#expect to see him again in future Bodhi Lives fics

[justallihere]

Alli this chapter was such a nice surprise !!

Violet is a sarcastic queen "we can hold hands" she says to Liam as if the only person she wants to hold hands with is not her husband. Liam and Violet are very special to me and the way you write them is very unique. He's so protective of her but she's also very strict on her boundaries in the friendship which I love for her.

Oh so the panflet did make its rounds in this fic. Devera u sneaky bitch I know what u are (a traitor). This is a perfect opportunity to reveal some truths but because our Violet is indeed the queen of a whole ass country I doubt she's gonna do that, there's just too much at stake, but I do wish she had done something in canon. I wonder if she's gonna talk to Devera here? If she even suspects it was her?

“Be logical, riders,” Markham said as he collected the last of the leaflets. “When has Navarre ever sent a riot of only Blue dragons? I expect better from you all. More critical thinking. It will be imperative once you’re out of Basgiath and on the battlefield.” oh this is pure gold the way propaganda is discussed here is just so good. i love these conflicts.

Jack is back ?? creating chaos for sure. maybe trying to murder violet? omg imagine violet being able to see that he's a venin way earlier bc she's sees the sage way too often in her dreams and when she sees jack she goes "umm that's weird, that's suspicious" Also I've always thought Baide was sus for keeping it hidden i hope the damn dragon dies. maybe tairn can actually kill a dragon this time.

Oh Xaden is just so miserable my poor baby "I know you're awake" ohhhh u wanna talk to her so bad. Violet acknowledging they have a routine is very special to me and an improvement. As much as it hurt me them sleeping in separate beds it's very much needed bc they need to TALK I'm just waiting for the chapter in which they will fight so bad they both break and then they'll make up.

their conversations in the dark !! they need each other so badly, the weight of ruling is heavy and while xaden may try to play it off he doesn't handle it well either.

“Yes and no. Eventually you get used to it. You stop feeling the weight. You do the best you can with what you have, and you make so many horrible choices that it’s all you know, and you have to make yourself stop second-guessing. It’ll drive you mad if you don’t.” Sir what u need is therapy.

Violet talking about her dying before seeing her future and Xaden saying she'll live and then Violet calling him a liar … THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT !! and followed by her calling Aretia home and Xaden having a mini breakdown over it ? oh he's very screwed indeed but she isn't much better. i wonder when will she realize its him that's home and not Aretia the place.

also xaden suffering the consequences (violet putting herself in danger for the good of Tyrrendor) of his own actions?? we love to see it but also omg the angst !! he's just like "pls sit down don't do anything dangerous"

"We’re married. We’re supposed to be a team." she knew she had him with that, the only thing he wants more than for her to live its for them to be a team. the cant live without u line is very on brand for violet denial sorrengail to misinterpret love that !!

love the bodhi and violet crumbs !! they're family they need to interact more i also think they'd be a formidable pair against xaden just to annoy him lmao. but for now bodhi will rat her out to xaden !! he's part of the "violet and xaden should talk like rational adults" club. also they're so married bickering so so married they're disgusting actually. (him not missing the opportunity to call her beautiful, sir you are not that sneaky i see u)

xaden agreeing to go with violet on her suicide mission is very supportive partner coded gottalove that !! cant wait to see him go ballistic when shes tortured.

once again you've delivered such a good chapter thank u so much <3

My favorite thing about Violet is that she’s kind of a bitch because so am I and we deserve that representation. She loves Liam so very much but my girl likes her space

Violet and Devera talk soon-ish. I love Devera so much, I need more of her

Xaden and Violet are in their married couple era for SURE, there’s more communication from them in the coming chapters and it’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna be so good I can’t wait

“what u need is therapy” that’s what Garrick and Bodhi are for 😭😭

Listen like it’s so important to me that they follow through on the things they agreed to. They talked and they decided no more secrets and they would do everything together from now on and they took that shit SERIOUSLY!! It’s part of their married dynamic, I love them

Thank you so much for reading 🩷🩷🩷

[smonksthemuse]

"and miles to go before I sleep" with, uh... Bodhi?

and miles to go before I sleep

The first time he had tried to walk after the battle of Scarif, he had been rather stupid about it.

Well, no. That was unkind to himself. He had just been… emotional, and over-eager, and anxious. And he had used poor judgement.

Very poor judgement.

He had decided he would walk on his own, without consulting any of the doctors overseeing his recovery. He had been sure he could do it, confident that, even newly-blind and far from fully recovered, he could manage a few steps around the room unaided.

He had been wrong, of course. He hadn’t even been able to stand up fully before he fell.

He had crashed to the floor, and pain had torn across the still-healing burns on his face. His cry of pain had brought two nurses running, and when they had gotten him back into bed and made sure he was alright they gave him the dressing-down of his life.

Then they sent an assistant in the hall to make him a cup of tea and sat with him, giving soft assurances that he would walk again, of course he would, he just needed to give himself more time. Things would never be the same, and neither would he, but he would learn to carry on in a new way.

As it happened, one of those ways ended up being Davith Alstor; the assistant who had made him tea.

Davith was truly wonderful, and Bodhi was grateful down to his bones to have met him. He had held him up with strong and gentle arms the next time he attempted tentative steps. He was never annoyed when Bodhi needed help with little things, and he celebrated the smallest of Bodhi’s achievements with genuine joy.

Davith had been blind for a time, before a surgical procedure had restored his vision almost completely; he still wore glasses - they were red and square and made him look scholarly, he said - to keep from straining his eyes. He had been injured as well, though he chose not to elaborate on it, and Bodhi didn’t press.

Davith had been able to see only light and dark, and blurry silhouettes, for two years. That was how long it had taken, he explained, for his family to save enough credits to pay for the procedure and not set themselves out on the street in doing it.

Was your family poor? Bodhi had asked.

Credits did not flow freely in my home, Davith replied. But there were many who were less fortunate than we were.

He had been blind from the age of fourteen to the age of sixteen; though he was now twenty-one, and had been visually abled since the surgery, he remembered the things he had learned while blind, and he happily gave Bodhi his knowledge.

One of these lessons - one which Bodhi struggled with to an unfortunate degree - was the lesson of rest.

I should build my strength back up, he would insist. I can’t keep taking breaks every time I get a little tired. I have to push through.

It didn’t matter if it was Bodhi’s doctor-approved light exercise, or his quest to remaster as many skills as were possible with his new disability; Davith was kind and understanding, and of course he never tried to force Bodhi to stop, but he always ended up getting Bodhi to rest anyway. His gentle persistence would win in the end. Bodhi was not short on time, he would say, and this process was not something to be rushed.

Davith Alstor was wise beyond his years, and Bodhi had the sense that his wisdom had roots in pain far greater than an injury to the eyes.

He wasn’t quite sure what made him think that; Davith was almost endlessly optimistic, and ‘cheerfully relaxed’ seemed to be his natural state of being. When he spoke, Bodhi could hear the smile in his voice, and it was always contagious.

But that didn’t mean that Davith’s past couldn’t have been painful. Sometimes the most broken people were the ones who helped others heal the most.

Right now, Davith was helping him heal in a way that was by now familiar to them both: convincing Bodhi to go to sleep instead of obsessing over his mental hall-map.

Bodhi’s mental hall-map was something he worked on at every opportunity; he had recently decided to memorize the route to and from his room and several places in the Rebellion’s headquarters. The mess hall, the briefing room, his counselor’s office, the hangar, every ‘fresher, every emergency exit, and Davith’s quarters.

It was a tall order, Bodhi knew, and he wouldn’t have much need of it. His cane would vibrate when it detected the sensors set up around the base’s hotspots, ‘freshers, and exits, and Davith’s request to put a sensor by the door to his own room had been immediately granted. Memorizing the layout of nearly the entire facility was far from necessary.

But Bodhi knew that a situation where he was without his cane was completely (terrifyingly) possible. He wanted to be prepared for such an event. He needed to be.

Tonight he was particularly dedicated, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had been unable to help when earlier that day someone had asked him for directions to the nearest ‘fresher. Absolutely nothing at all.

Davith had been walking beside him for quite a while now; up and down the halls, back and forth and back again. They had been to the mess hall three times already. Every time Bodhi retraced his steps back to his quarters, Davith would suggest they finish up for the night and see how much Bodhi remembered tomorrow. Bodhi would insist on one or two more rounds, and Davith would sigh, fondly and dramatically, and follow him to their next destination.

As time wore on, though, Davith had become more and more reluctant to let Bodhi continue; he began to make appeals to Bodhi while they walked, asking him to promise that this time would be the last for the night. Bodhi never quite agreed, giving only noncommittal noises in response.

When they came to the east emergency exit for the fourth time, and Bodhi announced his intent to visit the south one again, Davith’s well of patience ran dry.

“Bodhi, this is ridiculous!” he said, exasperated. “It’s past midnight, and we’ve walked miles!”

“And I have miles more to go,” Bodhi answered, though he was truly exhausted. He turned to walk on, but a gentle hand on his shoulder stopped him.

“You can walk those miles tomorrow,” Davith said softly. “You’re tired. You need to sleep. Please go to bed, Bodhi. Please?

When Bodhi got back to his room, he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

I love Davith Alstor and you should too

[self-proclaimed-chaotic-good]

Speak your Heart | Cassian Andor x Reader (Oneshot)

Words: 2395

A/N: Hey, look, it's another "not exactly unrequited love, they're just idiots" fic starring our favorite grumpy captain.

May the fourth be with you!

Summary: You may or may not have a crush on your longtime friend, Cassian, but he thinks that you may or may not have a crush on his friend Bodhi. It's up to your friends to quickly fix that.

-

When you laugh so hard, you would laugh with your whole body, clutching at your stomach or rubbing your cheeks when they grew sore. Your laugh was the most amazing sound Cassian had ever heard. It wasn’t a soft melodious sound, but it was a genuine, wholehearted laugh that would make anyone smile and join in. But, right now, he hated it. If it was caused by Jyn, he would have been fine. He knew you enjoyed her sarcastic humor and banter. No, it was caused by his other best friend. The quiet pilot that was always full of surprises.

You finally regained your breath and slapped the pilot’s shoulder. “Bodhi, Bodhi, tell them about the time you had to lead a small team of new recruits,” you said.

Bodhi rolled his eyes. “Oh, that one. So, there was this new guy who was acting all big, bragging about his knowledge of ships and how he fought numerous stormtroopers on his own. Long story short, he almost caught one of the Skippers on fire from his failed attempt of hot-hiring it and when the troopers came, he screamed and flung his blaster across the docks.”

“We had to go and save him,” you added. “Bodhi made it so we were able to get the cargo and save the guy all in one piece. He can think of plans so quickly under pressure. I don’t know how he does it.”

Bodhi ducked his head and laughed. “Well, I had an idea of how stormtroopers think. It wasn’t too difficult. The way they acted, it seemed like they were also new recruits, so it wasn’t too hard to take care of them.”

“Better watch out, (Y/n). If Bodhi ends up being full himself with all those compliments you’re stuffing him, then Cassian will have another handful to deal with,” Jyn said.

“Yeah, the other being you, of course,” Bodhi shot back. “I don’t think I’ll ever be like that, though.”

Jyn smirked. “But, can you even imagine the two of us ganging up on Cassian like that?”

He nodded with a wide smile. “He’d go insane. Probably abandon us on the nearest moon.”

“Guys,” you said, shaking your head, “that would mean I’d never hear the end of it about you two.”

Jyn wrapped her arm around your shoulder. “That’s right. Cassian tells you everything, doesn’t he?” She exchanged a knowing look with Bodhi.

“Not everything,” you muttered, crossing your arms as you thought about the numerous times where Cassian would avoid you for no reason when he had been telling you almost everything about the missions he had in the past and the ones he had recently come back from. You weren’t sure when your friendship with him had reached the point where the two of you would exchange stories late at night before finally attempting sleep, but it felt effortless.

You sighed, leaning your back against Bodhi as he carried off his conversation with Jyn and the others. There were times where you’d slip deep in thought and it occurred often enough that your friends learned to let you be unless they knew you were in a bad mood prior to it. Your eyes drifted away from the group, looking around the canteen nonchalantly.

All those faces, new and seasoned. The war never cared which ones they were, it just takes. Many would have sworn off on sentimental attachments and at one point, you did, too. That is, until you met Cassian and Kaytwo. You rarely saw them apart and it wasn’t until you were assigned to assist them as their technician did you have any close contact with either of them. Many spoke about the stoic spy who always got the job done, no matter the cost.

Cassian Andor. A man who had been in the fight since he was a child. You thought that a man like him wouldn’t want to get close to anyone unless they were solely a means to an end. So, when you saw Cassian panic after K-2SO got shot and damaged his arm and wiring, you were shocked to say the least. You had to help him drag the droid back to the U-Wing and try to stabilize him with the resources you had on hand while Cassian powered up the ship and flew away from danger. He had let out a sigh of relief when you told him that Kaytwo would be fine and repairable once the three of you reach base. Since then, you realized that living beings always end up getting attached to something or someone no matter how hard they tried.

Your eyes ended up landing on the very captain that occupied your thoughts more than half the time. Without realizing it, a smile slowly spread across your face. You were definitely attached to someone, alright.

Bodhi nudged your back and smiled. “Go talk to him.”

You turned your head to Bodhi and shook it. “I don’t know. Last time I did, he stormed off. I don’t know why, though. Maybe it was something I said, but I’m not sure what would have caused him to do that.”

Cassian froze as you looked at him with a smile. His heart began to beat fast as he thought of how to respond. But when he decided to settle for a smile, you turned your head away and towards Bodhi whose face was inches from yours.

“You should go talk to them, you know,” Kaytwo said. “There’s a ninety-five percent chance that you are misinterpreting (Y/n)’s and Bodhi’s relationship.”

“And what is that five percent?”

“That misinterpretation percentage used to be much higher, but given how long you want to prolong your lovesick yearning, that percentage would only decrease with time.”

Cassian grunted at this, walking away from the droid and out of the canteen. “And what are the odds of this biting us in the ass in the future?”

“Depending on what you choose.”

“I don’t have time for this. There’s a meeting in half an hour. Are you going or not?”

“Of course I am, Cassian. Your mind will be too preoccupied to pay any attention. But, remember what I said-”

“Let's start going.”

You stood up just as Cassian and Kaytwo began to walk out of the canteen. There was a sour expression on Cassian’s face as he spoke to Kaytwo, making you sink back down in your seat. “He’s busy,” you muttered.

Bodhi glanced over his shoulder then shook his head. “But that’s just how Cassian looks most of the time.”

“I don’t want to bother him.” You swung your legs around so you were facing everyone again.

“I don’t think he’d ever mind if it was you.”

“Bodhi’s right, (Y/n). Maybe you can try when his meeting’s done,” Jyn said.

You sighed. “Alright.”

-

The Rogue One crew was being sent off to another mission off planet for who knows how long. It was risky as it was within enemy lines near a major Imperial facility. You knew that they were fully capable individuals and together they were unstoppable, but you couldn’t help but worry whenever your friends left the tarmac of the base.

Maybe you should tell him before he leaves. Everyone’s been telling you to make the first move, since Cassian wasn’t budging any time soon. You were scared of the rejection, of him putting up and fortifying the walls around himself, and you would be losing a really good friend.

You had waited for Cassian outside of the meeting room. It took longer than you expected, but as soon as it ended, you jumped up from the crates and rushed over. Cassian halted as soon as he saw you. As you stepped towards him, he looked up at Kaytwo, then brushed past you. Your eyes widened as you watched him leave.

“I would tell you what was wrong, but Cassian told me not to,” Kaytwo said, awkwardly patting your head before strolling over to where Cassian had gone.

You collapsed on Jyn’s cot as soon as you entered her quarters, wondering why he was suddenly acting this way towards you. Jyn continued to talk about the time she was able to meet Princess Leia and how they had to rescue themselves when they were separated by the crew. You hummed along to show that you were listening, absentmindedly helping her pack as she threw clothes and gear onto the cot.

A heavy piece of cloth was thrown at your face, your surroundings falling into darkness. You pulled the jacket off and saw Jyn standing in front of you with hands on her hips. She raised an eyebrow, snatching the jacket from you and shoving it into her pack.

“We’re leaving tonight, but Cassian typically gets to the U-Wing an hour before us,” Jyn hinted.

“So… should I go now or…”

She sighed in frustration. “Run!”

“Okay, okay!” you shouted as she chased you out of her quarters with a blaster.

You weaved past tired pilots and mechanics as they retired for the night, only a few bothered to spare you a glance before yawning and continuing on to their respective quarters. There was a lamp shining next to the U-Wing where Cassian was loading the ship and checking to see if he had everything for the mission. Kaytwo took care of the heavy load and went to check on the ship’s condition.

“Cassian!” you called out.

His head shot up, a series of emotions flashing across his face when he realized that it was you. He was always happy to see you, but he wasn’t sure that you’d be friendly with him still after he had been giving you the cold shoulder lately. He set down his datapad and crossed his arms as you skidded to a stop right in front of him.

“You should be asleep. I heard that they had given you a pile of projects to work on this week,” he said.

His eyes widened as you gripped his shoulders and pulled him away from the U-Wing. Kaytwo popped his head out of the ship and shook it before going back to his tasks. You found an area behind stacks of crates where the two of you could be alone. You took a moment to catch your breath before opening your mouth for the rushed speech you had made in your head on your way to reach him.

“I’ll look after Bodhi if that’s what you’re worried about,” he said.

“What? No! I’m not worried about him. Well, I am. I’m always worried about you guys. Why would you say that all of a sudden?”

His eyes looked everywhere but you, your hands slipping from his shoulders as he stepped back. “If that’s not what you ran here for, then hurry it up. We’ve got a mission to go to soon.”

So all that gossiping that Chirrut and Baze had been doing with the others were true. Cassian was jealous. Apparently, he thought that you had feelings for Bodhi instead. “You know, I always thought that you were one of the smartest people I know. I guess I was wrong.”

He narrowed his eyes. “What-”

“Captain Cassian Andor, the leader of Rogue One, the very team that helped steal the Death Star blueprints, the spy who could get intel out of anyone, yet he can’t tell whether his friend is entirely in love with him.”

It took an extremely long and grueling long minute for that information to process, but he wasn’t sure if he was processing it correctly. He frowned as he looked at you. “Do you mean…”

You sighed, placing your hands on his shoulders again. “I. Am. In. Love. With. You. You. Idiot,” you said slowly, shaking him with each word. “Just thought I should let you know before you leave. You don’t have to respond, but I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to tell you.”

“(Y/n), I…”

“Just kiss them, Cassian!” Kaytwo shouted.

Cassian turned to scowl at his droid, but you pulled him towards you and smashed your lips on his. He stumbled back in shock, his back hitting the crates. You pulled away in concern, checking to see if he was alright. He glanced at the screen of his datapad, then turned back to you.

“We have half an hour left,” he said before pulling you in for another kiss.

The second kiss took your breath away as he pressed himself against you. His heart pounded in his chest, a giddy feeling spreading throughout his body as you eagerly returned the kiss. He wasn’t sure when he fell, but it was gradual and natural and it had caused a conflict in him when he thought that you were in love with Bodhi instead. Bodhi was his friend as well, and if the two of you made each other happy, there wasn’t much he could do but let it happen. Yet, here you were in his arms, reciprocating his feelings.

The two of you finally pulled away for air. Cassian rested his forehead against yours and sighed in content. “I love you, too.”

“Finally!” you heard Jyn’s voice shout.

You and Cassian walked away from your secluded crate corner and saw that the crew had already gathered. They all grinned widely before loading their things onto the ship.

“I… I need to go,” Cassian said softly.

You nodded. “I know. Better come back to me in one piece, captain.”

“Of course I will. Wait for me?”

“Of course.”

He was glad that you had made the first move. If not, then he would have ran off from one mission to another without telling you how he felt. Then, who knows where the two of you would be. He would have probably lost you.

As he entered the U-Wing, all of his friends turned to him with a smile. Bodhi stepped forward and patted his shoulder. “It was about time,” he said.

“Yeah, we were going to lock the two of you in a dark room together for two hours if you guys didn’t make a move,” Jyn said.

Baze snorted. “I think sending them out on a mission together would have worked as well.”

“The Force would have found a way,” Chirrut piped up.

He was definitely glad that you made the first move.

[sesamestreep]

stack the deck with wild cards (chapter 1)

(read on AO3)

SUMMARY: The situation with Cassian is complicated even before Jyn finds out she's pregnant, but deciding to get an abortion should really be the last straw for him, right? If there was any chance he'd still want to date her, she thought it had to be long gone by now. And yet he always finds a way to surprise her. [AKA - The Obvious Child AU you didn't know you wanted]

A/N: I’m going to be posting chapters of this fic daily, since it’s already completed. I never write chapter fic, so I have no idea what I’m doing and please bear with me. Also, this fic (and the movie it gets its plot from) is about abortion, so if that’s not something you’re into reading about, you should really strongly consider not reading this. I promise you won’t hurt my feelings. For those interested, there’s additional notes if you follow the AO3 link above. If you want to blacklist any future updates of this fic on tumblr, I’ll tag it with [#stack the deck verse] for your convenience. Chapter 2 should be posted tomorrow. Stay golden.

The reality of the current situation doesn’t hit Jyn at the doctor’s office when she gets the news or even when she’s booking her follow-up appointment. It doesn’t sink in when they tell her how much it will cost or give her the information she’ll need or the prescriptions to fill. It doesn’t hit her when she’s on the subway, heading home and texting Bodhi with numb fingers to see if he wants to have a movie night, or even when his cheery reply—replete with emojis—comes through saying he can come over tonight.

No, the moment everything becomes real is when she’s standing in the wine aisle at Trader Joe’s, going back and forth on whether spending eight dollars on a bottle of wine so that she can drink all of it in one sitting is irresponsible when she’s pregnant but she’s also not keeping the baby. It’s only then that she starts crying.

She’ll blame it on the hormones if anyone asks, she decides, which might even be accurate. She’s not really a crier under normal circumstances, but even if she wasn’t pregnant, she’s pretty sure draining her savings account for a medical procedure that she wouldn’t need if she had just been a little more responsible with her body would make her cry no matter how tough she thinks she is. Lucky for her, though, she lives in New York City and no one bats an eye at a crying woman in the grocery store. An older woman with a toddler in the seat of her grocery cart passes by and nods in understanding without saying a word, which is oddly comforting.

It’s the reminder that she needs to be careful about her money that talks Jyn out of buying wine for this evening (Bodhi probably wouldn’t have any and she doesn’t need to drink an entire bottle by herself under any circumstances, let alone these, even if she really really wants to), but she goes on to throw whatever snacks she wants into the cart indiscriminately because it has been a spectacularly shitty day. She spends more than she should (what else is new?) and sweats profusely trying to drag all of it back to her sixth floor apartment. She slams cabinet doors in frustration as she puts everything away and then takes the longest, hottest shower her shitty pipes in her shitty apartment will allow. When she emerges, her skin is bright pink and she pokes her stomach viciously, somehow annoyed and confused and relieved all at the same time that it gives away nothing of her current condition.

She spends too long sitting in a towel on her bed, dicking around on her phone instead of getting ready and ultimately decides Bodhi doesn’t care what her hair looks like and so she runs a comb through it and calls it done. She puts on her softest, stretchiest leggings and an ugly sweater she raided from her dad’s closet when she was a teenager that she loves because it has been washed and worn so many times that the sleeves now have holes in them that she can stick her thumbs through. It’s easily the least glamorous look she could have come up with, but she’s pregnant and she’s mad about it, so she’s going for comfort over style.

By the time the buzzer goes off, signaling Bodhi’s arrival, Jyn has managed to light a few candles and put some of the snacks she bought into bowls, so at least it looks like she put effort into some part of the evening. She presses the button to let him up and fidgets as she waits to open the door. She has to tell Bodhi as a trial run for telling…well, everyone else, basically…but a part of her wants to tell no one, deal with it by herself and pretend nothing is wrong. Of course, that would be stupid—the doctor even told her not to try and handle this by herself—but it seems more appealing than the alternative at this particular moment. It’s not possible, though. She needs someone to come with her to the appointment, at the very least, and Bodhi will do it without hesitation, that much she’s sure of.

When she hears footsteps in the hallway, she undoes the locks and opens the door. She takes a deep breath that is immediately squeezed out of her when Bodhi wraps her in a big hug.

“It’s so good to see you,” he says, rocking her a little side to side as he embraces her. “I’m so glad you suggested this! I feel like I’ve barely seen you lately.”

“I know,” Jyn says, clinging a little. Her eyes feel misty again already and that is definitely the hormones’ fault.

Bodhi pulls back to smile at her and his eyes catch on the candles and food. He gives her a suspicious look. “Okay, if this is an intervention for spending too much time with my new boyfriend, I know I deserve it but also I would have expected a much better turn out. You couldn’t even get Cassian here?”

Jyn winces at the mention of Cassian’s name but she thinks she covers it quickly with a forced smile. “It’s not an intervention,” she says as she steps around him to close the door.

“So why all the fanfare for a regular movie night?”

“What fanfare? There’s no fanfare!”

“Jyn, you put cheese puffs in a bowl ,” Bodhi says, as if she’s being obtuse. “You’re gonna have to wash that later. You did not have to do that for me.”

It’s on the tip of her tongue to make a joke— I’m nesting —but she refrains. “It’s no big deal,” she says, instead, and gestures to the couch for him to take a seat.

“If you say so,” he replies, still eyeing her warily and not taking the hint.

“Why don’t we sit down?” She finally asks, sounding strange and false even to her own ears. She leads the way over to the couch and Bodhi follows her, eventually lowering himself into the armchair with the same demeanor of someone approaching a wild animal.

“Jyn, seriously,” he says, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees once she’s curled up like a cat across from him, “is everything alright? You’re acting...odd.”

“Everything is fine,” she says, lightly, and hopes that saying so makes it true. “I just, uh, need to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

Jyn twists her hands together nervously, not sure how to get started now that the moment is finally here. “I need you to promise you’re not going to freak out,” she says, stalling for time.

“Ah, yes, that thing everyone says when everything is, in fact, totally fine.”

“Bodhi…”

“You’re leaving New York, aren’t you?” He asks, worried. “To be closer to Saw?”

“What? No, I—”

“Oh my god, it’s not Saw, is it?! He didn’t die, did he?”

“No, Saw is fine,” Jyn says, resisting the urge to rub her temple in frustration. “I mean, he’s not fine , obviously, he’s still sick, but he’s not—”

“Tell me you’re not quitting the band,” Bodhi interrupts. “Listen, I know things have been crazy lately, but I think—”

“Bodhi, I’m pregnant,” Jyn shouts, and the silence that follows is overwhelming.

“You’re…?”

“Pregnant. With child. Expecting,” she says, bitterly. “Yes.”

He looks like he’s been hit over the head with a mallet, which is bizarrely satisfying. She handled the news better and it was actually happening to her.

“How long have you known?” He asks, after a long time and with apparent effort. It’s not the first question she expected, but it’s not totally surprising.

“Like, five hours.”

“Five—?” Bodhi shakes his head in what she thinks is disbelief. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Jyn just blinks in response. What is he talking about? “Sorry?”

“You and Reece broke up like six months ago, how did you not realize you were pregnant sooner?” He asks.

“I…Bodhi, I’m not six months pregnant,” Jyn sputters. She smacks her stomach to drive home the point, which in retrospect is a stupid move, but she’s not thinking straight. “I mean, do I look it?”

“No! No,” he says immediately. “That’s why I was so confused, but you…you haven’t been with anyone since the breakup. You would have told me.”

When Jyn says nothing in response, just bites her lip, Bodhi narrows his eyes at her. “You would have told me, right?” He asks.

Jyn takes a deep breath, looking down at her hands. “I’m eight weeks pregnant,” she says, feeling close to tears again. “I found out today, I have an appointment in a few weeks to—to terminate it. I just need someone to go with me, the nurse said I had to, otherwise I wouldn’t have mentioned it.”

“Jyn,” he says, placing his hand over hers. “Of course, I’ll go with you. I just—I’m not upset with you, you know that, right?”

She nods, even though she doesn’t feel altogether certain of it. She loves Bodhi and trusts him, more than she trusts almost anyone else, but she’s not convinced she deserves to have him be nice to her after she’s fucked things up this badly. He ought to be upset with her.

“I know,” she says, anyway. A single tear escapes, which is just perfect. “I’m upset with myself.”

“Are you okay?” Bodhi asks, delicately. “Did this person hurt you or force you in some way?”

“No, no. God, no,” Jyn says, pulling her hands free with more aggression than the act required. She wipes the tears away in annoyance. “Nothing like that.”

“Thank God,” he says, looking heavenward and everything. “Then why all the secrecy? I texted you the minute I finished hooking up with Taidu for the first time.”

Jyn laughs even as she continues crying. “I did not ask you to do that.”

“No, but...not even a braggy ‘I just got laid!’ text? I thought we were best friends!”

“We are,” she replies hastily. “I was just embarrassed.”

“Why?” He asks, intrigued. “Is this person weird? Are they famous?”

She laughs again, feeling better in spite of the bomb she’s about to drop. “No, Bodhi…”

“They’re not married, are they? Because I promise not to judge you, but come on!”

“They’re not married.”

“Good, because for a second I was worried you slept with Baze and that would definitely break up the band,” he says, solemnly.

Jyn smacks his shoulder half-heartedly. “I would never sleep with Baze,” she says. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“Fine,” Bodhi says. “So, it was Chirrut, then?”

“Bodhi!”

“Well, you’re being so cryptic,” he shoots back. “If you just told me—”

“I slept with Cassian.”

Bodhi just blinks at her for a long, torturous moment. She’s never actually seen Bodhi yell at anyone before, so she doesn’t know if that’s what is about to happen but she braces herself for it anyway.

“What,” he finally says, flat like a statement and not a question.

“I had sex with Cassian and now I’m pregnant,” she says firmly, as if just admitting it out loud isn’t making her heart hammer in her chest.

“You’re pregnant with Cassian’s baby,” Bodhi says, disbelieving and Jyn winces. She’s been trying not to think of it as an actual baby, because she’s not keeping it. But if she did nothing for seven more months, she would have a baby and it would be Cassian’s, in a purely biological sense. She doesn’t admit to that line of thinking to Bodhi, though.

“Yes,” she says, instead. “Technically,” she adds, because she can’t stop herself.

“Technically? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Just—Getting someone pregnant doesn’t make a man a father,” she says, with more heat than she intended. “Raising a child does. And there’s not going to be a child, so…that’s all I meant.”

“Sorry,” Bodhi says, placing his hands over hers again. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m just so surprised.”

“You didn’t upset me,” Jyn replies, shifting uncomfortably. “It’s these stupid hormones, that’s all.”

“Yeah,” he says, nodding. He moves to sit next to her on the couch, and she folds her legs up to give him room. “How did he take it when you told him?”

Jyn winces again before she can stop herself and she knows she doesn’t hide her reaction quickly enough from the way Bodhi stands abruptly. He always paces when he’s freaked out.

“Jyn, please tell me Cassian knows,” he pleads as he makes a circuit around her coffee table.

“I’ve only known for half a day! I haven’t had a chance to tell him!”

“Why would you tell me and not him?”

“You’re my best friend!”

“It’s his baby!”

“I wanted to make sure you could come to my appointment with me,” she says, and hopes the reminder is enough to make him feel sorry for her. He only stops pacing, but that’s still an improvement. “I was hoping you’d tell me what to do,” she adds, since it’s the actual truth.

“Well, obviously, go to your appointment,” Bodhi says, sinking back onto the couch.

“No, I mean—what I should do about Cassian?”

Bodhi looks over at her, confused. “What do you mean, what should you do about him? Tell him what’s going on.”

“I know, but how?”

“Same way you told me. Use your words.”

“Can I text him?”

“Absolutely not,” he says, scandalized. “You can’t tell him you’re pregnant via text. Who raised you?!”

“Saw.”

He acknowledges that with a nod. “Fair point.”

“I bet you’re going to say I can’t leave him a voicemail either,” Jyn says.

“You’re right, but mostly because no one under the age of eighty checks their voicemail anymore,” he says, patting her knee absently.

“Really?”

“Really,” Bodhi replies. “Just...sit down with him and tell him what’s going on. Same as you did with me.”

“It’s different with you.”

“It’s not that different.”

“It’s not your baby I’m aborting,” Jyn says quietly. “And you love me.”

Bodhi looks over at her then, some strange mix of emotions playing out on his face. She half expects him to object and say something ridiculous like Cassian does love her, and the very idea stresses her out. When he doesn’t say that, though, she finds herself oddly disappointed.

“Cassian’s a good guy. He’ll understand,” he says, instead, as if she doesn’t know that somehow. As if that isn’t a huge part of why this situation sucks so bad. As if she isn’t mortified that she has to involve him in something like this. As if she isn’t furious with herself because this is going to blow any chance she ever had with him in the first place. As if she hadn’t already done that by hooking up with him and then never calling him afterwards.

“I know,” Jyn says, looking down at her hands. She doesn’t actually know that—that he’ll understand. She thinks she knows Cassian fairly well, in a casual way. They’re mostly friends through Bodhi but they see a lot of each other. She suspects, from things he’s said before about politics, that he’s probably okay with abortion in a general sense, but it’s different when it’s your potential kid. She can’t actually be certain he’ll be cool with it, but she’s also not asking his permission. She just thinks he deserves to know. Or maybe she just wants an excuse to call him, for all this is the worst possible one the universe could have handed her.

“It’s just weird,” she adds, after a minute lost in thought, “for this to be the thing I call him about, after we hooked up. It feels shitty.”

“Wait, hold on,” Bodhi says, waving his hand dramatically at her. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I don’t know what you think I’m saying.”

“Have you not talked to him since you slept with him?”

“I haven’t,” Jyn says, bracing herself. Bodhi opens his mouth to interject, so she continues quickly, stopping him. “But, in my defense, it was right before the holidays and then he was out of town for like a month, so it seemed weird to reach out, and—”

“Jyn,” he says, and his tone is so full of reproach, it shuts her up immediately. “None of those are good reasons and I think you know that.”

“It’s not like he and I talk a lot anyway,” she objects, but it’s futile, if Bodhi’s unimpressed look is any indication. “We mostly see each other at the shows and the band didn’t have any in December, so I just haven’t had the chance. That’s all.”

“Okay, so none of it had to do with your overwhelming fear of intimacy and vulnerability?”

“No…?”

“Very convincing,” Bodhi says, and Jyn shoves him.

“Shut up,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Well, if that’s not what happened,” he says reasonably, “you have to tell me what did.”

“What—you want details?!”

Bodhi shrugs. “You hooked up with my roommate and didn’t tell anyone about it for almost two months. There must be a reason.”

“Maybe it was bad,” she says, petulantly.

He just gives her an arch look in reply, which she deserves. “Was it bad?” He asks, bored.

Jyn bites her lip, hard. “No,” she admits. “It actually really wasn’t.”

“Well, then. Spill!”

She sighs dramatically—more dramatically than the situation deserves, honestly, and it’s already a pretty dramatic situation. “What do you want to know?

“When did this happen?”

“By my doctor’s estimate, eight weeks ago.”

“Jyn, for the love of—!”

“I was just trying to lighten the mood,” she says, for all she was actually just trying to stall. “It was that night we played at that terrible hipster bar in November.”

“Jyn, we exclusively play at terrible hipster bars. You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“It’s the one with the arcade games in the back? It’s changed names like three times this year?”

“ Oh , that place. Yeah. What is that place’s name?”

“No clue,” Jyn says, with a shrug. “But it was at that bar.”

Bodhi’s eyes widen, though whether it’s with shock or delight or both, she’s not sure. “You hooked up with him at the bar ?”

“No, no. We went home together afterwards, once the rest of you had left.”

“I knew it,” he practically shouts. “I knew something was up that night!”

“You did not!”

“Yes, I did. You can ask Taidu, I definitely said something about it to him.”

Jyn waves him off, not because she’s convinced but because she’s not going to bother Taidu about something this stupid. “Whatever.”

“You still haven’t told me how it happened.”

“Do you need me to explain how sex works? Because I feel like you get the general idea.”

“No, smartass,” he says with an eye roll. “I mean, you and Cassian hang out at bars all the time together and you’ve never hooked up before. So, what happened this time?”

“Well,” Jyn says, taking a steadying breath, “you and Taidu left early for some reason and you said you were going to stay at his place. And Baze and Chirrut left right after that, because I think that’s when Baze had that terrible cold.”

“Jyn, no offense, but who cares?”

“You asked me what was different about that night! I’m explaining!”

“Okay, fine,” Bodhi allows. “It was different because we all callously abandoned you.”

“Yes, thank you! Anyway, it was just me and Cassian at the bar and I had just ordered another drink when Baze and Chirrut decided to leave and I was giving them a hard time about it and Cassian offered to stay with me for another round, so I wouldn’t have wasted my money or have to drink alone.”

“How gallant of him.”

“No editorializing,” she snaps, and Bodhi dutifully mimes locking his mouth and throwing away the key. “Anyway, we had a couple more drinks, we had sex, and now I’m pregnant. The end.”

“Fine,” he says, giving up. “If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to. I was just interested because you’re both my friends and I love you. Also, I know how hard the break-up was on you, so I was excited that you felt comfortable enough to move on. But you clearly don’t want to talk about it, so forget it!” He pivots away from her on the couch and leans forward to grab some popcorn. “What movie are we watching, anyway?”

Jyn groans in frustration. He’s always been way too good at guilt-tripping her into anything she doesn’t want to do. “You’re such a brat!”

“What? I’m changing the subject, like you clearly want to!”

“I’m embarrassed, Bodhi!”

“I don’t see why,” he says, looking at her blankly. “Cassian is good looking and he’s not a creep. You could do way worse. You have, in fact.”

She punches him in the shoulder in retaliation. “Hey!”

“What? I mean, you dated Reece for two years and he wasn’t exactly a catch. Cassian is an improvement, in my opinion.”

“I see we’re not sparing my feelings anymore where Reece is concerned.”

Bodhi covers her hand with his own. “Jyn, that guy cheated on you for a long time, and then he broke up with you so he could be with the other woman—right before you went onstage to perform, I should mention—and he had the audacity to blame you for the cheating because you ‘didn’t give him enough attention,’” he says, with the most judgemental use of air quotes she’s ever seen. “I care about your feelings, truly I do. But I do not care about Reece and I will not pretend you aren’t way better off without him.”

“I’m not his biggest fan either,” she says, defensively. “But what does it say about me that I dated him for all that time without realizing what a dick he was?”

“That he was an even bigger scrub than we thought, because he managed to hide his true colors for so long,” Bodhi says, easily. “You’re not responsible for his actions.”

Jyn wants to believe him, and most days she already, mostly does. But sometimes she catches herself replaying the break-up in her head and the part where Reece said that if she’d really cared, if she’d really been in their relationship for the long haul, she’d have paid more attention to him and he would never have even thought about cheating. She’d left him no choice, with all her weird part-time jobs and her crazy schedule and her gigs with her silly little band all over the city in the middle of the night. If she were more together, if she knew what she wanted from her own life, she could have been there for her partner, but she was too much of a mess. Too much of a work-in-progress to be the sort of girlfriend someone wanted to be serious with.

“I know,” she says, half-heartedly. If Bodhi’s told her this once, he’s told her a thousand times. Maybe she’ll really believe it someday, but not quite yet. “It just gets in your head, when someone treats you like that. You start to wonder if you have a neon sign over your head that says you’re not really relationship material.”

“You do not have a neon sign over your head that says anything of the kind,” Bodhi reassures her, surprisingly earnestly. “If your relationship with Reece needed work, he could have brought those issues to you to resolve them. Instead, he cheated on you. He took the easy way out and then blamed you when it made him look like an asshole. That’s on him.”

Jyn sighs, hating how often she and Bodhi have to have this conversation or some variation of it. She wishes she could just magically not be upset about it anymore, but it’s not like she didn’t have trust issues before this. The situation with Reece just made them worse. That was part of the appeal of hooking up with Cassian; she wanted to get back out there and feel desirable again, but she couldn’t do it with just anybody. Cassian was safe because she knew him and trusted him, but they weren’t super close, so it’s not like hooking up with him would ruin their friendship. He knew enough of what happened with her breakup to know that it was just a rebound, but not enough about her mental state to worry about her when she initiated things between them. She didn’t need someone to worry about her; she just needed someone to take her home.

The bar had been surprisingly busy that night, probably because some local favorite band was on after their set and they had a weirdly devoted following. Even though the rest of their group had abandoned them, the spots around Jyn and Cassian at the bar quickly filled in with noisy patrons, which left them no choice but to lean close to each other when they talked. Cassian’s arm had been curled around the back of the barstool that she was perched on, not possessively but in a way that didn’t encourage anyone to interrupt them. Jyn didn’t object; she didn’t want to talk to anyone else anyway.

Something about having Cassian’s full attention, her elbow brushing his ribs anytime she reached for her drink and feeling the warmth radiating off him in the already overly warm bar, felt nice in a way that went right to her head. She was shamelessly leaning into it, both literally—if she had curled any further into him, she would be hugging him—and figuratively—asking him personal questions she’d never bothered with before and laughing a little too loudly at his answers in a way that would have probably made him suspicious if she hadn’t distracted him by constantly touching his arm. It was the oldest trick in the book, and he must have known that, but Jyn wasn’t really in the mood to be subtle anyway.

If he was wary of her motives in flirting with him so obviously, he hadn’t mentioned any of his concerns to her. Cassian tends to be wary as a rule, which is part of why Jyn trusts him. He’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop too, just like she is. There’s a subtle understanding between them as a result. Other than that, Jyn had never given him much thought. Sure, he’s good looking, even when he comes to their gigs still in his clothes from the office, which make him look like an accountant. He’s not actually an accountant, though; he works at some organization that works with kids in the foster system, which is the sort of job that immediately put Jyn on edge when she first heard about it after he’d moved in with Bodhi. She’s technically a freelance illustrator, but since that doesn’t pay the bills with any consistency, she also works all sorts of other odd jobs to make up the difference. She doesn’t have a 401K or a high yield savings account, but she’s pretty sure Cassian does, even if he’s also probably underpaid. But he’s underpaid in the good way, the what-a-Saint way, while Jyn is underpaid in the no-one-values-your-skills, get-a-real-job way. So, at first, she’d been a little suspicious of him.

But, back then, he was Bodhi’s new roommate who also took him up on the invitation to come see his band play during one of their glamorous midnight slots at some crummy dive bar, which earned him a little respect in Jyn’s mind. When he kept showing up, she was surprised. It didn’t seem like his scene at all, but when she said as much to him one night, he’d given her a self-conscious smile and said that coming to Bodhi’s shows gave him the pretense of a social life when his co-workers asked what he did with his free time. He had a tendency to look worried or miserable when left to his own devices, but self-deprecation was a good look on him and it was nice to know he wasn’t dead serious all the time. They never became close friends after that, but Jyn always liked talking to him after the shows.

Something changed when she was going through the break-up, though. Cassian knew what happened, of course, enough to tell her he was sorry to hear about it from Bodhi, but they didn’t exactly talk in depth about it or anything. He treated her the same as he always had. The change had come from her, honestly. She’d always thought he was attractive, in that split-second way you decide when you first see someone, but she’d never given it any thought beyond that, really. But once the initial fog of I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening lifted after the break-up, she started to notice Cassian more and think about him in a way she hadn’t before. She was disappointed if he couldn’t make it to one of their gigs. She started to appreciate the dorky work outfits he wore to the dive bar venues they played and she liked talking to him after the set, when he’d give her his full attention like she was the most fascinating person in the world.

She couldn’t tell, though, if he was genuinely interested in her or if he just thought she was hot and (now) single. If she’d been smart, she would have figured that out before hooking up with him. Instead, the universe handed her the perfect opportunity to be alone with him, without any of their friends to talk them out of it or ruin the mood and she’d taken full advantage of it. She had felt almost dizzy with the possibility of it, that she could ask him to leave with her and that he’d probably say yes. Next to her, some drunk guy stumbled up to the bar and, in his haste, accidentally and rather fortuitously shoved her even further into Cassian’s arms. He’d tightened his hold on her to catch her fall and when she’d looked up, he was glaring at the man, who was completely oblivious to having made an enemy. It was ridiculously charming, to think he was offended on her behalf, as if her honor had been threatened. Really, what was she supposed to do then, except kiss him?

He’d been surprised, at first, and who could blame him? Sure, she’d been giving the corniest, most textbook signals that she was into him all night, but she hadn’t even known she was going to actually make a move until she did it. He recovered quickly, though, which was nice, and reciprocated immediately. Jyn’s not sure what she would have done if he’d asked questions or tried to talk things through first, even though she kind of expected it from him. They’d both had a few drinks, not enough to impair them by any means but just enough to embolden them.

His hand had come to rest on her back when she got pushed into him and she felt it flex, as if he was trying to hold her even closer. The other moved to her face as soon as she kissed him, though it was really just his thumb grazing her jaw, like he was worried she might turn away and he wanted to offer a slight incentive to stay where she was. She probably would have kept making out with him at the bar like they were college students or something, but she didn’t actually want to spend another second with the drunk patrons or the shitty band that was onstage. She wanted to be someplace else—anywhere else, really, so long as it meant she and Cassian could be alone. She pulled back, with great effort, and the look on Cassian’s face made her think he expected to be let down easy.

“Do you want to get out of here?” she asked, instead.

His eyebrows went up, as if that was the last thing he expected her to say. He closed his eyes, like gathering his thoughts was difficult at that moment. “I, uh—what are you asking?”

Jyn bit her lip, which was a bad habit of hers when she was nervous, but if it also happened, by pure luck, to look flirtatious, that was fine too. “I’m asking if you want to go back to your place and have sex with me,” she said, because she wasn’t about to waste time and not get exactly what she wanted out of this.

“Do I want that?” He’d asked, dumbfounded, and if she hadn’t just been having a completely normal conversation with him, she’d have worried he was drunker than she thought. But this was entirely her effect on him and it was incredibly flattering. “Do you?”

“I think the fact that I suggested it makes it pretty obvious what I want.”

Cassian had run his hand through his hair, clearly a nervous tic. “Yeah, but—yes, I would like that.”

He said the last bit decisively, as though he realized he might be accidentally talking her out of it with his hesitation. He needn’t have worried—Jyn has her mind made up about this—but she thought it was better to keep him on his toes than reveal that. She gave him a bright smile before turning to get the bartender’s attention. They paid their tab and got the hell out of there in record time.

When they left the bar, it was raining lightly, barely a drizzle at this point, but there was evidence that it had stormed earlier in the evening. The small heel on Jyn’s boots brought her close enough to Cassian’s height that, even standing outside the bar, she didn’t have to strain to reach him and pull him down for another kiss. His hands came to her hips to steady her anyway and she’d have happily continued like this for a while if the bouncers by the front door didn’t wolf whistle at them and ruin the moment.

They started walking to Cassian’s apartment without discussing it, like they agreed via telepathy that no cab driver would tolerate them given their current amount of PDA. It wasn’t a far walk, though, and Jyn had internally thanked the forces of the universe for making this happen at the closest bar to Cassian’s place, because she’s sure they would have lost their nerve over the course of a lengthy subway or cab ride. Instead, they headed for his apartment in silence, more because they were focused than not having anything to say. He held her hand the whole way, as if he was afraid she’d disappear if he wasn’t touching her. While they waited for a crosswalk signal at one corner, he pulled her into his side and kissed her again, like she really needed the reminder that he was a good kisser. How could she forget?

“He’s a really good kisser,” she says, suddenly, to Bodhi, as they sit together on the couch.

Bodhi scrunches up his nose, looking disgusted. “Who? Reece?”

“No! I’m talking about Cassian!”

“Oh!” His eyes light up. “I thought you didn’t want to.”

Jyn shrugs, noncommittal. She wants Bodhi’s reassurance that she didn’t fuck things up beyond repair and this is probably the only way to get that. “I’m obviously not going to tell you everything . But we can talk about it, a little. I guess.”

“Okay, but how good is he?”

“Is there an accepted scale I should use?”

“One to ten would suffice, I think. Ten being the best kiss you’ve ever had and one being…well, you already said it was good, so we don’t need to worry about that.”

She exhales noisily, not sure how to describe it. “I don’t know. I can’t even think of the best kiss I ever had.”

“That’s kind of sad.”

She punches him on the shoulder. “I hate you,” she says, petulantly. “It was really, really good. Definitely an 8.5 or a 9. Maybe a 9.5.”

“Really?!”

Jyn nods, feeling awkward. “Yeah. We made out for a really long time before we…well, before anything else happened.”

She doesn’t mention that she’d almost lost her nerve, when they first got back to Cassian’s apartment. Being in his bedroom, the idea of sleeping together suddenly became real and all of her tipsy confidence evaporated. She’d been in a relationship for two years—she’d thought she and Reece would move in together whenever their leases were up, even though she hadn’t had the confidence to bring it up to him before he turned around and left her for another woman—and suddenly she wasn’t ready to be with someone else. Naturally, Cassian had picked up on her change in mood and asked her what was wrong. She lied and said it was nothing, though he hadn’t looked convinced. To prove her point, she’d kissed him again, hard, trying to psych herself up, but he’d eased back, turning their kiss into something easier and softer. He’d kissed her like that for a while, his hands in her hair and on her jaw, not reaching for her clothes or straying anywhere new. It was only after they’d continued like that for a long time that Jyn felt her nerves mellow into pleasure and then sharpen into desire again. Even though they’d kept things fairly chaste, all of that kissing had made her want more, and she clearly had to be the one to take the lead.

“And was he a gentleman with you?” Bodhi asks primly, interrupting Jyn’s thoughts.

“You’re going to have to be more specific,” she says, with a frown.

“Did he…how do I put this…take care of your needs?”

“Oh. Uh, yes.”

“First?” He asks, clearly enjoying himself.

“Yes,” Jyn replies, through gritted teeth. She leaves out the fact that she’d not-so-subtly rushed them past the point of foreplay so Cassian wouldn’t get any ideas. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her part, that he would have even tried something like that with her, that she got in the way of some grand plan of his to gallantly fulfill her needs before worrying about his own, but he had looked surprised when she took them straight from kissing to taking his clothes off to fucking him. Maybe it was a pleasant surprise, maybe he was relieved to find someone who didn’t expect so much effort from him. She didn’t ask. She just knew that she couldn’t handle the idea of it being unequal, of him being smug or, worse, expectant with her. She didn’t want to owe him anything, so they were going to have sex once and then she could move on. Naturally, she hadn’t counted on getting pregnant.

“I told him I was on the pill and I wasn’t,” she blurts out before she can stop herself.

The way Bodhi swings around to stare at her would be funny, under any other circumstances. “Why would you lie about that?” He asks, unable to keep the judgement out of his tone.

“I didn’t lie ,” she says. “I thought I was on the pill! I’ve been taking it for years, so I didn’t think anything of it. I forgot to get my prescription refilled a few months ago and I was like, ‘who cares?’ because Reece and I had just broken up and I was convinced I was never going to have sex again.”

“But then you had sex with Cassian!”

“I know! And I forgot I wasn’t on the pill anymore.”

Bodhi covers his eyes with his hands. “Please tell me you used a condom.”

“Cassian definitely offered,” she says, trying to sound upbeat.

“And you said, ‘yes, of course, because you’re a man I’ve never slept with before and that’s the safest way for us to have sex!’”

“No. I said, ‘it’s fine, don’t worry about it, I’m on the pill.’”

“Jyn!”

“Before you yell at me, I would like to remind you I’m already pregnant, so the worst case scenario has already happened.”

“That’s not the only reason you should use a condom!”

“I know, but I got tested for STDs when I went in for my pregnancy test and nothing has come back positive yet, so hopefully I’m not that unlucky.”

“Listen, I know you’re going through some stuff right now and I don’t want to pile on, but that was really risky,” he says, looking more serious than she’s ever seen him. “You have to promise me that you’ll be more careful.”

“I promise,” she says, feeling like a teenager being chastised. “Believe me, paying out of pocket for an abortion is a pretty great way for me to learn my lesson.”

“God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s my fault. Like you said, I wasn’t being careful.”

“That wasn’t—I’m not trying to hit your nose with a rolled up newspaper, Jyn. I’m just worried about you.”

“I know. This is why I was embarrassed. I made a complete idiot out of myself. And now I get to explain all of this to Cassian, which won’t be humiliating at all.”

“He’ll understand,” Bodhi says, with enviable levels of confidence. “He’s good like that.”

“I said I’d call him and I didn’t,” she says, trying not to cringe as she remembers how quickly she’d left after they’d had sex, how she hadn’t even looked Cassian in the eye when she promised to call. “Even if he was fine with a one-night stand, I still lied to him. I doubt he’ll be happy to hear from me, especially under the circumstances.”

“If the alternative is not hearing from you at all, I think he’d rather hear from you. No matter what the circumstances are.”

“I don’t know.”

“Jyn, you and Cassian are friends, even if you don’t think you’re particularly close. And you’ve slept together, which involves a certain level of intimacy—”

“Not the way I do it,” she jokes. Although there’s some truth to it, she thinks.

Bodhi smacks her with a pillow, which she completely deserves. “Call him or I’ll kick your ass.”

“God, fine!” She slouches down in her seat on the couch. “Do I have to do it right now?”

“God, no. I don’t want to be here for that conversation,” he says, grabbing another handful of popcorn. “Besides, you promised me a movie night. What are we watching?”

“I don’t care, as long as it doesn’t involve babies or pregnancy.”

Bodhi’s scrolling through the titles on Netflix as she speaks, nodding absentmindedly. “‘Sleepless in Seattle’?” He asks, when he lands on it.

“That totally has a baby in it!”

“The kid is, like, eight,” he argues. “And it’s not about the process of having kids!”

Jyn sighs, defeated. “Do you want to watch ‘Sleepless in Seattle,’ Bodhi?”

“Yes, but I’m mostly in it for Bill Pullman.”

“Fine,” she says, settling in next to him. “I’m probably going to fall asleep in twenty minutes, anyway.”

“That’s the spirit,” Bodhi says, and hits play.

[comradeocean]

Rogue One fic recs

Mostly Cassian/Jyn (rebelcaptain) with a few about K-2SO and ok also some meta links and this cool fanvid and a mixtape I made, or, No It’s Perfectly Alright My Life Has Been Overrun By Rogue One Not Like I Needed It For Anything Else (I do. It’s not alright. It’s really. really. not. alright.)

Organized by: K-2SO \\ Canon Compliant \\ AU - Scarif and Immediate Aftermath \\ AU - timeskip \\ AU - not even a little bit EU \\ AU - other (no Rogue One timeline, multiverse, etc) \\ Misc

- I’ve mostly avoided to non-canon AUs and WIPs but I’m sure that’ll change as I sink deeper into this mess - for the not-everyone-lives AUs, the surviving characters are denoted in brackets. (e.g. [BR, CA, JE]) if there are no brackets that either means the fic has everyone on the initial Rogue One team (BR, CA, JE, CI, BM, K) survive Scarif or that no casualties are mentioned - About 50 links in and I’m less than 3/4 through the tabs I have saved ooooops. I’ll continue to update as the spiraling continues.

===== K-2SO ===== title: Unseen by: TheCookieMonster77 rating: teen word count: 400 summary: Kaytoo had known this droid. notes: I found that droid extraction scene on Scarif very striking, like there was something horrifying and tragic going on. I'm glad someone wrote a little fic about it.

title: climb, climb by: peradi rating: not rated word count: 1039 summary: K-2SO: the droid with existential anxiety and a smart mouth. notes: "Additional Tags: Sad Robots" saaaaaad I am le sad

title: firefly by: peradi rating: not rated word count: 4483 summary: Humanity is infectious, Finn makes friends with droids, and K2 cannot get any rest: the story of how Rogue One flies again. notes: "additional tags: droids having feelings, musings about what droids are, the force has a plan and the force is a dick, chirrut imwe is always right, k2 can't catch a break, legacy, Crack Treated Seriously, the fic where k2 is reincarnated as the falcon" I laughed. I almost cried, several times. ALL the droids are so incredibly well written - K-2SO, BB-8, R2, the brief mentions of C3PO. the humans are ok too, I guess. [I kid, but Finn and Poe are legit amazing in this as well]

title: A Cog In Something Turning by: Redrikki rating: gen word count: 1742 summary: Cassian hadn't meant to give K-2SO free will. Good thing for both of them he's a terrible slicer. notes: my favourite Cassian-and-K-2SO fic

title: The Ghosts in the Machines by: squireofgeekdom rating: gen word count: 1985 summary: How K2SO's many ghosts aided the Rebellion and stymied the Imperials, and how one of those ghosts carried the memories of Rogue One past the end of the Empire. notes: love love love the concept and the execution

title: RUN SIMULATION: SCENARIO ABB-10AU by: sarahlucielle rating: teen word count: 1125 summary: K-2SO mentally simulates what might have been.

title: The Genre Does Not Support This by: nymja rating: teen word count: 990 summary: “I have decided to be proactive,” the droid responded primly. “Proactive? For what?” Jyn leaned forward in her chair. “Sexual tension will increase mission failure by approximately 12.95%.” K-2SO suspects something is going on between Cassian and Jyn. notes: they are so oblivious and bad at feelings[1]! K2 is so extremely put upon!!!! EVERTHING IS WONDERFUL AND NOTHING HURTS [1] Jyn had seen her share of strange things. An Imperial droid in a mood swing was now one of them. “…Right. Well.” She looked back down at her blaster, because that was at least a familiar terrain on which to solve a problem. “Let me know if I can help.” PERF JYN CHARACTERIZATION

title: not titled by: radiojamming rating: not rated word count: short summary: Jyn trying to get information out of K-2SO about what kind of things that Cassian likes. notes: Jyn! flailing! K-2SO! unhelpful in the extreme! a heartwarming ending!

===== Canon Compliant ===== title: on the white shores of scarif by: jynorgana rating: gen word count: 2648 summary: In case you were wondering, this is what Jyn Erso thinks about love. notes: love and Jyn and Saw Gerrera and Cassian. I wanted so much more of that fraught difficult relationship Jyn has with Saw Gerrera, with growing up with him. This is exactly what I wanted.

title: a hundred flags flying in a field by: ginnyweasleys rating: teen word count: 2850 summary: So much of him is all jagged edges and war-hardened heart. She hadn’t thought there was much room for softness.(five times jyn and cassian touch.) notes: I love how steady and careful Cassian is, esp in contrast to Jyn

title: Touching Freedom by: endeni rating: mature word count: 1795 summary: The things Cassian has done for the Cause. notes: “They don't own me,” she repeats, slowly this time. “What they do with my body, it doesn't matter. They think they can take what they want, do what they want, to us, to the whole galaxy. But they’re wrong, Cassian, okay? They’re wrong.” and later Like he never expected Cassian to last as long as he did in the first place, like he’d been waiting for those words to come out of his mouth for years now and he’s almost surprised he’s finally hearing them. people being conscious of having a body and trying to extract something from that consciousness is something I am drawn to

title: ghost stories by: ZeGabz rating: gen word count: 2085 summary: Rey's daydreams speak to her sometimes.The voices echo Rebellions. notes: Jyn is a force ghost only seen by Rey

title: hope lives on by: peradi rating: not rated word count: 7298 summary: Bodhi dies. This is what happens afterwards. Or: Bodhi becomes the patron saint of the Resistance. notes: very much a story of how Bodhi is a patron saint in the storyworld of The Force Awakens (with the mythology of the prequels and Rogue One intact). funny. slightly didactic, but in a way I found pleasing.

title: star-crossed by: poseidon rating: not rated word count: 2256 summary: They're not going to survive. They were never going to survive. notes: I like the K-2SO section

title: not titled by: reystars rating: not rated word count: short summary: headcanon segued into fic about that blaster Jyn stole from Cassian

title: not titled by: radiojamming rating: not rated word count: short summary: Jyn, inner thoughts: "He's staring at me again, why is he staring at me again - can't he stop judging me for a minute, GEEZ." Cassian, inner thoughts: "She's got space gravy on her bottom lip and I don't know if I want to tell her or if I want to lick it off." notes: a farce! the POV switch turns this into a veritable farce!

title: Sinner's Worth by: guineapiggie rating: teen word count: 1147 summary: For a while, they just sit there, pointedly staring at the wall opposite, but then her curiosity gets the better of her. “Why risk your life to get me out of there? I’d played my part. You lot should see the bigger picture, right?” At first, she thinks he’s just decided to ignore her, then he sighs softly and says: “The truth?” She doesn’t think his question warrants an answer. This man turns out to be a very unpredictable bundle of contradictions, and he’s far too honest for a spy. notes: post-Jedha

title: There For You by: guineapiggie rating: gen word count: 1954 summary: “That’s good,” she mutters, motioning towards her bowl with her spoon. His eyes dart up and then there’s a small smile twitching around his lips. It isn’t much, but it makes her wonder what he looks like with an actual smile on his face, and she imagines it looks quite nice. She hates herself a little for that thought." They reach Yavin IV and Jyn has every intention to lock herself in the room they've given her and not come out ever again. However, someone strongly disagrees with that plan. notes: post-Eadu OH MY GOD the yearning the unfulfilled! yearning!

title: rise/set by: nymja rating: teen word count: 452 summary: Her fingers slide over the mug. They’re both wearing gloves, but for a moment there’s something to the heat of the metal that she wonders about. notes: Jyn and Cassian and the sun during Rogue One. wistful in the best way.

title: Finding Myself (And Maybe You) series [WIP] by: copper_nails rating: mature, explicit word count: 16357 summary: "The barracks on Yavin Four aren’t meant to double as guest quarters." Or: Jyn's first night with the Alliance is a...cozy one. then: Cassian takes on a bunk guest and finds the entire experience...confusing. and: “I am not programmed to believe in miracles,” K-2SO informs her as they take the final steps towards the door, “but the fact that you did not kill the captain in his sleep registers as close to an impossibility as is processable. I do not anticipate such an outlier occurring again.” The effort it takes Jyn not to roll her eyes is almost unbearable. “We’ll see, K-2,” she says, stepping out into the light of day. “We’ll see.” notes: drunk bed-sharing, mutual distrust, sexual frustration. all that good stuff.

title: i imagine life so much it feels like a memory by: alsoalsowik rating: mature word count: 792 summary: In their final moments, Cassian sees an entire lifetime he won’t get to have in Jyn’s eyes. notes: I have such a weakness for these momentary could-have-been lives imagined by one or both of them on the beach.

title: What Might Have Been  by: AgentVeronica rating: teen word count: 2101 summary: With each soul, a world dies. notes: there is so much I love about this fic - the way the tenses and POV make it seem like instances of documentation, the way the imagined future spreads out

title: you were my new home by: katsumi rating: teen word count: 4690 summary:  She surprises herself with the force of the want in her. She’s only known him a few weeks—and he’s gruff, and secretive, and single-minded to a dangerous degree—but he’s the first person in a long time she’s had any real ties to. And yes, his loyalty is not to her so much as it is to the cause she’s now a part of. But for now, he’s just a little bit hers in a way that no one else has been for a very, very long time. Before they can meet with Saw Gerrera, they have to find Saw Gerrera, and that takes time. On the search, Jyn and Cassian grow closer. notes: lengthy missing moments fic of all our dreams

===== AU - Scarif & immediate aftermath ===== title: Beinahe [BR, CA, JE] by: guineapiggie rating: teen word count: 7071 summary: People around them assume they must have had an affair before, and she can't blame them. She's holding his hand, sleeping in his bed, and if she wasn't lauded a hero of the Rebellion, they would never let her do that. But they are, so instead they spin stories of the two of them. She couldn't care less. What she cares about, once he gets better, is what becomes of two people who were almost strangers and who held each other as death came for them, and then woke up to find they weren't dead. She doesn't know what that means, except that she wants to kiss him more than ever, because he's the only source of solace she has had in a long time, and she needs one more than ever. (If she had to chose a word for Cassian Andor, it's almost.) - Surviving Scarif and leaving Scarif are two very different things. - notes: amazing how survivor's guilt is written here. love the long, slow burn.

title: Inevitable [WIP] [BR, CA, JE] by: cellorocket rating: teen word count: 10869 summary: He had the kind of face you saw everywhere, and nowhere at the same time – so unremarkably average that it was almost suspicious. But he knew how to wear it, knew how to be a thousand different things; whatever the mission required. Though he often disappeared into whatever role he was assigned, sometimes she saw glimmers of an emotion she couldn’t read ripple over those strangely common features, and knew it had no place in a liar’s arsenal of masks. Sad eyes, she thought, shivering. He can’t hide those. || the rogue one trio + episode iv and onward notes: I really like Bodhi and Jyn’s POVs and the sense of how strange it is to be so extremely close to people they barely know, and the simultaneous distance that incongruity creates

title: Long Way Home series [WIP] by: noelia_g rating: gen, explicit word count: 15357 summary: In which they all live and Jyn Erso is on a quest to fix a droid. Rogue One in the aftermath. Cassian Andor before Rogue One, during, and after. notes: god GOD

title: Arm's Length [CA, JE] by: FollowMyFeet rating: mature word count: 6404 summary: "You want me to hate you?" he hisses. "Okay, I'll hate you." notes: the first chapter killed me

title: stubborn hope by: conjurewithrisk rating: teen word count: 475 summary: This is a rebellion. They rebel by staying alive. notes: so I have lots of thought and feelings about martyrdom and survival and how maybe staying alive is the most revolutionary thing of all but also possibly the least idk. this brought up some stuff for me

title: they have stolen the heart from inside you (but this does not define you) [CA, JE] by: gingergenower rating: teen word count: 1578 summary: Jyn and Cassian escaped Scarif, and they end up in a rebel base in the middle of nowhere while they collect themselves. They are all stardust. notes: I like the fics where they are stricken with survivor’s guilt. I also like this one where Jyn’s detached and quietly bewildered. just observing things as they happen, having thoughts filter in and out

title: Stay in Motion [WIP] by:  ignitesthestars, nymja, starforged rating: teen word count: 5184 summary: Short stories set in a universe where the Rogue One crewmembers survive

===== AU - timeskip (after Scarif) ===== title: the sharp edge of survival by: with_the_monsters rating: teen word count: 3950 summary: They're heroes, now, but the not the type of heroes the Republic wants. Not bright and clean and effortlessly Light. Not able to sit still or give up the fight. The fight built each of them, after all. Made them what they are. notes: I really like this iteration of everyone-lives because there are gaps between surviving and living and what those are and how they might be filled is written in a very real and touching way.

title: Clean Shaven by: 19RosesofLifeandDeath98 rating: gen word count: 1263 summary: Cassian liked routines, and Jyn liked Cassian. It wasn’t a hard protocol to follow. notes: post mission hand injury oh no how will Cassian maintain his shaving schedule. so sweet and awkward I love it!

title: in the spaces series [WIP] by: nymja rating: teen, explicit word count: 9701 summary: Jyn, Cassian, and their intersecting moments during the Galactic Civil War. & Jyn, Cassian, and the war not ending after Endor. notes: I made many whale noises whilst reading this fic. another one for the post-Scarif trauma + slow, long burn file.

title: Cryptography [WIP] by: someinstant rating: teen word count: 6985 summary: Compromised, Cassian read, his fingers numbing against the screen. Jyn says to orphan. The words blurred, and he dropped the pad. “To orphan?” Senator Organa asked the general. She didn't pretend not to have read over Cassian's shoulder. “Cut ties,” said Draven. He cleared his throat. "It's what you do when an agent goes rogue--" Cassian shook his head. “No,” he said, mechanically. "It means 'to abandon.'” notes: “And the ending is amazing. The third act is perfect, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Which is why I'm just gonna shift the world over *just a little*, and keep going.” so exciting and plotty!!!!!

title: i don't care if heaven won't take me back by: gingergenower rating: explicit word count: 6628 summary: Cassian's compromised and kidnapped on a routine mission, taken by a crime mob working with the Empire. The Alliance orders Jyn to cut and run because too many lives would be lost failing to save him. As is her nature, she goes rogue. notes: riveting action scenes. I’m a sucker for the ride-and-die Jyn characterization

title: something distracting by: PastyPirate rating: explicit word count: 4679 summary: Cassian never really thought about statutes of limitations on disobedience. Mainly because he’d never disobeyed an order before. But after nine months, and a mission that can only really be called successful (body count and everything), he felt like getting a slap on the wrist for disobeying an order was a bit much. In which; Cassian has no idea how to properly be grounded, he ends up thinking too much about things he'd rather not focus on. notes: in love with Cassian’s running internal monologue and his constant berating of himself

===== AU - not even a little bit EU ===== title: not titled drabble by: plinys rating: gen word count: short summary: jyn x cassian, partners in crime au

title: we will not grow old by: Wildehack rating: mature word count: 3001 summary: In the dream, Jyn’s father is there, just like he was when she was new. He cups her face in his hands, and a rush of yearning fills Jyn’s chest, but she’s not sure what for. He brushes her hair out of her eyes, sits down beside her in this strange, cold room. “Analysis,” he says. notes: Westworld AU

title: not titled by: raspberrylimonade rating: not rated word count: ~ 1000 summary: Where instead of being killed in the blast, Jyn and Cassian are transported to LA in the early 2000s where Cassian becomes a retailer for home appliances (based of this interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRZ1ihipQso) and Jyn becomes a fitness instructor. notes: charming!

===== AU - other (no Rogue One timeline, multiverse, etc) ===== title: The Jedha Moon Jockey [WIP] by: ballantine rating: mature word count: 3963 summary: “Jedha’s not a priority for the Alliance at the moment,” he says, not looking away from the open panel. “Oh, of course,” the girl says. “It’s not like the occupation of this moon has anything to do with its extensive kyberite ore, which, if you didn’t know (but you should), the Empire has started to turn to for energy enrichment. And it’s certainly not like the Alliance’s apparent abandonment of one of the most revered symbols of the Jedi Order will have any impact at all on rebel morale in the Mid Rim — ” Cassian momentarily gives up on opening the cell door in favor of putting his head in hands and groaning. notes: “Cassian picks through the wiring and says, “For someone who obviously hates the Empire with so much passion, you don’t seem too worried about being caught in one of their holding cells.” She shrugs one shoulder. “Saw Gerrera will come for me. He always does.”” EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED. "Saw Gerrera did not abandon Jyn" is a tag but so is "Loss of Faith." I am worried.

title: not titled / Sic Itur Ad Astra  by: radiojamming / ClockworkCourier rating: not rated word count: ~ 2600 summary: Jyn Erso, unsurprisingly, turned everything he believed about himself and the galaxy right on its head; what was right, what was wrong, and what to do about it. It was all different because of her, and he couldn’t help but feel something like a sinking sensation in his chest when he realized that. He didn’t accept it, though. Not without a mark. Not without a reason. notes: jyn/cassian soulmate (w matching birthmarks) AU. does the fatalism of the trope very evocatively

title: Propaganda by: pantropia rating: not rated word count: 812 summary: Neither the Rebellion nor the Empire are above using popular media as propaganda. notes: movie within a movie meta fix-it

title: And The Next [WIP] by: ienablu rating: teen word count: 20448 summary: Jyn looks to the disappearing horizon and thinks, The Force is with me, I am one with the Force. The Force is with me, I am one with the Force. The Force is strong with me, I am – Jyn wakes up in her Wobani prison cell, panting and a scream dying in her throat. notes: I love Groundhog Day AUs. this is one of the best I've ever read. the most recent chapter (4) is painful in the perfect way.

title: The RebelCaptain Ultimate Kiss Mod [WIP] by: Coryphefish rating: teen word count: 504 summary: There should have been a kiss on the beach? In the elevator? Why stop there? This is the fix-it fic we really need! ALL the moments in Rogue One where it almost happened? Now it did!

title: not titled drabble by: kylorenvevo rating: not rated word count: ~1000 summary: jyn/cassian alias!au with jyn spying on the empire and cassian as her rebel handler

===== Misc ===== - a really wonderful fanvid - radiojamming: important features of k-2so day - rinsantago: "In retrospect, there was no freaking way that Jyn and Cassian could have been Rey’s parents." - iamthezip: "What does little 6-year-old Cassian “rebellions are built on hope” Andor do for the fucking rebellion?!" - thegrayship: ““You DUMPED me!” vs “They’ll be back for me.”” [Jyn and Rey comparisons] - lionmettled: “Info on Chirrut and Baze from the Visual Dictionary” - notbecauseofvictories: “I have managed to find a single feeling about galen erso, and it mostly concerns him being an amoral figure, wearing very badly-fitting moral skin” - Star Wars: Rogue One places Asian heroes at the core of its revolution - rukbats: “Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that by modern standards we can safely assume that Cassian Andor was most probably a scorpio, sagittarius or a capricorn thank you for coming to my TED talk” - betterbemeta: “3P0 is simultaneously totally useless yet hyper functional because he was not made according to any specs except “the best most toughest things possible to help my mom for a long long time on a hot desert planet” - I made a Cassian Andor mixtape!

I am here and always ready to cry with you about revolutions and Saw Gerrera and Cassian and Jyn. ☭<3☭