#false alarm! I forgot my meds!

[ebonyheartnet]

What the fuck? Why does my guitar taste spicy? =.=

Edit: please take your meds. If you’re lucky, you’ll notice the weirdest shit before it turns into an emergency.

[mad-hare]

11 hours in the lab today, migraine, full body pain, want to throw up, I need to drop out of school I am too weak to live (false alarm forgot to take my meds which made everything 50% worse)

[sneefsnorf]

false alarm i just havent eaten anything in about 12 hours and forgot to take my meds. fixing that now

[phantasmagoratory]

wait false alarm i just forgot my meds

[whinsical-ash]

Death by Flowers p2 (Reader x ?)

P1 

Summer:  No one never expects love to kill them, the chances were so slim. Only one in twenty thousand will ever contract Hanahaki disease. A disease where the one who loves someone with every part of themselves and can’t go on with their love being unrequited so they slowly sufficient made from the flowers of their loves.

   You woke to the sound of a steady beeping noise. You blink rapidly as you adjust to the bright lights. You look at your arms to see you hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor, the source of the beeping. You look to your right to see Aizawa sensei sitting in the chair next to you with his head in his hands.

      “I’m sorry,” your voice was raspy.

      Aizawa lifts his head up with concern painted clearly on his face with splashes of guilt. “Why are you apologizing?”

     “I keep messing up,” Aizawa opens his mouth but you rambled on looking at your hands. “I shouldn’t have bothered you, I mean it must have been hard to deal with me passing out and getting me help. I hope I didn’t make a mess with flowers, I’ll clean it up when-”

    “Stop,” you look up at him as he frowns. “You are my students and you are never a bother to me. Even when I complain about you guys being problem children, I care about you. Don’t worry about the mess you didn’t make and instead about your health and what option to turn to.”

    “This isn’t the first time,” you watch as surprise fills his face. “I’m gonna die this time.”

    “I won’t allow that,” Aizawa held your hand in his with a determined look on his face. “We figure something out, Recover girl can help buy us time as we work to find a way out of this.”

   “But people don’t make it if they get it again after the first surgery!”

    “Will then you’ll be the first one! You are one of my kids and I always look after my kids.”Aizawa pulls you into a hug.

   “I don’t want to die,” you sniff as the tears fall. When did you start crying?

   “We won’t let you go so easily.” 

    You listen to Aizawa talking to your parents, most people wouldn’t be able to hear his hidden rage but you got used to trying to figure out your teacher’s mood by the tune of his voice. You studied the curtains that hide you away from your parents, they just asked how much they had to pay and that was it. That’s how it has been since the beginning of middle school when you told them you were Bisexual. Maybe they thought you’ll outgrow it and figure ignoring you, the problem, would be best but this whole thing proved it wouldn’t. You were gonna die and they only cared how much it would cost them in the end and not about you.

   You look at your hands again waiting for them to leave so you can try and go on till the end like nothing was wrong.

   Aizawa sighed deeply as he pulled open the curtain, surprise your parents weren’t there as always.

  “We’ve come up for a regiment to treat the flowers.” Recovery Girl walks in with some papers. “Your parents agree to the treatment and handling the cost of it all. They also gave consent to have it change at any time to best treat you.” 

   You nodded to show her you were listening.

   “You won’t be participating in training until you fully recover, we also figured you would like to hide this from your classmates.”

   “I don’t want to distract them or anything. I just ...” you pause as you try to get your thoughts together. “I want things to continue how they were before all this… stuff I guess.”

   “Will we can’t just lie about what's going on and they figure something is wrong so we could say something is wrong with your lungs and you're receiving personal treatment for it.” Aizawa crosses his arms.

   “It would probably be best if we know who is the cause to-”

   “They didn’t cause this!” You shouted before you could stop yourself. “Sorry, but I mean the way you said it made it sound like they’re at fault and they’re not. They didn’t do anything wrong, I just…” 

   “Love them too much,” Recovery girls finished for you, causing you to look at her in surprise. “You’re not the first student I had to treat for this and I’m certain you won’t be the last. People like you never blame the people they love and most of the time if they end up dying it’s never revealed who they loved so deeply, but I’m required to ask.”

   A silence filled the room at her words. Even if they were going to try you will die maybe just later than sooner.

   “So what’s next?” You asked, breaking the suffocating silence.

   “You’ll be taking these meds three times a day,” She handed you a bottle of pills. “This is a new drug to help stop the spreading of the flowers and help your body break them down in your lung to make coughing them simpler and easier. I also have a packet for breathing exercises to strengthen your lungs. Along with this cream that you need to rub on your chest before bed. It will help with the pain.”

    “This won’t be easy, will it?”

    “I’m saddened to say it but this will be a long and painful journey you’ll have to go down.” Recovery Girl looked so much older at that moment. She must have seen so many people in pain just trying to buy a little more time, cause that is all that can be helped in this.

    “I’ve got some contacts that I’ll look into that might come up with some solutions,” Aizawa spoke up drawing your attention. “Maybe find someone who survived this type of thing.”

    “Thank you both so much,” your eyes stung but you didn’t have any more tears to waste on yourself. 

     You spent the rest of the day sleeping under Recovery Girl’s watch, Aizawa just told everyone you had a chest infection that you were dealing with. In a way it wasn’t false, it just wasn't an infection they were thinking of. So far the past few days seemed to go on without a hick, no one figuring out what was going on. Life went back to normal for everyone as you tried to enjoy living and making sure your friends' happiness was assured which led to your current situation.

     You smiled happily as Uraraka gushed about Midoriya and how he accepted her confession. She then asked if he would go on a date with her which he happily said yes to. As she told you the details you could help but study her. She looked stunning with that light blush and how her eyes were lit up with pure happiness and excitement. 

    “I really couldn’t have done it without you!” She gently grabs and holds your hands and she smiles from above you. You did your best to suppress the blush forming from her smile and the intimacy of this.

    “Oh, come on all I did was support you with your crush, it was you who finally gathered the courage to tell him.” You gently pulled your hands out and used them to support your body so you could lean back and gain some distances.

     “That’s ecstatically why I was able to do it! You let me confide in you without judgment or acted as if my fear were silly. You’re the best friend I could have asked for!”

     “Hey, that's what friends are for! Now you better start on homework, it's getting late.” You glazed at your alarm clock, you need her to leave quickly. You felt a cough was coming and you couldn’t risk her seeing.

   “Oh, I totally forgot! I’ll text you later,” She rushed out of your room. Just as the door closes you bury your face into your pillow to muffle the sounds. You try not to make more noses from the sharp pains from your raw throat as you try to cough up as much as you could. You remove your face from your pillow to see the mess made. You could feel bloody petals cling to your skin, refusing to be abandoned. You see the blood soaking into the pillow with unknown flowers covered in your life essence. You half-heartedly swipe away the petals clinging to your skin causing them to fall back to your bed.

    You go to grab the garbage can that’s hidden in your closet. You remove the pillow cover and the flowers and shove them into the garbage can. You stare at the mixture of dried blood crusting on old flowers of different colors and species. You need to empty it soon, or maybe you should be burned with the poof of your love when your life ends? One thing is for sure is that you don’t have the energy to deal with it now, maybe tomorrow.

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Welcome to the Back (Part 2)

@a-6-yearold-inside

@crazycookie13o

First Chapter  Next Chapter

Marinette’s mood had lightened over the course of the first lessons. The new student seemed to be okay, despite being a little closed off. But given Lila’s extravaganza, she was glad that Felix appeared a bit more rational. And now that they were deskmates, maybe he wouldn’t want to be mean to her once Lila stringed him along.

When the gong announced the end of the lesson, Adrien intercepted her at the door.

“Marinette! Do you have a minute?”

She was still sullen that he’d been so quiet during the seating dilemma, but nodded anyway. How could she refuse these puppy eyes?

“Sure! What is it?”

“Oh, I just wanted to thank you for helping Felix. You’re a great class rep, Marinette.”

Immediately, her face grew warm.

“Y-You think so? Glank you- I mean, Thank you, I’m glad to hear that!”

“I’m just bit worried about Lila” he continued and her heart sank. “She seemed really upset after you shut her idea down.”

She looked away, trying to control her breathing. Lila this, Lila that. Don’t you dare make her life anything other than perfect.

“That was not my intention. I just thought someone should make clear people have their own opinions.”

He beamed.

“That’s so nice of you, really! I’m sure she appreciates it, deep down.” he praised, probably missing her point by lightyears. “But... We don’t want her to get akumatized again, do we? You know how prone she is to Hawkmoth’s influence.”

“She is?”, asked a voice from behind her. Felix has appeared in the door, followed by a smug looking Lila. Apparently, she knew exactly what was going on and was more than happy about it. Well, this time she wouldn’t get what she wanted.

“Yes”, Marinette answered, looking directly at Lila. “As of late, Lila seems to be quite the illusionist as Akuma. I wonder why Hawkmoth always comes back at that.”

She heard Adrien behind her gulp as more of they’re classmates began to crowd around them. To her surprise, Lila gave her a quick smirk before putting on a pitiful face and letting her shoulders drop.

“It’s true”, she lamented. “Hawkmoth has been targeting me a lot, lately. Maybe it’s because... no, of course not.”

“What?” Alya asked readily, her journalistic eagerness shining through. “What is it?”

Lila looked away.

“Well, usually, Ladybug always watches out for me, since I’m her best friend. But I guess she has a lot to do recently, if so many akumas get through to me. Or maybe she’s... maybe she’s just not as dedicated to her job anymore? Who knows?”

Felix next to her frowned.

“You are Ladybug’s best friend? I would’ve thought it was that Chat Noir.”

Lila chuckled and smiled up at him.

“Don’t be silly!” She looked at Adrien. “Chat Noir is her lover.”

In false alarm, she put a hand on her mouth and widened her eyes.

“Oops!”

Alya was on her immediately.

“I knew it! How long have they been dating? Who confessed first? I need details!”

Marinette meanwhile was seething. But Adrien’s reaction put the cherry on top: despite knowing she wasn’t actually Ladybug’s friend, he perked up and got a little closer.

“You really think so?”

“Well, I’m not supposed to tell you that...”, Lila trailed off and Marinette scoffed, “But every friend of mine is a friend of Ladybug, so it should be alright!”

She made eye contact with Adrien.

“Ladybug is in love with Chat Noir. I mean, of course she is, she’d never date a civilian, after all. But she never actually confessed to him, she thinks he doesn’t like her back.”

“So you mean, they’re still pining for each other? How dramatic!”

“Are you really sure about that?”, Adrien went on, his eyes surprisingly hopeful. Marinette nudged him in the side, trying to remind him of Lila’s history.

“Well...”, Lila said with a mischievous smirk, “that’s actually something I know from watching them closely. You know that Ladybug likes to keep things professional, right, Adrien?”

He nodded hesitantly.

“And if she were in a relationship with Chat Noir, that might look highly unprofessional, right?”

Adrien nodded, a bit quicker this time. Marinette realized what Lila was doing: by letting him confirm every true step of her lie, she legitimated the result, even if it was as absurd as Ladybug and Chat Noir being in love.

“But then again,” Lila continued, “She does flirt with him at every opportunity, doesn’t she?”

“She’s right!”, Alya spouted. “They banter, they land on top of each other all the time, were totally cuddling in Glaciator, and Ladybug even kissed him, twice!”

“But that was both times under the influence of an Akuma!”, Marinette tried to reason, to no avail. Lila was prepared.

“Interesting, right? Every time the chance presents itself, she goes with the most romantic solution she can think of.”

“That’s not- Ladybug isn’t- It just doesn’t make sense!”

She was going to lose her mind, and Lila seemed well aware. Innocently she leaned her head to the side and looked pensive.

“Marinette, could it be... that you’re jealous?”

She smirked when Marinette’s jaw dropped.

“Are you in love with Chat Noir?”

“What?! No!”

Adrien looked at her in confusion.

“But didn’t you confess to h-“

“Adrien!”

“Wait a sec, Marinette confessed to Chat Noir? When?! And why didn’t you tell us, girl?!”

“Yeah, that would’ve been so important for the Ladyblog!”

“I thought you told us everything.”

“I...”, Marinette stammered, officially backed into a corner, “I-It was nothing like that! And how do you even know that?!”

Adrien shrank.

“I, uhm, Chat Noir... told me?”

A long, frustrated sigh interrupted the heated conversation and Felix pushed through the students cornering Marinette. With an annoyed glance at Adrien, he shook his head and stepped next to Marinette.

“If you are done gossiping about heroes that apparently are personally friends with everybody at this school,” he scoffed, “Marinette here was planning on showing me around.”

Surprised she looked up at him, and she was not the only one.

“But we were just-“, Alya tried, but Felix left no room for discussion.

“-talking about things that don’t interest me in the slightest. Maybe ask Agreste if he has any other friends whose privacy he can breach, Marinette is currently busy. I’d like to see this school now.”

Without another glance at anybody he strode onwards, obviously expecting Marinette to follow. She didn’t hesitate for a second, desperate to flee.

“Maybe I could show you around instead?”, Lila offered from behind them. “That way Marinette and Alya could finish their-“

“Not interested”, Felix interrupted, and Marinette gaped at him in awe.

As soon as they were out of earshot, she caught up to him.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely, “I really owe you something.”

Felix only threw her short look before staring straight ahead again.

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I was simply bored by their petty gossip and decided I could return your favor from earlier. We’re even now.”

“Oh”

They walked in silence for a moment, until a small, satisfied grin crept into his face.

“Plus,” he said, “I couldn’t waste a chance to call Agreste out on his bullshit.”

“You know each other?”

“We’ve met.”

That answer was... interesting. Deciding not to press the matter, she looked ahead again.

“Well, Thank you anyway. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Cried, probably. People tend to react with tears to uncomfortable situations.”

She snorted.

“Nah. I’m more the type to start yelling.”

“Plausible. It seems to be the only effective measure with these kind of students.”

She shrugged, trying to stay positive.

“They’re not bad, usually. They just get carried away from time to time.”

He rolled his eyes.

“How comforting.”

“Don’t worry, there’s... calmer people too.” She has an idea. “Do you want to see the art room? Nathaniel and Marc should be there right now.”

He hesitated.

“You don’t actually have to show me around. I was just providing an opportunity for your escape.”

“I know.”, she smiled. “And now I’m providing you with one, in case you ever need it.”

With that, she walked ahead towards an open door. He watched her for a moment, before sighing and following her.

-

“He was right, I shouldn’t have pried.”, Alya admitted remorsefully. “Especially not in front of everyone.” Lila forced herself to look understanding. If she wanted to keep Dupain-Cheng in line, she had to isolate her from her support system and Alya played a crucial part in that. Her boyfriend would probably tag along, and Adrien would be docile as long as she was smart about this.

“It’s not your fault. If Marinette had told you from the start, this wouldn’t have happened. You’re her best friend after all! You have the right to know what’s going on in her life.”

She frowned.

“Did you have any arguments recently?”

“No, why?”

“Nothing, I... I’m just worried she doesn’t want to be that close to you anymore.”

Alya’s eyes widened.

“What? Where’d you get that idea? We are BFFs!”

Lila shrugged.

“It’s probably nothing, you’re right.”

She didn’t have to elaborate, Alya was already hooked. It didn’t take a minute for doubt to settle in.

“Seriously, Lila, why do you think that?”

“Well... I don’t know her as well as you, of course, but she’s been acting a little distant lately. First, she’s angry at you when we changed the seats, even though we did it because I can’t hear well. Then, she keeps secrets from you, and just now, she refused to sit with you. Mysterious, don’t you think? I wonder what else she’s hiding from you...”

Alya slouched, upset. It was almost too easy.

“You’re right...”, she murmured defeatedly. “And just now, she ran away from me as soon as Felix appeared...”

That reminded her of something.

“I’ll give you some space now.”, Lila announced. “Do you mind if I head back to the classroom? I forgot to take my meds, and if I wait too long, my hearing might get even worse.”

Of course Alya didn’t object and soon, Lila was back in their classroom. Alone.

Perfect.

Careful not to cause any mess that might give her away later, she went to the last row.

Felix’ bag was an old school leather briefcase, probably worth more than her entire wardrobe. It’s clasp however was as easy to open as any other bag’s.

Curiously she looked inside. The interior was made up of fine, grey fabric, as were the pocket for his thermos and his wallet. She peaked inside to check his ID and noted his birthday. He owned at least ten different ink pens and pencils, so she took out the most fancy one and shoved it into her pocket. She cursed as a bit of ink got on her fingers, but it wasn’t bad enough to deter her.

Next were the books. Two were regular school books, but one seemed to be a calendar. She skimmed it.

Photo shoots, violin lessons, not that different from Adrien’s.

(She’d pickpocketed his last week already, but since he was escorted everywhere by his bodyguard, it wasn’t of much use to her.)

She took some photos, just in case, from his events to his contacts. His mother’s phone number would be useful, and his assistant was convenient as well. Just when she was about to put it back and close the briefcase, something caught her eye. A small, plain notebook, the only thing that didn’t match with his bag.

Intrigued she opened it. Was it some sort of diary?

She wasn’t that lucky, of course, but her find was valuable nonetheless. It was... poetry.

Short poems, sometimes entire ballads and calligraphy practices, all in a neat, orderly handwriting.

She read the first thing that caught her eye. And the second. And the third.

It was mesmerizing. His words were so artful, so skilled and eloquent, but still fascinatingly natural. She had to force herself to stop reading before the bell would ring. Hastily, she took as much photos as she could, before putting it back.

After short contemplation however, she changed her mind and placed it in Marinette’s pink backpack. That pigtailed brat was already far too close to Felix, and she couldn’t afford her ruining her credibility beforehand.

Satisfied with herself, she left the room and scrolled through her phone. Felix would be hard to crack, no doubt. He wasn’t naive like Adrien, and he didn’t bother with politeness if he didn’t like someone. She wouldn’t be able to use social norms or peer pressure on him. But his family’s brand was internationally known, full of prestige and their monetary worth exceeded the Agreste’s by far. Felix Leanne might be the best (and most handsome) opportunity she would ever get in her life.

She clutched her phone a little tighter.

And the one with the greatest personal allure.

- - -

To be continued

[svtmatokis]

Mingyu Office AU! P8

Hey everyone...as promised, the demise of Mei Wei ♥

Pairing: Reader x Mingyu

Parts:  1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

Words: 4914 (it was that or I leave you all in a cliffy for another week)

When Monday morning rolled around you woke up and got ready since you knew Mingyu was going to pick you up. Though you knew you weren’t feeling one hundred percent, you were hoping that no one would notice.

The night before, everyone from the hospital including Yanan but you were surprised to see that Mei Wei was nowhere in sight and Luhan had informed you that she had something else to do with her family and though you spent most of your time under Mingyu’s watch, you could tell Yanan wanted to talk to you more but knew that Jun, Minghao and Mingyu played good distractions.

When your doorbell rung, you opened the door surprised to see Mingyu on the other side since he normally waited for you downstairs. You looked at him confused when his smile turned into a frown and he placed a hand on your forehead and compared it to his. Before you knew it, you were being pushed back into your apartment and he set you on the couch and covered you in blankets before he made his way to the kitchen where he took out his phone as he started going through your cabinets.

“She still has a slight temperature, I’m going to make her some soup and we’ll be in at lunch. Can you let Josh and Jihoon know?” you could hear him talk to who you assumed was Minghao.

“No it’s not that high but its enough for me to want to keep her here for a little while. Jihoon Isn't telling everyone till the staff meeting this afternoon anyways so we’ll be there.” he responded to Minghaos question. “Thanks man, we’ll see you later.” 

Mingyu then came out of the kitchen with a wet cloth and gently placed it on your forehead and gave you a smile which you hesitantly returned. How did he know? 

“You can’t fool me silly.” he said, “I was worried your temperature would rise again since everyone decided to come over and I wasn’t wrong. Didn’t you know you were running late? I was waiting for almost ten minutes. When you didn’t come out, I decided to come in and check on you.”

You looked at him shocked before looking down frowning, “I...didn’t realise...I’m sorry Gyu…”

He lifted your chin up and smiled softly at you, “It’s okay. It gives us more time to spend together before we face the music.” he answered leaning down to peck your lips softly, “Rest for a while kay? I’ll go make you some soup before we go in this afternoon.” 

“You...cook?” you asked and he nodded and put his finger to his lips as he winked at you.

“It’s my secret talent.” he said, “Don’t tell anyone.” he then puffed your pillows and made sure you were comfortable before he took off his suit jacket and went to the kitchen where you could hear various things going on.

You closed your eyes as you gave into the tiredness you felt. 

About an hour and a half later, Mingyu peeked out of the kitchen and smiled as he saw you sleeping. He poured a glass of water and placed your medicine on a tray with the soup he had just finished and brought it out to you.

Smelling something delicious, your eyes slowly opened and you saw Mingyu standing over you with a tray.

He gently placed it down on the coffee table and handed you the water and your medication.

“Here take this first and then have some soup.” he said as you gulped down the medication and he sat next to you on the couch and gently rested the tray in your lap before watching you take your first bite.

As the soup touched your tongue, your eyes widened at the taste and you couldn’t help the words that left your mouth.

“You made this?” 

Mingyu pretended to look offended, “Does it taste that bad?” he asked though he knew you were thinking otherwise.

“No, not at all” you answered. ‘Definitely better then my lawn home cooking’ you thought to yourself as you took another bite and not too long later you were finished the bowl. 

Mingyu took the tray away and the two of you spent the remainder of the morning together cuddling and talking. Mingyu made sure you rested and right before you prepared to leave, he checked your temperature once more and was satisfied that you were getting better. He checked your arm and helped you change your bandages before the two of you were out the door and on your way to the office.

The two of you walked into the lobby side by side and you were surprised to see Jihoon standing with Yanan and Luhan as if they were waiting for the two of you.

“There you guys are.” Jihoon said, “Are you okay?” he asked looking at you though his voice held concern.

“I would’ve been in this morning had he” you nudged Mingyu, “Let me go.”

“Yes and watch as you pass out in front of everyone. Every boyfriends dream.” Mingyu deadpanned before looking at Jihoon and the other two. “Were you waiting for the two of us?” 

The group shook their heads.

“The S.A’s of the seventeeth floor and I took them out for lunch and we were just getting back to meet with Seungcheol and Jeonghan for the tour.” Jihoon explained, “But you arrived at the perfect time anyways. I need to speak with you before the staff meeting Mingyu. Y/N, do you mind taking Yanan and Luhan to meet with Seungcheol so they can begin their tour?” 

You nodded your head obediently and you turned to Mingyu with a nod though you could tell his eyes showed uncertainty with leaving you with the two.

“You can leave them with me Ji.” you stated.

“Great, we’ll meet up with you guys after we talk. Y/N remember, you’ll be reporting to your project team today until it’s completed so once you’re done with those two and Seungcheol,go find Joshua. He should be expecting you.” Jihoon explained as Mingyu reached into your bag to pull out your phone confusing the group.

After pressing a few buttons, he grinned and placed the phone back in your bag making you look at him with confusion. 

“It’s almost time for your meds so I set an alarm on your phone so you wouldn’t forget” he said as he reached into his bag to get the said medication, “Like how you forgot to bring it with you in the first place.” 

You smiled sheepishly at him as Jihoon tsked.

“Wow, it’s like Mingyu became a completely different person.” he said before looking at the two men from the China office, “I’ll leave you with Y/N now. I believe the rest of the group should be upstairs waiting for you both. Mingyu, if you would follow me.” 

With one last look, you and Mingyu parted ways leaving you, Luhan and Yanan in the lobby.

Turning around you gave the two men a smile which they returned.

“How are you feeling?” Luhan asked as you lead them towards the elevator.

“Better, Mingyu made me rest this morning hence why we’re just getting in now.” you explained as you pressed the button for the elevator.

“Joshua told us when we all met up for lunch. He told us that Mingyu told Minghao that you still had a slight temperature.” Luhan gave you a side glance, “You always fought with us when it came to your health and your relationship with the office and yet Mingyu can keep you at home with just one word?” 

“More like by force” you muttered to yourself thinking about how he left you no choice when he felt your temperature. 

Yanan, who had been listening to the whole conversation noticed the small smile on your face as you spoke about Mingyu and couldn’t help but feel his heart clench, though he had seen a few photos of you and him you kept around your apartment, he noted they were all from your interning days before you two had gotten close.

“Where’s Mei Wei?” you asked suddenly and Yanan answered.

“She had a teleconference with her father about something and since she isn’t in a high position, she didn’t have to attend today.” 

“Ah...well that saves Kyulkyung some bloodshed” you stated lightly and Yanan looked at you with confusion, why would Kyulkyung want to hurt Mei Wei?

As you exited the elevator, Joshua told you that Seungcheol and Jeonghan were waiting for them in the breakroom to start so back to the elevator and down to the sixteenth floor and told you to come back up once Seungcheol let you go.

What you weren’t expecting was to exit the elevator and walk into Nayeon who just so happened to be standing by the doors with a hot cup of liquid in her hand which spilled over the arm you had with the stitches on it which was covered by a blazer.

You took a sharp intake of breath as Luhan and Yanan both looked at you with concern as they saw the steaming liquid make contact with your arm and both were about to say something when Nayeon gasped.

“Oh my goodness Y/N I am so sorry.” she said and looked at you with false concern as Seungcheol and Jeonghan came forward immediately, “You should be more careful next time.”  she then giggled and walked towards her friend.

“What the heck was she doing by the elevator when she was having coffee?” you heard Yanan mutter to himself and you turned to Luhan and he got the message right away. 

Another Mei Wei. He then muttered to Yanan in Chinese, “That was no accident.” he motioned to Nayeon who was now laughing with a few other girls from what he assumed was her department and the two realized that she had no reason to be near the elevator but saw the looks they had when Kyulkyung walked over to the group and ordered them to get back to work.

“Do you think Seungcheol pays you all to drink coffee for two hours every day?” she asked her hands on her hips, a glare evident.  

“Are you okay?” Seungcheol  asked automatically after seeing the collision, “We heard that you still had a temperature” he put a hand to your forehead and could feel a cold sweat forming and he looked at you with concern, “Y/N…?” 

Managing to hold face despite how much pain your arm was in you answered, “I’m fine. Jihoon ambushed Gyu and I in the lobby and asked me to bring these two to find you.” you responded though your voice seemed strained and he picked up on it right away. “May I please be excused?” you asked as the pain started to get worse and you wondered how hot the liquid really was and you needed to get to the bathroom fast..

Seungcheol nodded his head and looked around and saw Chan talking to one of the interns and motioned him over.

“Make sure Y/N gets upstairs and find Joshua right away.” he instructed and Chan nodded.

“I’ll be fine Cheol.” you stated but Seungcheol gave you a don’t even question it so stay quiet look. “Fine…”

“Let’s go Y/N, I think Dahyuns already with Joshua.” he said holding your injured arm lightly causing you to flinch automatically. “Y/N?” 

“I’m fine.” you managed to get out  and then turned to look at Luhan and Yanan, “I’ll see you both later.” 

The two nodded, “Take it easy.” they said simultaneously and with that you were on your way back to the seventeenth floor.

Luhan then turned to Seungcheol who seemed to already look pissed off. “That wasn’t an accident.”

“I know, we’ve been waiting for something like this to happen for a while now.” Seungcheol stated, “I’ll leave Jeonghan to give you and your team the tour and we’ll all meet in the boardroom after for quick meeting with my senior team. I have important business I have to deal with.”

With a nod,Seungcheol turned around and made his way to Kyulkyung, “A word please.” he ordered with his authoritative voice. 

Kyulkyung looked at Seungcheols face and it was one she never had to see often but knew the look.  “Of course, shall we step into your office?” 

Meanwhile, you had excused yourself once you got to the Seventeen floor and made a beeline for the bathroom where you were finally able to let yourself go and you found yourself clenching your arm in pain and you gingerly peeled off your blazer revealing a giant red mark.

“Shit.” you muttered and heard a gasp from behind you only to see Dahyun.

“Y-Y/N, are you okay?” she asked her face filled with genuine concern. She looked at the wet bandages on your arm and the swelling that had started to form around it. “You arm!” she gasped  covering her mouth with one of her hands.

You gave her a tired but strained smile, “I’m fine.” you reassured, “I had a small accident yesterday and then another one in the breakroom just now. I think my bodys just tired.”

“D-do you need anything? Should I get Josh?” she asked and you shook your head but leaned back on the counter and started to slowly unwrap your bandages and you cursed. It looked like the hot liquid had managed to make it through the thick layer of gauze Mingyu had put on to cushion the wound and the area around it had a few blisters forming, just how hot was the liquid?

“Do you think you can grab my bag from my desk? I think I put some extra gauze and wrap in there and it’s about time I take my medication.” you said and Dahyun nodded automatically.

“It’s the blue one right?” she asked and you nodded with a tight smile as you took a paper towel and ran it under cold water before slowly dabbing the area while Dahyun went to look for your bag.

When she got outside, she saw Mingyu coming out  of the elevator with Jihoon and Nayeon who for the life of her could not figure out why she was on the seventeenth floor attach herself to Mingyu’s arm.

“Gyu!! I heard about the promotion…” Nayeon said happily, “Congratulations!” 

Mingyu gave Nayeon a tight smile as his eyes skimmed the area for your whereabouts, “Thank you.” 

Dahyun rolled her eyes. Since Kyulkyung had given her the project assignment the Friday before, she decided to separate herself from the group so she could focus on the promotion she was working towards. Though Nayeon was trying for the same, her efforts seemed to be zeroing in on causing you pain and getting Mingyu for herself but if Dahyun could confirm what she said a week prior, then Nayeon was literally sabotaging herself. 

She quickly picked up your bag and went back to the bathroom.

“Thanks” you said and sifted through the bag and groaned. Mingyu must’ve put the extra gauze and wrap in his bag.

“Is everything okay?” Dahyun asked and noticed the redness of your arm, “Should I get you an icepack?” 

Reluctantly, you nodded, “The bandages are probably in Mingyu’s bag…” you said and silently cursed knowing that he was expecting to change your bandages at some point during the day. “Can you help me put my blazer over my shoulder?” 

“Of course.” Dahyun said gently lifting the other side of your blazer and gently placing it over your shoulder without touching your arm. 

“Thanks” you said and tried to take your bag back from Dahyun but she insisted that she could hold it for you.

When you exited the bathroom, you were shocked to see Nayeon, the cause of this with Mingyu and you couldn’t help but feel the burning increase in your arm and looked down to see one big swollen patch.

“Let’s go out for dinner tonight. My trea-” Nayeon was cut off when Mingyu walked away from her and making a beeline towards you and Dahyun. “Mingyu?’ 

She turned her head to see you and Dahyun by the bathroom door surrounded by various associates of the seventeenth floor and you being lead by Joshua and Jihoon to your desk to sit down.

What broke her heart was when everyone stepped aside to let Mingyu pass and the concern in his eyes was evident even from this far and suddenly, her hatred for you grew. 

Everyone on the seventeenth floor had heard about your accident from the previous day and were all concerned now that they saw the extent of your injuries. What were you doing here? Shouldn’t you have been at home resting?

Jihoon and Joshua were at the front inspecting your arm which you reluctantly let them since they weren’t going to let you go anywhere and you had a suspicion that you may be sent home for the day.

“Where’s Mingyu?” Jihoon asked as he saw the swelling increase along with the blistering, “Get me an icepack.” he instructed Dahyun who nodded.

“Right here. What the heck happened?” Mingyu asked sitting in the chair next to yours as he gently peeled back your blazer and gasped as he saw how red your arm was.

“I don’t think I’m liked very much at this office.” you stated softly as you made eye contact with Nayeon whose eyes were filled with hatred. 

“What do you-” Mingyu started and then followed your eyes to see Nayeon who realized Mingyu was looking at her and changed her gaze automatically and he resisted to growl. Not another one. “Jihoon, can we use your office?” 

Jihoon nodded and gave Mingyu the key. 

Mingyu then helped you up and went into Jihoons office where he sat you down once more and started to apply the burn cream from the first aid kit that Joshua had given him making you wince before he started wrapping your arm up again with the gauze and wrap he had in his bag.

“Does it hurt?” he asked as he gently applied the icepack that Dahyun had brought him. 

You nodded.

Mingyu chuckled, “I really can’t let you out of my sight can I..” he said softly and you shrugged your shoulders. 

“I guess not.” you gave him a small smile back. “At least it wasn’t a vase this time.”

“But you still  got injured because of someone else. What happened?” he asked and you told him everything and Mingyu groaned. 

“My boyfriend is a ladies man.” you stated, “I guess this is going to be something I have to get used to?” 

“No, because I won’t let it happen again” Mingyu stated, “I told you, I’ll protect you at whatever costs and the tormenting from Nayeon stops now whatever it takes. I’m sure Seungcheol will deal with it. I saw him talking to Kyulkyung in his officer earlier.”

Looking out the window of Jihoon office towards the main office area you noticed someone else had come up with the tour. 

“Let’s hope so… I don’t think I can handle two tormentors in one day” you said nodding as Mei Wei finally made her entrance, a scowl on her face. 

When you and Mingyu finally exited, the scowl turned into a smirk and she said something loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“Isnt it great Yanan? Y/N will finally be able to join our office again!”

This automatically turned heads around you and you groaned leaning on Mingyu for support. You were done, “I should’ve stayed home today..”

Mingyu snickered next to you, “you aren’t worried about her statement?” He whispered in your ear and you shook your head. 

“Why would I be? I terminated my old contract with the China office and got hired by your office. The transfer was a cover up” you whispered back as you made eye contact with Luhan who looked pissed off. “And everyone is going to find out right now. I’m sick of this princess playing innocent.” 

You clenched your fist and broke away from Mingyu and started towards the group that just arrived. 

“What do you mean Mei Wei?” You asked dumbly and saw the look of shock that crossed her face and the smirk that made its way into it. 

“I reported you to my father and he said because you violated your contract that you must return to the China office immediately” Mei Wei stated with her arms crossed and you looked at Luhan who was ready to say something but your look to him told him back off.

“Really…” you said looking down and let out a sigh. “Would your father happen to know why I “transferred” offices by chance?”

“Of course, Daddy gave the Senior Associate position to my Yanan so he could help me run the company one day.” she answered and you tried not to laugh as you heard Yanan whisper. 

“Your Yanan?” 

Nodding slowly  you decided to put an end to the situation and stepped closer so your face was right in front of hers and though she kept that smirk on her face and you could that Kyulkyung and Seungcheol had stepped out of his office and Seungcheol was suddenly holding Kyulkyung back and you gave Seungcheol an apologetic look.

Jun and Minghao were on the sidelines not wanting to interfere with an angry you and you could see the rest of your friends watching as well along with the Senior Associates of the China office behind Luhan so you spoke as quiet as you could.

“Gave...what if I told you that the Senior Associate position was offered to me FIRST and I turned it DOWN because I wasn’t going to be manipulated anymore. Don’t think I’m stupid Mei Wei, there was a reason I was promoted before you and your little group were.” you said through gritted teeth, “My contract was REWRITTEN when I left so that all ties with that office were cut. You have zero right to be making stories up when I know what I signed on paper.” you took a deep breath and prepared for the repercussions of what you were about to say.

“You weren’t even supposed to take over the company and you and I both know that. Your father was going to give it to Luhan after he retired since you had no experience in our field whatsoever and he was going to leave you nothing but a tiny penny. You couldn’t handle that so you had to get your hands on the top associate of the company. You made your daddy promise that if you stayed with the company until he retired, you would inherit it but last I heard, nothings changed and the company will still go to Luhan cause what your daddy found out not too long ago was that...you’re not even his biological daughter. To him, you are nothing but another employee living off his money.” you finished and you felt a sting cross your face as those around you gasped.

“Y/N!” you heard a few people around you gasp as you shook your head. 

“You little bitch...you know nothing about my family. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am and all you had to do was bat your little eye lashes at Luhan and you got whatever you wanted.” Mei Wei said seething and you could see the anger in her eyes.

“Yes cause batting my eye lashes caused my torment during my last year at your office. I know things that you don’t want me to know Mei Wei, things you don’t want anyone else to know about. I can’t even believed I put my life on the line for you yesterday, what a joke. The reason this is happening is because you decided to show your face and stick your claws into my boyfriend.” you felt another sting to your face and you could hear Kyulkyung screech wanting to give Mei Wei what she deserved long ago. 

Mingyu stood behind you the whole time and when Mei Wei slapped you the first time, he was surprised Yanan didn’t do anything considering he claimed that the two of you were close. He knew you were at your breaking point with everything that happened and you were slowly letting it out. When Mei Wei slapped you a second time, he tried to pull you back by your uninjured arm but you held your place.

“Truth hurts doesnt it?” you asked her with a twisted smirk before you walked towards the elevator, there was no way you were going to stay here any longer after this and thankfully, the elevator was right there.  

You turned to Dahyun and gave her a soft tired smile, “Thank you for earlier. I really appreciate it.” you said quietly, “We’ll have to move our project meeting to tomorrow if that’s okay.” 

The said girl nodded amazed that you were still able to hold yourself together after something like this. Though she didn’t hear the conversation, she did see you get slapped twice and suddenly,she admired you more than ever since your professionalism was above and beyond.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.” she said softly and you patted her shoulder before going into the elevator leaving everyone else in shock. Seungcheol was the first to break himself of his shock and a voice full of authority came out.

“Everyone get back to work, Jeonghan take the visitors into the boardroom and Mingyu...you know what to do.”  

Seungcheol then turned to Luhan who looked like petrified at Seungcheols voice, “VP Lu, if you would have a word.” 

You were halfway out the doors when you realized that you had forgotten your bag and reluctantly made your way back to the office but was stopped when Yanan came out of the elevator, his face contorted with anger.

“You had no right to say those things to Mei Wei.” he said right away and you looked at him with mild shock. After everything, he was still defending that witch.  “She did nothing wrong. All she wanted was for you to join our office again. Can’t you see that everyone misses you? And besides, transfers are tied to their original contract. She’s right.”

“I’m sorry I stood up for myself.” you stated “And did you not hear anything that I said? Yanan. I quit the company when I rejected the Senior Associate position BECAUSE I was being tormented to give it up for YOU. I signed with the Seoul office, its an exclusive contract only to them” Your eyes narrowed at him, “What the heck did I see in you all those years ago.” you muttered and the elevator dinged once more and you saw Mingyu with your purse in hand. “Excuse me.” you said starting to walk towards the doors once more knowing Mingyu would find you eventually.

“We aren’t done here Y/N” Yanan said grabbing your hand but he was pulled back roughly by Mingyu who grabbed him by the shoulder and pinned him against the wall, anger obvious on his face.

“Touch my girlfriend again and you’ll regret it” he growled.

Yanan looked at Mingyus features and had never seen someone so angry and protective. 

“You can’t do anything. I can have you fired. Or  did you forget your rank.” Yanan stated with a smirk but winced when Mingyu pushed him harder against the wall.

“You think I give a fuck about rank after what just happened up there? This is personal now.” he growled. “Stay away from my girlfriend. This is your only warning.” 

“Or what? You’ll mess me up?” Yanan asked sarcastically and winced once more this Mingyu guy had a really good grip.

“No, I dont resort to violence like you do.” Mingyu answered and he whispered to Yanan, “But people will know that you slept your way to the position you’re in right now if you know what I mean.” He then let Yanan go and the latter fell to the floor.

“If I see you try to get in contact with Y/N again, you’ll regret it. Remember, our office is protective of their own and I’m not the only one who knows and you might want to go check on your little girlfriend, I saw Seungcheol let Kyulkyung go and I know she’s been in a bad mood today.” Mingyu finished before running to catch up with you which thankfully wasn’t far. You were actually leaning against his car which he was thankful since you didn’t run off.

He approached you with caution, “Hey..” 

When you turned around, he was shocked to see all the emotions running through your eyes and he found himself pulling you against him as you finally let the tears fall and all he could do for the time being was hold you as he felt your tiny hands clench the back of his shirt bringing you as close as you could to him.

He placed a kiss on top of your head and whispered soothing words to you. He knew you were hurting and he hated it. Once this was all over he was going to sweep you away for a weekend, just the two of you.

[torturing-characters-101]

So I'm writing a story and my character has pretty bad insomnia and anxiety. Could you give me a few pointers on symptoms and how it might affect daily life? I don't personally have these, but it's important to the character and I want to make sure I do the representation justice.

I can’t speak for everyone but here’s my experience of insomnia with anxiety:

Insomnia:

The feeling of adrenaline releasing, but over and over and over and over while you’re laying in bed. Like, every 2-5 minutes.

Constantly thinking about how much sleep you could get if you fell asleep right now and then feeling utterly disappointed in yourself for not falling asleep.

The feeling of “I forgot how to fall asleep.”

There’s a song going through your head, but also a fake argument and an embarrassing situation you’re remembering from work but like, all at once, repeatedly.

The feeling that it would be this huge risk to get up and walk around for a little bit because what if you were just about to fall asleep and you missed your chance?

Usually falling asleep one or two hours before your alarm goes off and as soon as it does all you want to do is sleep.

The first day without sleep you feel kinda gross and your face feels hot and oily and just can’t get clean even if you shower. Your work/school performance is definitely degraded but you don’t quite realize it. It’s kinda easy to forget you didn’t sleep.

The second day without sleep and the gross feeling is worse but now there’s like short waves of dizziness. You’re slow and don’t understand things. Social skills (or, I supposed, whatever situations you find most difficult) are significantly impacted and you know but you can’t do anything about it.

The third day you feel like your teeth are loose and your mouth is dry and your skin is weird. Late at night you are angry and frustrated and possibly crying and just so worked up. You can feel your heart beating.

After that everything feels not quite real. You have no energy for anything, you misinterpret things or have not-quite-hallucinations out of the corner of your eye. 

Anxiety:

Anxiety is different for everyone, and there are a lot of different anxiety disorders, including Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Panic Disorder. All of them have different defining symptoms. This is my experience with GAD:

Think of the overall experience as “my brain usually (but not always) responds to things in a grossly exaggerated way so I’m constantly trying to deal with those reactions and figure out if they were appropriate, and if not, what the appropriate reaction would be so that I don’t externally over-react to a situation or seem too apathetic.”

Because of this, there’s a lot of filler in your brain that saps energy but doesn’t actually contribute to your life or well-being. You’re always moving and doing things but it feels like nothing gets done and everyone’s disappointed in you even though you’re trying so hard.

You constantly crave sugar (or fat, or sex, or the wikipedia article about radios or Doctor Who fanfiction or anything that’s going to bring you comfort), but you’re really embarrassed about it and you’re worried other people will think you’re lazy/a glutton if you indulge yourself.

Worrying- this is probably what most people think about when trying to describe anxiety, and it can be rough. Like, think about something that weighed so heavily on you you had trouble thinking about other things, but instead of it being something important its actually, like, that you’re getting your blood pressure checked in 3 days and the nurse is going to judge you because you’re 25 and have hypertension which is DEFINITELY YOUR FAULT, but you know you really have false hypertension because you’ve been dumping adrenaline for the last three days non-stop- but who’s realistically going to believe that? And you literally, no matter what you do, can’t stop thinking about it and how much its about to ruin your life.

Brain tired.

Your abdominal muscles are tight and you have to repeatedly and purposefully un-clench. Then they’ll be clenched again like 2 minutes later.

You utterly fail to react or respond to a small but urgent (or at least in-the-moment) situation because it took you so long to think about it.

You then think about what you should have done and how much you disappointed people non-stop for 48 hours.

Conversely, responding to a big terrifying thing nonchalantly that everyone else is freaking out about.

Hands visibly sweating constantly.

Hair pulling/skin picking any time you sit down.

A desire to apologize for something like your own face.

A constant desire to cover your ass/explain yourself but also no energy to do so.

Intrusive thoughts. “Boy that knife sure looks sharp- if you fell on it no one would know it was on purpose” “Jump in front of that car.” “How much skin could you remove from your arm before you pass out?” (I know I’ve forgotten to take my meds when these start popping up)

All of this is at least 50% worse when actually physically tired or menstruating.

Getting on medication and realizing that 1, all of your motivation was tied to anxiety (but now, suddenly, all those motivation tips on the internet actually work) and 2, holy crap you can do so much in a day.

-Ross

[ryujinrk]

-.✦･｡ﾟMGA season 5: episode 5              sunday 07/21, practice at royal entertainment              mentioned: @rkjaemin, @rksuwoong, @rkxsnh

TRIGGER WARNING: migraines (headache, nausea), medications

Ever since Ryujin woke up this morning she has felt unweel in an eerie kind of way, the feeling that something is wrong haunting her from the very moment she opened her eyes because it’s appearing to be a brand new sensation. She’s nervous, abnormally so really, when she makes her way to the Royal Entertainment, a route that is becoming familiar with time as result of the practice happening there. It’s early, but not too early. Ryujin follow the company’s schedule as good as she can while excluding the breakfast, especially today since her appetite vanished-- that alone is strange, and anyone who knows her would recognise the change.

She is the first one to arrive out of both groups and a staff member is showing her the way, it’s the same way that she has walked many times already during the past few days but she know that she has to be escorted by someone. She met them with a tired smile, head bowing in that typical respect that she show to anyone who is more authorised than herself. As someone who rarely ever has a headache it’s unbearable even to walk like this, silence consumes the short trip from the entrance and up to the practice room but their footsteps are loud enough. She has no time to stay at home though, she has no time to rest. It will pass, is what she tell herself and that especially when she notice that SUWOONG arrive a little while after her.

Eyes twitch slightly by the sight of him, briefly and so quickly that nobody would notice. While they settle their things and prepare to practice she notice that something is different, still. The lights are so much brighter than they were the day before, the sounds are so much louder. It doesn’t take Ryujin long to realise that this is going to be an incredibly long and tiresome day, and she has only just arrived at 9AM. JAEMIN arrive not long after, with his textbooks. They are practicing the dance still, perfecting it the best that they can because although JAEMIN is a very strong, creative rapper has he expressed it isn’t the same when it comes to dancing. He isn’t a dancer, but that’s okay.

He is teamed with two dancers, after all-- one way or another, they will all manage to learn the choreography. Luckily for him, the song that they chose doesn’t require much technique. If the famous P.O can pull off the stage then she is sure that JAEMIN can as well, they just need for him to practice, practice, practice. And Ryujin believes in him, she has huge faith in him. She’s worried for other reasons though, which she blame her unwellness for. Surely no one else has noticed how SUWOONG has treated her the past days, no one but herself because it is easier to notice when it happens to oneself. She doesn’t get it, what has she ever done to him?

SUWOONG is particularly picky with her, he always leave her to choose lastly and he flee the scene with her once breaks hit. Instead of getting to know her he’s seemingly everywhere but with his own group, every chance he get, and she slowly begin to feel worse and worse. They seem like small “innocent” things things but small “innocent” things add up rather quickly, and she honestly don’t feel welcome or liked in her very own group... and she simply do not know what she has done wrong, SUWOONG just seem to hate her for no apparent reason. She’s a hardworking girl who usually don’t take breaks but today, she has to.

She simply has to, or she will puke right there and then though that is a fact that she decided against telling her group about. It’s not like the elder male would understand anyway, Ryujin’s absolutely sure about that, because everything she does in his presence seems to be wrong. Closing up towards lunch time it’s becoming unbearable, overwhelming is an understatement and she honestly feel so awful that she want to sit down and cry. The waves come and go yet she can’t seem to find a pattern, suddenly there is a severe rush of nausea and then suddenly there is a immensely throbbing pain in her head. What is going on?

The only pattern she notice is that whenever a wave of sickness appear, her heart beat so fast and so forcibly against her chest that she wonder whether it will jump out of her very body. As she sit down for another break SUWOONG seems to have had enough of it and calls for a fifteen minute break himself. The lump in her throat grows bigger and bigger because she’s scared, it frightens her that she don’t know what is going on with neither SUWOONG nor herself. Ryujin uses the given break to call Jonhyun, her step-brother who happens to work within the branch of medicine, after excusing herself to the hallway just outside the practice room.

His message is quick and simple, Ryujin needs to find herself a place to rest and she know to listen to his advices. If there is anyone that she look up to, it is him. There is nothing that is as important as time at this very moment so she hurry the best she possibly can to find one of the nearby staff members, who agrees to show her the company’s infirmary where she is allowed some rest and some meds to relieve the symptoms. Ryujin isn’t sure what she is given but she takes it regardless, wanting to get better sooner rather than later so that she can return to the practice. Gosh, she forgot to tell JAEMIN where she was going. 

Well, surely the staff member would let them know. Before she lay down to rest she put on an alarm to make sure that she won’t oversleep, and she pass out almost the moment she closes her eyes. Just before that, she manages to send off a few texts to her best friend.

text sent to @rkxsnh (  혜주 💕 ) —— (2)

✉ ▸ i feel so sick... i don’t know what’s goign on  ✉ ▸ i’m at the infirmary, i don’t want to be sent home...  😭 

The alarm wakes her back up and although she feels better in the sense of why she came into the infirmary, Ryujin feels utterly rotten inside. If she could go back to sleep she would but she can’t, so instead she drag herself out of the comfortable hospital bed and sloppily head back-- she hopes that this decaying feeling will pass with time, and she wonder just what on Earth she was given just an hour earlier. That were some strong meds, that is for sure. She squints most of the way back to the practice room where JAEMIN and SUWOONG practice with the other trio because the lights are so gosh darn bright today, but find the room near empty upon arrival.

Oh well, she will have to practice on her own then. Ryujin doesn’t think much of it, other than wondering where they might be, they surely will return shortly anywyay... she hopes, anyway. And they do precisely so, she has only danced for a few minutes when they return and she’s noticing a slight change in JAEMIN’s face that makes her curious. It’s not very obvious, but it was enough for her to notice as she has spent quite some time with the other already. They’re not close, far from it, but she admire the other and he intrigues her. But hey, they brought her a sandwich! When she think about it, she hasn’t eaten the whole day, appetite non-existent.

“My head is fine,” she responds shortly because she know that he SUWOONG only ask about her head out of courtesy. A smile appears  though, due to the food. “But thanks. I appreciate it.”

They aren’t grouped for long before JAEMIN offer to fetch some drinks, and ask Ryujin if she would like to accompany him on the trip outside. Strange as it may be she gladly accepts that offer right away, fresh air sounded amazing when she still feel completely dead inside but she realised quickly that something was up, just like everything today. Sandwich in hand, she eats it on the way greedily, suddenly realising how hungry she really is. The questions that he bring her hurts more than she thought they would, and the fact that he seemingly believed for even a second that the rumors are true hurt even more. She can’t blame him however, he was never there to witness what actually happened with Amarante.

Ryujin explains to him the best she can, without revealing too much. It seriously baffles her how effective rumors are, whether they are true or false, and she suddenly understand what has been going on with SUWOONG, that he has been spreading lies about her all along. Her heart sink to the bottom of her stomach and once again, she want to cry while she don’t. Even if the tears are threatening to roll down rosy red cheeks she will not grant him that satisfaction, and she will not cry in front of JAEMIN. Drinks ordered, waited for and now in hand, they make their way back to the building where Ryujin has forgot for the moment that they are recording.

Other matters are more important right now and if the “GOLDEN TRIO” is supposed to have a chance to win they need to settle things, right away. So she approach the elder male, in midst of a face time which he end rather quickly upon their arrival. Ryujin doesn’t beat around the bush and ask why he is out and about telling false truths to people, and where the lies come from. Tears are evident in her eyes, but she still does not cry. He responds with a question of his own, whether she call his cousin a liar-- she is confused, she doesn’t even know who this cousin is and how she is related to the matter. SUWOONG says that he doesn’t appreciate that she insult his cousin in front of him and she want to snort, the audacity.

“Yeah, please call her.” She agrees to the suggestion, once she realise who his cousin is. The call should be interesting enough as Jimin has stepped way over the line by spreading lies, and if she don’t spill the beans she will have to resort to old fashioned threats. Jimin may be older than her but in the end, she could have faced serious punishment for what she did and was honestly let go easier than everyone else. Heck, the other members of Amarante did nothing wrong. She luckily didn’t have to threaten with their old CEO as the other tells the truth. Ryujin couldn’t care less whether SUWOONG apologised after that, she was just glad it’s over. 

“It’s okay,” is her way of forgiving the elder. “I’m just glad that we got this out of the way.”

[alloverthegaf]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. Just know that we, the lords and ladies of the court of Queen Gaf, are here for you. We’re here to support you when you feel terrible (and even when you’re not feeling terrible). *internet hug*

hahaha god I forgot about the lords and ladies thing. Thank you. I’m doing okay really, I’m taking my meds again and depending on how I go over the next week or so I might see about going back to my psychologist. And work seems to help a bit. So, if I keep on top of it maybe it won’t be... too bad? And it could even be a false alarm, just a super shitty week for some reason lol.

But yeah I really appreciate it, thanks so much.

[letterfromajax]

Nvm false alarm I forgot I had my meds adjusted to 300 mg

[kre8-68-ive]

This article Gave Me Life!

What to do when your mind ALWAYS focuses on the worst possible coutcome?

Not long ago, a medical student, let’s call him Paul, walked into my shift in the emergency room of a large university and told me that his life was ruined. I’m a clinical psychologist. And for the past 20 years, I have worked — in many capacities — with young adults. I’ve counseled them in private practice. I’ve taught them on college campuses. I’ve given talks at the companies where they work. And this day, I was staffing the emergency walk-in on a college campus.

Paul was sure he had failed an exam earlier that day. Now, he had another in just a few hours and was positive that it was going to be a disaster as well.

“I feel like I’m having a panic attack. I don’t belong in med school. This is a complete catastrophe,” Paul yelled, more at himself than at me.

This reaction is not an unusual one. It’s something I’ve seen time and again throughout my work, and it’s called catastrophizing, or overestimating the likelihood or consequences of our worst fears. It’s the most common reaction we have to uncertain situations. Our brains interpret uncertainty as danger, which is why — in our minds — a typo at work turns into us being fired or a failed test turns into us dropping out of school.

Thanks to our ancient ancestors, our brains are designed to expect the worst. When early humans were wandering the Earth, underestimating what was around the corner (or in the bushes or the forest) could be deadly. This is why the most primitive parts of our brains take a “better safe than sorry” approach to uncertainties, both big and small.

In modern times, it might be easier to think of it this way: Your brain is like a smoke detector. Imagine that you’re sitting at your desk at home and clearing out your inbox when the smoke alarm goes off down the hall. What’s your first reaction?

Aargh! I forgot to take my toast out of the oven.

The house is on fire!

In your day-to-day life, uncertainties are like smoke. Your job is to figure out whether the problem is burnt toast, a house fire, or just a false alarm, and respond accordingly.

But this is easier said than done.

Catastrophizing is especially common — really, the most common — among young adults like Paul. That’s because the most uncertain and unsettled years of our lives happen between the ages of 18 and 35. It’s the time when we are picking our college majors, graduating from school, getting our first jobs, perhaps even living on our own in new places for the first time. In addition, research shows that, in our 20s, the prefrontal cortex — or the part of our brains that problem solves during uncertain moments — is still developing. That doesn’t mean young adults can’t cope. Rather, it means that now is a great time to hardwire new habits, such as slowing down and thinking things through.

Walk-in slots in the emergency room I worked in were 15 minutes long, so that was how long I had to help Paul. He had spiraled from being sure he had failed his last test to being certain he would fail his next one to being positive he would flunk out of medical school to imagining his parents would think he is a failure.

He wondered aloud whether I should write a note excusing him from his next exam.

“Let’s try decatastrophizing first,” I said.

Paul and I walked through a few different strategies to help him shift his thinking. Generally, there is no one-size-fits-all. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, try to pick and choose which ones work best for you.

Stop time traveling. Most of our catastrophes exist in the future. For Paul, it was failing his next text or failing medical school down the line or failing his parents somehow in the end. But mentally transporting yourself to next month or next year is no way to solve a problem in the here and now. Rather, take a deep breath, feel your feet on the ground, and stay right where you are.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. Don’t go there yet,” I said as Paul’s thoughts raced toward every bad outcome. “Stay in the present and in the room with me.”

Focus on what is. Part of staying in the present is not focusing on “what if” but on “what is.” Catastrophizing is based on fear rather than on facts. I asked Paul to tell me some facts. Had he ever failed a test before? No, he said. What would happen if he did fail? Med students were allowed to take tests more than once, he told me.

“So maybe you won’t fail. And if you do, the worst-case scenario is that you will have to retake the test,” I said with a shrug. “No,” Paul countered. “Worst case is that it keeps happening and I flunk out completely.”

Play out your worst-case scenario. Paul and I talked about what would happen if he did indeed “flunk out completely.” What would he do? “I’d go into research probably,” he said, “which isn’t what I planned. But sometimes I think I like science more than the pressure and the patients,” he chuckled. Even if Paul’s worst-case scenario did come true, his life could go on.

Play out your best-case scenario. Then, I asked Paul to tell me his best-case scenario, making it as extreme and dramatic as the worst-case one he’d conjured up. He joked about earning the highest score on every test and collecting a prize as his fellow students went wild with applause. We shared a laugh as Paul realized that both his best-case and worst-case scenarios were simply childlike fantasies. Reality is almost always somewhere in between.

Go grey. Catastrophizing is a form of black-or-white thinking, with an emphasis on the black. When you’re young, like Paul, it’s easier to fixate on one or the other. But the trick is to hang out somewhere in the middle. Paul and I spoke about how med school would have its ups and downs, and about how there is more than one way to be a student and a doctor, too.

Get more data points. The real cure for catastrophizing is confidence, and confidence comes from experience. What Paul needed most was not for me to write a note excusing him from his test. He needed evidence that he belonged where he was. With every test Paul passed, he could be a bit more confident about the next one. It is normal to feel anxious before a big test. In those moments, Paul needed to be able to remind himself of exams that had gone well.

By the time our 15 minutes were up, Paul and I had made a plan. He would go to a coffee shop to study for a while, and then he would take his next exam. We scheduled a follow-up appointment for the next morning, and I gave him the after-hours emergency number just in case.

Of course, it occurred to me that Paul might indeed fail his exam and perhaps even do something to harm himself or someone else as a result. That was my own catastrophizing, my own smoke detector going off. But based on our conversations, and on my own data points from 20 years of working with twentysomethings, I was confident that Paul would make it through.

The next morning, I was a bit relieved, but not at all surprised, to see Paul in the waiting room. What did surprise me, however, was how different he looked with a smile on his face. Paul told me somewhat sheepishly that he had not, in fact, failed either of his exams, and “all that catastrophizing was for nothing.”

Maybe it wasn’t for nothing, I suggested. Maybe he’d learned something that would help him next time.

“Yeah,” he said, still smiling. “Fears aren’t facts