#f/w 1985

[jinxproof]

Yohji Yamamoto A/W 1985 Ahn Duong | © Guy Marineau

[achillesinhighheels]

Farida Khelfa by Jean Paul Goude for Azzedine Alaïa, f/w 1985.

[bambisworlds]

the freak and the new girl (1)

part two, part three

eddie munson is the freak of hawkins high. y/n is the new girl. like eleven, she was taken in by hopper after getting rescued from the lab. y/n has been in bad relationship after bad relationship since attending public school and was starting to give up on finding a healthy, loving relationship until eddie munson changed everything (1,622 word count)

content warnings, mdni 18+

f!reader, hopper!reader, bisexual!reader, telekinetic!reader, no physical reader description, reader grew up in the lab like eleven, reader can sing, slow burn, friends to lovers, fluff fluff fluff, jason carver and billy hargrove are readers exes, reader has a female ex named amelie, this follows the season 2 plot but the party are freshmen instead cause it makes things easier, eleven is in public school for the season 2 plot, let me know if i forgot anything x

There’s always been some unspoken understanding between Eddie Munson and I. Whenever my ex-boyfriend Jason Carver got into it with Eddie, I came to Eddie’s defense. Sure, it was a soft comment about Jason backing off, but it was something. Eddie would nod his head in acknowledgment or say something like “Thanks sweetheart”. It was mainly to get to Jason but also to show his genuine thanks to me. 

Jason was an ass, I was not. Eddie knew this. That’s why he spent many an hour wondering why the fuck I was dating Jason. The simple answer was Jason was the first boy to show an interest in me at Hawkins High and I was lonely. I was desperate for attention. I didn’t know that Jason was a bad boyfriend per se. I didn’t know what a good boyfriend should behave like. The only other relationship I had was when I was at the lab. That relationship consisted of stolen glances, hidden touches, and love notes slipped under doors. When we were around other people we acted as if we were strangers.

I’d never been in a so-called public relationship like this. The conclusion I came to is that no matter what kind of relationship you’re in your boyfriend ignores you. That’s just how it is. When I was in my, I guess you could call my relationship, with Amelie it was the same thing. Treat me like a lover behind closed doors then like a stranger in public.

With Billy though… that was when I started to get the idea this wasn’t what a relationship should be like. Billy wasn’t ever nice, not even behind closed doors. I wasn’t even sure if he liked me or just the idea of me. He liked to rub it to the other popular kids, especially Jason, that he could date the new girl too.

The first time I experienced what a good boyfriend could be like was with Eddie Munson. The moment was fleeting in the hall in between classes but it shocked me down to my core.

Eddie was walking past me when he suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop, “Woah… you like Motley Crew? You?” he asked me in disbelief, motioning to the Motley Crew t-shirt I was wearing.

“Yeah?” I answered, feeling unsure.

“Jesus, why the hell are you dating Carver? You’re like my dream girl.” he joked before patting my arm and starting back down the hallway like nothing happened. 

Jason and Billy never complimented me.

Eddie told me that I was his dream girl in 1983. Now it’s nearing 1985 and I still think about it. I’m not sure why it took me so long to see Eddie as someone I could date. I think it was all of Hopper’s complaining about Eddie’s parents. He called them low-life wastes of space. I kinda assumed Eddie would be the same way. I was so unbelievably wrong.

I sat alone next to the concession stand in the arcade sipping a Coke. My seat was away from everyone else but I still had a clear view of my sister, Eleven, Mike, her boyfriend, Will, Lucas, and Dustin. They were all circled around a machine, yelling and laughing at the same time.

Will’s mom, Joyce, gave me the task of keeping a close eye on Will. His PTSD had been flaring up while we got closer to the anniversary of his disappearance. I’m all too familiar with PTSD so I took this task seriously, but I didn’t want to be the overbearing older sister to Eleven.

“Y/n?” A voice spoke up from beside me. I stopped sipping on my drink, the straw still sitting between my lips.

“Hey, Eddie.” I greeted with a soft smile. He wore his typical leather jacket and D&D jean vest. It made his back look hot. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked with a smile, plopping on the bench across from me at the table.

“Babysitting.” I motioned to where Eleven and her pals were standing.

“And you’re just gonna sit there instead of playing games?” he teases.

“I don’t know how to play any.” I shrug. Eddie’s mouth dropped open dramatically and I laughed. “What? I don’t think Jane does either, to be honest.” I say, using El’s legal name instead of her chosen name.

“Get up, get up.” he motions at me as he stands up. I do as he says, “C’mon I’ll show you.” he insists as I throw my half-drunk coke in a trash bin. He walks with some pep in his step as he leads me over to a machine, “Ever play this one?” he motions to the machine in front of us and I shake my head, “You’ve never played Galaga?” he gapes, “Jesus you’ve never lived!” he gasps and I laugh again. No one could ever make me laugh this easily. He ushered me to stand closer to him so he could explain how to play it. I could smell cigarette smoke, the smell clinging to his hair that would probably stick to mine. 

After a good 5 minutes of instruction, he coached me through my first try, cheering me on and giving me advice in my ear. We stood at that machine together for 30 minutes, our laughter radiating around us until a timid voice spoke up behind me.

“Y/n? It’s 8:45. We should probably head home.” Will says and I finally separate myself from the Galaga machine. “Hey, Eddie.” Will greeted his fellow Hellfire Club member.

“Byers.” Eddie nodded his head in greeting, “Well, this was fun Hopper. We should do it again sometime.” Eddie smiles and I nod.

“It was. Now when I beat Dustin’s ass I’ll have you to thank.” I tell Eddie goodnight, leading Will and Eleven out to my car.

“Since when are you and Eddie friends?” Mike asks me, sitting beside El in the backseat as I drive to his house.

“Since today I guess.” I shrug, “We’re not not friends. We say hi and stuff to each other in the hall.” 

“Well, Eddie’s cool. A lot cooler than the jerks you used to hang out with.” Will says, alluding to Jason and the nauseating popular kids that he would hang out with, therefore I hung out with.

“Yeah.” I agree softly. After dropping Will off and listening while Joyce thanked me profusely, I headed to Hop’s cabin.

“Is Eddie your boyfriend?” El asks, looking out the car window as we drive.

“No.” I chuckle, “Although that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”

“Eddie’s nice,” El notes as we pull into the driveway. I twirled my keys in my hand and unlocked the door from the inside out with my mind. 

“We’re home,” I announce, Hopper coming out of the bathroom, clearly fresh out of the shower.

“Have fun?” he asks and I nod.

“Y/n was with a boy,” El tells him as if it was the most casual thing in the world.

“Another one? Give your old man a break.” he sighs dramatically, sitting down in the recliner.

“I wasn’t with him. He was there and so was I so he showed me how to play one of the games.” I insist, heading towards my room.

“Who was he?” Hopper asks, stopping me in my tracks.

“Eddie Munson,” I answered nervously.

“Munson? That kid’s a dipshit.” Hop answers without missing a beat.

“Dad, have you even met him?” I ask. Silence. “Exactly,” I argued, heading into my room.

The next day at school, for the first time ever, Eddie sat beside me in class. 

“Hey Y/n.” he greeted, plopping down beside me. That same day he invited me to sit with him and the Hellfire Club at lunch. I hesitated but with El's encouragement, I did.

At some point, the group got to the topic of Will’s drawing abilities and for some reason, he threw me under the bus, “Y/n can sing.” 

Eddie’s head whipped towards me so quickly I was scared his neck would break, “You sing?”

“Kind of.”

“She is really good.” El insists, nodding at me encouragingly.

“Don’t you write music and stuff?” Mike asks from beside El, “I’ve seen your guitar and sheet music in the dining room like a billion times.”

“You play the guitar?” Eddie’s eyes widened even more if that was possible.

“Yeah,” I confirm with a soft smile.

Eddie grabs his chest dramatically, “God you really are my dream girl.” he sighs. 

The time he said that to me in the hall last school year came to mind. I smiled.

“Show him your songs.” El encourages, motioning to the journal next to my food tray.

“Are you telling me that journal right there that you’re always writing in is filled with songs that came out of that pretty little head?” Eddie asks me and I nod. “Can I read some? Pretty please.” he sticks his bottom lip out and gives me puppy dog eyes.

“If I let you, you have to promise to not read any others. They’re personal.” I tell him, giving him the most ‘no bullshit’ face I could muster.

“Okay, okay,” he mutters, holding his hands up in defense. I bite my lip nervously, flipping through the pages.

“That one.” Eleven stops my flipping, pointing at one of the pages. I let out a breath and handed it to Eddie.

“Dark…” he notes as he continues to read. I tap my leg nervously, “I love it.” he smiles widely before closing the journal and handing it back to me.

“Thanks.” I smile. 

“Anytime you wanna show off your writing skills to someone I’m here,” he says with a wink and I unwillingly blush.

if you have any fic requests including the people on my masterlist please comment them below or on my masterlist!! (check here: about my blog  to see what things i'm not comfortable with in regards to requests <3)

[beomiracles]

「 DETENTION 」

DREAM RECALL an unfortunate encounter with your sworn enemy lands you both in detention ─ though you soon discover that maybe there's more to Beomgyu than just his quick witted tongue.

pairings beomgyu x afab!reader warnings oral (f!rec), cum eating if you squint super hard, reader is implied to be inexperienced, enemies to ???

wc -> 4k (help).

#serene adds ✎... watched The Breakfast Club (1985) a week ago and I had to. I originally started writing this last week but scrapped it and redid it all today heh.

NOTE .ᐟ all characters are above the age of 18.

The sounds of your heels clacking against the cold stone floors echo off the empty hallways. The lump in your throat only grows as you approach the classroom door, what had you gotten yourself into. With a final glance toward your watch, which reads 7.54 am, you push the wooden door open and step inside. 

The classroom is eerily empty, the morning sun shines through the windows, basking the rows of desks in a warm light. Opting to take a seat by the front row, you place your bag neatly on the desk in front of you as you straighten out your skirt. To your right, the classroom door opens once more, “professor”, you’re quick to greet your teacher as he steps inside, a tired look on his face.   

Your professor doesn't answer you as he walks over to his own desk by the front of the classroom. Awkwardly biting your bottom lip, you stand by your desk, shifting nervously on the spot. Raising an eyebrow in your direction, the low monotone voice of your teacher breaks the deafening silence, “you may sit”. 

Quickly doing as he says, you quietly take your seat and place your sweaty hands neatly in front of you on the table. Heart almost beating out of your chest as you nervously glance around the empty room once more. “It is most unusual to see you here, miss y/ln”, your professor comments as he flips through his papers, not bothering to spare you a glance. 

And it was true, this was your first detention, having made it through all of elementary, middle and highschool without warranting as much as a warning from teachers, only to find yourself stuck in detention during your last semester in college. To say that it was embarrassing was beyond an understatement. 

Detention was for troubled students, for the students who were barely passing their classes, the students who would talk back to the teachers, for the students who didn’t care for their education, detention was for Choi Beomgyu. The one who had gotten you here in the first place, yet he seemed to be a no-show. 

Your professor clears his throat as he throws a glance toward the watch on the wall, it was already three minutes past eight. A small fragment of you suddenly felt hopeful, perhaps he wasn’t coming at all, after all Beomgyu had earned himself an infamous title of ditching class. Why would he turn up to detention, and on a Saturday at that. 

As the minutes tick by, your hopes grow whilst the frown on your professor’s face only deepens. By 8.09 am however, your hopes are crushed as the classroom door swings open. “Mr Chu!” Beomgyu exclaims as he saunters over to your professor’s desk. He had some nerve showing up late to his own detention, but such trivial things never seemed to bother Beomgyu in the slightest. 

“Mr Choi, how delightful we are that you finally decided to join us”, your professor mutters as he redirects Beomgyu to take a seat. “Why of course, wouldn’t wanna miss out on an opportunity to spend time with my favorite professor”, Beomgyu grins. 

Mr Chu looked as if he would rather swallow oil than spend his Saturday with Beomgyu. “Why don’t you take a seat Mr Choi and we can get started”. Beomgyu shrugs as he turns to find a seat, his eyes suddenly locking with yours, “no way!” he bellows, “smartie’s here too!” You grimaced at the nickname, despite being far from unfamiliar with it. 

For the past six semesters spent in his presence Beomgyu had never once passed up the opportunity to poke at you. Whether it was your outstandingly good grades, your eagerness to raise your hand in class or the way you seemed to know the most random facts about the most diverse topics. 

At first you had thought that he might’ve just been jealous, he was after all failing the vast majority of his own classes and seemed to have the general knowledge of a twelve year old. But it soon became evident that he enjoyed getting a rise out of you, by your second year you had decided not to let him have that satisfaction. 

“Mr Choi, your seat”, your professor mutters and Beomgyu rolls his eyes as he finds a seat a few rows behind you. A blank paper is placed in front of you and you frown, “I’m looking for a one thousand word paper”, Mr Chu says as he places a paper on Beomgyu’s desk as well, earning a look of disbelief from him. “More specifically, a reflection on the behavior that got you here today”. 

You frown, he wanted an essay? You had expected it to be worse, perhaps writing a letter to your parents or doing some kind of charity work. Sure a thousand words was a lot, but it was surely do-able. Beomgyu did not seem to quite agree, “one thousand fucking words are you nuts?” he cries out. 

Your professor’s palm slammed against one of the nearby desks has you jumping in your seat, “I will not tolerate such language in this classroom Mr Choi”. As he straightens his back once more, your professor shoots Beomgyu a glare, “perhaps a bit of reflection will do you some good”, he mutters as he flattens the sleeves of his shirt.        

“You have until 1pm, I suggest you use your time wisely. I will be across the hall, try anything funny and I will know”, with that, the classroom door slams shut and you’re left alone. Beomgyu lets out a whistle behind you, “well that was anticlimactic”, he comments, you ignore him.

Instead you pull out your pencil case from your bag. As you think of a way to start your essay a small psst can be heard. Aside from rolling your eyes, you pay Beomgyu no mind as you begin writing. It was bad enough that you were actually in detention right now, you didn’t need to spur the situation on further. 

A small tap to the back of your head pulls you from your concentration, “what the..”, you mumble as you turn around to see that it was a piece of crumpled paper that had hit you. Beomgyu’s gaze is already locked on you, a smirk plastered on his face. 

“Smartie, you got an extra pencil?” he asks and you shoot him a glare, “didn’t you think to bring your own to detention?”. He shrugs, “don’t own one”. You frown in disbelief, “you don’t own a simple pencil?” and Beomgyu shakes his head. Unbelievable. 

“Fine, but be sure to return it”, you mutter as you toss him your pencil which he easily catches. Returning your attention to your paper it takes less than a minute for Beomgyu to disrupt your focus once more. “So, whatcha doin’ in detention smartie?” he asks as he rolls the pencil between his fingers, “I mean, I know you’re ambitious about school and all, but isn’t going to detention too, a little too far?” he then adds, his voice dripping with sarcasm in such a way that makes your blood boil. 

“You would know why I’m here”, you mutter, not bothering to turn and look at him as you keep your gaze fixed on the paper in front of you. Beomgyu hums behind you, “sure, just thought you would’ve found a way out of this situation”, he pauses, “I didn’t think that you of all people would actually attend detention”.       

Finally you’ve had enough and you turn around in your seat, “and why’s that?”. Beomgyu sniggers, “come on now, ain't it obvious? with your grades and all”. You frown, disbelieving of the words leaving his lips, “I work hard for my grades”, you bite back, “why would you insinuate something else?”. 

“You’re telling me that’s all hard work?” he scoffs and your frown deepens, “what else would it be?”. Beomgyu suddenly smirks, and as his tongue darts out to swipe at his bottom lip you let out a horrified sound of disgust. “You are unbelievable”. He shrugs, “maybe, but at least I don’t blow our teachers” he counters to which your face loses all its color, “I do not!”. 

“Why so defensive?” he questions as he leans forward on his desk, “is it because it’s actually true?”. You could have almost slapped him, “it is not true! and I’m not being defensive”, you gawk, disbelief evident on your horrified face. Who did he think he was to make such an assumption? 

“Alright”, he mutters as he leans back against his chair, “so you’re just a nerd then?”. Scoffing, you point toward his still empty paper,  “and you’re just a loser then?”. “Careful”, Beomgyu shudders as he places a hand on top of his chest, “you might end up hurting my feelings”. You roll your eyes, “your feelings couldn’t be hurt even if someone cut them in half”. Beomgyu grins but doesn’t reply and you turn back to your essay. 

“If you would please stop disturbing me, I for one would like to go home as soon as possible”, you retort, “besides you’re the reason I’m here to begin with, so the least you can do is not act an asshole”. 

“Now, now, you’re exaggerating, you got here on your own, smartie”, he huffs. “It was twice as much your fault as it was mine”, you snap, “if you hadn’t— if you actually studied, we would not be here right now”. 

You remember all too well how the past Wednesday’s events had got you in detention, and it was all Beomgyu’s fault. 

Wednesday earlier that week 

“Hey, smartie!” Beomgyu’s voice echoes off the crowded hallways as he pushes past several students in order to catch up to you. He hadn’t been to school for at least three weeks now, and to say that you were disappointed to see him, was an understatement. However, as the semester drew to an end, finals were coming up. 

You ignore him as you keep on walking, “hey, hey, hey, what’s the rush smart pants?” he questions as he speeds up to match your pace. “What do you want Beomgyu?” you groan as you keep your gaze ahead. He grins, “well, today’s test—” 

“I won’t let you cheat off me”, you immediately shut any ideas down and Beomgyu’s lips curl into a pout, “why not?” he whines, “is that not what friends do?”. “We are not friends, Beomgyu”, you say as you stop by your locker, careful not to let him catch a glimpse of your code as you open it. 

“Whatever. acquaintances then”, he mutters and you shake your head, “we’re not acquaintances either”. Beomgyu frowns, “sure we are”. Grabbing a book out of your locker before slamming it shut you turn to look at him, “an acquaintance is someone you know”. 

“Well I know yo–”, “no you don’t”. 

“Alright fine, just let me sneak a glance or two at your paper will ya?” he then says to which you promptly shake your head, “I don’t promote cheating, if you actually went to school you would know what to do”, you retort as you begin walking once more, Beomgyu doesn’t follow you. 

In fact you don’t see Beomgyu for the rest of the day, not until you enter the test hall. You always liked to get there early, it meant you could pick the best seat and get organized before the room got flooded with students. Unfortunately Beomgyu seemed to be aware of this, perched up on one of the nearby desks he waves at you when you enter the classroom. 

“No”, you sternly say as you walk over to one of the seats by the window. As soon as you’re sat, Beomgyu quickly plops down on the seat next to yours. “What are you playing at?” you ask and Beomgyu gives an innocent shrug, “nothin’”. Internally groaning, you get up and move a row back, Beomgyu is quick to follow.      

“You are aware that there are plenty of seats, you don’t have to choose the ones next to me”, you mutter and Beomgyu casts a quick glance around the test hall, “sure, but I’d rather sit here”. 

And he did. As the test began Beomgyu didn’t write anything, instead he mindlessly doodled on the first few questions. You ignored him to the best of your abilities as you shielded your own paper from his view, you were not going to let someone like him take credit for your hard work. 

Psst, psst, smartie, Beomgyu’s voice cuts through the thick silence. As you turn your head to look at him he juts his chin toward your sheet. You shake your head as you resume writing. It’s not long until another psst can be heard, and in the corner of your eye you can see how Beomgyu cranes his neck to try and catch a glimpse of your answers. 

“Quit trying to cheat, accept the fact that you haven’t studied”, you hiss and Beomgyu grins, “why, when I have you right here”, he whispers back. You ignore him as you continue writing, Beomgyu however doesn’t give up. At first it’s quiet whispers, then small whistles as he tries to grab your attention. Finally you snap, “if you don’t–”      

“What seems to be the problem here?” one of the many supervising teachers had approached your desks. Your wide eyes snap up in horror as you try and think of an excuse, you hadn’t done anything wrong so there wasn’t any need to be worried, right?

Beomgyu beats you to it, “she promised I’d get to cheat off her paper but she refuses to show anything'', he complains as he leans back in his chair. The teacher’s eyes widen at Beomgyu’s blunt words as she looks between you both a couple of times. 

“No that’s not what–” you try to butt in only to be silenced by the teacher in a split second. Shaking her head she motions toward the door, “out, both of you”. 

You had never felt more ashamed as you walked out the test hall not even twenty minutes into the exam, Beomgyu seemed unbothered and it angered you even more. The two of you had been assigned detention that following Saturday and that was exactly how you had ended up in your current situation. 

Saturday present time 

By 8.30 am you had gotten about a third of your essay done. Beomgyu who hadn’t as much as started, busied himself with annoying you in every way possible. “This is awfully boring”, he suddenly exclaims and you groan. 

“Then why are you here?” you ask as you turn around in your seat to face him. Beomgyu frowns, “why am I here?”. You huff out a frustrated sigh, “yes, why are you? I mean it’s not like you ever come to school, so why would you even turn up to detention?” you question. 

The grin on Beomgyu’s face suddenly disappears as he looks at you, “isn’t that obvious?” he asks to which you frown, “not exactly”. He runs a hand through his ruffled hair as he sighs, “‘cause I was hopin’ you’d be here”, he then says and your lips part in surprise. 

Was this some cheap trick to torment you further, if so it was a terrible one. “Funny”, you mutter but Beomgyu is persistent, “I’m serious”. “Why, so you could poke fun at me even more?” you scoff as you turn back to your paper with a sigh. 

“It’s a bonus”, he admits in a sly tone, “but I prefer lookin’ at you”. Your heart suddenly rattles in your chest, “what?”. If this was another one of his jokes it was surely getting sick. Beomgyu shrugs behind you and you can almost hear him smirking, “you heard me smartie”. 

“If you think you’re funny then I can assure you that you humor me very little”, you snort. All you wanted to do was finish your stupid essay, go home and hopefully not have to face Beomgyu for another couple of weeks. Whatever he was playing at right now made your heart beat in an unrhythmically way and had your cheeks heating up. 

“Hey, smartie”, Beomgyu calls out but you refuse to acknowledge him, “think you can do my essay too?” he asks to which you scoff, he had some nerve. First he tries cheating off your test, then he lands you in detention, and now he asks for you to do his work too? This was one too far, just as you’re about to tell him off he interrupts you. 

“I’ll eat you out if you do”.

At first you’re unsure that you had even heard him correct, but as you turn to face him, you find his eyes glinting in the most mischievous way as a smirk pulls at his lips. He quirked an eyebrow as he awaited your answer, confidence reeking off of him. “You’re insane”, is all you say before turning back around again. 

“Why?” Beomgyu is suddenly in front of you, placing his palms on your desk as he leans forward, his face now inches from yours, “you think I’m bad at eating pussy?” he questions to which your face turns beet red. 

“I…I don’t care if you’re good or not, it’s n-nothing I’m interested in”, you stammer as your eyes return to your paper in a desperate attempt to hide the way your face flushes with color. You still couldn’t tell if he was joking or not and it made you nervous, a lot more than you wanted to admit. 

Beomgyu lets out a huff, his warm breath fanning your forehead and you swallow a gulp. “C’mon now, it’s a fair deal”, he reasons as he leans even closer, “a favor for a favor”. You glance up at him and from the way his smirk widens you’re certain he can make out the blush covering your cheeks. “I don’t need any favors from you”, you grit out. 

“You won’t know what you’re missin’ out on”, he pushes and you press your lips into a thin line, “I’d rather keep it like that”. Beomgyu clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, “you’re such a prude, smartie”, he comments, “but then again, aren’t all nerds?”. You frown, “I’m not a nerd, and I’m not a prude either”. 

“You act like it”, Beomgyu remarks and you shoot him a glare, “just because I don’t spread my legs for anyone doesn’t make me a prude, and just because I work hard does not make me a nerd”, you retort and Beomgyu raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Why don’t you prove it then?” he drawls, leaning so close that his nose presses against yours. Swallowing hard your eyes flicker from his own down to his lips, had he always had such plump lips? Blinking, your eyes snap back up to his and you sigh, “fine”. What was the worst that could happen?

“See, I knew you’d come around”, Beomgyu grins as he straightens his back. “But, if you’re ass at it, I’m not doing your essay”, your voice comes out a lot shakier than you had intended for it to but Beomgyu doesn’t seem to take note of it as he quickly finds his way under your table. 

“Believe me, it won’t be”, he smirks and you yelp as his hands part your thighs without warning. Truth is, you had only said that to cover for the fact that you had never even kissed someone, let alone had your pussy eaten. 

The grip on your fingers held on your pencil tightens as Beomgyu’s hands wander beneath your skirt, caressing your inner thighs. “Nice panties you got, smartie”, he comments and you suddenly become extremely self conscious over the soft pink underwear you had picked out that morning. 

The hands previously wandering over your thighs find their way to your ass and before you know it, Beomgyu pulls you forward on the chair, a small shriek leaving your lips as the fabric of your panties hits his nose. 

As his hands return to your thighs, so does his lips, Beomgyu presses open mouthed kisses along your inner thighs, slowly working his way up. The sensation was different from anything you had ever felt before and the arousal pooling in your underwear was undeniable. 

“Ever had your pussy eaten before?” he suddenly asks and you freeze. Did your answer matter? If so, what would the right one be? In the end you opted to tell the truth, “um…no”, you quietly admit and you feel how Beomgyu smirks against your skin. “Even better”, he murmurs as his fingers squeeze the flesh of your thighs. 

When the same fingers come in contact with your panties, you flinch. “Relax smartie”, Beomgyu coos from between your legs, “ain't nothing that’s gonna hurt you”, he reassures and for some reason you find yourself relaxing at his words. 

His fingers run along your already wet folds, rubbing them through the fabric of your panties. The friction has you biting down on your lip as you drop the pencil in your hand. As he pushes the material to the side, the cold air hits your embarrassingly wet cunt, though it's quickly replaced by Beomgyu’s warm breath. 

When he doesn’t say anything you slightly panic, did he not like what he saw? Maybe there was something wrong with you, maybe— “fuck, your pussy’s gorgeous”, he mumbles as he licks along your folds, experimentally pushing his tongue past them to revel in the way you would squeal. 

It felt like you were being invaded, in the most blissful way possible. As his tongue laps at your cunt his hands continue to soothingly caress your trembling thighs. Unsure of where to put your hands they lay flat on the table in front of you, clenching and unclenching as waves of pleasure shoot through you. 

Beomgyu groans against your dripping core as his hands travel to your ass once more, pushing you onto his face in a way that you were sure to hurt him, yet he didn’t seem to mind at all. The way the tip of his nose brushes up against your clit has you almost seeing stars and you let out a weak moan. 

“Thank fuck I got us both in detention”, he mumbles against your wet folds, his words slightly muffled, “been wanting to taste you like this for ages”, he groans. You barely register what his words, all you can focus on is how good his mouth feels on you. 

When he pushes his tongue inside you, you want to yell out in pleasure. Your hands grip the edges of the table, knuckles turning white as soft moans fall from your lips. J-jesus you breathe as you glance down to where Beomgyu’s head was buried between your thighs, the sight made you throb around his tongue. 

The way his nose rubbed against your clit, stimulating it, and his tongue, dwelling deep inside your cunt, all became too much and you felt that familiar surge in your lower stomach. Thighs closing tightly around Beomgyu’s head, silent pleas ripping from your throat as your hips bucked up into his face. 

“Fucking please cum on my tongue”, Beomgyu groans as he too, feels your orgasm approaching, “gotta taste you forreal”. You nod frantically, unable to form coherent sentences. 

As the knot building in your stomach is released you choke out a quiet whimper, biting down on your bottom lip hard enough to bruise. Beomgyu’s tongue laps at your cunt like he’s never had anything better, his moans vibrate against your already sensitive skin. You hear him groaning curses under his breath as he licks up every last drop of you. 

Your hands loosen their grip on the table as Beomgyu pulls away from your cunt with a smirk, the lower part of his face glistening with your arousal. As he peers up at you from between your legs, he asks, “so... you’ll do my essay, smartie?”

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[colectingstrz]

INCOMPATIBLE HARMONY

⤿ a beautiful passion of hatred driving a narrow pathway for foreign emotions and surging familiar ones.

𐙚 g: enimes to lovers, university au, fluff here and there, angst. wc: 10.6k w: one kiss and mentions of a parent passing p: Jay x f reader

𐙚 - like 70% proof read it’s so long I tried 😪

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ

Your mother always said, “Either kill or be killed,” and you regrettably learned the hard way. Life is not easy, and it never will be. You must work for your goals and eliminate any potential distractions, even if they are those you care about. Everything that matters is success. Yet with more independence and freedom of choice u start to crack a little straying further and further away from the motto showing weakness and vulnerability. Success no longer being your priority as you found your focus on a particular someone.

you certainly would not mind eliminating a specific individual , a pest.. a loud, foul mouthed, vile, obnoxious, beastly, filthy inconvenience such as park.

It's not surprising to hear Jay harbours the same feelings as you; it's almost romantic when you think about it. Two people with a passionate desire hatred for one another.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Unfortunately, your Monday became more dreary when you met him waiting outside your professor's door, whom you had intended to meet.

“What are you doing here” Jay ignored you and continued typing stuff on his phone. The sound of his fingers aggressively tapping on his screen bothered you. “Hello? You know it's rude to ignore somebody while they're addressing you.”

Finally, he raises his deep, dismal eyes to meet yours. “I'm so sorry your majesty I didn't like your tone” he said with a grin “what's wrong with my tone? this is how I always talk why are your..so dramatic” You crossed your arms, your tolerance dwindling as you endured this discourse.

“No... today your tone seems more boooorish” you raised an eyebrow at his strange choice of words; you had no understanding what he had just said, which irritated you even more. You despised the way he used sophisticated vocabulary as if he were from 1985. “Do you want to purposefully mislead me? What do you think because you use fancy phrases, you're better than me, you antiquated freak”

Jay grinned. You despised it when he smiled because it felt like he was mocking you, it made you feel little, and you despised every moment of it. “Intentionally yes I'm glad to see it's working it brings me joy to see u distressed-and confused when I mess with ur little narrow minded brain maybe if u spent ur time reading rather than selling ur self out at party's every weekend you would actually know what im saying half the time”

You close your eyes sighing loudly as you try to compose your anger. He was wrong so wrong

Jay smirked as he recognised he had won. Picking up his bag, he approaches you and gently pats over your shoulder, “What's wrong? Can't bite back? Better luck next time, love.” Before you could respond, he walks away, descending down the corridor, leaving you to throw an internal fit as you accept your defeat.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

“Are you coming to Jake's party tonight? It's at his beach mansion” you shrug as you begin to gather your belongings from your desk. “I'm not sure... with this approaching test, I need time to study.” Yujin rolls her eyes, grasping your arm in a plea “Pleaaaaaaaaaaseeee I don't wanna go by myself it's just one party it's not going to ruin your perfect 4.0 GDA!” you lightly break free from her grasp, “correction it's GPA.. and stop clinging onto me like a leech I know damm well u have plenty of other friends if I don't come it's not the end of the world” She groans.

“What if it is the end of the world! your my best freind I want to go with you w..what if I pass out ?? What if I.. uh.. get lost” she blurs out nonsense and you watch in disbelief shaking your head, preparing to turn and leave.

“Park Sunghoon is comming by the way”

You come to a halt in your tracks, slowly turning around. “Really?..Are you saying that only to get me to co- “yes! Really, he's back from France now; there's no way he'll miss Jake's party.” You sigh deeply, pondering whether a single male who is cute is more essential than your future. “I'll think about it.” Yujin smiles, grabbing you in an embrace and showering you with thank yous as if you answered yes (deep down you know it was a yes as well), before she swiftly leaves for her next class.

What you felt for Sunghoon was like a disease, slowly devouring you from the inside out. You've been pinning for him since your first year of university, and you thought it was just a crush until it wasn't. Now, a year later, your feelings have grown stronger. You would do anything to be in the same space as him-not to talk just to admire from afar You were a woman of many words, but in this instance, Sunghoon was different. It's as if you lost the basic mechanics of communication when talking to him; it's too embarrassing to go through again, so you avoid it at all costs and prefer to admire his features . Even in group setting with your friends you keep your conversations to a minimum.

And, of course, evil forces decided to flirt with and entice you once more by bringing not just Sunghoon but also his pest of a friend Jay into your presence as you make your way down the hall to your next class.

“Oh hey y/n it's been a while” Sunghoon smiles as he embraces you cheerfully. “Oh..h..hi umm how was France and the skating Ice- um, I mean ice skating,” you mentally leaped in front of a bus and ran yourself over 76 times because of the idiotic mistake you just made in front of him. “The ice skating competition was good I should hear back in about a week if I've qualified for the semi finals how have you been?” He looks at you intently and quietly, waiting for your response, while Jay silently notes every element of your expression. Both of their stares made you feel little uneasy, as if you were a vase on display in a museum, attracting a lot of attention. You felt your palms start to sweat.

“That's great to hear! Um.. I've been alright just p..preparing for exams right now.” You give him a constant smile, attempting to distract him from your inability to pronounce a simple basic ass word. “Yikes, midterms.. Hope you do well-Oh! Are you going to Jake's party? Or are you going to study? Parties weren't always your thing” Just as you open your mouth to speak, a rat joins in on the conversation despite the fact that he was not invited.

“Sunghoon it seems you've been gone a while she loves parties I see her at them all with that yujin girl I'm sure she won't miss this one will you y/n?” You glare at Jay, directing your focus to him, and imagine all the horrible ways you would torture him for ruining a moment with your crush. “I'm sure she can speak for herself, and trust me, Jay y/n is not a party girl... well, I have a class to go to, so maybe I'll see you at the party,” he smiles one final time before walking away, leaving you and Jay in solitude.

“Do you lack basic manners? Why are you entering into a conversation that has nothing to do with you? He was talking to meeee the last time I checked, and your not y/n.”He shrugged, “My manners are perfect, thank you very much, and I'm open to adding my two cents wherever I want to; all I did was state the facts.” You roll your eyes and reposition your back to hang over your shoulder.

“Facts? Stop acting like you know me Jay, you don't. You're not my friend, you're not my anything. Stay out of my business and my life.” You leave him as quickly as you spoke, bumping your shoulder against his as you storm down the hall.

Something you said right then must have touched a chord, since Jay's mood plummeted for the rest of the day.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Parties are just mobs of people, the perfect place for germs to hibernate and circulate like wildfire, with loud music that bursts your eardrums, piles of sweaty bodies, and excessive amounts of alcohol. You don't see what Yujin sees in this type of activity, but the show must go on, and it's too late to back out now.

Deeper within the mashion are Jay, Jake Sunghoon, and Jungwon, who are playing pool round after round. “Sunghoon, did you find any hot French girls or what?”Jake asks, peeking over to see Sunghoon as he effortlessly knocks down two of his targets into the hole. “Ice skating pre occupied me.. plus I still like her”

Now that Jay has disconnected from his talk with Jungwon, his ears immediately peek up at the sound of Sunghoon's crush, and he listens in curiously. He rarely discusses such topics, especially after his heartache with his ex Chaewon.

“Her? Omg bro it’s been monthhhhs” sunghoon sighs “I know.. but she’s just really pretty and kind I really want to get to know her more this year” Jake laughs placing a hand on his chest “ get to know her? Last year you barely held a conversation with the girl u need to work on your game if u wanna bag a girl like y/n”

Jay lifts his brow in disbelief and confusion. Sunghoon liked you. Considering the millions of girls he could have picked. Jay was completely baffled. Great distress surged over him. He became so outraged that he could no longer bear to listen to the discourse. Jay turns to the pool table, leaving a perplexed Jungwon in the middle of his sentence.

“Do you like y/n? Really, dude? Raise your standards.” Jake's mouth drops agape at his comment, and Sunghoon crosses his arms. “Yeah, I like her, and what about it? I think She's a great girl, what's it to you?” Sunghoon now turns to Jay, looking him down. The mood in the room shifts, and Jungwon, who is watching from a distance, becomes anxious about what is going on.

“It's nothing to do with me I'm just looking out for you as a freind she's not a good person” Sunghoon doesn't say anything for a time and simply stares at Jay. “Maybe u haven't had a good experience with her.. that's your opinion but I've had good with her and I'll stick to my opinion thanks for the concern bro” Sunghoon turns, grabs his drink, and leaves the room.

Jay gulped, grabbing the edge of the pool table firmly in rage. How could Sunghoon not realise what an awful person you were? All he wanted was to look out for him. Again, everything is always your fault. Jay groans as he steps outdoors, leaving the manshion.

He walks outdoors on the sidewalk, trailing his feet. He stares ahead to the shore, watching the clam ripples of water. He groans and walks on, but he comes to a halt when he notices you coaching against the wall with your head down.

He immediately becomes enraged again; it was your fault he was out here, and it was your reason he got into a fight with Sunghoon. He comes up to you talking this opportunity to throw a dig “so much for not being a party girl look at you here all drunk and wasted outside on the floor no self composure what so ever”

He waits, but your witty retort never arrives. He lifts his brow lightly, bending down to shove you, but is met once more with the presence of stillness. Jay feels an awful discomfort in his gut. He bends down to get a closer look, only to find your eyes closed and your hand grasping your chest while you breathe extensively.

“Y/n?… Hey y/n” he holds your shoulder trying to urge a response. “t..to many..” he moves his head closer angling his ear towards you “repeat that for me” you muster all the strength in your body to speak “c..claustrophobic..I’m..clau..” Jay hums in realisation.

He thinks quickly on his feet sitting down on the concrete, reaching for your hand and replacing the one on your chest with his own. “Listen to me right now. I need you to breathe in and out slowly, with 3 seconds in between, okay? Can u do that for me” you weakly nod, obeying his directions.

Each time you did, he would lightly sweeze your hand in encouragement, giving you reassuring “well done’s”and “your getting there's” the whole affair felt strange to you. He was really pleasant, calm, patient, and caring towards you. It was rare for Jay this came out of nowhere, but you didn't question it and accepted it with open arms because you needed it.

Shortly after you find your self calm. But the lingering feeling of jays eyes on you as the two of you sit in silence was uncomfortable. You find your self subconsciously looking down to your feet playing with your fingers. “So.. your claustrophobic I never knew that” you shrug still looking down “well yeah.. it’s not a big deal anyways” he hummus “seems like a pretty big deal if it weren’t for me you would have passed out”

You roll your eyes “no I would have been fine this isn’t the first time I topically do this alone no assistance needed park” Jay humms again his hand reaching to cup your chin forcing you to raise your head and look at him. You were shocked at the sudden contact and the way his hand felt so warm againt your cold skin. “Well..um are you okay now looking at your face you seem it” he then used his hand to turn your head slightly as he analyses your face. “I’m..I’m fine thank you”

A tingly feeling perks within him but he shuts it down nodding removing his hand from your skin. The absence of warmth had you feeling cold again but you brushed it off. Jay suddenly stands up dusting dirt off his back and reaches out his hand to you “come I’ll drive you home I’m assuming you woukd rather not go back in there” he raises a brow you nod hesitantly accepting his hand as he wraps it around your firmly.

“My car is about a 10 min walk are u fine with that? Well doesn’t matter if ur not we still have to walk regardless just letting you know anyway” you laugh a little feeling the sense of familiarity again this was more like jay. More like the jay you knew more like the jay you were used too. Yet that feeling in your stomach didn’t leave.

“Don’t do this again” you raise a brow “pardon?” Jay turns to you “going out in the dark at night in some alley by yourself something easily could have happened to you and no one would be there to save you” you roll your eyes “I know u don’t actually care about what happens to me stop acting like you do plus.. I was close to the beach house I would have been fine” jay sighs shaking his head “belive it all not im not a horrible human being your a girl and that make sure automatically vulnerable alone at night im just warning you love”

You humm “just save me next time then” you finnaly turn to look at him awaiting his reaction as he silently looks at you not saying a word. You quickly look away now feeling awkward regretting your exsistnce.

“Pay me I’m not playing superman for free”

Now at the car it’s mostly silent but a comfortable silence never in your life would you think you would be in jays car having him drive you to your dorm but life is full of surprises isn’t it. Soon you arrive home giving him a Short and firm bye before heading to your door.

Little to your knowledge even once you have entered your dorm Jay remains in his car watching you until he sees the lights shine in ur room confirming you have settled.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Studying was supposed to be peaceful and quiet, but all of that was disrupted the moment you invited Jake to join you.

You wouldn't call him a nuisance, but he was more distracting than anything else. Every 4 minutes, he'd start chatting about strange stuff, and when he wasn't talking, he'd be toying with your hair or poking your check unless he was performing some random asmr with his pen. Sometimes you wish you could just duct wrap his mouth so he would stop talking.

“Jake... please I'm really trying to focus here you know I have an exam soon” he looks down as if you had just rejected or something it made you feel a little bad “Fine.. if you want me gone just say that!” He crosses his arms and looks away, and you sigh, rubbing his shoulder, “It's not that it’s just you talk too much, I need quiet... on second thought yeah, leave, we can hang out later.” You sigh and Jake's mouth opens wide at your unexpected change of direction, huffing silently as he turns to go.

Peace and quiet has made a comeback

You smile to yourself as you study, but as usual, your tranquilly is short-lived when you hear the loud smack of a book beside you. Looking up, there's no one but jay. You raise a curious eyebrow; hardly one visits this section of the library unless a friend tags along, and you've never seen Jay here.

“What brings you here you don't come here this is my space” Jay ignores you, bringing out his laptop, iPad, and any extra papers. “I've come here to study obviously your not the only one who has exams here and last time I checked your name isn't plastered anywhere here so this is everyone's space,” he smiles and returns to getting his stuff.

You groan, your gaze returning to your laptop to drown him out and remain focused. However, that was difficult to do given how fiercely he was looking at you.

“Um, is there a reason why you keep looking at me like that? It makes me uncomfortable.” Jay's eyes stay hanging on yours. “Looking at you? what is it a crime to look at another human being? Arrest me.” He rolls his eyes. You shake your head, closing your laptop and giving him your entire attention.

“Your looking at me like ur going to eat me alive I don't like it please direct your eyes Literally anywhere else” Jay chuckles, moving his head closer to the point your noses would almost just almost connect . “Maybe I should eat you so I don't have to hear your nagging every day. I'll devour you whole nice and slow..how does that sound?”

Unbeknownst to you, a flush rushed across your ears, to which Jay saw with a wide grin. “That's!..that's really inappropriate, Jay. You can't just say things like that to a woman.” He tilts his head, leaning closer. His hot breath stimulating your exposed skin.

“I didn't mean it in that way get your head out of the gutter you.. naughty girl tsk” he paused for a second before starting again “plus I don't really see you as a woman” you raise a brow in disbelief and offence.

“So you’re gay?”

He then abruptly moved back. “Gay? Don't make such a misleading statement; I'm really attracted to women.” You smile slightly, seeing this as an opportunity to twist him even further. “But if you do not view me as a woman, you must see me as a man? And you want to devour this man whole, don't you? Nice and slow Don't worry, your secret is safe with me,” you giggle, covering your mouth from laughing so hard as you watched the dread drown out his face, which turned pale.

“Shut up you’re always so loud and wrong you really think I like men?” You nod “this conversation is proof right here of the Jay is gay statement” Jay places his fingers gently squeezing his temple in vexation. He didn’t appreciate being accused of liking men when he clearly is straight and didn’t like that it was you out of all people.

But

Suddenly he felt the need-the urge to prove it to you he wanted to show you just how wrong you were he wanted to put you in your place and shut you up. So he did just that

Jay leans over in a matter of seconds, one hand behind your neck, the other yanking on your lanyard, forcing tight proximity as he slams his lips against yours. If someone walked in right now, they wouldn't believe their eyes. You didn’t belive it yourself.

His lips brushed against yours, softly and carefully, like you were fragile and he was scared to shatter or harm you. His lips graced yours like butterfly wings, just long enough for him to inhale your breath, feeling the warmth of your skin in his palm as he pulled you in deeper, and the flavour of your strawberry lipgloss lingered in his head, driving him insane.

As soon as it started it quickly ended as you somehow snapped back into reality and roughly pushed him for you. Not wanting to meet his gaze you turn hastily packing your things and leaving as quickly as possible. Leaving a stunned and confused Jay alone in the library.

You slide your back down the wall of an empty corridor, like a dramatic main lead In a teenage drama attempting to regain your calm and gain a grasp of what happened just a few seconds earlier. Were you crazy--or was he crazy? Why did he kiss you, and why was it so long? Most importantly, why did you like it? You loved it You smacked yourself to recover your focus. Choosing to disregard this portion of the day as if it never occurred so that you can sleep soundly tonight.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

After ten minutes of overthinking your life choices in the lounge area, the bell rings for lunch. You grab your phone and text Yunjin to come meet you as soon as possible. She soon appears and sits next to you. You had intentions of telling her but you couldn’t bring yourself too

“What's so urgent that you nee- you having a bad makeup day?” You lift your eyebrow “What?” “My makeup is fine, what do you mean?" she shakes her head, pointing to your lips. “Not your entire makeup, just your lip makeup, it's all smudged.” Flickers of the kiss swarm in your thoughts, making you nauseous.

You quickly get out your mirror attempting to fix it.

“Jay can I ask you something?” Jay nods as he takes a bite out of his sandwich “you smell unusual today” Jay raises an eyebrow, causing Jungwon and Sunghoon to focus on Jake's words: “Yeah, I noticed you smelled kinda fruity today, like... starberries” Jungwon continues, causing Jake to nod in agreement, “I don't smell like that; you're probably smelling something else.”

Unknowingly, while Jay continued to eat, seemingly a little concerned by the claims, Sunghoon discreetly watched Jay, his gaze fixed on the faint hint of lipgloss on his lips.

“Oh my gosh... look at his lips, there's lipgloss. You must have had some action before lunchtime,” Jake wriggles his brows, elbowing Jay. He gulps uneasily, caressing his lip and instantly recalling what he had done; he closes his eyes in regret. “Unless…ur gay? Or something I don’t discriminate ” Jake patted his shoulder

“I knew it I knew u were gay” jay now shoots his head up at that voice your voice as you and yunjin approach his table. You and yunjin were freinds with the rest of jays freinds and sometimes would eat with them though yunjin would limit interactions with jay as by her words “any enemy of my friends is an enemy of mine”

“Jay is gay?” Sunghoon laughs and finally joins the conversation, “Jay and gay, that rhymes!” Jake yelled earning some looks directed at your table Jay simply scowls, “Shut up, both of you.” Jay stands up and grabs his bag and sandwich before leaving. You sighed with relief as he went; sitting directly opposite him seemed wired after what had happened.

It appears that both of you failed to sleep well that night, so you spent it studying to pass the time, while Jay spent it twisting and turning in his bed, extremely upset and ashamed by his irresponsible behaviour. He wishes he could go back in time and prevent it from ever happening.

However, the burning sensation in his chest could not be ignored, and the taste of your strawberry lipgloss lingered on his tongue. He closed his eyes, remembering the taste and feel of your soft lips on his.

The next day was difficult, primarily because you had a council meeting, and of course the vice president had to be Jay, and you the head sadly had a private meeting every 15th, which left you two sitting in an office in silence

“Sooooo..” You spoke but no other words left your lips “should we reschedule this meeting at this rate we will make no progress if you can't even look me in the eye” you grimace a little

“Maybe if a certain somone didn’t just pull up and force themselves onto me I could look them in the eye” you whisper slightly folding your arms turning away. “Force? I didn’t force myself onto you it was mutual” you raise a brow “was it how?”

“You kissed me back and even added your tongue a little; you were clearly into it and wanted it- “shut up please” you placed your fingers on his lips, shushing him before he could humiliate you any further. “Can we change the subject I’m begging” Jay wanted to say more, but judging by your tone and look, he held back.

“Sorry” now, for the first time since this meeting began, you choose to look him in the eye “it was wrong of my to just kiss you out of nowhere I didn't respect your boundaries and I apologise” stunned, you remained silent for a moment before answering “thank you Jay” you smile a little for a split second before it fades away, not wanting to smile for too long because it's Jay after all.

He nods “can we like.. forget this ever happened” you don’t know what it is that you felt then but it was unsettling. You gulped it down agreeing with jays words. “Then let’s start this meeting then”

After a long 30-minute meeting, you and Jay split ways. You go to the library again because you have some free time and run into Sunghoon along the way. You consider many options for running. It's too late; he's already noticed you and invited you to come over.

“hi Sunghoon,” he smiles, waving, “hi y/n, so... do you have any free time right now?” You said, with a nod, “wanna come watch me practise at the rink?” You nodded again, but this time with too much enthusiasm, like a dog. You were embarrassed, but it was difficult to contain your excitement.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

It was chilly. Fortunately, Sunghoon, being the gentleman he is, offered you his puffer, and even though you declined it 15 times, he insisted on forcing you to put it on and zipping you up. The attention in this situation felt good.

You stared in admiration as he skated; he was truly in his element, doing what he does best. You were captivated by how beautifully he swirled and twirled. You hoped you could watch him every day if your schedule wasn't so busy. Interrupting your little display, Yujin texted you.

Yapper: me and the guys are comming over the the rink to ice skate do you wanna come with?

Me: I’m already there? I’m watching Sunghoon practice :)))

Yapper : ARE U LOT ON A ICEY SKATEY DATE? ARE WE INTERRUPTING

Me: NO. He just asked since I also had a free you guys can still come it would be fun I’ll let Sunghoon know

Yapper: if you say so 👀 and btw your bestie is comming

Me: shut up you know dam well he’s not my “bestie” call him that again and I’ll block you

Calling out to Sunghoon, you step down and stand at the edge so he can hear you. “The others are coming down to skate by the way." Sunghoon nods. “Is Jay coming?” You're confused as this was such an unusual and precise inquiry to ask; he should just assume he's coming. You wanted to question further.

“Why are you asking? Is there a reason he shouldn't come?" Sunghoon hastily shakes his head, “I was only wondering—“why? Did something happen?” Sunghoon shakes his head again, “no, I just want to know that's all,” you humm, not believing a word he says. It's times like these that your psychology major comes in handy it was obvious he was lying to you. “Jay is coming”

Soon after they arrived, as you had previously briefed Sunghoon, he prepared and distributed everyone's skates. Jake eagerly put on his skates, excited and ready to go and followed Sunghoon towards the rink. Even when Jungwon and Yujin joined, you still struggled to put on your left shoe.

You attempted to fit your foot in again but failed. You were ready to give up and just watch instead.

“Are you gonna cry over an ice skate?” He teased triggering your frown “No!..this is just really hard” you turn back and try to put it back on for the fifth time. Jay rises up and crouches down in front of you, keeping the shoe in place.

“What are you—“helping I'm helping you, dumbass I'm holding the shoe in place so you can put your foot in, go on.” You comply, pushing your foot in with ease. Before you could reach down to tie the lace, Jay beats you to it, tapping your foot lightly once he's finished. “Thanks” Jay hummed as he turned to leave. Realisation came over you immediately, and you grabbed the hem of his jeans. “Wait, I don't think I can walk on my own. Just help me to the entrance” Jay grumbled, carrying your body up with ease.

“I'll just hold your hand the whole way and bring you to Yujin alright” you agreed, and he now held your hand in his, and you felt the warmth again, just like that night. You didn’t want to let go. Though from afar a pair of flaming eyes watched the scene unfold

“Come on Sunghoon I'm showing you my spin!” Jake yelled as he dragged Sunghoon's arm, diverting his attention. Despite this, Sunghoon cast glances at you and Jay as you entered the rink hand in hand, like some corny couple, and clinched his teeth in anger.

“This is so scary!” Jay glances at you, “You haven't done this before?” You shake your head. “No... this is all new to me, which is why I couldn't do my other shoe properly.” Jay now turns to you, putting your other hand in his. “Do you want me to show you something? I won't let go; don't worry, I'm not the evil creature you see me to be” his comment makes you chuckle “you sooo are if there wasn't any witness I'm so confident you would let go and leave me to fall” Jay rolls his eyes and begins to skate backwards slowly. “w..woah there What are you doing!? What if you bumb into someone! And then boom I fall have an accident and crack my head open and blee-“shh..clam down love im a pro.. I know exactly what im doing now watch and learn newbie”

Jay effortlessly glides backwards, occasionally whirling the two of you in a circle, abruptly changing from fast to slow and slow to fast. It made you a little disoriented, but it was entertaining. Soon, your freinds took notice.

“ I never thought I would see jay and y/n that close to eacother with out any violence involved” jungwon said with a smile “same.. when i look at them now it's kinda cute don't you think ?” Yujin seems complexly clueless of Sunghoon's crush on you: “uh.. nahh, I don't see it”Jake rushes in and shuts off that particular issue, mindful of Sunghoon's facial expression. Jake quickly skates towards the two of you and splits you up.

“Hey guysss y/n I wanna show u somthing come” Jake takes your hands, replacing Jay's warm ones with his chilly ones and yanking you away from him. You felt empty again, and you weren't sure why.

After approximately an hour of ceaseless skating, the others left for ice cream, but you, Jay, and Sunghoon decided to go to study. It felt odd walking back to campus; you could sense the tension, as if you knew something had happened and wanted to know more.

Before u had the chance to bring it up Sunghoon departed calming “something came up” leaving you and Jay alone. It was silent but a comfortable silence you kept talking glances at Jay really only because he kept talking glances at you he seemed he wanted to say somthimg so you gave him the green light

“I know u have something to say don’t be a pussy” Jay chocked on air at the sudden directness “well.. if you say so then please just here here me out when I say this but I really need something form you it’s kinda last minute but your the only option I have” You nodd urging him to talk “my mom is hosting one of her business events but during it she wants to set me up with a daughter of one of her brand partners but shes..she’s I can’t stand her really and..I was wondering-hoping actually if you can step in just for tonight as my temporary date so my mom doesn’t set me with her…??” Jay closes his eyes expecting the worst yet you say nothing he opens your eyes to observe you

Your countenance gradually changes, and you burst out laughing, “Jay, I never took you for the funny type, oh my..” Jay doesn't find any of this funny and frowns “I'm being serious y/n” you glance at him and your face slowly lowers as you realise he is genuinely serious “ well first of all, I don't wanna be dragged into y'all's rich people drama before they assassinate me in my sleep or some shit” Jay throws his hands in the air “no!..no this is real life not some tv show bs your overthinking this nothing bad is going to happen its just one night stop being dramatic!”

“I am not finished. Second, you don't really like me, and I don't really like you, so it makes no sense that we act like a couple. Third, I'm sure someone else would be better for this... you're not all that dumb, so no way I'm a contender.” Jay sighs, recognising that convincing you will be more difficult than he expected. He lays his hands on both shoulders and shoots you with an expression of great desperation.

“I can't ask anyone else; it's this night, and I'm running out of time. You're the only person I think can handle or tolerate my mother. I really need this, please. I'll do everything, give you anything, just do me this one favour.” You place your finger on your chin and tap it, trying to prolong this moment enjoying every second of jays expression. You glance into his yearning stare. “Hmm, I don't know..” Jay holds your shoulder more tightly than previously. “Please y/n you owe me I've helped you 2 times now this is the least you can do for me” you let out a sigh giving in “sure give me 50k” Jay opens his mouth in surprise at the outrageous quantity.

“Oh that’s not..” you sigh “you said anything this classifies as anything your rich aren’t you? You’re basically a walking bank! this should be nothinggg” Jay sighs “fine..but only after you have gone I’ll send it to you understood” you nod “if this is what its like to have a sugar daddy..then I’ll gladly come to every event can you imagine? 50k per event I might as well drop out of uni and start travelling the world” Jay chuckles at your imagination he found you amusing.

“I think I'm a bit young to be a sugar daddy plus I would never willingly wanna spoil a brat like you someone like you needs discipline” your smile dimes kissing your teeth you pinch his arm earning a groan

“What makes you think I want you to be my sugar daddy!? I'm not a brat, and I don't deserve to be disciplined at all, especially by someone like you. Take your own advice.” Jay hums, “You want to discipline me? Didn’t know you were into that” He smirked, leading you to glance away. “Why are you saying it that way!..You're so weird Jay, this is why you don't get any girls because you're a fucking creep.” He laughs, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

“yet your going to a fancy event with this creep tonight aren’t you?”

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Another thing you didn't expect was Jay to be in your dorm room, just you and him. Jay had bursted in pushing some bags into your chest.

“What's this?” He rolls his eyes. “Are you blind?” It's obviously shopping bags full of clothes and shoes. Use your common sense...anyway, I chose this outfit out for you, so go and wear it; the party is in an hour.” You grumble in irritation, going to the bathroom to change.

You would have preferred that instead of parting ways after the conversation, he had informed you of the timing so you could have begun working on your hair and makeup instead of turning up to close to the time where you were in your lounge wear

After getting ready, you come out and present yourself to Jay. It was a long wine-colored green dress shoulder less showing your collarbone. The sleeves ended at your wrist, slightly flared. It embraced your curves, trailing down to the floor and encompassing your body--in a wonderful manner. Jay matched it with gold earrings that flowed down, a simple necklace with a diamond in the centre, and low heels. Jay hummed in fulfilment, looking down at you from top to bottom.

“How do I look?” Jay nods, “You look good, so good I'll turn straight for you.” You smile and laugh at his comment. It seemed he did have a sense of humour. You excuse yourself shortly rushing to do your hair and makeup while Jay is getting ready in your room. Shortly after, you emerge, stunned to discover his finished look.

He was dressed in an all-black suit with a black turtleneck, which wonderfully highlighted his features, particularly his jawline. You didn't want to acknowledge it, but he looked great. You subconsciously ogled at him, and Jay smiled proudly. “You like what you see love?” You shake your head, “Meh, it's fine I guess.” Jay grins to himself at how quickly you denied, as if your mouth didn't water at the sight of him. “Well then let's get going wouldn't want to be late now would we”

Soon you arrive. Jay comes out and opens your door, assisting you out of the vehicle and locking it behind him. He rests his hand on your waist, but he soon removes it. You turn to him “Can I put my hands there? Are you okay with that?” You nod gently, reassuring him. He places his hand back there, confirming to you the warmth you didn't realise you were missing. It made you feel at ease.

You both walk in while Jay greets all these people you don't recognise. To say you felt out of place is an understatement; you were dressed appropriately, but you didn't feel the part. Soon, a woman appeared, and from her appearance, you could tell she was Jay's "scary" mother, his words not yours.

“Hello, my lovely boy. Oh! And who could this be? Jay smiles and pulls you closer, “This is my date y/n.. and y/n this is my mother.” You bow and smile at her. “hello it's lovely to meet you Mrs park” His mother looks you over, looking for flaws to criticise you for. She stiffly smiles, but you know it's not genuine. “Hello there dear.. it's a pleasure to meet you. What do your parents do hmm?” You gulp.

Clearly, you and Jay did not think this through; you had not prepared anything, so you simply stated the truth. “My father was a senior clinical psychologist and my mother is a paralegal” she hums as she takes a sip of her drink. “So your parents aren't doing so well,” “ah.. what a same” you wrinkle a brow, “pardon? What do you mean by that, Mrs. Park,” she shrugs.

“A psychologist? Might as well have been a doctor, far more money, and a paralegal, was it not enough to not just be a lawyer, maybe she failed law school? I guess.. everyone has to find a means to get by."

Your rage must have been obvious. Jay gently squeezed your waist, rubbing it slightly. You couldn't tell if it was to calm you down or a warning not to overreact, but you moved on impulse. No one would speak about your parents, especially your father, who had passed away.

“Listen here..Mrs Park. I do not appreciate your comments regarding my parents' employment. As you seem to be unaware about, a psychologist is a very wonderful vocation. My father was the head of his own business and owned it; he worked in private health care. He earned a lot of money, more than enough to fucking survive…” you took a deep breath to gain composure “Oh! and for your information, I'm also studying psychology so that when I'm older, I can be as successful as my father-and just because my mother isn't in the spotlight of a law profession doesn't mean her work is any less important; she does all of the behind-the-scenes paperwork without the help of others like her , lawyers would have nothing to present in court. I’m sure you didn’t know that since your mindset is clearly limited”

Mrs park gasps and opens her mouth to inject but you cut her off “My mother makes a lot of money; she's not a billionaire, but she lives nicely and has raised me and my brothers comfortably, so do your research before you start talking down on jobs.” You handed Jay your drink and turned away to leave.

Jay's mother was taken aback because no one had ever spoken to her like that before. She was silent; you chewed and spat her out. As yunijin would say “you ate that girl” Jay was fairly pleased of how you stood up for yourself in the face of disagreements. One thing he liked about you was that no matter who it were, you held firm for what you believed in and never gave in to anyone else. “That insolent, arrogant brat! How could she!?” Jay turned to his mother. “She may be a brat at times, but she is not arrogant in general please stop from talking about my date in any unfavourable way, mother…” Jay quickly turned to walk after you.

You sigh as you step out onto a random balcony, embracing the chill. You lean on the edge, looking over the neighbourhood and gazing at the stars.

“The sky is beautiful isn't it?” You humm your eyes, not leaving what is in front of you. “Are you trying to flirt with me right now?” He rolls his eyes “maybe.. is it working love?” you smirk “if anything im turned off repulsed even disgusted it- “alright no need to over do it like I'm some creature who lacks in every ability to charm a woman” you look him in the eye “maybe you are? But one things for sure you certainly did not charm ms back there park. Neither your mother but that’s not the focus”

Jay's smile shrivels under the implications of your words, and he moves closer to you. “Listen.. my mother, like I said, she's scary, and it's hard to voice my opinions against her.” You cross your arms. “I get that, but she basically humiliated and billeted my parents. I know we're not close, but even if you said something or tried to stop her, I'd have appreciated feeling like im not on my own back there...you know? But I think I anticipated too much from you.”

Jay sighed. “What do you mean by that, and what are you trying to say? Trust me, I wanted to say something but couldn't bring myself to…” “ I'm sorry, I really wish I said something. I didn't like how she talked to you either, and I want to take accountability for that because she's my mother. I feel partly responsible, especially since I brought you here; it's my fault. I'm so sorry, y/n, and I completely understand if you just want to leave, you can I won't force you to stay.”

You turn and move approach him. You had no idea what possessed you to do such a thing, but before you realised it, you had placed a palm on his cheek, cupping it. “Honestly, everything is fine. I get where you're coming from. I don't know about your relationship with your mother, but if it's as difficult as you claim, I'll go with it. It's fine; I handled everything on my own rather well, didn't I?” You smile to yourself with pride. “I’m an independent woman after all”

Jay returned the same look, and if it hadn't been so dark, you would have noticed how bright his cheeks were at the contact of your cold hands “I like my women independent” he winked at you, causing you to quickly retreat your hand back using it to hit his chest “s..stop it” Jay smiles “would you believe me if I told you I stayed silent because I knew you were going to jump in so there was no need..haha” you flick him in the arm, making him yelp “don't make me change my mind park” jay quickly shook his head “just a jokey joke..” You smile as you move towards the door, “No worries then let's continue what we started”

The rest of the night went nicely; Jay's mother scowled at you the entire time, but never said anything, which you appreciated, and the meal was as good as you expected. “So this is what you affluent people do when you're bored?” he shrugs. “I suppose so.. I have these all the time” “How do you have time to prepare for midterms? Especially if it's 11 p.m. and no one appears ready to go home” you raise a brow awaiting his reaction “well... I make it work and quit interviewing me” you frown

“I am not interviewing you. I am only asking some inquiries. Can't a girl be curious?” he rolled his eyes, “you seem too curious for someone who doesn't like me”

“Well maybe I don't like you a little less than before” Jay raises an eyebrow, querying how you worded your sentence “Clearly, you visit the library, but not enough. Your sentence is grammatically incorrect nevertheless, I know how to decode the drivel you spew, therefore I understand you.” As usual, Jay had to find a way to irritate you. “If you understand me, you could have just said thank you and called it a night.” Jay laughs, looking at his watch.

“Like you said it's getting late we have class tommrow come on let's go I'll drive you home” you nod “loving the jays girlfriend experience it's a shame you have such as attitude for that I'll rate it a 7/10” Jay stands up with his hand against your back, guiding you through the crowd. “A 7/10? Come on, I treated you well tonight; I even gave you this lovely outfit and shoes, and I- “woah, woah, cool down, I was just kidding.. you've been so sweet to me today I’ve basically fallen in love with you at this point” you smile.

“Your in love with me?” You hum “I said basically doesn’t mean I actually am don’t get my words twisted I know how badly you want me and all..” you wait for his response yet all he does is stare at you with a look. A particular look you recognise, the look he gave you before he kissed you that day. Was he going to do it again? You secretly hoped he would.

“Y/n actually I- Jay! Is that you my favourite nephew I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Dispite the interruption Jay isn't sure what hit him, but he wanted to make you smile like that again and again, and he yearned for another time when he could be alone with you and do whatever he wanted.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

From that day onwards You and Jay were near each other more from the start. You studied together, spent your spare time together, and even greeted each other in the hallway. While you still had some arguments and words flung back and forth, they were less frequent and less sour and bitter.

“Jay Jay Jay jaayyyyyyy” he hummed as you poked his cheek. He felt the sharp agony of your acrylics scraping his cheque, but not wanting to upset you, he took the pain silently, allowing you to do whatever you pleased. “I've been thinking we should go out,” he shoots his head up. “G..go out really ?” You agree, “Yeah, there's this cool bowling place that opened about 15 minutes away from campus; we should go together.” Jays smile dropped as glad as he was to go with you, he was hoping it was to “go out with you,” if you catch the drift

But Jay was happy that you were happy and that’s what matters now. Your closeness to eacother was somthing Your friends soon all picked up on yet no one questioned it too much because they were relieved that everyone in the group was now on good terms.

But was that really the case?

What was supposed to be a relaxed atmosphere transformed into an uneasy, uncomfortable quiet. Jay Jake Sunghoon and Jungwon are present, but despite the normal cheerful environment, today no one speaks.

“So.. what's up guys..” Jake sought to break the silence but received no response. He sighs and sinks into the chair, succumbing to defeat. “Actually Jake..” Sunghoon answers “I wanna know what's up too” he speaks addressing Jake, but his eyes are straight on Jays, and Jay understands precisely what he is talking about.

“If you have somthing to say just be straight with me Sunghoon” he clicks his tongue againt his check growing agitated “what I can’t seem to understand.. is how you wanted me to stay away from her so bad because she’s a “bad person” yet all of a sudden your associating yourself with you even hanging out with her privately which you never did before..”

“Honestly I wish I could give you a straight answer for that.. but I can't really explain how I feel and I'm sorry for how I acted back then towards you about it I shoukd have just been true with my intentions” he said “then what are your intentions” Jay gulped, little nervous beneath his gaze, “I like her too, Sunghoon, and I think I always have..maybe ”

The room fell silent as Sunghoon's eyes ramined on Jay's eyes, twitching fingernails digging into his skin as his skin redness became sore. “I feel like such a fool.. my best friend has been lying to me all this time I knew it that day with the smell it was y/n's I smelled the same when I invited her to ice skate with me.. you've been lying under my nose this whole time kissing her doing god knows what with he for all I know! when I expressed my fucking interest in her!” Jay felt terribly awful for how it all played out. He wished things had been different, he wished he had never liked you or that sunghoon had never liked you in the first place, but it was too late.

“Sunghoon, I-“save it” he stood up, grabbing his bag departing. Jay gazed down with regret. Jake sighed and hurriedly stood up to follow, while Jungwon remained behind to check on Jay.

Straight after class you proceed to the lounge and in the corner you find Jay and Jungown. You approach them ready to say high until you catch on to the vibes. As you gaze at their looks bewildered, you pry

“Guys? Is everything alright?” They both glance at you silently. Jay says nothing at first but mutters a brief “I'll talk to you later” as he collects his things and leaves. Jungwon tags along, giving you an apologetic look as he departs, leaving you perplexed and alone to ponder your feelings.

Jay has distanced himself since that day. Perhaps you would have preferred not to see his face back then, but the you now dreaded it. He became part of your routine, something you looked forward to, and now it's as if it never happened. You waved at him in the canteen one day, he looked away, (ouch) the next you asked him a question, he got up and left, the other at the store he made eye contact with you and went into another section , you called, he declined, you texted, he was online but left you on delivered.

It's almost pathetic how badly you wanted to talk to him despite the fact that he ignored you every time, but you didn't want to give up; you had some hope that he'd ultimately talk to you, but he didn't.

Yujin was becoming concerned about your state; you stopped hanging out with the others at lunch, you didn't respond to the group chat despite being the most active, you stayed in your dorm most of the time and stopped going out with everyone, and when you did, you looked tired and drained this wasn't like you at all.

“What could I have done wrong yujin.. I don’t understand we were so fine like 2 weeks ago then boom ghosted” yujin sighed as she pattered your back in attempts to comfort you she truely didn’t understand either “I really don’t know.. it seems you guys were fine from what I saw maybe it’s a him issue”

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Now it's the 15th, the day you dreaded. You had no idea how you would deal with Jay, or if he would even show up, because he now appears to despise you. You felt your stomach churn, which was a restless sensation. Taking the deepest breath your body could bear, you opened the door to see Jay sitting with some papers and reading them. You silently step in, locking the door behind you and sitting a few seats away while bringing out your paperwork.

Silence. As you expected

But impulsively it felt like the one chance you had to receive answers and closure because there were no excuses for him to run away and ignore you. “Jay” he hummed, not looking up, “why are you ignoring me? Have I done something wrong?” Jay doesn't say anything for a moment but eventually says “no”

“Why am I getting silent treatment then? And look at me when I'm talking to you.” Jay sighs softly, looking up to meet your gaze, and immediately lowers in sorrow as he sees your expression. “I've been wondering for weeks what I must have done to irritate you.. but I can't put my finger on it. We were getting there, Jay and we were getting along..then you just cut me off out of nowhere. What was the point if you were just going to do this? You might as well have just let me live my life, but no you made things complicated.”

“I..I'm sorry” you scoff in incredulity. He's not sorry; if he was, he wouldn't have done this to you in the first place if he cared enough. “ If you were sorry, you would not treat me this way, or... is this the goal to make me like you so you can then mess with my emotions!? and make me feel like shit since you despise me so much? If so well done actor of the fucking year.. you fooled me for sure.” You shake your head standing up, Jay replicates your movement, reaching out quickly seizing your wrist.

“Hey... no, no, it's not like that at all! Please hear me out. I didn't want to handle things this way” you sharply, remove your hands from his grip. The warmth he once gave you feeling disgusting It's as if a switch went off in your head, erasing any developing feelings and replaced them with what you once knew.

“What? Want to mislead me again with your lies and restart the cycle? Cut it out, Jay, you've won! Are you pleased with your achievements? Are you satisfied? And to think I thought we could someday... well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? I don't want anything to do with you, Jay.” Jay was frustrated and scared, and he didn't know what to do. He attempted to convince you, but you refused to listen.

You turn to leave, ignoring his pleads. “Jay, if you know what's good for you, stay away from me right now. You've been doing so well lately, I'm sure it won't be a problem for you. Keep up the good work goodbye Jay,” you turn away, slamming the door behind you, leaving Jay to linger in remorse.

In frustration, he smashed his fists against the table, turning red. He was extremely angry. Angry at himself for being so dumb and small-minded; if he had just been honest with you, maybe things would have been different. Jay wasn't sure what to call it, but it felt like heartbreak more than anything. A wave of anguish overtook him, robbing him of appetite. He felt intense pain in his midsection, like if a shard had sliced through his gut. It felt like death, like despair, choking his body's breath and shutting down his brain effecting his ability to think.

With each passing day, you take another step away from him leaving him in the dark as he once did to you , roles now reversed he feels the same pain you did. despite his constant request and pleas that you show some signs. Your eyes show him distrust, and an averted stare.

“She's leaving today she didn't even say goodbye” Jake frowns and looks down as Jay strides into the room, reading a brow. “Who's leaving?” Jake and Yujin froze. “Uh.. no body jay it's nothing” he crosses his arms “tell me” Yujin keeps her mouth shut to keep her world safe, whereas Jake blabbers your secret under even the slightest pressure.

“Y/n! She is travelling for Canada today- her flight is at 8:45” Jake hurriedly covers his lips while Yunjin slaps him harshly on the shoulder “your so... useless,” she sighs in annoyance now looks at Jay "if your thinking of going don't bother there is no way you will make it in an hour she will be gone and wants nothing to do with..”

Yunjin halts in her sentence in shock as Jay speeds out his room you could practically feel the gust of wind from the speed at which Jay ran to his car. This was his last chance he had to at least try maybe now maybe now you would be willing to talk to him and sourt things out he needed and has been yurning to be in your Presence for so long

You sighed as you waited in queue to board your flight. Was this a hasty decision? Perhaps would it would improve your mental health 100%, especially since it was only for the rest of the academic year you needed this time for yourself. As you go through your playlist, you select a song and discreetly hum along to it, closing your eyes and immersing yourself in the music.

“Y/n!”

You were so engrossed in your music that you missed Jay desperately calling out your name as you made your way to the front, scanning your passport and pulling your bags closer to the jet. Jay worried and tried to get closer to you, but the airport was packed with people "y/n!" He called for you again.

But it was too late your figure was gone.

You wonder occasionally if you and Jay were actually incompatible , and how two wrongs may function together so strangely. Was your perfect harmony a lie?. Was it only temporary, or was it even there at all?-Or simply a thought you deluded yourself into thinking since you craving his attention so much.

You guess you will never know and neither will he.

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ᝰ.ᐟ - note : after being gone for moths I’ve finnaly had the motivation to writeeee. This has taken me days hopefully you enjoyed and thank you for reading ૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა

@SOOTREEPEAR

[milksockets]

'norma kamali coat + jacket, f/w 1985' in the historical mode: fashion + art in the 1980s - richard martin + harold koda (1989)

[transmutationisms]

do you have any reading recs (books, ~scholarly articles, whatever) in the same vein as this post? (doesn't need to be a super long list, i'm content to branch off with the works cited of whatever you come up with...) as always, love your blog!! :-)

yes :3 split roughly by subtopic, bolded some favs

Evolution in England prior to (Charles) Darwin

Cooter, Roger. The Cultural Meaning of Popular Science: Phrenology and the Organisation of Consent in Nineteenth Century Britain. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press (1985).

Desmond, Adrian. The Politics of Evolution: Morphology, Medicine, and Reform in Radical London. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (1989).

Elliott, Paul. “Erasmus Darwin, Herbert Spencer, and the Origin of the Evolutionary Worldview in British Provincial Scientific Culture, 1770–1850.” Isis 94 (1): 1–29 (2003).

Finchman, Martin. “Biology and Politics: Defining the Boundaries.” In: Lightman, Bernard (Ed.). Victorian Science in Context. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (1997), 94–118.

Fyfe, Aileen. Steam-Powered Knowledge: William Chambers and the Business of Publishing, 1820–1860. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (2012).

Harrison, James. “Erasmus Darwin’s View of Evolution.” Journal of the History of Ideas 32 (2): 247–64 (1971).

McNeil, Maureen. Under the Banner of Science: Erasmus Darwin and his Age. Manchester: Manchester University Press (1987).

Ospovat, Dov. “The Influence of Karl Ernst von Baer’s Embryology 1828–1859: A Reappraisal in Light of Richard Owen’s and William Benjamin Carpenter’s ‘Palaeontological Application of Von Baer’s Law.’” Journal of the History of Biology 9 (1): 1–28 (1976).

Rehbock, Philip F. The Philosophical Naturalists: Themes in Early Nineteenth-Century British Biology. Madison, WI: University of Wisconsin Press (1983).

Richards, Robert J. Darwin and the Emergence of Evolutionary Theories of Mind and Behaviour. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (1987).

Rupke, Nicolaas. Richard Owen: Biology without Darwin. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (2009 [ 1994]).

Secord, James. Victorian Sensation: The Extraordinary Publication, Reception, and Secret Authorship of Vestiges of the Natural History of Creation. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (2001).

van Wyhe, John. Phrenology and the Origins of Victorian Scientific Naturalism. London: Ashgate (2004).

Winter, Alison. “The Construction of Orthodoxies and Heterodoxies in the Early Life Sciences.” In: Lightman, Bernard (Ed.). Victorian Science in Context. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (1997), 24–50.

Yeo, Richard. “Science and Intellectual Authority in Mid-Nineteenth Century Britain: Robert Chambers and Vestiges of the Natural History of Creation.” Victorian Studies 28 (1): 5–31 (1984).

Edinburgh Lamarckians and Scottish transmutationism

Desmond, Adrian. “Robert E. Grant: The Social Predicament of a Pre-Darwinian Transmutationist.” Journal of the History of Biology 17 (2): 189–223 (1984).

Jenkins, Bill. Evolution Before Darwin. Theories of the Transmutation of Species in Edinburgh, 1804–1834. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press (2019).

Secord, James. “The Edinburgh Lamarckians: Robert Jameson and Robert E. Grant.” Journal of the History of Biology 24 (1): 1–18 (1991).

Corsi, Pietro. ‘Edinburgh Lamarckians? The Authorship of Three Anonymous Papers (1826–1829)’, Journal of the History of Biology 54 (2021), pp. 345–374.

Darwin and Darwinism

Desmond, Adrian and James Moore. Darwin: The Life of a Tormented Evolutionist. New York: W. W. Norton & Company (1994).

van Wyhe, John. “Mind the Gap. Did Darwin Avoid Publishing his Theory for many years?” Notes & Records of the Royal Society 61 (2007), 177–205.

Sloan, Philip R. “Darwin, Vital Matter, and the Transformation of Species.” Journal of the History of Biology 19 (3): 369–445 (1986).

Phillip R. Sloan, “The Making of a Philosophical Naturalist.” In: Hodge, Jonathan and Gregory Radick (Eds.), The Cambridge Companion to Darwin. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press (2009), 17–39.

Sponsel, Alistair. Darwin’s Evolving Identity: Adventure, Ambition, and the Sin of Speculation. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (2018).

Young, Robert M. “Malthus and the Evolutionists: The Common Context of Biological and Social Theory.” Past & Present 43 (1969): 109–45.

Young, Robert M. “Darwin’s Metaphor: Does Nature Select?” The Monist 55 (3): 442–503 (1971).

Bowler, Peter J. The Non-Darwinian Revolution: Reinterpreting a Historical Myth. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press (1988).

Bowler, Peter J. The Eclipse of Darwinism: Anti-Darwinian Evolution Theories in the Decades Around 1900. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press (1983).

Hale, Piers J. “Rejecting the Myth of the Non-Darwinian Revolution.” Victorian Review 41 (2): 13–18 (Fall 2015).

Lightman, Bernard. “Darwin and the popularisation of evolution.” Notes and Records of the Royal Society 64: 5–24 (2010).

Richards, Robert J. The Meaning of Evolution: The Morphological Construction and Ideological Reconstruction of Darwin’s Theory. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (1992).

Ruse, Michael. The Darwinian Revolution: Science Red in Tooth and Claw. Chicago: University of Chicago Press (1979).

Lamarck and Lamarckism

Barthélemy-Madaule, Madeleine. 1982. Lamarck, the Mythical Precursor: A Study of the Relations between Science and Ideology. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.

Burkhardt, Richard. 1970. Lamarck, Evolution, and the Politics of Science. Journal of the History of Biology 3 (2): 275–298.

Burkhardt, Richard. 1977. The Spirit of System: Lamarck and Evolutionary Biology. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Corsi, Pietro. 1988. The Age of Lamarck: Evolutionary Theories in France, 1790–1830. Berkeley: University of California Press.

Corsi, Pietro. 2005. Before Darwin: Transformist Concepts in European Natural History. Journal of the History of Biology 38 (1): 67-83.

Corsi, Pietro. 2011. The Revolutions of Evolution: Geoffroy and Lamarck, 1825–1840. Bulletin du Musée D’Anthropologie Préhistorique de Monaco 51: 113–134.

Jordanova, Ludmilla. 1984. Lamarck. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Spary, Emma C. 2000. Utopia’s Garden: French Natural History from Old Regime to Revolution. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

[lostfunzones]

YSL Rive Gauche F/W 1985/86 Published: February 1985 Helmut Newton - Photographer Simonetta Gianfelici - Model

[1992-2991]

Farida Khelfa for Azzedine Alaïa F/W 1985 shot by Jean Paul Goude

[featherstonevintage]

Kansai Yamamoto 1985-86 F/W Salmon & Purple Cotton Jersey Convertible Outfit

[newestcool]

Jean Paul Gaultier f/w 1985 rtw Creative Director Jean Paul Gaultier Le Défilé Musée Des Arts Décoratifs Wedding Dress Source

[filmjunky-99]

k i s s o f t h e s p i d e r w o m a n, 1985 🎬 dir. héctor babenco

[eldritchboop]

42 Ancient Medicinal Plant Remedies

The Lost Book Project is charging $14 for this collection. If you find this link roundup useful, please consider donating to Archive.org instead. Other roundups here

Culpeper's Complete Herbal: Over 400 Herbs And Their Uses by N. Culpeper (1653)

A Garden of Herbs - E. Rohde (1921)

A Modern Herbal: The Medicinal, Culinary, Cosmetic, and Economic Properties, Cultivation, and Folklore of Herbs, Grasses, Fungi, Shrubs, and Trees with All Their Modern Scientific Uses by M. Grieve (1931)

Culinary Herbs - M. Kains (1912)

Fray's golden recipes for the use of all ages - E. Fray (1897)

Cunningham's Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs by S. Cunningham (1985) THIS IS A RENTAL: BOOK IS STILL IN COPYRIGHT

Back to Eden by Jethro Kloss (1939) THIS IS A RENTAL: BOOK IS STILL IN COPYRIGHT

Herbal Simples - Approved for Modern Uses of Cure - W. Fernie (1897)

Occult Science in Medicine by F. Hartmann (1893)

The Encyclopedia of Herbs and Herbalism by M. Stewart (1979)

A Compendium of General Botany - M. Westermaier (1896)

Ancient Cures, Charms, and Usages of Ireland; Contributions to Irish lore by L. Wilde (1890) A complete dictionary of the whole materia medica containing an experimental history of every natural and artificial substance made use of in medicine Vol. 1 - W. Lewis (1810) A complete dictionary of the whole materia medica containing an experimental history of every natural and artificial substance made use of in medicine Vol. 2 - W. Lewis (1810) A curious herbal - containing five hundred cuts, of the most useful plants Vol. 1 by E. Blackwell (1737) A curious herbal - containing five hundred cuts, of the most useful plants Vol. 2 by E. Blackwell (1737) A family herbal or, Familiar account of the medical properties of British and foreign plants - R. Thornton (1814) A supplement to the Pharmacopia, and treatise on pharmacology in general by S. F. Gray (1836) A text-book of materia medica and therapeutics - characteristic, analytical, and comparative by A. C. Cowperthwaite (1891) American medical botany being a collection of the native medicinal plants of the United States Vol. 1 by J. Bigelow (1817) American medical botany being a collection of the native medicinal plants of the United States Vol. 2 by J. Bigelow (1817) American medical botany being a collection of the native medicinal plants of the United States Vol. 3 by J. Bigelow (1817) American medicinal leaves and herbs by A. Henkel (1911) American root drugs by A. Henkel (1907) An introduction to botany Vol. 1 - J. Lindley (1848) An introduction to botany Vol. 2 - J. Lindley (1848)

An introduction to botany Vol. 3 - J. Lindley (1848) An introduction to medical botany - T. Castle (1829) Edible Wild Plants - P. Oliver (1899) Flower-land - an introduction to botany - R. Fisher (1889)   Ginseng And Other Medicinal Plants - by A. R. Harding (1908) Herbals, their origin and evolution, a chapter in the history of botany, 1470-1670 by A. Arber (1912) How to grow vegetables and garden herbs - A. French (1911) Illustrations of medical botany Vol. 1 by J. Carson (1845) Illustrations of medical botany Vol. 2 by J. Carson (1845) Magic plants - being a translation of a curious tract entitled De vegetalibus magicis by J. H. Heucher (1886) Medicinal Herbs and Poisonous Plants by D. Ellis (1918) New, Old, and Forgotten Remedies - E. Anschutz (1900) Outlines Of Lessons In Botany Pt. 1 - J. Newell (1896) Outlines Of Lessons In Botany Pt. 2 - J. Newell (1896) The British Herbal by J. Hill (1756) The Medicine-Men of the Apache by J. G. Bourke (1892) The Mystery and Romance of Alchemy and Pharmacy by C. J. S. Thompson (1897) The Occult Family Physician and Botanic Guide to Health by A. Matteson (1894)

[girlwhodoeskratom]

3 very pretty models i've found in oscar de la renta f/w 1991.... the 3rd model is one i've been seeing on runways since like 1985? the closest match i can find for her is "Ping-Ping" but even then im not 100% -_-

[hclib]

A Kiss

July 6 is international kissing day. Our Digital Collections are full of this sign of affection. From hellos to goodbyes, and every occasion between.

Pictured top to bottom:

Mr. and Mrs. Ed LaPointe Kiss Goodbye in 1941

An unidentified couple tie the knot in the 1940s

An unidentified couple kiss at the Elliot Recreation Center Valentine's Dance in 1985

Adrian McInnis kisses his daughter Darlene, who is held by her mother, Orienne, in 1940

Private Richard W. Anderson gives his mother, Mrs. F. R. Anderson, a big kiss upon their reunion in 1945

Bert and June McDowell kiss after a victory at the Western Junior Golf Tournament at the University of Minnesota in 1940

An unidentified couple kiss at a party in the 1940s

All photos from the Hennepin County Library Digital Collections

[hazardous-waste-containment]

non-exhaustive list of sources that are imo especially interesting/thought-provoking, just really solid, or otherwise a personal favorite:

MISC

“Leaders and Martyrs: Codreanu, Mosley and José Antonio,” Stephen M. Cullen (1986)

“Bureaucratic Politics in Radical Military Regimes,” Gregory J. Kasza (1987)

A History of Fascism, 1914–1945, Stanley Payne (1996)

The Fascist Revolution: Toward a General Theory of Fascism, George L. Mosse (1999)

Fascism Outside Europe: The European Impulse against Domestic Conditions in the Diffusion of Global Fascism, ed. Stein U. Larsen (2001)

Ancient Religions, Modern Politics: The Islamic Case in Comparative Perspective, Michael Cook (2014)

MARXISM

“Crisis and the Way Out: The Rise of Fascism in Italy and Germany,” Mihály Vajda (1972)

“Austro-Marxist Interpretation of Fascism,” Gerhard Botz (1976)

“Fascism: some common misconceptions,” Noel Ignatin (1978)

“Gramsci’s Interpretation of Fascism,” Walter L. Adamson (1980)

ARGENTINA

“The Ideological Origins of Right and Left Nationalism in Argentina, 1930–43,” Alberto Spektorowski (1994)

“The Making of an Argentine Fascist. Leopoldo Lugones: From Revolutionary Left to Radical Nationalism,” Alberto Spektorowski (1996)

“Argentine Nacionalismo before Perón: The Case of the Alianza de la Juventud Nacionalista, 1937–c. 1943,” Marcus Klein (2001)

BRAZIL

“Tenentismo in the Brazilian Revolution of 1930,” John D. Wirth (1964)

“Ação Integralista Brasileira: Fascism in Brazil, 1932–1938,” Stanley E. Hilton (1972)

“Integralism and the Brazilian Catholic Church,” Margaret Todaro Williams (1974)

“Ideology and Diplomacy: Italian Fascism and Brazil (1935–1938),” Ricardo Silva Seitenfus (1984)

“The corporatist thought in Miguel Reale: readings of Italian fascism in Brazilian integralismo,” João Fábio Bertonha (2013)

CHILE

“Corporatism and Functionalism in Modern Chilean Politics,” Paul W. Drake (1978)

“Nationalist Movements and Fascist Ideology in Chile,” Jean Grugel (1985)

“A Case of Non-European Fascism: Chilean National Socialism in the 1930s,” Mario Sznajder (1993)

CHINA

Revolutionary Nativism: Fascism and Culture in China, 1925–1937, Maggie Clinton (2017)

CROATIA

“An Authoritarian Parliament: The Croatian State Sabor of 1942,” Yeshayahu Jelinek (1980)

“The End of “Historical-Ideological Bedazzlement”: Cold War Politics and Émigré Croatian Separatist Violence, 1950–1980,” Mate Nikola Tokić (2012)

EGYPT

“An Interpretation of Nasserism,” Willard Range (1959)

Egypt’s Young Rebels: “Young Egypt,” 1933–1952, James P. Jankowski (1975)

“The Use of the Pharaonic Past in Modern Egyptian Nationalism,” Michael Wood (1998)

FRANCE

“Mores, “The First National Socialist”,” Robert F. Byrnes (1950)

“The Political Transition of Jacques Doriot,” Gilbert D. Allardyce (1966)

“National Socialism and Antisemitism: The Case of Maurice Barrès,” Zeev Sternhell (1973)

“Georges Valois and the Faisceau: The Making and Breaking of a Fascist,” Jules Levey (1973)

“The Condottieri of the Collaboration: Mouvement Social Révolutionnaire,” Bertram M. Gordon (1975)

“Myth and Violence: The Fascism of Julius Evola and Alain de Benoist,” Thomas Sheehan (1981)

GERMANY

“A German Racial Revolution?” Milan L. Hauner (1984)

“Abortion and Eugenics in Nazi Germany,” Henry P. David, Jochen Fleischhacker, and Charlotte Höhn (1988)

“Nietzschean Socialism — Left and Right, 1890–1933,” Steven E. Aschheim (1988)

The Brown Plague: Travels in Late Weimar and Early Nazi Germany, Daniel Guérin, tr. Robert Schwartzwald (1994)

“Hitler and the Uniqueness of Nazism,” Ian Kershaw (2004)

HAITI

“Ideology and Political Protest in Haiti, 1930–1946,” David Nicholls (1974)

“Michel-Rolph Trouillot’s State Against Nation: A Critique of the Totalitarian Paradigm,” Robert Fatton, Jr. (2013)

IRAN

“Iran’s Islamic Revolution in Comparative Perspective,” Said Amir Arjomand (1986)

IRAQ

“Arab-Kurdish Rivalries in Iraq,” Lettie M. Wenner (1963)

“From Paper State to Caliphate: The Ideology of the Islamic State,” Cole Bunzel (2015)

“Iraqi Archives and the Failure of Saddam’s Worldview in 2003,” Samuel Helfont (2023)

ISRAEL

“The Emergence of the Israeli Radical Right,” Ehud Sprinzak (1989)

“Max Nordau, Liberalism and the New Jew,” George L. Mosse (1992)

The Stern Gang: Ideology, Politics and Terror, 1940–1949, Joseph Heller (1995)

““Hebrew” Culture: The Shared Foundations of Ratosh’s Ideology and Poetry,” Elliott Rabin (1999)

“Israel’s fascist sideshow takes center stage,” Natasha Roth-Rowland (2019)

“‘Frightening proportions’: On Meir Kahane’s assimilation doctrine,” Erik Magnusson (2021)

ITALY

“The Fascist Conception of Law,” H. Arthur Steiner (1936)

“The Goals of Italian Fascism,” Edward R. Tannenbaum (1969)

“Fascist Modernization in Italy: Traditional or Revolutionary?” Roland Sarti (1970)

“Fascism as Political Religion,” Emilio Gentile (1990)

“I redentori della vittoria: On Fiume’s Place in the Genealogy of Fascism,” Hans Ulrich Gumbrecht (1996)

JAPAN

“A New Look at the Problem of “Japanese Fascism”,” George M. Wilson (1968)

“Marxism and National Socialism in Taishō Japan: The Thought of Takabatake Motoyuki,” Germaine A. Hoston (1984)

“Fascism from Below? A Comparative Perspective on the Japanese Right, 1931–1936,” Gregory J. Kasza (1984)

“Japan’s Wartime Labor Policy: A Search for Method,” Ernest J. Notar (1985)

“Fascism from Above? Japan’s Kakushin Right in Comparative Perspective,” Gregory J. Kasza (2001)

PARAGUAY

“Political Aspects of the Paraguayan Revolution, 1936–1940,” Harris Gaylord Warren (1950)

“Toward a Weberian Characterization of the Stroessner Regime in Paraguay (1954–1989),” Marcial Antonio Riquelme (1994)

ROMANIA

“The Men of the Archangel,” Eugen Weber (1966)

“Breaking the Teeth of Time: Mythical Time and the “Terror of History” in the Rhetoric of the Legionary Movement in Interwar Romania,” Raul Carstocea (2015)

RUSSIA

“Was There a Russian Fascism? The Union of Russian People,” Hans Rogger (1964)

“The All-Russian Fascist Party,” Erwin Oberländer (1966)

“The Zhirinovsky Threat,” Jacob W. Kipp (1994)

Russian Fascism: Traditions, Tendencies, Movements, Stephen Shenfield (2000)

“Why fascists took over the Reichstag but have not captured the Kremlin: a comparison of Weimar Germany and post-Soviet Russia,” Steffen Kailitz and Andreas Umland (2017)

SLOVAKIA

“Storm-troopers in Slovakia: the Rodobrana and the Hlinka Guard,” Yeshayahu Jelinek (1971)

SPAIN

“The Forgotten Falangist: Ernesto Gimenez Cabellero,” Douglas W. Foard (1975)

Fascism in Spain, 1923–1977, Stanley Payne (1999)

“Spanish Fascism as a Political Religion (1931–1941),” Zira Box and Ismael Saz (2011)

SYRIA

The Ba‘th and the Creation of Modern Syria, David Roberts (1987)

TURKEY

“Kemalist Authoritarianism and fascist Trends in Turkey during the Interwar Period,” Fikret Adanïr (2001)

“The Other From Within: Pan-Turkist Mythmaking and the Expulsion of the Turkish Left,” Gregory A. Burris (2007)

“The Racist Critics of Atatürk and Kemalism, from the 1930s to the 1960s,” İlker Aytürk (2011)

UNITED KINGDOM

“Northern Ireland and British fascism in the inter-war years,” James Loughlin (1995)

“‘What’s the Big Idea?’: Oswald Mosley, the British Union of Fascists and Generic Fascism,” Gary Love (2007)

“Why Fascism? Sir Oswald Mosley and the Conception of the British Union of Fascists,” Matthew Worley (2011)

UNITED STATES

“Ezra Pound and American Fascism,” Victor C. Ferkiss (1955)

“Populist Influences on American Fascism,” Victor C. Ferkiss (1957)

“Vigilante Fascism: The Black Legion as an American Hybrid,” Peter H. Amann (1983)

“Silver Shirts in the Northwest: Politics, Personalities, and Prophecies in the 1930s,” Eckard V. Toy, Jr. (1989)

“Women in the 1920s’ Ku Klux Klan Movement,” Kathleen M. Blee (1991)

“‘Leaderless Resistance’,” Jeffrey Kaplan (1997)

“The post-war paths of occult national socialism: from Rockwell and Madole to Manson,” Jeffrey Kaplan (2001)

“The Upward Path: Palingenesis, Political Religion and the National Alliance,” Martin Durham (2004)

“The F Word: Is Donald Trump a fascist?” Dylan Matthews (2021)

“Castizo Futurism and the Contradictions of Multiracial White Nationalism,” Ben Lorber and Natalie Li (2022)