#except i do see stuff i disagree with I just don't let it bother me

[v0id-of-thought]

fandom discourse really is like: “can you BELIEVE some people in this fandom actually think [insert take I’ve literally never seen outside of people talking about how bad it is]”

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Things I noticed in the broken tape

What is Amanda holding here? I can't really tell. Also I realized, in the background of this, you can hear the music of the "everything rots" iconic scene and the audio of Amanda saying "I can feel myself... rotting." in the background. But Wooly's "Amanda's" kind of drown it out. And Amanda looks like she's crying here. She seems like a sad child in a scary situation, but she doesn't look like she's afraid of Wooly. We've seen her "afraid" face before... this isn't it. She's sad. And instead of helping her, Wooly is bothering her. Calling her name over and over, drowning out her cry for help.

Then there's the whole sequence of scenes of Amanda and Wooly being merged together... I think this kind of symbolizes how their stuck with each other. When Wooly died he came back. Whether both of them like it or not, they are the only other person they have in this world.

Then there's the flashing images of the door... Idk what that represents but flashing images of doors seem to be a recurring theme. Maybe it's the entrance to their world? Or the exit? *shrugs*

Now this next thing I will admit I completely didn't notice until I read a bunch of youtube comments pointing it out. But in the scene where they are all sinking, both Amanda and the opossum try to fight it, and while Wooly seems surprised and a little panicked at first he just gives in.

Then there's the whole meatman scene... everyone talks about how Wooly looms over Amanda as she screams but I have seen no one mention how the meatman is the one who makes her scream in pain like this. Also when he says this line, did anyone else physically feel that feeling when the shot is definitely more than a pinch... but like... in their whole arm? I feel it every time and that's why I always try to speed past that scene when watching Amanda videos cuz I hate that feeling so much it makes the whole thing feel 10 thousand times more creepy to me.

I feel like this section of the tape seems to really show how Amanda sees Wooly. Or just represent their relationship in general. She's in pain, suffering, and he just watches with a smile. As if nothings wrong. Looming over her. She can't get rid of him. She's in pain and he doesn't even seem to care. He does nothing says nothing about it. Just stands there smiling without a care in the world.

Moving onto to the We Can Fix it portion (have I talked about this before I can't recall?)

First off, what's up with the whole, losing their eyes thing that happens throughout the tape? Do we think that could be symbolic of something?

Moving on, is it just me or are these the FRIENDLIEST interactions we've ever seen between Amanda and Wooly? Like they are literally just chatting with each other. No angry glares no passive aggressive comments. They disagree about throwing things away, but Amanda doesn't get nearly as angry at him about it as she has with other things. Also it's kind of weird to see Wooly annoyed with Amanda and her being weirdly patient with him. If you showed me this tape back when Amanda 1 came out I'd tell you it was fake.

Also, is it just me, or does Wooly act a lot more... I don't know... human in this tape? Like, I feel for most of the games he feels like... a static cartoon character. Everything he says and does (especially in the first game) feels SO scripted. And while he has moments where he breaks this, it's usually brief. But... this whole tape he just feels so... human. Like not just this cardboard cutout who smiles and waves and always acts the same. Like, throwing old stuff away is a normal thing to do. Wooly kind of feels like a parent trying to get their kid to put some of their unused toys in the yard sale bin. (except way less mature about it). His genuine surprise when they fix the first two toys. The way he rolls his eyes at Amanda when she says: "Just let me look" And like, his little snide comments he makes like: "I could've been to the dump by now." Feel so unlike him, but still so much like something an actual person would genuinely say. In general, he seems to be doing and saying things that feel like things he would usually never do, and yet still feel so in-character. He seems to act more genuine in this tape.

And then, Amanda's concern when Wooly's eye gets torn out. Like, she looks genuinely worried. Wooly actually freaking out over it... I mean, when have we ever seen Wooly freak out like this? Sure he seems nervous or scared around Amanda at times, but like that feels different. And Amanda, actually tries to comfort him! Like does no one else notice how weird this is for them?!

Not to mention Wooly saying he doesn't like this game anymore. Wooly never seems to object to adventures. I feel like this scene between them says a lot more than we realize.

My theory is that the whole Broken Tape sequence caused some sort of change or realization in the two of them. Wooly suddenly saying "I can't take this anymore!" after whatever the heck that opening sequence was would make quite a bit of sense. Like that was probably horrifying for the both of them. The whole "getting merged together" thing?! The whole meatman showing up thing?! The whole, sinking into the ground thing?! Like while it looks clearly worse on Amanda it is probably horrifying for them both nonetheless. Between the opossum, the meatman, and Hameln maybe they silently agreed that there are much worse things to deal with than each other, so maybe they became slightly more tolerant towards each other? This behavior seems to continue on into the Do You Feel Safe? tape, somewhat. There's a clear change in their behavior. Amanda seems to directly call out Wooly's "nothing's wrong" attitude when he says the neighborhood feels "safe".

Then Amanda asks: "Does it Wooly?" and... once again we don't see Wooly's "Everything's Fine" mask on. I mean, how could it after the whole "Broken Tape" incident? Well I mean, it's kind of there. He still says, "Yeah, most of the time." But he sounds SUPER unsure this time. Almost like "I thought it was..."

Also I just love the face Amanda makes at us here. I don't know something about it is so funny to me. it's giving a sarcastic "yeah sure, most of the time Wooly." kind of vibe but also like she's look to us like we totally agree. Or even like a looking to us with a "Look at this idiot." vibe. I know I've already talked about this tape but I wanna talk about it more in the context of the continuity between this one and the last one. I really do think that Wooly tries to go back to his, "stay on script" mode.

I also just noticed here that Amanda doesn't seem too annoyed at Wooly's lecture... UNTIL

He flips back to the whole "Having Adventures with your friends!" thing. And she flat out ignores him, the way she used to in the first game. I think between these two tapes, Amanda seems to be more... comfortable and less annoyed around Wooly when he ISN'T playing a caricature of a cartoon character. Like, obviously, she says in this tape that she still doesn't trust him. This whole alley scene interaction seems very much like their first game interactions. Like Wooly is clearly trying to fit back into the whole "everything's fine" skit and Amanda isn't having it. This could why she doesn't like him in the first place. He acts like everything is fine when it very clearly isn't. And Amanda... flat out IGNORES him. She straight up tells him to shut up, and he looks kind of afraid of her, the way he used to in the first game.

Also I find it really interesting how Wooly suddenly switched back from talking about the show and how they should act to saying "but I really don't-" don't what? Don't like it? Cuz I feel like that's what he was trying to say here. I personally think the whole "playing along with the show" thing is not even about what Hameln wants. It feels more like a way to cover up the fact that Wooly doesn't seem to like all this. It's almost like he's reflecting the blame onto Amanda for their situation rather than acknowledging Hameln's role in all this. Which ties into my favorite Amanda theory:

Basically, I think Amanda and Wooly have very skewed perceptions of each other and both believe that the other has bad intentions. I think on Wooly's part, he's a lot more selfish than Amanda. Though, I feel like Amanda would be a lot more tolerant of Wooly if he was actually honest about how he feels about this situation. Because as much as he tries to hide it and pretend to like it here, he clearly doesn't. Of course he doesn't, he isn't stupid. But I guess it's easier to pretend nothing's wrong and play a part than to actually process what the hell happened to you. (or rather, the hell you went through). Honestly, I think Amanda is actively trying to process and overcome her trauma while Wooly is avoiding it, burying it. Though both are doing it at the other's expense.

However, in the good ending version, the opossum appears and creates a common enemy between the two. And they work together really well. If you help them beat the opossum, Amanda suddenly agrees with Wooly's sentiment that sometimes strangers can be scary. Then when Wooly asks if they could go home, Amanda teases him, asking if he's scared. What I find interesting is that he doesn't actually refute this. Which while it isn't admitting it, it isn't denying it either which is definitely a start. (and then there's the alternate scene where they beat up the opossum in complete sync with each other what the heck).

Whoops that got REALLY off topic. My point is, their relationship has changed, and they seem to be STARTING to communicate more with each other. Amanda still doesn't trust him, but I think this is a start. Yes she tried to kill him at one point, yes she hated him... but I don't think Wooly is as terrible as some people make him out to be. He's selfish and he actively ignores Amanda's feelings in favor of what HE wants, but I don't think he's doing it for Hameln.

Anyway I'm tired. I'll talk about the rest of the tape tomorrow. We cool with that? IDC I'M GOING TO SLEEP BUH-BYE!

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Puts out a new nice poem and then releases music video with assault scene in it during thia not so good for him times... Till really is something else.

what follows is my personal opinion, so feel free to disagree entirely:

With regards to the video i'm withholding judgment until i've seen the entire thing in context. Ofcourse the one scene they put in the teaser is there to provoke, and i'd say he succeeded. But remember Rammstein's Deutschland video when the one bit that was used as teaser was of the WWII prisoners and loads of people were ready to critique them of being insensitive (at best) (and i'm sure some still do), but in the context of the complete video i would say it was actually a real honest depiction of German history and showed a vital part of that (and even more interesting, it showed that people were inprisoned or killed for various reasons, which is the raw truth, although a truth that Germany has had a difficult time to come to terms with, and Rammstein hit the sore spot).

We know the dreadlock hairdo from photos Till's friend accidently (?) leaked at the time, and that was before the allegations stuff, but in theory it is possible that a video was shot at the time, but that it was reshot more recently to change the narrative (maybe as a reaction to the allegations), and unless we see the whole thing, we don't know the message it wants to convey.

The poem is interesting to me, because, apart from art being open to interpretation, and we don't have (and probably won't get) Till's own comment on what he intended with it. But at some points during the last months i may have had the feeling that Till wasn't bothered or had a 'FU' attitude to what happened. At the very least during the few bits i had seen from his tour (but as you may know, Till's imagery in his solowork is not my thing) he seemed to continue in the same vein as before and possibly provocatively announcing holding after-parties etc; again, it could be interpreted as a FU...

Well the poem, to me, shows that it does bother him, and that it gets to him. Maybe the fact that people again painted slogans somewhere in his neighbourhood recently, still not letting go of the allegations and now he got back to Berlin after the tour and saw it with his own eyes, was the proverbial 'final straw' that prompted him to write the poem... maybe he already made the poem months ago...don't know.

What is interesting to me too, is that the allegations stuff is often attributed to politically speaking 'left-wing' inclined people; and slogans that are used are usually targetted at 'right-wing' others. But we know for a fact that Rammstein as a whole and Till too are, well, officially political, but if we would *have* to 'label' them, it would be decidedly 'left-wing'. I've felt more than once, that actually the phrases used and actions done by the accusers (and their hangers-on) are going to extremes that actually tend to loop back towards the other end of the political spectrum. The accusations without proof, the cancel culture...isn't it really the same as silencing people because of their beliefs or way of life that happens in Right-wing society? If everything in life is a circle, if you go to the extreme left, don't you run the risk of unintentionally becoming extreme right yourself?

The phrase in the poem"Rot wird braun" (Red becomes brown) reminds me a lot of Left-wing (often represented with color red) turning into Right-wing (especially in 1930/1940's Germany the color of Right wing politics)...and although it is just my interpretation, i wouldn't be surprised if Till made that connection too.

Of all of Till's solowork, i appreciate his poetry the most, and this is no exception.

And the poem sparked my interest in the video more than before i read it, so it will be interesting to see the whole 🌺

[bthump]

saw this comment on Reddit about the latest chapter and thought it was interesting:

“The shot of Rickert kneeling down over Guts lying face down on his stomach saying “Guts, is that really you?” parallels the scene of Guts finding Griffith in the dungeon, also lying face down. Just swap the names and they essentially say the same thing.

Personally, I do think the behelit will activate for Guts sometime before the story is over. Or at the very least, it will start reacting, seeming like it wants to activate.

Thematically, I just can’t see it belonging to anyone else. It’s our Chekhov’s gun.

I see only one of two things happening:

The behelit activates for Guts, and obviously he will refuse.

Or

He finds a way to infuse it into the dragonslayer to make it have the same potential as SK’s sword of actuation.

I’m leaning towards the former.

Though, there is one more possibility that I’m just now starting to consider: that the behelit belong’s to Rickert.

It seems like Rickert might become a major player for the final act. I think they might be building him up to be Griffith’s true foil. He evens looks a lot like a young Griffith with his new hairstyle. I’ve always felt like Rickert is the story’s moral center. He might not have directly suffered as much as Guts and Casca, but he still lost all of his friends — all of his family — and was betrayed by the man he once looked up to above all others. However, unlike Guts, instead of running off to seek revenge, or spiraling out into self-destructiveness, he faced the pain of his losses, honored the memories of his fallen friends, and turned his focus towards those precious few he had left in his life. The kid has been through a fucking lot, but he hasn’t let his pain harden his heart or crush his soul. Now, just like Griffith, he went from being a total nobody to an incredible leader at a very young age. But unlike Griffith, his reasons are not vain, selfish ones.”

Obviously there are elements in the comment that I know you will disagree with like the Griffith being selfish and the part where they say guts would never sacrifice. but I think the thing about the parallel with Griffith and also the stuff about Rickert is a thing I haven’t seen people consider yet. Sorry if you don’t like other peoples comments being posted here, I know you don’t like what happened with the metas but my intention isn’t to criticise this comment I just found it interesting and I kept them anonymous

Yeah no, I personally don't see anything wrong with discussing comments made publically, and yeah nothing about your vibe comes across as malicious or anything. I don't want to encourage these kinds of asks because they obviously do bother some people, but I'm not gonna turn them down either unless I get bad faith vibes from the asker, or whoever originally posted it makes it clear they don't want others discussing their takes.

So yeah my thoughts on the subject:

Basically I see their point about Rickert being the moral centre of Berserk - idk if he's a prominent enough character for me to describe him that way, but he's definitely meant to be a foil to Guts in how he handles the Eclipse and losing all his friends, and to illustrate a much healthier method of coping, forging new relationships and goals.

I think it's a stretch to suggest he's meant to be a foil to Griffith, a better version of Griffith in any sense. Like there's no indication that he's leading the troops here first of all, he's just one of them. I wouldn't describe him as a leader, certainly not without further information.

And I doubt the behelit is Rickert's, for the same reason I doubt it's anyone's except Casca's, possibly Guts', or mmmmaybe Serpico's: there's no foreshadowing of a despair condition or sacrifice material. It's possible Miura was just gonna cram it all in at the end, like surprise! lol, but idk, that feels cheap to me. It'd be disappointing if so, imo.

Also I do think there are Griffith in the dungeon parallels right now with Guts falling apart lol, so maybe that's purposeful? But I think Guts' despair is more likely to lead to the armour taking over than the behelit opening. Mainly because Guts doesn't need two separate ways to give in to his inner darkness lol, and now that he has the armour the behelit is both redundant and probably too permanent for a protagonist. The armour is perfect in that he can succumb and then be pulled back to himself after crossing a moral event horizon. The behelit is a little too conclusive whether he says no or yes to monsterism. Also the armour is just Guts' style. Passively make an agreement to become a monster? No, but lose his shit and start ripping people apart? Absolutely.

[starsmuserainbow]

1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects.

(Template link here)

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name?

"Lightning! Nothing else." [[ Her real full name is Lily Elisabeth Silverton, but she never tells that to anyone and it's not easy to find out ]]

Where and when were you born?

"How am I supposed to know? I doubt she'd have done it at home, so probably in some elite hospital. I have no idea when it was, it doesn't matter anyway." [[ Again nothing she ever tells anyone, her birthday is May 23rd]]

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

"Can you stop asking about family now?" [[ Mother Bernadette Silverton, head of their rich family, probably a known name to the higher-up circles, she's strict and 'snobby' and idk how to describe it, much like the stereotypic 'evil stepmother' except she isn't a stepmother ofc; and honestly I never even bothered to think of a name for her father uh... let's say Joseph Silverton. He's married into the family, he's very 'obedient' to the mother and pretty much never disagrees with her way of doing/seeing things. ]]

[[As usual a cut for length here!]]

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

Lightning just crosses her arms and glares. [[ Wilhelmina Priscilla Silverton, Lightning's twin sister. Very ladylike, studious and elegant, seems always friendly and polite and nice but is also very good at being mischievous or manipulating behind that facade. She's very beloved by her parents and 'never did anything wrong'. ]]

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

"I have some places to stay at here and there, just empty small rooms basically, but I don't really live anywhere, I just occasionally sleep in one of those. I'm doing things alone, and I spent most of my time running and doing hero stuff anyway."

What is your occupation?

"Hero. Duh." [[ Sometimes delivery girl for NaNext, a company I made up and imagine to be equivalent to that big company we all know (starting with A and ending with mazon) in popularity and being known and being big and stuff ]]

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

"I have ginger hair. Blue eyes. Uh... rather light skin. I'm thin or athletic or something body-wise. I usually wear my uniform, being red and yellow, and goggles."

To which social class do you belong?

"I don't care."

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

"I think I used to have allergies against some nature stuff way back. These days though? Nah."

Are you right- or left-handed?

"Right."

What does your voice sound like?

"Can't you hear it?" [[I have no idea how to describe voices well I'm sorry]]

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

"I don't think I repeat-use anything."

What do you have in your pockets?

"Usually nothing. Oh, this is -- was a chocolate bar. I don't normally keep those in there, must've forgotten this one. Ew." She proceeds to make faces as she tries to get the melted mass (still including a wrapping) out of her pocket.

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

"Not that I'm aware of."

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general?

"Can you stop with these questions?" She growls. "Fine, okay, if you insist. It was horrible. It was a permanent trying to make me be something I wasn't. With all means she could think of."

What is your earliest memory?

"I don't know. I don't think back that far."

How much schooling have you had?

"All home schooling, from private teachers and stuff. Not that I ever listened."

Did you enjoy school?

"Absolutely not. How would I when it's like that?"

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

"I have no idea. I'm still elarning most of it, honestly."

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

"Yeah, no."

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

"I hated them all. Look, I really don't wanna talk about it. My mother hated me and always tried to make me into a good behaving girl like my sister was all the time. She fed me pills, tried shocks, all these ridiculous things. My father never stopped it either. Is that enough?"

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

"Free. That's all."

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

"I never got a chance to try it out much afterwards, but, there was a camp once I was sent to. Staying outside, doing nature stuff, learning things to survive and the likes, it was so amazing."

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

"I never liked all these things I was supposed to like. I never was one to get into music or reading much, I wanted to be active. Running, climbing, staying outside, being energetic. Does that say enough?"

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

"Pfft, right. How am I supposed to have been popular? There was Rose, uh Ross, though, he was my friend. He was kind and understanding and always supported me."

When and with whom was your first kiss?

"Never, and I don't need it."

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

"I was out in the forest next to our house, me and Rose were allowed to stay a night outside there. We heard something, it was - we thought back then - a bear, and we started running, and my speed kicked in and I ran way further than I ever thought. By now, I'm pretty sure it was no actual bear though, there's no way it would be so close to our house without her knowing." Snickering, Lightning added: "It was probably another scheme of my mother, to get me out of the idea of wanting to be more outside and camp and the likes. If so, I'm really glad that my abilities activated there, serves her right that it backfired that badly."

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

"What I just mentioned. That my abilities kicked in and finally granted me that freedom I was so much longing for."

Who has had the most influence on you?

"Probably back then, Rose. Nanette helped me afterwards, though I'm not sure I'd call her an influence."

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

"I... don't think I achieved much so far, really."

What is your greatest regret?

"... I left Rose alone there."

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

"I don't think I ever did anything evil."

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

"I hope not."

When was the time you were the most frightened?

"Probably there before my abilities kicked in."

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

"Forget it."

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

"I would like to have taken Rose with me, back then."

What is your best memory?

"Once I understood what was going on, running with my speed. Just the wind and everything rushing by, the complete freedom."

What is your worst memory?

"Some of what my mother tried back home. Now stop bringing these things up."

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

"Meh, optimistic, I guess? Neither really."

What is your greatest fear?

"Losing my speed."

What are your religious views?

"Don't have any."

What are your political views?

"None here either."

What are your views on sex?

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

"I should be able to, yeah, probably. I uh, don't think I'd find it acceptable anytime though."

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

"Hurting children. Also, obviously, trying to shape children against what they are."

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

"Not really, no."

What do you believe makes a successful life?

"Being free, being able to be yourself and do what you want to do. Perhaps be known too, but that's not as important."

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

"I don't really hide who I am, so I'm open I guess?"

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

"Against the rich."

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

"Under any circumstances? I don't know. Depending on just how grave things are, I can imagine everyone would drop any limits."

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

"I'd rather not."

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

"I tend to keep a distance. Pretty sure it's better to not get too attached and bring someone into the risk of being a target for someone that'd want to hurt me."

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

"I don't think I can name anyone."

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

"Again I can't think of anyone. Could name the known speedster heroes, but that's probably something else than respect."

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

"I don't really do friends much. I have Nanette, she's always busy but has a good heart, and I've met some other heroes and bonded with them, but that's it."

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

"Nope."

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

"Honestly, I hope I'll never be. It sounds complicated, and confusing."

What do you look for in a potential lover?

"I don't look."

How close are you to your family?

"I don't have any family."

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

"No, and I'm not interested in that. I like my freedom too much."

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

"I... don't know. Some of the other heroes I've met."

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

"Same answer as last question."

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

"I doubt anyone would."

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

"I could only name my mother, because of all she did, but, I prefer to say I don't have a family, so, no one."

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

"I'm pretty stubborn, I've been told, so I think avoiding conflict isn't really my thing."

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

"Not really."

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

"Meh, it's fine either way. I'm not sticking around long most of the time, anyway."

Do you care what others think of you?

"Not really, no."

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

"I like to run. That's pretty much all I do. Oh, and eating."

What is your most treasured possession?

"I... don't really have anything that special."

What is your favorite color?

"Red."

What is your favorite food?

"It's varying very much depending on the moment and where I am. Pizza is always great though."

What, if anything, do you like to read?

"I don't read stuff."

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

"I don't care for any of those things, honestly."

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

"Not doing anything of the sorts, although I'm not sure it would even work on me anyway."

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

"Like most days, I run through cities and lands and see if I can help anywhere."

What makes you laugh?

"Good jokes? I like to jumpscare people sometimes by suddenly being there, that too."

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

"Nothing I can think of."

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

"I'd go running, duh."

How do you deal with stress?

"Again, I run and run and eventually I'll have gotten rid of it."

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

"Way more spontaneous."

What are your pet peeves?

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

"I have no real routine, I don't even usually keep track of what time it is."

What is your greatest strength as a person?

"My superspeed, obviously."

What is your greatest weakness?

"As if I would tell that to anyone."

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

"I'd like to actually not have a family."

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

"Extroverted! No reason to be shy."

Are you generally organized or messy?

"Definitely messy, I'm not really in charge of keeping anything that would even need organizing though."

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

"I'm good at: Running! Uh... helping others? I can't think of another thing that isn't repeating these two.

I can't swim, so that's one thing. I don't feel the need to be able to, either, though. Having patience is another thing I'm bad at. And... hmm. Music. Making, moving to it, anything in regards to music."

Do you like yourself?

"Yeah."

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

"I do heroing because I like the excitement of it. Also of course to help and protect others."

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

"I don't have any endtime goal."

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

"Like, still doing the same things?"

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

"Preferably someway fast. No long suffer or that nonsense."

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

"I don't know, uh. Do another tour of sunsets, probably, try to locate some of the people I met and say goodbye, and eat some of the best foods I've tasted so far again."

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

"For being a hero, if anything."

What three words best describe your personality?

"Impatient? Fast, and uh, I don't know. Happy?"

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

"How am I supposed to know that? I'd hope something similar, if at all."

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…)

The only thing I'd really have to suggest to her is that she'd allow herself to bond with people more. It's one thing to always rush from one situation to another, which might also not be exactly healthy but nothing I'd advise her to stop that urgently, but at least having some friends wouldn't hurt, and it would give her more of a place to go to when she doesn't want - or can't - keep running.

[seoafin]

when it comes to shiv i’m like in between thinking what happened was a better outcome for her or the shittiest one for her. sorry this is random. but like shiv didn’t intend to free kendall n roman she just did the younger sibiling thing (at least how i interpreted) and realized she couldn’t stand the idea of kendall getting it. when she rlly fucking wanted it. like she wanted it to be her or no one. especially as the only girl in a family full of boys you are never not competing like i so get her. so i think she’d rather tom have it cause it would mean by association she’d have it too. something how the only times she allowed power is through the men in her proximity idk. and i do think this in some sense is better for her cause kendall would’ve been a lose fucking cannon we constantly see him promise his sibilings stuff then rip it away from them. at least when tom is talking to hugo n asking for karolina we get a sense that they’re somehow aligned. especially knowing that hugo is kendalls dog and even tho if she just asked kendall to get rid of hugo he wouldn’t done so in a heartbeat. but that’s the thing she didn’t wanna ask. it just fucjing sucks that it HAD to be tom like i hate his ass. it sucks that the dynamic in her relationship ultimately changed like someone said she’s always gonna have an angry man in her house now. idk if tom yet is this amalgamation of her father that the general public has saddled her with cause he still has to answer to lukas n lukas told her point blank he wanted to fuck shiv n my mans just said sure dude whatver u want no it doesn’t bother me at all!! like i still tom is a pussy but i also know that money corrupts n chnages u so that very well could chnage. which is smt i think succesion banks a lot on the idea of giving u the now and letting u guess what happens in the future. i know i just sent a whole essay so i definitely care about shiv but i am to my core a roman girlie so it is kinda nice not to have a dog in this fight idk!!

SORRY THIS IS LATE I JUST SAW THIS

i actually disagree! i think shiv DID want to free kendall and also roman from the cycle of abuse and she did exactly that. i think the phrase that really sticks to mind is the i love you but i cannot stomach you quote from shiv to kendall. i think the saddest thing about it all is the fact that shiv is in the exact position she spent the entire show trying to avoid: being the wife and giving birth to a baby that will probably continue the cycle of abuse (and i think what hints at this is when roman says that shiv is the TRUE bloodline not kendall because kendall's kids aren't his). i honestly think it's a mix of the fact that she didn't want to give the position up to anyone AND she saw what it had done to the three of them. like i'm not going to say she was being entirely selfless but also i do think she loves kendall and roman. and in the ending you could say she's in a position in closest proximity to power in contrast to kendall and roman but it's not an enviable position. she's a mother and wife and that's all she'll ever be. tom is the man she wanted him to be. the man she tried to shape into. i think in a way it's a self fulfilling prophecy in regards to her and tom. also she was never going to escape unfortunately.

and YEAH i don't like tom i might even hate him but i can't even fault him every single person in this show absolutely sucks balls. Except Gerri. I forgive her crimes. She's so hot. like i can't even blame him for doing everything he could do rise to power. he's no different from kendall shiv or roman. he just didn't have nepo baby power. but yeah i think he and greg are two spineless pussies but so is everyone else LMAO

[the-firebird69]

His dog got hit and he gets arrested like this and it's for doing the roof and I don't think it's Trump I think it's Tommy f

Zues Hera

We know it is Tommy f and the people going after him soon he's going to be at war was a pseudo empire and then kick him out and he's a huge b**** and a pill I want a damn nuisance God f*** her ass to go you keep giving him a sore neck to see you shot at him and it works what's the matter with you so someone hit your gun they hit it without you better than what's the big deal stupid s*** you're a dumb f***** and we're going to shoot you

Hera

How'd you like that Tommy f your brain coming out of your head you want more of that s*** don't you I told you not to f*** around with it and hear these guys just putting a roof up no big deal and Trump is a pain in the ass but you're the one doing this to people and you're doing to him too for getting it done but holy s*** you forgot what I just said probably because you got shot in the head huh

Zues Hera

I get it too I'm doing stuff they don't want they warn me and they shoot me and I'm threatening you and you save your people will take care of myself. I didn't figure out something there's certain rules they don't want violated and I don't listen and I lose myself and that's the way it goes and they say that is the way it goes and they're going to come and get me I don't care I don't want to have a roof and what he says is you dead meat I don't give a s*** about your stupid castle please you're going to Ken out and I'm going to burn it to the ground and loki you'll have to walk down the street. I sort of get something these people are tired of being treated like fish and the max have all this stuff and I'm helping them out and it's tiring yet I'm keeping them out of here yes to shut your f****** mouth and get out of the way the roof your prick you f****** useless little retard all I'm saying is they shoot you in the head for stopping the roof when they don't really want to stop the roof so just get the f*** out of the way and that makes sense he says I'm sitting here in the way of the pseudo empire which is the way of the empire and I should just let the roof happen and let them take their lumps from the empire I'm going to start doing that it's stupid as hell who cares if he has a roof or not it doesn't make sense it doesn't matter now it's dried in it's just going to sit there there's a big pile on it God almighty this is going to be awful on the Storm guy

Tommy f

He's right about something you have to get the f*** out of the way and you are slowing them down you can't have that shield load up there we have to do the damn roof

Mac daddy

I'm going to get it over with cuz this blows so bad everybody's at me he says you finish the roof what are they going to do tell him to take it off no tell you it's done without a permit it's a homeowner and it's an emergency it's a state of emergency just some rules and good Governor doesn't and I looked at the

Jason

There's a couple reasons why they're not doing it mostly they can't agree but Tommy after shopping with that and it's helping with it and then there's the max we're making it happen they really want the roof to be up but they want to make it look like others and they won't let them do it and they're going around killing them and stuff when they're trying to do it and making them disagree now we're tired of this behavior what do you say is why don't you just finish the roof and back is too this is macca saying it too because it's costing all of you tons of stuff but well you know what can I say he can sit there for 10 years he doesn't care he just bothering him except for the pile up there he said he can't have that up there if there's going to be a storm he's going to throw it onto the ground

Thor Freya

There won't be a storm for some time probably a month but he says really so that gives us insurance nothing going to run up there today who the f*** are you people are so goddamn dumb you're dumber than a f****** rock for Christ's sake you want me to walk around the mall like a zombie holy f****** s*** you can't tell that I need to be doing something bunch of n****** you are absolutely true an a****** treatment if you're giving it to me too and we we have to stop you dumbass returns your phone for all their stuff and it won't stop just getting there and get the f****** roof up there

Stan

Like I said just sit here and melt it's dried in if there's a storm coming I'll take them off the top and it's the roof will just sit there with the wind blowing and it's all going to be glued to the plywood by then so sit there and yell at each other and yell at me trying to get me angry bunch of f****** little minis mini little s**** ninnies do you need any little s**** your nitty m************

[occasionalklance]

Friendly reminder that I'm an adult! I don't see too too many minors interacting with me, but just to be safe, I'll repeat what you'll see in my main's about. Whether you're 15 or 50, you're fully encouraged to unfollow, soft block, or hard block if anyone is bothering you, including me. If it's me you're dealing with, I'd prefer you hard block so I don't forget and accidentally refollow you or interact with you.

I do disagree with moss about DMing because I personally think it is fine in most cases, but that's based on my own experience which is clearly different from his. If you don't want to DM adults, don't let anyone convince you they're the exception. But if you (like young me) are going to do it, one frequently revisited question that helped me as a minor was this:

"If I publicly shared this private conversation right now, then how long would this person be mad at me for it?"

I always gave the hypothetical a buffer zone because like... there are some things you could discuss privately that are mean to share but aren't predatory. Like if you two share your WIPs with each other, it's not reasonable to expect them to be totally cool with you passing that on to other people. At the same time, no reasonable person is going to hold a grudge for more than a week or so if a young teen does that because adults know that teens do things impulsively and haven't learned to control it yet.

On that note, "a week" was my highest allowable answer. If it was longer than that, that's when I'd cut conversation. Either just disappear by ignoring them, block, or send one final message saying I wasn't interested in talking anymore.

I will add that to me, IRL stuff is a much bigger concern. I've personally never dealt with abusers online, but there were plenty of "family friends" that I wasn't allowed to say shit about, and letting myself believe that "not allowed" thing was a mistake. There were too many old high school classmates who went on to frequent the local high schools long past becoming adults. Protecting yourself online is great, but protect yourself offline too. You're allowed to tell people you trust about the people who make you uncomfortable.

While I’m on my bullshit…

As an adult, minors should not ever feel bad about calling out/unfriending/blocking adults that are being creepy towards you.

A minor flirting with me even jokingly is an instant block and ANY adult entertaining that behavior 100% knows what they’re doing and exactly why it’s wrong. Do not give them the benefit of the doubt. Do not pass go. Block their ass. They are not a safe adult to be around, even in online spaces.

An adult should also NOT be DMing you. They should interact with you in a public forum or not at all. If you remind them you’re a minor and the convo doesn’t immediately move to a public forum, smash the block.

Minors should never, under any circumstances, feel bad about protecting their safety.

[eldrai]

you know I think the reason I like autistic!Jack so much as a concept – it's not really a headcanon to me because we don't see too much of Jack, more like a what if type thing – is because it's all about healing from and breaking the cycle of generational trauma and decades of ableism, whether internal or external.

because you have hotch, who navigates through life easily enough most of the time, it just took him a couple of years (decades) to figure out what exactly it is he needs for that. and he's happy! he's fine as he is. and sure sometimes it bothers him a little that there seems to be this... ease that he's lacking when it comes to trivial things but really, it's a minor thing.

and autism isn't mentioned, because why would it be? he knows what it is, in that vague sense of outlines from what he's read and heard over the years, but it isn't particularly relevant to him. it's other people and other people's children. and there's nothing wrong with that. he just isn't like that.

except then he has a son.

and then his son has signs.

hotch is back to looking and this time it's with fresh eyes. this time he knows what he's trying to find out, because jack isn't autistic (and there's nothing wrong with that if he was, but he isn't). right? and jack gets a little older, the signs stay, and hotch isn't too concerned. so what if he walks on his toes and lines up his toys? he'd done that as a kid and he's fine.

after haley, jack's school counsellor suggests that some signs she thought were results of grief might actually be something else. hotch disagrees because jack is just a kid, he doesn't need some label slapped on him. he agrees to let them do it though, because they say the assessment will give them a better understanding of his needs regardless.

see, if jack was autistic, that would be bad. not jack himself but the condition. it's shameful. it's the kind of word hurled around as an insult. talked about in hushed tones. the kind that got his father to storm out of a paediatrician's office that time he was ten. and it's flapping hands and obvious signs that might as well be a crosshair on his back and hotch can't let him go through that, that isn't who jack is, and he'll outgrow it in a year or two anyway.

then jack is autistic.

hotch researches like he's never done before. even the uncomfortably familiar parts. even the stuff he thought was pathologizing normal behaviour. the habits he grew (was forced) out of. the tendency to run in families.

and...

that's him, too.

it's still a shameful word when he searches online for providers who assess adults. still when he hears them say it. and the letter he receives at the end of all of it, well, that's a strange mix of relief and shame.

mainly relief.

so you have hotch and jack. a loving father and his son. and hotch is beginning to see the effects it had on him when he was treated as diseased, broken, bizarre for who he was. they didn't know it by name but it was there all right. he knows what it's like growing up inside those rigid boxes.

he can change jack's path though. he can research more, he can talk to reid and garcia about jack, then the team, he can understand the difference between jack's actual needs and what everything, everyone says he should let him have. and he can watch jack's face light up because his uncle spencer and aunt penelope are like him!!! for all of five minutes until he goes to show them the new toy he got the other day. the companionship sticks with him though. gets him through the handful of kids who try and tease him sometimes. he can listen as jack tells him this, and his heart hurts and swells with pride both at once.

autistic doesn't remind him of shame. it makes him think of his little boy.

and it's harder to implement what he's learnt into his own life, breaking the patterns far far older than jack, to lend himself the same compassion and understanding. hotch tells jessica first, and she isn't really surprised. neither are reid or garcia but he'd seen that coming. jj, prentiss and morgan are just relieved that what he said he had to tell them (accidentally quite ominously) was nothing bad. dave is legitimately confused not at his being autistic, but his sudden decision to let him know 'now' because dave had twigged it within about a year of meeting hotch and just assumed he was keeping it to himself.

they're compassionate when he can't find it in himself to be.

and jack never knows any different. sure, there are the kids out there and their snide parents but what does that matter when his family are there, their love unconditional? when three of the coolest people he knows in the entire world are like him, why would he be upset?

it's a hard journey for hotch. it's worth it all when he can sit back and watch his son absentmindedly stimming watching tv and knows jack will never think of himself as lesser.

[mypoisonedvine]

Getting In Tune | Chris Evans x reader fluff

summary: taking house calls as a piano tuner doesn’t usually mean meeting hot guys… mostly just old ladies who offer you lemonade, which is great and all, but did not prepare you for an appointment to tune chris evans’ full grand.

word count: 3.7k

warnings: swearing, dirty jokes about pianos, allusions to nsfw things?? vaguely?, mostly just fluff and flirting and awkwardness

Checking that the address on your worksheet matched the one on the door in front of you, you reviewed the nature of the appointment as your boss had written out for you: 

Customer: Christopher Evans

Appointment type: Warranty tuning and check-up

Arrival time: 10 a.m. 

You checked your watch and saw that it was 9:58, but hopefully that wouldn’t bother him too much.  Leaning forward, you knocked on the door and waited.  You could hear a dog barking inside, running up to the other side of the door as someone unlocked the bolt and cracked it open, poking his head out while he held the dog back with his leg.

He seemed a little surprised to see you standing there, made even more apparent by the fact that he was obviously wearing pajamas— specifically, a baggy tank top and gingham flannel pants.  A few tattoos were visible on his arms and collarbones, though you tried not to stare at them or anything.

“Did you not know you had an appointment today?” you asked him.  When he didn’t answer, you tried to give a bit more of a prompting.  “I’m here from Boston Steinway…?”

“Right, right,” he agreed, “uh, let me put the dog out, and… put on a shirt…”

“Good idea,” you suggested, “I’ll be here!” 

He smiled at you one more time before shutting the door again, his footsteps shuffling away as you waited for his return.  Thankfully it was a nice day out so you weren’t too cold in your work uniform (yes, you felt like a total dork having to wear a polo with a nametag on it, but such is the life of a piano tuner).  When you heard the dog run into the backyard, and the sound of Chris coming back to open the door, you took a moment to straighten yourself in hopes of looking like you’d been waiting patiently.

“Come in please,” he offered as he opened the door one more time, wearing a navy sweater and jeans now (and a NASA ball cap, for whatever reason) and stepping aside to invite you in.

“I hope I didn’t scare you too much,” you smiled as you stepped past him, letting him shut the door behind you, “a lot of people forget when I’m supposed to show up, trust me.”  You shuddered as you remembered those times you caught people in a lot worse than pajamas.

“No, I knew somebody was coming today, I just… wasn’t expecting…” he trailed off.

“A girl?” you finished for him with a smirk.

“I… yeah, I guess I wasn’t expecting a girl,” he laughed, looking a little embarrassed.

"Well, piano tuning is a real boy's club," you joked.  

"Is it?" he asked sincerely.

"Um, no, not particularly."

"Oh."

After an awkward moment passed while you cringed internally at your failed joke, he finally guided you across the house to where the piano was; you set your toolbag down beside it, stepping back to admire the instrument.  “It’s gorgeous,” you told him.

“Oh, thanks,” he smiled a little.  “Yeah, she’s a beaut.”

“How long have you been playing?” you asked.  “Or are you one of those people who keeps it mostly for decoration.”

“Decoration?” he repeated incredulously.  “Do people do that?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “more often than not I end up doing cosmetic repairs instead of internal ones because families are basically using this as the most expensive object possible to put framed family photos on.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he scoffed, “I mean, I’m sure I’m not using this thing the way it deserves, cause I’m still not very good at it but… yeah, at least I play it a few times a week.”

“Good, it deserves that,” you agreed.  “Mind if I…?”

“Oh, go ahead,” he prompted, stepping back and motioning for you to touch the piano.  You didn’t sit down, just leaning over to do a quick scale up and back down.  "Anyways, I think it's mostly fine but those higher notes are getting kinda squeaky…" he mumbled.

"Right,” you noted, messing around with the keys near the top to check what he’d said, “well, they do that, especially out here with these cold winters making the strings tighten up.  Should be fixable."

“Great,” he smiled.

“Alright, pretty girl, let’s take a look at your guts,” you grinned, groaning a bit as you lifted the heavy lid to see the strings inside.  "It's in great shape,” you observed aloud, “this can't be more than a few years old."

"Yeah, I got it pretty recently actually.  It's never been tuned before."

"Oh, this is its first time?" you smirked, leaning in to whisper to the strings: "don't worry, I'll be gentle."

He blushed a little as he laughed, making you pretty sure your joke hadn't gone too far.

“You, uh, don’t have to be around for this part,” you informed him.  “I mean, unless you want to, but it’ll just be me messing around in here for a few hours.

“No, I’ll give you some space,” he decided, “just let me know if you need anything.  Do you want, like, water or something?”

“I’m fine, but thanks,” you dismissed, “just continue as if I wasn’t here.”

“Oh, you don’t wanna see that,” he disagreed, looking like he regretted saying it as soon as he finished his sentence.  You felt your face warm and hoped he just meant that he’d be eating cheetos out of the bag in his underwear and not anything more… mature.  

As he awkwardly shuffled away, you opened your toolbox and got to work.  Your first task was to get a pitch reader so you could figure out how well-tuned each string was— you set that on the soundboard and got to work testing keys and reading the little digital display of your device.  Once that told you how much work each key needed, it was easy to just put your tuning hammer on one pin at a time, loosening or tightening until the pitch was just right.  You couldn’t just start at one side and tune all the way up to the other, oh no, there was a very specific ideal tuning order that you’d memorized by now: first the middle strings of the octaves from C3 to C5, then the one of each of the unison strings in the double bass section, then the middle strings from C5 to C8, then the lower single bass strings, then every left string of all the unisons from C3 to C8, then the rest of the double bass section, and finally all the right strings from C3 to C8.

Easy peasy, right?

It actually sort of would be, if you hadn’t gotten stuck on the unison bass string of E flat 3, your tuning hammer suddenly unable to turn even when you tried to brace yourself against the piano for some leverage.

"Um, Mr. Evans?" you called out.

"Yup!" he answered, swinging out from the entryway instantly— he must have been waiting just outside, which made you feel a little like you were being spied on.  

"Would you maybe come over here and use your manly-man strength on this?"

"My what now?" he laughed, walking towards you.

"You know," you explained by flexing your biceps and making a sort of serious face; your charades version of what a muscular man looked like, apparently.

"Oh, I see," he nodded, "my—" and he repeated the charade, except it made your face warm and your eyes all but bulge out of your head.  That was him jokingly flexing?!  What did he look like when he was actually trying to show his muscles?

You tore yourself from that train of thought as he leaned over the edge of the piano, gripping the tuning hammer you'd left on the pin there.

"This one?" he asked.

"Yeah, just give it a little nudge counter-clockwise, please."

He did it like it was no trouble at all.

"You could've at least pretended it was difficult," you rolled your eyes.

"No, you loosened it up for me," he winked.  WINKED.  Was he trying to kill you or something?  "Chris is fine," he said abruptly.

Chris is fine indeed, your brain supplied instantly.  "I'm sorry?" you choked out aloud instead.

"You can call me Chris, I mean," he explained.  "You called me Mr. Evans before."

"Oh, right," you nodded.  "Chris.  Thanks for your help with that, Chris."

"Sure thing," he smiled.

Just as the conversation began to lull, you could hear the dog whining and scratching at the back door, and you felt so guilty that he had been left outside.  “You can let the dog back in, you know,” you suggested, “I don’t mind.”

“I shouldn’t,” he shook his head, “he’ll jump all over you and stuff…”

“No, really, it’s fine, I love dogs,” you assured him.

“Alright, just prepare yourself,” he chuckled a little as he slipped over to the back door to let the dog in.  Running past his owner instantly and straight to you, you knelt down to let it lick your face as you laughed.

“Hi puppy!” you greeted.  “Oh, thank you for the kisses, it’s nice to meet you!”  He calmed down a bit when you scratched behind his ears, wiggling and putting his paws up on your knees.  “What’s his name?” you asked, turning your attention to Chris who had his arms crossed and a prideful smile on his face.

“Dodger,” he informed you with a nod.

“Aw, hi Dodger,” you cooed at the pup, “I’d sit here and pet you all day, but your dad’s not paying me to play with you— apparently.”

Chris laughed a bit as you stood up, and Dodger actually took it pretty well, dashing to curl up on the nearest couch as you got back to work on the piano.  

“I’m just about halfway done,” you informed him as you started to move on to the next string, occasionally plucking the string to test that the pitch was right.

“I’ve never heard a piano plucked before,” he observed, leaning in to watch you work.

“Yeah, probably better to just stick to hitting the keys,” you smirked.

“Psh, anybody can do that,” he scoffed, “you could invent a whole new genre of music!”

"I'll leave the musical experimentation to you," you decided, "and I'll stay on this side of the action board."

"See, I didn't even know that was a part of the piano," he admitted.

"And that's why you're on that side."

You two chatted while you worked— he asked some questions about you, you asked some questions about him, classic small talk sort of stuff.  He managed to keep it interesting, though, and keep you laughing throughout the whole conversation.  It was significantly more fun than you usually had during house calls like this, and instead of distracting you it actually seemed to help you keep your focus.  It was easier to talk to him when you could keep your eyes on the strings anyways: looking right at him was sort of overwhelming.

With the last string adjusted, you slipped the tuning hammer into your back pocket and dusted off your hands as you stepped back to admire your work.

"That's it?" he asked as he stood up from the couch, noticing the signs of completion.

"It is if it sounds good!" you smiled.  "Go ahead, take it for a spin," you suggested.  "Play something and tell me if it sounds how you want."

"Okay," he nodded, slipping around the bench and sliding onto it.  He took a breath before he placed his hands on the keys, but then suddenly stopped and set them back on his lap with a sigh as he turned to you.  "Um, it's a little weird with you watching me."

"Oh, are you not used to performance?"

"Not outside of my family and friends and stuff, no."

"I don't really have to be here for this part, as long as you're happy with it then that's fine," you shrugged, "but you know, I wanna be able to fix any issues while I'm still here—"

"No, it’s not a big deal," he shook his head quickly, "I should get over myself.  I guess it's just scary cause you've probably heard people a lot better than me play…"

"Don't worry about that," you laughed, "just play something, really, I won't judge."

He spun back to face the keys, placing his hands on them— for a second you wondered if he struggled to hit just one key at a time with those thick fingers, but you pushed that thought away quickly.

As he started to play, you found yourself focusing on the music more than the sound of the keys like you should've been.  He was good, actually, although you could hear the hesitance in the way he played.  He didn't rush as much as most people did, though; he was savoring the piece, one note at a time, and you let your eyes fall shut as he continued to play.

You broke from your trance when he suddenly stopped, repeating the phrase he'd just finished and stopping on the same note.

"Does this one sound kinda… off to you?" he asked.

"Um," you paused, "play it again?"

He poked the key with one finger a few times, and you frowned.  "I can't really tell." You stepped forward and leaned over his shoulder, caging his body in accidentally as your arms wrapped around his shoulders to fiddle with the keys in front of him.  You rested your knee on the bench beside his legs, not even realizing that it was a massive invasion of his personal space until you were already in it.

He moved his hands out of the way so you could repeat the phrase, and although you didn't hear anything wrong, you felt the key sticking.

"Oh," you mumbled to yourself, "it's the key, not the string."

"Can you fix it?" he asked looking up at you.

"Yeah, I—" you stopped in the middle of your word as you looked back at him because his face was really close, so close that his bright blue eyes were burning right through you; so close that you completely lost your train of thought.  "I can fix anything," you finished softly.

"Great," he whispered back, eyes seeming to glance down to your lips quickly before moving back up to meet your gaze.

You cleared your throat as you stepped back, giving him space again as you nervously crossed your arms.  "It's probably just something stuck under there or whatever, but I can order a replacement key if not."

"Right," he agreed with a nod, sliding to the side of the bench to give you room to fiddle with it.  You grabbed your smaller toolkit and sat beside him, starting with your flashlight to see if there was anything hiding underneath there.

Moving to peer behind the action frame, you realized it was a problem with the hammer hitting the string— or, more specifically, with the mechanism that kept the hammer balanced.  All you had to do was reach in with a long screwdriver and shift some parts around, and it seemed to be back in working order.

“Play it again?” you requested, and he slid back to the middle and started the piece over.  He grinned when he reached the part he’d stopped at before, flying through the phrase without stopping.

“Hey!  You fixed it!” he beamed.

“I’m a genius,” you shrugged, smirking a little.  He stopped playing and you found yourself a little disappointed by that, unexpectedly.  “Any other musical ailments I can magically cure for you today?”

“Unless you can make me a better sight reader, that’ll be all,” he smiled, standing up from the bench.

“Ah, if I could do that, I’d be using that power on myself.”

He shrugged; "Fair enough."

"Well, I'll leave you to it then," you announced as you put the last of your tools away and picked up your bag.  "Hope I didn't disrupt your day too much."

"You did, actually— in a good way," he grinned.  "I definitely learned a lot more than I was going to just watching TV and drinking beer."

You followed him back to the front door, which he opened for you.  "You can always give us a call if you need anything.  Um, anything piano-related, that is.  Tell the dog I said goodbye, okay?"

Chris smiled a little, softer than his normal expression.  "I'll be sure he gets the message."

As you got back in your car, you took a minute to just catch your breath for the first time since you'd gotten here.  Trying to be funny and cute and charming when all you wanna do is stutter and gawk and melt is exhausting!  As enjoyable as it was, in a certain sense, you were relieved at the idea of returning to your routine— which typically did not include super hot dudes chatting you up at work.

//

“This must be a mistake,” you shook your head as you showed the work order form to your boss, “I was at this address two weeks ago, the piano’s in perfect condition.”

“Well, he has an unlimited warranty, so either something happened since you were there last, or you fucked something up when you were there last, or he’s just determined to get his money’s worth out of us,” she explained without looking up from her computer.

You sighed and left, heading back to the same address and hoping you weren’t about to get chewed out for somehow ruining Chris’ like-new piano.

Knocking on the door, you found yourself chewing your lip as you waited for him to answer the door.  You were a little surprised when he answered in a button-up and slacks— entirely opposite to pajamas, although you sort of missed that get-up if you were being honest.

“Hey,” he greeted with a grin, stepping back to motion for you to come inside.

“Hi,” you responded awkwardly as you stepped past him.  “Is... everything alright with the piano?  I didn’t damage it, did I?”

He cleared his throat as he shut the door behind you, the size of the hallway forcing the two of you to stand slightly closer together than you would’ve personally preferred; it was hard to focus with him so close, sometimes.  “No, no, it’s not that,” he answered, “the piano’s fine, I just…” he stammered a little, starting over.  “Uh, there was something I wanted to ask you about last time, and I called the Steinway store but I couldn’t figure out how to call you specifically, so I just had to make a new tuning appointment.”

You furrowed your brow with confusion, not sure why someone else on the phone couldn’t answer whatever question he had, but decided to let him go through with his thought.  “What did you wanna ask me?”

“Uh, I just wanted to ask you… out,” he finished plainly.

You paused as you processed that.  “Out?”

“Like, I was wondering if you’d wanna… go out, with me.”

You hoped your face didn’t give away all of your shock, but at the same time, you figured it probably did.

He winced as you continued to stare at him in silence.  “I’m kind of out on a limb here,” he reminded you.

“Right, I’m sorry,” you shook your head, “um, I guess I’m just sort of surprised because you’re, like… hot, and stuff.”

“And stuff?”

“Yeah, like… nice…” you explained.

“Hot and nice?” he laughed.  “Slow down, you’ll give me an ego.”

You laughed, too, and less nervously than you expected.  Feeling the rare urge to be spontaneous, you scratched your neck as you prepared to propose an idea.  “Listen, so, this might be crazy but... I have another appointment today, at the Symphony Hall— it’s a final tune-up on the pianos and harps before this massive concerto thing and they always let me stay to watch the performance afterwards.  If you came with me, I could get you in for free.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, you probably have better things to do today—”

“I don’t,” he refuted.

“And if you just wanted to, like, get lunch some time then that would be great, I just thought I might as well invite you to hear the chamber orchestra from the best seat in the house,” you shrugged.

“The best seat?” he questioned incredulously.  “And where is that?”

“The rafters,” you laughed.

And that was how you and Chris ended up sitting on the steel catwalk suspended on the ceiling of the Boston Symphony Hall, dangling your feet over the edge as the sounds of the concerto echoed out from the stage, over the silent audience and, finally, up to you two.

The music was incredible, if a little quiet from where you were listening, and so soothing that you felt compelled to close your eyes and focus on the sound.  You were partial to the piano, as always, but the violins and cellos in harmony made your chest warm unexpectedly.  Or maybe that was from the feeling of Chris’ gaze on you, as you opened your eyes to find him looking at your face rather than the performance below.  

“What are you looking at me for?” you asked him with a nervous laugh.

“For fun,” he shrugged.

“Doesn’t seem very exciting,” you scoffed, looking back to the stage.

“Oh, it’s exciting,” he mumbled his reply as he returned his gaze to the performance as well.  

Your cheeks burned when you heard that, in spite of the fact that it was actually a bit drafty in the auditorium.  Even though your nerves were buzzing with anxiety, a rush of bravery struck you and suddenly you were leaning your head onto his shoulder.  Just the warmth of him through his shirt— hell, even the smell of his cologne— somehow managed to relax you and energize you simultaneously.  His hand gingerly slipping around your waist was even better.

After this many years of tuning pianos, it felt like you were getting yourself in tune for the first time.

[embervoices]

Ha! I'm amused at this mix. I'm not especially worried about being cancelled in fan culture, but here are some opinions I've offered in the past that have gotten... disappointment.

I, too, can't read Tolkien. I love his worldbuilding, and very much respect him as the father of modern high fantasy as I know it, which I dearly love. But his writing style drives me up a wall. My great-grandmother found him so insufferable she dumped a bucket of water on his head just to get him to stop blathering and go away. (The only exception is that I do like his structured poetry.)

I'm not sure if I disagree that DA:I has a lot of things to waste your time on, but I'll say that I don't mind it, because wandering around in the world is enjoyable to me. I will literally go wandering through the Hinterlands, Frostback Basin, and Exalted Plains, just to gather herbs and stuff that I don't actually need, because it's pretty, and listen for banter exchanges I've could easily look up online. Possibly I am the target audience. Sorry to everyone else? I love all three main games and am not going to apologize for replaying them, ALWAYS on CASUAL/EASY so I could go through each of the romances separately.

Speaking of which, I see no point in playing any computer RPG on anything other than easy/casual/story mode. I'm there for the plot. Giving the monsters more hit points and nerfing my equipment doesn't make the game more interesting, it just puts more obstacles between me and the content I'm there for.

Similarly, the only accomplishments I care about in games are the silly/easter egg ones.

I'm extremely irritated by the Darker and Edgier additions to Star Trek - the whole point was optimism for a future where we have learned how to fucking share. There's plenty of dystopian sci fi, Star Trek didn't need to join them!

I almost never mind when TV and Movie versions of books I loved deviate from their source material. Every once in a while I'll be sad they dropped a specific line or scene or element I felt was key to its meaning for me, but most of the time I feel the changes are an improvement for how the story maps to the new medium, and/or entirely appropriate social progress on stories that really could use the upgrade.

I love Legend of Zelda with all my heart, but I can rarely be bothered to play through the end games of most of them, they're usually such a non-sequitur to the rest of the game in play style.

I don't actually like playing Final Fantasy games at all. The play style annoys the hell out of me, as do all first person shooter style games. This is not because I think my beloved Zelda and DA are fundamentally better than FF and FPS styles, but because they're fundamentally better for ME.

I love watching other people play good story games that I don't want to play myself, but ONLY LIVE. I only watch snippets of Let's Plays on YouTube to find scenes I'm trying to write about in fanfic.

But probably the least problematic opinion I have about fandom in general that people want to boot me for is simply this:

FANDOM IS FOR EVERYONE

I understand this (as someone who loves the Locked Tomb books).

My opinions:

I don't like most sci fi.

I'm not interested in anything Tolkien wrote (his non-fiction put me to sleep, literally fell asleep in the middle of the university library).

Sometimes tabletop rpgs that are rules lite are just bad (looking at some Powered by the Apocalypse games--Monster of the Week and Thirsty Sword Lesbians are good though).

(I'm sorry) Dragon Age Inquisition is more interested in wasting the player's time than giving them meaningful experiences.

As someone who likes puttering around in FFXV, the last good Final Fantasy was FFX. (I know someone who loves XII I'm sorry I couldn't get into it).

Might as well kick the hornet's nest but Chrono Cross > Chrono Trigger.

[wenellyb]

Uhm. About the Anthony stuff. I don't think people should make it a campaign or something. What bothered most folks had nothing to do with shipping, but with the way he talked about queerness. The "exploiting homosexuality" line or the going to a bar shit. So it's a him problem, and fans should know it is apologize for bad wording, which it is totally on him, or let it die.

Hi Anon,

This is a little bit complicated to explain so I hope I will find the right words... but if some parts are not clear let me know and I will try to explain it better.

I have to disagree with you about what annoyed most having nothing to do with shipping after seeing the response I saw on Twitter, and even headlines from other news outlets.

The "exploiitation" and "bar" part is what annoyed the rational people.... but you and I know that there aren't a lot of those on the Internet.

All over Twitter it was all about Anthony not liking Sambucky together or Anthony saying Sambucky are just friends, etc. Be honest with me here, did you see any headline or any tweet with more that 1k likes or even 500 likes with that story NOT mentionning Sambucky?

Because, I didn't....

So yes, even if it shouldn't have been, the shipping part IS what the general public and other journalists focused on.

I personally didn't care about the shipping but was very annoyed about what he said about the exploitation of homosexuality and the not being able to go to the bar with friends thing.

And if I hadn't known a little bit of Anthony's background I would have been right out pissed... but Anthony is one of the few Hollywood actors, who has admitted that he had been brought up in a comminity where homophobia was present and that he has been learning and growing and showing his support to the LGBT community... So I know he is an actor that will actually listen and adjust if you explain to him what was wrong with what he was saying, because he is already aware that he has still much to learn.

But let's be honest for a minute, if the story had been only about Anthony's comment about how guys can't even hang out anymore...the story wouldn't have blown to the proportions it would have now because let's be honest...70-80% of cis straight guys talk like that... How do I know it wouldn't have led to this level of scandal? Because otherwise the journalist would have let the story as is, and left the comments in the context of the question.... He wouldn't have switched parts to make it look like Anthony had been talking about Sambucky.

Do you think "Anthony thinks guys can't hang out in bars anymore" would have made him trending worldwide? No.

And probably more so because in the context of the actual question, it could be interpreted as him saying he was uncomfortable with people shipping him with real life friends ( Sebastian). Especially his comment about the exploitation of homosexuality... in the context of the real question... that comment wasn't as misplaced.

But no, the journalist linked those answers to Sambucky in the title AND in the article, even though Anthont had said no such thing about Sambucky...except "I don't follow fandom stuff".

And I have said it before, I say it again, because of the actions of that journalist, this goes beyond shipping for me.

I really wasn't involved when the story was about shipping or about Anthony "not liking the ship"... But after listening to the audio... I was seething.

You may not understand this, but personally, I do not have a lot of Black lead characters in big movie productions to look up to... Chadwick passed away last year and we all saw what happened with John Boyega, and a Cyborg movie isn't even in the pipeline anymore.

I'm not a stan or anything, but I feel very defensive when those kind of stuff happens, because Black celebrities are held to different standards which is unfair but also a reality we have to deal with.

I'm not happy with what Anthony said, but I'm even angrier after finding out that the only reason this story got blown out of proportion is because a journalist, who apparently has a story of being unfair to Black actors framed the story and headline to be provocative, even though it could have led to the harrasement of Anthony by Internet mob or even worse, potentially hurt his career. Thankfully Anthony isn't on social media much.

It is fine that you think it shouldn't be a campaign, and I don't think it should be a campaign either... But I do think there is something to be done.

And it is fine if you want to "let it go", I understand that. That's why I said that I wanted to know what "people who want to do something about it" could do....

People who don't want to do anything about it can just ignore it... it is fine.

You are free to let the story die if you want to, but that is not something I feel comfortable doing.

I don't think I would have tried something if the post from that journalist had 1k like or anything... but the likes very very low... so we can actually do something...

Maybe it won't change anything for Anthony... but at least that journalist will think twice before villainzing another actor with no grounds to stand on...

That man knows most people only read headlines and don't even read the article, and even less are those who will aftually listen to the audio...he did this on purpose and I'm seething thinking he could keep doing this in the future because it is working... there story is getting linked everywhere.

I don't want to let it die, because when the story is already too big... it's too late... You can't do anything...I feel like the moment when you can try to do something, as this is the beginning.

Maybe what I'm doing is useless but at least I am trying something and we never know without trying....

And some other users gave great ideas like writing emails to news outlets to let them know how misleading that article was...

It might be a long shot, but it would be an even longer shot not to try anything.

I hope I made it clear, but as I said let me know if I can clarify anything.

[stargaze-issei]

ᴅᴀʏ 3; ғᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ sᴛᴏʀʏ

-> kageyama tobio

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭; kageyama finds comfort through middle school in his teammate's little sister, kunimi y/n. (ficlet/scenario)

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; mentions of bullying.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 1.6k

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞; fluff.

since you were little, akira was always there. mom and dad had jobs, which meant they were away from dusk till dawn. your brother walked you to school, picked you up, made dinner every day until you were big enough to help him. he hated doing those stuff, if he could've been lazy, he would've, but his responsibility to you was bigger. as you grew up, the one year difference started to become less and less noticable, then it wasn't him getting up earlier to make breakfast, it was you waking him up or he'd be late for school. you started to realize that your brother wasn't the knight in shining armor you thought he was, he was a normal school boy, not that it was a bad thing, but to wake up from your childish world was certainly a bummer. when akira got into middle school, he chose the one closer to your elementary school. to your surprise, a certain club activity had caught his eye, which lead to you waiting on the bleachers most days, refusing to go home alone. you liked spending time with him.

soon, you started taking part in their trainings, picking up balls, delivering water, learning everything from watching. the coach had took you in as an apprentice, much to akira's surprise. once you got to middle school, you were officially the team's manager. all akira's friends, if you could call them that, were your friends too. except for one. the wonder setter, kageyama tobio, avoided conversation with you at all costs, even if you wanted to give him some advice on their plays, or hand him a towel after practice. your brother didn't bothered with those small things, but it was exasperating to you.

"do you know if kageyama-kun has problems at home?" kindaichi had accompanied the kunimi siblings on their way home, with the excuse of having a project to do with akira. you, right between of them, gained weird looks from both.

"i don't think so" aswered kindaichi, kunimi couldn't care less about his troubles at home, instead, he caught on a detail.

"since when he's kageyama-kun?"

"he has always been kageyama-kun"

"no, only coach calls him that" to your silence, he scrunched his nose in a a disgusted mock "maybe that's why he doesn't like you"

"he doesn't like me!?" the two boys laughed at your reaction, there were few people allowed to hear akira's laugh, both you and kindaichi were glad to be one of them.

that conversation stuck in your brain through the day, and the one after, even at practice. you never gave it much thought to it, but now you realized how everyone showed kageyama a funny amount of respect, your classmates on the very edge of calling him '-sama'. if that is what he's used to, no wonder he didn't like you. your mind had gone through a complete rollercoaster, triggered by coach asking you to deliver a few papers to your upperclassman. when you finally divised him, sitting alone in his homeroom, you gulped nervously.

"um, hey, uh, coach asked me to give you this, so, there it is... kageyama-san" be aware, kageyama instantly knew something was bothering you. despite his dark aura, you always treated him like an equal, not being affraid of talking to him or call him less formal honorifics. he liked that, a lot. you, in your own way, made him feel normal.

as you handed him the papers with new game strategies, your eyes met his. your whole body paralyzed, being unable to let go of the pieces both of you were grabbing.

"don't call me that" his mouth spoke by itself, followed by a subtle blush on his cheeks.

"what?" now you were flustered, and your unconscious aggressive response made kageyama feel more nervous than he already was.

"well, y-you used to call me, uh, kageyama-kun, and n–"

"oh! i thought– nevermind, it's not important, kageyama-kun".

tobio had to pinch his arm to erase the smile on his face the rest of the day.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

the team had grown apart, everyone could see that. more than once you argued with the coach, who stated that as long as they won, nothing else mattered. you disagreed. akira usually spoke with kindaichi about how tired they were of keeping up with "the king in the court", how they called kageyama, sicked by his selfish way of playing. they weren't wrong, kageyama lived up to his reputation, but nobody tried to help him either.

"he's fourteen! he needs help and you should give it to him! stop being a lousy coach and do something! you were there for oikawa senpai, be there for kageyama!" the coach was fond of you, but he was done with your constant yelling and reprimanding.

"if you don't like how i do things, you're welcome to leave" and you did. you left the team you loved as a family, shoving the feeling of impotence down your throat.

that was nothing compared to your fight with your brother hours after coach gave them the news, one of the few times he actually worried and got involved in your doings.

"the only way for you to go to aoba jōsai is through a scholarship! a scholarship which coach decides who recommend or not!" your house was filled with screams, an unusual situation in the kunimi household.

"i can't stand by when you're basically bullying kageyama and coach lets you!"

"stop being dumb and don't risk your future because of that jerk!"

"you're more of a jerk than he is, akira!"

it ended with you ignoring your brother for almost a week, and he doing the same. if there was one thing he was, besides lazy, was prideful. and you weren't behind in that topic.

kageyama, who had a habit of watching you through the day, could see that too. it was none of his business, he knew that, but you seemed so upset...

"hey, uh, kunimi-chan" he sat beside you during lunch break, he was aware that you had lunch in the yard and not in the cafeteria, looking for a quieter place.

"call me y/n, please" despite being angry at the world, you did your best to treat him nicely. he needed someone nice in his life.

"y/n" he muttered, more to himself than to you "i'm, i noticed that... you're upset, i wanted to make sure you are okay" he was so innocently sweet, you thought, you couldn't escape a smile.

"it's been a rough week" you answered, not wanting to say why you fought coach and akira.

"i know a thing or two about rough weeks" so it did bother him what his teammates were doing. a small feeling of relief went through your body, you weren't fighting a lost cause. both stayed silence for a few minutes, before you spoke.

"i'm sorry" he looked at you, confused "for akira and kindaichi". out of nowhere, he laughed, and your heart skipped a beat.

"you don't have to apologize for what your brother does, it's not your fault he's not good enough to keep up with me". there it was, the usual kageyama. despite of the sour flavor of hearing someone talk down on your idiot brother, you giggled, his honesty was quite entertaining.

"i meant... nothing, it's fine" that was the longest conversation kageyama had had with anyone outside of the court in a long time "i have to go" it was true, you were meeting a teacher for extra credit, he looked at you walking away, and blushed when you turned around catching him. "thanks for caring" and with that, you left.

he didn't know what it meant the marathon his heart was running, or his sweaty hands, or that smile glued on his face. he hoped it was something good.

*.✧☆ﾟ.*･｡✧*⊰⊹ฺ

the third years were finally graduating, yūtarō couldn't shut up about it. akira was kind enough, a rare act on your brother, to let him talk all he wanted. last day of school, but kageyama was nowhere around, making hard your wish to congratulate him. looking through the hallways on every floor, you heard a conversation between two girls.

"what is the volleyball team going to do without their stars now?" one teased.

"don't be silly, after their last game, i doubt they can play together anymore" you knew they lost their last game, but akira said it was nothing. curiosity burning in your lungs, you had to ask the girls what they were talking about. "the spikers left the setter by himself, the wouldn't hit any ball, like, on purpose".

oh you were going to kill akira, he had gone to far. but most importantly, you had to find kageyama. thirty minutes later, you found him sitting in a stair just as the last bell rang. he was officially a high schooler now. to see him, sitting alone, hoping anybody would find him, broke your heart into tiny pieces.

"congratulations, kageyama senpai" you spoke taking a place by his side. he wasn't his usual self with you.

"you don't have to" he was sulking hard.

"but i want to" his eyes opened wide when your two arms wrapped his shoulders into a warm hug. no one outside his family ever hug him. he stayed there, enjoying the closeness while trying to avoid the fact that a girl, no, you were hugging him. "what highschool are you going?" kageyama's hope went too far up, hoping to see you at his new highschool someday.

"karasuno".

"i guess i'll see you there, then".

⌙𝟐𝟎𝟎 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 🥳

[thedreadvampy]

this is kind of a Hot Take (and rlly long) so don't feel pressured to post this

also no one cancel thedreadvampy over posting this ask if she does these are my beliefs and not necessarily hers kthx

I'm honestly really uncertain why people are so militant about aphobia on this site. like obviously aphobes are Not Nice People and it's good to be against their shitty beliefs. But I've been on this site for ~5 years and I have never, in my memory, seen an aphobe (with the few exception of like. literal nazis but their main label isn't aphobe). I have seen a lot of people who were then harassed/cancelled being called aphobes in addition to a lot of other things like (homophobic, racist, abusive, etc) but as far as I bothered to figure out, the label of aphobe came from one specific phrase they used or one post they reblogged (though I can't be bothered to Deep Research so I genuinely don't know on this one).

(I have seen casual acephobia in my own personal life. however, that is not Tumblr.)

I have seen scores of posts along the lines of "aphobes are bad" "aphobes dni" etc etc.

Maybe it's just who I follow, but it seems like there's a lot more anti-aphobe sentiment than aphobes. Which is good! It's the goal! However, I think it's possible that that anti-aphobe sentiment has not become "look how few aphobes there are! yay!" it's "there are hidden aphobes all around us and you have to interrogate everyone to know who to ostracize"

You're a fairly popular figure in the mechs/tma fandoms and the thing about Tumblr is that it hates popular figures. And more than that, you're visible, so a) people will see if you answer a bunch of questions about ace things, and b) you exist in everyone's brains more than little blogs.

to be clear. to be absolutely crystal 100% clear: I am not saying that people got together and went "let's interrogate all the popular blogs so we can pretend theyre acephobic and have fun bullying people," I'm saying it's possible that what was once a positive emotion, "we don't tolerate intolerant people" has possibly, in some people, morphed into a fear that intolerant people are hiding all around them. And frankly, that fear can be understandable (not right, not kind, but understandable), especially if they face hate irl and their only outlet for emotion is tumblr. shit, Tumblr is one of my emotional outlets.

I don't think it's bad to engage with these people in good faith, or to answer questions, but I think it's possible that some of them are coming from the "intolerant people are hiding all around us and must be ferreted out" kind of perspective instead of a "hey I wanna check that this person isn't an intolerant asshole before following/supporting them" or "I want to engage with a person who may be ignorant" (I'm not attempting to imply that you're ignorant). Im not saying "not answer their questions" this is just, like, my opinion. I'm not making a lot of actionable statements here.

that's my whole Hot Take, hopefully I made some kind of sense, I just honestly feel kind of mad on your behalf that you have to go thru an interrogation to be Not Tumblr Cancelled. If people were generally having a nuanced discussion then that would be fine but you've already stated several times that ace/aspec people are valid and deserve love and respect etc etc. which as an aspec person makes me feel that your blog is safe for me, and I don't feel the need to play 20 Questions Are You Sure You Aren't An Aphobe

I don't know how much of this I entirely agree with and I refuse to think

(not about this. just in general. today I refuse to think)

my main response to this is:

a) I think my confusion is I have less than 1500 followers I think I always assumed the You Are Now A Public Figure People Have Opinions On mark had to be higher than that but this appears to have been a totally incorrect assumption

b) I don't feel like. a threat of Cancellation except inasmuch as I don't want Kofi to eventually get any kind of kickback if I turn out to be or people understand me to be a shitty person. I didn't ask for a platform or do anything to deserve it, if I get distressed it's largely just that I don't want to be a shitty person! and I have a whole thing about. I don't ever feel secure in my ability to say I'm NOT being shitty so like if enough people start saying AH RUTH THEDREADVAMPY IS A GARBAGE PERSON I definitely do stay wondering if they're right even if I think my position is morally defensible. like I'm very easy to get into a spiral of I think that's highly defensible but maybe I'm just in denial/trying to cover my ass/self-justifying so I can avoid accountability/etc. like this is a thing and it's why I'm very uncomfortable with absolutism, a lot of my family in my experience have a phenomenal capacity for denial and for rewriting reality into something they Fully Believe despite all the evidence, and so I'm really conscious of the possibility that I'm doing that and I wouldn't. know about it. it's a really really powerful subconscious force and that's been like. a big fear point for me my whole life. that I could be being a cunt and be obviously being a cunt and be so deep in denial that it just doesn't register at all. this is like. the thing I fear most. So I DO want people to tell me if I'm being a dick because the only way I can 100% know I'm not just in denial is if I can trust people to call me in, but I really, really, really struggle with when people say I'm being a dick and I disagree, not because they're harassing me necessarily but just because it really sends me into a spiral of doubting my own ability to be sure about like, anything. at all. it's a whole unreality thing which is, uh, it's MINE to deal with, it's not something I would want to put on other people, but it very much does affect my responses and I didn't mean to write this but hey, no therapy last week and it shows.

oh also c) on reflection I don't agree that there's very little aphobia on Tumblr (although as I've said I'm not ace or aro so my opinion should hold little weight) but I do think that there's a lack of give and take, not just in aphobia stuff but also in general, in these kinds of conversations, like sometimes yeah people are actively hateful but I don't think there's any room for misunderstanding, poor phrasing, or questioning, and I understand that that's coming from a really genuine place of pain and devaluation of aro/ace experiences but I also think people jump straight to assuming active malice very fast, and often explicitly consider "actively not stating an opinion" to be an offence on the level of "actively staying a harmful opinion," which I think is unhelpful. like. we learn by listening, there are times in my life where I would have been lying at the time to agree unconditionally with something like "I think we should believe survivors" (I was a 2000s teen who hung out with 4channers) but I also was conscious of the harm that it would do to publicly debate from the perspective that No We Shouldn't Believe Survivors, so you know I waited and I listened and I thought about it and ultimately I came to a position I could say with my chest. but like. The online social more that you Have to have an opinion and I Have to hear it to prove that you have the Right opinion is. uncomfortable to me to say the least. I don't think it gives you much room to learn and improve, especially given that everything on the internet is permanent and often treated as if it forever reflects your current beliefs. like I have changed my opinions So Much since I was 16 and if someone went back through a tag on my blog to Prove My Bad Opinions they could paint pretty much any picture they wanted with 12 years of changing opinions.

anyway yeah like. no I don't fully agree with this ask but I appreciate the alternate perspective. I also did not mean to write another wall of text I'm just very much In A Brain Hole today and sometimes words Just Happen.

[theangrypokemaniac]

@its-whitetomorrow

I appreciate that you take the time out of your day to read my witterings, and respond to them in detail, but I'm somewhat intellectually limited and it takes a while to write an answer.

The final one is a bit of a problem. The original post is long, your bit is long, and my addition is probably twice both put together.

Did you know Tumblr has a limit: no more than two hundred and fifty text blocks per post? I discovered this from experience, unsurprisingly.

I think the only solution is to split it across several posts.

I wasn't going to say anything, but I suppose I should.

I started this blog last May, to relieve the boredom of my main embarrassment, whose only likes (all three of them) were from porn bots.

It wasn't even meant to be about Pokémon. I'd left the fandom years previously. It was odds and ends, but I happened to find a few silly screen shots so wrote a couple of joke remarks, not expecting a ripple of interest.

Within a couple of hours I got more notes than t'other's managed even to this day. I had the idea this was where I was more at home, so I started taking it seriously.

My pseudonym was just daft thing I'd made up previously, to reflect that, whilst still in love with old days, I'm not exactly pleased with how it's gone.

I thought it might stand out as memorable, plus I like acronyms, so it affords me the opportunity to call myself 'T.A.P.'

In the early days the focus was on the 'maniac' aspect. Anger as a description didn't fit at all. The farther back you go, the more stupid and clownish it gets. It's not been like this all the way through!

Seriously, it used to be an entertainment blog, designed to make people laugh. It's all ages: no swearing, no porn, nothing to put anyone off.

(This post under discussion contains the only profanity I've ever deployed. I thought saving it up might add some oomph.)

I mean it, it's was all light-hearted ridicule. Every so often, there would be a slightly cutting remark, but mild compared to now.

Then, last September, someone I spoke to regularly, who assured me we were friends, suddenly cut off all contact.

At first I wasn't aware of it, but by October it became too glaring a silence to ignore.

I thought rifts started because of massive disagreements, but as far as I remembered our last exchange ended normally.

I found out by accident that the reason for it was because I am repugnant and morally inferior and so swollen with my own ego that the existence of others doesn't register. Instead they are but soulless droids built to worship the great T.A.P. mollusc.

Well that was news to me. I had no idea I came across like that. As far as I knew, I was on my best behaviour when we interacted.

I was polite. I tried to be ingratiate myself. I kept talk to the fandom. I didn't pry. I attempted humour when the opportunity arose.

I thought I'd done all I could to be liked, but apparently I hadn't. It was a revolting experience for them, for all of saying they loved me and I was 'honey'.

It really, really, really got to me, and the feeling hasn't abated, if anything it's worse.

As I said, I don't know what I did wrong, and because I don't, I can't mend my ways. If I am this repellant waste of flesh I'd like to change, but if I'm not told my offence, what am I meant to do?

If what I thought was the best I could be wasn't good enough, and instead was so sickening I don't deserve their presence, then I have no idea how to interact with people.

Maybe every time I respond to someone, thinking I'm at worst, civil, is really grotesque conceit, because my arrogance is so extreme I'm not even aware it's there. In my head it sounds normal.

It'd be too easy to scoff that they were the one with the problem, but, given all the arguments that happen in life, it can't always be someone else's fault. It's got to be you at least once.

They obviously think they were justified, so who's to say they weren't?

You may say not to let it worry me, that I should just get over it, and you'd be totally right. Being bothered makes me feel pathetic and petty on top of the rest, but this is me you're talking to, not a sane person. Self-hatred is more instinctive to me than breathing.

I always dwell on the negative. If one hundred people were assembled, ninety-nine of whom declared me the most wonderful being ever to live, and one remarked I wasn't all that special, it's him I'd remember. 

It's called ghosting because that's what happens. There comes a moment when you accept that, no, it's over, rejected again, and it's like realising I'd died, and had been gone for a while.

Except I hadn't noticed the process, so I was always dead in a way, and they spoke to the silvery silhouette left behind, until that too dispersed into untraceable nothingness. Again,  the silence is my fault for dying, not theirs.

I feel there's no point in messaging anyone, because I'll only disgust them too. Some blogs encourage contact, and when I see it I always think:

Yeah, but they don't mean YOU.

If it's another person I already spoke to, I can't shut up. I bombard them with text in the hope they know I don't think they're a menial droid. Every one I immediately regret, and wish I could take back, because that will irritate them until I'm just a sad, nagging past.

The Ghost-Maker used to reblog 99% of my work. This dropped to nothing overnight, so not only am I worthless, but so is everything I do.

Posts G.M. didn't like got 0-5 notes. Ones they did had 20+. Many a time, it took their reblog for anyone else to notice.

It was like others used that blog as a filter to pull the fool's gold from the murk of this one. Once their favour evaporated, so did a lot of the goodwill from elsewhere, so it's was as if Tumblr agreed I was scum.

Saying that above just shows they were right, because it takes one smug bastard to believe their existence registers with anyone else.

Please don't think I'm demanding likes, that my stuff deserves them, although as I'm arrogant I am. It's just that 99% to 0% is a bit of a fall.

Up til then, I held back much of what I thought about the current state of the anime, as they liked it, but now I have no reason to stop.

If I'm to be accused of all these vices I might as well have them. I'm dead, so who cares what I say? No one listens to a ghost.

It's not that I'm unconcerned if I upset anyone, it's just the truth that I don't matter enough for what I write to be valued enough to offend.

As a ghost, I think of this blog as invisible. It's there, but not really, so how can anyone mind?

Incidentally, the first week I was here I got blocked by someone who hates all fans from the Nineties. I don't care about that, as they sound like a cretin, and I'd have to be defective to gain their approval.

I just want to say I find that moronic. I don't hate new fans at all. I wouldn't block someone because we disagreed.

Blocking denies people access to your blog, stating they don't deserve your ART. That's arrogant to me.

Blocker likes Ghost-Maker, but...

Ever since around October, I've progressively become angrier and angrier. Whenever I'm here or Pokémon enters my head, it just reminds that I'm pond slime, about the most crude, malformed half-life freak you can envision.

I don't like being here anymore. I keep intending to leave, the site and the fandom, and set fire to it all before I go, wipe away the slug trail to spare people's stomachs.

I kept quiet until now, but holding it in just made it more intense. If I may describe myself in ridiculously flattering terms, I feel like a shaken champagne bottle, but the cork is welded in, so the only option is for the glass to shatter.

If anyone's reading this, wondering where the fun went, well this is why I flipped. The red mist won't clear. I can't see beyond it.

I won't name Ghost-Maker, because I don't want to start anything, plus most will take their side. They may see this as they still rifle round these parts occasionally for posts that aren't mine.

Well done, Ghostie. You're the lucky one. We'll never meet and you haven't seen me. Pity the poor sods I've encountered. There must be vomit trails across the land provoked by my vile condition. I wasn't aware of this until you let me in on the secret.

There's an English television presenter called Caroline Flack. She killed herself yesterday and everyone loved her. I feel guilty that I'm alive and she's not.

[actualbird]

yo you totally made me think about low empathy michael and it like totally makes sense and i think about it a lot when i listen to two player game bc ye like he OBVIOUSLY cares a lot about jeremy and he loves him and like jeremy's stating his problem and michael keeps saying the same solution cause like "that's the answer bro, don't be down" bc he cant wrap his head around the emotions and connect w them that well so in his mind he's just saying this completely fool proof solution i love this hc

yo i got this ask while balls deep in three books of discourse analysis i could only understand by like 10% but because of that was in the mood to just. keep thinking my brain in circles.

so heres a stupidly long answer cataloging canon instances of michael being low empathy af/exhibiting other traits related to this. along with like, characterization to extrapolate from that (at least by my own personal interpretation. obligatory disclaimer that how i see characters is not law, this is just My Take). 

but before that, im gonna define some terms outright so we’re all on the same page. empathy is a person’s capability to understand and feel what others are feeling. basically how well you can put yourself in somebody else’s shoes. this shouldnt be confused with sympathy, which is feeling compassion, pity, sorrow etc. for another. empathy is recognition/replication while sympathy is more on the caring about it. here i focus on empathy and the lack of it. 

im not an expert on Anything but speaking from experience as somebody who has very low empathy, this causes some complications. when you dont feel what others are feeling, sometimes you dont notice other people’s feelings at all. this results in stuff like bluntness, trouble reading social cues, insensitivity, etc. all things that 1) may happen unintentionally, 2) can be worked through via healthy communication, 3) are not inherently bad, just a result of how one reacts to external emotions and 4) things i totally think michael exhibits because hes a low empathy goblin i love with my whole heart. 

let’s get right into it. in more than survive, right after jeremy and michael discover their boyf riend backpacks, this exchange occurs

this seems pretty normal at first glance but it is the first instance of what seems to be michael’s go-to pattern for when he notices his best friend is feeling down, which, at least, kudos to michael, he very obviously noticed jeremy’s feelings. hurrah! so his process for how to fix this goes a little like “step 1: notice jeremy is upset. step 2: cheer jeremy up! step 3: unknowingly kinda mess up step 2“

jeremy is upset about the backpacks but then jeremy provides an out with something supposedly positive. michael latches on to it. it turns out to be negative. michael tries to salvage the situation by cheering jeremy up! by giving him a cool science fact! hell yeah! except it’s a shaky save at best because he does call the both of them losers but in an “it’s okay :D” way. 

all in all this is nothing really, just some friendly fast paced banter between best friends. whats important here is the 3 step pattern aforementioned because it 1) shows that michael Cares about his best friend and tries to make things better and 2) is BASICALLY the entirety of two player game

TWO PLAYER GAME is such a BOP and, at its core, is a song about how michael has got jeremy’s back and vice versa. but tpg is also textbook the 3 step pattern with added sprinkle of unintended invalidation. ive briefly spoken about tpg before so this might look a lil familiar but at its gist:

like you said anon, in tpg jeremy tells michael a problem he has, and throughout the course of the song, he continually makes it known that hes upset and has a lot of issues. step 1 has been achieved: michael knows jeremy is not doing too hot. time to do step 2: cheer him up!! and what better way to do that than to think positive with his trademark line “guys like us are cool in college” like, over and over again. because….it makes sense for michael. things might suck now, but just keep swimming yeah? it’ll be better later.

but it’s not better now and thats what jeremy actually needed validation on. michael thinks the solution is to look to the future but jeremy has his problems bothering him in the present. for all that michael says this is a two player game, he’s unintentionally dismissive because he doesnt understand that this isnt something that can be fixed with a simple “look forward to two years from now” mentality. neither of them are in the wrong, really. theyre just not on the same page.

onwards we go to something else entirely. the chili fries

this is a RIDICULOUSLY SMALL MOMENT but it stuck out to me because imo it is pretty obvious that jeremy says “leave me alone” because hes bummed and is being dramatic, but michael takes it literally and uses the opportunity to skedaddle and get his sweet sweet discontinued soda. im aware michael had to be gone for plot reasons and also the discontinued soda is foreshadowing for the mtn dew red, but taken at face value, this is something that happens a lot w/ low empathy: things are taken literally. 

jeremy is upset. jeremy said to give him some space. thats cool, i’ll go for a bit and come back with something neat that might cheer him up—hey, where’d he go?

and now let’s jump to something everybody and their dog knows about. michael in the bathroom. except not really. because mitb isnt what interests me so much as what happens before.

pre mitb is very, very interesting. before i say anything i’ll be clear in saying that literally nobody had even remotely a nice halloween night, it’s a disaster for everybody involved, but keep in mind that jeremy goes into the pre mitb scene immediately after the clusterfuck that is do you wanna hang and also getting chased down by a sloshed but aggressive jake. many people have said this before me but i’ll say it again: jeremy was not doing well. at all. 

and this is where michael fails step 1 of his pattern. he doesnt pick up on this at all. michael is kinda stuck in his own head right now. hes pissed. hes confused. hes betrayed. he cant understand other people’s feelings and now he has to deal with his own too. his head is a melting pot of AGH and he takes it out on jeremy. yeah, he tries to help jeremy, but he doesnt do it very well. it’s all very accusatory, and jeremy just had a terrible night, so jeremy lashes out.

teenagers are bad at emotions but theyre not bad people for it.  //cue mitb notes, we know the drill

to the play!!! 

recap for maximum contextualization: jeremy realizes the squip is bad fucking news and wants it gone. michael makes an entrance with the one thing that can kill it. and then this happens

AIGHT okay so the whole “i need an apology” scene is obviously played for comedy, and it does a good job at suddenly diffusing the end of the world stakes with some more down to earth teen friend drama but that aside, this scene is a good candidate to be listed under the definition of the phrase “bad timing” because michael, holy shit. BAD TIMING. like great timing for humor but bad timing as a human being. 

here we have jeremy clearly in possessed distress and michael has the antidote but he only wants to give it on a condition. it is absolutely a dick move. yeah, michael is is valid for wanting an apology, but not at this moment with the current stakes. this is michael thinking pretty selfishly. hes stuck in his own head and his own thoughts. he cares about jeremy and wants to help but…this apology important to him. it’s easy to get stuck on things like this when you cant empathize with others. the low empathy means that the only feelings you really get to really interact with are your own, so theres a tendency to focus on them. sometimes even at inopportune moments.

unintentional asshole-ery behold. in fact, this can be pushed even harder by this snippet in the score of be more chill that had some lines from an earlier draft. 

the fetus version of michael makes an entrance is hilariously low empathy, oh my god. this happens while jeremy is rolling around on the floor fighting an invisible-to-everybody-else squip and this is the first thing michael says. it’s positively dickish. 

SO with that done, a little bit can be extrapolated in terms of characterization. i think michael is low empathy so the dominos fall. michael is terrible at feelings. hes got a tendency to get stuck in his own head and not see what others are going through. his emotional periphery is abysmal, hes like a horse with those things that stop horses from looking to the side. in spite of all this, he still has a lot of love and good in his heart and he tries his best to show that in the ways that make sense to him. post-canon, the rift between his brain and jeremy’s brain can only be bridged by a big healthy heap of communication where michael learns that what makes sense to him isnt always what makes sense to other people. hes a good kid. he can do it. 

of course this is, again, all my take. the fun thing about transformative work and fandom is that all interpretations are valid and there will always be somebody out there who agrees. or disagrees. but on this blog, this is my michael. or at least one aspect of my michael. //shrug

ANYWAY im glad you like the hc anon!! ive obviously got a lot of feelings about it since i used your ask as an excuse to aimlessly ramble for, holy shit, 1.6 k words lmao. i hope you have a good day!!!