#family gifts n cards made me cry ;;;;;;; i miss being there sm ;;;

[uneclipsing]

parents r home n they brought me 3 bags of napolitanke ;w;

[isakwon]

Don’t Stare At The Sun

(In Loving Memory of Kim Jonghyun)

A/N: As a final tribute to Shinee’s Jonghyun, this drabble contains nothing of his depression, only remembering memorable moments of Jonghyun. Lines in this drabble are based off real things said. I’m also doing this as a way of healing before moving onto the “Acceptance Stage. Not an ounce of romance. 

2014….

“Happy Birthday Dear Jonghyun-ah! Happy birthday to you!”

The entire dance studio in SM Entertainment was roaring with applause and cheering. Idols and agents made a circle around SHINee’s Kim Jonghyung, admiring his round birthday cake, it seemed like he was tearing up.

He blew all the candles out in one go and over the candles that kept their best flame shining, Jonghyun’s wide smile shone the brightest in the entire room. The members all hug Jonghyun tightly, as well as Girls Generation,Super Junior, f(x)’s Amber Liu, and tvxq-even Shin Sekyung and Shin Dongyeop hug Jonghyun and kisses his cheeck.

“We’ve been planning to give you this kind of surprise before you go home.”

“But you already threw me a surprise dinner last week.”

Jonghyun laughs.

“Your group did from themselves to you, but this from the company to you.”

Key whips out his phone on a selfie stick. “ We are SM family Live! We’re celebrating the 24th anniversary of our Jjong. Hyung, do you wanna say something?”

Kibum gets closer to Jonghyun so they’re both in the shot. He smiles and looks directly upwards.

“Thank you to my colleagues for giving me such a surprise which I never expected. This-this is honestly such an honor and a sweet moment. Oh-we’re getting a lot of hearts already! To all our fans, thank you very much for sticking around and supporting and loving us all these years and hoping to be with us until the very end of our career.” He holds his tears in.

“I wish for health and the best for the long years to come and treat every one of you with care.”

Minho cuts off, “THIS IS SHINee FOREVER!.” Unable to control his own excitement.

“We Love You!!”

By the time their live video ended, their were millions of comments, birthday wishes, and hearts from international fans.

You were with YG at the time. You sent Jonghyun a birthday card with a tiny wrapped box beforehand with the little time spared off your training. He sent you a photo of himself holding up the gift,smiling. You automatically grin as if on command.

“He has one of the prettiest smiles.”

Just seeing the artists you look up to happy always brought up a smile on you. Another text banner comes from Jonghyun,

10:53 p.m.

‘’Thank you so much Y/N~’’ <3

Sent: You’re absolutely welcome Jjong. ^^

Happy Birthday!

Sometime later…

Tonight the boys meet up at Jinki’s house this time. The date marked one of the most important week of the entire year. There goes a knock on the door. Already knowing who it is, Jinki says “It’s open.”

Taemin, Kibum, and Minho arrive at the house along with another young man.

“Hey bro.” Kibum spreads his arms and they hug each other tightly. “How’s everything?”

“It’s been all right. They’ll be here shortly so we can go altogether.”

Kibum nods as he moves for the others, waiting to hug him. Each of them share a hug with an equal amount of seconds and then Jinki opens his arms for the young man. Jinki pulls away from the hug so he could look into the young boy’s eyes.

“How have you been?” He asks, smiling.

The young man says, “Pretty good.It’s been too long, Pop.”

The boy now had an egg-shaped head and a square jaw, though a fraction of his baby cheeks remained, with his inward heart-shaped ears, along with a shortcut and a fade on both sides and the back.

His oval-shaped deep brown eyes are still similar to Minho’s.

They all smirk in the same direction. The five of them are wearing black and white.

‘You know no one wanted to lose you’

They all walk to the couch once they set their flower bouquets on the coffee table. Today was December 18th.

“I’m so happy we’re able to make it together today. Not that we ever missed, but you know, we had our schedule cleared entirely. So we can make as much time as we want to honor Jonghyun.” Kibum says.

He put his hands on his knees.

“Yeah. We’ve been through so much with Jonghyun throughout our career.” Jinki sits in his weaved chair.

Taemin snickers, “I remember when I was on ‘We Got Married’ he saw one of the wedding pictures and recreated it with me.”.

“That one time we put one of our trophies on his back and he did push-ups while singing.”

“Even while doing exercises he always sounded so good with his vocals.”

“I loved it when EXID started playing and he danced so excitedly out of nowhere and we just stopped to stare at him. Leaving him to embarrass himself.”

They all laughed gathered around on the couch.

“There was also that time he tripped on ‘Hello Counselor’ and tried to brush it off with a wave.”

“When was that?”

“ When ‘Everybody’ first released.Ah man he was also clumsy.”

Jonghyun had been on “Hello Counselor” a few times, yet his little fall was memorable. It seemed like he did it purposely for a laugh sometimes.

“And he embarrassed himself again,” Jinki broke “When he himself ate that dumpling which he filled wasabi with!”

There was hysterical laughter all around the house.

“Oh yeah and he froze up when I glared at you guys for throwing snow on me with the shovel. He wanted to play then got scared and didn’t say anything else.”

“He always looked at the camera saying if this was the ‘reality they wanted’ too,” said Taemin.

“Remember when we threw a surprise party for him to celebrate his first solo album?”

“I joked about ‘BASE’ was plagiarizing my album ‘ACE’. Each album had a different card of him.”

“We had him do push-ups with a trophy on his back while singing on stage. He and Minho also did a competition of push-ups for some beef.”

“Oh yeah, he also slipped while dancing to Krump. He nearly hit his head on the door.”

All of them die of laughter. Taemin rubs his eye

“A fan brought this particular picture back last Thursday.”

Kibum scrolls through his Instagram then the other boys look at the screen. Minho puts his chin on his knuckles whilst smiling, “Feels like only yesterday.”

Jonghyun was sleeping with his arm up and then Minho decided to recreate Michelangelo’s ‘Creation of Adam’ painting. That photo became one of their most popular and memorable photos.

“This picture was also brought up.”

They give in on the phone screen and release faint sighs. The picture Kibum found was a dual picture of him sitting on Jonghyun’s lap hugging each other while staring into the camera, and the other of their 6th year anniversary of their debut.The room suddenly falls silent.

“His love for everybody had so much strength, he smiled so brightly he always lit up a room. Now it’s hard to look back at the pictures and tell which ones were real and which were by force.”

Who would ever smile the way you did?

“ When I first woke up, I had hoped it was a joke or a hoax.Y/N laid on the stairs crying, she wanted to scream,” Jinki said.

I stand out in the moist night, feeling it begin to sprinkle again. His tiny hands in ‘prayer’ position, like his father taught him, kneeling in front of the banquets as I stare at the visible stars; they’re aqua.

“Everybody was in denial for a long time.”

Taemin says.

Each of their eyes was beginning to well up with water. “…Some forever.”

For someone who was the only son, he said we were the closest to being his brothers.” Minho wipes his nose.

For once you decided today was the best night for a walk. Your gaze lingers on the pavement of the road, holding the bag in one hand, a banquet in the other. It was like this when he is the only thing living on my mind. And the unbelievable heart-wrenching passion he put in Mexico.

‘Just thinking of your voice, makes me cry like a baby girl.’

You make sure the roses aren’t bent, watching the child come back to you. The air was moist that night. It had stopped raining. You look up the sky one last time and smile.

‘Tonight we get to actually feel you again.’

He holds onto your hand, stomping his feet on the doormat, getting the dirt off his shoes as insert the keys.You crease the door open.

As soon as they hear the doorknob turn, they rise one by one on their feet. Patting each other’s shoulders and hugging once again. You smile at the extra pairs of shoes at the foot of the door.

“Come on Jaejoong. Take your shoes off my love.”

Jinki appears in front of you.

“Hey.” He comes close for a hug.

“We’re back.”

Noticing how his eyes are stung red, and the scrunch of your brows and the puffed cheeks, you wrap each other’s arms around tightly.Your heart aches much more since you woke up. Little Jaejoong holds onto his Dad’s leg.

Understand….how much it burns on the inside.

You walk to the living room and in there, you see the pearl faces of Taemin, Minho, and Kibum approaching you to engulf another group hug. You smile wider once you see the young boy. Your son’s hand is snatched away out of yours as he tries hugging his Uncles on the leg. He gives up and instead runs to the other young man, getting picked up by him.

“Jaejoong, Say ‘hello’ to your hyung.” Jinki assures little Jaejoong.

“Are you happy to see your Yoogeun?’’

Jaejoong shows off his toothy smile,

“Yeah!”

No matter how long it takes, many years have passed; I’ve seen every news source, I’ve read your last letter, I saw your casket being carried…

“I hated realizing how quickly I was already healing…”

‘I have lived with this denial forever and I’m

“…I was so afraid of not letting you rest.”

You feel your hand being squeezed tightly by Jinki’s. He rubs your cracked knuckles. Your knuckles had been cracked because of work, but two days after what had happened to Jonghyun, Jinki grabbed your hand which startled you. As he stares at all the cracks he looks up at you timidly, his face inches close to yours.

“You better not be punching the walls.”

“He is such a bubbly kid. I wonder who, or where he got it from. He reminds me of our hyung.” Minho says.

Jaejoong pulls Yoogeun into his playroom.

“He takes after him more than me and Y/N…despite being born years later after his passing.He still tries to hit his high notes when we put on songs for him. You know, ‘Hallelujah’ used to be his lullaby.”

I only learned to smile again for you. Because of you, Jjong.

From asking him ‘why’, serenading him, to all the great things happening currently and telling him how much he is missed.”

We want to see you again. In front of us where we can run to you and never let go. It only takes all the time needed. Please keep waiting for us, we stay here waiting for you. “I said I’d learn to live without Jonghyung. But I never said he was forgettable.” 

His lips stretch softly.

“He knows.He knows all the time that he’s still being missed.”

Tae’s lips quiver.

“Guys we gotta go, we have twenty minutes to get there. And ten to pick his family up before it starts. We can never be late.”

 Everything that continues our love, it’s your pictures, music, and memories. A shattered soul no longer controls you.

Jonghyung is truly an angel on Earth as he always seemed, playing his joly little kazoo in heaven.

Your heart breaks all over again, but you smile to Jonghyun at the sky. All the men get on the truck they arrived in while Jinki buckles up Jaejoong in his car seat next to Yoogeun.

“Appa.”

“Yeah?”

“How did my Uncle Jjong go to the sky?”

Jinki and you look at each other, as well as the other members in the rearview mirror. 

“Should we tell him the same?” You ask.

“He’s definitely old enough to know the truth.”

_____

 That same night, Jonghyung turned the moon aqua. 

And his beautiful voice sounds all around.

He’s smiling everywhere.

~Fin.