#ew ew ew ew ew every time i remember it's existence i want to puke

[snixx]

belly button wax is one of the grossest things invented ever and the thing is you don't even realise it's there i will puke bye

[ittookthelightforever]

C’est Horrifique - part 3

Hi

Ok, so I said three parts but I fell in love with this story and it’s getting an extra part. I should be posting part 4 by the end of this week. (Hopefully...)

Also, I would just like to make clear, everything set out in this is fruit of my overactive imagination and, just to make sure, there is no type of non-con or dubious consent. Only vampire stuff tinted by the fact that I did grow up in the Twilight era. Oh and there’s a little smut in this one... :)

Love, Lina

(Part 1) -- (Part 2)

Source

“There are rules?” Camille nodded as she extracted a small book from her purse, “You will find them all in here. But the two most important ones, which you should always remember, are you can’t tell anyone about your transformation before they have been vetted by the Society and if you bite someone, you must kill them. You musn’t turn any person without strict orders from the Society, under penalty of extinction.”

Alex looked down at the book in his hands, all the new information flowing through his brain making him feel overwhelmed, “I don’t want to kill people.” Camille took his hand in hers, now her skin temperature felt normal to him, “You won’t have to, Alex. We are here to help you.” They are interrupted by his phone ringing, Alex picked it up from his side and saw that it was Miles, “What do I tell ‘im? Miles... And Matt and Jameh and Nick… And me parents? What the fook do I tell ‘em?”

“Yeh were ‘sposed to look after ‘im, Jameh!” Matt barked at Jamie as the three of them looked for Alex all over the backstage area, while the rest of the crew packed up their gear, they couldn’t risk anyone but them finding Alex in case he was in a compromising position. “I were, but then Nick were telling me summat and I… Wait! He said he were going out for a smoke!” With that the three of them raced towards the back door, which they knew led to the area behind the venue where Alex liked to smoke.

Matt pushed the door open, but halted at the sight he found, causing Jamie and Nick to bump onto his back, “Bloodeh ‘ell!” The three of them managed to step out into the open space where Alex was crouched holding your unconscious body, “Oh Al, what did yeh do?” Alex looked up to his friends, “What the fook does it look like?”  Nick bent over to side and puked, “Ew, gross mate.” Jamie gagged, but helped Nick sit down. Matt started pacing around, fingers pulling at his hair, “I-Is s-she… Dead?”

“No… Not yet, at least. Maffhew, call Camille, tell ‘er I am comin’ for ‘er ass. Jameh, can yeh get summat to wrap ‘er wiv and maybeh sum water for Mal, please?” The blond nodded and ran back inside, while Nick sat back against the brick wall with his head between his knees and Matt called Camille, “Matthew? Is everything okay with Alex?” He scoffed, “‘Course not, this is all yehr fault. Alex snapped! Now yeh gotta fix this mess.” Matt could hear her shouting orders already behind the phone, “Matthew, I am sending a team to clean up, but I need to talk to Alex now, ok?”

Alex had heard the entire conversation, so he’d propped you against chest and held you tight with one arm while he held out his other one so Matt could hand him the phone, “What the fook do I do now, Camille?” He was furious with Camille, never in the past two years had he snapped and attacked a human and now he had done it at one of his concerts. Worse, to one of his fans. “Is she still alive, Alex?” He could feel your pulse where his skin touched your, it was faint but it was there.

“Yes, I… I don’t know what came over meh. I were fine, I drank the blood I ‘ad left before the gig, but when I saw ‘er I just snapped. And when I drank… Camille, there was something wrong, because it was the best fing I’ve tasted since I turned. And, and somehow I knew when to stop, to stop before I… Before I killed ‘er.” Alex could hear the click-clack of Camille’s heels through the phone, “Alex, you know what your have to do now. You must abide by the rules.”

“I know the fooking rules, Camille. Send me a bloodeh car ‘round back to take us to the ‘otel and meet us there.” Alex could sense she was about to object, “Now Camille!” The two of them had grown to have a good enough relationship, but Camille had learnt the hard way not to cross Alex. She stuttered on the other side, “I-It’s done, should be there in 5 minutes.”

Right that second Jamie walked out of the venue, “There are sum people cleaning yehr stuff up in there, Al. Here yeh go…” The guitarist handed him a big blanket, “See yeh there, Camille” Alex hung up and took the blanket from his friend, “Fanks, Jameh.” Alex wrapped the blanket around you and kept you close to him as he got up, “Is Nick feeling bettehr?” The bassist nodded and got up, “We are goin’, back to the ‘otel. The team’s fixing any mess left.”

A black van stopped next to the fence circling the venue and a man walked out of the car, “Mr Turner?” Alex turned, careful not to jostle you too much, and nodded to the man who got to work at opening the gate and ushering everyone into the car. Alex ended up occupying a whole row, cradling your body close to his, “Tha’ know, I never thought tha’ bloke I sat next to in pre-k would become a fooking vampire and I’d be ‘elping ‘im cover up a murder. Takes me back to when yeh tol’ us”

“Is everyfing alreyht, Al?” Matt was fidgeting in his seat. Alex had gathered all his boys in his living room to break out the news, with the help of Camille, “Are yeh sick? Are yeh quitting music? Are yeh dyin’?” Alex kneeled in front of Miles and took his hands in his, squeezing them tenderly, “No, Mi, I‘m not dying or quitting music.” He stroked his cheek before getting up again. “Technically, ‘m alreadeh dead.” That sentence set off a number of reactions from each of his friends, from Nick going very pale and hyperventilating to Jamie getting a laughter attack.

“Not the best way to go about things, Alex.” All four men jumped at the sound of Camille’s voice from behind them, “And yeh doin’ tha’ was much bettehr, Camille? Yehr the one tha’ actualleh looks like a vampire.” In the few weeks since he’d been turned Alex had grown more and more accustomed to his new existence and actually blossomed into a new found confidence, “Is this a joke? Are yeh prankin’ us?” Alex shook his head and put on his best straight face.

“No Matthew, I wish I were. This here is Camille, my liaison with the Society. The… Vampire Society that is… Fook.” Alex used his heightened abilities to catch Nick before he fell to the floor, giving the other men a demonstration of his new capacities, “Fooking ‘ell” Jamie scrambled away from Alex only to bump into Camille, “Everything is alright, Mr Cook. Your friend is the same as always, only… Immortal and very strong. Think of this as a diet change, only instead of vegan, he went full-on human blood.”

Needless to say that wasn’t the way to go, Jamie narrowly missed Camille’s black stilettos when he chucked his guts out on Alex’s rug, “Yehr doing a great job, Camille. What’s next you show ‘em me coffin?” After they manage to calm everyone down and wake Nick up, Alex and Camille explain the conditions of Alex’s new existence. “I don’t wan’ to stop making music or living this life, and I don’t wan’ to… Murder anybodeh. I know it’s too much teh ask, but I need yehr ‘elp.” The four man face their long time friend for a moment before nodding in agreement.

The van took them into hotel through the service entrance and they managed to quietly go to their floor which had already been sectioned off, even before the incident happened, as part of Alex’s precautions, which made it easier for everyone to move about with bloodied clothes and for Alex to get your body from the car to his room.

With you laid on his bed, Alex towered over you, “You either tell me how to turn ‘er or I am gonna kill yeh!” Camille stood on your other side, chipping away at her blood red nail varnish, “Alex, I can’t. The Society--” He growled, nearly lunging for her, “Fook the bloodeh Society! I bet they’d be happeh to kno’ this happened because yeh couldn’t do me fooking delivery right. Now, teach. Me. How. To. Turn ‘er!”

Camille shrieked and ran back to the dresser where she’d left her purse and picked up a small vial, “Here.” Alex rolled the vial around on his palm, noticing it was fairly simple and had no details, save for a small inscription of the Society’s logo. “You give her a couple drops of that and she should wake up. She needs to be awake for this.” He listens carefully to Camille’s instructions, trying to recall how all of this had happened to him.

“I am going to leave you alone for this part. Is that okay?” Alex nods somberly, watching as Camille walked away and out of the room. He then turned back to you, carefully sitting next to you, “I’m sorreh you ‘ave to go through this, all ‘cause of meh.” Alex gently brushed your hair away from your face, caressing your cheek softly. Picking up the vial, he carefully put a few drops in between your lips.

You take a sudden deep breath and open your eyes, “Alex…” A small smile settled on your lips, making Alex’s non-beating heart ache, “Oh darling, I’m so sorreh about this.” You shook your head and tried to raise your hand to touch his face, he takes it and held it tenderly. Alex bowed down to press a soft kiss to your lips, he moved slowly down to your chin, your neck, spending an extra moment right on your pulse point and inhaling your scent deeply.

Alex made his way down until he reached the top of your blouse, where he helped you to sit up and remove it. He was pleasantly surprised to find you were wearing only a thin silk bralette that barely concealed your breasts, “So beautiful…” He trailed the planes of your skin and whispered sweet compliments as he kissed every one of your pulse points, once he had undressed you completely and taken off his shirt, he went back and kissed you deeply.

Using his extra sharp teeth Alex teared into the skin of his forearm, “Here love.” Bringing it to your parted lips and he made sure that you drank as much as Camille said was necessary. You feel a surge of energy coursing through you, your senses heightened to a degree you can feel each and every nerve ending in your body that touched Alex’s, and although you didn’t feel heat or his breathing, you could sense a pulsing draw to him.

“Are yeh okay love?” You notices his pupils are blown and his eyes looked bloodshot, you cradled his face in your hands and pulled his face towards your, harder than you’d expected due to your new strength, “Sorry.” He shook his head, just glad to know it was working, “It’s okeh, love.” You smiled and kissed him, talking Alex a little by surprise and you had almost stopped when he finally kissed you back.

Camille had mentioned you might be drawn to him after the process had started, but Alex hadn’t expected to be just as enthralled by you, “Love, I fink it’s best you get sum rest.” He pulled away but you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, “But… I need you.” You looked up at him through your eyelashes, a trick that had worked more than once, and Alex didn’t have enough self-control to say no. He buried a hand in the hair at the nape of your neck and pulled you in for a deep kiss.

Soon you and Alex had lost whatever was left of your clothing, his waist straddled over yours and his strong arms holding his weight up, “Are yeh sure?” You nodded and kissed him again until you felt his calloused finger ghosting over your center and gasped, “Yeh like tha’? Do yeh want it like this?” And he pressed his fingers to your clit quickly before dipping them inside, “Hmmm, so nice and wet. Is tha’ for meh, love?” You could only nod because your mouth was too busy moaning. “I can’t wait to be inside that delicious cunt of yerhs.” Alex whispered right into your ear and you nearly came undone right then and there.

Once he got you all nice and wet, Alex pulled out his fingers, making a show of sucking your arousal from them, “Delightful.” The bastard certainly had a nerve and to show him you were done with the games you took his dick in your hand, teasingly pumping it before guiding it to your entrance, “Will you fuck me now, Alex?” He grinned and drove his dick all the way inside of you, giving you some time to adjust to his size before moving.

Despite both of yours enhanced strengths at the moment, you and Alex took your time having sex, almost as if you’d done it a million times a long time before. His body was aware of your needs, his fingers finding the points that brought you pleasure that not even you were aware of. Meanwhile your touch seemed to lead him somewhere completely unexplored, Alex felt every inch inside of you and your warmth enveloped him into a place of pure bliss.

As you reached your orgasms, you feel asleep in Alex arms and he waited for a long time, guarding your sleep, before he dressed back up and headed outside where he knew Camille was waiting, “What the hell happened in there?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #470

“how can you choose to let the blind see better than you?”

What was the main character called in the last film you watched? Dewey. What would you name your pet snake if you had one? It would depend on its appearance. The snake I have now is named Venus because of her coloration. Do you like peanuts? Only if they're covered in chocolate or in granola bars in small portions. Have you ever gambled? What was your biggest loss/win? No. What was the last movie you watched? Who did you watch it with? Girt and I watched School of Rock together. What do you eat for breakfast? Excluding the rare occasions my mom cooks something, usually cereal or a sandwich. Do you have a Flickr? I do, but it's abandoned. Anything exciting happening in the month of September? No. When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Oh man, it's been too long. I really want one now. Do you eat breakfast daily? Yeah. What was the last thing to scare you? "Scare" is a strong word, but I was very, very nervous to hear what weight I'd gained since my last doctor's appointment. Do you like mustard? Yeah, I do. Do you have a desktop computer or laptop? A laptop. Do you like to play Jenga? I guess? I don't really have an opinion on it. Do you like Fresca? Not very, but I'll drink it if I really want a soda and it's the only option. How many towels do you use after a shower? Just one. Would you ever flash a cop if you knew you'd get out of a ticket? Um, no thank you. What is your favorite thrill ride ever? I don't like those. I'm afraid of puking or fainting. Biggest irrational fear? Truly irrational, probably whale sharks. Favorite movie sequel? Hm. If you had endless funds, where would you buy most of your clothes? Cloak and Rebel's Market. How many jobs have you had? Three, technically. What is your favorite thing to do in your city? Oh hun, fun doesn't exist here. This place sucks. Have you ever gone strawberry picking? Ha ha, yes... but I was a little kid that absolutely gorged on the strawberries instead of putting them in my basket. The person that worked there didn't make my mom pay for what I did or anything, but they made a joke about weighing me to check the damage I did, ha ha. My face was COVERED in strawberry juice. I wish I could actually remember the occasion, but I was too young. How many times have you seen a doctor this month? It feels like a lot. >_< I had to get blood drawn for two different things on separate appointments, I had a follow-up appointment with my primary physician about my weight, I recently spoke to my therapist and psychiatrist... Could you pull off orange hair? I've actually considered like, a light creamsicle orange. I actually edited a photo of me with my current hair style trying different colors, and that tint looked pretty cute. Do you shave your legs? It sounds dumb, but yes, now that I'm in a relationship. I feel obligated to at least try and be attractive by societal standards. I know it seriously doesn't matter, but I would be so inexplicably mortified if he saw my unshaven legs kalsdj;flkasdjwe What type of weather is your favorite? Snowy! Coolest place you've ever been? Disney World, probs. Do you like corn on the cob? Yeah, man. Have you ever waited tables? No. Build your favorite pizza. Soft pan crust, your average amount of sauce and a good amount of cheese with various meats on it. What did you last get fancy for? I wouldn't say I got like, super fancy, but I wore a nice shirt and a necklace when Girt came over for the first time as a couple. I thought we were actually leaving the house to go out to dinner, but the plan was actually to have Buffalo Wild Wings delivered. It was totally fine by me, I'd just misunderstood. Dream pet? A female Brazilian Black tarantula named Black Betty. :') Do you tend to get clingy in relationships? I know I do. What is the last horror movie you watched? It's sad that I don't know. :( Would you be grossed out if your best friend mooned you? No, I'd just be extremely confused lmao. What is the last thing that you drank? Milk. Currently popular song that you can't stand? I have zero idea what songs are popular right now. What is the weather like right now? Too fuckin' hot to be mid-September. Do you have favorite type/brand of pen? I mean, I like the feel of gel pens. I don't know about brands. What is your go-to snack at the convenience store? Some form of Reese's. Popular drink that you dislike? Coffee shocks the most people. What TV show are you waiting on to return/create a new season? None. What is something you currently want but cannot afford? Oh, dear. -_- Do you have sensitive skin? Very. How many toilets are in your house? Two. Do you have an older sister? Three that I know, one that I don't really count because I know nothing about her and have never spoken to her. What color is your mum’s car? White. Do you live in an apartment? No. Cats are usually cuter than dogs right? Kittens are generally cuter than puppies, imo. Where do you keep your kitty litter box? It has to stay in my bedroom, which I hate. Mom insists on in being in here so I don't forget to clean it. My memory is awful, but I'm preeeetty sure I'd remember to give my cat a clean place to use the bathroom if it was kept in the spare room by the door... Are you rude to little children? No; even if I don't really like kids, that is something I definitely avoid. Kids should never lose their hope in or love for humanity, and I would absolutely hate to be one of those people that makes the human race appear unpleasant. Are you a lighter complexion than your father? BY FAR. He's a mailman so is out in the sun nearly every day, so he's pretty damn dark to be Caucasian. I wouldn't be surprised if by his complexion he's ever been mistaken for being Hispanic, because the color definitely fits. Do you like apricots? No. Are banana chips delicious? Ew, that sounds gross. Do you like kinky sex? I wouldn't know, my dude. I've never really explored outside of pretty vanilla stuff. What is one thing you will never do again? Rely solely on another person for happiness. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy? Twice as happy. That's not even a competition. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? I very legitimately wonder if I would be disowned for how fucked up some of the shit I write is, ha ha. Mom would probably cry if she saw some of even the milder stuff and force the topic to come up in therapy. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? Maybe painting? If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Hmmm... I suppose ketchup. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? I think it is, but I don't. .-. What is the best present you could ever receive? An all-expenses-paid trip to South Africa to visit and tour with the Kalahari Meerkat Project to meet and photograph the meerkats. :''''''''''') Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free WiFi wherever you go, for the rest of your life? Nah. That's what data is for, lol. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom? A new car for Mom. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view? Oh, that is SO easy. Give me the view. Well wait, HOW tiny is the house? My answer would change if it was one of those truly mini houses that would make me feel claustrophobic as shit. What was your favorite Disney movie as a kid? The Lion King. Still is. Do you brush your teeth in the bathroom, or do you get bored & roam around? I roam around. Does your city/town have a little festival/carnival every year? Yes. I never really pay attention tho 'cuz I never go. Have you ever been to an apple orchard? No, but I would love to go. Were there any cartoons your parents didn’t let you watch as a kid? Except "adult" cartoons obviously, no. Could you handle motherhood? No fucking way. Being entirely serious, I think I'd either end up dead or horribly depressed, and the kid psychologically damaged to some extent from having an unstable mother. Like do not get me wrong, I'd try very hard, but I know I couldn't stay sane and happy as a mom. Have you ever touched a squirrel? No. What's better, candles or incense? Incense. What movie did you see the most in theaters? I don't watch movies in theaters twice. It's expensive to go even once. Who played the best Batman? Idk. I didn't watch all the movies. Who’s the best American Idol thus far? *shrug* What’s likely to happen next in your family - wedding, funeral, or birth? Uh, I suppose a wedding? None seem likely any time soon. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Hot. Have you ever taken part in a threesome? No, not my jam. Do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? Yep. Which movie’s musical score is truly memorable? Tarzan came to mind very quickly. What’s your favorite scene from the movie Titanic? Idk, I've only seen it once. Which TV show theme music do you remember most? That '70s Show. Have you ever bounced any checks? ... I don't even know what that means. :x Have you ever been snipe hunting? I will never in my life hunt in any way, shape, or form. Do you try to be politically correct? For the most part, but I do believe it's gone too far. Generally though, I try to conform to the "rules" to avoid offending someone. What’s your favorite kind of sea critter? Bottlenose dolphins, various types of whales, sea turtles... I don't think I could pick one. Have you ever tasted locally-made honey before? Does it count if it's from a honeysuckle flower? Do you like to wear toe socks? No, they're mad uncomfortable imo. Have you ever worn bright red lipstick? Yes. Do you think raccoons are adorable, like I do? BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!

[dongsooks]

Getting drunk with EXO

Y’all don’t let this flop

I am writing this with @wooseook (aka the funniest person alive made me piss my pants a few times before) and we actually did research on this. Enjoy. (Not all the members had something said about their drinking behaviour)

Okay so warning: We will discuss alcohol and drunk behaviour in this. If you are not comfortable then do not read!

Xiuxiu baby face

He might not look like it

but boi be drinking

once he does get drunk

you better hide

esp if you have pissed him off in the last 27 years

at first he is just clingy and cuddly

and yeah you can deal with this

I guess you’d be drunk too

if not lord beware I feel you

and you think it is too nice to be true

it is

he would get out his imaginary notebook and start listing every single time he has felt the slightest bit petty at you

like that one time a year and three months ago you drank from his cup while you had a cold

and he insisted he is cool about it back then

spoiler:

he wasn’t

tells you in detail how you made him feel with your dirty cough mouth and dramatically describes how he saw your lips moving to the cup in slomo knowing he would have to get a new cup of water oh the 30 sec way to the kitchen

and you’d think one time is bad enough

but no he would tell you 87390240847 times

all while still leaning his head against your shoulder 

“See I did think I was okay with it, but the more I thought about it the madder I got”

Suhoney bunny CERTAINLY NOT SUMONEY BC NON OFF YALL GONNA SEE A PENNY OF HIS MONEY ANYWAY OMG STEP BACK FROM MY ULT U BICHZZZZZZ lol

He has two moods

at first he is like

“I’m going to take it slow tonight. No more than one beer for sure”

Mood two hits him two hours before the drinking starts and he walks in with two IKEA bags of alcohol 

He will wadle into the room

“Okay y’all. Pants down we’re gonna get lit tonight!”

what a cool mom ew

starts at 8 pm stops at 8 am 

gets too friendly

will help you with everything you never wanted help with

AT SOME POINT

you will find him with someone gossiping in the kitchen about a certain cold...*cough, cough* haha get it?

will remind people about long forgotten fights and open wounds

unintentionally ends about 3 out of every 10 friendships existing at the party 

even if he knew no one before the party he will leave knowing everyone and their problems

“Are you really over that one time everyone congratulated you 11 minutes late?”

Yixing pls come back we all love and miss you sm u r my fave china boi

took a sip freom Minseoks drink and was wasted

wants to have piggyback rides

and cuddles 

and kisses

and hugs

wants it all

gets red as hecckkkkk

“Are you hot Yixing?”

“Yes”

*takes his shirt off*

ends up stripping on the table while Baek, Chan and Chen cheer

crying at the club

lillrlly

when he gets compliments

he gets super emotional

chokes up while thanking you

like you could say he has nice shoes and he would cry most likely order them for you and forget

is an airhead

would pronouce half the things he says wrong

is back in Korea for a week, can’t speak Korean

would facetime and call everyone

“Wait Jackson is Chinese isn’t he? JUNMYEON GIVE ME YOUR PHONE”

Chopsticks are keys- boy

took a shot because Sehun dared him too

is lightweight #2

becomes the cuddliest person on earth

he is gay sober but his gay intensifies when he is drunk

*puts hands on everyone’s thighs*

would ask you the oddest questions with the most innocent, genuine look on his face

“How do girls know what their cup size is? Is there a magic trick? Do they guess?”

“Isn’t gicing birth a little painful? Cause like the hole is like.. a pea and the

There’s a rollercoaster of emotions and he doesn’t get off the ride 

“Am I really a lightweight?”

“omg no Baekhyun stop crying”

“DON’T LIE TO ME Y/N!”

*5 mins later*

“Hey wanna shower with me very platonically?”

WaaaaaaaAAEEeeeeeeeeeeeee

can drink quite a lot

has two phases 

first he is hype

and i mean H Y P E

he will jump around 

will take pillows and throw them aggressively and then smile like a toddler who was given a treat

is a loud person as it is

but drunk he will scream 

will sing along to songs so loud glasses break

Random high notes for no reason

will get someone to strip 

Says things that have absolutely nothing to do with the conversation he is part of

*conversating about what foods everyone is craving*

“I do want children some day!”

At someone you will have to nail his ass down because he might feel young and fresh

but his body doesn’t

and the second you sit down with him he will lay down, put his head on your lap and fall asleep within like 5 seconds

“No, no, no I don’t wanna go home and sleep I wanna PARTEYYYYY”

Chanyoli ravioli, give me the formuoli

It takes a few drinks to get him drunk

no one really notices when but eventually he is lit the fuck the fuck

pulls out Gucci sunglasses from god knows where and has them on the entire night

forgets he is wearing them and yells at people to find out who has them

winks at himself when walking by a mirror

would swear

would only swear

picks up people while yelling “YEET”

will forget how to walk eventually

starts stumbling backwards

and all the members run towards him fearing for their lives

and he just screams 

“TIMBER”

Kyungfu

So he drinks quietly 

for the first while everyone looks at him to make sure he is still there

then he suddenly isn’t

you will find him in the kitchen 

with a cup of tea he made at some point

earphones in

and he will slowly turn to you with a smile on his lips

jamming

“All my friends are dead, push me to the edge”

and you just back off slowly

“NO WAIT IT’S THIS COOL NEW SONG!”

runs after you but gets distracted because he sees Sehun walk by

“Do you like me?”

And Sehun shrugs his shoulders “Yeah, think so”

“cool thx ily”

Kai

Gets drunk fairly quick

Is really quiet for the most part

sits alone in some corner sometimes you hear him laugh not sure about what

and at some point he will just sit there, no expression

and you will have to ask what’s wrong 

and he looks up at you with teary puppy eyes 

“Wanna play hide and seek?”

and you agree bc no way you’re saying no to him!

But then EVERYONE starts playing hide and seek

Baekhyun suggests to someone to go hide in the shower with a locked door, no clothes and the water running

Sehun eventually falls 

everything escalates

Minseok writes it down in his imaginary notepad

and you notice the culprit is gone

and everyone is like HEY WHERE ON EARTH IS OUR LITTLE PRECIOUS JONGIN??

he walks in a few seconds later with two buckets of chicken

bc he remembered the convo with Chen where they talked about cravings

smiling happily

“Oh and btw Junmom I used your card”

The sassy one 

thinks he can drink a lot

really can’t

can’t walk to save his life

giggles a lot

will hold onto people 

but deny he need it to not fall

is the first member to give into Baek’s request to shower

will open the door after they enter and even if no one is around he will sassily say “not gay” 

does the gayest stuff and says “No homo” but winks while saying it so kinda homo?!?!

at some point he stands next to Chan

arms around each others shoulder

having a little down, both trying to stand, not puke 

and then some girl song comes on, let’s say Pick Me

and with their deepest, manliest voice they start screaming singing along

will stumble and fall about 9 times

gets petty over EVERTHING

and remember how Suho reminded him of the 11 minutes

he will go to every member and look them dead in the eye

“Do you know what my favourite number is?”

“Idk 7?”

“Well, I don’t know either but it is not 11 because someone felt the need to open my wounds, I am sensitive! DO NOT TALK TO ME BUT YOU BETTER HAVE AN EXCUSE ONCE I LET YOU!”

[violet--minds-blog]

‘The Bold Type’ and Surface-Level Intersectionality

Piper Gibson | July 26, 2017

Long time, no write, I know. It’s hard, as a mentally ill person working and going to school and trying to stay politically aware in these trying times, to update this blog. But I’m back with another post, because I am annoyed.

I’ve caught up with The Bold Type, a new Freeform series which is about three friends who work at a women’s magazine and is currently airing its first season. As I’m writing this there’s four episodes, but each is packed with so much that rubs me the wrong way that I’ve been incessantly livetweeting on my (private) Twitter about it. I don’t even know where to start, so I suppose I’ll begin with a few things I like.

I like that it’s a women-driven show. I like that we get to see women in power and at the top of their game. I like that the side characters are kinda diverse. I like that it passes the Bechdel test in a major, major way. I like that they are at least trying to come from an intersectional feminist perspective. That’s actually why I’m really frustrated with this show, but I’ll talk about that more later.

Firstly. Jane, the kind-of main character (To me, she’s clearly the main protagonist, but it could be argued that her, Kat, and Sutton are all protagonists) is boring. I’m sorry. She just is the human embodiment of plain yogurt. I cannot bring myself to care about her budding career or mediocre hetero love life. I don’t care when she wins, and I don’t care when she loses. I guess to some, her story might be interesting, but I just... don’t... care. I feel basically the same about Sutton, but she’s a teense more likable because the glimpses of her backstory spark an interest in me. For Jane, I think the writers were going for a Gifted-Child-Who-Grew-Up-To-Need-To-Please-Authority-Figures vibe, which I can relate to, except I see basically nothing of myself in her. Maybe it’s the bland cishet girl thing, but she’s not doing it for me.

My main problem with this show is that they focus on Plain Jane (low-hanging fruit, I know, but I had to do it), who has the personality of a lightly-salted potato chip, way more than they focus on Kat, who is IMO the most interesting person on the show. For a series that’s at least kind of trying to be diverse, it’s frustrating to me that 2/3 of the main characters are white and cis and heterosexual, but anyway. They have two cis, heterosexual, white woman main characters and then a black woman main character who is questioning her sexuality. Who do you think a large portion of the viewership for a show that claims to be feminist is gonna gravitate towards? Not the pasty heteros, probably.

Kat is dynamic, and interesting, and good at her job, not to mention gorgeous as all hell. Yet they give her storylines like "Black Girl Who Grew Up Upper-Middle Class Has to Have Poverty Explained to Her by White Girl” and “Black Girl Living In Modern-Day America Somehow Doesn’t Understand Why A WOC Immigrant Might Not Want to Interact With Police” and “Black Girl Who Works at a Feminist Magazine Doesn’t Seem to Know About Bisexuality For Some Reason” and y’all. It’s honestly so tiring. I understand that Kat is the one with the majority of the interactions with Adena to set up the queer romance between them (which I love and appreciate) but this also means Kat is their point-girl to explain xenophobia and immigration issues to the audience. 

I would like that they’re showing interracial ignorance issues, because people of color can be ignorant about and discriminatory towards other people of color, but I don’t think that’s what they set out to do. I think they wanted this to be a cool, hip, intersectional show, so they do a few kind of performative scenes where the Muslim lesbian woman on a work visa explains to another woman of color why she doesn’t take her hijab off or why she ran when the police showed up after a man assaulted her. At one point, Kat’s white boss actually explains to her that Adena ran from the cops because she could’ve gotten deported, which Kat hadn’t even considered somehow. What this actually does is tell the audience that Kat is ignorant on issues pertaining to women of color, and since Jane and Sutton literally never have race discussions beside one throw-away line about the Civil War from Jane, it feels like race is a topic secluded to only a few WOC characters. The women of color do all the literal and metaphorical emotional labor on this topic on the show, and the white women characters don’t have to deal with it. Which, I guess, is realistic to actual race relations between women, but I would like it to be acknowledged on-screen. For Kat to have to be the person with the brunt of the ignorance on xenophobia and queer issues while her white friends don’t have to deal with it is upsetting, to say the least. Because the show doesn’t address it, to me, it feels like them saying that white women are just so much better and more knowledgeable about these things than women of color, which is just... straight up wrong. I’d like at least one scene of Sutton and Jane not understanding something about race and Kat saying “Just Google it, I’m not gonna do the emotional labor for the both of you,” please, for the love of God. 

This isn’t even all of my problems with the show. It revolves way too much around romance and sex for media that seems to say women’s lives don’t have to revolve around romance and sex, for one thing. Both Jane and Sutton’s love interests are white assholes. Sutton’s boyfriend works for the same company as her and as such, is in a position of power over her. At least the show acknowledges that if this were to get out, the high-up board member boyfriend would not be the one in trouble and probably fired. But he’s still touted as this super sweet guy who tries really hard, despite him talking down to Sutton about how young she is and how he “remembers feeling like” there was no time to accomplish things like he’s so much more worldly and intelligent than her. Ew. Dump him, sweetheart.

Jane’s love interest is the. Literal. Worst. His name is like, Tyler or Aaron or something douchey, and he’s my least favorite guy archetype. Tyler-Aaron works for the “rival” men’s magazine about sex and relationships, with stunning article titles like “How To Make Your Girlfriend Fuck Like a Porn Star.” I know. Obviously, White Feminist Jane hates him at first. But I am a smart person, so when I saw them get in a disagreement in which he condescendingly calls her article “cute” and she storms off, I said, “Oh no. They’re gonna fuck, aren’t they.” Because that’s what happens every time a man and a woman dislike each other in popular media. A woman thinks a man is sexist? Yeah, eventually she’s gonna see the error of her ways and they’re gonna have sex.

See, what bothers me about Tyler-Aaron is that they made him a Secret Male Feminist. He tells Jane, “You haven’t read my articles, have you?” after she calls them sexist, and everyone tells her that he’s a pretty good writer and not a bad guy. He told her there’s nothing he finds sexier than a woman speaking her mind, and he wrote one good article about how women feeling like they need to fake orgasms is the fault of men, so he really schooled her, huh? Jane stands there with her mouth agape as Secret Male Feminist struts away smirking, and then within a day or so she’s kissing him. Yawn. Puke. Etc, etc.

This storyline doesn’t work. It doesn’t work because he already was a dick. He already condescended her writing, said she was sexy when she called him out for legitimate reasons, and wrote shitty sexist articles. Him writing one good article or being nice to her now doesn’t change that. And making him teach her something about feminism or prove her ideas wrong is akin to gaslighting. Women are already told every single day that we’re imagining all this discrimination and violence, that sexism is basically over and we need to shut up, that Congress passed X thing or a movie had Y plot so we “won,” and it’s time to move on. We’re told this despite seeing and experiencing this violence on every level, starting with interpersonal and going up to governmental and global. Tyler-Aaron apparently being an okay guy instead of the sexist douche Jane once thought he was (and I still know he is) is basically the show saying, “Hey, crazy feminist, not all men are bad, and some can be feminist, so calm down, okay? Your gut-reaction of a man being sexist and condescending is a fake reaction and you’re just making things up and jumping to conclusions.” It’s gross. And I expect better.

That’s why I dislike the show. It’s clearly trying, at least a tiny little bit, to be feminist and intersectional. It could be a really great, diverse, ground-breaking show. Instead, it is still so limited, racist, and surface-level white feminist-y. Most of what it tries to do, it fails. And, okay, I recognize that it’s important that a show like this, with a large majority of female characters, even exists. But they’re doing a disservice to characters like Kat, a lot of characters are boring and one-dimensional, and they haven’t even mentioned issues like trans or disability rights. It’s just not great writing, folks. Personally, when a show claims to be feminist, I expect it to follow through.

[showingthroughtome]

spit fire - chapter seventeen

but i will if i need to cause for real, girl, i need you

“A little. Not really.” He changes his answer quickly but then moves on. “What are you doing with Shawn?”

“What?” Once again, Noa is caught off guard.

“I saw you with him tonight. What the fuck is that about?”

Noa begins a slow pace down the hallway as she hears the words leave his mouth, anger flowing through her. “Where do you get off asking me about who I chose to spend my time with?”

Harry scoffs and gives a tiny chuckle. “Shawn is a dickhead.”

“You’re one to talk.” Noa copies his cocky tone, trying to hide just how mad he manages to make her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

read below - or on 1dff (when the site is back!) - story page

Friends is an easier concept than one might assume when it comes to your ex-something. Granted, Noa has only been trying for a few days, but so far, her and Shawn went to that old sports bar twice and have had an okay time, not touching each other once. Now, when they go and he pays more attention to the TV or his friends that stop by, Noa can focus on the slightly funny commentary he makes or the fucking odd interactions he has with fellow football players.

She doesn’t even know why they’ve been hanging out at all really. She just knows that he’ll send her a text occasionally and she doesn’t have anything else to do so why not? She loves to eat and she loves to get out of her dorm room. Double win for Noa.

It’s the night before the last day of the semester when she goes out with Shawn again, but this time Farrah comes along so she can see “how legit this friendship actually is”. Apparently, it’s hard for the girls to believe or even understand why Noa would spend time with the dickhead. Which, to be quite honest, it’s hard for Noa to grasp as well.

She’s sitting in the front seat, with Farrah crammed in the back making easy conversation with Shawn. Noa isn’t paying attention at all - they could ask her the last word that came out of either of their mouths and she’d have no clue. She’s too busy looking out the window, watching the business lights in the small-town glow quietly in the night. The car is all warm and toasty so it only makes the town seem colder through the window with its slightly grey tint.

The lights come into focus as Shawn slows to a stop at a red light and Noa’s attention almost comes back to the car before her eyes land on the bus stop right outside her window. On the bench, wearing the thinnest winter coat and looking skinnier than the last time she saw her, is Noa’s mom. Noa almost must do a double take at the sight of her, her being nearly unrecognizable due to the change drugs can have on a person after extended periods of time. Growing up, her mom would fluctuate in and out of a healthy weight. Sarah would have beautiful long hair for months and then slowly, it would begin to dry, tangle, and fall.

From what Noa can tell, her hair is fine, but her cheeks are sunken in deeper than she’s seen in a while. It causes her stomach to curdle and the overwhelming urge to puke to emerge. Shawn is pulling away before she has time to figure out if she should jump out of the car to see if she’s okay or if her mom is just on that annual path to self-destruction before she experiences a month or two of sobriety.

“Whoa, Noa. Was that your mom?” Farrah grabs both sides of Noa’s seat and pulls herself up so she can make eye contact, worry riddling her voice.

Noa swallows the lump in her throat and nods, “Yeah, I think so.”

“How is she doing?” Shawn has no clue of anything that’s been going on - he hardly ever did. All he knew when they were together (for lack of a better word) was that her mom had some issues and it caused Noa stress. He, along with all but three people, are oblivious to how deep the hole Sarah Cherry is in goes.

“I’m not sure.” She breathes and tries to calm her anxieties over it as she admits, “I haven’t talked to her in a couple months.”

“What? Why?”

“Usual Sarah stuff.” Noa, no matter how much her and Shawn become friends, won’t choice to share the details of that night with him.

Generic answers are good enough for him though, so at another stop sign, he turns to her and asks without much emotion at all, “Do I need to turn around?”

“No. She’s fine.” Noa is certain of it somewhere in the back of her mind. When Sarah gets really bad, she won’t leave the house. She’ll have dealers come to their trailer and sell to her there. She’ll stop making attempts at all and spiral until she is pulled out of it by Noa. In a weird way, knowing the progression of her mom’s addiction calms her. Out loud, she reassures herself, “If she’s out at the bus stop, she’s fine.”

Shawn nods as he continues to drive and silence falls over the car while Noa stays stuck in her head, trying to shake her mother’s cheekbones from her brain.

Farrah is the first one to talk again while Shawn is turning into the parking lot. “What games on that’s so important?”

The reason Shawn texted Noa earlier in the day was because he wanted to invite her to an event at the bar they frequent. She said yes but then when her and Farrah were taking too long to get ready, a stream of hurry up texts were sent. Followed by texts that emphasized how serious it was that they get there on time.

“It’s a UFC fight.” Shawn finds a parking spot right by the door. “It’s gonna be sick.”

“Ew. What the fuck?” Noa snaps back to the moment at the mention of watching a fight.

From the backseat, Farrah has a similar but very different reaction. “Yeah, I’m not down with that shit either.”

“It’ll be fun. The bar is hosting the SU athletic department so it’ll be all of us.”

“Oh, it’s that thing?” Farrah got out of the car following Shawn and Noa. “I distinctly remember not wanting to go to this.”

Shawn rolls his eyes at Farrah and elbows Noa. “I bet your boyfriend will be here.”

“Not her boyfriend.” Farrah pipes in before Noa could say those exact words.

“We already talked about this.” Noa side eyes Shawn and falls behind him as he begins the short walk through the doors and out of the cold. “But yeah, probably.”

Noa can’t think of a reason why Harry wouldn’t be spending his Thursday night at a bar with his basketball friends, except for maybe if he was with her. Back when they were hanging out, they rarely even acknowledged other people’s existence after around 6 in the evening.

As they walk into the bar, it’s as crowded as Noa has ever seen it - people standing up at high tops, the bar full, booths taken. Luckily, Shawn has friends already there so when the three of them get to that booth, he finds Farrah a spare chair and they all have somewhere to sit. The bartender takes a while to get to them so mindlessly, Shawn converses with his friends while Farrah and Noa search the menu for something good and meatless. Noa decides on a veggie and hummus platter but Farrah insists on a chicken wrap.

Noa takes the extra time that she’s waiting to order and surveys the bar - looking for a particular boy and seeing if he has a particular brunette with him. Easily enough, she finds him with basketball players she doesn’t know the name of and then Max. They’re all laughing and joking about something but Harry is turned mostly away from her so she can’t tell if he is too. He’s got a beer in his hand though, somehow getting one at the age of 19.

She feels herself staring at him and she feels Farrah watching her stare at him so she should realize her gaze is heavy - strong enough for him to feel. But she doesn’t and seconds later, he’s turning right towards her, finding her in a corner booth with Shawn and Farrah and other random guys.

He was smiling before he caught sight of her but an unmistakable falter takes place and his dimples disappear. His eyes flint away and he goes back to his friends, swallowing the rest of the contents of his glass in one go and waving the bartender over.

Noa has to stop after that. She can’t spend all night noting his every move from afar. She’s got to move on from him. She’s got to pretend that she didn’t just watch his whole mood change when he saw her with Shawn. To her, that shift was his dumb jealousy and not anything else. To her, Harry isn’t sad or hurt or upset by Shawn. Because if he’s not, then maybe she’ll stop being all those things too.

Eventually, they do order and eat and drink (a little) and watch the fight - Noa doing it behind a fence of fingers because violence just isn’t her thing. In all that time, she only lets her eyes peruse the bar once and when she doesn’t find a single soul of interest, a weight almost lifts itself from her chest.

—

The buzzing is relentless. It’s like a dozen bees in the distance - close enough so it’s annoying but not far enough away to be ignored. And once it starts, it doesn’t stop. Normally, when her phone rings in the middle of the night, Noa will roll over and ignore it. This time, she can’t. Whoever is calling has a purpose and won’t give up on it until it’s fulfilled.

With closed eyes, she feels for her phone on the table beside her bed. It takes a few tries but her hand eventually finds it and in one swift motion, unplugs it from the charger. She barely cracks her eyes open to see a picture of curly hair and green eyes. Sitting up, the screen goes black only to light up moments later with another call.

Her thumb hovers until her brain realizes he must need something, causing her thumb to slide the green phone across the bottom of the screen. She holds her phone up to her ear and waits.

“Noa?” Harry’s voice shakes in question, almost sounding genuinely unsure if she answered the phone. She hasn’t heard him say it in a while and she is still closer to asleep then awake, so a long pause is only natural. “Noa.” It’s a demand this time for her to say something.

She rubs her eyes, adjusting them to the darkness to see Bethlyn asleep in the bed across from hers. Noa slides out from the warm covers and into the hallway, all while listening to a quiet hum of someone waiting on the other end of the phone line. Once outside of her room, she mumbles under her breath. “Yeah?”

“Did I wake you?”

“Uhh,” Noa pulls her phone away from her ear to check the time and responds in a clipped tone. “It’s 2:48, Harry. Of course you did.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes you’re up really late for no reason.” The pity he feels for himself is almost tangible by the way he isn’t quite whining but is talking in a minuscule voice.

Noa doesn’t play into it, she never would. Instead, she sighs, “What do you need?”

“I don’t need anything.” His response grows in volume and offense. Noa knows it’s a lie - you don’t call someone at 3am if there isn’t a reason and whatever that reason is, Noa wants to get it over with. Maybe just a minute or maybe a few pass before Harry states urgently, “I need to talk to you so fucking bad, Noa.”

A slur falls over the sentence that Noa hadn’t caught before but catches when he sounds so desperate. “Are you drunk?”

“A little. Not really.” He changes his answer quickly but then moves on. “What are you doing with Shawn?”

“What?” Once again, Noa is caught off guard.

“I saw you with him tonight. What the fuck is that about?”

Noa begins a slow pace down the hallway as she hears the words leave his mouth, anger flowing through her. “Where do you get off asking me about who I chose to spend my time with?”

Harry scoffs and gives a tiny chuckle. “Shawn is a dickhead.”

“You’re one to talk.” Noa copies his cocky tone, trying to hide just how mad he manages to make her.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Noa is the one laughing this time, satisfied that it got under his skin that quickly. Then, crosses one of her arms and defends her new friend. “You don’t know him. How can you pass judgment?”

“Because you told me enough about him to know that you shouldn’t even fucking talk to him. He never ever respected you.” His voice is growing louder on the other end and it’s clear to Noa that Harry is in fact drunk. Emotion is fueling his words and it’s making the smile she is covering her anger with to fall as that anger shifts to a different feeling in her chest - a feeling she can’t place.

She bites her bottom lip as she recalls the last time they talked about Shawn. “He’s not so bad. He’s goofy, remember?”

“Noa.” His voice is back to that pleading shit, getting Noa’s eyes to roll. She feels certain words at the tip of her tongue - words that’ll breech a subject they’ve both avoided - and she considers keeping them hidden but he’s called her this late and he’s brought up Shawn to her and to be honest, she just can’t hold them any longer. She physically can’t.

“I told you a lot about Nina too.” Immediately, and for reasons she can only blame on fatigue, her eyes brim with tears as she surges through in a rush, keeping her voice even. “How much I didn’t like her because she treated me like shit. How she made sure to give me hell at any and every opportunity. How awful she was to me because she looked down on where I came from, how I spent my time, how I had to work to help out my sick mother.” Noa feels her voice shake so she has to stop it even though she could keep going.

Harry can’t even argue while he lets out a simple, “Yeah…”

“But that didn’t stop you from talking to her. And kissing her. And being her friend.” Wiping a tear that slipped away from her, Noa clenches her jaw.

“Fuck her. I don’t give a damn about her.” He throws away everything she said - something Noa can’t do now that it’s out there.

“You hang out with her all the time.”

“Because you left me. You don’t look at me anymore, Noa.” He’s angry and hurt all in one. Noa can imagine the sad eyes he’d be looking at her with if they were face to face. “Do you know how that feels? Do you know how shitty it feels to be nothing to you after everything?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” She can’t stand the pity anymore. She may not be the victim exactly but Harry certainly isn’t. “You did this, okay? You kissed Nina, Harry. I can’t close my eyes without that image haunting me. I think about it almost all the time. It won’t leave me.” Her hands are shaking by the time she gets to the steps and walks halfway up them so if her voice gets any louder, her fellow residents won’t be able to hear her.

“Please?” He begs but Noa doesn’t know what he’s asking for exactly.

“You know nothing about feeling shitty, alright?”

“I fucked up so bad.” Harry states the obvious with regret in every word. “I ruined everything.”

“Yeah.” There’s is no use in her saying anything else, no use in her disagreeing with the truth of the situation.

But that one word sends Harry on a spiral.

“I’m sorry, baby.” He is the one shaking this time, and surprisingly losing his slur as he almost sounds completely convicted. “I’m so sorry. I was angry and stupid and she was there and I guess I did it as a way to prove that I wasn’t consumed by you. I was trying to make her my Shawn, I think.”

And that surge of anger - the one Noa knows all too well - returns. Because she gets what Harry was trying to say. She hates herself for it and even if she doesn’t want to, she does. Although, he’s wrong. Shawn is and always will be way less to her than Harry assumes - as he makes up in his mind.

“Shawn is my friend.” She grits her teeth as she lets her emotions run through her and come out in clenched fists and stomping feet.

“You say that but a part of me won’t accept it. It eats away at me and I convince myself you’re in love with him.”

Harry is so backwards to her. He calls her to tell her that she shouldn’t be with Shawn because of all the shitty things he did to her but then has it in his mind that she loves him? How could he ever think that? Does Harry even know Noa at all - the way she hoped he had?

“But that’s wrong and I see that now.” Harry says like it’s no big deal, like if he hadn’t realized that weeks ago her chest wouldn’t be knotting millions of times over.

Her clenched fist hits the wall in a flash, regret filling her when a tiny pain shoots up her knuckles and embarrassment at the angry action washes over her.

As she rubs her knuckles and turns to make sure no one saw, she sighs, “Wow, Harry. Now you realize that? After all this dumb shit?”

“Yeah. It sucks but it took a while. And I’m so sorry. I’ve never regretted anything more than kissing Nina.” Noa can’t deny that every word sounds truthful coming out of his mouth and that somehow, she knows he means them. Maybe Harry didn’t know her as well as she thought, but she likes to think she knows him. And if that’s true at all then Harry is sorry. It plain as day as he continues, “If you’ll just give me another chance, I’ll prove how much I deserve it.”

Still, she rolls her eyes. “Another chance at what? Casual fucking?”

“No.” He quips back quickly, almost offended. “Sex with conversations but more. I want you completely. Facebook official type shit.”

She chuckles at that idea and shakes her head, “Harry.”

“I want to be your boyfriend.” While she is still smiling at the previous ludicrous idea, he spouts out a word she rarely hears or thinks about but that he says so seriously.

“Whatever.” She bites her lip, not letting her mind go there.

“I do! I want to spend our nights and days together. I want to get food for you when you’re hungry and too busy to do it yourself. I want to start TV shows together and get mad at you when you watch episodes without me and then spoil the plot.” He pauses his speech to laugh lightly, causing a vision of his stupidly charming dimples to appear in Noa’s mind - a clear memory of him smiling at her from across his shoebox apartment so easy to recall. “I want to hold your hand whenever and not wonder if you think it’s crossing a line. I want to kiss you on the cheek without you thinking I’m pushing our arrangement. I don’t want to worry if I seem like I’m too eager and wanting too much of you because, Noa, you’re all I want.”

All lightness that entered their conversation for fleeting seconds dissipates as they both come to the realization just how real he is being. He is saying things she should want to hear, things she thinks she may have had dreams about. And even though it does make her heart flutter at first, soon it shifts to fear and all she can think about is the pain she felt when she had Harry slip away from her.

“Harry.” She repeats again, feeling her chest open a little wider at how vulnerable she wants to be but knows she can’t be.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Grape?”

Again, tears brim. And she lies, “No.”

He lets an audible pause leaves his lips - perhaps a gasp even. “Why not?”

“We’re not right for each other.” She convinces herself out loud.

“Bullshit. You know that’s a lie.”

“Not right now, we’re not.” She may want to be his girlfriend - after everything, she still wants to just burrow herself into him in his warm bed and pretend no one exists outside of those blankets. Though, she knows what she wants isn’t what is always good for her. “We’re not mature enough or something. I don’t know how to be a girlfriend and you don’t know how to be a boyfriend. As soon as we got close, we both screwed up and hurt each other.”

“No.” He says sternly. “Just because it didn’t go smoothly doesn’t mean we can’t make it work.”

“Harry… I care for you so much.” It’s as close as she can get to admitting the truth - the ugly truth she won’t even say to herself.

“Baby.” Harry whispers, pleading at the same time she continues.

“But no.” She decides and hopes he accepts easily. “I can’t be with you and you can’t be with me.”

“That’s not fair. Why do you just get to decide and that’s that? How come because you think we won’t work, we can’t give it a try?”

“Because if I’m not in it 100%, it won’t.”

“Then be in it! I promise, Noa. I promise I’ll be the best boyfriend.” She can basically hear him getting down on his knees and begging, breaking her heart that much more.

“I - I…” Wishing things were different, she stumbles over the one defining sentiment of the conversation. “I just can’t.”

Noa assumes he hangs up due to the silence, then lighter - less self-pitying - he wonders, “I am sorry, you know that right?”

“I do. I really do.” Not knowing how, she does. She paces the area and knows finally that Harry is so full of regret for what he did.

“I’ll see you around then?”

Winter break is tomorrow; she’s got to find somewhere to stay while the dorms close and he is surely going home for the holidays. She bitterly smiles, “See you next semester.”

“Have a good break.”

“You too, Harry. Send your mom my worst.”

Harry breaks out into his crazy melodic laugh, something Noa has to join in on on principle. It dies off slowly but when it’s finally all gone, he almost sighs over the words, “I miss you.”

“Yeah.” She nods, let’s them both feel it for a second, and then, “Goodbye.”

“Bye.” He returns with that slight gruff.

She brings the phone away from her face, watching as it goes dead by his doing but knowing fully that everything could be thriving if she would let them - if her fear would let her.

—

It’s colder that next morning. The state is swept over with clouds, looking like it could rain or snow any minute.

Definitely snow, Noa thinks as she crosses her arms even tighter to keep her body warm. Fucking snow, she curses in her mind, huffing out a breath that is so visible it’s white.

It never has been a long walk back to her family trailer from Springfield University. It’s never felt like one, it’s never worn Noa out, she’s never run out of breath. But today, it feels like a journey. Her lungs are constricting and her arches are starting to hurt in her Nike sneakers.

She isn’t in denial anymore. Her mind isn’t explaining away this change as an actual increase in distance or a loss of fitness on her part. It’s feels longer because her heart is so much heavier while walking it.

Noa didn’t return to sleep after that conversation with Harry. Her mind wouldn’t stop turning over the decision - maybe I am ready, maybe he is ready, he could make me so happy, he does make me so happy, I am in love with him, aren’t I?

 Hours and hours of that left her picking every bit of nail polish off her nails and chewing the hell out of bottom lip. Her eyes drifted eventually, but as soon as that happened, her alarm went off and she had to decide where she was going to stay for the six weeks of winter break.

That’s why she is walking home - she has to.

Where else could I possibly stay? I’ve thought of a few places, though those seem like inconveniences for the people. I don’t want to seem like a freeloader or desperate - but yeah, I kind of am at the moment.

All of Springfield looks a bit sad as she walks down the sidewalk. It’s grey and slow and people who live there just for the semester are leaving. Harry is probably already on his flight back to England.

The trailer, as she walks up to it and passes a neighbor she hasn’t seen in a while, throwing him a wave, looks more than sad. It looks like that emotion you feel when you know things can’t be fixed, when you give up and stop trying for something you want so bad just because it hurts too much.

Noa wrings her hands multiple times to warm them, to get them to grab the doorknob that’s now right in front of her. Preparing for whatever she’ll see when the door opens, she takes a deep breath and reaches for it. She starts to turn it but it’s locked, causing her to look through a window that’s mostly covered by a ragged curtain. Through the tiny slit, she manages to see her mother.

On the couch, smoking a cigarette, watching something on the TV and munching on Chex Mix, looking as happy as can be. She didn’t even seem to notice a jiggle on the doorknob.

Noa deflates. Now aware that her mom is as okay as she’s ever been, that panicking anxiety flushes itself from her system. It allows her to step away from the door and reach for her phone.

She never intended on calling Molly and asking to stay with her family for the winter. But she already spent too much time with Farrah over the summer so she has to spread out her bumming.

“Dude, come on.” Molly grunts after Noa went on a 45 second rant about how much she just needs a bed and promises not to be a bother. “We head to Richmond in an hour so make sure to bring everything you need. I’m not driving back to this place until the semester starts so if ya leave a bong or whatever, you’re fucked.”

“What? They don’t sell those in Richmond?”

 —

authors note: so the spacing is weird on this, my bad!! but look! i caved and decided to post here so i also decided to do an authors note!! can you believe spit fire only has 3 chapters and an epilogue left?!?!? i personally cant. ill def be doing more with them though - maybe novellas or drabbles or whatever. spit fire may be coming closer to an end but man, noa and harry are gonna have some things to touch on after the final update comes out. if i had enough of a storyline, id even consider a sequel but… nah, not these guys!! please please please let me know what you think!!! i am gonna be all obsessive and check this post a lot because this is one of those chapters that i have been waiting to write since i started this fic. tell me in an ask or message what you thought of harry and noa and what he said and what she said and what happened with her mom and that gosh darn phone convo in general!

i love you all and cant ever express how grateful of every single person who gives my little fic a look!! <3

[spinach-productions]

Wilted Spinach, part 7.2

Part 2!

Summary: Sans doesn’t seem to be much of a threat on his own, but the blaster is huge, easily big enough to devour her if she were to hold still for too long.

Word count: 1003

The Hotland central lava flow bubbles and hisses in the background.  Sans glares from across the platform; the hovering blaster gives a wide, bifurcated grin.  Undyne eyes the skull with speculative glee.  Sans doesn’t seem to be much of a threat on his own, but the blaster is huge, easily big enough to devour her if she were to hold still for too long.  Its maw unhinges, and a staticky blue charge starts to collect between its jaws.

“You don’t want to do this today,” Sans growls.  He looks mad enough to give a decent fight, and Undyne is not going to down the first good brawl she’s had all week.

“I really, really do,” she says with a grin, summoning up a corona of spears and aiming them in Sans’ direction.

Sans’ eyelight glows bright (Undyne takes a moment to wonder if the blue color matches the blaster’s energy for functional or aesthetic purposes). “Okay.  Let’s—”

He and the light suddenly cut off.  Undyne, who had been preparing her own attack, looks over to find Sans frozen with both eyelights out.  She glances back to the blaster; it seems as confused as she is.

Sans is jumps across the platform in another surge of energy, right next to the drop.  He grabs the very edge with both hands, leans over, and starts making the unmistakable sounds of nauseous regret.

“Ew,” says Undyne.

The blaster powers down and drifts towards where Sans is emptying his stomach into the lava below.  When he’s finished, it gently bites down on the back of Sans’ jacket and carries him to Undyne. 

“I’m not carrying him,” she says firmly.

The blaster gives her a pleading look.

Undyne reluctantly takes Sans and holds him at arm’s length.  His head lolls to one side and he droops pathetically.

“Like wilted spinach,” Undyne says to herself.

Sans hiccups.

Undyne hoists Sans over her shoulder and shoos the blaster away; it makes a popping noise and disappears in a shower of sparks.  “Alright,” she says, adjusting Sans’ added weight so she can carry them both, “Let’s get you home.  Also, puke on me and I’ll drop you.”

-

The Underground is small enough that Undyne regularly jobs between Snowdin and the Capital as part of her workout routine, so it doesn’t take long for her to leave Hotland and enter the capital city.  A few minutes explaining the situation to the guards at the gate (“this guy's had rough night and I’m taking him home”) and she’s on her way to Papyrus' house.

“…and listen, lady.  Fish… fiSH LADY.”

“Is that supposed to be me?”

“I am NOT here for you t’drag me around.  Like the timeline.  Oh god, the timeline.”  Sans makes a sad noise against Undyne’s back.

“You don’t say.”

“You don’t know anything, fish lady.  You hear me.  ANTHYDING.”

“‘Anthyding’, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Undyne remembers Papyrus' address from the dozen or so letters he sent begging for a second chance to join the Royal Guard.  Apparently the Skeleton brothers live in one of the Capital City's nicer residential districts.  The streetlights all glow a warm yellow color, and there are trimmed hedges lining both sides of the sidewalk.  Undyne rolls a lead between her fingers; it gives off the slightest tinge of growth magic, but it otherwise a real, normal leaf.  Sans must make serious money if he can afford a two-bedroom apartment in a place like this.

“…I miss Paps,” Sans says.

“You wouldn’t need to miss him if you’d pick up your goddamn phone,” Undyne says, pausing under a streetlamp to adjust Sans’ weight.  He’s not heavy, but his sharp ribs have been digging into her shoulders with every step.

“Didn’t have one.  Didn’t have anything.  I didn’t even exist, sometimes.  I was everywhere all at the same time, and whenever I’d set down, I’d just end up somewhere else.  Kinda surprised I’ve stayed here this long.”  Sans pauses for a long moment.  “…you say Paps is here?”

Something is jumping up and down in the distance.  Undyne shields her eyes against the streetlamp’s light to get a better look.  “Sure is.”

He shifts against her shoulder like he wants to make eye contact, but doesn’t know where her face is.  “Can I see him?”

The silhouette is approaching extremely quickly.  “Yep.  Real soon.”

“Undyne!”  Papyrus calls, then notices the extra pair of legs draped over Undyne’s shoulder.  “Sans! Oh thank goodness, where did you find him?”

“Hotland.  I think he was heading to the core.”

“The core?!  Sans, that’s incredibly dangerous!  Why on earth were you going to the core?”

Sans has begun patting Papyrus’ face.  Undyne assumes he’s looking for some kind of comfort.  “You’re really here…”

“Undyne, thank you so much for finding my idiot brother,” Papyrus says as Sans slumps forward onto his shoulder.  “I’m so sorry you had to see him like this, he doesn’t usually drink, let along ignore his favorite family member for days on end.”

“No sweat.  He wasn’t hard to find, and you skeletons barely weigh anything.”

“Can I invite you in for some coffee?  We live just a few blocks from here, and it’s the least I can give you.”

“Nah, I gotta get going.  Alphys is expecting me.”

“Oh no, are you late for your slumber party?”

“Yeah, but it’s fine.  Listen: Something happened this guy.  I don’t really care, but he probably needs you or something, so I’m giving you some time off.  Figure this thing out, have heart-to-hearts, watch a movie or something.”  Undyne puts a hand on Papyrus’ unoccupied shoulder. “You can’t really train with distractions going on, so don’t come back until you fix your bro.  Getting ripped can wait.”

Papyrus smiles warmly.  Undyne is relieved, since this means she doesn’t have to say anything sentimental that could ruin her Tough Captain reputation.  “Thank you, Undyne.”

“Yeah, sure.”  She thinks of cute, nerdy Alphys and the connection that may or may not exist between them.  “Looking after loved ones, or whatever.”

- Wilted Spinach - PART 7.2

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[sublimazion3]

(Pt. 1) Hello Miroku san ! I am Gem 😆😆. Why do loving someone can be a sin sometimes? 😁 I'm tired hearing "Ew, It's a sin! you should stop that and change yourself" and, "How about try changing yourself?" from my friends.. I don't know if I still could call them friends or what... I know myself that my parent's wouldn't accept me if they knew that I am part of LGBT... I'm literally, totally broke everyday.. I dont have anyone to rely on, to lean on, to cry or even lend their shoulders for me.

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF SUICIDE!!!

Listen to me. It’s not true that you’ve got no one to rely on. You’ve got me, OK? Believe me, I know how it feels to be unwanted from your parents. Wether if they want to change you, so you feel unwanted because of that, or because one of them keeps telling you that you were a mistake, an error, that you were never supposed to happen. That you were never supposed to be born. I know how it feels. When I first understood that I also liked women, I had a friend by my side. I didn’t know if I could tell it to my mother because she often times “mocked” LGBT+ people on TV and I was afraid she could be homophobic or stuff like that. Same goes with my sister. So I had this one and only friend I knew I could always count on. She would stay up until 2am to talk to me, about my… uh… Crush-that-wasn’t-only-a-crush-really-but-whatever-I-hate-to-remember-it and she’d keep this secret for me. Always. Keep it away from anyone and everyone else. Eventually I realized that my mother and sister weren’t the monsters I was afraid they could be, so I told them and they were completely cool about it; but I know how it feels to be unwanted because my father wished I was never born (not because I also likes girls, really, he doesn’t even know about this. He only wishes I was never born because… Well, because of reasons, but really he’s just an asshole). This year has started in a way I wasn’t expecting, and I’ve been facing, and I’m gonna face, so many problems and obstacles that I, myself, sometimes think, “What if I stopped existing right now? Wouldn’t it be infinite times easier? No more problems, no more shitty father, no more stress… Like, why do I keep living in the first place? Only thinking about ending my studies - thus facing all the stress for countless exams that are gonna come -, only thinking about finding myself a job - thus having to deal with very shitty people every fucking day of my life -, only thinking about having to think about the future… Just brings me an amount of axiety and stress that I feel like puking and I just wish everything could be easier and less stressing. So why am I still facing all of this?”. I don’t know what I wanna do in the future, what kind of job I’m gonna do. I know nothing and, it’s part of my personality really, but knowing nothing (not having a plan, not knowing what’s going to come, the unknown…) really makes me very uncomfortable and I hate it so, so much. But I’m still going. And not because I’m afraid to die, like I don’t give two fucks, honestly. It’s just… It would be too easy. And I still care about my mother and sister enough to know that if I stopped living they’d be devastated and I don’t want that. You know, I keep living my life by bottling up everything. All my problems, everything. Even if I feel like shit, the moment somebody comes to me and asks me “Hey, how are you?” I will always, inevitably, answer them “I’m fine”. It’s like a reflexive impulse. I never feel like sharing my problems with others. Not anymore. Not with my family, not with my friends, never. But I do that because I know I can do it. It is a burden, but I feel like carrying it by myself. Because I know that when I will really need somebody, nobody will be there for me. I just know it. So I’ve been preparing myself for years. But I would never, ever want for other people to face that. I wanna be there for anyone in need. Even if you don’t know me, even if they don’t know me. I wanna be of help for people who need it. So really… I shared a very little part of my life with you so that you know that I can understand you. I do understand you. And I am here, if you need to talk about your problems, about your family. Because even though I can’t really help you, even though I can’t come there and slap your family in the face, and brain-wash them and make them understand that there’s nothing wrong with you - even though I can’t come there and brain wash your friends too and call them ignorant assholes and make them understand the same thing, I can be here. I can listen to you, I can comfort you, I can be a real friend for you. Unfortunately, the cases in which you can change these very ignorant, crazy(!) people are very rare. Usually they just keep being fucking ignorant and closed-minded and shit-heads. And in worst cases (like you can almost everyday hear from the news) your own parents will attempt to your life because your “identity” is too much of a “sin” for them. Because their God must be a real fucking WANKER. But you shouldn’t give up, Gem. You should keep living your life because it’s beautiful and because, someday, you will find happiness. You will find people like me who will love you for who you are. I mean, you already found one (me!) so it mustn’t be that hard, right? 

Really, I know what loneliness can do to people. I know it. I’ve gone through it (let’s just say that that friend of mine who was always by my side? eventually… uh… wasn’t there anymore). It either makes you hate the world and yourself, or it makes you hate the world and everyone else. I went through the second one. And it was horrible. I know how it feels to feel always, completely alone. When you’re not accostumed to it, when it’s not a choice. So please, by all means, come talk to me. Either through Anon, or through tumblr chat… I can give you my FB account, if you want. Or we can keep talking on LINE, like, anything you need, really. I’m happy to help. I’m happy to be by your side. I’m happy to be a shoulder you can cry on. I’m happy to make you feel a little happier.