#facets to her character than that. even I’m guilty of focusing on that aspect of her but it’s bc she’s so widely misunderstood I constantly

[stuffyflowers]

ok that poll made me so fucking mad but that did remind me I’ve been rewatching tng s2 and I NEED to make a post compiling everything that made her so great. Seriously how did they accidentally make such a good character then write her off the show.

[cardentist]

this isn’t a proper discourse post, I Agree with a lot of what the op said but there’s specific things about it that get under my skin in a way that makes me want to talk about it, but I don’t want to engage with that post both because I don’t want to speak over the point that’s being made and frankly because I don’t want to be misinterpreted because of the point that’s being made in it.

so for context, I’ll just say that it was a long post about how a lack of engagement with women characters in fandom spaces is tied to misogyny. just be aware that I’m responding to something specific and not criticisms of this in general. (feel free to dm me if you want to see the post for yourself)

the rest of this is going to be rambly and a bit unfocused, so I want to get this out the door right at the top: it is not actually someone’s moral obligation to engage with or create fan content. all other points aside, what this amounts to is labeling people as bigoted for either not creating or engaging with content that you want to see, and while the individual may or may not be a bigot it’s not actually anyone’s job to tailor their fandom experience to cater to you. 

fandom is not activism. it’s not Wrong to point out that a lack of content about women in fandom is likely indicative of the influence of our misogynistic society. and suggesting that people examine their internalized biases isn’t just fine, it’s something that everyone should be doing all the time. but saying that it is literally someone’s “responsibility” to “make an effort” by consuming content about women or they’re bigoted is presenting the consumption of fan content as a moral litmus test that you pass and fail not by how you engage with content but by not engaging with all of the Correct content. 

judging people’s morality based on what characters they read meta for or look at fanart for is, a mistake. it Can Be Indicative of internalized biases but it is not, in and of itself, a moral failing that has to be corrected.

if you want more content to be created about women in fandom then you do it by spreading content about women in fandom, not by guilting people into engaging with it by saying that they’re bigots if they don’t. you encourage creation Through creation.

okay, now to address what Mainly set me off to inspire this post.

this post specifically went out of it’s way to present misogyny as the only answer for why this problem exists in fandom spaces. and while I absolutely agree that it’s a Factor, they left absolutely no room for nuance which included debunking “common excuses.” which, as you can probably guess, contained the things that ticked me off.

first off, you can’t judge that someone is disconnected from women in general based on their fandom consumption because the sum total of their being is not available on tumblr. 

people don’t always bear their souls in fandom spaces. just because they don’t actively post about a character or Characters doesn’t mean that they see them as lesser or that they don’t think about them. the idea that you can tell what a person’s moral beliefs are not based on what they’ve said or done but based on whether they engage with specific characters in a specific way in a specific space can Only work on the assumption that they engage with that space in a way that expresses the entirety of who they are or even their engagement with that specific media.

what I engage with on ao3 is different from what I engage with on tumblr, youtube, twitter, my friend’s dms, and my own head. people are going to engage with social media and fandom spaces specifically differently for different reasons. you can’t assume what the other parts of their lives look like based on this alone. 

second off, there can be other factors at play that influence people’s specific engagement with a fandom.

they specifically brought up the magnus archives as an example of a show with well written women. which while absolutely true, does Not mean that misogyny is the only option for why people wouldn’t engage with content about them as often. for me personally? a lot of fan content is soured because of how it presents jon. I relate to him very heavily as a neurodivergent and traumatized person, and he faces a Lot of victim blaming and dehumanization in the writing. sasha and martin are more or less the only main characters that Aren’t guilty of this, and sasha was out of the picture after season 1.

while this affects my enjoyment of fan content for these characters To Some Extent on it’s own (I love georgie, I love her a lot, but I can’t forget that she looked at someone and told them that they were better off dead because they couldn’t “choose” to not be abused), the bigger issue is fan content that Specifically doesn’t address the victim blaming and ableism as what it is, even presenting it as just Correct. 

this isn’t exclusive to the women in the show by any means, this is exactly why I avoid a lot of content about tim, but it affects a lot of the women who are main characters. that isn’t the Only reason, there’s more casual ableism and things that tear him down for other reasons (the prevalent theory that elias passed up on sasha because he’s afraid of how she’s More Competent In Jon In Every Single way. which comes with the unfortunate implications of jon being responsible for his own trauma because he just wasn’t competent enough to avoid it) but that’s the main one that squicks me out.

of course not all fan content does this, and I Do engage with content about these characters, but sometimes it’s easier to just stick with content that centers on my comfort character because it’s more likely to look at his character with the nuance required to see that it is victim blaming and ableism. 

it’s not enough to say that the characters are well rounded or well written and conclude that if someone isn’t consuming or creating content about them then it has to be due to misogyny and nothing else.

there’s also just like, the Obvious answer. two most prominent characters are two men that are in a canonical gay relationship, which draws in queer men/masc people on it’s own but the centering of their othering and trauma Particularly draws in traumatized queer people that are starved for content. georgie and melanie are both fleshed out characters in and of themselves, but their relationship with each other doesn’t have nearly as much direct screen time. and daisy and basira have a lot more screen time together and about each other, but their relationship is very intentionally non-canon because of its role as a commentary on cop pack mentality.

people are More Likely to create content for the more prominent relationship in the show and be drawn into the fandom through that relationship in the first place. I have no doubt that there Are misogynistic fans of the show, but focusing on the relationship and the characters that make you happy isn’t and indication that you’re one of them.

which brings us to the big one, the one that sparked me into writing this in the first place (and the last that I have time for if I’m being honest). the “common excuses” section in general is, extremely dismissive obviously but there’s only one section that genuinely upsets me. 

without copying and pasting what they said directly, it essentially boils down to this: while they recognize that gay and trans men are “allowed” to relate to men, they’re still Men which makes them misogynistic. Rather than acknowledge Why gay and trans men would engage with fan-content specifically that caters to them they present it as a given that it’s 100% due to misogyny anyways. they present queer men engaging with content about themselves as them treating women like they’re “unworthy of attention,” calling it a “patriarchal tendency” that they have to unlearn.

being gay and trans does not mean that you’re immune to misogyny, being a woman doesn’t even mean that you’re immune to misogyny, but that’s engaging in bad faith in a way that really puts a bad taste in my mouth. 

queer men aren’t just like, Special Men that have Extra Bonus Reasons to be relate to boys, they’re people who are more likely to Need fandom spaces to explore facets of themselves. and while you can Relate to any character, it feels good to be able to explore those aspect with characters that resemble you or how you see yourself.

when I first started actively seeking out fandom spaces in middle school I engaged with content about queer men more or less exclusively. at this point I had no concept of what trans people were, and wouldn’t begin openly considering that I might be a trans person until high school. I knew that I’d be happier as a gay man before I knew I could be a gay man, and that’s affected my relationship with fandom forever. 

I engage with most things pretty casually, reblogging meta and joke posts when I see them, but what I go out of my way to engage with is largely an expression of my gender identity and sexuality. I project myself onto a comfort character and then I Consume content for them because that was how I was able to express myself before I knew that I needed to. it’s not that girl characters aren’t “worthy” of me relating to them, it’s that I specifically go to certain fandom spaces to express and work through my gender and sexuality. that’s what I use those fandom spaces For.

I imagine that I’ll need this crutch less when I’m allowed to transition and if I ever find a relationship situation that works out for me. but also like, why should I? it’s not actually hurting anyone for me to explore my gender and sexuality through fanfic until the end of time. nor does it hurt anyone for me to focus on my comfort characters. 

fandom is personal comfort and entertainment, not a moral obligation. people absolutely should engage with women in media and real life with more nuance and energy than they do, but fandom spaces are not the place to police or judge that. 

[yabookers]

The Truth About Keeping Secrets by Savannah Brown

Sydney's dad is the only psychiatrist for miles around their small Ohio town.

He is also unexpectedly dead.

Is Sydney crazy, or is it kind of weird that her dad - a guy whose entire job revolved around other peoples' secrets - crashed alone, with no explanation?

And why is June Copeland, homecoming queen and the town's golden child, at his funeral?

As the two teenagers grow closer in the wake of the accident, it's clear that not everyone is happy about their new friendship.

But what is picture perfect June still hiding? And does Sydney even want to know?

Disclaimer: I received a copy free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Sydney’s dad is a psychiatrist, and he’s also suddenly dead. Everyone around her keeps telling her it was just an accident.Sydney believes that there is more to it than that – he was a man that knew everyone’s secrets, so isn’t it weird that he crashed alone with no explanation? Then Sydney starts getting these creepy and mysterious texts, and it all seems linked to her dad. Is she seeing connections that aren’t really there, or is there really something more sinister going on? I’ve been really excited about The Truth About Keeping Secretsfor a while now, especially after hearing it was a queer mystery/thriller. I’m not going to lie, I struggled with it a little at first, it was very character driven and almost nothing happened, which is why I dropped a star and it is definitely a slow paced book that focuses more on characters and their relationships. But, I did really grow to love it and the main protagonist, Sydney. Sydney is a brilliant, albeit a little disturbed, character. After her father died, she has this acute fear of death and she kind of has this morbid fascination with it. She’s struggling with how to cope with her father’s death and what it all means in the grand scheme of things. She feels guilty for living while he doesn’t. She’s angry, confused, and scared about the world around her. The Truth About Keeping Secrets is less about the mystery and more about character study. The Truth About Keeping Secrets mainly explores the many facets of grief and how some coping mechanisms aren’t always healthy. I think it did it really well. Grief isn’t the only topic it explores as it does highlight some other really important and difficult topics too such as abusive relationships. I do want to give some trigger warningsthough for anxiety, PTSD, depression, self-harm, suicide, death, homophobia, forced coming-out, and sexual and emotional abuse. Another prominent aspect of The Truth About Keeping Secretsis the relationship between Sydney and Jude, who is a girl that comes into Sydney’s life after her father’s death. Jude is a mystery, and their relationship is complicated but also really great. It is a romantic relationship but it did explore the unrequited crush thing really well. The Truth About Keeping Secrets is an atmospheric, addictive, intense, and emotional book with a large focus on characters but also with a slow burn mystery, and a book that I would highly recommend.

Rating: ★★★★☆ | book depository

[jira-chii]

Reflection on Devotion

Hello my sister finally convinced me to watch a play-through of Devotion, a Taiwanese horror game with absolutely stellar visual storytelling.

I don't normally enjoy horror games but I made an exception for Devotion, because I had previously seen Detention (the other game by Red Candle), and I loved it. However it completely blew my mind how much better Devotion was, visually and conceptually. Like, I legit did not think they would have been able to top Detention. And they did. And it was so impressive I had to write about it. So here we are.

The first half of this post will be spoiler-free, because I definitely don't want to spoil this game. Unfortunately, Devotion was taken off Steam for (imo really dumb) political reasons but I highly recommend seeing a play-through of it or something, because I seriously want everyone to experience its story before reading this.

I have no qualms about spoiling Detention though so we'll start from there. (They're not really spoilers though, because it's been a while and I don't remember most of the details).

One of the things I remember loving about Detention was the integration of the school setting with the personal family setting. At one point we are suddenly dragged into a representation of the main character's house, making the fear feel uncomfortably close. I loved this because the game was now able to mix the “familiar” with the surreal, in an even more effective manner than with the school. Furthermore, it gave us new insights into the main character by showing us facets of their life from a new and more empathetic perspective.

And now we have a game completely “devoted” to this concept. Hooray.

Devotion (and Detention to a lesser extent), uses an unconventional type of horror in that it relies less on jump scares and shocking, gory scenarios, and more on atmosphere and a mysterious story. This subtle type of horror is more typically seen in Asian countries than Western ones, and the result is that immediately, it might not feel as heart-poundingly terrifying, but it leaves you with very disturbing thoughts, that get scarier the more you think about them, and don't leave your mind for a very, very long time.

I'm gonna say it now but Devotion is 10x more scary if you're an Asian with traditional family values, because the situations are so relatable.

The game revolves around a family of three. Using limited settings and a limited amount of characters, the storytelling feels compact yet at the same time is able to delve into multiple perspectives.

The other cool thing is that Devotion's horror is not an external, unknown threat. It is about a series of events, that permeate every aspect of gameplay, but by the end there are relatively few mysteries. That said, at one point it becomes very clear what happened. But we can't do anything about it. Which is terrifying and possibly all too relatable for some people.

There are waaay too many elements to analyse in this game, so I'm going to narrow it down by focusing on one idea, namely the one of Family. This also gives me a chance to talk about all three of my favourite scenes in the game:

The Arowana fish tank

The Storybook scene

Reducing stress with marbles

*SPOILERS* start here if it wasn't obvious.

The game's title screen shows the three main characters in a family portrait. Father and husband Du Feng Yu is a screenplay writer, his wife Gong Li Fang is a retired singer-turned movie actress, and their daughter Mei Xin wants to grow up to be a superstar just like mum.

The picture hangs above the living room sofa opposite the TV, and that space is like the embodiment of all the values of the dad, Feng Yu. Interestingly, this title screen image is taken from the perspective of Mei Xin's bedroom, and seems to mirror a scene in the game where she peeks at you from said bedroom.

Anyway my point is the title screen very clearly shows that family is the focus of the game. So I'm going to talk about each of the family members.

Mei Xin is definitely the character I relate to the most. She constantly pops up in the game, and is represented by a doll, which is the perfect symbol because even though she looks creepy to the player, she actually won't hurt you, and is more manipulated by the people around her than anything else.

Mei Xin is in fact powerless to do anything on her own, a concept which is taken to its literal limits in the fish tank scene where you actually have to press the buttons to make her move. From the arowana’s perspective, we see Mei Xin going about her day, revealing things to the fish she wouldn't dare reveal to her parents. As a fish in a tank, you also get a good feel for how trapped Mei Xin feels, being unable to go to school, and even being denied her promised trip to Alishan.

Mei Xin hates being in the house and she hates taking her medicine. It doesn't seem fair that she has to listen to her parents when they lied to her. She ends up dumping the medicine in the fish tank, and as we look up, we see the deadly pills slowly fall toward us. Unable to escape, the fish can only watch as death approaches, which is a metaphorical foreshadowing of Mei Xin's fate as well.

Can I also just mention, Feng Yu bought that fish to bring the family prosperity and fortune, so it's super ironic that Mei Xin was the one who killed it. It's a really neat metaphor for the relationship between the father and daughter. Feng Yu thinks spending more money will fix the family but materialistic goods could never be a substitute for real affection.

Mei Xin is probably the biggest victim in the feud between her father and mother. It is heartbreaking to see her inner thoughts in her journal. Though it is not explicitly stated, it is not hard to see how she herself might feel guilty about her parents’ fighting. After all, their financial situation is partly due to her father doing everything he can to cure her illness. I appreciate the marble scene in making Mei Xin's anxiety apparent. If you don't use the marbles to distract Mei Xin, huge mouths begin to overlap the screen and her vision becomes more chaotic, making it very obvious that the source of her stress is her parents fighting. Here I also have to commend the superb voice acting. Listening to the parents arguing in the background very near gave me PTSD as they sounded so similar to my own parents.

As mentioned before, it is ironic that, even though both parents are doing everything they can to help their daughter out of love and devotion, they don't realise the thing she truly needs is their physical presence. That's why the storybook scene absolutely killed me.

In a rare moment of genuine father-daughter interaction, we get to experience reading Mei Xin's favourite book. Literally. First of all, I love this scene because of the visuals. We go inside the storybook and the way they've created this huge change in tone is incredibly imaginative and a welcome break from the creepy apartment we've been trapped in the whole time. Perhaps in a similar way, this is how Mei Xin escapes her depressing reality too.

So on top of having nice visuals, and a semi- decent story, this scene is important because it actually shows Mei Xin and her father having quality time together. And it even emphasises their bond by having us experience the changes Mei Xin makes to the book as a result of the conversations she has with her father, which is really cute and sweet but also just the best way of showing why this book is her “favourite”. Towards the end, we find out the book's core message is about the love a daughter has for her father, and the lengths she will go to because of that love. Plus that extra touch with the tulips at the end is just breathtakingly beautiful, a huge contrast to almost everything else in this horror game.

I have heard a theory that the true meaning of devotion in this game isn't that of Feng Yu’s devotion to his daughter, but of Mei Xin's devotion to her father. The hint is in the lyrics of the song she performs, Lady of the Pier, which was also her mother's debut song. I guess that's the beauty of a title like this. There can be so many different interpretations and the creators really maximise the possibilities of each.

As an added bonus, Mei Xin means beautiful heart.

Gong Li Fang is probably the most underappreciated character in this game. I honestly have so much respect for her. It took courage to sacrifice everything she had built up to become a housewife and support the family. That's her devotion to her family. But when everything goes pear shaped suddenly everything also seems to conspire against her. The message she gets from her own mother is particularly scarring. Li Fang wants to leave the relationship but her mother tells her not to. Instead of supporting her own daughter's wellbeing, Li Fang's mother wants her to grin and bear it in order to save face. This was, of course, the norm in the 80s, but it is still painful to see a once highly successful woman struggle against the patriarchy.

Another scene that really gets me is the welcoming ceremony? I forget the name. There is a list we find, of strict instructions regarding the mountain load of things the wife had to prepare before guests arrived for what was essentially a housewarming party. Sometimes the superstitions really go overboard. Could you imagine going from a famous movie star to that? Li Fang is portrayed as a demon in the game, but honestly I don't blame her. Du thinks she is possessed, but truthfully he is just blind to what she really needs.

The elevator scene shows this best I think. Following what is possibly the most frightening chase scene in the entire game, we enter the elevator. As the doors close, Li Fang's demonic face has changed to one showing her loss and desperation, as she lays pitifully on the floor, watching helplessly as the doors close in her face. Maybe she was actually looking to us for help, but instead we ran from her.

As we stew alone uncomfortably with that knowledge in the claustrophobic space, we hear the radio. Li Fang has decided to return to her career. Naturally the radio announcer asks about this news in relation to how her husband reacted.

Coming out of the elevator, look behind and we see her in the moment she gathers the courage to leave. Her silhouette against the elevator light is ethereal and beautiful. Wearing the qi pao her husband hated, she walks step by elegant step away from the household that has caused her so much pain. Her stance implies she is defiant and confident, but of course that's because we never see her face.

Li Fang leaving has huge ramifications for the rest of the family, and I bet it definitely created a heap of problems for herself. Leaving her husband will basically be seen as a scandal and her career going forward is going to be rocky. Oh, also she'll probably be disowned by her family. Plus she never sees her daughter again. But in that moment I just felt so proud of her.

Du Feng Yu is the main perspective the story is told through. The core concept around him is blindness. Near the start of the game, graffitied onto the wall outside the apartment is a sentence: why are you closing your eyes? Incidentally, my sister at this moment was covering her eyes to avoid any jumpscares. I now know this message had a far deeper meaning.

The disjointed way Feng Yu sees things as he pieces together all the things in the past that culminated in the tragic present makes a great premise for horror. Things like people knocking on doors, hospital beds, sudden phone calls, and even a huge bath of red liquid are eventually all explained through the story.

In my opinion, psychological horror honestly makes for the best horror. It is eerily surreal when the realistic setting of the apartment is overlaid with mental representations of people and events. Even worse when they move.

The repetitive setting also means when we see something other than their apartment, it leaves a lasting impression. For me that was the bath scene, which became worse when I thought back after the end of the game and realised we basically experienced what Mei Xin did...

Each of the family members is tragic in their own way. Mei Xin because she dies without being able to do anything. Li Fang because she is forced to choose between herself and her family. And Feng Yu because he basically did the opposite to Li Fang. He continued to hurt himself, sacrificing himself financially and spiritually. He only wants the best for his child, but is unaware he's going about it the wrong way. He was too stubborn and self absorbed in his own worries to see the other factors tearing the family apart. And I don't blame him. It's not easy for him either. As the man of the house he is expected to hold it together. His wife gave up her career so he is the sole breadwinner. The pressure must be intense. The sad thing is situations like these are all too common.

Finally I kind of want to list some of the reasons I personally find this game so relatable. If you have zero interest in my life, feel free to skip the rest, and also thank you for reading up to now.

The size of the following list probably explains why the game resonated so strongly with me. I will admit first off that I am not Taiwanese and I have not been brought up in the most traditional Asian household. A lot of these similarities are also pure coincidences. That said, this kind of horror capitalises on the player’s familiarity with the setting, and I hope these vignettes of my own experiences help to convey just what that means for me. Because of course it’s terrifying when you realise just how similar your own family is to the main characters in a horror game. 

Devotion starts with the family portrait title screen. This probably isn’t a Asian-only thing but we also have one. It’s hung in the dining room. Asian families love taking family photos. There are even special studios just for it. I appreciate the game drawing a link to the importance of photos and memories using the camera. Incidentally, my dad also used to be a photographer. But he only knows how to use the old ones with film. Digital cameras sadden him.

All Asian kids play the piano. Unfortunately, unlike Mei Xin I have no fond memories of our piano at all. Barely anyone plays it now and it’s basically just a status symbol at this point (it’s a grand piano).

On that note, I would like to make it clear we are not a rich family, but Dad loves giving off the appearance that we are. Grand piano, chandelier, and most recently, a finger print scanner for our front door. What a waste of money, all for the sake of maintaining face. There could be a deeper meaning to it though. Dad immigrated from a very poor part of China, so when he got the opportunity he made sure nobody would ever look down on him again.

Like Feng Yu, lately Dad is not earning much money from work. This is actually because of age though. He does physical labour and nowadays he can't take on as much as he used to. Luckily mum and I still work. That said, dad does zero housework.

Dad’s spot is also the sofa in front of the TV. He also eats dinner there. Even though we have a dining room...

We have a fish tank. For the same reason Feng Yu bought one. Having nine goldfish is supposed to bring good fortune. Except ours kept dying. Dad just bought more. But now he’s moved on to raising tropical fish? Which are even harder to keep alive?? And are more expensive??? And yes they keep dying and he keeps buying more. Omg can you imagine how much the Arowana scene triggers me.

You may have noticed by now but Dad makes the worst decisions out of all of us. But he refuses to listen to the better judgement of all four women in this household.

Can we just talk a bit about Mei Xin’s dream to be a superstar? This is an interesting departure from the stereotypical mindset that all Asian parents want their kids to be doctors or lawyers. Mei Xin’s parents definitely still push her in a similar way though, taking her to professional singing classes and whatnot. I’m glad she had supportive parents, because my parents were also supportive when I decided to major in Japanese (basically every Chinese person in their generation hate the Japanese).

I’m sick all the damn time. Apparently my mother also had a fragile body.

My aunt is divorced, and she is religious (though not very serious about it), and involved in a pyramid scheme selling supplements :( I feel for her kids. She damn near involved us in the pyramid scheme too, but luckily mum has a brain. Since the divorce, my aunt has thrown all of herself into her work and that’s basically her whole life now. Unfortunately Du Feng Yu doesn’t get that luxury.

Mum and dad actually made a promise to never divorce, even though there’s never been any love between them. Dad was guilted into a wedding because he got her pregnant, and they had to live together to get permanent residency. In the past, dad had a divorce with another woman and it really had a negative impact on his kid then (my older half sister). You really get a feel for this in the later scenes of the game, where Mei Xin misses her mum. A divorce is really not good for a kid who’s still that young. That’s why dad is determined to keep the household together this time; it's literally their devotion to us, their children, that are keeping them together.

Writing this just made me realise my dad embodies the worst of both parental figures in this game. We still love him though.

That about wraps up all my thoughts regarding this game. It got a little personal near the end but I hope this post has conveyed why this game was so impactful to me. Asian representation in media always gets me excited and I really hope Red Candle recovers soon so I can look forward to their next game.