooseok had walked up to the kitchen.

"You're back," he said, standing in the door frame with big surprised eyes.

Seeing him again after a few days made your chest feel warm. None of the anger of the last time you'd seen him was left, you were just glad to have him around. You looked at him for a moment before you shrugged.

"This is still my home too, you know."

"I thought… maybe you wouldn't come back anymore."

You raised the package of tea in some sort of wave. "I'm just picking up a few things."

Wooseoks face fell. "Oh."

“Yeah.” 

The air between you turned tense again, so you tried to escape the situation by slipping past him into the living room to gather some things. Wooseok silently trailed behind you like a lost puppy, as you went from room to room to put this and that into your bag. When you went over to your bed to pack your pillow, Wooseok was watching you from the door frame.

"Can't you just... stay?"

You already wanted to decline but when you looked up and your eyes met his, your heart sank. He looked so sad. You just couldn't say no to him

You put your pillow back down before you slowly nodded. "Maybe just for a bit."

The two of you made some makeshift dinner in the kitchen together and even though it was a bit of an interesting combination it tasted like heaven after days of pizza only. The rest of the evening was spent huddled together on the couch. It felt familiar and comfortable and like home. Only now you realized how much you'd missed this over the past week. 

You completely forgot that you were supposed to go back to your boyfriend, only getting reminded when your phone vibrated on the table later that night, a message popping up on the screen.

where are you?

Wooseok must have seen it too from the way he quickly averted his eyes when you glanced over at him. He was trying really hard to look anywhere but your phone screen, when you picked it up to reply. 

sorry I’ll stay home after all

Then you set your phone aside again, resting your head against Wooseok’s shoulder and focusing back on the movie.

After a while he cleared his throat.

"Don't you have to like... go back to your boyfriend or something?" It sounded timid.

"Not today."

You thought you saw a little smile tug at the corners of his lips but you didn't comment on it.

It was the first weekend in a while that you were spending at the flat with Wooseok. It really felt as if you'd never fought in the first place and you could almost trick yourself into thinking the awkwardness hadn't happened either.

But then from time to time there were small moments where you felt as if he was tiptoeing around you, like the way his hand sometimes halted before touching you and then pulled away, or how he looked at you as if you could just disappear any second.

On Monday you had to go back to your boyfriend’s place since you'd left your laptop (and other things) at his and you could only last so long without them.

Somehow you felt caught between the chairs. You knew your boyfriend would want you to stick around. But you’d only just made up with Wooseok and you didn’t want to leave him alone again. You couldn’t.

You went to his flat when you knew he was at work, messaging him that you'd pick up your things. He didn't seem happy about it but he didn't try to stop you either. What he did try though, was telling you to wait until the evening so he could drive you home. But you felt as if in the end, instead of driving you home he'd probably convince you to stay after all so you declined.

You met up with him later that week for dinner. He picked you up with a flower bouquet in his hand. Even now after you’d been dating for a while, he was still showering you in small gifts and tokens. It honestly felt a little too much, as if he was trying to buy your affection, but you tried to be grateful, since convincing him to stop hadn’t worked.

While the two of you were sitting at your table, waiting for the food to come, he asked you if you'd thought about moving in together.

“I’m not trying to pressure you,” he assured. “I just want to know what you’re thinking.”

You slowly moved your head from side to side. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve only just patched things up with Wooseok, I don’t want to risk this…”

Your boyfriend nodded but there was worry in his eyes.

"I know you don't want to hurt him. But you can't always put him first, dear. Maybe a little distance would be for the best. You need to stop waiting for something that won’t happen."

His words made you swallow. Was that really what it was? Were you waiting? And did it really have no chance of happening? 

You switched topics after that, talking about this and that, from work and university to your upcoming birthday. He asked if you’d be okay to spend your birthday evening with him since it conveniently fell onto a Saturday. Somehow you considered for a moment, racking your brains for potential reasons to decline, before ultimately saying yes when you came up empty.

After dinner, the two of you strolled through town for a bit. Most shops were already closed but you stopped here and there to gaze in through the lit up store windows. At a jeweler, your gaze got stuck on a necklace in the display. Your boyfriend noticed and smiled.

"You like that one, huh?"

"Yeah. actually—no that will probably sound childish."

Your boyfriend bumped you in the side "No, tell me."

"Actually that necklace is from an older collection. It came out years ago and I fell in love at first sight when I saw it back then."

"Oh, like what happened when I first saw you?" He grinned and you rolled your eyes before turning back to the necklace.

"I actually made a promise to myself back then. That I would buy it with my first proper paycheck."

"That's cute,” he said and it somehow made you feel childish after all. It made sense though, the price of the necklace was probably just peanuts to him with his well paying lawyer job. You shook your head and dragged him to move on. "Let’s go."

When your birthday rolled around you were woken up by a timid knock on your door. You groaned in reply and Wooseok shuffled in, a glass with chocolate milk in his hand. It was a small tradition from when you were kids to have chocolate milk with colorful sugar sprinkles on birthdays. The last time you’d done this was probably when you were around 7th grade, so him reviving this tradition now that you were living together warmed your heart.

He set it onto your night stand with a small smile. “Happy birthday, y/n.”

You sat up in bed to take a sip from it. "Thank you.”

“You have a little—” Wooseok chuckled, gesturing at his lips. “Yeah, you got it,” he continued as your tongue darted out to get rid of the milk stuck on your upper lip.

Then you realized the slightly burned smell wafting into your room.

"Uhm, Wooseok, do you have something on the stove?"

His eyes grew wide and he rushed out of the room with a panicked “Oh, no, the pancakes!”

When you came to the kitchen a little later, it was an utter mess. Wooseok was scurrying around trying to plate some slightly burned pancakes with cinnamon and maple syrup. As soon as he noticed your presence, he started pouting.

"You weren't supposed to come in," he complained, his eyes wandering to the little tray he'd started to prepare with a glass of orange juice and the plate of pancakes on it.

Seeing the effort he’d put into this (even if it didn’t go perfectly well) gave you a fuzzy feeling in your stomach. 

"Sorry," You said with an apologetic smile, feeling sorry for destroying the surprise. "But this way we can eat together?"

He was still pouting but reluctantly agreed and the two of you sat at the table to have breakfast. He told you about what he'd come up with for your birthday, giving you a bunch of options to choose from. It included stuff like watching your favorite movie, going to the zoo, taking a walk, playing laser tag, etc.

It was cute how he'd thought about what to do for your birthday but still gave you room to choose yourself. Honestly speaking, you wanted to do everything on his list.

Sadly, since you'd promised to have an early dinner with your boyfriend, that fell flat. He'd managed to reserve a table at a really fancy restaurant that had a sheer endless waiting list. So, since you’d taken your time with breakfast and would have to get ready before dinner there wasn't really that much time to do many things from the list.

You didn't dare to look up at Wooseok when you told him.

"Oh," he replied. "But, uhm, do you still want to do something before that though?"

“I’d love that.” A relieved smile washed over his face at your words.

The two of you decided to get some coffee from your favorite café and then just strolled through the park close to your college. Two geese were waddling around on the grass, loudly quacking at each other.

"Don't they kinda sound like old ladies having an argument?" You giggled.

Wooseok joined in on your laughter. "Marianne," he quacked. "Did you really bring your divorced son to church on sunday?!"

You bursted into laughter, almost spitting out the sip of coffee in your mouth.

"Listen, Karen," You chimed in, your voice funny too. "The lord forgives all."

The two of you fooled around like that for a while, Wooseok making you laugh to the point where tears formed in your eyes. You couldn't remember the last time you'd had this much fun. While your boyfriend was a sweetheart, he wasn't one to joke around that much.

After a while your eyes fell onto a clock in the park making your eyes grow wide. It was way later than anticipated and you really had to get going now in order to get ready. You didn't want to admit it but you would have much rather spend your time with Wooseok than to go to that fancy dinner. But the table was already booked and you'd promised to go. So, the two of you went home, you got ready and then waited for your boyfriend to pick you up.

The restaurant was really nice but it once again gave you that feeling of living someone else's life instead of your own. That feeling had been exciting at first, but it was slowly starting to shift to something slightly uncomfortable. Maybe you liked your own life better, burned pancakes and all.

It was just an evening though! And your boyfriend had gone all out to make this possible!

The tiny meals with their fancy names didn't mean anything to you and maybe pizza would have done the job but you smiled and nodded when asked if it was tasty. You shared a dessert, some fancy flan with liquor in it. It was a little too bitter for you but you didn't want to say. You already felt like a child between all these chic people, you didn't want to out yourself as someone with a childlike palate on top of it.

"I hope you enjoyed dinner?" your boyfriend asked with the sweetest smile

You smiled and nodded, opening your mouth when he held out a spoon full of dessert for you.

"You really didn't have to do all this though," You said after you swallowed.

"But i wanted to"

"Thank you."

"Now are you ready for your present?"

You looked at him in confusion. You thought this dinner itself was already the present. What more was going to come?

He took out a small box from his jacket and slid it over to you.

"What is this?" Your hands felt oddly sweaty. It obviously wasn't a ring – the box was long and flat – but it still looked expensive.

"Open it.”

The moment your eyes fell onto the shiny necklace inside, you started feeling sick to your stomach.

It was pretty, of course it was. Because this was your necklace. The necklace you'd wanted to buy yourself.

You didn't know what to say and just stared at it.

"Are you happy?"

You felt like crying.

No, you weren't happy at all but you also couldn't really say that after receiving an expensive gift, right?

"Uh- it's unexpected," You pressed out.

"I knew how much you wanted this."

"...Yeah"

"You were giving me a hint when you told me that story weren’t you?"

Your head shot up and you stared at him in confusion. "What?"

“I thought you were trying to tell me to get it for you, since you can't afford it.”

“No,” You whispered, your voice shaking. "I meant it when I said I wanted to get it for myself.”

"Ah, I see. But now you can just save up for something else instead." He looked caught off guard at first but quickly smiled again. “Shall we slowly get going?"

You nodded, still feeling sick. You closed the box again and stuffed it into your bag while your boyfriend paid. When you left he reached out for one of your hands but you put them into your pockets, pretending not to notice.

"You're coming home with me, right?"

You knew it had been implied in the plans to go back to his place and spend the night together. But right now you just wanted to go home.

Why did you always have to go to his place anyway? Of course, he didn't have a roommate and it was a bigger place and all that. But from time to time it would have been nice if he'd at least offered to come visit you instead of always assuming that you'd to come over…

When you didn't reply he softly nudged you in the side.

"Where are you with your head, love?"

"Ah," you looked at him before averting your eyes again. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it." His hand pushed back a strand of your hair that had fallen into your forehead. "By the way, where is the necklace? Should I put it on for you?"

"I'm already wearing my scarf now." You chuckled in an attempt to make it come out more lighthearted, but it just sounded awkward. "Maybe later."

"We can just take the scarf off and put it back on?" He suggested, his hand already moving to remove it.

You stopped him by holding onto the soft fabric.

"Maybe later," You repeated with a little more force this time

"Okay."

"Yeah."

"So, should we go home?" He asked and it somehow irked you how naturally he referred to his place as home, as if it was yours too.

"I think I want to go back to my place tonight, I'm kinda tired."

He frowned. "What's up with you?"

"I just—It was just a lot today."

"Is it about the necklace?"

You didn't reply.

"Does it bother you that I got it for you?"

"I just," you pressed out, your voice feeling choked up "It was something i wanted to get for myself..."

He sighed. "Don't be so upset, dear. It was a simple miscommunication. You can just buy a different necklace or spend your money on other things.”

He  didn't seem to get your point at all.

"I don't want to spend my money on other things."

"Are you really angry at me for buying you a necklace you wanted?!"

You shrugged, fighting against the tears welling up in your eyes.

"I didn't just want the necklace. I wanted to buy it."

"Fine," he said, sounding annoyed. You couldn't remember hearing his voice like this before. "If it bothers you so much we can just bring it back and you can choose a different one. And then someday if you have the money you can buy this one for yourself.”

"It won't be the same anymore. If I buy it now it won't feel the same.”

"So what do you want me to do then?"

"I don't know. I just wanna go home."

“Okay. I'll drive you.”

You shook your head. “No, not today.”

"C'mon just let me drive you. I'll feel unsettled to let you go by yourself at this time of day."

"I'm okay. Really. So please..."

"Fine." He turned to go to his car that one of the restaurant’s workers had already driven up again.

"Wait," you followed a few steps behind.

He turned back at you with a smug smile, ready to open his car door for you. But instead he was met with the little jewelry box that you held out to him.

He sighed. "You really don't want to keep it?"

"I can't."

You watched him as he drove off and the second he was gone you crouched down on the pavement, sobbing.

You were hurt and frustrated. Of course, your boyfriend hadn't meant any harm, but it felt as if he didn't understand you at all. Him gifting you this necklace almost felt as if he was looking down on you, telling you that you wouldn't ever be able to afford it yourself anyway. Maybe you were being overly petty about this, but you wished he had at least said sorry instead of only justifying himself or trying to convince you it wasn't something to be hurt about. He'd tainted this for you and even if you'd buy this necklace for yourself someday it would always have a bitter after taste.

You cried and sobbed your heart out, ignoring the odd looks you got from people passing by. You didn't feel like getting up and walking to the station, nor did you want to sit in the tram looking like this. But you couldn't call a cab, because your boyfriend was right, you were just some dumb little girl without money.

This was probably the worst birthday you’d ever had, you thought. But then you remembered the way it started, and the memory of it managed to put a small smile on your lips.

You took out your phone and opened Wooseok’s chat.

can you pick me up? you texted, your finger hovering over the button for a while before pressing send. 

It took like two seconds before Wooseok replied and asked for your location. You sent it to him and then stuffed your phone back into your pocket, hugging your legs to your chest and waiting for him to arrive. Your cheeks felt weird from all the crying and your nose was running and you were cold and you just hoped he’d be there soon.

It probably took him around 15 minutes and you had no idea how he’d managed to do that. He came to a halt with his bicycle when he spotted you, getting off the saddle and pushing it towards you. There was worry in his eyes and his breath came out in puffs and you'd never been this glad to see someone before.

Wooseok didn't ask any questions. Instead, he just parked his bike and crouched down in front of you. He got out a handkerchief from his pocket, wiped away your tears and helped you blow your nose. You should have probably felt terrible about it, having someone younger than you take care of you like that, but you just let it happen.

He helped you up and told you to hold on tight when you got onto the back of his bicycle. You wrapped your arms around his waist and leaned your head against his back. The warmth of his body felt soothing and comforting and you just let him take you home in silence.

As soon as you arrived, he absolutely babied you, making  tea and wrapping you into a cozy blanket as you huddled together on the couch.

He still didn't ask what happened and you were grateful for it, not really ready to talk about it and also unsure if maybe you'd overreacted after all and the whole fight was ridiculous.

Wooseok put on your comfort movie on the TV and you rested your head against his shoulder, feeling your eyes fall shut not even a third into the movie. 

When you woke up the next day, you found yourself tugged to bed without any memory of getting there. You were still drowsy and sleepy and not aware of your surroundings or anything, really.

Checking your phone for the time, you noticed that your boyfriend had left you a message asking if you got home safely. Seeing it made the memories of the evening return. You recalled the overly fancy dinner and most of all you recalled his oh so thoughtful gift. 

Tears immediately welled up in your eyes again and you hated it. It made you feel pathetic and as though you were making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe you really were being overdramatic, making it bigger than it was.

But it felt as if he destroyed something really important to you. It hurt.

What hurt even more was that he clearly didn't understand your problem at all. To him it was just some necklace,  he couldn't see the value behind it. He couldn't see that it was more than a necklace to you. It was a symbol of making it, of achieving something by yourself.  It stood for independence. And he took that all away from you, by buying you the one thing you didn’t want anyone else to get for you.

You set your phone aside without opening his message and buried yourself under your blanket again, unwilling to face the day yet.

It was Sunday, so with no classes to  attend you were free to do just that. For a while you drifted in and out of sleep, finding yourself sobbing into your pillow in between.

All of this made you feel so wrong.

It wasn't just the necklace. The necklace somehow triggered something bigger; it made you question your whole relationship with him. It made you question why you always felt like someone else when you were with him. As if you were a little kid trying on your mom's high heels.

And you were tired of it. You wanted your own shoes back.

After a while—you must have slipped back to sleep yet again—you heard soft knocking against your door. When you groaned in reply, the door opened a crack and Wooseok stuck his head in.

"Y/n?" he asked softly before slipping into the room and closing the door behind him, a steaming cup in his hand.

You hid your face behind the blanket, convinced that you must be looking like pure horror from all the crying. Heck, now that you thought of it you couldn't remember taking off your make up yesterday so you probably had terrible panda eyes. Probably already did by the time Wooseok picked you up yesterday. 

It was quiet for a moment, before you heard the hesitant shuffling of steps coming closer.

"I made you tea."

You didn't reply nor did you come out from under the blanket.

"Uh, I'll just–uh–put this here," he mumbled and you heard him set the cup onto your night stand.

It got quiet again and you thought he'd leave but then you felt the mattress dip as he sat down on the edge of it. He sat there for a while not really saying anything. You didn't move either.

"Are you okay?" he eventually tried again.

"I'm okay," you replied but your voice came out croaky and thin.

"Won't you come out?"

You shook your head.

"Why not?"

"I'm a mess"

"C'mon, y/n, i saw you after your wisdom tooth removal when you were drooling all over yourself. What could be worse than that?"

He had a point there. This was Wooseok after all, he already saw your most shameful sides anyway. Hesitantly, you pulled down the blanket revealing your puffy face.

Wooseok smiled at you softly. “See? I've totally encountered worse."

Now you had to giggle too and it somehow made tears roll down your cheeks again. 

Wooseok's eyes grew wide and he panicked, lifting his hands to do something, anything, against the tears but not really knowing what. Watching flail so helplessly made you giggle more which in turn made you cry more too. You wiped at the corners of your eyes still smiling as you mumbled a quiet "You're an idiot."

He shrugged. “Takes one to know one."

You just rolled your eyes at him and it got quiet again.

"Tea?" Wooseok asked after a while.

You nodded before sitting up in your bed, leaning against the headboard. He reached out to you, as if he was trying to help you sit (even though you clearly didn't need the help) before he moved his attention to the tea instead, passing the cup to you. You took it in both hands, blowing on it a few times before taking a careful sip.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

You didn't look up at him and stared at the steam of your cup instead. "I don't know."

"You don't have to"

"It's probably stupid anyway."

"If it makes you cry like that it isn't stupid."

You swallowed, feeling tears well up yet again at his words. For fucks sake why couldn't you just stop crying already?!

You shrugged. “We went out for dinner."

"Okay," he replied patiently.

"He bought me jewelry."

"Mhm."

"A necklace."

"Okay."

"...It was my necklace," you finally supplied, convinced that Wooseok wouldn't even remember and that you'd have to explain more.

But the moment you said it his eyes widened in surprise "The first paycheck necklace?"

Somehow it moved you that he remembered it.

You nodded slowly.

"And did he uh... did he know?"

"...Yeah."

Wooseok frowned at you. "Then why would he buy it?!"

Relief washed over you when he asked that, making you feel less like an overdramatic nuisance and more as if your frustration about this was actually valid

"He meant well," you mumbled.

"You don't have to defend him."

"He thought i really wanted it," you defended him anyway.

"But you didn't just want it. You wanted to buy it yourself and he knew that."

You nodded. "Yeah."

He nodded too, realizing that maybe his words weren't the most comforting.

"I'm sorry that happened, y/n"

"Thank you."

"...so what will you do?"

"About him? I don't know..."

Wooseok hadn't meant him, he'd meant the necklace. But when you seemed so unsure about being with your boyfriend a small part of him felt hopeful, almost glad.

He immediately shushed that part though. You were having a horrible time and there was nothing he hated more than seeing you unhappy. This wasn't the time to hope for anything.

"Do you- uh," he interrupted himself, not sure what to do with himself. "Can I do anything for you?"

"Turn back time maybe?"  A shallow laugh escaped your lips.

"You know I would," he said. And he meant it. If he could, he would turn back time to before you even met that guy. "But is there anything a little less impossible?"

Honestly, all you wanted right now were comfort cuddles, but you didn't know if you could ask for that. You stared at the tips of your fingers that were wrapped tightly around the tea cup.

"Maybe we could watch a movie?"

He smiled fondly and nodded.

"Wanna move to the living room then?"

You hesitated. "No."

"Oh." he blushed and looked away from you. "Okay. I'll uh get my laptop then..."

He got up again to leave, but before reaching the door he turned back around to you

"What about food?"

You shrugged.

"I'll get you something."

"...Thank you"

After a while, he came back, carrying way too many things at once as he maneuvered himself into the room. He had his laptop under his arm, a package of waffles in one hand, a small bowl with cut up apples in the other and it seemed like he had something in the pocket of his hoodie too.

You had to chuckle when you saw him coming in

"Do you need help?"

"Mostly I need you to scoot over a bit."

You obliged and he carefully set the food on your nightstand while you pulled out the laptop from underneath his arm.

He halted for a moment before he sat down next to you, slipping under the blanket that you held up for him.

Whatever was in his pocket was making a rustling plastic noise as he sat down.

"Ah, right," he mumbled, pulling out the package of cleansing tissues you usually kept in the bathroom and handing it over to you.

"You know, in case you want to..." He vaguely gestured at his face.

"That bad, huh.” You grabbed the package from his hand with a chuckle.

"It's fine."

You wiped your face, all the smeared left over makeup coming off, while he set up his laptop.

"So, what do you want to watch?" 

"Something corny and romantic."

He scrunched up his face but didn't reject the idea. Instead he googled romantic movies and put on one that he'd heard of before.

In hindsight though, it probably hadn’t been the best choice.

You were munching on a waffle that Wooseok had passed to you as the first scene of Breakfast at Tiffany's rolled over the screen, Audrey Hepburn longingly staring at the bracelets behind the display window.

Wooseok noticed his mistake immediately but it was already too late. When he glanced over at you, big elephant tears were running down your cheeks again, dripping onto the waffle you were eating.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know— should I put on something else?"

You shook your head, still munching on the tear drained waffle.

"I gave it back to him," you mumbled between bites, your eyes still focused on the laptop screen where the movie continued.

"That's good."

"I really wanted to buy it."

"You could still buy it?"

You shook your head again before resting it against Wooseok's shoulder. You felt him tense up for a moment at the sudden proximity.

"It wouldn't be the same."

"... Yeah. I know."

For a while it was silent except for the sound of the movie running, but then Wooseok softly raised his voice again.

"We'll find something new." He scooted down on your bed a bit so he could rest his head against yours.

"We'll find something new that you can gift yourself. And then we won't tell anyone about it so no one can beat you to buying it because no one will know."

"You will know."

"Yeah. But I'd never buy it for you."

"Pinky promise?" You held out your hand in front of him and he intertwined your finger with his

"Pinky promise."

You knew you couldn’t just ghost your boyfriend forever, he didn’t deserve that. So after holing up at home with Wooseok the rest of the weekend, you decided to face the music on Monday. 

You wrote him a message, telling him you got home well and if he was okay to meet up with you one of these days. The two of you decided on Tuesday. He asked if he should pick you up after classes and take you back to his place but you declined, asking for a walk in the park instead.

Frankly speaking, you weren’t sure how the conversation would go. You weren’t sure what consequences would be drawn for the two of you. But whether you’d break up or not you had the urge to meet in a neutral place. Somehow throughout this relationship, you’d always intruded in his places. Starting with the party where you met, a party of his friends where you’d barely belonged, and continuing from there: His home, his car, his favorite restaurants, the cafés he recommended—you were always his guest. But this time, you needed to be on equal footing.

“Are you going to… break up with him?” Wooseok asked hesitantly between spoons of ice cream, when you told him about it on Monday evening.

“I don’t know,” you replied truthfully, before dipping your spoon into the shared family pack that was sitting on the couch table.

He nodded. “Just do what feels right.”

“I’ll try.” 

“Should we leave some of the ice cream in case you need it tomorrow?”

You looked at the box thoughtfully before taking another spoonful. “Nah, I don’t have that kind of self-restraint.”

“Thank god.”

“You know,” you mindlessly started again. “I wish I could have felt at home with him the way I do with you.”

Wooseok looked at you with an unsatisfied frown. "Why? Is it not enough when it's me you feel at home with? Isn’t one home enough?"

You giggled. “No, I think you’re right. It’s enough, as long as I have you.”

You weren’t sure what you’d had expected, but somehow everything felt off and different when you met your boyfriend on Tuesday. It was as if a single weekend had made strangers out of you. 

From the moment your eyes met each other on your campus, the two of you were stiff. You didn’t know how to greet him. Were you supposed to kiss and hug? That’s what you usually did but today you didn’t want to.

Seemingly, your boyfriend had similar struggles because he just awkwardly raised his hand in a wave.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” you replied.

You stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say before he nodded in the direction of the park. “Should we go?”

“Yeah…”

The weird silence returned as you set foot into the park and continued for quite a while afterwards. You could hear the geese quacking in the distance and you would have said something about it if the one walking with you had been Wooseok. But it wasn't.

“So,” he said eventually. “You didn’t just meet me to take a walk in silence right?”

“No.”

“Well, then talk.”

“I just… I felt really hurt about the present to be honest,” you carefully started.

He scoffed. “Yeah, I noticed.”

You immediately regretted bringing it up. Maybe you were being stupid for making such a fuss after all.

But then Wooseok’s words rang in your head again giving you a little confidence. If it makes you cry like that it isn't stupid.

You took a deep breath.

“I told you that I wanted to buy this necklace for myself and what it meant to me. So when you just bought it for me, it felt as if you didn’t listen to me.”

“I already told you it was a misunderstanding. Usually when your date brings up jewelry it’s because they want it. So I just assumed—is it really something to be so dramatic about?”

You frowned. “I’m allowed to feel hurt about this.”

“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.” 

He didn’t actually roll his eyes but his expression and the tone in his voice made you feel like he did. It was obvious that he didn’t feel sorry at all. And what kind of apology was that anyway? I’m sorry you feel that way? Shouldn’t it be I’m sorry I made you feel that way? But maybe you were being nit-picky.

When you didn’t reply he sighed. “So what now?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Are we seriously breaking up because of a mere necklace?”

“I wasn’t–'' You interrupted yourself. What were you going to say? That you weren’t going to break up with him? Were you really not? 

You shook your head defeatedly. “It’s more than that. But that you can’t see that and that it’s still just a mere necklace to you is part of the problem.”

“Well, if I can’t see it then explain it to me!” The way he raised his voice made you flinch, but you tried your best to stay composed and not let any insecurity show on your face.

Still, your voice quivered when you spoke up. “I just—I feel so small when I’m with you.”

“Small? That’s ridiculous.”

“I’m not saying it’s your fault. But when we’re together I feel small and pathetic. I just do. And I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

He laughed. “Is this about him? Is he finally returning your feelings now?”

“What?! No! This is about me.”

“Sure, whatever. You can come pick up your things while I’m at work then.”

“I don’t have any things left at your place.”

“Right,” he sneered. “Even better then.”

He turned to walk away, just like that, leaving you standing in the park. You felt yourself choke up. How did things turn out this way? He’d been so sweet all this time, treating you so well. How could everything go down the drain like this? He’d always seemed so mature to you, so why was it you couldn’t talk things out with him?

The geese were closer now, waddling over the green lawn. They were quiet, no conversations of stuck up church ladies to be heard. Not that it made a difference.

With heavy steps you made your way home, bursting out in tears as soon as the door closed behind you. You knew that Wooseok was still at a lecture at this time, so nothing stopped you from crouching down on the floor and sobbing into your knees until no more tears were coming out. Then you trudged over to the couch and buried yourself under pillows and blankets.

Your mind briefly wandered to the ice cream and you were regretting now that you hadn’t saved any for today. 

You must have fallen asleep at some point, because when you woke up, Wooseok was crouching down in front of the couch, looking at you with a worried frown.

“You okay?” He asked, even though you so obviously weren’t.

You shook your head, it was no use keeping up fronts with him anyway.

“Ice cream?”

“We ate it all yesterday.”

A winning smile tugged at his lips. “I bought a new one on my way home.”

“You’re the best. I really love you.”

You hadn’t meant to say that. Or maybe you had, but you clearly hadn’t meant anything by it. Friends say that sometimes, right?

Yet, you noticed the way Wooseok’s ears turned red as he stood up. He cleared his throat. “I’ll get us some spoons.”

“Thanks,” you croaked, desperately trying to play it cool. You’d only just broken up with your boyfriend today, it clearly wasn’t the right time for whatever this was.

He came back with the ice cream and the spoons, motioning for you to scoot over so he could sit next to you. Huddled together on the couch, you put on some movie and watched in silence, eating ice cream until you felt sick. Wooseok didn’t pressure you to tell him what happened, but you knew if you wanted to talk about it, he’d listen to you.

You didn’t feel like talking about it though, not yet. For now you just wanted to sit on the couch together, enjoying the familiarity of it all. 

Eventually you felt yourself getting tired, your eyes unable to focus on the screen anymore, so you excused yourself to go to bed. As soon as you were lying in bed though, you were wide awake again, the argument with your boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—playing on repeat in your restless mind. You kept tossing and turning, unable to calm your thoughts. 

It wasn’t necessarily that you regretted the break-up; how could you stay in a relationship that made you feel like you didn’t belong? But it hurt nonetheless. Despite everything you’d liked being with him. It hurt that it ended like this and it hurt that it ended at all.

Tears were welling up in your eyes again and you sobbed into your pillow, trying to muffle the sounds. You’d lost count of how often you’d cried over the past few days.

When you dragged out of your room around noon the next day, you found a very surprised Wooseok in the kitchen.

“Y/n? Don’t you have classes?”

You shrugged, before plopping down at the small kitchen table. “I‘m skipping.”

Wooseok frowned, worry written all over his face. But he didn’t comment on it further.

“Coffee?” He lifted the can, shaking it lightly. 

When you nodded he got your favorite mug from the cupboard and poured you some, just the way he knew you liked it. You briefly wondered if your ex would have known how you drink your coffee.

Wooseok put the steaming mug onto the table in front of you before he sat down as well.

“You look tired,” he mumbled after a while. “Were you able to sleep?”

You shrugged again, not really knowing what to tell him. You’d barely gotten rest but it also felt too much to admit to that fact. “It’s fine.”

He didn’t seem satisfied at all but he didn’t press further.

“I have classes later, do you want me to bring something on the way back?” A small encouraging grin appeared on his lips. “More ice cream?”

Despite feeling miserable, the question got a little chuckle out of you. “I never thought I would say this but I think I’ve had enough ice cream for a while.”

“Alright, anything else? Or uhm—,” he halted, clearly contemplating if it was okay to address this or not before he continued. “Do you need me to pick anything up from his place?”

“No, I don’t have anything left there. Thank you though.”

He nodded. “It’s no problem.”

“Wooseok?”

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

Wooseok chuckled. “You already said that?”

“No, I mean—thank you for being there for me.”

His eyes looked at you so fondly, it almost made your heart ache a little bit. 

“Of course I am there for you. I—,” he halted. “I’m your friend.”

Somehow the break up was taking a real toll on you. Even though you hadn’t been dating for long, you felt incredibly lonely and there were all kinds of other feelings too that you didn’t want to address. It was a terrible thing to say, but despite the relationship in hindsight not being the best for either of you, you’d been grateful for the distraction it had provided. Now that it was over, you were alone again. Alone in your bed, alone with your thoughts, alone with your stupid feelings for someone you shouldn’t be having feelings for at all.

Your emotional tumult kept you tossing and turning night after night, leaving you tired and exhausted in the mornings.

Wooseok had noticed; you were convinced he had. He kept looking at you with worried eyes, clearly unsure if he should say anything or not. But what was he supposed to say anyway? It’s not like he could solve this.

Struggling to fall asleep yet another night, you eventually peeled yourself out of bed and made your way to the kitchen. Maybe drinking a cup of herbal tea could help you find some rest. You sat down at the table sipping on your tea when you heard a door open and Wooseok’s shuffled steps shortly after that as he followed the source of light to the kitchen.

He eyed you with a drowsy frown. “Why are you awake?”

You shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. Did I wake you up?”

He ignored your question, the furrows between his eyebrows deepening even more. “You haven’t been sleeping these days, have you?”

You averted your gaze, almost feeling as if he was scolding you. “I’ve just been overthinking a lot.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Wooseok took a seat across from you. “Maybe I could have helped you?”

“How?” You huffed a laugh. “By staying awake as well?”

“I wouldn’t have minded.” 

Judging by Wooseok’s pout, you’d sounded a bit too sarcastic. You blamed it on your lack of sleep but you still felt guilty. You tried your best to soften up a little, giving him your best attempt at a smile when you replied.

“At least one of us should get some decent sleep though.”

“Still,” he shrugged. “We could have come up with a solution together.”

“For example?”

“We could watch a movie until you feel sleepy,” he mumbled, and then even quieter, “or you could sleep in my room…”

“Huh?”

“Just—! Just because it’s easier to sleep when you’re not alone.”

Of course it wasn’t a good idea to agree to this. But recalling how lonely you’d felt in your bed you couldn’t help but think that he had a point. 

“Maybe,” you said reluctantly, your voice barely a whisper. “Maybe we could try that?”

Despite being the one who suggested it, Wooseok seemed completely caught off guard, looking at you with wide, round eyes. He visibly swallowed.

“Seriously?”

“I mean, only if it doesn’t bother you.” You didn’t dare to meet his gaze. “But I guess it was a joke—”

“No,” he interrupted. “It wasn’t a joke.”

Just like that, you found yourself awkwardly standing in Wooseok’s door frame a little later, your pillow and blanket slung over your arm. Wooseok sat on the edge of his mattress, his pillow and blanket shoved to one side to make space for you. You’d been to his room a zillion times before, but it felt so different now, so much more intimate.

“You can come in, you know.”

“Right.” Your whole body felt tense as you stepped inside, closing the door behind you. This was a terrible idea indeed.

You let your pillow and blanket fall onto the mattress before crawling into bed, trying to take up as little space as possible. It was weird, really, because you’d never been this careful around him. You were touching all the time, when you squeezed past him in the kitchen or when the two of you huddled together on the couch. Yet, now just the thought of accidentally touching him made your heart race.

Once you’d settled in, he laid down as well, looking stiff as a board.

“I’ll turn the light off,” he commented, already reaching out for the switch of his bedside lamp.

“Right,” you replied once more.

For a moment you just laid in his bed, side by side staring into the darkness. You didn’t turn around to look at him, but you knew he wasn’t asleep. He seemed tense, and you had a feeling he wanted to say something, but it took ages until he finally spoke up. His voice was barely audible, something that didn’t happen often when it came to Wooseok. Still, you heard him just fine.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

“Did you—Do you love him?”

“I—,” you started, instinctively wanting to tell him that yes, you did, you do. But you stopped yourself in favor of being honest. What was the use of lying about this, especially now that it was over anyway? 

“No. But I thought maybe I could.”

“Is that why you dated him? Because you wanted to fall in love with him?”

“Is that so wrong?”

“No, it’s just—I don’t get it. Shouldn’t it come naturally?”

When you turned to look at him, his gaze was already on you, his eyes big and round in the halflight of the room. 

“You can’t force yourself to fall in love. You can’t force yourself to fall out of love either.”

For a moment you felt unsettled. Did he catch you? Did he realize your feelings? Unsure what to make of it, you just stared at him through the darkness without replying.

“I’m just saying—,” he added, breaking eye contact. “You don’t have to try so hard.”

You swallowed, your mouth feeling dry. “Yeah,” you whispered. “Thank you.”

He didn't say anything after that and eventually his breathing got slow and even. You couldn't sleep though. His words kept you awake, filling you with a longing for things to be easy, natural, as he'd said. 

"I did it for you too, you know," you almost unconsciously mumbled into the silence, well aware that Wooseok was already sleeping.

Except he wasn’t.

"What do you mean?"

Your eyes widened at the sound of gis raspy voice and you instinctively sat up, ready to escape. "No," you quickly pressed out, "nothing. Maybe I should—"

Before you could say anything about going back to your own room, you felt Wooseok's hand on your own. He wasn't holding onto you and you could have easily pulled away, but it felt warm and comforting covering your own.

"What do you mean?" he asked again.

You let a beat pass by, unsure if you should be honest with them. As though he sensed your indecisiveness, Wooseok gave your hand a little squeeze. 

"What did you do for me?" His voice was so soft, you could barely hear it.

"Dating," you whispered. "Dating him."

You thought you saw him frown. "How could that have been for me?"

You felt a lump in your throat that made it hard to speak. But you'd already been this honest, maybe it was for the best to just lay it all out in the open.

"To get over you," you pressed out.

It was silent. You felt his gaze on you but you didn't dare to look at him. The mattress dipped a little as he sat up too, his hand still on yours. "Why?"

"Because I—," you started but Wooseok wasn’t done yet.

"Why did you think you had to get over me?" He almost sounded sad, and then he definitely did when he tentatively added: "Did it work?"

When you finally turned to look at him, there was desperation in his eyes but maybe also just the tiniest bit of hope.

"No," you admitted. "Not at all."

He let out a sigh you thought was relief as he let his head drop onto your shoulder, just to look up a second later with big black eyes. "Don't try again."

You felt your heart stop at the implication of his words. 

"Why would you try that, when all I wanted all this time was for you to see me?" He still didn’t avert his eyes and neither did you.

"I did," you leaned into him, resting your forehead against his. "I do,” you added.

He tilted his chin up, the tiniest bit, making the tip of his nose touch yours. You saw the way his gaze dropped to your lips and you felt his breath on your skin. You swallowed, your whole body thrumming with nerves. Your eyes searched his for something, and even though you weren’t sure what it was exactly, you thought you found it. You leaned in to kiss him in the same moment that he did, your teeth clashing for a brief moment. You chuckled and he chuckled too, and then you leaned in again, no teeth this time, just lips and love and butterflies.

You didn't remember how or when you'd fallen asleep. You didn't think you'd been wrapped up in Wooseok's long limbs then as you were now, but you couldn't be too sure. It took you a second to realize where you were and who it was that was koala-hugging you, and then another second to remember yesterday's conversations. You glanced over at his peacefully sleeping face at your side, not a trace of the desperation there that you'd seen at night. It hadn’t been a mere dream, right?

You tried to peel yourself out of his grasp, but Wooseok wouldn't let you go, making a whiny noise in complaint. Defeated, you let yourself relax back into the pillow, soaking up his warmth until he woke up.

You thought he'd be flustered once he'd wake up, and maybe he was, but he still didn't let go, instead nuzzling closer and hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

"That tickles," you said with a giggle. The little sorry he mumbled into your skin tickled even more.

You felt giddy, your stomach filled with butterflies at this display of affection, but at the same time there was a sense of insecurity. What did it all mean exactly? Of course you knew what you wanted it to mean, but was Wooseok on the same plate?

“Wooseok?”

“Hm?” He lifted his head to look at you. His eyes were sleepy and his black hair tousled.

“What now?”

He frowned in confusion. “Breakfast, I guess?”

“No, I mean—what do we do now? About us.”

“So, no breakfast?” He asked and you gave him a little roll of your eyes.

“I’m being serious, you know.”

“I’m also serious,” he replied, and then in a little whisper added, “About us, about you.”

“So we’re doing this, huh? Dating, I mean.”

“Yeah.”

You felt your chest tighten. “We’re not going to mess this up, right?”

He pulled you closer, nuzzling back into your neck. “No. We’re not. We’ll be okay.”

 You smiled and closed your eyes as you relaxed into his arms. “Okay.”

“Where are you going?” Wooseok asked, wrapping his arms around you from behind and resting his chin on top of your head, watching through the mirror as you fixed your makeup. 

“Meeting with Claire and them,” you said. You hesitated for a moment before adding, “you can come along, if you want.”

You saw surprise flash through his eyes. After all, you’d never asked him to come along before. But you’d figured now that he already knew about your feelings for him, there wasn’t really any reason to keep him away from your friends anymore. 

“Hm,” he hummed as if he was contemplating. “Not today, I’m in a couch mood.”

You chuckled. “Another time then.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“I’ll be late, though.”

“I’ll wait.” 

Memories of the way he’d fallen asleep on the couch last time, worried since you’d forgotten your phone, crossed your mind, and you wondered if you’d find him just the same way tonight. Except, this time you wouldn’t have someone else’s number in your pocket and you wouldn't shake off his hand if he reached out to you.

Masterlist

[syuga-s]

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besties i've been picking my brain apart THE WHOLE WEEK because I want to write but I don't know who I should make it about or which character I should use.....,.., if there's someone in need of an AU/drabble/imagine let me know pls!! whether it's angst/fluff/smut doesn't matter just give me a MAN (btw i write mainly for afab readers & gender neutral readers 🫶) is this the part where i officially start to take requests?? we'll seeeee

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