#except for the fact that the outfits this episode. they're really good ok

[eemolu]

siobhan's outfit tonight in the quangle giving jaysohn and FUCK what i wouldn't do to see her play an adhd weasel climbing around on big barry's back. they should have a playdate

[alitgblog]

OK got around to new episodes finally so volume viii thoughts:

i guess starting with, has casa always been this long??? maybe I'm just bored this time around? Or it's just the amount of challenges and dates they've thrown in?? (it's the latter)

I tapped through the whole moangate thing as quickly as I could because it's so boring. I can't believe there are at least two separate times they ask you to pay gems if you want the tea on the topic and I simply couldn't care less. But like it also feels like the Brad and Christy stuff and then also the Rachel stuff and the OGs love triangle or whatever, and at least some of it gives you insight on the characters, but it never really comes up and there's enough in the main story to come up with your opinions on the characters imo.

Emel getting on my nerves again. Talked about this last time, it feels odd and I don't love having every woman that's not an LI be an enemy for MC and also stuck in a shitty couple, but not completely out of character given her personality I guess, so not the worse thing fusebox has done. However, I am slowly coming around on this because actually it does feel like such a thing on love island where you watch a character you like and slowly you get annoyed by them and they do weird shit that makes you mad but it's partly because they're forced to be around these people 24/7 with cameras watching and everything. Like that's the Stanford Prison Experiment part of Love Island, so like... I'll accept it 😂😂

Anyway so dates! My MC was with Shawn who I got kind of sick of during the date, which was so funny for me personally because his hobbies are like movies and cooking, which are my hobbies. He's also very chill and serious, which is also my personality. And he's from the U.S. So. Maybe he's too much like me irl I wasn't about it.

So the date was meh because I just kept having MC pick the non flirty options and she was kind of cold, but from what I see from everyone else, the date was pretty good and I'm glad. It is weird though that at the end of it, MC gets the option to say she's not interested, and Shawn keeps trying to save it. Like the islanders talk about their dates afterward and he says their date was great and can't wait to see where they'll go moving forward. And MC is just nonplussed when Emel starts gushing about him and he's uncomfortable, trying to stay on MC's radar, but my MC couldn't give a shit.

And I understand it's to make the branching easier, but I just keep thinking like,,, if only it was S2, because then it'd be like the Lottie going after Gary storyline. Like I can't remember fully, but in my head it plays out slightly differently whether MC is flirting with Gary or not. Either way, Lottie is a little upset at MC, but sometimes she has reason to be.

Date with CLAUDIA however, went very well. I was giggling to myself because like the conversation was very forward and cute and Claudia is thinking about them moving in together and stuff? Adorable. (Actually I can't remember if this was in this date or one of the other scenes, but the fact that there's so many scenes with the female LIs being so forward is great).

Also the Bea and Claudia tension?? Like I feel like we either get one female LI or the female LIs constantly swapping out once you pick one, so the fact that they're both fighting over MC is very cool. I love a good love triangle. And it does make me want to replay with a Bea route, because I think she's so cute too. Both her sprite and her personality, and she does feel like a different character from Claudia, versus Chloe vs Bella vs Flo that all kind of have similar plotlines and therefore have a similar shell of a personality.

Speaking of Bea appreciation: her outfits! So cute. I know she's a stylist, so of course, but honestly best dressed female islander.

Actually, all the casa guys and bombshells kinda eat up the OGs in the fashion department. (except maybe Tyler, but that's only because I don't remember what he wears.) Like, Luna and Oakley are probably best dressed OGs imo, but I also kind of don't like that they wear such dark clothing in a show that takes place in the SUMMER. Like it's an aesthetic, but also it's not that interesting (like compare their fits to Najuma's)

I've already talked about this, but once again, it does feel like we're fitting so many challenges and dates in one volume and we get no chance to rest. Like there should be more downtime to chat with the islanders, but they always need to get interrupted by a challenge text for some reason. Not to mention, Mr. and Mrs. is such an odd choice for a casa challenge? Like if you think about the show, casa challenges usually compete with the other villa and are more physical so that editing the episode can be less talking and more montages. And also then you get the comparison between how couples are acting apart from each other. (which, is also a thing missing from this volume.) So Mr. and Mrs. would be just edited as a lot of people talking and too many stories to follow.

On the bright side, I completely forgot what career I chose for my MC and I was trying to think about it for the last few episodes because I like to let that affect the personality/choices she's gonna make when I play the game. And as it turns out, my MC is a musician and that made me immediately think, oh she should've been more interested in Max, but for some reason I thought she was a lawyer. Doesn't matter now.

Also fun fact my MC likes r&b and so does Claudia so ya know, just soulmate things whatever 😁

So Liam's a dick, that's not new. But I will say, I like the way they presented his faults here. Because Dylan was so clearly a villain from the get go, and then Hamish is arrogant at first but then cartoonishly gross and awful within like two episodes, and everyone got upset about the Nicolas/Jonny 180s, so the bar was low. But Liam starts off arrogant, but confident he wants Bea, and he claims to be one of those people that just always tells it like it is as an excuse to be an asshole. And you really start to feel it here. Not only that, but he doesn't listen to Bea and I think it wouldn't work if Bea just accepted it but she doesn't take his shit. ("I have a nice voice too, you should listen to it some time." BEA OMG). Then later in the volume, there are game player accusations thrown out, and that makes perfect sense to me, he's just trying to tell her the right things so he can get in the villa.

Just to talk about Bea again, but like oh it hurts me so much when Bea is like "I have to couple with someone, why not Liam?" and that breaks my heart. I want to do the Bea route just to save her from Liam. And i know she's talking about the weird thing litg is doing again where they can't just let the single islanders be single, but in my head it's her just being like "no one else wants me" and settling for this dude 😭😭

I also don't understand how this game led to a date that Emel got to pick? (also the prize doesn't make a bunch of sense since we just got dates.) Like if she won with Max, you'd think she would just go on an extra date with Max or Max would also get to pick someone to go on a date with (and he'd pick MC because he's upset and I like to be messy but like maybe you could also reject and he'd pick Bea/Claudia).

i have so many thoughts this needs a part two (not so many thoughts as much as I don't know how to be concise 😅😂)

[castle-dominion]

c3x22 to love & die in LA

Ooh a plot heavy episode lol acab Dude it might be easier to hop than it is to crawl idk. Wow mafia lookin dude Lol the sarcastic "scary"

What time of day is this? Castle is here first! Lanie <3 I keep forgetting that bounty hunters are real. Arrest probs. Yep arrest. At least he still has a face.

Just like Murdoch! Ryan taking things back to s1 rly quick here with his outfit like that huh Silencers don't make them completely silent, they just dampen the noise

Royce has nice brown eyes & freckles

Beckett shut it Girl. Girl no.

She has a pic of him with her? That's sweet. (Also reminds me of george crabtree with a picture in his house with an awkward murdoch. if he wasn't so head over heels for julia he would be in love with... well pendrick but if he wasn't head over heels for pendrick he would be in love with george. Remember that time when william asked george out to the christmas ball?)

This is what it's like sitting in the back of a car with my two brothers & they put me in the middle Bro you could stand up to let her out, it's like the bus! It's castle obv. (could clip, but I won't)

I'll be your backup <3

"under the radar" cut to a fancy car Castle is so cocky Ew neat mural... I like maurice. Beckett has some really LA type clothing here...

Mob ties?

WAIT WHAT Guest house, reminds me of Japan. "Me too" XD apparently they went thru several iterations before settling on that.

Their little handshake

y'all PLEASE watch the bonus features if you can. Apparently this IS where they shoot Castle & even the camera ones are literally the ones who work on Castle. She's in rehab???

Raley & ochoa? That's VERY original castle /s. lmao doesn't huerve mean egg? what is that handshake? I love it RC: You're a cop, so it's your job. Rick go talk to ryan about his motivations & then make smth up for Raley! Update: I have now watched the audio commentaries & stuff for s1. Apparently Ryan was a boring character so Dever started carrying around Richard Castle books, probably borrowing them from beckett. Dever went "what is my character's motivation^/" & they said "idk" so he started reading castle books.

KB: *talking abt the case* KB: *trails off once she sees bootleg rysposito* (clipping)

GIRL "HOLA CHICA" IS EASIER TO WRITE THAN "GREETING IN SPANISH" WTF Aw look at them kiss in the morgue. LP: Wait is your friend that top-heavy tramp in reception? JE: Hm? What? HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO DISSOLVE? YOU MIGHT WANT TO SNAP SOME PICS QUICK. (clipping)

Did they call? How did rick learn abt the dissolving bullets? (love how he is on conspiracy websites tho lol) Girl??? Also the lockpick scene was ok except for the fact that she didn't physically unlock the door after getting the pegs aligned Watch ur fingerprints. No all the way back to new york? they're going to go back & then once in new york they'll have to come back to LA If royce can't hunt bounties then he'd totally be a PI Nice to hear LAPD instead of NYPD.

Ooh robbery homicide LMAO IT REALLY IS MUCH WORSE THAN ARREST. IT'S LIKE WHEN YOUR DAD SAYS HE'S NOT MAD JUST DISAPPOINTED. They often say "welcome to new york" & now it's "welcome to LA" & I think it's a nice change of pace.

Ryan outfit: patterned shirt, collared button-up as usual, tie. I love the little brother things here. Imagine if it was martha's acting school. Ryan just held up his fingers to say "line two" but montgomery saw & hun he might just hop on the phone too. JE: Sup girl? Hey she's genuinely being useful in the investigation. Or maybe not, maybe she's just telling them what to do even tho they can do it on their own See? Castle is smart enough

Now this is intense I love it. I also love how the man goes into the office just wearing his surfwear.

Ha not that good. Way ahead of you bro. These two are a great team. (tbh I'm clipping this bc I like seeing them do smart stuff)

Just like castle! Making up stories to mess with you! You're not so bad yourself castle??? Are u in a relationship? If she wasn't I'd say kiss kiss kiss. Huh her nails are painted.

Maurice my beloved lmao no it only melts nazis ok bud Could have yelled "coming, one sec" "We're not on the case anymore" I like Seeger's tie No, seeger went to the house for something. Wait it was for the gal who stole the stuff nvm.

Mum caught on right away that they would use the props YES RALEY/TAYLOR & OCHOA/HERVE! That's the dumbest thing ever I love how he just accepts that

This is so great. Apparently this is the same interview room as usual, they just changed it up a bit to make it look like the movie set. I mean you're right child molesters are the lowest of the low but they usually get killed so they are not actually IN prison. I like how we get to see the dramatic upset behind the set. update: OH it's bc we usually get to see people in the observation room like montgomery $500 is cheap af I wonder if they filmed that for the bonus features of the nikki heat film but they probably wouldn't include Reggie in there. Does this mean I can leave?

She's just walkin by stripping from all of the costume stuff they gave her None of the other ones are before a height measure thing, only Mannis is. He also looks to be above 6' even tho his profile says 6'0" update: THE EASTER EGGS FURIED CROWS

MAURICE! Also I can't tell if this guy is fancy, european, or gay. It's like that song, gay or european, & it's like dirk gently, possibly gay & definitely european.

Wow definitely not new york. Man has a tattoo. Oh of course they couldn't resist a shot of this. Does she have any bullet wounds? Appendicitis scars? I'm into girls but I'm not into this. (I'm into girls like Ryan who is not a girl. He is a lesbian to me though.) What accent is this? She grabbed his wrist now he's the one holding her hand? Weird

I thought that was the original plan lol RC: DOn't poke me! KB: Poke you? I want to kiss you! SO DO IT ALREADY (won't clip)

Decently obvious lie... (BESTIES HOW DO THEY BECOME GOOD ACTORS FOR 5X10 & HOW DID ESPOSITO LOSE ALL OF HIS "WE WERE TRAINED NOT TO GIVE UP INFORMATION" SKILLS?) Why did RM say this to espt instead of saying "you or you"? Also I'd def excpect esposito the "we were trained not to give up information" man to be good at lying. JE: *nods to ryan* RM: *Smiles as the two walk away* They are her brothers <3

RC out of the blue: Can i interest you in one of these robes? Seeger: ? No! Thank you!

Where in the world are they meeting her? Ok but the way Ryan whips his jacket around mm These two are partners & I love them He just answer's some stranger's phone with "yo" lol KB: ... ESPOSITO??? JE: BECKETT??? KB: Are you with mannis? JE, casually: Yeah I just shot him KB: JE: Why r u calling him? KB: Look we need to know where & when ganz is selling those bullets JE: Done JE, to mannis: Where's the deal going down? *gun pressed to his throat* DM: I'm hit man call an ambulance JE: Well my partner's on that KR: Nine, one... what comes after that one? DM: I;m in pain here man! JE gets the location out of him by pressing in on him & putting him in pain (acab) & then bringing the cell phone to the screaming man's voice & then he cracks, that easy, tells em where to go. KR comes in after that asking who shot royce which was a good call. It was Ganz.

the heck does "quarter of six" mean? Do you mean 5:15 or do you mean 5:45 or do you mean 6:15? I would say quarter TO six for 6.30, quarter PAST six for 6.15, third PAST six for 6.20 & half PAST six for 6.30. Yo where did beckett get a gun?

That's a sus buff tattooed guy She says "police" instead of nypd bc she doesn't have jurisdiction here & she is not lapd. Yo, nice knife! Mmm a smouldering cigar Hun u better have the safety on & the gun not cocked. easy way to lose a buttock. Glad we got a shot of her booty tho. She's not my type (except for maybe s1 beckett) but I can still appreciate a pretty lady.

Apparently she had to learn how to vault a gate on set that day in front of a hundred plus people. She tries to do most of her own stunts tho. I never imagined hell looked like you ugh good line good line First names <3 Girl u put the safety on right?

I like their little friendly ending together & then DX rick gives him a housecoat that's so great lol

I thought about it. But I knew I never would. I knew I couldn't

NOTE FROM A DEAD GUY SHIPS THEM. Care & love does not need to be romantic ig... Wait he wrote the note in all caps

I loved the costumes in this episode. V nice. v good.

It was a different episode today! I enjoyed it a lot! & I went five minutes overtime in my watch (I give myself double time to watch it) but other than that yeah I'm happy!

(Got some good clips here today)

[me-on-set]

Harrowingly Strange

When was the last time you had to face a moral dilemma? I am still reeling. I actually just got home. I think I invented a new selfie style. I wanted to take a photo of my makeup on and off.

As I currently write this, I am not an actor but instead have been doing background work for the past year. I've occasionally been a featured extra and was a body double once.

It's fascinating, seeing and doing the work that embodies being on set.

A couple of days ago, I received a message from a casting agency that had my headshot asking to submit my photo for a featured non-speaking role with a local production company. It was a one or two day shoot at $200 per day. I said yes and I got the gig.

When you are cast, you get an email the night before with details about the set location, start time, special instructions, and wardrobe. This show I booked was for a reenactment TV series about real world events. The exciting news was that this particular episode revolved around a crisis that occurred in my parents' homeland. I was to play someone at home seeing the news on television, and then in a second scene complain to police of their incompetence. I was asked to bring leisure clothing one would wear at home.

When I first started being an extra, I would bring my clothes in a backpack, trying really hard not to care too much. That behavior did not last. I found my interest stumbling forward into a natural evolution. I started taking luggage to neatly carry my wardrobe options. I found that I would mostly get cast as a mid-30's businessman. This led me to comfortably bring my outfits in a garment bag. It's funny how familiarity can grow your views.

For today, I packed shorts, sweatpants, t-shirts, a hoodie, a pair of runners, and a pair of flip flops. I got these flip flops during my last vacation with my mom overseas in her hometown. I also brought some henley shirts and arrived on set in khakis and a short-sleeved polo because there was also a mention of button-ups being an option.

The majority of work involved as an extra is waiting. It's a good idea to bring a book, although in this day and age, occupying oneself with a smart phone is a much more fulfilling time killer. I didn't end up using any of the clothes I had brought except for my belt and my runners. After my hair and makeup were done I decided to satisfy my curiosity by searching keywords of this specific production. I searched the name of the character I was to reenact. Adding quotations to strict strings of words, I had soon discovered the event I was going to portray. This was when my moral dilemma began.

I was born and raised in North America by immigrant parents who arrived in their early 20's. The typical experiences had by people of color paint a relatively positive mural that represents my upbringing. Having visited my ethnic country many times throughout my life, I felt, and still feel, a deep connection to the motherland. This connection is common for others like myself, powered by identity in a time where life will sometimes present it as a limitation. Conversely, this only strengthens cultural pride.

The role I was to play was an international representing their countrymen against the very country I identify with. Pangs of uneasiness flooded my body. There was another featured role performer who had an earlier call time. We sat together in the holding area. He was cast to play the part of a family member learning the news of the event. What surprised me more was the fact that he was a recent immigrant from my country of ethnicity. Us both, cast in roles of coincidental conflict of interest?

When it comes to acting, the only other time I recall having feelings of apprehension was during a big budget movie filmed in a church. I was a church goer among a sea of church goers seated in church pews. We were instructed to portray the enjoyment of a church service. Some of us were selected to stand and sway to the Christian music. Some had their eyes closed, head tilted to the ceiling, palms facing up to the heavens. As easy a physical task that is, I instead opted to clap along to the band and pretend to really feel the sounds of my favorite music. I know it's just acting but I was driven by the thought of my mom seeing me do anything other than that on camera. So, I coursed the music through my veins. I know the history of the band members, the albums, this music moves me, pretend.

I received my paperwork and read it over a cup of coffee from craft services. It was standard paperwork that I've filled out over a dozen times before. I looked at the inviting exit door. I was parked right outside. This is not that big of a deal, is it? I imagined this TV episode making its way to the news overseas, the citizens all over the world deeming me a traitor for perpetuating a negative image, not merely through action but through representation against them. Against us. Am I selling out? For two hundred bucks?

I thought about getting up and leaving. I thought about all of the hard work that people have put into this specific production. If you haven't been behind the scenes before, it is quite the trip. An assortment of heavy duty cables line the floors, taped in place. Racks of props in designated areas. The backstage crew zip around in sync, bursting with walkie-talkie sounds and hollers of instruction. There is a commonality in the many interactions, their minds tuned into the goal meant to be achieved. This is their career.

This is my hobby. I am a prop. Would leaving this put a blemish on my record in the local film community, or the film industry as a whole, because I wasted everyone's time being sensitive? As I languished, I get a message from my best friend and I tell him I'm on set. I tell him:

For some reason, that makes me feel better. I just might be able to work with that mentality. The other guy has finished. He returns his wardrobe and collects his belongings. I ask him if he knows what this show is about. We speak in our language among the English-speakers. I ask him if he thinks people back home are going to be mad at us. I ask him if he knew we were going to be doing this. He seems ok with it all. He said he was there during the actual event. He's new to the industry. We laugh about how we can pass as different races. This is his first time being on camera. He said he enjoyed the experience. I ask him if he'll continue. He said yes. I hope he does.

Finally, wardrobe is set and I am wearing a navy blue golf shirt and some gray slacks. I want to feel good, like the other times I've worked. How can I get that feeling? They're calling me on set. They adjust the lighting while I sit in front of the camera. A fog machine fills the mock living room belonging to my character. When the camera rolls, there is a fake TV in front of me that I am to watch casually at first and then grow increasingly interested as the live footage I am pretending to watch unfolds. I am supposed to build up into a frustration with the host country. My country. As I understand it, the real guy is being interviewed and I am the reenactment; the illustration of his side of the story. I do the scene. Twice. Filming took less than 5 minutes total. The whole time I was thinking about my mom. I can remember it still, a few hours ago today, the director describing the gradual transpiring of the footage to guide me. To help me see a reason to be frustrated on camera. It wasn't helping. It's not his fault. I don't think it's anyone's fault. I don't think they even knew why I would be uncomfortable. I don't think they knew much about the countries involved in the event. They even spelled the city name wrong. I don't even think the takes were that bad.

I wish it wasn't about my country. If it were different, I feel like I could have given more - like I had done at the church.

It's unsettling to perform make-believe, but for myself I have managed to apply a mental exercise that immerses me into a character; to actually be the person. The trick is to relate. To tie the emotion to a real memory and relive it. If it had only been about another country, I'm sure I would have enjoyed the process a lot more.

I'm writing this and I was hoping it would help me shake away this dread. Thoughts of regret imagining if I had only researched the keywords sooner. Maybe I would have cancelled. But that wouldn't have been better. I would be blacklisted and never cast as another role again. Or maybe I'm being dramatic. Hey, that's good for this line of work, right?

I honestly hope the final cut looks great. This is the biggest role I've ever been in. They gelled my hair funny like a nerd, I had on large framed glasses, just like the portrayed, and they put makeup on my upper lip to hide my dark, clean-shaven stubble.

When I got home, before I washed my makeup off, I took a before and after mirror selfie because my face looked comedically smooth. Taking the pictures reminded me of when I was sipping coffee in the holding area. I had taken pictures of my paperwork. I remember my mind racing. The feeling was like gathering license plates and insurance information after a collision. You know, just in case I have to stand trial, my cultural membership in jeopardy. I can review my situation with a lawyer to see what I can and can not say during a variety show interview that is getting my side of the story after viral, captioned screenshots of me flood the internet with embarrassing memes, stamped into history. Jesus Christ, that would be the worst. Here I go again with extreme maybes. It's an entertaining curse that I will forever be engulfed in my own hypothetical torture.

Anyway, here's that selfie I invented:

Yeah my bathroom mirrors are dirty.

I can't wait for my next job that I can cleanse my palate with. I really hope I can accept today as purely an actor's portrayal, and not a turncoat betrayal. This can't be my last go at acting. I ate some of my country's food for supper. I feel a bit better. I'm wearing a shirt that is emblazoned with our country's sports hero.

I have always been excited to see the final release of a production I am in, except for this one now. Uncontrollably, my perverse curiosity into the film world is only strengthening, so I don't think even the worst thoughts can slow my future participation. The silver lining is that the uncomfortable bar is set to a new level. I could reenact a murderous deviant now without batting a moral eyelash, I like to think. All for the sake of film.

- WSS, February 8, 2019