#except i am NAWT a skater

[idaaadivock]

tw: sh ideation, mentions of blood

how do i quantify loss? mathematically, it's just something being subtracted from your life. just one. maybe more than one, depending on the situation. but the difference between person and object is large. it looms over me.

i watched neeraj chopra win silver for our country and look so exhausted. the weight of the flag is too much for one person to bear by themselves. my mum wants me at the olympics. "you'll win," she says in hindi, "i believe in you." and the first tear slips down my face. if i had to bear that tricolor of blood and beauty and victory, i would want her there to do it with me.

the whole time i said "don't leave me," "what will i do without you," "nobody likes me except for you." she thinks i'm just a silly girl, an adult in age but a child in every way that matters. what she doesn't realize is that i am her child. just hers. nobody else's.

i told her about my intrusive thoughts. about how i want to kill myself in front of my father, and then maybe he'll shut up forever. maybe he won't tell her about her attitude and her lack of devotion to the home or whatever the fuck. i'll be dead so i wouldn't know, but i told her i think it might make it better for her.

she doesn't understand. her ego death was peaceful, eased by her deep belief in the kindness of the world. mine was teeth and nails and left me torn. about everything, in every way. my eyes are open even when they're blocking out the sun. the world is filled with people who do not care. nature cannot be reasoned with. the odds were stacked against us as a race to evolve at all. and yet.

and fucking yet.

i don't know what i will do without her. she's the only person i trust enough to see me weak and pathetic and blubbering while clutching her hands like a lifeline. she gave me life. i didn't ask for it. i hate being alive some days. most days. almost every day. but if i have to suffer through life, i'm just glad i got to meet her. that she is my mother and friend and sister and everything.

one day when you're watching me at the olympics, mamma, i'll show you just how strong you've made me. i'll show you i can be someone even without you. i know you worry about me. i'll show you i can be brave. i'll go on, i'll live life, i'll take care of t. i'll take your place in the cycle and change everything for the better.

maybe it's better if i miss you now instead of then.

[hotteoki]

christmas things with bf skz !

pairing: hyung line skz x reader (no prns used)

genre: fluff, point-form fic, est. rel.

cw: not proofread

wc: 0.9k

notes: merry christmas to anyone who celebrates it, and a happy monday to those who don't! P.S. happy birthday val <3 @kyrjnie

chan (방찬) ~ ice skating

despite having to wait in the long, long, long queue for what feels like centuries just to ice skate in a tiny rink outside the local mall

it's a tradition you and chan do every year

sure, it's not ideal to wait an hour in the freezing cold just to skate for 45 minutes only

but when chan is standing right behind you

helping you wrap your scarf the correct way

zipping your coat all the way up

pulling your beanie that was riding up your head back down

and holding a warm cup of hot chocolate?

you could get past that

besides

it's always funny to watch him flail his arms around like bambi

sometimes you like watching him struggle just to see his frown when you don't help him up

"you don't love me anymore!!!!!"

"if i try to pull you up i'm going to fall down right beside you, chan"

"YOU SHOULD AT LEAST TRY!!!!"

so you do

and to no one's surprise except chan's

you fall down

the little pro skater kids start to get worried when neither of you are able to get up

well you could

if chan didn't attempt to yank on you as support to pull himself back up

why does this man not understand that you are incapable of supporting him to stand back up

it's cute to watch him attempt to recreate one of the figure skating spins tho

i am nawt a figure skater idk the names i'm sawry

you two are just goals goals goals!!!!!!!

minho (민호) - mall intercom announcements

it first happened 4 years ago

it was the most embarrassing moment of your life

minho had suggested the two of you go christmas shopping at the biggest mall in south korea

one second you were holding his hand

the next you're spinning around in the middle of the 2nd floor wondering where the hell your 172cm boyfriend could've wandered off to

you were about to call him until you realise you have his phone after he gave it to you before running off into the toilet

"what if my phone drops into the toilet bowl?!"

you were about to start retracing your steps until you hear your name being announced by the information desk, followed by a "your boyfriend is waiting for you by the information desk at the 3rd floor"

you were so going to kill that man

but that night you think to yourself

killing him isn't enough

no, no

you needed to embarrass him right back

so you held your grudge until next christmas

you mumbled something about a flash sale at a nearby store and that he should find you there after he was done scouring uniqlo and ran off before he could object

you gave yourself a few more minutes before you made the announcement over the information desk

boy, was he mad when he saw the cheeky smile on your face

ever since then, it became a tradition for the two of you to race each other to make the lost person announcement to embarrass the other

it's all fun and games until the worker stares in confusion over thinking either one of you was the other's lost kid

changbin (창빈) ~ take-outs

you don't know why either of you still bother cooking christmas dinner

neither of you can cook

sure, you're a fairly decent baker

but that won't suffice for a christmas dinner

and changbin cannot cook for his life

yet you still take turns deciding on who's going to poison the other

obviously that never works out

the day either ends with you guys calling minho and asking begging him if you could have some of his leftovers

or

your more preferable option

ordering take-out

despite take-out being a very common occurrence for you guys

take-outs on christmas are special

the reason being the free sweets your favourite restaurant usually provide in the small bowl by the entrance

yes, the sweets are there usually

but after changbin accidentally caused a scene the first time you dined in at the restaurant long story

the owner had banned either of you from taking the complementary sweets

however

during christmas time, customers bustle in and out of the restaurant

which makes it easy for changbin to snag a handful of sweets and shove them in his pocket

before grabbing your hand and making a run for it back to his car

you do get some odd looks from the other customers queuing outside the restaurant

but at the end of the day

who are the ones who have a bunch of free sweets to snack on? B-)

hyunjin (현진) ~ sweater paws

it's the time of christmas! meaning...

taking hyunjin's oversized sweaters!!!

needless to say it's your favourite thing to do

it's not that he doesn't let you borrow them usually

he just... prefers to keep his expensive clothes in his closet safe and sound

however

he does indeed have a 'sweater of shame'

a christmas sweater that the other members got him as a gag gift a couple of years ago

you will never catch that man ALIVE wearing that "hideous thing"

so when you started dating him and found that absolute gem

you had decided it make it your mission to shove that "disgusting" piece of clothing over his head

except somehow the tables turned

and the sweater ended up wrapped around you

and hyunjin will never openly admit this

but it was quite literally one of the cutest sights he had ever seen in his life

ever since then

he's made it his mission to get you to wear the sweater every christmas

obviously you run away from him

until last year

when he finally caught you and managed to get it on you

you discovered the sweater does have a plus side to it

sweater paws

it feels like playing whack-a-mole whenever you attempt to swing at hyunjin with the sweater on

whack-a-hyunjin, perchance

he claims to hate it and runs away from you

but you both know it's something the two of you look forward to every christmas

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