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theskelejournals · 8 years ago

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Entry 50

Heh. Y’know, I hadn’t really thought about it cause I’ve been pleasantly occupied for a little while now, but it’s almost been two years since… well. The accident. It’s still hard to think about it, how it changed us, changed everything, but I guess that’s life. It goes on. Two years of confusion, fighting, working to regain myself, working through it all and just… moving past it. You don’t just get over something like that easily. And it hasn’t been easy. But I’ve had help. I have a lot of things, people, circumstances to thank for that. Yeah it’s still rough with that flower lurking around, but I don’t try and let him get me down too much. I just keep on being the laid back sentry I am and watching out for the strangeness.

Of course with Paps, Grillby and Q, and the lady behind the door, I’ve been able to keep myself afloat. There’s still moments where I hit a wall, when I sink, but then a hand reaches out to help. Whether I can physically grab that hand or not, there’s always someone there to make sure I don’t fall too far.

I couldn’t make it without you guys.

But beyond that deep stuff, let’s get to some of the more entertaining bits.

It’s almost All Hallow’s Eve, and while Paps and I didn’t do anything spectacular for it last year, this year the Snowdin Inn is hosting a party. Papyrus told me he wanted to attend and dress up, and when asked about it, he told me he wanted a guard costume. No surprise there. Mulling over ideas, I laid something out for him.

“tell you what, bro,” I said while we were out shopping one day, “you wanna be a guard for all hallow’s eve?”

“Of course I do! I mean, I want to be one for real, but to be one for this is just as good! For now!”

“heh, right, so.” Looking up with a grin, I tilted my head a little. “howzabout you design me a guard costume, and i’ll make it for you?”

Papyrus stopped mid stride in the isle, brows raising and jaw dropping.

“Really? You’ll make me a costume?”

“yeah sure, figure it’ll be fun.” Snickering, I added, “builds character, y’know. helps craft my engineering skills.”

For once, Paps was too excited about the prospect to fully hear the puns.

“Wowie! Yes brother, please! Oh, that’d be the coolest!”

So when we got home, Papyrus immediately rushed off to grab some paper and pens. It took him a few tries, but eventually he drew up a rough sketch of what he wanted.

“Behold, Sans! The Battle Body of the Great Papyrus!”

It was a pretty simple design in concept, and after looking it over, I took some of the paper he had left and sketched out my own in the style of blueprints. Papyrus watched intently as I went, planning out how to make it.

“Oh, oh! Could you make it as if I were actually going to use it? As a real guard? I want it to be authentic!”

“heh, sure thing.” With a chuckle, I made notes of what type of material to use, and once I had everything laid out, I turned the paper to show him.

“I… can’t understand most of that,” he mumbled with a furrowed brow. Grinning, I pat his shoulder and shook my head.

“that’s fine bro, i can draw all the conclusions i need on my own.” He made a grumbled noise in response, to which I snickered. I took his measurements and wrote those down too to make sure I had everything I needed besides the materials actually needed to make the gettup. After that, the next day was used to gather the supplies for the build. I got hard but flexible material, stuff I knew would protect him if he ever got in a brawl of any type. Kinda had a double meaning: authentic for him and extra protection to ease my mind. Despite that, I’ll be completely honest, I was actually excited to make the costume for him. I hadn’t built anything since my post out in the forest -- if you exclude puzzles -- and I was looking forward to working on something. Besides, I knew it would make Papyrus happy.

After getting everything I needed, I set up shop down in my lab to begin. Galahad kept watch as he always did down there, his own gaze ever curious as I worked. Papyrus would come down a lot to try and see how far I’d gotten, excited for it to be done and giving his own input. I think a part of him was a little worried about me being alone in my lab again after so long too, but I can’t blame him for that. I didn’t spend nearly as long down there as I did during the machine stuff, but I could understand his worry. When he was down there though, I’d use that opportunity to retake his measurements and fit the pieces around him to make sure everything lined up.

Progress took about a week, and when it was finally done, I gathered all the pieces with blue magic and carted them into the house. As a kicker, I put my old lab coat and a pair of reading glasses that were my brother’s on before heading inside. Paps was downstairs when I was tugging the pieces through the door, and his excited gasp made me look up with a grin.

“up to your room, bro,” I told him. “time to try it out.”

His excited laughter rang through the house as he jogged upstairs, making me grin that much wider. After bringing it all up, I set the pieces down and had Paps open his closet so we could use the full body mirror behind it.

Despite his excitement, Papyrus made sure to attach everything just right and carefully. I lended a hand whenever needed which wasn’t often, just a clasp or two, before he turned around and beheld himself in the mirror.

Watching him stare at his reflection in wonder was probably one of the most fulfilling things. The fact that I could make my brother happy like that made so many things worth it. Those books from long ago came in handy after all.

“Sans! This is exactly what I wanted!” Laughing in triumph, Papyrus danced happily in his spot, grinning away in glee. He spun around several times to get a look at every angle, utterly pleased with the results. “Oh brother, thank you! It is truly an outfit worthy of the Great Papyrus!”

“heh, only the best for the best, am i right?”

“Absolutely!”

As I watched him, a thought struck me and I tilted my head. The outfit looked good on him, but… something else could be added.

“y’know… i think i have something that’ll make you look even cooler.” Papyrus looked at me with curious excitement.

“I am already pretty great looking, but the Great Papyrus will always take suggestions!”

Smirking, I nodded and started heading toward the door.

“heh. one sec.”

Teleporting midstep, I reappeared in my room and looked around. Spotting what I wanted, I headed for my desk and ran a hand slowly over the folded red scarf by the journal. It was something I’d had for as long as I could remember. The sentimental value of it was deep, and I knew that it had been something important. Gaster said that it was one of the very first things I’d ever touched.

Smiling gently, I took a breath and picked it up to hold it close. Leaving my room, I went back down the hall to Paps’ room and found him still looking at the armor in the mirror. With a chuckle, I came to his side and held the bundled cloth up.

“here bro, use this.”

Blinking, Papyrus turned to look and he paused. His brows rose, looking between me and the scarf, reaching a tentative hand to run over it like I had done nearly a minute before.

“Your scarf! Sans… Are you sure?”

“yeah. just be sure to take good care of it,” grinning, I added, “knot that i didn’t think you would.” Pap groaned, slumping.

“Enouuuugh.” Straightening back up, he took the scarf gently and carefully held it in his mitts, raising a brow and tilting his head. There was a spark of recognition in his eye, one he didn’t look like he could place. But I knew what it was. That scarf had belonged to Gaster, and his father, and then dad gave it to me. Now, in this unspoken movement, I was passing it on to Pap. Continuing the tradition, I guess you could say. I’d worn it many times, but I guess it never really caught Paps’ attention enough for him to ask or notice. Until now, anyways.

Smiling gently, he looked up and gained an appreciative grin.

“I’ll wear this with pride, worry you not, brother!”

Kneeling down, he handed it back over and tilted his chin up. Understanding hit me and I nodded with a chuckle, shifting to wind it carefully around his neck and tucking it.

“there you go, bro. as sharp and fierce as ever.”

“Nyeh-heh! Wonderful!” Standing up tall, he looked in the mirror and his eyes lit up with his grin. “Wowie! Looks Sans! It really brings it together!” Tucking my hands in my pockets, I nodded with a grin.

“sure does, bro. you look like a true royal guard now.”

Gasping softly, Papyrus looked over with an excited grin.

“Really? You think so?” Clearing his throat, he turned back to the mirror and pulled a dramatic pose. “I mean! Of course I do! I am the Great Papyrus, the best, most Royalist of Guards!”

Snickering, I shook my head in amusement at his antics. He really was something else. In that moment, Pap reached and laid a hand on my shoulder. When I looked up, he was grinning happily still, a light in his eyes that made me pause.

“Sans… thank you. For all of this. It means a lot to me.”

Grinning softly back, I shrugged.

“it’s my job, bro. to make sure you’re happy and taken care of.” Grinning a little wider, I said, “out of the other two jobs i got, this is the best one.”

“I mean it, I don’t think I tell you enough how much I appreciate having you as my brother,” Papyrus said, kneeling back down so we were equal height. “I tease at you all the time about being lazy but…”

“aw paps,” I chuckled, “i know you don’t really mean it.”

“Ok but see you are lazy sometimes,” Pap countered, making a face, but it quickly smoothed back out. “But really. For all you do, thank you.”

“it’s nothin’.” Shrugging, I reached forward and gave his head a pat, much like Grillby tended to do. “but i gotta say, thank you for keeping me in line. you’re the greatest brother around.”

“Nyeh! It’s my job!” Winking at the repeated words, he pulled me into a tight hug. Huffing, I laughed and hugged him back as he continued, “I may be the greatest, but you’re the best! Never forget it!”

“heh, i won’t paps.”

“Good because if you do, I’ll be right here to remind your lazy self.” Patting my back, he let go and looked in the mirror one more time excitedly. I let him have the moment, and in that same moment I smiled to myself. Thanking whatever presence was out there that I had a brother as cool and understanding as Papyrus. Heh. Thanks to you too, Dadster.

“so…” Clearing my throat, I raised a brow with a slightly teasing grin up at him. “you gonna wear that the rest of the day now? cause uh, the party ain’t until this weekend.”

Blinking, Papyrus turned to look at me and then back in the mirror with crossed arms.

“Indeed I am! I can’t let a costume this exquisite just sit and wait to be worn once! I have to break it in. It must get the appreciation it deserves.”

Snickering softly, I leaned against the computer desk and rest a cheek in my hand.

“whatever you say, bro.”

“It is what I say! Now, let’s find you something to wear too.”

Shaking my head, I let out a laugh.

“nah, i already know what i’m gonna wear. wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to guess.”

His face falling into an unimpressed expression, Paps puts his hands on his hips as he stared me down.

“Are you really just going to put your lab coat on and call that a costume?”

“pretty much yeah.”

“You are ridiculous, brother,” he sighed, running a hand over his forehead.

“hey, it’s a costume,” I chuckled, “i don’t work there anymore, so it, y’know, works.”

“You could at least be a little creative with it!”

“well i am wearing glasses. it’s a spectac-ular addition.”

Turning the look to me again slowly, he leaned forward a little bit and squinted.

“So glasses and a lab coat.”

“yep.”

“And nothing else.”

“yep.”

Groaning, Papyrus threw his hands up and turned to face the mirror again.

“How do I put up with you?”

“pretty easily i’m sure, i don’t weigh that much.”

“OKAY I’M LEAVING,” he exclaimed, hands in the air again, marching toward the door. I started cracking up, burying my face in my arms. Going from a meaningful moment to banter in zero seconds flat.

“leaving your own room?”

“Yes! Leaving! Gone! Bye brother!”

Paps was out the door in seconds and I was laughing too hard to stop him. He wasn’t actually mad, but oh man that was too priceless. I eventually followed him out, shedding my coat and the glasses shortly after. Paps started talking to me again not long after that too, then we sank into laughter as we picked fun at one another. Right back to normal. Heh, as if the banter wasn’t. It was TV the rest of the night, Pap dancing around in his costume randomly to show it off even though I’d made it, and then a story to put him to sleep.

I’ll be the first to admit that my life is a little crazy, but then there’s times like these that I’m also reminded that it can be pretty cool. For once, I’m really starting to look forward to things again. It’s been building a little over time, and while hope can be dangerous in my situation, I can’t help but let it try to come back. Sure I’ve got a human-based promise to keep for my friend, a lunatic flower to watch out for, and a shadow that’s my dad that I can one-sidedly talk to from time to time but… y’know.

Life’s funny like that.

I’ve also got two jobs, a brother to watch out for, friends and family close by when I need them, and with that a support system. It can be sketchy -- thanks Flowey -- but again, that’s also life. Despite it all, the past few months, things have been looking pretty good. I can’t help feeling like… something's gonna happen soon, but what… I can’t even begin to think of. I’m just gonna hold out that it’s something good. All you can do, am I right?

I just know that, right now… yeah. Things are okay. I’m okay.

And that’s all I can ask for. - Sans

#undertale #sans #papyrus #undertale fanfic #journalVerse #sansjournal2 #and there it isss #the battle body #good lord this has been a journey

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melindarowens · 7 years ago

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Weekend Reads: When in Rome . . .

“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel, next, to find ourselves. We travel to open our hearts and eyes and learn more about the world than our newspapers will accommodate. We travel to bring what little we can, in our ignorance and knowledge, to those parts of the globe whose riches are differently dispersed. And we travel, in essence, to become young fools again — to slow time down and get taken in, and fall in love once more.” — Pico Iyer, “Why We Travel“

Feeling somewhat wistful this week, I found myself drawn — yet again — to the opening sentences of Pico Iyer’s beautiful essay. No matter how many times I have read those lines, they remain as timeless and relevant as when I first read them. Iyer’s words remind me why it’s important not to lose one’s sense of adventure.

In a new podcast, Carl Richards, also known as the “Sketch Guy,” tells Robin Powell what drove him and his family to move from Utah to New Zealand for a year. “We as a family, we really value adventure, and by adventure I mean navigating wild landscapes, if you will, whether those are cultural, or emotional, or environmental, or physical,” he says. After Carl’s wife nearly died in a climbing accident, he wrote a column about regret: “On your deathbed, it’s too late to make wish lists,” he tells readers, before challenging them to consider, “What’s on your wish list? What might you regret if you don’t do it soon?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about travel and adventure these past few weeks as I recently returned from a two-week holiday in Italy. This trip marked a first for me in one key respect: I decided not to check work email, Twitter, or to read the news media, for the duration. It was tough at first, but I was resolute and returned with a few insights:

You’ve got to stick with your out-of-office message. If you say you’re not checking email but respond as soon as you receive one, nobody will believe what you say and you’ll be expected to reply throughout your so-called time off. And guess what? When I returned after two weeks, the building was still standing, the team was still working, and the world was still turning.

Garbage in, garbage out. In tech, this is known as GIGO and refers to the idea that a computer is “only as good as the data it receives and the instructions it is given.” For me, GIGO refers to my psychological state. The more negative news I consume, the more jaded and negative I feel. I usually say “junk in, junk out,” when applying the phrase to my mental temperament. A good example is when I’m pushing myself during a hard workout. The moment I succumb to “junk,” or negativity, my willpower shrivels and I give in. Old habits die hard. I’ve been a reporter for most of my career, so checking the news is baked into my DNA. But freeing myself from my compulsion made me feel happier and allowed me to focus on reading.

Less social media, more bibliotherapy. As Ceridwen Dovey put it in her essay, “Can Reading Make You Happier?” “Bibliotherapy is a very broad term for the ancient practice of encouraging reading for therapeutic effect.” Reading remains one of my greatest pleasures, but over the past few years, I’ve struggled to stay focused on the page. I can barely make it through one or two pages before flicking through my smartphone to check email, Twitter, and Facebook. There is more than a hint of irony that one of the books on my nightstand — that I have yet to open — is The Distracted Mind. So when I headed to Italy, I had to make a conscious choice to rid myself of distractions. As Shane Parrish writes, “As simple as it sounds, finding time to read boils down to choices about how you allocate your time.” I’m happy to report I made it through Christopher McDougall’s best-selling tome about running, Born to Run, (no doubt distinguishing myself as close-to-the-last runner on the planet to read it), and David Grann’s fascinating true-crime narrative, Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI.

I have a gaping hole in my education when it comes to the history of ancient Rome and want to learn more. Have any good suggestions for what I should read? Leave a comment below.

It’s the simple things in life that count: lashings of extra virgin olive oil; a Bialetti stovetop espresso maker; quality coffee beans; fresh, seasonal local produce; freshly baked bread; a fine bottle of Vino Nobile di Montepulciano (after all, In Vino Veritas, “There is truth in wine”); rest; and books.

And now, on to some articles and multimedia I have enjoyed in recent weeks, in case you missed them:

“Adventurers are being sought for the first attempt by an all-woman team to walk to the North Pole. . . . Applications are invited from women of any age, background, and occupation, but they will have to prove fitness and commitment. They will have to put up with real pain and discomfort. They will wonder every ten steps what they are doing but they have the opportunity to take part in an epic endeavor.” So read a notice that appeared in the classified ads of The Telegraph that ultimately led to “The Amazing Story of the First All-Women North Pole Expedition.” (Smithsonian)

After spending time walking around the Colosseum and Roman Forum, I had a desire to learn more. One of the first things I found is this video simulation, “Visualizing Imperial Rome” around the year 320 AD. (Khan Academy)

When in Rome, eat amatriciana, one of the city’s staple pasta dishes. But never, ever make it with garlic. For if you do, you risk shame. According to officials in Amatrice, real amatriciana contains only six ingredients: pecorino cheese, white wine, guanciale (pork jowl), tomatoes from San Marzano, pepper, and chili. (The Guardian)

“Nowhere in Italy, where calamity comes embellished with rococo gestures and embroidered in exclamation points, is there a crisis more beautifully framed than Venice. Neither land nor water, but shimmering somewhere in between, the city lifts like a mirage from a lagoon at the head of the Adriatic. For centuries it has threatened to vanish beneath the waves of the acqua alta, relentlessly regular flooding caused by the complicity of rising tides and sinking foundations, but that is the least of its problems.” See “Vanishing Venice.” (National Geographic)

A look at Venice, Italy, during a flood and a short video about how La Serenissima, Bride of the Sea, works with its intricate web of canals, bridges, and wooden polls. (Boston Globe, Venice Backstage)

“A Brief History of the World’s Most Influential Art Exhibition” (The Atlantic)

If you are a regular reader, you will recall that I’ve included Oliver Sacks’s essay “Speak, Memory” in at least one roundup. It’s a fascinating piece about Sacks’s surreal discovery about this own memories: “I accepted that I must have forgotten or lost a great deal, but assumed that the memories I did have — especially those that were very vivid, concrete, and circumstantial — were essentially valid and reliable; and it was a shock to me when I found that some of them were not.” Even though I’ve read about how notoriously unreliable our memories are, it was still shocking to read “Remembering the Murder You Didn’t Commit“: “DNA evidence exonerated six convicted killers. So why do some of them recall the crime so clearly?” (The New York Review of Books, The New Yorker)

In a recent blog post, Ben Carlson, CFA, outlines the reasons why he believes simple beats complex in the investment world. (A Wealth of Common Sense)

Thinking about penning a book? Jason Zweig offers “Ten Tips for Writing a Book Without Making Your Head Explode.” (Jason Zweig)

Speaking of writing, Barry Ritholtz makes an excellent point about the art of curating content: “Curate viciously,” he says. “What you choose to omit is crucial to making any list special.” (Bloomberg View)

I enjoyed Patrick O’Shaughnessy’s recent post on lessons learned from a year of podcasting. Two of those lessons apply beyond podcasts: Conversation is an underused method of learning, and “preparation and careful listening are everything.” (The Investor’s Field Guide)

“Exercise is king. Nutrition is queen. Put them together, and you have a kingdom.” Nice quote from Jack LaLanne in “How Aging Research is Changing Our Lives.” (Nautilus)

Chief Justice John Roberts of the US Supreme Court gave an unconventional speech to his son’s graduating class that has been doing the rounds on social media. If you missed it, it’s worth a read. (Time)

For something completely different, a beautifully written essay: “The Fish: A Story of Love and Letting Go.” (On Being)

This week marked Henry David Thoreau’s 200th birthday and so it seems appropriate to close with this quote from Walden: “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” (Washington Post)

If you liked this post, don’t forget to subscribe to the Enterprising Investor.

All posts are the opinion of the author. As such, they should not be construed as investment advice, nor do the opinions expressed necessarily reflect the views of CFA Institute or the author’s employer.

Lauren Foster

Lauren Foster is managing editor of Enterprising Investor and co-lead of CFA Institute’s Women in Investment Management initiative. Previously, she worked as a freelance writer for Barron’s and the Financial Times. Prior to her freelance work, Foster spent nearly a decade on staff at the FT as a reporter and editor based in the New York bureau. Foster holds a BA in political science from the University of Cape Town, and an MS in journalism from Columbia University.

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everettwilkinson · 7 years ago