#except when they dislike it for reasons i dont find valid. also why do you guys never want character growth...

[thedevotionaltour]

i just think happy matt makes sense if you accept early volume 1 as part of who matt is too as a character because literally he is the denier and the represser even then. matt goes that isn't affecting me at all and then carries his misery with him while pretending things are in fact dandy. and then also allows himself to be so mega moody and sad to be around depending on the day but like i do consider that as part of who matt is. stupid as it sounds i do think it makes sense if you allow those early comics people love to hate on because they're "too silly" as valid parts of his character. i think that choice makes a lot more sense then. because again. even in his very silly campy 60s comic time he is literally still the funny and moody represser and anguisher just in a different way. but like i don't know he's still a cunt there who sucks. did you not witness his crazy moping. i did.

[my-lunaberg]

Ohhhhh this is reminding me of this great c!Sam analysis i read on here hopefully I can find it again sometime, which basically said that Sam does a lot of immoral things while also wanting to be just and in the right more than anything else. I was reminded of it bc when I read that I immediately thought it had something to do with a need for validation (and maybe to a certain extend a need for affection?) and it really jumped out during this january 31st 2022 vod because Sam keeps trying to reassure himself that hes not an idiot and once Dream arrives he starts looking to him to reassure him of that. I should say that I dont think that has anything to do with Dream specifically, I think its just because hes the only person who could visit him and hes otherwise completely isolated

Also, like with Tommy during their most recent confrontation, Dream seems to be trying a lot less to actually manipulate Sam into liking him and treating him like a friend that you cant disobey at all costs because otherwise he'll threaten you with eternal torture and is focusing more on just tormenting him. To compare this to Tommys exile, on the very first day Dream was just insulting Tommy but then he immediately went over to being all nice and trying to befriend him (while also yknow, blowing up his stuff), but here he insults Sam on day one and keeps doing it on day two, although he has thrown him a crumb or two on both days. Its too eaely to really tell right now, but this is either him realizing his mistake and trying to change his strategy a bit or him being sloppier because he stopped caring. In case you couldnt tell, Im very much tending toward that last option. I think those few crumbs of "positivity" are either him wanting to deliberately torment Sam more by giving him these little crumbs of goodness which contrast against the torment and make it all the more pronounced, or him just kinda being in the habit of manipulating people and doing stuff like this almost reflexively. One of the many reasons why I like c!Dream so much and why I can get quite defensive and upset about other people disliking and/or misintrepreting him is that I relate to him a lot especially his manipulative tendencies bc I can also be quite shitty and manipulative at times, so like, Ive been there lol. Once you have this habit of attempting to manipulate people into doing what you want, its kinda hard to stop even when manipulating someone isnt even your goal. This is pretty complex and hard to explain but for me its that I often have to concentrate to not do it when Im around adults in particular, because my manipulative tendencies mostly 'come out' when Im in situations that upset me and that I want to leave and most of those involve adults. I would imagine Dream has a similar thing, except instead of his "trigger" being Having To Talk To Adults its like, Being Presented With Someone Vulnerable. Dont really know if that makes a whole lot of sense, I'll probably do a really long c!Dream character analysis once I finish the series where I might try to elaborate on these points/explain them more succinctly

Also Idk, Im not that far into it yet but Im noticing a fixation on trying to get Sam to admit that he was wrong and/or a hypocrite. i dont really have anything to say about that right now but I did think it was interesting. To kinda tie it back into my point about Sam wanting validation and to be seen as just, i guess Sam admitting it was wrong of him to imprison Dream or that hes a hypocrite for imprisoning him could signal him getting malleable/harmless and, since Sam would have to admit it to himself before admitting it to Dream it might damage his mental health a fair bit

[fictionalnation]

Okay so I love IPKKND and have loved Barun for a long time, though his social media absence makes it difficult to really “know” him. I think that watching him and Sanaya on Zoom has made me start disliking them a bit, and that might translate into my obsession with IPKKND which has been an annual rewatch for me for the past 10 years. Yet, they seem to know so little about the love people have for that show and their very own characters. It made me sad that Barun thought his “what the” line was strange, that actually makes the show so funny, because many times it’s what our reaction is too to what is happening, and he has said many strange things on IPKKND lol,they just went with whatever they remembered. Also, the number one reason I don’t watch Indian actors being interviewed is because I think the Indian mindset is still pretty backward. Case in point, Sanaya being praise for how “fair” she is. Or complaining about being called a monkey for it, I understand her but at the same time… it’s like girl you are stunning, you are quite literally the norm of what is considered beautiful in India whereas we still have shows that show the difficult lives of horrible looking dark skinned girls because apparently dark skin translates to ugliness. I also find the who “I was very old when I had my first time” and saying 22 and it being a thing weird. Since when is 22 considered old especially in the Indian society????! Bruh I am virgin asf and I am 23 and i don’t think it’s old. Lol. Idk the interview was entertaining ish but seemed problematic. And Sanaya not answering why she’d wanna punch Donald Trump… it seems like she just said a name for the sake of it. And saying that drinking cow piss is like the baptisms..? I respect all religions but what? Also what is a fake vegan? Do you care about the rabbits or not? They talk about not caring for validation throughout the interview but feels like they thought through every single answer. Except that one time when Barun was giving a beautiful answer about acting and connection and appreciation and Sanaya just cut him off and said “yea we are cool” all the love to Sanaya but darl, STOP CUTTING BARUN OFF??! also all the love to Barun but my man, how you saying girls dont use pick up lines? Also he hasn’t had a one night stand ever? Thats a lie fosho. Also their obliviousness with how they as actors were shipped is insane. Like I was what 12? And I remember them being the talk of the town. I had ZERO clue that Barun was married until recently lol. And tabloids are actually a huge part of the Indian cinema and always have been I am surprised they would think it’s more in hollywood because indian television is so invasive and has been, I mean saas bahu and saazish???? Anyway, i am a bit annoyed I thought Id like them more… also Baruns accent on IpKkND is so different- wish he’d kept it.

[lurking96]

Chapter 320 or why it is better than thought but not great

As last time I talked about my opinion with chapter 319 this time I will talk about chapter 320. This is my opinion. I do not claim it to be the absolute undeniable truth. This piece might be seen as Anti Bakugou so again it is under the cut and the tags are added so they can be filtered out.

So how we ended the last chapter we start out in the rain again. We see Iidas more serious face and of course we see Bakugou who calls Izuku “drawn differently” that might even be some form of Meta joke on how Izuku looks well more “edgy” now than before. Also still calls him a nerd. We then have Izuku attempting to flee by using his new Smokescreen technique. Bakugou in turn uses a new technique of his to just blow it away. An explosion. Here now is my question How? How does Bakugou make an explosion that just doesnt add more smoke. I hope that gets explained or thats just another asspull on his account. A more important thing in that scene is that Bakugou calls him some OFA bigshot and that Izuku must see everyone just as NPCS. This is Bakugou projecting on Izuku. This is how Bakugou acts towards people. Thinking he is some big shot and claiming everyone an extra. It shows that while Bakugou claims he understands Izuku he does not understand him. He projects his own personality on Izuku now that he thinks him to be “strong”. Bakugou thinks that kindness doesnt exist. That you cant do stuff for others without a reward attached. That people look down on others. Because he does those things. And to validate his worlview of course others must act like this too. He still sees him as weakling but also strong. Strong like Bakugou sees himself. Also for once Izuku is doing his own thing without Bakugou inserting himself into the narrative at first. That must probably be a shock to Bakugou who doesn’t want to be an extra or side character. It feels a bit like the whole “He reached his hand out to me because he looked down on me.” bit he had going on with Izuku and still does not seem to be over with. A thing after this we see is how Koda says that Nedzu said that he can come back. There seems to be miscommunication there. Izuku did not leave because Nedzu threw him out. He left to protect them as he is AFOs main target and AFO nuked an island before to deal with a holder of OFA. UA had compromised security before so there really is no reason for Izuku to trust them now with their security. It also doesnt make sense for AFO to attack UA now. It would just show that Izuku didnt need to isolate and should have been there. But AFO wants to isolate him. So it would be better to attack when Izuku would be back at UA. To show that he brought the main target to the promised safe house. So it would kinda play into AFOs hands to get him back. We have this followed by Sero holding down Blackwhip. (Dont get me wrong would love to give Sero a quirk awakening and more screen time but it felt a bit weird). We then have Jiro and Ojiro (finally screentime for him) talk about what Izuku did for them. How he helped them. Izuku says that he should leave that he paints a target on their back. That he doesnt want AFO to kill them. Dark Shadow tries to grab Midoriya while Sato brings up Eri. The girl Midoriya saved. Also one could say a bit of subtle emotional manipulation though not malicious. Bringing up the little girl that surely misses him. Yaoyarozu then ends up putting him in a chair. A chair with sedatives. A chair reminiscent of  a special chair in the high security prison Tartarus. The type of Asylum chair All for One has been bound to too and probably be sedated. Yaoyarozu also says that they are allowed to aid the other heroes with their quirks. Meaning they actually do not need to drag him back to UA. They could help him rest and make him eat in other ways. Support from a safe distance. A compromise really. That so far they maybe havent thought about. However Izuku breaks out of the chair. We then have Shoji, Kaminari and Tokoyami bind him with Shojis insulated tentacles and dark shadow. Probably trying to use Kaminari as human taser to take him out. Izuku escapes this. shoji asks if he sees them as victims that need protection. This feels more sincere then what bakugou said. Not the baggage attached. Not the projection. And yes. They are not defenseless. They are not weak. However they still are first years that never should have been involved in any kind of war. And against AFO well they would probably easily get dusted. A more supportive role would be fitting. Take out the villains around AFO.  Now comes an important part. Danger sense has not been going off. Izuku claims that it would have gone off if he felt danger or malice emit from them. He understands that they are worried about him. But again he also understands that he is a big target. He was out the whole time and saw that AFO won’t just give them a break. That he will kill people. Danger sense not going off is a no brainer. Of course there is no malicious intent. Class 1A were/are his allies. They want what they think is best for him. However that doesnt make their opinion absolute. You can have good intentions but how you do it and how it ends up can still be a huge fiasco. Izuku needs rest. A bath. Food. A doctor. But UA just doesnt have the security. The past shows it. UA is a safe house filled with civilians. Izuku knows that AFO wont stop at the barricade. That while yes there are pro heroes and trained students. AFO is a natural disaster. He wouldn’t just give in. There is no sunk cost fallacy. AFO will try to get his claws onto him no matter how many assasins, nomu or otherwise he needs to send out. The chapter ends with Izuku being caught in Shotos ice wall. Shoto telling him that he should share his burden with them. Showing his character developement. Froppy tells him that she won’t weep anymore and that he matters to her and that they won’t let him do this alone. Overall this chapter was different than I expected. We didnt get an all out fight. We didnt get the “Snap” so far. Class 1A tried to get hold of him. They told him that he is important to them and how he helped them. How they do about things might not be all that helpful. He will not go back to UA willingly. He should not go back to UA. They still seem to lack so much context about his reasoning for things. They do not understand him. Them telling him how he helped them. How much he means to them is an interesting thing. A bit ago Hori said where the name “Deku” originates from. A well known poem Ame ni mo Makezu  by Kenji Miyazawa. The verse “minna ni deku-no-bō to yobare” or in english “Called useless by all”

Here we have the poem. A person that helps others without ever getting or wanting recognition. A person that is not special except to reach out to help. A person that is just doing the right thing. Endeavor got credit for Stain, Overhaul vs Izuku is not well known, Gentle criminal got defeated without recognition for Izuku. Hardly anyone knows it was him at the sludge villain incident and most pro heroes there scolded him for being the one to do the right thing. Dagobah beach. It´s not widely known he cleaned it. Izukus desire is to rescue and help people. He is not into it for money, fame, recognition, legacy. While he does have a legacy to All Might he is also his own person. He tried to show himself to the world at the sports festival but that was also on All Mights wish. He didnt succeed with that. He is known as the bone breaker and not the second coming of All Might. He is not self serving. He wants to be useful and not a bother. Someone seen as useless that still does his best. It shows. They do give him recognition in this chapter. Do praise him. But this is not what he wants. This is not what he does it for. He isn’t coerced in coming back thanks to that. While he of course needs positive reinforcement it doesnt seem to be such an active desire to him. It´s more important for him that he sees them safe. The first line of the poem “Unbeaten by the rain” might also have some importance. Maybe it is foreshadowing that he won’t be brought back by the class. Maybe he escapes or he shows and makes them understand why he he does things. Maybe they find a compromise. As we go back to look at the chapter once more. Four people are kinda lacking. Hagakure and Aoyama. Both theorised in the fandom to be the traitor. Maybe danger sense would have activated and that would have called them out. Maybe it will next chapter. Iida we only saw in one panel. And Uraraka is not there either except for one beginning panel. Those two are his first friends. People like to compare this to the kamino arc when the squad rescued Bakugou. People saying that Bakugou will reach out to Midoriya like back at the kidnapping. However. That was not the thing. Kirishima reached out his hand as Midoriya knew that even in a life and death situation Bakugou would never take his willingly. So yes it would make more sense that either Iida, Uraraka or even Todoroki hold their hand out or even all three together.Maybe thats why Uraraka and IIda were not really there. Maybe they have their big moment next chapter. I personally dont hope it´s Urarakas love confession. That really would feel a bit shallow to me and out of left field. Overall I did not dislike this chapter. There was not the big beatdown like some expected. However how they as a class go about it might not have the best result. I am interested in how it continues in the next chapter. I would prefer Class 1A supporting him by not dragging him back to UA. By helping him rest and take down villains that don’t need the person to have OFA to survive the encounter. Again this is an opinion. Not claimed to be the absolute truth but also not without some proof.

[eulangelo]

i get feeling frustrated at transmascs as a transmasc myself, but please refrain from saying stuff like ''thats why i fucking hate transmascs cops who think they can play gender police''. youre a trans guy. does it mean you hate yourself too for playing ''gender police''? dont seperate urself as one of the 'good' ones, if you get what i mean. its like a cis person saying they hate cis ppl.

where did i say i was one of the good guys?? u can be part of a group and be critical of it at the same time. the comparison of cis people is not appropriate because, i mean, cis is a term that is used to navigate trans oppression vs cis privilege, therefore cis people cannot oppress or discriminate each other on the basis of being cis, but they can for other reasons. for example, a cis lesbian can complain that she is discriminated by cishet women, or a cis fat person can complain that they're discriminated by skinny cis people. it is also a very large group that includes every kind of person.

i however say that i hate transmascs because even though i'm part of the group i still do get discriminated and alienated by it on the basic of being transmasc in a way that is not conventionally accepted. either because i'm a nonpassing trans guy, because i'm openly gnc, or just because i'm trans het, all things that are strictly tied to my transness and can't be separated from it, so it's not like complaining that (for ex) i get discriminated on the basis of being fat by skinny transmascs, because that is not related to my transness and is not exclusive to transmascs, and i can simply complain about skinny people in general.

i am not distancing myself from stuff like tme privilege by saying "omg trans men oppress trans women they're awful!!" as if i didn't carry the same privilege, because that would be hypocritical. if anything i do try to call out trans/misogynistic behaviour from all who participate in it because it's what i do when any minority gets discriminated by an oppressor, just like i call out racism, or antisemitism, even though i'm white and gentile. it's not because i want to distance myself from those privileges, if anything i try to use said privilege to uplift the voices of those who don't have it.

and it is an undeniable fact that i have been encountering nonstop exclusionary, identity policing and discriminatory behaviour from transmascs, from trumeds to exclusionists to people who claim to be none of those but are still misgendering me and calling me a girl/telling me ill never pass for a man for two months now today, all because i dared calling them out on transmisogyny, because they are the first ones to turn a blind eye on trans people they dislike.

i am not better than other transmascs or an exception or whatever, however i cannot pretend i don't see the majority of them going #notallmen, crying "this is gender essentialism #terf rethoric #transmisandry" whenever they're called out on something, while in the next breath putting "wlws dont interact" in their bios or saying "trans hets are on thin ice" (or worse).

i am not gonna pretend what i say is always 100% what i think but i am frustrated, i am closeted and will probably be for god knows how long. i do not have any kind of acceptance or solidarity from cishets who consider me a cis lesbian, and you'd expect i could find that acceptance in the trans community, especially the transmasc community, seeing that we share so many important experiences, but i am not finding it. i am either finding performative acceptance (aka, people who will say i am valid and whatever but who will make fun of me for my orientation and say i'm an oppressor) or when i do actually find it i almost always end up finding out that the person will not take accountability for their tme privilege, appropriate transfem specific struggles, etc. and i do not want to associate with people like that. i also really dislike cis men, and i generalize them too, even if i know that the generalization will not apply to every single one of them, just like what i say about trans men.

[angeloncewas]

Yeah, why do they get mad? I would sort of understand if they were canon dsmp characters, but they appeared only once and in Tales. It's literally background characters. Why do they get mad. Also I think thats why I saw a reply someone ss and reposted here about how all mcytblur is white and racist. And I'm like bruh. This is why nobody likes you mcytwt. We lowered our agression to you when users escaped from you, and they say this. I do not understand them.

I honestly dont think the people who do this and are new to fandoms will survive being in others in the future, where stuff that they consider way worse and is actually way worse is more normal, they will be shunned by their fandom.

I do get why to some extent - it's the same reason they go after so many creators. There are exceptions, of course, and I've seen a lot of them lately which sucks, but the average mcyttwt member isn't actively malicious, just often misguided. (I know that sounds condescending and I'm sorry, but like, look at their track record.) Whenever there's a perceived threat, they act on it, and this is a similar case. I'm glad they're not willing to just let stuff slide, because a big thing bigots (and people like that) tend to enforce is complacency - "it's always been this way" "stop causing problems" "everyone else is fine with it" - but I do wish they'd do some more research and find a better outlet for their outrage. There's a lot of valid criticism regarding the fandom, fic, and even specifically mcytblr, but this just feels like they're missing the point.

(I love that they call us all-white though, that's hilarious and definitely because the majority of people still like Techno (and H and Fundy and even the Schlannies have their stomping ground on here) and the ones who don't aren't out here harassing fans. I wonder if they're too young to remember when Tumblr was considered the MAX SJW app. Queerest place on the internet babey.)

Like you said, the way this fandom functions as opposed to others always makes me curious as to where the people are gonna go when they grow out of mcyt. Obviously they may be more mature (for lack of a better term) at that point, but if this was your introduction into what you think a fandom is truly meant to be and always like then you're in for a decently rude awakening when you branch out. I don't think we're spectacularly special or anything, but I do see some interesting and unexpected patterns among the attitudes and demographics (so to speak) of the people involved. I don't know how to say this without sounding "not like other girls"-y, but there's a lot of pretty stereotypical "mean girls" on mcyttwt, at least from what I've seen. The kind who make fun of cosplayers for being "cringe" and dislike creators' quirks and are constantly mocking other people for the fun of it (like they legitimately find it entertaining) - high school type bullshit. And people like that aren't usually the fandom type because fandom as a concept is somewhat inherently cringe.

I don't know lol, just interesting stuff to notice and think about :p

[sofijaeger]

why dont you like mikasa?? genuine question

mmm

this caught my eye quick lmao... u can call me petty, or anything you’d like if you don’t agree, i’m dead serious. i’m used to it for having my own opinions on her by now.

here’s me and my sensitive ass self:)

also i didn’t proof read this, so i might ramble

i think from the start i’ve never really liked mikasa’s character.

At first i was bothered because she was a side character i didn’t really find any connection or comparison to (that’s usually how i can differentiate who will become my favorite in animes) she just seemed boring. i think after i realized eren was my favorite character too, i began disliking her more for the way she treated him despite his askings and how she minded no ones business but her own and his in hopes of persuing the happiness it gave her. Don’t get me wrong, in a world like theirs it’s natural to want to imagine anything except for that one, but i couldn’t understand why someone so serious and keen on making herself and only one other person happy was considered a favorite by everyone.

This is so incredibly bias but i just feel that with every chapter written she’s become increasingly selfish of achieving her desires. And i know people will argue with me saying her love for eren has always just been her main focus, and they are right. that’s literally it. She’s over protective of him, yes saving his life in the process but he barely does anything on his own without her. I don’t think “the boy who sought freedom” enjoyed that feeling and she certainly didn’t understand the extent of his motives. ON TOP OF THAT, and this pisses me the fuck off is that she never asked him how he was feeling.

NO ONE EVER DID.

so as someone who was claimed to be “closest to him” she never protected eren’s mentality, just his physical being in hopes it would change his mindset to that of what she wanted him to be. I almost feel bad for her because she wishes to accomplish nothing else in her life, and that includes saving her own comrades over one boy who saved hers. I mean to be honest, jean and others have saved her many times before as well, both physically and mentally, but because eren did it first that’s who she chose to obey for the rest of her life? i never found what she wanted besides being with the version she saw him (and literally stated in the manga) as.

On top of that, she’s been written to be completely flawless. At first I considered her obsession with him as a negative, but now she’s a strong woman who’s considered absolutely perfect to the characters and fandom. This was so frustrating to me, because it’s impossible for someone to be created and characterized like that in real life. so enviously, i searched and searched to find something wrong with her, someone who could agree with me and my opinions or possibly find something new, anything that would make her seem more humane than how people we’re making her out to be. What have i found? absolutely nothing. I don’t think i’ve met anyone who doesn’t like her like i do, so i’m left to sit with this feeling that no one else has. the toxic fans just make it so much worse for me. they claim she’s “godlike, better than everyone” or write of her to be absolutely alluring with no problems or difficulties, the opposite of what i’ve always tried to disprove and it makes me so upset. when i try to explain that gut feeling that’s sort of just grown about her her and her characterization i get beaten down about it every single time.

the worst part of my dislike for her came when i realized i was, well um... actually in love with eren, because now that he’s somehow fallen in love with her she’s just become the biggest goal i’ve ever had to change my mind about in order to reach her “level”. how could i ever reach the epitome of perfection, especially that of a fictional character? it’s simple: i’ll never be able to. and when i understood she was written to be this standard i could never reach, that’s when i began to actually hate her. i’ve written more about that if you read my reaction to chapter 139 but for the majority these were the reasons i’ve had that didn’t involve my envy, because i am jealous of her, a lot. like i’ve cried over not being good enough for him like she is:( sorry to be extra but as i’ve said this before, i use eren as my validation😔

FURTHER POSSIBLY THEORIES:

and now with the “epilogue” out, it not only just focuses on mikasa, making everyone seem irrelevant, but she still hasn’t listened to what eren truly wanted, for her to move on. She continues to wear the scarf and she still visits the grave to see him which i think is very sweet, but it is so unnecessary to bring her husband, children and grandchildren to the grave of her first lover. to me that says:

• “here’s the life you wanted eren, i’m living it without you”

• and “look” to her family “this is the boy i would have been much happier with but i tried to obey what he wanted”

in a way, she’s almost getting everything she wants yet i feel she still wants more? i’m not sure if i’m even making sense at this point:(

[fairycosmos]

i’m 16 n have never worn anything besides foundation & i have all these ideas of all these people i wanna be n the way i wanna dress but can’t bc i’m POOR so i kinda just exist n i’m so uncomfortable about it like i don’t fit anywhere at school lollll

goddd me since i was 16. i can't tell you how much i relate.......struggling with adolescence and insecurities and financial issues all at once is so unbelievably difficult. feels like taking one step forward and ten steps back, right? but i promise, you're so young and i say that as a very positive thing. you're going to find so much of your identity beyond clothes and makeup as you get older. life naturally fleshes out. these worries get smaller in perspective when you realise how much you have to offer. and all of these ideas about who you want to be will come to fruition in the most unexpected of ways. it's really something. every day you're creating yourself and contributing to the bigger picture of You. you'll find who you 'are' over and over. you don't need any garment or product to achieve that or to exist happily. especially if you don't even want to buy them and the wish just comes from the natural urge to fit in. i know school and social media makes it seems like everyone else is living in this bubble of perfection but you're genuinely just seeing what they want you to see. it's a total illusion. what they're teaching you about beauty and worth is a scam. consume it with a critical eye. it has everything to do with making money and nothing to do with you as a person. to them you're just another customer and your self esteem is a marketing angle, but you can protect it once you see through the bullshit. look, you could wear a face full of makeup every single day and people would still have something to say. because the current culture encourages subconscious insecurities and petty competitiveness as a business model. you're judging yourself by a standard that is built to be impossible to meet. you dont owe the world a certain look or lifestyle. having eyelash extensions, for example, would not enhance your human experience in any substantial way. maybe you'd feel more comfortable around those your age, but would those relationships really be worth anything if they were to be based in such shallowness? once you begin asking yourself these questions, and seeking out confidence even in the smallest of ways, the way you view life changes. cause ultimately, you can go round and round in your head about why you should dislike yourself and at the end of it, you'll still be in the same body in the same place with the same mind. you have to begin trying to identify the main reasons behind why you feel so bad about simply being a person. more often than not you'll find that these learned thinking habits hold no weight or logic. recognizing this spurs action. bc even tho it may be an impulse to hate who you are, i want you to know that you have the power to at least attempt to treat yourself as a friend - you, who has done nothing to be ashamed of. you, who you will spend the rest of your life with. even if that just begins with looking in the mirror and giving a compliment, or asking for help when you need it, or taking the time to identify what triggers you into a spiral of self hatred. there is always something you can work on that will make it feel a little lighter. and if doesn't have to be successful every time - some days you just lose it, some days it's all too much, some days you're too fuckin tired. but as long as you're trying, however that looks for you, then there's potential and hope. it's like that for everyone and you're not an exception, no matter how impossible it is to believe right now. this probably all seems so daunting and hypothetical but it does apply to you. dealing with existence honestly does get easier when you have more control over your style and self expression and what you put your energy into - but im 19 and i think im only just now coming to terms with the fact that true self appreciation and contentment is a lifelong battle. and that it runs far deeper than outside validation. but it's not impossible to like yourself once you create a life that you like 'being' in. which is supposed to take a lot of time, which is supposed to be a process. anyway i hope you also know that there are plenty of people you can talk to about this, if you feel overwhelmed - whether that's a hotline, a counselor, a teacher or a parent/friend. i know it feels embarrassing but it really is alright to be honest about what's going on in your head. even if your brain automatically shuts down the idea, try to hold onto it as a viable option that will always be there when you're ready for it. being comfortable in your own skin is hard at the best of times and it's totally natural to need guidance. you're not alone and you don't have to act as if you are. isolation will always seem tempting, but nothing waits for you there. you deserve better, and you will absolutely find it love. take it one step at a time and try to focus on what you need, as opposed to what the world is telling you to desire. you're doing a lot better than you think. im v proud of you for making it to this point, and i'll be rooting for you. let me know if you need a friend or if you want to talk about this properly.

[divinefeline28]

Opinions on Gen 1 Pokemon? (Including the manga, not including the remakes.)

thank you for asking! unfortunately i have never actually played the original first generation of pokemon games and i know very little of the manga (although i absolutely would read it if i happened to come across it.) HOWEVER, i do have feelings about the pokemon themselves and how delightfully broken those games are

i find video game glitches to be endlessly fascinating and considering i already love pokemon, i used to EXTENSIVELY read about all the glitched pokemon and all the ways you could break the original games, and its a large part why i love watching speedruns. idk why when coding breaks or is manipulated in an unintended way to do something else thats just so fucking cool to me!!! the way you can just write whole ass code with the names of pokemon and rewrite the game and shit!!! fucking rad! i love to break shit!!

anyway speaking on the pokemon i also really enjoy pixel art and character design so early pokemon designs are DELICIOUS to me. i really like the cohesive style that all the first 151 have, and actually quite a few of my favorite pokemon are from the first gen (its just occurred to me ive never even played any remakes of them either. huh.) such as arcanine, ninetales, caterpie and raichu. ive never even played those games and those are all like in my top 10 pokemon which i think really speaks to how impactful the designs are and impression they have!! i dont really dislike modern pokemon designs but in some ways i think theres a certain magic that got lost somewhere, and i understand why and how it happened for mostly valid reasons but like, i always think abt that quote that pokemon was inspired by catching and study bugs from the perspective of a child, and i think that concept was REALLY present in the first generation that made a lot of the early pokemon feel very tangible but still magical in a weird way. i dont think that makes sense. but yeah the old spritework is so good the music is good and they way they had to squeeze everything down to work on such rudimentary hardware is sick as hell and gen 1 pokemon is cool. except the machop line. they deeply unsettle me and should not exist. bye

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 10 - "I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style" ~Amy

Colin survived omg omg. I went on call with him after tribal council and I smoothed things over with us. So I'm like the only person he's not hating right now. Also I literally told Colin everything. I told him exactly what happened which is so awkward if anyone finds out I tolf him that they all backstabbed him. Also Elle cannot be trusted!! Why would she do this? She's probably working with Colin and at this point I'm ok with voting off Elle. She really backstabbed the entire plan. Also Elle's idol is gone so it would be easy. BUT, we need to rid of the advantages that remain. There's not any time to get off people I don't trust. We need to expose every last idol we can. Also I know Brayden has an idol and I'm working with him but I might have to backstab that guy because if he makes it to final tribal council with an idol that will be big on his resume. Honestly Brayden will be seen as the most popular social player so that will look really good compared to me. So I might have to backstab my best friend before the time runs out. 

Wtf was that tribal. Literally besides Colin, the only person left out of the vote and lied to by my own partner. Just when i thought things were looking up for me in this game, the rug gets pulled from underneath me again. I literally dont feel like i can trust any of them but for the sake of playing nice, I have to pretend that everything is fine and be a fake bitch for a day or two. Ugh 😑

I understand Colin is probably really upset and hurt because he felt personally close with me, but I don’t understand why my reasons for not saving him weren’t valid. When he tried to save Dennis, it rubbed HIMYM the wrong way and I didn’t want to betray 5 people for 1 person the same way he did that because it’s what gave everyone distrust. He said he didn’t tell anyone about HIMYM until after he heard his name, but that’s a lie as Josh and Jay both heard of it by round 8. I said that and then he said “well that’s still one person”. It’s more than one and even then, one person is one person. You gave us a reason to distrust you and that’s why you were targeted. I never told anyone about his SWP because I didn’t want to give him a reason to tell others I’m not trustworthy or for him to target me with. Ultimately, of course I knew Jay wasn’t going to send me out, but there was a real concern that Babs had an idol and that between me and Anastasia, I would go. So yeah, my concerns were indeed valid as it could’ve gone to a point where I go. I really want immunity this round. So bad. But if it’s not me I’ll be ok with my allies having it. But please I want immunity!!! 

[this was earlier, but put it wherever✨] Sooooo so much drama these days, I used to be in an alliance with Jay, Brayden, and Anastasia but they're all in a megasix alliance except Jay is relatively new bc they swapped him out for Colin recently, Jay is completely in Jodi's pocket and RIP honestly bc I was hope our little Corn Tribe (we're both from Ohio lol) would make it far, Colin and I are firmly allies now and we have an alliance with Amy (who is currently Colin's no. 1 ally and I respect that she risked it all for him lol understandable) and are goin to make another one with Josh. Josh and I are allies and I trust him a lot partially bc ppl lied to him almost as much as ppl lied to me and Colin and being at the bottom is a good way to know your allies are true, they have little to gain 😂 oh and Brayden and Anastasia and I are still "allies" and idk Jay hasn't talked to me yet sooooo let's see what happens there!

I accidentally said that Josh was on the bottom out loud when I was answering him for the question who doesnt deserve to be here. Omg I literally ruined our relationship. I am sooo stupid. I literally told him i was sorry and he said K. Ok but he is on the bottom. Obviously he doesn't need me as an ally and that whole side has a plan. Omg Im ready to be blindsided lol. But also maybe dont vote out me. Josh really isnt that forgiving is he? That is crazy to me. I wouldve pretended to forgive at least. Now I feel even more awful because he never said he forgave me. Pain. Anyways I screwed up and now I'm just praying Josh doesn't gun after me now. But I did tell Josh the whole truth and apologized genuinly about the situation. Oh god I hope he doesnt hate me. I dont even want him as a jury vote I just cant take anyone hating me or disliking me. It makes me want to throw up. But I deserve to feel this way since I emberassed him infront of everyone i am so so stupid. Anyways time to plan who to get out. OMG JOSH JUST TEXTWD ME "It's fine Im on the bottom. My feelings dont matter" WHAAATTT OF COURSE HIS FEELINGS MATTWR I CANT BELOEBE IHURT HIS ACTUAL FEELINFA I AM SO STUPID WTF I AM AWFUL I WILL GO APOLOGIZE MORW NOW GOODBYE

it appears either jodi or jared are going tonight, and although they’re my allies, i selfishly don’t care. I’ll still be in the game, so that’s nice i suppose. I love jodi, but she’s paranoid and it’s a whole deal trying to work with her, if she got voted out i could maybe get some sleep every once in awhile. I love her to death, but frankly whatever happens tonight as long as it ain’t me I don’t really care. Hell, even if it is me, then whatever lol, I can get caught up on sleep then. Frankly this is where the game gets ugly, and i’m cool with staying out of the drama. it still sucks that josh hates me though, i genuinely like him, and i feel like he doesn’t want to be my friend beyond the game anymore. To me, i’m going to keep doing me. I’m gonna chill, i’m gonna relax, and i’ll play when i feel like it. My mental health is important, so even if i’m not playing as hard as others, it’s just a game. If i lose, i will not lose any sleep over it. 

DAMN last tribal really killed the vibes in the game. no one wants to talk. everyone is scared of stuff getting leaked or turning on people. BUT ON THE FLIP side that means everyone is flipping on everyone SOMEHOW amy managed to escape unscathed. They have NO idea she's in with us and with them. She's telling us everything. it's actually insane to watch her do it. Truly international superspy behavior.   We have our numbers and they have theirs. They made another majority alliance except they replaced me with Jay. Whatever, expected. its fine. I truly did not talk much to people before the challenge, I just laid back and let Amy gather information for us. The immunity challenge was absolutely crazy good for us. Elle winning immunity is perfect, and the fact they GAVE AMY the other immunity is also amazing, a testament to how much they do trust her. THEN THIS IS WHERE THINGS STARTED GETTING EXCITING so I still have my handy chaos idol. I was thinking about numbers and I came to the realization that we could get Jodi cirie'd out this tribal. Their side is splitting votes on Josh and I, and there's four of us. If we vote the other 4 people in that alliance and then play the chaos idol, it leaves Jodi the only one without a vote and she's automatically out. It was a huge risk but I brought this plan to Josh, Amy, and Elle. because of the touchy subjects it made me truly feel that I could trust my allies right now. I was voted "Who is your closest ally" and I'm almost certain it was those three that put me down. That means I can trust them with this plan. (I hope). Elle, however, brought up the very good point that Jodi might be idoled, it's very obvious for us to go after her. SO we also decided that we should leave no votes on Brayden and then theres a revote between the two. SO TLDR THE PLAN RN: play chaos idol and coordinate votes so there's a revote between Jodi and Brayden. Also we're telling everyone else our plan is to vote Jared, that way it's not too obvious we have shit up our sleeve. there is the prospect of them splitting the vote 3-3 and then we don't even need to use the chaos idol, we just have the numbers. The other option is they put all 6 votes on one person and then we do have to play it. Thats why its so good we have Amy as our inside source telling us everything that's going on with them. so yeah right now we're still playing it by ear. not a lot of people are online and available to we're just waiting to get it all sorted out. Updates soon! uwu

Hahahahaha omfg so after we yeeted out of last tribal and then elle used their idol apparently anastasia and jodi changed their vote to Babs so they still went home and we kept Colin's idol. We jumped back on the tribe call and it was only host Jay and Raffy left lol like we were ready for a tribe fight! But I think it turned out better because I am still getting all the info in the group. Touchy subjects was interesting and almost exposed us bc colin and jodi tied for closest allies lol which I'm sure it was like 3-3-whatever. But she said I'm the group maybe it was like 2-2-1s. So that's a relief. However. Everyone is being really quiet with me and our brayden - jodi - me alliance is silent. I'm concerned they think it is me who's leaking but from what I can tell jodi (and thus anastasia, brayden,jay, and jared automatically) believe it was elle who leaked the plan to vote colin. So idk how but I'm in the clear. I'm just waiting to be found out bc I'd be an easy vote out. BUT I think they believe I'm still with new himym because brayden chose to give me immunity in touchy subjects!! And elle got first out!! So we are both safe and the current plan for Jodi's group is to tell Colin josh and elle they are splitting but they will put all votes on josh so that colin flushes his idol. Except lol it's a chaos idol. And if that's the case colin wants me to vote him ☠️ but it actually keeps him safe so I'll do it. I would just hate for the chaos idol to be fake. I think I know where all remaining advantages are except the idol I think Jared has lol. So for the break down brayden has an idol he believes is real but is fake and he is not telling anyone in the group or jodi or me so as much as I like brayden I can't wait to see him play it and it's fake. Then Colin has Dennis's chaos idol and one more regular idol. I have the merge idol and a steal a vote. That leaves only jared's idol that we might be able to flush this go if they actually believe jared is the target from Josh elle colin. But if they don't we can leave votes off jared and jodi and we can vote out the unplayed idol or vote jodi out and her minions have to regroup. My biggest concern has been josh bc he really seems to not like me ☠️ and here I am risking it all to keep colin, elle, and josh in the game lol. So now colin elle and I have a three. Colin filled them in and they trust me. And we waited until josh calmed down bc he was really mad that I cut his rope in the challenge. Unfortunately I knew that he wasn't winning bc he's at the bottom, none of them were giving him immunity, and I needed to keep up the facade that I was with them 100% so I was guessing like everyone else on the most allies even though I knew it would be colin lol. So now colin has talked to Josh and josh knows about the chaos idol so I just hope he's 100% with us. Because if we play this right it's 4-4. And then I'm gonna have to reveal to them I have a steal a vote lol they might be upset I didn't tell them before but I've never said I didn't have anything (except to jodi whoops). Also now jodi is thinking worst case like wants me to say I'll vote out anastasia if it's a revote and also at 6. I was like "oh I'm a revote? I got you" as in if vote you out sorry girl. Listen I know I'm not winning and I know I'm not getting to the end because it would be stupid to take me at this point. I'm literally a double agent secret spy lol. However the entire jury WILL despise me but all I could hope is they respect the moves I made. But it seems like a lot of people in this game take things very personal so I really think it would be a completely bitter jury against me not that I'm getting there. I kind of don't want to use my steal a vote at 8 and hope they still think I'm with new himym because then we could simply idol where their vote is and I keep steal a vote for 6 and my idol for 5 and I'm golden lol 😂. And here I was gonna hard quit the game lol. I mean tbh they could just vote me here... Wait lol I'm immune jk thanks. Literally i think Babs is indifferent and dennis did like me but his vote would still go to colin. But if I was in f3 IMAGINE the story of have to tell lol and convince them all. It's the struggle of playing more behind the scenes but I really think someone is going to leave the info. I hope josh stays quiet until 7 when we should have numbers. Anyway all of this to say I wanted to play this game doing the absolute minimum and I'm spending hours and hours a day like copy pasting from the group to colin 😂 and now to our group. The problem is colin really believed jared when he said he'd flip and I was like colin no that's EXACTLY what he detailed he'd do in the group. And then Colin and josh were like wait anastasia and brayden may consider flipping and here I was like no y'all they are telling me / us they're saying that. Unless it's like a double play they are lying to you and that's their plan. All I can do is copy paste their exact messages and hope they believe me. I really do think they trust me bc I'm risking my life here. I just need to talk to Josh and explain the situation and I am with him not against him! Honestly this is such a great cast and they are playing very well. It'll be fun to see how it all works out. I don't think I'll be at the end but I would love to see underdogs take it. I would actually love josh elle and Colin at the end and I'd vote colin to win lol he put in work! I'd also vote anastasia to win because she has laid low so well with still having pull in the game. Idk it's a fun one that I think will blow up on me soon but I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style bc I'm just here to have fun not to win actually lol. I am writing this while on a flight so I'll have updates later. Oh right our 4 group plan is to use the chaos idol and throw votes around so that like 2 or 3 people don't have votes then they are the only ones vulnerable in the revote and everyone who got votes is safe. Then we can vote either jared or jodi like that's the thing if jodi doesn't play an idol here I don't think she has one or no one is giving her one. I think my only chance to make it farther is to let the 4 group know I'm with them 100% but still keep my idol for myself hopefully until 6 or 5 but lol idk about that. Like I can see them wanting to take me out then. Okay that's all my thoughts right now.

https://youtu.be/ji7K8HkLmRY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Ru1J0iXYA&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/rVRVR2zzkPc

https://youtu.be/PAjCL7-GWV

[😬 Not me completely forgetting to send this oops here i'll add a fun quote at the beginning] Jodi is Regina George, we are the schoolbus✨ Sooooooo Colin has a chaos idol how fun for him and tbh im kinda tired so here's the voting plan and the rest you can just kinda glean: Amy - Josh Elle - Colin Josh - Anastasia Colin - Jay ~~~

Edgic:

Power Ranking:

Amy: She has managed to escape suspicion from last round. Nobody believes her to be the rat leaking things to Colin. She is in the best position in this game right now being on all sides and having every single option open to her.

Colin: King of idols. King of chaos. He has it all locked down. Has capitalized on those the Jodi side has burned. Will continue to capitalize on it. The power struglle ends here.

Elle: Mostly just floating behind Colin’s shield which is what she should be doing atm.

Josh: If he stays out of people’s periphery, he can make it far. Might be dragged to end, but could make a great pitch for himself.

Jay: Ruined his position with multiple people last round. Is sort of in the middle? Sort of not? He is definitely aligned with Anastasia and Brayden who are protecting him.

Brayden: If he betrays Jodi, he will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to become a free agent instead of being locked into an alliance.

Anastasia: If she betrays Jodi, she will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to step away from Brayden and Jay who are clouding her good judgment. She is being iced from the other side.

Jared: I don’t know why he is going to use his idol on Jodi? His loyalty to her will be his downfall.

Jodi: Seems to have accepted being voted out this round. Seems to have backed herself into a corner based on her logic. Too worried about advantages to see the right path.

[minblush]

i don't think people are picking on the chainsmokers because they're literally nobody and no one knows them except for their songs. i dont know their songs either tbh lol.

tbh i never even saw their faces before they took pics with bangtan, but i have heard their songs (like how can you not? those songs are HUGE and i don’t even follow american music tbh) and heard about them as people… eeh… yeah… i’d call them and their sexism problematic way more readily than what halsey is doing right now

more asks under read more! ;;

Anonymous said:please stop being like “people are picking on halsey because she’s a woman”. people don’t pick on the chainsmokers bc noboby actually knows who they are. and everyone here, or at least most of the fandom, loves tinashe to death and would be 100x more times happy if it was her or like kehlani, instead of halsey.

oh i would also definitely take kehlani over halsey any day myself! i’m not saying that it’s just because she’s a woman. but when it comes to this whole problematic thing… there is a double standard, i’m sorry i do believe that sexism is a factor because of the comments i’ve seen that are rooted in it by nature, if you aren’t fond of her for ~problematic~ behaviour in the past or even for being annoying (like i do lol) that is valid, i’m not taking it away from you, but the things i’ve seen people say… like i’m not cooking out of water you know, i have reasons as to why i said what i said… i try not to make made up blanket statements ._. also there is a stark contrast between how other people (men) were received when they interacted or tried interacting with the boys (pewdiepie had a much warmer response overall AND LIKE? IF YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES THEN YOU KNOW THAT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN THE CASE)… anyway, i just still don’t think that any of it is relevant when it comes to bangtan? halsey being “problematic” or disliked by people… you can personally dislike her but she would be of great benefit to them and the boys do like her and were so excited to meet her, but you are going to be like OH NO YOU ARE DUMB GUYS SHE’S PROBLEMATIC, i’d much prefer kehlani (especially music wise!) but i don’t think it’s inherently wrong for bangtan to work with halsey if it were to happen and i am happy for them, like the screaming “OMG NO NOT THAT SLUT” like? that is… not good… i think we should be pleased and happy for the boys getting connections like this for the many reasons i said before and i don’t want to repeat myself too much so i’ll leave it there

Anonymous said:halsey has kissed a lOT of underage fans (she even tweeted “I keep promising underage fans that I’m gonna make out with them. I am SO going to jail.” but she deleted it). her ghost and colors music videos are problematic. she also had a tweet saying “Asians multiply every year”. and honestly she “speaks” on black lives matter bc she considers herself biracial but “passes” as white (literally no one could tell if she wanst like gUYS PLEASE I HAVE A BLACK DAD I’M HALF BLACK!).

Anonymous said:halsey is a really problematic person though

sorry i’m just going to do a combined response. when it comes to the kissing etc… i already discussed most of this and my point is still the same, so i’m not going to repeat myself, you can go read my previous asks again for my opinion there. about the videos i don’t see…how those music videos are problematic, i just watched them cause I’M NOT A HALSEY FAN why is this happening to me dakjsd, but yeah like you could debate it but that is some very strict standards there, do you find bangtan problematic as well then? like cultural appropriation wise or whatever, since that seems to be your issue with the first one, i didn’t see much wrong with the second one… 

but yeah, that is my question, do you think bangtan are problematic? i assume you both are bangtan stans since you’re here akdjs… but because if these are your standards then bangtan also most definitely fit in there, especially if to you “problematic” is something that defines you for the rest of your life once you do a problematic thing. to go on a tangent… i just have a problem with that word i suppose… problematic… the issue with that word is that people call people like halsey problematic to define them for doing problematic things in the past even if they try they best in the present, and i don’t think that’s fair, because then they also call the same thing the people that are actively racist right now, people that are misogynist or homophobic right now, celebrities that are abusive and break the law etc, like how can you put someone who made yeah ugly racist comments and jokes when they were 15-17 or so but learned from it (and from quick googling apologized as well) in the same category as people like johnny depp, woody allen or chris brown? which is what i see happening? and also with all the “problematic favs” being thrown around? jennifer lawrence etc? 

i already said that i don’t even really like her, i’m just indifferent, and i’m not comfortable defending her because… she did some messy things and i don’t care for her and it wasn’t even my point, i find her grating and annoying and messy, i guess this is really about what the word means to you? i admitted i didn’t know about the asian comments, but i did for example know about her transphobic comments and my opinion is the same before and after… i justtt can’t get behind calling her problematic as a whole… 

she did say problematic things in the past i can agree there! people are definitely right there i can concede. but i don’t think she’s problematic as a person because to me that means someone who is actively “causing problems and refuses to correct their behaviour” ykwim… to me she seems actively trying to be a positive influence on the world RIGHT NOW and seems to have learned from what you mentioned, and i can appreciate that, that is one of the things i really appreciate about namjoon - reflection, growth, trying to make a positive difference, i could be always wrong but i prefer giving people the benefit of the doubt.. if she goes out and does something genuinely problematic tomorrow i’ll apologize to you personally. 

also if you’re gonna bring up her racial comments from so long ago and keep making it your point, are you going to do the same to namjoon? i’m curious. because i hate when other kpop fans use namjoon as the model for problematic idols, that’s why i’m cautious about treating other celebrities that way. you could pick out the messy and problematic things from anyone’s life and just write them off, bangtan included :/ so if you stan them i do find this sort of thing hypocritical. 

and last thing, about her race… i can’t even… like… you are going to erase her race because she is passing? or what do you mean? what is your point even????? there are black celebrities that never said a word about it, that’s why i brought it up, i know she’s biracial, was that your point? to like remove one of the positive things she does? are you really mocking her for trying to be socially active? she put herself out there to do the right thing, i don’t think it’s worth that sort of tone. i really don’t get your point of view. idek.. that is just way too cynical even for me. 

but yeah, i said several times that my point wasn’t really to discuss whether she’s problematic or not, i don’t think she is right now though, she was in the past and i think she is questionable and i have my opinion about her in general, you can find her problematic if you want i guess, that is just a matter of how you define the word, we can agree to disagree. my point was that she can be of benefit to the boys and i stand by that! she was extremely nice and respectful to them and the boys liked her too, we don’t need to ruin it for them

also i know this is a really long reply so if you want to discuss it more please send me asks on my ask.fm instead, tumblr can eat messages and it’s annoying in general, so it would be more comfortable there, thank you

Anonymous said:some of you really acting like bts can’t and shouldn’t meet new people or artists or god forbid made new friends like lmao chill, they ain’t gonna date halsey. she did done some problematic shit but saying that bts doing charity meeting her (i saw that on twt) or sth is disgusting. she clearly acted very friendly towards them and the boys were happy and comfortable. same goes with the chainsmokers, etc. stop acting gross just because you don’t like some artists and let bts do whatever they want

yeah see, i dislike the chainsmokers way more than how i feel about halsey, but i was still happy for them that they got to meet, because the boys like their music and it would be a big thing for them to get connections like that, the audience exposure is HUGE, when the boys can benefit and when the boys are happy, i’m happy, even if i personally dislike the people they’re meeting… i just don’t think it’s fair to push our standards and opinions on the boys and be like “no you shouldn’t work with them because i personally dislike them”, it’s about the music first and about how much new fans and success they could gain

[practoall-yahoopartner-blog]

Lighting Away the Darkness: Creating Happiness in Helpless Situations

"If you dont like where you are, move. Youre not a tree."

I often thought of this quote to be a very liberating and an empowering one. It gives us a not-so-gentle reminder that we have a choice to move away from the negativity, to change, to remove ourselves from something that isnt acceptable to us. It gives us the insight that the control is with us. That all we need is perhaps a little bit of courage to move away.

But what if, we choose to not move away. What if we take it as our duty to stay? Or what if the other alternative is not really better. While the above approach is a great way to look at things, it is not always pragmatic to apply it. After all, we cant move away from every adverse circumstance that comes our way, can we?

I have personally faced a number of these situations myself, and have seen many of my clients go through the same. It can be, well, debilitating to say the least. It starts to feel like you have no control, almost like being in tunnel feeling an overwhelming sense of helplessness, and not being able to see the end of it, and sometimes even doubting that there is an end to it.

So what do we do in these situations? And how do we prevent it from being further debilitating? How do we find happiness during those moments? In my experience as a psychologist, and having dealt with a number of clients with this issue, I thought Id list down a few pointers that can help you cope well in these situations.

Learned Helplessness

As a first step, it would be important to understand and check forlearned helplessness. Learned Helplessness was discovered in 1965 by psychologist Martin Seligman while he was studying the behaviour of dogs. This can lead a person to falsely believe that they are more powerless than they really are. This can lead to them making poor choices, resulting in a worse situation and a vicious cycle of depression sets in. We often become a victim of this phenomenon of Learned Helplessness without realising it. It is when a person begins to believe that they have no control over a situation, even when they do. It occurs when a person is repeatedly subjected to an aversive stimulus that it cannot escape. Eventually, the person stops trying to avoid the stimulus and behave as if he/she is utterly helpless to change the situations. Even when opportunities to escape are presented, this learned helplessness will prevent any action. The mantra of the person who suffers from Learned Helplessness is: "What's the point in trying? For instance, when a person does not vote and the thought process is it doesnt matter as things never change, or because politicians are evil on both sides, or one vote in several million doesnt count. Yeah, thats learned helplessness.

Theres a possibility that even you could be a victim of learned form of helplessness when you believe that there is no way out of your present situation. Because sometimes, the light at the end of a tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is. It will be important to test the validity of your belief by looking at it with a fresh perspective. Ask yourself if there actually is no way out. Brainstorm with a person you trust. Or, consult a therapist to gain deeper insight into it.

Adding Positivity

So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow. - Rainbow Rowell

Once you are certain that theres actually no way out of the situation at the moment, you may not have control over removing the negativity, but that doesnt mean that you cant add in some positives, right? It works just like a mathematical equation. Keep adding the positives and youll see that the negatives will automatically reduce as the end result. You can start with something as simple as taking a walk in the park, or pursuing a hobby, gymming, learning a new language. Just any little thing that gives you joy. Choose what is possible to do on a regular basis. It should ideally be something that you will look forward to, and give you joy for that time being, or at least distract your mind from the negative situation. Who knows you might reach a point when youre able to neutralise the final outcome too in no time.

Counting Happy Moments

Quite similar to counting your blessings. Except here you are actually recollecting the happy moments of the day over dinner or at bed before sleeping. Often in these helpless situations we end up being oblivious to the good things that are happening; we get so caught up with negativity that we end up overlooking the simple happy moments. Doing this exercise on a regular basis makes us more aware and appreciative of the good things that are happening. The exercise also gives us an insight on whether we are actually doing anything that can make us happy. Are we making any efforts? So on days when it becomes hard for you to find any happy moment, stop and reflect upon whether you are really doing things that make you happy. If not, then it's time to start actively doing little things that you enjoy. Having a long conversation with a good friend, listening to your favourite song, eating your favourite dish, smelling the flowers, dancing to songs without a care etc. Youd know better what makes you happy. And often it is not in the big things, but in these small little things only that we underestimate.

Keeping a Check on Your Thought Patterns

Dealing with a helpless adverse circumstance over a long period of time can often lead to self doubts, and other negative beliefs which may not be accurate. In psychological terms, we call it cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isnt really true. They are so habitual that the thinker often doesnt realize he or she has the power to change them. Many grow to believe thats just the way things are. Cognitive distortions can take a serious toll on ones mental health, leading to increased stress, depression, and anxiety. If left unchecked, these automatic thought patterns can become entrenched and may negatively influence the rational, logical way you make decisions. For instance, a person might tell themselves, I always fail when I try to do something new; I therefore fail at everything I try. This is an example of black or white (or polarized) thinking. The person is only seeing things in absolutes that if they fail at one thing, they must fail at all things. If they added, I must be a complete loser and failure to their thinking, that would also be an example of overgeneralization taking a failure at one specific task and generalizing it their very self and identity. The good news is that this can be corrected or restructured to having healthier thoughts with the help of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT).

One Step at a Time

Like they all say, it will be helpful to take a step by step approach. Getting through this difficult time/ situation may seem like a big task at the moment. Looking at all the things that need to be completed can overwhelm you, and can intimidate you. It is helpful to just think about what the next thing that you can do at the moment. Make short term goals and focus on achieving them rather than breaking your head over all the things you need to do to achieve the final outcome.

Prioritising the Self

Make sure you are your number one priority. Your biggest worry may be your parents, your spouse, or your child, and youre focusing all your energy on how to make them feel better and how to make things better for them. Thats something beautiful. But from time to time, it is good to remind yourself of the individual boundaries. Attachment is good, but enmeshment (excessive attachment) is very unhealthy for the individuals as well as the relationship you share with the other person. So remind yourself that you need to work on your own self first. Deal with your problems at the moment. This doesnt make you selfish but sensible, because as cliched as it may sound, you can actually help others only when you yourself are in a balanced state. You can spread happiness only when you are happy. So, it will be important to ensure your happiness, your psychological wellbeing before worrying about helping others. Once you have sorted your problems, and are in that stable, balanced self, it wont take much of an effort to help the rest.

I chose this!

Most importantly, when you see the situation as a choice that YOU have made, youll be surprised how your perception towards the entire situation changes from helplessness to feeling in control. Too often we blame other people or circumstances for our unhappiness and that is why we feel stuck and helpless. But the reality is we are where we are because we have chosen to be here. Jean Paul Sartre, renowned french philosopher who brought in the concept of existential freedom says you are freebecause you always have a choice, therefore choose(Sartre 2007). And the reality is YOU ARE always choosing, believe it or not! You make the choice to accept people or situations or not accept people or situations. You dislike the job you are doing but are sticking to it because YOU think it will look good on your CV. I cant leave the city because my family needs me. Here again, YOU are choosing to live with your family because well YOU care about their needs. The reasons could be varied why you choose what you choose but sometimes we forget that it is the choice that we ourselves have made consciously/subconsciously. Just remind yourself from time to time about your reason; say it out loud I chose this. Helplessness is an illusion, because you are the one in control, always.

Cant think of a better way of ending this post than with this profoundly empowering quote by Viktor Frankl, Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedomsto choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way.

So choose well you all. :)

This article was originally published on Practo Health Feed by Ms. Charvi Jain, Psychologist

More articles from Practo Health Feed

5 Tips That Can Protect You From Depression Excess Weight Might Affect Your Memory Pink Striped Casual: Have You Explored All Sides of You?