#except exceed is a better song than she could ever hope to make

[scolek]

it reminds me of that movie sia made. you know the offensive and bad one.

[disastrousjest]

Kakyoin Survived @gdbyenstalgia​

Getting back to Japan had been a long flight and after what they had just endured, it would be a relief to go back. Joseph was ready to check on his daughter. If they'd been correct about what had been making her sick, the moment that Dio was defeated, she should have started to recover. From what he had heard over the phone, this was what had happened. As soon as Dio had been destroyed, Holy had been able to wake up--her fever gone. Now that things had calmed down, it was safe for Suzie to come visit Japan just as she had planned on doing a few weeks after Joseph had gone to see their daughter. Despite his attempt to keep her in the dark about everything that was going on while he was away, she had ended up finding out about it anyway. With his relief she took it easier than what he had thought she might. But perhaps that was because she had been there fifty years ago whenever Joseph was facing one of the worst threats to plague the world. At least it was over with now, he could take some relief in knowing that. Although, once again it had cost them a price that he never thought he would have to pay again. The price of the lives of his friends. It wasn't something that he would have foreseen happening again since fifty years had passed without any issues. 

From what he had originally understood, three lives had been lost in Eygpt. Advol, Iggy and Kakyoin. The three had fallen while making the final stand against Dio. After they had traveled all that way together and survived so much, so many difficulties and other stand users. Their lives had finally been wiped out far too soon. Honestly, Joseph felt a bit responsible for it all. He had been the oldest of the group and had been the one leading the whole operation. If it wasn't for his Hermit Purple, they might not have ever known about Dio's return  until it had been too late to stop it. Joseph had been the one to drag Jotaro into it after Holy had called him for help about his 'evil spirit'. It was because of his bloodline that Holy had even gotten sick and was put on the verge of death because of a stand that she would never be able to use. The Joestar legacy seemed to continue as a plague upon the lives of anyone that came into contact with them. At least the foe that had hid in the shadows since his Grandfather's death was finally gone now. That at least could put some peace of mind in the hearts of those who had survived it. Except, he had allowed the three of them to join their journey and even asked Iggy and Advol to. It was the same dance, but to a different song. He had been just as helpless to stop their deaths as he had been to stop Caesar's fifty years ago. 

"He what?" Joseph said, holding the other end of the phone reciever to his ear. He was standing in the main room of his daughter's home. His back to the daughter and son duo as they were quietly conversing with Suzie. Or well, Holy was at least. After a few more exchanges, he hung up the phone and turned around to face them. "Jotaro, we got to get to the hospital!"  

(Finally, some good news. But I wonder how...is it possible that we were wrong about his state before?) 

The expression on the old man's face was hard to read. He looked relieved but also as if something was weighing heavy on his mind. The news he had gotten was good, but it was also serious. He had just gotten off the phone with the Speedwagon Foundation. They had notified Joseph that Noraki Kakyoin had survived the battle in Egypt. When they had gone to retrieve him at the scene, he had a very faint pulse. With their expertise they were able to save his life. However, his condition was still critical. The wounds he had suffered at the hands of DIO had taken a toll on his body. It was for Kakyoin that Joseph felt the worst for between himself, Jotaro and Polonareff. He had lived and that was great news, but already he had almost been blinded and then he had nearly lost his life. The boy was so young and to have his life nearly robbed of him that way, not once but twice. He didn't know what to think about that. There was so much that he wanted to do to prove the family of the young man that had not meant to put their son's life in such great danger. In the very least, he owed them an apology. But before he could get that far, they would have to go to the hospital to see him. From the sounds of it, he had only just regained his consciousness, but it was much better than having lost him completely. Joseph was already in the mind set to do what all he could to ensure his recovery went smoothly. 

Once they got to the hospital, the two stood outside the room for a moment. Joseph was just about to open the door to go inside but he found himself hesitating. His mind weighed down by the damage that could have been done to the kid lying in the bed on the other side of the door. All of this because he had been care less. He had let teenagers get involved in a fight that they shouldn't have ever been part of. None of this would have even been possible if it hadn't been for the fact that Jotaro had been able to exceed expectations in his skills and win against DIO. The truth was that they would probably all be dead if he hadn't been able to push himself beyond his own limits. Even Joseph had died for a short time before Jotaro had brought him back to life. If anyone deserved to be here it was Jotaro. Joseph felt like he was the one who had put Kakyoin into this position. The only reason he had come was because he had wanted to talk with the doctors and his parents. He wanted to check on him and find out what he needed. The old man was determined to make things right the best he could. And to let Kakyoin himself know how relieved they were to hear that he was alive. Which meant, he would have to get in touch with Polonareff as well in France and let him know what had become of their friend. (Maybe I should just wait out here and talk to his parents.) 

Before he could think to retract away from the door though, Jotaro had pushed passed him and opened it up for him. His grandson stood now, holding it open for him and staring at him silently. Waiting for him to pass through the door so he could close it. (Jotaro...! What do you think you're doing?) Joseph stared back at the young Kujo. He guessed he shouldn't be surprised, he wasn't really the patient type, but he didn't expect him to be watching him like that--expecting him to follow. Maybe he could tell he was hesitant about the whole thing. Joseph opened his mouth to say something to the youth, but he'd sighed and shook his head, clearly annoyed. Releasing the door, it nearly coming to shut on Joseph's face, the old man caught it with both hands so it wouldn't slam shut. (Guess I don't have a choice now.) With that in mind, he finally moved forward into the hospital room. Following his ever stoic grandson over to the bedside of the young man that had accompanied them on their journey. He didn't know what to expect from him when he came into contact with him again, but he could only hope it wasn't as bad as it had sounded on the phone.

[uzuuzuking]

so this started out as just a general post about why i like cinderella adaptations, but slowly spiraled into a ranking/review of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen in my short, young life. so strap in for possibly the longest post i’ve ever made on this blog. (look, i never know how much i have to say about something until i really get going lmao)

idk why i like cinderella adaptations/remakes/spinoffs so much? most of them are garbage (especially the ones within the last 10 years don’t @ me) but fuck it i like this brand of garbage. it’s fun to watch these movies and rework the bad plotlines and dialogue in my head as i go along.

i guess i like the source material and some of the aspects of all the different adaptations, but honestly i just like re-imagining them because there’s only so much cringey script-written-for-teens-but-clearly-written-by-40-year-old-adults-who-have-no-idea-how-teens-or-even-people-for-that-matter-actually-talk-and-interact i can take in one excruciating sitting.

anyway here’s my personal ranking of all the cinderella adaptations i’ve seen that no one asked for. (not including stage productions because i haven’t seen any and have no opinion of them. also not including into the woods because that’s not just cinderella, but a spectacular amalgamation of fairytale mishap and shenanigan.) and reviews because apparently i had more to say than i originally thought when i first started constructing this list:

cinderella (1997) - the absolute best cinderella adaptation of all time, hands down, this is non-negotiable. this movie has it all: an excellent and diverse cast, gorgeous costume design, beautiful sets, some of the most dazzling dance numbers i ever witnessed when i first watched it at the wee age of 4, and a positive, progressive message that was accurate for its time yet also so ahead of its time. i cannot praise this version of cinderella enough, it is my all time favorite and one of my top 3 feel-good movies. if you watched it today, the effects might not be as magical compared to what we have now, but keep in mind it was released in 1997. anyway, the cast is truly amazing and so effortlessly inclusive (and honestly the fact that the prince was asian with a black mother and white father and they literally never addressed it was such a power move). i could go on about this movie forever (i’ll probably make a whole post dedicated to it in the future) and what it meant to me and many others as young, impressionable poc. in conclusion, this movie set an exceedingly high standard for me and destroyed the chances of any other cinderella adaptation even hoping to live up to that. i love it! so! much!

ever after: a cinderella story (1998) - tbh i never saw this until i was in college but i immediately fell in love. i love the flow of the story as a whole - i never felt like anything was missing. i love the costumes and i especially love how danielle and henry’s relationship progressed throughout the film. slow-burn comes to mind when i watch their interactions and we all love a sweet, sweet slow-burn. it’s romance babes! it’s Dramatic in a few scenes and all i can say is that it really works because drew barrymore’s performance is exceptional, fantastic, engaging, more adjectives to describe how enthralled by her i was. above all, her character is compassionate - she uses her voice to speak in support for those who are suppressed by the flawed government systems and law enforcers, and influences the prince to use his status and power to better his people who lack the privileges of the nobility. she’s such a strong female lead (emotionally and physically - she literally fireman carries her love interest, who is taller than her and definitely exceeds her own bodyweight) and truly the mvp of this adaptation. watch it. watch it for Her.

enchanted (2007) - amy adams and idina menzel - ‘nuff said. okay but for real this one is so unique with its transition from classic d*sney 2D animation style to the real three-dimensional world and i adore it to the ends of the earth. the music? slaps! the story? slaps! the development of the main character? slaps!! she’s so princess-y and d*sney cartoon-y and struggles in the real world, but she adapts at a good pace and i love that she learns to be realistic while also keeping hope and love close to her heart. also her mother figure / daughter figure bond with morgan is so so precious. the only constructive criticism i have for this movie is the fact that we were robbed of idina menzel singing!!! did they know all along she was destined to play the frozen queen years in the future and decided against her singing in this one?? is that it? ridiculous. it’s been over a decade and i’m still seething over this. other than that this movie is *chef’s kiss*

ella enchanted (2004) - anne hathaway’s back must still be hurting from carrying this film. (no shade to the other cast members, they’re good, but anne is a queen and i forever love her.) this is another childhood favorite of mine. the story itself is a refreshing take - hats off to gail carson levine for the source material! i’ve talked about the differences between the movie and book before in the midst of my reread of the book a few months ago, but i don’t remember how much i focused on the movie. it’s so different from the book that it might as well be its own thing. on its own, the movie is pretty decent! again, mostly because of anne. it’s funny, it’s sad (especially that scene towards the beginning between ella and areida, i’m in stupid tears every time), and it gets weird but it’s a fun time. the chemistry between char and ella is so zesty i can feel it through the screen, i swoon over both of them. tbh i probably wouldn’t like this movie so much if not for the fact that anne hathaway is truly talented and i spend most of my time watching it just looking at her. 

cinderella 3: a twist in time (2007) - i genuinely enjoyed and appreciated how the characters were written in this one. they all had clear motives and became much more dynamic through their lines and actions (drizella is arguably the most static character here but she still amuses me so it’s fine i guess). cinderella has more agency since the stakes are higher. prince charming actually has a gotdamn personality and has some of the funniest scenes and dialogue. good for him. i was kind of sad that anastasia’s story with the sweet baker boy was thanos snapped by the stepmother, but she and baker boy get a cute credits illustration together so it’s still canon! maybe i’m more biased on this one because i grew up rewatching it A Lot, but i definitely prefer it to the first and second movies.

cinderella (2000) - this one is kind of weird but i like it? the film has a really interesting vibe that i’m still trying to figure out how to describe even after seeing it like 5 times. wikipedia refers to the aesthetic style as “the glamour of the 1950s” which just might be as close as we can get. it follows the general guidelines of the cinderella plot, but the main differences were: zezolla (cinderella) was already helping with the chores before her father remarried, claudette (stepmother) was actively trying to murder zezolla’s father during their marriage, the stepsisters were much more violent and crass (they hunted zezolla’s beloved farm animals for sport and talked about getting “a man in [their] bed”), zezolla’s father was manipulated by everything claudette did and said and treated his own daughter poorly as a result, and prince valiant is honestly kind of a douchebag but seems willing to improve himself after meeting zezolla (basically his vibes are iffy but he’s willing to learn). this whole movie is pretty niche and i have yet to interact with someone who’s also seen it. and the only reason i’ve seen it so many times is because i just like listening to how the dialogue is delivered. (except for prince valiant’s random song at the ball, i kind of hated that and i skip through it every time lol).

a cinderella story (2004) - the classic hilary duff version. very cliche early 2000s high school romance, but it works for the cinderella narrative. not particularly diverse. a classic nonetheless. in my mind this is the pinnacle of the “modern cinderella movie” type. this is one of the most iconic movies for us zillennials and i’d like to think it’s known well enough for me to not go into a lot of detail about it. basically it was fresh and new for its time, had plenty of memorable scenes, and did i mention hilary duff? the film kind of plays into the “not like other girls” trope - as do a couple of the movies i listed above - but i’m just going to acknowledge that the early 2000s were Wack and simply move on. all in all, i like this movie for the nostalgia, iconic scenes, and hilary duff. also jennifer coolidge is pretty funny as the stepmother.

another cinderella story (2008) - again, an early 2000s classic, but this time with selena gomez. i liked the dancing in this one. i like selena’s quiet, somewhat timid characterization of her character, mary. and jane lynch in the stepmother role is perfection. she’s so fun to watch and is always hilarious. the story is nothing remarkable, but it’s okay and i liked it as a kid. after the hilary duff version, this one still managed to feel fresh because, though it was similar in its modern era approach, it focused more on the performing arts and dance. “cinderella” is an aspiring dancer, rather than the 2004 aspiring scholar. the “prince” is a famous popstar, not a football player. the stepmother is an outdated popstar desperate to stay Hip and Relevant with the kids, not a cranky botox lady. honestly i just love watching this one for the dancing, mary’s genuine and innocent love for the “prince”, and literally everything that comes out of jane lynch’s mouth. that woman is a dialogue gold mine.

a cinderella story: once upon a song (2011) - lucy hale is good. missi pyle is good. they play their roles and lines that they’re given fairly well. over all, it’s entertaining. lucy, of course, has them Pipes and i do like the songs in this movie. the only major downside for me was the “token best friend of color” trope. lucy’s best friend is an asian girl who’s good at sports and is there for one liners and support. the prince charming character’s best friend is a black guy who he only knew for probably a month at the most. he can beatbox, sing, and dj. basically he’s also just there as support. they really don’t do much for the plot but they’re there for diversity and whatnot. this movie is.. fine.

cinderella (1950) - the only reason this ranks so low for me is because i watched it a lot as a child when it was on vhs and it always felt like a fever dream to me. i was just really young and didn’t feel invested in any of the characters. it is a classic, though, and i would watch it again and be able to enjoy it.

cinderella 2: dreams come true (2002) - i liked cinderella’s and anastasia’s stories from this one. jaq’s was meh. it was fine.

dj cinderella or cinderella pop (2019) - netflix knows i like cinderella adaptations so, naturally, they shoved this into my recommended and, naturally, i watched it. twice. which is more than i can say for the following review... so this movie is brazillian and is pretty much the cut & mold of modern cinderella movies. but she wants to be a dj. she stars out living a perfect life as a wealthy girl with a loving family, but turns out her dad is cheating on her mom with his secretary. that’s when she “stops believing in love”. which is actually valid bc if i saw one of my parental figures cheating on the other, i honestly wouldn’t know what to believe in anymore. anyway, cíntia dorella (yes. that’s her full name.) and her mom move into her aunt’s place. a year or so passes. stepmother/secretary/cheating lady is throwing an extravagant birthday party for her daughters and hires freddy prince, a popular musician who cíntia doesn’t really like. meanwhile, cíntia gets a dj gig she’s excited for until she finds out she’s the opener for freddy prince at her stepsisters’ party. she ends up disguising herself as “dj cinderella” and freddy is super into her. it’s pretty generic from there but i was entertained enough to watch it twice. take from that what you will.

cinderella (2015) - ok so we been knew that d*sney’s live action remakes ain’t shit, and this one is no exception. d*sney within the last few years has been like 99% aesthetics and marketing. this movie was visually stunning, especially with the settings and costumes. those were the only 2 things i truly liked. everything else was forgettable. in its defense, i did read a post about the “have courage and be kind” message which is something wonderful to hold onto, especially for anyone in an abusive situation like ella. that’s valid and i respect that. i still lowkey hate this movie tho. i started getting a headache about 4 reviews ago, but remembering how much praise this movie got has reignited my fighting spirit. honestly if you like it, that’s good, you like what you like and that’s that. but this is my review and i hated how proper ella’s posture was (she’s been doing physical labor hunched on the floor for years now, how does she not slump around in exhaustion at the end of the day??), i hated how perfectly curated the whole thing was (again, that’s mostly because of d*sney and their aesthetics), and i hated how hollow everything felt. i can’t perfectly describe it, but i never felt emotionally invested in any of the characters. something about their performance was lacking and yet again i blame d*sney. i actually really like lily james, but something about the way she was directed left me devoid of emotional attachment to ella. i remember nothing about ella’s step family or the prince. that’s how much of an impact this adaptation had on me. also i just remembered the fairy godmother as i type this. i ADORE helena bonham carter, but this movie does a horrible disservice to her. if she liked working on this movie, then i’m happy for her, but even she wasn’t strong enough to sell this to me. i saw this movie in theaters and came out of it lamenting my waste of money that i could have spent on something i would have actually enjoyed. but the thing that enraged me the most, the thing i despised, i detested, the thing i seethed over and rant about to this day was the ONE (1) token black character. i don’t even know if he had a name but he was captain of the guard or some shit. if i remember correctly (but probably not tbh this movie was so forgettable), he was the one who heard ella singing and was the whole reason the prince was able to have her try on the glass slipper. this man, who had zero character development, zero relevance to the plot, an insignificant amount of screen time, is suddenly the reason the main character is able to finally connect with her love interest. um. What. i hate how the writers treated him and i will forever be filled with every last grain of salt over this. anyway he’s my favorite character and everyone else is just eh. to conclude this ungodly long review, i don’t like this movie. i tried to watch it again once but got so bored i quit 10 minutes in. do yourself a favor and watch cinderella (1997) instead. (the only reason this movie is ranked above the remaining 5 is the production quality. but i guess that’s unfair bc d*sney has the big bucks. and maybe i wouldn’t be so harsh if i weren’t sleep deprived and grumpy from a sugar-induced headache, but these feelings still come from my Chest so idk.)

a cinderella story: a christmas wish (2019) - i think we all secretly enjoy christmas-themed movies and this has got to be someone’s guilty pleasure. i was mildly entertained (but again with the cringey dialogue written by people clearly not in high school...) and i do like laura marano. but they autotuned her to hell and back - which i loathed - because the woman can actually sing and she has a lovely voice. she got to sing candidly one (1) time and i relished the experience. my ears thank her beautiful, un-autotuned voice. other than that it was.. fine. i didn’t hate it but i didn’t like it either. laura marano deserves better than this. (can’t say the same for the other actors tho because their roles were unmemorable.) also laura marano was super cute in her elf costume!

not cinderella’s type (2018) - i legit forgot about this one until after i compiled the entire list lol. i saw it on youtube and it was decent as far as i remember. it’s another modern day cinderella. i think the “prince” runs over “cinderella’s” cat or something?? i’m pretty sure it was her mom’s cat so now she has nothing left to remember her mom by. prince boy feels awful and tries to befriend her or do something to make it up to her, but she just doesn’t really like him. i think her aunt and uncle are emotionally abusive to her and prince boy does his best to be there for her without making things worse. if i remember correctly, i liked that aspect of the movie because it’s hard to be there for a victim of any kind of abuse if trying to help them could potentially hurt them more, especially minors still under the care of abusive guardians. anyway i think cinderella girl’s best friend is in love with her or something but she ends up not being into him and slowly gets together with prince boy. she eventually moves out of her guardians’ house and into the spare house at prince boy’s home (he’s rich or something). i need to rewatch this movie tbh i could be wrong about everything here lol.

rags (2012) - not amazing, definitely not memorable because i have nothing to say about its plot or writing, but it has keke palmer which is its one redeeming quality. also it’s the only one on this list where the male protagonist is the cinderella. so that’s solid i guess.

a cinderella story: if the shoe fits (2016) - this was a movie. it happened. i vaguely remember how ridiculous it was and sometimes i felt secondhand embarrassment. i don’t remember what about specifically, but i remember the emotion. sofia carson is a talented singer. i think she’s a decent actor but this script was Bad.

elle: a modern cinderella tale (2010) - i only watched this one because i was bored out of my damn mind and saw it on youtube. i felt bad for all the actors because this script was terrible. i don’t recommend this unless you’re about to sit down with your squad and make fun of it.

apparently descendants is on the “cinderella adaptations and references” list on imdb but i refuse to put it on my list because it’s not a cinderella-specific adaptation and i don’t like the descendants franchise. now, if we’re going to discuss a quality series about the children of fairytale characters, that would hands down be ever after high. but that’s a different topic for a different day.

thus concludes the ranking no one asked for but i felt compelled to make. thank you and goodnight

[darkangeldesignstudio]

Dark Horse

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Death, Attempted Rape, Strong Language, Mentions of Animal Abuse, and Eventual Smut and Fluff

Setting: Post Civil War era USA. Marvel Cowboy AU.

Preface: Your home is attacked by the Hydra gang and you are rescued by Steve, Bucky, and their group. The government agency, known as Shield, wants them captured and Hydra wants them dead. With nowhere else to go, you join their ragtag group and set out on the adventure of a lifetime. Helping those less fortunate along the way, your small group grows and so does your affection for these two rough and tumble outlaws. When the chips are down, will you all be able to escape unscathed? Or will the boot drop and leave you heartbroken and alone again?

Song:  Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield

Previous / Next

Chapter Seven: Wild Horses

Riding peacefully through the forests together, you observe the snow-covered spruce trees and the evergreen firs. Little birds are flitting about through their snow covered boughs, creating an ethereal winter wonderland that takes your breath away.

Bucky leads the way with Sergeant as you and Steve follow close behind. Bodaway and Star seem to enjoy the short trek through the snowy trails, riding close enough to have your knee brushing against Steve’s occasionally.

You hear Bucky shift in his saddle and peer up to him. He’s fully turned around in his saddle, looking between the two of you as Sergeant gently walks ahead, a beautiful smile is plastered on Bucky’s face. “You two are gonna love this place. I guarantee it.”

“Can’t you just spill where we are going, Buck?” Steve is grinning from ear to ear, thoroughly enjoying the ride and surprise his best friend has planned, but that won’t stop him from teasing. He nudges your elbow, urging you to join in on the good-natured ribbing.

Smiling at Steve’s antics you join in. “Yeah, Bucky. The suspense is killing me.” You and Steve giggle together when Bucky huffs a massive sigh, hanging his head in exasperation.

“Hold your horses, you two, we’ll be there soon.” There is a clear smile in his voice and you shift your eyes from his back up to Steve’s eyes. He shrugs and you decide to just enjoy the rest of the ride in peace.

The sound of water pulls your attention back to the trail ahead of you. Steam is rolling through the trees as Bucky pulls Sergeant to a stop and hitches him to a nearby tree. Steve follows suit with Star as Bucky helps you dismount from Boda’s saddle.

His grin is huge when you gape at your surroundings in disbelief. He gently pushes your chin up, closing your mouth with a click of teeth and laughing when you pop him across the shoulder with your good hand. “How the hell were you lucky enough to find a hot spring?”

Rubbing his arm, as if your hit actually hurt through his thick coat, he grins like a wolf as a mischievous twinkle enters his eyes. “Guess I’m just lucky, but don’t judge yet, you haven’t even seen the best part.”

He turns you around and walks you slowly towards a giant cottonwood tree with Steve following close behind him. The tree looms over the edge of a fairly large spring pool with an even larger clearing just to the other side of it. You all take a seat at the base of the tree, the steam is warm and relaxing at your back, birds are chirping and you have to admit, its amazingly beautiful.

When you open your mouth to tell Bucky how amazed you are, you hear a rustling in the snow-covered brush of the forest that causes you to pause. Your body becomes tense, fearing that something would attack you, but Bucky places his hand on top of yours and the calm reassurance in his gaze is enough to have you relaxing again. You are safe with them, and Bucky would never put you in danger.

The rustling comes again, accompanied by the distinct sounds of hooves over rocks as the first wild mustang steps from between the trees. After a moment, the large stallion calls into the trees and others soon join him. Beautifully sleek mares of every color imaginable walk calmly through the trees to graze through the brambles and foliage, followed timidly by their young foals. Tears begin to form in your eyes as you turn to look at Bucky. His thoughtfulness touches your heart and you only wish you could get him something as special as what he has given you in this moment.

A loud crash pulls you back from those thoughts when four older foals come running through the underbrush at top speeds, chasing each other, frolicking and kicking at the air with excitement. It reminds you of the many times you played with the foals on your father’s ranch growing up and you giggle a bit at their antics.

You all sit happily together and watch the horses play and eat together. Bucky and Steve, more than happy to sit and see the joy filling your features with every minute they sit here together. They watch together as one particularly rowdy colt attempts to drink water dripping from a large icicle; you giggle endlessly when he gets his little pink tongue stuck to the ice and ends up prancing over towards his dam, holding it in his mouth like a prize. The expression on the mare’s face is priceless as she shakes her head, as if to say, “What ever will I do with you, silly boy.”

When the horses move on, you finally turn back towards the hot spring and glance up into Bucky’s blue eyes. “How did you find this place?”

He smiles at you, a blush slowly creeping into his cheeks as he looks down at his lap shyly. “About a day after Soldat started sleeping in your room, I woke up before dawn and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I decided to go on a hunt to clear my head. I had absolutely no luck near camp so I went a bit further and ended up here. It was about midday and Sergeant was tired, so we took a break here.”

Bucky raises his head to stare into your eyes his blush growing hotter on his face, tinting his ears red as he rambled out the rest of his story. “I was thinking about you and wondering how you were faring back at camp, worrying that you weren’t going to get better, even though Bruce had assured me you would. That’s when I saw their herd wander through and it brought me so much joy to see it.”

Reaching over to you, he pulls your hand into his and grips it tightly. “I just… I just had to show it to you, then I got back to camp and saw Steve sleeping with his head in your lap and I realized he was just as worried as I was. So, I decided to bring both of you because you both needed a little dose of happiness after everything you had gone through.”

The shy smile on his face is so sweet and pure that you can’t help yourself when you pull him into a hug. Wrapping your uninjured arm around his shoulders, you feel his shock at his current position. Steve watches from beside you as Bucky’s eyes widen in disbelief, he chuckles, nodding at his friend when he hesitates to hug you back.

Bucky’s arms wrap around your waist, careful not to jostle your injury as he finally relaxes into your embrace. Steve soon joins in and wraps his arms around the both of you causing you all to laugh as they sandwich you between their warm bodies.

You all pull back at the same time and relax happily by the spring. The bare boughs of the cottonwood tree sway gently above you as a winter breeze caresses them. A familiar sound, like wooden wind chimes, echoes in your mind as if they are pushing for you to tell them the rest of your story, the story your grandmother told you. The story about your life to come.

Glancing between the men on either side of you, you take a cleansing breath to mentally prepare yourself for the story you are about to share.

“My grandmother was a spiritual woman, following the old ways even after being forced to live in 'white man’s society’. She was a medicine woman of sorts, providing healing and spiritual leadership to others willing to listen. Soem of the townsfolk would even attend her story tellings, though you would never hear them admit it.” You giggle when you catch them smiling at you, your grandmother seemed like a person they would have loved to meet. Bucky, having already met the woman, seemed to like what little he got to learn about her.

“She said, when I was born, that I was destined to have a hard life. I would face many hardships, not unlike her own when she was a young girl.” Closing your eyes, you remember the sadness in your grandmother’s eyes as she told you of the prophecy the spirits gave you, but your grandmother had also been hopeful.

“On the day of my fifth birthday, she gave me my second name, Dark Horse. She didn’t explain what that meant until I was much older.”

You smiled as you repeated her words. “ ‘One who is a free spirit in a world where freedom is challenged. A beautiful woman who will exceed all expectations despite her hardships. That is what it means to be named the Dark Horse.’ She said I was the one who would win in this game called life, but I could not do so alone.

She said, I would lose the ones I love before their time and when the last loss was tallied, it would force me to make a decision. To give up, or to trust in the spirits and fight for the freedom they promised me.” Tears began to pool in your eyes as you remembered your brother’s death at the hands of Hydra. “He died… my brother died and I wanted to give up. I fought like hell, but they still captured me and I didn’t know what to do except beg the spirits to help me, to save me and then you guys showed up and I remembered her words.”

“ ‘If you choose to stand and fight, Y/N. Even after all hope is lost, if you choose to trust the spirits to save you, you will be blessed with the opportunity to meet others like you.’ ”

“The two most prominent figures she spoke of were that of a white wolf,” you looked at Bucky when you heard his intake of breath and then turned to look at Steve before continuing, “and a golden eagle.” Steve cocked his head to the side, reminding you of the very same bird your grandmother named him to be, it made you smile as you continued your story.

“I was young and I didn’t believe her, preferring to think of it all as, just another bedtime story meant to entertain. I wanted to be free, not tied down by some prophecy I didn’t wish for. As she said, I was a free spirit, so I didn’t understand why I couldn’t just be free like that. But, then she spoke of her meeting with the white wolf.”

You looked to Bucky again, speaking to him personally, hoping this part would clear up a few things for him. “She said the spirits had led her to the clearing to wait for you and your guiding spirit. Said you were injured and exhausted, but there was determination in your eyes when you spoke of looking for your friend. Apparently, she told you the way back to find Steve just as you were falling asleep but the fire, leaving that little bit of a thought in your subconscious for you to remember in the morning. She was tricky that way.” You all chuckled at that. “Until the other night, when I listened to your story, I never imagined that her story was true. I didn’t believe that she had truly met you.”

You sigh a bit in frustration, leaning your head back against the cottonwood tree as you look up to the blue sky above you. “I feel like such a fool because now I am here, with both of you and its just so surreal and unbelievable. I feel horrible for brushing her off, for not believing in her.”

Steve takes your hand in his, running his thumb across your knuckles. “I’m sure she never blamed you for not believing, it seems to me like her story was meant more as a guide for you than an absolute list to follow.”

Bucky nods his agreement when you turn your head towards him.

You sigh sadly, as you have reached the last portion of the story your grandmother shared with you. “Thank you, but there is a bit more if you will listen. I think this last part was meant for you two as much as it was meant for me.”

“My grandmother was on her deathbed when she told me the rest of the prophecy.” You remember sitting at the end of her bed, holding desperately to her hand as tears rolled down your face.

Taking a deep breath, you willed the tears away, as this portion of the story was meant to be happy, even if it came at a time when you were so terribly sad. “She said that the wolf and the eagle would save me from peril. That you would lead me into a world of unimaginable beauty and on exciting adventures the likes of which I have never seen before. It was like those final words from her started it all for me. They struck a chord in my chest, making me believe every single word even after so many people tried to warn me off from what she said. They just chalked it up to a senile old woman’s ramblings from her deathbed, but I knew better and here we are.”

Turning to them, you looked deep into their eyes as the tears you had held back began to escape. “So, I am vowing from this moment on, I will never give up. I will trust in you and walk with you. I will have your back, just as you had mine when I needed it the most. We will succeed in the battle against Hydra and against Shield, because I am the Dark Horse and that is my fate as long as you are willing to have me along for the ride.”

Determination filled their faces as you made your vow to them. There was truth and courage in those words that they would have never denied or brushed off as a falsehood. If you believed it then they had no choice but to believe it as well. Fate had many plans for you all, and it was clear that this was only the beginning.

Looking up at the sky, you noticed that it was much darker than before and you all decided to head back to camp, unwilling to be caught in the dark forest at night. As you rode through the forest, you thought about the last thing your grandmother had told you. The one thing that you didn’t divulge to the two men riding along behind you.

You will find a family with them, my Dark Horse. A family and a love so strong, a love that will move mountains and cross seas to be at your side. Others will join you along the way as well, others who will strengthen that bond and make you all stronger than you could ever imagine being. You will finally be free from heartache and sadness, you will run with the wild horses in a land far from here and you will be happy beyond compare.

Boda gave a haughty snort, pulling you from the memories of your grandmother as he stopped short in the middle of the trail. A few yards away stood a large brown bear. He appeared to be walking from one side of the trail to the other, but had stopped when Boda alerted you. Motioning for the men to stop with your hand, you never took your eyes off the bear. There was something familiar about it, something you remembered from long ago.

Star and Sergeant looked on with a bit of uneasiness but Bodaway was strangely calm as the large bear stood on his hind legs and met your gaze. There was a white patch of hair on the bear's chest that caught your eye and when you looked back up into his eyes, you saw your brother’s eyes looking back at you from the bear’s face. You smiled a watery grin as it slowly lowered its body back to all fours and began to lumber away into the misty forest.

You heard Bucky and Steve take an audible sigh of relief from behind you. Quickly, you wiped your eyes so you would not worry them as they walked their own mounts around you and took the lead for the remainder of the ride.

As you passed the place where the bear had disappeared, you looked into the forest and smiled for there were no footprints left behind, confirming that you had indeed witnessed your brother’s spirit animal.

Thank you, my brother. You are always looking after me, even in the afterlife. I hope you have found peace and happiness with our family in the spirit world. It seems I will not be joining you for a a remarkably long time; I hope you will continue to watch over me as I continue my journey.

Pushing Boda into a swift trot, you quickly caught up to the men. With a high-pitched giggle, you urged Bodaway into a canter and raced the rest of the way back to camp. That night, you settled down into peaceful sleep with the promise of adventure waiting on the horizon to the east. Back to where it all started.

[maknaes-and-hyungs]

When Their Significant Other Isn’t Really Affectionate{Shinee Reaction}

Note: So this is based on the BTS song What Am I To You, because I love it so much and Namjoon’s rapping is the bomb. Also I love the meaning of the lyrics and stuff and yada yada yada enjoy!(P.S. The lyric used will be italicized)~Rin

Jinki/Onew

“Hey Y/N!” You looked up from your phone to see Jinki, your boyfriend, separating from the rest of his group mates. His hands were held behind his back as he approached, probably holding a gift for you. He was always doing things like this even though you had just started dating a two months ago and while it was nice to be pampered you hated the attention it brought to you.

“Jinki,” Your face lifted slightly in the corner as you trailed off in trepidation at what was to come, “Is that a gift for me?”

He didn’t even answer before surprising you and leaning in to give you an Eskimo kiss(rubbing noses together which honestly...yes). On the inside you longed to lean in and feel his ever so soft skin against yours. Not to mention the sweetness of it all made your heart glow. Except for the fact that everyone watching made you feel weak for excepting affection even if you really wanted it.

“Seriously Jinki, why do you always do this to me. I mean-”

“You put up your thorns, but I can see you’re a rose ,but I wish I wouldn’t have to pull out every single thorn to just get a glimpse before they grow out again,” a groan started to escape your lips, because you were so used to this conversation, “No don’t do that. If you can’t actually open up to me I’m done.”

With that Jinki stood up throwing on his jacket and snap back that had been resting at his waist. You could tell that if you didn’t do anything now that you would never have a chance again. Still you stood glued to the ground as you watched his back, flip flopping between going after him or turning away. In the end you rushed forward and enveloped him in a back hug with your face buried in his back.

“I love you and I hope I can get better at this whole affection thingy.” Jinki picked up your hands and kissed them.

“It doesn’t have to be immediately, but I’m glad you’re willing to try for me Y/N.”

Kibum/Key

“Key you gotta do aegyo. It’s practically in your contract.” Kibum conceded to Sangmin, but not without rolling his eyes all the way back into his head. What came next was like tofu, supposed to be a substitute but clearly not living up to the actual thing. Rather then cringing like usual you let out a small laugh which didn’t go unnoticed by everyone on set.

“Oh I see you infamous girlfriend is here to support you.”

“Nah Y/N is just here to make sure we win some meat.” You raised your hands and gave everyone finger guns while winking. You had no shame in your love for meat and everyone in the entertainment industry knew it even if they hadn’t met you.

“Well since she’s here we have to see your couple aegyo. It’s going to be the exclusive of the century.”Shin-young was already gripping your arm ceasing all the protests that had been bubbling up to your lips. Kibum’s adversity to aegyo that you had thought was going to save you never showed in your moment of need. In fact when you looked over at him you swore he looked like he was anticipating what was to come.

“Yeah I’d rather not if that’s okay.” The looks you received made it clear that it was entirely not and you were dropped of by Shin-Young next to your boyfriend. All of the previous eye rolling was absent and Kibum grabbed your hand excitedly. In a moment you would regret for forever, you snatched your hand away.

Everyone was too busy vamping to see, but Kibum glared down at you. Although you didn’t notice, because you were already walking to the dressing rooms to retrieve your coat and leave. It wasn’t until Kibum followed after you that anyone noticed the tension.

“Y/N. Y/N!” Kibum finally reached you in the dressing room as he slammed the door shut and yelled.

“I’d rather not do this.”

“No we are doing this! Even if we’re not couple-y and affectionate I want to link arms with you like everyone else and comfort each other and really mean it. I may act annoyed, but with you I just don’t care and all I want to do is kiss your entire face even if people are watching. Why don’t you?”

“I DO WANT YOU TO BUT I GET EMBARASSED BY THINGS I DON’T EVEN DO SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO-”

“With me...that’s how.” All the tension fell from his shoulders and he enveloped you in a hug as you began to shake with sobs. You weren’t sad but relieved to have finally spoke your mind to him.

Minho

(Credit to http://bndnlover.tumblr.com/post/126101288854/gifs-of-captain-dorkus-141infinity-because)

You and Minho never yelled at each other. It wasn’t like it had never occurred before, because it happens in all relationship. You and minho just never yelled at each other. There was no 0 to 100 with you guys...at least because you guys had been at 100 for a month now. Two months in and all you guys did was scream, no yelling though, no yelling.

Whether Minho forgot to get milk or he came back smelling like another girl you always had the same reaction, screaming at him in anger. Whether you were asleep before he came home or you threw his shit out into the hall he would make sure to tell you everything wrong at the optimal volume that was screaming.If truth is to be told Minho started it.

Kibum had been over watching a movie with your boyfriend when you had come home exhausted. All you had wanted was to cuddle up to Minho and have him sing you to sleep. Of course the one member he had over was the only one you would have a problem with. Kibum had a known dislike for aegyo and since you looked up to him so much you would hate to disappoint him. So thinking you were just gonna trudge to your room and sleep you were ready for when Minho grasped your hand and dragged you into his lap.

Only thinking of Kibum you pushed off of Minho and gave him a chilling look. Regret coursed through your body like electricity but it was nothing to compared to your need to protect your image in front of Kibum. Minho realized this and started screaming at you to fuck Kibum if you cared more about him then your own boyfriend. This is when you slapped him and started screaming back about the perfume that you had never actually smelled on him before. Kibum slowly rose from the couch and snuck out to avoid what he could only think of as an impending break up.

Except that you two never actually broke up no matter how bad things got. You just plain out refused to break up with him until you figured out why he had snapped at you that day. As for Minho you had no idea why he did the things he did nowadays. It wasn’t until you spent your birthday, a day you knew he had free, alone that you were done with it all. When- no- if he ever came over you were either going to get to the bottom of things or break it off completely.

It was 11:46 when you got your chance at a confrontation, but instead of screaming you meekly let words fall from your lips, “Why did you get so made at me Minho? Why would you think that I would ever want Kibum over you? I...”, you put your head in your hands and pushed back your disheveled before continuing,”I’ve been friends with you all for so many years and never once have I looked at anyone the way I’ve looked at you. I only looked up to Kibum because of my interest in fashion.”

“It’s not that I wanted to win over you, but I didn’t want to keep losing either. I don’t know if you knowingly did this but it isn’t just Kibum that you do this in front of. Even when were alone you push my affection away so much before giving in even if its just holding your hand. I am too tired to put up with your Kibum excuse.”

“We may not have been dating a long time, but we’ve been friends. So what if I open up and you decided that you’re tired of me only after one month of actually dating.” Minho pulled you in close to passionately kiss you, it was the first one you guys had since the fighting had begun, and it was slow and full of all the love you hadn’t been sharing.

“I love you Y/N. I know it had only been a month, but all those years of friendship only made me fonder. It is the opposite of what you think and I never want you to think that again.”

Taemin

Your phone slipped from your hand and you dropped your head onto your pillow with a muffled thump. As much as you were pissed at Taemin for insinuating you would ever cheat you were too tired to deal with any of it. He was always interpreting your short answers as having some hidden and insidious message. In reality you didn’t want your affection to be on record forever and for anyone to potentially see.

What if you guys broke up? What if a future boyfriend found the texts, not that you wanted to ever have another boyfriend other than Taemin, and used it as a reason to break up? What if you let your heart open up and Taemin turned around and spilled it to everyone else? The slam of your door hitting the wall resounded through your apartment cutting of your anxiety before you could have another full blown panic attack.

“How could you?” Taemin barged in, anger written across every inch of his being, expecting to see you with someone else or to not see you at all.

“Seriously...I’m not cheating on you,” While you weren’t having a panic attack yet, you were quickly thrust back up onto the precipice and having to say anymore then what you had would be detrimental.

“What do you mean you aren’t cheating on me Y/N.”

“I’m not being unfaithful to you Taemin.” Taemin groaned out in anger and slammed his hand against the wall. His back tensed up and you could see every line that his dancing had sculpted standing out against his black tee.

“Why am I finding an excuse to call you like I’m a sinner?You always give short answers like yes, I’m sleeping, no Your messages don’t exceed 10 bytes. How else am I supposed to interpret things other than your too busy fucking to be with me.”

“I have really bad anxiety Taemin and even having this conversation is edging me towards a panic attack. Everytime I text you I want to say more, but then I get sick to my stomache and think that you’re gonna leave me like so many people already have. That doesn’t mean I’m cheating or that I don’t love you-”

“How am I supposed to believe you Y/N!” You knew that one way or another you were gonna have a panic attack at this point so you reached into your bedside table and threw a notebook at your boyfriend. It was the one that you wrote all of the messages that you wanted to send in place of the ones you had. Where you had said no when you had wanted to say I want nothing more then to be wrapped in your arms, because they feel like home. Where a I’m sleeping was instead a please come to me cause I don’t know if I can get to sleep without seeing your face.

“Y/N... I... I love you and I am so sorry,” Taemin enveloped you in a hug and the two of you lied down in silence for hours just holding each other. You might not be able to send the texts you wanted just yet, but at least Taemin would know what you meant.

[spartanbunjase]

One Happy Afternoon

Day 1: Childhood

Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Jason Todd, Catherine Todd

Read on AO3 Here

It was one of those rare beautiful sunny days in Gotham where the breeze was just enough to cool the usually oppressive heat. The humidity had melted away overnight and every citizen was feeling the benefit of a better day. Jason Todd was no exception. He was a small six year old boy who was running home from school, desperate to see his mum (Catherine) to check she was still alive.

Jason had a typical childhood for the first few years of his life, not that he remembered. His dad, Willis, managed to find and hold down a legal job while his mum worked as a waitress. He’d been happy, his family had been able to live and enjoy each other. Then it’d all changed and Willis had gone back to crime and drugs. He’d started beating both his wife and son, despite how they couldn’t defend themselves. Catherine started using heroin to ease the pain and nightmares of her situation leading to days where she forgot she’d ever had a son. This spiral led to Jason racing home from school every day to check he still had one parent. His dad had been carted off by police six months previous and Catherine had been secretly trying to get clean ever since.

Today however, was an exception. Slowly but surely Catherine had been weaning herself off the drugs, knowing the dangers of going cold turkey from heroin. She’d even managed to find work at the local library during his school hours so she could be more present for him. The small boy, smaller than average for his age due to the chronic lack of food, burst through the front door and felt his heart stop. He’d seen his mum improve over the six months since Willis was taken away but that fear still gripped his very being. He could hear the magical tones of his mum’s singing floating through the decrepit apartment and felt all his negative emotions wash away. The song was a Spanish number she’d told him his Abuela used to sing to her.

Catherine swayed out from the kitchen and smiled at her black haired, blue eyed boy. Love flooded her heart and she scooped him into a crushing hug. He could feel her pressing kisses into his unruly curly hair while he wrapped his own arms around her. Today was a good day he concluded. She guided him through to the kitchen and pointed at the table, insisting he get his homework out the way. She had left a couple of books by his seat and Jason knew instantly that they’d be reading them together that night. He excelled in reading even when he was such a quiet boy; his dad had beaten any chattiness out of him. His teachers were astounded by his ability to exceed reading ages and understand any book he put his mind to.

Catherine continued to sing and dance around the kitchen throwing together tamales of differing stuffing’s. She’d been paid that day and was stocking their freezer for when the painful end of the month came. As she’d been raised, Catherine was also making a few extras to spread around their neighbours who’d always been there to help her and Jason during their most horrid time.

Jason sank into his chair; homework nearly completed, and just watched his mum making the tamales with a speed he hoped to one day manage. Wrapping and placing them in the large pot was like second nature to her and it was almost hypnotising for him to watch. He’d only meant to glance up, stuck as he was on a maths question, but her happy and carefree mood just pulled him in.

Rubbing at his eyes, Jason managed to pull his gaze back onto the homework before him. He knew if he got it finished in time he could help Catherine. It was something he’d always enjoyed but, whereas before it involved cleaning her cuts and icing bruises; now it meant cooking dinner or dancing around the living room. Jason couldn’t remember when he’d last felt this happy, this carefree. A smile so big it hurt his cheeks was glowing on his face as Catherine turned to face him. He could see the love and devotion in her eyes as she watched him do his maths homework.

It didn’t take long for the small boy from Crime Alley to finish his homework. Stuffing it all back into his worn backpack, Jason jumped up and went to help Catherine. He felt himself be drawn into her happy bubble and before long he was singing and dancing along with her. The tamales were soon all in the pot so Catherine took her son’s small hands in hers and started a simple box step around the kitchen. Her voice was their music and their happiness was the beat they’d always needed.

[gomeuni-blog]

Hana Himekawa! ♥

Name: Hana Himekawa

Kanji: 花 姫川

Meaning: Flower; Princess of the River

Alias/Nicknames: n/a

Epithets/titles: The stubborn Princess

Species: Human

Gender: Female Gender specification: Female

Sexual orientation: heterosexual Pronouns: She, her

Birthday: 20 of March (First day of spring)

Age: 16 Part I:  9-10 Part II: 12-14 The Last: 16 Epilogue: 27

Naruto Gaiden: 29

Astrological zodiac sign: Pisces

--- Characteristics ---

Blood type: O+

Height: Part I:  145 cm Part II: 149 cm The Last: 155 cm Boruto: 156 cm

Weight: Part I:  40 KG Part II: 44 KG

The Last: 48 KG Boruto: 50 KG

Body shape: Skinny but with some curves Eyes: Baby blue

Hair color: Blonde

Hair styles: Twin tails Skin: Pale

Accessories: Flower shaped hairpins

--- Ninja information ---

Origin: Takigakure Village affiliation: Sunagakure

Current rank: Jounin

-Genin promotion: 12

-Chuunin promotion: 14

-Special jounin promotion: 15

-Jounin promotion: 16

Occupation: Flower Shop

Status: Active ninja

Team: n/a

Clan affiliation/s: Himekawa

Kekkei Genkai: (Info soon)

Chackra nature: Wind and Earth range

Ninjustsu range: Mid and Long range Taijustsu range: Short and Mid range Genjustsu range: Long range

Deffensive/Offensive type: Balanced

Dominant hand: Right Psychical health: Hana’s immune system is rather weak

Disorders: n/a

Weapons: Ninja bag with basic ninja equipment. Items: Senbon, kunai, kibaku fuuda, shuriken, scrolls.

Summonings:

Name: Naho

Species: Guinea pig

Abilities: Tracking

Missions completed:

D-rank: 12

C-rank: 16

B-rank: 11

A-rank: 3

S-rank: 2

Total: 44

Abilities:

Strength: Taijutsu and Ninjutsu.

Weakness: Genjutsu

Taijutsu: Excelent

Ninjutsu: Good

Genjutsu: Bad

Fighting style: Mixes ninjutsu along with Taijutsu

--- Techinques ---

Ninjutsu:

Hana is quite good when it comes to ninjutsu, her main element is earth and then wind, she has quite a handful of jutsus but she mostly uses her signature ones.

Techniques:

Jinsei no Uta: Meaning the song of life, one of Hana’s abilities she took after her mother was her beautiful voice, since she loved to sing she decided to have a use for it, so this song is a jutsu that she often uses after the battle is over. As you know, sometimes battles leave behind lots of destruction behind, with this jutsu Hana sings and the nature takes place, beautiful flowers bloom, the grass and the plants take over the bodies and the destruction of the battles and it turns everything into new life.

Hanabira no Odori: It’s a jutsu that consists in flower petals and a very strong wind, besides making the opponent not seeing well, the petals also cut at the touch.

Taijutsu:

Hana exceeds at Taijutsu, she has an incredible amount of speed and agility that makes things easier, but on the other side, her body can only take much, and her stamina isn’t great. In taijutsu she doesn’t’ stick to techniques, her style of fighting is very “free”.

Techniques:

Tsume dageki: She uses thorns to create some kind of spikes or even claws and she strikes the opponent down with it, it’s usually her final move.

Genjutsu:

Hana is not good at Genjutsu at all but there is one she can use. She used this genjutsu on Tomoe when he was almost dying due to a ambush in Kirigakure.

Techniques:

Amai Yume: Literally meaning sweet dreams, Hana sings a soft lullaby who relaxes the victim’s body and sends them into a deep sleep that makes them remind of their most happy memory. It’s a jutsu she developed in order to use it on herself when she couldn’t stop having nightmares and she needed rest but it didn’t quite work.

Kenjutsu:

Hana has a keen Kenjutsu, she doesn’t use it often but when she does you better run for your life, she mixes wind techniques along with it and her blades can cut clean at the distance of 15 meters.

--- Personal traits ---

Personality:

Since Hana’s mother died while giving birth to her, Hana’s dad became really attached to her and spoiled her in many ways possible. Because of that she grew up with that Hime personality of hers. She always acts like she is the confident girl she seems to be, a spoiled princess, but in fact she is a very insecure girl and is always sharpening her skills to never rely on anyone but herself. Her relationship with her team was also bad because of that and since she was left solo often she also grew up and strong. The only exception for the rule is: If she loves you, it’s the complete opposite, she may act cold and sassy at first but if you really grab her heart, she will go through hell and beyond for you but also aware that sometimes her spoiled princess personality will take the lead. She tends to cry a lot when she gets hurt emotionally and she is very hard to cheer up when she is sad.

Good traits: Hana is dominant, a natural leader, she is somewhat confident of her abilities and is very ambitious.

Bad traits: On the other side she has a very short temper, has a sharp mouth, tends to do things on her own, speaks without thinking.

Confidence/Self-esteem: Hana seems a very confident person and values herself above everyone when she is with other people but when she is alone she is too much aware of her many flaws.

Likes:

-foods and drinks: Hot chocolate and croissants

-colors: purple

-favourite animal: Guinea pigs

-what he/she likes to do in his/her free time: Take care of her flowers, walk around and take care of her guinea pigs.

Dislikes:

-foods and drinks: coffee and seafood

-colors: mustard yellow

-less favourite animal: snake

-what he/she doesn’t likes to do in his/her free time: procrastinate

Habits: When she is talking to other people she always seems to drive them away unconsciously and when she is nervous she laughs a lot.

Hobbies: As a hobby, she owns a flower shop that used to belong to her mother

Fears: Being completely alone, snakes, losing her father Insecurities: Hana is insecure when she starts to like someone friendly or romantically due to her harsh personality, she thinks that sometimes she might cross the line making the other party hate her.

Ambition: Her ambition is to be successful in life doing what she loves. Quotes: “I am whatever I want to be”, “If I say something with a serious look, don’t ever doubt that my feelings are true”

--- Relationships ---

Parents: Ai Himekawa; Akira Tanaka

Sibling(s): Tomoe Tanaka

Relative(s): Akane Himekawa (Aunt)

Teammates/Ex-teammates: n/a

Relationship status: Taken Significant other: Souta Kobayashi

Best friend: n/a

Rival: Her family besides her father and brother Children: Yui Kobayashi Students: n/a Pets: n/a

Ai Himekawa:

Status: dead Nature of relationship: Mother

Hana never met her mother, she thinks she died when she gave birth to Hana, but the story is a lot more different. Ai died because secretly she was the last one that held the kekkei genkai of their clan who was sure to have ended, her sister planned to steal Hana from her since she was born with the kekkei genkai as well, but Ai didn’t agree to it and died while protecting her baby. When Akira entered the room, it was too late, but he managed to save Hana from Akane’s hands.

Akira Tanaka:

Status: alive Nature of relationship: Father

Hana’s relationship with her father is unbreakable, he would risk everything for her if she had to. She has always been a daddy’s girl, they used to be together all the time and he would give her anything she wished for. He did that mostly to fill in the whole left by his wife’s dad and he was afraid that he would lose Hana. Even if Hana grew up with that bad habit of talking like if she was superior, she never did such a thing with her father, she had a big amount of respect for him.

Tomoe Tanaka:

Status: Alive Nature of relationship: Step Brother

Akira before having Hana, he had a relationship with another woman back in Kirigakure, he fell in love with her and then she tricked him, leaving him and their son alone. Besides all that he found Ai and she immediately accepted Tomoe as a son. When Ai died, Tomoe was still young but he understood it all very well, besides everything he had to care for his precious sister so he left home back to Kirigakure and trained hard so he could protect his family, whenever he came back, Hana felt so happy that she would just cling to him all the time, and when he left back to Kirigakure, she would always cry and try to make him stay. Overall, they were also very close.

Akane Himekawa:

Status: Alive Nature of relationship: Aunt

Akane was Ai’s sister, she had always grown envious of her sister’s ability to have the kekkei genkai. Ai never used it once in her life, she was against it but Akane have always wanted it to achieve fame and fortune. That’s when she found the opportunity of using Hana to achieve that but failed her fist attempt. One day, when Hana was waiting for her dad at the academy, he was late, and her aunt appeared instead and took her, trying to take advantage of it, but her father realized and appeared before anything really bad happened. Hana growing up kept her distance from the Himekawa clan, it was a curse more often than a blessing and as soon she understood what her kekkei genkai was about, she swore to herself never to use it.

Souta Kobayashi:

Status: Alive Nature of relationship: Boyfriend/ Husband

Souta is Hana’s boyfriend and after her husband. First, they didn’t get along with each other since their personalities crashed a lot but soon after they met in very peculiar circumstances, when he practically saved her life, Hana felt quite bit of a spark between them and that was the moment she began to fall in love with him. When she realized she loved him, she honestly had no hope in that relationship, but still, she began wanting to see him more often, even if it was from afar and since the business was going well. Due to the accident in her mission she ended up 6 months in the hospital but as soon as she got out of there she decided to open a shop in Sunagakure. The one who helped her move there surprisingly was also Souta, Hana kept up with that façade personality of her but on the inside, she was very happy to have spent more time with him.

Souta’s visits to Hana always lightened up her mood, even if they sometimes ended up in some healthy arguments. Since Hana thought that relationship had nothing but friendship in it, she ended up giving up on her feelings, only to a few weeks later ended up caught in Souta’s sudden kiss and finally admitting that she loved him. The relationship was mutual. Soon after that their relationship went stable and the façade of them both had ended, and they finally were able to be a happy family.

Haru Misora:

Status: Alive Nature of relationship: Sensei

Haru was an old friend of Akira and Hana’s sensei, he was in charge of Hana since she had a really rough time socializing with other students and all her teams had gone wrong. He understood her above everything and was Hana’s first friend, he was the one who taught her Taijutsu and also helped her develop her signature jutsu. Haru had an important role on Hana’s life because when she had a health crisis, he tried to convince Hana to leave her ninja life, but she didn’t listen to him, that caused her to spend two whole years on the hospital and also for Haru to resign his position as her sensei.

--- Background & history ---

Childhood:

Hana was a very happy child raised by her father. It was only the two of them and they were extremely close. She was spoiled a lot by him and she grew up with the attitude of a very stubborn princess. Soon she met her big brother and they also became very close and they meat the world to her. The lack of female presence didn’t influence her being less feminine, on the contrary, she loved dresses and doing her hair more than anything. Her father gave her the things that belonged to her mother for Hana to follow her steps, due to that, she was constantly under pressure since she felt like her dad was expecting her to become exactly like her mother, other than that, she began her training and her dad often assisted her.

Gennin days:

Hana’s days as a gennin went well overall, she exceeded in her taijutsu and ninjutsu but her ability to resist genjutsu was a mess. But that didn’t stop her from being a good ninja. Everything was well until she was on a mission and she suddenly fell sick, she didn’t know what had caused it and it was not getting better at all, she had to suddenly go back to her village and she stayed in the hospital for about two weeks, they had discovered that Hana had a condition that was weakening her immune system so that prevented her to enjoy her gennin years but without her dad knowing she continued her training, Hana and her Sensei had a huge fight because she was caught training when she needed absolute rest and he refused to be her sensei any longer. That certainly was a shot in Hana’s heart, he was her only friend and now, the only person who understood her was gone.

Chuunin days: Hana’s chuunin days weren’t sweet at all, after she graduated, she began to take more than she could handle, she had this thing of training non-stop and taking every mission she could. In her head, she needed to get stronger and stronger but when she wasn’t with her mind full of those thoughts, she would often think that she wasn’t enough, that she wasn’t making her family proud and that she couldn’t be like her mother like everyone expected her to be. During that time, she had lots of breakdowns and would often shut herself out to the world.

One more thing happened during these days, she met a boy on a mission, a very handsome and charming one and he quickly complimented about her flowers. Surprisingly it was a boy from the Himekawa clan, he kept on and on and finally won the blonde’s heart only to break it into pieces shortly after. After that, Hana shut her heart to everyone who tried to approach her and was practically unreachable. To get away from everything and everyone she took on a long-term mission and came back nearly dead from it, maybe that what she would’ve wanted at that time but Tomoe reached her in time.

War Arc:

Hana didn’t participate in the war, she couldn’t because she was quite in bad shape and her condition had got a hold of her again. Because of that she went to orphanages to help the children and give self-defense lessons to them, besides preferring flowers and animals over humans, she always had a weakness for children, to her, they were like buds who would eventually grow into beautiful flowers.

The Last:

The last is the more complicated part of her life, she does her missions and has a flower shop as a hobby. Due to the flower shop she met Souta but since her rank was upgraded to a jounin she had to go more often on long term missions. One of those missions Souta saved her but still, that mission made Hana’s body fail and for 6 months she couldn’t leave bed or even her hospital room. But her brother stayed with her for the time being since her dad didn’t have that much time to. After she almost fully recovered she moved to Sunagakure, she had lots of time to think and needed something to distract her. Eventually her relationship with the grey haired boy turned out for the best even tough it was a difficult one and the two of them ended up together.

Epilogue/Cheapter 700+:

Hana gets settled, has a baby, gets married, everything is flowers <3

[knightofbalance-13]

Gainax Retrospective Review 4: DieBuster, the return of an old friend.

Sequels are a...mixed bag. Some are good, some are bad, some are great and some are just awful. This is for a variety of reasons ranging from poor scripts to bad acting to just not caring. However, one overarching aspect separates the bad from the good: the spirit of the original. SO long as a sequel has the spirit of the original it has a good shot at being a good sequel. This is because at essence a sequel is simply the original work extended. It’s the same show just a little different. And Diebuster does a good job at this. Sadly, it’s only a good job, not a great one.

Made in 2004 as the twenty fifth anniversary special of Studio Gainax, Diebuster follows the adventures of Nono, an eternally optimistic android girl who looks up to a legendary hero and wishes to be a space pilot to fend off the scourge of the space monsters. As she tries to be a space pilot, Nono meets a true space pilot named Lal’c who, in turn, is calm, cool and kind of indifferent in opposition to Nono. Together along with the cold hearted rival Tyrcho and the charming Nicola, they fight against the Space monsters. While the story is short it does have it’s fair share of twists going from our hero Nono ending up being a Buster Machine (heavily implied to have powers that exceed even the original: GunBuster), the things they thought were space monsters actually being protectors of humanity that were assaulting certain members of the human race because they were evolving into the real space monsters and the person that Nono worshiped “Nonoriri” is actually Noriko from the original. SO the plot is a bit more complex and ingaging than before...if it was able to match the energy and focus of the original. GunBuster, while having a mostly straight forward plot, kept a great focus on the story that made it’s short length work as well as it did and had a lot of vibrancy to company it. Diebuster’s focus skips around a bit and the energy at times feels lacking in comparison. In short: The age of the story really shows as it feels like an old person trying to reenact an old event: Impressive but as good as the original.

The themes of the show are...hard to pin down. Again, GunBuster’s focus made this easier as it kept on three themes constantly while Diebuster’s themes jump all over the place. Diebuster has a theme about growing up using the Topless as a metaphor as when a Topless reaches a certain age they lose their power and adults often treat them with contempt...But Topless often curse their abilities and some people have become messed up by it so it’s hard to say if the show is saying if growing up is good or bad. I guess it could be saying that Growing up is hard but necessary but the Topless are depicted as needing that power is it still doesn’t make sense.

The next theme has a bit more focus. This is the theme of character interactions in the story and how the events change them, There is a lot of focus here as throughout the story we focus on the many ways the people interact with each other and how they change one another, similar to Evangelion and FLCL. Except whereas Evangelion only focused on the negative and FLCL focused on the positive, Diebuster tries to take a look at both sides with a slightly optimistic viewing similar to GunBuster’s, it even has a similar talk in it in whether or not humans should try to survive and risk evolving into space monsters (which in of itself could be an observation on how a war slowly turns you into your enemy) or if they should just die with letting people in the future decide whether or not their monsters. Again, the show doesn’t have the focus needed to completely convey this but it does do a better job.

There is also a third theme of achieving impossible stunts through the good ol’ motto of “Hard Work and Guts.” It comes up a couple of times and is used for some spectacular feats and really gets you engaged but I’m talking about it here because...well, there’s another anime that take this concept and busts right through it next time so I’m gonna conserve my thoughts there.

Now let’s take a look at the characters for this round. First person we’re taking a look at is the main character Nono. Nono is an energetic, cheerful girl who wants nothing more than to pilot a Buster Machine just like her hero who is later revealed to be Noriko from GunBuster. Ironically, Noriko and Nono are pretty much complete opposites as characters. Noriko was shy, nervous and not very self confident whereas Nono is energetic, not shy in the slightest and is full of confidence (excluding when it comes to her surrogate sister.) Noriko’s problem came from her potential never being tapped into ,due to her mental failings, Nono’s problem is that she never gets the chance to show her potential. So this makes DieBuster develop in a much different way. Nono, while silly at times, displays immense amounts of seriousness when the situation calls for it and takes her job as a protector of humanity very seriously. She works very well as a contrast to Noriko and they would have made some very interesting interactions with Noriko had they ever met. In contrast, she’s like a happier version of Simon who just never got her chance until everything changed for her and she has some sibling problems like Naota but these are more her fault than the siblings. Another flaw of hers is her inability to read people thus causing her to hurt some people but then this is balanced out by her surprising ability to inspire others through her simple and pure spirit. All in all, a fun character with a quite a few quirks that make her endearing. However, she lacks the conflict of her predecessor that made her so compelling.

The second character under our scope is Lal’C. She is an ace space pilot and a Topless, a person with special powers that allow them to defy pjysics through mechas...And it’s not Spiral Power. Cool, great under pressure and acts as a reluctant mentor to Nono, Lal’C is the Kazumi of DieBuster who acts as a great compare AND contrast to Kazumi: the contrast comes from the fact that while Lal’c acts as the Kazumi of this show she’s actually not that sensitive or kind as Kazumi: She’s blunt, rude, cold as hell and can be pretty damn rash. She does have a kinder side that Nono brings out that is the result of Nono’s positivity that we see but most of the time she’s just rude.The comparison comes from the fact that she’s honestly trying to help Nono the best she can, worries greatly about her and is very close to her. She does her best to help Nono achieve her goals and acts as her superior for a good chunk of the anime until Nono is revealed to be the seventh Buster Machine and the tables turn with Lal’C being forced to rely upon her student. However, what makes Lal’C even better than Kazumi is that the relationship brings out a lot of character development from her while Kazumi for the most part didn’t get too much from Noriko in terms of story. The pilot goes from being a powerful but cold, distant, rude and kind of pessimistic girl to someone who keeps fighting and fighting despite the odds with lots and lots of loyalty to Nono. All in all, out of the three successors to Kazumi I’ve seen, Lal’c is definitely the best one.

Third up is Tynco, the Jun Freud of our little sequel. Another Topless that is constantly trying to surpass Lal’C, displaying a great amount of disdain with her fellow Topless and is a complete cynic when it5 comes to their powers, believing only in cold hard cynicism. But we latter see that this is due to the fact that she was unable to help her dear childhood friend who died despite all her powers as a Topless, thus leading her to who she is today. But through Nono’s constant exposure and her dedication and optimism she regains that hope  in her powers and becomes a much softer and kinder person. While this is all well and fine, she is simultaneously both a weaker and stronger Jung Freud parallel. Stronger because the anime takes time to develop her and have her change feel more in depth and natural but weaker because that test of character Jung went through never really happens to Tynco and what test of character she does have feels...out of place. She’s a nice character and everything but she just feels too out of place and...bricky.

Finally we handle Nicola who is the reflection of Coach Ohta at first. He’s handsome, smart, wise, older, been in the battle far longer than most of the characters ect. He flirts a lot with Lal’C which does lead to some interesting scenes with him and Lal’C and he does do some work to try and find out what is going on, Nicola is juts not that good of a character. In fact, he’s rather bland and uninteresting beyond the flirtiness of his character. He doesn’t hold Coach Ohta’s firmness yet understanding, his love for humanity, his ability to see the inner depths of characters or even his presence. He isn’t as morally ambiguous, intelligent, manipulative or complex as Gendo. he’s not as wacky, intelligent, funny or entertaining as Kazumo making Nicola the weakest incarnation of the Coach character. Not to mention he tries to rape Nono at one point so...I think we should move on.

The sound of the anime is still very good. It’s opening song Blue Magic is uplifting and smile inducing benefiting the less serious DieBuster and it’s protagonist although it is a pop song so you might not think that it is all that great. The rest of the music uses the good ol orchestra to convey the feelings of the scenes which it does a great job at doing, especially the part with Tynco getting back into action. It also uses a few pieces from GunBuster which are utilized excellently. The voice acting is pretty good as Nono and Lal’C have teh perfect voices to match their characters but this show is only in Japanese so I can’t make a full judgement.

The animation and art have taken quite the leap from before. Even though FLCL was very well animated top where even it’s messier scenes befit the wild atmosphere of the show, DieBuster seem to take bits and pieces from every Gainax show before with the large expressive eyes and colorfulness of the original GunBuster, the more realistic bodies and faces of NGE and the wild energy and glowing effects of FLCL, marking it as an evolution in the art styles. The mechas are heavily personalized and stand out which makes them a joy to watch in battle and the enviroment5s are very well made in that they always capture the scene and it’s tone like Nono’s leaving in the dark and cold signifying a tough road ahead. The animation is very well done, the fights scenes are fluid and a treat to watch, the wacky moments are wild and uninhibited and the casual, more heartfelt scenes are subtle and beautiful.

All in all, DieBuster is a good show whose greatest flaw is that it lacks the focus of the original GunBuster. It works as a 25 year anniversary show in that it contains a lot of references and gags to GunBuster if not a few to FLCL but it doesn’t work as well on it’s own. DieBuster is fun to watch and entertainingt but it lacks the depth that the original had and makes mistakes that the original didn’t. In the end, it feels like the old girl tried to pull off the magic that happened before but all those years worn on her and she could only perform a valiant effort. Although the animation and art as well as sound were great, the other aspects didn’t hold up.

So at the time it seemed like Gainax had hit something of a wall: What could they do next when even the sequel to their greatest anime so far didn’t work? It looked as though their first shot was going to be their last, especially as Hideaki Anno took a good chunk of the people at Gainax to found Studio Khara. But little did anyone know, their greatest work was about to happen a mere three years later. A show that held the heart of GunBuster, the intelligence of NGE, the energy of FLCL and the style of DieBuster while pushing the limits of everything before it and beyond.

Ladies and Gentlemen, ten years ago, that very anime was aired. And it is the aniem I have been building up to. The Magnum Opus of Studio Gainax and the subject of our final review: Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann!

Prolouge GunBuster Review NGE Review FLCL Review

[readbookywooks]

15 The implications of what Gale is suggesting settle quietly around the room. You can see the reaction playing out on people's faces. The expressions range from pleasure to distress, from sorrow to satisfaction. "The majority of the workers are citizens from Two," says Beetee neutrally. "So what?" says Gale. "We'll never be able to trust them again." "They should at least have a chance to surrender," says Lyme. "Well, that's a luxury we weren't given when they fire-bombed Twelve, but you're all so much cozier with the Capitol here," says Gale. By the look on Lyme's face, I think she might shoot him, or at least take a swing. She'd probably have the upper hand, too, with all her training. But her anger only seems to infuriate him and he yells, "We watched children burn to death and there was nothing we could do!" I have to close my eyes a minute, as the image rips through me. It has the desired effect. I want everyone in that mountain dead. Am about to say so. But then...I'm also a girl from District 12. Not President Snow. I can't help it. I can't condemn someone to the death he's suggesting. "Gale," I say, taking his arm and trying to speak in a reasonable tone. "The Nut's an old mine. It'd be like causing a massive coal mining accident." Surely the words are enough to make anyone from 12 think twice about the plan. "But not so quick as the one that killed our fathers," he retorts. "Is that everyone's problem? That our enemies might have a few hours to reflect on the fact that they're dying, instead of just being blown to bits?" Back in the old days, when we were nothing more than a couple of kids hunting outside of 12, Gale said things like this and worse. But then they were just words. Here, put into practice, they become deeds that can never be reversed. "You don't know how those District Two people ended up in the Nut," I say. "They may have been coerced. They may be held against their will. Some are our own spies. Will you kill them, too?" "I would sacrifice a few, yes, to take out the rest of them," he replies. "And if I were a spy in there, I'd say, 'Bring on the avalanches!'" I know he's telling the truth. That Gale would sacrifice his life in this way for the cause - no one doubts it. Perhaps we'd all do the same if we were the spies and given the choice. I guess I would. But it's a coldhearted decision to make for other people and those who love them. "You said we had two choices," Boggs tells him. "To trap them or to flush them out. I say we try to avalanche the mountain but leave the train tunnel alone. People can escape into the square, where we'll be waiting for them." "Heavily armed, I hope," says Gale. "You can be sure they'll be." "Heavily armed. We'll take them prisoner," agrees Boggs. "Let's bring Thirteen into the loop now," Beetee suggests. "Let President Coin weigh in." "She'll want to block the tunnel," says Gale with conviction. "Yes, most likely. But you know, Peeta did have a point in his propos. About the dangers of killing ourselves off. I've been playing with some numbers. Factoring in the casualties and the wounded and...I think it's at least worth a conversation," says Beetee. Only a handful of people are invited to be part of that conversation. Gale and I are released with the rest. I take him hunting so he can blow off some steam, but he's not talking about it. Probably too angry with me for countering him. The call does happen, a decision is made, and by evening I'm suited up in my Mockingjay outfit, with my bow slung over my shoulder and an earpiece that connects me to Haymitch in 13 - just in case a good opportunity for a propo arises. We wait on the roof of the Justice Building with a clear view of our target. Our hoverplanes are initially ignored by the commanders in the Nut, because in the past they've been little more trouble than flies buzzing around a honeypot. But after two rounds of bombings in the higher elevations of the mountain, the planes have their attention. By the time the Capitol's antiaircraft weapons begin to fire, it's already too late. Gale's plan exceeds anyone's expectations. Beetee was right about being unable to control the avalanches once they'd been set in motion. The mountainsides are naturally unstable, but weakened by the explosions, they seem almost fluid. Whole sections of the Nut collapse before our eyes, obliterating any sign that human beings have ever set foot on the place. We stand speechless, tiny and insignificant, as waves of stone thunder down the mountain. Burying the entrances under tons of rock. Raising a cloud of dirt and debris that blackens the sky. Turning the Nut into a tomb. I imagine the hell inside the mountain. Sirens wailing. Lights flickering into darkness. Stone dust choking the air. The shrieks of panicked, trapped beings stumbling madly for a way out, only to find the entrances, the launchpad, the ventilation shafts themselves clogged with earth and rock trying to force its way in. Live wires flung free, fires breaking out, rubble making a familiar path a maze. People slamming, shoving, scrambling like ants as the hill presses in, threatening to crush their fragile shells. "Katniss?" Haymitch's voice is in my earpiece. I try to answer back and find both of my hands are clamped tightly over my mouth. "Katniss!" On the day my father died, the sirens went off during my school lunch. No one waited for dismissal, or was expected to. The response to a mine accident was something outside the control of even the Capitol. I ran to Prim's class. I still remember her, tiny at seven, very pale, but sitting straight up with her hands folded on her desk. Waiting for me to collect her as I'd promised I would if the sirens ever sounded. She sprang out of her seat, grabbed my coat sleeve, and we wove through the streams of people pouring out onto the streets to pool at the main entrance of the mine. We found our mother clenching the rope that had been hastily strung to keep the crowd back. In retrospect, I guess I should have known there was a problem right then. Because why were we looking for her, when the reverse should have been true? The elevators were screeching, burning up and down their cables as they vomited smoke-blackened miners into the light of day. With each group came cries of relief, relatives diving under the rope to lead off their husbands, wives, children, parents, siblings. We stood in the freezing air as the afternoon turned overcast, a light snow dusted the earth. The elevators moved more slowly now and disgorged fewer beings. I knelt on the ground and pressed my hands into the cinders, wanting so badly to pull my father free. If there's a more helpless feeling than trying to reach someone you love who's trapped underground, I don't know it. The wounded. The bodies. The waiting through the night. Blankets put around your shoulders by strangers. A mug of something hot that you don't drink. And then finally, at dawn, the grieved expression on the face of the mine captain that could only mean one thing. What did we just do? "Katniss! Are you there?" Haymitch is probably making plans to have me fitted for a head shackle at this very moment. I drop my hands. "Yes." "Get inside. Just in case the Capitol tries to retaliate with what's left of its air force," he instructs. "Yes," I repeat. Everyone on the roof, except for the soldiers manning the machine guns, begin to make their way inside. As I descend the stairs, I can't help brushing my fingers along the unblemished white marble walls. So cold and beautiful. Even in the Capitol, there's nothing to match the magnificence of this old building. But there is no give to the surface - only my flesh yields, my warmth taken. Stone conquers people every time. I sit at the base of one of the gigantic pillars in the great entrance hall. Through the doors I can see the white expanse of marble that leads to the steps on the square. I remember how sick I was the day Peeta and I accepted congratulations there for winning the Games. Worn down by the Victory Tour, failing in my attempt to calm the districts, facing the memories of Clove and Cato, particularly Cato's gruesome, slow death by mutts. Boggs crouches down beside me, his skin pale in the shadows. "We didn't bomb the train tunnel, you know. Some of them will probably get out." "And then we'll shoot them when they show their faces?" I ask. "Only if we have to," he answers. "We could send in trains ourselves. Help evacuate the wounded," I say. "No. It was decided to leave the tunnel in their hands. That way they can use all the tracks to bring people out," says Boggs. "Besides, it will give us time to get the rest of our soldiers to the square." A few hours ago, the square was a no-man's-land, the front line of the fight between the rebels and the Peacekeepers. When Coin gave approval for Gale's plan, the rebels launched a heated attack and drove the Capitol forces back several blocks so that we would control the train station in the event that the Nut fell. Well, it's fallen. The reality has sunk in. Any survivors will escape to the square. I can hear the gunfire starting again, as the Peacekeepers are no doubt trying to fight their way in to rescue their comrades. Our own soldiers are being brought in to counter this. "You're cold," says Boggs. "I'll see if I can find a blanket." He goes before I can protest. I don't want a blanket, even if the marble continues to leech my body heat. "Katniss," says Haymitch in my ear. "Still here," I answer. "Interesting turn of events with Peeta this afternoon. Thought you'd want to know," he says. Interesting isn't good. It isn't better. But I don't really have any choice but to listen. "We showed him that clip of you singing 'The Hanging Tree.' It was never aired, so the Capitol couldn't use it when he was being hijacked. He says he recognized the song." For a moment, my heart skips a beat. Then I realize it's just more tracker jacker serum confusion. "He couldn't, Haymitch. He never heard me sing that song." "Not you. Your father. He heard him singing it one day when he came to trade at the bakery. Peeta was small, probably six or seven, but he remembered it because he was specially listening to see if the birds stopped singing," says Haymitch. "Guess they did." Six or seven. That would have been before my mother banned the song. Maybe even right around the time I was learning it. "Was I there, too?" "Don't think so. No mention of you anyway. But it's the first connection to you that hasn't triggered some mental meltdown," says Haymitch. "It's something, at least, Katniss." My father. He seems to be everywhere today. Dying in the mine. Singing his way into Peeta's muddled consciousness. Flickering in the look Boggs gives me as he protectively wraps the blanket around my shoulders. I miss him so badly it hurts. The gunfire's really picking up outside. Gale hurries by with a group of rebels, eagerly headed for the battle. I don't petition to join the fighters, not that they would let me. I have no stomach for it anyway, no heat in my blood. I wish Peeta was here - the old Peeta - because he would be able to articulate why it is so wrong to be exchanging fire when people, any people, are trying to claw their way out of the mountain. Or is my own history making me too sensitive? Aren't we at war? Isn't this just another way to kill our enemies? Night falls quickly. Huge, bright spotlights are turned on, illuminating the square. Every bulb must be burning at full wattage inside the train station as well. Even from my position across the square, I can see clearly through the plate-glass front of the long, narrow building. It would be impossible to miss the arrival of a train, or even a single person. But hours pass and no one comes. With each minute, it becomes harder to imagine that anyone survived the assault on the Nut. It's well after midnight when Cressida comes to attach a special microphone to my costume. "What's this for?" I ask. Haymitch's voice comes on to explain. "I know you're not going to like this, but we need you to make a speech." "A speech?" I say, immediately feeling queasy. "I'll feed it to you, line by line," he assures me. "You'll just have to repeat what I say. Look, there's no sign of life from that mountain. We've won, but the fighting's continuing. So we thought if you went out on the steps of the Justice Building and laid it out - told everybody that the Nut's defeated, that the Capitol's presence in District Two is finished - you might be able to get the rest of their forces to surrender." I peer at the darkness beyond the square. "I can't even see their forces." "That's what the mike's for," he says. "You'll be broadcast, both your voice through their emergency audio system, and your image wherever people have access to a screen." I know there are a couple of huge screens here on the square. I saw them on the Victory Tour. It might work, if I were good at this sort of thing. Which I'm not. They tried to feed me lines in those early experiments with the propos, too, and it was a flop. "You could save a lot of lives, Katniss," Haymitch says finally. "All right. I'll give it a try," I tell him. It's strange standing outside at the top of the stairs, fully costumed, brightly lit, but with no visible audience to deliver my speech to. Like I'm doing a show for the moon. "Let's make this quick," says Haymitch. "You're too exposed." My television crew, positioned out in the square with special cameras, indicates that they're ready. I tell Haymitch to go ahead, then click on my mike and listen carefully to him dictate the first line of the speech. A huge image of me lights up one of the screens over the square as I begin. "People of District Two, this is Katniss Everdeen speaking to you from the steps of your Justice Building, where - " The pair of trains comes screeching into the train station side by side. As the doors slide open, people tumble out in a cloud of smoke they've brought from the Nut. They must have had at least an inkling of what would await them at the square, because you can see them trying to act evasively. Most of them flatten on the floor, and a spray of bullets inside the station takes out the lights. They've come armed, as Gale predicted, but they've come wounded as well. The moans can be heard in the otherwise silent night air. Someone kills the lights on the stairs, leaving me in the protection of shadow. A flame blooms inside the station - one of the trains must actually be on fire - and a thick, black smoke billows against the windows. Left with no choice, the people begin to push out into the square, choking but defiantly waving their guns. My eyes dart around the rooftops that ring the square. Every one of them has been fortified with rebel-manned machine gun nests. Moonlight glints off oiled barrels. A young man staggers out from the station, one hand pressed against a bloody cloth at his cheek, the other dragging a gun. When he trips and falls to his face, I see the scorch marks down the back of his shirt, the red flesh beneath. And suddenly, he's just another burn victim from a mine accident. My feet fly down the steps and I take off running for him. "Stop!" I yell at the rebels. "Hold your fire!" The words echo around the square and beyond as the mike amplifies my voice. "Stop!" I'm nearing the young man, reaching down to help him, when he drags himself up to his knees and trains his gun on my head. I instinctively back up a few steps, raise my bow over my head to show my intention was harmless. Now that he has both hands on his gun, I notice the ragged hole in his cheek where something - falling stone maybe - punctured the flesh. He smells of burning things, hair and meat and fuel. His eyes are crazed with pain and fear. "Freeze," Haymitch's voice whispers in my ear. I follow his order, realizing that this is what all of District 2, all of Panem maybe, must be seeing at the moment. The Mockingjay at the mercy of a man with nothing to lose. His garbled speech is barely comprehensible. "Give me one reason I shouldn't shoot you." The rest of the world recedes. There's only me looking into the wretched eyes of the man from the Nut who asks for one reason. Surely I should be able to come up with thousands. But the words that make it to my lips are "I can't." Logically, the next thing that should happen is the man pulling the trigger. But he's perplexed, trying to make sense of my words. I experience my own confusion as I realize what I've said is entirely true, and the noble impulse that carried me across the square is replaced by despair. "I can't. That's the problem, isn't it?" I lower my bow. "We blew up your mine. You burned my district to the ground. We've got every reason to kill each other. So do it. Make the Capitol happy. I'm done killing their slaves for them." I drop my bow on the ground and give it a nudge with my boot. It slides across the stone and comes to rest at his knees. "I'm not their slave," the man mutters. "I am," I say. "That's why I killed Cato...and he killed Thresh...and he killed Clove...and she tried to kill me. It just goes around and around, and who wins? Not us. Not the districts. Always the Capitol. But I'm tired of being a piece in their Games." Peeta. On the rooftop the night before our first Hunger Games. He understood it all before we'd even set foot in the arena. I hope he's watching now, that he remembers that night as it happened, and maybe forgives me when I die. "Keep talking. Tell them about watching the mountain go down," Haymitch insists. "When I saw that mountain fall tonight, I thought...they've done it again. Got me to kill you - the people in the districts. But why did I do it? District Twelve and District Two have no fight except the one the Capitol gave us." The young man blinks at me uncomprehendingly. I sink on my knees before him, my voice low and urgent. "And why are you fighting with the rebels on the rooftops? With Lyme, who was your victor? With people who were your neighbors, maybe even your family?" "I don't know," says the man. But he doesn't take his gun off me. I rise and turn slowly in a circle, addressing the machine guns. "And you up there? I come from a mining town. Since when do miners condemn other miners to that kind of death, and then stand by to kill whoever manages to crawl from the rubble?" "Who is the enemy?" whispers Haymitch. "These people" - I indicate the wounded bodies on the square - " are not your enemy!" I whip back around to the train station. "The rebels are not your enemy! We all have one enemy, and it's the Capitol! This is our chance to put an end to their power, but we need every district person to do it!" The cameras are tight on me as I reach out my hands to the man, to the wounded, to the reluctant rebels across Panem. "Please! Join us!" My words hang in the air. I look to the screen, hoping to see them recording some wave of reconciliation going through the crowd. Instead I watch myself get shot on television.

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

Album of the Week: Blue Weekend by Wolf Alice

Wolf Alice have already proven that they are quite adept at meeting high expectations. Having released their debut My Love Is Cool in 2015 to much acclaim and a Mercury Prize nomination, there was a lot of talk at the time as to whether the rock quartet could deliver with their eventual follow-up. With their sophomore effort, Visions of a Life, however they didn’t just deliver – they went one better. That record won the 2018 Mercury Music Prize, achieving further critical and commercial success.

So amidst all of the hype ahead of the release of their third album, Blue Weekend, there was always that lingering doubt – had Wolf Alice simply set the bar too high this time? Could they match the standard of the first two records, or had they simply peaked too early? Well, history should have taught us that when under pressure, Wolf Alice are more than capable of finding that next level – and find that next level they have indeed.

With Blue Weekend, the four of them have produced a record that manages to exceed even the highest expectations. At the time of writing, the record is currently sat on a 96/100 on Metacritic, with a 9.5 user score, suggesting widespread universal acclaim amongst both fans and critics.

“But is it deserved or just the hype machine on full tilt?”

Well to be honest in many ways, even that score (the highest of any album in 2021) doesn’t do Blue Weekend justice – yes, it really is that exceptional.

With this album, it feels like Wolf Alice have finally evolved from Britain’s most promising young band to Britain’s best band working today. They have always been the band where the four musicians sound like those from ten different bands, such is their ability to effortlessly switch their sound between genres, yet still remain fundamentally with their own sound. However, with Blue Weekend, the band have evidently honed and refined their craft, with this album more than ever bringing the stylistically different tracks wonderfully together and segueing them into a cohesive, beautifully-packaged flow.

But more so than that, the biggest change from previous efforts is just the greater artistry that is on display here. Not only does every inch of this record simply ooze with sonic majesty and lush production, but the once-shy frontwoman Ellie Rowsell has found her confidence and really stepped into the spotlight. She has always been a wonderful vocalist, but now songs are being built around her voice - whether it is her raw, spoken-word passages or her soaring, awe-inspiring high notes.

Opening on the stuttering riffs and gentle climb of intro track The Beach, the record soon begins in earnest with Delicious Things. Featuring a sumptuous melody and dreamy instrumentation, the track describes a starstruck Ellie encountering the overwhelming hedonism of the LA lifestyle, before a call from her mum back home quickly brings her back down to earth. It is quite the glorious start which then leads perfectly into Lipstick On The Glass, where Ellie’s whispery, near-ethereal vocals perfectly compliment the haunting imagery being painted in the song’s lyrics.

However, it would not be a Wolf Alice record without a juxtaposition of contrasting sounds, which is why the wonderfully buzzy guitars, punky vocals and hypnotic chorus melody of Smile is up next. This is then followed by the angelic harmonies of folky acoustic number Safe From Heartbreak – again it’s a track combination that shouldn’t work on the same record let alone the same sequence, but Wolf Alice somehow make it seem like the most natural fit in the world.

Next up is possibly my early favourite – How Can I Make It OK? – which stood out during its debut during the recent Glastonbury livestream, and I have since had on repeat. One of the record’s more pop moments, it is built on soft melodic synths and some catchy high-pitched harmonies. That said, it is once again Ellie’s vocal performance that steals the show here, as she belts out the heartbreaking line “I just want you to be happy” amongst increasingly grand instrumentation around her. It is a truly stunning track, but before you’ve had time to process it you are suddenly interrupted by the brilliant fast-paced punk energy of the album’s heaviest moment - Play The Greatest Hits. It is a bit of a whirlwind back-to-back listen but again it just oddly works.

Feeling Myself is another early favourite, one that ranks up there amongst Wolf Alice’s best work to date. Built on gorgeous, spacey synths and glistening guitars, the track enchantingly grooves between quite ambient moments and magnificent, goosebump-inducing splendour.

At this point we are then greeted by The Last Man On Earth, a track that felt like an instant classic when it dropped as a single and now already feels like a timeless masterpiece. A haunting piano ballad built around Ellie’s powerful vocals, it starts slow before eventually erupting into a glorious haze of soaring guitars and Beatles-like riffs. This is then followed by another single, No Hard Feelings, a beautifully subdued, two-and-a-half-minute break-up anthem, driven by a soft running bassline and Ellie’s quiet, gentle vocals – again, just stunning.

Ultimately by the time the blissful wonder of outro The Beach II rolls around, you will be left in utter amazement at what Wolf Alice have perfectly crafted here. This is an album that already feels special, and you just know over time it will only gain in stature. In fact, NME in their review billed it as a “stone-cold masterpiece” and I think that is the best three-word description of Blue Weekend you can find right now. As album trilogies go, these first three Wolf Alice records are right up there – and for my money, they have kept the very best for last.

All The Colours of You by James

Elsewhere this week, Mancunian legends James released their fantastic 16th (yes 16th!) studio album, All The Colours of You. Across the album’s 11 tracks, enigmatic frontman Tim Booth tackles everything from the current pandemic to post-Trump America with his urgent lyrics, as the band weave uplifting sonic backdrops that ensure you sit up and pay attention but don’t become too overwhelmed by the heavy subject matters.

Importantly too, this is not Tim speaking on these heavy subjects simply because they are topical – they are sadly built from his own experiences in recent times. This is highlighted with Recover, a heartbreaking string-tinged song, written for and about Tim Booth’s own Father-In-Law who tragically died during the first wave of COVID. It is a beautiful and stirring track that makes for a touching tribute, built on Tim’s haunting, expectedly broken vocals and tasteful, subtle instrumentation.

Single Beautiful Beaches is also another highlight that, although written off the back of the California wildfires that impacted Tim’s own local community, offers a dual meaning that gives hope to those dreaming of a post-lockdown getaway and fresh start. For me though, it is Miss America that strikes the biggest chord, with Tim’s passionate, necessary speech on the grim state of post-Trump America hitting home thanks to both the provocative lyrics and the gorgeous instrumentation.

Overall, this is an album that shows James still have plenty to say despite being almost 40 years into their career at this point. Where other bands of their era are phoning it in and just playing the greatest hits, James continue to endure by keeping in touch with the world and humanity around them.

Track of the Week

Great Mass of Color by Deafheaven

And finally this week, shoegaze-black metal outfit Deafheaven made a triumphant return thanks to a startling but welcome direction change. On this lead single from their forthcoming album Infinite Granite, the screams and heavy guitars are traded for stirring clean vocals and a more melodic, alternative rock sound. Already one of my tracks of the year, it’s left me mightily curious as to what the band have in store for this new record.

[stupendouspersonadinosaur-blog]

Free Music Advertising And Marketing and Promotion Examination (888) 364-0999 - The best ways to Have A Successful Music Profession For Indie Artists In 2018!

Sales Streaming Publishing

In a recent release of the Signboard leading 50 loan makers of 2016 the artist that top the listing was Beyoncé with over 62 million bucks gained because year. Of that 62 million bucks nearly 55 million originated from touring alone.

As independent musician, we would certainly enjoy to produce those kind of numbers! The actual gold mine, nonetheless, is exploring. Actually, it'' s the top Cash Maker for 98% of artists on Signboard'' s top 50

money manufacturers listing. However it ' s not the touring itself that makes you money ... It ' s followers!

Paying fans! Fans acquire tickets Followers purchase goods Follower support sponsors and also endorsements

You can be one of the most talented promising artist worldwide, but if you don'' t have followers, the majority of venues will just pay you $50 in a beer.

So, the concern is just how do you obtain them? Because allow'' s be real & hellip; If you'wear ' t, you ' ll wind up like the countless starving artists that came prior to you. Is that vicious circle of functioning 30 to 60 hrs or even more per week, in a worthless task; just to come home and also work with your songs, hoping to compose the next success.

And even if you do & hellip; You'' ll invest plenty of hrs doing self-promotion, really hoping that day your songs will catch fire.

What'' s the trick of just how & ldquo; S4TF & rdquo; obtained the followers they required to gain a regular multiple six-figure income? Wait ... Streaming was simply 3.5% of the top income earner'' s music income in 2016? Streaming on Soundcloud and Spotify is how S4TF could make over $400,000 a year in income. It takes numerous countless streams to record a couple of hundred fans If your active fans deserves far more than hundreds of passive audiences

There'' s has never ever been a much better time to be an independent music artist, however, if you assume joining a subscriber exchange, uploading your music to Facebook teams and also damaging with each other a thousand streams a month with self-promotion is mosting likely to spark your career and also established it ablaze ... I'' m sorry to be the one that claims this, however it'' s drizzling hard on your job.

So exactly how do you get followers to stream your music?

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If your songs aren’& rsquo; t generating 100K + streams, being added to playlists and also producing actual followers we could aid. 

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Right here is a current press release:

In the midst of major headings (such as Jay-Z as well as the "" Tidal"" launch, as well as Taylor Swift removing her directory from, then ultimately rejoining the streaming titan "" Spotify""), an unknown R&B quartet, recording on an unknown independent label, were making several of the most considerable strides that the songs market has actually ever seen.

Considering that 2013 they have been silently generating a constant 6-figure earnings, as independent musicians, in a setting where record sales are tremendously sliding as well as 7-figure recording contracts for up & & coming acts are all but entirely vanished.

The structure of their whole strategy was based on providing their music away totally free. As a matter of fact they have never also sold a solitary ticket to their programs. "" We saw a massive possibility with all the sharing and piracy that was going on."", stated the group'' s co-founder, Janelle Thompson. "" Indie artists put on'' t sell much music anyhow, so we determined that we might offer it away and also catch a list of fans that we could engage and also generate income from, instead of have them go discover it in position like Napster and also Pirate Bay and also see no return for our effort and also creativity.,"" she concluded.

Rather, the ingenious team makes a lot of their cash from sponsorships, endorsements as well as joint endeavors with various other brands. The continuing to be balance is made mostly from merchandising and last but not least from streaming royalties.

The teams initial member, Shakara Weston, attributes the teams success to the business strategies utilized by the development firm "" Power In Numbers"" (PIN). "" Truly, if it was except PIN transforming our viewpoint from our songs being the product to US being the product, we would certainly have never ever been anywhere close to this successful. By removing the barriers of cost, we were able to engage our followers more often as well as extra intimately as well as bring our enrollers and partners brand names to our audience. We are still artists, yet our art is not our company. It is our maketing. We are influencers currently ... and also it has actually made all the difference worldwide."", she shared.

As a result of their success, the team as well as their record label have actually teamed up once again to transform the landscape of just how company is conducted in the indie music scene. Whereas the first effort focused largely on monetizing recordings, this time they are concentrating on live shows & & performances. They are partnering with various other regional independent musicians in El Paso, TX to produce a place that they call "" The Structure"". They intend to replicate this location and its company model in 99 other cities worldwide.

They are being extremely deceptive about exactly what will certainly be the distinction in between this location as well as the conventional organisation design; yet they assure that it will totally interfere with the songs sector for life. Group member, Kirbie Speights, informs us, "" Once more this company design is based on Power In Numbers strategies. Our experience informs us that not only will it be unbelievably disruptive, however it will certainly be extremely profitable for all the artists that will be involved."

" When Power In Numbers creator as well as Chief Executive Officer was inquired about his thoughts on the indie teams success he mentioned, "" It'' s an absolute satisfaction as well as honor to see one of our clients utilize our strategies in a way that not just makes them money, but genuinely makes a difference in our culture. I'' m happy when I hear that they wish to assist others reach the same success as they have; and even exceed that to attain also better things as a cumulative. They manifest the precise factor I determined to develop this business to begin with."

"

[theabandonedfeelings-blog]

The Infinites

Being a part of this instant family (to me) is one of the most precious thing that ever happened to me. Imo, to meet them was the best thing I experienced in my 2017. We consisted of  8 people. We may look normal, but actually we are real dorks.We have different characters and personality, ofcourse. But fortunately we blended and matched each other so well. I was always so quite and preserve whenever Im with new people, but with them, it is indeed, an exceptional. Being an introvert didnt even help me, but they did, help me. KKN era forced me to adapt faster than I usually did, because we only had 45 days, right? I wasnt even familiar with the idea of 'living with some strangers and doing things together with some strangers'. It was my biggest nightmare to live with people other than family. But KKN really changed the way I perceived something.

There were times when I just wanted to be alone. Whenever Im in my solitary moment, one of them would came up to me, asked, "What are you doing here all alone? Can i join?". Thats why I never been alone while at KKN bcs they always nongol one by one and joined my dont-disturb-me-i-want-to-be-alone-for-a-while corner. Whatevs I did and whenever i went, they could always find me. And somehow I felt thankful for that. That was how they invaded my personal spaces, and made me realize that no matter how introvert you are, you will find comforts if you are being surrounded by the right people.

We named our self The Infinite Team. We had a deep philosophy meaning behind that name. Our group consists of 8 people, eight means infinite. By 'infinite' we hoped that our spirit will be infinity to face infinity problematics that we had when KKN. Sounded cheesy, we knew. But we strived to meet the expectations. We hoped we exceed people expectation by carrying that name. Yea, that name meant alot for us. Others group would consisted of 9 or 10, but since we were only 8 we received less amount of money from uni. It didnt bother us that much. But, our concern was the amount of people we had. We were 2x more tired bcs we lacked of people, compared to others. We used to have double job, cover each other position while finishing our own jobdesk. The plus is : our posko was actually a small house with 3 rooms. By having 8 members we could save space and EVEN WATER (oh god thankyou). We didnt have to queue for too long to take a bath or shalat. We divided the household chores fairly, ex doing dishes (2 people in each meal time), doing laundry (2-4 people in a day), house cleaning, and cooking. We usually did the turn by playing some games. Tho its childish but we found it fun. We used to play UNO every night. Or when we got bored of UNO we switched to other card games, like bohong, werewolf, speed, obat nyamuk, and etc. We used to arrange our schedule every ba'da isya by writing some to do lists in the whiteboard. After Maghrib,I turned the TV and I got scolded alot bcs i always watched naruto. Its not because they dislike naruto, but it was bcs that Naruto eps was being replayed over and over again that they fed up with it. But they still watched it anyway lol, I know you guys would still like it, stop complaining.

Every Saturday noon, we sat together to watch master chef and ninja warrior (our life saver). In Sunday morning we spent some times by having breakfast and watching Doraemon. Every once in a week we went out to eat at some random warung by using 'uang kehidupan'. We would get 'scholarship' to eat gratisan from that uang kehidupan. Yeah we had this habit to give nicknames in every thing. We called a bunch of snacks with 'uang rakyat' bcs we bought it with money from uni. We named our family room with 'ohana room' bcs Ohana means family. We named our flashlights 'Sumber kehidupan' bcs idk?. We named one of our room the 'before after room' bcs we used it to do make up. We had a room called 'logistics room' bcs thats where we keep our logistics. We named a guling as 'Oji's boyfriend' bcs thats how jones she were. We gave a nickname to a middle schooler as 'elsa' because his hands were always cold. And oh, we even gave name to our lovely live safer, 3 motors that we brought along from solo. They are ABut, plat K, and dolphino. We also had 2 cats, named Mendes and Alex. And these are the infinites :

1. Amel

Amel is that person who was in charge of cooking. She liked to take a nap at 13.00 and woke up at 14.30 straightly. She went to sleep early than any other people. She is actually a year older than the rest of us but she is the most innocent. One day she copied Dimma's pick up line, "WTF", thinking it means "astaga" in bahasa indo. She used that word for a week straight until we told her the actual meaning of that phrase. Her favorite activity consisted of taking photos and selfie, and update them on socmeds. She is the softest from all of us tho. She was also in charge of some updates in our instagram. She always got the most numerous bullies but she always nevermind. She could always laughed even for some lame jokes. She likes Spongebob, even she laughed like spongebob. She always lost whenever she plays game. But she tried hard in every Zombie vs Plants game and even counter strikes. One day, i saw her cry in the backyard but i didnt approach her bcs i thought whenever someone's crying I want to give them their space. I thought I would asked her whe she's feeling better, but dammit I forgot, like at all. Im sorry mel, i love you.

2. Ayub

Ayub is our Koordinator Desa or Kordes. He is practically our leader. But he somehow didnt act like a leader. He is the laziest person in this team. We picked him only because his home is in Pati, the Kabupaten we lived in. Ayub is the most narsis person i have ever known. His personality in 16personalities proved that he had the most common personality (16% of the amount of population in the world). He is the antithesis of my personality. He is so extrovert and comfortable to share his thing. He was always plays music using speaker every morning. At first we didnt bother with it, but slowly it annoyed us because his playlist was so damn lame. I knew he was always a dork but, come on, who would download covered songs with clapping sounds in the background. You can just download the actual song instead, Yub, smh. We used to hid that damn speaker to prevent Ayub for playing his music in the early morning. They gave the speaker to me and hoped that I would play better playlists, but I dissapointed them right after bcs i only had 4 songs, and it was all Taylor swift songs. But aside from his weird music taste, he is good at cooking. His level is far higher than mine. He likes to learn new things like the cup song, english, UNO, and even being doctor (we had 2 medical students). He likes to play badminton and always criticized at how I play. He was also dumb at times. But overall, he is a good person.

3. Azis

Azis whose name is everywhere is the most receh person. His jokes were always so lame that sometimes it could make us mad at him. We had to pretend that we didnt hear him joking in order to stop his lame jokes. Aside from that, he is a hardworking person. He is in charge of being the most religious person but somehow he had the dirtiest mind among us. He once said to me that in his campus life, he's known as quiet and preserve type which is the vice versa of the personality he had in KKN. He always had me to do chores and force me to buy things like flour, egg, and etc. His motor is Dolphino. He is the one who always complain at everything. And always saying things that triggered us but ended it like, 'Guys why would you do something stupid like this, CAN I JOIN'. He is dork af but in front of childrens he always in serious mode activated. His works often being underapreciate but he never failed us, always treated us good. He was like our human-reminder. He remind us time to time for some small details. "Guys dont forget that tmrw we still have 100 things to do, lets sleep before its too late". Or. "Guys, did you remember what pak kades said about xxxxx?". Or. "Dont forget to buy this and that." Thankyou for your concern, zis. Just knew that we were bunch of forgetful people, without him, we'd be lost.

4. Bela

Bela was the only one who constantly doing her puasa senin-kamis while KKN. Thats why we gave her exception by ousting her from doing dishes. She might be the most sensitive person among us, but she was also caring and considerate. She is younger than me, but she's all matured. She was the alternate kordes whenever Ayub's not in good mood to talk. She had alotta secret admirers, from children to abang penjual pentol istimewa. She is good with elder people. We can talk about almost everything. Tho she spent the most of time doing make up, she's actually not that girly. She was my partner in magang, doing laundry, and dishes. She was my life saver whenever im lazy driving the motor. Her motor named ABut, and it was my fave.

5. Dimma

Dimma whose name is soooo long is the one who took his most KKN time by annoying others with his childish behaviour. Indeed he is the youngest of our team. He is lowkey soft and caring. He onced renewed ABut's oli, he brought us food even without us asking, he made sure that everyone got their rights. He's just our precious youngest. He's good at fixing electronical problems. He was my partner in everyday's life. He took me round the village and helped me filmed using dslr. He gave me input and critics abt my editing. He was my partner on doing dishes. He laughed with me tho its past midnight while we did our own works and the others were mad at us bcs they were sleeping. He was the one who accompanied me stargazing in teras. One day we had to begadang because it was almost deadline and we havent finished our works. He was doing his presentations and I was busy doing the after movie. We were working quitely on our own works bcs we didnt want to disturb the others bcs our sounds. At 01.00 am we got tired and i asked him random things but we ended up having a serious deep talk about life. He was the one who made fun of my name by calling me Karizzza. It annoyed me at first, but I was sorta get used with my name being made fun of. I once told them that my name is meaningless (i didnt mean to say like that, it was because im mad). But in the end, at his letter he told me this, "The name in which you think is meaningless actually have a great meaning, it is a hope and prayer from your parents. It defines how strong you were and what you will be in the future. Dont hate your name okay." And that was everyone, the first time he ever called me Karizsa.

6. Iim

I cannot find proper words to describe how grateful i am to be in the same team with her. She is, as everybody knows, my bestfriend in campus. We are in the same class and even in the same queer. She is so critical, open minded, respectful, thoughtful, and reliable + dependable. She is full package. She always ordered to be MC in everty formal event. She ate the most than the rest of us, but she didnt gain weight. She's known for her smol and short figure and always busy with her phone. She had her most time by catching up news and watching GOT spoiler on yutub. We had the same obsession with Blackpink's song As if it your last. We came from the same faculty, so our way of thinking were more in political way. Thats why sometimes our opinions were divided between them and me & iim. At the end, we'd find a way, we got this. Me and her, We spoiled each other alot bcs weve known for sooo long. We cursed at each other in everyday life bcs thats just how bestfriend works. That bij, i love her.

7. Oji

I think my team didnt deserve Oji. She is the kindest, the most humble and easy going among us. Tho she didnt understand javanese, she always takes her time by learning javanese phrases, even made effort by writing it in books so she can memorize later. She brought half of her stuffs to posko. She brought along her car which takes 4 hours long from solo. She is strong independent woman, even she rode a pickup car that none of boys cannot ride. She is true gamer and half eater. She always tell stories abt her family and her campus life. Her family is somehow looked like bunch of gag (based on her story). She got calls from her family time to time. She was my dumb & dumber partner. Oji is a lil bit crybaby tho. She cried the most while KKN. She is a medical student, but her acts didnt say so. Hahahaha. One day, he told us this : "Do u know what make me grateful to be in this team? Thats because you never say that phrase." "What phrase?", Asked us. " 'Im embarassed being your friend' ". We felt so soft. And thats it. I enjoyed being with them. Tbh it was the best 45 days I've spent in my entire life so far. Well spent. It was such an unforgettable story to live with these seven dorks. Even after our KKN life ended, im still bragging to my other friends about them. They did the same too. I learnt a lot from them. Thanks guys for making my KKN life better than it should be. I guess ‘thankyou’ is just an understatement word to describe how grateful I am to have them.

I should've disappointed bcs i didnt get to KKN in my own kabupaten. But instead, God came with a better plan. When i shared abt KKN life with my campus friends, they mostly complained about how bad their teamwork or any conflicts happened within their team. But thanks God, i've never experienced that, at all. We were so lucky to have each other. At the last day, we wrote a letter to each other. One of it said, "Im so thankful to be in the same team with these strong people".p>

And yeah, we all were thankful for having each other, dont we?

Let’s meet again now and in the future, guys.

[longarmsshow]

All or five of the question prompts

You got it! (It’ll be under the read more so I won’t kill anybody else’s timeline.)

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - My girlfriend from like… 2009-ish… I think? Yeah. That sounds about right. Although the girl I was last in a relationship with most more that likely would have, but she lived in Florida, and we broke up before we ever got to meet each other.

2. Are you outgoing or shy? - Shy. Very, very shy.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - My brother when he gets back from college for his summer break. I wanna hang out with him as much as I can for his summer break.

4. Are you easy to get along with? - I feel like I can be depending on how I’m feeling. If I’m in an entirely different mood, like if I’m upset or if I’m just not feeling sociable I’m probably hard to get along with.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - There’s nobody I’m interested in atm, so I’d be all by my lonesome~

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? - Someone who’s nice, and caring, and supportive. Basically someone who’s nice, haha.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - Probably not.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - Nobody.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - Nope! I’m absolutely fine with talking about sex.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - I honestly can’t remember. Its been a long time since I’ve had a really good conversation with someone.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - It’s a link from my mom that has to do with companies that will help pay off student loans, haha. If that isn’t indicative of my being in debt, I don’t know what is, haha

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - ‘Death Cup’ by Mom Jeans five times over.

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? - I’ve never had that happen before, but I imagine it must feel nice.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - Nah.

15. What good thing happened this summer? - I saw Brand New, but that was like, after the summer… so, I guess nothing good really happened this summer, haha. I got really depressed around August, and it lasted ‘til the new year, so like… uhhhh, yeah, nothing really, haha. Except for maybe some S’awesome Bros. funtimes. That was fun.

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - Nope.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - I don’t think so, but we could probably colonize planets for there to be life on. It’d just… take a while, haha

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - Nope.

19. Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t had a bubble bath since I was a kid… buuuuuuut, who knows, it might be fun to try it again, haha

20. Do you like your neighbors? - I honestly don’t talk much to my neighbors. I’m a terrible person.

21. What are you bad habits? - I have terrible posture whenever I sit down in my chair. Absolutely TERRIBLE I TELLS YA

22. Where would you like to travel? - I’d love to travel! I’d be down to travel pretty much everywhere! I wanna see more of the US, and maybe take a trip up to Canada one of these days~

23. Do you have trust issues? - Kind of, yeah.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - Daily… routine…?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - Like… the whole thing.

26. What do you do when you wake up? - If its when I have to work, I’ll wake up, brush my teeth, check my hair to see if it looks acceptable, and then roll on out to work. If I don’t work, I’ll sleep in ‘til whenever, make myself some breakfast, and then see where the day leads me!

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I’m perfectly content with the color of my skin.

28. Who are you most comfortable around? - I don’t know! People who are easy going and are easy to talk to, I guess, but that’s probably just a vague description of just about anyone you could put a name to a face to, ya know? Haha. 

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? - Nope.

30. Do you ever want to get married? - I’d just like to be able to be comfortable around a woman for once in my life.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? - It is!

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - Hahahahahaha, like any celebrities would want to have a threesome with me

33. Spell your name with your chin. - Oh, god. Okay. Here goes. msawre4c v p;lderf mn b6desrffgcdvftgrklo n8

34. Do you play sports? What sports? - I used to participate in bowling, but I haven’t played in a league since I was like… eighteen. I still do love to bowl every now and again, though!

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV. I love music too much to ever be without it.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - Yes. #socialanxietyproblems

37. What do you say during awkward silences? - I’d probably just ask a question. Asking questions is always a good way to get to know somebody.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? - I really just want someone I connect with. Someone who can be my friend. ‘Cause deep down that’s all I really want.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - I looooooove Meijer. I go to Meijer all the time.

40. What do you want to do after high school? - I’ve been done with high school for like… nine years, haha. I’ve been trying to find a more secure job. It’s something I’ve been doing this year alongside bettering my mental health. Is taken up a lot of my focus, but I still have been trying to do creative things. I wanna get back into making videos sometime this year, and I wanna write a full length album. I don’t know when that all will happen, but hopefully it will soon!

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - It depends on what they did.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - That my social anxiety is kicking in something FIERCE

43. Do you smile at strangers? - I try to!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - OUTER SPACE. THE OCEAN IS SO FUCKING SCARY. I MEAN, SPACE IS KIND OF SCARY, TOO, BUT LIKE, AS LONG AS I WAS ORBITING EARTH I’D BE OKAY.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - Knowing that I can make my life better.

46. What are you paranoid about? - Soooooooo many things, haha.

47. Have you ever been high? - Nope. I wouldn’t mind trying out marijuana, but it’s basically like, super illegal here in Indiana, so, uh, I probably won’t try it ‘til I move to someplace that at least has a medical marijuana status, haha.

48. Have you ever been drunk? - Yes. Being hungover before is awful. Thankfully I know my limits and try not to exceed them!

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - Nope. I’m a pretty open book. If there’s something you wanna know about me I’ll tell you.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - It was grey! That’s probably like, the oldest hoodie I’ve ever held onto. The zipper on it is busted, but it can still zip up and down. Goddamn, that hoodie is old.

51. Ever wished you were someone else? - Many, many times.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - Holy shit, where do I start.

53. Favourite makeup brand? - I’ve never used makeup before, but if I did I’d tell ya! =)

54. Favourite store? - Meijer ftw!

55. Favourite blog? - Uhhhhhhhh

56. Favourite colour? - I like a lot of colors, but I think sky blue is my favorite!

57. Favourite food? - Oh, man. Probably pizza. Pepperoni and bacon~~~~~

58. Last thing you ate? - I had some steak with a veggie mix of lentils mix of zucchini, carrots, and chick peas. It was delicious~

59. First thing you ate this morning? - Eggs, bacon, and a bagel, a pretty normal breakfast that I make!

60. Ever won a competition? For what? - I don’t think I’ve ever won a competition before, but I have gone to a bowling competition before. Never came close to winning, but it was still fun!

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? - Nope. I was homeschooled, so I was under my parents thumb pretty much the whole time. Never had time to do anything wrong or get in trouble, haha.

62. Been arrested? For what? - I’ve never been arrested and don’t plan on it anytime soon.

63. Ever been in love? - Yes.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? - We went to a movie (I can’t even remember which one) and after it was over we went to our cars in the parking lot, and we hugged for a long time and we kissed each other on the cheeks because we were too nervous to kiss each other on the lips.

65. Are you hungry right now? - I’m always hungry.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - I don’t really have any Tumblr friends, so uhhhhh, haha,

67. Facebook or Twitter? - Twitter.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? - Twitter, but I do like Tumblr as well.

69. Are you watching tv right now? - Nope. I only watch TV when I go to sleep, but even then it’s whatever I’m watching on Netflix. I haven’t watched TV in a long time.

70. Names of your bestfriends? - Tylor’s been one of the best friends I’ve ever had.

71. Craving something? What? - Nothing really.

72. What colour are your towels? - White!

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - Two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - Nope.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - I used to have a SHIT ton of stuffed animals as a kid. I’m not quite sure where they are now =/

75. Favourite animal? - All of them

76. What colour is your underwear? - I’m wearing plaid boxers rn

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? - Both!

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - I’m a sucker for some really good mint chocolate chip ice cream.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - Light blue. It’s a shirt from the band Dowsing.

80. What colour pants? - I’m wearing a grey-ish colored shorts with a yellow stripe on the side.

81. Favourite tv show? - Parks and Rec? Maybe? God, there’s too many to choose from

82. Favourite movie? - God, I don’t even know, man. Like, I love too many movies to choose one. Like, one minute my favorite is Goodfellas the next its fuckin’ something like Inside Out, ya know?

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - Uhhhh… neither?

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? - Is this… is this from like, 2011 or something?

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? -OHMYGODHOWDATEDISTHISTHING

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - holyshithowdatedisthisthingalsoobviouslyitsdory

87. First person you talked to today? - Nobody.

88. Last person you talked to today? - Nobody.

89. Name a person you hate? - Nobody.

90. Name a person you love? - My brother. I’m so proud of him. He’s such a good kid, and I wish him a better life than I’ve lead.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - No.

92. In a fight with someone? - Nope.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? - I’d say at least ten.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - Only a few. I really need to but some more. I love me some hoodies.

95. Last movie you watched? - Logan. It was really good!

96. Favourite actress? - Ummmmmm, pass.

97. Favourite actor? - Also pass.

98. Do you tan a lot? - I’ve never tanned a day in my life.

99. Have any pets? - I have three cats!

100. How are you feeling? - Pretty good at the moment! I’ve been drinking some beer tonight, and I streamed, and I watched one of my friends stream after my stream, so its been a fun night!

101. Do you type fast? - I wish.

102. Do you regret anything from your past? - So, so, so, so, soooooo many things. But that’s why it’s all in the past.

103. Can you spell well? - I like to think I can. There are definitely some words that trip me up, though.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - Yes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - Yes! Bonfires are fun!

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - Yes, unfortunately.

107. Have you ever been on a horse? - Yes.

108. What should you be doing? - Probably getting ready for bed rn.

109. Is something irritating you right now? - Nope!

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues? - Yes.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - My therapist.

113. What was your childhood nickname? - I never had a nickname.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii? - Holy shit, this question is so outdated, haha, but yeah, I’ve played on the Wii before, I used to love that thing.

116. Are you listening to music right now? - Yes! I’m listening to a band named Pteradon. They’re great!

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? - I do, especially if I’m sick

118. Do you like Chinese food? - Yes.

119. Favourite book? - I don’t read much, but I particularly like To Kill a Mockingbird. Such a great book.

120. Are you afraid of the dark? - Not really

121. Are you mean? - I hope I’m not! And if I ever am I’d hope that somebody would call me out on it so I could try to not be mean. ‘Cause I don’t ever want to be mean.

122. Is cheating ever okay? - No.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - No.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - Not really.

125. Do you believe in true love? - Yes.

126. Are you currently bored? - Nope!

127. What makes you happy? - Making music, streaming, anything creative.

128. Would you change your name? - I’m good with my name!

129. What your zodiac sign? - Sagittarius! 

130. Do you like subway? - It’s okay. Doesn’t hold a candle to Jimmy Johns, tho.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - Continue being friends with her…? And if feelings develop then I’d let her know…?????

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - Isn’t this… isn’t this from a previous question…?

133. Favourite lyrics right now? - Check out Death Cup by Mom Jeans. That song’s a lot of fun.

134. Can you count to one million? - What

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? - I can’t even remember the last time I told a dumb lie, so uhhhhhhhhhh

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - Closed

137. How tall are you? - Six foot six! I’m a tall fella.

138. Curly or Straight hair? - Either.

139. Brunette or Blonde? - Brunette.

140. Summer or Winter? - Summer!

141. Night or Day? - I like both! There’s something really special about being awake during two in the morning just as there is being awake at noon. I wish I could be awake all day every day, but goddaMN THESE HUMAN BODIES AND THEIR INABILITY TO STAY AWAKE FOR FOREVER

142. Favourite month? - May.

143. Are you a vegetarian? - No, but I wish I was.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? - All.

145. Tea or Coffee? - Coffee!

146. Was today a good day? - It was!

147. Mars or Snickers? - Isn’t… isn’t Snickers owned by Mars….??????????

148. What’s your favourite quote? - N/A

149. Do you believe in ghosts? - I think so

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? -ohmyfuckinggodpleasedontmakemedothis