#fairy vs walrus fanfic

[fuckterfs-deactivated20221212]

I open the front door. I see a fairy, floating in the air, flapping its wings to stay in place like a hummingbird. Except the wings were more like butterfly wings

At first I think it's a prank. Maybe a drone carrying it with very thin strings or maybe a new kind of wing-based small RC flying device. I look around for a possible tech youtuber's cameras but see none, and looking at the fairy more it seems too lifelike to be fake. Okay. This is weird, but other people wholeheartedly believe fairies exist so maybe they've been right all along? Maybe I'm just dreaming, that's possible too. In any case maybe I shouldn't be so rude.

"Hey, sorry for staring at you like this. Can I get your name?"

"No you can't, it's mine and I'd like to keep it but nice try"

I didn't want to steal any names but whatever, this is probably just a dream anyways

"Fair enough, what are you doing at my front door? Are you looking for someone?"

"My pet walrus Barry has escaped, have you seen it?"

Pet walrus? That's weird.. Then again, this is a fairy so whatever

"No, haven't seen any around, did you lose it in this neighborhood?"

In hindsight a stupid question. Of course they did, otherwise they wouldn't ask around here.

"Yeah, I am worried it's gonna scare people, it likes to lick faces and... well it weighs a metric ton and has giant teeth so you can imagine the average response"

I'd be fearing for my life to be honest

"Makes sense.. Do you have a phone number or something? So I can call you when I find it?"

"No but I can give you thi-"

They couldn't elaborate on what they wanted to give me because we were interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream, the kind a person only makes when confronted by a giant mammal or when noticing that all their expensive designer shoes had been drawn on by a toddler with an Edding 500 (long story)

"AAAAHHH! GET OFF ME! HELP!! HELP!! HEEELP!!!"

I had a suspicion where Barry was, the fairy who wanted to keep their name did as well apparently.

"Nevermind I think I'll find it soon, thank you anyways"

"No problem"

As the fairy flies off, I go back inside, close the door and start checking for signs I'm asleep. My fingers add up to ten, pinching my arm hurts, when I close my nose with my fingers I am unable to breathe... Fuck, I'm probably wide awake

I start texting my partner. I type "Hey I know this sounds crazy but I just talked to a fairy" but then I delete it again. That's something I have to either tell them in person or not at all

I'm just glad I wasn't the one with the walrus

for another piece of shitpost literature you could read this post

[pond---scum]

Walrus versus fairy

Phryne was curled around a warm cup of tea, surveying the people gathered at her kitchen table with satisfaction and affection when Cec and Bert burst in. 

“Alright,” snapped Bert, “We’ve been at loggerheads about this since sparrow’s fart, so we’re bringing it to you lot for review.” 

Jack and Mac had both been buried in the morning paper. Mac cocked an eyebrow at the cabbies over the top of her page, and Jack sighed and let his paper fall onto the table. “Wonderful,” he muttered. 

Dot didn’t even look up from her embroidery. 

“I’m intrigued,” Phryne told them, placing her tea carefully on the table. “Please, go on.” 

“Well, you gotta imagine that it’s a nice weekend morning like this, right?” Cec said earnestly, Bert folded his arms and scowled behind him. “And you go over to open it. What would you be more surprised to see, a -” 

“A fairy,” Bert cut in, “or a fucking walrus.” 

Phryne and Mac shared a perplexed glance, before Phryne shrugged and declared her answer. “The walrus, I suppose.” 

Mac nodded. “Walrus.” 

“It’s the Walrus for me, too,” Dot said. 

Jack had been reaching for his own tea, but he froze with his hand outstretched towards the cup. “What?” he said weakly, glancing around at all of them. 

“See,” said Bert to Cec with a smirk, “you’re full of shit.” 

Cec groaned. “How?” he demanded. “How can a walrus be more surprising than a fairy?” 

Phryne tilted her head to the side, considering this. “Well,” she said, “how on earth would a walrus get here?” 

“How would a fairy get here,” Jack asked slowly, letting his outstretched hand drop loosely onto the table, “when there’s no such thing as fairies?” 

Mac shrugged. “But if fairies were real, I would almost expect them to show up at Wardlow first.” 

Jack made a pained sound. “But they’re not real.” 

Read the rest on ao3

[cleolinda]

Weekend Links, March 17, 2024

My posts

We have had another Trespasser Weirdness Incident at my house, so. Suffice it to say that the Hot & Vintage Movie Women tournament is my primary coping mechanism at this point, and bless @hotvintagepoll for all their work. All 257 polls are up, although many of them have already closed on a rolling basis these last two weeks. Hedy Lamarr vs Sonja Henie was the very last one, and it is a blowout like I have not seen since the time I asked if people throw away their movie theater trash. I think round 2 starts a week from Monday? I would like to apologize for reblogging every single poll, except that I’m not the least bit sorry. 

I posted propaganda several times--sometimes just because a contestant didn’t have much and I wanted to chip in (still in play: Juanita Moore and Martha Sleeper). But I also showed up specifically for Norma Shearer, Claire Bloom, Tallulah Bankhead, Deborah Kerr, a little bit for Joan Fontaine (poll here), Julie Christie (on my mom’s behalf), Gene Tierney, Paulette Goddard, and Ava Gardner. My loyalties will shift as we see who progresses, but I'm wearing the Ava jersey at this point.

Reblogs of interest

A couple of serious links:

The Jewish filmmakers who won an Oscar for The Zone of Interest, a Holocaust film, used their speech time to condemn what’s happening in Gaza. (It helps to read the quote as “as men who refute {their Jewishness and the Holocaust} being used as justification.” “Refute their Jewishness” jumps out weirdly at first glance and confused people.)

I can’t tell if the JKR defender/Holocaust denier in this ask knows they’re lying or just really didn’t know that transgender health books and surgery did, in fact, exist, and that the Nazis targeted them. If you need photographic evidence for future discussions, here you are. Side note: Don't believe everything your favorite childhood author tells you.

Posts that are not serious links or hot lady polls:

Of course, this week we celebrated the Ides of March. (Happy birthday to... Chocolate Guy Amaury Guichon??) Featuring:

Southern Mark Antony

If Mark Antony was Gen Z

“Oh not you as well, Brutus!”

Also, happy birthday this fine St. Patrick’s Day to Hozier, who was on the Wiggles once, and has a new EP coming out this Friday. Please join me in not being the least bit normal about it. 

The bredlik that the Fairy vs. Walrus debate needed

“Started tone matching my Iraqi corner store guy,” bless everyone involved

A fanfic summary that will hit you like a brick to the face

“Intrigue, Ink, and Drama Grip the Fountain Pen Community”

The Arthur Conan Doyle approach to fic comments

The Kate Middleton Mysteries (”The extent to which this is not Philip Marlowe’s problem is unbelievable”)

Noted power couple/chaos elementals Merchant Ivory

Help improving color in your art

Doggust 2023: the art of Jonathan Wesslund  

Video

Honestly the best part of “I’m Just Ken” at the Oscars for me is Margot Robbie fighting for her life not to laugh

This domino project is honestly really upsetting to me, lmao (THE TIME IT MUST HAVE TAKEN!!)

Death: the bees told her

Puma chirps

A seal’s relaxing ice bath

The sacred texts

The reason we celebrate the Ides of March on Tumblr

Happy birthday to the Old as Balls gifset

A cat’s dating profile

Personal tag of the week

pixel art, because there are some incredible artists on here.