#facing the consequences of not following them then maybe getting backed up by akutagawa or aku taking the blame for him

[hesperidia]

tbh i really want Atsushi to be the one that gets transferred into the PM. Not only bc he would be an important asset for Mori and not only for the sskk potential content. But because the latest arc wasn't very focused on him, and i also want the PM cast to have the spotlight for a second.

(Them interacting with Atsushi seems the best way to do that + it'd be interesting to see Atsushi's pov in an organization that does not care about principles and justice, with dynamics so different to the ada).

I'd like to see Atsushi befriending Chuuya, HIM BEFRIENDING HIGUCHI (this would be the funniest thing ever but if it actually happens it would be done very badly because it might turn out as a "jealousy" competition over Akutagawa) But think about it: Higuchi has a little sister she cares for and that's the reason she's in the mafia, Atsushi has Kyouka. They could be the poor underlings that have to be under Aku's command at first and have to put up with his nonsense. There's so much potential for bonding between them i could go on.

It would also be an opportunity to see more of KOUYOU (+ Kouyou thanking Atsushi for taking care of Kyouka pretty please??)

Plus, Mori canonically has some kind of an interest in Atsushi. If we remember chapter 15-16 he gives him advice when they get out of Anne's room (when he didn't have to at all).

Bonus situation i'd like to see: Someone pointed out that both Mori and Atsushi both like chazuke, so imagine Mori recruiting him and treating him to some chazuke like a mirror image of when he was recruited into the ADA by Dazai. But this time in a way that's off. that's uncomfortable and feels so wrong to him.

[kidney9-9]

Inside Jokes and the Consequences that Follow - Chapter 5

Hi! Hope you enjoy this next chapter :)

Chapter 5: Big News and Sleepy Talks

Warnings: mention of fire, cursing Word Count: 3.7k

You all took separate cars to the café, but Higuchi carried everything in her car. She said she would hold onto it for all of you for the day until you were ready to leave, which you thanked her for.

You had a feeling something awkward must have happened when you left because of how tense the two of them looked after you came back. You were glad to be in a separate car, using a rental the new company you work for. Surprisingly, Akutagawa didn’t say anything about it to you – which you also thought odd.

He knew you didn’t have a car, but he saw you get into this one!

Something was definitely going on with him and possibly between him and Higuchi. Oh, you really hoped it wasn’t something too bad. You drove behind Higuchi though, with the radio playing in the background. You turned it up to distract you from your thoughts, but you paid attention to the road.

Once you all got there, you parked close together, and that was when you noticed the sour look Higuchi developed on her face. She looked incredibly pale, sweat painted at her forehead and a deep scowl set on her lips. You almost frowned at her, but you stopped yourself, thinking it would be best not to.

And then Akutagawa got out of his car, and walked straight into the café, holding his head down. You almost laughed now, thinking this would be really ridiculous and awkward.

Maybe they got into a heated argument, but you believed that maybe you could fix it here.

Akutagawa offered to buy you coffee, and Higuchi silently stood behind you two. You laughed again, a bit more loudly and pulled her hand to make her stand beside you two. Akutagawa sighed silently but realized maybe he should just be a bit more… approachable for now.

“So, what’s going on?” You asked quietly, sitting outside on the patio with Akutagawa and Higuchi. All three of you sat under an umbrella, at a small round table and instead of responding to you, they both took sips of their coffee and tea.

You grimaced and whispered, “Alrighty,” and you even nodded your head, glancing away from them.

Higuchi stared at her coworker, then to you, and back again to Akutagawa. Then she sighed deeply and pushed her head into her hands, seemingly very stressed.

“Are you guys, okay?” You blurted out, almost instantly cringing at yourself for that question, but Higuchi glanced up to you and smiled softly.

“Work stuff, that’s all. I forgot about an important deadline today – he reminded me about it, I just made a mistake, it’s okay.” She rambled, shrugging her shoulders as Akutagawa continued to stare at you.

For some reason, you felt that there was something heavy behind his stare, different than usual, maybe because of Higuchi. But you nodded back to her and grinned.

“Oh, it’ll be alright! I’m sure Akutagawa will help you out.” At the mention of his name, his eyebrows raised for a moment and then you gazed at him with an obviousness tone, “Right Aku?” You questioned, and he nodded after a moment of hesitation.

Aku – oh he felt so embarrassed at the name you used, he almost bristled when you said it. Higuchi already learned so much about him too, through you and he was worried each of you will learn things about him that he doesn’t want to speak about.

“What’s your news? I need to go home soon.” He went straight to the point, thoughts running through his mind about you and Higuchi. And he was reminded of what you said about that kiss! Would that happen still today? He doubted it but he ordered a mint tea so his breath would be decent if you did want to kiss him.

But still, he was sure that wasn’t going to happen because Higuchi was there. He wondered what she would think about this, and he sent her a look, thinking that maybe she’d be a bit jealous or confused? He wasn’t too sure. She very much liked you and that was clear to him, but he knew that she wouldn’t risk their work relationship, since you mattered so much to Akutagawa.

“I got a new job here! Right in the city, here! Yokohama, isn’t that amazing? I’m in the middle of moving my things to an apartment – they offered a place and good pay.” You spoke up excitedly and instantly the mood changed to a nervous excitement.

Akutagawa’s eyes widened completely, and he leaned in closer to you as if he didn’t hear you the first time and Higuchi let out a loud surprised laugh and cupped her hands over her mouth.

“No way!” She cheered back, bouncing slightly in her seat in excitement, she leaned over to you and patted your arm happily, “Congratulations! You will do great at your new job here.” And then she seemed to realize something once Akutagawa’s hand slammed down onto the table.

“What job?” He questioned, a suspicious tone to his voice and you shook your head to him, laughing it off.

“I’m so excited! Thank you,” You paused, and Higuchi and you both watched as Akutagawa’s hand slid off the table a bit dramatically and he stood up, demanding to know.

“What job? Don’t make me ask again.”

His tone made you frown slightly, confused at the way he seemed so aggressive. You would’ve thought he’d be happy since you two could hang out more often.

“At some tech place you probably haven’t heard of. Light Box? I’m going to be working in Human Resources and possibly communications.” You felt a bit defensive as you replied and Higuchi quickly spoke up after you, trying to calm Akutagawa down. She understood what that look on his face meant, and she really didn’t want him to ruin this café and expose the two of them to you.

“That’s really interesting! When do you start? Do you need help moving? I can come over and help if you’d like!” She giggled a bit nervously, trying to recall her training for situations like this. Akutagawa cleared his throat and pretended to adjust his pants and then sat back down, as if he didn’t just get very suspicious and angry.

You two glanced towards him for a few moments before you responded to her, “Oh wow, thanks Higuchi! And I start next week, I’m pretty nervous but excited.”

Meanwhile Akutagawa was very quiet, and a strange dark energy was surrounding him.  He was thinking and trying to remember if Light Box was connected to the Port Mafia in any way, but he didn’t recall it. He knew it was a newer company, he remembered seeing it in the paper a few weeks ago, but he wasn’t too worried about that at the moment. He was almost scared at the fact you were moving here. He didn’t want you to move here!

You would definitely find out the truth about him. And he really didn’t want that to happen! He didn’t even feel safe at this café, knowing that somewhere nearby, there was probably a wanted sign for him, with a blurry picture. You would definitely know if you saw that – you couldn’t be that naive.

And he also needed to make sure you’re safe where you’re moving to. He spoke up, interrupting the conversation, “What’s your new address?”

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, a bit confused at the question. Was he wanting to know if you were close by, in the neighborhood to him? “It’s like a ten-minute drive from your place.” You responded, shrugging slightly.

He felt a little relieved that you lived somewhat close to him, but you didn’t respond to his question, really.

“But your address?”

Higuchi rolled her eyes at him, laughing nervously again at how demanding and weird he was being. Was he always like that with you? She wasn’t too sure.

“Oh yeah, what’s your address? I want to send a gift to help decorate your new place a bit! Right, Akutagawa? You wanted to do that too?” She spoke up, twirling her fingers in her hair as a nervous habit. You smiled at her and then took a sip of your drink.

“That’s sweet, I’ll text you guys the address later.” You answered and Akutagawa nodded, still tensed at the news. He was tense with Higuchi here too! This was all a strange situation but what mattered most was that you stayed safe and unaware of his work.

A few minutes later, Higuchi excused herself to go to the restroom, leaving you and Akutagawa alone. As soon as she went back inside, you leaned across the table and jokingly slapped at his hand. He kept still but narrowed his eyes at you.

“Why?” He asked, feeling a spike of an unexplained emotion leap in his chest, as you leaned closer to him. You pouted back to him, shaking your head and then grabbed his drink, taking a small sip from it to try it out.

“Why what? Oh, that tastes good. Mint isn’t your usual flavor though.” You responded, tilting your head slightly. You sighed and glanced over to the door, making sure Higuchi wasn’t there.

“And you’ve been acting like a bitch this entire time! I mean, you usually act like that but not this bad. Is there something going on between you and Higuchi?” You weren’t scared to call him out for all of it, which he scowled at. Usually, if someone called him a bitch, he would’ve hurt them, but he wouldn’t hurt you and maybe a few other people, like his sister and boss.

“No.” He flat out denied it and a surprised snort came out of your mouth, continuing with some laughs because of how fast he responded and how deadpan he was.

“Come on, are you okay? I’m kind of worried.” You became a bit more serious, and it made him pause slightly before letting his shoulders down as he sighed, glancing to the side as he thought about what to say.

One part of his mind wanted him to lecture you about moving here, and how unsafe it was. He would rather have you live very far away from here and he’d even pay you to do so, but he knew you’d deny that offer.

Another part of him also wanted to lecture you for not telling him sooner, and that you were hanging out with Higuchi instead of him. And then just a tiny part of his mind was screaming at him, wondering if you were actually going to kiss him today.

And he had imagined that kiss so many times ever since you said you’d kiss him. There were so many different scenarios he made up, maybe he’d have something on his cheek, and you’d lean in and point it out to him, but he still couldn’t wipe it off, so you wipe it off and then your lips brush against his – oh my, he almost felt himself blush just wondering about it now.

Or maybe it would be more intense. Maybe you’d confess your love to him, and he’d be very reluctant to even show you affection, and he’d let you kiss him. Yeah, he glanced at you and then almost chuckled, thinking of you confessing your love. That wouldn’t happen. You would confess your love in a very different way – like shouting it out from a rooftop and then calling him your little bitch, to which he’d walk away from you.

He snapped out of his thoughts when you touched his hand again, making him focus back on you. “I’m okay. Work hasn’t been good lately and,” He paused, feeling a bit touched that you were so worried, but also feeling strange to talk about his feelings.

“And it’s been stressful.” He finished up, gulping a little. He couldn’t tell you everything.

“Oh, no.” You responded and squeezed his hand in yours. He tried his best not to flush at the little affection, still frazzled by thinking about the kiss, but he figured he should ask about it too.

“Remember what we spoke about a couple nights ago?” He asked, eyes treading back to the door again to make sure Higuchi wasn’t coming. She still was in the bathroom.

“What? Oh!” You gasped and smiled brightly, “Thanks for reminding me! Yeah, I remember when we were talking about laundry, oh – I got to find a good laundromat around here.” He blinked back and then pulled his hand away from yours, instantly switching back into his scowl.

“Uh, yeah.” He barely responded, and gazed away from you, cursing at himself in his head. That was so dumb of him, of course you wouldn’t remember the conversation about kissing him… but it was also his fault, he should have asked a more specific question. You were talking about laundry, bringing up the other conversation you guys had that night. You two sat in silence and you looked at him with a kind smile, making him a little less upset.

Higuchi came back after a few moments and some time later, the three of you left. Akutagawa called Higuchi the moment he knew she was in the car and told her they needed to speak. They met up back at his place, once he was finished with the errands (the ones that Gin told him to do earlier).

Instead of letting Higuchi come inside, he insisted on sitting outside the door. “We can’t let her move here.” He spoke up, staring at the floor.

“Uh, sorry to disappoint you, but she will move here.” Higuchi responded and then quickly added on, “Unfortunately.”

He sighed, “Yes.”

“We can have security placed around the building.” Higuchi offered, which he quickly shot down with a mean stare at her. He didn’t like that idea, it would mean others would know that you were important to him or someone else in the Port Mafia, which would make you more of a target.

“We need to make sure everything is safe; she should’ve told me about this before…” He trailed off with a frown. There wasn’t enough time to research everything, like the company, where exactly you’re staying, who are your neighbors, if there’s any dangers around you. You sent the address thankfully, and he knew that area was mostly safe, but he still needed to check everything about it.

Higuchi was worried too, but there was a small excitement to it. She wanted you to be closer to her and Akutagawa, she’s noticed how he’s been so much kinder and different around you! It’s always shocking to see her coworker in a casual manner. He still wore his coat all the time, of course, just in case, but everything else changed about him.

She wondered if he’d ever develop smile lines if he were to hang out with you more. But either way, she liked you. The more she learned about you and the more she was around you, she started to understand why he kept you a secret from the Port Mafia. You were so normal and lovely, she really liked you. You were different compared to everyone in her life, in a good way.

Then Akutagawa spoke up, and Higuchi felt her heart drop at his words.

“We’re burning down the apartment building. It’ll give more time to find a safer place for her to stay. I’ll distract her, you can do burn it. Or maybe explosives…” He said it so casually that Higuchi’s jaw dropped.

“Is there no other way? Do we really need to set fire to her new place? She was so excited about it, I feel bad.” Higuchi opened up, showing her resistance to his plan and he rolled his eyes back to her.

“She’ll have an even better place; I can arrange it.” He shrugged and Higuchi hid her smile with one of her hands, feeling lucky to see this side of him. He was surprisingly sweet when he wanted to, even though he was planning on burning an apartment building down.

Later that night, you sent him a message about hoping onto a call. He thought it was a bit unusual, usually he reached out to you to join a call to play some games online together, but he joined the call a few minutes after you sent the message.

“Hello?” He spoke into his microphone, and he could practically hear your smile when you responded with, “Heeyyy,” elongating it with a laugh. He raised his eyebrows in response, even though you couldn’t see him.

“I’ve been thinking about it.” You spoke up and he heard some furious typing from your end, and he frowned for a second.

"You’re thinking? Oh no, that’s bad,” He quickly added on, “What?” He was curious about what you meant, and then you yawned into the microphone, mumbling something but he couldn’t catch what you said, so he repeated his question.

“I know what you meant back there, you wanted to see if I would really kiss you.” You replied, and that was when he noticed something was off about your voice. You were tired beyond relief it sounded like – you yawned again when you repeated it, and even though the subject got his heart beating faster, he was much more worried about you being sleepy.

“What are you doing? Why aren’t you asleep?” He didn’t bother to respond to what you said about the kiss, and he heard you laugh and yawn at the same time, and you even hit your head against the microphone, making him confused.

“I kind of like – I pulled my mattress up the stairs and uh, then the couch and my dresser and like- yeah.” You rambled on, yawning again and he sighed into the microphone.

“You need to sleep, stop being stupid.” He criticized, shaking his head at you. Then you turned on your camera, and he almost flinched back at the mess.

You looked crazy tired, there was sweat all over you and dust and dirt stained on your face, and the background was so messy. All that furniture you just mentioned was stacked behind you and it looked a bit dangerous, and he turned on his camera to show how crazy he thought you were.

“You stupid idiot! It’s going to fall all over you! How are you going to sleep tonight?” He lectured, pointing out all of the furniture, “Is that a glass vase? And you put it on the edge of your mattress, that’s standing up in the wrong way?”

“Yeah…” You responded, glancing behind you, and realizing that wasn’t the best placement.

“Are you trying to die from a glass vase? That’s a fucking dumb way to die, idiot.” He practically shouted at you, and you rolled your eyes at before standing up and reaching for the vase. As he continued berating you with insults, you took the vase into your hands and placed it on the floor instead.

“That’s better.” You nodded to yourself, placing your hands on your hips before glancing to the screen again.

“Again, how are you sleeping?” It sounded so ridiculous to him that he was arguing with you about this, like he was a concerned parent, wanting their child to go to sleep at a reasonable time with a clean room. He remembered how stupid he thought parents looked when they got worried over some small drama about their kids, but here he was acting just like them.

“Yeah, I’ll sleep on the floor with a pillow and blanket.” You responded, sipping on a glass of water. Akutagawa shook his head, disappointed, and then stayed silent for a few moments, contemplating if he should invite you over. You could sleep on his bed – no, actually, you can sleep on the couch, that was what you deserved for being so stupid, he thought.

“Come over and sleep on my couch. Higuchi can help you settle in tomorrow.” It was like an order he would say to his team, the Black Lizard and then he got rid of that thought when an uncomfortable emotion hit his chest.

“Aww, you really want that kiss, huh?” You teased him and then laughed when he swore something mean to you. You shook your head back to him and sighed gently, leaning towards the camera.

“Did you really want a kiss? I thought you would have wanted your first kiss to be special.” You spoke again, sitting and waiting for him to respond. He glanced away from the screen, not used to you being serious.

“No, kisses are pathetic, only for weak-minded people.” He said it so defensively that you raised your eyebrows at him for a moment and grinned before nodding.

“You’re acting like an assassin with omnipotent powers again,” You paused for a moment and then laughed, trying to imitate him, “No kiss, only kill.” And then laughed again and he chuckled, feeling like that was one of the closest descriptions you’ve ever had of him, without truly knowing what he does for a living.

“Are you coming over or not?” He asked, getting annoyed when he saw you yawn again.

“No, fuck off.” You laughed back tiredly. He rolled his eyes, and replied with a short, “Bitch.”

When one of your books fell off the top of your cabinet that was placed strangely, you jumped and Akutagawa only shook his head to you, saying, “Higuchi will help you tomorrow.” In his head, he was already planning on what to do with you once Higuchi got you out of your place so she would set fire to that apartment building.

And then you can move even closer to him and possibly Higuchi to stay as safe as possible. He also needed to find a way to hide his profession from you. It wouldn’t work out if you saw all those wanted signs of him and watched the news. Or he could even try to find another better job, but he knew that wouldn’t work. You’d be too suspicious about it and try to investigate it.

There was so much to do, such little time. He needed to hide his true identity around you better and keep Higuchi from acting like an idiot.

[spacegirlapollo]

Can’t Be Friends [Dazai x Reader Smut]

Dazai x Reader Smutty One shot 

4,000+ words

Summary: After the death of his beloved friend, Dazai can’t trust love. But then you come bumbling into the picture and he can’t resist falling for you. 

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Dazai had always been fascinated by magnets, that somewhere written deep in the earth's rules, it had been decided that two objects would eternally be bound together if fate allows them to. On the other hand they could push the other away, with the same ease. 

He’s lived his life like a magnet, especially after Oda’s death. He couldn’t help it, although he desperately tried to not care about others it was simply impossible. To fulfill Oda’s dying wishes , he had to care about the people around him. He dared not admit it but he cared. He cared about Kunikida and the others at the agency. He especially cared about Atsushi and thought quite often of Chuuya and Akutagawa and how they were faring. To many souls to think about. So he cared, drawing them all in like magnets, connecting and then turning away pushing back against them when they got to close. 

And at the center of it all was you. You were the crowning jewel in his grand hall of people he cared about, thought and worried and languished about. You reminded him of Oda sometimes. And if he squinted at you maybe he could see Oda’s piercing eyes and not so easy smile.

He was in love with you, that much was sure, and it was a secret, to everyone but him. He was much too smart to not understand his longing for you, the way his heart rate picked up at your closeness and he often found himself longing to hear your voice. 

He didn’t think it would happen to him of all people. Sure he loved Oda, and he wasn’t sure if it was just as friends either, but this was different. 

He’d met you almost immediately after his return to society, now on the side of the “good guys”. You were Fukizawa’s niece and a fixture at the agency. He wondered often how long his stay at the agency would have been had it not been for you. 

In the beginning, Dazai couldn’t help himself, he had absolutely no self control over his magnets and the two of you connected, making quick friends. Wherever you went he would gladly follow. 

Then you’d been attacked, remnants of Dazai’s past life finally rearing consequences upon you. You’d nearly died, even though you were a force to recon with in battle. Fukizawa had been the one to save you in the end. It was salt over Dazai’s wound that you were hurt because of him, and he hadn’t been there to save you. 

It was a hard way to learn a lesson. To be smacked in the face with his universal truth. Everyone he gets close to will die, and it’ll be his fault. 

You weren’t so easy to push away though, ripping you from his life was taking a piece of his soul slowly, and besides he’d promised to be good and the Agency was the best place for that. So he stayed, but your friendship suffered in its wake. You got the message eventually, not bothering to call upon him at midnight anymore and late night trips for food had stopped. 

You’d never let on how it made you feel, and that somehow was worse for Dazai. 

He’d thought you’d replace him, he was mentally prepared to see you and Kunikida laughing At the lunch table. But it was more often that you’d head to lunch alone, or leave work alone. 

With newcomer Atsushi, things changed a little. You’d taken a strong liking to the boy, and he could tell you’d adopted Atsushi, as If you were his mother or aunt or something. Fretting and worrying. Dazai could see that the two of you were co-parenting in a way. 

Then Kyouka came and you and Atsushi’s time spent together became less, and you ate alone once again. 

Dazai observed this all as if he was peering into a fish bowl. Observing the lives of others and indirectly interacting with them but never jumping into the water. He thought himself clever. No one would know how much he loved you. That was until simple, observant Atsushi said something. 

“Dazai-San?” 

“Yeah?” 

They were both sitting in the open floor plan area of the agency, paperwork stacking high between the two of them. On his part Atsushi was trying to conquer the work while Dazai was listening in to your conversation with Kunikida from across the room. You were laughing, and Dazai thought maybe this was it, you were finally replacing him. Good. 

“Uh…” 

Dazai lifted his eyes from you and his partner to rest upon Atsushi, whose voice was uncertain. Dazai had learned from day two, that he should listen to Atsushi, who occasionally sculpted diamonds from words. 

Atsushi tensed with Dazai’s eyes upon him. 

“I was just .... “ he sighed and swallowed his voice coming out low and a whisper. 

“Are you and Y/N dating?” 

Dazai blinked. Not responding, although that might give away more than he would have liked. 

“It’s just that.” Atsushi seemed even more unnerved by Dazai’s non answer, seeing as the brown hair boy loved to talk. 

“You always look up when she enters a room, like you know she’s there. You always stare at each other when you think the other isn’t looking.” Atsushi’s voice faded off. “Stuff- stuff like that.” 

Dazai was half stuck thinking that he’d made a good choice of Atsushi for the Agency, and the other half was thinking about what he’d said. - staring at each other.- 

You looked at him too? 

“S-sorry.” Atsushi said, fearing he’d said too much. He had but that was fine. 

“Am I really that easy to read?” Dazai asked his eyes back on you and Kunikida. Kunikida was blushing as you walked away, his eyes firmly on your lower back side. Dazai felt a feeling stirring in him. But he shoved it down harsly. There was no place for those feelings to show. 

Atsushi shook his head. “No, you're quite hard to read. Dazai-San. Y/N is much easier to read, once I understood why she looks at you like that I realized you were looking at her the same way.”

Diamonds. Dazai thought , Atsushi was capable of making diamonds. 

————-

It was the fall time, the leaves had departed from their family tree or changed colors and the roads of Yokahama were cold and filled with that feeling you only got during the coming of winter. 

Dazai had to work late, once Kunikida found out just how behind he was on his work, Dazai had been essentially chained to his desk. He could tell there were a few people left in the office as some lights were still on. Signing the last page he sighed standing up immediately, Kunikida would be satisfied with his progress and he could pick it up again on Monday, although he was secretary hoping for a case to come and push the paperwork to the side. 

He tucked his hands in his pocket and made his way outside. It was a moment later that he realized that it was raining. The door to the cafe closed behind him and he stood under the awning, thinking with dread about walking through the rain to the subway station.

“No umbrella ?” You asked, and Dazai wasn’t sure how you’d been standing there that whole time and he did not notice. He turned to you his heart thudding rhythmically in his chest. You were as beautiful as ever, and you looked warm, swathed in faux fur jackets. He thought about how wonderful it would feel to lay in your lap and feel your fingers through his hair. 

You turned away from him breaking his guilty illusion and rummaged around in your bag. You pulled out an umbrella, identical to the one you were already holding. You extended it out to him with a smile playing on your lips. 

“You never carry an umbrella, Dazai.” 

His name on your lips was joy, he realized as his lips parted in surprise. You knew him entirely too well and Atsushi was starting to as well. How had he failed so spectacularly in pushing people away. 

He took the umbrella, unable to stop the smile on his face. 

“Why would I ,Y/N when I always have you to have an extra for me?” He teased. He couldn’t help it, months of pushing you away and he was cracking like an egg from a simple gesture. 

Your eyes met and he saw the faintest blush upon your cheeks. He wanted to kiss you. Badly. He blinked and looked away. This wouldn’t do, he needed to get home and fast. 

He would let his mind slip for one night, maybe have a drink or two and stroke himself, your name hanging off his lips like smoke to a cigarette. That’s what he would do. He just needed to get to the station now. 

“Dazai?” 

Your words were soft but firm. The way you sounded when you’d gathered up all tour couraged and readied yourself for a fight. 

He turned back to you, and your eyes shone with determination. 

“Let’s go get dinner together.” 

————-

Dinner, was located in a small corner of Yokohama, that only the locals seemed to know about. You either lived there or crashed there by accident. The restaurant was a hole in the wall, quite literally. It was an interesting place, made of stone and brick, with no real windows or doors, just, holes in the stone. It reminded Dazai of an old century oven, it had a large awning covering to keep the rain from the tables out front. Strings of light were laced around the stone building illuminating it in the darkness of the Yokahama streets. 

It was a place that the both of you were familiar with, having spent many nights here, sipping hot tea and talking. Upon seeing it for the first time in months, Dazai saw just how romantic the place really was and was regretting his decision to follow you here. 

Now seated you picked up the menu and started to scan it. 

“You already know what you want. Y/N” Dazai said amused. “You always order the same thing.” 

His smile grew as you put down the menu and glared at his teasing. “What if I wanted something different this time.” 

“Hell would freeze over Y/N. And the flying pigs would be out as soon as the rain stopped.” 

You scoffed cutely. “just for that I’m ordering something different.” 

“I wouldn’t.” Dazai said, “ you remember the last time you were adventurous.” 

Your eyes were wide with embarrassment. 

“You swore you would never bring it up!” 

“To anyone else.” Dazai corrected. He thought back on the time you’d ordered something new, and were so sick he’d brought you home, and had to hold your hair as you puked over the toilet. Obviously embarrassing for you but a fondly domestic memory for Dazai. 

The waitress interrupted whatever you were going to say next and further Dazai’s amusement you ordered your regular. 

“Dazai” you said after the waitress had collected your orders and it had been quiet for a while. Dazai’s heart started to thump again, the real reason you’d asked him to come to dinner was coming. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for it. 

You had that look again, that stored up courage look. “ Let’s be friends again.”

He wasn’t sure if this was on his list of things he expected you to say. Some irrational part of his thought this would be your announcement of your engagement to Kunikida which he would have congratulated you on and then left to get very very drunk. 

Your fists were clenched in your lap as you forced yourself to look at him.

“I’m sorry… if I did something wrong, and that’s why you stopped wanting to be around me. If I was - annoying or something I can-“

“Y/N” you blinked almost jerking at Dazai’s sudden harsh tone. He was angry, suddenly, 

“You could never annoy me.” 

The statement hung heavy in the air like cement. 

“And you don’t have anything to apologize for.” He tried to soften his voice as he wasn’t angry at you. He was more angry at himself. That’s why you thought he’d pushed you away? 

“Then why-“

“We can’t be friends.. Y/N” better to cut this off now. A few drinks was sounding better by the second. He dared a glance at your face and regretted it. You looked shattered, then confused, then angry. He hadn’t really seen you angry. It was beautiful in a way. 

A hot tear pressed down your cheek and you angrily wiped it away. 

“Why.” You asked now a wobble in your otherwise hard tone. 

“It’s better to remain professional in the workplace.” Dazai offered up, it was weak but his mind was spinning so his normal snake charming words were not coming to him. 

“Bullshit.” You said leaning forward. “You're not that way with anyone else in the agency. Hell you're not professional at all.” 

Dazai smiled at this, despite how heavy he was feeling.

“That’s fair.” He said softly. 

“Stop fucking with me Dazai.” You said anger still dripping over your tone although you were trying to keep it down since others were around. 

“One night were drunk together and up till 4am telling each other everything and the next week you stopped talking to me.” 

Your voice broke at the end of that. Another angry tear wipe. You pointed at him now.

“You let me in, you let me see you, and now you're going to pretend like we weren’t something?”

“Yes.” Dazai said with an edge . “ yes I am going to pretend.” 

“Why!” Your voice went a little higher than a regular speaking voice drawing a few more eyes but neither of you cared. There was only the person sitting in front of the other. 

“Because Y/N. I don’t want to be just friends.” Dazai felt like a popped balloon, that air just coming out of him rapidly. Years of holding that very phrase in and here he was whisper- shouting it at you in his favorite hole in the wall. That was only his favorite because of his memories with you. 

He kept going now, no sense in stopping now. “ I want to hold your hand, to kiss you, to be the last thing you see at night and the first thing you see in the morning. I want to hold you when you're sad, and tease you when you do something embarrassing. I want you to fill up my life with your light” it was a mouthful, and Dazai sighed, looking up at you now, your face in shock. 

You smiled suddenly, another tear falling but you didn’t make a move to wipe it away.

“I don’t want to be just friends either Dazai.” You said and he felt his heart starting its kathunk kathunk in his chest again. 

“I thought maybe you didn’t feel the same way as I did. But I wanted to be near you. And things were so great when we were friends. And then we stopped and I thought at least I could still be around you. But I don’t want that it’s not enough. Just being around you, just being your friend isn’t enough. I want to be with you. Dazai.”

Dazai swallowed hard, if Atsushi’s words were diamonds you were like the rain. Cleansing away the unsightly parts of himself that he hated, he picked at. Soothing the old wounds that he’d left open as punishment to himself. 

“We can’t… I can’t….” Dazai couldn’t finish. He looked up to you. “Every Time I love someone they die.” He shook his head slightly. “and I won’t lose you too.” 

He thought then of Oda. He still couldn’t decide how he’d loved the man, there was a seed there, growing, and if he’d had more time, Dazai thinks he could have figured it out. Did he love Oda the way he loved Atshushi or Kunikida or did he love Oda the way he’d loved you?

But for Oda to be alive, and Dazai to have an answer to that question, Dazai needed to have removed himself from Oda’s life.

 Dazai’s thoughts of Oda evaporated as he felt the warm touch of your hand to his. He looked up at you then, your eyes a calm steady sea to his stormy brooding ones.

He wanted to steal you away from the others eyes, take you somewhere safe where only he could gaze upon you. Strange feelings from someone who spent so much effort in not caring. 

“You're a good person, Dazai.” You said. “I’ve seen it, I’ve seen your soul. Death is not the punishment for love. Life takes who she wants when she wants regardless of who we love and what we want. I’d rather die, having known your love than live forever without it.” 

He kissed you then, over the tea that had gone cold, besides the people who were pretending not to listen to your conversation. The only thing he could hear was the sounds of rain dancing on the canopy above your heads. 

———

Somehow the both of you knew that going home alone wasn’t an option. As the hole in the wall was closest to your place, it was decided without speaking that that is where you would go. You walked there holding hands. 

Dazai’s mind was spinning with thoughts of your kiss, thoughts of you he’d tried to keep down but it wasn’t working and his pants were stiffening. 

You’d looked at him, one look, that set him on fire. And as you crossed into your apartment threshold, he couldn’t seem to grab enough of you. The umbrella he’d borrowed from you was on the floor, along with your  pretty coat, leaving wet stains on the floor. You were pressed between him in the wall, your hands deep into his tresses as he kissed you, his hands gripping almost painfully at your sides. 

He pressed his lower body up against you unable to control the moan that came from his mouth at the contact of his hardened self against you.

“I need you.” He breathed out sounding so impossibly vulnerable.

“You have me.” You said between kisses, and so he did, his wide palms sliding below your waist end scooping you into the air, your legs wrapped around his lanky figure. 

He carried you to your room, my memory as you had yet to stop kissing him, and he couldn’t see. 

When he was there you fell into the bed, soft covers swallowing you up. He had thoughts to tease you, to take things slow, and feel every single moment of this. But as his fingers seperated your pants buttons and found their way to your core he couldn’t stop himself from pleasuring you. 

Your moans were honey, as he slid down your clothing and his mouth latched to your clit. One of your hands had traveled to his hair and the other was gripping his arm which was around your waist keeping your hips down to the bed. 

He wanted more from you working his tongue and fingers at a devastating pace. His cock painful in his pants at your honey dripped moans. His hand pressed down hard against your waist as you bucked against his face, sweat beading on your chest, it felt terribly good. 

“Daz-“ you choked out as you reached your end, your hand pulling at the base of his roots causing him to moan into your pussy. 

You couldn’t hold back your moan as you came, hard and fast, cheeks hot as he kept going riding you through your orgasm. 

Dazai felt your body go limp after you came, and he stood up reaching to unbutton his shirt but then your hands over lapped his and you began to remove his shirt. His lips were on your again as your removed his clothes. 

Dazai let out a small noise of surprise when you turned and pushed him towards the bed. He went willingly though his eyes half lidded in lust as you crawled over to him straddling his waist. He was taking you in, and fuck if he couldn’t come now just looking at you. 

You leaned forward ticking a finger under his chin and guiding his lips back to yours. Dazai felt his control slipping but he didn’t mind. He wanted to be yours, all yours. You could do whatever you wanted to him.

“Let me make you feel good.”’you whispered 

He hissed as you sank slowly down onto him your warmth wrapping around him like a vice. Damnit.

You moved again rising up your hips and bringing them back down at an agonizingly slow pace. This whole time he’d thought to tease you and it was you teasing him. 

Almost as if you were reading his mind you smirked dipping slower to kiss his neck. Dazai jerked, another moan on his lips as you kissed at his newly discovered sensitive spot. 

You’d hip were starting to pick up the pace a bit, sucking hard against his neck. Your pace and attack on his neck was torture, the best kind. 

His hands gripped your ass tightly now as you rode him, biting deeply against his neck. With each slap of skin you moved faster, Dazai felt like he could explode, and maybe he would. 

He couldn’t help himself, his hips snapping up into you suddenly causing you to throw your head back and moan. Oh yes he wanted more of that. 

Your hands fell to his chest as he fucked you, his dick pressing up against that spot that was making you unravel. 

In one swift motion he’d switched the flow and you were on your back again, and he was in between you. Your hands flew around his neck as he re-entered you. 

“Mhfph” you choked out as he pressed deep into you, moaning your name sweetly into your ear. 

He was one with you, as close as his magnet could reach, and though the fear of losing you still loomed in his mind, Dazai was in true bliss. 

You were close, that feeling of knitting in your stomach, his strong deep strokes had left you gasping. 

“Osamu” you crooned, and he looked down at you now. 

“Say that again.” He breathed out. 

Dazai felt like he was going to unravel, right as you’d said his name, the way it slipped from your mouth had his heart racing. 

He thrusted faster , kissing along your neck now. 

“Say it, say it again.” He moaned out.

“Mmm Osamu, “ you repeated his name over and over again like a holy chant. “Please.” 

His strokes were coming uneven, as he leaned down to take your sweet lips with his again, fucking hell he was going to come now, in the woman he’d loved for years. 

“Come with me.” He breathed out and you nodded rapidly, he pressed his forehead to yours as you felt yourself come apart at the edges. Sweeping in nothing but pleasure you both came.

“Osamu!” You cried out eyes shut in ecstasy. 

———-

Neither of you could be bothered to leave the bed. Dazai was holding you to his chest, your face in the crook of his neck, your heartbeats matching each other’s. 

“You know it’s too late for you now right?” You whispered, his fingers playing with your hair. 

Dazai smiled. “It was too late for me since the moment we met.” 

You chuckled softly, “that’s so cheesy.” 

Dazai chuckled back, placing a kiss on your forehead. 

“Yeah to bad you’ve got to deal with it from now on.”

“I love you, Osamu” Dazai heard you say, and even if he maybe thought he knew you did, it was different to hear you say it. He felt like he could break into a million pieces. Some stone cold bastard he was, he was absolute putty in your hands. 

“I love you to, Y/N” 

[leio13]

La Tristesse Sale

A Soukoku Fic

Summary: It had been 3 weeks, 5 hours, 28 minutes, and 32 seconds since Mori requested to see Dazai’s annoying partner, and much to Dazai’s own surprise, he was eager to resume their antagonistic dynamic, but when he returned, Chuuya wasn’t as Dazai remembered. He was cold, without that familiar passion.

For the last 3 weeks, Chuuya had underwent a series of experiments to enhance his ability and create the ultimate killing machine: Corruption.

Relationships: Soukoku (Dazai/Chuuya)

Betaread by the lovely @fraink5! Thanks for continuously supporting me throughout this wild ride!

Chapter 8: Sortir

Sortir- [v.] to go out

Masterpost | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Ao3

“Okay, up and at 'em! Let's go! Time to wake up!" Dazai yanked the sheets off his partner's bed. "Today, we are going to be productive members of society! Now, get up!"

Dazai hopped onto the bed and started jumping, causing it to shake just like he intended. Hopefully, it wouldn't break, but until it did, he'd continue to bounce, waiting for a familiar groan. He looked down. Two blue eyes stared at him with what he thought might have been a bit of malice, or it could just have been a hopeful hallucination.

As Chuuya groggily sat up, Dazai skipped out of the room, singing, before popping his head back in through the doorway. "I hope you haven't forgotten personal hygiene! The bath is yours for the taking!"

Really, if he thinks I'm taking him out when he stinks, he's wrong. And I really need to get him outside, so he'd better take a bath! Dazai monologued to himself about how incompetent and stressful the new Chuuya could be while the redhead prepared himself for whatever strange outing Dazai had planned.

Chuuya followed Dazai around like an obedient dog, never questioning anything until they were standing in the front of the aquarium. “I thought we were going to lunch.”

“Not this early. Besides, you need to go outside more.”

Chuuya stared at Dazai with empty eyes, the hollow blue sea slowly drowning Dazai. Of course, Dazai's smile remained afloat.

Dazai strolled inside, bought two one-day passes, and handed Chuuya a brochure. “Where do you wanna go?”

Chuuya was filled to the brim with ideas, the main idea being silence and the other idea being "this isn’t lunch."

Dazai peered over Chuuya’s shoulder, "How about Fureai Lagoon?"

"Have you ever petted a shark before? I personally haven't and can't wait!" Dazai tapped his foot as Chuuya slowly caught up to him. Observing the lagoon, he noticed something of interest; there were people swimming in it. They were all wearing wet suits and wading about, and splashing with them were slippery white creatures. "Ah, Chuuya! Look! Look! They're swimming with dolphins! I want to do that too!"

"Sharks first." Chuuya eyed Dazai jumping up and down pointing like a child. He sighed.

Dazai ignored the sigh and its implications. Chuuya spoke! That by itself was so amazing that the tone didn't matter at all. Chuuya could have been sad, happy, angry, exhausted, perky, or anything, and Dazai wouldn't have cared so long as his partner spoke voluntarily. Perhaps he should have cared more about its connotations, but he didn't. A huge grin covered his face, “okay!"

Slowly, Dazai reached his hand into the shallow tank. Dark sharks swam in curvy patterns just below his fingertips. If he reached in any further, they would brush against him. Of course, that was the whole point, so Dazai moved his fingers to touch the back of a small shark. The baby shark continued on as if Dazai wasn't there, but, as it swam, Dazai could feel its coarse skin slip through his touch. It was a strange feeling and, sadly, ephemeral. In seconds, the fish was gone, and his hands were empty.

"Chuuya! You try too!" Dazai noticed his partner was fiddling with his glove and did him the favor of yanking it off. Then, he grabbed Chuuya's hand and submerged it into the lukewarm water. Chuuya stared at him, his eyes wide.

"You can't feel them outside the tank." Dazai shrugged and guided Chuuya's hand to the nearest little shark. He stopped applying pressure, allowing for Chuuya's hand to move on its own and make the connection. But Chuuya's hand didn't move. In fact, Chuuya stood still, his eyes looking back and forth between his hand and the fish. Was he afraid of such a small creature?

Impatiently, Dazai pressed Chuuya's hand against the shark. He smirked as the redhead's eyes doubled in size with surprise. Then, they returned to normal, and a strange tranquility drifted through the air. Dazai wished time would freeze, so he could embrace the rare moment of calm, but time continued, uncaring. In an instance, the fish had swam away. Dazai released Chuuya's hand and started using his now-free hand to chase sharks around the tank. "Fun, right?"

Chuuya nodded lethargically. He hadn't moved his hand but instead left it to hang there for the occasional fish to brush against it.

“Chuuya! We’re doing it! We’re going to dive into the pool and vanish! Poof!” Dazai bounced in his seat as much as the large, black seatbelt would allow. His hands strangled the bars in front of his shoulders. His eyes ran up and down the track of Yokohama’s famous vanishing coaster. Meanwhile, his partner wasn’t focused on anything.

“Chuuya! Chuuya! Chuuya! This is it!” The car slowly crept up the first slope. After reaching the peak, the track turned and started to tilt slightly. “Chuuya! We’re tilting! You know what that means?”

Chuuya shook his head. He didn’t want to know what it meant either.

“It’s so the car can turn without losing speed! We’re picking up speed!” After a few more turns, several small drops and endless screaming, Dazai’s voice suddenly became shrill and his knuckles white. “CHUUYA! CHUUYA! IT’S COMING! IT’S COMING!!”

The coaster dived, and Dazai shrieked estatically as the pool grew larger and larger, and it seemed more likely they’d crash into the water. Of course, that was ignoring the clear path of the ride that lead directly into a dark hole in the middle of the pool. Dazai’s breath snagged in his throat, and they were submerged in darkness.

Inside the tunnel was a psychedelic blur. Rainbow lights streaked the walls as the car zoomed past them. It reminded Dazai of cliche, warp-speed movie effects and shooting stars. Make a wish. Dazai wondered if Chuuya was thinking something similar. He turned to his partner. In the racing lights, he thought he saw the hint of a smile. If only this could last a bit longer. Is that too selfish a wish? Then, blinding light. Was this what death was like?

Dazai let go of the air in his chest and screamed as the ride approached its final trick. The track twisted like a tornado, and the car sped down vivaciously until finally coming to a stop.

Dazai was smiling so widely he could have developed wrinkles from this one event. He clutched his stomach and doubled over with laughter the moment the seatbelts were lifted. Eyes squeezed shut, a tear slipped down his cheek.

“I want to get the part where we vanished on camera! Let’s ride it again, okay, Chuuya?”

Chuuya said nothing. In other words, he didn’t say no.

“Want to go shopping, Chuuya?” Dazai muttered something under his breath about better clothes. Chuuya didn’t respond. “No? Okay, let’s just take a walk then! If you see anything you want, let me know—ah! Of course, you’re paying! But tell me if you see something because I don’t want to accidentally leave you behind” strolling ahead, Dazai spun around “because you’re incompetent~!”

The sun was out to get Dazai. The longer he walked around the warehouse grounds, the more sweat accumulated under his bandages. Gross. Why do I need to go out with Chuuya anyway? Meanwhile, a slight breeze brushed against them, threatening to snatch Chuuya’s stupid hat away—Go ahead. Take the hat—and carrying a sweet scent. “Chuuya! Crepes! Let’s get crepes, okay?”

Holding his hat to his head, Chuuya trudged behind Dazai towards the crepe stand.

“Is chocolate okay?” Dazai asked, but it was a little too late to say no as Dazai was already holding one in Chuuya’s direction. Hesitantly, the redhead took it from Dazai’s bandaged hand. He slowly put the crepe to his lips and nibbled on it, completely aware that Dazai was watching him. Come on! Eat faster! It’s good! Aren’t you enjoying it? Dazai then glanced at the brown dessert in his own hand and frowned. He personally loved chocolate, but maybe it was just him. “Chocolate’s okay, right?”

Suddenly, Chuuya took a large bite. Then, another until he had devoured the whole thing. He swallowed the final bite forcefully to Dazai’s chagrin. Well, at least one of them could properly enjoy the sugary taste.

“Ah, man! I totally need to walk this off now!” Dazai patted his stomach clichely. Why did people do that? It only upset his stomach, not that his partner would ever find out. He kept grinning. Hitting the redhead on the back forcefully, Dazai pushed him along. “You too, Chuuya! Especially given the rate you inhaled that thing. Nobody’s metabolism works that fast!”

They wandered aimlessly around the first brick building, Dazai waving his hands dramatically as random nonsense spewed out of his mouth: animal mating habits, cheesy pick up lines, Freud, how Akutagawa’s hair came to be, the migration of the human species, and of course, suicide. They strolled around the second building, walking along the balcony.

“Chuuya, wanna ring these bells?” Dazai tiptoed up to the two small bells. His hand hovered over the string, controlling them.

“No.”

“Too bad!” Dazai tugged the string, yanking it every which way, and the bells sang. It might have been pretty except Dazai kept shaking the string. Consequently, it did not sound like an angelic choir, but instead a song that kept being rewound every two seconds. Down below, near the port, people glanced up. Some of them looked at each other grinning. Others pointed with a laugh or snapped a few pictures. Dazai didn’t understand what the deal was, so he ignored it.

Meanwhile, the sky had begun to dim, and the malevolent sun started to disappear behind the horizon. Dazai watched the golden shadow of the sun dance on the water until it had vanished almost entirely. The temperature had cooled, and small streams of oceanic breeze slipped through Dazai’s bandages and washed the sweat away. Standing in silence, Dazai’s thoughts were allowed to wander, much to his discomfort. Thankfully, he was saved by his growling hunger. “Say, Chuuya, are you hungry?”

“... a French restaurant?”

Dazai winked, “My treat!”

“Thanks.”

Dazai skipped to the receptionist, humming quietly. Chuuya will be blown away by my French! After all, I spent a couple hours studying last night. By studying, he meant google translate. (In the worst pronunciation possible) “Uh...excusez-moi, mademoiselle. Deux s’il vous plaît. Pour mon petit ami et moi.”

The woman’s face turned from a frown into a smile. “Ah, yes. Follow me.” She whispered to one of the waitresses before guiding them to a secluded table. “A waitress will arrive with the menus in just a moment.”

Why won’t she speak French?!

As promised, a waitress quickly arrived and handed them menus. Before leaving, she lit the candle in the center of the table and dimmed the lights. Dazai smirked, “fancy.”

A couple minutes later, the waitress returned. “May I take your order?”

“Oui. Uh… je vou...voudrais le bisque de crabe.”

“You can speak Japanese, monsieur.”

“Eh? But…”

“Please.”

Dazai sighed before covering it with a smile. “Crab bisque please!”

“And you, monsieur?” The waitress turned towards Chuuya who was for some reason really red in the face.

How rude! My french wasn’t that bad! Too preoccupied with his own weakly supported internal defense, Dazai completely missed what Chuuya ordered. Probably some obscure French food no one with taste has ever heard of nor likes. I bet he butchered the pronunciation too! He looked at Chuuya again who was still blushing furiously. “Something wrong, Chuuya?” Better not be my French.

“Yeah…” Chuuya shifted in his seat. He stared at his lap intensely.

“What is it?”

“‘Petit ami’ doesn’t mean what you think it means…”

Dazai grinned. He was going to have fun with this. “Now, now, Chuuya. I know the truth is hard to accept, but let’s face it: you’re short.”

Dazai expected his partner to strangle him or at least kick him under the table, but this new Chuuya was unpredictable. Instead, the redhead readjusted his position (again) and fingered with the knife on the table . “It… it means” He looked away entirely, no longer trying to be discreet about his embarrassment. “...boyfriend…”

“Eh?” Dazai blinked. “EH?!”

Chuuya fell silent, still facing away.

“Ch-Chuuya!” Dazai didn’t know where to look. Nowhere was safe. Everything mocked his mistake. And the lights, oh god, they thought… Dazai started to feel queasy. “W-Why didn’t you say something?!”

“I didn’t realize you were going to try and speak French.”

Dazai buried his burning face in his heads. “Oh god… this is terrible… Someone kill me… I’m ready to die…”

“Yeah...” Both of them just wanted the conversation to end.

“You don’t understand!” Dazai stood up abruptly, almost knocking over the table. “I need to use the restroom.”

Chuuya said nothing. He only sighed when Dazai was gone.

Meanwhile, Dazai rinsed his face over and over again, hoping to put out the fire behind his cheeks. How am I supposed to face him now? How am I supposed to lead the Mafia when I’m “dating” that hat rack? Dating? No. Out of the question. This misconception needs to die. Tonight.

He returned back to the table, and the two of them spent the remainder of their meal in silence. Neither could eat. “H-How about we take these to go...friend?”

Chuuya’s eyes, which judged Dazai, immediately returned to the floor when Dazai looked his way. “Yeah…”

Everything seemed to be going so well earlier; how did it end this way? Retiring to his apartment, Dazai dreaded the next day when Kouyou would find out what happened, and worse, when he would have to face Chuuya again.