#f:lly

[hungline]

love like you

pairing: jinkook  genre: angst, fantasy au, rated m  warnings: heavy angst, major character death, implied self-harm  a/n: written for the @btsbound‘s june 2017 exchange  words: 3385 

summary: Prince Seokjin has been cursed to be unable to love and it’s all Jeongguk’s fault. 

For as long as any young person in the Vale can remember, the prince, Kim Seokjin, has always been unable to love.

The tale is known far and wide, used as an old boogie man story to keep misbehaving children in check, but the tale is unfortunately true. The tale keeps Jeon Jeongguk up at night.

When Seokjin was a teenager, the young prince was cursed by a jealous sorcerer.

Kim Seokjin seemed to have it all. Servants at his beck and whim, his choice of food and drink, the best tutors the Vale had to offer, busy parents who still took some time out of their day to spend it with their son, and a close-knit group of friends who would do anything for the prince. And in that group of friends, was Jeon Jeongguk.

Jeongguk had been living in Seokjin’s shadow ever since he was born. As the son of a witch, he was expected to develop magical properties and he did, but it always paled in comparison to his best friend.

One day, Jeongguk had had enough.

He vowed that as long as there was one person who loved the prince, then the prince himself would not be able to love in return.

So he stayed true to his word and cursed his own friend.

As soon as the deed had been done, Jeongguk erased his memory, too distraught and in denial of the person he had become by forcing such a horrible fate onto someone who’d held him dear to their heart.

And so, that was how Jeongguk lived, with no memory of what he had done, but with no idea how to reverse it. With his memory wiped, Jeongguk had no recollection of how Seokjin had been cursed, he only knew of what he’d been cursed with.

That didn't stop the bone-crushing guilt from engulfing him whole, but the jealousy he once felt was gone. In its place was pity and an affection for the prince that was not there beforehand.

Jeon Jeongguk cursed Prince Kim Seokjin to never be able to love, not knowing that once he did, the sorcerer himself would fall in love with the prince.

That is where the true tale begins.

   If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything. I could even learn how to love.

   “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

The air is thick around them, mud and dirt surrounding the two, but all Jeongguk cares about is how much trouble they’ll be in when the King finally notices that the Prince is not in his studies and is instead prancing around high on the mountain with a feeble sorcerer. Something the King has made his opinion about known far and wide and Jeongguk would be lying if he said he wasn’t slightly terrified by what the King would do to him if his patience wore thin.

Seokjin laughs, a high reedy sound that used to annoy Jeongguk when they were children, but they’re adults now and Seokjin’s laugh is music to Jeongguk’s ears. The prince bends down to pick up clumps of mud in his hands, flinging them at Jeongguk to strike him on the side of his temple. “You worry too much.”

Jeongguk unamusedly wipes the mud off his face, sending daggers in the Prince’s direction. “Your father could have me killed, Your Highness. The only trouble you’d get into is a slap on the wrist.”

“Those slaps hurt!” Seokjin whines, pushing his bottom lip out to pout at the younger man. “My wrists are dainty, and besides, I thought I told you not to call me that when we're out and about. Out here, you and I are equals and my father would never do such a thing. You're like a son to him, Jeongguk.”

The sorcerer tries to not let on how his heart sinks when Seokjin says those words because he wants so much more than brotherly affection from the elder, but he holds his tongue and instead says, “That doesn't keep him from using me as your whipping boy. You say we're equals, but back there in those walls, I'm the lowest of the low.”

Seokjin laughs again and Jeongguk is too late to catch the smile that blooms across his lips before Seokjin can notice it. "We are equals. You volunteered for that position anyways and every time I've tried to get you out of getting punished, you don't let me. So how is it really my fault?"

Jeongguk shakes his head and sighs. "It's not your fault. I never said it was your fault. Don't make everything about you."

"How can it not be about me?"

"You are so full of it."

Seokjin only laughs, most of the lighthearted humor in him now gone. "You know I'm not."

And he's right. Ever since Seokjin was cursed, he'd quickly figured out that he couldn't love, not even himself. Jeongguk had had to hide sharp, blunt objects away from Seokjin when he'd realized why the prince no longer wore tops with short sleeves. Luckily, Seokjin's parents never caught onto what had been happening, but Jeongguk thought that maybe it was better that way. At least, that stage of Seokjin's life had been short lived and Jeongguk didn't have to lie as often anymore.

He's still sure that Namjoon, Seokjin's favorite tutor, had an idea at least.

"Why don't we head back? We have to wash off all this mud before dinner time," Jeongguk says, desperate to lighten the mood.

Seokjin nods and stands, stretching his arms out above his head, reaching for the sky as if he's only inches away from touching it instead of miles. Jeongguk gulps when he notices the prince's tunic rising with the action to reveal a stripe of bare skin, the prince's bare abdomen on full display for the sorcerer to see. He knows that it's hopeless, the prince can't love anything or anyone, but Jeongguk can't help it. He's fallen so foolishly for Seokjin that he just can't think straight anymore. His thoughts become mush whenever the prince is around and Jeongguk doesn't know how at one point he used to hate the man before him.

The prince lets his arms fall back to his sides then and smirks over at Jeongguk who's still eyeing the place where he'd caught a glimpse of Seokjin's skin. "You're not subtle."

Jeongguk startles, almost losing his already precarious foothold on the unstable ground beneath them and recovers hastily, face flushed as he says, "Let's go."

Seokjin says nothing in response and instead begins to walk in the direction that they came from. Jeongguk follows dutifully behind him, keeping up a continuous string of words in order to invoke a simple charm that wipes the muddy footsteps they make with each step they take back towards the looming castle in the distance. The castle walls stand high, impenetrable and inescapable with only one way to go out and in and Jeongguk feels like he’s being locked up when he and Seokjin finally pass through the castle gates.

Jeongguk has taken precautions so as to go unnoticed by the guards, casting a simple charm of disguise to make sure Seokjin’s unbearably handsome face won’t stand out so much. The guards don’t spare them a glance as they walk pass and Seokjin takes it upon himself to lead them towards the servants’ entrance where they would be led to the castle’s kitchen. Bora tsks at them as they enter, shoving some food towards the men after she’s made them wash their muddy hands.

“If you hurry now, you can slip up to your rooms and wash up just in time for dinner,” Bora says, dusting her hands off on her apron before turning back to the oven where the main dish of their supper is cooking. “Just make sure to take the back corridors and Gukkie, don’t drop the disguises until you know that you’re in the clear, got it?”

Bora, as a witch herself, has always been able to see past Jeongguk’s charms and spells and she always makes sure to look out for the two men whenever she can. Jeongguk nods and thanks her, complimenting her cooking skills to ease the tension that follows after. Seokjin sits quietly as he eats, watching the two interact with more attention than usual. Jeongguk doesn’t know what’s on the Prince’s mind, but he doesn’t like the gleam in Seokjin’s eyes when they finish eating and head back to their rooms.

Jeongguk feels a nervous sweat begin to form on his nape that still has streaks of mud dried to it and he’s trying his best not to feel offended by the way Seokjin is blatantly staring at him. It’s as if Jeongguk is an animal that Seokjin’s studying, his piercing eyes raking over everything, determined to not miss a single thing about Jeongguk and what makes the sorcerer tick. Jeongguk doesn’t like it and keeping eye contact with the prince is difficult enough without the staring.

Whenever their eyes meet, Jeongguk feels butterflies in his stomach and crushing guilt in his chest. He’s always left breathless and confused and this time is no different than any other, except that Seokjin is closing in on him.

The sorcerer has barely noticed that they now stand in front of his room, one floor below Seokjin’s own chamber because all of his attention is focused on how Seokjin’s trapping him against the wall. His arms encompass Jeongguk’s head and the sorcerer knows that his muddy clothes are staining the tapestry behind him, but he can’t force himself to care about that right now. He cares more about the way Seokjin is leaning into him, as if contemplating how far he wants to take things.

Jeongguk somehow finds the will to speak coherently, asking what his own mind has been screaming about for the past few torturous seconds. “Are you going to kiss me?”

The prince tilts his head to the side, gaze lowering to linger on Jeongguk’s lips before meeting the sorcerer’s gaze again. “I don’t know yet.”

“Why not?” Jeongguk is definitely whining and he does not care one bit if he is because Seokjin is so close and his brain is just screaming the prince’s name on loop.

Seokjin laughs and presses himself against the younger, firm chest against firm chest. Jeongguk wants to put his hands on the elder’s waist to steady himself, but he restrains himself and keeps his hands balled into fists at his sides. The prince stares at Jeongguk, taking in every detail he can find: the mole under his bottom lip, the gross looking crust of mud that covers a half of his face, the way Jeongguk’s top teeth jut out slightly to give his face a rabbit-like look, and how shallow his breaths have become. Seokjin leans in closer, a thoughtful look on his face as he thinks about what may or may not happen.

The prince has a theory about true love’s first kiss being the cure to breaking his curse, but seeing as he can’t love, he’s deduced who may have been his true love if he could love. All his musings and pondering and reluctant writings all point back to Jeongguk. He remembered the gigantic crush he used to have on the sorcerer when they were pre-adolescents, and his crush had remained up until he’d woken up one day, not able to love anymore. Seokjin had known something was wrong with him when he saw Jeongguk and didn’t feel like his heart had jumped into his throat. So here Seokjin is, about to fulfill all the fantasies he’d had as a thirteen year old with the man he’s positive he would’ve ended up having a happily ever after with had he not been cursed.

Jeongguk opens his mouth to say something then and any reason Seokjin may have had beforehand goes flying out the window when he shuts the sorcerer up with his own mouth.

Hands clamber up to grip the prince’s narrow waist and Seokjin takes this as a sign to let his own hands wander, fingers trailing up Jeongguk’s spine before twisting into his mostly clean hair. Their lips slot together almost naturally, like tectonic plates clicking into place before waiting for the earthquake to hit. And when it does hit, Jeongguk’s whole body shakes, his mind going blank before hidden memories begin to play in the very depths of his consciousness. Jeongguk goes still then, but Seokjin continues to kiss him, not paying attention to the sorcerer's body language.

Jeongguk is too busy remembering to really notice that the man he's been crushing on is kissing him, the same man he cursed to such a miserable existence.

He's unworthy of this attention from the prince. Jeongguk is unworthy of Seokjin and so he pushes the prince away and runs to his quarters, a panicked look on his face. Seokjin stares at him, something akin to hurt on his features, but Jeongguk doesn't look back once so he wouldn't really know.

The door to his small chamber shuts with a loud bang and Jeongguk slumps against it, all the energy being knocked out of him. He knows that there's mud on the door now, but all he really cares about is what he did to the prince.

He cursed him. Jeongguk cursed Seokjin to never be able to love and wiped his own memory to forget about what he'd done. It hadn't worked though because as soon as Seokjin had kissed him, Jeongguk had remembered everything.

He remembers the jealousy that had driven him to such extremes and compared to how he feels for the prince now, Jeongguk doesn't know how he made such a huge mistake. He's fallen so hard for the prince, but he was the one who'd cursed him. It was Jeongguk's fault why Seokjin couldn't even love himself.

Jeongguk needs to fix this.

   When I see the way you act, wondering when I’m coming back, I could do about anything. I could even learn how to love like you.

I always thought I might be bad, now I’m sure that it’s true! ‘Cause I think you’re so good and I’m nothing like you.

   Seokjin misses Jeongguk, and the sorcerer only knows because Bora told him so.

Once Jeongguk had reclaimed his memories, he left the castle. The only person able to contact him now is Bora. He wonders if she knew what he had done and let him get close to the prince on purpose. He doesn't know what Bora may know, but he does know that Seokjin's attention is not something he deserves in the slightest.

So he left. Packed what few possessions he had and showed up on Yoongi's doorstep, asking if he could stay with him for awhile. Yoongi had only sighed and stepped away from the door, letting Jeongguk pass without a single complaint.

It's been two weeks and Jeongguk still has no idea how he's supposed to fix what he did. He has some ideas, but once he tried a few, he became discouraged after each one failed.

He doesn’t deserve Seokjin and the prince shouldn’t be missing him. Jeongguk is unworthy. He could never accept attention or kindness from Seokjin now that he remembers, not after what he’s done. The sorcerer’s heart beat runs wild when Bora tells him of how Seokjin is doing, but Jeongguk knows that he doesn’t deserve these updates and he doesn’t deserve kindness from anybody.

He’s a monster for what he’s done.

Maybe if he didn't exist, then the source of magic that keeps the curse alive on the prince would run out and the curse would finally be lifted.

It's a scary idea to think about, but Jeongguk has already done enough damage that he feels he has no right to be scared.

He ruined his best friend's life because he was petty and jealous and too immature to think about the consequences of his actions. He'd been at fault for Seokjin's self-hatred and he’s at fault for Seokjin not ever being able to find happiness with another person or within himself.

Everything is Jeongguk’s fault and he needs to set things right, no matter the cost.

   Look at you go! I just adore you. I wish that I knew what makes you think I’m so special.

If I could begin to do something that does right by you, I would do about anything.

I would even learn how to love.

   Seokjin knows that the curse is broken when he erupts into tears after hearing the news.

He didn’t cry over his mother’s death. He didn’t cry when one of his many dogs died. He didn’t cry when his grandmother passed away.

With not being able to love, Seokjin wasn’t able to care deeply about any of these people or animals enough to be distraught when they left this world. He couldn’t love and therefore, he couldn’t be sad over them. He couldn’t cry.

But he is crying over Jeongguk’s death.

Bora told him, tears in her eyes, her short bob a spiky mess and face blotchy as she did. Seokjin stood still and then blinked when wetness met his cheek.

He’d raised his hand and was met with tears. Real actual tears streaming down his face.

“Oh no,” Bora whispers, her suspicions now confirmed, but Seokjin doesn’t pay attention.

He’s too occupied with the fact that it feels like his heart is trying to rip its way out of his chest and he can’t breathe, breaths turning into wheezing pants. His hands claw at his throat, trying to loosen the tunic he wears, but to no avail. Bora takes his hands into hers and pulls him close to her chest.

They sink to the floor in each other’s arms and mourn.

The curse has been lifted, but Seokjin doesn’t want to know how or why. All he knows is that Jeongguk is gone for good.

   When I see the way you look, shaken by how long it took, I could do about anything.

   The funeral is a quiet event.

It’s also small.

Seokjin watches as they lower the tiny canoe that bears Jeongguk’s body into the river. He’s surrounded by flowers, flowers that Seokjin spent over an hour arranging all by himself.

White chrysanthemums for grief. White gladioli for sincerity and strength of character. White lilies for majesty and purity. Pink carnations for remembrance, white for innocence and pure love. One single crimson rose for grief, sorrow, and enduring love.

In Jeongguk’s hands is a sole pink orchid to convey the feelings that Seokjin can feel now: “I will always love you.”

Seokjin, Namjoon and Yoongi hold yellow roses and step forward to lay them atop the sorcerer. They are for their strong ties of friendship.

The two younger men step back, but the prince remains where he is watching as the bearers undo the ropes that hold Jeongguk’s canoe still. When they’re undone, Seokjin cries silently as Jeongguk drifts away, following the flow of the river and leaving the prince for good.

Jeon Jeongguk, Kim Seokjin’s best friend, sole confidante, childhood crush, and true love. Jeon Jeongguk, the jealous, misguided sorcerer who cursed Kim Seokjin to never be able to love and died to undo what he had done.

Seokjin vows to never love again.

But that doesn’t stop him from doing what his father wants and marrying Kim Namjoon.

Namjoon is kind and understanding and he understands how Seokjin feels about Jeongguk’s death, but he’s also aromantic and he doesn’t love the prince. They make a good pair and Seokjin is content with the marriage, though they never have other partners out of respect for each other and their own feelings as well.

It’s a good match and Seokjin always imagines it’s Jeongguk he shares a bed with every night.

Seokjin, however, is adamant about the fact that he will absolutely not rule the kingdom as King and so his cousin Taehyung steps in and takes over for him.

He doesn’t care, the kingdom is nothing to what Seokjin already lost.

   I could even learn how to love like you.

Love like you.

Love me, like you.