#expect massive shitposting soon

[icommitedcrimesasatoaster]

Welcome to my hell (I made for myself) (AU MASTER POST)

Welcome to my shitshow. This entire thing originated from a dream. Had a vision in the gacha artstyle about 6 people from different universes being stuck in jail and here we are.

The AU focuses on 5 characters

Cody: My guy. I love torturing him more then i should.

Marshall Commander of the GAR and the responsible adult. If you ignore him kicking droids..

Katara: Too young, you never realize a character is young until you put her in a room with slightly older people.

A proficient water bender with a track record of fighting and ending a war in like 5 months with a bald child, her brother, The greatest earth bender of all time™ and an angsty teenager.

Kanade Yoisaki: My friend has been making fun of me for that one LMAO

A musical composer in the group 25-ji, Nightcord de. who she is a lader off, her skills include somehow surviving off of nothing except ramen noodles, somehow having enough money to not go into an orphanage and just in general rolling all 1's and still surviving

Tommyinnit: YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT ONE DID YA????? (unless if you looked at the tags.)

Your average traumatized teenager who went trough hell and back AND death and back. He has seen it all. Also chaotic little bastard that will see you in the vents.

Technoblade: I love him <3 (ignore the dead people)

A man known throughout the lands he has stepped on ,leaving a bloody trail behind him. Every ruler who wants him dead either isn't here or is too scared to voice it. Also he is socially awkward 6'5ft man who says "You too" to a waiter

There will be a one shot fic soon , when ill post it ill update it so its on the top. But right now its not so eh

Because I had a lot of stress for the past month my brain pulled itself to this au like a magnet (And another one i may post about on a later date)

So enjoy now what I have gathered aka my collection of shitposts, images and charts.

THE CHARACTER RELATIONSHIPS (this may change, as i made it first)

Made by me

Tommy artist: IDK (please tell me)

Technoblade artist: I also don't knwo (im bad at tracking it)

The gang! (Aka me looking trough the "Draw your gang" tag.)

Full post here:

Chart! Can't get enough of them!

Post 1:

Post 2:

Incorrect quotes , MY FAVORITE! (kill me.)

Post:

MISCELLANEOUS (i had to google how to spell that one-)

art+ dagger.

...well-

thats basically how i describe this post-

you don't realize how far you brainrotted until you have 11 pages of wip that you basically haven't started, a massive file and countless messages to my victim (Ash I am so so sorry.)

..uh enjoy?

[beroinado]

i just keep playing the same songs till i’m sick of them though

[krimsonmay]

this is probably long overdue but i want to thank everyone who support me and like my art

i'm not that good at expressing myself. i'm not kidding, i don't know what i'm saying most of the time so bear with me.

art for me has been a long-time escape. not for expressing my emotions, not really, but something that brings me joy when i look at it and tell myself "oh hey, i made that"

i didn't expect my account(s) to get anywhere when i started it, but seeing now how there's a massive amount of people that take their time to appreciate my shitposts and half-assed fanart has made me realize i really like doing this.

i had struggled with myself since i was little. that is why i loved art from the beginning, and when i first got really into it i drew all the time, even at times when it wasn't appropriate - like when i was supposed to pay attention in school, or do my chores, or sleep, or anything at all.

i loved it though, and for the first time in my life i found something that was for me, something i could finally do.

but as time went by, things and circumstances changed. my passion for art being drained quicker than i'd want, and soon my progression almost halted abd became agonisingly slow. i could not draw for weeks, i would think of it but never do it, and i never understood why.

someone always told me "you need to draw every day to get better" - and in some ways it was true, but how could i do that when i felt less and less for it?

when i began this account, it was a fresh start from what i've been doing before. it was a slow start, but this year i've been noticing how i have more ideas again, how fulfilling it is to draw even if it still takes me a long time, even when i scrap something and start over again. i'm finally doing something again.

and it's thanks to those who stopped by to look at my art and maybe say something about it.

i do art for myself, mainly, but i mean it when i say it brings me so much joy when others find something in it for themselves too.

[chipper-asks]

Any tips on how to grow your own blog by chance?

Aah man I've written a response to this kind of question many times but I always delete it because I'm afraid of coming off as self centered or arrogant, but I definitely have some tips on what works and doesn't work (on tumblr.)

I will say that I never believed I would get to the "Big Fandom Artist" stage. I've seen people drop my name in conversations or descriptions and just assume other people know who I am and that's still incredibly wild to me. I never really pushed to get a big blog it really just happened.

But! I do have rules and personal guidelines that might help if you are thinking of actively building your blog!

1: Keep personal information and vent posts to a minimum

It should go without saying that its not a good thing for your personal information to be on the internet. Once its out there its near impossible to erase. This is for your own safety.

Vent posts give out more information than you might think, but also some people who are following you may be going through difficult times themselves. I go on the internet to get away from my stressors and problems and i've specifically catered my dashboard to reflect my desires. I have no doubt others are the same.

I've unfollowed mutuals because they vented too frequently. I enjoyed what they made! But it stressed me out to read their vent posts because I couldn't help. I realized it was taking a toll on my mental health and I made the tough decision to unfollow.

It is very tempting to vagueblog because its nice getting out all the angry feelings, but a blog with thousands of people following it is not the place to do it.

2: Shitpost vs Quality Foley

I could go into a massive essay on this alone (ive even written out an outline already) but i'll keep it as brief as I can.

Throughout my time on Tumblr I’ve seen a number of posts of artists complaining about the lack of notes on their serious work compared to the abundance of notes on their shitposts.

This is because Tumblr IS a place of shitposts. It's like squeezing a clown nose and expecting it not to honk.

However! It's more complicated than that and i've broken it up into four parts organized by importance.

A. Relevance/Meta: Is it something that people are already familiar with? Is it something that's currently going on?

People want to enjoy things they're already familiar with. For example, people getting into Hollow Knight are more likely to follow a blog that posts HK content regularly over a HK blog that posted a picture of Grimm once and then is full of original content. It's not that people don't like your original stuff, its just not what they're looking for.

If you like striking while the iron is hot, meta jokes are the way to go. Making references to games like Among Us during the height of its popularity for example would get you lots of notes.

B. Hilarity

Is it funny? Does it subvert expectations?

Shitposts will always be more popular than a well drawn post. People like to laugh and share things that laugh. A cool, well drawn post is more often than not met with a "hm, cool. scrolls down."

This is a polished comic I made 10 months ago. I'm very proud of it and i'm pleased with the amount of attention it got. It took me 2 days to finish.

This is a shitpost I made 3 years ago that I still haven't been able to top. It took me 30 minutes to make.

That's not to say a well drawn post can get popular! It's just that people enjoy a good laugh over something shiny. This is a factor of knowing your audience. Some things land better than others and you'll be better off if you just roll with what you get.

I will say tho I appreciate the people who reblog my oc posts 200x more than people who reblog my shitposts and fanart. Those are quality followers and you must cherish them.

C. Appeal

Is it cute? Is it fluffy? Is the design easy to understand? Does it make people emotional? Is it angsty? Is it relatable?

People like cute shit. People like things that make them hurt (albeit not too much). People like things that they can see themselves in.

D. Skill

There is some merit in being good at what you do. People do like funny things more than shiny things, but shiny things are cool too.

If you post things that are funny? You're normal horoscopes.

If you post things that are well drawn? (its really telling that I can't think of someone right off the top of my head)

If you post things that are funny AND well drawn? Well then you're iguanamouth

3: Know your boundaries.

There's a difference between being understanding/tagging things correctly and catering to people who want you to be someone else.

I know that many people get upset with others who gender the vessels in Hollow Knight. While it doesn't bother me, I can recognize the misgendering of vessels as a source of dysphoria and I tag accordingly.

If someone comes into my inbox and tells me to stop drawing a character because they're "problematic," I'm just going to block them and go about my day.

4: This is your blog, its your rules.

I'm apologetically myself on my blog. I post what I want and what inspires me. The reason why I have so many AUs is because its my blog and I like AUs. If a large portion of the fandom doesn't like my AUs, its their loss, I make great AUs.

In fact, its just a good mindset in general to have. If some people don't like what you make, its not your problem. It makes you happy and it makes hundreds of others happy then continue to do what you do. It's impossible to have a large following and not have someone who dislikes you purely out of spite.

Make stuff for yourself, not because you want numbers.

5: Don't feed the trolls.

If someone sends you hate, take a picture of it, share it with your friends, laugh, block the person, delete message, move on with your life.

It's really fun to feed the trolls, but feeding trolls attracts more trolls and soon its not fun anymore. Just laugh when you get your first anon hate, maybe frame it in your room, and don't even acknowledge them with a "fuck you."

6: Recognize your position.

This is more advice for when you do get a big blog. You get to a point when you realize you have a portion of your audience who value much more than a regular human being and are willing to take up arms for you.

Do. Not. Weaponize. Your audience.

It's incredibly shitty and can ruin peoples lives.

7: Post Frequency/Schedule

Now this is one I can't do. It's normal for me to become incredibly active for 2 weeks and then end up posting nothing for a month. I don't have the patience to build up a queue of new things.

However! If you have more discipline than me, posting daily or twice a week builds up anticipation for your next post. You're dependable and people have the chance to look forward to seeing something from you on their dash on Friday.

Thats all I can think of so far.

There's no TL;DR you'll miss my important advice within these tips.

[suburbancockroach]

You know I actually post positivity so rarely on here. I blog so infrequently, I know shitposting is fun and all, but y'all. 2021 was one of the hardest years for me. I privately dealt with one of the most massive heartbreaks I've ever experienced. I let go of a 5 year old love in silence. I made it. I got up every morning and I went to work and worked relentlessly on my house. I painted and let go of expectations and relationships which didn't serve me. I decided to create art I enjoy, something which feels natural rather than forced for the sake of public appeal.

I often cry thinking I've failed at everything because I didn't make it into the ivy league but really that's not all there is to life. Sometimes shedding a skin which isn't yours is a leap of its own. I carry a weight I can't describe to people but I've learned to walk upright. It's going to be okay. If for some reason you've read this far and you feel afraid, let yourself feel afraid. Let yourself feel something. You'll stand up to it all soon enough when you know your enemy. I love you, you're seen and you're valid. You're perfect.

[irarelypostanything]

Operation Gamestonk

[A short story I may or may not have written while drunk]

Lewis’ entire family was slaughtered by the hated Hedge Fund Knights — they foreclosed his home, stabbed his parents, and set the manor on fire in less than a millisecond. This was the work to be expected of the Hedge Fund Knights: They could kill, flee, and rob people faster than their victims could comprehend. Even the Goldman Company warriors Lewis’ family had hired were beheaded…Lewis himself survived by some act of fate, God, or Satan. Regardless, he dedicated his life to vengeance. He made friends, shared stories, brokered alliances in the only form of currency he knew could match the violence he was grappling with. Lewis did not fight with a sword and shield, but with information. He built his own power on the back of blackmail and betrayal, and in time he afforded himself the opportunity to slaughter those who had wronged him.

But the Hedge Fund Knights returned with renewed vigor, the same way cancer was never truly gone. With nowhere left to turn, Lewis made his way to the one place no one could touch him.

Part I. The Big Short Squeeze

The Palace of Joe Rogan was protected on all sides by water and gorillas. Rogan’s island was fabled throughout the entire world for growing the finest mushrooms and the most exquisite weed. Here, thanks to Rogan’s diplomacy, there was no war. Visitors were free to negotiate as they pleased, but anyone who spilled blood on these sacred grounds was forced to smoke a blunt so potent, only Rogan himself had ever survived its vaporized sweetness.

The palace was made of gold. The armed gorillas who guarded the palace gates nodded to Lewis as he passed, lowered their guns, and stepped aside. Just outside the gates, Lewis could make out the outline of children attempting to catch a glimpse of what was inside. The courtyard featured a massive gorilla statue, along with a statue of their god: Elon Musk.

Rogan was in his chambers, drinking scotch and smoking a blunt. He recognized Lewis immediately.

“Sup, dude!” he said. “Have you ever tried to fight a gorilla?” Rogan was not a tall man, but in his mind’s eye Lewis could envision him sparring with a gorilla and winning.

“Another time,” said Lewis. “I come bearing gifts.” Lewis reached into his bag and produced two sculpted hands, both of them encrusted with diamonds. “Diamond hands.”

“Sick.”

“The time has come,” continued Lewis, “to speak to Musk, our lord and savior. You are the only entity capable of communing with Him, for your weed is powerful enough to summon even a god.”

“Okay.” Rogan crushed weed in his hand, then lined it on the ground in a Tesla logo. As soon as he finished, the powder turned to fire.

“This will take around 30 seconds,” said Rogan. “By the way, have you been in touch with my new friend, Lord Robinhood?”

“Lord Robinhood?” asked Lewis. “How did he become a lord?”

“Not sure.”

“Don’t you need to be rich to buy lordship? If his product is zero commision, how does Lord Robinhood make money?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Elon Musk was said to have been a bridge between gods and humans, someone who took a mortal form so that ordinary men could speak to someone they understood. Musk would end climate change, build a massive tunnel, and provide humans with immortality long before AI would have the chance to commit mass genocide. But the words of Musk were cryptic. When he spoke, it was through a medium. His words only came several characters at a time.

“Gamestonk,” said Rogan.

“What?”

“That’s all he said. Gamestonk. Do you know what that means?”

“I have to go.”

“Don’t you want to stay and talk about gorillas, first?”

Lewis would sail to his hometown, as quickly as he could, and when he got there he would send ravens to every great king, lord, and priest in the land. The time of reckoning had finally come.

Part II. The Diamond Hands

The city of Gamestop was lame and inefficient — you had to talk to a person to buy anything, and unlike the city of Amazon it had some really bad customer service. When Hedge Fund Knight Kenneth rode in, the Gamestop peasants treated him with scorn…for people so stupid, these ones learned quickly. Before they had time to flee, Kenneth had killed 20 of the town’s youngest children and left a still-bleeding head in the bed of each child’s respective mother.

Their mission was simple: They were going to pretend to supply Gamestop with stores of food and horses, when in reality their intent was to watch the peasants die. They had bet on it. If Gamestop withered and died, like they knew it would, the idiots in Burry would be forced to pay out their lost bet. The Hedge Fund Knights, in their frequent pillaging and raping, knew that it was only a matter of time before Gamestop fell.

But something was off today. Everywhere he looked, Kenneth saw mysterious markings that consisted of a diamond with hands. What did this mean? He caught a hooded man attempting to paint these symbols on a store. In an instant, Kenneth had him by the neck.

“What are you doing?” Kenneth demanded. With surprising force, the hooded man wriggled free. Kenneth drew his sword, produced a magical (and high) frequency, and teleported it direct beneath the hooded man’s throat. As soon as he attempted to make the killing blow, the hooded man grabbed Kenneth’s throat and threw him.

And just like that, in an instant, Kenneth was dead.

The hooded man discarded his robe. He had slicked-blonde hair, sunglasses, and a $20,000 suit. His hands, which had apparently granted him superhuman strength, were no ordinary hands. They were made of diamond.

Around him, the villagers could hear the dreaded high frequency of the Hedge Fund Knights. One by one, each knight reappeared to kill the troublemaker — just as quickly, each Hedge Fund Knight died.

“It can’t be!” said a villager, in disbelief. “Are you…are you with WallStreetBets?”

The man nodded. The first villager kneeled.

“Why are you kneeling?” asked the second villager. “WallStreetBets is nothing but shitposting dumb ass millennials. You know about as much about investing as your average 4Chan user does about being charming.”

“Forgive him!” cried the first villager, “he knows not what he says. I know of your the heroic actions of ControlTheNarrative, as well as your selfless box spreads! You are our saviors, and you are the only ones capable of saving us.

“Now tell me, oh great one, will you save us?”

The man nodded.

“Thank heavens! Musk be good! Will you take Gamestop out of its position?”

“I’ll take it to the moon,” said the man.

Part III. The Citadel

The forces of WallStreetBets were divided. For five days they had held against the combined forces of House Citadel and House Melvin, but their provisions were running low.

It was the afternoon. It was 100 degrees. Lewis thought that this blonde man’s sunglasses were fitting, but not his suit. He must have been sweating bullets.

“Options!” shouted a nearby fisherman, “get your options while they’re fresh!” Lewis ignored him, as did DiamondHands.

“You’ve managed to seize Gamestop,” said Lewis, “what’s your plan now?”

“Hold.”

“What?”

“Hold.”

Lewis was incredulous. Since the Robinhood embargo, a move some believed was the direct result of a bribe from the Hedge Fund Knights to Lord Robinhood himself, many of the WallStreetBets forces had died. Some had taken gold and fled, obviously benefitting from the attack without bearing the risk. Some, in fact the majority, had simply shitposted. They probably died, too, but no one could really keep track of that sort of thing.

“WallStreetBets is chaos,” said Lewis. “Some of you are brilliant, some of you are simply in for the ride. What was all of this for?”

“Hold.”

“Did you ever have a plan? Was this an act of vengeance, a self-interested coup for the sake of profit? What is this? What do you believe in?”

“Holding.”

“Your forces are dwindling. All of this might come apart.”

“It won’t come apart if we hold.”

Lewis looked out at the burning city, the diamond hands flags, and the flag of the shiba inu. He wondered what was coming next.

[lilfellasblog]

Knight in Shining Armor - Roman’s 2019 Birthday Fic!

Summary: When Thomas has an allergic reaction, Virgil’s anxiety gets stuck on high-alert. Will he have to face it alone?Hello! Despite how the summary makes it sound, this is actually a fic for Roman Creativity Sander’s birthday! Happy birthday to the dramatic, passionate Side that inspires Thomas and keeps him going!

A/N: If you like this please reblog. It is the only way for this writing to reach a wider audience. Tumblr ate most of my fics that I know I posted here, which makes me very sad for a lot of reasons, one of the biggest being that the love and comments and tags that folks showed this fic is gone into the ether.

TW: Minor allergic reaction, anxiety, feeling of breathlessness that comes from anxiety. Let me know if I missed any!

Word Count: 1741

AO3 here!

Fic Masterlist here!

Earlier that morning, Thomas had woken up at his friend’s house after a bit too wild of a night. He had groaned and stretched, trying and failing to open his eyes past the searing headache, when he felt weight drop on his chest.

His eyes slammed open and he was face-to-face with a very fluffy cat.

“Oh my goodness!” Thomas cooed as he brought his hand up. He let the cat smell his hand, then started gently petting its head and neck. The cat was a light gray color with yellow eyes and a very poofy tail.

“Aren’t you such a good kitty?” Thomas gushed.

The cat laid down on him and stretched, accepting more head scritches. Thomas couldn’t stop himself from booping the cat’s nose, but he immediately went back to petting. Soon enough, however, his immune system had something to say. He barely got his arm over his nose and mouth in time for him to sneeze.

The cat was entirely nonplussed and simply looked at him as if to say, “Why did you stop petting me?”

Thomas gently picked up the cat and deposited it on the ground. He stood up, gripping his head, and made his way to the bathroom to get some water and ibuprofen in his system. Might have to see if they have benadryl, I can already feel my nose getting stuffy.

////

Virgil was panicking. Thomas had been exposed to a cat, right after he had woken up, for an extended period of time, and was already having his airways close. Logically, Virgil knew that Thomas probably wasn’t going to go into anaphylactic shock, but what if he did?!

Virgil was keeping a very close eye on his own breathing. He didn’t feel like his airway was obstructed or swollen, but he did feel like he had to focus on taking deep breathes or else his lungs would start burning. He tried his breathing exercises, to no avail. Virgil was relieved when the benadryl kicked in for Thomas and his symptoms disappeared fairly quickly, but Virgil still couldn’t get enough air. He felt like he was constantly yawning or deeply sighing. It just felt like he wasn’t getting oxygen into his lungs!

He knew that it was going to be difficult to act normally around the other Sides. Patton was the center of Thomas’ emotional intelligence, Logan was ridiculously smart and observant, and Roman was very sensitive to how others were acting around him. Resigned to suffering alone in his room for the rest of the day, he flopped on his bed and scrolled through Tumblr. He had days like this; where he’d feel like his lungs weren’t working properly and that he’d have to gulp air just to feel like he wasn’t out of breath. It usually dissipated by the next morning. Virgil knew it was his anxiety, but knowing that only helped so much. He wasn’t going to have a panic attack over thinking he had methemoglobinemia or was going into anaphylactic shock, but his brain was still telling him that he was dying.

Virgil tried focusing on the various memes and shitposts that made up his Tumblr feed, but he wasn’t enjoying it at all. He was thrumming with anxious energy. When 3 PM rolled around, Virgil was exhausted and miserable. He wanted his anxiety to just fucking stop, to let him be a neurotypical person who could cure their sadness by walking outside or whatever shit, but no, his neurotransmitters decided that their role was to make his existence miserable. Was it so much to ask to just be able to breathe and have a normal day?!

Virgil threw his phone on the bed in frustration and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. He heard excited knocking coming from his door.

“Virgil, my Chemically Imbalanced Romance! May I request thy presence for a quest?”

Virgil took a deep breath in through his nose.

“Sorry Princey, I’m not feeling too hot today. Maybe another time.”

There was silence at his door, and Virgil was relieved and sad that Roman had left.

“A new quest then! Perhaps I can interest you in a distraction?”

Virgil considered that. He wasn’t getting much better laying here in his room, but he could barely catch his breath as it was! How could he last during one of Princey’s quests?!

Virgil let out a groan. “Fine, but only if you promise there’s little to no physical activity.”

“I swear it.” Roman said way too solemnly. Virgil huffed a silent laugh to himself. Roman’s extra dial is stuck at 300%.

Virgil got himself up, made sure he had his phone and headphones, and opened the door. Roman was looking at him as though he didn’t expect Virgil to actually come out.

“Virgil, my dark knight! How may I be of service to you?”

Virgil shuffled. “I don’t know.” he mumbled. He really didn’t know how Roman could help him.

“That’s quite alright! I’m sure I can… imagine something.” Roman said with an excited smile and waggle of his brows.

“Did you just make a Patton joke?”

“Why yes I did!”

“Not very creative.”

Roman let out an offended Princey noise and Virgil snorted. Roman led the way to his room, not touching Virgil. He had learned that when Virgil’s anxiety was acting up, touch didn’t feel very good for him.

Roman opened the massive doors to his room and Virgil noticed that it was slightly darker than usual. The only light came from candles, fairy lights, and a sunset in the Imagination that was shining through the window.

“We could play Scrabble, we could watch movies, I even have a PS4 set up in here!”

Virgil bobbed his head as he looked around. He needed a distraction, so,

“Scrabble?”

Roman swept his arm to the fireplace (that has GOT to be a fire hazard) and directed Virgil to one of the armchairs. Unlike the other armchairs, it was black with silver metal accents, as opposed to the red chairs with gold and brown accents. That little detail almost made Virgil tear up.

Almost. He had a reputation to maintain dammit.

Roman grabbed two mugs of jasmine tea seemingly from out of nowhere and set one in front of Virgil, along with a plate of finger sandwiches. They played several rounds of Scrabble, with Virgil winning the first one by a narrow margin and Roman winning the second by an equally narrow margin. They got about halfway through the third game before Virgil decided to try eating some of the finger sandwiches. They were good. Virgil ate enough so he wasn’t hungry anymore but no more than that. He didn’t want another lecture from Patton about ruining his appetite. Although to be fair, this was probably healthier than Cheetos dipped in cream cheese, right?

Virgil irritatingly brushed his fringe out of his eyes for approximately the 70th time that minute and huffed in annoyance.

“Would you like the assistance of an expert hairstylist fair maiden?”

Virgil saw excitement barely being held at bay in the royal’s eyes. His skin didn’t feel so uncomfortable anymore, and he could use some help…

“Sure.”

“Wonderful! Come into my bathroom, I have everything we’ll need in there.”

Virgil threw one more finger sandwich into his mouth, chugged the rest of his tea, and followed the royal.

Roman’s bathroom was an amalgamation of every bathroom Thomas had seen in his life that made him think “Oh pretty!”. Walking past a clawfoot bathtub that was in the exact center of the bathroom for whatever reason Virgil was sat down in a chair facing a vanity. The mirror was lined in lightbulbs.

Fit for a star.

Roman tousled Virgil’s hair, staring at it in concentration. After running his hands through it a few more times, he went to his vanity.

“Your hair has enough grease in it to make hairspray not as effective, and we really don’t have a good hair type for hair gel. I was thinking of putting some dry shampoo in and adding hairspray?”

Virgil shrugged. “Whatever you think will work best.”

“Excellent! I shall begin right away.”

Virgil let his mind drift a bit as Roman fussed over his hair. Roman had personalized his room just for Virgil’s sake and put his whole heart into doing whatever it was Virgil wanted to do. All because Virgil was being a useless puddle of anxiety on his bed and decided he couldn’t breathe and avoided the others. He had even made sure Virgil was hydrated and had something to eat, and Virgil hadn’t even gone on the quest Roman wanted to go on, and-

“Done! What do you think?”

Virgil tore himself away from his thoughts and looked in the mirror. It… looked good. For only using dry shampoo and hairspray, it was damn impressive. It had some volume and stayed out of his eyes, but was still draping down enough to keep the emo vibe alive.

Roman was chewing on his lip and staring at Virgil in the mirror with wide eyes.

“Thanks Ro. I really like it. It’s really good.”

Roman’s smile lit up the entire room and Virgil swore it got a few degrees warmer.

“I’m very glad you like it Virgil! My skills are unmatched!” he declared with a flourish.

Virgil chuckled as they heard knocking on Roman’s door.

“Kiddos! Dinner!”

Virgil and Roman began to shuffle out of his room when Virgil realized something: he could breathe again.

He felt a lump in his throat beginning to form against his wishes. Roman heard Virgil stop walking and turned around. Upon seeing the expression on Virgil’s face, his brows knitted together.

“Virgil? Is something the matter?”

Virgil laughed wetly. “No Princey, I just… thank you.” he breathed out.

Roman smiled. “Of course. It is my pleasure to help you Virgil.” he paused, looking slightly hesitant. “Would you like a hug?”

Virgil nodded and walked into Roman’s waiting arms. Roman held him tightly, showing the strength hidden beneath the prince uniform, but not too tightly. He had his face buried in Virgil hair and was breathing in the scent of hairspray and dry shampoo. After a good 30-second hug, they separated. Virgil was looking down and blushing slightly and Roman was smiling, a blush also covering his cheekbones, but instead of embarrassment in his eyes there were stars.

“L-let’s go to supper.” Virgil muttered.

“Very well. Let’s.”

[agoddamn]

I am curious since i am very on fence about this game, but what do you think caused the general antipathy? Switch accessibility problems? bad marketing campaign that basically ignored the game for months and then seemed to focus more on the western side? Spoiler embargo not allowing people to get information to get invested? For all Fates faults, one cutscene was enough to make me hooked and looking foward the game, while i have been watching a playthrough of 3h and i cant muster much

Yeah, Fates grabbed me by the hair from square one. The Gunther reveal made me import a Japanese 3DS so I could play the game because it was so wild and I still don’t regret that. Fun as hell, great music, characters I came to love, wild ride, actual kanji practice. Was great.

See, it’s interesting that you’re the second person I’ve seen say that they focused more on Western marketing, which is totally the opposite of what I saw. It was fans translating the character profiles on Twitter, no official support. Even in the days after launch, the sections on Deer and Lions were “coming soon” in English. The greatest extent of English advertising I’ve seen is, like, a poll on what house you’re picking from the official Twitter. And maybe the leak if my crazy tinfoil conspiracy theory is right. I can’t speak as to how much advertising the Japanese version got because I wasn’t following that, but it was definitely more than English. English marketing was a joke.

As for where the Japanese antipathy comes from…

All my general bitchiness aside, I do think the game commits a major sin in holding back the timeskip designs until the final, what, third of the game? There’s no universe in which that’s a good idea. You should lead with the designs that are your strongest. You should lead with the designs you most want to be iconic. Look at Steam cheevo statistics; so many people start playing games and then drop them far before the halfway point. IIRC even the artbook only gives school phase designs for everyone but the lords? No matter how you slice it, it’s a Bad Fucking Move to put your best looks and most salient characterization way at the end of the game. This isn’t to say you can’t have twists–but you probably shouldn’t have major twists with someone you’re trying to sell as a main character more than halfway through the game. Edelgard doesn’t build up to making a horrible decision, she decided to fucking murder her classmates before you even get there. You just don’t find out about it til halfway(+?) through the game. That’s not a great structure decision when you take into account how people actually play games.

Structure in general. I’ve seen a few people who’ve completed more than one run wondering if the timeskip was a mistake. What does it do, ultimately? The game takes a sharp left turn, but what have you gained in terms of actually playing it as a game? The characters hardly acknowledge that five years have passed in supports. It’s an excuse for new designs–but ones you hardly see, see above. It’s almost like the timeskip is there just to age the characters by five years so Americans don’t feel weird about fucking students.

Related to the above. If the lion’s share of your game is the school phase…and the school phase is gonna be what most players experience, being that it’s the beginning of the game…why the hell would you add a different phase that’s such a big mood/gameplay shift for a significant part of the game? People who came here for school shenanigans are going to be put off and depressed by the war phase and people who came here for the war phase will find the school phase interminably tedious.

Needing to play all 4 routes to fully grasp the story (a lot of fucking hours) also isn’t a plus. People playing one route–which are the most common type of people, see above–often seem like they’re dissatisfied with the plot cutting off and leaving dangling ends. I wouldn’t say this is a horrible thing in a vacuum–replayability is nice in these days of ‘games as a service’–but “you won’t understand what’s going on until you’ve played the same map at least three times!” is just a shitty situation to put the player in. And it’s surely gonna put off reviewers.

Switch accessibility is a medium factor. It’s definitely true that more people have 3DSes than Switches (it would have been really clever of Nintendo if they’d worked to release the Switch Lite and 3H concurrently, ah well), but I also don’t consider it a huge factor. Something to consider, not a critical issue.

This is undoubtedly going to be the subject of conspiracy theory shitposting to the point where I’m wary of saying it, but I really feel like functions that are standard in JRPGs got chopped back solely to appeal to the Western audience. And…naturally the Japanese audience is less interested in that, because it’s a whole bunch of extra busywork solely so Americans can ‘feel better’ about pressing buttons on a controller. I fully expect the Western sales numbers for 3H to wreck face, but I have a feeling the Japanese numbers will be lukewarm. Most likely comparable to Echoes, where it sells through most of its stock but didn’t have a huge stock in the first place so all that really says is that it isn’t a loss.

Relatedly–some of the things western fans are praising as ‘huge improvements’ were never an issue to Japanese fans. Jfen don’t nickname canons by continent, they do so by game title. 3H already has the nickname of Kazahana. That’s it and that’s all it needs. Jfen were not wildly elated and praising the game out the door when they saw the continent was named ‘Fodlan’. It’s not that Jfen didn’t criticize Fates’s storytelling–of course they did–but they didn’t criticize the same things Americans did. So to a lot of Jfen, 3H is actually not a huge improvement in the areas they were most worried about.

At least as far as America goes–spoiler embargo doesn’t help, though again it’s hard to say that it was a massive issue. There’s FE fans I’ve talked to recently still going ‘oh, what? There’s a timeskip? I passed on it because it looked like dull Personashit’ [paraphrased]. It’s like it made the opposite mistake Fates’s marketing did; Fates’s marketing promised too much, 3H’s promised too little.

Again, limited to America–a lot of casual players honestly found the child units pretty fun and were genuinely disappointed to see them go. Their plot relevance didn’t matter; they were fun little living homages to your ships and your way of creating custom units in the game by manipulating circumstances. They were just this silly little thing people enjoyed. Fun things are fun. These people weren’t really looking to replace the custom unit part of their enjoyment with spending a literal hour in menus per chapter tutoring every individual motherfucker in dicksucking and underwater basket-weaving. They liked having a hand in the creation of a semi-custom unit without having to dive into the nitty-gritty of stat maxing and efficiency; so, this audience isn’t terribly interested in 3H’s form of customization because they’re not interested in the statistical nitty-gritty.

I can’t tell you whether or not to buy the game. I can tell you that I know a lot of people having a lot of fun playing the game. I can also tell you that the game really hasn’t scalped me like Fates did. Maybe you’re like me, maybe you’re not. It’s up to you, my man. You’re the one who knows what your finances are.

[onegayastronaut]

Giving In (Laurel Lance x Reader)

Requested by anon: I don't know if you write hatefucking but is there any chance you could write Black Siren x reader smut where the reader hates BS and she sorta hates her back but flirts with her all the time to piss her off and then at some point when they're arguing BS ties her down and fucks her with a strap on? Maybe with dirty talk and spanking and it ending with them agreeing to fuck whenever they get too angry at each other. The thirst is real right now 👅💦

Words: 1636

This is such a horny shitpost I’m so sorry y’all have to read this lmao

Black Siren was a massive pain in your ass. Yeah, she may have changed to someone who fights for justice, but you’ve always had your suspicions. You weren’t convinced that she would just change to be a righteous person just because her Earth-1 dad died for her. One thing was for sure: you would keep a close eye on her.

Working at the police department has always been fun. Maybe not the part where you had to fight criminals, but the fact that you could work with one of your best friends Dinah always made things better. Besides, one of your coworkers always managed to bring you food, which was always good. Easily the most irritating part of your job has been the fact that Laurel seemed to feel the need to stop by and inform you of what might be going on with either Diaz or some other case she was working on at the DA’s office. You had no idea why she came to update you specifically on all these cases, so you made it clear that she was disturbing you at work.

“What is it this time, Laurel?”

“I just came to see how my favorite cop in Star City was doing.”

“Oh, you actually like police now? That’s a change, considering you’ve nearly killed both Dinah and me on several occasions.”

“Awww, did I hurt your feelings? You know that I would never actually hurt someone as beautiful as you, right?” Laurel gave you a fake pout as she looked at you.

Rolling your eyes, you turned in your chair. “Is there something you needed from me, or are you here to waste my time again?”

“I’d like to think that we’re making good use of our time together. You’re actually fairly smart of a cop, and I like listening to your voice. Even when you’re attempting to be insulting. Most cops are stupid, but you seem to be slightly above average in terms of intelligence.”

“Well, I have to get back to work. If that’s all, I’ll catch you later.”

“Oh, does that mean you’re looking forward to my visits here at the precinct?” Laurel raised her eyebrow as she smirked at you cockily.

“Please, don’t flatter yourself.” You snorted as Laurel turned and walked away from your desk. You couldn’t stop staring at her as she walked away. Despite your best judgment, you couldn’t deny that Laurel had a certain air about her that you couldn’t resist. You couldn’t take your mind off of her for the rest of the day.

As one could expect, Laurel just couldn’t keep herself away from you for an extended amount of time. Even though she may not be going around being a villain anymore, she always found herself in the middle of some sort of situation where she felt being morally grey was the only option. This time, she had stopped a mugging while taking some punches in the process. She would have kept blasting the guy with her siren scream if you didn’t happen to be walking back home after having a few drinks with friends.

“Laurel? What the hell??”

“Hey, (Y/N). How’s your night going? Hold on a second while I finish this guy off.”

“No! Stop! I think he’s had enough!” You dragged Laurel off in the direction of your apartment. You couldn’t have the world to think that Black Siren was loose again, which would most definitely send Dinah on the warpath.

As soon as you closed the door to your apartment, Laurel shook your hand off of her arm. “What the hell were you doing there in that alley anyway? Besides, this guy was mugging someone when I got there. I’m doing society a favor as far as I’m considered.”

“Even if that’s true, we can’t have the world thinking that Black Siren is on the loose again, can we? Besides, I wasn’t about to let you kill that guy right there on the street.”

“Since when did you care what I do on my free time? I thought that you hated me.”

“Well, it’s not like you think very highly me. I’m a cop, remember?”

“Is that why you never want to talk to me? Because you can’t stop seeing me as anything other than Black Siren?” Laurel got extremely close, such that you could count the individual eyelashes on her face. You didn’t notice just how beautiful she actually was until this moment.

“I never said that. I know you’ve been trying to change, I just never thought that you could actually do it. Now that I know you’re a good person, I’ve been trying to help you stay on a good path”

“Yeah, and maybe that’s the problem. You try to look out for others, even if they’re no good for you.” Laurel looked angry, but there was also something else in her face that you couldn’t identify. Before you could react, Laurel had backed you into the wall. She pressed both of your hands to your sides and kissed you roughly.

After letting out a noise that sounded like a strangled protest, you managed to wrangle your lips free from the kiss. You were genuinely shocked by the fact that she would breach the physical distance like this. Even as you tried to compose your face, you knew that you wanted to kiss Laurel again. So instead of trying to break your hands from Laurel’s grip, you leaned in to kiss her again.

Laurel didn’t need further permission to move her hands and unzip your pants. Before you knew it, she had pulled off your pants and underwear and was squeezing your ass in an almost gentle manner. She let go of your hands and shoved you towards your living room table. Forcing you face down and bent over your table, she stood behind you and gently touched your hips.

“Do you like this, (Y/N)? We don’t have to do this if you tell me to leave.” You could almost hear the smirk in Laurel’s voice as her hand moved to trace the curve of your ass. The problem was that you were so turned on that forming a coherent sentence was next to impossible.

“Well, get ready for the ride of your life, Officer (Y/L/N).” Laurel finished her sentence by landing a hard slap across your ass. You cried out, whether in pain or horniness brought on by the blows, you couldn’t tell. Encouraged by the sounds you were making, Laurel brought her hand down again and again across your ass. You didn’t realize just how strong this version of Laurel was, and this turned you on despite how helpless you were at the moment.

“Would you like me to continue doing this, or should I stop and take you another way?” Laurel bent down to see what you wanted. You could tell she enjoyed having this power over you.

“I didn’t think I was in charge here,” you managed to respond.

“Well, in that case, I would like to know where you keep your strap-on. Or a vibrator, if you’re more into that.”

You pointed towards your bedroom, trusting in the fact that Laurel would have no trouble finding the strap-on that was in your bedroom cabinet. She came out faster than you expected, with the strap-on already fastened around her waist. The feeling of having her pressed behind you as you were bent over the table sent a pool of heat down your body. Despite your best efforts, you pressed your ass against Laurel in an effort to gain some friction.

Laurel held back as she stroked her finger across your hips one more time. “Are you ready for what I’m about to do, (Y/N)?”

You tried to nod, but having your neck pressed against the table made the task harder than expected. So instead of asking again, Laurel thrust into you without gentleness or mercy. Even though you were already wet, you couldn’t help but have our hips rock back and forth with each thrust that Laurel put into you. Laurel thrust into you with intense speed and depth as you started moaning. Before long, Laurel started muttering under her breath, like she couldn’t help herself.

“I’ve always wanted you so bad...even when you pissed me off so much. I would just imagine myself taking you right in front of the entire precinct, but this is easily the next best thing. You’re the first person who’s made me feel this way.”

Laurel bent over and slammed into you harder. You were trembling all over her as she entered you as deeply as the strap-on would let her go, her skin rubbing and pressing against your sensitive backside. You could tell that Laurel was enjoying this, seeing you so helpless against her.

She started pulling out slowly, dragging the strap-on out, and suddenly thrusting back in. Hearing you moan again only made Laurel more enthusiastic as this continued on for a while. It didn’t take long for you to come all over her.

Finally stopping, Laurel gave your butt one last squeeze before she pulled away. “I guess I’ll be seeing you around more than I expected, Officer.”

“Does that mean we’ll be seeing more of each other like this?” You finally managed to get up and look her in the eye.

“Only if you make me mad enough,” Laurel smirked as she took off the strap on. “I should get going though, I believe we both have work tomorrow.” Giving you a kiss on the cheek, she turned and went out the front door like nothing had happened.

If this was how this version of Laurel expressed how much she hated you, maybe it would be a good idea to piss her off more often.

[sketching-shark]

Why The Alien Queen Is The Best Space Villain Ever

While James Cameron’s Aliens is a classic of the sci-fi/horror genre, I do feel a small plot summary is warranted in order to make my case of why the Alien Queen far outshines any sci-fi villain before or since. 

So we begin the story with the discovery of Ellen Ripley, former flight officer of the Nostromo, a space ship that she blew up in her first movie to prevent a dangerous extraterrestrial carnivore/parasite called a xenomorph from getting anywhere close to Earth. Discovered 57 years after the fact (she put herself in stasis on an escape pod), Ripley is almost immediately thrust into corporate and emotional hell by double-whammy of both discovering her daughter had died while she was in stasis and having her flight officer license revoked by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, who she used to work for. This is, of course, in addition to the trauma that she sustained at the maw of the xenomorph from the first film, and now besides being thrust into a situation where she has to scramble for a job she’s massively overqualified for and that pays dust, she has constant nightmares. So basically, Ripley has had her entire life ripped apart and ruined by the actions of the Weyland-Utani corporation and the xenomorphs, and all this in addition to her learning that the planet where her deceased crew first discovered the xenomorph is now home to a terraforming colony of 158 people. Yet soon after Ripley’s rough reintroduction to the living world, the colony goes completely quiet, with xenomorph-related activity being indicated as a possible cause. And guess who’s called in to help with that mess? But even with her xenomorph-related trauma and absolute distrust of the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, Ripley agrees to go with a bunch of space marines to investigate with the understanding that they’re going to destroy the beasties and not even attempt to study them. 

Anyway, Ripley and a gaggle of space marines head down to the terraforming colony, and discover sure signs that there has been a xenomorph attack. Besides that, all the colonists have disappeared. They also discover a single survivor, a traumatized little girl nicknamed Newt. And THEN they discover that all the colonists were brought into a nuclear-powered atmosphere processing station by the xenomorphs, where they were subsequently forced to play tonsil-hokey with the first step of a xenomorph’s life process, a  facehugger, which infects its host with a parasite called a chestburster (the name is quite literal), which then turns into an all-grown-up xenomorph. Terrifying process, and just as painful as it sounds! and And just when you’ve discovered THAT bit of info, the xenomorphs go on full attack, making quick work of quite a few of the marines. And THEN it’s discovered that this all came about because one of Weyland-Yutani’s sleazy money-makers, a prick named Carter Burke, directed a couple of colonists to the spot Ripley said the xenomorph eggs encountered in the first movie were, and all because he wanted to profit from the xenomorphs’ potential use as biological weapons. Why did he do this? Because the desire for obscene amounts of possible cash makes you both evil and stupid.  

So the space marines and Ripley and Newt fight and struggle on, losing more and more members. The xenomorphs are RELENTLESS, neither taking nor giving quarter, completely determined, like a pack of overgrown ants, to end their foes/prey no matter what. Eventually, Newt herself gets snatched by one of the xenomorphs, and after arming herself with a flame thrower/machine gun combo literally held together with duct tape, Ripley goes to the rescue! And then, once Ripley has FINALLY found Newt, managing to save her just in time from a facehugger, you have The Reveal of our main nemesis:

And there she is. The source of all the horror (well, her and the Weyland-Yutani corporation), the one whose monstrous progeny have been hunting our heroes and threatening them with an extremely painful demise, and who, at this point in the film, have successfully merked almost everyone.

And how could you not love her/be terrified of her? I mean, just look at her! It’s rare to see a lady monster in fiction that actually looks like a monster (instead of a human woman with a tail and blue skin or smthn), but it’s even rarer, even now, to find one that is this vicious on every level. The movie has spent its runtime building up to this, and boy does it deliver. So here she finally is, living her best life, laying all those eggs, getting all those humans (the men, the women, the children...) infected with her chestbursters--and the movie does NOT censor how painful a death that is--and best of all, besides looking cool as all get-out, she’s not making a SINGLE excuse for all the death and destruction that she’s caused. As the android Ash said in Alien (the film before the one that features our queen), the xenomorph species of which our queen is a member are “unclouded....by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.” But having none herself, the Alien Queen expects none from her foes. The Alien Queen is presented as nothing but what she is, i.e. a voracious monster who wiped out an entire colony of human beings and condemned them all to a horrifying death. Not only does she not feel sorry for this in the least, not only does she make a grand effort to catch and destroy a human child in the climax, not only does she rip one of the characters in half in an incredibly graphic scene, not only does she try her damndest to kill Ripley in what can only be considered one of the most iconic sci-fi fights out there, but she does this all without a shred of remorse or a smidgen of painfully hollow pleading for her foes to understand where she’s coming from. 

None of this “wah we wah I feel slightly conflicted about being incredibly evil so now you should feel sorry for me even though I’m literally complicit in multi-planetary genocide”! 

None of that “A bloo bloo bloo Lisa I’m being torn apart by the fact that I destroyed half of all life in the universe (plants and animals included!) because I refuse to acknowledge that the reasons for environmental destruction might be more complicated than “population too big!’”   

Time after time after time, we see villains like the two twerps above act like somehow they’re soooooo complex and tragic for committing all the atrocities that they do, and in between murdering way more people than the Alien Queen ever did, they spend way too much of their time blaming everyone and everything around them for the pain and suffering that is a direct result of their own actions. So these dweebs do have higher body counts than our Queen. But does that make them better villains? NO. I’m fully aware that I can’t speak for everyone, but personally I’d have a LOT more respect for them if they could just pull their heads out of their asses, acknowledge all the harm they’ve done, and either stop doing it and make reparations (don’t think that’s very possible after that level of destruction, tho!) or continue with their villainous ways in full understanding and acknowledgement of what they’re doing, no excuses, no attempts to justify the unjustifiable, just like the Alien Queen. Some might say that this is only because the Alien Queen, being a space parasite, doesn’t have the cognitive capacity to argue that she’s some sort of twagic figure for all of her murdering. 

But you know what? GOOD. I’d rather have a space parasite that knows what it’s about then some jerk flipping through mental hoops like a pro gymnast in an attempt to find some shallow reason for why he’s not completely reprehensible. 

And THAT, in my opinion, is why the Alien Queen is the best sci-fi villain ever. So to wrap it all up, the moral of this shitpost is: If you’re going to be a violently destructive space monster driven by nothing but your sense of superiority and selfish desires, at least have the decency to not pretend otherwise.  

[animecat33]

Can’t wait for the drop of the 3rd Pentakill album

I will however be ignoring that the new skins exist because they’re all massive downgrades

Expect a very shitty pentakill karthus shitpost in my art blog quite soon

And as soon as the new songs drop i WILL go absolutely insane and not shut up about it

Also if they make new merch i hope they make the OLD pentakill shirts available because the one i want has been retired for years and i like... ACTUALLY need it for a cosplay

[taraunderstars]

When I first started on Tumblr I made my blog thinking it was a blog like any other. I started to write my posts as if I was on a Livejournal. But then something extraordinary happened: people. I met people, and discovered Tumblr is nothing like any other blogging platform, because it actually encourages community and dialogue between blogs. I first started with the intention of putting my experience with Lesho out there, so maybe people going through the same thing I had could find me over the internet - and I met some. But I must admit, now, my blog is becoming something else entirely. I have shared some resources. I even, recently, accidentally messed up my in-blog resource list and index and it became a post generating notes (wtf?). I admit, I am now part of the “community” whether I like it or not. 

so I GUESS I should clarify some things:

NO, I won’t be what some call a “beginner friendly” blog. I mean, I’ll probably answer to any ask I get (as long as Tumblr doesn’t eat it), but it won’t be in the way you expected. Probably. I won’t hold your hand in the early stages of spirit communication or astral travel and explain each and every step because so many people have put good resources on that already, I just don’t have anything to add to that. HOWEVER, if you want to tell me your new exciting experiences, I’ll probably listen and laugh and cry with you.  NO, I won’t be providing services any time soon, or ever. So many talented folks do it already and it’s not part of my path rn. SO I won’t give energy readings, channel spirits for you, etc.  NO, I won’t stop shitposting. I’ll probably continue posting new resources, but most of my posts will be random astral meme jokes that aren’t even funny. I’m not sorry.

BUT WHY, you must ask, why you are so mean?  It’s because I’m a double Gemini and I have no heart And because magic in general encompasses A LOT of possible paths.  I don’t want to influence people because my path is very personal... so my advice will always stay vague. I am in no position to help you find your path. I don’t want the responsibility of guiding your first steps onto something that’s probably not even for you. And I probably will never talk about my witchcraft on here because it is very personal. I’m a filthy Gemini who keeps jumping paradigms and I’m afraid you won’t be able to follow my barely formed thoughts and end up misunderstanding something capital. THATS ALL. And NO, Lesho isn’t the massive bitchy asshole I make her sound to be. and NO my practice isn’t only hanging around the astral, being snarky and ending up in Bad Situations. I’m a mystic at heart, and Lesho is the center of my mysticism (FEEL THE GAY LOVE). I started this path before I was even born. I started studying various paths of occultism and paganism and New Age shit too since FOREVER. My dad (the one who is dead and whom I love very much) was an adept student of ceremonial stuff. I have talked to tree spirits since I was three. I don’t even have words to describe most of the things I experienced. Believe me, it’s all grounded in reality but I won’t talk about this because I have no heart, remember? 

HOWEVER, I am a proud anti capitalist bordering on anarchism, feminist, queer, gender non-conforming, vegetarian striving to be vegan, having been through rough mental and physical health patches and MY HEART WILL ALWAYS GO TO THOSE WHO NEED DEFENDING

Your practice is your own, and your soul is your own. Stand up to them. Don’t let anyone take the steering wheel of your live. Don’t let anyone dictate your path. If you need someone to reassure you, that’s alright, but keep in mind most people can behave like jerks if they have an occasion to so please, please, keep the most personal bits to your friends.  BE THE BAD ASS YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD And if you can’t, that’s alright. Pretend you are one, that’s the first step to being one. Reclaim the power that’s yours to take. Ignore the hate, if you can. If you can’t, don’t go down easily. Being a witch is being Other, being subversive, belonging to some other place and that includes not fitting in to standards of society. If witches can’t get along well, then what’s the deal?  Cheers my loves, and be strong!

[ufocafe]

do all the voltron asks!!

holy moly thanks pal i’ll answer them under the cut bc i anticipate it’ll be Longe since idk how to shut the fuck up

keith: how edgy/emo do u consider yourself to be?

tbh i don’t think i’m that bad like trust me i used to be way worse but overall on the inside i am Soft on the outside i still look hella edgy bc all my clothes are black and it’s just ,, how i look

shiro: are you a good leader and can you handle responsibility?

no and no i am So Bad at being in charge cause i don’t like telling people what to do and i’m a stressed out pushover who avoids anything like group projects at all costs

lance: what’s your type of humor and what’s your favorite meme?

whatever the hell this blog consists of is my humor it’s legit just a shitpost collection. nd my fav meme would probs be the whole cryptid meme trend ? idk if it counts as a meme itself but i lob posts that are like ‘i saw mothman in a overly air conditioned chili’s at 5:47 pm and he bought me a soda’

pidge: are you good w/ technology?

i’d say i’m average for someone my age like i’m a teenager in 2017 so i can operate simple stuff like computers and phones, find how to fix small problems but i’m not a #hacker though i did go to wikihow once to try and learn then gave up after a solid 30 seconds bc it was too hard

hunk: how kind and loyal do you consider yourself?

i’d say i’m pretty kind like i can be rude to a handful of ppl but only cause they’re bad ppl so it evens out. idk bout loyal cause ig it means to stick by your friendos and support them which ofc i do but i can’t say that i like stay by someone’s side thru everything bc sometimes things become Too Much or stuff goes down and u just gotta blast

allura: do you feel underestimated sometimes? and should you totally be the black paladin?

i feel like it’s more overestimated? lots of ppl expect great things from me that i don’t think i can achieve so it’s p stressful. also black paladin allura 4 life

coran: what’s your fav show other than voltron?

i have so many so i’m just gonna name a few; over the garden wall, star vs, gravity falls, stranger things, steven universe, etc.

zarkon: would you consider universe domination for your lost cat/pet

i,, don’t think so ? i mean idk what this question is rly implying like did someone steal my pet and now i gotta take over the world ? or did it die and the only way to like avenge it or whatever is world domination bc probably no to both which sounds heartless since i lob my dog but like everythings gotta die someday and i’m not gonna take over the world to reverse/stop smthn thats inevitable

kaltenecker: do you look good in sunglasses?

not sure i never wear then since i have glasses and rarely go to a beach-like setting but i probably do

slav: are you a perfectionist? do you believe in alternate universes?

i’d say i’m in the middle of perfectionist and absolute walking tornado like i’m so fucking messy and i’ll let stuff pile up until i’m basically living in a dump and i’ll hate it sm but i’m so lazy cause Depression then one day i’ll just do a massive clean up and make everything PERFECT. also yes i like to think theres alternate universes/realities it’s a cool concept to think abt cause it doesn’t exactly affect me it’s not an existential thing like pondering if god exists its more like “i wonder if i’m a duck in another reality”

thace: would you go against the authority if it was the right thing to do?

ofc fuck the authority

haggar: who is your fav character in voltron?

i’d have to say lance i lob my sweet son

matt: what are some things you like abt watching voltron?

i have to admit i’m more into filler episodes rather than fight scenes every few minutes so probably just like all the humor and team bonding it warms my emotionless heart

commander holt: do you like peas?

ya

voltron: are you a team player? do you prefer to work alone?

i rather work alone bc then i get to use all my ideas instead of make a compromise with someone else cause i can never find the voice to speak up for what i want so i just end up watching ppl do stuff i don’t like when there’s stuff i think would be better

blue lion: how trusting and loyal do you think you are?

i already mentioned the loyal thing but for trusting i think i trust too easily? ill just spill beans to ppl i’ve barely known for a long time i wish i was more mysterious but whatevs

red lion: how impulsive and/or decisive are you?

i have 0 impulse control for example i have problems with picking at my skin and i’ll just see a piece kinda tore away and before i know it my fingers are all bloody and i’m like owo what’s this. but when i actually put thought into a decision i am very indecisive because i always wanna make youre i’m making the right choice w/ smthn like choosing classes or buying a certain thing

green lion: how curious are you and what subjects are you interested in?

while being impulsive i’m also quite curious so if i wanna go sneak and see smthn there’s not hesitation. i like english/writing and psychology stuff.

yellow lion: do you consider yourself strong and reliable?

i don’t think i’m either i mean i’ll always be there for ppl if they need me but i don’t really think i’m the best person to lift ppl up even if i wanna

black lion: what are some things you want in season 3?

def more lance and hunk character development, some gay shit (cough klance cough) more team bonding in general, and allura piloting black lion ofc

rover: what’s one fact abt a pet you have/had?

once i had a dog and i can’t recall his breed but he looked just like toto from the wizard of oz and we had him for a few months but he pissed everywhere and on everything so we ended up selling him to some ppl. fast forward to a few months later maybe a year the couple had auditioned him to play toto in the school’s wizard of oz play and he got the part so that was cool

shay: do you love hunk? how do you feel abt the enviroment?

i lob hunk with all my heart he is a sweet bean + i care abt the enviorment a lot i think that with trump as president it’s really gonna go to shit more than it already is bc obv it’s been a dilemma for years now but with the goverment denying climate change and all that i rly fear for our planet

lotor: how concerned are you abt your looks?

i think i’m generally good looking but that’s not to say i’m not concerned with my looks bc i kinda am like ill see myself as cute or smthn but then as soon as acne starts popping up or my hair is bad i kinda just spend the next few days doing whatever i can to fix it so i stay nice hnngh it’s a work in progress

alfor: when faced with conflict, would you rather fight or flee?

i suppose it depends on the type of conflict but i’m most likely to fight until it gets too stressful and then leave

ulaz: would you sacrifice yourself for a cause?

we were asked a similar question in history regarding the dude who discovered gravity or smthn like that idk and it went against the churches beliefs so there was a trial and it was either death or admit he was wrong which is a pretty big thing i guess and we can all say we’d die for what we believed but if it actually came down to it the answer is kinda blurry. i had said i’d say i was wrong then continue to spread my info. underground or just flee but unlucky 4 him he was on house arrest for the rest of his life so choose wisely kiddos

i think i’m gonna sleeb now so bye

[natural-0-games]

Shitposts and Sorcerers

So until I use this for an actual campaign (which i will) the name ‘Shitposts and Sorcerers’ is where I’m going to be keeping all my horrible DnD jokes and posts. And not just DnD, but all RPGs, so, without further ado:

So my party had to get across a massive sea to their destination, and instead of doing what was expected and going around it, the druid took the party on a short little sidequest. They ended up getting Roc mounts for each of them, and while I looked up the stats the party announced they were going to be flying across the sea with them. This was okay, since I had plans for if they wanted to buy passage on an airship anyway, but they insisted on going without the ship.

So I dropped the encounter in anyway, coming out of a cloud they see a massive pirate raiding airship, it hasn’t quite noticed them yet, but it will soon. The players decided to attack it from the sides, I explained to them that it had canons and could definitely shoot at them if they tried, but they were persistent. So I told them to make animal handling checks to see if they could dodge the canonballs coming at them.

As the last die hit the table, I did some quick math for hitpoints and sighed, “I’m real sorry guys, but... the Rocs fall, everyone dies.”

[thesinglesjukebox]

THE 1975 - LOVE IT IF WE MADE IT [4.46] Get out your popcorn, it's time for another controversial One Nine Seven Five single...

Will Adams: What? It's just an ordinary The 1975 s- *reads lyrics* OH MY GOODNESS! [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Matt Healy yelling Hot Takes™ in a wind tunnel as a warmed over INXS track plays is weirdly compelling, but not quite good. [5]

Claire Biddles: If anyone else tried this zeitgeist-quotes lyrical trick (it's barely a trick!) I would hate it, but a) I'm hugely predisposed to The 1975; and b) their inherent miraculousness somehow makes them the exception to every rule. The lyric tries to hold the enormity of the world and so does the music -- each electronic whoosh and whizz is a digital overspill from the heady whole, like even something this maximalist and ambitious isn't quite enough for them. [10]

Iain Mew: The sound is a great expansion of the omnivorous approach of the last album. Taking a beautiful twinkle and one shiny happy phrase and setting upon them with echo, reflections and a lot of noise, its sonic trip represents the overload of modernity in the compelling way that the lyrics resolutely don't. Maybe it's because I've been extremely online since way before The 1975 was a thing, but I'm already familiar with a great stream of context-free sourness and nonsense, and I'd rather not encounter any replications of it. If you're singing "poison me daddy" and "fuck your feelings" as slogans for satire, you're still singing "poison me daddy" and "fuck your feelings" as slogans. It's on a level with someone seeking out the most awful tweets to quote tweet them for clowning purposes, at best. [3]

Alfred Soto: Have these loudmouths gone and interpolated The Blue Nile? Sounds like it. "The Downtown Lights" relied on a steady pulse to put over its lovelorn message; "Love It If We Made It" relies on "The Downtown Lights" to pull a con job on fans born after 1985. I mean, why is this mix so crowded? [5]

Eleanor Graham: The 1975's music has this quality of dancing around your own mind in the stale air of Tory safe-seat mid-late teenhood in an endless cycle of UCAS and grey skies and girls and boys and club toilets with peeling paint. I don't expect anyone to be able to relate to that, but please don't equate my specificity with cosy familiarity. I'm talking about "Robbers" cutting straight to the core of everything that hurts about growing up within its first 30 seconds. Uncomfortable? Oh, god yeah! But when something so closely resembles the inside of your head, it is churlish to deny that you're a fan. All of this goes to say: I am incapable of being objective about "Love It If We Made It." Because it is essentially a dystopian "Robbers," with the same yearning indie thrum and a new urgency; because, well, you know, everything's decaying; because aren't we all thinking about the death of the republic on some level at all times, but don't we also need bangers? Of course, we should be cynical about pop songs that make half-hearted jabs at the administration and reference the deaths of children, which both 1975 singles have now done. In its defence, this one at least makes the statements "I moved on her like a bitch" and "thank you, Kanye, very cool" sound terrifying and surreal enough to remind me that "terrifying" and "surreal" should not have become platitudes. Is it toothless? Is it exploitative? Or will it be read in twenty years simply as addressing the elephant in the room? They've thrown the chorus in there -- raw, open, pleading, trailing off like a comet in the night sky -- to make all of those questions feel inconsequential. [8]

Juan F. Carruyo: A shocker in gloomtown, the song starts with a bang and it never lets up, swallowing everything in its path. The moody production suits the enveloping soundscape and it's worthy of mentioning how the bass plays against the keys in the refrain. By the time the song ends, it feels like this is the soundtrack for the rapture. [8]

Edward Okulicz: I'm massively fond of the 1975, but this is puddle-deep where it's trying to be ~meaningful~ and ~edgy~ and ~zeitgeisty~ and it's a hookless joy after the previous single's buzzy earworm. Big-name artists probably think they've earned the right to release indulgences, but we shouldn't pretend singles like this are anything more. [2]

Will Rivitz: Leave it to The 1975 to build off an earth-shatteringly good teaser single with a follow-up nearly as bad as the first was good. Look, I'm all for politically conscious songwriting, but these lyrics could have been written by any of the interchangeable and smugly ineffective liberal Facebook pages my high school friends repost material from. I can overlook the awful lyricism of "Give Yourself A Try" ("Like context in a modern debate, I just took it out," eurgh) because a) it's only occasional and b) is utterly drowned out by an ecstasy of electric guitars, but here Matty Healy's slacktivist garbage piles are given main billing. One point for the Lil Peep shoutout, one point for the glorious jangles after the second chorus reined in too soon in favor of a bridge that is somehow worse than the verses, and absolutely nothing else. [2]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I have to give credit where credit is due: this is an evil song that utilizes its structure as a means to elevate and justify its conceptual gambit. Matt Healy reads off a list of provocative phrases that act as a simulacrum of the discouraging news headlines, ironic shitposts and self-impressed hot takes that crowd numerous corners of the internet. The pulsating beat and claustrophobic mix amplify that particular dread, and the swirling harp is the only sound that feels unstuck from it all. It hints at a hope that is later projected in the chorus, but it turns out to be nothing more than a red herring. I don't expect Healy to provide answers -- I'd argue that he took the more effective route in providing a moment of release over anything concrete -- but I don't believe him at all when he says he'd "love it if we made it." This is the sort of dude who finds joy in crassly exploiting the tragedy of others for the sake of art, and it finds its roots in how he decided on the band's name. When the chorus finally breaks free from the monotony, his voice has a smugly arrogant tone that snaps everything into place: Healy is eager to be the source of relief for the trigger warning-necessary lyrics that he doled out in the first place. He can only be a savior for the bullshit he pushes on you, and he'll cover it up by touting we instead of I. As a political statement, this has virtually no worth. As a piece of music, the bridge makes exceedingly clear that this is just an edgy "We Didn't Start The Fire." As a depiction of narcissistic manipulation, this is excellent -- perhaps the best of the year. [0]

Vikram Joseph: Even without the viral billboard advertising campaign, "Love It If We Made It" is much larger than life, but offsets its pretensions with self-aware hyperbole and a streak of pitch-black humour. The genuine venom towards a society that permits Donald Trump and "a beach of drowning three year olds" is undercut by an awareness that we're all tied up in this mess -- they can get away with railing against modern existence without sounding aloof or curmudgeonly, because they're so self-evidently part of it, and, to some extent, in love with it too. The chorus is equal parts earnest optimism and grim humour, which just about epitomises their brand. There have been a lot of "We Didn't Start The Fire" comparisons, but it actually makes me think more of a half-speed, tongue-in-cheek "Ignoreland"; The 1975 feel better having screamed, don't you? [8]

Lauren Gilbert: See, I wrote an entire blurb about how this is "New Americana" v. 2018, and then promptly deleted it to write about what it means for modernity to have failed us. Spoiler alert: Modernity has not failed us, but the specific iteration of modernity of which Healy writes is certainly Not Great. Capital M Modernity is more (and less) than drugs and borders and Trump. At the risk of sounding like the pedantic graduate student I am, modernity is characterized by industrialization, market economies, nation states, individuality, and secularism (surely not the "Jesus save us!" Healy mentions). Healy's Modernity-as-characterized-by-this-song is not that. He's writing about the dissatisfactions of a left-leaning person in the Trump/May/dear-god-why-is-Boris-Johnson-still-around era, a modernity grounded in the specific sociocultural norms and events that shaped how certain rich English-speaking countries experienced in 2018. And if we consider that particular experience of modernity as the only possibility we have, it's pretty easy to conclude "modernity has failed us" and write a "We Didn't Start The Fire" of terrible things. And I'll give Healy some credit; "Love It If We Made It" does sound and feel like living in twenty-fucking-eighteen. But modernity the concept does not imply that we must live in our specific instance of modernity; we do not have to accept Trump and income inequality and in-the-future-everyone-will-be-famous-for-fifteen-minutes Modernity. And more than that, that specific (miserable) modernity is not even the only modernity happening right now. Around the world, people are living longer, healthier lives; fewer people live in extreme poverty; there are fewer wars. Healy's Modernity may feel like a prison, where we are trapped forever in endless cars on endless roads to places we don't want to go, but it is not the only game in town. I (and many others) am alive today because of modern(ity) medicine & honestly, I'll take Donald Trump and Brexit and "thank you, Kanye, very cool" as the price of being alive. Perhaps it's too much to ask for a band known for its cynicism to consider a fuller context, and the very real positives in the world we live in, but hey, why give themselves a try? [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[hydrus]

Version 259

windows

zip

exe

os x

app

tar.gz

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

I had a great week. Some things work better, some things work faster!

advanced mode

After several different discussions with users, I am prototyping an 'advanced mode' this week. The idea is that when it is off, the more complicated and dangerously powerful buttons and menu entries will be hidden from view so a fresh client will have nothing that isn't obvious. I have hidden a few things already--like the new duplicate thumbnail menu and the service-wide update buttons--and I intend to add more.

It defaults to off, so experienced users will want to switch it on as soon as they update under help->advanced mode. I will be doing more with this in future, so please let me know if it gives you trouble or there is anything you would wish were hidden when you first started.

some duplicate stuff

Thanks to some feedback from users, I polished a couple more things with the duplicate system. Setting larger numbers of duplicates will now happen a lot faster, and the new thumbnail menu lets you edit the default merge options. Also, when manually deleting a file in the duplicate filter, it will ask you if you actually want to delete both of the files in the pair.

I have also renamed 'exact match' to 'same quality' across the program--and updated some help and tooltip text to better explain it. I hope this will reduce some confusion and hesitance about setting this status, which wasn't initially meant to be so precise. Please set this status when the two files are duplicates and neither is obviously better than the other.

media results should load faster

I've written a semi-clever optimisation to speed up the loading of thumbnails in the program (where it says 'Loading 256/512...'). File tags are now usually loaded from a faster cache than the main mappings store. My rough testing says files load about twice as fast as before--both when the database is in and out of memory--but I would be interested in hearing your experiences.

If this works out well, we can see about reducing the size of the disk cache in future, as the full mappings cache is far less frequently consulted. I might even be able to compact the main mappings database even further.

downloader engine overhaul started

I started the downloader engine overhaul this week. I have a decent plan of the first phase, which will mostly concern low-level stuff like unifying network access across the program and adding session/cookie support and per-domain bandwidth awareness and tracking for every request. I also sketched out the basic skeleton in code, and I feel good about it.

I expect to work on it another couple of weeks and then start converting existing network code over to the new engine.

full list

planned out new networking engine and started the principal objects

renamed the 'exact match' duplicate status to 'same quality', to reduce confusion on what is appropriate for this status

the duplicate filter, on hitting the delete key, now offers the option of deleting both files

the duplicate system now combines duplicate status setting and the consequent batch of content updates into the same database transaction, speeding things up

the duplicate system now batches multiple duplicate status setting into a single transaction, massively speeding up large filters or thumbnail status set actions

misc duplicate help tweaks

you can now edit the default duplicate merge options from the new thumbnail duplicate menu

the duplicates page's jobs are less demanding on gui time and take better breaks if something else happens

renamed the new dupe system predicate to 'system:num duplicate relationships' to clarify what it searches

for normal queries, current and pending mappings are now fetched from a faster mappings cache. you should see faster result building across the board, particularly on fresh boots or otherwise slow-disk-access systems

added a prototype 'advanced mode' (defaulting to off, so experienced users will want to turn it on) under the help menu that will enable menu items that are often not helpful to new users. I will add more things to this in future, suggestions welcome

the new thumbnail menu dupe relationship set stuff is now considered advanced

thumbnail menu find similar files is now considered advanced

the thumbnail menu copy hash entries are now considered advanced

advanced content update buttons (on manage tags and review services) are now considered advanced

added an advanced mode 'open file location' entry to the thumbnail share menu, which will open the file in your OS's file explorer (not available on Linux)

added an advanced mode 'correct video frame count' thumbnail menu entry that will force-apply last week's more accurate video frame counter to correct and videos that render too fast and then cut off

fixed many entries on the media viewer menus, which were being blocked by an over-eager 'can continue' test and hence silently failing

fixed the youtube downloader on Linux and OS X--both now use youtube-dl

fixed an issue where the GetLighterDarkerColour function was producing very bright alternates to very dark colours (meaning dark dupe filters were having their bright background text rendered unreadable)

improved video frame number parsing accuracy

improved the accurate version of video frame number parsing accuracy, particularly for longer videos

the network engine now reports 5xx http status codes as ServerException to better contextualise to the user what went wrong

adminside mapping petitions are now sub-ordered by tag

adminside sibling/parent petitions are now ordered by the 'older' tag and sub-ordered by the 'newer' tag

censorship taglists are now roughly sorted

reduced default shutdown work max time to five minutes

improved how subprocesses are started

misc cleanup

misc refactoring

next week

I am going to take it easy next week. I need a little time off after some stressful months, and it just happens to be E3 as well, so I'd like to spend a little time shitposting over some streams. I still expect to put out v260 next Wednesday, but it will probably be mostly bug fixes!