#except for me it's around the clock and it only gets worse at night

[sealrock]

feeling the seasonal urge to withdraw and disappear because I think I'm secretly annoying people who tolerate my presence 🗿

[upsidedownmvnson]

tell me you love me vol 2 | steve harrington

warnings: fluff, more pining

a/n: AHHHHHHHH thanks for the love

tell me you love me vol 1

Steve barely slept. He couldn't focus with you this close to him. He couldn't not love you anymore. And it was worse now, like the entire burden of knowing you love each other was crushing his chest. He wanted you to remember your conversation last night. He needed you to. But also, he didn't. What if you were just drunk? What if you thought your friendship was too valuable to risk?

It was already at risk... he sighed, giving up on trying to sleep and instead just laid with you. Steve couldn't fathom a world without you in it, he didn't want to live a life where he didn't see you every day. He needed you, more than he needed a girlfriend, maybe... maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Steve was in agony.

You shuffled in your sleep, groaning and stretching. The blankets kicked off in the night, and wrapped around your legs, and when you stretched he was forced to endure the torture of your beautiful half naked body. He couldn't look elsewhere, he couldn't keep his eyes off of you.

He had to get out of here.

The phone ringing was a good excuse to get out of bed, but he didn't know who the hell would be calling this early. It was quickly answered when he picked up only to be met with a word vomit of questions from Robin.

"I don't really remember but I think I just left y/n at the party," Robin was saying, "Is she there? Is she with you?"

"Yeah, she's here," Steve whispered, hoping he didn't sound as exhausted as he felt. "You left her sleeping, dude. Not cool."

"That's fucked," she said, disappointed in herself. "I was not thinking clearly, I woke up in a panic. But she's okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She's still in bed," he said.

"Good, good. I'm really sorry, tell her I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, okay..."

"You okay, Steve? You sound weird."

"No, I'm fine I just..." he sighed, "Robin I can't pretend not to love her anymore. I just - I know it's bad to date in the friend group but... I love her."

"I know you do," she said, "I only said don't date her if you weren't sure. If you're sure then go for it."

"Really? Do you think... do you think it'll work?"

"I don't know," she answered, "but I know you guys are crazy about each other and it's probably time to find out."

Steve hung up the call after promising to tell you that Robin was sorry, very sorry. He didn't want to go upstairs, he still felt confused. Would you remember what you guys had talked about? Would you change your mind? He decided on breakfast, and got to work making some bacon and eggs, deciding he would wake you up when it was ready. But first, he needed coffee.

When you woke up in Steve's bed you were confused, and disappointed he wasn't there. What time was it? The clock read just after eight, and you could smell the breakfast cooking downstairs. You groaned, stretching as much as you could before contemplated getting up or just staying here.

You didn't really remember much after the party, it all got a little fuzzy when you first started falling asleep. You loved this bed, you were staying in this bed every time you stayed over from here on out. In fact, you were never leaving it.

Except the distant call of food being prepared made you get up. The least you could do was go lend a hand.

You tiptoed down the stairs, and tried to peak at Steve in the kitchen. He was still shirtless, drinking his coffee while leaning against the counter, shuffling scrambled eggs around lazily.

The sight of him made you sigh. The ache in your chest only grew with the sight. He was so beautiful, and he just looked so... boyfriend. You wished he could be yours, you wished that you could wake up to this more often.

"Good morning," you said, joining him on the main level.

"Morning," he said, smiling at you. But it was different, it didn't reach his eyes.

"Can I help?" you asked, padding over to him and looking at all the good stuff he had going on.

"No it's okay," he said, "I'm just about done. Make yourself a coffee."

You nodded. But his demeanor was bothering you. He was being cold, distant. He wasn't acting like himself. You wondered if you did something wrong.

"Do you uh, remember much about your party?" he asked, trying to seem casual but you could tell he was prying. Looking for answers about something.

"Most of it yeah," you smiled, sipping the hot coffee. "But I don't really remember leaving, or coming here."

And it would've been impossible to miss how Steve dropped his shoulders, clearly disappointed by your answer. You wanted to say something, but you forgot how to speak. You didn't know what to say.

"Do you want to plate everything?" he asked, slinking out of the kitchen. He mumbled some excuse about the bathroom, and left you alone, thinking about what happened last night.

Breakfast was quiet, save for the tv playing quietly in the background. This was typically your favourite kind of morning, lazily getting up at Steve's, making breakfast together, just hanging out. But the air just felt different today, he didn't want your sous chef help in the kitchen, and there was no charming banter. In fact, he barely looked at you.

When you finished he said, "I guess I should get you home," as if you didn't usually hang around all weekend, and added, "I just gotta change."

And he pushed away from the table, leaving his dirty dishes abandoned. So, you guess he didn't want your help do the dishes either? Something obviously happened, or he wouldn't be this cold with you. You felt your throat getting tight, and held it together as you gathered the dishes, bringing them over to the sink.

You both got dressed, with him loaning you some sweat pants to go with the big shirt you wore to bed so you didn't have to climb into your party outfit. It still reeked of booze.

"Did something happen, Steve?" you asked, unable to tolerate the uneasy air as you both slipped your shoes on. Maybe you... maybe you confessed your feelings to him, and he felt uncomfortable, you did this... Did you ruin everything?

"What?" he asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Uh, nothing," you muttered, not wanting to push his buttons. You didn't want to pry.

"Everything's fine, babe." He put his hand on your shoulder, letting it slide off, and back to his side. "Just a lot on my mind."

Even the drive was quiet, and the tension made you feel like crying. He had the radio playing quietly, but he just didn't seem like he was totally there. But still, every question got stuck in your throat. You guys didn't say a word until he was parked in your driveway, hands remained clutched on the wheel.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" you asked, hoping that your movie plans with Robin were even still on.

"Yeah, of course. I'll call you later..."

Now or never. "Is everything okay, Steve? You're being so quiet. I feel like you're trying to push me away."

He looked at you with those beautiful eyes, those beautiful, sad eyes and you could see his anguish, you could see there was something he couldn't say. Words were being left unsaid. Was he scared? What was he scared of? You thought... you really thought he could tell you anything.

"I'm fine," he said finally, giving you another small, fake smile.

You faked a smile, trying not to show that your heart dropped into your stomach. You had this painful fear that you'd told him that you loved him, and he'd wished you hadn't. What the fuck happened between the party and Steve's house? It was killing you. His pain was torture, and you wouldn't forgive yourself if you'd ruined the most important relationship in your life.

You nodded, and patted his leg before climbing out the car, shuffling inside before he could see how concerned you were about him.

You leaned on a wall near the door, just pondering what happened. You woke up in his bed, usually you slept in the guest room, or when you were really drunk you'd even crash on the couch. Did you being in his space make him unhappy? Maybe you were stubborn, refusing to leave his bed until he loved you. But, that didn't seem like something you would do.

A knock on the door kicked you out of your thoughts.

You opened it, and Steve was there, standing still, breathing heavy. When the door fully opened, he nearly sprung at you, not intimidatingly but like... like he couldn't stop himself from scooping up your cheeks in his hands and kissing you.

And Steve was kissing you like a starving man. Like this was the moment he'd waited for his whole life. He was soft, and tender but also desperate and passionate and you could feel everything. You could feel how he felt. Like you were one person. You kissed him back, taken by surprise but delighted. You loved him. And he loved you. And being together like this just felt right.

You moaned, unable to deny the sparks between the two of you for one more moment.

His lips were just so soft, and warm. And as his thumbs rubbed your cheeks soothingly, you thought for sure your knees would buckle from the romance of it all. You swooned, this was real life swooning.

"Tell me you love me," he whispered, barely pulling away to say it. You realize he's crying, barely, lightly, but he is, because this is the scariest thing he's ever done. He thinks that he'll perish, die if you don't actually love him back. And he's immediately returned to kissing you, backing you both up until your back hit the living room wall. "Please," he begged, breathless and desperate to hear it. He had to hear it. He was sure he would die if you didn't say it. He has to know he wasn't wrong to risk it all...

And everything came rushing back. Laying across from Steve, asking him if you were in love. Confessing your love for him and telling him him that you would still love him in the morning...

And you did.

Of course you did.

You think there's a part of you that has loved Steve since the moment you met.

He feels like home. Just being near him makes you feel safe, and comfortable. He was everything you needed, and you two were idiots to wait this long to confess. But, better late than never.

"I love you," you whispered, mumbling against his lips, returning his feverish kisses. His hands trailed down to your hips, gripping tightly and pressing himself into you. Trying to mold himself to you. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him as close as he could get. He was a part of you, a part of your heart.

His tongue rolled into your mouth, and the grip he had on your hips tightened, making you moan again. And then he slowed, kissing you slowly. He sucked your bottom lip between his teeth, and pulled away, letting it slip out of his grip and back into place. He kissed you tenderly a few times.

"Say it again," he said, pulling back and resting his forehead against yours. It wasn't demanding, it was loving. He wanted to hear you say it over and over for the rest of his life.

You were breathless, but you still whispered, "I love you."

"I love you," he said, kissing you one more time. "I can't stop it, I don't want to stop it," he said. "I love you, y/n. And I want to be with you... if you'll have me."

"I love you Steve," you said, relieved that you could just love him without the longing, without the pining, and the hiding. You two were free.

"Again," he demanded, smiling, and the smile made it all the way back to his eyes. And he was himself again.

"Don't want to wear it out," you laughed, pulling him into a hug. And you held him there for a while.

"Never," he whispered, "I'll never get tired of it, I promise you that."

TAGLIST: @thebeatles-world @thatbItchs-world @plk-18 @pausmoon @onlyangle1

[goldenstring6123]

helloooo! i’d like to request a short fic with this glorious prompt i thought about last night 🤭

let’s say reader gets a tattoo of xavier’s sword (like the design behind his latest promise outfit) all the way down their back ;) i would die to see how he would react to this nyehehehe

it can be either fluff, suggestive, smut, up to you with whatever you’re comfy with <3 tysm hehe

Xavier: Ink & sword

Warning: Very suggestive! 16+ only, showering together, nudity, kissing, sensual touching, fem!reader, reader is not the mc but works as a hunter

Author's note: :>

MASTER LIST | Buy me a thread?

"I'm sorry—I knocked you back too hard," Xavier's hand reached down towards yours, and you, on the other hand, were buried underneath some plastic crates at the corner of the training room. He waited for you to take his hand. "Are you alright?"

You took his hand and used him to hoist yourself back to your feet, a tinge of pain and ache flowering from different parts of your back. You dropped the sword that you were holding, and it immediately dissipated into thin air. You looked at Xavier and patted his chest, trying to ease out that slight frown on his face.

"I'm alright. We deal with worse stuff on the battlefield."

Right above the entrance, a big digital clock projected the time in neon blue colors: 23:03. You and Xavier had been training for over three hours, and now the training grounds had been rid of people except for the two of you. Well, it couldn't be helped; Xavier's training regimen requires more time to perform, considering the complexity of his fighting style and condition.

Still, the fact that you can keep up is very noteworthy even in the eyes of others, though the only thing you were doing was defending and keeping your stance. The only worrying thing is that sometimes, Xavier forgets that you're just a normal hunter and tends to exert a bit more force when sparring.

You let out a small groan while you moved towards the shower room, and Xavier was walking right beside you, ready to reach out in case you toppled over. The frown was still on his face as if he regretted showing you that magnificent finishing blow. "Do you need help?"

You glanced at the shower room and hooked your index finger under his chin, turning his head slightly, the cheeky little teasing mood suddenly erupting from within you. "Are you offering to help me bathe? How daring of you."

"Uh...I didn't—" Xavier's doe eyes went wider than the moon, his nose and ears turning pink upon realizing your words.

You just loved finding the opportunity to fluster this little man.

Unbeknownst to Xavier, you knew how he has a little ongoing crush on you—credits to Tara for having that habit of snitching when drunk. And for a strong fighter, it feeds your ego to have him wrapped around your fingers.

"Can you just hand me the menthol patches in the kit?" you pointed at a small box nearby, one attached to the metal post. It was a first aid kit reserved for them. Xavier strode to the said post while you entered the washroom.

You opened your locker with your thumbprint and undid the brown leather support. Swiftly, you unbuttoned your blouse, picked at how it clung to your body, damp and riddled with dust and sweat. Finally, the stuffy bathroom air brushed against your sweat-ridden back.

"I got the patches..." Xavier entered the bathroom, the white menthol patches in his grasp. When he lifted his head to look at you, his eyes trailed from the curve of your form—eyes landing on the intricate tapestry of dark blue and white ink tattoo carved onto your back.

The shame of walking in on you naked disappeared in an instant.

You stared as Xavier slowly stepped beyond the room's threshold. You kept your blouse pressed against your chest, and even if you were nearly topless, Xavier's eyes never broke contact from your back. Why would he? The image of his very own sword was on your back.

"Is this why you wanted to take a picture of my sword?" His cold fingers slid down the dip of your spine, his eyes absorbing every bit of nitty-gritty detail about the tattoo. As much as he admires his real pristine sword, the image of it on your back is simply...breathtaking.

"Maybe? Do you like it?" You kept still, facing the locker. At that moment, every touch he made on your body was amplified beyond normal. The coolness of his fingers felt good against your warm back.

"It's beautiful," he uttered. The thin saber was positioned perfectly downwards to your spine, ending just above where your pants began, curving whenever you moved. The handle was positioned just between your shoulder blades. Feathers littered the rest of the space, some in blue and some in white. The intricate carvings on the side of his sword were perfectly captured. "Why did you choose my sword?"

"Well," your hand chucked the blouse in the locker. You glanced over your shoulder, the silver-haired man anticipating your answer. "It's because it was beautiful; I can't get my mind off of it." It just so happens that the man wielding it is beautiful as well. A beauty beyond the stars.

You turned back to face the locker, folding your blouse, thinking that Xavier had had enough of seeing the tattoo. Your lips opened, prepared to ask him to leave as you were nearly topless, if not for that low-back bra you're wearing, but before you could blurt a single word, Xavier pressed his lips on your shoulders.

It was as if his kiss had flicked a switch within you. You stiffened, leaning over while your hands hung at the edge of the locker. "Xavier? Did you just—"

The man placed another kiss lower. You could feel his tongue graze the surface of your skin. "Mhm, your skin is salty."

His words sobered you up; it wasn't exactly an insult, but that made you think. You stood up straight and faced him, your eyes coated with a sheen of lust and desperation. "I'm full of sweat. Do you really intend on having..." You held yourself back from spouting such vulgar words. "Never mind. Wait for me. I'm going to take a shower."

You took the towel and ran to the shower areas. It was dead silent. You pondered. Was Xavier really doing what you think he was going to do? Did the sword on your back push him to the edge?

All the thoughts crept at the back of your neck, but the softness of Xavier's lips remained. The hot water drizzled all over your body, releasing you from the stickiness of the fluids. You combed back your hair and looked up at the shower head, relishing the comfort of the rain-like sensation—for a few seconds at least.

The shower curtain shifted, and Xavier took a step in. His bare chest pressed against your back, and you spun quickly at the contact. Your eyes widened at the sight of his bare body—it's not the first time you saw it, but still—"Why are you here?"

"Let's take a shower together. Turn around, I'll wash your back."

"Do all training partners do this? Bathe together? Is this new?" You panicked, instinctively covering your areas while backing up against the cold porcelain wall. You stared up at him, the soft eyes no longer there. He looked intimidating now that he was towering over you.

"Do training partners sleep with each other when they get stuck in the mountains?" he uttered.

At that moment, the hazy memory of that stormy night flashed inside your head—the warmth of his touch, the flickering of the makeshift fireplace, his skin against yours, and his mouth exploring your body. Your face began to grow red at that memory.

Xavier's hands crawled to your hips, gently nudging you to turn. You didn't want to go against him, and at the same time, you were expecting something to happen because you would admit that Xavier was good. He felt good. His taste, his skill, and his size—what you didn't expect was that it wasn't going to be a one-time thing.

His hands were gliding on your back, and his burning stare trailed down to your ass. You bit your lip at the embarrassment. His hands, which were on your waist, found themselves holding on to your love handles, and gently, Xavier pulled your hips backward, coming into contact with his semi-hard-on.

"Shit," you uttered under your breath. Even if it wasn't fully hard, you could still clearly feel it. A million thoughts raced through your head, but there was one emotion that was prevalent: Erotic desire.

Xavier's lips came into contact with your back again, but this time, you couldn't help but flinch at every contact because his tongue and teeth grazed and gritted, intentionally leaving marks at Xavier's whims. Just by that, you were gasping for air, anticipating where he would bite next.

His fingernails scraped at your skin, tracing every curve and line of the tattoo; his touch was electrifying, but you craved more. How can he be so gentle but leave you feeling unexplainable things?

He peppered your back with light kisses from the dip of your back slowly, slowly crawling back up to your exposed nape. "Don't leave marks on my neck," you uttered between breaths. A loud pop of Xavier's kiss bounced off the shower room.

"Turn around, please. I want to see you," Xavier whispered. You looked over your shoulder, and you could see him stepping back a little bit, eager to see your body.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and turned to him, still covering your body. Admittedly, he was a little perplexed at seeing you acting all shy when it was you who was provoking him earlier, but poking fun at you wasn't right for the moment.

He brushed a stray hair that stuck onto your cheek and smiled, looking into your eyes fondly. "There's no need to hide," he said, taking a step closer. "You're beautiful."

His big hands caressed your elbows and slid up to your biceps, nudging you to loosen up. Your hands dropped from your body, but instead of letting them fall completely, you wrapped your hands around his neck.

You pressed your lips together, but all of a sudden, footsteps erupted.

"Is anyone in here?" the lady guard called. "Security!"

You covered Xavier's mouth and stared into his eyes, saying: 'Don't make a sound.'

"Oh, yes! I just finished training!" you yelled back.

"Alright, but please leave after 5 minutes. We're about to turn down the power for the entire floor."

"Sure! I'll be out in a minute," you replied. You and Xavier waited for a solid minute before moving. You let go of the breath you were holding, took the bar of soap from the holder, and gave it to Xavier. "Let's continue that at your apartment when we get home."

Author footnotes: Cockblocked by me, the author. Layout by me, using canva premium | Do not repost |

MASTER LIST | Buy me a thread?

[haveihitanerve]

Bruce & Jason centric in that they find a hobby they can do together and actually bond over.

Bruce helped Dick with his acrobatics when he was younger, acting as a spotter. Jason goes in drives with Dick.

Bruce plays minecraft with Tim and is concerningly good at it (Bruce is good with building, Tim is good at speed running). Jason and Tim are always getting into classic olderbrother-youngerbrother dynamic and feud about the smallest things, but they somehow end with a truce of "..Wanna get ice cream?" and it works 9 times outta 10.

Bruce and Damian spend time drawing together in the designated art room. Bruce, of course, does well with architectural designs, but he occasionally dabbles in portraits, and Damian does the opposite. Jason and Damian bond over their memories and time in the LOA.

But what do Bruce and Jason bond with? Sports? Games? TV Shows? Books? Ever since Jason came back as Red Hood, their relationship has been awkward at best and very strained at almost worst.

I feel like they have lots of things to bond over, idk really- for sure books, some other headcanons i have are boxing, it seems like something they both like to do, otherwise history because Bruce loves to know and jason loves literature :) but heres my attempt at writing this for you

Jason hadn't planned on being in the Manor. He was only here, quite honestly, because Tim really wanted his laptop but he really didn't want to come home because he was injured and he might run into Alfred, or worse, Bruce, and Jason could understand that so he had reluctantly agreed and left the kid at his safehouse, and was now at the Manor.

He prayed he didn't run into anyone. Dick and Babs were out on a date, he knew, which meant Batgirl would once again make an appearance tonight, and they wouldn't be home until around three, Alfred was in the kitchen and wasn't planned to leave it for at least another half hour, until he finished his late night cup of tea and chapter of his new book, and the rest of the kids were holed up at Jason's apartment. Unfortunately.

Jason sighed, pushing open Tim's bedroom door to snag his laptop. Duke had asked him to swing by his room too and grab some things if he was "going over there anyway" and Damian didn't even need to ask, Jason stopped by and grabbed Alfred the cat... except the cat wasn't in his room.

Jason fought a groan. If the cat wasn't in the demon brats room then he was anywhere else in the house, and the most likely case was that he was with one of the people in the house, because despite being a cat, the creature was like a goddamned dog, constantly seeking affection and running up to people for pets.

Jason cursed Bruce's nature for adopting children and Talia for ever forcing him to create his own, throwing all the stuff he'd collected into his duffel bag and heading deeper into the Manor. On the hunt. For a cat. What even was his life anymore.

Sure enough, light was streaming from the billiard room, because of course they had a billiard room, and Jason could hear the distinct sound of a cat meowing. He winced, pushing the door open slowly, and found Bruce hunched over the billiard table, Alfred the cat draped across his shoulders, fiddling with some things. Jason cleared his throat.

Bruce glanced up, and after a small frown of confusion at seeing who it was, lit up. "Jason! What are you doing here?" Bruce seemed to regret the words the second they came out of his mouth, judging them to be too harsh, but Jason came further into the room, lifting the duffel bag.

"Tim and the others asked me to grab some stuff." Bruce nodded thoughtfully, glancing at the clock. "Will they be home soon?" He asked carefully. Jason shrugged. "prolly not. They can crash, its fine." Bruce nodded. "Okay. Good." There was a beat of awkward silence.

"Oh uh, Damian wanted the cat." Jason coughed, gesturing to Alfred. "Oh!" Bruce nodded, slipping the cat off his shoulders and handing him to Jason. "Right... well." Jason coughed again. "What are... you doing?" Bruce blinked at him a few times, like he'd never expected Jason to show an interest in his work, which was crazy giving the way Jason had died

But quickly recovered, gesturing him closer. "Stamps. I collect them." "You collect stamps?" Jason asked dubiously. Bruce nodded emphatically. "Oh yes. They're so fascinating. They tell a story. Like this one, for instance, is from World War Two. Or this one, the Persian War. Despite everything, people still find time to write letters, to communicate with each other."

"Huh." Jason nodded, leaning over the table to look at the rest of the stamps. Bruce had quite the collection. "I can show you more, if you'd like." He offered uncertainly. Jason took a step back. "Right. Yeah. No, I- I'd like that." Bruce blinked. "You would?" The words were careful. Weighing. Jason nodded, swallowing.

"Y-yeah. I- uh, I gotta get back to the others," He lifted the duffel bag. "But uh, maybe some other time. This seems... really cool." Bruce smiled. "Truly? Well... good. Thats good. I- I'll uh. I'll leave them out then. For next time." Jason nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Next time."

The letter arrived a week later, an ancient stamp on the front, and a detailed description inside, a bit too detailed, but Jason appreciated it. He began searching, scouring everywhere he could with every piece of free time he had, and sent his own back, adding in pieces of information and evidence about Killer Croc that he'd been meaning to share later anyway.

It became their thing, a little bit of back and forth, and soon the letters grew longer, only a paragraph dedicated to actually explaining the origins or story, and more about their lives, their old life and their new. It became a game, leaving stamps out for the other to find, trying to guess what year the stamp was from without opening the letter, and randomly sticking stamps onto evidence to see if the other person would be able to guess it. A thing. Bruce smiled every time he thought about it. And if Jason showed up more at family functions, and allowed Bruce to wrap an arm around his shoulders to the surprise of everyone else... well, that was their little secret.

[monstrousvoice]

Bedtime

Fandom: Hazbin Hotel

Relationship: Husk X Reader

AN: Inspired by this post, I wanted to write Husk being sleepy and needing to be picked up from the hotel's bar. Fluffy and sweet! Reader’s gender isnt specified but you do use a couple of sappy, schmaltzy nicknames for Husk, fair warning

Tags: Fluff, References to Alcohol, References to Alcohol Addiction, Sappy Romantic Nicknames, Other Cast Members Mentioned, If I missed any please let me know

Summary: The Hazbin Hotel is pretty peaceful at night.

Read on AO3!

With a huff of frustration you sat up in bed, scrubbing your hands over your face. Your hands dropped to your lap as your eyes wandered the empty bedroom. The lamp light was still on, casting an amber glow over everything from the empty booze bottles still on the shelves you haven't thrown out, to the mounds of dirty clothes neither you nor your boyfriend had bothered to pick up. The clock read midnight. You look to your side, his half of the bed still empty. Still cold.

That was why you were having such trouble sleeping, you knew. You needed your nightly cuddles if you were ever going to fall asleep.

Sighing and stretching your shoulders, you stood up, making yourself look somewhat decent before you left your room. Despite the late hour you knew better than to walk through the hallways without pants on.

It was…surreal to walk through the hotel at night. When you had lived in the center of the Ring, there was always noise, always chaos. There were times you were so scared of being a target for a robbery (or something worse) that you couldn't sleep at all, only closing your eyes for a few minutes before jolting awake at the sound of a car crash and gunfire outside your window.

…But here there was nothing. Night was almost peaceful. If you really strained your hearing or went outside the distant chaos would be noticeable, but walking through red and gold hallways, the only real noise came from your fellow residents.

Sometimes you would come across Nifty scurrying around, dusting and bug hunting and muttering to herself. Sometimes Angel would get back from work in a good mood because Valentino had been in a good mood, and you could hear his favorite music playing from his room as he sang along, spinning Fat Nuggets around and around.

Even when you suspected he was sleeping, the soft sound of jazz and radio static never stopped playing from Alastor's room. You were grateful he was on one of the top floors and far from your room. You don't think your beau would be able to sleep at all knowing his Master was right down the hall.

Sir Pentious could make quite a racket when he was in a tinkering mood, but he always spent his time doing so in the hotel’s workshop and, to give him credit, he tried working on quieter projects during the night after Charlie asked him to keep it down once. Charlie herself, and Vaggie, were both pretty quiet too. The only time you could think of them making too much noise at night was one instance. They had decided to have date night at the hotel watching movies, which led to a tickle fight that had Charlie screeching in joy and sent the rest of you on red alert that she was under attack.

Both her and Vaggie had apologized out of breath and with red cheeks.

You didn't come across anyone tonight as you made your way to the lobby. The tv was off, throw blankets neatly folded on the couch. Some bits of metal and electronics were left on the coffee table, you assumed it was a project Sir Pentious had been working on before calling it a night. 

You kept walking, your destination being the bar.

It was neat and tidy as always…except for the unconscious bartender laying across it. You smiled softly as you crept closer, and the sound of soft snoring reached your ears. Husk was dead asleep on his side of the bar, his back slowly rising and falling with even breaths, wings limp and touching the floor. His head was laying on his folded arms, hands still gripping a clean empty glass and a rag. 

You hadn't mentioned it to him yet, but you were proud of him. Lately he had been opening up more to the others in the hotel, making actual friends, you dared to call them. And with that change came a change in Husk. He was smiling more, even laughing, and drinking less. It made your heart warm and gooey that he was learning to let his walls down around others besides you.

He was happier.

He wasn't gonna be happy in the morning with a sore neck and pins and needles in his legs for sleeping standing up, however.

You snuck up behind the counter, stepping over his limp tail to get closer to his warmth. With delicate precision you pulled the empty glass and rag out from his claws and set them aside. You slowly wrapped your arms around him next, mindful of his sensitive wings, carding your fingers through the fur covering his arms and shoulders. You leaned close to his flicking ear and whispered.

“Husk? It's time to get up baby…you need to get to bed.” A snort and a twitch of whiskers was your only response. “C'mon, wake up handsome~” you cooed again.

A grunt, and suddenly a golden eye was fluttering open looking around but not really taking anything in. Husk coughed, slowly pulling himself upright and smacking his lips together with a frown. You could guess his last drink was making itself known to his taste buds.

“Fuckin-Wh…where…?” He looked groggy, eyes fuzzy with wide pupils, and the fur on his cheek he had been laying on was clumped together in the cutest case of bed head you've ever seen. (Who were you kidding, every morning waking up next to him was the cutest case of bed head ever-) He gave a loud groan as he stood up, leaning forward hard onto the countertop as his legs and feet woke back up. 

“Shiiit…fuckin feet, goddam-...” He muttered and cursed some more, and you wrapped your arms around his middle to help hold him up. Even in his dazed state he tried to return the affection you were giving him, one of his hands moving to cover yours where it gripped him. His tail swished and curled around your legs as he woke up.

“Did you have one too many with Angel again sweetheart? I had asked him to let me know the next time you fell asleep here…” Your brows furrowed in concern. You couldn't really be mad at Angel if he forgot though. When he and Husk drank, they got sloshed.

“N-no…not Angel.” Husk muttered. His baritone voice was deeper than usual, sleep making it sound gravely and…well, husky. He dragged the hand not holding yours down his face, scrubbing and wrinkling his muzzle to wake up more. His mouth opened wide in a yawn, one that granted you a chance to see the rows of fangs he had hidden away in their full glory. You noticed tears pricking the corner of his eyes as the yawn ended and he licked his dry lips.

“...Was Alastor. Wanted some drinks, and when he finally left, I had his mess to clean up.” Your heart ached in sympathy. You know how much a night spent with just Alastor rubbed your man the wrong way. And the worst part was…

You couldn't do anything.

But you could do this for him. You pressed a kiss to his cheek before nuzzling into his neck, taking a deep inhale of his smell. You spoke again, voice muffled by his fur, but with the way his ear cocked towards you, you knew he could understand.

“-’M sorry baby. Com's t’ bed? It's com’y…” He chuckled at your muffled words, turning in your arms to hug you back. Face to face, he was able to nuzzle his own face into your neck this time. Husk took a deep breath and held it for a moment, relishing your scent before breathing hot air against you. It tickled.

“Yeah…yeah ‘m ready for bed…” He mumbled. Despite this you both stood there a moment longer. His arms were so firm and strong where they rested on your hips, and you loved the way his shoulders and back were so easy for you to hold onto. You simply didn't want to move yet. He smelled like booze, of course, but underneath that was the smell of his cheap cologne and his natural scent, and you let it envelope you entirely. Sleepy or not, you could stand here with him for eternity…

But, you figured his feet were probably killing him at this point, and you'd rather you both be comfortable during cuddle time. So, with a sigh you pulled away, but not before giving his other cheek a kiss to match the earlier one. Husk simply smiled at you, eyes hooded and soft with love.

As you both turned to make your way up the stairs to your shared bedroom, neither of you let go of the other. His arm stayed firmly on your hip, keeping you pulled as close to him as possible without tripping you both. You couldn't complain, you were doing the same thing, holding him to your side to support his tired body. His wings still drooped with their weight, the tips of his feathers touching the floor as you walked.

It was a quick walk back to your shared room, kisses and ‘I love you’s being whispered as you went. You didn't even care about the taste of stale booze in his mouth when you kissed him anymore. You had come to love it in a weird, pavlovian sort of way.

When you finally got back, you shut the door behind you with a soft ‘click’, and Husk stayed glued to your side as you did so. Already his eyes were slipping closed again, and the sight had you cooing in adoration.

“You are so adorable you know that? Such a handsome face, looking so sleepy…” He pouted at your words, but the blush on his face was obvious despite his fur. 

“Shut that cute mouth up before I shut it myself-” He grumbled.

“Oh? And how would you shut it, hmm? I'm oh-so curious!” You teased him further, and giggled loudly when his response was to bury his face into your chest to hide away.

“-’m too tired for this-” He whined, actually whined, and you relented.

“Okay, okay sweetheart. I'm done, let's go to bed, yeah?” At his tired nod you stumbled your way to the bed, almost tripping on a pile of clothes in the way. When you finally reached the edge of the mattress, Husk finally let you go. He all but dragged himself across the blankets before flopping down on his side, only taking enough time to make sure his wings were tucked away safely and wouldn't get crushed. You stood still, smiling down at him.

“Not even gonna take off your pants big boy?” Your response was a tired huff. Husk laid with his face buried in a pillow, your pillow to be exact, and watched you with one sleepy eye. He held up his arms and made a grabbing motion towards you.

“C’mere doll…wanna hold you…” And if that sight didn't break your heart, nothing could.

“Hold on, let me get you situated.” Husk groaned in protest but didn't stop you as you crawled over the bed and to him. With practiced movements you undid his suspenders and popped open his pants, wiggling his clothes off him. In nothing left but his boxers, you tossed your blanket over him and finally settled down at his side.

Immediately he snuggled into you, pulling himself as close as possible to your body heat and curling himself around you like a leech. His legs wrapped around your hips and thighs, arms around your back as he buried his face into your chest.

He was asleep in moments.

Unable to stop smiling, you brushed your fingers through his fur and settled down yourself, finally feeling the sweet embrace of sleep now that your cuddly man was where he belonged.

[senselessviolets]

“dream a little dream of me”

Roman Roy x Fem. Reader

Rating E

Word Count: 2.3k

AO3 Link

WARNINGS:

EXTREMELY dubious consent, somnophilia (reader is in and out of sleep), sleep/drunk sex (both Roman and Reader are drunk but Roman is more active/the one initiating during encounter), smut, alcohol, language, implied Roman eating disorder, erectile dysfunction mention, pervert!Roman, needy Roman, no uses of Y/N

Author's Notes:

A oneshot by @cum-a-calla opened my eyes recently and I realized “Roman + somno” might be my peanut butter & jelly. Like wow. What a concept.  Jokes aside, this fic is dark so PLEASE be wary of the warnings above. <3 

Summary:

Post-S4, Roman and Reader begin to date after working at Waystar Studios together. While they bond and flirt more and more, he continues to keep her at bay. One night, the two get extremely drunk at his apartment and suffice it to say—they both wind up getting what they want.

This was maybe your third or fourth time sleeping over. You honest to god never thought you’d make it this far. For all of his gross jokes and sexual provocations, Roman reviled intimacy.

It’s why when he first started to court you; you were so taken aback. You’d been around; you knew what the mumblings were about his ‘eccentricities’. You were the Director of Creative Affairs at the Waystar Studios L.A headquarters. A position you were remarkably young to have; your famous two-time Oscar-award-winning actress mother and prominent movie producer father having nothing to do with it at all.

Following the Gojo acquisition, Roman withdrew from executive operations, accepting the fact he no longer had a place there. That and he outright refused to be in the same room with Lukas Mattsson.

As such, he returned to the entertainment side of things (this time with no Frank to boss him around) and went back to living in L.A around the clock. Things hadn’t changed much in the three-year hiatus he had from working at Studios. 

Well, except for you. 

It was only in his absence that you got your job. You wondered had he been around during that time, if he would’ve made a stink over your dad pulling the strings and landing you the job. A practice that was completely foreign to him, no doubt. Of course with it being Roman, you knew with full certainty the answer—yes. Because who was he if not the world’s biggest hypocrite/walking contradiction?

You found this to be even more apparent after your first date. Roman made a point of booking the two of you a reservation for the most high-end, gourmet French restaurant in the city. Even though when the waiter came around to your secluded table with the 16 oz beef ribeye he’d ordered, Roman did no more than fidget with the garnish on the plate. 

While on that same date, though he’d surprised you at the beginning of the evening with an ornate bouquet of red roses and white orchids—he didn’t deign to even so much as hold your hand the rest of that night.

Three months later, you and Rome had exchanged a myriad of kisses and flirtatious squeezes around the office. The suggestive texts the two of you exchanged, making tempting offers and filthy propositions. All of that build-up only to result in chaste nights in at his flat, eating takeout and bitching about the latest tentpole flop your studio was in the midst of developing. It could be worse, you thought. To say your needs were being met, though, would be a lie.

Tonight was different. Tonight was heavy. 

The two of you had spent a good portion of the night sprawled out on the wooden floors of his living room, talking about nothing and downing a Japanese whisky neither of you could pronounce. The taste hadn’t left your mouths. You wondered if his would taste the same. 

After deciding to turn in for the night, you gradually make your way toward the master bedroom, stumbling over yourself. He stops you from colliding into the wall several times. You and Roman make the most obnoxious-sounding cackles as the both of you hap-heartedly flop onto his Hastens Superia bed. You let yourself fall deep into the cotton wool mattress, landing somewhere between sleep and a drunken haze.

You feel yourself be pried out of this state as a force slowly turns you so you’re on your back. You can tell by the faint outline of his fluffy hair that it’s him. In this lighting or lack thereof, you don’t really know for sure. You give a weak smile, maybe even whisper a small “hi”. He waits to proceed until the expression has fully faded from your face and the heaviness in your eyelids takes over. His lips made rough with the scratch from his beard, are forcefully pressed onto yours. Once again, you are ripped out of the peaceful purgatory between awareness and slumber you’d just been slipping into. It’s hard to not liven up at the wet sensation of his tongue slipping past your lips. 

Roman hadn’t ever kissed you like this.

Using your chin, he pries your mouth with his index finger so it's more open to him. Briefly, you consider gliding your tongue along his own, to reciprocate the motions, to achieve the taste you yourself so desperately craved. But you didn’t want him to stop. 

To get in his head like he had a tendency to. To sever himself from you yet again.

So you remain still. Pliant. His.

Meanwhile, his one free hand has wandered elsewhere. Roman’s fully straddling you at this point so you can feel a firmness in between his thighs that hadn’t been present before. The hand alternates from palming himself to cupping your bare mound. The chill of his fingers causes you to flinch. You suppose in the arduous journey to get to his bedroom, you must have lost your bottoms. You don’t entirely remember having ever taken them off yourself. 

It would remain a mystery.

The oversized white button-up blouse of yours has opened itself to Roman and his gaze. He moves the opposing sides of the fabric so they’re no longer covering your chest. Roman dives face first, smushing his face against the warm pillowy flesh of your breasts, inhaling deeply. He kneads them with his fingers and takes them into his mouth, sucking more gently than he wishes to. It’s clear Roman wishes not to disturb your ‘slumber’. 

He shows you a devotion other men had hardly shown you when you were fully awake. It was all a jumbled mess in your head. Due to the surrealness of the whole situation but also the liquor as well.

Instead of working his way downwards like most guys naturally would, Roman instead makes his way up to your neck, burrowing his head in the crook near your shoulder. He takes a deeper inhale of the tender flesh there. Eventually his nose prods into your hair which was strewn all over the pillow your head rests on. There were times at the office when you could’ve sworn he took a brief inhale of your hair when sneaking past you. You didn’t say anything. Even after you two had begun ‘dating’, you still didn’t question it.

While Roman halts his movements and lies on top of you, your mind drifts, thinking something to the effect of, ‘if he’s this much of a pervert when I’m asleep at night, what kind of disgusting shit does he get up to in the daytime behind my back’?

You have no time to dwell on the thought because something cold and slender traces your opening. Due to its tensility, you’re able to make out that its his finger that now fumbles around your entrance. There’s no foreplay, no crescendo because in an instant, Roman is inside of you. You can’t help but mumble a whimper at the sudden intrusion. He freezes, keeping the tip of his finger in you. When he sees you don’t stir and go back to sleep, he plunges what feels like his index finger deeper into you. So deep, you fear he’ll run out of space to fill. He stops just before it becomes too uncomfortable. Not that the interaction was all that pleasant. 

Mentally, you were aroused but physically, your body had yet to catch up.

“...not wet,” he says to himself. 

He withdraws his hand quickly, spitting multiple times on his now two fingers, and wedges them both inside of you. The lube of his saliva provides some slick but it’s still making you sore. 

“That better…? Hm…? Yeah…?” he coos, watching your emotionless face, “That what you need..?”

He smirks briefly when he sees your eyes flutter. 

“Oh…you dreamin’, baby? Hm, you dreaming about me?” Roman taunts, in a shrill soft voice, “You better be. You better fuckin’ be.”

You clench reflexively as he says it. Roman drags his lower teeth against the smooth skin of your arm as he continues to pump his fingers into you rapidly. Fast enough that your increasing wetness is audible in the still silence of his bedroom. Roman ceases all of his movements at once, letting out a sharp exhale. Gradually, he removes his fingers from your pussy and a moment passes before you begin to feel something warm and moist being smeared across your lips. You realize it's your own fluids. The notion makes your stomach flip.

Roman proceeds to lick it off your lips. His tongue becomes more and more greedy and taking the opportunity to drag along the sides of your full cheeks. You get the impression this is something he’d thought about doing before, if not entirely because of how slowly he does it. 

He’s fucking savoring it. 

‘This’ll be it. He’ll just continue to fuck around a little more and use it as spank bait later,’ you predict. 

The thought of Roman penetrating you with anything more than his fingers was truly unfathomable. There’d always been the rumor at work about him having ED (though the type of ED varied depending on who you were talking to) and needing the little blue pill to so much as jerk off. You never knew what to make of those claims. You disregarded them. But the stiffness that has been rutting against your hips and waist and thigh for the past half hour had you now wondering; ‘was he gonna go all the way?’.

A few more moments of nothingness pass. Then the metallic sound of a zipper being undone overwhelms your senses—the sonority soon replaced with dread. Even if he did position himself between your legs and bury himself fully inside of your unaroused cunt; ‘what would it really change?’ 

It wouldn’t suddenly make it ‘rape’.

 That ship had sailed several digits ago. 

You were on the pill if he decided to be lazy. You were clean and he had assured you many times he was as well—and you chose to believe him. The answer to your self-questioning was that it would simultaneously change ‘nothing’ and ‘everything’. 

So you brace yourself for his full weight on top of you once more along with the new sensation of being stretched open on his cock.

But it doesn’t come. 

Roman rolls off of you completely, laying adjacent to you on the mattress. There’s the rustling of fabric as he shimmies his slacks down his thighs. Roman’s hand flies to your wrist as he slides his dick into your relaxed grasp. Spitting into his palm and gliding the wet over the head of his cock, he begins to fuck your own fist in earnest. 

The most pitiful, squeaky boyish moans leave his lips and he pants them into your shoulder, hot from the heat of his breath.  

“F-f-fuck…oh f-ff…I…I fuckin’ need this, need this,” Roman whines into your hair, “Oh…oh…ohhh…needed this, need this, fuckin’ need this,”

His hips continue ramming into your hand at the same relentless pace. He’s clearly pent-up. Probably from the months of emotional anguish, familial turmoil, betrayal—with a dollop of grief on top. Small dabs of wetness is felt on your skin. At first, you think he’s drooling from arousal but you later realize those were tears. 

It doesn’t deter from his sheer desperation, his uninhibited need, all on display. 

You had been the one submitting yourself to him but somewhere along the way, the roles seemingly had become inverted. You hold back from biting your own lip. You had made it this far. You couldn’t fuck it up now. Not for him. If he stopped, you felt like you’d die a small death then and there. 

“Oh, please, my sweet. Sweet little thing, please be sweet. Please be good. Please take what you need. What you’ve earned,” you’d chant, if you were even capable of speech, “Please cum. Please cum now.”  

There’s no humanly possible way he could’ve heard your inner dialogue but his hips buck wildly and he unloads into your palm like he did. 

“Thank you, thank you, I needed it, I needed it, baby…oh, I fuckin’...I fuckin’ needed …,” he trails off.

His vibrating body eventually after a long while goes still. You’re able to unravel your hand off of his softening cock. The stickiness between your fingers is still lukewarm. If you had the strength or the agency, you might wipe it off with a Kleenex or onto the sheets or the perv in you may try to sneak a sniff or a lick. But you like him are beyond spent. He stays facing you, laying on his side, now sound asleep with a gentle snore. You remain on your back, shirt ripped open, naked from the lower half, face staring deep, deep into the void of the ceiling. 

It was this empty blackness—this dark—that you slowly felt yourself being compelled to. It’s where your darkest urges liked to dwell. The desires you never felt the courage to voice, even to those you trusted the most. It felt cliche to say you often saw Roman on the other side of this void. You got the impression it’s an island he’d marooned himself on for a long time. Every partner that tried to swim out to him sunk to the bottom of the ocean floor. And there they stayed in the depths of his subconscious. Submerged, sodden, drowned memory of a person that for years would continue to be buried by guilt. By shame. Fear. You refused to succumb to that same fate.

As you let the sleep overtake your tired limbs and melt into oblivion, you swear you see him in that void. Expressionless. He’s numb, like you. He’s scared, like you. He doesn’t know what he wants, much less what he needs. And neither do you. So in the meantime, you silently agree to meet him there in that void. In that black. Again and again. 

As long as you found each other in the end.

{ Feedback is welcome! }

Follow me on twt: @endlessviolets

<3

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Negotiations

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~4k

Summary: You sneak out one night

A/N: Sorry y'all, I'm in an angsty mood

Warnings: Angst, relationship troubles (distrust and such), sneaky behavior.

You’re trying to ignore how sweaty your palms are, and you quickly reach for your drink to try and hide it. The condensation from the glass of course makes it worse and you hold back the urge to curse as you check your phone for the time.

It’s 8:15pm.

Usually at this time of night you would be at home with your wife and dog finishing up dinner, or more likely sitting on the couch in the living room. After dinner you walked the dog before settling beside your wife to cuddle while watching something mindless on TV. If Wanda got her way, it would be a sitcom with a laugh track that you hear in your sleep sometimes, but if you’re lucky, you’d start to doze off to a nature documentary before Wanda drags you upstairs.

You would much rather be at home with her, but you had something you needed to take care of first.

You are only a few seconds away from checking the time again when you feel a cold hand on your upper arm, and you have to stop yourself from bristling from the touch.

“Y/n Y/l/n. I didn’t think you would show.”

As you turn to greet the woman who’s been on your mind and the bane of your existence for weeks, you fight the urge to grimace. It had been a mistake to get involved with her, and you knew it from the very beginning, but you were desperate. One of your character flaws was that you were damn stubborn, and when you wanted something badly enough you couldn’t help but go for it.

You try to offer a sincere smile, but you’re tense and she can tell as she sits down on the barstool beside you and reaches out for your drink. You don’t mind that she’s finishing it because you don’t even want it, but you don’t like the message that it sends. You’re trying to be as incognito as possible with this arrangement. You waited to meet until a night that you knew Wanda would be working late, and then you’d left the house under the guise of going grocery shopping. You then ditched Bucky by sneaking out the back of the store and walking three blocks to this hotel bar where you’d agreed to meet.

You hated lying, but there really was no way around it. If anyone found out what you were up to, you’d be in deep shit and you didn’t want to deal with that. You couldn’t explain why you were being so needlessly reckless except for maybe to blame your determination.

This had to work.

You only take a moment to glance at the blonde’s outfit before you sit up a little straighter and offer an only slightly forced smile.

“Rosalie. Thank you for meeting with me. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

Wanda sighs in exhaustion as she arrives home to a dark house a little after 9pm. She stifles a yawn as she rolls into the garage only to do a double take when she sees that your car isn’t there. She quickly reaches for her phone to call you, but by the time she walks into the house you still haven’t answered. When Boone comes up to greet her, the call’s gone to voicemail and Wanda just hangs up with an annoyed huff. She scratches Boone for a second longer as she glances at the clock to confirm that it’s way too late for you to be out.

Bucky responds almost immediately and Wanda’s hand stops mid-scratch as she reads his message.

She went to the grocery store near Glendale but she’s been in there for an hour. I’m going to check on her.

Wanda has no idea why you would drive so out of your way to go shopping so late at night. Admittedly sometimes you had weird cravings, but this was odd even for you. Despite often losing track of time in a grocery store, Wanda figures that at such a late hour you would be in and out for whatever you wanted.

She decides to wait until Bucky finds you to respond, and she heads toward the kitchen to find some leftovers to eat. She hopes to be able to claim to have eaten dinner by the time you get home so you won’t get upset with her. When she has late nights like these, sometimes she forgets to eat and she comes home without having eaten for over 14 hours.

She can barely focus on dinner as she tries to patiently wait for Bucky’s response. She can imagine him finding you wandering around aimlessly as you try to figure out what food you’re craving. She’s had to drag you from several grocery stores when you’ve done this for over 30 minutes, and she’s almost wishing that you’d waited so she could have done this tonight.

Twenty minutes later, Wanda’s only had a couple of bites to eat before her phone rings. She sees that its Bucky, and she doesn’t hesitate to answer it as she takes a deep breath. She’s sure he’d found you roaming the candy aisle.

“Hey Bucky.”

Bucky is near sweating as he speed-walks up and down the aisles of this too cold grocery store. He’s looked for you for nearly 20 minutes, and he’s run around the store like a lunatic to the point of worrying that someone is going to call the cops. He’s tried calling you only to have it go to voicemail, and he doesn’t know what else to do. He stops by the ice cream for a moment before pulling out his phone to call Wanda. He has a feeling that you aren’t here, but he’s not sure if he believes that you’ve been taken. There was no one suspicious here except him, and after speaking with a disinterested cashier, he figures nothing sketchy went down.

As he waits for Wanda to answer, he tries to figure out what the hell you were up to.

The smile you receive in return makes you wish you’d said anything else, but it’s too late to take it back now. You decide to ignore your discomfort and get right down to business because you’re sure this will take a while. Wining and dining someone takes tact and patience, neither of which you are in possession of tonight. After leading Rosalie from the bar to a secluded booth in the back, you wait for a waiter to take your next drink orders before taking a deep breath.

“I really do appreciate you being here, Rosalie. I’m not sure what I would do without your help.”

Although you know that you’re feeding her enormous ego, you have to kiss her ass to get her to agree to your proposition. You know that under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have been this successful in your campaign. That said, your chance meeting with this woman who was capable of making you so happy was something you couldn’t overlook or take for granted. You aren’t even sure that she knew who you were before flirting with you, but that was of no consequence to you. If anything, it helped your chances.

You’re reminded of this as the blonde not-so-subtly, looks you up and down while you wait for your appetizer. You take a deep breath behind your glass when she’s distracted, and you pray that this all works out.

When Rosalie offers you a near-predatory smile you realize that you’re going to have to take it up a notch.

“What can I say? You made a very appealing offer, Y/n.”

When Bucky had called to tell her that you weren’t in the grocery store, Wanda had been opening the app on her phone to track you before he could even ask. For safety reasons, you and Wanda had your locations turned on your phones. Wanda had insisted and despite arguing that you never went anywhere other than work, the store, or home without her, you acquiesced. You’d had nothing to hide and you did sometimes check and see where Wanda was occasionally, only to wonder what she was doing on late nights away from home.

Wanda’s frown deepened when she’d realized that your phone was turned off. The last place it had been on at was the store, and now Wanda was oscillating between pissed and worried.

What were you up to?

“Oh really? You must have the cutest pictures!”

You smile widely because you really do and you’re already reaching for your phone to find some when you remember why you’d switched it off.

While you and Rosalie ate dinner, conversation had luckily transitioned to your work and more specifically your patients. This was something you were comfortable talking about, and honestly you could go on and on about your adorable patients. That said, you hesitated long enough for Rosalie to notice, and her brow furrows slightly in question.

“What’s wrong? Do you have other photos on there that you don’t want me to see?”

You can’t help but blush, and you poorly conceal it with a cough as you shake your head and turn on your phone. You’ll make it quick before powering it down again. It will be fine.

You reach out for your fork to take another bite before you shake your head with small smile.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

After showing off the last few adorable patients you’ve seen, you steer the conversation back to the reason why you’d invited Rosalie to dinner in the first place. You try to push down your discomfort of asking for something from someone, but you think about the puppies before you meet Rosalie’s expectant gaze.

“So have you thought anymore about my proposition?”

After checking continuously for nearly half an hour, she jumps when your blue dot appears on the map. She watches it move not far from where it had been earlier before she calls Bucky back. He’s been searching nearby buildings while she waited impatiently, but now she was going to look for you because she was beyond angry.

“Bucky, I found her.”

Wanda pauses as she zooms in on the map for a precise location. When she sees where you are, her breath catches in her throat and she just stares for a few long seconds.

“Yeah? Where is she?”

Wanda still doesn’t answer right away. She’s trying to come up with a logical reason for you to be where you are. Anything but the worst-case scenario. Wanda clears her throat before shaking her head and speaking through clenched teeth.

“She’s at the hotel off of 5th. I’ll meet you there.”

You’re taking another bite of cheesecake, blissfully unaware of the storm that’s headed your way as you and Rosalie share a companionable silence.

She’d agreed to your terms and you were near giddy with excitement. That said, you were still aware enough to remember your manners, and you slide the plate toward the blonde with a teasing smile before setting your own fork down.

“Please. Eat the rest. I think you’ve more than earned it.”

Rosalie smiles and only tries to argue with you for a moment before she gives in. You could eat this slice and maybe three more, but you realize how late it’s getting, and you’re almost certain you’ll barely beat Wanda home. It’s nearing 11, but the fact that even Wanda’s early ‘late nights’ are rarely before 1am is enough to relax your nagging nerves.

It only takes a few more minutes for you two to wrap things up. You foot the bill because it’s the least you can do, and then you’re going your separate ways. You wait until Rosalie is out of sight before you near run to the exit. You don’t dare turn on your phone, but your watch is telling you that you need to hurry.

Wanda’s staring at the sky trying to calm herself down when you come running out the front doors of the hotel. She’s settled on the steps out front, sitting on one of the stone banisters as she tries to understand what she’s feeling.

She and Bucky had arrived and it had only taken a few minutes to spot you. When Wanda had seen you sharing dessert with a woman who was smiling at you adoringly, well she almost lost it. She stared at you for just long enough to convince herself that she wasn’t mistaken, before she stormed back outside and planted herself in this spot.

She had sent Bucky back to your car to make sure you didn’t sneak by her, but she figures it’s unnecessary. She mostly did it to be alone and shed a few tears without him watching. She had a feeling you’d walk right out the front door, and then she’d confront you. She just had to figure out what to say.

She almost misses you fly by her and her gaze snaps towards you with a vicious glare that’s wasted on you. She ignores the fact that you’re getting further away and she stays exactly where she is as she calls out to you.

“Hurrying home to someone?”

You think you’re hallucinating when you hear your wife’s voice when you’re halfway across the street. You stop in your tracks, stiffening in surprise before you dare to turn around to confirm your suspicions. You’ve never had any luck at keeping secrets from your wife, so you’re not sure why you thought this time would be different.

Despite being over 20 feet away, you’re sure Wanda can hear your audible gulp as you turn to face her.

“Needlessly it seems. You’re already here.”

Now despite your actions tonight, you’re not an idiot, and you know what’s about to happen. You consider how you’d feel about seeing Wanda in your shoes tonight. It might be slightly different because she has more of a reason to meet random, beautiful women at hotel bars, but for a moment you suspend your disbelief and consider how angry you’d be at her. At least half as angry as Wanda appears to be with you now. You walk deliberately towards her, and do your best not to flinch at her furious expression. You nearly startle when she jumps down the stairs and meets you on the sidewalk with a scowl.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

You can’t help but flinch and you think it makes Wanda even madder because her glare honestly makes you want to run and hide. You can’t remember the last time she’s been mad at you, actually mad, but you’re sure this is much, much worse. Unfortunately, in your infinite wisdom you dare to shrug before providing the worst answer possible.

“I was meeting someone.”

Wanda’s eyes flash as she remembers the beautiful blonde that had been looking at you like she wanted to take you upstairs. Her words come out as a snarl and you actually start to sweat as Wanda steps toward you.

“No shit. Who the fuck is she, Y/n?”

You realize, belatedly, that maybe this hadn’t been the best plan. Sure, you’d waited for an ideal night, or so you’d thought, but there had to be a better way. Clearly. It had to be possible to have pulled this off without getting caught. Right?

You sigh in defeat before you realize that there’s no way to lie yourself out of this one. You know Wanda’s going to be hurt, but you just have to say it. What was the point of dragging it out any further?

You run a hand through your hair and nearly roll your eyes at the fact that your ring snags on one of the knots. Figures.

“Her name is Rosalie Evans. She’s a donor who’s just pledged $10 million to help renovate the animal shelter.”

You and Wanda stand in silence as you let your wife process what you’ve said. You can tell by the look on your face that she’s trying to decide if she believes you, but after a near agonizing three minutes in silence, she just shakes her head. She walks past you with a huff, and you’re equal parts relieved and disappointed that she barely says anything in response.

“Come on. We’re not talking about this here.”

Despite Wanda’s desire to storm back into the hotel and find the blonde you’d been with; she knows there’s no point. She has a feeling the blonde is long gone, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to have Bucky look into her right this second.

The trip home is made in separate cars and it’s silent for both of you. You’re lost in thought and Wanda’s waiting to get confirmation from Bucky that you weren’t just lying to her face. It comes only minutes from arriving home, but still the news that you’d been out with a rich, beautiful, animal lover didn’t sit well with her.

She slams her car door so hard the house almost shakes, and she waits impatiently as you pull into your spot before getting out as slowly as possible without ticking her off more.

She storms into the house, and you just have to follow her as she ignores Boone and immediately heads to the deck. You scratch your dog a few times as you trail behind your wife, but you leave him inside as you follow Wanda back out into the dark.

“Were you on a date just now?”

Despite expecting the question, you still can’t stop your initial reaction at the mere thought of doing something like that to Wanda. You would admit that you had been selfish and that you’d used Rosalie, but dammit if you weren’t desperate for the money.

“No, Wanda.”

You barely say her name before she spits her next question with such disgust that you instantly feel like a horrible person.

“Did she think it was a date?”

It never ceases to amaze you how smart your wife is. She’s always so many steps ahead of you that it would be embarrassing if you hadn’t already accepted that she was a genius. It’s only times like these, when you’re in trouble, that you truly regret this fact.

You don’t really know the answer to this, and you don’t take long to consider it before you shake your head. Wanda’s still facing away from you, and you can’t help but feel ashamed by this. She’s so angry that she can’t even look at you.

“I don’t know. It didn’t come up.”

This was technically true. That said, you would have let her believe that it was a date if it had gotten you the money. Is this what a gold digger did? Suddenly your self-respect tanks further at the thought.

Wanda doesn’t respond immediately as she considers all of her options. She’s still plenty mad at you for this, but she has to admit that by seeing this woman, you didn’t technically do anything wrong. That said, the way you went about it had been sketchy as hell, and she wants you to know that she doesn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“Why did you go behind my back like this? Why not just tell me what you planned on doing?”

Wanda’s trying not to be angry about the fact that you’d snuck out of the house on a night that she’d specifically told you she would be late coming home. How you ditched Bucky to sneak away and make sure nobody was the wiser. She rolls her eyes at the thought of you pulling this off.

You have sat down at this point because you’re exhausted and you’re tired of staring at your wife’s back. You huff in frustration before you shake your head with a groan. You’re such an idiot sometimes.

“Because I didn’t want you to know what I was doing.”

You knew what question was coming next, so you tried to beat Wanda to it as she finally spun around to face you. You’d wished she’d stayed facing away from you instead. You would have preferred it to the glare she was shooting you.

“Of course not! You were practically on a date with this woman, and for what? For-?”

“For money!”

You’re back on your feet as you rip out some of your hair when your hand gets stuck again. You squeeze your eyes shut before you take a deep breath and try to calm down. You meet Wanda’s suspicious gaze and you feel your shoulders drop.

“I needed her to agree to the donation. I’ve only been trying to convince her for weeks. I-I needed the money, Wanda.”

Your wife simply scoffs before she crosses her arms and levels you with a look that hides how hurt she is. If you’d needed money so badly, why hadn’t you just asked her? Why had you needed to literally grovel to this woman you barely knew when she could have helped you easily? She asks this and your face says it all. Wanda almost wishes, for a millisecond, that you’d been having an affair instead.

“I couldn’t ask you Wanda. It couldn’t come from you. I needed the donation to be public. For campaigning purposes.”

Wanda suddenly realizes why you’d gone to so much trouble to keep this from her. You both often donated to various causes that you felt strongly about. Unsurprisingly, number one on your list was animals. You’d given countless donations to shelters and other rescues in the areas so they could keep helping stray animals. That said, sometimes you knew that an anonymous donation just wouldn’t cut it.

When the projects were larger and they required the help of many donors, you wished that you could be one of them without causing suspicion. Despite making good money at work, no one would believe that you could give $3 million without batting an eye. It just didn’t make sense. You also knew that since everyone thought you were married to someone named ‘Linda’; you couldn’t have Wanda donate either.

That and the fact that she’s a known criminal.

That wouldn’t go over well.

So you’d tried to go behind her back to accomplish your goal of getting money while sparing her feelings. She’s still mad at you, but she seems to deflate when she feels the familiar pang of disappointment that accompanies moments like this. Sometimes she thinks she’s failed you. Sometimes she desperately wishes that she could have had any other occupation as long as it was legal. At least then she would be able to support you more readily, more publicly.

She doesn’t realize she’s stared off into space berating her past self for her career choices until she feels your hand on her shoulder. She blinks before realizing that you’re standing right in front of her with an apologetic look. She suddenly feels exhausted, and she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. She doesn’t want to think about beautiful blondes or not being able to help you with your selfless pursuits.

“I’m sorry, Wands. I should have told you.”

Wanda shakes her head as she sighs in defeat and walks past you toward your barking dog. She ignores the frustrated tears that are streaming down her face, and she hopes you can’t hear them in her voice as she lets Boone run past her so she can sneak upstairs while you’re distracted.

“It’s fine, Y/n. I get it.”

Wanda disappears up the stairs as you chase after Boone to get him to come back inside. It’s far too late for this and you quickly steer him back in the house before locking up and heading up the stairs. You need to follow Wanda and try to convince her that she shouldn’t feel bad about any of this. You’re the one who went behind her back. You thought that it would be worth it, but even the thought of $10 million doesn’t make the idea of trying to make amends with your wife any less daunting.

Masterlist

[lyraeon]

A while back I learned something important from my therapist, and since I was trying to recount it anyway to share with a friend, I thought I would bring it to y'all as well.

We have all had at least one of those days where we've stayed up way too late doing something fun but we just don't want to stop doing it. Logically I figured that's just because "well yeah I don't want to stop, I have to go to sleep then to work and those suck compared to it."

Except then that starts happening often and you feel bad about always staying up every night, but then you feel worse and get more stressed because you know you're doing something you're "not supposed to", but because you're more stressed you want more fun time... endless cycle.

But as I was talking about it all and told her I thought I was self-sacrificing, the therapist had a very useful question for me:

"How do you normally know it's time to stop having fun? Like you know it's time to finish work because your shift's over, you know it's time to stop doing the dishes when they're all done or the washer's full, what is your signal to stop having fun?"

And I had to search for a while to answer.

"When the activity is done" - okay sure, but many games and books and series, or doing your own creative thing, "done" may take days upon days or even be non-existent.

"When I had to pass the controller" - obvious and easy one! If you knew you had a finite turn then the defined end is readily there, and you're also prepared for it! But requires pre-arranging the limits.

"When I got in trouble for it" - ding ding ding, we found the big problem.

When you grow up with "fun" being a forbidden activity you're only allowed to do after everything else is done to 100% perfection, then you learn to sneak it in where you can fit it. And you need that shit, seriously - you cannot get through life without some source of enjoyment, some tiny glimmer of joy among the tedium.

Many of us learned to read under the covers, or to play our gameboy in the bathroom and hide it under the sink, or that we could get away with running around the backyard for another 20 minutes if we just learned which intonation of "come inside" was the actual trouble line, or whatever other ways to cram in as much joy as we could before the hammer came down, for whatever severity that meant in your house.

And so that feeling of "I shouldn't be doing this, I'm going to get caught, but if I'm going to get in trouble anyway I might as well get as much out of this as I can" becomes part of what you expect to feel when you're having fun. And you only know how to stop having fun when you feel that way when you get in trouble for it - and in absence of anyone else controlling your behavior, that means the bad guy becomes either whatever task pops up to remind you responsibilities exist, or your significant other pointing out it's really late and they wish you'd come to bed, or your boss yelling at you for being tired all the time... or it becomes you.

If you don't learn that fun isn't a forbidden activity, if you stay stuck in the mindset that it's something you have to cram in in secret and hide that you're even doing? It becomes so so easy to hate the voice of reason in your head that's trying to encourage moderation and we're going to regret this tomorrow.

And that escalates. You keep being too tired the next day. You keep feeling even worse when you sit down to enjoy yourself the next night because now you're already tired, so stress gets to you faster, and now you feel guilty about how late you're staying up so you're not really enjoying playing your game or scrolling Tumblr or whatever anymore, you're just nervously glancing at the clock, "have I spent too long yet? How much longer can I do this before I get in trouble?"

Even though now you're in your 20s or 30s and it's been a decade since the last time anyone else told you it was bed time.

Learning that you're allowed to have fun isn't easy; guilt and shame are emotions that run very, very deep. And neither is learning to have a healthier relationship with saying "okay, that's enough for today".

For one, you have to stop threatening yourself. "Tomorrow is gonna suck" and "You're going to regret this" and "we're going to get in trouble at work" don't work. You already feel bad, you already know it's gonna suck, so why wouldn't you try to cram in one more hour now while it's not the day that's going to suck yet? Punishment is not incentive.

Because by now you're in a situation where sleep is a horrifying punishment that ends any fun, but you're not enjoying your fun anyway because you're tired all the time on top of feeling ashamed for doing something fun, and you're spending the entire time beating yourself up for being an idiot with no self control who can't even handle going to bed on time like a normal human being...

etc etc etc.

You will hear a lot of people give advice on how to get rid of the idea of having to "earn" sleep or fun or happiness by doing "enough" other things. To learn to accept that just being alive is enough reason to "deserve" to do those things. That will work for some people, but for others it just ends up one more thing to scold yourself about, especially when you're already in the habit not of denying yourself entirely but instead of doing it and feeling guilty the whole time.

But learning to set limits ahead of time, so that you're not anticipating some unknown time that a nebulous authority figure is going to finally have their horror monster timer run out and leap out at you but instead know when and what to expect? Holy shit it helped.

Don't get me wrong, it hella felt like depriving myself at first, like I was being grounded, and I looked at my phone beeping saying it was bedtime quite often and got annoyed.

But then I stopped treating fun as something that had to wait until the end of the day and everything else had to be done first. It is way easier to stare down sleep and go "I don't need you", especially if you have any kind of insomnia making the idea of being in bed a dreadful one on top of it. It is harder to say that about dinner, or calling a friend, or walking the dog. Plus then the day isn't over yet, so giving up on your fun isn't also accepting that as the defining moment of the end of your day!

So you have to start practicing looking for places to squeeze in a little more fun - "I've got an hour before dinner, that's perfect to make some tea and watch two episodes." "My favorite youtuber just put up a new video, why don't I take a break to watch it before I finish this homework?" "I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyway, and if I leave an hour early I could go kick around the bookstore first."

And once you do, fun starts to feel less shameful.

Don't get me wrong, if your issues run deep enough it still does sometimes. But when you get to have these moments of joy that you don't feel the need to hide or apologize for and where punishment isn't part of the routine, then fun stops feeling like something you have to dig your claws into for fear of having it taken away from you once someone catches you with it. And that means that finishing a level and glancing over at the clock is something you do because it actually managed to click a satisfaction switch in your head and you wondered if it was a good note to end on for now, instead of something you do with your breath held and the berating words already cycling in your mind.

I am not offering this advice expecting it to work for everyone or be easy or anything like that. I am someone with Depression, ADHD, and pretty severe PTSD sharing a technique that one therapist told me that really happened to click for and help me specifically, in case it might help someone else be a little nicer to themselves today, too.

[nhlclover]

you were right | jack hughes

summary: you disregard your best friends disapproval of your boyfriend, only for him to have his suspicions proven correct.

request: yes / no

warnings: drinking, domestic violence, blood

a/n: this was a fun challenge to write. keep the requests coming!

word count: 1.69k

My phone buzzes for about the tenth time in the last 5 minutes. I glance at the screen, seeing my boyfriend's name, before turning it on do not disturb. I notice Jack give me a sideways glance from his seat beside me.

“Don’t say anything.” I say plainly.

“I wasn’t going to.” He said, taking a swig from his beer bottle.

“Yes you were, you were going to tell me he should trust me more.” I tell him, saying exactly what he was thinking.

“He should.” Jack shrugged. “It’s bullshit he doesn’t trust you when you’re hanging out with friends.”

“Jack, y/n! Smile!” our friend says, pointing a digital camera in our direction. We both smile, being momentarily blinded by the flash.

“We both know you deserve better.” He says when our friend steps away, joining the rest of our friends by the bar.

“Jack, please stop!” I huff. “He’s good to me. He doesn’t hurt me and he cares about me. If anything, him texting me tonight is proof he cares maybe a little too much.”

“That’s exactly my point!” Jack exclaimed. “He cares too much that he’s being controlling.”

I roll my eyes sipping from my own drink. “Y/n… You need to open your eyes and realize that this is only the start. He’s only gonna get worse from here.” Jack warns me.

I’ve known Jack for years. From the moment he came to my high school for hockey, we clicked. We shared the same interests, never seeming to run out of conversation topics.

While we became friends, other girls became his girlfriend. I watched them come and go, watched him break some hearts, and watched some break his. It was the same for him as it was for me. A couple of boyfriends, here and there. But he was the only constant in my life. He was my best friend, through thick and thin.

Five months ago, I met Liam. He was soft and sweet and cared for me so much. However, ever since I introduced him to Jack, he’s hated him. He hated the way he said certain words and that his favourite football team was the Steelers. He hated how Liam would insist on coming to group hangouts if he knew Jack would be there, claiming that he was being “overprotective and controlling”. From then on, anytime Liam would come up in conversation, Jack would remind me how much better I deserved than Liam, dragging his name through the mud at any opportunity.

“Jack. Please stop.” I ask. I slide out of the booth the two of us had situated in ten minutes ago, dropping a bill on the table to cover my drink.

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“Home. I don’t want to be around you if all you’re going to do is shit on my boyfriend.” I seethed.

“Y/n I’m-”

“I don’t want to hear it, Jack.” I cut him off. “I’ll see you around I guess.”

I turn, leaving him in my dust. As I walk out of the bar, I order an Uber to take me to my apartment. I read my boyfriend's texts in the meantime, all asking me the same thing.

Liam Who are you out with?

Liam Is Jack there?

Liam He better not be there

Liam Babe answer my texts.

I sigh at them, shutting my phone off till the Uber arrives. When I get back to our apartment, Liam is asleep on his side of the bed, I get ready for bed and get in next to him, placing a soft kiss on his exposed shoulder blade. My head feels like it's pounding, except it isn’t due to the alcohol, but rather Jack's words banging around in my mind. I fall asleep with his criticisms of my boyfriend playing on repeat.

When I wake up in the morning, Liam is no longer next to me. I stretch my limbs, leaning over to check the clock which reads 11 a.m. I slip out of bed, trudging to the kitchen. There, I see Liam sitting on a barstool.

“Good morning.” I say softly.

“Morning.” He says curtly. “How was your night?”

I can sense he’s trying to pick a fight, so I try not to give him any ammunition. “It was alright, nothing special.”

He hums in response, sipping the last of his coffee from his mug. “How’s Jack?” he asks casually.

I turn slowly, reading his face. He’s expressionless as he waits for my answer. “Why do you ask?”

“He was there, wasn’t he?”

I consider whether or not I should tell the truth. There wasn’t any way that he would know if Jack had been there or not. “Don’t bother lying to me, y/n, I know he was there. I saw.” he says, reading my thoughts.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I ask, wondering how he knew.

He scrolls on his phone momentarily before sliding across the island to me. On his screen is a photo of me and Jack from last night, taken as we were arguing about Liam. We’re leaning into one another, grins, albeit fake ones, plastered on our faces.

“You guys look awfully comfy together.” Liam says sarcastically.

I walk away from him and into the living room, rubbing my temples. “I don’t want to do this Liam, I’m hungover.”

“No, you’re not avoiding this, y/n.” He says standing up. “You lied to me.”

“How the fuck did I lie to you, Liam?” I ask.

“You said you wouldn’t be with him-”

“I never said anything like that.” I interrupt. “Jack is my best friend and nothing more. You need to learn to trust me a little more.”

I begin to walk away but Liam's booming voice causes me to stop.

“Don’t fucking walk away from me!” He shouts. He grabs the coffee mug from the island, launching it in my direction. It hits the floor a foot away from me, shattering into pieces. I shriek, tears starting to form in my eyes. I stumble away from the shards of ceramic, wincing as I feel one slice open my heel.

Liam paces in the kitchen, his hands gripping his hair. I grab my car keys and my purse, which still has my phone in it from the night before. Liam notices me attempting to leave and tries to come after me.

“Do not fucking follow me.” I seethe. He stops in his tracks, letting me leave without him following me.

I get in my car and start driving. I don’t even realize where my subconscious had taken me until I pulled into Jack’s driveway. I get out and stumble up to his front door, ringing his doorbell. The door opens seconds later, revealing Jack in a Devil's hoodie and sweats.

His face shows concern as he looks me up and down, seeing me in matching my pyjamas and slippers. “Y/n? What are you doing here?” he asks. When he spots my blood-stained slipper his eyes widen. “Are you alright?”

That’s all it takes to get me to break down. The tears start and they don’t stop. I try to say words but my voice is failing to come through. Jack guides me into his house, depositing me on his couch. He tells me to wait there as he goes to the bathroom, getting a bandaid for my foot. He helps me clean it and put the bandage on.

“You were right.” I finally manage to say.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“You were right.” I repeat. “I’m sorry for not believing you.”

He puts together what I mean, his look of concern growing.

“I really thought he was good. I thought I knew him better than you did, but you were right. I’m so-”

Jack cuts my rambling off, pulling me into his arms. “Shhhh, I don’t care about being right, I wish I wasn’t right, y/n,” he says. I bury my face into his chest, my tears dampening his hoodie. “You don’t deserve that.”

I spend a few minutes like that, lying in his arms before I fall asleep. When I woke a few hours later, I was alone on the couch beneath a blanket. I sit up, rubbing my tender eyes.

“Hey.” I turn seeing Jack walk into the living room.

“Hi,” I say. “What time is it?”

“It’s 6:27. You hungry for some dinner? We can order from that Thai place? You know the one with the fried rice you like?” Jack suggests.

“Um, yeah. That sounds fantastic.” I nod.

Jack calls and places the order, getting it delivered to his place. He spends the rest of the night taking my mind off the situation. As I clean up our takeout containers, I notice Jack slip off. When he comes back in, he’s holding some clothing.

“Here, take a change of clothes. You can stay here tonight.” He says. “You can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

I don’t bother protesting, knowing my efforts would be futile against Jack. I take the shirt and boxers, and change into them before coming back into the living room, and sitting on the couch next to Jack. He seems to examine my now bare legs, looking for any more wounds.

“He threw a mug at me.” I say, acknowledging the incident for the first time since I arrived this morning.

“Holy shit, y/n.” Jack gasps.

“He didn’t hit me with it.”

“Still, he shouldn’t fucking throw shit at you.” Jack says, his anger bubbling to the surface. “Please tell me you’re done with that dickhead?”

“Yes.” I say. “We’re done.” Jack seems to relax at my words. “But I have to go and get my things at some point.”

“No, you’re not going back there. At least not while he’s there. I’ll go for you.” Jack tells me.

“Jack you don’t-”

“Not a chance I’m letting you get within a mile of him, y/n.” I chuckle a bit at his words. “I can go tomorrow. Plus I got a couple of spare mugs that I wouldn’t miss too much.”

[coeurcanelle]

☆Baby,the stars shine bright☆pt6

pt5

inspired by the 'kamikaze girls',♡ always had unconditional love for lolita fashion and nothing else but when she met ellie,an auburn haired girl whos part of a gang with a dad's fashion sense ,her love for clothes begins to compete with her growing feelings for ellie

strangers to friends to lovers,love-hate friendship,opposite aesthetics,early 2000s

wlw,fluff

wc:8k

loud scream was heard all around the house, immediately waking up Ellie. The bed was empty beside her, and you were nowhere to be seen in her room, so she ran to search for you.

Mars ran away from the bathroom door, using the chairs in the living room as her hiding spot. Ellie's eyes drifted from her cat to the bathroom door. She approached it, turning the doorknob while imagining the worst.

There she found you.

"wat's wrong with you? don't tell me you got jumpscared by a spider or something."

Mixed emotions washed over her: relief and confusion. She hated waking up to clock alarms, but your screaming was by far the worst. She was even more puzzled seeing you standing next to the large mirror, holding the same bonnet you wore yesterday.

"it's worse than that," your voice filled with sorrow, making Ellie furrow her eyebrows in confusion. Only her fear of spiders could make her scream like that. But when you clearly showed her the small holes in your bonnet, she didn't need any clearer explanation for your reaction.

Your ears quickly turned red when you saw Ellie raising one eyebrow at you; you might have overreacted. "sorry, but if you think about it, it's not entirely my fault."

Ellie scoffed. How was she to blame?

It was you who fell on your own that night you both left the casino. If you didn’t call her the names you did, she wouldn’t have chased after you. She didn't need to lift a finger to make you regret your words, not when gravity became your worst enemy at that moment.

"you're such a drama queen. Just get a new one. Besides, what's done is done. At least next time you'll watch your mouth before calling me stupid names." Her hand still reached to grab your bonnet, wanting to know if it was that badly messed up for you to react so negatively.

"you sure don't get anything in fashion. It was a limited edition, dumbass." You handed the accessory to her. Since it had gotten into a mediocre state, its worth was now reduced to nothing to you. It would finally meet its destined fate and be thrown in the trash.

Carefully, Ellie inspected your item and even tried to slide her fingers through the small holes.

"well, you're definitely not a smartass for wearing this AND trying to annoy the shit out of me." Her fingers swiftly passed through the holes; she wiggled them at you, doing a good job of pissing you off.

It was just morning, and you could already feel grumpiness sticking with you all day.

You snatched your bonnet out of Ellie's hands, earning a smug grin from her that you couldn't snatch away from her face. "you're so fucking immature."

All you wanted to do was to go home and start all of this over, wishing for a miracle and hoping to find the exact same bonnet in any nearby shops.

"you can't call me that too." Ellie crossed her arms and blocked the way out of the bathroom so you couldn't leave, even if you truly didn't want to.

You were for sure overreacting, and Ellie wasn't going to let you be all grumpy to her, not when she thought of a solution to help you and not when both of you spent a dreamlike night yesterday.

The clock was ticking 9 am, signaling it was her breakfast time, but the only thing she needed at the moment was that smile of yours to make a comeback.

So she suggested: '"you know what, I'll let that slide because you're-your hat's cute."

"bonnet" you corrected.

"whatever. Just give it to me. I don't know anyone around who can do it for free, so I'll try to fix it up."Her words were anything but convincing to you. "plus, embroidery is like stitching someone up except with fabric. I'm sure I can do this with my eyes closed." she sounded more confident until she saw reluctance reappearing on your face at the last sentence.

"It's fine"*you're going to mess it up even more* you carefully didn't add.

Ellie wanted to help, and she started to get desperate. Fashion wasn't something she was particularly interested in, but she was certainly interested in you.

The way your face would beam at the sight of Lolita dresses, the way you'd work hard (scam) to get money for the sole purpose of upgrading your wardrobe, and the way you looked in the clothes you liked didn't go unnoticed by Ellie,in fact,there was nothing else she liked more than seeing you happy.

It was at this moment she also realized your connection was so strong she started to match your emotions too, and the last thing she wanted right now was to feel sad because you did.

"just give me one chance," she said, letting herself get carried away by the waves of love and affection. It was undoubted that she would do anything for you. "and if it doesn't look fashionable enough, you can lock me in your basement and leave me dying of hunger and boredom."

Your lips curved into a smile at the inside joke. "you're lucky I'm not as unhinged as you", after debating whether or not you should let Ellie fix your bonnet, you reluctantly gave it to her to put an end to her persistence, but not without lessening your worries.

Ellie was thankful that you trusted her, and now that your bonnet's future was placed in her hands, with hope and determination, she would give it to you all fixed up to thank you back.

"damn, you can't take a joke, can you? I don't even have a basement and even if I did— i mean..do you see me doing this kind of stuff? thats just fucking crazy. What kind of psycho would do that just for getting scammed?"Her tone was exaggeratedly bewildered as if it was something morally unthinkable, as if she didn't joke about it last night.

"It doesn't sound that unbelievable since you did think about it." Your arms crossed and you straightened your back. You recalled Ellie's serious face from last night and how she easily sent shivers down your spine. Your opinion today hasn't changed; you still found her kinda hot. "trust me, those psychos think exactly like you. They're just a little more deranged."

A sigh escaped her lips as she inspected your item, using her imagination to figure out how to sew the small holes. But if you kept teasing her, she would start to reconsider helping you.

"you can play this spot-the-difference game and all you want. You could do the same with your hat and Joel's socks once I'm done fixing it."

Yesterday, when you passed through the kitchen, the open windows offered a view of the small garden outside. The hung-up clothes slightly moved back and forth with the wind, and a few holey socks were strongly attached to the cord.

Now you know who they belonged to.

"please don't."

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With eyebrows pulled together, focused eyes, and gentle yet ineffective movements, Ellie’s determination wasn’t enough against her lack of experience. Many things that looked easy often revealed themselves to be the complete opposite.

Some stitches were too tight while others were too loose; Ellie had difficulty hand-sewing up the hole.

You both had left Joel's house to head to your own, not expecting to see your dad bringing people into the house too. It turned out he had finally found a job—something that wasn’t drastically different from what he used to do before but made him satisfied. However, you never imagined he’d once find money through being a fortune teller. But only a scammer like him didn’t mind looking absurd while predicting obvious events that eventually occur in everyone’s life.

You had led Ellie to your room at the end of the corridor and now you were sitting at the edge of your bed, with your face resting in the palm of your hand when you weren’t leaning over your desk, taking a closer look at what she was doing.

If it wasn’t for her kindness and how adorable she looked, you would have definitely taken back your bonnet already, not letting her continue her terrible job at pushing the thread in and out.

Since it was her first time doing something like this, she judged the uneven stitches to be fine, while you grimaced at the sight of them.

After finishing one hole, Ellie turned to you and held the bonnet up to you expectantly.

Your lips pressed into a thin line quickly formed an embarrassed smile.

You didn’t know what to say.

“is my work so good it got you speechless, or you don’t wanna say anything because you envy my skills?” Her grin was cocky despite her awful work. You had to do something about it (both her cockiness and her work).

“I’ll give it a 2/10 for effort and also because it’s your first try.” Your bluntness instantly made her cocky grin disappear, her lips pressed into a thin line instead.

“never meaner... and why not 3?” Ellie asked for justification. She had spent a hot minute trying to copy what you had shown her, but she couldn’t even get through the basics.

You wanted to laugh at her desperation. “maybe you’re right, I should reconsider...” You pretended to think as you put your finger on your chin, not surprising Ellie with your comeback, “1/10.”

“alright, for effort or first try?” she asked as if your answer was going to have life-changing consequences.

“whatever helps you sleep at night,” you shrugged your shoulders and tried to think of what to do with your ruined accessory. Now that Ellie had tried to help, you didn’t want it to end its life in the trash. “I’ll do it myself, I can’t stand seeing my bonnet like this.”

“then sit,” she didn’t fail to make you roll your eyes at her, smirking in return.

After giving it some thought—something Ellie is highly unlikely to do—you carefully removed the thread Ellie had stitched on the hole, throwing away 30 minutes of hard work and determination.

You told her you had another idea when you heard her dramatic gasp, and all she could do was trust the process.

As your hands were busy hand-sewing, your mind brought you back to a memory that still felt like a vivid dream.

The scent of Ellie on her clothes that you were wearing, her playing the melody of your favorite song, and her strong arms embracing you.

You slightly shook your head.

No.

One thing was in fact from a vivid dream.

At least you still got to wear her clothes, get her to play your favorite song for you, and even gaze at the stars while your heartbeats rhythmically synced.

However, you couldn’t ignore the painful pang in your chest when you remembered her embracing you with affection was just a dream.

You wanted her to hold you like this in real life too.

Once again, you shook your head to arrange your thoughts.

You were so crazy about her that the lines between imagination and reality uncontrollably started to blur!

Then 1... 2, and soon 5 petals were meticulously sewn around the hole. You had never thought of doing something so original before; maybe it was because you felt Ellie’s attentive gaze on you.

You made sewing look so easy while she struggled to get one stitch right.

Thoughts like "maybe if I'm better at this, I could make her like me more" resurfaced in Ellie’s head again.

At first, it was envy, but her admiration for you made her gradually seek approval from you, which wasn’t any easier.

Her mind was still filled with the newfound memories of yesterday: how good you looked in her clothes, the way your eyes would sparkle under the moonlight, and the sound of your uncontrollable laughter when she’d tell you something stupid. This was the recipe for making her heart melt. Words weren’t enough to perfectly describe how happy she felt, knowing she was the reason behind your bright smile.

One night wasn’t enough to satisfy her; she wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.

Maybe tonight you could hopefully recreate yesterday again, even better?

Caught staring at you, Ellie snapped her thoughts away and drifted her eyes away from you.

You had noticed Ellie’s devotion to proving herself to you, but you were against it, believing this whole comparing thing was pointless when you liked her just the way she was.

“there are about 2 holes left,” you stated, reaching your hand out for Ellie to grab your bonnet. “here, take the needle. I’ll teach you how to make flower petals instead.”

Ellie’s hand didn’t budge, and you saw the hesitation in her eyes. “bet you could do this with your eyes closed after some time,” you added before taking her hand to place your unfinished accessory in it.

She scoffed as her eyes glanced at what she was holding, the pressure to be successful coming back “I don’t think you actually want me to do that.”

“hey, you might be slow, but you’ll get the hang of it at some point,” you reassured her.

You always believed that humans were gifted with potential; they just tended to limit themselves.

Plus, it wouldn’t hurt to have something handmade from the girl you liked. “Also, my hands are getting sore.”

“so, you’re basically using me? didnt know you were like this” she exclaimed with a smirk.

“you literally begged to help me.”

"omg, I literally didn’t... why’d you—I wasn’t even that desperate.”

And the teasing went on and on until she started to turn her attention back to your bonnet.

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Once again, getting attention was something you were used to by now. You've seen so few people wearing lolita clothes that you could count them on one hand, so it was a normal reaction for people to curiously stare at you. Hence, you brushed it off when you felt the employee from your favorite clothing shop's eyes on you.

"maybe it's been a while since she last had a customer," you thought.

Totally lost in your own world, you shuffled through the stunning dresses crafted with luxurious fabrics and adorned with intricate lace, pearls, and embroidery details that were to die for.

Since Joel didn't want to spend his time shopping at the convenience store, he had sent you and Ellie with a list of things that mostly consisted of food. But after you were done with the task Joel had given you, you couldn’t wait any longer to visit the Baby, the Stars Shine Bright shop nearby, which you judged to be the best shop to ever exist in the world.

After taking a quick look at their newest collection in their showcases, you didn't waste a single second and stepped in.

Ellie aimlessly followed you around, carrying the plastic bag containing your groceries with one hand and holding yours with the other, languidly dragging her feet.

After finding your happiness, you headed towards the cashier. Faint dimples appeared on both sides of her cheeks as she smiled, enlightened to see you again. You dropped Ellie's hand as you paid for a brand new white headband, and the same employee from earlier approached you, as pleasant as the cashier, but her staring started to make you self-conscious.

"is there anything else you need, miss?" she asked, her eyes not leaving your bonnet. You readjusted it a bit nervously.

"that will be all for today, thank you" you returned an awkward smile. The employee felt sorry for her persistent gaze, but she needed to take a closer look at your accessory.

"is this bonnet purchased from here?" The employee thought it was strongly similar to one bonnet from their previous collection, except it didn't have embroidered flower petals adorning it.

She received a silent response with a positive nod from you, and you suddenly became shy.

The employee rapidly called another worker, "regina, come here, you have to look at this!"

In just a span of seconds, you became the center of attention of the whole place. Everyone was looking and pointing at the details on your bonnet, still sitting at the top of your head.

They were women with taste, and you hoped the surprise painting their faces didn't mean something about the retouches looking horrendous.

A feeling of reassurance washed over you when they started to praise you.

"beautiful, beautiful!"

"did you make this yourself? You truly are talented!"

"i wish I was this creative and knew how to do embroidery as well," they all exclaimed enthusiastically as their eyes shifted from your creation to your face repeatedly, admiring your bonnet like it was a piece of art displayed in a far-famed museum.

You were far from accustomed to getting praises, and Ellie wondered why they were all acting so excited over an accessory.

But when you told them she had helped you fix your bonnet up, all eyes turned to her, flattering her with praises as well.

One of the employees managed to get the boss out of his office upstairs, leading him to you.

It felt like time instantly stopped.

You couldn't believe what was happening.

The CEO of your favorite clothing brand, walking up to you?

It must be a dream, right?

You were too busy trying to distinguish your imagination from reality to react when he asked if he could take a closer look, suggesting you hand your bonnet to him.

Your legs suddenly felt heavy, and your vision started to darken though you had your eyes open.

You weren't here.

"wow, this is beyond wonderf-" The man didn't even have time to compliment your work before you helplessly fainted on the floor.

Alarm bells went off in Ellie’s mind. Standing beside you, she rushed down to catch your head before it could harshly hit the 'white tile,' blaming your sudden unconscious state on the tall man.

"what a reaction for a burst of joy," she sighed as she slightly shook you in an attempt to bring you back to her.

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It didn't take long to wake up, but wake up from what? Because right now, you could literally say you're living a dream.

Ellie's heart returned to its normal pace. "are you alright?" she softly asked, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear to see your awakened face more clearly.

"yeah." The realization that you had fainted in front of everyone, especially the CEO of your favorite shop, made you extremely embarrassed. After a moment, you slowly stood up, cleared your throat, and turned to the girl who had just saved your life. "you?"

Your unnecessary concern for Ellie elicited a light chuckle from her. "thanks for asking, but you're the one who nearly passed out here."

The whole room was filled with awkward and short laughs. The feeling of embarrassment flashed across your face once again, and you refused to look ahead and meet the eyes of the man who had created the source of your happiness.

Your fixed bonnet was still held by his hands. His eyes darted from you to it, with many questions eager for answers popping into his mind.

Curiosity bubbled up inside him as he wondered how one's mind could go that far and how you and your friend had created such a wonderful replica of what you had just imagined. His mind was like bubbles of curiosity ready to explode.

He carefully approached you and Ellie, offering you praise and asking various questions.

Ellie's eyes never left your face, studying every single feature as you did your best to answer as clearly as possible. Her heart swelled uncontrollably with warmth when you'd mention her helping you a lot.

After what seemed like a lifetime to Ellie, he finished interviewing you both.

He just needed one thing from you.

The sight of his hopeful and impatient eyes made your heart burn with anticipation. You tried to control your breathing, which quickened its pace, refusing to succumb to the menacing fainting.

"with an imagination and talent like yours, it would be regretful for it to go to waste," he stated, reaching out to return your item. But he didn't hand it to you when your hands nervously grabbed for it. "I wish to hire you as an embroiderer. What do you think?"

Your mind was flooded with racing thoughts about working here.

It seemed like the ideal workplace, but was it truly your ideal job?

"I just love wearing cute clothes, not necessarily making them," you confessed after a moment of silence. The female employees exchanged glances, curiosity on their faces as they wondered why such a talented person would pass up such a fortunate opportunity.

Refusing to let this be your final words, Ellie gently touched your shoulder, encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone. "are you serious? Do you realize i know how to do embroidery thanks to you? me...someone who couldn't even hold a needle without shaking and pricking my finger" Ellie took your hand, squeezing it as she urged, "this is your chance, dont fuck it up"

Refusing wasn’t an option when such a suggestion came from the CEO of your all-time favorite brand, but hearing the desperation in Ellie’s voice made you accept right away.

Working in your favorite place, surrounded by stunning dresses and accessories, and earning money from it was literally a dream job. To you, it wasn't as if he was asking you for something but rather offering you a present. You told him you could work from 8 to 6, Monday to Friday.

His eyebrows furrowed in refusal, and he thoughtfully reduced the amount of work hours since you were currently on summer break.

And just like that, you left the shop with the same smile you entered with, except it was slightly wider and brighter than usual. The realization that this dream-like moment was indeed a reality would hit you later.

You walked down the streets with ellie,both of you not knowing where to go and just mindlessly following each other.

"uh, where exactly are we going right now?" Ellie questioned, her eyes squinting at the bright sunlight directly assaulting her face.

"I don't know. I was following you." You stopped mid-track and tried to put your mind on pause. The scenes from earlier replayed in your head non-stop.

"don't freak out, but I kinda don't have a sense of direction when it comes to wandering in places I don't know." A tired sigh escaped from Ellie's mouth. When she turned around, she couldn't even recognize where you both had come from.

But this place wasn't more unrecognizable than you. It felt like your soul had left your body since you passed out, that it had stayed in 'Baby, the Stars Shine Bright,' and that you were now working on autopilot.

Ellie's eyes fell on the white summer houses around you. With such little details to distinguish them from one another, they all looked awfully similar.

Silence reigned over the avenue, unlike your mind, which was anything but quiet at this moment. "ellie," she directly shifted her gaze from the houses to you, more worried about your overwhelmed state than the fact that you were lost. "god is real."

Pure confusion replaced her worry in a split second. "what the fuck are you on? I told you, you should never try smoking."

"listen, I'm serious." Your hands found their way to her shoulders, an attempt to make her carefully listen to you. "I received his blessings, and since I'm blessed and you're my friend, it means you can be too."

If she wasn't sober right now, maybe she would have taken you a little bit more seriously.

"friend?" Her voice carried genuine surprise; she realized she forgot to ask you what you both were after last night.

"so I would be cursed if I happened to be your girlfriend?" She tried to hide her genuine surprise with sarcasm and get a possible hint from you.

Her delusional side convinced her you were her soon-to-be girlfriend, that you followed her around because you loved her, and that your love language was annoying her,secretly liking the way she looks when you succeeded.

"what? no, I mean—my point is..." Ellie's heart felt less heavy seeing you avoiding eye contact suddenly, her lips curving into a proud smile knowing the effects she had on you. "I'll help you find the founder of your gang. I can also sew your gang's name on your jacket sleeve."

At first, she didn't know why. But the pieces of the puzzle started to connect together as she realized she was your only friend.

"you don't have to look for some designer to do it for you," you continued.

It was like playing baseball with her being good at throwing the ball and you not knowing how to properly catch it.

When Ellie was openly affectionate to you, you didn't know how to receive it.

Ellie smiled a bit. "Are you sure you don't mind doing it? I mean...no pressure, okay?"

How could you know how to receive love when you didn't even know what it was to begin with?

Your parents separated when you hadn't even hit puberty, and no amount of romance novels could make up for the lack of experience of a strong and passionate bond between people in love.

For this reason, you never truly knew what that feeling was.

To make things worse, whenever you felt yourself falling for something close to love, you would unforgivingly push it and the person involved away.

Even though your mom had cheated on your father, she was still the one who had welcomed you to this world. The guilt has never left you when you chose to live with your dad over your mom, although he was a good and loving person.

You couldn't put a face onto the word 'love,' and it gradually became meaningless to you, an unfamiliar word you'd come across when flipping pages in a dictionary. But as time went by, you had rediscovered it and put clothes onto it that were also the definition of your happiness.

"I want to do it for you," you smiled back.

But if all of this was in a book, Ellie would be the major plot twist. Her definition of happiness was short and precise: you.

Ellie reached her hand out to take yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. " 'kay, if you're in, you have to promise me something."

Love hurts when one-sided. If her definition of happiness was you, she had to change your definition of happiness and add herself in it too.

If you've never learned how to receive affection, that's okay. She'd proudly volunteer to teach you and only you.

"promise me," her eyes bore into yours expectantly, "that you'll never leave me."

Because, from you, she's learned that it wasn't impossible for love to go with happiness and that pain could step out of their business.

At least, that's how she felt about you.

"of course, I promise." You stuck out your pinkie, but to your surprise, Ellie didn't.

Instead, she wrapped her arms around you before pulling you into her embrace.

Your warm hearts beat faster in sync by the second, exploding in affection.

Except Ellie's heart missed a beat when you hugged her back. She never knew she needed it until now.

Her hair smelled like vanilla, and her body felt so warm against yours.

Both of you stayed like that for God knows how long. You had lost the notion of time, and it was the least of your concerns at this moment.

Her arms were over your shoulder, a sign that she deeply trusted you.

Pulling you out of your reverie, a red Suzuki Wagon drove past the both of you. Your arms stayed on hers for a little longer, an unspoken and double-meaning promise that you'd never let her go even if she did.

It seemed the car came from the same place you both were, meaning you weren't totally lost.

So after turning on your heels, both of you started to walk your way out of the unknown avenue, hand in hand.

In the end, everything turned out fine, and you soon found your way back to Tokyo.

This time,despite the comfortable silence it was ellies mind who couldnt keep quiet.

Her giddy smile not leaving her face ever since she wrapped her arms around you,as well as the warmth in her heart.

For how long will she able to keep her feelings locked in her heart?

Though your hug meant an unbreakable promise bonding you two,she hoped it also meant something more.

She cleared her throat,when you both stopped at the train station,it was surprisingly sparse of people for such a busy time.

"so like...you have a thing for tall guys or...?"

The sight of the tall man holding your bonnet in admiration and you fainting right after this flashed before your eyes"oh my god shut up"you retorted,rolling your eyes at her whose eyes shortly sparkled with hope.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

This time, despite the comfortable silence, it was Ellie’s mind that couldn’t keep quiet. Her giddy smile hadn’t left her face ever since she wrapped her arms around you, and warmth filled her heart.

For how long would she be able to keep her feelings locked away?

Though your hug symbolized an unbreakable promise bonding you two, she hoped it also meant something more.

She cleared her throat as you both stopped at the train station, surprisingly sparse of people for such a busy time. “so like… do you have a thing for tall guys or…?”

The sight of the tall man holding your bonnet in admiration, and you fainting right after, flashed before your eyes. “oh my god, shut up,” you retorted, rolling your eyes at her, whose eyes shortly sparkled with hope.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

“…but still… you’ve never fainted like that when you first saw me.”

After stopping at Joel’s to drop off what you had bought before, both you and Ellie returned to your house, which was quieter than usual.

Your empty schedule became busy in the blink of an eye. With a brand new simple white dress needing final touches and the famous gang name to sew in under three days, there wasn’t a single second to waste. Not to mention that traveling across the country to find the mysterious gang founder was also on your ambitious list.

“why would I?”

Turning your attention away from the jacket sleeve, your eyes shifted to Ellie instead.

“maybe 'cause I carry a tremendous amount of swagger like nobody else can in this world,” her voice sarcastically filled with confidence. She said this like it was an obvious fact, and you couldn’t really disagree.

Someone who clearly doesn’t know what they’re doing but lets themselves be guided by adrenaline and curiosity. Someone who doesn’t mind taking risks as if their life could be restarted by passing a video game checkpoint. Someone who didn’t mind getting lost in the most unknown places as long as it was with you.

As much as you tried to think, no words could perfectly describe Ellie’s unequaled aura.

But you weren’t going to let her know that, not when you liked teasing her so much. “you’re still not the CEO of Baby, the Stars Shine Bright.”

“you’re right,” she started before looking away, gathering inspiration from her heart. “But I’m the CEO of making you smile.” You proved her point as your lips immediately curved into one, as if her words put a spell on you.

“It shines brighter than any star too,” she added with a playful wink, mentally cheering for having the courage to compliment you. It was a small, yet hopefully significant, step forward in what you both had.

Her words flew straight to your heart, coloring it red because of the blood but also because of your newborn love.

The transition from liking to loving Ellie had started the night you spent stargazing with her.

And now you could no longer carelessly brush off her flirtiness, not anymore.

Her compliments were seriously starting to make you feel things.

Ellie’s eyes didn’t miss yours trying to push away the effects she had on you.

“did you train yourself in the mirror say this one too?” you asked.

It seemed you dodged Cupid’s bow again. “why? Is it a crime to be a natural flirt?”

“It’s far from natural; it almost sounded scripted.” your voice dripping with sarcasm as usual

The truth is if you followed her, borrowing the path of truth, you’d end up either literally confessing your feelings or shyly stammering on your words and making her childish smirk come back.

And above all, teasing was more fun.

“your reaction didn’t seem like it followed a script though,” a soft chuckle followed her words. Before you could turn back your attention to the dress in front of you, she reached her hands out of her pockets to direct your turning chair towards her. “I think you just can’t flirt back, so you talk shit. Just admit I’m a smooth talker and you like it. It doesn’t hurt.”

There was a small gap between you, and when you turned to look at Ellie’s face, her kissable lips formed a smirk and her eyebrows waggled together.

Her sudden proximity made time stop, and the soft music playing in the background faded as you felt your heartbeat getting louder.

An unfamiliar feeling bubbled up in your stomach, something that seemed ready to explode as her gaze on you intensified.

Your body reacted before your mind, and her chest met your hand. Ellie understood she would cross the line if she leaned closer.

You kept her eyes on hers. "it does.it hurts my ego and pride." Ellie obviously understood your sarcasm—not because it's part of your nature, but because she also paints her buried feelings with jokes.

She took a few steps back before you could add another layer of satire, her eyes not leaving yours even when they looked away from hers.

"but objectively speaking, you're charming with your words."The honesty contrasting with your previous words made her snicker.

Today, at 5:36 pm, an hour when she usually lets herself be consumed by boredom, a new memory was engraved in her mind, and she wouldn't forget to write it down in her journal once back home.

Her heart would swell with joy as she'd quoe you calling her charming. Her stomach would birth butterflies as she'd remember this compliment coming from a pretty face.

But with a closed mouth to keep quiet and not make Joel think she'd gone crazy. Even though that was kind of the case.

"shut up, that's nothing but objective." Ellie scratched the back of her head, being the one avoiding eye contact now that your eyes peered at hers.

"don't your friends think the same when you flirt like that?" A natural flirter, smart and beautiful, kicking ass to do justice—to you, Ellie was an all-in-one, and you wouldn't be surprised to learn that she made other girls feel special too.

That you were just, hopefully not, one of her other friends.

"I don't flirt with them."

Whether it was the truth or a lie, a part of you wanted to believe her anyway. Maybe that was another effect, a result of her irresistible charm.

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Overthinking was one of your worst habits, controlling your mind and replaying your most embarrassing conversations on a loop.

The best way you could have replied to Ellie complimenting your smile could have been simply thanking her and returning the compliment.

WHY DID YOU NOT THINK ABOUT THIS EARLIER?

You wanted to hide your face in your hands as unanswered 'whys' and 'hows' progressively took over your mind.

It felt like losing the 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' game over the most evident and unmistakable question.

Except you weren't losing money but Ellie's interest, but that's just what you thought.

Suddenly, the same girl you've been thinking about spoke up again. Ellie's voice was a remedy to your overthinking; it was seemingly curious since a hint of interest influenced her tone. "do you ever look at guys and get... i dont know, like you find them so attractive you want to hug and everything... maybe ki-'

With a swift move, you pulled one thread out of Ellie's jacket sleeve. The details on the dress were unfinished; switching up between sewing the jacket sleeve and the dress so you could finish them both by your deadline was much smarter and also because doing repetitive things bored you.

After hearing her words and the mention of men, you stopped sewing for a second. "ew, why?'

"just asking"she snickered when your first reaction was disgust.

He appeared again. The man selling most of the clothes you had in your closet. The same man who praised your job at embroidery and who now wanted you to work with him. You physically shook your head to mentally shake the thoughts of him away.

"I'm not into him, okay? It just felt like meeting a celebrity; it's hard to control your emotions,"you clarified. You loved his work, not him.

"but in general? does it ever... happen? Idk how to make it not sound weird" Ellie started to fidget with her fingers, her black nails painted by you. Her mind took her back to yesterday again when she'd admire you whenever your sparkling eyes were fixated on the moon, wishing you were thinking about her too.

"it sounds weird no matter how you put it. But no, I guess puberty came late to me."

" 'mkay."

Before turning your attention back to her jacket sleeve, you caught Ellie nodding, putting her hands back in her pockets casually, turning her face away to forcefully stop her lips from forming a smile.

For the first time in her life, she believed in luck.

"you?" The initial of Ellie's gang name started to take form as you repeatedly pulled the golden yellow thread in and out of the fabric.

"ew, no, I'm not interested either. Just thinking about it grosses me out."Her brutally honest answer made you chuckle softly; you weren't that much different after all.

"really? Even if I was a man?"you joked.

"yeah, plus you couldn't even get to wear those dresses and stuff. Just seeing you wearing formal clothes to fit in with everyone else would feel weird."

She tried to imagine you wearing casual clothes or anything not extravagant in general, and you laughed at her unpleasant expression.

"that's funny to think I'd finally look normal for some people,"you said between laughs, and Ellie joined you in your laughter.

Now that you think about it, it was a pretty rare occurrence for you to wear something other than lolita clothes.

You paused and put the needle down before turning to Ellie.

"do you want to see how I used to dress before? It doesn't look that weird, trust me."

After last night, the magical night you spent over at Ellie's, you can officially say things changed.

Your past self would definitely not recognize you now for trusting someone enough to have the courage to show a different version of yourself.

"my brain does that thing when it erases traumatic memories, so you're fine."you rolled your eyes at her teasing tone, her jokes getting more creative as time went by.

"that was backhanded, wasn't it?"

Ellie shrugged her shoulders as she smirked, her impatience growing stronger as she followed you out of your room.

"whatever helps you sleep at night.'"

In the corridor, you slid open a door, keeping the boxes of furniture inside, and tipped onto your toes to reach the medium cardboard box

The dust that had accumulated on top of it over the years, quickly flew away as you brushed it off, before opening what had been closed for God knows how long.

The "you" that was once buried to give birth to the "you" now resurfaced.

Ellie grabbed a few pictures before you could change your mind.

Smiling and chuckling at how different you looked compared to now, she carefully scanned all the pictures in front of her, noticing one thing that had never changed.

"I gotta say... you still look so fucking cute."

Your brain stopped functioning at her words.

Her eyes darted from the pictures to yours, not really expecting you to respond to her compliments, just admiring your flustered reaction.

You tried to think of a response that wouldn’t make you cringe when you overthought it later.

Those words, coming from someone infinitely prettier, whose eyes regarded you like you were a masterpiece belonging in a museum, whose arms made you feel like home, held significantly deeper and more impactful meaning. It was as if Ellie knew what she was doing to you and wanted your heart to explode just for her.

To her, it was just a matter of time before you completely let yourself fall for her, unaware that it was already the case.

"thanks,you’re cuter though," you smiled back at her.

But if time really isn't real, then she would learn to be patient, knowing you'd be timeless.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

It was Ellie's turn to sleep over at your house.

Despite wanting to stay awake a little longer, both of you found yourselves surrendering to unconsciousness faster than last time.

Imaginations and dreams enveloped your restless minds, quieting them down.

The smell of breakfast was more effective than an alarm clock at waking you up.

Your body was as cold as the inside of a fridge since Ellie kept unconsciously pulling the covers over her.

After warming up with some tea and filling your stomach with fluffy pancakes, you and Ellie continued with your day separately.

After spending two full days with her, her sudden absence felt strange, but you decided to put this feeling aside and focus on your new job to avoid having a wallet as empty as Ellie’s absence.

Sewing fabrics here and there to train yourself before working on the actual dress and jacket sleeve.

Walking back and forth around your room thoughtfully.

You spent most of your time sighing in frustration, as creativity refused to show up at your door.

Staring at the unfinished project in front of you, without new ideas in mind, began to take an awful toll on you.

Roses, tulips, and other flowers floated in your thoughts.

If there was one thing you wished for right now, it would be for your imagination to be as abundant as the richness of nature.

So, you ventured closer to nature and away from your trapped thoughts, wandering aimlessly around the nearest park while trying to empty your mind and let creativity flow naturally.

After a while, with plenty of walking and silent contemplation, your watch ticked to 5 PM. It was almost evening, but the sun was still shining in the sky, illuminating the blue lake beside you.

Ellie once told you that the reason the sea looks blue is because of the reflection of the sky.

A few ducks flew above the water before landing.

Some ducks swam in another direction, leaving two of their companions alone. They didn’t seem to mind the others had left, focused on swimming their own path, just the two of them.

Eventually, you dragged your feet out of the park, leaving your energy behind. A place as energizing as nature had unexpectedly drained you because no matter what you did, you always thought of her.

Whether she was around or not, Ellie lived in your mind rent-free.

When you contemplated the sky,the moon wasn’t out yet, so you stole one last glance at the lake.

Maybe you shouldn’t give up now; doing so would mean your entire day would have gone to waste.

Not to mention,facing complaints instead of praises from the CEO of your favorite shop would surely tear your heart into pieces.

So you called her.

You took your phone and dialed her number, biting your lip in hope she would respond.

Desperation was overpowering you, and Ellie clearly noticed it.

“what’s wrong?” her voice slightly modified by her phone.

A moment of silence passed as you repeated in your head what you wanted to say.

"everything,” you look pitiful.

“nothing,” you're wasting her time.

“are you busy right now?” just go straight to the point.

“I miss you,” too honest.

Ellie patiently waited for you to speak up, leaning her arms on the railing of the bridge, eyes peering at the lake while inhaling deeply.

“I need your help.”

Her eyebrows instantly furrowed in worry; you usually tried to handle things on your own, and it was unusual for you to directly ask for her help. “where are you?”

You had been wandering away from the park for so long that you didn’t even realize where you were heading. The area you found yourself in was sparse of people, resembling an abandoned train station with overgrown herbs on the rails.

When you sat on a bench, you heard an engine roaring toward you.

Ellie saw you alone on the bench, and your face instantly beamed at the sight of her arrival.

She parked her motorcycle next to the entrance of the train station and carefully crossed the rails, making her way to you.

“I’m away for one day, and you’re already missing me?”

You didn’t even have the energy to roll your eyes at her cocky smile; her words were harshly true.

Suddenly, the temperature began to cool down, signaling that evening was approaching. Ellie locked eyes with you, intently listening as you ranted about your struggles with creativity. As an artist herself, she thought of creativity like a battery that often needed recharging.

The thing was, Ellie was your recharger. Talking with her and spending time together felt like a mental cleanse, refreshing your mind. Her absence felt so unfamiliar to both your heart and your brain.

Asking for her help made her smile blissfully, unable to describe how happy she felt to spend time with you again.

Without hesitation, she took your hand right after you finished your monologue, bringing you to a familiar place—the one holding your best memories. Among them, searching for your bag with Ellie was your favorite so far.

So far, because you believed the future held even more thrilling and joyful memories with her.

Most of the stores still had the "open" sign in their showcases, including "Baby, the Stars Shine Bright."

Unexpectedly, you refused to let your inspiration come from the clothing brand you were now working for.

"You said you're on a creativity block," Ellie said, her confused eyes meeting your self-assured ones.

The CEO of this brand had praised your work for its originality, something he had never seen before. "exactly, so we need to think outside the box."

To keep satisfying him and his expectations, you decided to remain on the same path, coming up with unimaginable and creative patterns.

The puzzles instantly assembled, forming a clear image of understanding in Ellie’s head, your words failing to prevent her from holding back her laughter.

You were picking up the same sarcasm as her.

"My jokes are better."

Clothing shop after clothing shop, going from bright to dark areas, and the excessive bright lighting contrasting with the dark hues of the blue sky outside, was overstimulating Ellie’s mind.

But she kept dragging her feet to follow you around.

You could tell her anything, and she would do it without a second thought.

So that’s what happened.

The faltering and desperate look in your eyes disappeared, replaced by bright sparkles and dilated pupils as you rummaged through the clothes.

Your imagination started to paint Ellie wearing the type of clothes you had grown fond of—clothes she would never dare to wear, not because they weren’t aesthetically pleasing, but because she thought she wouldn’t look good in them.

Yet here she was, looking at your cheeky smile as you scanned her in an extravagant lolita dress you pleaded her to try.

There was no doubt you felt immensely proud to make her wear lolita clothes.

To you, Ellie was still the cutest human being you’d ever seen; the lolita dresses only enhanced her cuteness, something she strongly disagreed with.

Sensing your eyes admiring her, adding makeup felt unnecessary with her naturally blushed cheeks.

A sudden urge to squish them in your hands settled in your core.

Ellie’s face reddened even more when her cold cheeks met your warm hands, unable to ignore the temptation.

"you’re so—" you started, but Ellie immediately cut you off, her gaze dropping to the floor, embarrassed.

"don't say it."

She knew what you were about to call her; it was the complete opposite of the image she wanted to project—a thick wall of intimidating and cold exterior she had spent years building.

Yet in just a few days, she’d allowed herself to let her guard down. This wall, carefully constructed to give her a good reputation among her acquaintances, felt totally useless around you.

"alright," you retreated your hands and let out a giggle.

It was like a fierce missile flying right at this thick wall, crumbling it down with such ease, allowing her to be cheeky, goofy, flirtatious, embarrassed, flustered, happy, and in love—allowing her to be who she truly was.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

What is the common point in Ellie's loving smile, the stars at night, and her making you the happiest being on Earth?

It all puts sparkles in your eyes.

The inspiration you had difficulty finding found its way back to you like a lost pet, except it always came from one person and the things that made you think of her—which was a blessing when she was present but a curse in her absence.

So you desperately hoped this night would never end. It became a message the universe was now used to getting because when the clock ticks morning, that's when the magic ends.

And you wouldn't be peering at the horizon ahead of you anymore, sitting behind Ellie as she focused on driving across the city lights. Your mind filtering out her friends driving with you at midnight, only caring about the person you were holding in your arms, trying to bring her what she brought you: comfort.

To your surprise, this dreamlike feeling repeated itself again when you woke up with her in your arms once more. She wasn't listening to your heartbeat anymore, totally absorbed in whatever dreams she was in, so you decided to oversleep with her, hoping to appear in one of her dreams.

In one of her dreams, you and Ellie were traveling across the country on her motorcycle, often stopping at car stations when her gas was low and eating breakfast in local coffee shops working early in the morning.

Both of you were unstoppable, searching for the infamous founder of her gang, grabbing clues from door to door and heading to as many cities as you could.

Your world was so small until you hopped on Ellie's motorcycle and discovered new places, unfamiliar routes, and different types of vegetation.

Thinking back to the time you accepted to help Ellie, despite the bumpy and narrow path, today you didn't have any regrets.

Everything went smoothly. When exhaustion enveloped you, you would stay in a nearby hotel; when hunger crept its way into your stomach, you'd find a restaurant to fulfill your wishes; and when you needed more money for the road, you'd stop at the city casinos, always going for the pachinko machines.

But again, it was just a dream.

Refusing to let disappointment consume her as the alarm went off, Ellie quickly woke you up and got ready. The festival's date was approaching with big steps, and Ellie found the perfect partner to help her find Himeko.

Since the perfect partner was you, you threw away your usual routine for the next days, trying to make her dream come true.

Dreams and reality, when you're blessed with luck with many ups and rare downs, there's not a significant line separating dreams from reality. However, when reality turns to look somewhat closer to a nightmare than a dream, a dream is often an escape.

"Dream" is such a small word for its numerous meanings, but even if it can be a subjective term, both you and Ellie can agree that your current situation was progressively drifting away from the aspect of a dream.

"I can't," you said as your walk came to a halt, still holding Ellie's hand. If you could describe the word 'inseparable' in three words, you would say you and Ellie; however, it seemed circumstances were starting to change that.

"what? What do you mean?" She hoped she had heard it wrong, that the sound of engines and powerful winds had made her a bit deaf after traveling for two days.

"I can't go any further," you clarified, your eyes dropping to the floor.

"listen." Ellie's mind froze for a second; your expression was unreadable to her. You were just lacking a bit of sleep, tired, maybe a little demotivated, right? "we've come a long way, to Tokyo, down to Yokohama, just you and me alone. In just what, two days... we already have a clear destination, and it's not like people don't know her at all..."

She gently squeezed your hand, a gesture that always brought your eyes back to hers. "I'm sure we'll gather more clues on our way there. Just trust the process... trust me. I promise we'll find her soon enough."

Even when you tried to seek comfort in her words, your mind wasnt set on it, not after what happened in the last casino you stepped foot in. "I literally gambled all of my money away."

Noticing the exhaustion in your voice, Ellie reassured you, lifting your chin up to hers. Both of you had already talked about this. "You're not gonna be broke... I can lend you some, y'know it's not a problem."

You went silent, and Ellie concluded it as the end of the discussion.

She didn't want to stop here, not now, when you were midway to reach your destination, so close to finally make her dream come true.

But when you gently pushed her hand off your chin, she sensed this situation was more complicated than she had expected.

"you don't understand..."

It's when Ellie was brought closer to her dream that she would get pulled back into harsh reality, something closer to a nightmare now that she felt that you were going to break her promise.

[clumsiestgiantess]

Part — what is this.. four of the ‘tiny in the cold’ story! (wow that’s a lot more than the oneshot I intended it to be; thanks for the support!) @entomolog-t it’s back!

[Alice’s pov]

My alarm clock buzzes obnoxiously to my left, but for once I’m not annoyed by it.  I need to get up; it’s exam day.  The exam starts… NOW!  “What?!  I-  Oh my god, I set the alarm for the time I needed to be there!  I’m going to be so late!”  Dashing through the house, I shove a blueberry muffin into my mouth, throw my coat on, grab my bag, and speed out the door.  Jabbing the elevator button every half a second, I practically pounce into the empty space once the doors open.  Thank goodness there was no one in here.  From the moment I step into the lobby, the rest of the trip is a blur.

My brain only finally starts working about a half-hour into testing.  Miraculously, they made an exception and let me in.  I’d blamed my lateness on the slick ice lining a few of the roads instead of my own confusion, and the proctor believed me.  I mean, technically it is the truth.  I was a bit slower coming here because of the ice, though not by much.

Thankfully, this is one of my easier exams.  Even with my grogginess, I have extra time to look through — and redo — the parts I’d done in my half-asleep mind.  I finish the edits with a mere minute to spare.  There are a few quick celebrations between me and a few of my friends who were also taking it, then I head back home.  One final down, four more to go.

My schedule from then on would be to rinse and repeat over the next few days — eat a meal, study, eat another meal, study, maybe sleep, then go back for another test.  When I go to bed that night, I double check that I changed the alarm to give me some time to actually get up.  

That next morning, I have enough time to eat breakfast and glance over my notes before heading back out to yet another exam.  It had snowed overnight, and I hurriedly brushed it off the windshield before heading out.  I actually made it here a bit early!  Maybe I can go see if Terri-  

“Wait!”  I flinch.  Who’s voice is that?  “Please!  I-”  The strange voice stops as abruptly as it started speaking.  Immediately, I turn in my seat, scanning the back for any sign of another person in here with me.  A tiny-sounding whine directs me to the floor.  “What the hell?”  There’s.. a small.. thing moving around down there, halfway tucked inside a beanie that I’d lost a while back.  “Am.. Am I hallucinating?  I can’t!” I yelp suddenly, remembering where I am, “I have exams; I can’t be hallucinating during exams!”  The little — very humanlike — thing collapses to the floor.  I knew I should’ve gone to bed earlier.  This isn’t real, right?  That’s a palm-sized person on the floor.  I rub a hand tiredly over my face and look again.  They’re still there.  “Holy shit.  You’re.. real.”

Leaning down over the console of the car, I twist myself around so I can see them better.  They’re shaking so badly.  “Are you alright?” I ask, worry beginning to gnaw at my stomach.  “How long have you been in my car?  You must be freezing!”  Their little head nods very slightly.  “Are you another person?”  They flinch, and I regret my last question.  Of course they’re a person.  They just spoke to me.  Quietly, their voice rasps out, barely audible.  “I’m a person.  Please don’t leave me out here again.  I- I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive this time.”

My stomach sinks horribly in my chest.  How long has he been stuck out here in the cold?  He’s so small; he’ll freeze so easily.  “O- Of course, yes; I won’t leave you in here to freeze!” I gasp.  “Do you mind if I.. umm.. pick you up?”  I don’t have time to try to warm him where he is on the floor.  I doubt he really needs the extra fright of me trying to handle him, especially because he already seems so desperate, but if I don’t leave soon, I’m going to be late twice in a row.  One time I can get away with, but twice and I’ll probably get in trouble, or worse, kicked out.

A tiny head shake — no, he wouldn’t mind it.  I let out a relieved breath.  I honestly have no idea what I would’ve done if he’d refused.  Leave him here?  Out of the question.  Pick him up anyway?  That would be horrible of me.  Give him the choice to either come with me or be left here?  That just sounds like a threat.  Thankfully he’s either willing enough — or desperate enough — to trust me.

Carefully, I reach down for him, sliding my fingers gently beneath him and guiding his tiny body into my hand.  He squirms against me as I tighten my grip slightly in order to lift him.  My heart skips a beat; his hands grip my finger tightly — shaking and icy cold.  Poor thing.  I wish I had more time to help you.  I lift him upright and slide back into my seat slowly so I don’t jostle him.  Hesitantly, he chances a glance up at me.  “I’m gonna keep you in my pocket, ok?” I ask, though I know it’s more like telling him what I’ll do with him than actually asking.  It hurts my heart in a strange way, recognizing that.  “I.. really don’t have time to deal with this right now, but you’ll be plenty warm there.  I’m so sorry, but I have to go.”  A quick apology will have to suffice until later.

Lowering him into my pocket and dropping him carefully onto the bottom, I reach for the door handle.  However, I flinch away from it as a cry tears through the car.  “It’s ok; you’re alright!  I’m not gonna-”  “It’s too hot!  I need something colder!  Please!  It burns!”  His cries get louder and more pained.  In an instant, I reach in to pull him out and he rushes for my fingers, clinging tightly to them.  I freeze, unsure if I should move with him so close.  “Th- Thank you,” I hear him gasp.  Still, I’m frozen.  What do I do if I can’t leave him in there?  He’s shaking so awfully against me.  His little body is almost drenched in sweat from struggling with the pain for so long.  Will he be alright?

“You’re.. you’re ok now?  Like that?” I ask worriedly.  He nods, face nearly pressed against my palm.  “Ok.  Try not to yell like that anymore unless it’s an emergency.  I don’t need to be kicked out of the testing room and searched.  Who knows what the punishment is for sneaking a tiny guy into the room, or what they’ll do with you for that matter.”  Now is really not the time to find a tiny person struggling for life, but I’ll do my best to help him.  If that means leaving the testing room on account of some fake ��emergency’ to help him, then so be it.  I’d rather keep him alive over anything else.

Once I’m sure he’s comfortable, I step outside.  Every single movement I make becomes calculated with him in my pocket.  What if I walk too fast and hit him accidentally?  What if I sit down and crush him?  Did I put lotion on my hands this morning?  He’s sitting tucked right against my palm.  It would feel so cute if it wasn’t a literal tiny human sitting there.  My hands are peeling from the cold; is that the one with the torn skin or is that-  No, it’s this one.  My worries just start to fade as testing time officially starts and I focus on the questions in front of me instead of the ones in my head.

However, about an hour later, I feel light pressing against my fingers.  The tiny person’s hands shove at me until I move away.  Confused and worried, I take my hand out of my pocket and inconspicuously glance down.  His little face peers up at me and nods slightly, assuring me I’d done nothing wrong.  Oh, he’s probably warmed all the way up by now!  Returning to my work, I try not to dwell on anything.  Still, relief floods my system knowing that I’d saved him from what might’ve been the end of him.  He’ll be alright now.

Finishing the exam, I’m one of the first people out the door.  Finally, I can talk to my tiny stowaway.  Once I’m in the car again, I gently pull him out of my pocket and hold him out in the palm of my hand to get a good look at him.  As soon as I unfurl my fingers, he tucks himself into a tight ball — his heavy frightened breaths press against my palm.  “Hey, little guy?  I’m sorry about basically ignoring you earlier.  Finals are this week and I really need them to go well,” I try to explain.  “Are you alright?  You’re warmer than before; that’s good!  I hope my pocket wasn’t too claustrophobic for you.”

In small hesitant movements he gets up from his fetal position and sits on his knees on my palm, staring up at me with wide eyes.  It’s strange — his clothes seem to be hand-stitched — his hair mussed and tangled.  Bringing him just a little closer, I can count at least two different scars by just glancing over him.  How long has he been small for?  Did he shrink, or is he just.. something else entirely?

My thoughts are interrupted by his voice.  It’s much stronger now, and a lot clearer with him held up closer to my head.  There’s still a strange smallness about it that makes goosebumps dash along my arms.  “I- I’m ok,” he answers me.  I exhale in relief, and become entirely conscious of how the single breath ruffles his hair like a slight breeze.  “Thank goodness; I really hoped you weren’t beyond saving.  You were super cold when I found you, barely moving.  Speaking of which, why were you in my car to begin with?  And how in the world did you manage to shrink?”  Compared with his few words and tiny voice, I feel almost like I’m speaking over him talking so much, though it doesn’t seem like he has much to say.  The guy’s probably stunned enough by the scale of everything.

I watch his brows furrow in deep thought, and for a moment I believe he’ll tell me he didn’t even shrink.  Perhaps he was magic.  But if he is, wouldn’t he have been able to save himself?  “I.. don’t remember.  I can’t remember what happened before I shrank, but I’m definitely a human.  Just smaller.”  Oh.  Oh!  Oh no, poor thing.  He’s probably been stuck so small for so long because he doesn’t even know where he is!  No memories, stuck small, freezing weather — no wonder he was desperate for help.  And now he’s begging me just to see him as a fellow human.

“Of course you’re still human!  Being smaller won’t change that!” I assure him, inadvertently cupping my hand a bit closer around him.  “I promise I don’t mean you any harm; I just want to make sure you’re ok.  Come on, I’ll take you back to my place — get you something to eat.”  I reach to put him away, but pause.  “Oh, I’m Alice, by the way.  Do you.. remember your name?”  He looks frightened for a moment.  “I don’t really remember much.”  That’s horrifying!  Not even your own name?  I don’t say that, though.  He probably already knows.  “I can try to help you remember it, but if you can’t, I guess you can try out a new one for the time being.”  He nods, relief settling some of his features.  Placing him down in the cupholder beside me, I head for home.

The drive is horribly silent — which I can’t stand.  I know my little companion probably needs time to think through some things now that I’ve finally noticed him.  Why haven’t I noticed him before?  Has he been in my car for a while?  Realization dawned on me that he’d really have to be an excellent climber to be able to get in.  He’s so small that the space between the edge of the car door and the ground must be over twice his height.

“Soo..” I begin awkwardly, “I do have a question you might know the answer to.”  The little guy looks up at me, seemingly startled out of thought.  “How did you get in my car?”  His face pales, and he looks.. frightened?  “I.. I snuck in yesterday morning.”  “You climbed up all the way into my car?  Why?”  He turns guilty away from me, like I caught him in a lie.  But why would he lie about how he got in here?  “Uhh.. it was cold outside.  Your car was warmer.. at the time.”  Is he just embarrassed that he got stuck in here?  It must’ve been rather freezing when it snowed yesterday.  He.. could’ve died in here — alone!  I’d have found his body whenever I next went to clean out my car.

“Oh!  I locked you in here and then everything froze last night!  Poor thing!  I’m so sorry!  I wouldn’t have left you here like that if I’d known you were in the car!”  I feel so awful for believing he was trying to lie.  Poor little guy was probably just having a hard time talking about it.  The thought of his near-death while I wasn’t even there just occurred to me now, but he’d actually experienced the bitter cold that had likely come close to killing him.  Of course he’d be nervous thinking about it.

Trying to change the subject, I begin ranting about finals.  It’s the next thing on my mind I can think to talk about.  I make it all the way back to my apartment, then turn to my tiny passenger.  Flattening out my hand, I leave it gently on the center console right beside the cupholder he’s sitting in.  “Here, hop on and I’ll bring you inside,” I tell him, “Would you like something to eat?”  He nods, climbing up and sliding slowly and hesitantly into my palm.  Even if he’s been tiny for quite a while, getting picked up by someone so much bigger than you must be a crazy terrifying experience.  I slip him in my pocket as I step outside.  I can’t risk someone seeing him, it just.. feels wrong to flaunt him around in the open for people to ogle at.  He probably doesn’t want the attention drawn to himself anyway.

I let him out again when we’re safely behind the closed door of my apartment.  Gently, I set him on the counter by taking off my whole jacket and putting it down.  He’d been so frightened when I’d plucked him out of my pocket earlier, and I didn’t want to frighten him again.  Patiently, I wait for him to come out to the countertop.  “What would you like?” I ask kindly.  He glances around the room, then points to the pantry.  “What do you have in there?”  Shrugging, I wander over and peer in.  “Well, let’s see.. we have soup crackers, some cheese puffs, popcorn, mac and cheese — but I’d have to cook it first, obviously.  “Oh!  But I think you’ll like- ” Glancing back at the counter to see if he was interested in any of it, I find that he’s disappeared from view.  

“Hey, umm.. little guy?  Where’d you go?” I ask, stepping around the counter to the other side.  He’s not there, either.  I lift up my coat, but he’s still not there.  “Where- Where’d you go?!  This isn’t funny!  You can’t just disappear!”  Unless…  I gasp and quickly scan the floor.  Please don’t tell me he fell off.  I- If he fell…  “Hey!  Please come back!  I- I’m not that scary, am I?  Why’d you leave?  I don’t-”  I don’t understand; there’s not a trace of him on the floor or the counter.  “Come back!  Whatever it is you’re frightened of, I’ll change it!  Please don’t run off and get hurt somewhere!  If you want to take care of yourself, that’s fine!  Just.. please let me know so I don’t think something happened to you!”

Hours tick by as I scour the floor and countertops, searching for my little missing guest.  All the while I call out various comforting things, trying to convince him to at the very least let me know that he’s alive.  Still nothing.  I can’t find him, and something tells me he doesn’t want to be found.  By 4:00 in the morning, there’s still no answer, and I go to bed without one.  I try to go to sleep, but all I can do is lay down and stare at the ceiling trying to listen for the sounds of something small moving around.  Only at about 6:00 in the morning do I finally fall asleep for a good two hours before my alarm startles me awake.  At least I don’t have an exam today.  I just have to study.

I trudge down the hall to the kitchen and freeze.  He could still be on the floor somewhere.  Continuing my trek with much more caution than before, I make a bowl of cereal and sit down numbly.  I stare out at nothing in particular; thoughts jumble in my head.  My lack of sleep and my severe rise in anxiety combined to cause an awful feeling in my head.  My stomach also started to feel the effects, and I left the kitchen only a few spoonfuls of food fuller than I had when I walked in.

Studying didn’t help my mood much, but every time I took a break from it, my mind would wander back to the tiny person potentially wandering around my home, too scared to ask for help when he likely needed it.  Lunchtime came and went — I wasn’t hungry.  I tried studying again by watching a few videos my professor posted.  Those didn’t seem to make sense to me, and my anxiousness morphed into an ugly frustrated anger.  “No!  What?  How?!  I used the same formula and everything!  What the heck?!”  Crumpling my paper in a messy ball, I can already feel an angry scream building in my throat.

As quickly as my anger emerges, however; it fizzes out.  My scream comes out as a sob and I fall against my desk.  Nothing had gone right for me.  Finals week is the absolute worst week for my luck to run out.  “I’m gonna fail,” I whisper, “I can’t do this.  Why is everything going so wrong?  I just wanted to help him; why’d he run away?  I feel sick.  What if he’s hurt somewhere and can’t call for help?  What if he’s too scared to call for help?”  Tears fall down my face and sobs wrench out of my throat in gasps.  My empty stomach roils painfully as I cry.

“Alice!  It’s ok, I-”  At the sound of a voice too small to have come from any normal person, I whirl around in my seat, furiously rubbing my eyes so I could see through my tears.  I can’t find him on the floor, just like the night before, but I know I heard the tiny person I’d rescued.  “Hello?” I call into the seemingly empty room.  A voice responds.  “It’s.. It’s ok.  It’s me, the ‘little guy’.”  I gasp a relieved breath, then stand, peering around the room for where he might be.  His voice is so small I can’t tell where it’s coming from.  “You’re… alright?” There’s a long silence, then: “Yeah.”

“Oh thank god!”  I breathe fully for what feels like the first time in days.  “You made me so worried for you!  Are you hungry still?  I- I know you haven’t eaten in a while since you.. ran off when I tried to get something for you.”  I myself felt like I was starving.  I could only imagine what he might be feeling.  I’m kept waiting for a long time — so long that I’m afraid he’ll leave if I don’t say something.  Steadying my voice with another deep breath, I offer an apology.  “Look, I’m sorry I scared you off…  I don’t know what happened, but I’m willing to work with you to try and get your memories and your old life back.  I can’t imagine how terrifying it is to suddenly be so small, not even knowing how you got that way-”  “Stop.”

I do, though I’m scared of how hollow his voice sounds.  “That’s.. a lie.  I remember everything just fine.”  Has he given up on finding a way back to normal?  Does he remember something awful that he hasn’t told me?  No wonder it felt like he was lying to me.  “So.. you just didn’t want to tell me how you shrank?” I ask, a bit confused.  “No.. Alice, I- I never shrank.  I’ve always been this way.”  My mind goes blank for a moment.  “Y- Wh-  H-” I stutter, only half-words forming on my tongue.  “I’m not human, Alice.”

He’s…  He’s what?  Slowly, I approach the bookshelf in front of me — where I can hear his voice now that he’s spoken enough for me to locate it.  Kneeling on the floor, I gently bend down to peer beneath it.  I’d already checked all the shelves to no avail.  There’s a small crack in the baseboard of the wall behind the shelf.  “Is that why you left?” I ask softly, “I promised I wouldn’t hurt you.”  His voice becomes a bit harsher.  “You promised the tiny human me that you wouldn’t hurt me,” he corrects.  I blink confusedly, slowly connecting the dots.  “You thought I would go back on my word if I knew you were lying to me?  Or you just.. thought that I wouldn’t care because you’re not human?” 

But that’s awful!  Does he really think I would do that?  My distracted gaze flits back to the crack in the wall.  He’s there — standing in a position like he’s ready to flee at any sign of aggression, but he’s there.  “I promised you that I wouldn’t hurt you.  You.  No matter who or what you were.”  His expression shifts guiltily, and he glances away from me.  “I’m a bit upset you wanted to lie to me about… everything.  But I can’t be mad at you for being scared of me.  I won’t ask you to talk to me anymore if you don’t want to, but just know, I’m glad you’re alright.”

A small smile edges along his face as he turns back to me.  Carefully, the little.. person steps out of his hiding place.  “You- You really mean that?” He asks, “You don’t care that I’m not one of you?”  I exhale a tiny laugh and shake my head.  “Of course not, don’t be silly!  You’re safe here, I promise.  I understand if you want to go home, though.  You probably have others of your kind to get back to, and I’ve accidentally trapped you in my house.”  His steps falter and guilt briefly dashes across his face again.   “Well, about that…  I kind of.. live here.”  

Do I know anything about you?  As he relayed what really happened, it turns out I really don’t.  The only thing I do know about him that’s correct is the fact that he can fit in the palm of my hand, and of course the fact that he’d been freezing to death when I found him.  Beyond that, it’s like a whole new world just opened up to me.  I guess that makes sense, though.  He is an entirely different species, which is insane to think about.  I always thought we’d find human-intelligent beings on another planet before we ever found it here again.

“I actually did remember my name,” the little being — he told me he’s a borrower — confesses after talking to me about his life beneath my floors.  “It’s just.. not really a human-sounding one, so I couldn’t exactly give you it.  My name’s Fennel, but I mostly just go by Fen.”  “Fen?” I ask.  Well, it certainly isn’t a human-sounding name.  I offer Fen a bright smile.  “Nice to finally really meet you!  How long have you been living here.. with me?”  His eyes trail off in thought, “I moved in after you were already here, but you were still unpacking things, so I don’t think it was very far off from when you moved in, too.”  So we’ve been living here together the whole time?!

“Where were you living before?”  Fen shrugs, “Eh, another apartment in this building.  The new people were too loud, so I moved out.”  Wow, I wish I could’ve done that in my last apartment.  I had to wait for the lease to expire.  “I wish I could just pack up and slip into a new home whenever I have problems with the neighbors,” I tell him, mind already wandering to what I would do at his size, with his freedom.  

“It’s harder than it seems,” Fen sighs, “I have to rebuild a livable space for myself every time.”  Oh, right.  Maybe I wouldn’t want to be a borrower after all.  I sit back upright and my back cracks loudly as I do.  “Hey, if you don’t mind, can you maybe come out from beneath there?” I ask, “It hurts my back to try to bend all the way to the floor to look at you.”  

He’s hesitant, but Fen slowly makes his way over to the edge of the bookshelf.  When he finally steps out from beneath it, I gently lay my hand in front of him palm-up, like I had in the car when I took him inside.  “Can I hold you?  Please?”  This feels like a dream.  Did I even find you, or did I fall asleep trying to study?  To my relief, he gives me a slight nod.  I watch in awe as he climbs up onto my palm — hands and feet no bigger than a fingernail.  With Fen safely in my palm, I slowly and carefully lift him up to my face to ensure I’m really awake.  

Concern crunches my eyebrows together.  He has an empty fearful look, staring blankly through me with tensed muscles.  “Fen?”  His hands dart to his head, ducking beneath them for a tiny bit of safety.  “Are you ok?” I ask softly, “You look sick.  If this makes you uncomfortable, I can put you back down.  You didn’t have to get on.”  I can hear him breathing hard, but he stammers: “I- I’m alright.”  Shaking my head, I cup my other hand around him gently.  “You aren’t, though.  You’re shaking.”  With all the caution l can muster, I lower the pad of my finger against his chest.  Just as I thought, his breaths rise and fall heavily against my finger — even his heartbeat thunders rapidly against it.  He’s so.. delicate.  Sitting in my hand like that, I just can’t describe the feeling in any way besides tiny and fragile and alive.  

My eyes water in a sudden rush of relief, and I gently bring him to my chest, hugging his tiny form the best I can without crushing him.  I finally feel relieved for the first time that week.  “It’s alright now,” I exhale.  Holding him there, I can feel his breathing slow and he relaxes in my light grip.  Guiding him out in front of me again, I watch him curl up sleepily in my palm.  His back presses softly into my cupped fingers as he blearily looks up at me.  Awww, why does he have to look so cute like that?  I’m sure he’s exhausted.

Glancing around the room, I notice that one of the smaller blankets on my bed had fallen to the floor.  I scoop it up and place Fen down on my desk.  He stumbles off, and I have to quickly grab him and lower him down before he falls face-first on the wooden surface.  I bundle up the blanket so it’s reminiscent of a little mattress and pillow, then place it in the corner of my desk.  Fen sleepily trudges over and slides into it.  Checking to make sure he wouldn’t fall over the edge of my desk by blocking off the side with a book, I settle down and begin re-working the math problem that had gotten me so worked up earlier.   Just as I finish it, Fen rolls over in his makeshift bed and mumbles something quietly.  Get some sleep little guy; goodness knows you need it.  I need it too, but more than that, I need to eat.  After checking the problem against the key — I’d solved it correctly that time — I snuck off to the kitchen to make myself a quick meal before returning to my work.  With Fen sleeping on my desk, I had to plug in my headphones to listen to the videos, but that didn’t bother me much.  I had to stop yelling so much to avoid waking him, but I needed to calm myself down anyway.  It wasn’t long after finishing the worksheet that I fell asleep right there against my desk, with my tiny roommate sleeping soundly beside me.

[r1v3raq]

My perfect boy

sim jaeyun x trans male reader

fluff ; hurt/comfort ; crying ; oneshot ; pet names ; non-idol AU ; jake as your sweet & caring boyfriend ; first year anniversary celebrating ; kissing

➣ lowercase intended | word count: 2.4k

➣ the reader gets called “pretty” etc

➣ the reader had top surgery ; !! ftm reader !!

tw: mentioned transphobia ; body dysmorphia ; self hate ; intention of self harm ; curse words

english is not my first language. i apologise if i made some mistakes. feel free to correct me :)

𝗆𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍

jake had a pretty tiring day at work, so now he just wants to get home and prepare for the best night ever. even at work, he was thinking about you, since today is your first year anniversary.

this day has to be special.

he’s tapping with his fingers on the steering wheel as his thoughts circle around you. how badly he wants to cuddle you right now, pepper your face with kisses, admire your attractive face and listen to your voice. but no matter how badly he wants to do these right now, he has to finish his surprise for you, that’s why he goes home hours earlier.

jake has always been a clingy person, but ever since he got together with you, — according to his friends, — he got ten times worse. he just can’t get enough of you. the urge to refrain himself from hugging and placing small kisses on your face is always a big challenge for him.

that’s why he feels the need to make this night perfect for you. he planned everything a few months ago, just that he can get home sooner than he usually does. his boss wasn’t happy about it, but jake doesn’t really care about it. he wants to make you happy.

the moment he gets home, he starts his work right away. he spreads some artificial rose petals onto the floor, from the main door to your bedroom. he knows it’s cheesy but he has always wanted to try it, so he thought he would give it a shot.

then he goes to the kitchen and takes out the ingredients — which he bought in advance just to be sure he can be prepared — and starts cooking your favorite food. he keeps looking at the clock, checking from time to time, calculating how much time he has before you get home.

he's listening to his favorite songs as he cooks, humming the lyrics, sometimes even shaking his hips to the rhythm.

as he finishes, there's only one thing left to do. jake places a lot of candles — with your favorite scent — in every room and lights them. then he goes to your shared bedroom to change his clothes. he knows what kind of style do you like on him, so he puts on those kind of clothes.

he smiles as he tries to guess what your reaction will be. he knows you tend to forget things — such as birthdays or special events — because of all the things you stress about, so it’s mostly him who reminds you of these. but as long as he can surprise you, he doesn't mind.

he turns off all the lights, so now everything is dark, except for the dim light of the candles. he sits down on the couch and checks the time on his phone. it’s almost time for you to arrive.

a few minutes later, jake hears the sound of your footsteps. he takes a deep breath as he hears you insert the key to the lock. he gets up from the furniture and slowly walks towards the front door.

「 ☆ 」

after you open the door the next thing you see is your boyfriend’s face. he’s smiling widely as he leans to the wall.

you almost drop everything out of your hand.

jake comes closer and welcomes you with a warm hug. he peppers kisses on your face as he says “happy first anniversary dear!”

that is the moment when you can't hold your tears back anymore. you press yourself to jake close and start sobbing. the last thing you want to do is ruining jake's mood, but everything bottled up and seeing jake smiling and waiting for you with probably a lot of surprises — as you know how your boyfriend can be when it comes to special events — does not help your situation.

as expected, jake's smile immediately disappears from his face as the worry takes over. he brings one hand to your face and carefully starts rubbing your cheek.

“love? what's wrong?” he asks in a quiet tone, slightly pushing you away so he can look at you properly.

you don't utter a word, because you feel like if you say anything, you won't be able to stop.

“let's just go inside first, alright?” he asks after a couple seconds of silence. you nod.

he closes the door behind you after you both step inside. you see the beautiful lights of the candles, the petals on the floor and you feel even worse. and when the smell of your favorite food reaches your nose, the urge to scream grows stronger.

“i’m so sorry.” that's all you say before you break down completely, crying and sniffing loudly. you feel your knees getting weak but before you could drop down on the floor, jake grabs you by your hips and carries you to the coach. he quickly goes to the switch and turns on the lights, then he comes back to sit next to you, your legs pressed together as he leans closer and hugs you tightly.

“why are you sorry? what happened? you know i’m here for you sweetheart.”

he patiently waits for you as you cry loudly into his shoulders. his clothing around his shoulder is soaked by the amount of tears you dropped on it, but he doesn't mind.

it seems like an eternity, when you finally start to feel better. after taking a deep breath, you try to calm down.

“do you want to talk about it dear, hm?” murmurs jake close to your ears as he starts peppering little kisses on your face.

you can't help but smile at his affectionate side. jake always knows how to help you get through situations like these. because of course, a sudden outburst like this from you is not the first example.

“i don’t want to ruin this day.” you sniffle, avoiding his gaze.

“who says you’re ruining it?” he sighs in a disappointed tone. “if you're not feeling okay, then celebrating it wouldn't make any sense. i don't want you to pretend to be happy when you're not.”

it has always been clear that jake is a good boyfriend. no, not good but the best you could ever ask for.

the uneasy feeling inside you did not disappear, but you're starting to think clearer as you did a few minutes ago.

“i don’t even know where to start.” you say it in a low tone. but jake waits patiently, one of his hands smoothing over the skin on your chin, and the other hand on your thighs while his gaze is on you all the time. “take your time, sweetheart.”

you inhale before you start talking.

“i didn’t forget about this day. i actually planned to get a special cake for you, but... something happened.” you have to take a deep breath so you can continue. “i just left the bakery when i bumped into someone. it was an old classmate of mine, and unfortunately he recognized me. he said really bad things about me and called me names, while his friends just stood there with a disgusted look on their face. it was horrible.”

with each word that left your mouth, jake's gaze got darker and darker.

“i tried to save the cake when they pushed me, but it got smashed. i did not want them to see me cry so i ran away. it was humiliating, just like the fact that i wasn't able to save your anniversary gift.” you start sobbing again.

your boyfriend doesn't say anything, instead he holds you tight. his hands find their way to your hair as he carefully caresses your head, waiting for you to continue.

“and i hate that even though i try everything to bury my past, people still find a way to throw me back and stab me where it hurts the most. i already hate myself so much, why do they have to make it worse? i know i’ll never be a boy, but why do they have to make me more miserable? why is it my fault that i hate who i was, no, who i am, because i will never ever be satisfied with how i look, sound or act. it's so unfair, i hate being jealous but in reality i've always felt envy to attractive boys with deeper voice and adam’s apple. i wish i was one of them. a real boy. i wish i didn’t have to pay for a surgery just to be who i am supposed to be. sometimes i want to hurt myself to actually feel that i'm real somehow, but at the same time i feel so lost and scared. i hate it!”

at the end of your speech you raise your voice. your mind is literally a mess. jake already knew you were struggling with these feelings, but you never got worked up like this before. everything really did bottle up inside you.

“and most of the time i feel like you deserve someone better. someone who is not a failure like me, who is prettier, smarter and more talented. someone whose life isn't shitty and is a better boyfriend.”

jake stays quiet through everything you say, but this time he slightly pulls himself away to look you in the eyes. they are full of emotions. anger, sadness, even disappointment.

it makes you stop talking.

he takes one of your hands and kisses the inside of your palm, near to your wrist.

“love... it must have been horrible to keep these only to yourself, so thank you for telling me. i know it's really hard for you, and i just want you to know that i’m so proud of you. it really hurts me to see you like this. if anyone deserves better in this world, it is you. how can you say those bad things about yourself? you’re the best boyfriend i could ask for. you're my perfect boy. and no one can change that, because no matter how you sound or look, you'll always be a boy. believe me dear. i have been nothing but sincere with you always, so i hope my words will actually get to you. let me help you and be there for you. i want you to always tell me when your overwhelmed with thoughts like these. you don't have to go through this alone, okay? and don't say you don't want to bother me because you could never do that.”

he's carefully choosing his words as he caresses your face. you force your tears to stop.

“and i swear, if i ever see those motherfuckers, they will regret everything they have done to you and they will be begging for your forgiveness. how dare they say those awful, untrue things about my partner? who is actually perfect, if you ask me.” he says as he keeps looking to your eyes.

you can't help but chuckle at his words.

“that's my boy.” he places a soft kiss on your cheek, then he reaches out one hand and wipes the tears from your face. “your smile is the prettiest. my bad, you are the prettiest.”

your gaze stays on him as you feel a warm feeling settling in your chest. you feel so lucky to have jake. your heart could explode by this overflowing adoration that he gives you.

“thank you, love.” you say to him as you lay your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. “can we stay like this for a few minutes?” you ask.

“of course.”

「 ☆ 」

“do you feel better?” asks jake a bit later. you nod in response. “good. but i’m here to listen if you have anything in your mind. i didn't want to interrupt you before.”

you take a deep breath while you interlace your fingers with jake's. a smile appears on his face at your action, but you don't notice it. your eyes are on his veiny hands.

“now, i just want to celebrate our first year anniversary with my boyfriend.”

this makes both of you smile at eachother.

“very well then. i cooked your favorite, as you can probably smell it. should we eat? are you hungry?”

“i wouldn't want to miss out on your cooking.” you murmur after placing a quick kiss on jake's lips, which you know it drives him crazy.

“don’t you want to give me a proper kiss?” asks your boyfriend with a cheeky smile.

the answer you prepared for him is straight up teasing.

“if the food is good enough, i will consider it.”

jake's reaction is priceless. his smile disappears from his face and pure flabbergast takes over. it almost makes you laugh out loud.

you stand up from the couch to make your way to the kitchen, but jake's hands find their way to your waist and pulls you back to him. as a result, you fall into his lap.

“i guarantee you, i cook really well, so give me the kiss in advance, please.” he whines.

you roll your eyes playfully at his words. needy jake is back. but you both know you can't resist him.

you turn your head to face your boyfriend and lean close to him. he looks at you with his doe eyes, waiting for you to speak.

“so childish. but since you asked so nicely–” you cut off your own sentence by placing your lips on his, causing him another surprise.

he closes his eyes as he places his hands on your waist, making you turn your whole body to his and pulling you even closer. it feels so good, you start to forget about all the bad things that happened to you today.

jake is here for you, and the thought he always will be makes you smile in satisfaction.

“i love you” he mumbles after breaking the kiss.

“i love you so much.” he repeats.

if anyone asked how you feel after hearing these words, it would be hard to answer. you heard him saying it many times already, but every time those words leave his mouth, it's like hearing it for the first time. the way he pours every emotion to his words, the way he softly holds you with his hands and the way he handles these situations makes you fall for him over and over again.

“i love you too, jaeyun.”

[2012aura]

progression !

summary : cont of free treats, this is part 3!

wanring : marijuan use, cursing & idk what else

pairing : college!ellie williams x black!reader

the thing that you heard when you woke up was giggling, which wasn't unusual, dina and jessie were always laughing at some silly stuff. but when you moved around and realized that one, you were practically still cuddled against ellie and two your phone wasn't where you left it.

you touched everywhere, your boob, behind your back, even under the pillow, dina then came near you and saw you freaking out. "looking for something?" she said holding your phone with two fingers. these sneaky girls, jesus christ what kind of trouble did they get you into today? "real funny dina, can i have it back now?" you asked, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. she threw it to the empty space on the couch, and you swiftly grabbed it. you instantly went to instagram to see the post and you laughed.

you honestly thought it was gonna be a thousand times worse than them posting some pics of you and ellie cuddling. you laughed along with them, once they realized you weren't upset, rather you found it amusing. as long as ellie didn't see anything wrong with it, you would just leave it up. there wasn't anything bad about it, it just looks like friends cuddling, right? you yawned as you started to get up from the couch, letting the pads of your feet hit the cold floor. "damn what time did you guys come in?" you asked as you finally got up and made your way to the small makeshift kitchen, "around five i think, i honestly can't remember, me and dina were wasted." jessie said sitting on one of the chairs. "shall i make us my famous dish, es scrambled eggs and thee finest turkey bacon?" you said in a fake french accent, using your hands to pronounciate the words. "YES WE ARE STARVING!" jessie and dina yelled in union, and that woke ellie up.

"shit whatever it is, me too." ellie laughed, quickly adjusting to the setting in the room. you got started, using the last four eggs they had and the seven pieces of bacon they had, you made enough for everyone to eat once and have a leftover baked good from last night. well, the ones that were still left over, and once you were done chefing it up you served everyone. you all sat on the floor and joyed the silence between each other, speaking ever so often to mention something irrelevant. once everyone was done you did the dishes, the shorts you had on yesterday were rolled up because it became hot in the room quickly but you couldn't tell if it was because of ellie or the heat from the sun outside.

ellie was definitely checking you out the whole time and the other girls took notice, telling jokes within themselves about the obvious pinning. it was around eleven am, meaning you had to clock in to work in about an hour, and you decided to say goodbye to everyone. "guys i gotta go, duty calls! how about you guys come around and maybe we can hang out on my break, or even better after my shift and we can do something!" you said excitedly. they all gave you some form of agreement except for ellie, "sorry i can't make it, i have practice." that made you upset, you were looking forward to seeing ellie today but that was okay! you knew things came before you because you both were barely friends and not even CLOSE to dating so why should it affect you? "that's alright ellie, maybe next time!" you said cheerfully, knowing somewhere deep down it kind of hurt.

you left out the door with your pants from yesterday placed onto of your shorts and simply just left after the final goodbyes. you felt like you were missing something but you brushed it off, not remembering the bag that you had brought with you. but ellie definitely remembered, it smelt like pure weed and vodka and she just had to return it to you. it took you only around thirty minutes to get ready and you were off to your job. the walk wasn't too far, just around ten minutes so you took the short stroll and admired the outside life. it wasn't long before you arrived at one of your favorite places, this place felt like home to you. you opened the door and the little bell rang letting them know someone entered.

"we don't open for another ten- oh hey good morning [name], what good?" cameron said. his ginger fro sticking up, and glowing from the sunlight outside. "ah i see you listened about oiling your scalp, how does it feel?" you asked while you grabbed your apron from the hanger. "bitch it feels the same bye." he said jokingly before returning to preparing the baked goodies presentations, you laughed with him as you tried to stifle it. the owner of the shop came out from the back, flour all over his black apron. he was an elderly man, and it was his families bakery for years, and he loved what he did. he smiled at you both as she took a seat at one of the tables closest to you both, "good morning team, how are you both?" his low voice echoing because of the silence. "I'm good sir, spent the night at a friend-" cameron cut you off, "she means GIRL friend, sir," you hit cameron over the counter dividing you two.

that started a small and childish hitting battle between you both that your boss found amusing, "enough you two, but a girlfriend? I'm happy for you sunshine, if she hurts you in any way you know where to find me." he said laughing to himself, causing you to laugh along. "yes sir i know, thank you." you said walking your way behind the counter to finally start your shift, today was gonna be good, you could feel it in your bones. the shop started to fill immediately and you were on your feet at a fast pace, taking orders, making drinks, and serving them right up. one of your favorite artists came on, mac miller, the way featuring ariana grande. it was an absolute hit in your opinion, and you loved the song, it got you in such a happy mood. you were so wrapped up in work that you didn't notice ellie waiting to the side patiently. you told cameron to take over the register for a second so you could walk over to her, and he did. you walked over to her and looked at her for a brief moment before asking, "hey ellie, what did you need?"

she pointed to her back and you saw your bookbag, your sunflower-themed bookbag on her back, and that's what you had forgotten. "oh my lord, thank you ellie! i must've forgotten it on my way out," she handed you her bag, and you held it for a second. "well i should go now, i've got soccer practice, see you later!" she said as she walked out the shop. you were honestly left starstruck, and it took a second to get back to your sense. when you did you went back behind the register and threw your bag through the open kitchen doors and left it in the corner somewhere. you saw cameron and mr. anderson speaking secretly and you just knew cameron was spilling everything and anything he knew. the day went on and the customers were coming in nonstop which didn't bother you, and near the end of your shift, you saw jessie, dina, and ellie sitting down at a table. why was ellie here, didn't she have practice you thought to yourself as you finished your last drink of the day? you said goodbye to cameron and mr. anderson. taking off your apron and hanging it back up where it was first put this morning, you fixed your hair slightly and grabbed your bag from the back.

you walked up to their table and spoke, "seems like i have some stalkers today, hm?" you jokingly said as they got up from the table. ellie smiled at you as dina and jessie said hello to you by attacking you with bear hugs, you were still confused as to why ellie was here. "hi guys, i missed yall," you said into the tight hug. once they let go you asked ellie, "i thought you had practice today?" you said softly as you all were leaving out the door. "yeah i did but the coach's daughter got hurt pretty badly and she goes to a different university so he had to go to her, which means no practice till he comes back." ellie said joyfully. that was good news, you really wanted to see her pretty face again today. "alright folks lets go smoke in a park, first, we have to stop by my dorm to grab the goods," you said as yall started walking that way. it didn't take long for you all to arrive and you instantly unlocked the door with your keycard and let them all in. you all went up to your room and grabbed the weed and some snacks for the travels. the park wasn't too far and the whole time was spent talking and joking around so the walk was way shorter than it seemed.

ellie made sure to let you stand on the safe side of the street while she stood near the traffic. she came close to holding your hand a couple times as the other girls were wrapped in their own conversation. you guys arrived and went to your usual spot in the park which was a little beyond it in the near woods. well it was rather a walkway for couples but it had a lot of wooded area, and you all settled down on top of the "wood blanket" and opened the book bag. in it sat a bong, some weed, and snacks and that's all you guys needed, ellie started to pack a bowl for herself as you scrolled on your phone. as she started to hit it you took out your phone to take photos of her for instagram, once she was done she passed it to you. she has hit the whole thing so you had to refill it and hit it yourself, feeling the plant hit your lungs, you breathed it out. you started to subtly feel the effects as you all were talking.

it was no joke with this stuff, a little really does go a long way with these. you laid back onto the blanket and ellie lay beside you, you both were very starry-eyed and zoned out. ellie then pulled out a small joint from her pocket and lit it up, taking a hit and then passing it to you. you took a hit and then another and passed it back to her. until you got up and handed dina your phone and told her to take a picture of you with it in your mouth. she did and you laid back down once again, seeing your body drifting off like the wind blowing against you guys. you reached your hand to the side and you felt ellie's and you grabbed it. it was really warm so you kept holding it, and in ellie's dazed state she didn't mind, she found it comforting. the rest of the night was spent with you all goofing around and taking so many pictures to post later.

at one point you and ellie took a little walk down the path, holding hands and just enjoying the outside. the trees were beautiful and so was the moonlight. it hit you both so beautifully, and you both were now staring at each other with nothing but adoration and affection in your eyes. one thing led to another and now you both were very handsy making out behind a tree, but dina and jessie still had a very clear view of this. your lips hit ellie's with a powerful force, making her stumble back into the tree, your teeth slightly biting down on her lips as she moaned into it. she flipped you guys over so now your back was against the tree and she started to attack your neck with these bites. they weren't so painful but they made something inside you crave more, maybe it was the high or maybe you were genuinely enjoying it. but it all came to a halt when jessie and dina snuck up on you both and gasped loudly.

making ellie take her teeth off your skin and you cover your face in embarrassment, not that you were kissing ellie but that you were caught. after that, you all decided the responsible young adult thing to was head back to your dorm and sleep the high away, and that's exactly what you did. you and ellie shared and bed while dina and jessie shared the empty one in your room, but before you went to bed you had to post about your night.

blackmacmiller

liked by elliewilliams, dinawina and 13 others

blackmacmiller the key to happiness is good weed, good company and late night adventures. i love you guys, @dinawina @ elliewilliams @jjessiemessy! my hearts in human form!

view all 34 comments

dinawina i love you, way more ⭐️

> blackmacmiller lying again? wowza

jjessiemessy i hate you all

> blackmacmiller we love you too baby

> dinawina facts

elliewilliams thanks for the super awesome night, hopefully we have more of these

> blackmacmiller anytime you want, els

> dinawina FLIRTING I SEEE

cameronwalker & you say she not yo gf … bye GIRL!

> blackmacmiller gtfo cam, i’ll see you tmr

and with that, you were out like a light, hoping that your morning tomorrow could outshine the amazing day you had today. but you knew deep inside, nothing could ever top this bonding experience with your favorite people.

-

how we feeling … how we FEELING!

[slicznymartwy]

billy lenz x gn!reader (established)

part i

a little continuation from when billy gets caught by your housemates. warning: violence against reader, choking, abusive behavior, kind of hurt/comfort ??, billy is very sorry please forgive him

Once Billy leaves, your Saturday is blissfully uneventful. The rain continues all day, and all you want to do is catch up on all the sleep you lost during the week. After making a valiant attempt at some homework, you shortly give up and spend the rest of your day in bed.

With your radio playing low, you alternate between reading and napping. It’s the best Saturday you’ve had in a while, especially since Barb didn’t invite any frat brothers over for you to entertain.

Once night falls, you’re surprised by how clear the sky became. The rain clouds leave completely, revealing a bright white moon that illuminates your bedroom. Sitting against the headboard, you leave the bedside lamp off as you wait for Billy.

Except, he doesn’t come. You drift in and out of sleep as you wait, but a glance at your alarm clock tells you that it’s already past one in the morning. So much for catching up on sleep, you think to yourself. 

Defeated, and still feeling a little sorry for leaving Billy out in the rain, you take your punishment on the chin and lay down to sleep. You’ll give Billy his space to be mad, but you’re sure you’ll see him tomorrow; he’s bad at keeping away. 

You wake up to the feeling of a vice on your throat. Your eyes blink open slowly, heavy with sleep, and your vision swims as you try to make sense of where you are. The image starts to piece together and then, all at once, you see him; Billy is on top of you, straddling your hips, and he squeezes your throat with both hands. He forces out a gasp from your lungs, and suddenly you’re out of air. 

Still barely cognizant, you start to squirm, using what little strength you have to knock Billy off you. Unfortunately for you, Billy has the advantage of being wide awake and in full control of his body, and he manages to stay on top of you. Clutching his hands, you try to pry them off of you, but he only tightens them around your neck.  

“Billy,” you rasp, and your lips feel swollen as he restricts your blood supply to your head. With pleading eyes, you meet his gaze. He looks manic and crazed, wide eyed with fury as he tries to snuff you out. 

You claw at his hands, but he’s unfazed. Your breaths wheeze, but no air comes to your lungs. You loose the energy to kick your legs or to pull his hands off of you. Pathetically, you pet Billy’s hand, coaxing him like he’s a deranged feral cat. 

His face, pale in the moonlight, shows no recognition of you. This was always how it was going to end, you realize. 

Just as spots start to swim in your vision, Billy inhales like he’s the one that’s been strangled and releases your throat. You cough first, but then you gasp, loud and harsh, and you keep gasping as you try to get your blood pumping again. 

You think you sob, so detached from your body that you wouldn’t be surprised if it was you, but it’s Billy who’s crying. He weeps into your shoulder, heartbreaking whines that instinctively have you putting your hand on the back of his head. 

“Agnes,” he blubbers. “Agnes, I’m sorry. Billy’s sorry, Agnes. I’m so sorry.”

Your breathing is still labored as you close your eyes, feeling the urge to cry as well. 

“I didn’t mean to,” he continues. “Why’d you make me mad? I didn’t mean to hurt you, Agnes.” Your shoulder feels wet, and so do your own cheeks. You stroke his hair, because there’s nothing else for you to do.

“It’s okay,” you croak. “It’s all okay, Billy.”

That only makes his crying worse. Your throat hurts, and you’re sure there will be a bruise in the morning, but you hold him until he goes quiet against you.

You both spend the night shaking like a pair of leaves on an otherwise barren tree - alone together, ready to fall to the dirt.  

© slicznymartwy 2023, please do not repost or copy.

[alaffy]

Bridgerton, Ep. 3x05 - On the Clock (spoilers)

There were so many ways I was thinking about writing this episode and then the last 10 minutes happened.  I am interested in where this story is going.  As the story moves further and further away from the books, I am interested in….well, I know Colin and Penlope will get their happy ending, I just wonder if it will be this season.  Maybe this one time it doesn’t end on a happy note? At least, for now.

The biggest reason is that Colin, unlike what happened in the books, has a real good reason to be angry with Whistledown.  And it’s not really the Eloise thing, although that doesn’t help.  The thing about Eloise’s story is that; it can easily be resolved (as strange as that sounds).  After all, Penelope wasn't being vindictive when she was writing about Eloise. She was getting Eloise out a far worse situation the only way she knew how. Well, I mean, yes she could have admitted she was Whistledown. But then the question is, should Penelope have to come forward and risk everything, when it was Eloise's own actions who got Eloise in trouble. Especially, when Penelope had warned Eloise she was headed down a dangerous path. Which is a debate in itself.

Getting back to my point, the biggest problem is Lady Crane.  Yes, tricking Colin into a marriage to protect herself and her child was wrong.  And Colin deserved to learn the truth.  But, had Lord Crane not come to take care of his brother’s affairs, Lady Crane would have been cast out to God knows where.  And Colin clearly wouldn’t what her cast out, even though she hurt him.  So, I don’t know how this one is resolved. 

But going into the episode (and this will be less a recap, more jumbled thoughts).  Anthony and Kate are back because….pregnancy achieved!  They’re so happy to tell everyone, until they find out what’s going on.  Kate suggests waiting a bit, but it’s because she wasn’t quite ready to tell the news. 

Benedict is still with the widow. 

Will is starting to realize what he’s missing out on while running his business instead of being with his family.

Lady Danbury’s bother is still here.

Francesca’s story so cute.  I love the way Lord Killmartin explains to the family just how special Francesca is to him.

Lady Featherington is taken to task by Colin for her treatment of Penelope.  I could watch that scene on repeat.

Colin and Penelope together for the first time.  I loved how sweet it was.  Also, I like how Penelope may not completely know about sex, but she’s not afraid to voice her opinion on what she’s wants.    

Everyone is happy for Colin and Penelope, except Eloise.  She tells Penelope that Colin deserves the truth (and she’s right).  But she’s also questions Penelope about how long she has loved Colin?  Again, this kind of reminds me of what I said a few posts ago, about how Penelope and Eloise have been written from the beginning as friends who are drifting apart.  Like the way Penelope acted around Colin should have been a dead giveaway.

And then we have the whole thing with Cressida and Eloise.  First, she rants to Cressida that she thinks Penelope was only a friend to her to get with Colin (ok, you need to calm down).  She comes down slightly when she hears of Cressida’s own problems (get to that in a moment).  But as the episode goes on, and we do see this with Eloise in season 1 and 2, when she gets into her own feelings or obsessions, she has a tendency to just tune everyone else out (which is kind of what, scratch that, is exactly what gets her into trouble in season 2). 

And then, on the night of the engagement party, she decides to give Penelope an ultimatum; tell Colin the truth by midnight or I will tell him.  I really don’t like this; it’s clear she’s not doing this for Colin.  Part of her wants to hurt and humiliate Penelope by telling Colin in front of everyone.  That part of her does not recognize or does not care that the truth is going to hurt Colin and he also will be humiliated.  Still, given her behavior at the party, it is clear that there’s another part of Eloise that realizes that she’s going about this the wrong way.  Hopefully, that Eloise wins out.

And then there’s Cressida, who had the most surprising storyline.  Cressida finds out she’s going to be married to a man who somehow is worse than Lord Danbury.  At the same time Cressida also finds out that the Queen has announced a reward for the identity of Whistledown.  Cressida tells Eloise that she’s going to find out who Whistledown is so that she can collect the reward and go live in another country.  And I figured that’s what her story was going to be in the next three episodes, finding out who Whistledown is.  And while I might have disliked Cressida vs. Penelope given how Cressida has treated her…I, uh, her potential husband is horrible and I can’t say I wouldn't do the same.

But then the shocking twist happens.  Everyone starts talking about Whistledown and the notoriety.  But that she would also be famous.  And, most importantly, no one would ever marry her.  And the look on Cressida’s face is like, “oh hell, this is a lot easier.”

So, we get to the last minute of the episode.  Kate and Anthony tell Violet and Lady Danbury they’re expecting.  Penelope is so overwhelmed with anxiety she starts to have a panic attack.  The clock strikes midnight.  Eloise tries to tell Colin about Whistledown, but he’s clearly not interested in what she has to say as his Fiancé is clearly about to pass out.  Kate and Anthony somehow miss that whole scene and are about to announce their good news to all, when Cressida announces she’s Whistledown.  And then Penelope passes out. 

[blossom-hwa]

omg same anon here that requested the model soobin + designer reader that was so good aoaajddkjjjs&#@*kdj thank you ☆_☆

also i feel like i might have sent a similar ask to the following (maybe tumblr ate it) but if no one yet has straight up asked for taehyun fandancer au then plz taehyun fandancer au. and/or any other txt members in the same au if you want (no pressure to again though it's ok !!!)

I am so late...it's fine it's fine it's fine LMAO anyway idk if anyone is still looking for their drabbles from the summertime fest, but I'm trying to do them now - hope y'all enjoy :)

this is an excerpt from a fic idea I'm trying to flesh out; it might be a little confusing but here's the gist - fan dancer mc is trying to hide soobin, the missing crown prince, from those who want to kill him, and in the meantime taehyun is trying to court them and mc desperately wants to say yes but can't because caring for soobin is first priority (they promised a friend). horrible dilemmas I feel for mc so bad (I want taehyun too &lt;/3)

summertime drabble fest: send me an idol from the list (Stray Kids, Ateez, TXT, Seventeen) + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

REQUESTS CLOSED!

~

Title: In the Eyes of the Night

Pairing: Taehyun x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 2.1k

Genre: slight angst, fan dancer!mc and nobility!Taehyun

Warnings: mentions of blood

~

Once backstage you nearly fall onto one of the benches behind the gauzy curtains that frame the dais, dropping your fans and gingerly taking off first your shoes, then the wrappings around your feet. They come away sweaty and smelly, which is only to be expected, but a pained hiss escapes your lips as you peel cloth off the blisters that burst during your time on the stage, leaving stains of yellow and red on the fabric.

Your stomach drops. It's not as if you had expected anything less, not after what happened last night, but seeing the mess of blood and pus in the light somehow makes it all worse.

"Need some help?" Juyeon's deep voice sounds overhead. You meet his concerned smile with a wry grimace of your own. "Don't worry about me," you reply, already grabbing one of the clean towels nearby. "Your performance is next, right? You should go prepare. I'll be fine."

His eyes flicker over to the clock on the wall and a grimace of his own passes over his lips as he registers how little time he has left. "I'll send someone with water," he promises. "Clean your feet properly."

"Thanks, Juyeon. I'll be fine," you reassure him, even as the stinging pain threatens to bring tears to your eyes. "It's just a few blisters."

Juyeon disappears into the gauzy curtains, and you take the moment alone to stretch your feet onto the bench. Stars above, your legs ache something awful. Normally you would just attribute this to the endless cycle of performance and practice, but all that running around yesterday took everything out of you. The adrenaline of the chase, the fear that you would be caught, captured - or even worse, that the prince you were hiding would be seen -

Not for the first time, you curse your friend in the shadows for saddling you with the responsibility of a missing prince. How do you hide a prince in your own tiny room? How do you keep him out of sight but still get him food, get him water, get him the basic things he needs to survive? She didn't tell you anything when she dumped him on you, didn't tell you anything except that he was the prince who the royal family had declared missing and that you needed to hide him or else people would kill him. 

You're not an assassin. You're nothing special, not like she is. You can't use a knife. You can't wield a sword. You're just a fan dancer and nothing else and the responsibility of a prince is going to kill you, if it doesn't kill him first.

Ugh. You rest a hand on your heart, forcing deep breaths. "Everything is fine," you mutter to yourself, as though saying it aloud will make it true. It is true, in a way. Your prince wasn't seen last night, for all the danger you were in. He wasn't captured. He wasn't killed. You were able to distract those who would hunt him, even if your bare feet and legs took more cuts than you were used to on the sharp stones outside. Even if it took all of your remaining energy not to collapse in a heap of silk and fans onstage. 

Gahyeon comes running over with a small basin of cold water. You thank her, brush her away when she offers to help, and begin cleaning up the mess of blood on your stinking feet. As soon as it's all cleared away and you've wrapped the open sores in clean bandages, you force yourself to stand and limp to your room. With every step, pain hisses up your legs, but you make it there in the end. 

You tap the door slightly, knocking once, twice, three times in a pattern to announce your presence. When a few knocks sound in return, you slide it open and step inside, closing it quickly behind you. 

Soobin sits in the corner of the room, looking small and hunched over for all his height. His eyes are dull, despondent. "Hello," he mumbles. 

All of your previous curses about the responsibility of a prince melt away, replaced by pity in the face of the crown prince's misery. "Hello, Your Highness," you murmur respectfully. "Are you well?"

"I'm fine," he replies quickly, which is how you know he isn't. "Are your feet alright?"

"Just a few cuts and blisters." You smile a little, trudging over to the small mirror set on one of the walls. "I'll survive."

"...I'm so sorry."

"There is no need to be," you respond firmly, turning around from touching up your makeup. "You are my prince and I swore an oath to our friend in the shadows to keep you safe. If I have to bear some pain in my feet for it, no matter. I'm a dancer, anyway." You smile at him. "I'm used to it."

He doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't try to apologize again, so you count that as a win. "You said someone helped you last night," he says, changing the subject.

Your eyebrows furrow. "Yes," you reply lowly, unwanted memories rushing back of shadows and snarls and blades flashing in the moonlight - and above all, one familiar voice shouting for you to run as his sword slashed down, starlight shimmering on the metal. 

Your heart skips a beat. Taehyun Kang. In the moment, when you couldn't breathe and couldn't think, you couldn't believe it was him. But you've replayed those seconds over and over in your mind, and there's no question anymore. Taehyun of the family Kang, one of the middle nobility who frequents your performances and has been trying to court your interest for almost two months...

He saved you. And you can't even thank him, because he didn't see your face, and you can't reveal that that was you. 

"Did you see who they were?" Soobin asks. 

You wipe your fingers on a towel by the mirror, eyes carefully downcast. "No," you reply, and truth be told, you're not sure why you lie. Maybe because you want to keep this moment to yourself. Maybe because deep down, you aren't sure it was really him. 

Maybe because you don't want to acknowledge how hard this makes everything, knowing that you owe Taehyun your life when all he professes to want is your love - and you can't even give him that, however you might want to, for fear that your duty to a missing prince will come to light and all your shadow friend's carefully-laid plans will be ruined.

"I must go now," you say, turning back around. A pair of soft slippers waits by your door and you slip them over your bandaged feet, wincing. You cast the missing prince a soft smile. "I'll be back later, with some food and water."

Soobin nods. He looks exhausted. "Thank you."

With a final smile, you slip out of the room and step lightly down the halls, forcing yourself not to limp the entire way. 

. . .

Back in the crowded main hall, Jinyoung waves you over the second you step in his direction. "Can you take the section in the corner?" he asks, gesturing to an area close to the stage. 

For the second damn time that evening, your heart skips a beat. Because before you even look over, you know who will be in that section. At least who will be taking one of the tables there. 

Taehyun. 

"Of course," you say anyway, because while Taehyun's stare may be unrelenting, he's never disrespectful - in fact, it's cute when his friends tease him for his never-ending stare and his cheeks tint with more blush than you can attribute to the alcohol. And you can't lie - you like seeing him. You like being around him. He makes you feel comfortable in a way few other men have, and even if he's been clear with his intentions, he's never forced you to make an answer to him, only greeted you with kindness and care. 

Gods above, your heart aches to finally say yes to one of his offers - to buy you a drink, to take you for a meal, to walk with you on the shoreline under the night sky. How could you not, when those sparkling eyes shine at you with all the grace and care in the world? But you can't sacrifice your duty to a missing prince for even a few nights spent in Taehyun's arms - it's too dangerous, with your friend in the shadows gone. Until she returns, and who knows when that will be, you must stay put.

A wry smile curls your lips. Stars, it would be so much easier if he were less easy to fall for. 

Someone hands you a tray of drinks, and you begin to make your way through the chaos. The first group that waves you over isn’t his. It’s a rowdy group of sailors who laugh a little too much and talk a little too loudly, but they’re harmless as they thank you for the several glasses of alcohol that you pour out on their table. The second group isn’t his either, nor the third, nor the fourth. Slowly, you wade through the chaos, flashing a pretty smile at everyone who deigns to meet your eye, filling orders as fast as you can until you find yourself near the stage. 

The music is louder here, and it slowly thrums its way through your body, settling your heart. Beomgyu is dancing now and you allow your eyes to meet his once, an encouraging smile on your lips just before you turn to serve the table to your right. Then you turn to the left. 

Taehyun's small group is a friendly sight to your eyes. Your smile grows a little as you pour out their usual drinks, laughing and bantering as they thank you. By the time you've reached Taehyun, who is on the other side of the table, you feel somewhat better. 

"Good evening, my lord." You smile softly, taking in the empty glass before him. "Would you like your usual?"

"No, Y/N, I'll be fine for tonight." His voice, soft-spoken as always and so different from the commanding shout that rang through the air last night, fusing you with the energy and adrenaline to run. And all of a sudden you're back in that moment, under the dark sky, cornered, feet bleeding, breath sharp and fast with panic...

"Y/N?"

You force yourself to breathe. To come back to earth. You dig your foot into one of the floorboards and the pain that flares from one of the blisters forces you to focus. "I apologize," you say quietly, ignoring the strange look that Taehyun is giving you now. He can't know. He won't know -

"You're limping."

His words pierce through the fog of your thoughts, hitting your ears with a startling precision.

You’re limping. 

You straighten immediately, ignoring how the pain in your feet flares when you do. “I’m sorry?”

“You’re limping,” he repeats, and one glance at him is all you need to know that you didn’t convince him at all. The dark eyes that stare at you with so much intensity fall down to the floor where your feet stand, hidden beneath your robes. When he looks back up, only gentle concern floats in his magnetic irises. “Are you all right?”

Something in his voice almost makes you tell the truth, that no, you aren’t quite fine, you probably shouldn’t have danced today but you had no choice when the only other option was to explain where all the sores in your feet came from - and for a moment, you almost feel tears well up in your eyes. What is it with him, this noble with eyes as intense as his voice can be gentle, this son of a lord who has never once taken his eyes from you but always manages to stare with a respectful distance, never once making you feel like something less than human? 

Why is he so perfect, and why is it that for all he wants you, you can't have him?

But training kicks in, the easy, bland smile lifting the corners of your lips as your exchange begins to catch the attention of the rest of his friends. Just in time, really, though there is still a little ache in your chest when you nod. “I’m fine,” you say. “Thank you for your concern, my lord, but I assure you I’m all right.” You turn away from their table, then, making sure not to limp on your way. 

No matter how much it kills your feet to do so.