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phantomlionsjournal · 6 years ago

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Journal Entry 11/3/2018

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS JOURNAL MENTIONS SUBJECTS OF DEPRESSION, AND ANXIETY.

Holy shit it’s been a while people. I’ve been mostly active on twitter though, so please follow me there as well.

I’m going to be honest here, I’ve been having an on and off, yet crippling battle with depression for over a year now and recently it’s been really tough and it’s even been crushing me financially, however I believe I can overcome, and I can continue to overcome my depression provided I stay focused. I’ve begun drawing again, which is a good sign, and let me be the first to tell you if you’ve never had a problem with depression, are beginning to experience it for the first time and or know someone who is, indeed clinically depressed, this is no fucking joke, sickness of the mind is real. It may not be a gaping wound but it’s as real as the device you’re using to read this, the air you breathe and the ground you walked on to get here.

I’ve never been a HUGE fan of taking meds to treat depression, why? because over all I don’t make myself depressed, people fucking make me depressed, and if 98.9 percent of people fucking vanished tomorrow, guess what? My depression would be cured, not treated, but cured.

Granted there would be that awkward period where I would be figuring out what the hell is going on and if I should be running my ass to the nearest fallout shelter but upon discovery that only a few of humanity plus myself remain, a cascade of soothing relief would wash over me, and I would whisper at the new world “...finally”.

All that considered I feel like a guinea pig when doctors want to try all these fucking meds to “see what works”, and they don’t really know, all that training, and years of med school and the best these assholes can tell anybody is “see what works best for you”, and from then on it’s like rolling dice, no thanks, but hey if meds work for you then take them, just don’t flip your shit when the apocalypse comes and you eventually run out, forcing you to raid pharmacy after pharmacy, and with no one in the factories at that point to make the medication, you’re FUCKED(or they start cutting medicaid/medicare to the point that you’re fucked anyway), not me though because no matter how depressed I get sometimes, I’m a fighter, always have been, always will be, I will not give up the fight for my survival no matter HOW hard it gets, I may not go out with a bang, but I’ll go out fighting never the less, don’t believe me? Try me, I promise I won’t disappoint.

I have also come to accept and embrace that I may not be entirely sane, and I’m certainly a fucking maniac, but I’m a high functioning maniac, and I much prefer my methods of battling depression than what’s been manufactured by these second hand alchemists that make all these brain-wadding medications, and the overconfident doctors that prescribe them as I said before, my depression largely stems from having to put up with the world at large, and it’s equally depressing treadmill rat-race, so therefore the best treatment for me? Focus. Prepare. Prepare. Focus. Evade. Adapt. Survive.

Managing expectations is also another big one for me, it’s helped me quite a bit. This is a saying that I’ve been using for YEARS to train myself mentally as far as dealing with people and their bullshit is concerned “I can’t control anyone else, but I can control myself”,(before you make a comment Mr. Contrarian-Internet-Intellectual, hear me the fuck out here! You’re reading this in my voice aren’t you?)pretty basic yes, but it implies quite a bit, and if you’re dedicated enough then this is more than possible, in practice what this does for me as I’ve repeated it to myself over the years is prepare me for people’s irrational, erratic, and often overly illogical emotional behavior, remember what I said about managing expectations? that’s where this comes in for me as I constantly walk around expecting people to let me down, and be generally shitty and thus I’m never disappointed, you might have heard about “The Blessings of a Pessimist”, utilizing the attitude where everyone is generally shitty, when you actually encounter someone who’s not, and the interaction is worthwhile and even benefits all parties involved then you may find yourself pleasantly surprised, savor this feeling, for it won’t come along often.

Interaction with people if you’ve got depression, anxiety or both can be a huge pain in the ass so your first thought if encountered by some bigot or douche that can’t keep their big, loud fucking whore cunt mouth shut should be to ignore them, do not feed them what so ever, should be the first line of defense and hopefully the last.

Controlling how you react to people is fundamental to expectation management but mostly self-control, in short: Quick wit > Knee-jerk reaction. Fine line maybe but there is a difference, quick wit vs. knee-jerk reactions often straddle the line between tossing a passive aggressive quote you read on a social media image with a fancy nature background and all out cursing them out, try to channel those knee-jerk reactions in to quick wits by preparing one-liners in your head to respond to people with when they give you shit, and for you RPG fans out there, I know exactly what’s popping in to your head now and you’re probably predicting what my next lines of text will be before you’ve even read it.

That’s right you fucking nerd, prepare a menu screen in your head of your favorite one-liners and quips from whatever you can draw inspiration from, a favorite TV show, a movie or comic book, even a video game! Also try to avoid using curse words, and other foul language like racial epithets and so forth, even if you’re not cursing at them because some people are just easily triggered by the sound of bad words.

Then drum them in to your mind for whenever a sticky situation arrives, so if you absolutely can’t just resist the urge to respond because let’s face it sometimes when people feel ignored that might trigger them just as much, if not more than a response, so if you absolutely can’t help it, prepare that menu screen of responses in your head if you are unable to ignore them for some reason. Depending on your response will dictate how that person will perceive you, just remember, most random dickheads you’ll never see again in your life anyway but another key thing to remember is for the most part “the one that speaks first, loses”, so once someone tosses a random insult at you that might target your race, gender, etc. or judgemental passive aggressive bullshit, just remember, they’ve spoken first, so they’ve lost, but you can just as easily lose at this point as well, just as you might “win”, but try not to think of this in winning or losing terms really, just know that this is where you’re in the best position to pull a mental judo move and use their bullshit against them and to your advantage, as different responses will yield varying results, the following example happened to me recently..

...I’m walking down the street and I casually say “Hello”, because shocker, I actually conduct myself like a civilized fucking adult when out in public, and they respond “I don’t like you”, now before you call her a cunt in your mind, pay attention:

Me: Hello!

Cunt: I don’t like you.

Me: I don’t like me either!

______________________

My Sarcasm-Fu is impressive I know. Alternatively I could’ve responded with;

“That’s your problem”

“I like turtles”

“Shocking!”

“Oh well”

This noise

“You don’t say?”

I think you get the idea, basically, expect people to be shitty and miserable, respond accordingly, most likely they say these things to themselves in private and then say them to you, using you as a proxy to project their own insecurities, these types of people most of the time cannot fucking help themselves, so let’s swing things back around to the subject of depression...

Another good technique for battling depression: Hone. Your. Skills. I can’t stress this enough, if you’re good enough at something then you should be training yourself to be the best that you can at it, so much that you’re desired for it, and there’s no better feeling than people calling upon YOU for a particular skill or craft that you possess that they need access to.

Above all, perhaps the best way to beat depression: Keep yourself busy, and believe me you won’t have time to be depressed! Just know that, for the most part this is usually a temporary fix, eventually you’ll have to take a break and this is where the depression will bite you in the ass and drag you down and make you feel like you’re dragging twice your own weight around making it that much more difficult to function, it sucks ass, expect it to suck, but when you’ve got down time, this is where you’ve got to figure out how to combat depression when your down time arrives, in short; Don’t let your down time become down time! Yeah I know, depression puns, I’m an asshole, but seriously just remember you’re in control of your own life, you CAN take control of your depression, don’t let your depression control you. By medication or otherwise you can battle depression and you can win, no matter what you do just DO something! If you do nothing, then I guarantee you that you will become nothing.

Thank you for reading everyone.

Yours Truly,

PhantomLion

#depression #self deprecating humor #anxiety #mental health #mental disorder #positive mental attitude #warrior #phantomlion #phantomlion's journal #hone your skills #emotions #trigger warning

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unifiedsocialblog · 6 years ago

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An Introduction to Facebook’s Secret Groups

Psst. It’s time we let you in on a little secret. Facebook Groups are gaining in popularity, and not just among users. Changes made this year to the almighty news feed algorithm have given priority to groups over pages, prompting brands to shift their strategy to include groups.

Groups are hubs of engagement. More than 1.4 billion of Facebook’s 2.2 billion monthly active users check groups every month. But only 200 million users are in what Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg calls “meaningful groups.” In the near future Zuckerberg expects that number to rise to one billion.

Many of these “meaningful groups” are secret groups. Hidden from cyber trolls, spammers and contrarians, secret groups offer members a space for like-minded individuals to seek advice, share opinions, and organize. Because secret groups offer more privacy, members are often more candid and more active.

Here’s the scoop on everything you need to know about Facebook’s secret groups.

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What is a Facebook secret group?

There are three types of groups on Facebook: public, closed, and secret. Public groups are basically general admission. Everyone can find and view the group without needing approval to join.

Closed groups are more exclusive. Like public groups, everyone can search for and view the name, description and member list of a closed group. But users can’t view the group’s content until they become a member. To join a closed group you have to be approved by an administrator or invited by a current member.

Secret groups offer the same level of privacy as closed groups under a cloak of invisibility. No one can search for secret groups or request to join them. The only way to get in is to know someone who can invite you. Everything shared in a secret group is visible only to its members.

How to join a Facebook secret group

Since secret groups are unsearchable and secretive by definition, you have to know someone who’s in the know to get you in. Here’s how to go about joining a secret group:

Step 1: Ask a current member to invite you. For this to work, you need to be friends on Facebook, too. Step 2: Check your notifications or your inbox for the invitation. Step 3: Read the group guidelines. Most often you’ll find group guidelines pinned to the top of the page, in the group’s description, or in a shared document. Step 4: Look out for a new member post. Some administrators will ask new members to acknowledge that they’ve read and agree with the guidelines.

How private are Facebook secret groups?

It’s no secret that nothing is ever really private on the Internet. Facebook, of course, has access to all content on its platforms and could put the content of a secret group under review for various reasons.

Secret groups may have their own guidelines, but they also need to adhere to Facebook’s Community Standards. Groups or users reported for violations of these standards such as hate speech, harassment, violence or nudity may be investigated and taken down. Facebook may also be obliged to handover secret group information if requested by the government.

Following the fallout of the Cambridge Analytica data breach scandal, Facebook announced plans to restrict third-party data access to groups. Currently, third-party apps need permission from an administrator to access group content for secret groups.

Group settings can change, too. In 2017 Hulu created a secret group for fans of “The Handmaid’s Tale.” In anticipation of the launch of the second season, the group’s administrators decided to make the group public to reach a wider audience. The decision upset many members who did not intend for their previous posts to be publicly available. Facebook currently does not allow groups with more than 5,000 members to switch to less restrictive privacy settings.

Why use a Facebook secret group?

There are plenty of reasons to use a secret group.

During the 2016 US Presidential Election, Hillary Clinton supporter Libby Chamberlain created the secret group Pantsuit Nation for like-minded progressives. According to Chamberlain, the group—which grew to 3.9 million members in a few months —includes members who don’t necessarily want to broadcast their political views to their personal Facebook community. Of course, respite from Pepe trolls and Russian bots probably doesn’t hurt, too.

If it takes a village to raise a child, then why not create a secret virtual village, especially for dads who may feel awkward reaching out for help. Or, maybe you’re just a really hardcore potato chip lover who founded Gettin’ Chippy With It because you only have time for people who love potato chips as much as you.

The cat may be out of the bag on these secret Facebook groups, but don’t forget, you still need to know an insider to get an invite.

Obviously a really good reason to create a secret group is if you want to keep something a secret. Maybe you want to plan a surprise party for a friend or colleague. Make a pregnancy announcement with family and close friends. Create a support group for someone suffering from an illness. Or, as Facebook offers, gather participants of a reality show yet-to-be-launched. (If there’s a secret group for Queer Eye out there, let it be known that I want in.)

Secret groups for brands

Most of the time brands aim to reach as wide an audience as possible, but there can be advantages to going off the radar. Secret groups can be used to generate buzz and brand intrigue, be a safe fan forum, or offer exclusive access to content or promotions.

By creating an official and private environment, members can feel more comfortable to express their opinions. And, moderators won’t need to worry about spammers or encroaching third-party companies.

Last year Facebook launched Groups for Pages, so page owners could create branded groups without using personal profiles.

If you’re considering using a group for your business, here’s everything you need to know.

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Get the free guide right now!

How to set up a Facebook secret group

Step 1: Get started.

Click the “Create” button, found in the upper right of the page header, and select “Group.”

Step 2: Fill in the essentials.

To create your group, add a name and a few members. For an extra touch, you can personalize invitations to members for an extra touch and to explain the group’s purpose if you like.

Step 3: Select privacy settings.

Choose “Secret Group” under the privacy dropdown.

Step 4: Personalize your group.

Start by adding a cover photo and description. You can also add tags and locations.

Step 5: Adjust your settings.

Under the cover photo click “More” then select “edit group settings.” Here you can pick your group type, control membership approvals, post approvals, and set different group permissions.

You can also set up links to pages, which is ideal for brands wanting to link with their brand page.

Pro tip: If you’re not sure what privacy level you’ve set for your group, go to the group’s page and look for the group name in the top left corner. Underneath it will read either public, closed, or secret.

Changing Your Group’s Privacy Settings

If your group is not set to secret and you’d like to change your settings, go to the “edit group settings” form. Scroll down to privacy and click “change privacy settings” and select “secret.”

Note: Once you’ve changed you group to secret, you have only 24 hours to change your group settings back. After that, if your group has more than 5,000 members, there’s no going back to closed or public settings. Facebook only allows administrators to change groups to more restrictive settings.

Whenever you change a group’s settings, members will receive a notification.

Tips for managing a Facebook secret group

Managing a secret group can be trickier than other types of Facebook groups or pages. Follow these steps to ensure best practices.

Step 1: Establish clear community guidelines

This is where you’ll let group members know the purpose of the group, community standards, and instructions.

You can pin guidelines in a post to the top of your page, put them in the group’s description, include them in a document, or all of the above.

Some things you may want to include in your guidelines are:

Who is eligible to join the group. You may also want to share instructions on how to add members.

Who to disclose and who not to disclose information about the group with. If you have a strict non-disclosure policy, you should also include repercussions for “outing” the group.

Policies on hate speech, racism, graphic content, harassment, and other unwanted behavior.

Do’s and Don’ts. Do’s help members understand the best ways to engage with the group. Don’ts clarify the group’s objectives and policies. For example, you may want to discourage solicitations, advertisements, memes, etc.

Frequently Asked Questions. If you find that members are repeatedly asking moderators the same questions, it may make sense to add an FAQ.

Where to find group resources and documents.

Step 2: Invite trustworthy moderators

This is especially important if you anticipate having a lot of members. Extra help moderating comments, approving new members, and responding to member inquiries will be key to running a successful group.

Step 3: Determine day-to-day responsibilities

Once you’ve identified trustworthy moderators, set up a schedule so it’s clear who’s expected to take care of responsibilities at given times. If it makes sense, make that schedule public so group members know who to contact on any given day.

Step 4: Review and update

Make sure you keep your guidelines fresh. Facebook policies may change, new questions may arise, or new developments may need to be addressed.

It’s always good to leave a timestamp, too, so members know when the guidelines have most recently been edited.

So, the secret’s out. Secret groups are awesome. Sure, they may require a little more moderation than a public or closed group, but members may be more inclined to engage more candidly and more often.

To see where groups might fit in to your company’s overall Facebook marketing plan, check out our definitive guide to Facebook groups.

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ratherhavetheblues · 8 years ago

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ABBAS KIAROSTAMI’S TEN “Alright…”

Ten (2002) begins with a mother and her pre-adolescent son moving along the streets of Tehran in her car. Although a vicious, lacerating dispute takes place, which has an effect similar to stunning seasickness, we should, for the sake of the lucidity to be found in that stifling cabin cruiser (always seen from the inside) and the subsequent episodes of patrolling those roads, stand back, for a bit, from the opening emotional blood-letting and let ourselves be delighted by Corky, the LA cabby, and her fare, Victoria, the Hollywood talent scout, in the first episode of Jim Jarmusch’s Night on Earth (1991). The foul-mouth boy is a sort of talent scout, scouting the prospect of inducing his open-road mother to play the part of a stay-at-home-mom in a story made to garner acclaim from those demanding dutiful piety. The philosophical driver, like Corky, runs over the crock that rigid matrimony (like rigid fame) constitutes; and she lives to drive another day, and many other days.

Whereas Victoria sees Corky’s point and wishes her well on her rocky road, Amin, the Tehran passenger—like the Idi Amin—discloses a vein of resentment toward interpersonal complication which, though aberrant, is also intrinsic. As such, Ten comprises a multi-faceted dialogue on the subject which could be termed, “How far do you want to investigate the phenomenon of love?” The first episode, labelled “10,” as affixed to the driver’s other drives which the film provides over a quite short period counting down to “1,” could be seen as a vividly dramatic study of the fallout of a divorce. (We learn, from the two major battles along that kinetic way, that the divorce occurred seven years ago, she has remarried, but her first husband—whom we see on several occasions, but always in a white jeep [evoking a UN bureaucratic Peace-Keeper, devoutly rule-driven, obsessed with an antiquated utopian end of strife]—an avid porn connoisseur, is less than able to contribute to putting together a serious support for his son; but that he has, in occasional contacts, become a factor nevertheless in inculcating Amin to a dogmatic primitiveness [linked to unpaid “activist” causes] which the driver had overcome. During the verbal brawl, she insists. “You’re like your father. He shut me away, destroyed me. He wanted me only for himself.” [At which point the clever primitive gives her a dagger-like sideways glance and commands, “Not so loud! Not so loud or I won’t listen to you…”] The skirmish turns to her demand, “I’ll say what I have to say” and his “I don’t want to listen” and cupping his ears.) However, as we look closely at the negotiations in the sanctuary of her smoothly-running vehicle, we realize that though Amin, true to his name, is a vicious, implacable thug, his mother (never named and thereby approximating an anonymity at the heart of her actions) is caught up in making an effort, an effort which has been repeated many times, to enlighten her son about the paradox of caring for a flesh-and-blood loved-one while belonging to something more. Episode 10, therefore, shows her (penultimate) folly in supposing a creature of Amin’s age and pathology would ever attain to anything resembling effective reflection.

The driver, as we first encounter her new bid for mutual understanding in a deadened history, repeats the parable of a friend’s parents dragging themselves into hate and enfeeblement when a divorce would have given them a new lease on life. “I’m talking to you, let me finish. When I talk, you raise your voice…”/ ‘So what?” (Amin’s brush-offs are supplemented by arrogant, menacing and insulting visages and bodily attitudes, including an often seen rippling touch to his mouth as he heckles a deadly enemy.) “It’s impolite. Let me finish and you’ll understand” [the cosmic, not domestic situation]. You listen to everyone but you refuse to listen to your own mother.”/ “Because you’re going to lecture me again. You always have to talk…” As we shall soon discover from the following encounters, the lady does bring to us an absorbing skill in silence and reticence. Accordingly, her next step in that trap she hasn’t fully figured out is to promise only two more sentences (“and I’ll shut up… never speak again…”). “I feel fulfilled now, like a flowing river. I was a stagnant pond. My brain was devastated.” The hardened midget (with a trace of a black moustache) shoots out, “That makes three sentences, and they’re all rubbish! I’ll never listen to you again!” The pact of silence now in shreds, there obtains a rapid-fire exchange, going nowhere. Picking up her dynamic priority as challenging Neanderthal stasis and old-time-family style, he sneers, “You only thought of yourself.” She fires back, “If you love yourself, you love someone else…” / “Enough! You talk too much!” the anointed thought-controller megaphones. She accurately posits, “You want me for yourself.” He declares, “I don’t want you to be mine! You screwed up… You stupid cow!” Once again, concluding much more than a family conflict, she drops him off at the swimming pool by saying, “A man who doesn’t love himself loves no one.” (Before that, she has broadcast to us, not him, “No one belongs to anyone. Not even you… You’re my child but you’re not mine. You belong to this world. We try to live here.” He cannily reconfigures the big picture to retail a comfortable little picture. “I have to grow up to attain an age that will allow me to belong to myself… You left. You crossed to the other side…”)

As he leaves the ride, with the expected, “You stupid idiot… I’ve never seen anyone so stupid…” his domain—he on camera the whole passage—we see her for the first time emerging from the fringes, a figure of physical attractiveness, gentleness, deftness and confidence. Those gifts are on fascinating display for the remainder of the film. Although the outset might suggest she’s just a parent ferrying her child, we come to realize that the car and its motions are her real home, only incidentally playing host to a relative in the process of being a stupid idiot she used to know. With Amin snarling about the stepfather who does a lot more than the imam he calls dad, she quietly maintains, “But in any case he’s my friend and a good [though sometime] companion.” Make no mistake, though her sensibility is tolerant, generous, witty and incisive, she is an ultimate loner. Cutting from the one you’d hope would drown, she’s calmly in cruising mode (Jonathan Glazer’s Under the Skin [2013] probably owing something to it). But once again a relative, her sister, is on camera first. This latter passenger, though not flashing murderous glances, is disconcertingly anxious and depressed—pulling at her cheeks, fidgeting with a paper fan and casting crisis-level eyes to the streets as if she were riding in a tumbril. She’s in grey and black all round, making a sharp contrast to her driver-sister’s decorative scarlet robe and creamy-toned scarf, not to mention (as in the previous episode) chic Ray-Bans. The protagonist enters the car with a large bag of fruit, not exactly a bacchanal but putting us on notice that, as with Kiarostami, the Ayatollahs could be largely ignored and circumvented. The gloomy one pronounces, “6000 Tomas wasted…” But after a spate with Amin, the protagonist has come to a party mode no one’s going to spoil. Rather than trying to lighten up her sister, she, in the first of many gracious inventions in face of bad behavior, appeals to her theological, breaking-bread leanings. “It’s for the guests” [soon we learn that the home-alone friend is having a 39th birthday party]. The ascetic arm of the family sniffs, “I give classes every day. I have a job…” [in connection to which her young child has to be brought to the workplace]. (During a later incident with Amin, we hear that the protagonist needs a lot of time for her photography and painting. Kiarostami was a photographer and painter of some renown and cash-flow. The upshot of our free-spirit’s convening such difficult transactions is an assurance that when she gets down to her métiers sparks will fly.) The protagonist’s job being something seen by the stodgy wing of her family as a pseudo-occupation, the contrarian ne plus ultra proceeds to offer up a sensibility, while cruising those streets night and day, to bring up to speed the superior products of her investigative craft. Now, if not a laughing matter, at least a broadly smiling matter, she quips, “He won’t accuse you of abandoning him at playschool.” On a roll and rolling her funereal sister for what might pop out, she moots, “Today, children accuse parents of all kinds of things…” The leaden one states the obvious, “They’re wrong to. I mean parents can’t kill themselves…” The driver hits two notes at once by calling out, “Ah, is this a dead end?” The practical one informs, “A day-nursery isn’t always a good thing…But for age 3, especially for an only child, it’s ideal…” More tiny news for the bemused: “You know what’s wrong with Amin, sis? Amin convinces himself he’s unhappy…” She, having already seen the end-game, despite the need to marvel that sanity is beyond most earthlings, hears from the worrier, “Leave him be, let him go to his father’s to get to know him better. Don’t fool yourself…” Cueing up, where this countdown will lead, the driver seems to be at a (temporary?) loss with the devastation which her career entails. “I don’t know…” Then the perceived expert ushers the crisis along. “You grow fond of what you love.”/ “That’s right. I can’t deny it” [and she can’t deny that this is a tough terrain to cover]. Therefore, we’ve had a taste of something better than birthday cake, namely, a sort of Socratic dialogue; but unlike Socrates/ Plato the stakes are truly problematic, giving rise to endless inquiries and adjustments. The driver’s statement, “I’m waiting for him to realize that,” is sheer dark comedy. On the heels of that impasse, we receive the more farcical exit as she turns back to the traffic in the street and the traffic in the universe. “Look at that guy! What an idiot!”

Down to story 8, she initially appears to us at ease in being silent and mobile and going along the prayer zone in a gown with a darker, black and gold design. (In the previous episodes she was wearing shades; in the rendezvous with Amin, a dark-red gown; in the soon-to-come being rid of him, a much brighter red gown and jade rings.) She stops to give a ride to an elderly woman, bent over and laboring, but with a resolve in her bearing which galvanizes our protagonist. “I’ll be like her one day,’ she says to herself with a cheery tone. She asks the lady, “Is this a dead-end?” And she’s shown in a roundabout way the path to the mausoleum/ prayer-room leaving open how beyond a dead-end this is. On first being seated, the passenger intones, “May God protect you,” the first of a stream of pious declarations. The driver affords this licence a patient and encouraging cordiality, seeking to find there a magical boost. “May He save us from all our worries…” follows quickly. Our guide for the duration is taken up with driving, not heart-to-heart troubles. “I’m lost. I don’t know this way…” Keeping a light tone, the ancient rattles off, “Well don’t go down here, it leads nowhere!” Now on the straight and narrow, the passenger delineates details of her, if not exuberant, prolific strivings. “I go in the morning, mid-day and sunset… I pray for the boys and girls… I pray for old ladies and men…” We know by now that Amin’s mother has large misgivings about such heavy zeal; and this episode wonderfully sets in relief the taste for gentle irony with which she hits the road. “You only go there to pray?”/ “I pray there and elsewhere.”/ “Are your wishes granted?”/ “God alone grants wishes. My prayers don’t need that [that is to say, the bid for union suffices beyond being rescued from death]. My husband is dead. My 12-year-old son, too… That’s why I pray [offsetting the calculus of loss]. I also sold my home to go to a pilgrimage in Syria…”

From a secular perspective, inattentive to the zealot’s heretical grace, she’s lost; and our protagonist is in the forefront of secularity. Nevertheless, our poised talent scout accentuates the possibility of calculative cowardice being shattered by the sheer visceral flare-ups of the ancient’s recognition that an elusive balance is worth going for broke. “I’ve known great misfortune. But I gave everything I owned.” The eccentric mom praises the stranger’s “pretty rosary” and endures the loopiness of the banal brio she’s hearing. She can’t, however, be indifferent to features of the saga like a daughter’s stomach tumor and being afraid of the upcoming operation. She can see the desperate egotism in factors like, “I swear on the Imam Reza, I gave away the mattresses…” and yet the very hopelessness of this distemper (like the poison of her own son) touches her as endlessly significant. She enthuses with her guest, “Very good! The fewer ties you have the better you live.” The simple soul offers to car-sit while the sort of soulmate goes to pray. “No thank you. I have a lot to do…” is the way their paths diverge forever.

Step 7, on the way to a blast-off of sorts, finds her at the wheel, beaming with the irony that, while cruising late at night on a hooker trail, she was mistaken for a John and invaded by a cynical entity; but, once again, a slice of something she wants to grasp. The poor vision of the “night worker” (in the parlance of The Wind Will Carry Us) traces straight to Corky’s Paris colleague in part 3 of Night on Earth, who, after losing his temper and throwing out a couple of delusional drunks in the night, gets hailed by a blind and Amin-like vicious, arrogant fare. “Stop here, I’m getting out,” the embarrassed pro demands. The driver, not surprisingly, answers, “I’m interested in talking with you…” In a sleepy voice, the reluctant conversationalist replies, once again (bringing to mind the blinded French stone wall), “Stop here, I’m getting out!” But when our protagonist takes special interest in being mistaken for a man, the night person gives out some inkling that she’s not totally benighted. She gleefully shrieks with the pitfall, again demands the ride end and the near-cabby promises, “A bit further on” [hoping that the cradle-dynamics of the drive and the volcano of that scream will produce some seismic information]. “I saw you come out of that Mercedes…” she hopefully cues some pop. First, the passenger draws the wall, “I’m going nowhere…Let me off!” But our guide is an ardent provocateur and hits pay dirt of sorts with, “Why do you do this?” After Amin-like bluster— “Give me a break… You want to lecture me?”—the wild card can’t resist declaiming, “An honest job, a decent job!” More squeals ensue. Then she feels a little needle: “It’s interesting… a girl like you [with aspirations I want to hear about]. Pretend that you’re a man…” She quickly insists, “I’m not working in that field yet!” Having seen a glimpse of her bourgeois self-justification, the protagonist persists, “No, really… What’s the reason you do this?” This elicits the hooker’s being hooked on two incompatible motives—the volatility of which perhaps leading somewhere for her own, far more comprehensive, study; and even more to the point, her ongoing bounce against the carnality of everyone she meets (a hooker’s body-contact being a dash of physicality with much on the ball). “Sex, Love, Sex” the captive blurts out. “That’s all life is?” the traveller, setting the horizon to be engaged, moots. “It’s a trade, it’s my job. And I like it [moreover]. What’s this ‘interesting?’” She goes on, from that confrontational stance, to assure the driver, “I’m not going to cry… It’s life or it’s destiny” [brutal zoology or subversive mysticism]. The driver assures her she’s not going to lecture. “I’m interested in your experience, what you feel, your sensations…” “What sensations?” she replies with some anger. “Don’t you think about sin and guilt” is the night-shift’s way of discerning how wild is the wild one (who, by then, has taken off her shoes to ease the pain of walking in shoes not made for walking). Though the passenger insists, “That was a stupid thing to say… Why don’t you try it yourself?” she shifts, by way of finding out that the near-cabby is married, into a screed about all men being traitors. “He says, ‘I love you,’ doesn’t he?” Her clients often say that when their wife calls, duped that he’s at the other office. This is where the flight hits real turbulence, the driver not apt to be greatly preoccupied with the low-key ways of her “friend and good companion.” The shoeless and rather clueless street walker even dovetails with Amin and that totally blind angry rider in Night on Earth: “You’re an idiot and I’m smart.” She purports to have no affection for any of her clients, nor anyone else. There is one more step to take and the protagonist takes it when inferring that her rough trade in the days before wholesaling touched her indelibly. “To wake up thinking about him! We were engaged. I was a fool.” The night may not have yielded any new talent; it did spotlight her close to frightening disinterestedness.

Corky was induced, by the talent-scout, to admit she’d love to have children, that she has an ardent dream centered upon domesticity. But her certainty about the perfidy of the male talent pool left us seeing her as a free spirit somewhat by default. The protagonist of our tale here clearly puts freedom first and evinces a highly eccentric but potentially fertile way of extending her powers, including interpersonal powers. The remainder of the snippet given to us largely pertains to ditching the monster from her craft. Accordingly, it sustains the sense of coping more effectively (which is far from coping more easily) in face of the impasses every ride must endure. Therefore, to deploy the motif of the protagonist’s vibrancy in a sharp light we’ll dip into the number four junket, where, in an atmosphere of very spare light, a woman relentlessly laments a man’s leaving her, with the kind of addictive melancholy seen in the last (Helsinki) phase of Night on Earth, where a taxi driver vies with his customers to be the saddest person on earth. Just as the error of the hooker’s drawing a blank with a badly recognized woman, the welcome of a dead loss might seem one of those bad days; but our guide of things mysterious proves to be a versatile and agile discoverer of what she needs to press forward the big picture. Knowing from the top there’ll be no sparkle in this outing, the driver runs past the veil of tears that structure of equiprimordial connection and aloneness. “You’re weak, very weak,” is her bid to snap her into some semblance of adult responsiveness. (She bemusingly adopts Amin’s phrases, “Give it a rest, so we can eat in peace” [giving us to understand that the passenger is not a one-off but a long-term piece of work].) The protagonist in a tight spot realizes she has misplayed this engagement and strikes a far more primordial, disinterested note. “We women are unhappy. We don’t love ourselves… You can’t sum it up in just one person. Life is so vast. Why depend on just one person?” “Why not?” the weak one blubbers—Jarmusch’s “jerking off” very much in play, with its hopeless cases and vast wastelands. Even here there is a moment of dark mirth: “Why not [the dead weight argues] be different?” [as if hopeless losers are few and far between]. The talent scout’s parting declaration, “You can’t live without losing. We come into the world for that” [dodging black holes like her], is entirely addressed to herself and her being on the spot to deal mercilessly with the poisonous while being warmly on the trail for hearts with some gold.

Another friend turns up, by day, this time—in hurdles 6 and 2—and our protagonist, unlike her keeping her distance from the theology of the old lady, dresses to seem ready to coincide with the pious passenger from her own generation. Perhaps struck briefly again by the pathos of that elder’s personal best, she opens the conversation with, “You come to the mausoleum, too?” After rather self-consciously tossing back-and-forth the vagaries of religious garb, the ascetic (in vast contrast to the divorcer of Amin with her chic upbeat and intrinsic warmth), strained, though gentle friend, of quite recent vintage, asserts that her pattern is once or twice a week. “I’m used to it…” Holding to irony as if a vitamin pill, the driver, only apparently onside, avers. “It hasn’t become a habit with me…” Then, being very devious by necessity, there is, “I never imagined I’d come to a mausoleum to pray.” The questioner discovers that though the promising friend (more promising than now) at first did not subscribe she does now, “to a certain extent… Actually, it soothes me.” At this, the driver gives her a wan smile and quips, “Anyhow, I haven’t found peace of mind, yet [neither, of course, in immortality, nor in a largesse in becoming extinct]. One day, maybe, who knows?” Showing very well that words can produce more assurance of being on the same page than they really mean, the religionist maintains, “I’ve been coming here for ages and I still haven’t had anything.” “Perhaps it’s a big wish… Too big…” is the secular learner’s way of getting on an open road where they can get down to business. This cut-off, however, immediately ends in a ditch. “It’s not a very big wish…” This is so because for the seeming or hope-to-be adventurer, all she was serious about was her on-again/ off-again marriage engagement. “I come here to pray to make it come true… I think he’s full of contradictions.” In one of those deft touches of street navigation landing in the face of a lousy navigator in a much wider sense, the driver shouts out, “How can I get by if you just stand there?” After a pause where the passengers of a wayward vehicle make rude gestures, she adds (to the jerks outside and the jerk inside), “And you think it’s funny? What an idiot!” Right about here, our guide has to be digging down to put natural motion into the “just stand there.” She takes up with her friend, notwithstanding, the “contradictions,” (and potential syntheses) of the case. The eligible one moots the factor of “fate” in all this. Taking another run at the stand-still, the driver takes liberties with the facts in claiming that she tells her son about fate, “come what may…” (yet she’s a paragon of radical resolve, too vigorous for her surround). “He says he doesn’t understand fate [a phenomenon with a purchase on freedom]. He just can’t accept it” [he truly doesn’t accept freedom per se]. “What’s his problem?” the dutiful domestic asks, no doubt providing a stiff shot of dark mirth. She improvises on that theme of absurdity. “He has no particular problem. Or maybe he does….” In this vein of tough roiling, she sketches out the bare bones of the count-down. “I divorced. One day he no longer wanted to live with me. And he left. He tells me I’m a bad mother. Mainly he couldn’t stand the atmosphere at home anymore” [the essences of “atmosphere” being a remarkable imbroglio for a film to tackle]. She covers this nightmare with the albatross of piety to see if richly-held disaster can disperse a bottleneck. “The first time I came to the mausoleum that feeling all but faded away. For now, all I do is pray.” Like her plodding sister, the new (and equally disappointing) half-wit, leaves her with what she considers to be deeply valuable reorientation. “I used to say, ‘You pray to force God to give you things.’” “That’s interesting,” the very alone convenor of talent offers. “Don’t mention it,” the problem solver replies as she leaves the car. There is a quick cut to the next bid. What would have been her response to this dullness? In the subsequent plunge down to stage 2, the patient sentimentalist must now trouble shoot the situation of having been unequivocally abandoned for another woman. “He said it wouldn’t work.” She has shaved her hair in a gesture of being done with the mad passion and creativity which she couldn’t embrace; but also, now looking more unusual, reaching for a strangeness which could be right for her, if she were not so constitutionally drab. “I told him, “You’ll regret it some day…” [sounding quite Helsinki]. “Am I hideous?” she asks. “No, it suits you,” the driver insists (regarding her nun-like presence), being both loving and cruel. “I think I’ll soon get over it,” the teary survivor declares; and with that the research and the friendship is pretty much toast. She puts out there, for old-times sake, “That’s hard, isn’t it?” / “Yes, it’s hard… The hardest part for me is admitting that it’s hard [that putting together an enriching life is not the way she had been induced to suppose]. I’m ashamed of saying that it’s hard [her dependencies now in painful doubt]. Because I thought everything I liked would happen…” “I understand,” the road warrior assures. She smiles warmly and reports, more to herself, “You lose at times, unfortunately…”

With a world heavily laced with the likes of Amin and his inspirations, dead-ends (farcical, appalling and hostile), “losses,” are the name of the game. The latter stages (5 and 1) where she finalizes the raging malignancy is more a tip-off of small mercies in a big picture than a family’s big deal in a little picture. So, when she greets Amin en route to “grandmother’s” day-care, she savors the irony of her ever being “weak” like the clinging vine of stage #4. “I don’t get a kiss?”/ “I don’t want to…” (She had played the same hand pretending to want to keep him for the evening, being denied by the UN dad and then, after realizing he could put his porn-dish and whatever else into play, being caught up with and told, “You can have him.”) This allows her to toy with what was once trouble. “Are you pleased to be staying with me tonight?” The reflexive “No” would roll off like rain on a duck. He commands, “When you come to pick me up from grandma’s don’t forget the tape of Hercules…” More cheeky marauding on his part follows, and her body language is a picture of aplomb. He brags about his new course of computing in school (for the new Hercules) and she, claiming to know a short-cut, annoys him in face of some of the improv she excels in. In retaliation, he mentions the sacred father’s “Satellite’ and the “very sexy scenes” in fact far more a laughing matter than a crying matter. She stops at the counsellor’s office and comes back with the predictable all-clear that the boy will be better off in the land of Hercules. She recites, “He’s a man. He has to grow up with a man” [a dutifully religious maniac as dictated by the regime]. “Man,” to Amin, being kicking ass, he rolls out a self-serving spiel of: pushing her to show fifth-gear macho; then he moots that the woman his father might eventually marry will be “better than you… She won’t be out all the time…” [“I get the message,” she pleasantly toys]; and brings up an old grievance, that she, the servant, was late for a pick-up. She pretends to be flustered and defensive. “I needed water for the battery” [the right fluidity]. His rant about, “She’ll do the dishes, cook good meals” [her response, “It’s good that life can be summed up [computed] in the stomach”], carries the phraseology of the dogmatist dad about to be history— “The problem is taking on responsibility at home.” She would love to be able to say, “I have more important things to do. A maid can do the housework;” and she does say that. Her “short cut,” instinctive ways getting on his nerves again, culminates with answering his tantrum and recriminations with a simple, “I was busy…” He snarls on reaching the drop-off, “Get lost! You’re lying!” And she calmly replies, “I’m a selfish person…” The very brief 1-spot, the last of the communiques to the man in white, the last of the demands, comprises, “Take me to grandma’s” and her kiss-off, a poised, “Alright,” poised for lots more trouble and windfalls. But now freed of some baggage she didn’t need at all.

#abbas kiarostami

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