#except w delayed gratification

[padfootastic]

thank u for tagging me @roalinda <3

Come Deco My Tree!!!

this is so ridiculously adorable!!!

open tag for every single person who sees this (hit me up when u make ur tree!!!) bc i think everyone deserves a lil xmas treat

[le-fabuleux-destin]

tw ed

i think i have a problem w binge eating.... for a few months due to the stress of school (and yes during summer too) ive been delaying and delaying eating until like 5pm of the day, or if i had a light lunch then delay to 9 or 10pm at which i go crazy and eat 2x what i would for a regular meal, complemented with a lot of junk food

i didn't notice any bad effects except now i am easily nauseous.... i didn't gain or lose any weight but i can tell my muscle mass is just redistributing to fat now. i'm chubbier in the middle and generally weak...

now it's to the point where i feel terrible like an animal when i do it and i spend most of the day hungry and delaying gratification... i better get off this bad habit before i actually get an ed 😬😬😬

[mcubernthal]

Frank Castle NSFW Alphabet

You can find this on my AO3 along with all my other fics (link in bio), or search #raewroteit.

A = Aftercare Aftercare and post-coital cuddling are very important to Frank. To him, they’re a part of the sexual act; he would never neglect or ignore someone after sex, no matter the context. He’s touch starved, so he’s going to take every moment of that tired bliss and use it to be as close to his partner as humanly possible, making sure they’re comfortable and feeling okay physically and mentally.

B = Body part Frank has never really thought about the parts of himself that he likes. Everything about his body reminds him of how dangerous he can be -- his hands and arms and chest. He’s all boxy and brute strength. Maybe his thighs are okay. He likes the way they ache after leg day and the way his partner loves getting themself off by rutting against the strong muscle.

As for his partner, there’s not a single part of their body that Frank isn’t totally enamored with. The swoop of their neck is the perfect place to bite, leaving marks that they’ll try to hide in the morning to no avail; their jaw is sharp and always ready for the kisses that Frank never fails to pepper across it; their chest is Frank’s favorite pillow; their hips were made for him to hold on to; their legs are soft and what’s between them is even better. Frank is completely obsessed with his partner’s body and making sure they feel as beautiful as they are.

C = Cum Frank isn’t typically one to be very fascinated with cum, so he doesn’t have a particular preference. It would really be up to his partner. He wouldn’t have any qualms with cumming inside them or in their mouth, but if their partner wanted it somewhere less vanilla, like on their chest or ass, Frank might need some convincing. He’s usually a pretty clean person, so this might gross him out a little. It would take some getting used to, but if Frank knows that his partner enjoys something, it’ll excite him too. Their pleasure turns him on more than anything.

D = Dirty Secret Frank has always wanted to have outdoor sex with his partner, but he’s too nervous to ask. It seems so outlandish to him -- so nasty and simply not his style, but he can’t push the idea of fucking his partner against a tree out of his head. He loves the outdoors and he loves his partner. Having them both at the same time would be heaven to him.

E = Experience To be honest, Frank isn’t the most experienced when it comes to sex. He lost his virginity in high school to his only serious girlfriend. Then there was Maria. Then that one night with Beth. And now his current partner. Sure, he’s had sex plenty of times, and he knows what he likes, but he hasn’t been with many people, so first experiences are often awkward and trying. But once he gets to know his partner, what they like and how they fit together, everything would be smooth between them.

F = Favourite Position Contrary to popular belief, Frank is the Softest man in the world and also a Bottom. His favorite positions are whichever ones allow maximum skin on skin. He wants to hold hands, kiss lips, squeeze thighs, and caress hips. He loves to have his partner on top and in control of their own pleasure.

G = Goofy For the most part, Frank is serious. But with someone he loves, he allows himself to be more vulnerable and simply enjoy the moment. Sex can be awkward, and Frank has no problem with laughing it off and moving on. He likes when his partner throws out jokes spoken through moans. They laugh out of breath, they smile into kisses. It’s love. It’s safe for him to be himself here.

H = Hair He’s a military man. Frank keeps himself well groomed, trimmed but never shaved.

I = Intimacy There is no one on this earth who values intimacy more than Frank Castle. Sex is really important to him — he’s in it for love and his partner’s gratification, not his own selfishness. Sex is intimacy in his book. He wants every time to be something special because he wants his partner to be able to feel exactly how much he loves them.

J = Jack Off Frank is used to long periods of time away from his significant other, so he (as most are) is well versed in the art of self stimulation. He’s not a huge fan, though. For the most part, Frank only jerks himself off when he’s stressed or in need of release. Of course, there are nights when his significant other is on his mind and he’s in no position to see them any time soon. On those occasions, he’s got plenty of mental images (and maybe some physical ones, too) of his partner to get him through the night.

K = Kink Listen. That’s just not who he is. It’s been said before: Frank gets off on satisfying his partner. If there’s something that they like or really want to try, Frank would love to do it for them. Anything that would make his partner happy will make him happy.

L = Location He’s an old fashioned kind of guy. Nothing screams romance like Frank picking up his partner bridal style and getting them to the bedroom. He likes the couch and sometimes even the kitchen table when things are more light. It doesn’t really matter to Frank where he is as long as it’s somewhere comfortable for his partner and they can be in private.

M = Motivation His partner. The way they smile and the way they pout when they’re not getting what they want and the way they don’t put up with any of his bullshit. Once Frank falls in love, he falls hard. That man is someone brand new when he’s with someone who makes him happy. It’s not hard to get Frank excited. Anytime his significant other does something that tugs at his heartstrings (literally every twelve minutes), he can be ready for action.

N = NO Obviously, if it’s not something that his significant other wants, he’s not gonna touch it with a ten foot pole. But for himself, Frank isn’t a fan of painful punishments for his partner or degradation in any form. It feels too similar to the things he did when Agent Orange had his team torturing and killing innocents. He doesn’t ever want to bring violence home to his lover.

O = Oral Everyone likes getting sucked off, but Frank’s kink for his partner’s satisfaction makes him prefer giving head. The way their hips arch up off the bed and he has to hold them down to keep his angle right, the soft sounds they make just as they near their climax, the way they wrap their thighs around his head to keep him there (as if he was going anywhere). He loves everything about it.

P = Pace While Frank is never too rough with his lover, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t he doesn’t know how to pace himself. He’s an expert in the art of the deep stroke and will never cease to remind his partner of it. Maybe he’s more vanilla and less adventurous in the bedroom, but he’s got his partner memorized to a T and will do everything that they’ll love every time.

Q = Quickie Frank doesn’t always have a lot of time on his hands. Between his partner’s fairly normal life and his own rather turbulent one, he doesn’t always have the time or energy to take them to bed as often as he would like. So a nice quickie before his partner goes to work in the morning or in the shower before he goes out for the night is good for the soul.

R = Risk Experimentation is one thing, but risks are another. Frank would try lots of things (albeit hesitantly) if his partner was intrigued by the idea. Risks, though, aren’t for Frank — not here. He wouldn’t touch them in public or risk getting caught by their friends. The most obvious reason for that is his being a wanted criminal, but more than that, he respects the dignity of his partner too much for it. Also, he’s a jealous son of a bitch and would shoot someone in the face if they were looking at his partner in a way that is designated for his eyes only.

S = Stamina Let’s be honest — Frank has acquired a lot of injuries throughout his adult life. These as well as his age and basically constant state of exhaustion all play a part in his stamina not being the most spectacular. He can last an average amount of time, but his partner shouldn’t expect multiple rounds in one sitting. Two times in one day has happened, but it was hours apart.

T = Toy Frank isn’t a huge toy enthusiast during his sexual encounters with his lover, but he does encourage them to have toys of their own for when he’s not around. Frank knows that he’s gone more often than not, and he wants to make sure that his significant other is being taken care of no matter what.

U = Unfair Although it’s not very often, when Frank teases, it’s not in an unfair way, but a playful one. Even so, he learned how to delay orgasms when he realized how much Maria liked it, so it’s something he’s comfortable with and pretty good at. He doesn’t see that as teasing, though — that’s a different thing entirely.

V = Volume Frank is not a particularly loud person — he doesn’t moan, exactly, he talks. He may not know much, but one thing he’s sure of is that his voice is sexy. The occasional grunt and growl would be punctuated with phrases of encouragement and pleasure. (Take it. Just like that. Fuck, you’re so good. Take me so good. Don’t even deserve you. Fuck, I love you.)

W = Wild Card Frank Castle is a goddamn teddy bear. After sex, he’s wrapped like a koala around his lover. He’s heavy and his grip is tight and he’s emitting so much body heat, but his partner doesn’t have it in their heart to tell him to move. This is Frank at his most vulnerable. It’s when he’s in this position that he’ll talk about anything — Maria and the kids, his own childhood, war stories. Anything that’s on his mind. Anything that his partner asks about. He feels so safe here.

X = X-Ray Everything about Frank Castle is big. His dick is no exception. He’s about average length but thick. And he knows how to use it.

Y = Yearning His sex drive isn’t too crazy — he’s getting older and he’s never been any kind of sex addict. But he can pretty much always find it in him to want it. Nine times out of ten, if his partner wants him, he feels the same way. If Frank’s at home all week, then they’re probably going three or four times.

Z = ZZZ There’s horror behind his eyes. Sleep never comes easy for Frank, and after sex is no exception. Exhausted as he may be, he finds it hard to rest. He’d rather hold his partner and talk with them until they fall asleep. Maybe he’ll be able to rest his eyes for a couple of hours.

[berlinini]

Got the following ask (in 5 parts!!!) but messed up and had to delete the first part because it got published unanswered. Anyways here goes:

But don't you think villanising Harry here is unnecessary.You're right Louis' career is sabotaged by his label,but is it Harry who is doing that?Can Harry go and tell Sony to stop blacklisting Louis's music and promote for him,reupload Louis tracks on Spotify and ask radio stations to play his music when he's a client under them?Do you think Harry would have been able to show the magnitude of LGBT support if he was still tied to Syco.I agree he is stunty,loves sexual gratification and is playing under this double image of swinging both ways,but that's because he wants that fame,even during ot3 vs harry,you're right Harry chose everything over Louis but he chose it given the circumstances.He agrees he brought up the hiatus idea which was a few weeks after the pregnancy announcement,they both knew what was going to happen,they chose what was good for them.But you make it look like they hate each other,if them what was the point of the grand romantic gesture during MSG 2018 HS1 tour ? Still the One, If I could fly, Kacey outing Larry. Personally, I think it was efforts to bring back the relationship but failed at so and Louis' infamous "mutual respect" statement in the syndicated Dan W article makes that clear,he does mention that they still talk to each other and spend lot of time again in September 2019.If morals/ethics were the only sign of compatibility,then a lot of famous couples won't exist.Louis himself has been able to do a stunt-free documentary livestream,and a free concert without his marketing team connecting it to his personal life or backgrid pap walks or another shitty Sun article. Syco did delay his album only for Louis to include newer tracks,HSHQ did larry bait with the Louis the fish , but is it baiting if there was an actual relationship? Every famous artist is manufactured,Harry wants to be that one.He wants his fanbase to paint his canvased image the way they want, he loves to pose for pics, be the bisexual king and then the fuckboy the next day, he know's what he is doing. I don't like H as well, but his music has helped me through times, I admire his artistry and his performative ability. It's the same with Louis as well,except that Louis loves music, he wants a career, but he wants to stay on the ground, agree Larries can be toxic by the way think Louis to be but Louis is their comfort person and the fandom fave at the end of the day-<3, no hate to u

This is... a lot. I'm just gonna say of course Harry isn't on the phone making calls to the BBC so they don't play Louis' music or to Billboard so they don't write about anything related to Louis' musical aspirations. No one ever said Harry is actively sabotaging Louis.

There simply are... interesting questions about the way their solo career has been handled from 2015 to this day, including Louis' inability to gain mainstream media to pay attention to his accomplishments today - from his record-breaking livestream in December 2020 to the AFHF.

You said it yourself: Louis is their comfort person - be it for larries or OT5/OT4/directioners. There's always going to be a big part of the fandom that is drawn to him. The thing is, no one but Harry Styles was supposed to win the 1D Hunger Games... but Louis isn't disappearing and he's dividing fans' attention and loyalty. That's a problem - because in the end it's a monetary problem - for Sony/HSHQ. Hence the Larrybaiting, hence monitoring fandom to make sure Harry is still making everyone happy.

Food for thought: why is it that nothing is done by Louis' team to widen his fanbase? To gain fans outside of his ex-1D/larries mostly young and mostly female fanbase? Kinda looks like there's a strategy to have Louis' fans leave the fandom - frustrated by lack of content, lack of promo, lack of recognition. Which is what happened with his solo album taking so long to come out - a lot of people left (so I understand). Which is also happening with Larries stanning Louis for his personal made-up life but not for his music (you don't even have to like his music!) or making sure to stream Fine Line as much as Walls even tho Harry doesn't need those streams to be considered commercially successful.

Anyways, the problem is that Louis' fanbase isn't shrinking - to the contrary - and that Louies as stubborn as Louis and so... “If I’ve got these lot behind me, who the fuck is gonna stop us?”

[kimnjss]

Not me staying awake with a migraine and a ton of stuff to do tomorrow (today?) just to read the update sooner 👀💀

i jus wanna spend more time thirsting over Namjoon and Yoongi and loving Jimin (“nobody’s gonna want to sleep with a flunked our ex basketball star” get him Jiminie🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ) is all 🥺😍🥺

Except now I have to wait a whole ass like 22 hours for another update bc I have no concept of delayed gratification or sleep schedules 😔🙃

ah well catch me rereading your previous fics for the tenth time while I wait ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻

i don't even blame you ., i'm waay too in love w these guys in this fic . they're so different but yuup i love ever last one of them . jimin is my fave right now ., buut overall yoongi is !!

(next update is gonna be early in the day so you won't have to wait that long !)

[flauntpage]

Your Thursday Morning Roundup

Apparently Roger Goodell couldn’t bribe Jerry Jones with the NFL Draft.

The feud between the NFL Commissioner and the owner of the Dallas Cowboys has gotten testier now after reports last night that Jones has hired a lawyer and threatened to sue the NFL to try and stop Goodell from getting a contract extension:

Jones said in a conference call last Thursday with the six owners — those of the Chiefs, Falcons, Giants, Patriots, Steelers and Texans — that legal papers were drawn up and would be served this Friday if the committee did not scrap or delay its current plans to extend Goodell’s contract.

As of Wednesday, the owners and the league had not been sued.

Jones, who has owned the Cowboys since 1989, has been a nonvoting member of the committee that is considering Goodell’s contract, which expires at the end of the 2018 season. He has fought to have a say.

After Jones’s conference call last week, the six owners revoked his status as an ad hoc member of the compensation committee, which decides on pay packages for the top league officials.

Of course all of this stems from the Ezekiel Elliott case as the Cowboys’ star fights every week with injunctions and court appeals to delay and potentially overturn a six-game suspension that is looming over Elliott and Dallas. For now, Elliott is eligible to play, but is due in court today.

As you would expect, Goodell is not taking this well:

A person who spoke recently with Goodell said the commissioner is “furious” about Jones’ and other owners’ insistence that his next contract’s compensation should be more performance-based, including incentives that would allow him to be paid at roughly the same level of his current deal. “He feels as if the owners have made a lot of money and he should be compensated accordingly,” the source said. “The incentives thing really angers him.”

Maybe the 2018 season would start without Elliott or Goodell? That would be something most football fans would cheer about.

Let’s go.

The Roundup:

Philadelphia, the Major League Baseball community, and many others are still reeling after the tragic death of Roy Halladay on Tuesday. Kyle has a story, like many do, with Halladay. His Thank You post, in part:

The first ever post I wrote on this site was on the day the Phillies traded for him in December of 2009. I of course celebrated the arrival of Halladay but criticized Ruben Amaro for trading away Cliff Lee to make it happen. It’s a bad post. But it’s also one that quite literally changed my life, or at least my “career,” if that’s what you can call sitting at home blogging about sports.

I started multiple sites over the years, and none of them stuck. No one read them. But interest in Philly sports may have been at an all-time time high when the Phillies traded for Halladay. I figured I’d try one more time to start a website and see if I could make something of it.

I took to Facebook to create a Halladay fan page. At the time, you could be a fan of anything on Facebook– from a sausage link to a famous athlete. The social network wasn’t used for brand or official pages yet, and there were probably 10 or so dedicated to Halladay as a Phillie, but for some reason mine is the one that stuck, and it quickly amassed a few thousand fans, and then 10,000, and eventually more than 80,000.

I realized that I had a captive audience and that I could post links to my blog posts on the page. Despite the accusation of some Phillies bloggers at the time, I never posted as Roy or pretended to be him, I simply ran a fan page dedicated to him.

The readers I got from those early posts are the reason the site exists today.

Tom Verducci of Sports Illustrated also posted a great ode to Doc yesterday:

Just by being himself, Halladay somehow became the best pitcher in baseball with a dearth of attention. When I once asked him about such a rare achievement in this noisy world of sports, he replied, “It’s definitely by choice. For me the satisfaction is always the competition, and the self-gratification knowing you did something to the best of your ability and I think that’s all it will ever be for me. It’s not ever going to be who knows me and what do they think about me. It’s ultimately going to come down to how I went about doing my job.”

Never before or since have I seen ferocity of greatness combined with such humility. Halladay was the genuine article: a gentle, charitable soul with the most aggressive, attacking pitching style you could ever find.

Sadly an asshole in Boston mocked Halladay’s death.

TMZ Sports posted some pretty breathtaking videos from witnesses of Halladay’s flight and the crash aftermath.

The latest Crossing Broadcast dropped yesterday and was dedicated to Doc.

—

In hoops, the Sixers extended their winning streak to five games with a 104-97 win over the Jazz on Tuesday night. Our Sixers reporter Kevin Kinkead has his observations from the west-coast win:

It was January 9, 2012, the last time Philly won five games in a row. Andre Iguodala put up 20, 9, and 5 in a 96-86 win against the Pacers. Lou Williams added 13 off the bench and Tyler Hansbrough was still in the league.

So it’s been awhile since we’ve seen this kind of success, and I’m not still not even convinced they’ve played their best basketball this year. Again we saw Brett Brown’s team come flying out of the gates only to slump through an ugly 14-point second quarter.

But again they shot above 44% from three-point range and ripped off timely steals, blocks, and defensive stops. Again they outworked another team in their home building. Again and again and again. They just find a way to get it done despite the circumstances.

Jahlil Okafor played on Tuesday night, just his second appearance this season. HoopsRumors summarized the potential landing spots for the former Duke Blue Devil, should the Sixers trade him:

The Celtics are one obvious suitor, with an $8.4MM disabled player exception available to use on Okafor, but the Sixers seem unenthusiastic about sending the big man to a division rival. The Bulls and Hawks have been mentioned as possible landing spots, and it makes sense that rebuilding teams like those would be willing to take a shot on a player with Okafor’s pedigree. The Suns – another rebuilding club – reportedly has some interest in Okafor too. And the Bucks look like an ideal fit — they just traded Greg Monroe, and they’re armed with a $5MM trade exception that is the perfect size for Okafor’s $4,995,120 salary.

The team returns to action on Thursday night at the Sacramento Kings (2-8). Tip is at 10pm.

—

Back to the NFL, things are pretty quite on the Eagles front with the bye week and no media availability for a few days. NBC’s Tony Dungy probably wishes he was quiet, instead of talking about the Colts, on a hot mic.

Another team that is in disarray, the New York Giants, may be making some changes, sooner or later:

For the record, w/o giving him away, source showed up in my DMs around last offseason and has been right/wrong about a few Giants reports re: Free Agency and then the Draft. I'm not jumping the gun just yet, I just want to pass along what I'm hearing. https://t.co/EQ9uZJUEFK

— Dan Schneier (@DanSchneierNFL) November 8, 2017

Another report:

#Giants source says he would be "Shocked beyond belief" if Ben McAdoo were to be retained as HC for next year. Says "[Players] hate him, no one trusts him…he's only out for himself."

— Benjamin Allbright (@AllbrightNFL) November 8, 2017

If you don’t have an NFL RedZone or Sunday Ticket package, on cable, you’ll get Pittsburgh-Indianapolis, Minnesota-Washington, and Dallas-Atlanta this sans-Eagles Sunday.

—

Have you missed the Flyers yet? They return to the ice tonight against the Chicago Blackhawks at 7pm. There will be a moment of silence for Roy Halladay.

Meanwhile Danick Martel has been crushing it for the Phantoms as he scored in his sixth straight game in Lehigh Valley’s win on Wednesday. Martel leads the AHL with 14 goals on the young season to help the Phantoms jump out to a 9-3-2 season.

—

In non-sports news…

A woman got each of her 20(!!) boyfriends to buy her a new iPhone 7s…the best part? She sold them and used a the money for a down payment on a house. Baller move.

AT&T has to make a decision, to keep CNN or buy Time Warner?

Facebook is testing a way to prevent your ex from posting revenge porn videos/photos of you. It’s solution? Upload a nude photo of yourself.

The State Trooper who was shot on Tuesday was ID’d yesterday.

Barack Obama was in Chicago on Wednesday to report for jury duty.

Your Thursday Morning Roundup published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[philprovencio]

I was reared n’ raised in a lil cowboy beach town in Southern California in a sweet and spirited brood of five. My father, Robert, a 100% Italian man, valued hard work, discipline, sports, puns, pranks, and thin crust pizza. My mother, a Scandinavian woman from Palos Verdes, California – and a smaller, hotter version of me – valued family, a wacky sensibility, bein’ a bold bitch, “cheese chips”, and water skiing. They had two boys before me. Two wild men whom I followed like a short and stout shadow in red converse. I blindly did whatever they did and wished only to share air with them. I silently watched them play video games for many years in a bean bag chair in the corner of the room like a tiny Grim Reaper. My family was also extremely sports focused and so I threw myself into sports in order to gain the approval of my blood. I later wanted to be the first woman in the NFL, but never made it due to size issues, I think. Anyway, when that didn’t happen, I moved on with my life and eventually dated a guy who did comedy and was first introduced to the world. It was and still is the worst thing that ever happened to my parents. I then moved to New York, broke up with that dude, and was interning at W Magazine when I saw Michael Che perform at Knitting Factory. I pitched an article on him (his first one!) and he graciously answered all these questions about starting comedy. I got on stage for the first time a week later.

I really love my family. They are actually my favorite thing to talk about. I think they’re all such interesting and smart and bizarre people. Each one of them is so different, it’s wild. The best thing about my family is how fiercely loyal everyone is. We are like a ferocious army, except we have nobody to fight and we just hug and text and talk about food a lot. My main beef with them is that they are all phone call people and I have to tell them, “sorry boys, but I like to let my fingers do the talking. And don’t even think about FaceTiming me okay, don’t be a psycho.”

I have an extremely high vertical leap. Honestly, still a major shock that I am not a highly successful wide receiver in the National Football League. I coulda’ truly jumped over fools and had all sorts of miraculous one-handed catches that would have moved the sport forward to a place it would have been otherwise unable to reach without my never-before-seen prowess. And I also woulda’ beat less women.

New York has been incredible for me. When I came here I was the most sheltered, scared, ignorant white woman. And now I am a much more broadened, always learning, young, male skateboarder who is exposed to all types of people from every place in the world. I am much happier now that I know about all these others things that exist. Like automated food delivery and people shitting on public transit. Also, I have pubic hair now which is big cuz I think you get kicked out of Orange County if you have it as a young female. They have traffic stops there to see if you have a bush and if you do, you get kicked out on a surf bus.

Hmmm, it is very hard to try and categorize or describe myself. I like to think I am a classic joke writer of set-up/punch, but then everyone else always uses words like “bizarre” and “nuts”. Some people have told me they see an influence of Sam Kinison, but I have never seen his comedy. I am going to check it out though.

The truth is I did set a lot of money on fire by going to grad school for fiction writing. That’s why I moved to New York in the first place. But I started comedy right when I started grad school and I learned that one of the two involved way less delayed gratification. I finished grad school and now have an MFA which my dad says is a degree for people who don’t want to get a job. I think I will go back to writing fiction when my knees start hurting too much to walk on stage.

On her brand new live show, Dear Owen Wilson

Yes, Owen is my brother. He is not my brother – I already told you about them earlier – but rather a famous actor whom I have followed closely for years and am also attracted to sexually. I just always loved him so much and have thought he is such an incredibly compelling weirdo that I can’t take my eyes off him up on the big screen. Anyway, in 2007, after a devastating breakup with Jennifer Aniston, he had his suicide attempt. I was so sad about it that I wrote him a letter telling him I hoped he feels better and that I loved and appreciated him and all the laughs he had given us. Awhile ago, I thought it would be interesting to hear other comedians speak about the celebrities who impacted them growing up and so that’s how Dear Owen Wilson was born. I have stand up, music, and wild ass comics reading beautiful and hilarious letters to their favorite celebrities. I think it’s a super cool way to get to know your favorite comedians on a deeper level. So yeah, it’s a bonkers show and I hope you will all check it out and let yourselves experience joy. The next one is Wednesday, September 20th at 8 pm at Littlefield in Brooklyn! It’s gonna be the best night of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finishing the phrase “I can die happy if…”

If Roger Goodell picks up his fucking phone and gives me the damn call I have been waiting for. Just kidding. I will die happy if I have a large kitchen (with an island), a cool ass dog, a garden, and lot’s of beautiful time spent with my family and friends. AND if I voice a role on a smash hit cartoon that goes on to run for no less than 20 years.

Favorite Joke

Okay, stop reading if you are my mom, my dad, my brothers, or my grandma, but the first thing that pops in my head is Kristen Schaal’s joke “The most important quality I look for in a man is he’s got to have a sense of humor….about his enormous cock.” Haha, it makes me laugh every time! Also, I love Eddie Pepitone a lot. And Leslie Jones. And also some local people that are making me laugh hard right now: Yamaneika Saunders, Jessica Kirson, Amber Nelson, Rob Haze, Alex Pavone, Stavros Halkias, Dan Licata, John Early.

I have a podcast called How To Be A Beefy Woman where we talk about all things related to food, embarrassing stories/shame and how you would live if you got really rich and famous. I also have a show, Nacho Bitches, with Corinne Fisher of Guys We Fucked fame every month at New York Comedy Club. It’s the most fun part of every month. I also have an ongoing segment on my Instagram (@blairsocci) called Blairy Potter Positivity Hour where I talk about all the things I am grateful for every week.

A nacho bitch, hmmm, well it is the name of our long running show as previously stated. We used to serve free nachos at every show, but then we let fame change us. Anyway, I love nachos with everything on them. Lot’s of various sauces and jalapenos and beans and meats, the kind that fuck up your fingers and make you need to take a shower after.

Look, if you have made it this far, the main thing I want you to take away from this article is that you should come to “Dear Owen Wilson” this Wednesday, September 20th, at Littlefield at 8 pm. You can buy tickets here. It’s gonna be an incredible show with no less than three SNL cast members and one of those is Michael Che, whom I partially owe my start in comedy to. So all of this has really come full circle, you know?