#except for maybe Gaul

[runningfrom2am]

leveling the playing field VIII

summary: you didn't meet the requirements for the plinth prize, only to find out that you're not just missing out on that- you're missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime. your friend wants to help, because maybe you can help each other.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.2k

tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there

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a/n: omg so this is the final part of the first like, section of this story! i probably should have not called them parts bc idk what to do for the second like.. bit. season? maybe?) yeah sure, season two coming soon!! lol

thank you guys so much for being here and reading this and enjoying it as much as i have enjoyed writing it! it truly means so much to me :)

next part

You hear footsteps and turn around in the seat, hoping desperately that it's Coryo, and you are relieved to see that it finally is. He had been gone for close to an hour. You stand quickly, going to meet him halfway, what you had to tell him couldn't wait. "Coryo," You say quickly, before launching into the full story. "Lucy Gray came back, the others were chasing her and she hid in that vent and she's still in there, they're trying to figure out how to get in. She's stuck."

You follow him back to the desk, his eyes wide now too. "That's good... I think that's good." He's scanning the arena again, as if there's any inch of it he hasn't committed to memory, trying to see if there was any way Dr. Gaul's snakes could reach her in the vent you pointed to.

"No, no it's not good because I don't think there's another way out of that one except the way she came in." You dig into your bag as it hangs at his side, pulling out the notebook that you drew the map in. "Yeah, look- it's pinched off about thirty feet in." You point to the page, holding it out for him to see.

"She just has to wait them out." He insists, pushing your hand down. "Put that away- you shouldn't have that."

Why is he so calm about this? Lucy Gray was trapped, and this time there was nothing either of you could do to help her. "Yeah, but that's not going to work for much longer." You say, watching as the three make a plan to push her farther into the vent and try and get her out from the bottom.

Hurriedly, you close your notebook and put it away so you don't have to look away for long.

"Just a little longer, Lucy Gray..." Coryo mutters to himself and grips onto your hand at his side. At this, you reach across your body and rub his arm with your free hand. His whole future could collapse in a matter of moments if Lucy Gray doesn't survive. Yours could too. But as you watch Coral thrust her weapon up into the pipes that you know Lucy Gray is inside, you flinch, not knowing how much longer Lucy Gray can hold out.

You can't even process what is happening to Treech and the outcries of his mentor and people in the theatre, wondering what happened to him as he collapses with a bloody nose. You knew, so you avoided even looking in their direction as Lucy Gray tumbled from the now shredded vent, landing directly on top of Coral before making a run for it. You're sure Coriolanus isn't even breathing.

You aren't either when every one of the tributes freezing and the wind starts whipping Lucy Gray's hair around her face and her dress around her sides. Everyone watches as a large tank is lowered into the arena and dropped delicately on top of the pile of debris in the center.

"What is that?" You wonder out loud, and Coryo just shakes his head as you look up at him.

"C'mon Lucy Gray, get out of there..."

"Wouldn't it be funny if it was candy?" Lucky jokes and you stifle a laugh.

At this moment, the young girl from District Eight wanders out into the clearing, pale and skinny. "Is it over?" She asks no one in particular, making your smile fade.

"Wovey..." Reaper warns her from where he's kneeling next to the bodies he had covered with the flag.

"Can we go home now?" You clutch your hand back to your chest as she walks toward the tank- you don't know what was in the tank, but you know it wouldn't be good.

"Wovey." He warns again, more stern this time with a slight shake of his head.

The tank starts to splinter, cracking steadily along all sides until it bursts open. You gasp at the amount of snakes that come out. A wave of moving, rainbow destruction crashes over the floor and completely engulfs the little girl in a fraction of a second, as everyone else starts to run.

As Lucy Gray and Coral make a break for the walls, trying to get up to the stands, Reaper seems to just accept his fate. You feel... bad. He could have taken your offer made days before, he could be winning right now. At least he and Wovey didn't suffer.

As Lucy Gray pushes herself backward up the pile of rubble away from the fast moving snakes, Coral starts speaking to her. You can't hear what she's saying, but you can see she's crying- maybe pleading for Lucy Gray's help, maybe just saying her goodbyes to this world. It didn't matter, Lucy Gray was the last one alive as Coral's body got surrounded by the snakes.

Please work. Coriolanus begs the universe, hoping that the cloth he had used to wipe her tears and the one she used to wipe away the dirt from her skin before the interview, which he took from your bag and shoved into slots in the tank would be enough to save her.

"She won!" You grin, shaking Coryo's shoulder as he stands beside you, eyes still locked on Lucy Gray.

That's when she starts to sing, just as the snakes catch up to her. Why aren't they letting her out? It was over.

"Why aren't they getting her out?" You ask him, confused as everyone watches intensely, entranced by her voice.

"I'll be along, when I've finished my song..."

Coryo and you both turn, facing the audience now and all eyes immediately lock on Dr. Gaul. "Dr. Gaul, she won." He says, as if somehow she's missed it- surely she had. Surely she's not watching the same thing you are.

"When I've shut down the band, played out my hand..."

"It's over, let her out!" You shout, attempting to draw her attention.

"Paid all my debts..."

"Why aren't they attacking her?" You hear someone ask, noticing the snakes are almost entirely covering Lucy Gray's shirt now.

"Have no regrets, right here..."

"It must be the singing," Coryo replies, and you look up at him. You don't know that that's true, but you won't ask. "It's calming them."

"In the old therebefore..."

"She can't sing forever."

"Then let her out!" You yell, looking pleadingly up at Dr. Gaul in the stands. "Dr. Gaul!" You demand her attention now, stomping your foot down.

Your blood is boiling when she still won't look at you and the sound of Lucy Gray's voice fills the theatre. "Look at me!" You scream, and clearly, people are getting annoyed at you for interrupting Lucy Gray's song. "Look at me now or let her out!"

She does neither, not until Lucy Gray's song moves everyone else to match your cries for her to be released. Only then does Dr. Gaul look at the two of you, and you drop Coryo's hand.

The doctor sighs, leaning over to her assistant. "Get her out. Now." She says, and cheers erupt in the room previously filled with emotional tears.

"I did it." Coryo says, and you have to lean close to hear it over everyone's delight.

"You did it!" You laugh, throwing your arms over his shoulders. You scream in excitement as he hugs you back, lifting you up and spinning you around as people crowd the two of you. You don't think you've ever been happier.

As he lets you down gently, grabbing your cheeks and pressing a kiss to your forehead, you wonder if your parents are watching. You can't wait to get home, to see your family and let them sing your praises for Coriolanus's success in the games. Well, Lucy Gray's success that the two of you get to reap the rewards of.

Then, he's gone, leaving you to gather your things while he goes to see Tigris. You smile, sighing to yourself as you watch. It's likely your father has already sent the car to collect you, so you should probably get going. You're in dire need of a celebratory bath, anyway.

Last night, you had the best sleep you had gotten in weeks. A full eight hours- a privilege you didn't know you missed so bad. Even when you had to get up for school around six, you felt so well rested you knew you could take on the world.

That was until you walked downstairs for breakfast. "Good morning." You grin, skipping down the last couple of steps only to be met with your father hanging up the phone, storming over to you, and shoving you back onto the staircase.

"Sit down. Listen to me." He spits as you groan, holding your head from where it hit the railing and adjusting yourself so you are sitting properly on the stairs.

"Ow... What did I do?"

"You know what you did, Y/N." He hisses, pacing in front of you. "Un-fucking-believable! They went out on a limb for you, and this is how you repay them? Do you even realize what you have done? To me? To this family?"

The poison.

"Dad, I didn't do anything! I had no say in it! Coryo gave her the compact empty- it wasn't our business what she did with it!" You argue, standing up only to earn yourself a slap across the face.

"You were to give her nothing. You knew that." You hold your cheek while he lectures you, and you just nod.

"Yes, sir." You sniff, rubbing your jaw to soothe the sting of your already burning skin. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me- you will apologize to Dean Highbottom first thing this morning and hope he's smart enough to forgive you. Now, go."

You pull your bag back over your shoulder, avoiding eye contact with your little brother and your mother sat at the table as you walked out the door. It looks like you're walking today.

You make it to your first class, obviously not feeling too excited about the concept of speaking with the Dean. Coryo walks in just a few moments after you, stealing the seat at your side. You can't even look at him.

"Good morning." He whispers, pulling his textbook out of his bag. He's in good spirits it seems, but you know that won't last long. "You left in a hurry after the games yesterday, I was hoping we would celebrate together."

When you don't respond, he furrows his brow. Were you mad at him? Had he done something? "Wow, you're a ray of sunshine this morning, aren't you?" He asks, disguising his hurt as a joke. His intention was to come back to you after speaking with Tigris, he wanted to see if you would like to go for a walk or something and discuss everything. He didn't really have a plan, but he didn't want you to leave his side, not yet. The games had ended all too quickly, and you had yet to even discuss what had happened with the kiss you shared. He couldn't let you slip back into a routine of only seeing each other in class and during breaks, he couldn't bear the mere idea of it.

You slam your pen down on the desk, turning to look at him now. "We are in such deep, deep shit, Coriolanus." You hiss, taking notice of everyone looking at you so you quiet down.

"Your... your cheek." He just mutters, leaning in to look closely at the other side of your face and the maroon bruise that now adorned it. Even under your makeup he could see it. "What happened?" He reaches out to gently brush his hand over your jaw and you flinch away quickly.

You sigh, looking around quickly before leaning in closer to whisper to him. "They know, about the poison. We're done for, enjoy your final moments of freedom." You move away quickly as your professor starts speaking and the world begins to crash down around your best friend.

He sits back, face pale as his stomach turns. How could they know? They must have found the compact on Lucy Gray- it must not have been empty. Or was it the cloths in the tank? Those would be easier to find, probably, but how could they be traced back to you?

"We need to borrow Miss Y/L/N and Mister Snow, please." A peacekeeper says as he knocks on the open door frame, eyes quickly finding the two of you.

"It was nice knowing you." You sigh, quickly gathering your things and making your way down to the door.

He follows quickly behind, and for once, your classmates are silent.

A group of three peacekeepers lead you down a quiet hallway of the school, and stop at an open door gesturing for the two of you to enter.

"Ladies first," Coriolanus says softly, stepping aside for you to enter.

"Oh, so now I'm a lady." You scoff quietly, walking into the large open room, the high biology room, with nothing but a table in the center. The table is adorned only with the compact he had given to Lucy Gray, and two handkerchiefs. One of his, and one of yours. How did they get that?

"Kids." Dean Highbottom greets the two of you as the door slams shut behind you.

You open your mouth to speak, taking a breath and he stops you before you get the chance. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you this, Y/N, but I don't want to hear it."

"No, I think you do." You protest, "Because my-"

"Your father?" He cuts you off. "What about him? Because I just got off the phone with him this morning, and judging by the state of your face, I would argue that I am in agreement with him."

You swallow, fighting the urge to look down and avoid his gaze. If you had any chance of walking out of here without being in too much trouble, you had to prove that you were not afraid.

"Don't you think that she's been punished enough?" Coryo argues, looking between the two of you.

"Coriolanus." He ignores his plea, tapping the table next to the compact. "How many times did I see your mother pull this from her handbag to check her face? Your pretty, vapid mother, who'd somehow convinced himself that your father would give her freedom and love. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, as they say."

"She wasn't." Coryo protests, referring to the Dean's insinuations about his mother. You look at him, but he won't meet your gaze.

"Only her youth excused her, and, really, she seemed fated to be a child forever. Just like the opposite of your girl, here." He gestures to you. "Eighteen going on thirty-five, and a hard thirty-five, at that. Your songbird, too."

"She gave you the compact?" Coriolanus asks, the sadness of betrayal evident on his features at the idea of Lucy Gray handing it over.

"Oh, don't blame her. The peacekeepers had to wrestle her to get the thing. Naturally, we do a thorough search of the victors when they leave the arena." Dean Highbottom explains, tilting his head as he looks between the two of you. "So smart of her, to poison the water Dill drank and dust it over Treech the way she did. If I didn't know better, I would have thought I was watching you, Miss Y/L/N."

You take a sharp breath, making an effort to straighten your posture.

"She claimed that the poison was her idea, that the compact was nothing but a token." He adds.

"It was." You state, though he is likely speaking to Coriolanus.

"Oh, I'm glad to see you got your story straight." Highbottom nods at you, voice dripping in sarcasm. "But I don't believe you. Even if I did, what am I to make of these?" He taps next to the handkerchiefs now next to it. "One of the lab assistants found these in the snake tank last night. Everyone was baffled at first, checking to see if it was one of their own that they had dropped. Until we noticed the initials. Not yours. Your father's. So delicately stitched into the corner..."

You look at Coryo, who is fighting to keep a straight face through his urge to vomit. "Why haven't you made this public?" He asks.

"I know why." You say, crossing your arms and looking the Dean up and down, who just rolls his eyes.

"I was tempted," He ignores you. "Believe me, I was. But the academy, when expelling students, has a tradition of offering them a lifeline. As an alternative to public disgrace, Coriolanus, you may join the peacekeepers by the end of the day."

Coryo's heart drops, as does yours. "The other one, it's hers." He points suddenly to the other cloth, next to his father's. Your jaw drops. How dare he throw you under the bus like that?

"I was getting to that." The Dean sighs as you shoot glares into the side of Coriolanus's head.

"I didn't do that! He took my bag, he took it and put it in the tank- I didn't know anything!" You argue, and he once again raises a hand at you to shut you up.

"Coriolanus, you better hurry. The office closes in twenty minutes, if you run you can make it in time." Highbottom says to your classmate, who just nods and turns for the door. "Oh, and what's that?" He asks, looking up at the skylight. "It's the sound of Snow, falling."

Coriolanus glares at him, pacing quickly out of the door and slamming it behind himself.

You're in shock still over why he would do that to you, but you don't have the time to process it before the Dean is scolding you. "Now, what will happen to you, huh?" He asks, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms. "Be honest, did you know?"

"No, sir." You reply, giving a firm shake of your head.

"That's a shame. He really threw you under, huh?" He laughs, mocking you. "After what I saw the other day, I was expecting he would defend you tooth and nail... but no. I mean, he is a Snow, after all."

You don't say a word, just glaring at the man in front of you and waiting for him to tell you your fate.

"Anyway, if it was up to me, you would already be undergoing the necessary procedures to become an Avox. Oh, how I would love to see you without a tongue." He muses, sighing in disappointment. "But I know your father would be embarrassed so I think it best to leave your punishment in his hands, would you agree? Outside, of course, your expulsion."

"You can't expel me!" You shout, fists clenched around the sleeves of your coat.

"Enough of your tantrums, Y/N. You're too old for this. But, alas, you're right. I'm obligated to extend you the olive branch too." He concedes. "You are allowed to graduate under the condition that you work in service for the next ten years. Although keep in mind, your father won't like that."

"Fuck your olive branch! How dare you threaten me like this! I did nothing wrong, we won!" You fire off, practically twitching with anger at this point. "If you won't go public with it, I will! I've got nothing to lose now, the whole country will know what you and my dad are doing! What you're selling! I'll tell everyone! You'll be executed for treason!" You didn't even notice when you started grabbing anything you could reach and launching it in his direction until the peacekeepers were grabbing the back of your arms and dragging you away kicking and screaming. "You'll hang for this!"

You hardly make it to the door before you feel a stab in your neck, and the world fades to black around you.

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[bookofbonbon]

strut: into the archives - coriolanus snow.

Characters: Coriolanus Snow.

Warnings: Not edited so, bad grammar and probably bad spelling. Anything 1k+ is immediately too long for me to want to read back and edit.

Summary: Coriolanus is determined to find out who you are.

Word Count: 1800+.

A/N: They don't interact in this one. It's just all Coriolanus fretting over the fact that he doesn't know shit about reader and being determined to find out. Boring, I know however, this will be the segue into the beginning of their relationship!

Sleep evaded Coriolanus, your words playing over again in his head and haunting him throughout the night.

I think you know exactly what I mean, Coriolanus, or would like me to fetch a jabberjay to explain it to you?

The map in his hand crumples under the pressure of his closing fist.

It made no sense, how could you have known about the jabberjay? Nobody had known, except for Dr. Gaul and what benefit would it be to her to release that information? None. Nobody else had known and he had tied up all of his loose ends… hadn’t he?

Early morning chirps drew his attention to the window and away from the smoldering fire of his study's fireplace; the first rays of sunlight peeking from behind the drawn curtains - reminding him that yet another day had passed and still he knew absolutely nothing of weight about you and yet you? You already knew his darkest secret.

Leaning forward, his elbows dig into his knees as he haphazardly runs his hands through his hair and down his face; trying hard to drag something up of substance about you from last four or so weeks ago for what had to be the hundredth time that night.

The most he could recall was that he returned from District 12 and there you were, Sejanus's estranged cousin - he'd only heard of you once before from Sejanus but of course, Coriolanus wasn't actually listening so, he couldn't recall - and he didn't question your presence, why would he? Why would he care when he was finally returned to where he rightfully belonged in the Capitol. He had been honorably discharged from the Peacekeepers effective immediately, awarded the Plinth prize, studying under Dr. Gaul and interning as a Gamemaker not to mention that with the way things were going for him, he was sure he would soon be named the heir to the Plinth’s Munitions empire.

He alone, Coriolanus, was restoring the Snow name to its former prestige; finally getting back all that he had been owed. So why the hell would he have cared about the plain faced girl standing beside Ma Plinth when she and old Strabo greeted him for the first time upon his return?

Coriolanus had simply dismissed your presence as Ma bringing in a stray Plinth - an attempt to mend her broken heart. Of course, Coriolanus's return brought them to their senses, reminding them that he was Sejanus's best friend and only he could fill the Sejanus shaped hole left in their lives. You were still there of course but, he had completely- stupidly disregarded you and your slights toward him as absurd District prejudice against those from the Capitol - she's no threat, he had told himself, guard as far down as he ever let it… what a mistake that had been. 

It took you quite literally hitting him with your car for him to identify you as a threat - maybe you were right, maybe he was too busy strutting about.

Coriolanus scowled, standing from the butter-soft, leather, armchair and made for his bedroom; putting an end to his sulking effective immediately with the sun's rising. Nothing would come from ruminating on what he hadn’t done while daylight was burning and it was clear that there was only one thing left for him to do and that was finding out exactly who you were.

He’d already had the wool pulled over his eyes by Lucy Gray, he wouldn’t allow you to do the same and he’d start at the second commonplace the two of you frequented.

-

Showered and immaculately dressed, the sun was still rising into the sky when Coriolanus climbed the steps of the Citadel.

He bypasses the high security zone with ease, the peacekeepers nodding in his direction; Coriolanus thankful for the odd hours that Dr. Gaul called on him as it didn't raise suspicion about his earlier than normal visit. That and he knew his presence was both welcomed and revered by those who worked in the grand building.

His strides are long but evenly paced as he walks the familiar route toward the elevators once inside; there he waits impatiently, smiling tightly at the two people who passed.

Ding!

-

The ride is an agonizingly slow few seconds and when the doors finally slide open to reveal the unfamiliar floor to Coriolanus, the first thing he spots is the huge sign hanging up ahead with bold block writing- 

ARCHIVES

It’s as pristine as every other floor he had visited so far in the Citadel; however, there was something particularly sterile about it. 

Approaching the front desk; a short, lithe woman stands behind it, her Citadel uniform pristinely pressed and fitted and without a single flaw; a reflection of the immaculately organized files he could spy beyond the glass wall that stood behind her.

“Hi,” Coriolanus greets her with a charming smile but she doesn’t spare a single glance his way so he goes the other route - straight to the point. 

“I require all documents on the Initial Jabberjay Project.”

This gets her attention, “for what purpose?”

“I’m working with Dr. Gaul and Dr. Kay on the repurposing of the jabberyjays.”

She eyes him suspiciously at first until her gaze settles on his security clearance badge. 

“Private Snow?” she questions. 

This time Coriolanus becomes suspicious, head cocking to the side in question; no one had called him that since he left District 12. 

“I recall your name from the files on the District 12 Reserve of the Jabberjay and Mockingjay, Species” she explains, gesturing to the device in front of her. “We just finished processing the files onto the new computer system.”

“Uh- yeah, that was me,” Coriolanus relaxes with what he hopes to be a sheepish smile. “You can just call me Coriolanus now.”

He never wanted to hear anyone call him Private Snow again, he didn’t need the reminder of that disgustingly horrid place. 

“Sign in here,” she hands him a form, a tray appearing from a cavity in the desk. “Place your bag in there and come around the side once you’re done.”

He does as she says, coming up the side and meeting her at the first barricade - where she completes a security check on him - and then to the second glass barricade.

Once through, she provides him with white gloves, directions to finding the Initial Jabberjay Project files and directions to the files on the District 12 Reserve, "if you're interested." 

Pulling the gloves on, Coriolanus thanks her but, before he can venture further inside, she stops him. 

“I’m glad you put forward the slaughter of those mockingjays. They’re unnatural and their species should be eradicated. Well done, soldier.” 

Pride swells in his chest at her praise and she salutes him. He returns the gesture instinctively and she turns swiftly, disappearing back through where they came, the door closing behind her. 

The resounding click of the door alerts Coriolanus to the fact that he’s now locked in the Archives without any way to escape. Heat prickles at his skin, the same trapped feeling of being in the arena creeping up on him slowly but he shakes it away before its grip can cease him. 

You're in the Capitol Archives in the Citadel, he reminds himself. You're safe.

Not bothering with the Initial Jabberjay Project files, Coriolanus makes his way to the District 12 Reserve files - they’re new and already on the new computer system and more of a chance for him to be able to actually take the files out of the building.

Making his way to his second destination, Coriolanus follows the directions he’d spent all night memorising; the map of the archives burnt into his memory having studied it all through the night when sleep would not come; taking him further and further into the archives until finally, he arrives at his intended destination - Employee Records.

He moves quickly but there's hundreds, thousands, maybe tens of thousands of files and it takes him longer than he expected to find your file but he does find it eventually and it’s thick. How? Why?

He shakes the train of thought, refocusing himself and, thanking whatever higher power that decided that Project files should be housed in boxes instead of folders because there was no way that he could’ve smuggled your employee folder out otherwise; it was far too thick. 

With sweat gathering on his brow and his breaths coming out heavier, Coriolanus removes the contents of your record from its folder, then opens the box and takes the equivalent of your records out, swapping the two then swiftly replacing the lid on the box and your folder back into the cabinet. 

He makes his way to the exit, calming himself the entire way; the box feels heavier in his clammy hands but he knows it's not.

Pushing down on the intercom button, another few agonizingly slow seconds pass until the same lady appears before him. 

She immediately raises an eyebrow at the box in his hands, her voice coming through the intercom, “you can’t remove the Initial Jabberjay Project files from here.”

“It's the District 12 Reserve files, not the Initial Jabberjay files,” he holds the box up, showing her the label. 

“I thought you needed the Initial Jabberjay Project files.”

“I did, but these are far more informative on the biological makeup of jabberjays," he explains, a story already fabricated. "The research undertaken for the District 12 Reserve has resulted in further developments into the jabberjay that the Initial Jabberjay Project files don't contain.”

“You still can’t remove those, you can access them on the new computer system, put them ba-”

“Please, my access doesn’t come through for another week, I’m just an intern and I need these otherwise- otherwise Dr. Gaul will…” Coriolanus trails off pathetically, swallowing thickly and leaving it to her own imagination to guess what Dr. Gaul would hypothetically do to him. 

It was all lies of course. Coriolanus was one of the first to gain access to all Project archives that had been uploaded onto the new computer system - Dr Gaul ensured it. Unfortunately, access to Employee Records was not a part of that access and well above his security clearance.  

When she doesn't budge, Coriolanus makes a show of having his expression fall, shoulders slumping dramatically as he makes to return the box-

“Fine,” she concedes. “But, you are to return them within 24 hours otherwise I will personally place you under arrest for their removal.” 

Coriolanus doesn’t listen as she clears his exit and rattles off whatever care and safety precautions he needs to take while handling the files; pulling the gloves off, he practically runs to the elevators when she finishes. Only allowing himself to breathe easier and relax entirely when he finds himself back in the safety of his home and in the comfort of his study - the sun shining high in the sky through the uncurtained window. 

Setting himself up comfortably behind his own desk, he opens the box with steady hands and removes your files.

Finally able to study them, he’s immediately taken aback by the sight of your picture staring up at him. His fingers ghost over the picture then curl in on themself; taking in your rounded face and hopeful eyes; you looked young - a child. Coriolanus’ eyebrows draw together in confusion, his fingers pressing into the centre of his palm

How long have you been in the Capitol? Working in the Citadel?

-

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[langernameohnebedeutung]

So I noticed something interesting linguistically during my Spanish lessons but then I couldn't find a reason why and thought maybe you would have an idea?

Why does the word 'German' change so much from language to language? I mean you said Deutsch but we say German. But then in Spanish, it's Alemán. That's a massive change across three language. And I know they're from different language families but it still seems like a big change, I wonder why

I mean...yeah, it's kind of a situation

The thing is, Germany was only united as a single country in 1871. Before that, it was really a conglomerate of many different small cities, dukedoms, and kingdoms under the Holy Roman Empire (and before that: Tribes)

Modern-day Germany was just beyond the edge of civilisation during ancient times - Everything to the west and South, including France and England, was conquered and named and cartographed by the Romans but Germania was what was on the "other side":

The beige part was where civilisation ended for the Romans. Everything beyond the Limes was barbarian woods and most attempts to conquer there ended in military disasters like the battle of the Teuteburger Forest so ...not much progress was being made.

The name "Germania", that was used for EVERYTHING beyond the Limes border was apparently adopted from the word the Gauls used for the peoples they knew were living right there on the other side - and which meant something like "people of the forest" or possibly "neighbours" (which means the Romans might have done that ancient thing where they asked the Gauls: "Who lives over there?" and the Gauls were "Oh, yeah, those guys are our neighbours who sometimes come to our markets and that we fight with sometimes and who talk a little weird" and the Romans were like: "Ah, so the name of everyone living in the great beyond is 'Neighbours' and just stamped that name on a large chunk of the continent full of people who had never met a Gaul and had never heard of the word "Germania")

And because that area wasn't centralised the way the former colonies of Rome were, this pattern continued - when "states" (there was no modern-day statehood then, I guess the closest word would be "Reiche" but that would be Empires in English but that also doesn't describe it accurately and Reich has a Connotation in English and kingdom suggests a kind of continuity that didn't exist yet...) interacted with the people who lived in these lands, they often falsely assumed a level of social cohesion that didn't exist. One example is when Charlemagne pushed East, he would often make deals with the pagan Saxon tribes to please stop raiding all the nice monasteries he tried to establish - but it happened again and again, and people at the time concluded that the Saxons simply didn't honour their word. The problem was, that the Saxons were not united under one ruler and were not one cohesive tribe - so just because one of them made a deal to stop raiding monasteries, this doesn't mean anyone else got the memo or felt obliged to stop plundering those monks.

Even today, this kind of happens: Like "teutonic" being used for "german" because Teutons were a German tribe or people identifying Germany with Bavaria bc they hear a lot about the Oktoberfest or "Prussian" and "German" being equated because between 1871 and 1918, the Hohenzollern, being both the royal House of Prussia and the Kaiserhaus, largely dictated Germany's foreign policy and impression to the rest of the world, and even before that posing the biggest counter-weight to the Austrian/Austro-Bavarian role on the German-speaking playing field and often symbolising the different cultures (e.g. protestant vs catholic) existing across the German-countries-minus-Switzerland.

And this is also how the name thing happened: "Deutsch" just means "of the people" and was largely used for the language (hence "Dutch", being a very similar language to German, also having that very similar name, except, since they were the "Low Countries" (flat as a pancake land) of the Holy Roman Empire, they eventually took that name for themselves and their language when they became independent - the Netherlands speaking nederlands, while Belgish dutch-speakers speak "vlaams" after the region "Flanders") But since Germany never "separated" from the Holy Roman Empire but is largely considered its successor, there was no reason to make a regional name the name for a new nation. It just remained "the nation/the people".

Over the centuries, the other countries usually took whatever name there was for the regional tribe of Deutsche/people they dealt with and applied that to the whole thing: If you dealt primarily with the Alemanni people, you would use a word like the French "Allemagne", the English lived on an island and mostly kept using the Latin name "Germania" - which became "Germany". In Finland and Estonia it's "Saksa" and "Saksamaa" because being in the East, they mostly dealt with Saxons.

This also turned into an international game of telephone eventually: People who didn't have much contact with different kinds of Europeans would just pick up whatever name the people they dealt with used for Germany. If you had a lot of contact with the French or Spanish, you would pick up a variation of "Alman", if you dealt primarily with the English or Italians, it would be a variety of "Germania"

Then you have countries like Japan, which entered international exchange very late and had a lot of contact with Dutch and German speakers - which is why they say ドイツ - "doitsu". In Mandarin it's "Déguó" - guó meaning "land" and "Dé" for Deutschland.

Then there is also the language barrier: The modern nation-states of Germany and Italy both were once part of the Holy Roman Empire and neither had a standardised language (even today, on the European continent, Germany and Italy might take the prize for the most variations of their own language on the home continent) or considered themselves "German" or "Italian" until very late. So they distinguished between the people who spoke all the variations of their own language and those people above/below the Alps who were absolutely incomprehensible to them due to speaking an entirely different language family - so the Italians also spoke of "tedesco", which is related to the word "deutsch". (Italy cleverly spared itself most of this chaos by not having a lot of neighbours to begin with).

Another language barrier issue was in the East, because that's where Germanic languages and Slavic languages meet. This meant that while everyone who was part of the German(ic) dialect family could communicate with their neighbouring towns and tribes and everyone on the Slavic side could communicate with their neighbouring towns and tribes, they were also faced with those weirdos from the other side of the language barrier who were speaking absolute gibberish (or maybe just stared at you like an idiot and said nothing when you asked them a basic question) That's why in many Slavic languages, the name for "Germany" is a variation of "Niemcy" or "Německo" - which means "mute" or "non-speaker" or "foreigner" - because those were the people they couldn't talk to. Vācija, Vokietija, and Vuoceja also work this way)

Meanwhile, in Germanic languages, it's often names that also incorporate the word "deutsch & land"- Duitsland, Tyskland, Deytshland, Däitschland, Þýskaland etc

(I think to do the language diversity and mutual communication argument some justice, I think it's also important to point out that there wasn't a lot of personal mobility for the average person at the time, so they probably also identified themselves by what little they saw of the world. If even today there are German-speakers that don't understand each other, that issue was bound to be amplified by 1000000 at a time with no standardised writing, no mobility, a thin population, small towns etc. So even if everyone between the furthest North-East of the Germanic language continuum and the lowest South-West could maybe somehow communicate with their respective neighbouring towns and tribes in pre-nation times, if you had snatched two peasants from the respective ends even of what is today Germany and sat them down on the table in the middle, there probably would have been to have even the most basic conversation or know that the other person spoke a variation of the same language - there is an old saying that "a language is a dialect with an army" - and for German, it's more "a dialect-continuum with a bunch of armies fighting each other until eventually, they got 1 army 2000 years late". Meanwhile for the educated, the lingua franca at the time was Latin.)

Now, a lot of countries ...well, eventually became countries. Which meant they could do some marketing of their own and establish their own name for themselves - but Germany, as I mentioned, was only united in 1871. Even if they considered their language "deutsch", they didn't consider themselves "deutsch" for a long time (and when they did, it was considered a radical idea) and as such, there was no centralised government saying "We are deutsch" the way the French kings said "We are French" or the English kings said "We are English" - in fact, the central authority until the early 19th century was the Holy Roman Empire. Their rulers considered themselves the successors of the old Roman Emperors - this was called the "translatio imperii" according to which Charlemagne was the first "new" Emperor" and the Empire continued until Franz II was forced to abdicate bc of Napoleon. Eventually, it was officially considered "Das heilige römische Reich deutscher Nation" - "the holy roman Empire of the german nation" - but that wasn't really a central aspect of anyone's identity.

The average person just identified by whatever colour their personal patch on this map was:

#InOurFlickenteppichEra

So no one really challenged to disagreed with someone speaking of them as "Saksa" or "German" and that's pretty much why everyone has a different name for Germany.

[uzurimisery]

chapter 5: the call. / coriolanus snow / nsfw

Rating: Explicit

WC: 6746

Warnings: MDNI, he's still insane and possessive, he's not a good guy but he's hot, vomit mention, not beta read

AO3 version | Series master

Friday evening had finally come, the pit in his stomach made Coriolanus anxious. Somehow, despite the years he’d known your mother, and the year he’d spent “dating” you, he had never met your father. The man had taken your mother’s last name when they married, something that rarely happened before, maybe only twice. A myriad of questions swam in his head, threatening to drown him. Ancient myths of sirens singing his doom. Would he be just as insane and twisted as your mother? He couldn’t be, he was far too public-facing. Would he be more like you then? A playful actor with a cold nature? You had to get that from someone and it was not your mother. The traits you shared with her were cruel.

Sometimes his mind was his worst enemy. He conjured up scenarios that ranged from disastrous, to pleasant, to ones that ended Panem as he knew it. He couldn’t shake the feeling like he was walking into the lion’s den. 

“Will you quit picking at that seam?” Tigris slapped his hand away from his suit pocket. “I spent too much time making that for you to ruin it.” It was a miracle she had agreed to come to dinner tonight. 

That last time they spoke had ended badly, the confrontation lingering. Despite their difference, Tigris did care for her cousin. 

“Relax, it won’t come undone from that.”

Grandma’am chided, “Now you two play nice. I am far too excited to talk with Mr Gaul about updating the apartment to let you both ruin it.” She was oblivious to the underlying tension and chirped excitedly about getting a look inside your family estate.

“Sorry Grandma’am,” Tigris always backed off when she got in trouble. “It won’t happen again.”

When the car pulled up to the gates, a private force of peacekeepers let them through, opening the gate after confirming their identities. He had known that your mother kept security with her, but not to this extent. The drive up to the front of the house was long, longer than it should be. The winding driveway, flanked with trees, led them to the crest of the hill and when the canopy lifted, Coriolanus could see your house.

Bathed in the warm orange of the setting sun stood the grand chateau-style mansion. Its two-story structure adorned with intricate architectural details and expansive windows lit from the inside. The mansion’s commanding presence, nestled amidst the green rolling gardens, was a symbol of just how important the Gauls were. 

Tonight was going to be a formidable challenge, his nerves building as they got out of the car and escorted through the front door by an Avox. The foyer featured a grand staircase at the back, sleek black railings with intricate breaks in the straight metal showcasing various scientific objects, custom-made to reflect the occupants of the house. The floors were white marble, polished to a mirror shine, reflecting the twin crystal chandeliers that illuminated the space. If the Snow apartment was extravagant, this was utter decadence, opulence in inches of the estate.

Underneath the foremost chandelier stood your family, your parents flanked you on either side. 

Mr Gaul was a tall man, taller than Coriolanus. His hair was neatly cropped and styled, the sides tapering into his beard, which was short and neatly trimmed. The combination framed his face, etched with lines of experience and an air of stern authority. Everyone in the Capitol knew him to be a fashionable man, and tonight was no exception. His suit was velvet and impeccably tailored, a testament to his discerning taste and attention to detail, only adding to his imposing physique. He had on a house coat as well. It was in a matching velvet and embroidered everywhere apart from the trim, with fine beads swirling and encircling each other. He had a way of making people look at him. It must be where you got it from. Your mother was speaking to the both of you as he watched on. 

Dr. Gaul was not wearing a lab coat-esque top for once and instead was in a black pantsuit. The trousers hung straight on her, a crisp pleat going down the centre, stopping just past the heels. Her blazer had a white inside that carried out onto the lapels, and under it was a simple black blouse. She had told him once that fashion was something she didn’t care about. 

You were the first to notice the Snow family approaching. It seemed like black was your family’s colour tonight. Your gown was longer, trailing behind you as you walked, turtleneck and long-sleeved. It was simple. Nothing very interesting about it other than the way it clung to your curves. You pulled your hair back and up, a few curls loose to frame your face. You were stunning.

“Welcome Snow family,” Dr. Gaul spoke first. “Thank you for joining us tonight.” She extended her hand for Grandma’am to shake. 

Grandma’am shook it and offered her own greetings. “Thank you for your invitation. I thought it a wonderful idea to get us together before the engagement party.”

“Of course. Mr. Gaul was insistent on it.” Did he have a protective streak? 

Your father finally spoke, his voice bassy and resonant. “I would like to know the man my daughter is marrying before walking her down the aisle.” He was friendly, all smiles, as he grabbed Grandma’am’s hand and kissed the back of it. “You must be Mrs. Snow. Lovely meeting you.”

He moved on to Tigris, offering similar treatment, before coming to Coriolanus. Mr Gaul stared him up and down, picking apart his appearance. Coriolanus felt like a shadow was being cast over him, the man looking down at him as if he was appraising a purchase. His gaze was unwavering, judgement and assessment being made every second Mr Gaul looked at Coriolanus. He could feel the pressure mounting, settling on top of him heavy and grinding, expectations being placed on him. 

“So this is the man that has the Capitol in such a stir, proposing to my daughter without a ring on national TV.” 

Coriolanus stood tall, composed despite Mr Gaul’s intensity. “Yes, sir.” 

The older man cracked a smile, bright and blinding, as he reached out to grab Coriolanus’ hand. Mr. Gaul’s hands were soft, but Coriolanus could still feel the remnants of calluses. “I like your gumption, son.” Relief washed over Coriolanus. 

“I couldn’t risk the chance of ever losing her,” Coriolanus smiled, hoping it was charming. 

“Are you two done, then?” Your question was jovial, playful and light, as you came to the pair. Mr. Gaul pulled you in for a hug and kissed the top of your head. He watched Coriolanus as he did, the smile he previously had gone and his eye holding a warning. Perhaps Mr. Gaul was the judge and jury, and Dr. Gaul was the executioner when matters came to you. 

“We’re done.” Mr. Gaul’s previous expression was back on his face as you pulled away from the hug. “The chef is just finishing up the first course. While he does, I wanted to give you all a tour of Gaul Manor.”

“A tour would be wonderful. Thank you, Mr. Gaul.” Tigris was the first to accept the offer, wanting to get away from whatever had just happened between your father and her cousin. She was followed by Grandma’am voicing excited agreement. 

“I’d like to show Coriolanus the gardens before the sunsets entirely. Would that be alright Father?” 

Mr. Gaul didn’t seem like he wanted that to happen at all, lips tightening into a fine line, but the man was weak to you. He always had been. “Of course, baby girl.” Surrender.

You walked Coriolanus to the gardens, pointing out the different rooms as you went. The click of your heels echoed down the corridors. He could see the back patio lead out to the rear gardens down a set of stairs. The train of your dress was going to get dirty if you walked around like that. He grabbed it, lifting it off the ground for you. Why did he do that? He didn’t care if the dress ruined, clothes were just clothes. Did he care if it had been ruined and it upset you? His emotions had been haywire since he woke up. 

The twilight embrace of the gardens was nice, the air filled with the scent of blooming flowers and the gentle hum of insects. Suddenly you laughed, holding your stomach and grabbing Coriolanus’ arm as you walked through the garden. 

“You looked terrified.” 

Indignation ate at him. “I did not.” 

“You did. I swear I could see you trembling, shaking in your shoes as he stared at you.” You straightened up, facing him. “He’s always wanted to do that to someone. He thinks it’s one dad thing he’s never had the chance to do.” 

“Wonderful” Coriolanus was sardonic in his reply. 

“Oh, lighten up. Let him have his fun. If this alliance is serious, this will be the only time he’ll see me get married.” 

Did you not believe Coriolanus was serious about this? He had told you, in not so many words, that he wanted this. He didn’t make friends, let alone allies, but you were both things. Was your worry about him falling in love with someone and screwing you over serious? How could you doubt him? He had given you no reason to. 

“It is serious. Did you think I’d say that in jest?” 

You shrugged. “Perhaps. You’ve been all over the place for the past couple of months. One minute we’re friends and the next you’re telling me off for standing too close to Dennis Fling, of all people.”

“I’ve had a lot on my mind.” Coriolanus knew that the answer was lacklustre. It didn’t account for his actions, nor explain them. The past few months there had been a lot on his mind, grappling with his growing feelings for you and going between acting on them or closing them off completely. He’d get close to the latter, and then he’d see you again and his resolve lost. The want he had for you vexed him, and he’s felt sick to his stomach since realising he loved you. 

“You can talk to me about it.” Your shoulder bumped into his as you spoke. “We are friends, and allies now, too.”

“Another time perhaps.” 

“Sure.”

The rest of the stroll through the greenery was quiet. Coriolanus lost himself in his own head again. Should he give up his previous plan and tell you how he feels now? It was there, threatening to jump out of his mouth. But doing that was risky. You could still walk away from him. He should just wait until you had been married or a few before telling you that being married made him fall in love with you, not that his desire to possess you led to him genuinely coming to care for you in the past year. Sick and twisted bastard he was.

He was in too deep, the surface feet above him and he could not reach it. 

“We should go back inside with the others. I imagine dinner’s ready by now.” 

“Sounds good.” 

Coriolanus held onto the train of your dress until you were back inside, letting it fall and fan around you. He hadn’t realised the chill that had seeped into his bones from being out there. It wasn’t cold today. Maybe he was just sensitive. He made sure to escort you properly, fearful your father would pop out of a corner, glaring at him for not treating you properly. Dr. Gaul had cameras everywhere, so who’s saying there weren’t any in the house?

When the two of you reached the dining room, the rest of the party was seated. This was the smaller of the dining rooms, the other being reserved for large parties. Mr Gaul had designed the one to offer a more intimate space, better for conversing as a whole. It was just as ornate as the rest of the house, the ceiling an ornamental relief. Each of the Gauls sat at opposite ends of the table, Tigris and Grandma’am on the left and right of Dr. Gaul respectfully, leaving the only seat free near your father. 

Coriolanus pulled your chair on for you before sitting on his own on your father’s right. Two waiters came out, putting down plates in front of everyone and filling their wine glasses with crisp white. The first course was some sort of salad, colourful on his plate, a champagne vinaigrette tossed over it. 

“What did you think of the gardens, Mr. Snow?” Dr. Gaul asked him as she took a sip, an eyebrow raised. 

“They were wonderful.” His words were polite, nothing too overplayed.

“Indeed.” Was he supposed to say more? 

Before he could, Mr. Gaul injected. “I spent a long time designing them and then pruning them. When the plants finally matured, I hired a gardener for it, hoping that they’d be taken care of. But much to my chagrin, they weren’t. So I fired that gardener.” 

Your mother hummed. “Finding a new one was a simple task, wasn’t it, husband?”

“Very. You’d be surprised at the number of competent men who lined up for the job.” 

“You had a replacement picked out that same day if I recall correctly, no?” 

“Indeed, I did.” Mr Gaul wiped at his mouth with the napkin on his lap. “Luckily, that new gardener was good at his job.” The threat was hardly hidden in the story. Coriolanus was replaceable to the Gauls. If he acted out of line with you, they would cut him down. He felt your foot rub his ankle, a show of comfort. 

“You’ve always been too attached to those gardens father,” You were aware of what your parents were telling this story for. “Someone might think that it was your child and not me.” 

Mr. Gaul backed off. “Well, they would only be partially blind to confuse the two of you. You’re as pretty as a rose.” 

“Grandma’am are you still keeping up your rose garden on the roof?” Coriolanus could kiss you right now, as you steered the conversation away from him. 

The chatter was light as everyone ate, courses coming and going. Mr Gaul was a jokester, cracking them to make yourself, Tigris, Grandma’am and even Dr. Gaul laughed, but it never reached her eyes. They were always on him, studying what he said and did. How he looked at you. 

It was odd, striking in a sense, so different from the initial stiffness of your interactions and formality that had previously been established. It was homey, a warm blanket on a cold day. You had grown up like this, a sprout the Gauls had watered and tended to until you bloomed one day just as you were now. 

Would you want a house like this? To have family dinners and tell stories of the days you had? Coriolanus didn’t think he could offer that. He didn’t know how to be a good partner, only play at one. His parents’ marriage was one based on fear and obsession, just like his own feelings for you. To him, that’s what love, partnership, was. A foundation of need. Even now he still wanted to hide you away, to run from the situation. Your parents’ overarching care for you is tenuous to navigate. It’d be a tough role, he’d stumble over his lines, his delivery shaky, but he could try if it made you happy. If it made you stay. If it made you love him.

___________________________

“We’ve received an increase in our budget.” Dr. Gaul stood at the front window of her office. It was two stories above the main lab and looked out over it all. 

From here she saw all. Right now she was watching you, her only child, as you led a training session. Your lab coat was an altered one. She had permitted you to wear black over the usual white. It was an older style, pre-war, from a country that was no doubt dead. You had read about them in an old book, Cheongsam, and you told her that when you grew up, you wanted a lab coat just like her but one that looked like that. Her favouritism for you was a quiet thing, often unnoticed, but she gave you that. 

She had summoned Coriolanus to her office with little warning. He had been mid-experiment when his communicuff buzzed with two words. “Office. Now.” 

He was unsure what she needed to tell him that urgently. When the family dinner ended well, he assumed he was off the hook. Mr. Gaul agreed to push the engagement party to the end of the month, instead of when it was supposed to be today, citing that he wanted to make the event more grand. Coriolanus was grateful for that. 

“That’s great news. It allows us to move forward with expanding the arena”

“Yes, it does.” Dr. Gaul’s tone was flat, devoid of her usual sing-song, her hands clasped behind her back as she stared down below. It was always so quiet in her office. There was no ambient noise to soothe the mind, only silence unless you spoke, and she was quiet. 

“Do you need me for anything else Dr. Gaul?” 

“Tell me, what do you think of her?” His blood turned to ice. 

“Of who?”

“Don’t play stupid,” she sighed, low and heavy. “Of my daughter, my Y/N.” 

His panic built, rising in his throat, the taste of bile settling on the back of his tongue. His heart pounded, a relentless drumbeat surging against his ribs. It was so loud he swore she could hear it. Sweat built at his forehead, his palms clammy. This was a test. She had seen something at the dinner that set her off, a bloodhound on a trail.

“I…” his voice caught in his throat, words refusing to form. “I think she’s extraordinary.” 

The words felt inadequate, but too much at the same time. Did she want to hear about how skilled you were? Should he lament on your strongest attributes and how he admired them? Or should he confess to his greatest sin, his need to have you?

“Yes, she is.” The short answer she gave only tormented Coriolanus, unable to determine what course to take. “Did you know she almost killed me?”

He stammered. “I’m sorry?” 

“When she was born, she almost killed me. I carried her for 40 weeks, gave up opportunities for her, and then when she came into this world, kicking and screaming, I nearly bled out,” she spoke without turning to face him. 

“I-”

“I didn’t like her at the start. She was small and fragile and cried so much. I could never get her to latch properly, making her colic. There were times when I wanted to end my suffering and kill her, but each time her father would be there and she’d calm down again. She’d smile. And then one day, three weeks after she was born, she latched on with no issues.” He was afraid to speak again. 

“I started watching her after that, treating her like an experiment. To me, she was one. Was I capable of motherhood? Of loving a child? It’s a hypothesis that is still being tested to this day. Bur preliminary results show one thing.” her body turned and finally facing him. “I care for her. I have killed for that girl and I will do it again, regardless of the consequences.”

Dr. Gaul began walking towards him, her steps silent.

I raised her with everything that I had. I gave her every opportunity and helped guide her into the ambitious woman she is today. From the moment she suckled on my teat, I laid the world at her feet, feeding her independence.” 

They were face to face now. Even though she was markedly shorter than him, she still looked down at him. 

“Are you a threat to her independence, Mr. Snow?”

Coriolanus stood his ground, gaze unwavering under Dr. Gaul’s scrutiny. Her tone laced with pride for you and an accusation for him. She questioned if he was a threat to you. Was she threatening to kill him? Replace him like they had the gardener.

“I would never do anything to jeopardise her independence, Dr. Gaul.” his voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. Even now, after years of working together, she unnerved him. “I would never dream of doing anything to harm her.”

Your independence with him was still under question. If he could let you do as you please, just like you had been this whole time, was something he didn’t know the answer to. So far, your independence has been good for him. But would it always? People change over time and who was to say you wouldn’t change, no longer view him positively. If that happened, your independence would most likely be lost. He wouldn’t let you get away from him. Would he hurt you then? Nothing life-threatening.

“Her father likes you.” Her eyes narrowed, slits like a viper ready to strike. She tore apart his words as she looked over him, searching for any hint of deceit, but she found none. “Do you know how an actor dies?”

“No.”

“They start to believe the part they play is real, that the story is real, that their feelings are real. Do you believe that it’s real?” He wanted to vomit, expel the contents of his stomach and her feet. To gag and gag as they poured out. She was onto him. She knew everything. 

“No, it’s not real.” 

She had seen the lie there, that he thought it was real, and that his feelings for you were real, and she called him on it. “Don’t lie to me, Mr. Snow.”

“It’s real.” He was exposed. “It’s real to me.”

She turned again, walking back to the overlook. What ever anger she had for him now covered. He couldn’t tell what she wanted. Was this the right answer? Had he passed her test? 

Her voice was flat when she spoke. “If you ever hurt her, I will destroy you. I will cut you from pelvis to neck, pull your innards out and suspend them. I will lock you in that state, pump you full of the bare minimum nutrients you need to live and force you to watch your loved ones die, and for her to live on happily. Do you understand?” 

“I understand.” 

“Good. Now get out of my sight.” 

Coriolanus was out of the room before she could finish her sentence as Dr. Gaul’s words rang in his ears. She would always be watching him, making sure that you were safe. You would always be hers before you were his. She knew the truth now too, that his perverse need for you, debauched thoughts, had him in love with you. His tie felt like it was choking him, fingers pulling at the knot to free it. His pace rushed as he retreated into his private lab. This was bad. It was more than bad; it was deadly.

How did he play this out? Would Dr. Gaul demand you stop seeing him, ruin all his plans? She wasn’t someone who spoke in empty threats and Hypotheticals; she spoke only of factual reality. Even if it meant destroying her protégé, she would do it for you. This was a bed of his own making, tangled in the sheets called emotion and desire, that he had to lie in. 

On the walk to his lab, he could feel Dr. Gaul watching from above. Or perhaps he was paranoid, imagining the feeling of a thousand eyes on him. Coriolanus’ mouth was dry, his hands trembling slightly. Weakness prevalent. Panic prevalent.

When the door closed, he nearly collapsed, stumbling across the room, knocking over a cup of pens as he reached his chair. The rows of instruments, intricate machinery with vials filled with different solutions, sat mocking him. They were tainted. Signifiers of his ambition now show just how much he still lacked. 

If your mother knew, did you? Had you known his feelings this entire time and strung him along? If you had known of those, how much did you really know? Coriolanus had never considered what you might know about him and what he’s done. What if Dr. Gaul had told you of his sins, how he turned on Sejanus and reaped the benefits? The possibility of you knowing the truth, his biggest flaws, wasn’t something he could let happen. You’d turn on him in judgment, your affection lost. 

A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts, the mask slipping on again. 

“Come in.” He needed to drink something. Speaking felt like sandpaper on his vocal cords. 

The door opened as you slipped in, closing it behind you. “You alright? You looked like you were upset.” 

You were the last person he wanted to see right now, unsure if he could hide what was going on. 

“Yes, I’m fine. Just need to rerun a test.” 

“Oh. That’s unlike you,” you spoke as you plopped down on his couch, clueless about his struggle. “Normally you’re so on top of things.” 

You didn’t believe him. You were questioning him. Have you already spoken with your mother? Did she tell you everything? The temptation to confess, clear the air before it could change, pulled at him. 

“What do you know?” His accusation was sharp. 

Your presence, perceptive gaze that was always watching, unnerved him. “In general or?”

“What do you know about me? About my past?” Coriolanus knew he had to tread carefully, caution in every breath. He had to stay guarded and protect his ambition, but he desperately craved your understanding. The acceptance that what he had done was fine. 

You were silent, unsure what to say, dropping your flashlight in the dark, reaching out to find it. “Well,” He could tell with just that you knew it all. “All of it, I suppose, other than what you were feeling.” 

His voice wavered, a mixture of apprehension and curiosity. “How?” 

“I was there when my mother got the jabberjay. She almost ignored it, but I pushed her on it.” You had always known what he had done the whole time. “I told her that the extremes she had always wanted me to go to and I was incapable of, you could do them. That you’d be what she wanted.”

You had been the catalyst, the one that saved him from having to live out 20 years of service in District 2. At any point, you could have told the Plinths what he had done, but you didn’t. You had met them many times and never said anything. In fact, you offered condolences for their loss when you had first met them. Said that Sejanus had always been a positive light at the Academy. 

“What about the games?” 

“Just that you cheated, gave her rat poison and made the snakes desensitised to Lucy Gray’s smell.”

You sat there, casual and relaxed in his lab, acceptance clear. There was no question of morality from you, how he could do that to Senjaus, how he could cheat at the games. You understood that the ends justify the means. This was just another ordinary Tuesday for you. 

“I did have one question for you about her actually,” Coriolanus tensed. “Did you love her?” 

“No.” Coriolanus hadn’t loved Lucy Gray. He loved controlling her. He thought that being with her would be enough, but it wasn’t. She would always be District, low class and Covey, and he would always be a Snow. It was youthful naivety to think that being with her would ever amount to anything. 

“Is she dead?” 

“Yes, I killed her.” 

“What changed? You looked close during the games.” 

“She was a distraction, a liability, a threat to my success.” That’s all Lucy Gray had ever been to him. “So I killed her.” 

“You were right to kill her, then. Sounds like she was a loose end and the last thing we need is loose ends.” You were so unbothered by his confession, like you had expected it ages ago. “We should be more truthful with each other if this alliance is going to last.”

“Then it’s your turn to share. You know my biggest secret.” 

He felt calm now. The weight of your acceptance comforting him. Morality was inconsequential in the pursuit of greatness, and you knew that and you agreed with it. He had been vulnerable. You could have struck and crushed his heart by running, but you sat there taking it in. 

“No more secrets?” you questioned, offering to establish equal ammunition on his side. A pact of mutually agreed destruction. 

“No more secrets.”

“Do you remember Emon Quiver? You might have seen him on the Academy campus before. He was in my year.” You went on describing the boy, familiarity reminding him exactly who you were talking about. 

“He’s the one who got sent to District 11, no?” 

“That’s him. I lied about him ever touching me. Poor boys never touched a woman because of me.” Coriolanus watched you pick at the lint on your trousers. “The true story is that I was cheating off of him in history with Professor Demigloss. It was fine for a while. He let me do it with no problems until one day he wanted more from me, tried to say I owed him and if I didn’t sleep with him, he’d tell everyone that I was cheating.”

“What did you do?”

“What needed to be done. Told him to meet me in the library, made out with him a litter, put us in a position where he looked like he was in control and forced me. I waited for a few minutes, letting it happen. He didn’t know it, but they were doing an inspection of the Library that day, and all the staff was there. So they walk in and see Y/N Gaul underneath him. I started crying, begging him to stop, and said that I didn’t want this. Next thing you know, he’s off in 11 with no flesh on his fingers, if he even has fingers anymore.” You yawned as you finished the story. 

Your moral compass was just as fucked as his own. The willingness to crush others beneath your heeled feet, like the bugs that they were, was so similar to his own. “What if they believed him?” 

You laughed. “Why would they?” The point was fair, you were very convincing. “Anyway, that’s my big secret. I was thinking we should go out for lunch today. I’m tired of being in the lab.”

“I think that’d be fine. You can pick where we go.” 

As you started going through the option that you and he could go to, Coriolanus was stuck in limbo. He had expected this conversation to go so much worse than it did. You hadn’t cared that he turned on Sejanus and Lucy Gray. In fact, you commended him for it. Told your mother that his willingness to destroy others, kill their physical form and the memory of them, was a good thing, something she needed. It sent a jolt through him, heady with lust, making him giddy. You were validating his true nature, content with the darkness, at home in it. 

He felt a connection with you he had never felt before. You weren’t the sheltered playing card he had thought you to be, but a formidable force all in your own right. You understood the true nature of power and control, and the extremes one had to take to obtain it. You were cruel and vindictive, condemning a man to District 11 for threatening you.

It excited him. The prospect of navigating the Capitol’s political arena side by side, both of you playing the game well. There might be times when your interests clashed, but you were smart and willing to adapt. 

All he could think about was biting into your cherry-red lips like the fruit they were. Their tempting fullness waiting for him. He used to be afraid you’d run if you knew his truth. Now that you knew it, he just wanted you more.

But could he bear telling you that?

Don't worry! The series isn't dead. Holidays have just had me busy

(edit: forgot to do the tag list originally, silly me)

@serrendiipty @namelesslosers @glitteryblizzardsalad @harrysbitvh123 @secretsicanthideanymore @ayyyeeeeidk @hinata7346 @kisstheskin @sumo-b98 @duds31

[gnomeonamelon]

I kid you not hours after I posted that Lester should interact with Mr D, I started reading Tower of Nero and low and behold.

Doodles of the brothers are necessary to my recovery from both the Trials of Apollo finale and covid.

I have some ideas on what I'm going to do with Limen Au's Trials of Apollo (it's a long one I apollo-gize in advance):

First things first, I'm going to stick with the 2020 setting. Everything from the plague spirits in the first book to everything having to do with the burning maze was too perfect.

Secondly, I'm going to let The Seven retire. It's a new generation with new heroes (for the most part).

Third (and slightly ironically): Rachel deserves quest rights. She's going to be the third member of the party. She has the motive, can relate to Meg, smack some sense (verbally) into Lester, and we could learn more about her.

I would probably have her not receive any prominent glimpses of the future except for when Python feeds her a chunk of the Tower of Nero prophecy towards the end of every book.

Ash or one of her students (Probably Estelle) will also be in the second and third books. Maybe they/ one of her students dies instead of Jason? (not Estelle)

I'm giving up on numbers.

This hurts to write, but I'm going to have Chiron die in the Battle of Manhattan against Kronos/Luke. It's a trope for mentors but he doesn't do much after this point that others couldn't. Mr D would be welcomed back to Olympus after the battle. This would force the demigods to lead themselves for the first time contributing to the tension in HoO (although that should be its own post). Will, Nico, and Rachel, now in their mid to late 20s would be running CHB by the time of ToA.

The Germani and Gauls working with Nero will be replaced with unclaimed Norse and Celtic demigods. The fact that they exist as monsters in this universe when they were actual people in history doesn't feel right to me. It's also perfectly in character that Nero would do this and there are a lot of unclaimed Norse demigods in this universe. (ex: Luguselwa as a daughter of Andraste, a Celtic war and victory goddess)

The 12 children of Nero will be children of the Olympians (or similar gods for those that don't have children and the big three) and trained to replace specific ones.

Changing the hair color of The Sibil: why are all three prophets red haired women. Apollo apparently has a type >:(

I'm going to be shuffling around the relationship web of Jason, Piper, Leo, Reyna, and Calypso. I'm going to keep this brief and come back to it when I get around to designing them but for now:

- Jason x Reyna - Piper x Shel - Aromantic Asexual Leo (why are all aroace people part of the Hunters >:( ) - Calypso was released after PJO. I love her but I would like her as a caring minor god or an eighth Pleiade too.

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

My thoughts on The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie

I don’t know if I liked it as much as the original films (maybe Mockingjay 1 & 2 as they are pretty emotionally draining), but I still enjoyed it.

I think where it fell a little flat for me is 1. The beginning was a bit slow (tbh I only really started getting interested when Lucy Gray stuck that snake down that girl’s dress & even then I enjoyed the story more when the setting changed from the Capitol to the district) 2. I knew Snow would survive 3. I’d already been spoiled online for a lot of stuff that happens & 4. while I know the director did his best to make Snow as “likeable” as he could for as long as possible, even before he started getting “a little too comfortable” with killing & snitching I didn’t find him as sympathetic as Katniss or Peeta (but that is probably again down to the fact that I know what he goes onto do & there’s no real way around that), this made engaging with him difficult for me.

The world is fascinating. Getting to see all the new locations we never had access to before as well as old locations now in a totally different light (for example district 12 which, while still clearly suffering, seemed like such a bustling industrial town compared to how it is in Katniss’s time). It might have a much more retro aesthetic but there's also just a more vibrant, natural, wild & lawless atmosphere to this movie compared to the others in the franchise. The whole scope of the film just felt more cinematic then I remember the others being yet also weirdly intimate. Maybe because it was one contained story & we knew the main character’s fate from the start. I also loved the title cards signifying the start of each section of the story like from the books & wished they'd done something similar for the other films. It just added a certain flair to the whole thing. Almost gave it the vibe of a tragic play.

The costuming was great. The bright red of the academy uniforms.  Flickerman’s snazzy suits. Snow’s dapper black & white outfit. Both peace keeper uniforms (despite one of them giving very ‘1930’s Germany’ vibes) looked great. Grandma might have been a bigot, but at least she was well dressed. Everything Dr Gaul wore (except the top that looked like a used tampon, lol) was exquisite. The main ladies of fashion, Tigris & Lucy Gray slayed. Our Future Capitol stylist looked like some regal yet exotic bird & Miss Survivor was giving Bohemian, country girl realness the entire time she was on screen. Even the extras were serving (like that random couple Snow walked past on his way to the reaping ceremony).

The music was amazing. Every song that played was fantastic (shout out to Olivia for her end credit contribution). The lyrics & instrumentation were beautiful & my god does Rachel Zegler have pipes! Anyone who says the singing scenes are cringy is just stupid like I’m sorry you can’t appreciate art. Also, the words ‘ballad’ & ‘songbirds’ are literally in the title. Plus, Lucy Gray is from the poorest district, so what exactly do those people want her to do in her free time? She can’t exactly hop on an X-box for a few hours. Not too mention that (as the offspring of someone who’s musically inclined) I can tell you, it’s completely realistic for a musician to use their craft to help them deal with trauma & Lucy Gray clearly had more than her fair share of that.

The Grandma'am helped to paint a sadly very realistic background for Snow. As who among us hasn’t met at least one delusional old person who thinks that their/their group’s suffering (regardless of the severity of it or the reason behind their former/newer status in society) means that no one else are deserving of even the tiniest shred of humanity & there are some people who are unlucky enough to not only be related to these people but be raised by them.

Hunter schafer as Tigris is clearly the superior Snow when it comes to things like empathy & overall mental stability but I do kind of wish they’d been more for her to do. Credit where credit is due though her & Tom did actually look like they could be related & I did buy their familial bond (which makes her appearance in Mockingjay so much sadder in hindsight).

Peter Dinklage as Casca Highbottom was a bit of a mix for me just due to his purpose as a character & the limit of film as a form of media. Like sure the audience know that Snow’s going to become an irredeemable monster in the end but without a window into his mind it really does just seem like the Dean is just out to get him & even when we find out why it seems kind of unfair. Like sure his dad sucked but haven’t the Games shown that blaming children for violence caused by others is unjust (& like ok he hates Coriolanus & probably the grandma but Tigris hadn’t done anything to deserve living in poverty, as she can’t control who she’s related to)? Plus, it felt like he could have at least tried taking Snow under his wing at some point to try to hinder Dr Gual’s influence. Saying all of that, though, Peter Dinklage is great at playing an addict with depression & the idea that some drunken rambling could lead to such long-lasting suffering is terrifying. Also its pretty realistic that living with that kind of guilt & in such a cruel environment for that long would make most people jaded & bitter, even if they did have good intentions.

Omg we finally get a Mayor family on screen & they’re assholes! Madge would be so disappointed 😭. It was interesting to see how harsh & overall “boot licky” the mayor & his family seemed compared to decades later, which makes sense as the war wasn’t that long ago for them so the dad probably felt more incentive to align himself with the Capitol as well as not feeling very connected to the district people as 12’s decline probably didn’t fully set in until they really started running low on coal & Snow became president (oh I just know he wanted to blow that district off the map 😆). I also wouldn’t put it past Billy to come up with some sob story of how he really does love Mayfair but wicked Lucy Gray is somehow preventing them from being together. Still no excuse to try to send her to her death twice in one week, though. Definitely not a girl’s girl.

Ok, so a liar. Cheat. Drunk & someone who hits women. Is there anything good about Billy Taupe? Also, trying to get your ex back, while your current girlfriend is literally standing right next to you? Dude, have some god damn back bone! You made a choice, now stick to it. Also, fumbling Lucy Gray, for a girl like that? What’s it like having no brains or taste? Well, too bad, coz you’re stuck with her forever now, lol.

Viola Davies, the actress that you are. What else is there to say? Dr Gaul is almost comic book levels of insane. Like she is how the Right see women in STEM, on crack! I don’t know what she did to get into character, but whatever it was, it worked.

Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius Flickerman is a very interesting addition to the story despite playing such a small & seemingly insignificant role. He is strange in how unthreatening he is while also extremely blasé about the abhorrent violence he witnesses that it’s as funny as it is disturbing. Making him come across as  more human yet harsher than his son, who at least pretends to care about the tributes (in a very Capitol way, obviously but still). There’s also a polish & confidence to Tucci’s performance that I think Schwartzman did a great job of avoiding copying (despite knowing what audiences were probably expecting) because not only are their characters in entirely different stages of their careers but the whole ethos of the Hunger Games is different in Snow’s youth than it is in Katniss’s. Caesar is a well established presenter & during his time, the games have always been a success (minus the year with the tundra) that the entire Capitol is invested in & seemingly in support of. On the other hand Lucretius had the unique task of not only coming into a job like this with zero experience (I mean imagine going from announcing the weather to presenting the fucking hunger games) but also there were no vibes to try to emulate let alone guidelines to follow because he truly was the first person to do this. On top of that, the "event" his presenting has been panned for years as both boring & unethical. Schwartzman brought a slightly awkward, experimental, yet try hard vibe (like a comedian who's desperate to get a laugh) that I think worked wonderfully for the character.

Tom Blyth's performance was great & he was visually perfect for a young Snow (the power of a good wig! Who knew lol). Even having the cool, analytical stare of Donald Sutherland, down pat. While his appearance was very Eminem during his peacekeeping days, his realisation in the cabin and subsequent breakdown in the woods were crazy. There was so much tension between him & Rachel in that scene that for a second, it literally felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I could almost hear the record scratch for both of them, & all that building paranoia finally coming to a sudden crescendo in the way that it did? Pure cinema!

Josh Rivera, as Sejanus, was honestly a mix for me. Obviously, I agree with his morals, but his way of going about it did seem a little dumb. However I do think it’s pretty realistic that a teenager, especially a rich one, would be rather naive. Also I’ve heard that he’s smarter in the book & I think at times my frustration with him is more just down to the fact that I’m seeing him from Snow’s point of view. Meaning scenes that would be portrayed as noble in any other film instead come across as almost painfully inconvenient because the focus is always on how they affect Snow rather than the actual victims of the situation. Lastly, sorry, Snowjanus shippers, I just don’t see it (especially on Snow’s end), but whatever floats your boat.

Rachel Zegler played Lucy Gray with the perfect mix of natural charm & emotional vulnerability with clear pride in her culture & a refusal to let the world around her change who she is. Yet there was also an air of mystery & a subtle resilience to her that makes her potentially surviving out in the woods for years without being detected actually believable (though I don’t buy the theory that she went on to become president Coin). Definitely the highlight of the movie for me.

PS. I'd love to know what you think of my review in the comments/tags & am open to criticism (as long as it's respectful) just remember that I'm only talking about the movie so please don't reference anything spersific to the book.

[im-jesus]

hey Jesus it’s me again, I feel like shit today. I started my period and it’s super dysphoric and we had a ‘mental health awareness assembly’ and my super homophobic and transphobic school had the gaul to talk about the Trevor project as if they actively endorse it. That and these assemblies always make me feel worse for remembering that I don’t have it as bad as my friends and I’m just being over dramatic but I’m still somehow past saving

TL;DR my brain and body hates me and I just need to be ok for once

Here's one thing you need to understand; if your leg is broken, but Travis' leg is broken worse, you both have broken legs. You both need help. Travis is being let off all his chores, but you still have to do yours. Maybe they'll even give you Travis' chores, or you're volunteering to do them, because "he's worse, I'll be fine." Except now Travis is getting all this time to rest and heal, and you only get half the time. So while his leg might have been worse, you refusing to take the time to heal yourself means that your leg is going to take way longer to heal. This isn't about broken legs, by the way.

As far as the period things? I feel you. I get it so much, and I am so so sorry that it's something you have to deal with. I don't know if you're transmasc or under the trans umbrella in some other way, but I want you to know that not in spite of but regardless of your vagina, you're valid, and you're gorgeous/handsome (i use gorgeous gender neutrally but I don't want to make you uncomfy), and I adore you.

Go forth and be fruity, my child.

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on Crack short take (46)

Hilarius: Guys, we have a problem.

Felix: Hilari, please don’t tell me that you’ve invited your creepy old man to one of our ✨TGIF✨ parties again-

Hilarius: That was just one time, Class Pres!😫

Sejanus: Your father literally tried to kidnap my Coryo, my Snow Angel right in front of me, Heavensbee!

Coryo: He also tried to blackmail our poor drunk Felix to go “stargazing” with him.

Festus: And don’t forget Clemmie.

Clemensia: Don’t remind me!😩

Felix: Seriously, Hilari, don’t force me to give your old man another restraining order-

Hilarius: Just listen to me for a sec!😭

Felix: Fine. Fire away, Heavensbee.

Urban: But it better not be about your stupid father!

Hilarius: I swear it ain’t about him! It’s about Juno!

Apollo: What about Juno?

Hilarius: She forgot to take out our school pants from the laundry room!

Festus: So?

Hilarius: They’re still wet from when we “accidentally” flooded that insane monster’s- I mean, Dr. Gaul’s lab with yellow glitter earlier.

Coryo: All of them?

Hilarius: All of them.

Livia: I am so gonna sue Juno and her family for this!

Arachne: Liv, she’s royalty. No one can touch her family-

Livia: Except my mama!

Diana: Where’s Juno anyway?

Hilarius: She’s at the clinic.

Felix: Why? She fainted?

Festus: Was it because of the rabid raccoon I brought earlier to distract Dr. Gaul?

Hilarius: No. She accidentally ate one of Palmyra’s expired egg rolls.

Florus: Not the egg rolls!😱

Felix: Is she still alive?!

Hilarius: Barely.

Palmyra: Don’t look at me~. It’s not my fault that Princess Phipps is not immune to poison-

Livia: But what about our pants?!

Coryo: And our dignity?!

Festus: What dignity?

Coryo: Don’t you remember?! We have another important interview with Lucky Flickerman and his stupid talking bird in two hours!

Felix: On LIVE TV?!

Livia: Duh~.

Lysistrata: Why are we doing another interview with Weather Boy anyway?

Dennis: Our school wants more sponsors, Lizzie~.😏

Apollo: Yup. More sponsors, more money~.🤑

Lysistrata: Then I’m not going!

Gaius: Yo, guys, calm down. We still have our pretty red skirts.

Everyone: . . .

Domitia: Breen, you’re joking right?

Gaius: Nope. And besides, my Tribute needs those sponsors.

Felix: Sh*t. You’re right. I forgot about that.

Androcles: To be fair, we all need sponsors after our last disastrous interview.

Gaius: And honestly, we can still save ourselves from humiliation if you guys just follow my plan.

Coryo: No pants, just skirt- Gaius, you’re a genius!

Sejanus: How is Breen a genius, my love?🥺

Coryo: Babe, don’t you get it?

Sejanus: Get what?

Coryo: We can attract more sponsors with just wearing our iconic red skirt!

Sejanus: Really?!

Lysistrata: Coryo’s right. No pants, just skirts, more sponsors, if you know what I mean~.😏

Dennis: Lizzie, don’t lie. You just want to see Coryo, Felix, and Hilarius in mini skirts-

Lysistrata: And there is nothing wrong with that!

Florus: Well, don’t mind me, I’m just gonna go home-

Pup: Florus, get the razor! We’re all gonna shave our legs today!

Florus: Why?!

Festus: Bestie, if we’re going to go out there and wear our school uniform without pants, and in front of Panem, then we better look sexy in our frilly red skirt-

Dennis: Like those ladies from Breen’s banned magazines?

Sejanus: The same magazines that almost got Highbottom fired from his job?

Festus: Yeah!😎

Felix: *sighs* Well, our reputation is trash anyway. So let’s do it!

Gaius: For the sponsors!

Festus: And the marmalade!

Livia: Fine! But if Hilari’s stupid old man ever comes near us-

Hilarius: Don’t worry, Cardew. We’ll call the Peacekeepers on you- I mean, on him-

Coryo: Hilari, does your old man have a skirt fetish by any chance?

Hilarius: Maybe?

Felix: He does, doesn’t he.😒

Livia: Like father, like son.

Hilarius: I don’t have a skirt fetish!

Sejanus: Then explain why you stole Urban’s extra skirt from his locker yesterday.

Urban: That was you, Hilari?!😡🔪

Hilarius: Why are you guys bullying me!? I’m baby!😭

*Hours later, at the Lucky Flickerman Show*

Lucky: Welcome back, everyone! This is your host, Lucky Flickerman, your favorite Weather Man-

Casca: Booooo! Start the show, Weather Boy!

Lucky: Fine.😞 Let’s welcome back our favorite Mentors-

Domitia: Hi, Lucky!

Lucky: Hi- What happened to your pants?! Why are you guys just wearing your skirt uniform?!😱

Casca: And on LIVE TV?! Crassus Xanthos Snow, how dare you wear your pretty red skirt in front of me-

Coryo: To get more sponsors.🙄

Lucky: Who told you to-

Festus: Dean Highbottom made us do it.😉

Casca: WTH, Creed!😡 I did not-

Felix: My granduncle, the ✨President of Panem✨ gave us permission.😌💅

Casca: That’s a lie!

Urban: So what do you think, Lucky? Do we look good or what?😊🔪

Lucky: Um- I- Well, for legal reasons, we’re ending the show early-

Mr.Heavensbee: Don’t end the show yet! I’m a sponsor! I paid for this!

Hilarius: Why the heck are you here, old man?!

Mr.Heavensbee: I need more cute and sexy photos of-

Lucky: Yup. We are ending the show right now! Bye, everyone!

Casca: I’m calling the Peacekeepers on you, Heavensbee!

Mr.Heavensbee: You can’t arrest me! I’m a senior!

*Meanwhile, at the Zoo*

Jessup: You know what, I’m just glad Coryo and his rich boyfriend provided us a screen to watch their live interviews.

Lucy Gray: Oh, my dear Jessup, you just don’t understand~.

Jessup: Understand what?

Lucy Gray: That their interviews with the funny bird man are always ✨comedy gold✨.

Tanner: Brilliant even.

Coral: I can’t believe my idiot Mender-

Facet: Mentor.

Coral: My idiot Mender looks good wearing that stupid ass skirt!😫

Lucy Gray: Mine too!☺️

Treech: Mine’s the best!

Sheaf: No, mine!

Dill: You’re all wrong! Felix has the sexiest legs!

Mizzen: Dill, shut up! You’re too young for this!

Dill: You’re just jealous that my Mentor’s prettier than yours!

Mizzen: That’s just Ravinstill Propaganda, Dill!

Reaper: Why can’t they just be normal?!😩

Brandy: Says the one who’s shouting at the sky all day.🙄

Lucy Gray: But we all know that my Mentor is the prettiest!

Marcus: F*ck this. I’m going to bed.

[meekmedea]

AU idea- at first Felix and Clemensia work together because they want to increase their own chances of winning.

For Clemmie, it’s because Reaper will interact with her if she gets Dill the treatment she needs.

For Felix, Dill is going to last a lot longer if Reaper is an ally.

Then they get attached/emotionally invested. Dill is pretty young, older than Felix’s younger sister, but in a way reminds him of her. Clemmie and Reaper build a tense sort of rapport and they’re each thinking it’s only an alliance, nothing more. But when Reaper snarks something under his breath and Clemmie laughs, they realize - Oh. Huh. Maybe you’re not that bad. 

They try to pretend they’re not that attached – but Felix and Clemmie can both read each other fairly well. And they’re like, okay you don’t want to see them die either, do you?

Plan: get those two out. Except things go off script when they broach the topic with Reaper and Dill. 

Reaper: You’re getting the rest of them out too, right? 

Unfortunately (for Felix), he was talking with Reaper and he folded under his intense glare. “Yep. Of course we are.”

The plan has now been updated to - get them all out of here. 

They’re going to need a lot more help because smuggling 24 tributes is a lot harder than just 2. 

Clemmie asks Reaper to keep an eye on the other tributes then because if anything goes wrong, security will 110% be tightened. 

Because everyone knows some tribute-mentor duos get along a lot worse than the others. (ie. Coral and Festus. Livia and Facet.)

Reaper: How am I supposed to do that?  Clemmie: With your charming personality. 

Somehow this is enough to avoid Arachne/Brandy’s death. Reaper is watching that day, and manages to haul Brandy away before she manages to cause harm. 

The group project still goes on. Coriolanus wrote it, Arachne yapped on a lot. Clemensia was a bit distracted but gave occasional input. 

Coriolanus tries not to side-eye Felix when he appears to walk Clemmie home. (Fun hc: While Felix lives in the Corso. He lives extremely far from where Clemmie lives. So to Coryo, something's up.)

Nobody gets subjected to the snakes the next day. (Thank Arachne. She made such a fuss about having to put her hand in the tank, Gaul just gave up and didn’t make anyone do it.)

Clemmie (+ Felix) have to work on finding more sympathetic mentors to help this escape attempt. 

Recruits: Sejanus, Persephone, Lysistrata, Pup?

Also Clemmie and Felix have recently been meeting up at night by the enclosure to discuss with Reaper & Dill

Paid off the peacekeeper to look the other way (Felix) 

Someone owed her father a favour (Clemmie)

Discussion includes - who not to invite onto this plan. 

Felix: Absolutely not Coriolanus. Have you met him?  Clemmie: That’s my best friend you’re talking about.  Felix: I thought I was your best friend.  Clemmie: This isn’t kindergarten, Felix, I’m allowed to have more than 1 best friend.  Felix: But it’s Coriolanus. Need I say more? Reaper: He’s got a point. I don’t trust the blond. Felix: Ha! See?  Reaper looking at Felix, then saying to Clemensia: You need better friends.  Felix: Wait, what? Reaper, what is that supposed to mean???

[tumblingghosts]

I feel like whenever I write ravincote, someone dies. Maybe I should change things up. This time...what if neither of them die?

District born Clemmie and Mentor Felix?

oooh okay! i'm going to bounce off your district born clemmie au and say that she and reaper are the d11 tributes-

i. d11 alliance

so felix is clemmie's mentor! not sure who reaper's mentor would be in this scenario, but it shouldn't make much of a difference since reaper likely wouldn't be super inclined to connect with them anyway. reaper is somewhat warming up to felix after felix starts bringing along enough food for the both of them (after he realized that clemmie was going to share with reaper no matter what he told her, so he might as well just bring more so that clemmie gets a full share).

reaper is probably initially put off that clemmie is being so friendly towards felix at the start, and warns her to be careful with him, but charm is her forte so she's able to handle herself. i feel like felix would fall first- he'd make some excuses like "clemensia isn't like the other tributes, she's actually civilized" and if he foolishly voices that sentiment aloud, clemmie would likely set him straight (in very careful words that wouldn't be outright hostile, but make it clear that she Very Much disagrees that she's some 'exception' and doesn't appreciate him dehumanizing others for her sake)

clemmie would likely fall later. she might get to the point of considering him a friend, enough to turn to look for him and see if he's alive when the bombs come down on the arena, but at the end of the day, the hunger games are still going on, and she resigns herself to knowing that whatever that might have been- if they could have been friends or more in another life- it would not be in this one.

except. except, she's made a good enough impression during the interviews to get sponsors. maybe not as many as lucy gray or coral, but more than enough. she might have convinced reaper to partake in interviews with his mentor, if only for her sake since they are in an alliance. and they survive past the snakes. teslee has killed mizzen, treech killed teslee, lucy gray has pulled of her snake gambit on treech, except treech manages to kill her in turn before he succumbs to the poison. and then there were two.

clemensia and reaper might not be inclined to kill each other, but food won't last forever, and only one of them is leaving the arena. it's a dilemma they decide to leave for the next day. only one can survive, but they don't need to make that decision immediately. until they realize reaper has rabies. he's dying a slow death, and now it's a matter of how he's going to die. are they waiting it out? maybe clemmie offers a mercy kill. or maybe reaper asks.

in any case, clemmie comes out of the arena as the victor of the 10th hunger games, and she is much less enthused about it than felix is when he meets her before she boards the train back to d11. technically, he's not supposed to be there at all, but he's a ravinstill, and he has PrivilegesTM. how much their relationship progresses would likely depend on if felix uses his nepotism to follow clemmie back to d11 or if he uses it to bring her back to the capitol.

ii. hector haunts the narrative

as an alternative scenario to how clemmie wins the games- maybe hector and max had been friends for a while when hector had moved to the capitol as a child (with max pining, as he always does), but had moved back to the districts when he was starting a family. hector dies his early death, to a disease that he was trying to treat in the community he lived in, and maximinius doesn't learn that until later, upon which he is extremely upset, doubly so when he learns that he can't have hector's body moved to the capitol for a "proper" funeral (max does not think highly of the funeral rites in d11).

endymion grows up in d11, and later, so does clemmie. she gets reaped alongside reaper, and max is sort of freaking out now. first, because gaul thought it would be amusing to assign felix to d11, then because the girl that was reaped as a dovecote. max suspects that gaul might have had her reaped on purpose. whether it was rigged or simply bad luck, he is never able to get a straight answer out of gaul. it does put a strain on their relationship though, which makes gaul miffed. (#when your codependent toxic bestie doesn't understand your sense of humor and also child murder games are involved)

felix and clemmie's dynamic is similar to scenario i, except that max is much more invested in what is happening. when he sees his great-nephew crushing on hector's granddaughter and he basically goes "well, fuck". max doesn't want hector's granddaughter to die in the hunger games that he's spent the past decade trying to delude himself into believing hector would have seen reason about (he knows deep down that hector would have loathed the entire idea of them), and he doesn't want felix to face the loss that he had to, falling for a charming dovecote and losing them. especially since, if clemensia died here, it would technically be max's fault, no matter which tribute felled her.

clemmie wins the games, but it wasn't luck or fate or any alliance that she had made, it's max rigging the games. unlike scenario i, i think clemmie might be pressed to stay in the capitol rather than being sent home- both because felix wants to stay with her, but mostly because of the presidential pressure. max has a misguided sense of "doing right by hector" by keeping clemensia in the capitol to "make up for lost time" and acclimate her to the "right" way of living. (if hector was still alive, max would be getting decked.)

dovecote may not be a prominent capitol name, but there's quite a few of the old guard that remember a dovecote, and it isn't hard for max to spin a story- backed by his position as president- that oh, clemensia is a poor, lost, should-have-been-capitol girl that was mistakenly left to the districts. clemmie is Not Happy about this story, and i imagine she butts heads with felix quite a bit in getting him to understand why she's upset about it.

felix goes through quite a bit of character development in trying to reconcile clemensia and being raised in the districts, learning to understand that she's not "civilized" because her grandfather lived in the capitol for a stretch of time, it's because the people in the districts are exactly that: people. once that point of understanding is reached, it's easier for them to fall into a friendship (and later, romance. but first- clemmie has plans for change.)

clemmie is hardly idle during her time in the capitol, but all her plans to make things better for the community she was raised in (especially since her parents are still in d11) are taking quite a bit of time. felix goes from an ally to a partner in clemmie's view, and she grows to love him in a felix-fell-first-she-fell-harder kind of way. clemmie wants a happy ending, and felix is more than willing to leverage all the influence he has to make sure they both do.

iii. mentor androcles

okay, this one is pretty far fetched compared to the other two, but the thought popped into my head while typing the the other options out so i figured i'd just add it to this post- androcles as clemmie's mentor and felix as reaper's mentor.

androcles takes a shine to clemensia almost immediately. he's not too keen on her chances of physically fighting in the games, but clemmie knows the importance of making a good impression and androcles is inclined to help by making visits and bringing food at least. reaper thinks androcles has weird vibes, but androcles hasn't done anything like bringing hearts so him being offput by clemmie's mentor is more of a gut feeling.

reaper isn't too keen on felix either, and felix is having a much tougher time connecting to reaper than androcles is having getting along with clemmie. felix and clemmie probably exchange a few words, just because she and reaper are likely sticking together, and in leiu of reaper ignoring felix, clemmie figures she might as well try to get something out of him. these mentors are their only connection to getting supplies, and even if she is very aware of the reality of dying in the arena, she doesn't want to starve in the days leading up to it.

after several more interactions, felix is torn between considering reaper a 'good tribute' and bemoaning that reaper doesn't want to work with him- why can't reaper be as personable and charming as clemensia? there's more than a little jealousy towards androcles bc felix has quickly grown fond of her. que dilemma over wanting reaper to win vs wanting clemmie to survive & coming to the slow realization that the games come down to reaper and clemensia, those two are not going to kill each other.

i don't remember where i was going with this except for androcles getting pushed into his serial killer arc early - clemmie ends up winning the games by one of the ways above, and felix is thrilled. clemmie is less thrilled, but felix is stubborn and probably tries following her back to d11. which probably also gives maximinius a heart attack and a half bc his great-nephew heading off to the same district that hector died in.

androcles is miffed because that's his tribute, what the heck felix. clemmie is So Done because the hunger games were an awful experience and she did not expect survival to come along with two out-of-touch capitol boys chasing after her. (...now that i think about it, this scenario would probably end with felix and/or clemmie dead at the end of it. oops.)

thanks for the ask! :D

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Defiant One, Pt. 3

They reach the crashed hive ship. The whole way, they walk in two pairs. McKay does not leave Sheppard's side. And it's not (certainly not predominately) because he's looking for protection from Sheppard, it's just that it's where he wants to be. Walking and standing next to the Major.

If in the several previous episodes Sheppard was the one drawn to McKay, now it is very clearly Rodney that is being drawn to him. And once more they are creating their own insulated universe even when they are with other people.

Sheppard still seems to explain to McKay why to do things, he's not giving commands or orders. But McKay obliges him easily even when he doesn't personally see the usefulness of something. And Sheppard is still teaching him about military protocol, especially about it being better to be safe than sorry.

He can't hide that he's actually excited to be on this mission with Rodney as he turns to him and says: "Good! Let's go take a look."

The whole time Sheppard really seems to be talking only to McKay, not to all three of them. He doesn't really even react to the others or their comments. And he smiles to Rodney for the second time in very short order, and very obviously to Rodney alone.

They are like two giddy school boys on an adventure.

Entering the hive, they have perfect trust in each other. McKay trusts that Sheppard is going to keep him safe and Sheppard trusts that McKay will be able to warn him of potential dangers.

Rodney gets a little too close to him switching open his flash light, and Sheppard first makes to pull away but then pushes himself back toward him (he actually reacts to McKay drawing in a breath, before he's even had time to move, that's how attuned he is to McKay's physical presence). He both wants to keep the distance and he wants to get close. Outside, Dr. Gaul tells Dr. Abrams something that Sheppard might as well have just been telling himself: "Look, I know how you feel, but how many opportunities like this are we gonna get?"

The two pairs are contrasted. Abrams and Gaul have to verbally have a conversation that Sheppard and McKay don't even need to have, because they're automatically on the same page about this.

Also, where previously, before the Genii siege, we saw Sheppard constantly looking at McKay, here it's McKay that keeps looking at and to Sheppard. He's looking for confirmation, he's looking for reassurance, he's looking for guidance. Sheppard doesn't really look at McKay except to answer his half verbalized question ("It is..?") with a look. This shows us, again, how by now they know each other so well that they don't need actual words to communicate, they can have entire conversations just through looks and expressions. At this time, Sheppard doesn't look at McKay. In fact, there are a few times he seems to catch himself and tries to purposefully not look at the other man. But, like back in the jumper, they end up working terribly, terribly close:

They figure out that the hive was a wraith supply ship, coming across where a storage of human bodies used to be. It's interesting how Sheppard tells Abrams and Gaul what to do ("Gaul, Abrams, check it out, but be careful"; it's also pretty obvious that everything so far that he didn't precede with their actual names he has been saying to Rodney alone). He does not tell McKay what to do but instead, just assumes that the other man is going to accompany him to the ship's bridge, again using 'we' pronouns ("Maybe we can get some useful intel"; "We'll stay in radio contact"). He's speaking for the both of them but at no point does he tell McKay what to do. They're just... working as one.

Sheppard literally only gives McKay this quick look which is enough for McKay to understand his whole plan:

In fact, these kind of really quick glances seem to be the only ones he's able to give McKay at this time. Like if he does it real fast, it doesn't count.

It's notable that he clearly wants to keep McKay near him when splitting them up some other way would have made more sense as Gaul and Abrams have zero field experience, and McKay was just taking samples so leaving him to take samples e.g., with Abrams would have been the reasonable thing to do. But he's not being reasonable -- given the events of the past few episodes, he's not letting McKay out of his sight when there's potential danger. Not until there's actual danger, and it becomes better to leave him in a safe place.

It's also telling how, now that they're in a real situation, Dr. Gaul seems to be freaking out, doesn't want to be left behind by the Major, barely containing his "girlish fear" where McKay genuinely does not seem to fear anything, at least as long as Sheppard is with him. He tells Gaul "What's the problem? They're all dead." It just does not occur to him to fear anything, not when Sheppard is there. He runs after Sheppard having rubbed this in Gaul's face a little, but the skip in his step tells us that he's not doing it because he's feeling fear with Sheppard having gone ahead, but because he just wants to be with Sheppard that much. He wants to catch up.

But on the other side of the coin, Sheppard actually turns and walks backwards like his body just decided that a few yards was further than it wanted to be from McKay:

With no evidence to the contrary, I'm going to go on a limb and assume that this is the first time they have been alone together since before the Genii siege (let's just count the moment they had in Rodney's lab as a private moment, even though Weir was there; they definitely both seemed to forget she was there for a moment).

They immediately fall into rhythm: McKay is able to explain the science to Sheppard but Sheppard is quick in thinking things that McKay does not think to think. Working together, it takes them like five seconds to come to the conclusion that they might actually have a live wraith in the hive with them. They complement each other.

They started finishing each other's sentences back in Underground (S01E07). But now it's like, they don't even have to use whole sentences. They understand each other from half a word, never mind they seem to be able to do without words altogether. Twice now in this episode, Sheppard has only said McKay's name, and he perfectly understood his meaning. Given that in the episode, we have been told about the difficulty of radio communication three times by this point, it's really rather telling. They are communicating on so many different levels.

There is a marked difference in how they are alone together. McKay is talking in an excited, animated way where Sheppard lets his guard down, asking McKay really rather poignant questions rather than pretending he has all the answers or that he's in control. There is not a hint of any kind of bickering or bantering going on, they are both just so nakedly themselves.

There's a contrast in how Sheppard is being extra military with Dr. Gaul, I guess because the way he treated McKay earlier annoyed him. He's using military parlance ("Get a DV and a rough head count"; "Let's fall back to our point of ingress"). He has never done this with Rodney and actually seems to not even want him to do that. We see later, a bunch of times, McKay wanting to learn military slang and hand signs and Sheppard just... isn't having it.

It's not like knowing these things wouldn't be useful on missions. It's not like he shouldn't be teaching them to Rodney himself. He just... likes Rodney the way he is and doesn't want to see him becoming someone else. And probably also doesn't like to be reminded that McKay is technically (Cf. Harmony, S04E14) serving under him which, in Sheppard's mind, puts him in the danger zone.

The heroes that they are, they run toward danger together. Abrams, unfortunately, is the first to go. Before they go after Gaul, captured by the wraith, two things happen. Sheppard makes sure that McKay has extra protection (and, well, weapons are phallic symbols, so there's that; they're handling a weapon together):

And he alleviates the guilt McKay is feeling, believing it's his fault Abrams died:

McKay: I swear there was nothing alive when I scanned for life-signs. Sheppard: They don't show up as life-signs when they're hibernating. OK, let's go! [= it wasn't your fault, we couldn't have known]

Sheppard is teaching McKay pretty much all throughout this episode. It's starts with the flying lesson, ends with the shooting lesson, but there are small lessons scattered throughout. They run across some wraith weapons and while neither of them know what they are, precisely, he's teaching McKay strategy:

McKay: What's that? Sheppard: I don't know, but I don't have the ordnance I should have. It takes a lot to kill these guys -- I'll take any edge I can get.

Rodney McKay is an exceptionally intelligent individual. This is a source of pride for him to the point of arrogance. And yet he's not just willing to learn from Sheppard, he is eager. Just like Sheppard has been willing and eager to learn from McKay, as we saw in the previous episode where he displayed an understanding of engineering that could have resulted only from keenly observing the other man work. And no matter how tense the situation gets, Sheppard doesn't stop teaching him things that he hopes will serve to protect McKay, to keep him alive:

Sheppard: OK. Stay behind me. Shoot only when I tell you to shoot.

As it turns out, the fact that they stopped for this particular lesson cost Dr. Gaul several decades of his life-force. They find him cocooned by the wraith. This is when the weight of the events of the past few episodes suddenly come crashing down on the shoulders of John Sheppard.

Continued in Pt. 4

[blackholesun321]

New One Piece AU dropped focusing around Zoro and Mihawk! You shall be subjected to it.

TW: Long Ask

Okay, so basically, this au has a long title but I dubbed it Child of the Sword. It started off with Zoro being able to see the spirits of the swords since in One Piece, swords are sentient and are possessed in a way. Only Zoro can see these spirits and talks to them all the time. At first, he didn't realize others couldn't see them. My friend and I played around with this a lot, and now's it's developed into a whole thing.

When Kuina died, Zoro's anger and grief erupted and Zoro discovered he was the incarnation of the Ancient Weapon: Ares. Created by the war god Asura. The sensei makes Zoro swear to never use his power in public unless it was life or death. Zoro goes on to see Kuina's spirit tied to Wado Ichimonji. During the shells town arc, Morgan is extra cruel bc he is Morgan, and when Zoro is tied in the courtyard he has the swordsman whipped on the back, marring and littering Zoro's back with scars. Zoro's honor is in shambles when Luffy shows up and helps him. During Baratie, Zoro fights Mihawk and loses, ending up with the scar on his chest. After Zoro promises to never fail, he whipsers "Finally a worthy scar" and Mihawk overhears. Mihawk almost noted how Zoro always seemed to be looking at things that aren't there.

So naturally, the warlord decides to kidnap Zoro instead of Luffy (yes I am mashing up OPLA and the anime, fight me). The Straw hats go on the free Nami from Arlong then make plans to get Zoro back from Mihawk. Zoro is less than pleased to be kidnapped by the strongest swordsman. Mihawk brings Zoro with him to meet with Shanks about Luffy's bounty poster and Shanks convinces Mihawk to give Zoro back to the Straw Hats, but before that happens, Mihawk and Zoro end up talking about Zoro's special abilities. Mihawk comes to the realization of what Zoro is and keeps it to himself.

During the two year time skip, Zoro reunites with Mihawk (even though he never stopped talking with the warlord after being dropped off ((begrudgingly)) at lougetown). Mihawk trains Zoro in the way of the sword AND helps him to realize his full potential.

This is all I have for now, but I have ideas for Dressrosa and Wano. :D

FUCK YEAH ASKS AGAIN! I’ve been ignoring the rest of my wings au ask gotta go finish those up lol just kinda sitting in my drafts. Anyways.

Oh fuck yeah again! I love the guy can see spirits no one else can mixed with reincarnation trope my little Bleach nerd heart is swooning.

But yesss constantly talking to air and technically he doesn’t need to but the swords haven’t told him that because it’s funny. And he’s just this ball of angst plus weirdo probably crazy guy who talks to his swords— so he’d be even more ostracized then in canon yeah the mentality Ill are stigmatized and treated poorly in all universes. Expect he not mentally ill I mean if we don’t count the Kuina trauma ™️ probably which is what gives Ironjaw the gaul and to whip him as well as tie him up to suffer dehydration and probably heat stroke so fun.

Maybe Kuina tags along in the form of wado-ichumongi? Maybe he can talk to her sometimes? Idk I just want him to be constantly fighting and loosing to a preteen girl that lives in his sword, I think that would be funny.

Mihawk please! Mihawk that’s kidnapping! Mihawk you’ve kidnapped a child. Because of course he has and did because Zoro=interesting equals if I leave him alone he could die and with the looks of his crew probably will die. Ugh guess I have to steal him.

You know he shows up at that beach eyeliner on, lip gloss applied and cunting it up to shore and with Zoro trying to stab him every other step. Shanks is very worried and weirded out. But also laughs his ass off because of course this is how Mihawk acquires a kid. But also he’s like Mihawk seriously no bad we don’t kidnap… Whitebeards the exception not the rule!

[felixravinstills]

I saw an earlier post about Felix poisoning President Ravinstill and it somehow making things even worse.

Tentatively, I'd like to slide forward this suggestion: Felix as President. Or at least as a presidential candidate.

Except he's doing everything to slide the votes to literally anyone else. (It's not working) EVERYTHING he does to make his odds worse comically backfires and ends up endearing him even more to the citizens.

Coriolanus is fuming. None of his poison attempts are working. (Unbeknownst to him, anything poisoned ends up with Clemmie and she has no idea it's poisoned either, so she's going about her day, unbothered by the poison that she's just consumed)

Wow! This is great! It weaponizes my tendency to torture Felix for good (he gets to fail upwards)!

I just spitballed a few ideas below... Just the idea of Felix failing upward is so funny!

Hilarius and Festus fully expecting either Coriolanus or Felix's cousin to win the presidency decide to jokingly write him in as a candidate during the primaries. A lot of their former classmates decide to do this as well, because why not?

There are now three top candidates for the President of Panem.

The only other person who hates the idea of Felix becoming president in this AU more than Felix is President Ravinstill who fears that the office will take away the best parts of his nephew.

He suggest that Felix announce that any supporters he has instead vote for Felix's cousin, Marius. There's a press conference and Felix does so,

Their combined Ravinstill "luck" means that Marius sees the press conference, bursts into tears, and announces that he is actually stepping down to support his "baby cousin" whom he would now like to get to know better.

Marius and Felix's other cousin, Gnaeus, sign on as Felix's advisors and their supporters are quick to back Felix

All over the Capitol, men and women are touched by this display of familial support and maybe decide to vote Ravinstill for that reason.

(I don't think the Districts are allowed to vote for the president if we're being honest here... or maybe certain Capitolites sway those votes. Like maybe the Creeds offer food and other benefits if their candidate wins, so it incentives District 7 to vote a certain direction?)

In an effort to lose support, Felix declares that he's stopping the Hunger Games, because he hates fun (hoping to lose the younger demographic of voters who have grown up with them and love the Games). He states it was a big mistake of his Great-Uncle's administration (he's hoping to lose the traditionalist/older Ravinstill supporters.)

This starts a movement of anti-Game Capitolites who start framing the Games as childish which somehow gains a lot of traction.

His second statement actually sparks self-reflection through a sheer miracle, and older Capitolites start going "they are kind of barbaric, aren't they?"

Pres. Ravinstill would be more upset about how badly their plan to not get Felix elected is going (and also his nephew lowkey throwing shade at his administration) if Gaul five seconds away from throttling him at any given moment.

Coriolanus loses support as he built up his popularity on his Gamemaking experience

Clemensia's been getting a lot of treats lately because she's been helping Felix straighten out an ending the Games plan since it looks like he'll win.

If the Districts can vote, they definitely vote for Felix now that there is a potential end to the Games on the table.

"Here, Clemmie! You've been such a great help! Have some tea! And sweets!" "But you haven't had any? "I'll have some right after I go into the other room and read this live on TV!" "Felix, this says that District 13 is actually not destroyed, and that the government lied to everyone in order to end the war faster, leaving many in financial ruin?" "Yup. Everyone will hate this!" *the next day* Headline: District 13 Wishes to Rejoin Panem Due to the Bravery and Candor of Its Young Future President Coriolanus rips the paper.

Thanks for sending this idea! Always happy to see Felix ideas!

[harrowlark]

Sorting More Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes with Sorting Hat Chats

This post uses the Sorting Hat Chats system, originally created by @sortinghatchats. It’s a personality system, sort of like mbti or enneagram, except it developed right here in fandom for talking about and analysing fictional characters.

SHC is about two things — your motive (called your primary) and your method (called your secondary). You can read a full explanation of the system over here (thanks, @wisteria-lodge!)

@the-phoenix-heart has already done a great post on Coriolanus and Lucy Gray over here, which I recommend you go and read if you haven’t already! But since I have A Lot Of Thoughts about this book (and am currently writing a longfic about it that’s going to end up at 200k+, whoops) I figured I’d chat about the sortings of a few of its other characters.

Also, good lord this ended up long for a post just about three characters. Like, grab some snacks, grab a glass of water. The rest of this post is below the cut, to protect your dash. You ready? Let’s go!

Sejanus Plinth — Double Lion with a Badger primary model and possibly a singed secondary

Starting with his primary — Sejanus is a good example of how Badgers and Paragon Lions (that is, Lions with Badger values) can be really difficult to distinguish from one another, especially in fiction. People are people and this means something to him, in a way it doesn’t to either the Capitol or his father. It’s a Badger ideal, but it’s not exclusive to Badgers. Although Sejanus is so incredibly heartfelt about it that I do think he’s a Felt primary (Lion or Badger).

There’s his angst about leaving Two, his community that he still considers an incredibly important part of his identity, that could be a Badger primary thing… but it also could be a human thing. And it’s so tied up in his guilt for his father’s actions during the war, and I think any primary could be hit hard by a parent producing munitions for a war against their own people. (And later using the money from said munitions to save their own skins and move away from home. Sejanus has reams of survivor’s guilt, and that’s just a person thing.)

I could still be convinced either way, I think (and if anyone reading has strong opinions, I’m curious to hear your thoughts!). But I’ve come down on Lion for him, and that’s because of the way he talks so readily about systems and what’s right, not just the Badger that’s a person! stuff. When Dr. Gaul says it’s the Capitol’s right, to treat the Districts how they choose, he doesn’t come back with they’re people, how could you? but meets her at her level, Idealist to Idealist. “You’ve no right.” Everyone is born with life and freedom, and “they’re not yours for the taking.”

There’s also the way he lives for so long in the Capitol without giving an inch. Badgers are External primaries, meaning they tend to adopt the values of their larger communities. I’d expect a Badger to have more… doubt, more misgivings. Or to dehumanise the Capitol more, as a way to cope. But Lions have a way of digging in their heels and saying no, I know what’s right. They’re also, classically, the most at peace with being loners. And Sejanus isn’t happy being alone in the Capitol… but you get the sense he’d choose it every time over compromising his ideals.

I also think having him as a Lion creates an interesting read on the way he bonds so easily with Coriolanus and not with his father, despite the two being really quite similar people in a lot of ways. Sure, Coriolanus is charismatic and trying to be liked in a way that maybe Strabo isn’t, I’m sure that’s part of it. But Coriolanus, fellow Lion primary, also seems to just… get it, where Sejanus is coming from with his ideals. Coriolanus doesn’t like it — Sejanus is rejecting everything that his Lion has been fighting for most of his life. But he gets the innate drive, because he’s the same way with his own success, his safety and control, his family’s power. So he slots it into his calculations about how to act around Sejanus and moves on. Whereas I get the sense that Strabo probably doesn’t understand Sejanus in quite the same way.

(External primaries — Badger and Bird — have this knack for just deciding to like something, or to be alright with something. In parents, this can often manifest in expecting their kids to be able to do the same thing. I don’t think we have enough information on Strabo to conclusively sort him, but I do wonder if that’s what’s going on here.)

All that being said — groups and his community in Two, forming one with the rebels, are important enough to Sejanus that I’m going to say he has a full Badger model, rather than just being a Lion with Badger ideals.

As for his secondary, he’s a Lion, through and through. He goes the direct route, he’s unapologetically himself. He can do the Lion secondary “dimmer switch” where he stays quiet about parts of himself or his ideals — he would have had to learn that, to survive as long as he did. But the moments where he’s at his most powerful… I’m coming back to that conversation with Dr. Gaul again. He stands his ground and says “You’ve no right”. It might not get him anywhere in the text itself, but as a reader that’s a powerful moment. Even Coriolanus is grudgingly impressed by his pluck.

In this he’s like Katniss, another Lion secondary. She’s at her most powerful when she can stand her ground, speak her truth, and shoot straight for the problem at hand. It’s the berries, it’s speaking from the heart in her propos, it’s shooting Coin. But it’s also such a dangerous thing to be in Panem, and Collins is keenly aware of that. It so easily could have gotten her killed. Sejanus is a case where it did.

An Aside on the Way Collins Writes Idealists vs Loyalists That Has Become it’s Own Section as it’s So Damn Long

The contrast between Sejanus and Katniss is also a good example of the way Collins tends to write about Idealist primaries (Lion and Bird) vs Loyalists (Snake and Badger). When Collins writes Idealists, they have a tendency to sort of… careen off some edge or another, for their drive, or their ideals, or their philosophy.

Coriolanus loses himself in his drive for control, safety. He makes himself someone who will thrive in the Capitol, because he values his own comfort more than he values the snatches of empathy, of another way forward, that he ponders throughout Ballad. And so he murders the part of himself that cares. The boy who told Lucy Gray that he should be like Sejanus and try to quit the Games ends up trying to kill them both. This is his tragedy.

Gale loses himself in his drive to defeat the Capitol. He makes himself someone who has what it takes to help win the war, because he values justice and perhaps revenge more than he values the human life on the ground. And so he murders the part of himself that cares. The boy who told Katniss that he’d protect their families above everything gets Prim killed. This is his tragedy.

Coin you can read as either or both of the above, depending on how much you think she believed in rebel justice vs her own security and power. We’ll get to Dr. Gaul later on, but she’s also an example of someone who cared more for her own safety and philosophy than the lives of the people she has power over.

It’s not as simple as “good Loyalists, bad Idealists” — certainly the Idealists in this series are written sympathetically, even when the text disagrees with them. We understand Coriolanus wanting his family to be safe and fed. We understand Gale wanting justice. But surviving in a dystopian dictatorship, under that kind of violent oppression, is hard, and enacting meaningful change is even harder. Every single character has to grapple with that, but the Idealists tend to get the worst of it. Whether they choose to submit for personal gain like Coriolanus or fight fire with fire like Gale or Coin, they lose something of themselves in the process, and it drives them to tragedy one way or another.

And then there’s Sejanus. Sejanus, who knows the risk of loosing himself, who’s seen his father do the exact same thing and who knows what the cost of that has been. He will not murder the part of himself that cares. He will not even pretend. But he doesn’t know how to move forward for his ideals, without that first act of self-mutilation, and he can’t live with himself for that.

And… this is speculation, but I think maybe he’s terrified that he’s destined for it anyway. “What makes you think I could do that?” he asks Coriolanus, when Coriolanus says he can do good with the Plinth fortune when he inherits. There are lots of reasons Sejanus might say that. Maybe it’s just unthinkable to him to say that sort of money could do good. Maybe, in SHC terms, it’s a sign of burning on his secondary, that he doesn’t think he’s capable of his own actions doing good. But I also think it’s possible that he really doesn’t think he’ll get that far with his whole self intact, after the pressure exerted on him by his father, by the Capitol. That he thinks either his compassion will die young, or he will. So he nearly looses himself to despair, instead.

But to be a Loyalist, in this series, is to have something that grounds you. It protects you from loosing yourself the same way. Peeta is aware of the risk of self-mutilation. “I don’t want them to change me,” he says, before his first Games. But he’s a Snake primary, and the way he keeps hold of himself is his devotion to Katniss. To change him, Coriolanus must remove this devotion — the hijacking — but even this cannot last. Katniss, likewise, is kept focused and steadied by her own Snake primary, by the people she fights for. It’s still difficult — wars have a way of coming for the people you love. But even when Katniss is at her lowest point, her love still centres her. When she kills Coin, it’s “for Prim”.

The text is saying — yes, the world is big and you are very small. But if you can help one person, that means something. If you can fight for one person, that means something. And those small acts of kindness and love are where change comes from, in the end.

This is how I think Lucy Gray manages to be the rare Idealist in this series who doesn’t careen off some edge or another. Because that sort of small-scale love is her ideal. She’s focused, she’s grounded, she cares for the Covey and her own personal freedom and the impact of her own actions on the world.

And she’s flexible, about her ideals. When Coriolanus and Coin and Gale and Dr. Gaul careen off that edge it’s sort of… it, for them. There’s no coming back, they’re too committed for that. Sejanus, if I’m right, is terrified that will be him, too. Lucy Gray is no stranger to becoming morally grey. She’s a victor, she’s killed people. But, to her, this does not prevent her from doing the work to walk on the right side of the line. This does not excuse her from doing the work to walk on the right side of the line. It’s her life’s work and she will see it through.

And then we have Coriolanus. And the thing is, he starts off with these sort of small-scale ideals, too. He cares for his family, he cares for Lucy Gray, and he prioritises them over a lot. And you could read that as being a performance, or that he only cares for what their wellbeing could do for him. I know a lot of people read him that way. But there’s another reading where it’s at least a mix. I’d argue even his care for Sejanus winds up being at least halfway genuine. And in that reading… you get the sense that his care for them could have been what saved him, if only he had let it.

Dr. Volumnia Gaul — Double Bird

Double Birds in fiction are classically either the (mad) scientist or the mentor figure. With Dr. Gaul being both, is it any wonder this is her sorting? @the-phoenix-heart already mentioned her sorting in their post, but as that was a quick one-liner and I have Many Thoughts, I’m going to chat about her here for a little bit!

So, Bird primary — the way she mentors Coriolanus (and to a lesser extent the other Hunger Games mentors) is very Bird. She lays out the evidence of her system, her worldview, and expects this will be what convinces people to follow suit. @the-phoenix-heart wrote that Coriolanus probably built a Bird primary model for her, and I absolutely agree. And then there’s the bit where she says that what she loved about the war was that it proved her right… which is such an Idealist thing to say, but maybe swings a little more Bird, too. There’s that Bird drive for truth, as opposed to for a cause (which would swing Lion).

As for her Bird secondary, that’s obvious too. She loves plans, she loves tools, and she’s always working on tinkering with both to make them better. Her mutts are a beloved tool. The Games are a beloved tool. Coriolanus, fellow Bird secondary, takes a little while to come around to her ideals, but the Games as a tool? Control as strategy? He gets that immediately. “So obvious. Too obvious,” he says, about controlling the eternal war.

There’s an interesting thing about her Double Bird, mad scientist vibes, though, that I think separates her from the classic Double Bird scientist who gets so caught up in their scientific shenanigans that they don’t realise or care how “mad” they come off.

This is pure speculation, but — what do we think she was like, growing up? She’s sadistic, a “nerd”, quite probably some form of neurodivergent. What are the odds she was the “weird kid” in her class? Which is a hard thing to be under the best of circumstances, but in the Capitol? It must have been brutal. Thinking of her this way unlocked a lot about her character and motivations, for me.

No wonder she decided it was true that humanity is brutal, vicious, at constant war with itself. No wonder she doesn’t take on evidence that questions that truth. No wonder she loved the war, when everyone else suddenly saw what she did. No wonder she loves the Games, which specifically use children as an example of the brutal nature she sees in humanity. Finally, something to point to when people tell her that children are innocent.

And no wonder she values control so highly. I think she probably learnt quite young — at school, maybe at university — that fear is a powerful means of control, of personal safety. It’s one of the main tools she passes down to Coriolanus. Getting back to what I mentioned about her Double Bird, mad scientist vibes — in SHC terms, I think this is an Actor Bird costume she’s built for herself, as well as being reflective of her actual sorting. Everything “mad” about her seems so carefully calculated to manufacture a reaction. The nursery rhymes when she starts a conversation, that she drops the moment things get truly serious. The carefully planned encounter with Clemensia and the snakes. She’s using the trope itself as a tool, because she knows “the mad scientist” is something that scares people.

Tigris Snow — Badger Snake with an exploded Badger secondary model in Ballad and an Actor Bird secondary model in Mockingjay

Unlike every other character in this book who’s been sorted so far, Tigris never talks about ideals or truths or philosophies or causes. She talks about people — her family most of all, but others as well. Lucy Gray is a person, and that instantly matters to her. She’s definitely a Loyalist, but I could see Snake, I could see Badger. She’s a minor enough character that you could pull her either way. But I’ve come down on Badger for her for a couple of reasons. Apart from Sejanus, she’s one of the main mouthpieces for the “the districts are people and that matters” argument, which as I’ve said before isn’t exclusive to Badgers but is a Badger thing.

And it’s a small thing, but there’s the way she refuses to hear anything bad against her boss, Fabrica, as Tigris is so grateful she gave her a position in fashion. I think a Snake would be more likely to say that no, she doesn’t owe Fabrica anything, if Fabrica is going to treat her like that. But Badgers take their obligation to the group seriously, and they can run into problems with dismissing their own worth in the process.

As for her secondary… there’s definitely some Badger there. She’s the main caretaker in the Snow household and caretaking is classically a Badger secondary thing. But the fact that this is something she’s had to learn how to be makes me think it’s probably a model she’s picked up for that specific purpose — which then exploded, this girl seems to always be up all night working.

The biggest example of her problem-solving is Coriolanus’ Reaping Day shirt, and from that we learn that she’s adaptable. Take the fabric from an old pouch, exchange favours with the maintenance man, tell your boss her curtains need bleaching so you can slip in the shirt while you’re doing it. Rapid-fire Bird, Snake — she’s in her element, fashion, which makes it hard to distinguish between the two. But there’s the way she looks around at her environment for cues. The tesserae she takes from the walls on the maid’s bathroom for buttons.

And there’s also the playful way she seems to have of coming up with little words and phrases on the fly, as a kid. Nicknames like Coryo and the Grandma’am, and the mantra Snow lands on top. I think she’s a Snake secondary, the balance to Coriolanus’ Bird that made them such an effective team growing up. It’s the same thing we see with him and Lucy Gray, another Snake.

But then we arrive at Mockingjay, and Tigris feels so incredibly different. She’s this very carefully constructed persona of a tiger, enigmatic and silent with a purr when she talks. In SHC terms, it’s an Actor Bird costume, it’s too obviously constructed to be anything else. As for why she made it… that’s anyone’s guess. But it’s such a break from the way she presents herself in tbosas that has to have been part of the point.

One thing about that costume, though? She can’t take it off. It’s literally tattooed on her skin. And if there’s one thing Actor Birds (whether innate or modelled) don’t seem to like, it’s when they get stuck in one of their roles.

[heartfulselkie]

1, 6, 9, 10 for Citrus and Lavender and Bell The Cat

Give a 5-word summary of this chapter/fic.

Hmm since these are both long fics I decided to do a summary of the upcoming chapters I've been working on. 5 words really isn't a lot lol

Bell the Cat: Chat has nightmares. Ladybug's tired.

Citrus and Lavender: Adrien really needs to eat.

6. Does this chapter/fic have any twists that you’re proud of?

I think that the "twists" of these fics are fairly predictable for the readers. I'm still really excited about them though and hope my readers can enjoy them too even if they can see what's going on before the characters do.

9. What is your favorite dialogue you’ve written so far?

Hmm i did have to think about this but for Citrus and Lavender it has to be this scene from Ch. 34:

Marinette almost choked on the gasp that escaped her. Her hand instinctively clutched Chat Noir’s at his side, hiding his ring under her grasp as she squeezed. “We can’t do that! This Miraculous belongs to Chat just as much as the earrings belong to me! No one else is more suited to it!” She glared at Master Fu as tears threatened to return to her eyes. “You said that Chat Noir had the makings of a hero, he only needed a chance to make that choice. Well he made it! He chose to save me! More than once! Maybe now we can finally be the Ladybug and Chat Noir you intended us to be! And I want to give him that opportunity."

Marinette still can't admit what feelings she may or may not have toward Chat Noir, but she can't deny the lengths he has gone through. As much as she's tried to remain stubborn about his "villainy", she now fully believes in his potential to be a hero and is ready to fight tooth and nail to defend him for that.

Meanwhile for Bell the Cat one of my favourite dialogues is completely opposite in tone. I just love this exchange between Ladybug and Chloe in Ch. 2:

"Your map is wrong,” Chloe cut in abruptly. Ladybug blinked. “Pardon?” Tapping a perfectly manicured finger on the paper terrain before her, Chloe pointed out the ink that formed the city. “This is wrong. Gaul is in the wrong place.” She gave a haughty laugh. “Everyone knows Gaul is the centre of Gallia.”

It's just so very "Chloe" to me that she's the princess, but has no idea on the actual geography of her own country. Meanwhile Ladybug is both horrified and baffled by this because surely Chloe isn't that dumb. But Chloe thinks the world revolves around her so where she lives has to be the centre of the universe.

10. What is the last line of dialogue you’ve written?

My Citrus and Lavender WIP doc is a little messy currently but I think this was the last dialogue I added into it?

"Adrien," Emilie cooed. Her hand left his head, instead moving to lift his chin so that he was forced to look at her. "You want to stay with me, don't you? You wouldn't leave me here by myself." A sharp pain continued to throb behind his eyes. He knew he wanted to go out, but he found that desire becoming quickly stifled. It felt like his lungs were quickly filled with a viscous mud, closing his throat off to any and all words except his weakly uttered, "Okay, Maman." Emilie's features finally warmed as she smiled at him. "That's my boy."

My Bell the Cat WIP doc is also a mess lol but I think this is technically the last dialogue I added even though its somewhere in the middle of the chapter

"I saved your life today!" Ladybug snapped. Chat Blanc's lips curled in a mocking smirk, but his voice was nothing but a snarl. "I have nine lives and you want me to thank you for saving one of them?" "A normal person would be at least a little grateful!" "Am I a normal person?" Ladybug hesitated at his blunt question. She stared into the frozen depth of his eyes as he glared at her, and any words she might have had were bitten away by his frost. He took her silence as answer enough. "I thought so," he hissed.

wip ask game

[daughterofcain-67]

𝕽𝖆𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝕭𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 (𝔭𝔱.9)

(Dean Winchester x Female Reader)

(masterlist)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: After an argument causes you and Dean to split up, Dean finds himself in trouble with Sam. Sam inevitably get’s Dean back to the bunker where he will begin the process of transforming back into a human.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: Needles, injections, Demon Dean being a jerk, I think that’s it?

Then..

“I think it wouldn’t be smart to try and double cross Crowley and screw up the deal. After all he is a businessman.”

“He’s just another demon. As long as he gets a soul, what’s the big deal?”

“You know, I really don’t appreciate the sudden appearances.” You rolled your eyes. Then you noticed the heavily displeased look on Crowley’s face, causing you to groan.

“What did he do?”

“Are you kidding me!? What didn’t that bastard do!? He killed my client so now I won’t be able to get the soul! He had the audacity to push me around like nothing in front of my servants! And he had the Gaul to tell me he would do whatever he wanted to do!”

“If he was really a demon, he would have done what he was told. He would have killed the designated victim without a second thought. He wouldn’t have had a preference if he were a full demon. I mean, even if Catrina was more of a bitch for her end of the whole ordeal, she was still a client who’s soul I lost because Dean can’t listen to an order! I even threatened the idea that he may have felt sorry for Bethany. If he had felt bad, then maybe he’s more human after all except he’s got those pretty black eyes of his and he’s working alongside you and me.”

“It was nice talking to you too, Y/N. But seriously. If you want to save your skin, either call Sam and tell him where Dean is, or walk away.” After that, Crowley walked out of your hotel room door.

“What are we going to do now, Dean?” You asked yourself but something deep within your conscience knew what you should do.

Now…

You had already typed out a message to Sam to let him know where Dean was. You hadn’t sent it yet since it was still in your draft box.

You didn’t want to betray Dean’s trust. Now that you’ve been exposed to different human emotions, you were beginning to figure out why it made you feel uneasy to think about betraying the person you’d been traveling with.

That vision was sticking with you though. What if Dean’s vessel was really fighting? What if there really was hope for Dean to be cured? Sam would be able to finally have his brother back and things could go back to the way that they were before.

On the other side of the coin, if he was human again, how much damage would his soul have taken after fighting the demon threatening to take over? And what if the mark starts to effect him again and he dies if he can’t kill.

If Dean were to die because he couldn’t kill, then the demon would just come back and you knew it would be yet another endless Winchester cycle. It would be torture for both of them if they went back and forth constantly like that.

Crowley was sure to sell Dean out if you weren’t going to send this message to Sam. So you knew Dean would be in trouble either way no matter what you did. You went ahead and saved the draft instead of sending the message to Sam and you put the phone in your pocket just as you heard the door open again.

You watched Dean come in holding a six pack of beer and you lifted a brow.

“Weren’t you just at the bar?”

“I take it Crowley came in and ranted to you.”

“I don’t know why I’m suddenly the marriage counselor for you two, but yeah. And he said things were over.”

“Well they are. So hopefully he won’t be expecting you to be some kind of shrink anymore.” You laughed slightly.

“I dunno, seemed kind of fun hearing about the things you do just to get under his skin.” You admitted as he sat down next to you. He offered you a beer and you took it.

“Although, I heard you did end up killing that client. I told you there would be problems after that.” You reminded as you opened the bottle and held it up to your lips as you drank from it.

“I didn’t ask for the ‘I told you so’ speech.” He said with a little grunt and you gave him a light nudge with your arm.

“I’m not saying that to be a bitch, I’m saying that now that you’ve done what you did, you need to keep an eye out for Sam. You know Crowley’s likely going to tell him where you are.”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“Saying what?”

“‘You.’ As if you and I haven’t been doing this together? You’re in this muck just as much as I am. So why do you keep saying that?”

The question took you by surprise. Maybe that was just a moment of humanity on Dean’s part but you knew at this rate it would come to an end once he becomes a full demon.

“I say ‘you’ because your brother isn’t concerned about getting me back into the bunker, and I’m fairly certain he doesn’t want to turn me human. You know he’ll likely use human blood to cure you like you almost cured Crowley.”

Dean rolled his eyes at the thought of what his brother might try to do.

“Crowley said that you’re having trouble picking a side… You seem lost these days, Dean, and it’s a little-“

“I swear if you say it’s concerning or worrisome I’d rather you stop right there. I’m just fine and I don’t need you to act like you care about what Sam soes or what the condition of my soul is. It gets tiring.”

“Okay fine, I won’t say that. But I will say that it would be wise of you to at least think about what Crowley says about picking a side. At least killing humans for Crowley gave you a fix and it would have kept you out of trouble!”

“I don’t need you to tell me what to think about. I sure as hell don’t need you to tell me what to do! Especially from someone who doesn’t know what they want themselves.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh nothing. Just that you don’t know what you want just as much as I don’t. You’re nothing but a hypocrite.”

You clenched your jaw for a moment, “You know, snarky ass comments like that make me understand Crowley’s impatience with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You put your bottle of beer down and you looked down at Dean, “I mean that you think you can say whatever you want, push whoever you want around without any regards as to what the people around you think or feel. I told you back when you and your brother first got me that you needed to think about who you would lose. You’ve lost a friend in Crowley, you’re dead set on losing your brother for some crazy ass reason, and if you aren’t careful you might lose me too.”

“Oh sweetheart, you aren’t really thinking of going anywhere are you? What are you gonna do, run off to Sam and rat me out before Crowley does?” He asked with a cocky smirk you were tempted to smack off his face. But you watched him stand up too, looking down on you with such a condescending look.

Perhaps this was his turning point? Was he going to kill you here in the hotel room like he did in your vision? If he did, you knew you may have deserved it for so many people you’ve killed. But you’d be damned if it was by Dean’s hands like this.

“If I left then you wouldn’t have anyone looking out for you. Wouldn’t have anyone advising you so you could mistake them for nagging you. You won’t have anyone to make sure you stay out of trouble but hey - maybe you like it that way. Maybe it’s some sort of leftover self sacrificial Winchester bullshit your human self left behind.”

“Oh yeah and where would you go? You closed down your shop in Ohio. Sam’s not gonna take you. Crowley’s not gonna give a damn what you do. You won’t have anywhere to go.”

So he wasn’t going to stop you, just comment on how he didn’t think you knew how to go into hiding. You scoffed as you brushed past him and started grabbing your things.

“Sweetie, I’ve only had that shop for a few years of my lifetime. No one knew where I was before that and I can guarantee no one will know where I go next. I’ll fade from your memory and you’ll never have to see me again.” You said as you slung your back over your shoulder.

When you looked back at him, you saw something flash in his eyes. You didn’t know what it was but for a split second you could tell that was the human side of Dean and you wondered if deep down, he wanted you to stay. But it was too late.

“By the way, since you’re a demon now… I’ll take that back.” You said and you held out your hand. Then the First Blade slipped from behind Dean’s back and right into your hands.

“Y/N.. You know that we can find you if you take that thing with you. So fine! Go ahead and go!”

“You see the thing is, I seldom return to the same place I was before. Not that you’ll decide to look but if you did, I’ll keep you on your toes and you’ll never know where I’ll be.” You said before you walked out of the door.

Dean was sitting at a bar in front of a piano. That conversation with Crowley was beginning to bug him.

He didn’t pitty that girl he was assigned to kill. He just didn’t like the hypocracy so that’s why he killed the client. So what? Now Crowley was at least out of his hair so he could continue killing and doing whatever he wanted.

What more did he need?

This was his life and he was living it the way that he wanted to. He was happy, he was free. He didn’t have to answer to anyone if he didn’t want to. He could drink as much beer, sleep with whatever girl he wanted to, and he didn’t need to worry about the consequences. Why couldn’t everyone just accept that?

He pressed down on a couple of keys on the piano while his mind was swimming in all of these thoughts. Then he looked up at his hand. He tilted his head as he pulled out a different knife since he always had some kind of weapon on him. Dean pressed the blade into the palm of his hand and watched as a red line appeared and blood began to seep out.

Those words came into his mind from Crowley again… Was he a human? Was he a demon?

“Pick a bloody side!”

Dean’s jaw clenched as that last phrase rang through his head perhaps louder than the rest of the conversation he had with Crowley. His eyes changed to black and slowly, the wound in Dean’s hand began to close up as if nothing had ever happened.

Watching you leave was getting to him too. Deep down he had to admit he was having fun with you around. He’s killed with you, shared beers with you, laughed with you after he got you back from Cincinnati. He knew that if he did have the slightest bit of humanity left within him, he’d maybe even start to have feelings for you.

“I’ll fade from your memory…” Your voice echoed and his hand turned into a fist. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he wouldn’t just forget about you.

None of that mattered, though, now that you left. Maybe that was just the kick in the ass that he needed to embrace being a full demon. He needed that blade back that you took. He knew there were ways to find it so that was only a temporary issue of his. Then he could kill you with it and not have to worry about anybody taking it ever again.

The next thing Dean knew, he could hear footsteps. Judging by the weight of each step and how heavy they sounded, Dean could tell without even looking that it was his little brother again.

“Sammy. I see that guy that was supposed to put a bullet in your brain must’ve missed.”

He slowly looked up at Sam who had those same pathetically empathetic puppy dog look in his eyes. He looked like he had gotten into a fight with someone, but Dean wondered how desperate he was for another fight if he came around here.

“So. Who winged ya?” Dean asked as he took his glass of whisky and started to drink from it.

“Does it matter?” He heard his brother ask, making Dean shrug.

“Not really.” He replied, setting the drink down along with the knife he had.

“Where’s the First Blade?” Sam asked and Dean’s gaze darkened or a second.

“Nowhere you can find it and try to take it, that’s for damn sure.” He said. “I told you to let me go.”

“You know I can’t do that,” Sam said, but surely he had to see that Dean didn’t care why he couldn’t just let him go. “By the way, Crowley was the one that sold you out. I got a message from Y/N shortly after.”

Dean tried not to wince at the idea that you ratted him out to his brother. Crowley, he knew, would do something like that. With you he shouldn’t have been surprised.

“Really now. Sounds like something they’d do.”

“Crowley? Yeah. Did you have a falling out with Y/N or something?” Sam asked and Dean chuckled.

“Right now is when you want to talk about chick problems? Please, there’s nothing to talk about there. Next topic.” Dean said as he stood up and held the knife.

It wasn’t the first blade, much to his dismay, but he knew Sam would die with a knife just the same. And Dean knew he would have just as much fun killing his brother no matter what weapon he used.

“Woah, now hold on a second. We don’t have to do this. We know how to cure demons remember? And Y/N even confirmed it can be done with this mark.”

“Sam, didn’t it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t want to be cured? Didn’t you ever stop and think that if I wanted to be cured I wouldn’t have bailed?”

“That had to be Crowley.”

“No, It really wasn’t. And it wasn’t Y/N either in case you were wondering.”

“Okay well that doesn’t matter. Either way, you and I will be able to fix this. It’s always been us against the world and why would this situation be any different?” Sam asked as he cautiously walked towards Dean.

Dean smirked a little, amused that Sam was so adamant about this. “Will we fix this though? Because right now, I’m doing all I can not to take this knife and gut you like some kind of fish.”

The look on Sam’s face was so worth it, the terror and shock of it all that he would kill his own brother after all they’ve been through. “Sam, I’m giving you a chance. Walk out that door, and for the sake of your own hyde, don’t come back.”

“Sorry, I’m gonna have to pass.”

Dean hummed a little as he poured himself another glass of whisky, “So what’s your plan? Because I’m not walking out that door with you. It’s just not happening, so are you gonna kill me instead?”

Sam watched as Dean took the sip of the alcohol and shook his head a little, “No,” he finally replied.

“Why? You don’t know what I’ve done. Hell, I might even have it coming.”

“I’m not gonna kill you, Dean, because you’re my brother.”

“Oh this whole speech again? Please, you can’t expect the brother speech to work every time. Where were you the time I was in Purgatory, huh? Where were you when I was being tortured in Hell? You didn’t worry about saving me then, and whenever I try to bring it up - you’ve even said that the fact that we’re brothers is not a cure-all.” Dean seethed.

“Well either way, you are my brother and whether you like it or not, I’m here to take you home.” Dean bursted into a fit of laughter at this line.

“W-What? Are you kidding? ‘I’m your brother and I’m here to take you home.’ Oh I didn’t realize I was in some kind of Hallmark movie.” Dean laughed.

Sam’s jaw tightened but then he reached into his pocket, pulling out the demon cuffs before Dean spoke again, “You really think that’s gonna work on me?”

“No, but this might.” Dean heard a different voice say.

When he turned to you, he saw you only to get burned with Holy water and he groaned with the pain of it all. He got up and he started to pull his knife on you and saw that you were holding the First Blade in your hand.

“You bitch!”

“Oh, Honey, I’ve been called worse by people more threatening than you.” You seethed and when Dean tried to lunge at you, Sam managed to cuff Dean with the demon cuffs.

Naturally Dean tried to fight Sam off when he was cuffed and he felt useless. The most humiliating feeling in existence as he was shoved into the back seat of his own, messy car.

When the door slammed shut, Dean looked out of the window and saw you, Crowley and Sam all there. A little trio of traitors.

You three were talking about something that he couldn’t quite make out but when he looked at you and the both of you made eye contact, Dean wondered if even once you may have felt something for him before you stabbed him in the back like this.

The eye contact with Dean was giving you an ache in your stomach. He looked at you with nothing but hatred in his eyes. After that fling you had, you wondered if you may have stood an actual chance since you were both demons at the time.

But you were honestly growing tired of all of this. You were glad that this could be over.

“Now now, Y/N. You know you don’t actually have a use for it if you really want to be in the underground. Dean could easily find you if you have the blade.” Crowley said

You bit your lip and you looked down at the weapon. It was true that you loved killing with it again, but it was also true that you never really needed it. Not in the way that Dean did.

You cautiously handed Crowley the blade and you heard Sam speak, “So where are you going to hide it?”

“I dunno. Crater on the moon, some volcano, I’ll get creative, don’t worry. With the type of grudge Dean can hold since we all betrayed him, I don’t want to get boned you know.” Crowley said then he looked at you.

“Good girl for making the right choice and saving your skin.” The demon said and you scowled.

“Get bent. He still wouldn’t have been in this mess if you never went after Cain you know.” You replied.

“Ahh well. Learn from your mistakes I suppose.” He shrugged.

“Ciao.”

When Crowley disappeared, you could hear Sam turning around to go to the car but you reached out and put a hand on his arm, “Wait a second.”

Sam turned to you and lifted a brow, “I thought we were done here.”

“Well, yeah with the whole maintaining Dean’s mark thing, yeah that was pretty much shot the moment he died. And.. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t much help with that.” You began and you could see from the look on his face that Sam was surprised and wasn’t exactly expecting this kind of conversation.

“Uh… okay?”

“I want to ask you a favor though.”

“Um.. yeah, okay, I guess… shoot.”

“Let me be there in case you need help during the process. Crowley is right, you know how Dean can hold a grudge. And who knows what Castiel’s condition is.”

“I don’t see how that’s really a favor to you, but I guess I can work with that. I’ll need whatever help I can get. But I’m gonna need a few days that way I can get Dean to the bunker and get him secured so he doesn’t escape while I get sanctified blood.” You nodded a little and you and Sam shook hands as a parting.

Sam gave you a grin, “Dean was right. You aren’t like any other demon we’ve come across before.”

You wondered when he said that to Sam during the midst of the whole Metatron ordeal, but you didn’t comment on it.

“Keep in touch and let me know when you need me at the bunker.” You said and Sam nodded.

You looked over at Dean one last time. His gaze was still on you but this time when you looked, he scowled and looked out of the window. Then you snapped your fingers and left.

Several days went by and Sam was able to get Dean bound to a chair in a devils trap in their dungeon. He gave you a call to let you know that he had the sanctified blood and you could stop by to check in or whatever but obviously he was more focused on saving his brother.

He opened the door and saw his big brother raise his head only to glare with that arrogant smirk he seemed to like to wear now more than ever.

“So you’re really gonna do this? Please, I know you wanna try and fix your big brother. But news flash, Sammy. Maybe I don’t wanna be fixed.”

Sam looked at his brother, knowing that the trash talk was bound to happen sooner or later. But it was still annoying when demons talked like that.

“Just let me go and live my life and I won’t bother you.”

“Yeah, no can do, Dean.” Sam said as he opened up the container of human blood and started breaking out the needles.

“Oh what do you care?”

Then there was a moment or two of silence while Sam started splashing holy water onto the concrete floor. He began muttering some Latin while his brother ranted about how he wasn’t going to be all ‘weepy’ or whatever like Crowley was.

“You don’t even know if this is going to work, do you?”

“I know this will work.”

“I’ve got a hell of a lot more in me than just this demon juice.”

“Yeah, the Mark of Cain, blah blah blah… I know. We’ll deal with that later.” Sam said, unphased by whatever threats his brother was trying to pull. Instead, Sam grabbed a needle of human blood that happened to be the same type as Dean’s.

“Awe, Sammy.. You know how much I hate needles.”

“Yeah well… you know how much I hate demons.” Dean changed his eyes and tried to intimidate Sam, just for Sam to splash the demon with the Holy water and he stabbed the needle into Dean’s arm, injecting him with the first dose.

Sam stepped back to observe how Dean would take it. After a few seconds, Dean began to cry out and groan. His muscles tensed, the veins in his neck popped up and he was pulling against his restraints. Sam could hear the way Dean’s voice changed to something deeper and assumed that was the demon part of him beginning to fight for his life.

“We have more where that came from.” Sam said.

Then he stabbed Dean with another needle with human blood into his arm, causing Dean to wince again.

“For all you know… you could be killing me right now.” Dean managed to speak between heavy breaths.

“Yeah, or you could just be messing with me to get me to stop this.” Sam replied, placing the needle down so he could grab another. “Either way, the lore doesn’t mention any exceptions. This should work whether a demon has the mark or not.”

“Oh this is just a load of crap! Lore, hunters, monsters. All of it.”

“Oh what do you know? This isn’t even the real Dean I’m talking to.”

“Oh yes it is, Sammy. This is the real me. The new real me. The me that sees things for what they really are. And I know the things you’ve done while you were out looking for me. The stunts you’ve pulled with those poor unfortunate souls. Unfortunately for you, one of those humans got themselves killed by yours truly.”

Sam’s eyes widened when he heard this. He didn’t know anyone had gotten hurt. Yeah he had told one or two humans about making deals with demons. Sure he may have tortured those demons to try and get any kind of information. But none of the humans were supposed to get killed!

“There’s no difference between you and me. You’re just as bad if not worse than I am. Hell, Cain himself may have thought you could be a candidate for this mark if he saw the shit you’ve done over the past few months.” Dean said.

“We Winchesters… gosh, I just thought it was you and me that defied the natural order. Defied death one too many times. Turned out guys like me, are the natural order. This is how things are supposed to be Sam. So just leave it be.”

“Yeah well… guys like me… we still have to do what we can. Whether guys like you like it or not. No matter how blurred the grey line between black and white has become.” Sam said.

“Yeah, you’re tellin’ me. You just tortured whatever demon you could come across just because Crowley was a no show and no one knew where we were. We did pretty good stayin off the radar before Crowley sold me out.” Dean smirked.

Sam clenched his jaw yet again before he jabbed Dean in the back of the neck, injecting him with even more blood. After that, Sam walked back to the table and set the needle down. He couldn’t believe that human lost both her life and her soul because Dean killed her. He killed Catrina.

“You know what Crowley also told me, Dean? He told me you were too wish washy.” Sam said, beginning to taunt Dean back and he looked at his brother. He needed some kind of payback and sometimes it was fun to taunt demons.

“He said it was like you were torn in the middle of being human and being a demon. So you may think you’re a big bad demon now even with that mark, but you aren’t as intimidating as you think you are. I know my brother is in there somewhere, and I know that maybe the human part feels like shit after letting Y/N walk right out your front door.” Sam said and he watched as Dean slowly lifted his head to glare broodingly again.

“What does that wench have to do with any of this, huh? She’s nothing.” Dean growled.

“Oh you say that, but deep down you know you were wrong. She was the one that wanted to make sure I never found you, remember? She was the one that told me that you didn’t want that kind of accountability anymore. Admit it, you needed her more than you think you did.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

“In fact, with as much time as you’ve spent with her, and the fact that Crowley told me you two even had a fling, not to mention that while you were alive she seemed to affect you pretty well… whatever is left of my brother may have even fell in love with her without knowing it.”

“I said SHUT UP”

The demonic voice boomed from Dean and Sam injected the demon with yet another needle of blood. The demon shut his eyes tight and barred his teeth, hands turning into fists as Sam walked away from him.

“You know… if this doesn’t work, you may have to kill me, Sam. Do you really have the stomach for that?” Dean asked, and Sam stopped for a moment. But then he walked out of the room to give Dean a little break. He had a phone call to make to Castiel since he had been giving the angel updates.

You made it to the bunker and you were surprised that Sam never made new spells. You had been in this bunker before and they made a way for you to have immunity to the wardings. Not that you were overly concerned about that.

You started walking downstairs and you figured since this place was so big, Sam wouldn’t be able to hear you. You figured he’d be at the dungeon with Dean. Sure enough, as you walked down the stairs to the dungeon you saw Sam hanging up the phone with someone.

“Y/N, there you are.”

“Hey… catching up with your little angel friend?” You asked as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Yeah… just gave some less than hopeful news is all.” You heard him admit and you knew whatever Castiel said, it couldn’t have been good.

“Castiel says I have to be ready to kill Dean if this goes sideways….”

You frowned a little, knowing Sam didn’t want to think about watching Dean die yet again after having him back in the bunker for the first time in months.

“Hold on to that hope, Sam. Yeah, be prepared. But we may not even have to think about that just yet.”

“He’s not doing well, Y/N… this wasn’t like when we tried to cure Crowley. This is different and he’s in pain. A lot of it.”

Sam walked away from you and what started out as his average step turned into a rush as you heard Sam call Dean’s name. You walked behind him and saw that Dean had his head hung low and Sam was trying to wake him up.

“Dean? Dean, come on, man you’ve gotta wake up. We aren’t done with this.” Sam said and Dean slowly opened his eyes again.

“I’m up.” He grumbled incoherently.

You could hear Sam let out a breath of relief as he stood up but you hid behind a corner, not wanting Dean to see you.

“Dean.. you’re okay…”

“Yeah… if you say that drowning in sweat while your blood boils is okay….” You could hear just from the sound of Dean’s voice that he wasn’t doing so good.

“Well, we have to keep going. We can’t stop.”

“Sure you can. All you have to do is just stop.” Dean said and looked up at his brother. But that was when Dean sensed it. He sensed you.

You were there. He knew you where there. That made the pain of this whole thing fell so much worse now that you were there able to see it. But he had to maintain that facade.

He wouldn’t give you the satisfaction of being affected by you, not after what you did.

“There’s no point in trying to bring your brother back, Sammy and I keep trying to tell you that.” He said as he watched Sam walk back to that table with those damned needles he was hating more and more by the second.

“Your guilt ridden, weight of the world wearing brother has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. But I’m loving this new me whether you like it or not.” He said.

“You wanna know why I wanted to get away from you? As far away as possible? It was to get away from your whining and complaining over this mark. Your nagging. I even chose the king of Hell over you. But damn, I got stuck with a bitch that was a worry wart just like you are! How crazy is that.” He laughed, knowing you were there to hear it.

“But you know what the kicker is? Maybe I’m just tired of luggin’ your ass around and constantly trying to save you just because you were all I had left. The truth is, my mom would be alive if it wasn’t for you. Hell, so would my dad. Your very existence ruined all of what i could have had, did you ever think about that?” Dean continued.

At this point, rambling and taunting was enough to distract himself from the physical pain these treatments were causing him.

“This isn’t my brother talking.” Sam said and Dean scoffed.

“You never had a brother! I was just some excuse for you to never man up. I was the one watching out for you and you could just sit back, relax, and you didn’t ever have a need to see half the shit I saw growing up. I was a bodyguard, not your brother.”

“Besides… Do you ever get tired of telling yourself that, kid? Because deep down, you know it’s true.” Dean smirked.

“No because I know you aren’t my real brother right now and I can’t quit on this. This family doesn’t get to quit.”

“Yeah well we’ve got nothin, don’t we?” Dean tilted his head.

“Is that something you had the balls to tell Dad?”

Then so many memories of John Winchester came up and he laughed as best as he could, ignoring the pain the laughter caused him.

“Dad… now there’s a prize. A man who brainwashed his kids, trained them to be soldiers to win his losing battle. He didn’t even get to kill the demon he wanted to, by the way. He couldn’t just accept the death and move on and try to make a normal life for his two sons. What a good role model.”

Dean watched Sam go to the table and pick up another needle, “What, is this a sorry attempt for you to grow a pair?”

“No… This is an attempt for me to pull your sorry ass out of the fire.” Sam said and yet again, pierced Dean’s skin with the needle.

Dean tensed up again and he could feel himself losing his strength. His vision was beginning to go blurry but as he lifted his head, he caught a glimpse of you before the door was shut.

This wasn’t over. And Dean would make sure of that.

Hey guys! Thank you for reading! This series unfortunately is almost over but I want to thank all of you for the support you’ve shown through your feedback, reblogging, and liking. I wish you all the best!

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