#familyteasing

[yourlocalwitchthings-blog]

I need to rant for a minute and all my friends are asleep, like functioning human beings

My family likes to tease each other. A lot. My oldest brother gets teased for being a stoner, for his crazy exwife, for his ditzy girlfriend, and the typical “I remember changing your diapers, I’m not impressed,” jokes. My grandma gets teased for her shit memory, shit hearing, and lack of self-control around other people’s Ben and Jerry’s ice cream (Hands off my Cherry Garcia or I will cut you). Lately, she had a seizure and lost the sight in one eye, so we’ve been teasing her about how she just NEEDED to go twinsies with my eldest brother, who lost the sight in his right eye when he was three. 

They tease me about many, many things. Once they’ve found something that really gets a rise out of you, they latch on like bulldogs; lock-jawed with a single-minded determination. I’m okay with being teased about my weight, my interests, my adorable and sweet but VERY DUMB dog. It’s all in good fun and is never meant to cause any harm. 

I HATE when they tease me about my complete lack of a love life. I turn twenty-five in April, I’ve been on a grand total of four dates- FIRST dates- in my life, It’s been over a decade since my first and last kiss. I can’t hang out with my guy friend Cale without everyone in my multi-generational household asking when we’re getting married, making sex jokes about us, my grandma trying to convince him to be a sperm donor so she can have more great-grandbabies (which I’m convinced she’s more than half-serious about)

It’s not like I don’t want to date. In fact, my only desire for my life is to fall in love, raise a family of my own, and die surrounded by everyone I love. I have no ambition when it comes to a career or anything else a modern woman is supposed to want. No one wants me in any meaningful manner. For the most part, I’ve come to terms with that. Years of complete disregard kinda makes a girl bitter about the whole “there’s someone for everyone” sentiment. I don’t need it rubbed in my face like a dog who made a mess of the carpet.