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lambden · 3 years

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Here’s some belated Geraskier fic that I finally get to post, as last week’s flash fic challenge has wrapped up! This was originally published anonymously; kudos to those of you who guessed that I was the author. Head to the collection to see the picture prompt that inspired this, as well as view the other works. I've been having a great time participating in fandom events like this; I promise there's more on the way!!! (Read on AO3)

Up To Date

prompt: "You were so hot that when you asked if I was the blind date you were looking for, I lied and said yes. But then your actual date comes up to introduce themselves and I'm so embarrassed."

G, 2.3K words, modern AU, Geralt/Jaskier

It shouldn’t be this difficult to find inspiration. He never used to struggle like this in high school, finding his muse in everyone and everything. Even his mundane trip on the city bus to and from school would give Jaskier hundreds of ideas, for poems too personal to publish or lyrics too deep for his band to use. Back then he had thought he lacked discipline and experience, so the clear choice had been to take his interest in poetry one step further and go to university.

The problem, as he’s now discovering halfway through his second year, is that he maybe hates university. He loves it, of course; he loves the praise from his professors and peers, he loves learning about the history of literature and art. He even loves the academic rivalries that wax and wane every term, and the competitions that ignite a mean streak in him he didn’t know he had.

But his assignments are of worse quality than anything he’s ever written before, and try as he might, they aren’t getting any better. Putting words on the page just to meet a count is impossible for a poet, not when the space and thoughts and images are all supposed to be cohesive. Poems used to flow from him so freely he hadn’t been able to keep track and now his well of motivation has just about run dry.

That’s what led him here, for the third time this week. His creative dysfunction has forced him into the day-to-day habits of an elderly man who spends his days reading in public gardens. It hasn’t helped so far, but maybe this third time will be the charm. Jaskier finds his favorite place: right by the koi pond, next to a strange art installation with ivy crawling along it. He sits at the base of the giant question mark, dropping his backpack onto the bench beside him.

“This better fucking work,” mutters Jaskier to himself and the koi, opening today’s book to a random poem. He refuses to let his mind wander at first, gluing his eyes to the page and reading with intense intent. The first poem he sees is about love.

Groaning, Jaskier flips the page. The next poem is also about love.

The third poem is about war, and Jaskier thinks that might be alright, until he realizes what this long-dead poet is trying to tell him, which is that war is also about love. Because it is, of course, but also of course it is. Jaskier scowls deeply and flips through the book to a random page, hoping to find something to spark inspiration that won’t just make him feel hopeless and single and hopelessly single.

Before Jaskier can get through the title, someone speaks to him, startling him so badly he jumps. “Are you Yennefer’s friend?”

Jaskier scrambles to catch the book by its cover and nearly drops it. He hadn’t even heard anyone approach. “Sorry?”

The stranger audibly sighs, as if Jaskier has inconvenienced him terribly. With all the force of someone announcing their presence at their own death row, he grits out, “I’m here for a blind date she set up. With you.” Jaskier looks up at the man and sees him wearing a blank expression, pointing at the question mark in front of the bench. “By the thing.”

“Oh,” Jaskier says, still looking at the man. It takes a second for the words to sink in because the stranger is perhaps the most handsome person Jaskier has ever seen. He could write a thousand poems and still fail to capture his beauty. He has golden eyes, for one, and a sharply chiseled face. Even grimacing like this, his jaw is set in the loveliest way, and his stern brow is framed by platinum white hair, half-tied up. He’s wearing a fairly gloomy outfit for a blind date, but maybe he told whoever Yennefer is that he would be dressed in black. Regardless, he’s making it work.

The gorgeous stranger is still waiting for an answer, scowl worsening as Jaskier tries to make his decision about how the fuck to handle this. Really, there’s no decision at all— he just impulsively takes the leap. All his best ideas come when he’s stumbling forward blind anyway. “Yes,” he finally says, jumping to his feet. “Yes, um, I’m sorry, you caught me off-guard. I’m Jaskier.”

“Geralt.” They’re of a similar height, but Geralt is so much wider. Jaskier wants to climb him like ivy on a question mark. “I’m sorry I interrupted.”

“It’s fine! I got here a while ago. You know, can’t be too early!” Jaskier has never been early for anything in his life. He sits down again and shoves his books into his bag as quickly as he can. Geralt shifts his weight back and forth between his feet before awkwardly sitting on the bench next to Jaskier, looking out at the garden. “I’ve never done this kind of thing before,” he admits, which is true. His usual lies and schemes are much less chaotic.

Geralt doesn’t reply to that, leaving Jaskier to privately wonder about his dating life. He stares at the plants, giving the impression that he might be hideously nervous. Jaskier has no idea why someone like Geralt would be nervous about anything but it’s an awkward situation, to say the least. Right as Jaskier’s about to suggest they get out of here before Geralt’s real date shows up, the man asks, “What were you reading?”

“I was studying, sort of,” Jaskier says. “I’m a student.” Then abruptly he wonders how much Geralt knows about who he’s supposed to be, and he swallows, pulse racing.

Glancing over, Geralt’s yellow eyes meet his. There’s no obvious doubt there, just a curiosity. “What’s your major?”

“Poetry,” Jaskier grins as their conversation starts to pick up something resembling a rhythm. “What about you, are you in school?”

“No,” says Geralt, cutting his dreams of a normal date conversation short. “Are you any good? At writing poetry?”

What a weirdo. Jaskier’s heart thrums. “I’d like to think so!” This, at least, is something he knows how to talk about. Except, of course, it isn’t really the truth. “Well�� recently, I’ve been in a bit of a creative rut. Just waiting for the right burst of inspiration to come along.” Perhaps this blind date that he’s stolen will suffice, but he doesn’t say that. “This place is great for that, actually. I mean, it hasn’t worked yet, but I’m sure any day those fish will sing for me.”

Geralt blinks. Jaskier feels a bead of sweat run down the back of his neck. He tries a different tactic, crossing his ankles and asking politely, “Are you a reader? What kind of things do you enjoy?”

“Nonfiction,” Geralt answers, slightly stilted. His gaze drifts over to the plants once more. “Not biographies, more like… encyclopedias and field journals. I like field journals.”

“Alright,” Jaskier says, shrinking into himself. This is going terribly. “I’ll have to go bribe some scientists for their field journals, then.” The corner of Geralt’s lip twitches, and Jaskier’s stomach flips. Gorgeous and weird and maybe, although he’s trying his best to hide it behind seven layers of nerves, maybe a little amused by Jaskier. Jaskier is going to fuck him right here in the garden. “Do you take journals of your own for work?”

A rather roundabout way of asking ‘what the fuck is it that you do’ but somehow, it lands. “I’m a… researcher,” Geralt mumbles. How very vague. “But I don’t publish my findings very often.”

Jaskier raises an eyebrow. “Do you work… for a company?”

“No.”

“Right. So you’re just keeping all your findings to yourself for no good reason at all.”

“No.”

“Then it sounds like you’re a pretty terrible researcher, actually.”

Geralt’s eyes flash as he turns to glare at Jaskier. “What?”

“Well, if you don’t share what you’ve found with anyone—”

“My… colleagues—”

“Aha! So you have colleagues!” Jaskier pokes Geralt’s side. “You aren’t just holed up in some depressing storage unit with months and months of research just for you.”

Once more, Geralt half-smirks. Not even half— more like a one-fifth smirk. “Years,” he admits.

“Years…” Jaskier tilts his head to the side thoughtfully. “Why do I have the feeling that you’re perhaps a significant number of years older than me?”

“I had the same thought when I saw you sitting here,” Geralt mumbles.

Jaskier snorts. “Seems like something Yennefer should have warned us about, perhaps. I would ask you directly how old you are, but I’m fairly certain that the only response I will get is a very gruff no.”

“No,” says Geralt, nearly smiling.

Making a show of pouting, Jaskier folds his arms over his chest. “Is that your favorite word?”

“No.” Geralt breaks into laughter as he repeats himself, and his whole face lights up with it. Jaskier laughs too, delighted by how joyous Geralt looks. He’s even more beautiful when he’s happy like this, and Jaskier wants very badly for this not to be their last date. “If I tell you my favorite word, you’re bound to judge me for it, as a poet.”

“As a poet, I swear not to mock you,” Jaskier raises his hand to cover his heart, barely restraining himself from grinning.

But before Geralt can share whatever it is, someone else approaches their bench. A second stranger— a woman about his height with short brown hair, wearing a pretty blouse. Jaskier notices her much more quickly than he’d noticed Geralt, and he makes the connection instantly. This can’t possibly end well.

“Oh, Yen wasn’t kidding,” says the stranger, eyeing Geralt. “You are very distinctive!”

Geralt stares back at her, slack-jawed for a moment. “What?”

“I’m Renfri,” Geralt’s date introduces herself. Jaskier wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole, especially when she glances over at him. Her gaze slides back to Geralt, as does Jaskier’s, and yeah, he is very fucking distinctive with that white hair and those yellow eyes. Damn. “My friend Yennefer set us up for a blind date…?”

As Jaskier contemplates throwing himself into the koi pond, Geralt twists to stare at him. Jaskier can only imagine how mortified he must look right now; his face burns as both Renfri and Geralt look his way. Perhaps Renfri will figure it out before Geralt says anything; she looks like a smart woman.

But Geralt just gets up, dusting himself off and shaking his head. “No,” he tells Renfri, which would almost be funny if it weren’t the weirdest thing Jaskier has ever seen anyone do. Then Geralt leaves, turning to walk away from both of them, leaving Jaskier and Renfri alone together in the garden. Renfri frowns, watching him go with obvious increasing confusion. Jaskier also jumps to his feet, equally confused but determined not to lose sight of Geralt.

He chases the man— and it does feel like a chase, Geralt must be fucking speed-walking away— and finally tracks him down well outside the garden. Geralt is thundering down a set of stairs leading to a parking lot and he doesn’t stop at the sound of Jaskier careening towards him. Only when Jaskier desperately calls his name does he finally stop, slowing until he reaches the bottom landing and then standing there, still.

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier calls down the stairs, breathless. He begins to descend them but Geralt doesn’t turn around. “Fuck, you’re fast! Shit. I’m sorry, Geralt.”

Without looking his way, Geralt complains, so quietly that Jaskier nearly misses it, “Yennefer is going to kill me.”

“I would have fucked off,” Jaskier says quickly, hurrying down the rest of the steps until he gets to the bottom. Geralt still doesn’t look at him so Jaskier slides none-too-gracefully into his space, demanding his attention. He’s hardly red in the face or anything, but he looks embarrassed. Jaskier crumbles. “I’m sorry. I— seriously, I don’t care, I would have fucked off. I should’ve left, I should’ve— You should go back there, she’s beautiful!”

Geralt’s nostrils flare but he doesn’t look away. “Why did you lie,” he demands, flat.

“Well,” Jaskier deflates. “Um. You’re beautiful.”

“Hmm.”

“I really am sorry,” he offers.

Geralt, still watching him closely, says, “You don’t sound sorry.”

“What do you want me to do?” Jaskier throws his hands in the air, breaking away from Geralt’s stare— in the greenhouse, surrounded by bright lights and open, manmade nature, it had been easy to sit under the weight of Geralt’s eyes on him. Down here, at the end of a staircase and the entrance to a dark garage, chest still heaving, it feels too intimate. He puts some distance between them, sighing. “You want me to go back there and explain the whole situation to poor Renfri?”

When Jaskier finally turns around again, Geralt’s gaze hasn’t left him. “I want you to come have dinner with me instead,” he says, slowly but purposefully.

“Oh,” breathes Jaskier. “That’s— well, if you want that.”

“I already made a reservation for two. My name’s on the list.” Geralt is fidgeting with the end of his sleeve at first but when he approaches Jaskier he drops it, striding forward without hesitating. “Table for Geralt and one young brunet friend of Yennefer’s.”

Jaskier chokes on his own surprised laugh. “I don’t actually know Yennefer,” he needlessly explains.

“She’s going to hate you,” says Geralt, half-smirking, and then he adds, “Well, she’ll hate both of us now.”

They get to the restaurant twenty minutes late, Geralt’s hair mussed up and lips a bitten red and Jaskier wearing his backpack and a shit-eating grin. The host sees them and immediately tells them their table has been cancelled, and they end up getting terrible two-dollar slices from a hole-in-the-wall pizza place. They eat on the way back to Geralt’s car and then he drives Jaskier back to campus, kissing him soundly in the door to his apartment until Priscilla comes home and yells at Jaskier to get a room. As they squabble Geralt apologizes, polite and nervous, and kisses Jaskier’s cheek and tells him it was nice to meet him.

Jaskier goes inside and spends the next thirteen hours writing the best poetry he will ever write.

#my writing #geraskier fic #geraskier #flash fic challenge #events

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tartagilicious · 4 years

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[CN] Lucien’s Birthday Date 2020 (eng translation)

💌 this is coupled with a rumours and secrets that I’ll publish in the next day or so! they’re connected, but context is not extremely necessary to understand the date.

—

Today is Lucien’s birthday. But what’s different from the days in the past is that today is a more special day. In the morning, he’ll report on the topics that he has studied for many years. On the projection screen, a series of large characters detailing, “Monthly Injured Patient’s Cognitive Change of Different Emotions and Intervention Measures for Emotion Recognition After Injury.” are displayed.

I sat quietly in the back of the lecture hall, watching Lucien walk into the lecture hall. After getting to know Lucien, I know that he’s always been studying many things himself. Although I don’t quite understand his subject, through the whispers of the audience, I know that this is one of the major issues that have been valued by the brain science community, and has yet to be resolved.

Lucien stood in a formal suit on the stage, and looked down around the seating area. He stopped for a few moments while looking in the direction I was, then walked to the podium.

Lucien: About twenty years ago, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), the cognition of a traumatic lunatic injury, was a topic that was of not much concern to anyone. Usually people think that this is a treatment experience, or the baggage is caused by the patient’s own psychological changes.

Lucien: In a 2012 study, it is estimated that 54-60 million people worldwide suffer from TBI each year. 2.2-3.6 million people suffer from moderate to severe damage each year. In recent years, with the advancement of science and technology, we have been able to monitor the changes in various physical data of patients with brain injury by using high-end equipment.

Lucien: We found that emotional changes are cognitions in traditional psychology. It may be caused by physiological changes in the patient’s brain itself. Therefore, along this line of thinking, I conducted an in-depth research plan on the mechanism of emotional cognitive changes in TBI patients to determine the principle of change.

Lucien: Based on the guidance of the research results, intervention measures for post-injury emotion recognition for TBI patients was also formulated.

Lucien dropped each word calmly and carefully with his speech. The report on the screen is displayed neatly page by page. Most of the people below the venue’s stage were quiet, and except for the sound of rustling pages.

Lucien: People with TBI may also experience their anxiety increasing after living with TBI. After TBI, anxiety may aggravate other cognitive dysfunctions. For example, the ability to recognise emotions. Compared with positive emotions, it is more difficult for people with TBI to recognise negative emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness.

Lucien: Next, I will introduce the data based on a group of 25 participants.

In the lecture hall, scholars and researchers from all over the world are witnessing this together. How many years of research did it take to get to this moment?

I was in the last row of the lecture hall, so i secretly photographed Lucien and inserted it into our commemorative album,

It was noon when Lucien left the research venue. I left the building early and waited at the door, carrying a box of cake and a bouquet of flowers. When seeing him, I solemnly handed over the bouquet.

MC: Professor Xu, that’s hard work.

Lucien glanced at the cake box in my hand. His eyes fell on my calm face and his eyes squinted thoughtfully before taking the bouquet.

Lucien: Are you planning to “surprise” me with this year’s gift?

MC: This bouquet of flowers is for Professor Xu’s hard work, not a birthday gift.

I smiled and raised the box of cake in my hand, and sincerely looked directly at Lucien.

MC: But sometimes, the surprise isn’t so foreseeable, and is more unexpected and magical. Anyways, every time I make a small move, you’ll guess at the end. So, it’s better to go the other way to be more generous. I hope this year’s birthday, everything will start with you.

Lucien: So… I can do anything today?

The voice is a little low in the autumn breeze, like a fallen leaf kissing the water’s surface. Meeting his gaze, I nodded happily.

MC: Today is the third birthday I’ll be able to celebrate with you, and is the day when your years of research has temporarily come to an end. On such a special day, your mood is the most important!

MC: I want to accompany you to do all of the things you want to do, instead of letting you meet my expectations. In order to deal with various different situations, I made sure to make a special heat preservation and storage for the cake.

Lucien: If i want to do many things, will it be a big trouble?

MC: It’s your birthday today, it’s principle to accept the wants of others freely.

Lucien: So what if there are a lot of things and we can’t finish them today?

MC: Then we’ll do them tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after that tomorrow, and continue until we finish. Anyway, I have a lot of time. So you don’t have to think too much, you can just do whatever you want.

Lucien slowly blinked after hearing my answer. He lowered my eyes, not knowing what he was thinking.

A few days before the report, Lucien was more silent than usual. I didn’t have much work, so I just stayed quietly by his side.

The autumn leaves rustled. Lucien raised his hand to straighten my hair tossed by the wind and then touched his forehead to mine.

Lucien: That…. Are you capable of being unhappy?

A few words slipped quietly into my ears, making me a bit stunned. Lucien’s expression is still very pale. The corners of his raised mouth kept a fixed arc, and his eyes are brightened by the autumn light as they look straight at me.

I couldn’t help but take a breath. The cool greenery smells like flowers June, filling my whole heart and swelling my lungs.

MC: Of course I am.

Lucien breathed after hearing my answer, his mouth opening for a moment.

MC: Although I hope that on your birthday, you will be happy. But if you aren’t happy, I’ll be unhappy with you. I will be with you. I;ll spend all the unhappy times with you, so we can wait for the moment when happiness comes together.

“Happy Birthday” should be a blessing, not a shackle.

Lucien smiled. The bright autumn colours covered his eyes. It was just like the moment he explained on stage just minutes ago. I shook the cake box.

MC: So, where does Professor Xu want to spend this special day?

He raised his head and looked deeply into the distance.

Lucien: I thought of a place, but it’s a little far away. Would you like to go with me?

MC: Of course!

After a few hours’ drive, we came to an old street. Although it’s old, it seems like it’s constantly being repaired and refurbished. I visited this same place once when I was very young, and today’s scene is completely different from my vague memory.

People have soft memories of the old city always renovating every stone tile. Everything that had originally been put up is slowly being watered down. Until one day, quietly at the time, Lucien’s memory had always been good, but this time it seems to be slightly slow.

He would stop at a certain street corner and glance indifferently; he would also look around at the fork quietly, as if the choice was not in his memory.

I followed him quietly down the paved road. We climbed the ramp and went around for a long time. After a few confirmations, Lucien finally stopped. In front of us is a silent and empty space.

I secretly peeked at Lucien and found that his expression was still clear. It’s like looking into the distance without seeing anything in front of you. Across this open space, his eyes are vacant.

I retracted my eyes, also staring at the clearing in front of us. I feel faintly that I can guess where this place is.

Lucien: ___, let’s go sit there for a while.

Lucien pointed to a bench facing the clearing. I took his hand and sat there with him. The midday afternoon in late autumn was a bit cold, and the whole world was so quiet that the only sounds were our breathing, the exhaled white mist whirling in the air and disappearing silently.

I looked at the clearing, imagining what it once looked like. Maybe it used to hold a small bungalow in the old days, or it may have been a courtyard.

Lucien: There used to be a small bungalow here, do you know what it was like?

Lucien’s voice suddenly sounded. I was stunned, and momentarily even wondered if my imagination had a distinct sound to him.

MC: I saw that kind of house when I was a kid, but I can’t remember exactly.

Lucien: The bricks of the house were a little mottled white, and the roof was covered with red tiles. Because it’s on the hillside, they often blow away. On special occasions, a row of small blue and white flags would be hung on the leaves. When the leaves blew, it looked beautiful when sitting in the courtyard.

Following Lucien’s description, I closed my eyes while imagining the open space.

I felt Lucien holding my hand, and he wound our fingers together, holding them as close as possible. I was about to open my eyes when Lucien’s voice continued.

Lucien: Open the gate outside, you can walk into the yard.

MC: Will there be flowers in the yard? Lucien: Yes, there is a row of small flower beds on the left, but the owner is always busy, they often forget to water them. So, they don’t look too healthy. The door is in front of you. When you open it, there’ll be an occasional squeaking sound.

I nodded subconsciously, feeling as if I had really walked through the small yard and opened the door. Some stale air was opened along with it, welcoming the return of a long-lost gentle memory.

MC: What about after opening the door? There is an ordinary entryway. Where does ___ want to go?

MC: (you can choose between left, right, forward, and upstairs) I want to go right.

Lucien: On the right is the living room. Although it’s called the living room, there are actually bookshelves everywhere.

MC: Is there no study?

Lucien: In fact, it’s because the study can’t fit those books that the living room has filled up a bit. In the centre is a very soft sofa. In autumn, sunlight will shine through the floor-to-ceiling windows to the sofa.

Lucien: There is a set of very expensive speakers on the opposite side of the sofa. It was specially bought by the little boy’s father for the purpose of listening to classical music.

MC: It must be very comfortable to listen to music while reading a book on the sofa.

Lucien: Actually… the most comfortable place is the rocking chair by the french windows.

I felt a familiar temperature on my left side pushing slightly into me. Lucien seemed to have adjusted his posture to be leaning onto my shoulder.

Lucien: To the little boy in this house, the rocking chair at that time was just the right size for him. When he was tired from reading, he could turn over and sleep with a book. When the weather is good, the rocking chair will be gently moved by the wind.

I seem to be standing in the living room wrapped by bookshelves, and staring at the floor-to-ceiling windows. There was a small child, hugging the book in his hand tightly, and curled up in a slightly swaying rocking chair, sleeping in the brilliant autumn light.

Maybe it’s just an ordinary dream, like his peaceful daily life, gentle and precious.

We returned to the hallway again.

Lucien: There is an ordinary entrance, where does ___ want to go?

MC: (given the same options, left, right, forward, and upstairs) I want to see the upstairs.

Lucien: There will be a staircase through the living room. When you step on the board, it will creak. Immediately after going upstairs, you will see a small living room.

MC: Is it also full of bookshelves?

Lucien smiled, soft laughter in my ears.

Lucien: Unfortunately, you’ve guessed correctly. Maybe I’ve remembered it wrongly, but this seems like not a place to live in, and rather a bookstore. But the little boy’s parents should distinguish between functions -- after all, it is a little closer to the study.

Lucien: If you are tired of reading books in the study, you can just walk out and continue in this small living room.

MC: And when you’re tired of reading in this small living room?

Lucien: Go down to the large living room and have a look.

I was amused by his banter. The whole house seems to be full of books at every corner, accompanying the people in this house to explore the ends of the world.

MC: What’s on the second floor?

Lucien: On the left side of the small living room, there is a long corridor. The first door is a large bedroom, and at the end, there is a room on each side. On the right is the study, which contains more materials, and the books placed highly are all professional books.

Lucien: At that time the little boy couldn’t even read the words on it. A large English-Chinese dictionary and English-English dictionary are placed next to each other.

MC: You must understand it now, right?

I said this with emotion, and Lucien on my side was a little silent. He seemed to be remembering something again, and slowly opened his mouth.

Lucien: I should have understood it when I was around sixteen or seventeen.

MC: ….

MC: Let’s leave this room that doesn’t belong to me.

The low laughter clung to me, making me almost want to open my eyes and tell him to respect the natural gap between people. But I thought about how there was one last room left, so I finally took a deep breath and decided to ignore the constant laughter.

MC: What about the room on the left?

Lucien: That’s the little boy’s room.

Following Lucien’s words, he steadily let me open the last door.

MC: Does this room also have a lot of books?

Lucien: No. There are no books in the little boy’s room. His parents don’t want him to read all the time, so they don’t let him bring books there.

MC: There was really no books?

Lucien: Actually, there are two books under the pillow.

When Lucien said this, I couldn’t help laughing.

Lucien: Here is a very small and ordinary bedroom, with a bed, wardrobe, and a little desk...

MC: Wait a minute, there is no book, what does the little boy do at the desk?

Lucien: He plays puzzle games.

MC: Huh?

Lucien: For example, Kong Ming chess, chess, element matching card games…

MC: That doesn’t sound like a puzzle for children…

I couldn’t help but smile, and I got a deep laugh from Lucien.

MC: But.. it really seems to be an ordinary child’s bedroom.

Lucien: Because the special place lies elsewhere.

This time Lucien held my hand and stood up.

Lucien: Don’t open your eyes.

While Lucien said this, he pulled me forward into a walking pace.

Lucien: In the little boy’s house, there is a balcony.

The brilliant autumn light sides through my eyelids and hits my retina, shining slightly in the closed world. I felt as if I was really under Lucien’s lead. I closed my eyes and walked slowly across the bedroom, going to the balcony.

Lucien stopped and leaned into me from me.

Lucien: ___, open your eyes.

The gentle autumn breeze rolled up the golden osmanthus in the sky. At that moment, Lucien and I seemed to be standing on the balcony of the old house, fluttering colourful flags that fly happily in the wind. The mountains and flowers in front of me lay behind clouds shifting in the wind.

Lucien: The balcony of the boy’s room is the best place to see the scenery around here. There will be fireflies in the mountains on spring nights, like the secrets of the mountains. In the summer, the streets are always lively. The elderly will play chess on the side of the road, the children will play nearby, and they will also run to the observation deck on the mountain to see the fireworks.

Lucien: In autumn, when it rains, the sound of rain hitting the wood is very comfortable. The whale world is drenched by the splashing rain, and everything is in mist. It rarely snows in the winter, but there are very small snowflakes. He often imagined the whole mountain covered by heavy snow.

Lucien: The little boy’s father told him that the world is big, and there are many secrets in the world. You will meet them, and you will like them.

I open my eyes and stand in the middle of the open space, looking at the mountains. The mountains in front of us were nothing but empty silence. The golden osmanthus swayed slightly in the wind.

When we arrived at the viewing platform on the mountain, the sun had quietly descended.

Lucien: Sorry, I let you be with me all of today.

MC: If you can do more foolish things like today, I’ll be happier.

Lucien smiled lightly and took my hand, sitting in the long seat of the pavilion. The street lamps on the road up and down the mountain had begun to turn on, looking like small candles at first glance.

The same small handmade cake was finally put on the stone slab after a whole day of rushing. Looking at this cake, I thought of the old house in Lucien’s memory, and the little boy lying on the balcony looking into the distance.

MC: Lucien, how do you feel about yourself when you were a kid?

Lucien: Why did you ask so?

MC: Just suddenly curious.

Lucien was silent for a moment, but I didn’t look up at him, instead keeping my eyes on the decorated cake in his hand.

Lucien: So, what does ___ think about herself when she was a kid?

I raised my head and pursed my lips, looking at the blurry lights in the distant city.

MC: I miss her. She is clumsy. Also very reckless. She just did what seemed great at the time. Looking at the words she once said, I’m embarrassed and unable to look back on them without laughing at her.

MC: But, she was so sincere and brave. She made me the person I am now, and I am very grateful to her. I just don’t know if I’ve become the kind of person she imagined… if so, even enough.

Lucien: Yes. You must be the kind of person she wanted to be.

Lucien put his hand in his lap and looked at the dim lights with me.

Lucien: If I could see myself when I was child, I actually don’t know how I would feel. There were so many things that he didn’t understand at the time, so much he thought would have a specific answer. Including happiness, sadness, fear… and love.

Lucien’s voice is calm. It’s not so much talking about himself as a child, rather, he seemed to have pulled him away to simply evaluate an individual.

Lucien: He is very far away.

MC: No, you’re too harsh on him.

Lucien: What?

MC: “People are good at different things” Just like some people can’t understand science, his weaknesses are placed in a more special space. He may only understand those things more slowly, more deeply, and better in the future. And it is precisely that kind of person that gradually became the Lucien in front of me.

I light a candle. Against the light, Lucien’s face was extremely soft.

MC: Happy birthday, Lucien. Lucien has been working hard this year! If you were too far away when you were a child, just look at this year as your one-year-old self.

Lucien heard me say this, seemingly as if he hadn’t expected it. He looked at me with interest.

Lucien: Why do you say so?

MC: I think “birthdays” always cut life into different stages.

There is a new toy at 7 years old. I want to fall in love when I’m 15 years old, and want to take a good university entrance exam at the age of 18. Looking for a job at 22, and owning a house at 30…

“Birthday” seems to be an invisible reminder. You will look back on this day as a new person, and realise you’ve entered a new stage.

MC: Starting with a little Lucien, Lucien at every age is connected together to become the person he is now. This “year old” Lucien has used the academic report to mark the new year perfectly. He’s full of curiosity about the world and is still on the road to discovering the truth.

MC: He was a little nasty, always showing me questionable sides of things and teasing me… but such a Lucien is very good. I hope that future you can do what you want to do and become the person that you want to be.

MC: You don’t have to be happy all the time, but i hope that you can think of me first when you’re unhappy. Let me be with you always.

There are tiny petals of the golden osmanthus in the wind, like flowery waves reflected in the candlelight. Lucien’s eyes are shining brightly, filled with the night sky and autumn leaves.

Lucien: I will.

He did not say thank you as usual, but solemnly and sincerely left a promise, or even an oath.

Lucien: I’ve thought about my wish for this year.

Under the small candlelight, Lucien lowered his head, slowly raised his hand and wrapped his left fist in his right palm before looking straight at it. After a long time, he raised his head.

MC: Seems to me like you have a lot of wishes this year?

Lucien: I’m not only making a wish. There are also some words that I want to tell them.

Lucien looked at me. He didn’t explain who “they” were, just as he hadn’t explained the owner of the house. He knew I would know. Probably in this aspect, Lucien is actually very clumsy. And it’s this clumsiness that lets him become so real and complete.

MC: By the way, this is this year’s birthday present.

I took out the souvenir book from my bag that I had restored after a long time. It lies with a small wooden box with grids drawn over the lid, every part of it covered with stickers by me.

Lucien: It turns out that you’ve hidden a lot of things in your backpack.

MC: Maybe. This is our souvenir book this year. This year is also very thick.

Lucien slowly turned over the thick album. Summer camp in Yuelao Temple, Lucien’s home,the orphanage, in the classroom, the amusement park, the farm, the oil painting hall.

We have so many new memories.

MC: This is a previously out of print book. Although my craftsmanship isn’t very good, I did my best!

Lucien: you’ve worked hard, ___.

MC: This is the “Blind box project”!

I solemnly took out the small wooden box and started introducing it to Lucien.

MC: There’s a total of 60 grids. When you’re unhappy, just pick a grid to open. There may be gifts in it, a sentence, or a picture. The only requirement is that you must summon ___ to complete it with you.

Lucien: 365 days, and only 60 grids? (bahsdhj mood)

MC: Mr. Xu, 60 days of unhappiness is a lot. I hope you won’t open them all so quickly.

I went to stare at him a little furiously, but found his smiling eyes.

MC: You teased me again!

Lucien: ___, thank you.

The sky gradually darkened. The lights of the city slowly lit up under the mountain like a touch of gentle blessing. Maybe for anyone, the world was monochromatic at the beginning. With time and encounters, let it slowly be stained with colour, and give different people and things their own value.

Slowly, the whole world became colourful. It worked with memory, with smell and sound. After the most special existence appears, the colours of this world will be more distinctive. It’s like refreshing an entire picture, so that everything has a new meaning.

While we quietly shared the cake, I looked at Lucien’s face lit gently by the warm lights.

MC: Lucien, you’re now in colour.

Lucien froze for a moment, then smiled meaningfully. He ate the last bit of cake and finally sat next to me. It is rare that he carries such a sweet fragrance on his body, and even the breath that comes close is sweet.

Lucien: ___, to me, you are more than colour.

#mlqc #mr love queen’s choice #mlqc cn #mlqc lucien #mr love queen’s choice lucien #lucien #xu mo #I like your words magic man

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jj-5656 · 4 years

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🎄Fa-la-la-late🎄 With; Diego Hargreeves

A/N:Ummmm...hello? First off, thank you all so much for the love on my last couple imagines. Sorry for the hiatus, what can I say junior year is as hard as they say it is. Anyway, I was supposed to be sleeping last night but I was writing this instead. Leave it to me to become inspired at the worst times. This is for everyone celebrating a holiday this year without your family because of the pandemic (which is still a thing btw.) Also, this is very long but I love it. Okay enough talking, enjoy!

TW: None except...Well, Klaus is Klaus. And more random POV change bc I can!

He’s running, sprinting really, brown bag tucked haphazardly under his arm as it’s contents jostle around inside with his movements. Filled with last minute groceries for the evenings event. Never in Diego Hargreeves’ life had he thought he’d be rushing home in preparations for a Christmas party, in a red sweater for that matter. But what can he say, a year into his relationship with her and he’s officially whipped. Ever since the two of you met you had introduced him to an enormity of things he’d never considered important. Whether it be birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, you’ve added so much more to him that he could never really repay you for. So, he figures making a very last minute trip to the ever so crowded grocery store on Christmas Eve is worth it. Having to deal with other crazed and unprepared city people for three types of cheeses, four types of crackers, and a particularly expensive bottle of wine.

Apparently a Christmas party, or any get together for that matter, is simply incomplete without an assortment of appetizers. Right, Diego Hargreeves hosting a Christmas party for his siblings. The same ones who only learned about holidays in their World Culture textbooks during hours sectioned off on their daily regimen instead of actually celebrating them. The biting cold reminds him of the lonely Christmas’ throughout his life, which was at the time any other day of the year to him. He snaps out of the dark thoughts when he realizes he’s made it up the stairs and to the front door, a chorus of clanging pots and curses coming from inside.

He fumbles through the door, reminding himself he’s supposed to be rushing, but the beautifully decorated apartment distracts him from the task at hand. The warm feeling he’s still getting used to fluttering through his stomach as he recalls when you first surprised him with the holiday decor.

“It’s not too much, right? I know you never really celebrated Christmas, and neither of us are religious but my family always made the holidays a big deal and I thought-”

“You did all this?” His brown eyes are wide, gazing up at the assortment of twinkling lights aligning the interior of your shared home, a beautiful tree full of red and green ornaments in the middle of your living room. It’s stunning, to say the least, and Diego’s sure he’s never felt so much at home as he does now.

You’re gazing up at him, eyes nervously darting between your boyfriend and the assortment of ornaments. He walks forward from the entryway to admire the garland above the fireplace and the evergreen that just barely scruffs the top of the ceiling. It’s all new to him, and a bit overwhelming, and suddenly Diego realizes the resentment he’s held toward the holiday ever since he was a child was completely misguided. Because the joy he feels now, the warmth tingling throughout his body is foreign but so comforting.

“You hate it, don’t you? Listen, I just thought maybe I’d try and show you Christmas isn’t all about consumerism and selling shitty-”

“It’s beautiful.” He interrupts again, and you swear there’s a moisture begging to leave his eyes as he finally looks to you with an awed expression.

“I don’t, I’ve never...I always hated Christmas. I guess because I never had a real family as a kid. But this, this is j-just...Thank you.”

*End Flashback*

“You’re late!” You shout as the front door bursts open, a familiar thud of boots kicking snow off their bottoms and then walking towards the kitchen. Diego walks in with hands full with groceries, hair wet and messy with flurries of snow littering the raven strands. You narrow your eyes at the sight of him, dopey smile on his face as he sets the bags down on the counter.

“What’s gotten into you? I thought you’d still be grumpy at the fact that we’re hosting.” You’re less than presentable at the moment, having been cooking all day and leaving getting yourself ready for last minute. You puff a stray hair out of your face as he responds.

“Nothing, and actually I am still upset that my siblings are coming over.” He leans against the counter as you unpack the groceries, eager to finish up so you can look a little less crazy when the remaining Hargreeves arrive. Diego is still staring at you, grinning fondly at how flustered you look. And although he’d rather not have you meet his brothers and sister, you deserve to know why he’s keeping you from meeting. After all, it’s been a year since you’ve been together, and he’s met your family already.

It’s different though, because although they too have their issues, your family isn’t a dysfunctional pack of emotionally-stunted freaks. He’d much rather protect you from their intrusive antics. The warm feeling fades as he realizes what’s to come. He appreciates your optimism, truly, but he suddenly can’t shake the feeling that they’ll manage to upset you and ultimately screw up what you’ve been preparing for all day.

“A little help please?” You ground him once more, gesturing to the bags beside the both of you and the assortment of trays of food on the counters. Diego grabs onto your sides when you try to brush past him to check on the turkey, ignoring your incredulous look as he presses his body against yours.

“There’s still time to call this all off, you know. We can watch all the cheesy Christmas movies you want, and have dinner all to ourselves.” His eyes are hopefully looking into yours, the persuasion in his tone hinting a part of him isn’t really joking.

“Absolutely not. Di, we’ve been together for a year now. I want to get to know your siblings. Besides, you met my family and they loved you!”

“That’s different y/n, you’re family is...Well, they’re not like mine! You guys are normal! My brother is a moon-obsessed, half monkey moron and my sister is a mind-controlling movie star.” You can’t help but giggle at his words even though his frustration is adamant. He backs away from your embrace and runs his a hand through his hair in an effort to calm himself down. The sudden thought of one of them being too pushy or making you upset is overwhelming him now. If it’s one thing he’d like to keep you from, it’s the bad side of him his siblings tend to bring out.

“Diego.” Your voice is soft now, you’re using that love-laced tone that always makes him feel like he’s melting. He shivers as you get closer to him, still somehow getting used to the effect you have on him. And although you don’t notice, you seem to be aware you’re calming him down. “I’m scared too, I don’t want to mess something up or embarrass myself in front of them. Hell, your little-or...Older brother is a time traveling assassin who’s kind of a genius. It’s intimidating definitely, but they’re your family Di. I know you hate to admit it, but they’ve played a huge role in who you are. And even if a lot of times you resent each other, it’s clear you love them.”

He’s gotta admit, you’ve always had a way with words. “Fine, what can I do to help beautiful?”

“you can start with setting the table so I can get ready and actually look beautiful. And use the good China!” You plant a quick kiss to his cheek before rushing off to the bedroom, silently praying the anxious won’t drop a plate or two in the process.

****************************

“Baby, does red or white wine go with tur-woah.�� You’re doing some finishing touches on your makeup when Diego walks in, honey brown eyes shamelessly looking over your figure with a smirk as he now leans against the door frame.

You roll you eyes at his ogling, but can’t help smoothing down the silky olive green fabric of the dress your wearing with a pleased smile. Gold jewelry adorns your neck and ears, with matching gold heels to bring the look together. The red of his sweater (he so stubbornly obliged to wearing) compliments the green you're wearing beautifully. A year ago, Diego wonders just how much it would take him to put on anything other than black.

“Cmon, they’ll be here any minute.”

As if I’m cue, the doorbell of the apartment rings. You rush to the front door, Diego trailing behind as he reminds himself how important the evening is to you.

“And remember, no knives.” You whisper to him, turning back around and opening the door.

“Fröhliche Weihnachten!” Klaus pushes through the entryway excitedly, tackling you in a hug in greeting. Luckily, you’ve already met the most eccentric sibling of the bunch. As he often crashes at your place, much to Diego’s disliking (or so he says).

“My my my, that dress is to die for! I’ll be borrowing that soon. And those heels! Please tell me we’re the same siz-”

“Alright bonehead, you can steal her stuff later. Take yourself and the booze to the kitchen.” Diego interrupts, shrugging when you slap his shoulder at his bluntness.

Greeting the rest of the family goes better than expected. Allison and Luther arrived together (an innocent carpool of course) whilst Vanya had come just a few minutes after Klaus, happy to see she wasn’t the first to arrive. She brought along with her a homemade dish, Allison with a top notch bottle of champagne, and Five with a box of Griddy’s donuts and...Coffee? His odd choice of food making the perfect ice breaker, to his confusion of course.

“Alright, enough small talk. Diego, how much are you paying this lovely lady to pretend to be your girlfriend?” Klaus interjects your conversation about current events as the rest of the table looks to the pair of you and laughs.

“Seriously, Allison couldn’t even rumor someone to be this good of a cook,” Luther chimes in. Not having looked up from his plate for a majority of the meal.

Although slightly offended, Diego realizes his siblings have a valid point. You’re blushing crimson as you laugh along, shaking your head and nervously rambling on about when you just last week almost burnt the apartment down trying to perfect said recipes. He’s entranced as you speak, admiring the way you seem to capture all of them with unknown ease. Unknown, truly, because you’re still too modest to see how perfect you are. He doesn’t deserve you, but he’ll spend every day trying to even out the impossible score. It's known he can be quite the competitor.

“I’m just shocked he’s out of black for once.”

“Says the 45 year old in a school uniform!”

**********************

“Alright, I’ll clear up dinner so we can start dessert.” Y/n announces, just in time to halt a three-way argument between her boyfriend, Luther and Five about some Academy mission from when they were kids. The evening has been lighthearted for the most part, with a majority of the conflict being steered off by Allison or Vanya. The two practically experts at distracting their egotistical brothers. You catch on as they do so, the three of you having shared a few sly smirks between one another a few times throughout the meal.

“Please y/n, let me. You’ve done more than enough tonight. Besides, I need someone to test out that wine for me.” Allison assures, kicking Diego’s shin and motioning to the kitchen when you’ve given her an appreciative smile and inquired Vanya on her violin skills.

Allison’s knife wielding brother shoots her a look of shock at her actions, trailing along confusedly after her. Your empty plate and his own in hand as he sets them down in the sink.

“What the hell? Why-where-you-hiding-her-from-us!) The curly haired woman emphasizes each word with a smack of a stray dish towel to his arm, sure nobody can hear them over Klaus’ obnoxious storytelling back in the dining room.

“Quit it! I wasn’t hiding her I-I was protecting her from you shitheads.” Diego defends, once again bewildered by his sister’s playful outburst.

“Diego! She’s amazing, you should’ve introduced us forever ago.”

“Right, she’s amazing. What do you not get by the word protecting? If you all had met her any sooner you would have scared her off!” He flails his arms as he speaks, unaware of his flushed cheeks as his sister smiles fondly at him.

“What now Allison?”

“You loooveee her.” She poke his side as she teases, chuckling again when he swats her arm away. The scene is childish, but something about the heat rising through his neck to the tips of his ears makes Diego feel like a kid again. Allison teasing him about girls, just as they had when they were young.

“Wh-whatever. Yeah, I love her. Can we go back to the table now, or should we paint our nails and giggle about how totes adorbs Luther Looks in that coat?” They both laugh at his mocking, leaving the room and too giddy to remember the discarded plates left behind.

***********************

“An espresso machine? Wow, Columbia-brewed K-cups too! You shouldn’t have y/n.” Five is beaming at the gift in hand, wrapping paper still hanging off the side of the box as he admires the machine. His siblings stare confusedly at his jolly demeanor, and he immediately clears his throat before giving said girl a curt nod. “Thanks.” He deadpans, and you laugh with a nod at his change in demeanor.

Luther and Allison have already opened their gifts, the burly man pointing to his miniature moon replica and lecturing about the craters and valleys to an extremely bored Klaus. Allison has already put on the elegant gold charm bracelet you’ve given her, rolling charm with Claire’s initials and birthstone on it with glossy eyes. Beside her, Vanya delicately peels the wrapping off to a freshly polished violin case, her name inscribed in cursive on the top.

“It’s beautiful. I-I’m so sorry we didn’t get you anything. If I had known-”

“Nonsense V, I’m just glad you could all make it tonight.” You reassure with genuine smile, glad to see her positive response to the nickname.

“I still can’t believe you got them gifts.” Diego mumbles from behind you, having climbed over the back of the couch you’re all sat on to have you sit between his legs. He kisses your temple and wraps his arms around your middle, softly humming when yo lean into him. The fireplace is crackling, and the record payer you love dearly quietly plays a Perry Como Christmas album. You close your eyes, taking in the warm feeling and relaxing in Diego’s touch. The two of you jumping when a shout comes from beside you.

“My turn! My turn!” Klaus claps loudly to grab your attention. You chuckle at his childish ways, leaning down to pick up the wrapped present at your feet and handing it off to him. Unlike the others, he eagerly rips apart the wrapping, gasping dramatically when he lifts up the skirt.

“You’re a bit hard to shop for, there’s a gift receipt if-” The excitable man scrambles up from the floor tug on the fabric, twirling around in it in a fit of giggles before you can finish your statement.

“Great, he’ll never take that off.” Diego mumbles in your ear, you shake your head with a smirk at his teasing before you’re reminded of something.

“Oh! And one more thing.” You note suddenly, climbing out of Diego’s hold as he huffs reluctantly. You pull a a final present from under the tree, secretly handing it to Klaus to make sure the others don’t see. Though they’re too enveloped in conversation to noticed.

“Another one for me?” He whispers happily, eyes furrowing when you shake your head. Sitting back down in Diego’s arms before you explain.

“No, well...Yes, sort of. You’ll see.” You ramble, gesturing to the box in his hands as he apprehensively chuckles. You feel Diego’s eyes on you, deciding to place a peck on his jaw instead of elaborating.

Klaus pulls out a pair of books, readig the well-known titles before looking up at you. You motion to the box once more, biting your nail as he sets them aside and reaches in once more. He pulls out picture frame with a sharp intake of breathe, hand going over his mouth as he looks up at you once more. Your boyfriend, eager to see what has silenced his rowdy brother, takes the frame to inspect it.

It’s a picture of him, Klaus, and Ben on the front steps of the academy. Having to be only five or six in the photo. Klaus has an arm around Ben, smiling big for the camera as his brother offers a smaller, but no less genuine grin to the lens. Diego sits a step above them, mouth frozen open in a laugh as he must of been reaction to something only Klaus could make him react so much at.

“I remember Di telling me Ben read a lot. And...Well, it felt wrong to get everyone else a gift but him. Those are two of my favorit-”

“Wh-Where did you find this?” Diego whispers, arms encircled even tighter around you as he holds up the frame in shock.

“When we were moving in. I found it at the bottom of one of the shelves at your room at the gym. It was under a bunch of old books you had, I figured it could use a frame.” Just as you finish, Klaus practically tackles you in a hug, a soft hiccup coming from him when he pulls away.

“Geez Klaus, it’s just a skirt!”

“Can-it Luther!”

*************************

“You think he’ll be alright?” You mutter from the bedroom hallway. You and Diego leaning against the wall, looking at Klaus whose passed out on the sofa. The others having left hours ago, but you simply couldn’t wake him at seeing how peaceful he was. The picture frame still tucked to his chest as he snored softly.

“Trust me, he’s fine. I think he’ll be sleeping in that skirt every night from now on.” Diego pulls you to your bedroom door as you laugh, the exhaustion from today finally setting.

“Hey, would you look at that? Mistletoe.” Your head trails upwards to gaze up at the fruit being dangled above your head as you grin.

“Those are grapes Di.”

“Are they? Hmm, must be from that stupid cheese board I had to run across town for.”

“It’s a chacuterie, actually. Didn’t you learn French Hargreeves?”

“Yep, but I only seem to remember two words.”

“Oh really? And what might those be?”

“Embrasse moi” He finishes as he connects his lips with yours, holding your face as if you might slip away when he lets go.

“Smooth, knife boy.” You pull away softly, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

“Merry Christmas Di.”

#diego hargreeves #diego hargreeves imagines #The Umbrella Academy #umbrella acedmy #vanya hargreeves #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #five hargreeves #klaus #klaus hargreeves #tua netflix #netflix #christmas #fiction #imagines #tua fanfic #ben hargreeves

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lightsandlostbells · 4 years

Text

wtFOCK season 3, episode 5 reaction

This whole episode I kept doing that Marge Simpson groan. You know, the one that’s like tight-lipped and this low, exasperated mmm from deep in the throat? That was me constantly.

Episode 5

Clip 1 - Jens gives Robbe sex advice

Robbe texts his mom and says to her he can’t visit, lying that it’s because he’s sick. One repeated element that does exist in this season is Robbe listening to music on his headphones, which is him retreating into himself, or using music to cope. The song lyrics reflect that: “I used to feel so alone, now I’m feeling better on my own.”

Since I’ve been trying to think of ways to rewrite this season, they could expand Robbe using music as a coping strategy even further. Music should have been something that Robbe bonds with Sander over. And not just Sander’s recommendation of Bowie, either, which is all they’ve done so far - it seems like Robbe should give recs or insight as well. Talk about how important music is to him with Sander. Make it a serious point in their developing relationship.

Jens skates up and talks to Robbe. Robbe wants to get high, but Jens doesn’t have weed with him at the moment. He asks Robbe if he’s thought about the Brrrothers, because they’re not the same without Robbe. Robbe snaps and turns away from him, then lies and says his bad mood is about Noor. Jens has already heard that they’re fighting.

Jens’ talk to Robbe, knowing that Noor wants to have sex and Robbe doesn’t, is actually pretty sweet. Even though he doesn’t understand the real reason why Robbe doesn’t want to, his talk is thoughtful and not shaming Robbe for being a nervous virgin, it’s considerate of him. Considering the Brrrothers have been obnoxious about sex and girls all season, this was a refreshing change. One question I do have is how Jens knew that Noor wanted sex and Robbe didn’t, but I guess it was implied that this explanation was part of the rumor mill.

Of course, the downside is that Jens’ advice prompts Robbe to text Noor about how he misses her and wants to meet up. Bad, Robbe! I don’t know if Jens’ talk encouraged Robbe to text her because Robbe was like “Yeah, I’m supposed to like Noor, better get back on that,” or because maybe he genuinely told himself, “I just don’t want to have sex with her because I’m nervous, yeah, that must be it,” and decided to just move forward with it.

I do like drama that comes from characters trying to be helpful but unintentionally saying or doing the wrong thing - that’s what happens in the locker room scene with Isak and Even. When Isak says he’s better off without mentally ill people in his life, he’s telling Even this as a way of saying that his mother won’t cause problems for them, he doesn’t care what she’ll think of them dating. So taken on its own, I think this scene is fine.

HOWEVER. The pacing of this season is again, SO SO weird, because this scene would have fit right in around episodes 2-3? Right after Robbe tried and failed to have sex with Noor, you know ... the first time? Or the second, or the third? Like … have it be in line with Isak’s episode 3 sexuality crisis, all the “why does he have to be so gay” stuff. It would’ve worked well to have this talk at like, the beginning of episode 3, and then have Robbe making the “that guy is so gay” comment as an unintentional result of this - by trying to convince himself he is just straight and nervous and distancing himself from being gay. We had three entire scenes of Robbe failing to fuck Noor, so narratively, why did we need to wait this long for Jens to talk to him about it?

Clip 2 - AGAIN?

Robbe invites Noor over to bone. He’s lit about a million candles and is trying to make this a big romantic deal, except lmao, he has on David Bowie’s Life on Mars … Robbe … what u doing…

Actually, I’m not sure if this is diegetic music or not, if Robbe is blasting Bowie from his phone as mood music or if he’s only hearing this song inside his head. I think we’re definitely meant to take away that Robbe is hearing the song since it gets distorted as he slinks down Noor’s body, and that it’s not just there for the audience. In either case, Sander is supposedly the shadow hanging over this sad hetero affair.

Tbh listening to Life on Mars is the best part of this season and I wish I could just like … listen to this song play against a black screen instead of watching poorly written, repetitive clips.

They start to get it on and he takes off her shirt, unhooks her bra, yadda yadda, he doesn’t look happy but he soldiers on and it’s implied they went All The Way. On the one hand, I will rage if they actually had sex. On the other hand, if they don’t, it’s yet another clip where the same shit happens, Robbe tries to bang Noor and fails..

Clip 3 - Robbe’s not turned on by Noor and this is BRAND NEW INFORMATION

… okay, so he didn’t have sex with her AGAIN? He couldn’t get it up?

For fuck’s sake. I mean, on the one hand I’m glad it was actually Robbe’s choice (apparently) to put a stop to the sex instead of like, someone else walking in and interrupting yet again, but on the other hand, I feel like we have done this scene SO MUCH. We KNOW. About the only thing that’s changed I guess is that Robbe kissed a boy and now he’s trying to be straight? If this was only like the second time this scene had happened, it would have been fine.

I just don’t have a coherent idea of Robbe’s arc. This season is going in circles.

Anyway, Robbe couldn’t get it up, Noor is sympathetic, she asks if it’s her, Robbe says she’s amazing, he looks sad and haunted blah blah we’ve already seen this play out.

Why were these separate clips? In the first clip, we have Robbe seemingly determined to have sex with Noor, and then in the second, he can’t get it up. So why not SHOW THE MOMENT OF CHANGE? Are these filmmakers on drugs? This is storytelling 101. Like there’s no reason to split up these clips except to cause a bit of anxiety if you happen to be able to watch the clips at the exact time they’re posted, and from a real-time perspective I get it, but that’s ineffective for the vast majority of people who will have to watch later and then will watch these two clips together at the same time. I mean, the fact that it’s not even 10 minutes in between clips … just SHOW THE WHOLE SCENE. Holy fuck. How are they this incompetent?

The pacing of the scenes themselves is so weird. So many of the clips are oddly short, we don’t NEED them to be split into parts. It makes me really appreciate Julie’s pacing: Skam S3 episodes had 4-6 clips each, and in those clips, we got rich scenes packed with details, often multi-tasking within different story threads. wtFOCK’s pacing is simplistic and choppy and unnecessary.

Clip 4 - Milan gives Robbe a pep talk

Robbe is Googling erectile dysfunction which is honestly kind of funny (but again, probably would have been a better fit for earlier in this season, before Robbe had already kissed a dude ...) Milan comes in wanting advice on two shirts, Robbe is annoyed.

Milan tries to get Robbe to talk to him. It takes some prodding (and I do like how Robbe is swiveling in his chair and not looking at Milan) but Robbe admits there’s a guy who likes him and, after Milan asks, admits that it’s mutual.

Tbh … I don’t find it so hard to believe that Robbe opened up to Milan even though they’re not anywhere as close as Eskild and Isak, because I do think another gay guy is a “safe” person to talk to about this situation and I can see Robbe doing it. What I do NOT get is why, here and now, Robbe is now openly admitting it. Why did we go from Robbe trying to fuck a girl and, before that, calling the boy he kissed a pervert and a homophobic slur, to admitting his attraction for a boy? Why the sudden turnaround? Based on the clips themselves, all we have to go off as a turning point is that he couldn’t fuck Noor, BUT this is nothing new for either Robbe and the audience, AND not being able to fuck a girl does not actually mean that Robbe would be able to fuck a guy, or that he’s into guys, and it especially doesn’t mean that Robbe would accept that he likes a guy. I mean, he’s Googling “erectile dysfunction” not “am I gay?” which tbh seems still more like denial than anything. He’s blaming his lack of arousal on a medical issue, not his sexuality.

This scene would feel more true to me if Robbe was like, downplaying his side of it, or playing it off as only Sander had feelings and it wasn’t requited. That’s more in line with the characterization we have just been given, that Robbe is denying his attraction to Sander.

Another way would be to not split up the sex clip and to show like, Robbe flashing back to his kiss with Sander while he’s making out with Noor, so we get that it’s not just that he’s not into Noor, it’s that he’s very into Sander, and we see him grudgingly admit to himself that yes, he’s attracted to Sander (at the very least.) which would make it believable that he admits it to Milan. Cause and effect, etc.

MIlan is like, are you so nervous to tell me you have a crush on another guy (...????? um, yes, Milan, you have to know it’s hard to come out???) but is pretty supportive and says Robbe’s lucky to have him, Milan would have wanted himself when he was going through this. Robbe is just like, I don’t know what I feel and I want everything to be normal, there’s too much shit going on right now. Milan says Robbe IS normal and he doesn’t want to bottle up who he is, the pressure will get too real and he’ll explode, he’ll hurt people. Robbe seems to take this advice seriously, so hopefully this scene will actually lead to cause + effect.

Again, this scene is fine on its own? There’s just something about the pacing of the season as a whole that feels strange.

I don’t know if this is supposed to be the equivalent of the Pride clip, because Robbe doesn’t say anything offensive and Milan didn’t get upset. Milan’s advice is good about not pushing away who you really are, but there’s nothing specifically confronting internalized homophobia, which Robbe desperately needs seeing as he’s had some extremely homophobic outbursts. I think it’s a shame to lose that part of the scene, because it’s got a very pointed and urgent message. (EDIT from the future: We got the Pride clip later in the episode, so that’s good.)

Clip 5 - Robbe tells Jens he likes someone else

Robbe is sitting on the sidelines listening to music again. Jens comes over and asks how things are, Robbe says he took his advice with Noor and Jens is happy that he’s a matchmaker. Robbe is like no, there’s someone else. He says he thought it would go away, but it didn’t.

For a moment it seems like this might be a sudden coming out scene, but Jens finally asks who it is and Robbe clams up and finds it hard to get out. Jens asks if she goes to their school. Robbe is saved by Moyo wanting to play a game against some guys.

This is some plausible conflict, at the very least, Robbe not being able to tell his friends that he’s into a guy. It would have been way better to focus on this instead of Robbe flinging a slur at Sander. Robbe’s friends seem like the clearest explanation for his internalized homophobia.

Now Jens needs to follow up on this development, or else turn in his Jonas card. Because there’s dropping the subject if he senses Robbe doesn’t want to tell him yet, and then there’s forgetting about the subject because Jens isn’t that engaged with what’s happening with Robbe, and unfortunately the latter vibe has come across far more than the first. Like why does it seem like Jens is always walking away?

Clip 6 - Robbe breaks up with Noor

Old Town Road is playing as Noor meets Robbe in a cafe. One thing I do notice is that there are a fair amount of gay musicians on the soundtrack this season, so that’s cool.

Robbe is stressed because we can tell he’s gonna try to break up with Noor. He doesn’t order anything to eat. Noor is sympathetic about him not getting it up with her, but Robbe says he needs some time for himself, he has so much shit on his mind. Noor says she can help with that, he’s like nah, Noor is crying and reaching for him desperately. He gets up and walks out.

L O L I heard all about how Robbe supposedly handled this better than Isak, and I mean … on the one hand, I certainly agree that he did Noor a solid by officially breaking up with her and not just running away from her in the hallway. But er ... first of all, Robbe went wayyyyyyyyy farther with Noor than Isak EVER did with Emma. Robbe and Noor had an actual relationship for what, a month? Isak and Emma made out twice and flirted a bit. They were not exclusively, seriously dating. So yeah, Noor is owed this breakup.

Second, Robbe still cheated on her with Sander before he broke up with her. The fact that they were naked while they made out in the pool frankly adds an on-screen sexual element to the cheating. And technically Isak making out with Even in the pool was not cheating … for sure it was a dick move to lead on Emma and then ditch her like that, I’m not going to say it was NBD, but like I said, they weren’t exclusively dating. I mean, in all my years of Skam fandom, it’s pretty rare that I’ve heard anyone refer to what Isak did as cheating - it’s usually talked about differently than Even cheating on Sonja. Robbe and Sander BOTH cheated on their girlfriends here.

Third, it’s nice he did this with Noor but lmao, kinda small potatoes considering what Robbe said to Sander.

Fourth, Robbe just gets up and leaves while she’s crying, lol. He let her order soup and then he ditched her! That’s cold as ice! Bro, you need to stick around until she tells you to leave, or you needed to pick a breakup location where both of you can leave ASAP without someone coming by with the meal you ordered.

And to be clear, I don’t think Robbe not handling this perfectly makes him a terrible person or anything. It’s more the comparison to Isak with how Isak is supposedly worse and Robbe is much nicer. Nah.

Sucks for Noor and all, but whyyyy are they making the Emma character so tragic and emphasizing this het relationship so much? We don’t even end the clip on Robbe’s POV. Because how he feels about this breakup doesn’t matter, I guess. Does he feel guilty? Free? Unsure? Conflicted? IDK because we close on her, not him! I’m sorry, but it’s not her season!

I mentioned this in an earlier reaction but I’m just super tired of gay storylines that have this intense focus on how much someone being gay hurts a straight person. I believe I mentioned Love, Victor as a prominent example, because Victor’s relationship with his girlfriend seemingly gets more screen time than the relationship with his actual male love interest. And I get why this storyline is relevant to a coming out arc, of course I do, but it really bugs me when the het relationship seems to overshadow the gay relationship, as it does here. At this point I feel like Robbe/Noor has been given equal plot relevance as Robbe/Sander, if not more, and that should not be the case. It’s not about shipping, it’s about wanting a story about a gay kid’s journey of self-acceptance to focus more on the life-changing love story that is the catalyst for embracing his sexuality, than the fake passion-less relationship that is doomed to failure that is just a momentary stumble in said journey of self-acceptance. There is no need to demonize Noor, but there is actually a middle ground between treating her with respect and empathy and making her the real victim of this story.

This narrative choice also does not exist in a vacuum. It is completely fair to be skeptical of the prioritization of a het relationship over a gay one. It’s fair to wonder why we’ve gotten multiple scenes of Robbe getting hot and heavy with a girl, why Robbe spends a pivotal clip being so sad about Noor that he doesn’t seem to really notice or care that he’s alone with the guy he supposedly likes.

I mean, fuck, Robbe seems more upset about hurting Noor’s feelings by breaking up with her for legitimate reasons than he does about hurting Sander’s feelings by calling him a f*g and accusing him of sexual assault.

Clip 7 - Robbe tries to speak with Sander

Robbe goes to school (not his school, Sander’s) and asks where the art room is. He’s in a way better mood, a spring in his step, but LMAO you better pray that Sander actually wants to talk to you rather than kick your ass or avoid you for all eternity because of what you said to him.

Sander is sketching a nude male model. Robbe seems happy just to see him. He walks away and goes to the bathroom, fixes his hair, stares in the mirror, takes a deep breath. Then he goes up to Sander after the bell rings. Robbe wants to talk, Sander is not having it and walks away. Robbe is sad, angsty music plays.

Uhhhhh, serves you right? No offense but I can’t even feel sad for Robbe in this scenario, because what he did crossed a line. Internalized homophobia is a hell of a drug, but there’s such a difference between Robbe just denying that the kiss meant anything or blaming it on being drunk or whatever, and essentially accusing Sander of sexual assault and calling him a slur. It’s not an ignorant mistake, it’s a malicious one. I feel bad that Robbe ever had such self-hatred that he made those comments in the first place and I certainly don’t hate him or think he should be forever alone, but it is 100% understandable why Sander would not want to speak to him after that.

Also, going up to Sander at his school was not the best move, because he’s basically ambushing him. Sander doesn’t have a choice whether to deal with Robbe in that moment. It would’ve been better if Robbe sent him some kind of apology text or voicemail first and left it up to Sander whether he wanted to meet. I get that’s not as good for televised dramaaaa, but it’s kinder to Sander. (And if Sander doesn’t respond, or if he’s blocked Robbe, well, those are just consequences of Robbe’s actions that he’ll have to live with.) EDIT: Robbe actually did contact Sander first via text, wanting to meet up so he could explain. That does make it somewhat better, although I still think he shouldn’t have approached him at school. If Sander doesn’t want to talk to you? Then give him space. Maybe he’ll be willing to hear you out in time, or maybe he’ll decide he’s better off without you, but Robbe’s the one who did something wrong and it’s not up to Robbe whether Sander forgives him.

Clip 8 - Robbe and Sander make up and kiss

Angsty music keeps playing as Robbe walks home. He sees a mom and her kids playing, more sadness presumably due to his own family troubles.

Sander has followed him and says he has five minutes. Robbe’s like “Why don’t you want to talk?” LMAO IDK ROBBE, WHAT COULD IT BE.

Robbe says he’s sorry and that he loves Sander. LMAO WHAT. Is this a nuance of translation where “I love you” isn’t as strong as it is in English? Are you kidding me?

First of all … he LOVES Sander when they’ve barely interacted? They’ve spoken only a handful of times. Hell, they only met in episode 3, and this is episode 5. It’s been like two weeks since they’ve met, and while I could buy that some ships fell in love in that short of time, this is sure as fuck not one of them.

Second … Robbe goes from shoving Sander and calling him horrible things and trying to fuck Noor, to professing his love for Sander, WITHIN DAYS? And this is the character who’s supposed to have a big coming out arc? What is nuance, what is good writing, what is a coherent idea of this character’s struggles with his sexuality and himself... The talk with Milan might convince Robbe to accept his feelings, but it would make way more sense if Robbe was more tentative about them. He doesn’t need to come out swinging the big epic declarations in order to accept his romantic interest in Sander.

Like this isn’t even based on what I personally think is believable for a romance, this is based on what wtFOCK has told me about this character! They made the choice to make him say more viciously homophobic things. They made the choice to have him go back to Noor and try to have sex with her for the millionth time.

I’m glad that Sander doesn’t buy the confession at first, at least.

Robbe says that he was really fucked up and hat Sander is the first dude. There is a cute moment where he’s like “that kiss (mimes fireworks)” but then things went Chernobyl. Would have been great if we saw exactly what made him go Chernobyl and make him regret the kiss. He says he’s sorry but asks for one more chance.

Sander steps in, leans in for a kiss. “What about Chernobyl?” “Fuck Chernobyl.” They kiss, it’s really sweet, but lol they’re kissing in public??? Robbe is ok with this?? I just have abso-fucking-lutely no idea where this kid’s head is. Like ... how is he so cool with this considering where he was just days ago? Apparently Robbe’s internalized homophobia was so extreme that he was all “get away from me f*g” toward Sander with no clear catalyst, but also not so extreme that it couldn’t be fixed with a pep talk from Milan? Okay!

This scene would have been totally fine if Robbe’s mistake was less cruel and amounted to blocking Sander or telling him to stay away or w/e. It doesn’t feel satisfying for what Robbe actually did say.

Also, sigh, because Sander did forgive Robbe just like that, and I don’t buy it. I mean, if anything, it makes me sad for Sander. I want to tell him that he deserves better. I suppose I can buy this as part of his fear that no one will ever love him, that he’s desperate to be accepted and loved and so is quick to forgive.

It would have made more sense for Robbe to have a longer period of self-reflection, have him come out to his friends, etc. and then reunite with Sander an episode or so later, similar to how Isak and Even reunited at the end of episode 7. Or to have Sander take some time before letting Robbe talk to him, during which Robbe works on his own issues.

Sander gets a call from Britt, which he ignores, saying Britt’s the past, he and Robbe are the future (as the song lyrics talk about the future and the past … they’re going pretty on the nose this season. Fine by me, OG was also on the nose.) Lmao but Robbe has no right to be upset about Britt after he explicitly told Sander to stay away. I mean, it’s dubious of Sander to keep dating her after cheating, but he also thought Robbe was no longer an option sooo don’t be surprised Sander is still with her, dude.

Sander goes to meet Britt, but not before some make outs, some handholding. I think their chemistry is good! It’s just that I don’t really buy the depth of this relationship. It legit makes me sad that these actors are getting served this half-assed material.

Clip 9 - Zoë gets a letter

Robbe goes home and gets a text from Sander, with a sketch of them, saying their kiss was Chernobyl. Well, that’s cute.

Milan is telling Zoë about seeing some straight-looking dude on the bus who melted when Milan looked at him. Robbe is in a good mood and is gonna do the cooking. Milan observes that he’s happy and asks if things went well with his (Robbe looks toward Zoë) “lovely girlfriend”. At least Milan covered for him! (EDIT from the future: Ahahaha, funny considering how casually people out Robbe this season...)

Robbe hands Zoë some mail that turns out to do with Viktor, the apparent Nikolai in this version, about the case going to court. She has to testify. She is upset and walks out of the kitchen.

I complained a bit about Zoë/Senne drama taking up time in Robbe’s season, but to be clear, I have no problem with them following up on this plot point from S2. It’s a hugely important story. But I also think it works best if you integrate it into Robbe’s story, by drawing a parallel to their situations, finding a common theme, etc. And it depends on whether Robbe’s story is otherwise satisfactory, because if the writing is pretty tight, I’m not really bothered by digressions in other characters’ subplots.

Clip 10 - Robbe and Sander get cozy

Oh hey, it’s the big cuddling clip! Robbe and Sander goof off, pillow fight, smoke a joint, make out. Mostly make out. Sander shows Robbe a sketch of him (Robbe) and implies how good it would look on a wall (big).

Robbe’s fave actor is Leonardo DiCaprio, because hasn’t Sander seen Romeo + Juliet? It’s fucking beautiful.

Man, on the one hand, sick Skam reference, and it’s just a simple, cute little nod to OG, not something complicated. I can dig that. But on the other hand, now I’m annoyed at how Isak got all of this beautiful development and watching R+J actually meant something for his character, and Robbe has absolutely nothing like that. Stuff like the fact it’s Robbe who likes R+J instead of Sander, WHICH IS FINE, but like … doesn’t say anything about Robbe’s view on masculinity or w/e, doesn’t do much for his characterization.

Sander takes pics of Robbe. Their chemistry is cute. Once again I despair at gifted actors being given subpar material leading up to this clip.

LMAO at them copying the dialogue from OG, Sander being all life is like a movie. Again, irrationally annoyed because this dialogue MEANT something to Even. Even was a huge film buff and an aspiring director. Sander hasn’t mentioned movies at all, he’s into art and David Bowie and photography. So why not have Sander quote some Bowie lyrics that explain his thoughts on life? Mention what art means to him? Personalize this dialogue so that it’s specific to Sander. Or, if you’re going to borrow this chunk of dialogue, at least establish Sander as a film enthusiast prior to this clip.

Also that Isak brought up the multiverse theory because he was smart and inquisitive, but I have no idea who the fuck Robbe is. Does this make sense with Robbe’s prior characterization? Shrug.

I do like the multiverse reference to Spider-Man because HELL YEAH Into the Spider-Verse!!! Fucking masterpiece! I could be watching that for the 20th time instead of the upcoming gay-bashing hate crime.

I do like Sander’s acting in this scene and his reaction, how the music (“Ocean Eyes”) stops when Sander starts talking about multiverse theory. His dialogue is a little different here than OG, about thinking about what he’s done and wondering why he thinks something, his thoughts never stop, which fits in with bipolar disorder.

Robbe notices he’s a little agitated, Sander says the only way to stop your thoughts is from dying. So I guess we’re putting in the suicidal thoughts in this version?

“Sometimes I forget how young you are.” Are they the same age in this version? Lmao. It’s a joke so it’s not a big deal.

Robbe starts kissing him and asks when Sander fell for him. Sander is like, before you! When Robbe was spraying the graffiti he knew Robbe was the one. Robbe is like … you were there??

I mean. this is cute and all, but doesn’t it kinda take away from later events, if Sander goes back to Britt, then like … knowing Sander has been Pining All Along should create way less doubt in Robbe’s mind? When Even went back to Sonja, there was room for actual doubt in Isak’s mind (and the audience’s) about the sincerity of Even’s feelings. I think people forgot that the “I saw you the first day of school” moment at the end of the season was a surprise. I was in the fandom and I don’t think a lot of people thought Even had fallen for Isak that early. So Robbe now knows that Sander fell for him well before they even talked, doesn’t that remove some of the tension about Sander’s motives? I suppose it depends on how the story goes from here, but if it’s similar to OG, then I think it slightly lessens the ambiguity and tension.

Also, another reason why it would have been good to actually see the graffiti scene play out in episode 1… and to see what Robbe tagged on the wall … come on. COME ONNNN. Let’s see what got Sander’s attention! Did Robbe create something funny or clever or insightful? Wouldn’t that have been a great detail to show their connection? This is basic storytelling, hello?

I guess if I’m being fair, we don’t know exactly what Even saw in Isak that first day of school, either. But then again, we didn’t see the first day of school in a clip, while we definitely saw the graffiti scene. Just a missed opportunity, IMO.

They kiss and Sander gets a text from Britt. According to Sander, he told Britt about him and Robbe, but she doesn’t believe him, which is what I assumed of Sonja too, btw. At least, that’s what I thought at Emma’s party where she initiated the kiss with Even. Sander says Britt is so controlling. Robbe seems uncertain.

Sander says there’s probably another universe where Sander is still with Britt, but he’s glad to be in this universe. I do like this part.

Clip 11 - Milan schools Robbe on Pride

Robbe’s alarm goes off in the morning. He smiles a bit, though, presumably because he’s got Sander in his life. He gets a good morning text from Sander, which is cute and makes him smile more. Goes into the bathroom and Milan is there. Sander texts Robbe that he’s been thinking about him in all universes, Robbe is happy.

Milan is like, when can I meet your boyfriend??? Robbe says soon. Awww, this interaction is pretty sweet. Milan is like, welcome to the club! You know, “our” club meaning dudes who like dudes.

Robbe is like, just because I’m with Sander doesn’t mean I belong to some club, I’m not like you. Milan is like … and how am I? Robbe gives the usual Isak-ish response of dressing up and talking about BJs, Milan gets upset. Robbe says there’s nothing wrong with being gay but when people think of being gay, they think of that and it’s not fair to those who aren’t like that. Robbe’s not going to put on leather pants and dance at pride just because he likes Sander!

Milan gets very upset and goes into the Pride speech. I always appreciate this scene and I’m grateful that it’s one thing the remakes don’t really fuck with, since it’s so important (I think the remakes all recognize that it’s amazing, heh).

Senne wanting to use the bathroom is kind of a jarring thing, they should’ve just let the moment sink in.

Robbe takes a Good Hard Look at himself in the mirror which is on the nose but like, better than nothing. I think there was a mirror earlier in the season? I confess that I’m so hung up on the basic writing fumbles that I might be missing stuff that’s actually supposed to be symbolic.

Anyway, all things considered, I think they did fine with this clip. Robbe coming out to Milan earlier in the episode did help pave the way for this talk since they didn’t have the close relationship as Isak and Eskild. Like, any issues I might have with it are related to the bigger issues in the season, but on its own, I felt like it was decent, and the “welcome to the club” comment is something I can believe Milan would say and something that would make Robbe reply with a boneheaded comment.

Clip 12 - This fucking scene

Robbe and Sander flirt in a bar and get touchy-feely with each other. For some baffling choice, we start with some rap/hip-hop song and then it cuts to “Two Men In Love” by The Irrepressibles … like … you could just start the clip with that song instead of this weird non-transition?

They kiss and then move outside the bar and then kiss and cuddle some more (again … I ask, where did Robbe’s boldness with gay PDA come from ...) Robbe jumps on Sander for a piggyback ride. They kiss passionately in the street.

Ahahahahahahahahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAA FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Some homophobes spot them and call them slurs. Robbe and Sander try to grab their bikes and quickly leave. The bigots manage to grab them and beat the shit out of them. It’s really brutal, like we get POV shots from the ground as the guys kick them. The guys call them f****ts once more before leaving Robbe and Sander crumpled on the ground in the fetal position. The wheels on the bike go round and round.

I mean … where do you even start.

OK, I’ll start here: worst decision made in a Skam S3 remake yet.

“Yeah, Skam season 3 was a masterpiece and all, but you know what I could have used more of? Violent gay-bashing,” said no one ever.

I don’t get triggered by media, not really, but boy am I glad I was spoiled for this. Because I do get fucking angry at media. And I’m angry now, but if I was watching this unspoiled? Man, I would’ve popped a couple of blood vessels. And I feel so, so sorry for people who watched this unprepared and were triggered. Because yeah, it is a remake and not 100% like the original, you can’t predict everything that will happen. But this isn’t something that you expect in S3, because you expect the writers to know enough to leave this shit out. This isn’t made with kind intentions for the audience, it’s made for shock value.

Consider that the WHOLE POINT of this very, very short clip is the hate crime, btw. It’s like two minutes long! They dropped a clip just for a cute kissing montage and then to interrupt it with a brutal beating! Something about that makes it even more repugnant than if it were like … a long involved scene about something else, and this happened. IDK, something about it feels even more tasteless, like this beating is their cinematic setpiece.

The first-person POV of the beating = not necessary. Like of ALL the fucking times in your season to actually give a shit about the importance of POV, lmao. This isn’t a video game. I’m not shooting zombies or getting jumped by bandits.

Remember when Skam faded to black on Noora’s blackout? And cut away from Even walking naked out of the hotel? Yeah, there are plot and POV reasons for those, but they were also ways to respect the audience and not include pointlessly triggering, exploitative material.

There’s just so much to say about this bad choice that I’m at a loss. Why did we need to go here? In particular, why did we need to go here knowing how the rest of the season plays out? Because for me, that’s what clinches this as a terrible decision. This isn’t a shitty scene with a satisfying follow-up. The resolution - or non-resolution, as it turns out - of this plot development is what exposes wtFOCK’s true character.

There is an AMAZING Evak vid set to Two Men In Love and I recommend you watch it to get the bad taste out of your mouth from this scene.

HOW I WOULD REWRITE THIS EPISODE:

Sigh.

This is just textbook bad writing for coming out stories, not to mention packed full of tired cliches.

Closeted gay guy is violently homophobic (Robbe calls his love interest homophobic slurs and accuses him of being a pervert) - I’m sorry but I am so tired of the “dating your bully” trope and this is what it fell into for me. Why should Sander take back Robbe after that? After Sander told Robbe he was afraid no one would ever love him?

Gay-bashing For The Drama, to make sure you know homophobia is bad, really bad.

Overemphasis on the heterosexual love interest (“love interest”) and how it’s hurtful to her, like I get that it’s a delicate topic with not demonizing her, but I always feel like there is SO much interest on straight characters in these stories! It’s not about them!

The hate crime has to go. Really. What is even the POINT of it in this particular story? As if there wasn’t enough angst in S3? Especially if you consider: they wasted a few episodes on repetitive nonsense. Their pacing is fucked up. And now you have to insert this monumentally offensive storyline and its fallout into a season already full of problems? Next.

Okay, I will offer ONE way to incorporate the hate crime, and that is simple: Make the rest of the season about the fallout. Similar to Noora’s season with her assault, dive deep into the trauma, spend a few episodes with Robbe and Sander recovering, telling their friends about it, going to the police about it. Cut back on other drama from S3. Don’t fuck around with Sander going back to Britt, unless you tie it in directly to him being afraid to date a guy after the hate crime. Don’t fuck around with Noor outing Robbe considering he has enough shit on his plate. If you want to bring her back, make her support him through the trauma. Honestly? Don’t fuck around with the hotel incident. Like I truly hate to lose Sander’s mental illness as a vital part of the season, but adding a full-blown manic episode on top of gay-bashing is way too much misery porn. I think you could probably show how the hate crime and resulting trauma affect Sander’s mental state without pushing it into full-blown wandering the streets naked while manic.

Do I particularly like this plot? I mean, no, not compared to the original, and I feel like this is better off as its own thing rather than a S3 adaptation. But at the very least, I can see the attempt to take the hate crime seriously. You cannot just throw in this type of scenario to shake things up and leave it at that. This show is specifically made for teenagers, to take their struggles seriously and to give them positive examples of how to handle problems. If you prioritize the violent act itself because it’s dramatic and shocking, rather than the recovery (because that’s like, boring and uninteresting, amirite), then you’ve shown your ass. You don’t understand the purpose or the appeal of Skam in the first place.

Jumping ahead, I think this is exactly where wtFOCK exposes its true intentions. wtFOCK does not care about helping vulnerable teenagers find solutions to tough problems. wtFOCK does not care about healing or educating. wtFOCK is about shaking the audience so hard that viewers get whiplash. If wtFOCK gave a shit about helping the audience, the rest of the season would focus on Robbe and Sander dealing with the assault, giving them options to report it, showing them ways to cope with the trauma. Things that might help audience members who unfortunately also found themselves victims of hate crimes or homophobic violence. Those are not present in the rest of the season. It’s just a fucking soap opera.

If you MUST have a homophobic incident to go with your dark ‘n’ edgy season, you can still limit it to some assholes yelling homophobic slurs without resorting to violence. That’s bad enough, and it did happen to Isak and Even later in the series. Even if you decide you MUST have a violent angle to this incident for whatever reason, I don’t fucking know why but OK, you don’t need to film it in this super exploitative manner where our heroes are getting viciously beaten on the ground. But there are so many ways to incorporate external homophobia without this shit.

Wouldn’t this dreadful scene make more sense at least if it had happened after the pool kiss? Like they go out a few days later, the hate crime happens, and then THAT’s why Robbe pushes away Sander and calls him names? Because now he’s afraid and he’s internalized what the bigots said? It’s tragic and gross, but at least there’s some character-driven logic in that sequence of events.

Another thing that really doesn’t work is that they’re straying so far from the original script, but at the same time they keep jamming in scenes from the original, except there isn’t the same buildup. Or any buildup, sometimes. This results in an incoherent mess of a season and of a POV character, where Robbe is part-Robbe, part-Isak.

I think all the remakes do this to a degree: there are certain beats they feel they must hit, and they hit them even though they’re off course. You need to commit either to doing a mostly faithful adaptation of the original, or to doing a remake with your own spin on the characters, but you need to be very, very careful not to just haplessly mix ‘n’ match the two. Does a scene from OG make sense within this remake universe? No? Then drop it, rewrite it, do what you need to do, just don’t carelessly recreate it if it doesn’t fit.

The way they’re writing Jens is bizarre because he seems to care enough about Robbe to ask him how he’s doing, but also not care enough to stick around and listen once the next shiny thing comes along. From the beginning they’ve set up the friendship tension with the boy squad as not just Robbe’s fault, but as a failure of his friends to pay attention as well. Like in the first episode Robbe is trying to talk to them and they just ditch him! They really need to make Jens more aware of how he himself has messed up with his friend, and not act like this is all Robbe’s doing.

We don’t need another Noor blue balls scene, thank you, bye. But if we keep this one, then we absolutely needed to see what exactly made Robbe stop in the act of sex with her, such as him flashing back to his kiss with Sander. Or even just letting us see him make the decision, because goddamn, what’s with wtFOCK not letting this young actor actually act out some of the meatiest material?

Overall, give Robbe more baby steps in his personal development, and not unbelievable leaps and changes in his behavior because the plot demands them.

I did try to think of a way to incorporate much of the same material from this week, including a hate crime, in a way that made more sense and was not ridiculously OTT or offensive. It’s hard because I really think you need to go back to the beginning of the season, but here’s what I came up with, borrowing some elements from the last episode as well.

Robbe wakes up the night after kissing Sander. He’s happy and glowing, he sees a cute text from Sander and smiles. Then he goes to the kitchen and Milan is there with a black eye or something, he’s talking to Zoë and Senne, maybe they’re tending to his injuries. Robbe asks what happened. Milan had a date last night and some homophobes started giving them a hard time, Milan wasn’t having it, punches were thrown. Milan is very shaken and upset. So is Robbe, who panics. Is this what he has to look forward to if he’s dating a gay? Will people harass him just for being out with his boyfriend? The implications of what it means to be a gay person in this world hit him really hard. He looks at Sander’s text again and ignores him and possibly blocks him. At some point we will establish that Robbe is also ignoring texts/calls from everyone else, too: Noor, Jens, his mom...

Sander shows up the next day outside Robbe’s place after Robbe has been ignoring him. He tries to talk to Robbe, but Robbe is freaked out and visibly nervous, his eyes darting around - he’s paranoid now about being seen with Sander, due to Milan’s incident. He’s worried about being a target for homophobic violence, understandably so. Sander doesn’t realize that Robbe’s frightened, however, and keeps talking and being nice. Robbe tries to play off the other night as just him being drunk, it was a mistake. When Sander physically gets too close to Robbe, Robbe yells that he’s not gay and runs inside, leaving Sander alone.

Robbe encounters Milan at home alone. Milan is still bruised from the homophobic incident. Milan is unusually subdued. Robbe says he’s sorry for what happened to Milan, it’s terrible. Robbe then sticks his foot in his mouth by saying something well-intentioned but hurtful and ignorant about how maybe Milan shouldn’t be so gay in public or w/e, since that will just attract homophobes, and that not all gay people act like Milan (meaning flamboyant, etc.) Milan gets really, really upset and snaps at Robbe about how gay people have been beaten and killed for just being who they are - basically a version of the Pride speech with a somewhat different context - and that it takes bravery and strength, Robbe doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. So that ends on a bad note for them.

Now trying to get out of the house since he’s fought with Milan, Robbe meets up with Jens, or maybe Jens finds him at the park or whatever. Jens comments on how it’s been a while since they’ve talked. Robbe says he was just worried about what the guys would say since he blew up at them previously. Jens is like, dude, we’re your friends. You have to talk to the people who care about you, you can’t just ghost them and avoid facing your problems. Robbe takes this advice to heart. Jens tells Robbe that he’s ready to listen when Robbe wants to talk. Maybe Robbe sees something that reminds him of Sander, like graffiti on a building, and despite his fears, we can see that he really misses Sander, and that his feelings for Sander are stronger than his fears.

Next he meets up with Noor. She’s really upset that he’s been ignoring her. He apologizes and a version of the breakup scene goes down. When Robbe leaves, we see him walk away with a conflicted expression. Sorry that he’s hurt Noor, but understanding that this was the right call, and relief that he doesn’t have to pretend any more.

Robbe sees Milan again and apologizes for what he said last time. Milan accepts his apology. Robbe admits that he’s been confused lately because he likes a guy and he doesn’t know what that makes him. Milan says something like that’s great Robbe likes a guy and that Robbe doesn’t need to label himself right now, he should just follow his heart. Maybe that liking boys is scary (Milan points to his black eye) and sometimes you need to be careful, but at the end of the day, Milan has to be himself and live his life honestly, and so does Robbe. After Milan leaves, Robbe takes out his phone and texts Sander saying he wants to talk.

Sander meets Robbe somewhere and Robbe apologizes for ignoring him, says he freaked out because that was the first time he kissed a guy, but now he’s made up his mind that he wants to be with Sander. They kiss and make up, yayyyyy.

This is by no means a perfect solution (like the thought of then going into the shit with Britt next episode on top of this makes my head hurt), this is just an attempt to include stuff like homophobic violence, Robbe’s ghosting Sander, scenes with Jens and Noor, etc. in a way that makes a little more linear sense to me and doesn’t feel as haphazard, and isn’t super triggering or exploitative. I think if you have a hate crime happening to Robbe himself, that really needs to be the main focus from here on out, for at least a few episodes; if you have something off-screen happening to another character, you can address the topic of violent homophobia without having it dominate the season or featuring triggering scenes. And hopefully it would still have some emotional impact, because we see how it affects Milan, and some clear consequences for character development, because we see how it affects Robbe, as the situation he may find himself in one day.

If I missed anything, cultural notes, translation nuances, let me know!

#wtfock reactions

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megabucks85 · 4 years

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Christmas with The Terror Cast (Part 6)

This final entry highlights two period pieces about exceptional artists immortalized by their work.

All Is True (2018)

As someone not well-informed of the life of Shakespeare, I’m not entirely sure how much is true of All Is True. I didn’t attempt any fact-checking after seeing it. But, frankly, that was because I didn’t want to. I enjoyed the film too much. It’s structured like a play, carefully staged without much camera movement within each scene. Coupled with an ensemble of some of the greatest thespians of our time, it’s nothing short of a treat in 2020 or any year for that matter. There’s one particular scene between Kenneth Branagh and Ian McKellen that’s one of the greatest exchanges between two performers that I’ve ever watched.

I do think this film fits well into holiday viewing. Centered on Shakespeare’s homecoming in a time when a prolonged patriarchal absence wasn’t uncommon, the brilliant playwright learns that the image of his family that’s lived in his mind was one of his own creation. Quite simply, it wasn’t true. As the truth of recent events unfolds in one scene after another, he’s forced to come to terms with the reality of who those he cares for most really are.

Featured Terror Actor: Jack Colgrave Hirst

Source: Shutterstock.com

JCH portrays Tom Quiney, the eventual husband of Shakespeare’s younger daughter. He’s devilishly charming in a way we don’t get to see in The Terror (not that he wasn’t excellent in the series – just a different type of role). It’s a fun performance, and he and Kathryn Wilder, who plays Judith Shakespeare, are so talented that they’re able to hold their own opposite their legendary costars. One great moment after their wedding has the two preparing for their first night together…well, supposed first night. When Judith undresses Tom, JCH’s arm appears to get caught in the sleeve, and both actors start laughing as he’s forced to eventually yank his trapped arm out of the nightshirt. It’s great because even though that probably wasn’t supposed to happen, the actors manage to go with it and maintain their chemistry with each other.

To Walk Invisible (2016)

Nothing says Christmas like family dysfunction, am I right? Joking aside, this is certainly apparent, but the film, of course, is about so much more. Set between 1845 and 1848, the plot focuses on the three sisters as they create and publish their renowned masterpieces while struggling with an aging father and self-destructive brother. The character development is wonderful in that we’re not just dealing with the three good sisters and their naughty brother. Rather, each member of the family is wrestling with their own demons and able to approach one another with empathy and compassion even if ultimately unable to help. I was particularly drawn to Chloe Pirrie’s performance as Emily Brontë. A few pieces have been written about her character traits, leading many to believe she may have had Asperger’s or autism. Chloe Pirrie certainly expresses traits of these and perhaps also of selective mutism. But, she conveys this with such realism that we’re able to acknowledge the obsessive behavior but not define her character by it.

Overall, I was first introduced to this film two years ago, and absolutely fell in love with it. This is a must-see, and why not over the holidays.

Featured Terror Actor: Adam Nagaitis

It’s impossible to mention this film’s phenomenal character development without discussing Adam Nagaitis as Branwell Brontë. A lesser actor would’ve made him completely despicable. But Nagaitis’s performance is so nuanced, that we understand the demons plaguing his character, the burden of needing to be so much more than he believes he can be, all the while surrounded by the genius of his sisters. He strives for greatness but can only linger in their shadows. I don’t necessarily think this frustration is linked to sexism but rather is tied to an era which required men to take their place as heads of the family, a place that, quite simply, Branwell couldn’t reach.

The film ends poignantly with a modern-day sequence that closes on the painting of the three Brontë sisters, now visible to all, created by Branwell, who brushed himself out, deeming himself unworthy of recognition.

Featured Terror Actor: David Walmsley

Photo credit goes to @blazingadam once again.

Fear not! I did not forget about David Walmsley’s appearance in this film. He plays Joe Leyland, an artist and confidante of Branwell’s. Put very rudimentarily, he’s the Tozer to Branwell’s Hickey. This is the third role (well, second at the time) that he’s had with Nagaitis, and there definitely seems to be a bond between the two actors that make them work so well together.

Now, I’m probably getting slightly off-topic, and Walmsley’s enjoyable in this film, but I do think he’s far too handsome and talented to remain in the best friend role. His performances in The Terror and In the Flesh are indicative of the range he has, and I look forward to continuing to see more of these nuanced, complex roles down the road.

This concludes my list of holiday films with The Terror cast. I hope anyone that sees this finds the list enjoyable and gives a few of these a watch if they haven’t already. Happy holidays!

#christmas with the terror cast #terror cast #the terror amc #all is true #jack colgrave hirst #to walk invisible #adam nagaitis #david walmsley

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wintcry · 4 years

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WHAT: leonard snart believes his boyfriend died and invited the rest of the flash rogues to star city for a memorial service for their fallen comrade. WHO: lisa snart, mentions of evan mculloch ( @evan-mcculloch ), mentions of the flash rogue gallery, and a brief mention of barry allen ( @scxrletspeedster ). WHEN: december 10th, 2020. WORD COUNT: 1,505. TRIGGERS: death, grief brief mention of physical abuse, brief mention of alcoholism, and a lot of mentions of alcohol in general.

Leonard wanted to get the gang back together again ever since his release a few months ago but never wanted it to be for this reason. There might not be a body to bury but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have a memorial service for Mirror Master. The room is full of Rogues, dressed in their uniforms as a sign of respect whether they’re in the game still or not. Snart has a beer in hand — something he brought plenty of to go around since this was going to be a long evening. He spent over twenty thousand dollars on liquor for this. It might seem unnecessary to most but that’s the kind of man Evan was — always splurging when they all got together. Whenever one of their own is lost they come together to celebrate their comrade’s life. It left a bitter taste in most of their mouths losing another Mirror Master. Nobody is taking it quite as hard as Snart though.

Everyone has had a few drinks by now, everyone taking turns standing up to tell their favorite story about Evan. They reflected on how they all met him, remembering the cautious feeling that most of them were about someone taking Scudder’s place but also how quickly the boy won them over. It was obvious that his knowledge surpassed that of his predecessor so Evan became an important member of their team. Overall the stories reflected their time together . . . then for a moment Leonard smiles as someone mentions a time when Evan tossed Digger into his mirror world for talking too much and gave himself some quiet. They all became a family fighting Flash. They were a dysfunctional one but their bond together became tight-knit and extended beyond just putting on the colorful outfits. It was about more than thievery and gaining wealth. Sometimes they even got together just to drink and play card games. None of it will ever be the same now that they lost a member of their group.

His chest aches, never shown this much emotion before but this is for Evan. He loved that boy and Leonard will have to try learning how to live with the fact those three words never got to be said to him. He knew they had an unspoken thing going on but Evan deserved to hear it at least once . . . even if the words weren’t said back . . . at least then he would have died knowing. Leonard grumbles a little in his chair, tossing back the remaining whiskey in his glass as he slams the glass down on the table. He splurged to rent out this space too. He didn’t want them to gather in a funeral home . . . didn’t feel right when there wasn’t a body. Snart heavily sighs and looks around to where the drinks were setup. He already had three but a fourth will be needed if standing up in front of everyone was going to happen.

His sister looks at him with a concerned look, aware of how hard this must be for him. Surely everyone was aware that something was going on between them but nobody ever commented on it except for Trickster. “I’m fine, sis. You don’t need to stare at me like a hawk.” He moves to stand up while everyones minding and distracted. She places a hand on his forearm, blonde hair falling out of her face while looking up at her brother. “You’re not fine. I know you, Lenny. I think you should pace yourself.” There’s always a concern about Leonard becoming more like their father and heading down a road of alcoholism instead of dealing with how he felt. He tore his arm away gently, needing to get his hand on another drink. “It’s what McCulloch would have wanted . . . see us all so shit-faced that we don’t remember our names. I’m giving him one last party.” He takes a deep breath and Lisa understands what it was like to go through grief after losing someone close to you. She nods and lets him go.

Leonard appreciates the concern but knows what needs to be done. He makes his way over to pick up another bottle of beer off the table this time instead of more whiskey. Everyone seems to be having a good time and laughter can be heard. Evan being remembered like this in such a positive light from their friends is enough to make him have a glimmer of happiness in the midst of his anguish.

The bottle is lifted to his lips, taking a swig of the beer while stepping to the front of the room. It was time to do this — unable to be avoided after a few hours into this gathering. Eyes shift as the leader pulls his hood off his head, a ridiculous jacket but it got the point across. He left the glasses at home though, not planning on using his gun tonight. It wasn’t what this is about. He takes a deep breath. “Well, we have Flash to thank for letting us put this together.” His hand raises the beer up in the air, the one time they’ll ever toast the scarlet speedster. There’s some hollering at that statement as expected. His lips shift into a grin for only a moment before it fades back into more of a grimace. Theres more chatter around the room but it doesn’t take long for Leonard to gain control of the room again. “Settle down. I’m not done yet.” He gives everyone a look and everyone behaves. Axel leaning over the table eager to hear what the older man is going to say.

It feels like an invasion of privacy to allow himself be this open. “Where do I start talking about Evan McCulloch? He was the best of us.” He swirls the beer around in the bottle while he talked, maintaining eye contact with all the other criminals in the room. They all came a long way for this night. Some stories deserved to stay between them . . . even if his boy was gone that’s something he wouldn’t betray. “I never knew what it felt like to love. I told myself that my focus should all go toward this job. I’ve been at this for a long time. I have my sister and all of you. I thought that’s all I needed until Evan came into our lives. What a surprise, wasn’t he?” He chuckles a little and takes a sip of the alcohol, maybe too much and tries not to look at that pained look on Lisa’s face. “Seven years together and I never told him. I have to live with that regret. Nobody else is allowed to use the Mirror Master mantle again, I’m going to make sure of that. He was passionate about his craft and there isn’t a soul alive that would be able to live up to his work.” Leonard meant it and anyone who dared take it on would find themselves on the other end of his cold gun.

Leonard is selfish and doesn’t want to talk about the private moments he shared with Evan. Those late nights spent wrapped up in each other after one of their passion filled sessions. It was only for him. He inhales sharply. “I’m going to miss him. I’m not sure how to keep going but I think that Evan would want us to. He would want to see us getting drunk and tripping over each other. We should give him that, yeah? He can look down on us in amusement while we can barely walk home. I love him and hope that we meet again in the next life.” He raises his drink one last time. “To Mirror Master.” Everyone cheers and raises their own drinks in response.

Leonard finishes off his and stumbles off to the bathroom. He doesn’t want to look at anyone else right now. He throws the glass bottle at the wall and just screams. He doesn’t know how anyone does this . . . nobody ever warned him how falling in love would hurt so much.

His sister slips into the bathroom, not caring about the sign on the door. She approaches him and wraps her arms around him. Leonard grew up not being allowed to as their father saw it as weakness. They would have gotten hit for shedding one tear but Lisa is softly telling that it’s okay . . . that he can let it out. Leonard wraps his arms around his little sister and just sobs. He wouldn’t have let his guard down around anyone else. They stay there for a while even after the tears stop flowing. He wasn’t ready to head back out to the party yet and that was okay. The Snart siblings sit on the floor against one of the walls together, not needing to say anything because they both know.

#ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ? ᴛᴏᴏ ʙᴀᴅ. [ MUSE ]#ᴍᴀʀᴋ ᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʀᴋᴇsᴛ sʜᴀᴅᴇ ᴏғ ʀᴇᴅ. [ EVAN MCCULLOCH ]#child abuse tw #alcoholism tw #death tw #grief tw #i finally did it!

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sunbird-tells-stories · 4 years

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Some dumb Team Spicer OT3 headcanons no one wants to hear but I’m gonna say them anyways:

Jack has a thing with personal space and doesn’t like being touched by pretty much anyone and hates physical contact as a whole, except for maybe hugs from Mom. However, he’s severely touch-starved and the more he falls for Jermaine and Timber, the more he not only allows for physical contact from both of them, but he initiates it too. Sitting closer to them, leaning on their shoulder, that sort of thing.

Eventually when they do become a thing he then becomes this barnacle that is always hugging or leaning or lounging on one of them at all times. They’re his safe space and he shows it by being close to them.

I’m still debating on whether Timber’s short hair becomes a permanent look, but I like to think that if it becomes long again, Jack has a habit of playing with it and petting it because it’s so soft and fluffy. And because it’s Jack, Timber let’s him.

Since one is a martial artist and the other is a wilderness nut,Jermaine and Timber are both pretty physically strong. And Jack 👏 is 👏 here 👏 for 👏 it 👏 He’s into physical strength.

Before Xiaolin training Jack is pretty wimpy and nowhere near as physically fit as he should be because he spends most of his time building robots in a lab. Since he’s so slow and kind of a load in an emergency, Timber often just picks him up and carries him. He pretends to hate it and won’t stop complaining when she does it, but he actually kind of likes being carried around like that. He’s always lowkey impressed by it.

He has tried or will try carrying her just to get back at her and it never ends well.

Jermaine is the strongest of Team Spicer and can carry both of his partners. However since he’s also the shortest member he rarely does it because it’s way too easy to lose balance.

Timber never really played any sport except hockey because...well, because Canada (and also no friends), but I like to think that Jermaine teaches her how to play basketball and she just loves it. She likes playing it and when he finally takes her to a game she likes watching it too. Jermaine loves the way it brings out her competitive spirit and her sense of wonder as a whole.

Jermaine’s favorite things about Timber are her enthusiasm, her curiosity, her creativity, her ability to stand on her own two feet, her outspokenness, her wild nature (pun intended), her wilderness skills, her thirst for adventure and knowledge and her smile.

His favorite things about Jack are his innovative nature, his feistiness, his intelligence, his competitiveness, the cute and silly faces he makes when he’s sketching out new blueprints for one of his inventions, his eyes, his awkward and adorkable moments, his defiant nature and the way he just doesn’t quit no matter what life throws at him.

Jermaine also likes Timber’s laugh and Jack’s smile. Neither of them are prone to laughing or smiling and as they grow closer Jermaine makes a point to try to get each one to do both. He genuinely wants to see these two disasters realize how beautiful and amazing and incredible they really are.

Slight spoilers but Jermaine ends up suffering from nightmares after the events of MW! due to reasons I won’t go into. He’s alright but healing is a slow process and it takes time to get over trauma, and the nightmares are intense and leave him in a cold sweat and make it hard for him to get some rest. The only way he feels safe enough to go back to sleep is if he’s with Jack and Timber. So for a long time after the fic, the three have nightly sleepovers so Jermaine can actually get some sleep. He wakes up, freaks out, talks it out with them, sometimes Timber makes him some tea with her super potent lavender and chamomile flowers and after they just all fall back asleep.

Jack is the first to catch Feelings. Next is Timber. Jermaine, for all his virtues, is incredibly thick and can’t seem to understand that both of the people in his party are crushing on him pretty hard. Sadly it’s because he doesn’t really think he’s good enough for anyone to like him.

In this universe, Jack and Jermaine are both bi, but only Jack is aware of his own orientation. Jermaine is not. At least, not for long.

Jack’s color motif is mostly black, Timber’s color motif is mostly blue and Jermaine’s is mostly red with yellow accents. Why?

They’re the colors of the poly flag :)

Spoiler but once they start dating, everyone’s in a tizzy about it. But hands down the person who is most shocked and/or disturbed by this turn of events is...Chase Young. Despite the fact that he used the boy as a pawn in a scheme, he did get somewhat attached to Jermaine. He was after all a good student and Chase is honorable enough to respect legit talent and effort. The moment he hears that his talented former Apprentice is dating both the student of his oldest rival AND Jack freaking Spicer, he goes through all five stages of grief before running straight to the Xiaolin Temple, finding Jermaine and telling him “I’m sorry for your loss”.

As you can imagine, Jermaine isn’t pleased.

You better believe I have an entire YouTube playlist dedicated to this ship, but this one in particular, and this particular mix made for this AMV, is definitely one of my favorite songs for their ship. https://youtu.be/SYcODDcNSIk

youtube

Timber’s family is dysfunctional and abusive, and Jack’s family is distant and neglectful, if well intentioned. So I like to think they both find a healthy family dynamic in Jermaine’s mom, grandmother and older sister.

They try to keep their relationship a secret from anyone outside the Temple, but eventually their families find out. Jermaine’s family is very supportive, but you better believe Ivory grilled Jack and Timber pretty hard once she realized these two idiots were in a relationship with her baby brother. But eventually they do have a supportive dynamic with each other (with Timber slightly more successful than Jack on the grounds that Jack is a show off and Ivory doesn’t like show offs).

Jack’s Dad is shocked and doesn’t really know how to handle it but since Jack is genuinely happy for once in his life he’s got no beef and just quietly lets them be - with one exception. Jack’s Dad is relatively famous and in the news all the time, so he’s used to being paparazzi fodder and having tabloids spin stuff on him. But the moment they try to belittle Jack for his relationship with his partners, Jason puts an end to it. IMMEDIATELY. Jason may not understand his son, but he will always love him.

Jack’s mom is devastated, but not because he’s poly - it’s because as a hardcore supporter of Jack getting married and giving her lots of grandkids to spoil (she’s that kind of mom), she’s been budgeting his future wedding for years, LITERAL YEARS, so that the moment he finds The One, they can get hitched with no fuss. And now suddenly she has to budget for a whole other person. One and a half decades of planning RUINED.

Timber’s mom and step-dad.....even I’m not sure. But Kallik and Hanta still care about their sister, even if they’re terrible at showing it. And once they get wind of what’s happening, Timber’s brothers get overprotective and overstep their boundaries in an effort to drive off these “playboys” from toying with their sister’s heart. That is, until Timber puts them in their place.

I like to think that Kallik and Hanta eventually do find a way get along with Jack and Jermaine, if only for the fact they can watch over Timber when they can’t....but it’s a slow process. After all, they’re still working on repairing their relationship with their sister.

Poly families exist in real life (and happily so depending on the family) so maybe when the members of Team Spicer are all grownups and are at a good age to start a family, they get married and have kids? I dunno. It’s a hypothetical situation for now since the whole “Xiaolin Dragon” thing is more or less a lifelong deal and that would get in the way of raising kids. But I like to think that if they do have kids, they have a boy named Jake who raises a lot of Hell (like his birth Dad), and a girl named Jazmine who likes to kick evil’s butt (like her birth Dad).

Slightly spoilery but our Team each end up with an army of their own - Jack has his robots, Timber has her plants and Jermaine has loyal jungle cat soldiers. So if they did have kids, those would hands down be the most well protected kids on the face of the earth. Also maybe the most...interesting, since being raised with killer robots, killer plants and dangerous animals might make for some unnaturally fearless kids.

Jermaine is the glue that holds them all together. Jack and Timber come to love each other dearly but Jermaine is so influential to the both of them that neither one can imagine life without him.

Same with Jermaine and both of them. Timber and Jack are both crazy, they’re both stubborn, they’re both unpredictable, they cause trouble and break rules and he never knows what they’re gonna do next - and he loves that about them.

You know that person in the relationship that steals the other person’s hoodies to wear them? That’s Jack. And he doesn’t even say sorry.

Jack likes to flirt and tease Jermaine and Timber but when either of them reciprocate he gets all flustered and tsundere.

Jack and Timber both have jealousy issues but neither of them compare to Jermaine’s. He gets majorly angry when someone flirts with or gets too close to either of them - he just hides it well and is smart enough to know that Jack/Timber weren’t asking for it.

Jermaine is very protective and sometimes even overprotective. It’s an issue he’s gonna need to let go of.

Jermaine is pretty short for a boy and Timber is very tall for a girl. Jermaine doesn’t have issues about it, Timber does...but if anyone insults either of them, Jack throws hands. Like seriously he will fight you if you make a nasty comment about their height.

You see these three often chilling with each other because they are each other’s safe space.

Because they fell in love with each other while traveling the world, their idea of a date together is grabbing the Tiger Claws, warping to a random location and exploring it together. It’s a tradition they keep up even as they get older.

They genuinely love and care for each other very, very much.

That’s all for now but I have more headcanons for these guys. Trust me.

#team spicer ot3 #the good the bad and the wilde #jack x jermaine x timber #Jack x Jermaine #jermaine x timber #Jack x Timber #Youtube

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flattired · 4 years

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( JACOB ELORDI, CIS MAN, HE / HIM — oh gosh, sorry THOMAS “TOMMY” BARNETT ! i didn't see you there ! y'know, i can't believe you're already TWENTY FIVE years old; seems like just yesterday you were tripping over yourself, or was that yesterday ? just kidding, just kidding ! anyway, i hear that you've been here since 1978, or so you think; congratulations ! at least that shining OBLIGING personality of yours hasn't changed a bit, especially that LOYAL + AMICABLE, but FOOLISH + RESTLESS way about you. look, i gotta get back to the group, but i'll see you around !

hello, hello! my name is rion, though at this point you might know be better as admin jay on the main! i... i just need you guys to know how absolutely excited i am that you’re all here. lilah will tell you that basically every time we got an app she had to listen to me say holy shit again. we also sent each other the paul rudd ‘ hey, look at us ’ video a lot. it just really means the world to us that you guys took the time to join this and we hope you enjoy what we have planned. so yeah! mush out of the way, let me introduce you to the sweet but easily lead astray, tommy barnett.

full name : thomas barnett

age upon check in : twenty five

gender & pronouns : cis man & he / him

trait : obliging

personality : loyal, amicable, foolish, restless

aesthetic : survival came thanks to quick hands, the ability to stay upright despite the strikes, and an uncanny ability to find friends in high places ( just like you were taught ) — let them pull you up, believe that’s what they’re doing, and repay that kindness with service. a well worn deck of cards dictates the shape of your back pocket, the faces of queens and jacks rubbed soft to the touch by your left thumb. brother was a soldier, you were conscripted to a different brotherhood, orange prescription bottles standing at attention, waiting to be carried off by you. marked body, both for lust and anger. low expectations allow one to slip through life unnoticed ; that’s an asset, not a concern. just keep your mouth shut, kid, your comforts come at a certain price.

WHO ARE YOU ?

tw. parental neglect, toxic relationships, verbal abuse, drugs / drug dealing

thomas barnett was the younger of two sons born to eliza and charles barnett, a dysfunctional couple living just above the poverty line. tommy grew up learning how to avoid their often explosive arguments, which often spilled onto those around them ( skills include: knowing which way you could walk pass the kitchen without being noticed, which window opened without squeaking, which headphones were worth saving up for because they actually blocked sound like they claimed ). thankfully, tommy was not alone in this, he had james: an older brother who faithfully looked after him in ways their parents never did. without james, it’s unclear where tommy would be now.

he was never seen as the smartest child. liked by teachers when he was young for being kind at heart, but it took him more time than others to grasp concepts they were teaching. he struggled to pay attention, and as he grew older kind didn’t seem to be enough anymore when compared against his struggles to focus or retain. he skidded by in school, passing by the skin of his teeth, his parents far too preoccupied with the bills they couldn’t pay and their anger with each other to notice how their younger son was struggling. tommy didn’t care enough to seek out help on his own, frustrated with the way academic pursuits made him feel, and while james was doing his best, there was only so much he could do.

tommy was fifteen when james was conscripted, and suddenly he was on his own. that buffer between him and his parents was in one of the carolinas, attending basic, and tommy was forced to bare the brunt of their anger that spilled over. they used him as a tool to wound each other, no wonder he’s failing, he’s your son, but tommy was the one who ended up wearing most of the injuries. yet, it would not be the last time would become a weapon for someone else.

he would find new excuses to spend time away from the small house that had no place to hide, mostly spending time at various friends’ houses, but when a teenage boy is seeking to find things to do it is often that he’ll find himself with new and exciting bad habits. he started smoking, getting into fights when there was nothing else to do, and eventually helping a boy named davey deal drugs.

david, davey to tommy — though he accepted the nickname from no one else, was the other constant in tommy’s life besides james. they met in the third grade and davey was seemingly everything tommy wasn’t. people thought he was clever, he didn’t worry about school, and as far as tommy could tell, davey was absolutely loaded. despite the differences, they were fast friends, and tommy became extremely loyal to the other boy over the years. that’s why, when davey got involved in some things that were less than legal, tommy found himself involved as well.

for all the cleverness davey was touted to have, the scheme was rather simplistic. maybe that was the genius of it though. davey’s father was a doctor, a psychiatrist specifically, and apparently it was easy enough to pull rx pads from the desk within their home. then davey would fill them out in the way he wanted to, forge his father’s signature, and take the scripts to various out of town pharmacies to get them filled. then he, with the help of tommy, could sell them at a premium.

tommy was never certain why davey did it, but for tommy it was about achieving a bit of freedom, independence. the deal was never something that fits who he was at heart, especially with some of the more questionable things davey did, but he tried not to think about that. his bartending job was something that left him living paycheck to paycheck, but this ... well, it let him move out of his parent’s place, and it’s the first time he’s just had cash on hand without having to think about it. he wouldn’t like to admit it, but there’s also something about the excitement, the way it scratches that restless itch of his, that ( in addition to his loyalty to davey ) kept him in the game.

WHERE & WHEN DID YOU CHECK IN ?

when tommy opened the door to his room the next morning to find the raven house, he knew instantly something had changed. it wasn’t hard to figure out considering he had checked into a motel 6 off of i - 95 the night before. sure, it had been a late night and he hadn’t gotten much sleep, but when you’re expecting to step out onto a concrete walkway ( red metal railing in front of you, a half empty parking lot that hosts an above ground pool that is closed for the season ) and are instead greeted by a dark hallway and someone wearing what must be a halloween costume, it doesn’t take a genius to tell that something has changed. which is good, considering no one has ever accused thomas barnett of being a genius. there were plenty of other things people called him, and he tried to not let those things bother him.

but it was 1978, and no one dressed like that anymore. at least ... he didn’t think anyone did.

this wasn’t even supposed to be a trip. just a night drive; windows down in his car and recorded cassettes with his favorite songs playing at top volume. it wasn’t his fault he’d lost track of time and ended up further from home than he’d planned. now he was ... here, wherever here was. the raven house didn’t look like anything he’d ever seen before. the luxury is almost off putting to he who is far more comfortable in dive bars and parties in unfinished basements. it reminded him of davey’s house, almost, a place that ( despite the years that they had been friends ) tommy never felt like he belonged inside of.

except, this was even nicer than that.

WHAT WENT WRONG ?

tw. drugs / drug dealing

a flat tire.

which would have been fine. he knew how to change a flat tire. so technically, what had gone wrong was that he also got a flat tire three months before, and he’d never replaced the spare.

tommy managed to pull the car over, and upon discovering this and checking the time on the car radio, he decided there was nothing he could do tonight. a neon vacancy sign was visible from where he was standing, and he was sure they had a payphone he could use in the morning, call a friend or call a tow truck. it would be fine to leave the car here until then, right? of course it would be.

as it turned out, it wouldn’t really matter.

there was a bag in the trunk, something inspired both by his occupation ( occupation? side gig, to supplement bartending, to help out his friend... it was just pills ) and advice from his older brother. james had seen some shit — or, that’s how tommy would explain it. james had never given him any of the specifics, so he had none to pass on. inside the bag were the essentials, certainly everything he’d need for a one night stay at a motel. could you even call it one night if it was already past midnight?

WHY WERE YOU BROUGHT HERE ?

it might be easy to pin tommy as the extraverted type, but the truth is under a somewhat loud exterior, there’s a kind heart: someone who’s loyal and easy going and could certainly be considered obliging. that’s the trait that brought him to the raven house, and if you think about it for even just a moment, it’s not hard to see why. an individual who’s never a leader, always the support, and doesn’t mind it. a good listener, someone who will do anything for those he cares for, or who’s happy just to play the music a little louder and sing along with you if that’s what you need. the fights he used to get into were just something to do, to assuage the restles spirit that needs to stay occupied, of something for a friend wronged ( though this definition has become somewhat muddled ), but truthfully he’s good natured at his core. he knows what it is like to receive help when you need it, and he’ll return that favor to the world any day.

WHICH ITEM IN YOUR POSSESSION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ?

it’s just a deck of cards. it’s just a deck of cards except it was a birthday present from james. it’s just a deck of cards but they’ve been worn soft to the touch by the repeated pressure of being rubbed between his thumb and fingers. he used to do card tricks with them, but now he’s worried they’ll tear. a new deck was picked up in the lobby convenience store, but the old deck is important, even if it is no longer useful.

... WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE ?

can be goaded into almost anything with the phrase ‘ i dare you. ’

is the guy who suggests that everyone play the black betty game at parties, and feels clever when he explains it.

will kick your ass at a game of quarters

was an obnoxious car signer. his ability is average, the issue lies in his inability to truly focus on driving at the same time.

now an obnoxious hotel shower singer. my apologies to whoever has the room next to him.

to compound that, he tends to keep strange hours. time isn’t real here, but his body is still on the schedule of his bartending job and mostly nocturnal, if such a thing is possible here.

has argued with the empty other side of the bar over how a drink is made.

hates the feeling of being cooped up here, more than he dislikes the issue of time. he used to drive a lot and has replaced that by wandering the floors of the hotel.

#rhintro

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vaguely-concerned · 5 years

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Some Alec Ryder Meta

So since I couldn’t find the screenshots of Alec Ryder’s dying ‘thoughts’, I went and got them myself!* And I am uh way closer to crying than I thought I would be, Alec sort of surprised me here. Let’s go!

I was NOT prepared for his literal first thought to be of his children. And notice -- this is not his children being impressive or special or idk ordered/obedient. It’s them being happy and safe and playing and chaotic. I uh did not expect this, frankly.

I’m guessing this is where they used to live when the kids were small! (Would this be before or during their time on the Citadel? The timeline there is so hazy to me haha, I can never quite remember how that works)

Baby Scott on the swing ;______; I wonder if Alec is ‘there’ off screen in this scene, pushing him, since we start off with a shot looking over Scott’s shoulder like that

Can I just say how quietly charmed I am by the fact that in Alec’s memories Ellen isn’t captured when she was ~*young and beautiful*~ or whatever nonsense -- she’s a mature woman, the same age as himself. It feels like there is something sweet and telling in that, like they were partners/equals in his mind. (This also makes me very uncomfortable to think he didn’t ask her/didn’t get her consent at the last moment on her death bed to put her in stasis, after the twins left the room at least; he seems to have respected her so much, if he went against her wishes that’s... such a breach of everything she seems to have meant to him and really should have been addressed more because it would essentially be his big sin as a character. So I choose to believe for now that when the kids left he did one last ‘give it this one last shot and I promise that if I find nothing within a certain time I’ll let you go and grieve like a normal fucking person’ sales pitch, possibly with prepared Science to back him up because they were both kind of weird like that and I think that if anything could have worked that would. ‘But think of the scientific implications tho babe wouldn’t you want to be able to find out how worked?’ ‘...You’ve got me there’)

More confirmation that Ellen had probably come to terms with her death and Alec Really Hadn’t lol. (Ellen might have just been grateful she lost neither of her children to the eezo exposure, actually -- she would have understood intimately how phenomenally lucky they were that both the twins survived and were healthy to boot) If I were to hazard a guess I’d say that Alec probably was in pretty bad need of space therapy even before his wife got ill, she was just his emotional support and he was intelligent and driven enough to hide most of it until that stability came under threat

:( this is upsetting. It doesn’t come across as well without the movement but he’s bowing his head and putting his face in his hands. Either Ellen when she’s really sick or when she uh ‘died’

I’m fairly sure that’s Ellen’s eyes -- and crucially they’re opening again.

Mom and the twins :’) I think it’s pretty clear Alec did that thing some people (especially men) do where they sort of organize all their feelings through their partner -- “Your mother would have been proud of you, of both of you” JESUS CHRIST ALEC JUST TELL YOUR CHILDREN YOU’RE PROUD OF THEM LIKE YOU ACTUALLY MEANT TO SAY, THEY ALREADY KNOW THEIR MOM LOVED THEM FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU ARE THE UNCERTAIN ELEMENT HERE

ETA: actually this might also have something to do with how convinced he seems to be that the kids don’t need him -- that his love and attention and regard doesn’t matter or count, or would even be seen as an imposition (he consistently refers to himself pretty self-deprecatingly in connection to them, their ‘old man’ coming in and messing up their lives, like he considers his absence to probably be the best he can do for them? He certainly devalues his own impact massively, positive or negative). Meanwhile Ellen’s place in all their lives is a clear and uncontested positive so maybe that’s why he goes for her pride and her love like that. Again: who the fuck raised this weird dysfunctional man to be like this and how did he get away with it for so long haha

Alec and adult/at least teenaged twins! a) I suspect going to another galaxy with them to explore might honestly have been his idea of how bonding works, which... well and b) Sara is right behind him, leaning in like she’s listening and interested in what he’s saying and maybe even speaking too, and Scott looks to me like he’s sort of stranded on the side, looking in but not quite able to connect the same way. (This might be coloured by what I know about their respective relationships from the rest of the game, granted)

The same memory as before BUT interestingly --

the camera is turning around, like Alec is trying to get a look at his children’s faces and can’t :) this is fine and not at all illustrative of his entire deal *everything in my heart is on fire*

sOME observations:

- These flashes give you more emotional insight in him than all the unlockable memories put together, and you’ll literally never see most of them unless you’re a freak like me, painstakingly frame by framing your way through it. That... seems like a waste??

- Despite his numerous flaws and shortcomings as a parent and as a person, literally every single thought he has at the end is about his family -- and not only his wife, all of them. There’s no place for his work here at all. That doesn’t absolve him of anything, of course, but it makes me sad that he never found a better way to show it, or to emotionally connect with his children, which he seems to have a real wish to. (”Maybe six hundred years can change a man”) Bioware... Bioware sequel pls don’t leave it like this ;_________;

- He himself does not figure prominently in his memories, and when he does he is faceless and vague -- except for when he is completely alone with his grief and Ellen is gone. I think there is something to be said about the fact that he makes all these huge inspiring speeches about the unknown and exploration... and yet his actual motivation is so firmly rooted in this immense fear of the unknown and of himself, of not knowing who to be without his wife, of not knowing how to go on living, of being alone. I wonder to what degree he knows this himself. (From what I’ve read so far of Mass Effect Initiation he certainly isn’t as idealistic about the whole thing as even the game portrays him, where he’s show to be pretty clear-eyed about the Initiative already -- or maybe he sort of is an idealist, under the fear and the jaded exhaustion. Either he genuinely believes Andromeda will hold answers and that science can achieve the impossible or he’s just too scared to consider any other outcome. Oh Boy tm)

- Ellen’s illness is such a cataclysmic event for him that I really have to assume he was never that stable to begin with. And as we’ve seen: When a Ryder goes off the rails they do so in STYLE and drag thousands of people with them to an uncertain fate haha

- My personal headcanon is that Alec used to be a better dad before Ellen got ill and when the kids were still very young; when all they really needed was to be held and loved and made to feel safe, and then became more and more distant as his work with SAM progressed and the children’s emotional needs grew more complex and demanding. Sara remembers this part of their father better (or clings to it more desperately, depending on your point of view) and is also more like him in general, being driven, competitive and intensely intellectually engaged (no matter how you play her in-game, Sara is always presented as vastly more A Nerd than Scott is -- its own can of worms of course but it’s there in the text). Meanwhile Scott has reached a resigned sort of ‘It’s perfectly plausible my dad would not be able to pick me out from a crowd’ place about it and given up on expecting anything more a long time ago in self defense. I think they’ve both hit on different parts of the truth there lol

(Also Sara and Alec seem to have bonded over making fun of Scott a little bit and considering him the underachiever of the two and like Not Cool guys!!! :( )

- Anyway Alec Ryder is a very interesting and immensely flawed character and killing him off and never meaningfully engaging with him again seems like throwing away a golden opportunity. Sequel where ‘Ghost Riders’ takes on a new meaning when??? I just want the twins to be able to either yell at him or connect to him better, as appropriate to the feelings of the individual player (I totally get why people would want to give their Ryders a chance to straight up hate him)

I think where it really hurts for me is that he clearly has these feelings, the capacity for it. There’s a wealth of affection and... tenderness? reverence, nearly? in these memories. None of his outward hardass needs-everything-to-be-under-control persona. And yet he could find no way to express this or even really meaningfully stay with his own feelings and his children suffered for it. It’s just all so fucking sad

*Courtesy of DanaDuchy’s youtube channel, which is truly one of the marvels of the internet; please check it out if you have any interest at all in Bioware games or indeed RPGs/games in general, there’s SO much content and it’s all neatly organized! If like me you want to listen to all the banter of every game... this channel’s got you covered

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #meta #alec ryder #is a real SOB but the more I learn about him the more grudging confused affection I have for him lol #this must be what it's like to be the ryder twins #today in the 'I know no one asked for this but my brain won't shut up about it' report lol

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bethhxrmon · 4 years

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do flowers exist at night? -chapter eight

Chapter Eight: A Turkey Dance

Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC

Chapter Summary: After a little while, Thanksgiving has finally decided to show up. It causes Annie to have some realizations about everything around her.

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of trauma, dysfunctional family stuff

A/N: Howdy, not gonna lie, I’ve run out of motivation over the last month. I’ve got up through chapter sixteen written, but reblogs and comments are the best way to help me get that motivation! Also, school’s starting for me tomorrow so that is definitely going to come before this fic. Anyways, if you’d like to see the other parts of the fic you can go here.

~*~*~*~

Thanksgiving was ordinarily a good enough holiday. There was food and a parade to watch plus a cute dog show afterwards. Annie's parents were never into football, so she never had to put up with watching the sport. However, this year was a little different than other years.

By a little different, that meant it was a huge difference. Initially, she assumed that it would just be her mom and herself sitting in front of the television and watching whatever was on.

Now, Annie wasn't against her mom dating someone else, but introducing the guy at Thanksgiving just felt a little bit weird to her. It could have been worse, though. The guy could have been a complete dick and Annie would have purposely made the day a living hell for everyone.

Fortunately, Scott Clarke was a nice guy. There wasn't any way around it. A part of Annie wanted to just hate him, but it was easy to like the middle school science teacher. How he and her mom met was beyond her, but her mom seemed pretty happy about it.

Steve told her to just give him a call if things got unbearable. His parents would be around, but he swore he would make up an excuse to help her out. What were friends for if not saving what was originally a well-liked holiday?

Everything was pretty nice that morning. Annie was working on baking a pumpkin pie and was making some mashed sweet potatoes. That was about the extent of her cooking ability. The pie was easy, she just had to pour a few cans of mix into the premade crust and make sure it didn't burn. The sweet potatoes were just the anomaly of being able to cook one thing decently enough.

"I've heard a lot about you from your mom," Scott said.

Annie nodded as she poured in the pie filling, "Yeah, I've heard a bit about you from some kids I know."

"Which kids?"

"Um... I think they're your AV kids? Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Will, and I think Max is in there, right?"

"Yes, you'd be correct," he grinned, "They're a bright group. How do you know them?"

"Um..." she paused, realizing she couldn't explain the real circumstances, "I helped babysit them a couple of times."

It was obvious that Scott was trying and Annie had to give him some credit. From how the kids talked about him, he was a smart and nice guy. While she wasn't ordinarily inclined to trust the judgement of a bunch of eighth graders, she trusted those kids.

While this wasn't the Thanksgiving Annie had counted on, it wasn't warranting a call to Steve. However, when the doorbell rang, a few alarms automatically went off in Annie's brain.

She went over to open the door and saw none other than Carter Hardwick. Already, she could feel her stomach twisting in knots. As nice of a guy as Scott was, she doubted that he dad would take well to him. Hypocritical yes, but what was a shitty parent if not just that?

"Anne, aren't you happy to see me?" he asked.

Annie forced a smile, "Uh yeah! Just um- just a bit unexpected."

"Well, I wrote."

Maybe she shouldn't have burned those letters after all.

Begrudgingly, she let her dad into the house. What other choice did she have? If her mom wanted to force him out, she wouldn't stop her. However, Annie was all too aware that she had no way of telling anyone what to do in this situation.

"And who's this?" her dad asked, nodding at Scott.

"Mom's new boyfriend," she said, her brain simply short-circuiting.

How couldn’t that have happened? The way her dad stared at the other man made Annie want to crawl into a hole. Thankfully, her mom came out into the living room. There was no hiding the look of disdain on her face. It was even more obvious when her mom asked him to talk with her for a moment.

He shrugged, "I'm sure whatever you have to say to me can be heard by our daughter and whatever asshole you've got over here."

"I'm speaking to you alone," her mom insisted.

That left the living room with only Scott and Annie. They both decided to just watch the dog show going on in front of them. Erik hopped onto the arm of the couch and Annie busied herself with petting him.

"So what's that little guy's name?" he asked.

"Oh, this is Erik. He's the family cat, but he likes me the most. Probably because I'm the most relaxed one in the house, I guess."

He nodded, "Poor, poor Erik."

"Wait... you've read Phantom?"

"Well, of course. It has some of the most amazing scientific ideas for the time!"

She thought a moment before nodding, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

While Annie wasn't sure what to think of her mom dating someone, she was at least glad this guy was nicer than her dad. The contrast was obvious when her parents both walked out.

"Anne, you'll be happy to know your good-ole dad's gonna be here for the day," her dad said as she dodged him ruffling her hair.

"You're not my dad," she said plainly before her eyes widened a bit.

That wasn't something she counted on coming out of her mouth, but she wasn't about to take it back. Technically, she was right. Neither of her parents were biological. Still, they took care of her like they were. Except, with all the things her dad had said and done in the past, she knew she could hold that lack of biology against him as long as she wanted.

"Go to your room!" he snapped.

Annie let out a laugh, "Are you serious?! You don't even live here! If you actually wanted to be a good dad you would... you- well you would pay the damn child support once in a while! You only have to make thirteen of them!"

"Annette!" her mom said, "I think you could use a moment to cool off."

That was the nicest way her mom could tell her to go to her room. Maybe she hit a nerve or two, but Annie knew she hadn't said anything that wasn't already true. There wasn't any use in arguing, though. Not when she almost wanted out of the situation. She picked up her cat and took him to her room with her.

This was the exact sort of thing she was supposed to call Steve over. So she took the phone in her room and dialed his number. As it turned out, Steve did have a phone in his room. One which they had both completely neglected that night a few weeks ago. A night she wasn't over by any means. She hadn't told her mom about any of it, and she knew that she probably would never be able to explain it. It still stuck around in her head. The inter-dimensional and the real things that happened just wouldn't leave.

She let out a sigh as she heard the phone ringing and she twisted the phone cord around her finger.

"Hello?"

"Steve?"

"It's not even noon yet," he said, almost laughing, "That bad already?"

Annie chewed on her lip, "My dad made a surprise visit... I kinda told him he's not my dad and to pay the child support for once."

"Oh shit..." he sighed, "I'd try to come and get you but um- my parents sprung a surprise trip to my aunt's on me."

"That- that's fine, I get it. You gotta see your family."

"If it's any consolation, I'll wish I'm not there. I'd really prefer to hang out with you."

She smiled a bit, "That's nice... I'd rather hang out with you too. Of course, I'd rather hang out with a cockroach than be stuck here."

"Well, if I make it back early enough, maybe I can make something work," he suggested.

"I'd like that a lot."

There was shouting in the background of Steve's end, "Uh I gotta go. Good luck, though."

"Thanks um- you too."

Then the phone clicked off and Annie set her own on the receiver. Admittedly, she almost counted on hanging out with Steve. Aside from the kids, there really wasn't anyone else she spent a lot of time with.

The thought of him trying to come over later did make her feel special. Not that she was about to say so. It was normal, they sort of just had each other. She didn't have any friends to begin with and she knew Steve would sooner die than third wheel his ex all the time.

Aside from sort of being social outcasts and dealing with the Upside Down together, what did they have in common in the first place? Maybe they had a similar sense of humor and similar music tastes, but almost anyone could have those things in common. They were just friends and Annie knew that didn't mean they had to do anything more than that.

Either way, Annie knew that she wasn't going to bother with leaving her room until someone told her to. Continuing on with her reading of War and Peace was fine with her. Contrary to her dad's opinions, she thought it was an interesting book.

A part of her was almost too invested in some of the drama of it all. What with Natasha now being tempted by Anatole as Sonya tried to be a good and loyal cousin as well as a friend. It had her reading the pages as quickly as she could. Though, a huge factor in getting through the book as quickly as she was had to be waking up in the middle of the night.

The nightmares didn't happen every night, but it wouldn't have made much of a difference either way. It was too much for her to deal with. While Steve wanted her to talk about it with him, she still didn't say much about it.

"Annie?" her mom knocked at her door.

She marked her book, "What's up?"

The door opened as her mom stepped inside, "You know, I think we still need a couple of things from the grocery store."

"Wait," she looked over the list being handed to her, "I thought we had-"

Her mom cut her off, "We're gonna run out soon. Just take your time, alright? There's no rush."

"Oh, okay."

This happened often enough when they lived in New York. If tensions got really high, her mom would send her out somewhere to do something. That didn't mean she missed out on all the yelling and arguing, though.

Still, it was enough for Annie to take the hint and grab her red, fleece-lined jacket off a hanger and left the house without saying anything. She was almost positive they didn't need any of this. They had more than enough butter and Annie could barely stand Stove Top stuffing in the first place.

She walked rather aimlessly, though she was headed toward the town. If she were too aimless, she would have ended up in the woods. As bright as the day seemed, she still didn't trust herself to go there alone.

Besides, she still hadn't found her switchblade since trying to fight Billy. A part of her thought it was possible he had it. Though, it was just as likely that it was in some obscure place of the Byers' house. She didn't want to go back there any time soon. It wasn't that she had anything against the family, but the thought of going back into the house or stepping into the living room? That was out of the question.

A part of her wished she had some way to actually make Billy pay for everything he did. The problem was that there wasn't any way to do that without giving away everything else. Not that she could think of, anyway. And who knows, maybe she didn't interpret everything properly. Maybe he hadn't done anything.

Her hands clenched inside her jacket pockets as she continued walking. A part of her wanted to tell her mom at the very least. The closest that got was when her mom saw the scar that the cut she got on her face left behind. She blamed it on getting into a bit of an altercation with Erik.

After walking for some time, Annie found her way to a small park. Someone was sitting on the swings. She could see the red hair from pretty far off, but she was unsure of who it was. Though, the closer she got, the more certain she was.

"Max? What're you doing out here?" she asked, sitting on the other swing.

Max looked over to her, "Um... just hanging out."

"None of the guys are available?" she asked.

Max shook her head, "It's Thanksgiving, everyone's with their families."

"Yeah? Well, then what're you doing out here? It's a bit chilly."

"Um..." Max let out a sigh, "You know how the whole divorced kid thing goes. It's my first Thanksgiving without my dad around and Neil and Billy are... um... they're being themselves."

Annie frowned, "They're not hurting you are they? Because if they are I-"

"No, not like that. After I almost hit Billy's nuts with that bat he's been a bit better. It still um- it scares me sometimes, though.

She nodded, "I guess that makes sense. I wish I could look forward to my dad showing up out of nowhere today, but that guy's a dick."

"Oh, was it just gonna be you and your mom?"

"And your science teacher."

"Mr. Clarke?!" Max exclaimed, laughing, "You're kidding!"

She laughed along with Max, "I'm not- I mean, having my mom date some guy like this is weird, but- but I guess things could be a lot worse, you know? Well, before my dad showed up and managed to make it awkward for everyone."

"Oh, that sucks. Sorry, I just don't know what else would help you."

Annie shook her head, "That's alright. You're, like, thirteen? You don't need to worry about helping me."

The both of them stuck around and talked to each other for a while. They managed to avoid actually talking about the awful things Billy had done. Likely because neither of them were prepared for a conversation like that. At the very least, Annie knew that just thinking about talking about that with anyone was enough to make her nauseous.

Eventually, it was for the best that Max went home, so Annie walked her back before turning around and heading back to her own house. She would have to face everything there eventually. But maybe her dad decided to buzz off by that point.

There was no such luck, though. As awkward as it was for her, she gave Scott props for not finding an excuse to get out of the house until the meal was over. If she were him, she would have faked a family emergency in a heartbeat. Though, it was possible that he was just a better person than she was. Lots of people were.

"So, Anne, I've heard you're reading War and Peace," her dad said as they all sat around eating pie.

Annie nodded, "Yep."

"I don't understand why you would bother. I've already told you all the reasons it's a waste of time."

Annie set down her fork before looking over at him, "Maybe I started to realize you compulsively lie about everything. Oh, or maybe I realized people have different tastes from you. Hm, maybe it's the fact that I couldn't give a shit about your opinion of me after everything you've done."

"Language, young lady! Elsa, is this really what you're letting our daughter get away with?"

"I'm not your kid! If I were, you wouldn't send me a ten page letter about how I-"

"Cut it out! Both of you," her mom snapped, "Look, I'm not about to kick my own daughter out of my house, but Carter? I've done nothing but try to make this day decent and, frankly, I'm tired of that. I need you to leave."

Annie focused on her pie as her mom and dad headed out of the kitchen. It beat getting told to quiet down or to stop rambling. Although, it was clear the enjoyment of silence wasn't mutual.

"This pie is great," Scott told her.

She forced a smile, "Thanks... my mom ended up doing most of the work this year, though."

"You know, I hope you don't think I'm intruding on anything. I know this wasn't the best time to try and introduce myself."

"Look, I'm gonna be honest with you. Having my mom date someone is super weird, but I don't hate you. That being said, if you even so much as think about hurting my mom, I'll find a way to make your life a living hell."

Eventually, Annie was able to go back to her room for reasons other than getting into it with her dad. It was nearly midnight and she was focused on the book in front of her as she sat in her bed. There wasn't any school the next day, so she didn't worry about what time she went to bed.

Her distracted state didn't last long when she heard something knock on the window. When she looked out she only saw a shadowy figure outside and her eyes widened. Though, looking closer, it was obviously just Steve.

She opened the door, though she did so a bit sheepishly. How could she have been so easily scared by her closest friend? Steve slid in quietly, though there was a bit of tumbling in since her bed was right under her window. If he got his shoes on her light grey comforter, she would have probably screamed.

He grinned, "Told ya I'd come over."

"Steve, I- I wish you'd told me first," she said.

His smile faded a bit, "I can leave if-"

"No, sorry, just," she sighed, "I don't know, everything just really sucks right now."

There was a long pause before Annie let herself say what happened that day. She wished today could have been normal. That every day could be normal. If that meant her life was boring then so be it. Maybe all the boring people had it right.

"That's really shitty," Steve said, looking at her.

"Yeah."

"Hey, maybe it'll get better."

"Maybe."

A few more minutes and Steve was doing everything he could to get Annie to laugh. It took a solid half hour to get a real laugh out of her, but he did it. After getting her a bit more distracted, they ended up talking about everything except the things they should have probably talked about.

Instead, it meant both of them staying up until the clock in Annie's room read that it was nearly three in the morning. It was around that point that Steve passed out in the chair next to her desk and Annie was only partially on the bed with her head and torso laid out on the carpet and her legs on the mattress.

Tag List (lmk if you want on): @dungeons-and-demodogs @nxncywheeler @ilovebucketbarnes

#steve harrington #steve harrington x original character #steve harrington x oc #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things 3 #stranger things 2 #stranger things x original character #stranger things x oc #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington angst #dfean?

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purkinje-effect · 4 years

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The Anatomy of Melancholy, 66: Baggage

Table of Contents. Second Instar, Chapter 33. Go to previous. Go to next. TWs: Body horror, joint trauma, nudity, disability-related deprecation/catastrophization. How we carry ourselves.

________________

The last of the suds fizzled, leaving ‘Choly submerged in cold opalescent bathwater. A similar surfactant quality popped his daze, and he shifted in an attempt to sit up in the tub. The fluid’s inertia instead sloshed him further back against the enameled iron. He grunted with a squint as some water got up his nose. When he opened his eyes again, he saw the real trouble hindering his exit. His joints had fallen as slack as his lucidity. He felt like a marionette without a yoke. His stomach shuddered for him, as the slow continued sway of the water, once more settling, tugged at his arms half afloat.

So it was possible, after all, to relax too much.

He lay there for some time longer, barely able to string together the thought to devise some plan. His state left him reeling beyond the rationality that he might call out for help. Angel would worry itself apart to see him like this, and Sticks might very well toss him out in the Merrimack, beyond salvage. Besides, they hadn’t come to his rescue when he fell hours earlier, and he managed to get himself to the dinner table and back up here with nearly a nonzero amount of assistance. He could do this himself. He needed to learn how to do it himself--for his own safety, in the event something estranged others from coming to his aid.

He prayed this whatever-was-happening wouldn’t endure. But at least, he could in the moment assess his limitations.

His musculature and tendons remained connected and functioning, but necessitated an entirely other manner of physiological prescience: to not simply manage his own proprioception, but to apply it forward like some telekinetic mess of connective tissue cat’s cradle. It took every scrape of mental faculty to process and focus to where he could grasp himself by the wrists, by the elbows, by the shoulders, and so on, to grip each errant joint in turn, and to administer the force and torsion necessary to right the dysfunction. The bangs and bruises from the citywide chaos of the day before only served to compound how his throbbing body resisted total exhaustion.

He pushed himself up by both hands off the side of the tub, to stand. Instead, he spilled over the side and across the concrete flooring of the balcony. Flat on his back and defeated, he flopped back with a wheeze and stared up into the joints of the patio cover. The string lights burned a reverse image in his eyelids when he shut them.

He could hear rummaging inside through the open door yards away. His Stygian eyes fluttered open. The sight of twin mounted radstag heads hanging over the balcony door choked him.

“--Angel?”

The appellation came out far weaker and more broken than he expected.

When Angel didn’t respond, he bristled, and once more underwent the slow, quiet, deliberate process of summoning himself together. He found the Mister Handy had set out on the workhorse nearest to the tub for him a towel, his robe, and his glasses. He managed the loosest sense of drying off, and draped the towel around his neck and shoulders; then, he put on his glasses, and tied off the robe. Unsure exactly whom had come upstairs, let alone what--or whom--they sought, he grabbed an awl from the workbench and edged nearer the door frame on bated breath.

In the dark of the upstairs room, he could only make out the edges of lime split lighting in contrast to the figure’s lit Pip-Boy screen. He shivered at a prickle of draft. The white uniform with black apron. Symmetrical, if not keloid-riddled, features. Sticks rifled through the secretary as though it didn’t belong to him. Unsure how to even begin to ask what the ghoul could’ve needed, 'Choly meekly closed the door behind himself.

“Need more light?”

Sticks jerked up to look at him.

“...Of course, of course.” He loosed a rumbling, agitated chuckle. “It’s all right, pal, that you, ah. Sealed that negotiation for me like that. It’s all right, because... because we’re partners. Isn’t that right? Partners.”

The ghoul rose to flip the switch for the three overhead lamps strung across the roof beams. Right off, ‘Choly noticed the ghoul’s black eye, and a ripped dishevelment marred with bits of fresh blood. ‘Choly chewed at his lower lip.

“Partners... Yeah.” He swallowed, and rubbed at his forearm with his free hand. He’d only been trying to help. “Are you okay? Could we-- talk? We need to talk. If-- if that’s all right.”

The juxtaposition of the encounter startled Sticks to a cautious desperation.

“Everything’s all right between us, right?”

“Of course. It’s not that. ...I need to sit.” He walked over to the secretary and took the desk chair for himself. Sticks sat on the corner of the bed. “I know I fucked up a lot yesterday, but I think I may have fucked up something else.”

He set the awl down on the desk, and swiveled to face Sticks. Picking what he felt he could afford to potentially damage further, he took hold of his left calf and knee, and purposefully loosed it again with a hollow chain of cartilaginous pops. His breath stuttered as he dangled his leg by the foot, but he kept his cool as he gave the ghoul a sardonic glance.

Sticks looked to him agape, with unfiltered, nauseated fascination.

“The cryogenic chemicals damaged my joints and skin, but I’ve managed for months until today. This is... something completely else.” He worked at resetting his knee as he continued, stifling jolts of revulsion. “I mean, even if it is the condition progressing, why all at once? And why-- this? It would be too much of a coincidence if the X-Cell Squared weren’t related... or the inhaler. That fucking inhaler.” He seethed, cupping his face in hand. “I was so tired when she handed me that stuff last night and told me it was Addictol. Fuck me, I’m stupid--”

“--You’re not stupid. She just knows how to trick people. ...Do you really suppose she gave you something that wasn’t Addictol?”

“I checked my Pip-Boy’s health diagnostics earlier. I’m still in withdrawals from chems I took prior to her giving me the inhaler. I could show you, if I-- if I knew where it was.”

“Hey now. I’m sure it’s safe. It’s just you, me, and the robot now.”

‘Choly toweled at his hair again, only to swivel around and look in the secretary for himself. He produced the Walden Drugs catalogue from one slot, and thumbed through it in search of specific pages.

“My current set of orthotics aren’t doing it. The officer’s gloves help, but that’s just my hands. The ankle and wrist braces, the postural corset--they’re just for sprains and such, not full dislocations. Neither you nor Angel seemed to notice earlier, but I fell down the stairs. I’m struggling to put one foot in front of the other. I’m a liability as I am. You called me wet cardboard the other day, and it just keeps feeling more true.“ He slapped the catalogue down in his lap, and shut his eyes to rub at them under his glasses with thumb and forefinger. “Look, I’m bad at asking for help. So: This is me asking for help. I know you don’t have to help me and that it’s probably prudent to ditch me... but I hope having me in your life means more to you than that.”

He held out the booklet turned to the relevant page. Sticks leaned to take it, and looked it over, uncurling the front half to inspect the cover, then back to the items. He face slacked in earnest as he flipped over to a locations listing.

“The closest one was Nashua, you said? Lexington didn’t have them?”

“I lived in the Lexington Walden’s stock room for months before it went up in flames. What I’ve got is the best I could find. Only the warehouses that stocked hospitals would have what’s on that page. They’re surgical grade. ...The Merrimack swallowed up the Lowell General Hospital, didn’t it?“ He slumped, unable to recall the building in the skyline as they’d passed through Downtown Historic. “You have no idea how badly I want to stay put. I love it here, with the bathtub, with the bed, with the you... But...” The idea of it eroded him to trembling. “I know it’s a long way. Especially on foot. But I can’t do it with just Angel. Especially since it’s out of ammo.”

“No, no. If you need this, then we need this. We needed a good reason to blow this place for a while. The Unfolded may seem to want to continue respecting the history this place has, Glenn Johnny’s included... But Lowell as a whole? They weren’t out here on exterminator duty, Mindy. They were doing recon on the locks and channels equipment. For the General.”

That nearly knocked ‘Choly out of the chair. When it clicked, he paled numb.

“The fuck do they want to-- Oh. Oh no.”

“Yeah. I’m not happy about it, either. Bare minimum, it’s gonna be like when a company puts a new building in. Except you and I both know that wont just be, what was it? Skunks? But worst case scenario? I don’t even want to begin to speculate what they plan to do with the river.” Weary, Sticks circled back to the catalogue. “Have you got a time estimate for this little recon? How long you think it’ll take to get there, and how long you intend to stick around?”

“I’m not sure. Does it matter much? We’re in agreement that a change of scenery’s desirable.”

Sticks traced at the details on the page, distant and in deep thought.

“It’s not just a change of scenery, is the thing. It’s a change of climate. I don’t know if you realize this, but Lowell’s on the southern threshold of the Hinter... and we’re coming up on Nor’easter season. Sure, the wildlife has got all big and wild, but so’s the weather. I’ll be mostly all right up there, being a ghoul, provided our shelter’s sound. But you? And the Handy?” The ghoul waved off his own train of thought. “You know what. Don’t sweat it. We’ll manage this. My experience, your grey matter.”

“Nor’easters? You’re worried over a chance there’s one this year? I’ve weathered dozens of ice storms in my life. Even a few hurricanes. And you’re a native Yankee, so you’ve got to have, too. We’ll be fine.” Denial wheezed from his nostrils, his lips pressed together tight. “I know it will put us even further from New Hampshire, but I do have one obligation first. I have to go to Billerica, to escort someone to the Concord suburbs. I should’ve taken them to safety before getting here, but I also didn’t know what I was getting myself into. They’ve been waiting for the Lowell conflict to blow over, and like me, they’re the last survivor of their location. I would have had to go check on them soon even if we stayed here.”

The ghoul squinted at him.

“Hazarding you’re confident they couldn’t just travel there themselves.”

“It shouldn’t take long at all!” ‘Choly threw his hands up. “One day, tops. We just need to get from here to there to Sanctuary Hills. It’s a Mister Handy. I couldn’t have brought it to Lowell and just left it. And it just feels too many kinds of wrong to just leave it all alone there, when it could be among some normal people again for once.”

Sticks weighed the various aspects about the proposition that didn’t sit well.

“If you’re having trouble just walking, do you suppose you’ll be in any condition to ride Angel down?”

“I, I don’t know.” 'Choly wilted into begging that left his companion too tongue-tied to object all the while. “We’ll figure that out, too! And you know what? This trip to Nashua isn’t just for me. Partners. I meant it, that we’re in this together. The long haul. The Lexington Walden was a smaller location, and even it had a sizable chem lab arrangement, with a large cache of stock. The Nashua Walden was classified as a full regional warehouse: it shipped to a dozen locations in the New England Commonwealth. Olivia gave me all those military chem formulas. That is what you were looking for just now, weren’t you? I’m as interested as you, to see what all I can make from a chem cookbook culminated from two hundred years of research.”

Sticks sat up at once and looked to him knowingly. He swatted his knee with the catalogue.

“Now that, I like to hear! What initiative! We’ll start out for all this tomorrow. You hear me? Let’s get to gathering things up tonight. We can do a once-over in the morning to make sure we’re not leaving anything important behind.”

“You’re not exhausted after all that stuff downstairs? After cooking for thirty?”

‘Choly felt even more pathetic than he sounded. He hadn’t even lifted a finger with a thing, yet was this worn out.

“We’ll go until we pass out, at least. We’ll sleep better that way. Hey Angel!” Sticks called out for the robot. “Set down that broom and dustpan for a bit and help us out up here!” He chortled excitedly. “Ohh, bless it all. You want to cook chems for me. And you want to wear this for me. I could kiss you.”

Something between a grimace and a grin tore ‘Choly’s face.

“You... you could kiss me, you know.”

“You’re not wrong.” Sticks swept him up in both arms and plopped him back on the freshly made bed, only narrowly taking the care to be delicate with him. He leaned down over the top of him, a hand to each side of ‘Choly’s shoulders, to smooch him. “We’re great together. You know that, right?”

‘Choly squinted awkwardly, and reached to turn off the screen light on Sticks’s Pip-Boy. He pulled him into another kiss, and looked him in the eye with adoration.

“Always have been.”

“I’ll have you know I’ve no intention of leaving this place without first cleaning up after such horrid house guests.” Angel scoffed in frustration as it appeared upstairs, oblivious to the pair making out on the bed. “And I hate to be the bearer of such information, but if I’m to carry Mister Carey, we must pack as light as possible. It’s not to guilt you, Sir, but even with the refinements you’ve made to my hydraulics, the added weight does result in a higher fuel expenditure. My ammunition isn’t the only thing running low after this week.”

“So we’ll make more frequent refueling pit stops for you, buddy,” Sticks mumbled over his shoulder, still pecking all over ‘Choly’s face and neck and shoulders where he could get at it. The little creep soaked it all up, squirming like it tickled. “You just worry about carrying Carey here. Anything heavy I need to bring, I’ll carry myself.”

‘Choly grabbed his face to get his attention.

“Hey. Maybe Angel could carry all the supplies, and you carry me? I’ve got to weigh less than that Flamer did, and you hefted that thing all over town without hardly ever setting it down.”

The ghoul melted into dopey chuff.

“Mindy. Babe. You do not weigh less than a Flamer.” He smiled, heavy lidded. “You’re on something, though. Sounds like it might work. I can guarantee you, that everything I’m bringing totally weighs less than you. So if I carry you, and Angel carries everything I’m bringing, that’s less strain on its flame.”

“Can I entrust you with my most precious cargo, Mister Hawthorne?”

He planted one more forceful smooch on ‘Choly before meeting gazes in a dreamy determination.

“He’s my prize, too, ya know.”

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#fallout fanfic #fallout 4 fanfic #fallout 4 #fallout #fo4 #sole survivor #mister handy #ghoul oc #melancholy #angel #sticks #the anatomy of melancholy #mm designer bags under my everything and everywhere #disobedient daily dress intensifies

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whogirl42 · 5 years

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Episode 8. Oh wowee, episode 8.

Warning: I have a lot of thoughts and feelings because Marisa and Asriel finally interacted onscreen and it was glorious.

Let’s begin.

We all know Marisa has a... let's say, complicated relationship with her daemon. At his point, it’s no surprise to see Marisa abusing him in one form or the other. But we’ve never seen it like this before. Earlier times it was as a warning to behave or a slap as a form of punishment. This? This is something new. Marisa is gripping her daemon’s skin to the point of pain, a point so painful that she is closing her eyes and wincing. There’s no pretending it doesn’t hurt her too. This is self ham at its most explicit.

What has he done to deserve such treatment? What could have driven her to this? What did we see Marisa doing in the scene we saw her last?

Marisa is bracing herself for having to kill Asriel, one of the only two people in the world she cares about. Her entire self is rebelling at the very thought.

"What did he do to you?" Macphail asks, and it might have been her asking herself that question. "What power he still exerts. I knew you. An ambitious young woman with a good marriage well on her way to quite some position, and then that man came along and you melted."

That won’t happen again. Marisa is far from that stupid girl who made the worst mistake of her life over a crush. She steels herself for what she needs to do. She is sure in her convictions and no one, least not that man, will stop her.

Below, armoured bears are readying for an attack.

Lyra is probably still with the Gyptions. There's no reason to think Lyra would be down there below. Maybe the possibility of Lyra being there doesn't even cross her mind. Except Iofer is dead. After an armoured bear helped Lyra escape Bolvanger. And now there are armoured bears readying for an attack against the Magisterium. Lyra could be down there.

"Open fire," Marisa says. It's chaos down there, it's hard to see anything. But maybe she spots one bear running away. Maybe she spots a familiar red hat on its rider and sighs in relief. Maybe she berates herself for almost hurting her daughter again.

Or maybe Lyra isn't even on her radar, too consumed with thoughts of Asriel.

Marisa knew Asriel was doing something was Dust. She understands from his work that it has something to do with an energy discharge. The penny drops, and fear takes hold of Marisa.

He wouldn't. Would he? But the numbers all add up. Marisa isn't beyond hurting children and they're the same, Asriel and her, they always have been. He'd enjoy besting Marisa at something, succeeding where she couldn't. He couldn't. But who was to say how far his convictions went? Lyra shouldn't be anywhere near there. There's no reason for her to be there.

Still, Marisa is on edge. She demands Thorold tell her what Asriel is planning, even as she seems to have grasped the basics. She tries frightening him, appealing to the faith I'm surprised he'd even have after years of working for Asriel. Thorold lowers the gun but still doesn't say anything. Marisa tries a different tactic.

"Thorold, I should throw you to the wolves. But I won't. I’ll tell them that Father Macphail is staying here to analyse what we’ve found, and then I’ll take the troops to pursue Asriel and you will leave. He’s always been so reckless. He’s never treated any of us well, you included."

Did Thorold tell her anything off-screen? We don't know. There's nothing to suggest that they talk any more after this scene. Which means that Marisa - always in control - Coulter let her guard down, let herself seem vulnerable about Asriel, without any clear gain. This isn't a ploy to get something. This isn't her being emotional because Lyra's there. This is just her being emotional. For the first time in god knows how long, she's going to see Asriel again. And Thorold has been working with Asriel for years. He probably knew about the affair as it happened, one of the only people in the know. Both Thorold and Marisa know Asriel intimately, and there's a camaraderie to that.

I can't not mention Marisa's remarks about Asriel throughout the season.

"He's a failure of a man and a failure of a father." (1x02)

"He thought he could protect you. Another one of his ridiculous ideas. Couldn't protect a painting if it was drawn on the wall." (1x02)

"[About giving up Lyra] And Asriel had ideas on what was best." (1x06)

“And if there's one thing that man doesn't need, it's more toys to do damage with.” (1x06)

“He’s always been so reckless. He’s never treated any of us well.” (1x08)

And that’s probably barely scracthig the surface. We have no way of knowing how long it’s been since they last saw each other? Marisa told Lyra that she sometimes bumps into Asriel in the Arctic Institute, but there’s nothing to suggest that actually happened. For all we know, this could be the first time they speak since Asriel’s trial 12 years ago.

Marisa approaches him. He's sprouting out heresy like he always did, but she can't ignore it or roll her eyes or find better uses for his mouth. He's shattering her world, promising the end of everything she's worked for, everything she believes in.

Damn him, he has the audacity to smile.

This is the end of the Magisterium, that's what he said. The sun of another world. "Come,” he says.

She doesn't want to, but she can't help it. Whether it’s a miracle, an abomination; she is first and foremost a scholar, and this is extraordinary.

Something like peace settles between them, but Asriel is still saying things she does not want to hear. "Marisa, come with me," he says, like it's that easy.

Marisa's religious beliefs haven't been given much attention until now. She's played with the Magisterium, manipulating them to get what she wants and not giving a damn to what they say if when doesn't suit her. In the previous episode, she told Father Macphail the Magisterium has her devotion, but that didn't ring true. She cares about her experiments. That's her priority. Everything else is background noise.

Marisa fully believes that Dust in sin. She said it herself to Lyra in the Daemon Cages.

“Dust is not a good thing. Grown-ups are infected so deeply that it's too late for them. Condemned to a life of sin, guilt and regret. This is for a better future, a better life. [...] At the age that we call puberty, an age you'll come into very soon, darling, daemons bring all sorts of troublesome thoughts and feelings.”

She's trying to create a better world, one where humans aren't plagued with temptation and guilt. It's easy to blame this on the consequences of her affair with Asriel, and I do believe that fuels some of it. But to solely credit him for her motivations does her character a disservice. It took three-quarters of the season to touch on what drives her to these extremes, and I very much hope that they continue to delve into it in season 2.

Okay. This moment. This moment this moment this moment. This moment. Sorry, my brain loops and glitches whenever I see or think of this moment, because this moment.

This moment.

It's best with audio because then you can hear the way Ruth Wilson says Marisa’s faint protests. She's breathless, confused, torn, unsure. Everything she hasn't been up till now. Ruth Wilson is out queen our lord and saviour.

And Asriel, our favourite slut, is so thirsty for her, leaning in as she pulls away. It's been years and finally, he can kiss her again and he doesn't want to ever stop. His experiment just changed things forever, could change them forever. He and Marisa are the same, and he loved her years ago and he still loves her now, and if everything is changing then maybe finally they can get their happy ending.

Marisa was able to convince Macphail to let her come along because she knows Asriel better than anyone else. The same is true vice versa.

“Lie about whatever you want. Lie about the Oblation Board. The Magisterium. Lie about the girl. But do not lie about your ambition your work or who you truly are. You used to want to change the world. Then leave the Magisterium. Come with me, and we will change them all.”

He talks between small kisses, tempting her, teasing her, seducing her. Despite her snapping remark at Macphail, Marisa does in fact melt. This will work, they can be together again.

But there's the one thing Asriel didn't expect. The one thing that Marisa herself hadn't expected.

But I love Lyra. Where did this love come from? I don't know; it came to me like a thief in the night, and now I love her so much my heart is bursting with it.

Rewatching the scene, you can see the moment she makes her decision. She leans her head back just enough so she can look at Asriel.

Then leans back in and closes her eyes. Lets herself bask in the moment, lets herself feel the love and safety and rightness of being with him envelop her. When she opens her eyes, when she pulls away and speaks the words that will put them on separate paths, her resolution is clear. She's resigned to her decision and its consequences.

And Asriel could have debated theology and politics until the end of time, if that's what it took to have her again. He can't argue this.

And so she leaves. And he lets her. And the two of them are just so unexpectedly soft with each other my heart can't take it.

Where's the furious fight? The cutting remarks? The bitter resentment pushed down all these years finally showing its ugly face? Where's the dysfunctional madness?

"Ah, those two. In a fight they're lethal. Around each other, they melt." - Richelle Mead, The Golden Lily.

Part of me is disappointed we missed out on that beautiful angst, the kind we'd probably see if they spent longer together, but another part of me loves it. Because they cut through the bullshit. With others maybe they'd put on an act, but it's just them. And they know each other. They'd see through the other's presences in a heartbeat. The whole scene is so intimate, so honest, they almost convince me they could be healthy. And that's the tragedy of them, I think. They're so alike, two sides of the same coin. They understand each other on such a deep level no amount of time apart makes a difference. In another life, they would work. They should work. But this is the reality they live in.

Confession time.

I have not read the books. I have no intention of reading the books, at least not the parts I haven't seen onscreen yet. The reason is that after episode 3, I picked up the first book, caught up to where I was on the show, and realised I enjoyed the show better. I'd rather experience the twists and turns first on the platform that I prefer, without having them spoiled first on a platform that just doesn't evoke the same emotional response. Please don't pelt tomatoes at me!

I vaguely knew the plot of the Golden Compass from the movie I half saw years ago, and from general knowledge. Going forth, I'm mostly blind. I know bits and pieces from Tumblr that I can't quite escape, (I.e: the quote from the books I used above that I've seen in multiple gifsets), and unfortunately, I already know Masriel's fate. The journey getting there? No clue.

Which is exciting.

I've understood that the show is delving much more into Maria's psyche than the books, and that her revelation that she loves Lyra has come earlier. I don't know what it means going forth, if there will be changes from the books or if it will stay the same for the most part. What I do know, is that I can't wait to see what happens next.

Marisa refused Asriel because of Lyra, but Lyra left their world. Next season, I'm sure Marisa will be just as ruthless and determined to get her back, that will probably result with her aligning with the Magisterium once more.

I'd love to see her find a way to once again place the blame on Asriel, but as we've seen, her bitterness and resentment tend to fade away when faced with the man himself. Maybe it'll be easier to cling onto now the novelty of seeing him again after so long has worn off. But I honestly don't know how it will go when they next see each other. The softness of this scene took me by surprise, just as each of them always does individually. One thing's for sure, their connection isn't going anywhere.

But neither is the reality they live in. The Magisterium. It'll be interesting to see just how deep her loyalties go because the show did a great job in showing me that she'll choose Lyra over practically anything, but like I said, it hasn't talked much about her religious convictions.

See, that isn't what I'd expect to hear from the truly devout. It's part of her power-play with Macphail, yes, but it doesn't scream religious fanatic.

I want next season to explore that side of her. Ruth is a fantastic actress and would portray the inner turmoil perfectly. But I need to believe there's a chance she won't choose Lyra. I need to be convinced in her conviction, to honesty fear that she's gone off the ledge. I love that Lyra is her weak spot, I love that in her own twisted way she believes she's putting Lyra first. But she's not just a mother. She's not just a scorned lover. She is Marisa fucking Coulter, cesspit of moral filth, mother of all evil, and I need to see her go dark.

Yes, darker than smiling as she attacks the daughter she loves, darker than killing a boy with her bare hands, darker than kidnapping and experimenting on children even as they continue to die. I want her to repulse me with her actions. I want her to cross every line imaginable. I want her completely unredeemable. And then have her love for her child override all those convictions.

I have high demands. I have high expectations. I have full confidence Ruth Wilson can deliver. I'm really hoping the writers and producers do too.

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izzy-b-hands · 4 years

Text

You Send Me: Chapter Five

Tag List: @xmxisxforxmaybe

A show that runs smoothly and wonderfully, sharing more about yourself and your past with Freddie, and a formal Welcome Wagon from Roger. Things are running smoothly, but there’s a bit of a stretch of travel coming up for the next chapter (10 hours, if I have my locations correct via the tour listing) and that’s a long car ride for anyone. How sane can you, the crew, and the band stay? Only time and reading the rest of the fic will tell.

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

“You know what I get sick of?” Freddie asked as you locked the door of the hotel room, slipping the Do Not Disturb sign onto the outside door handle.

“Hotel rooms?”

Freddie nodded, eyes shut as he flopped back onto the bed. “You know what else?”

“Truck stops at three in the morning, in the cold?”

He nodded again. “But you know what I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of?”

“What’s that?”

“Finally getting a few more moments alone with you,” he reached up, and yanked you down beside him onto the bed, laughing.

“We’ve arguably had more time than we should have. If not for the problems in D.C...”

“We’ll be coming back there, at the end of the tour,” Freddie interjected. “The fans who want a refund are getting one, the ones who still want a show no matter when have their tickets which will remain valid until we get there. Not a problem.”

“I expected you’d be more upset,” you admitted.

“Ah. You’ve heard tales from the crew,” Freddie said. “Some of them are true, some false, but all subject to what I imagine and in some cases, know, to be extreme exaggeration. But that’s valid of them, so long as they aren’t telling tabloids some bullshit.”

“Yeah, they’ve told me some things,” you admitted. “But I just figured that it would upset me too, missing a show. Knowing there were fans upset, some of them maybe not willing to come to a make-up show.”

“That is upsetting,” Freddie said. “But I don’t know. Maybe it’s you, hm? You keep me calmer than I might be otherwise.”

“And you the same for me,” you said.

“I can’t see you getting angry at anything,” Freddie chuckled.

“I can,” you said as you sat up in the bed. “I just try not to be, very often. Not healthy to be angry too often, and I was angry a lot when I was younger.”

“Why?”

You knew he would ask, and you would have had to talk about home at some point anyway. But you regretted that it should be now, when you had only so much time before you’d be running again, to make it to the venue and give the fans the best show possible.

“Lots of things. I was angry about the things I couldn’t figure out about myself, and how it made me feel. Angry that being different got me made fun of. Angry that even my family seemed to look on me oddly as a result. They still do, though I know they love me all the same.”

Freddie sat up and rested his head on your shoulder. “Why should they look upon you oddly? You have a job you like, you travel, I imagine that’s got to be interesting for them to hear about.”

“They’d rather I had a job that made more money,” you said. “I was living at home, before you hired me. Trying my best at the local venue to work my way up a ladder that didn’t even have upward rungs, because no big bands come there. I think they were just waiting for me to quit and take something soul-killing but decently paying, not for me to go on tour with a band.”

“But you’re happy,” Freddie said. “Right?”

“I am,” you replied. “This is wonderful, even if the crew aren’t fans of me, and if I’m not learning how all this works as fast as I’d like. I’m just happy to be out here. And incredibly happy as well, that it led me to you.”

“Your family should want you happy,” Freddie scoffed. “How is that not their biggest concern?”

You shrugged. This was part of the reason you didn’t often bring up your family with anyone. “They aren’t out and out mean, or anything. They just don’t understand, and it isn’t exactly what they wanted or expected for me, and neither is my job, and-”

“But you have a job,” Freddie interrupted. “Isn’t that still something to celebrate? You could have no job.”

“True. But there’s more than that. I mean, when I went to Europe to meet with the doctors and start treatment...they certainly didn’t expect that either, and I think it threw them all for a loop.”

“So what if they didn’t ‘expect’ you to transition,” Freddie said with a flick of his wrist. “Fuck them, if it bothers them that much. As long as you’re happy and healthy, they shouldn’t have shit to say. Happiness can be hard work, and they don’t appreciate all the work you’ve put in to create that for yourself.”

It was all true, but you hadn’t had anyone say it out loud to you until now, and it brought happy tears to your eyes.

“Thank you,” you managed to choke out, and he wrapped you in a hug.

“I didn’t mean for you to cry,” he fussed.

“It’s happy tears,” you sobbed. “It’s a good thing.”

“I believe you but you have to know how at odds it sounds considering how hard you’re crying,” Freddie said.

“That’s a fair point,” you said, trying not to completely soak his shoulder in tears. “God, I’m going to look a mess by show time. But at least no one sees me backstage.”

Freddie smiled softly, and pulled you back down with him onto the pillows before brushing tears from your eyes. “You could be out there if you wanted to.”

“Stop it.”

“I mean it! Not with us, maybe, if only because I think we’re already short on room with all of except Rog running about, but on your own? Why not?” Freddie asked.

“I take it my friend told you everything they know about me, when they talked to you about where they met me, my transition, yes?” you asked back. “Because if he did, then he surely mentioned my piano playing is shit, my vocals just as bad, and my guitar-playing is non-existent. So if fans want to watch a man stand on stage and do nothing, then sure, I could be out there and have a show.”

“I doubt any of that is as bad as you say,” Freddie replied. “Don’t talk about yourself like that, I don’t want to hear it. Maybe you got away with that back at home, but you’re in a new home now. With a new little dysfunctional family. And we jokingly shit talk each other, but never seriously about ourselves.”

You could tell he meant it, with how tightly he held onto you, an arm wrapped around you like he meant to shield you from the world. It was nice, even if you knew there was no one and no way you could ever be protected like that.

“Is that why you were so excited to come back to London with me?” Freddie asked quietly. “You never planned on going home at all, did you?”

“I didn’t,” you replied. “I figured if I couldn’t make it to Europe, I would try and settle in whatever the last city on the tour was. With no way for my family to contact me...”

“You’d be away from them and all their expectations and judgement,” Freddie finished. “Well, I’m glad you’re coming back to London with me instead. Far safer, for one, you’ll have me right nearby and a decent flat and of course you’ll retain our employment year-long.”

“You don’t tour the entire year though,” you pointed out.

“No, but we can always use an extra runner in the studio, or an extra person as buffer while out and about,” Freddie said. “Hell, I’ll give you every job title I can if it keeps you with us, because that’s where I want you. No other band gets a chance to steal my man.”

You cuddled against him, absolutely beaming both at his affection and the term ‘my man.’ It felt so good to hear.

“I’m not breaking in this time!” Roger’s voice came through the door.

“And we aren’t nearly about to fuck this time!” Freddie called out to him. “I’ll let you in, just hang on.”

He gave you a quick kiss before jogging to the door, shutting it again as Roger trotted in.

“Nice to see you again, clothed,” Roger smiled as he stood near the bed. “Though I’d stop by on behalf of the rest of the band, because there were some rumblings among the crew and questions and-”

“We’re a thing,” Freddie interrupted. “However they want to put it, I don’t really care. But they’re not to bother Y/N about it, as you can see he doesn’t let it get in the way of his work.”

“Oh, I’m not here to stop it, just to confirm it,” Roger said. “Though Crystal said the crew was rather rude about it, and he offered his apologies on that, as do I and everyone else.”

“What did they say?” Freddie asked, his voice cold and cutting.

“It doesn’t matter,” you interjected. “Thank you, Roger. I figure it’s all just a part of things, with a bit extra since Freddie and I are...well. As we are. Crystal defended me, and that was really kind of him, I appreciate it greatly.”

“What. Did. They. Say?” Freddie asked again.

“It was just something about me preaching at them, because I agreed the situation in D.C. was frustrating for all of us, the fans included,” you said hastily. “And they mentioned they didn’t want to hear anything from me, the...well. It really doesn’t matter.”

“I’m told the phrase ‘the bitch fucking the lead singer’ was used,” Roger said with a frown. “And that wasn’t right. I mean, so you two are fucking, but calling you a bitch was beyond unnecessary and wrong, as was getting on you for merely agreeing with everyone else. And bringing up the relationship at all, of course.”

“We were trying to keep it quiet,” you said weakly.

“I know, I know,” Roger said. “But that doesn’t really work, with us. We can tell when things are different with each other, and considering the last place anyone had seen you was with Freddie, and you never showed up in the van or anyone else’s room...I mean, that’s just 1+1 sort of a thing, you know?”

You and Freddie nodded and shared a look. In truth, it hadn’t been much of ‘hiding’ so much as ‘hoping no one would notice anything despite not really hiding what was going on at all.’

“Anyway,” Roger continued. “Consider this a welcome to the family sort of a thing. Once for being new to the crew, and now for being with Fred. If the crew should keep getting on you, let us know. I’ve already had a word with them, but now that it’s not just an open secret, it’ll be easier to shut down any bullshit, alright?”

You nodded, feeling somewhat bad that Roger had had to go out and play Bad Cop of sorts for you, but grateful that he was so willing to be protective.

“Good,” Roger said. “I’ll leave you two to your last ah-”

He peered at his watch. “Well shit. Twenty minutes, I guess. See you both in the lobby in a bit.”

“How on earth does the time go so fast,” you muttered as Roger left, Freddie locking the door after he was gone.

“I don’t know, but I do want to know why you didn’t tell me what they said,” Freddie said as he came back to sit beside you on the bed.

“It was only a momentary bit of frustration and anger coming out from them at me,” you replied. “I didn’t figure it bore any mentioning, since Crystal had spoken up for me.”

“That’s a fair point,” Freddie said. “But please, in the future, let me know if anything like that happens. I want to help address it, you understand? The job makes things like this hard enough, I won’t have my own crew making it harder, not when I’m this happy.”

His last sentence hung on the air, as you could see in his eyes he maybe hadn’t meant to be quite that vulnerable about it.

“I understand,” you said softly. “I didn’t mean to keep it from you, I swear.”

“No, you weren’t,” Freddie said, taking your hand in his. “I don’t mean to come off harshly about it, I only want to ensure nothing stands in our way. Because nothing should, even though...”

You both let the silence hang again, knowing the end of the sentence. Even though society itself would stand in the way, that even in London after the tour you would have to be careful, not to mention dealing with your families and any other friends outside of the tour. There were enough obstacles in existence. The two of you didn’t need any more.

You dressed for the concert, still in the silence, stopping only to occasionally kiss or let your hands touch briefly. There wasn’t time for anything else, and you could do even less once you were at the venue.

Though you couldn’t say you were unhappy to be there. It was electric, the atmosphere at their shows, even in the backstage. You hustled like you never had at the venue back home, running gear and strings and pedals and anything else the rest of the crew needed as you readied for the show, and even if they seemed gruff and irritated with you, it couldn’t shake how much fun you were having.

Because even from the wings, it was magical watching them. Freddie had the crowd in his hand from the moment he stepped out, and it was a joy to hear the fans scream for him, for Bri, for Rog, for John. A level of adoration that you could only imagine, and how it might make the boys feel.

About mid-way through the show, Crystal called for you.

“Here,” he handed you a champagne flute, filled near to the brim. “Freddie will start talking in a moment, to transition over to the acoustic bit. He’s nearly out of water and everything else; we’re getting more water and a beer, but you can take this out to him.”

“When?” you asked.

Crystal peeked out onto the stage and swore. “Now!”

He all but pushed you out onto the stage towards Freddie, who raised a brow as you approached.

“A surprise! The newest member of our road crew, very hard-working, absolutely gorgeous, as you can clearly see,” Freddie said to the crowd, holding his hand out to take the flute from you. “And he’s brought me champagne! How lucky am I?”

The crowd cheered at his words, then even louder as he quickly kissed you. “He brought me champagne, he deserved a reward! I’d say that was a fitting one, wouldn’t you?”

You prayed the crowd couldn’t see exactly how red you were blushing, and smiled at him as you jogged backstage.

“Least he didn’t comment on the size of your cock,” one of the techs said as he watched you stumble back around the pulled-aside curtain. “That’s what I got, first time I ran a drink out to him.”

“Ooh, or the time he talked about my ass,” another spoke up. “Though I must say, it was a really nice compliment. I’ve never thought my ass was anything to write home about, but to hear him say something nice about it...well, it was kind, even if I maybe don’t love that an entire crowd also heard it.”

You grinned, and tried to find your tongue.

“Don’t sweat it,” Crystal laughed. “Besides, I don’t think you minded that all that much, did you? Even with the crowd watching.”

They made a few more jokes about voyeurism as you walked back to your last station, assisting Brian’s guitar techs, and even though those made you blush even harder, you were absolutely glowing.

He liked you enough to risk that, to kiss you like that in front of a crowd. That wasn’t something to be done lightly, and you would have to think of a way to show him just how much it meant to you, just how much you loved him for it.

However, there wasn’t time to show him after the show. After much fussing about with the map, it was realized that you’d have to be rushing again to make it to Detroit on time. ‘Dead on Time’ had suddenly gone from song to reality, and there was no time to slow down.

#text post #LeeH writes #Queen band fic #freddie mercury x reader #freddie mercury x male reader

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a-stitch-in-time-and-space · 4 years

Note

Grashir for the ship thing? It’s gotta be one of my faves!!!

Sorry for the wait babe, hope this makes up for it!

1. Who’s in your ship and is it monogamous, poly, open, etc?

Okay, so as per usual with my ships I’ve got the version where it’s just the two of them (after about 100 years in which they don’t pull themselves together!) and another version in which they live in the future and I very much hc that by then the way love is discussed looks different to today, so they’re a part of various relationships.

However, I always think they’re like gravity to one another. For better or for worse - (and has anyone done any tragic Garashir fics or are we all just like “the show was tragic enough” - cos I’m wonder about like… the way people can be constantly drawn to each other in a dysfunctional, unhealthy way, but they also just can’t let one another go) - they always get pulled into one another’s orbit more than by anyone else.

2. Is the ship romantic in nature?

They’re a pair of romantic bastards underneath all the posturing and avoidance yes! I imagine once they finally pull themselves together it’s all romance, trying to make up for years of lost time.

3. How often do/can they see each other (due to living on different planets, having stressful jobs, etc)

I wrote a little fic about this yaaay!

Not very often, is the answer, until they’re both hitting old-age and sort of semi-retiring. Then gravity wins and eventually has them together for good.

4. What are their things to do together?

- Arguing! Canon! (I love ships that argue lol).

- Recommending books and art and going to museums and judging paintings. They’d so be a crotchety pair that makes fun of some really pretentious bit of art right in front of them, while someone next to them tries not to giggleand someone else keeps sending them disapproving glares.

- Garak one time sets up an exhibition for Ziyal’s work, in honour of all the young people lost in the war before they could reach their potential.

- Also occasionally getting wrapped up in a plot inside an enigma, within a scheme that neither of them necessarily signed up for, but they’re going to ride out together (sexy spy times, anyone?)

5. How do they say “I love you” without directly saying “I love you”?

- Hey remember the time Elim gave Julian a rationed chocolate bar and then, because he was going on some dangerous mission, Julian gifted it back to him and then Elim made a joke about Julian needing to eat an isolinear rod and then they smiled at each other like they were the most carefree people in the galaxy even though they were in the middle of a dangerous conflict that both of them might not survive? That’s love, bitch

- I think they get dumb gifts for each other a lot for when they see each other again

- also they’re both very competitive, so it’s like “who can get the dumbest gift,” morphs into “who can get the most amazing gift ever,” morphs into “who can write the most flowery, poetic letter,” etcetcetc.

- Admitting the other one won is another expression of love.

6. Who unironically likes old earth movies and who suffers along?

Hmmmmm, so I think. Julian shows Elim more earth culture, which includes movies (he’s semi-canon into Bond) and Elim complains and pretends he doesn’t like them, but then Julian catches him watching the 1995 Pride & Prejudice and mooning over Colin Firth. (He dies when Julian shows him North & South)

7. Are any of them spiritual and any of them decidedly not?

Elim is canonically spiritual post-series (everyone needs to read A Stitch In Time!!!) and Julian never quite understands it. He’s happy that Elim has something for himself that couldn’t be destroyed by his upbringing, but Julian is just relentlessly scientific about everything – it’s not (because this is Star Trek and DS9 literally has Gods in it) that he doesn’t think there are higher powers of some kind, it’s the spiritual side – the praying, the afterlife, the rituals, none of that works for him. Also he sees the “Gods” as aliens.

“And have you proven love then?” asks Garak

“Hmm, I’ll have to run some more tests before I can give you a definitive conclusion,” answers Bashir, before kissing him.

8. Who’s more open about their affection and who’s more taciturn, but shows affection through unconventional means?

I think they’re both quite affectionate actually. They probably both suffer from not feeling good enough around third parties sometimes, especially in the beginning. Not all of the DS9 crew were happy about it at first (although Nerys was ecstatic, as she and Elim had become surprisingly good friends post-Dominion), which is a feeling that lingers in Elim’s heart.

And on Cardassia Elim is considered a bit weird to have gone for an outsider, who – worse – is federation and human. There are many who blame the federation and humans in particular for their trouble, even if they are providing aid now. So Julian tries to make his job easier for him by staying behind the scenes… at first.

So in public they try to be taciturn, discreet, especially once Elim becomes a political figure-head, but then after some time this becomes a game, “secret lovers.” They find ways to sneakily contact the other – letters, gifts, flowers (obnoxiously large bouquets), coded messages and as they become more brazen, they seem to just naturally throw caution to the wind – if people can’t accept it, then they’re not people they want to get to know anyway.

In private they’re absolutely immediately an old married couple, except for with more desperation, because they’re making up for time they don’t get in one another’s company.

9. Who likes space and who prefers a good ol’ planet?

Julian will always be a space-farer at heart, whilst Elim belongs on Cardassia

10. Finally, what are their favourite things about one another?

The more I think about it, the more they’re quite similar – I think what they most love is that the other one drives them to be better. Passion, kindness, learning… they want to make one another proud.

- More simple things though. Elim loves Julian in the midst of a rant or an explanation that’s gone on for 10+ minutes, at his most gesticulative, most intense; it’s sexy as hell. Also Julian when he’s exhausted himself from working so hard, caring so much, when he just flops down and manages to fall asleep immediately. How he ever deserved someone who trusts him enough to be so vulnerable with him, he doesn’t know.

- Julian loves watching Elim in his quiet moments: reading, tailoring, gardening, speaking softly and comfortingly to people who are scared, drowsy in the morning making breakfast. Also he loves seeing Elim turn his oratory skills to politics. He’s not a born leader, he never wanted to be one, but he does it because it matters and he does it well.

#julian bashir #elim garak #garashir #ds9 #st: ds9 #star trek #meta #writing

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

Note

I saw your version of the Titans (way back, I was playing with Search) and I was wondering, what would Tim be? Especially since Nightwing and Flamebird encapsulate what a phoenix is so well. Obviously now they correspond to the World Forger and the Anti-Monitor, but your thoughts on the third generation?

So I believe you’re talking about the posts I’ve made about Jason’s age-group of Titans and lineup in an AU - That’s from a series I’ve bee working on for ages, called “Kings of the Sky” (which refers to all the Batfamily, not just Dick and Jason or even just the boys. Title comes from a story I have Dick tell that his grandfather told him, about why before he was married and he and his wife became the original Flying Graysons, in this AU’s history, when he was a solo act, he was billed as “Daniel Grayson, the King of the Sky!’ Just lofty, pretentious-sounding showmanship on the surface, something the aristocrats he performed for were happy to introduce this lowly commoner as, laughing all the while, but Daniel as I’ve made him out to be, had a particular fascination with names for specific reasons, and everything they could mean and be while not being what they seemed. So even as they laughingly billed him as such, they never got the real joke, which was passed down as a kind of family tradition that only Daniel’s family, the Flying Graysons, all Kings of the Sky, and then from there Dick’s second family, were really the only ones to ever get the way he intended it. There’s no such thing as a King of the Sky, of course, that’s the joke….but at the same time there is, and that’s the secret, because just because someone else looks at the name and pictures it as something its not, and thus says it can never be, doesn’t mean that for those who use that name, it means something very different, and that they very much are.

This AU goes divergent from the moment Dick gets involved in the Garzonas situation and weighs in, so Jason doesn’t go to Ethiopia because he never even goes back to his old apartment, desperately seeking some feeling of family to connect to. He has no need to here. And the second installment is about the aftermath of the Brother Blood storyline and addressing Dick’s non-adopted status at the time, and various other things, and then by the third installment, it starts introducing Jason to other friends his own age and gathering together his future lineup of Titans, mentored by Dick’s and who will be a kind of mentors to Tim’s (and Duke’s) in time as well…..and also starts to delve into the ACTUAL AU storylines of this series, once its thoroughly departed from canon at that point and I’ve sorted out my issues with Bruce’s reaction/belief about Garzonas and Bruce’s non-presence during the BB story and aftermath and the adoption issues.

So by the third installment, Bruce is no longer getting yelled at by his sons about how to parent the other one and is doing the actual Batdad parenting and things start up with Jason’s Titans and storylines and Dick slowly becoming aware of the Court of Owls and their involvement in his family history and their plans for him (and just how many of them or their children/future Court members have been around him in galas and parties and various encounters throughout his childhood in Gotham). As well as bringing in the other members of the Batfamily one by one (or two by two in Tim and Duke’s case in this AU).

BUT for the most part, aside from the individual storylines, this AU is about family history. And not just Dick’s, even though he’s my fave and primary focus - I have an obnoxious need to be THOROUGH (read: obsessive) and a disgusting need to be FAIR (read: YOU get a storyline and YOU get a storyline and EVERYBODY GETS A STORYLINE!) and also just anal.

So its about the Batfamily being an actual family instead of dysfunctional occasional roommates, but its also how that doesn’t take away from their original families or experiences or their importance in shaping them, just as none of them by virtue of being their ‘original’ families take away from the importance of their second found family. Its all one and the same, family is family, their families are their families all at the same time and there don’t need to be all these partitions. So Kings of the Sky has a particular relevance to that not just for Dick, but in that its secret meaning to Daniel and how it described him and his family, all the way down to Dick, also ends up describing Dick’s second family, and there’s nothing coincidental or by chance about this, because the point is family is CHOICE and names only mean what you choose them to mean, what YOU see them as meaning.

So this AU could just as easily have been titled something like Family History, even though almost all of the members of their first families that come into play here do so in flashbacks and stories the Batfam tell each other about their first families and that their families told them. So Daniel Grayson and the start of the Grayson family line is hugely relevant and delved into, and not just for its connection to the Court and their storyline. Dick’s paternal grandparents here lived well into their eighties, because why the hell not, did canon say they couldn’t? did I ask? no and no. So his grandmother died when he was like two, and his grandfather a few years later, but Dick does remember a little bit and so Daniel’s lifelong quest to find out where he really came from, who he really WAS, becomes Dick’s mystery to solve once and for all so he can finally put that to rest for his grandfather and find some closure with his first family and not feel like he’s forgotten or abandoned them just because he’s so fully embraced his second one as being his as well.

Only instead of solving the mystery being for Daniel’s sake, its really about what he finds being for his own sake, because as Dick’s Grandpa used to tell him: “A man who knows himself knows his own name,” and as Dick finds that even without ever definitively getting his answers while alive, Daniel was actually born to a Crowne and named himself King and knew who he was all his life and lived his life truly, and that’s the real answer Dick needs to realize that Cobb and his words and intentions mean nothing to Dick because Dick is not a Cobb and would never choose to be, he’s a Grayson and the Graysons have all, always to the last one, been who they choose to be and not a damn thing else, certainly never what anyone else believes them to be.

And Dick is Nightwing throughout this of course, except for one pivotal storyline towards the end of the series, where he and Jason go deep undercover as supervillains for awhile, and during that part of the series, Dick uses War Shrike as his name, and for those wondering, yes this means Boone is around and hugely relevant to this series in specific ways. And of course, he goes back to being Nightwing after.

And Jason never goes to Ethiopia because he never goes back to his apartment building that time, but that doesn’t mean he never finds out about Sheila and goes looking for her, but when he does he’s not 15 and desperate for family, he’s 19 and on a road trip with his BFF Grant Emerson aka Damage who has his own questions about his unknown real family, but both HAVE families by now and don’t NEED more, they just want to know who’s out there and potentially close the book on that one way or another, which is a very different thing and different story, but also, fuck Sheila, and all of that will still come into play but Jason’s not alone this time and not so lonely he can be crushed by her not being the mother he in Ethiopia thought he needed her to be. Also, Sheila comes from a family of her own, and just because fuck Sheila, doesn’t mean there aren’t more relatives out there that aren’t just The Worst.

And Jason is Robin in the first few installments of this series and then becomes Flamebird and usually most likely teamed up with Dick when they’re not with their individual Titans, and thus neither are ultimately off doing solo acts elsewhere and being lonely loners who actually hate being lonely. Except of course for the undercover storyline, at which point Jason uses the name Gray Jay, a kind of bird usually known for or referenced as being thieving and unpredictable and unexpectedly dangerous despite its size (Jason never went into the Lazarus Pit here and so isn’t as huge as he is in canon, he’s on the smaller side due to his early life’s malnutrition. Living with Bruce helped him catch up enough that he’s not TINY tiny, but he’s still smaller enough that this particular mantle fits him a little better than it would his massive canon depiction). And then of course after that Jason goes back to being Flamebird.

(And the eternal drama that is the years long gay love quadrangle of DOOOM that is Jason and Tom Bronson and Ray Terrill and Todd Rice all being young dumb and gay and not even actually sure which of the other three they actually LIKE they just know that its possibly more than one of them but its definitely not all of them which why they are NOT a fucking polecule, shut the fuck up Courtney - Courtney Mason aka Anima - and never WILL be but are definitely a love quadrangle instead and a very confusing one and also dont call it that Dick its not that its NOOOOOT.)

I still have no idea how this even came about, I didn’t plan it, Lilith just sort of accidentally (hah) instigated it via meddling slash deliberately plotting while bored and chaotic and it was just too much fun to stop so I just haven’t yet and possibly never will. Also, Dick and Cass have WAY too much fun with it as well, particularly Cass, since there is ammunition against Dick in the form of “Shut up and go suck face with your assassin boyfriend”/I DONT EVEN LIKE BOONE LIKE THAT, JASON, GOD, SHUT UP, HE’S MY NEMESIS, UGH DO YOU EVEN KNOW ANYTHING YOU’RE SUCH A LOSER UGGGGGH, but of course it wouldn’t be fair to NEVER get to retaliate against Cass, so they eventually catch wind of her tripping and falling on her face because she forgets how movement works when crushing on a certain heroine, no its not Steph, its more one of those things where the other one is older enough that its not endgame and more of a crushing on one of your older brother’s friends which means they’re always around and oh no what if they FIND OUT THAT WILL BE SO EMBARRASSING I MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE but also NOOOOOO DONT FIGHT WITH MY DUMBASS OLDER BROTHER THAT MEANS YOU MIGHT STOP COMING OVER ALL THE TIME AND I WONT SEE YOU ALL THE TIME AND I MIGHT ACTUALLY DIE.

The….unique form of sibling interaction shared by the three eldest Batkids here ratchets up a DEF-CON danger level at that point. They are all armed then, and just desperate enough to use that ammunition if you press them.

So yes, Cass ends up the third to enter this family here, and Lady Shiva and everything there will play out much differently and she’s still not Mother of the Year or even like, good, but she is MORE than she is in canon here, and like, there’s actual depth and HISTORY there and also, there’s not with David Cain though because fuck that guy, just kill him, who cares where he came from just drop him in a hole and assume its the one he crawled out of in the first place. Pttthb. Loser.

And here Babs still is crucial in mentoring her even if she ends up being brought into the family and adopted by Bruce much sooner than in canon and it being Dick and Jason and Cass for awhile as the three Batkids. So Cass is there when Jason is still Robin for a couple more years, only moving to Flamebird when he’s around eighteen, and so she becomes Batgirl as Babs becomes Oracle, and is pretty much Batgirl all the way until she ends up becoming Black Bat (and Steph takes her place as Batgirl after previously being Spoiler. Steph’s around fairly early too, and not actually a member of the immediate family as things get better with her and her mom, but she delights in referring to herself as ‘that chick from Full House who doesn’t live there but is always there anyway, whether CERTAIN PEOPLE like it or not, and no I don’t know her name Bruce, its not like I watched the show, I’m not EIGHTY, what does any of that have to do with anything?)

And also in between Batgirl and Black Bat, Cass also partakes in the undercover storyline, just showing up uninvited in a persona she’s crafted for the mission and calls Black Swan, and War Shrike and Gray Jay being so startled and obviously a little freaked by her unexpected arrival, and her being ticked at her brothers for leaving her behind, RUDE, and them being sufficiently cowed and guilted by her wrath, that it all adds up to the other villains as being evidence that clearly she is the boss and they are her advance minions. Which mollifies and satisfies Cass immensely, and leaves Jason grumpy that their mission was hijacked and also his sister is The Worst, and leaves Dick temporarily disgruntled because This Whole Thing Was His Idea DAMMIT but then five seconds later finding it hilarious because Dick is a chaos connoisseur and he has an appreciation for whimsy and the unexpected.

Snippet from that fic’s outline:

“I can’t believe you not only gate-crashed our extremely sensitive and delicate undercover operation, but you completely hijacked it as well! This is so typical,” Jason grouched.

Cass simply swept ahead of him and strode down the hallway with lethal grace. “Silence minion.”

Jason spluttered behind her and she grinned to herself. He really made it too easy sometimes.

And Tim’s debut is delayed by the non-death of Jason and happens very differently as do things with his first family, too much to get into, but all of that is very relevant to the Family History theme of things, and in this AU he and Duke are actually the same age because what is Tim’s age anyway, what has Tim’s age ever been anyway, does anyone anywhere at any time actually know Tim’s age because I swear it is a quantum anomaly that randomly fluctuates at any given moment and eats brain cells that dare try and pin a number on it. And Duke and Tim are both in different foster care placements and have never met when both decide to become Robin after Jason becomes Flamebird and Robin is seemingly gone from Gotham, and its just Batman and Batgirl having father-daughter-kicking-supervillains-asses bonding nights.

Because its not like in canon, but still, its unsettling, its weird, all the kids Duke and Tim both know feel it just the same. There’s always been a Robin in Gotham for as long as any of them remember at this point, there’s SUPPOSED to be a Robin, Gotham NEEDS Robin just as much as it needs Batman, and they’re not surprised adults don’t get that, because adults have always had Batman and he’s THEIRS and even if he’s there for the kids too, Robin is FOR the kids, HE’S theirs, and look, there just needs to be a Robin, okay?

So Duke and Tim both decide well if there’s not a Robin and there’s gotta be a Robin and nobody else seems to be doing anything about it, hey, here comes Robin! At the same time. And then drama and conflict and chaos happens, and Duke and Tim end up taken in by B doing as B does, and they both end up Robin and alternate patrols so one can have a life while the other has Batman-bonding-and-bad-guy-battling time. With Duke most often being the daytime Robin and Tim the night time Robin, though there’s rarely any confusion from them both being named Robin, because Duke’s costume is more yellow and Tim’s is more Red and people pretty much always know which they’re talking about and if further clarification is needed, they just refer to them as Red and Yellow. Not Red Robin or Yellow Robin, more like “Wait, which Robin did you say was there? Oh it was Red.”

And so they’re Robin, and are about ready to graduate from that when the undercover storyline happens, so they temporarily take on the older two boys’ mantles for them so as to keep anyone from being suspicious and wondering where the hell Nightwing and Flamebird are these days anyway. So Tim is Nightwing for awhile and Duke is Flamebird, but then Dick and Jason take back those mantles which Tim and Duke happily relinquish and replace with their new mantles, at which point Tim is Kingfisher (too much plot stuff and family history stuff has to happen before an explanation of this would make sense at this point) and Duke is something like Blue Heron, I’m still fidgeting with that one because it doesn’t quite fit but none of the other options I’ve gone through yet are better. But its definitely a Blue bird and not like a Bluejay or anything like that, it has to be something like a Crane or Heron or a bird with certain connotations along similar lines to theirs, because Duke’s family history is hugely relevant here too (and largely made up by me like Daniel Grayson’s, given the scarcity in canon) but if you look around you can probably find a bunch of meta about how I feel Duke’s powers COULD be linked to Blue Lanterns in a lot of very specific ways even if I don’t think canon is going there.

And this isn’t to make Duke a Blue Lantern, but rather here is similar to Alan Scott being imbued by the Starheart in the 40s while in Gotham, and basically ending up just like a Green Lantern but unaffiliated, and having children who inherit similiar powers to him and wildly different powers than him at birth, due to how the Starheart changed him. So here, at the same time that happened to Alan, there was another similar object that crashed into Gotham that same night, and that imbued Duke’s maternal grandmother with all the same abilities as a Blue Lantern, but again, no affiliation to the not-yet-existing Corps. So Duke’s grandmother and her previously-unknown-even-to-him story has a lot to do with certain installments just like Daniel’s story has to do with Dick’s story, as well as the revelations about Duke’s mother Elaine having powers (like we at least have been told she does in canon) and thus where his own come from, even if by this point in the family lineage they’re not exactly like a Blue Lanterns and have their own distinct aspects as well.

And then Damian is there in time to take over as Robin after Tim and Duke, and he’s still Robin by the end of the series, so I don’t have anything firm for his later mantle.

ANYWAY, those are the names, if you want some excerpts from the series, included below are:

1) Snippet from the outline of the as-yet-unwritten story where Duke and Tim join the Batfam, which is basically kinda like my usual not!fic manner of writing, where its a bunch of scene snippets and dialogue that aren’t meant to be the final story or even likely to be in the final story, but rather serve as a placeholder for me to preserve my ‘feel’ of what I want a scene or dialogue or interaction to be like when it first pops into my head and I want to be able to recall it when I get around to actually wriitng it.

DUKE AND TIM (AND ALSO DICK AND JASON AND CASS BEING SIBLINGS WHO ARE WEIRD)

So they run into trouble eventually and then when running from trouble they run into each other and they’re like….huh. Awkward. And then they decide well, might as well both run from trouble in the same direction, I guess. So they do.

“Did you have a plan for dealing with these guys?” Tim yelled at Duke. The other boy looked back over his shoulder briefly and gave what would probably have been a half-shrug if he didn’t awkwardly try to barrel-roll over a car two seconds later.

“Umm, sorta?”

“How sorta are we talking about? Maybe the two of us together could fill in the gaps in the plan and come up with one full plan?”

“Uh yeah, no, its not that kinda sorta. I meant sorta in the sense that I thought I had a plan but it didn’t work and that’s why these guys are after me. Sooooo…”

“Not helpful, basically.”

“Yeah. Pretty much. And hey, I don’t hear you offering up a plan! Did you even have one at all?”

“Uh….I mean I kinda didn’t think I was likely going to need one because I sorta figured some kid running around in a mask basically making a nuisance of himself was the sorta thing that was bound to attract Batman and I was just pretty much running around until that happened, and then I’d make a case for how I obviously need training and Gotham needs Robin and if its not me its likely to be someone else trying eventually anywayso why not be me?”

“That’s a terrible plan.”

“I know, that’s why I never said it was a plan! It was mostly….more…idea-ish.”

“I’m just saying, I thought *I* was doing this wrong, but at least I had a plan! I mean yeah, it might have ended up with me accidentally busting in on what I thought was a bunch of Riddler’s henchmen setting up some kind of clue thing, only it was actually a bunch of Intergang type guys with alien space guns or some shit all dressed up as Riddler henchmen for some reason? Idk what they were trying to do honestly, but so yeah I might have ended up running away on foot from like twenty of them and some kind of hovercycle -”

“I’m going to cut you off there and say wherever this is going its probably not the superior vantage point I think you think you have.”

(Something like that.)

Meanwhile, Batman was not going to be coming because he’s off on a JLA mission. However, in his absence Dick and Jason are in town filling in, and they finished taking out the bad guys several blocks back and caught up to whomever was running from them, figured out the situation and are currently sitting on the edge of a rooftop watching them realize they’re totally lost and trying to figure out where to go from here. Mostly because Dick and Jason are incredibly amused listening to their back and forth and also just…this whole situation.

Dick justifies not piping up to let them know they’re safe now by saying this is good intel gathering so we can offer Bruce our assessment as to whether they’re gonna try and keep doing this whether we train them or not, and also how they handle this whole being lost situation. Not knowing they don’t have to run anymore isn’t going to hurt them and really, this is a good field exercise almost.

Jason justifies not piping up by saying this is fucking hilarious and I will hurt you if you end this any sooner than we have to, I deserve this, I had a rough week.

Which is right around the time that Cass pipes up from where she’s been lurking unnoticed behind them this whole time: “Oh no. Was it Tom? Or Ray? Or was it Todd?”

And she does it right in Jason’s ear so he kinda aborted-shrieks and almost falls off the roof except Cass is ready for that and grabs his arm to steady him.

“I hate when you do that!” Jason growls in an attempt to cover up how badly she got him and also because he hates when she does it which is why she does it a lot. Again, they don’t hate each other at all, but they do seem to act like it a lot, and neither of them is entirely sure why. They kinda just started doing it and have each been trying to get the other back ever since and ended up locked in an unending spiral of gotcha-gotchaback, except, y’know, Batfam style.

Dick occasionally picks sides just to muddy the waters. And then he randomly switches sides without warning, so neither of them ever wants to risk getting too peeved at him even when he’s helping the other, because that might push him fully over to the other side and leave them permanently outnumbered, so they’re kinda stuck, which is exactly as he likes it, lol.

“Why are you Satan,” Jason hisses dramatically as he gets up and stomps over to the other side of the roof to sulk, lest she almost knock him off again. Its not the almost falling part that bothers him, its that she’s the one that snatches him to safety each time. She’s like a freaking cat toying with a - yeah not going there, just blaming Selina. Knew them hanging out was going to be bad news for me SOMEHOW, he gripes.

Cass just shrugs and smoothly sits down cross-legged right where she is, grinning Cheshire-cat style at him from there. “Childhood trauma,” is her answer.

Except: “Great, and now you’re stealing my comeback on top of it?! Is nothing sacred to you?”

Another shrug. “Haven’t decided yet. Babs is still helping me explore my options. We’re going alphabetically and we’re only on the E-religions.”

“God, you’re the worst. I can’t believe you ruined sisters for me.”

“You already used that same line last week when you came out of your room still half-asleep and she was just sitting directly across from your door waiting and staring unblinking and you yelped and dropped your laptop on your toe, and then cursed so loud that B came running around the hall thinking we were being invaded,” Dick reported idly, still perched in the same position he’d been in all along, and still watching the boys below them. “Just in case you thought no one noticed when you recycle.”

“I noticed too,” Cass added solemnly.

“I have no siblings,” Jason intoned. He threw up his hands dramatically and then loudly jumped down to the street below with a little help from the fire escape. It drew both Duke and Tim’s attention and they startled before realizing it was Flamebird. And that he’d landed on the street and was stalking past them while barely acknowledging them. And that that was Nightwing standing on the roof now with his hands on his hips yelling after him.

“Oh, reeeeeeal subtle. You’re not having fun anymore so you gotta make sure nobody else does either. Wow, the Brat-like behavior, just JUMPED out of the shadows with that one!”

And that was Flamebird not even turning around and just yelling back. “I HAVE NO SIBLINGS!”

And also they were both pretty sure that was Batgirl crouched on the roof next to Nightwing now, and she was…..sticking her tongue out at Flamebird’s back? No, Batgirl very much definitely was sticking out her tongue, that wasn’t in doubt, it was more just….very unexpected to see.

What was happening right now?

CUT TO:

Eventually Tim and Duke have inevitably worn down his resistance to training them by insisting they’re gonna keep doing this and if its not them its gonna be someone sooner or later anyway, because you guys may not know this but Gotham’s gotten used to Robins by now and it freaks people out not to see one and Robin’s as important as Batman really and there needs to be a Robin and its not just us that will think so like look at the fact that already two of us had the exact same idea, huh? And also, we’re gonna keep doing it anyway, sooooo….there’s that.

And then Cass vouches that they’re both 100% serious about that.

And then Dick vouches that as a former determined daredevil kid that was absolutely going to keep doing the same thing no matter whether you’d helped me or not, B, I also am of the assessment that these two mean it all the way.

And not to be left out and just to have something to contribute but also grumpy because his brother and sister are picking on him and he’s eighteen going on ten, Jason throws in: “And my assessment is that they both definitely seem dumb enough to keep doing this without help anyway and they definitely need help or they definitely will die, I’d give it a month, month and a half tops.”

And then Bruce dryly thanks his children for their contributions, their keen insights in this matter have been absolutely invaluable, he has no idea how he would make a decision here without it.

“Oooh, a rare sighting of Bat-snark in the wild. Someone call Nat-Geo quick, maybe he’ll do it again,” Dick says.

Bruce sighs. Duke and Tim look like they’re trying to decide if they’re allowed to be amused or if that’s also part of some weird Bat-test that they’re probably taking without even knowing it.

So Tim and Duke move in, start training together, and then also get sent to school together and it takes a month or so of settling in before they decide whether or not they actually are happy about this. There’s a period of deciding they’re supposed to be bitter rivals who snipe at each other back and forth across the dining table at every available opportunity, but that changes the first night Dick and Jason come back from the Tower since Tim and Duke have moved in and where Cass is also home instead of at the Clocktower with Babs.

Since all three of the older Batkids, upon seeing Tim and Duke squabble at dinner, decide to obnoxiously coo about how adorable it is watching the kids play. Which pretty instantly cements Duke and Tim as realizing their best chance of surviving the sudden acquisition of three older superhero ninja foster siblings who all can be as obnoxious as they are dangerous but also as much as they are - Duke and Tim are convinced - all quite insane.

A belief further cemented the next morning, with all three of them having spent the night at the Manor as well. Treating Duke and Tim to their first Saturday morning episode of the Cass and Jason show.

In this episode, Jason emerged from his bedroom in his pajamas still but warily peeking his head out first to look both ways down the hall before deciding it was clear…..and then makes it just almost to the end of the hallway leading to the stairs, when Cass drops down from where she’d been waiting perched above the other side of the door, in such a way as to suddenly fill the doorway just in front of him, hanging upside down suspending herself just with her feet wedged above the doorway, all while keeping her hands crossed her chest, a dead-eyed expression on her face, and with her tongue hanging out like she’s some kind of vampire hanging upside down in mid-slumber.

Jason shrieked and stumbled back a foot before catching himself and shoving two fingers in a cross shape in her direction.

“Demon! DEMON! Goddammit, I abjure thee, that’s supposed to fucking do something about having a demon sister, now what the fuck does it take to banish you!?”

“Can’t be banished,” Cass informed him, still upside down. “Can be bought though.”

Jason halted. “What?”

“I’m really surprised you never figured it out,” Dick said from his room further down the hallway. He was leaning against the doorjamb, arms casually crossed.

“Why did you think she never goes after me?”

Jason swiveled back and forth between his siblings suspiciously, trying to scry both their inscrutable (and in Cass’ case, still upside down) faces for signs they were telling the truth. “You’re telling me that Little Miss Monstrous has been a pain in my ass from day one and the reason she’s never so much as eked a single boo in your direction is you’ve been bribing her all this time?”

Dick shrugged. “Its all about getting in on the ground floor.”

Jason squinted, still unconvinced. “Nuh-uh. No way. You’re just fucking with me. Like if this is for real, what have you been buying her off with?”

Dick smiled beatifically. “Cuddles and hugs.”

“NO! NO! Bullshit! I am NOT falling for this crap again, you are not gonna get me this way this time. I call BS, fuck you, nuh uh, you’re lying out your ass and your ass-face.”

“Wait, what is this this I did before? What are you talking about?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about.”

“Is this about the Care Bear you had when you were fifteen?”

“Shut upppppppppppppppp, I didn’t have a Care Bear then, you’re such a - “

“Oh, I dunno, I’m pretty sure there’s some holiday photos from that year that would say otherwise, pretty definitively in the form of you and your Care Bear….”

“That I only had because you literally just gave it to me as a present solely so that you could claim that I had a Care Bear when I was fifteen, you douchebag!”

“Just because I gave you the Care Bear didn’t mean you had to keep the Care Bear and hold the Care Bear and love the Care Bear, Jay. You chose to do all that.”

“I only kept the damn thing because you’re an asshole who lied about it being a family heirloom so I felt like I had to or I’d be a total jerk. Is nothing sacred to you?”

“I didn’t lie! It is a treasured family heirloom! Its the first Care Bear I gave to my little brother to teach him the important and valuable lesson that Care Bears - say it with me now - “

“Finish that sentence and they will never find your body.”

“CARE!” Cass shrieked from behind him before jumping on Jason’s back and bearing him down to the floor in an undignified tangle as she splayed atop him like a starfish and he stared up at the ceiling in a kind of strangled frozen fury, like there was so much emotion he wanted to process he’d overheated and now was stuck like that until he cooled down.

That was when Dick leaned over him and solemnly added one final thought, as though it was a crucial addition of the gravest importance:: “A lot.”

Jason’s eye twitched.

Dick’s eyes went wide in response. “Uh oh. He went to the Danger Zone. Run Cass. We’ve unleashed the dogs of war!”

Cass was off and on her feet in a second, taking off down the hall like a rocket. “Not the dogs of war!” She yelled.

Dick was only seconds behind her when behind him, Jason rose like an eruption, growling wordlessly and sparks practically flashing from his suddenly flinty eyes. He charged after them like an enraged bull.

“Kenny Loggins wouldn’t want this!” Dick yelled over his shoulder as he rounded the doorway and vanished. Jason rounded it in hot pursuit.

“Poison Ivy won’t even be able to make compost from what’s left of you when I’m through!”

The yelling and running vanished into the distance. Duke and Tim finally looked at each other blankly.

“What?” Tim asked. Duke shrugged helplessly.

A door opened at the end of the hallway. Bruce stuck his head out. “Is it safe?”

Tim just stared at him.

“What?” Duke asked.

*****

2) Excerpt from the first installment, “Teachable Moments,” part of a story Dick retells as he remembers his grandfather and later his father telling it to him.

Further context for this:

In my Grayson family backstory headcanons, Daniel has a lifelong strange fascination with names, that grew out of his personal unsolved mystery of where he came from. The only thing he ever knew was that he was left at the circus in a blanket with Daniel embroidered on it, and was taken into be raised there, and by the time he was old enough to ask questions about himself, he knew everyone at the circus had known him to be called Daniel Grayson since they first met him as a baby…..but what he could never find an answer for was who decided to name him that and why. Per canon, we saw his father William Cobb hand him to Haly’s grandfather to be raised, and he told Haly’s grandfather to call him Grayson.

So I expanded on this and so in the context of this series, Daniel of course eventually wondered where Grayson came from if no one knew where he was from, and Haly’s grandfather claimed he didn’t name him that, and refused to elaborate further…..which left Daniel with the fact that he was left at the circus and introduced to the others there as baby Daniel Grayson by Haly’s grandfather, who then later denied to Daniel being the one to pick the name and give it to him, but also denied any knowledge of where he came from.

So Daniel always knew he had to be lying about ONE of those two things, with the lie most likely being the second thing….but he could never get him to admit it, or prove it, and that kinda always haunted him in a way. And so, his fixation with names grew out of never knowing where his came from or how he came to have it, and this line from something he said once kinda sums up his obsession with it:

He’d joke about how it was itchy, like it never felt like it fit him right, and Grandma would fondly scoff and say he just thought it was too boring and plain. But Grandpa being Grandpa, he’d just take that and spin it into an agreement, further evidence he was right.

“Grayson is what you’d name a man you thought should go unnoticed and be overlooked, he’d say. “And I am not that man.”

Because that was his real problem, the thing he could never shake….he didn’t care about the name itself, because as the below excerpt touches on, he found a way to make his name work for him, to feel like it did fit him and was part of who he was by choice, by intention. He defined his name, rather than let his name define him. Its the reason the Grayson family colors, as originally worn by him, are the brightest hues he could fit together, a deliberate attempt to make him, and by extension his family’s future generations….the exact OPPOSITE of what their name denoted. He didn’t mind being a Grayson, or regret it, AFTER he took ownership of his identity despite his lack of answers and seized it, put his own mark on it, made it his….because no matter the intention of whomever gave him that name, he didn’t have to be defined by it the way they meant him to.

BUT, the fact remained that even after making his own peace with his name and claiming it as his own, definitively, regardless of any one else’s view of it….he could never shake the feeling that given the vague circumstances of his arrival at the circus and mysteriousness of where he came from, that his name “Grayson” wasn’t just random choice and didn’t just get picked out of nowhere by someone, nor did he think it was actually his family name before him, given that everything else about his origins suggested an attempt to shroud where he came from, making it unlikely that they did all that just to have him still grow up with his actual family name. So from a pretty young age, he always had this feeling that the name Grayson was PICKED to be given to him, specifically, and that this was done with a reason, it was MEANT as something…..and gut feeling due to everything combined, was the quote above. He always believed someone named him that because he was meant to be unseen, unnoticed, slip through the cracks without anyone ever paying attention…..

And its not his name itself Daniel took issue with, it was someone thinking they could just DECIDE he and his life were meant to be lived unnoticed, nothing but gray. And so his whole life he kinda devoted it to defying that idea, even if he never knew for sure, and he basically pursued the spotlight to do the complete opposite of that. He trained to be an acrobat, sought out teachers on his own, so that he’d have a way to stand out rather than just help various acts backstage, and in time he became Daniel Grayson, the King of the Sky, Haly’s star solo act until he married and he and his wife became the Flying Graysons, and then John and Mary and finally Dick as well.

EXCERPT FROM “TEACHABLE MOMENTS:”

“But there is no King of the Sky, Dickie,” he’d said to me then with a wink. “That’s the joke, you see? No one can claim the sky as theirs, no one can own it. Send your armies to claim it in your name and all you’d see is legions of empty-handed fools all grasping at air! There’s no way to draw your borders, no foundation on which you could build any walls. And where would you even put your throne?”

“He’d laughed then, mischievous and wheezing, as he recalled all the courts the circus had entertained back in its glory days, when Europe’s nobility would always each host some circus or troupe or performers at various festivals. All the kings and queens for whom he’d performed his signature feats, who’d show him off to their most important guests afterwards. The ones who had been invited specifically so they’d see that this court held only the grandest of celebrations, that they and their guests were entertained by only the very best of the best.

“Oh, but they were always so eager to introduce me by title,” he’d said, rheumy eyes still somehow keeping their sparkle. “There they were, kings and crown princes, pushing me forward and telling their guests to come greet me, this commoner they were all too glad to proclaim royalty no different to them. After all, any king can present his guests with an entertaining spectacle, but how much grander is the king who hosts the spectacle of being entertained by another king? Ah, but they were always more than happy to elevate me if but for the night…in doing so, they elevated themselves as well. Up we all went, all without feet ever leaving the floor!”

“Names can be such a funny thing, don’t you think?” He’d sort of mused that, stroking his chin like he was pondering some great mystery. “Meaning nothing and everything all at the same time. That’s a powerful trick. Useful too, if you can master it.”

I know I started giggling then, just because as far back as I can remember, names were always kind of a…almost a passion of his, I guess you could say. It was just this thing he did, it was like he could never just let a name be. There was always some trick to a name, he’d insist. You just had to find it. Its why our family colors were red, yellow and green, as a matter of fact. All in only the brightest hues of each, combining to make us the complete opposite of the Gray in our name.

‘The crowd comes in to see the acrobat named Grayson, what do they expect from just the name? Drab, unremarkable, likely to be lost in the shadows, from just the sound of him. But then he dives off the platform in a burst of colors impossible to miss and the crowd gasps, expectations shattered in an instant….and from there, they think, what more surprises might possibly await? And already you have them at the edge of their seat, eyes caught by the colors of a costume its impossible to lose sight of. You command their attention, you’re unencumbered by their assumptions, and they’re yours from that moment on….and all of that from just a pop of color, a warning that you are not what they thought….and a name. A Flying Grayson, up above as expected, yet unexpectedly the brightest thing in the sky. An inherent contradiction. An impossible sight you can’t help but to see.’

“Anyway, so there I was,” Dick said, straightening up and shaking his head with a slightly rueful smile, as if to physically pull himself out of the undertow of memories tugging him further away from where he’d begun. “Already giggling just from his little chin-stroking act as he started talking about names, because I knew he was bound to say something silly next, just from that. And he’d jumped a little, and turned in his armchair to face me directly and with his full focus, because Grandpa thrived off of an engaged audience like nothing else.

“Yes, a powerful thing, a name,” he’d continued after a moment that was either a dramatic pause or me thinking anything longer than ten seconds might as well be the same as an hour, at that age. “But a tricky business, naming things, as you first have to know what a thing is, before you attempt to claim it by naming it what it is not. And being named can just as easily be a powerful trap, of course. If a man doesn’t know himself well enough to know he is not what a name claims, he can wind up stuck in a cage that’s not sized to fit him. Simply because he doesn’t know he has more than enough room to slip free of it if he tried.”

“Then he leaned down close enough to me to whisper, and looked around as if checking we were alone before dropping into a raspy whisper like we were conspiring. “But a man who knows what he wants and knows what he’s capable of, and can put the right name to both….that’s where the real magic is. Do you know what kind of power your name has?”

“Richard means lion-hearted,” I remember reporting after some thought. And that he blew a raspberry right after that like he was the five year old of the two of us, but then, Grandpa was just like that sometimes. “Yes, yes, true enough,” he said, making a face like he’d tasted something sour, “But I don’t mean the one your father picked most likely to spite me for naming him John in the first place. No matter how many times I tell him I had nothing to do with that, I lost the right to name him in a card game with your Grandmother. Although for the record, I still maintain I didn’t lose, she just cheated. But I still have no idea how she did it so I have to respect that, I suppose. But no. Not that name. The one your mother gave you.”

“And of course then I knew he meant Robin, and said so, and he asked what that meant to me. And I remember thinking long and hard about that one, because as I said, I knew even by that age what Grandpa was like on the subject of names, and so I was sure there was some kind of riddle or game in what he was asking, I just wasn’t sure where. So finally I just referred back to what my Mom always used to say, about me being born on the first day of spring, and being her little Robin. And he just nodded, and then he asked: And do you remember the first time you called yourself Robin to someone else, and why? What you said then?”

*************

But its mostly by the third installment of this series that things start simmering on the long-term Court of Owls storyline throughout this, which is where all the stuff with the Grayson backstory comes into play.

Because in finding out about Cobb and the Court of Owls and their connection to his family and intentions for him, and fighting all that and dealing with the implications, the thing is….in the process Dick of course ends up finding all the answers that his grandfather spent his whole life searching for.

So its about how the Court of Owls and Cobb’s actions and plans have affected Dick’s whole family through three whole generations, now that Dick is its endgame and he can see the full picture……which among other things, allows Dick a kind of closure for a lot of stuff with his first family. He’s finally able to solve the mystery Daniel was haunted by, and gain a big sense of validation from it, because in doing so he affirms that he and his family line aren’t really defined by their connection to Cobb, or even really the result of Cobb and his actions.

Because knowing Cobb’s intentions, knowing that HE named the Grayson family line and what it was supposed to mean….even though Daniel never got his answers while he was alive, Dick’s able to put all of that to rest in a lot of ways by realizing that his grandfather might not have ever gotten the specifics…..but he still got it right. Dick can now affirm that his grandfather guessed right as to what the person who named him Grayson meant for it to mean, meant for him to be. But Dick knows now too, that without even knowing that for sure, his grandfather managed to do all the right things in exactly the right ways to defy those intentions and spit in the face of what he was ‘supposed’ to be or do. As did John then, as well, and now as did Dick.

And so Dick can say with full certainty that no matter where his family comes from originally, the Grayson name was never defined by what the Court interpreted it as….but as the Graysons defined it for themselves. They are what they made themselves to be, and Dick can see himself in that, his choices reflected in the ones his father and grandfather made before him, all without knowing just what exactly it was they were defying or anything like that….they did all that naturally, just by virtue of being who they were themselves, who they chose to be. And that ultimately, is what the name Grayson means to Dick….the same thing it always meant to his father, and what it always meant to his grandfather at the very beginning of their TRUE family line, the only one THEY actually claim NAME to.

The true history of Dick’s family, his first family, the true legacy of The Flying Graysons, the Kings of the Sky, is an entire century of every last one of them going “FUCK YOU, WE DO WHAT WE WANT” to ‘their ancestor’ William Cobb and the entire Court of Owls, every day of their lives.

3) UNEDITED SNIPPET, from the (as of now) eighth installment, “Its a Long, Long Way to Tipperary,” from a scene after Dick has found out everything there is to find out about Cobb and the Court’s history and how it involves his family. This is Dick talking to Jason and Cass, relaying one of his last memories with Daniel. Not edited, needs chopping, but general sentiment/idea is mostly finalized:

“Names have power,” Grandpa said to me, on one of the last days I remember with him before he passed away. We were sitting outside in folding chairs and watching the stars, until he got too cold and we had to go in. But while we were out there, so much of what he said…I didn’t really understand most of it at the time. Honestly, even what I thought I understood, I realized years later wasn’t really right. I could follow the words but so much of what he meant, I didn’t even begin to understand until I happened to look back to that night years later.

Because even though I was mostly lost then and there, for months by then I’d heard my parents talking when they thought I couldn’t hear. I’d seen him doubled over coughing more and more frequently, how tightly he clutched a blanket around him when it wasn’t really all that cold. I may not have fully known what was coming but I knew on some level that something was coming to an end.

And I remember him talking so fast that night, words spilling out so quickly in a confusing mess like he couldn’t take the time to shape them properly and just had to get them out….I remember soaking it all in, as much as I could, knowing that it was important even if I didn’t know what it even was, or why. Like I was trying to just….absorb it, make it a part of me the way it almost felt like it was bleeding out of him. I don’t know that the thought, the image of him dying that summer, of soon being without him, I can’t say whether that actually ever occurred to me. I just know that I knew urgency, and I knew Grandpa was only urgent when it mattered, so I listened without understanding and somehow managed to store most of it away.

I could be crediting myself with too much intuition and I was just lucky, but….I don’t know why this so hard to describe. I don’t know why I’m trying to describe it, why that feels important, I just know that it does and it did. He wasn’t talking to me the way he normally did, when he’d always stop and make sure I was actually following him, asking me questions to make sure I understood what he was trying to say…..maybe that was what made the difference. Because it wasn’t just that he was talking fast, but without pausing, that’s what was the strange part. Not trying to make sure he was understood, or even caring….just trying to get it out of him, like what was most important was just that he said it and it was heard. Maybe just so he knew it wouldn’t die with him.

So I remember it all, or at least most of it, enough of it. I’d honestly gone years without even thinking of that night before I did remember it and finally try to think back to what he’d said and see if I could recall any of it, make any more sense of it now than then. And maybe that’s what baffles me. How I could have found all of it tucked away in the back of my mind somewhere when I’d forgotten I even put it there at all. It feels….it never made sense to me. That I remembered. I shouldn’t have been able to, not in so much detail, after so much time, not when there were so many other things I couldn’t even place. And yet there it all was, and right when I most needed to hear what he’d said to me that night. The things nobody else could have told me because nobody else knew the secret language of names that he seemed to speak, that he’d spent his whole life learning all so that maybe he could somehow in that find his own name.

“Names have power,” he said. “They can be magic in the right hands. A man who knows who he is knows his own name. And the things you can do with, the doors that can be unlocked…oh, Dickie, my boy. There’s a door to anywhere if you can speak the right name when asked for a key. But its not enough to just say them and throw them around, its not the sounds, the words, its what they are. You can’t pretend to know a thing, to know yourself. You have to really, truly know. But once you know….for a boy as bright as you, there’s no end to the possibilities.”

“So here’s what you must always remember, the real trick of it all…..names have power. But the power isn’t in the name. The power is in what you decide it should be. You can’t claim a name and therein take its power, you see….because you have to be the one to put power in the name first. You have to look at it and see what you want it to be. And only then claim and make it yours, and everything that comes with it. Your father named you Richard, though he calls you Dickie, you were born a Flying Grayson and thus you always will be, and your mother named you her little Robin, born on the first day of spring. And all of these can be you, because no one is just one thing. And yet none of them are you unless you claim them to be.

So if you are to be Robin, as your mother named you but is only you if you choose to say yes that is me…..before you claim it fully, before you truly make it yours, you have to look at Robin and what it will be when you choose to be Robin. You have to see Robin not as even your mother sees her Robin, but as you see your Robin.

That’s the danger and that’s the trick.

You can’t claim Robin while seeing only what someone else sees, and think that by claiming it you’ve claimed its power….instead you’ve just claimed a trap, donned a self that doesn’t suit you because it is not you, only something someone else thought could be you.

And by accepting that Robin, claiming that name and everything that comes with it….you will never be free to be more than whatever they thought you could be. There is no power in that, no potential, no freedom…..just the limitations you’ve accepted as your own, because someone thought you limited by such things, and yet you agreed that they were right when you claimed the name….but only the name as they shaped and imagined it to be, instead of you on your own.

So who is Robin? What power do you see in that name? Don’t reach out and seize it the moment someone sets it forth in front of you, assuming that is all it can be, when the truth is you will only ever then be as big or small as they imagine, and yet you can just as easily be as vast as you can dream.

Never claim a name if you haven’t first looked at it as you first see it, and then imagine it bigger, and then imagine it deeper, and then imagine it greater, and keep going until you can’t imagine any more. And only then will you know what that name is…..when you say this name is who I truly want to be.

Robin is a bird, yes, Robin Red-Breast, a creature of spring, of the air, of new life. You can claim that and make it yours but first…..what else could Robin be?

Can not Robin just as easily be Robin Hood or Robin Goodfellow? Couldn’t you be? And why even be just one, when you can be all three?

No man is ever just one thing, and any man who thinks that he is has more dreaming to do. Or else he’s already trapped by a name of someone else’s making, and all the confines that came with it.

Your mother named you her little bird, and maybe it fits you because you were born to fly, or maybe you were born to be Robin, and you simply chose to fly. Who can say? Who can say which Robin is the most you, other than you?

So be Robin, in as much as you imagine Robin to be. Be the bird that flies, or the champion of the poor, or the merry trickster whom even kings fear. Or be all of them in one….there’s power enough for all of that in just that one little name….so long as you put it there first.

Its that simple, and its that tricky. There is no in between. You are whatever name you claim as you. But you must know what it is as well, because it isn’t enough just to know yourself as you are…..when the name’s the thing, that which says who you WOULD be, the you that you WANT to be, that you claim THIS, this is me.

If you remember nothing else, Dickie, Richard, Robin times three or however many more Robins you might be…..

If someday you say I taught you nothing else, there’s nothing else I gave you, left for you to take with you wherever you go, hear me now, and remember this, even if only this:

No matter how well you might think it suits you at first, the name you claim because it fits you as you are, will never be more than a trap.

The power in names, the true power…..only comes from claiming the name that fits the you, that you would dream yourself to be.

Many kings of the earth have laughed as they introduced your family as Kings of the Sky throughout the years, but the jest they don’t get is for all their riches, they were the ones content to claim titles and riches that leave them trapped on the earth, confined within borders of their own makings, sealed behind walls they chose to erect between them and everything that was not theirs and thus would never be. But a King of the Sky soars above all of that, needing none of that…..because the sky has no end, and is so much vaster than any of that could ever be.

If you would someday choose a crown, my little Prince of the Sky, never seek yours on the ground. Reach for one bigger than the ground could ever hold….only that could ever fit all that you might someday be.

#long post

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