#exhaling and deflating but in a good way!!! ill also be trying to answer more questions if i get them!!1

[shkika]

AUGH I love VV1 so much!!! I’d love to see a wholesome bonding moment between the two of them, possibly they were questioning their identity and started to get worked up but then they coaxed themselves down

Little reassurance before they make their way to hell.

[nelvana]

In which bad deeds are fixed

First [ARC 1]: In which the human is transformed First [ARC 2]: In which a present is prepared Next: In which the trouble with evolution is discovered Previous: In which the Gardevoir awakens

    The next few days for Team Galaxy and their guests progressed without a hitch.

    It took another day for the beds to come in, so Alex offered up the hammock for Gardevoir to sleep in while he and Ceebee managed to fit their way with Tsuki onto the mat so that Damien could take the couch. Fortunately, it was that afternoon that they managed to bring in the new furniture, so they didn’t have to worry about the problem with sleeping arrangements after that.

    Damien didn’t want to risk going out into Pokemon Square, so he lingered around the base most of the time. This confused Gardevoir, so they ended up having to explain that part surrounding his past; of accusing Nelvana of being the human from the Ninetales Legend to have her chased out or killed. Surprisingly, at least for some, Gardevoir didn’t seem to change her opinion on him after hearing that. Either way, no one outside of the team and Gardevoir seemed to figure out he was around, and that simplified a lot of things.

    Gardevoir stuck around the base to either train with Ceebee or keep Damien company, but she also loved getting to know the citizens around Pokemon Square. It didn’t take long for everyone around there to figure out not only who she was, but also that she was incredibly sociable and kind. Often times whenever she would get bored, Gardevoir would end up assisting someone with small tasks; usually keeping an eye on Caterpie, Metapod, and Diglett so Whiscash, the usual babysitter as she and others discovered, could get some rest.

    One day though, there was a knock on the door early in the morning; and after Ceebee’s antennae flicking around with telepathic intent, her eyes lit up and her expression broke into a smile.

    “The B Squadron is finally back!” Ceebee exclaimed, hopping up and fluttering up to the door to open it up.

    “They weren’t back already?” Nelvana asked under her breath, more to herself than anyone else, but joined the others in heading over to the door as well nevertheless.

    Opening the door showed that, of course, Ceebee was correct about who was behind it. The five pokemon that were part of Team Galaxy’s B Squadron were all gathered up together, trying to fit in front of the doorway as much as possible all at the same time in order to greet their friends inside.

    “You’re back!” Keahi chirped, “where did you wander off to? Was that mission really that long?” he asked.

    “Yes and no,” Pearl responded, chuckling warmly at the torchic’s enthusiasm. “The walk to catch up with Bulbasaur’s herd was so nice, we decided to walk back instead of just teleporting.”

    “Indeed! Our route followed by some lovely scenery; even better by this time of the year,” Baguette added, gesturing with a wing up towards the trees with reddened leaves. “I would love to take Spinda there when he gets here…?”

    “Spinda is your partner, right? The nephew of Spinda at the café?” Edgar asked curiously.

    Baguette nodded, “that very same one!”

    Rayden buzzed with static in such a way that could almost be considered as clearing their throat, “BZZ BZZ! WE WOULD HAVE CONTACTED EVERYONE HERE, HOWEVER THE BADGES SEEMED TO HAVE HAD SOME SORT OF MALFUNCTION. A MESSAGE SHOWED UP OFTEN SAYING THAT THERE WERE TOO MANY MESSAGES GOING ON FROM TOO MANY LOCATIONS. IT SAID THERE WAS A STRAIN ON THE CONNECTION,” they explained.

    “Oh, I went on a mission too, that might have been it,” Nelvana commented, squeezing her way beside Keahi at the front of the doorway. “I guess the tech wasn’t prepared for everyone to be wandering all over the continent. Sorry that messed up your badges.”

    “It’s alright! We didn’t need the badges much for communication anyway! If you needed us, there is a psychic-type around now,” Bobo pointed out, glancing upwards at Ceebee.

    “You went on a mission too?” Hiram asked, picking out that part of what Nelvana had said. “How did that go?” he inquired.

    “Yeah, she did! It’s a bit of a long story if we get into the details though… Hey! If you guys aren’t busy now, you could come inside and we could catch up,” Keahi responded.

    “Sounds good to me. I’m sure everyone else would agree with that,” Hiram replied, taking a step instead. “Hold on…”

    Damien, who had not expected there to be an invitation for other guests to come inside, had been quietly reading over one of Nelvana’s human books off to the side of the living room. Hiram’s gaze snapped over to the gengar, and he managed to shove his way mostly inside to glare down at him. Damien looked up, jumping to his feet in surprise, though he didn’t teleport away; not yet at least. There were still enough pokemon between Hiram and Damien, and Hiram seemed to have enough self restraint anyway, that this hopefully wouldn’t end in an actual fight. The rest of the team shuffled back indoors properly, including the rest of the B Squadron, and were all now exchanging glances with one another and the gengar.

    “Why is he here?” Hiram hissed, tearing his glare away from Damien to look at everyone else. “I’d hope that you were getting to that part?” he continued, swiping one of his scythes at the air.

    “We were, don’t worry,” Nelvana assured him, exhaling as she watched the scyther slowly relaxed out of his more aggressive position. “Gengar… Damien now, helped me with the mission. He wanted to bring back Gardevoir; from the Ninetales Legend.”

    Gardevoir, at being mentioned, waved politely. Her shoulders were stiff with tension at the suddenness of all this, but still managed to bear a friendly smile towards the rest of Team Galaxy. She stayed quiet for now however; deciding to let this get settled and into more cheerful territories of conversation.

    “And?” Hiram prompted, his tone still balancing on a growl.

    Nelvana sighed, “he’s been trying to become a better person, and we want to help with that.”

    “BZT. SO, HE IS STAYING AT OUR BASE NOW?” Rayden asked, “THE ONE ON THE LAND OF THE ONE HE VANDALISED? BZZ BZZ.”

    “Yes,” Nelvana answered courtly, furrowing her brows with mild frustration.

    Pearl hummed thoughtfully, “you must have thought this all over carefully, I suppose? We have not been around for many days now, so it would not surprise me if we have missed a lot about this choice and what could have influenced that,” she murmured, “I am willing to trust this choice; but, is everyone else?”

    Hiram scoffed, crossing his arms, “not until I’ve seen any changes. Does anyone at Pokemon Square know about this yet?”

    “Not yet. We have been thinking about the best way to approach them with this news. I doubt they will take it any better than you have, Hiram,” Tsuki responded, licking her whiskers absentmindedly.

    “PEARL HAS A POINT, BUT SO DOES HIRAM. YOU SHOULD NOT BE… HIDING… HIDING, BZT, DAMIEN FROM EVERYONE,” Rayen pointed out, “THAT WILL PROMPT THE MOST CHANGE, I BELIEVE. BZZ!”

    “Hm… that’s definitely something to consider; good point,” Alex murmured, glancing over at Damien, who shook his head at him in response.

    “Well, while you think about that, we should probably head to our homes. Our folks ‘re probably curious as to where we’ve been at this point; ‘specially Bobo’s,” Hiram muttered, turning back towards the door.

    “But what about catching up?” Keahi questioned, his expression faltering as he hopped in front of the scyther.

    “We can catch up later, but things should be settled around here first,” Hiram told them, pushing open the door to head out. “Come on guys.”

    “But Hiram! Why not settle things now! Do we really have to leave just as we got back?” Bobo pleaded, scuttling up to the larger pokemon, climbing up so that he could perch on his friend’s shoulder.

    Hiram exhaled, his tension deflating as the paras’ words, “I…”

    “I can leave so you all can catch up, if that’s better for you,” Damien offered, slowly standing up. “Look… I’m sorry for what I did, and I want to keep working to make things right again,” he said.

    “You-“ Hiram spun back around to look at the gengar again with another glare, but soon faltered. “Prove it,” he settled on saying, “don’t leave now; there’s no point. I’d like to stay and talk… but I really think it would be best to enjoy everyone’s company all together later. Please, if you really want to make up for the past, you need to reach out to more ‘mons. Using our team’s goodwill to hide away all the time won’t get you far. It’s a start, but you can never beat a dungeon hiding on the first floor.”

    With that, Hiram turned away again and walked through the open door, and down the path without so much as another word to his closer teammates. Bobo still clung on the scyther’s shoulder, but he lifted a claw up to wave before he was carried off and out of sight.

    “Ah… that Hiram,” Pearl sighed with a soft chuckle, “he does have a point though; even if his words are harsh. Sometimes, you must confront your past for a better future. I see you have done some of that already, but your actions touch many more lives than you may sometimes expect,” she continued.

    Baguette nodded in agreement, “I carry no ill will towards you, my friend, but there are many who evidently still do. Communication is always key to any relationship!”

    “AGREED. I MUST ASK THOUGH; ARE WE GOING TO FOLLOW HIRAM AND BOBO OR STAY HERE?” Rayden asked, their eye glancing over towards the open door.

    “I’m afraid it would not be the same without them here,” Pearl admitted, “I hope you all do understand.”

    “Yeah, of course,” Alex replied, nodding. “We’ll let you know a good time to come back though, alright?”

    “BZZ! BZZ! THANK YOU! WE WILL MAKE SURE TO COME BACK ANOTHER TIME. WE HOPE THAT THIS SITUATION GOES OVER WELL IN THE END,” Rayden hummed.

    “Oh, alright! See you all later then!” Keahi chirped, accepting the fact that they wouldn’t be catching up with each other today.

    After more goodbyes from everyone else, the remaining three of the B Squadron left the base as well, making sure to actually close the door behind them. As a silence crept in with their departure, the suggestions from their friends and the question of what to do next lingered in everyone else’s minds. Damien stewed under these thoughts hanging in the air for a few moments before finally speaking up.

    “Should I really go to Pokemon Square?” His voice was quiet and hesitant, but broke through the silence like a yell. “They’re probably- no, definitely still mad.”

    “You won’t have to go alone,” Nelvana assured him, “I’ve had to convince people to let you stick around before, I’ll do it again,” she added with a small laugh.

    “You helped me out; I can help attest to your better side,” Gardevoir chimed in, approaching the rest of the group again now that it was just them again.

    “Me too!” Edgar exclaimed.

    Keahi smiled, “I’ll go too; I’ll be good at getting everyone’s attention. Plus, aside from… just Nel, I’ve known you the longest, Damien. I’m sure that will carry more weight to my words.”

    “I… I am certain that my word would help as well, but I am still not the best at dealing with crowds like that,” Tsuki murmured, hanging her head. “Best of luck to you all; you are welcome to mention me in your speech if you believe it will help prove Damien’s changes.”

    After a pause, Alex spoke up as well, “I’m with Tsuki on this one. Besides, I doubt I could add anything that you as a group won’t cover on your own already,” he sighed.

    “Ah!” Ceebee stiffened, realizing she was the last to weigh in her thoughts on this. “I’m not sure what I could add either! I didn’t meet Damien when… well, before, so I doubt I could say anything new either!” she admitted, “but! I, and I’m sure Alex at least, can hang around nearby if you need us!”

    “Wait, so are we doing this now?” Damien questioned.

    “Not unless you have a good reason not to!” Keahi pointed out, “I have to agree with what Hiram said; there’s no reason to be hiding this, you, from Pokemon Square. What’s the worst that could happen? They try chasing you out again? You’ve got a gold ranked rescue team defending you, remember!” he continued, puffing out his chest feathers with pride at his last comment.

    Damien let in a sharp inhale, making a hissing noise as the air passed through his teeth. He buried his head in his hands, letting out a groan before finally looking up again.

    “Fine,” he groaned, “I swear you guys only keep me here to torture me,” he muttered.

    “Only if you consider torture to be giving you a place to stay, feeding you, and helping you fix your past mistakes,” Nelvana countered, “come along now then, if we’re going to do this, then we should head out now.”

    Alex snickered at Nelvana’s response, while Damien rolled his eyes. Nevertheless, the agreed group headed out the door together, leaving a trio behind at the base again; though Ceebee promised to come down as well if they needed the extra words of persuasion.

    Getting into Pokemon Square started out as normal, but the moment Damien was noticed by one pokemon, soon everyone else had their attention on the group, who made their way to the center of the town. They didn’t even have to call out to announce a meeting of sorts like in the past; soon a crowd was gathering about to see what Team Galaxy was doing with the familiar gengar. Judging by the already beginning whispers, popular opinion was that this was a sort of victory speech before shipping him off to jail.

    As the whispering grew louder, Keahi raised a wing to try silencing them. This brought more success than the torchic expected, and he had to take a moment to beam with pride at his friends before actually drawing attention to what they wanted to say when coming out here.

    “Hello everyone!” Keahi called out, “ha, it’s been a long time since we’ve done this sort of thing!” he realized with a laugh, “we’ve got something important to talk about; as you’ve probably already gathered. And no, we aren’t arresting Gengar. Getting that idea out of the way right now.”

    A ripple of surprise and mild annoyance went through the crowd at this news, and Lombre stepped up through the crowd and to the group to respond to this.

    “Then what are we doing with him?” Lombre questioned, crossing his arms. “There had better be a good reason why we aren’t just sending him away to be locked up,” he hissed.

    “That reason is that he’s been putting in the effort to become a better person,” Nelvana explained briefly.

    “That’s why we’re here! Because of course you all are still upset over what happened, so we knew it would be important to talk about that before we just expect you all to let him around town,” Keahi added.

    “What kind of effort?” Snubbull doubtfully asked, stepping up beside their friend.

    “He went with Nelvana to break my curse,” Gardevoir answered, “he didn’t have to, we haven’t even met before, but he risked his life to help bring me here.”

    Damien squirmed slightly under everyone’s gazes and Gardevoir still blissfully unaware of who he really was, but he forced himself to put up a braver face and stand taller against the crowd.

    “He’s been staying with us for a few days, and he’s done nothing wrong! In fact, he’s been helping out around the house a bit!” Edgar chimed in.

    “How can you be sure that isn’t an act?” Lombre interjected.

     “Might I remind you we have a psychic-type and an absol on our team. They would know,” Nelvana shot back, crossing her arms. “Besides, I’m sure most of us are aware at this point of his acting skills,” she added with a warm chuckle and a glance back at Damien.

    “Speaking of that, why isn’t the rest of your team here?” a voice called out from the crowd, not distinctive enough to be picked out from the numerous pokemon gathered around.

    “They’re busy,” Nelvana told them, biting past hiding part of the truth. “They asked us to speak for them on their place though; you can even ask them later,” she continued.

    “Regardless! We believe that Dam- Gengar, well, Damien now…” Keahi shook his head after fumbling with the names. “We believe that he is honest about his willingness to become a better person, and want to be supporting that sort of change.”

    “Let’s hear it from him then!” Lombre insisted, stomping even closer.

    Damien froze up for a moment, but then managed to get himself to speak clearly, “I really do want… to help you all, and make things better. I’ve wronged you all so much, and it took me too long to realize how bad that was,” he said.

    Murmurs rose in the crowd, all the pokemon debating on how to take this information. Many of the words that could be picked out sounded negative, but they also seemed to pick up on the unspoken point that if Team Galaxy was saying this, then there had to be some merit to it, especially with how much they had been affected by the gengar in the past. Regardless, they still sounded reluctant overall. It seemed not many were willing to just forgive and move on.

    Taking the opportunity to cut through the crowd to join the group in the center, the kecleon brothers stepped up to weigh in their thoughts. At the sight of them making their move, the murmurs faded back into silence, everyone respectful awaiting what the two highly esteemed shopkeepers were thinking about all of this.

    Green-Kecleon spoke first, “ah, Team Galaxy, as I’m sure you already understand, this is quite the message you’ve given us! We certainly all believe your word here, as you have proven your trustworthiness time and time again, but you must realize that we have all been harmed by Gengar and his team’s plots before even the Ninetales Legend accusation,” he explained.

    “Team Meanies was a nuisance to us all for a long time,” Purple-Kecleon added, “stolen goods, vandalization, overprized rescues… There simply wasn’t enough to send in a report to disband them for a long time; seeing as in the eyes of the guild we are but a small town in the middle of nowhere, and Team Meanies was just a successful team with a peculiar name.”

    With what the second brother added in, some angry cries burst out, declaring their buried frustration towards the delinquent rescue team. Calming raising his hand though, Green-Kecleon was able to calm them again.

    “So, what I would suggest is some… compensation,” he said, “many have been wronged, and while he has certainly helped heal over those wounds for your team, he has done nothing for Pokemon Square. There is a broken trust here, and trust is important for any sort of interaction. Gengar has proven to be untrustworthy, so just as he has worked to prove himself for you, I would request that he does the same for us,” he told them.

    “What kind of compensation?” Keahi asked, blinking.

    The brothers paused for a moment, mulling over the exact answer to this question. They even turned to whisper to each other, sharing ideas with each other privately.

    “Little things. As my brother said before, a lot of what Gengar has done was… material,” Green-Kecleon began, “so, we believe little material favors would help build back that broken trust.”

    “What my brother is saying,” Purple-Kecleon continued, “is that we believe that the best way for Gengar to work back being a trusted citizen, is to work for it. He could sweep the streets, perhaps help organize some wares, general volunteer work. If we let him come in to help, and he does help, that will help show change to us,” he explained, “because we believe that many of us will want to see a more physical change as well.”

    “So, does that sound agreeable to everyone?” Green-Kecleon prompted.

    Before anyone in Team Galaxy could get a word out in response, cheers of agreement erupted from the various pokemon. The kecleons had stated the case well, and judged what was wanted efficiently as well. Glancing at one another, the group still in the center of all this nodded to each other as well, making sure they were all alright with this solution as well before one of them spoke for all of them. Once Damien had finally nodded with the others and the crowd quieted down again, Keahi smiled and spoke once more.

    “That sounds like a great plan,” Keahi hummed.

    Green-Kecleon clapped his hands together, “splendid! So, where shall he start?”

    “Who needs help with something?” Gardevoir asked in return.

    At first, no one seemed willing to step up. Despite all the enthusiasm around Damien improving and doing so by helping complete chores around town, no one wanted to risk the change that he was just going to ruin everything again. While the point about it being difficult for this to be all an act, there was still that doubt that hung in everyone’s minds. The growing silence quickly became overbearing, with eyes darting around to search for someone to be the one to say something.

    Until finally, Kangaskhan stepped forward with her usual warm smile.

    “I don’t have many extra tasks around my job, but I’m sure there’s some general cleaning that can be done to start off,” she said, “I won’t turn down someone wanting to improve themselves.”

    “Thank you,” Damien blurted out in relief, “uh… do you want me to go now then?” he asked, glancing around at his friends, who were still smiling supportively back at him.

    Kangaskhan chuckled, “I don’t see why not! No sense in delaying progress,” she hummed.

    With one last encouraging nod from the trio of Team Galaxy and Gardevoir, Damien stepped away from the group and over to Kangaskhan. She spoke to him softly for a moment, and then led him back away from the middle of town and over to where her own stand was for work.

    No one quite sure what to add to this meeting, the crowd slowly dispersed again, splitting off into those who had something to do and just those who gathered together in small groups to gossip with each other about this latest town discussion.

    “I’m glad that all worked out,” Nelvana sighed, relaxing from a tension she didn’t even realize she had.

    “It’s good that he’ll be working with Kangaskhan first too! I’m sure this will turn out great!” Keahi chirped, “good job everyone! Let’s tell the others about how it went!”

First [ARC 1]: In which the human is transformed First [ARC 2]: In which a present is prepared Next: In which the trouble with evolution is discovered Previous: In which the Gardevoir awakens

[thong-in-the-twist]

Have you ever imagined a porn in which the reader would be innocent and shy? and have you also imagined jongdae as a porn actor? if you've already imagined all this, do you think you want to make stories?

It’s quite long. But. It’s here.

Angstish. It’s the most innocent I could go.

Of course it started lovely.Everything does, at least on the paper.

Your friend told you that she knowsthis super sweet-cute-caring-whatever-else-good-adjective-you-can-put-thereguy, and she asked if you’d like to meet him. After initial awkwardness andunwillingness to participate, you’ve dolled yourself up and you went to meethim.

He was indeed sweet. He was smiling broadly,but there was a feeling of shyness under that façade, and excitement when herealized you had shared interests. The easy laughter that greeted your jokeswas refreshing, and you looked at him, wondering how no one has claimed himyet.

He refused to let you pay, and it made you feelboth awkward and appreciative. After the meal, you asked if he’d like to drinkcoffee, and you managed to pay for that. Over the steaming mugs he listened toyou attentively, reacting to your stories in just the right moments, eyebrowsshooting up, head shaking or laughing.

He hasn’t touched you once.

After the date, he messaged you to ask if youarrived safety, and immediately asked if you’d like to go and see exhibitionthat just opened in the museum you briefly talked about during the date.

You couldn’t wait to go out with him again.

He briefly touched you on your third date, inthe second week of you knowing each other. His knees brushed against yoursunder the table, and he quickly withdrew them, apologizing. You smiled shyly athim and you took to observing his hands. They were nice – fingers long andslender with wiry wrists.

On forth date you were caught in the rain, andas cliché as it was, he protected both of you with his jacket as you ran forcover. You were actually disappointed when he bought an umbrella, but you shylyput your hand on his forearm when you strolled under in.

You were good. You were going good and slow,and sweet, and it was a pace that made you feel comfortable and safe. No onewas hurrying, no one was pushing you, and you loved every second you’ve spendwith him.

On your fifth month anniversary it all wenttumbling down.

Your male co-worker teased you all morningabout you being dolled up for your boyfriend.You were excited to go out with him and celebrate, even though you didn’t plananything special. Meal, walk, maybe coffee on your way. But you loved beingwith him, and walking with your hand in his.

Your co-worker asked to see Jongdae, to check “if he was handsome enough for you”.Upon seeing the picture of the two of you, he smiled, and the when somethinggrabbed his attention he pried the phone out of your hand and inspected thepicture closer. He looked at you weirdly, as he gave you back your phone.

He didn’t say anything.

Your date was as sweet as ever. Jongdae walkedyou back to your place, and you stood for a long time in front of yourbuilding, unable to split. Your heart was fluttering, when he held you close.

When you finally entered your apartment, youfelt melted with love and adorableness of your day. Your phone signaled a newmessage and you reached for it, sure it was Jongdae messaging you somethingsweet.

It was Jongdae.

But his smiley face emoji was the latestmessage among many. Your friends were writing. Your friends had news. Youfriends were sure you need to know what they knew. You didn’t. You really didn’t.

They’ve sent you links. Loads of them. All ofthem attacking you with their titles and thumbnails. Everyone was asking: “did you know your boyfriend is a pornstar?”

You didn’t. You haven’t had a slightest idea.

He haven’t kissed you until your second month.Even then, in your fifth month, it wasn’t a common occurrence, he usually preferredto peck your forehead, or caress your cheek.

It was masochistic of you but you watched the clips.You spent your night watching them one after another, feeling how they burn ahole in your head, feeling repulsed by what you saw, but you watched themhoping to find proof that it wasn’t him.

That that man fucking boosty blonde isn’t yourboyfriend. That it’s not Jongdae fucking the loud redhead. That it’s not yourman that gets blowjob from this cute, illegallooking girl. That it’s not his hand entangled in the black hair.

But you recognized his voice in the earphones,although the pitch was unfamiliar. You recognized his eyes, although theyweren’t sweetly squinted, but blown with arousal. You recognized his lips,curved corners of his mouth – so familiar, yet foreign in their half openstate.

He told you he worked in entertainmentindustry. Technically it wasn’t a lie, but it didn’t made it better.

You ignored him for days on end, scared andhurt. You didn’t know what to do, how to react, but you felt like your sweet,caring boyfriend turned into some kind of predator, and you couldn’t look himin the face.

He finally came to your work, face tired andeyes worried, and you couldn’t just ignore him anymore. You took him to thecoffee shop on the other side of the street, careful not to touch him, as if hewas contagiously ill.

You felt dirty for being kissed by him – wellknowing where those lips were, and it really broke you. You loved him, youreally did. But you couldn’t have him and have him be what he was.

He looked at you with palpable weariness.

“Are you ok?” He asked, and you focused on thetable. Even now, after two weeks of you going AWOL, he first wanted to makesure that you were ok. It hurt.

“Yes.” You said, but it was a lie. Both of youknew that. Had you been ok, you’d have contacted him by now, and you didn’t.

“Why?” He was smart enough to realize thatthere was a reason for your behavior, and something told you he knew exactlywhat it was. As if it wasn’t a first time something like that happened.

“You told me you worked in the entertainmentindustry.” You said, but it wasn’t an answer to his question. It was you,accusing him.

“Because I am.” He said, eyes hardening,fingers entwining on the table in front of you. He looked down, defiance oozingfrom his stance.

“You are sleeping around for money!” You said,dropping your voice, embarrassed that a phrase like that left your mouth. Youdeflated, long suppressed tears coming to the surface.

“It’s just a job. It doesn’t mean anything.It’s just… Like acting.” He tried, and it felt rehearsed. As if he said thesame thing at least once before.

“I can’t believe you!” You are making a sceneout of yourself, and you are embarrassed about that, but you are moreembarrassed about letting him lead you like that. It hurts. It hurts so effin’much! You are on the verge of crying. Hell, you can already feel tears on yourcheeks. You put your palm against your face, half in shock, half to cover itand you just stand up, chair screeching on the floor.

Jongdae is alarmed and he tries to catch yourhand.

“Wait, please, just… Don’t go!” It’s a weakthing, his calling. Sounding lifeless. Somehow resigned. And you just leave himthere.

Letting go is harder than you thought it wouldbe. The thing is: it’s impossible. Even if by day you go about just doing yourthing, by night you can’t stop yourself from searching his name on porn sites.You watch his blissful face while he doesanother girl. You found yourself reading everything you saw about this line ofwork. All the buzzfeed’s lists: “what porn actors will never tell you”.

About three weeks after you’ve walked out onhim, you saw a new clip. Fresh, with “hot” tag in the corner of its thumbnail,promising you the newest work of the actor. You watched it wondering if it wasfilmed before or after you broke up with him. Who was he thinking about whilefucking that girl (you conveniently forget about all the account telling youabout how they try not to think about anything sexy so they can go on longer).

The longer it took the deeper was your hole,but you started to realize the hard truth: you still loved him, and you’vemissed him. You’ve missed him so much, and he didn’t try to contact you once.Not once. Had he moved on or maybe he was respecting you?

You needed to know that. You really needed toknow that – and you mustered all your courage and you went to his place onSunday’s evening. You didn’t even know if he would be in, so you were surprisedwhen he opened the doors for you.

“Hi.” You say, as he watches you silently. “MayI come in?”

He doesn’t say anything, but he takes a stepback, so you exhale quietly, to calm yourself, and you enter his apartment. You’vebeen there three times only, but it smells familiar. You close the doors, andyou rest against them, unable to go further into the apartment.

He is standing a step away from you, looking sogood. Tired, but good. Handsome. Just… Handsome.

“Are you seeing anyone?” You ask, becausebefore you can inquire about anything you have to know that. You simply have toknow that.

Jongdae is watching you warily, and you biteyour lip, feeling awkward and out of place.

“No.” He says finally, and his eyes aredefiant. As if he was asking you what were you going to do about that. And youdon’t know. But suddenly the feeling of homesicknesshits you hard, Jongdae was like home to you, and suddenly he is just a stepaway from you, and you don’t want him not to be in your life. And you don’twant him to ever look at other girls.

You want him to only see you.

You grab the pendant that is on your chest, andyou take the necklace off your neck, and you put it on the counter next to you,while Jongdae observes you with rapt attention.

You are the one to close the distance betweenyou, by taking a step, and Jongdae doesn’t move. Which is both good and badthing. You are feeling… Brave. You are feeling brave, and that feeling leadsyour hands to the hem of his shirt.

He doesn’t protest when you take it off, and youallow it to hit the floor. You are faced with Jongdae’s chest, which you seefor the first time in real life, but you know it all too well. It nauseates you,but it won’t stop you. It requires all your strength for your hands to grab hisbelt. His arms are unmoving on his sides, and you refuse to look him in theeyes, but he doesn’t stop you when you open it as you walk him backwards, andthen when you open his fly.

You only look up, when your fingers dip justbelow him waist line, Jongdae’s stare is heavy, and you swallow your saliva asyou push his pants down. They fall to his knees, and he moves for the firsttime to step out of them. He moves back as he does it, and you use the chanceto take off your own shirt, which joins his clothes on the floor. Your handsmove to the clasp of your bra, and only then he comes to you. His hand lands onyour nape, warm and familiar, and he rests his forehead against yours.

“You don’t have to do that.” He whispers, throatconstricted. You freeze, it’s been so long since Jongdae was so close to you,and it’s really sweet of him, but you needto do that. You really need to do that.

You push him back, leading him through hisapartment, till you reach his bed. You push him down on it, and then you openyour bra. His stare is hot, and fixed, and it’s reassuringly different fromwhat you’ve seen in porn. There it’s more lewd. More macho. This stare isappreciative. This stare doesn’t make you feel like a piece of meat.

That’s why you proceed. You take off your pantsand you underwear, and there you are bared in front of Jongdae.

And he comes to you. He is swift in hismovement, and he his hand are on your neck, and he tips your head up, so youcan look at him. Now his face is oozing affection so strong, you feeluncomfortable. It doesn’t look like lust, but… Warmth. You are not sure if that’swhat you are supposed to see.

“You really don’t have to do that. You don’tneed to sleep with me.” He says, voice raspy. You are conflicted, whether youshould be offended or not. Doesn’t he want to sleep with you? Or maybe youshould feel good, because he just wants to tell you that he’ll wait for you.

Either way he is not clear enough, and you haveto do it. Maybe even want to do it. Not maybe, you just want to.

You are scared, but you move on your tiptoes tokiss him, hands shyly sliding across his shoulder, and he reciprocates, thumbsrubbing circles into skin of your neck.

You don’t know what to expect when he leads youonto the bed. You saw him in porn, but they always skipped from kissing to sex,and you certainly didn’t expect Jongdae to just keep kissing you.

You are nervous. You are way out of your depth,but Jongdae is not rushing. He never really did. It actually calms you down alot – kissing is familiar, kissing is also pleasurable. You don’t know how longit goes on, but when you feel confident enough to slide your hands down hisback, you feel one of his hands dropping to your side.

It immediately alarms you, but he keeps kissingyou, little mewling sounds in the back of his throat, and that sounds are new.You don’t know them from porn. Is it you? Is he being real? Is it something hekeeps for his girl, and only for her.

Are you his girl?

His hands move only when yours. You realizethat quite quickly – that he mimics your touch, and he goes as far as you feelsafe going, which makes you feel safe and in control, but it also makes youimpatient.

You feel how hot you are, you feel how wet youare, isn’t it the moment for him to do it?You break the kiss, feeling breathless and lightheaded, and Jongdae immediatelygoes on to kiss your cheek and jaw, his thumb now rubbing circles into yourhip.

“Jongdae.” You call, and he hums, his lipsnever really leaving your skin. “Are you going to…”

Finally he looks up, pushing himself on hiselbows to better see you.

“Am I going to do what?” He prompts, and youcan feel yourself burning. You think you are ready, why doesn’t he think thesame?

“Do it?”You finish in a whisper, and his answer is a smile. Effin’ smile.

“In a second, yes.” He says, and it makes yourheart skip a beat. “But I want to cherish the feeling on your skin on my lips,and your warmth between my arms.”

It’s… Not the talk you’ve heard. It’s not thedescriptive litany of adjectives about your womanhood. It’s not mantra ofcurses, and it’s surprising. You came prepared for certain things, and Jongdaedoesn’t seem to want to cross even one from your checklist.

He kisses your neck, and he kisses yourclavicle, and he is touch is tender, when he first cups your breasts. And hetells you how beautiful you are, and how lucky he is.

Which is all wrong. It’s nothing like porn. Nothing.

And you’ve never felt so beautiful before. Andappreciated. And praised. And just simply so loved.

Jongdae comes up once in a while to kiss youagain, reopening the make out session, and you welcome it every time. You feelgood on his bed, in his arms, naked, your hands getting to know his smooth andhot skin, and hard body underneath.

“I will be back in a second.” He says suddenly,and you just tense, sitting up. His steps that are leading him away from youfalter, as soon as he hears the bed crank under you.

“Why?” You ask panicked. You don’t want him togo now. Not when you are having somuch fun.

Jongdae caresses your cheek, and you recognizeit as a gesture he used to make so often.

“I need to find condoms, so we can do it.” He says, and it soundsridiculous in his mouth (porn star’s mouth), but you appreciate that he usesyour terminology, because you are still not really comfortable with the proper one.

He comes back a second later, with a package onwhich your stare fixates, but he doesn’t put it on. He kisses you, his handscaressing your sides, and he lulls you back into your relaxed state, which, youslowly start to understand, is a way to distract you.

He allows you to go in your own pace, just likehe did when you two were starting to date. And that realization really did makeyour eyes water.

You love him.

“Jongdae.” You call his name again, and as faras you can tell, he likes that. “Can you please…?”

You can’t say anything more, but he doesn’tneed you to. He kisses your clavicle tenderly, and then he opens condom, whichmakes your pulse quicken. You watch him put it on, and you realize that’s alsodifferent. You’ve always seen his penis without protection. And yet there is nohesitation in him as he rolls it on.

He looks at you, and he smiles as he sees youstaring. He grabs your hand and he leads it down to his penis. You are hesitant, but you slowly curl yourfingers around the shaft, feeling its warmth and girth and veins under thelatex. You experimentally pump it, and Jongdae groans quietly. It makes youhot, but it also reassures you. It’s a new thing to have him in your hand, andit has an added perk – you get to know what will be inside of you, and it makesthe thought left scary.

“Can we…?” You start again, and once again hedoesn’t need you to finish, he just moves you further up the bed, grabbing thepillow on his way, and he puts it under your hips. It stresses you. You read itas a sign that’s you are about to experience something new.

Jongdae kisses you, as he goes between your legs,his hands soothing your sides, and again – it calms you, but it can’t calm youranticipation.

You expected pain. And blood. And discomfort.

But as far as you can tell there is none. It’snot a long breach, he doesn’t go all in, but rather shallowly, and he nearly immediatelyslides out. It’s a weird, albeit pleasurable experience, and you hold yourbreath waiting for more.

And Jongdae delivers, patiently going in andout, every time pushing deeper, while kissing your neck, your shoulders yourchest. Fingers of your left hand are entangled into his hair, and the otherhand shyly rests on his sacrum.

Suddenly he stops, and you look down, to hiships against you, and you realize he stopped to let you know he is all in,which is both surprising and satisfying, and by now, you really want him to let go.

Because, it’s nothing like porn.

You know that already. He isn’t behavinganything like in porn, he is nothing, but attentive and loving and warm, andyou feel good in his bed. You feel good enough to call this whole situation, abrilliant move from you.

“You good?” He asks, and you wonder if you weretold him you were a virgin. Maybe you did. Maybe he just knew it.

“Yeah.” You answer, and he smiles at you andmoves your hand from his back to kiss your knuckles. Then be proceeds to put itback, but not on his sacrum, but his ass.

You can feel the blush, making you even redderthan the exertion does.

You experimentally sink your nails into his arse,and he groans and snaps his hips forward, which makes your breath hitch.

He starts again – thrusts long, but nothurried. It is quite leisurely, but the moment his thumb is on your clitoris,you are gone. Your chest starts heaving and you breath heavily, some of yourexhales turning into quiet gasps and groans.

Which seems to be too much for Jongdae, becausehe kisses you – it’s not an easy fest, because your mouth keeps falling open ina silent moans, but he doesn’t seem to care, crowding you in his arms, hot andhard above you, teeth scraping your lips, and mouth…

Mouth just singing his praises.

It’s so unreal to be getting orgasm brought toyou by another person. You are surprised it even comes, but it does and it’samazing. You brought yourself over on your fingers before, but it wasn’t as thoroughexperience as it was with Jongdae and you loved it.

Because it was nothing like his porn.

Because it was love making, not simply mating.