#everytime-ulie

[smilesrobotlover]

Gosh I love short men more than life itself but I cannot wrap my brain about Rusl being as short as he is

[schadenfreudich]

We still don't know how thought that Wilhelm is scary, so I made a joke and said "Ulrich", because he's the only one in their source Wilhelm could be a threat to (barely). But then I got a "was?" from somewhere in headspace and realized that Ulrich is a part of our system.

Anyways, he wasn't the one who said it.

[reynanghugot]

saturday snaps • went to nasugbu earlier today with nikko, his dad and his niece. as usual na rereset kami everytime na nakatampisaw lang kami sa dagat and medyo di ako na happy sa taho kasi konti lang. nothing more today, tomorrow back to manila na kami uli and i hope mas maaga kami makauwi para di abutan ng traffic.

[nancyheart11]

Looks like the Wolf's out of the jailcell (Dad Squad)

Rusl was sitting by the fire listening to Uli sing softly somewhere behind him as he ran his hand through his son’s fur. The fact that it was so soft still surprised Rusl everytime he had the privilege to feel it. He looked over and saw Link with half lidded eyes, tail slowly moving back and forth in contentment, and Rusl’s heart felt full looking at his son, content in his more furry form.

Hana woke and cried behind him so he turned to see Colin holding his sister and staring at Rusl, eyes that were usually full of emotion seemingly blank.

“Something wrong with Hana?”

“Why’s your hand red?” This was accompanied by a head tilt that cracked loudly in the suddenly silent house.

Rusl jerked around to look at the hand that had been going through Link’s Fur, only to see it coming back stained a sticky red. He looked down at where the blood had come from only to see Link on his side Blood gushing from a laceration, ears peeled back and eyes blown wide in fear.

Rusl dropped his sword (when did he grab it) and knelt in the sacred springs water, bile burning his throat as he gazed at what he’d done. The moon shone a full sickly red making the spring look like Rusl was in a pool of blood.

Link’s now Hylian face was almost submerged in the water as he cried, crawling as best he could to get away from Rusl, fear clear on his face. Rusl tried to reach out, but saw his sword flash in the moonlight (hadn’t he dropped it?) and Link’s shaking arms gave out on him, dropping him face first into the glistening red beneath him. Rusl moved to grab his boy, but as he went to touch the pale skin it turned to smoke, dissipating the way monsters would once they were vanquished.

Rusl shot up with a gasp, his heart racing. He looked around the clearing and started to get up so he could check on Link, before a hand the size of his torso applied an ever so gentle pressure keeping him from getting to his feet.

Rusl gazed upon the poised face of the Fierce Deity, and felt reality clicking back into place with each passing moment. He settled against the bedroll he’d been placed in with no further argument and saw the deity shift uncomfortably, clearly wanting to ask about what had happened in the cave, but unsure of his approach.

Abel interrupted the fidgeting with a water skin being shoved in Rusl’s face, while he refused to look him in the eye. Rusl felt hot shame creep up his back, he had no right to fall apart during a battle, even if the Fierce Deity needed little help with most battles. He had let the Yiga get away, all because he reacted so strongly to a twisted piece of metal.

Some blacksmith he was.

Abel came back with a roasted skewer of fowl and wild greens, and Rusl ate more to delay the inevitable conversation than out of any desire for food.

Eventually though, he had finished and Abel finally looked him in the eye, the glimmer of sympathy quickly drowned out by a cold displeasure, his face turning to stone before Rusl’s eyes. “Rusl, this can’t keep happening.” 

Rusl looked down, shame hot in his throat, choking any words he might have been able to say in his defense.

“I don't know what has been done to you in the past, but if you keep freezing up in battle it could get us killed.” Abel’s face looked as though he had bit into a lemon with his next words. “I know I haven't been very … open about my situation, but I almost lost my son to the Calamity and I refuse to let the Yiga kill him because you’re getting distracted. I can’t—won’t fail him like that again. I know that the lack of news about your son is hard, but—“

“They want to put a muzzle on my boy!” it gushed out of Rusl like blood from an open wound, hot fast despite the attempts to keep it all inside.

Instead of the shock or disgust Rusl was worried he would see after that exclamation, Abel’s face shifts from bafflement to outrage. “What do you mean?”

“What other news is there of your child, little Farmer?”

Fierce’s question made both of them pause, and Rusl felt heat rise to his face because this was a terrible way to tell them about his son’s gift but he’s already brought it up, and Abel was right about the secret hiding crippling their effectiveness. (the knowledge that Link almost died because Rusl hadn’t been trustworthy burned)

“My son is the one they are talking about when they complain about a Wolf.” 

Rusl closed his eyes despite knowing it would do nothing to stop reactions from the others and heard concerning choking noises from the direction of Abel.

"Oh. Is he cursed then?" Rusl's eyes opened to the sight of the Fierce Deity kneeling close to him. "If they are able to reacquire Link's gear he has a way to reverse such a fate." 

Rusl felt his jaw drop at the implication that Fierce's son had been in a similar position.

"Your son is… a wolf??" Abel questioned.

"Only sometimes." Rusl is considering putting his headband in his mouth at this point.

"And you didn't tell us about this sooner?"

"How exactly do I bring up that Link is a wolf sometimes, without sounding like my head is full of cuccoo feathers?"

Abel's mouth opens and closes several times before he thinks better of it and just shakes his head. 

Rusl begins to feel tension he hadn't even been aware of holding drop from his shoulders. Neither of the other Father's were truly angry, and in fact seemed more determined than ever to help make sure that all their sons were returned safely where they belonged.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

@skyloftian-nutcase @smilesrobotlover @silvercaptain24 @telemna-hyelle Here it is! I was super excited to write this, and it only took writing a lot of Rusl angst to get there

[rrinsluvr]

lowkey! nine— hard to get ka daw

"thanks for today!" you beamed as you bid xiao and hutao goodbye. "it's nothing, gusto ka lang namin i-surprise." xiao said, a ghost of a smile adorning his face, hutao simply smirking in the back before she calls out for kazuha who was relaxing on the couch with your cat—maki. "bye din kazuha!!" him and xiao just stared at each other before kazuha ended the silent staring competition after maki jumped off kazuha's lap and walked away, while he waved back to hu tao with a polite smile.

you watched the pair walk back to their car and drive off, waiting for a moment before locking the door and plopping down on the couch with your boyfriend. "na saan si maki?" kazuha chuckled, running his fingers through your hair as you laid on his chest. "umalis siya kanina," and as if on cue, your cat jumps onto him and makes himself comfortable on your boyfriend's chest too. "dapat pala mas madalas wala si kuya." you sighed in content, closing your eyes—wanting to rest after a long day. "rest ka muna, love. i'll wake you up pag malapit na kuya mo." and just before you could reply, kazuha's phone chimed and the notification itself was able to make your stomach churn.

"huh? ba't may pa-heart pa sa name?" you scowled, pushing yourself up to sit properly and face your boyfriend. "it's not what you think," kazuha thinks of any possibilities that someone could've put yunjin's number on his phone, cause he knows damn well he never saved it. "sinave siguro ni hu tao sa phone ko. i already told you before that i never saved it, right?" he assured you, taking your hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze. this is kazuha we're talking about, your boyfriend of 10 months who agreed to keep your relationship a secret because of your issues, he would never lie to you and you trust him with all your heart.

"when i replied to her a while ago, i didn't have any intentions of building a romantic connection with her or anything. though i can show you off in front of in front of many people, always know that i love you and that i'd wait for you till you're ready." his words make you tear up and bit, moving closer to pull him in a hug. "i love you too, i'm sorry for reacting a bit iffy. knowing what she feels and how she goes on about it just makes me a bit mad sometimes."

"it's fine, love. everytime you feel insecure, everytime you feel doubt, everytime you feel anxious, i'll always be here to remind you that i love you." he hummed, pulling away from your hug to press a small peck on your cheek. that's right, you have nothing to worry about.

—bonus!

"HUY HALA, WRONG ACCOUNT! DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE" yn said frantically as she deleted her most recent tweet, whereas kazuha just watched in amusement as he checked the gc. "kinabahan saglit katabi niya? ba't siya kinakabahan? ano ba karapatan niya?" kazuha started rambling with slightly furrowed brows and a small pout. then he turned to you who was biting back a laugh, your expression making his own more pleasant. "ang cute mo mag-selos." you laughed, throwing your head back in amusement.

"'kala mo naman di siya nag-seselos kanina.." your boyfriend teased, pinching your cheeks softly. "hard to get ka daw.. eh ikaw nga unang umamin satin! tsaka ba't ako mag-seselos dun, sino ba siya?" you rolled your eyes as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. "sige sabi mo eh." "putanginamo di nga 'yon selos!"

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hellaur

fun fact! nagpalit sila ng damit after the date last chapter para di sila mahalata HAHWGWHHAHAHHAHA

mag-uupdate uli ak bukas, promise🙏🙏

taglist!open— @plinkuro @gorouswrld @aixaingela @monikidk @choco-rei @radnvindr @m1kotsu @ganyuvoir @httpmitsuya @ichiiyos @zyamq @skaramush @sheiiy @guuji-miko @lazy-sanns @sukunasrealgf @cseriaverse @kayla-drawz @peqch-pie (highlighted means tumblr won't tag u)

[throttletherapyyy]

Lord, kung deserve ko man yung sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon, wag mo po ako papabayaan, ha? Kasi po, hindi ko kaya. Wala akong kakampi dito at mapagsabihan everytime na hindi ako okay. Sana po, dumating uli yung araw na mararamdaman ko uli kung paano maging masaya. Kasi ngayon, naghahalo-halo na yung sakit, bigat at pagod na nararamdaman ko. Pa help po ako and pa hug!

[kawaii-kozume]

idk man, overall pretty bad movie that has no relation to the original series at all. even without all that taken into account, it was poorly written, costuming was bad and some acting moments were so subpar. 2.9/10 movie.

Thoughts as I watched below.

[  ] right off the bat: UMA

[  ] weird uma namedropped jay and evie but not carlos? like, erm, he can be off in the universe without actually being on screen? idk feels weird

[  ] the ship!!!! god i hope i see the boys

[  ] Yo if i don't see my boys I'll fight

[  ] ohhh that picture of carlos did sting a little bit

[  ] FUCK that hurts even more, jesus okay, now its coming clearer

[  ] there's a lot of tell and not show, not super enjoying that bit

[  ] music is pretty,,, well,,, dcom

[  ] what's lucius malfoy doing here?

[  ] choreo leaves something to be desired

[  ] wtf is that line?? "its either off with their heads or off with our heads" ??? I'm so sorry this feels an extra layer of cringe

[  ] okay, 👀 hello maddox hatter

[  ] I'm sorry this movie feels really poorly done. pacing/plot, etc. like no preamble just suddenly here's the time machine!

[  ] wasn't chad cinderella and charming's kid?? I'm so lost at this point

[  ] Castlecoming.... lame

[  ] CHAD MENTION, cleared things up I think

[  ] wtf is up with this lens glare bs??

[  ] i can't get over how poorly written this is?? im so sorry to any followers who like it

[  ] like why is red mean to chloe?? i thought red "had a heart"?

[  ] i feel like the biggest issue with this series is its actually so dark but there's too many constraints to be able to explore that.

[  ] i miss my boys :( where are they (it looks so wrong not to have them nearby with Uma on screen)

[  ] Hearts feels too powerful as an antag, which i guess makes sense why the time travel.

[  ] Mmm, anti-bullying propoganda(im kidding its an important thing but common plot)

[  ] they really leaned into the abusive parents on this one though, that's a positive point for it

[  ] chloe's wig is so bad I'm sorry

[  ] poor acting on chloe's end the moment they get back to the past, audio mixing?? hello??

[  ] does this not change the entire plot of the universe? didnt auradon come to be after fairytales occurred? they wouldn't be connected yet??

[  ] was this made during covid? cause it feels like it was.

[  ] fuckin?? just like that they're friends??? hello???

[  ] so before it was normal school, magic school? fascinating.

[  ] cinderella doing magjc??? im ??? there had to gave been a better character than her??

[  ] color wise, im always down for a red/blue duo

[  ] WHY ARE OTHER FAIRYTALE CHARACTERS HERE??? IT BREAKS THE UNIVERSE

[  ] okay maybe everything just got turned around by the appearance of the villains as kids, yk?

[  ] Okay, it's gone back downhill again.

[  ] Okay, I like that you can see Hades and Maleficent have a relationship. Good little moment, personally.

[  ] POOR WRITING GOD DAMNIT

[  ] Aww Uli just has little sister syndrome

[  ] Music suckssss

[  ] I can't stand the choreography?? wtfff was thaaaaat 😭

[  ] I caaaaant everytime they fight it feels so unprompteddd POOR WRITING MY BELOATHED

[  ] who the fuck is the twink in uliana's group?? i thought that was gaston?

[  ] what are they moving slow for? did they not win? and as long as uliana doesn't get the book aren't they fine?

[  ]

[akonaman]

ibang iba din yung christmas dati sa ngayon --

iba yung lasa ng spaghetti ni mama and effort niya before para bigyan kami ng masayang christmas. kaya ngayon everytime na may celebration like christmas or new year, i make sure na nakakapagbigay ako ng panghanda. feel ko kay mama ko nakuha yung ganun, kase sobrang effort niya lagi.

naaalala ko pa gigising kami niyan ng 6am kase kailangan makipag unahan kami sa ibang mga bata magbahay bahay at makakuha ng lima, piso, candies sa mga malalaking bahay sa subdivision. and shuta tuwang tuwa na ko pag may nagbigay ng bente HAHAHAHA. hanggang tangali kami nyan then pag uwe kakain uli ng spaghetti ni mama. feel na feel ko pa yung bago kong damit na once a year ko lang mararanasan. pag abot ng hapon magbibilangan na kami ng barya tapos uubusin yung candies at chicha na nakuha. pagdating ng gabi grabeng happiness talaga yung mararamdaman mo na ayaw mo na magbukas kase sobrang saya ng pasko.

up until now happy ako na naranasan ko yung ganung klase ng pasko i think from 2002-2012 ata. ngayon kase di ko na dama.

[shoodleynoodle]

Gusto ko lang magkwento kase feel ko di na ako masyado nagpaparamdam sa socmed these days. Ahahaha. Gusto ko lang ishare talaga na ngayon ko lang nalaman na nag-release pala owl city ng bagong album (after 11 years!!) and everytime naglalabas sila ng album talaga it takes me back to my childhood/pre-teen days. Lalo nung may happy crush pa ako tas inaassociate ko sakanya mga kanta ng owl city kahit di ko pa naman sya nakakausap at nakakaclose non dahil lang feel ko may owl city vibes sya (whatever that means irdk). Ahahaha. Parang ang sarap sarap na lang talaga bumalik sa mga ganung panahon.

Hindi pa rin talaga nagbabago at never magbabago feelings ko for owl city kase even their new songs are nostalgic at napakadistinct ng music nila na alam mo agad na owl city kahit intro pa lang. Wala lang, happy lang ako na may bago silang labas kase may bago na uli akong pag-o-obsessan na album. Ahahaha. Yun lang.

[introspectivity]

My letters to you, my love. (1 of x)

Good morning, my love.

God, I miss telling you that. Namiss kong kausapin ka at iupdate sa mga nangyayari sa araw ko. Ganun din ako ka-excited na marinig lahat ng kwento mo - lahat ng naiisip at nararamdaman mo kabilang ang bawat success and failures no matter how big or small. Pag pagod ka na, pag pumasa ka sa exams mo. Masaya ako naririnig yun sayo. Masaya ako kapag masaya ka o kaya naman sa mga panahong di hindi mo kaya, gusto kong damayan ka. Dumaraan ang buong araw, buong gabi na magkausap tayo na hindi na natin napapansin ang mga oras na lumipas. Hindi tayo nauubusan ng paguusapan. Umaabot na sa punto na inuumaga tayo sa ating paguusap dahil ganun na lang natin kagusto na magwork ang relasyon natin at maging masaya hanggang sa pagtanda. My perception of time has been entirely different when I'm with you.

Lagi kong naalala yung usapan natin na kung nagkakilala tayo nung bata pa lang tayo, makikinig akong mabuti sa mga kwento mo at babatuhin ng iba’t-ibang tanong. Tapos tatakbo ka na uli palayo at paikot-ikot samantalang mananatili akong nakaupo maghihintay sa muli nating paguusap. Nakakatawang isipin na mangyayari pala yun ngayong tumanda na tayo. Naglakad ka na palayo ngunit hindi ko alam kung kailan ang pagbalik mo. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal kailangan maghihintay pero ang pagmamahal ko sayo ay laging mananatili. Ilang linggo ay lilipas na parang ilang araw lamang subalit ang ilang buwan ay maaring tila maraming taon. They always say that time is relative ngunit ano nga ba maaring mangyari sa ikli o tagal ng panahon? Walong taon? Kalahating taon? Tatlong linggo?

Walong taon. Halos walong taon na matapos ang puso ko ay tila sinara ko na. Matapos ang matagal na panahon, ikaw ang pinakilala sa akin ng tadhana. It was a fateful encounter sa panahong ikaw ay naghihilom. I was not searching for love but true love comes when you least expect it. Fate decided to stop me in my tracks by meeting as as kind, smart, sweet, pure, and real as you are. God, you are so wonderful and beautiful inside and out. I was captivated by your entire being from the moment I met you. I can’t get enough of you. I feel so lucky to have met you and experienced this magical and once-in-a-lifetime kind of relationship with you which I thought would go on forever. Gusto kitang makilala ng lubos, makausap tungkol sa napakaraming bagay, gustong gusto kitang makasama. Alam ko nagkakilala tayo sa hindi inaasahan at perkpektong pagkakataon. Masaya ako na mukhang nakawala ka na sa tanikala ng iyong nakaraan. Umaasa ako na mas okay ka na ngayon mula nung nakilala kita. Masaya ako kapag sinasabi mo na iyong unang beses na nagkaroon ka ng healthy relationship ay sa ating dalawa kahit alam kong hindi naging madali. Kahit na nagkaron ka uli ng panibagong sugat sa ating relasyon, lubos akong umaasa na mas maraming sugat ng nakaraan ang naghilom mula sa puro at malalim nating pagmamahalan.

Kalahating taon. Sa loob ng kalahating taon, akala ko kasama kitang maglalakad patungo sa buhay nating pinaplano. Hindi ko alam na habang magkasama tayo, lumipas na pala yung panahon na bumitaw ka na sa kamay ko kahit lubos pa nating mahal pa natin ang isa’t isa para hanapin ang sarili mo. Hindi ko lubos maisip na kalahating taon pa lang mula nung pinagtagpo tayo ng tadhana. Tama ka nung nagtapat ka na wala ito sa ikli ng panahon. You never felt like a stranger to me. It seems we’re old lover souls bound together and everytime that we meet each other, we feel we had known each other already for a lifetime with immense love and admiration for each other. A deep connection that other people could only dream of. We knew we had such perfect chemistry. In my several years of work as a synthetic chemist, I did several hundreds of chemical reactions with theoretically compatible coupling partners under the best known conditions and even then, only few have worked while most of it ended up in a mess or waste. Given my background and profession, alam ko kung gaano kahirap makita at maranasan yun. Hindi lahat kayang makatagpo kung ano yung mayroon tayo.

Tatlong linggo. Tatlong linggo mula nung bumalik ako ngunit matagal ka na palang wala pagdating ko. Katulad ng panahon mula nung una at huli tayong nagkita bago ka umamin na nahuhulog ka na. Hindi ko inaasahan na mahaba pala ang tatlong linggo na mula nung maghiwalay tayo ngunit tila taon na ang lumipas sa pagka-miss ko sayo. Eksaktong isang buwan ngayon mula nung huli tayong nagkita kasama ang mga kaibigan mo at esaktong pangalawang buwan mula nung sinamahan kita mag-aral sa coffee shop. Parehong nag-aaral ka noon na kasama nating pinlano sa gagawin natin sa buong taon na ito. Ngunit ang mga plano na iyon ay mukhang di na matutupad mula ngayon kasama na ang lahat na pinlano natin sa buhay hanggang sa pagtanda. Magsit-in sa kanya-kanya nating mga klase, umattend sa conferences ng bawat isa, paabutin ng ilang libong kanta yung playlist natin laman mga kantang dinededicate natin sa isat isa, tuturuan kang magluto at babatiin ka ng “honey, im home” sa bawat paguwi ko, tumandang magkasama na gawin pangarap nating “Rocking chair sex” (yeaahhh boi!!), and the endless list goes on. Gusto ko na libutin ang mundo kasama ka. Malayo sa ating alalahanin at problema. Ikaw at ako.

Sa panahon na kasama ka, tila ilang mga araw ay nagiging isa. Hindi ko inaasahan na mahaba pala ang bawat araw nung wala ka na. Ikaw ang naging mundo ko at sabay sa pagkawala, tumigil ang pag-ikot nito. Madalas nakatulala lang ako. Natitigilan. Nilalamon ako ng samu’t saring emosyon. Saya, lungkot, galit, pangungulila. Kaya rin ako sobrang natagalan na matapos isulat nito.  Marami pa akong gustong sabihin ngunit tila wala nang natitirang salita na masasalarawan ang nararamdaman ko para sayo, mahal ko. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko mawari ang mga salitang bibitawan ko. Minsan sinusumpa ko itong isip at memoryang kong ito habang patuloy na bumabalik ang masasaya nating alaala. Subalit sinusubukan kong ilapat ang aking isipan at alaala makasulat lamang ng liham na ito para sayo.

Time is not absolute. It's our experiences that gives meaning to each second and makes us feel alive. Live your life in the present moment and embrace the uncertainty of tomorrow. Otherwise, you miss your chance to fully enjoy life.

Everything has its time and seasons. For now, this feels like the longest night and the coldest winter.

"No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away." – Haruki Murakami

(Letter# 1 out of x)

[hunyothinks]

Entry #3: [20240915] pt.2

I would like to believe that I have a healthy self-esteem. I feel comfortable with myself and I feel secure in my relationships.

But it took me a while to build this level of self-esteem. Let's say I had to go through character development to be who I am today.

Nung grade school ako, I had a low self-esteem. I was a child, I was chubby, my boobs developed early, and I was surrounded by kids my age. Sobrang conscious ako sa sarili ko nung bata ako kasi ang hilig mag-comment ng mga kaklase ko sa katawan ko, lalo na yung mga lalaki. I was well-acquainted din kasi with most of my classmates kaya siguro sa tingin nila na pwede nila akong mapagtripan ng ganon, pero kasi yung mga jokes na ginagawa nila minsan (like mimicking the way I run) made me feel uncomfortable with my own body. It came to a point that I dreaded going to PE class kasi I felt like their eyes were on me to make fun of me.

Even the adults around me would comment on my body when I was a child, saying how "big I was" and how "I needed to lose weight". So hindi talaga nakatulong yun sa self-esteem ko.

Entering early high school, mababa pa rin self-esteem ko. It didn't help that I was not in a mentally-well state since I was dealing with a lot of changes in my personal life. Bagong lipat lang kami, wala akong kilala sa bago kong school, I couldn't keep in touch with my old friends, kaya I couldn't cope well during that time. Mag-isa lang akong kumakain during recess and lunch minsan, minsan nakikisama lang ako kani-kanino. It took me a while to find and form my circle of friends, but even then I needed reassurance. I wanted to feel like my presence was welcome, I wanted to be included, and I wanted to feel that I was worth something.

Fortunately, I was able to slowly build my self-esteem, especially onto the later years of my junior high. Unlike when I was in grade school, I felt like I finally found people that I was comfortable with hanging around. Medyo nag-oopen na ako as a ferson kaya feeling ko I was able to be feel more like myself personality-wise.

I still had issues with my body everytime I had to perceive it, however. Tuwing magkaka-medical check-up tas titignan BMI ko, parang gusto ko nalang pumikit kasi I just knew I would be hung up on the fact that I was overweight. Tapos I would end up in a phase na hindi ko na ulit gusto itsura ko or hindi ko na alam kung ano susuotin ko because I would feel uncomfortable again with my own body. Thankfully, I would eventually forget I have this problem as long as no one brings it up to me, so parang back to normal lang siguro ako idk HAHAKSDJF

I probably suffered from body dysmorphia for some time... At some point, I lost weight because of extracurricular activities but I would still be stuck in that chubby child mindset and think that I still had a big body. I even dreaded the thought of going to our Grade 10 Send-Off Party because I thought I wouldn't look good in any outfit (di rin naman natuloy kasi naabutan kami ng pandemic lol). Looking back, I don't know why I felt bad about my appearance because I looked fit and fine, but I guess it was just something that I thought at that time because I haven't established a positive body image yet.

When the pandemic hit before I was even able to finish junior high, there was a time period na wala akong ginagawa kasi walang school, hindi pwedeng lumabas, and nakakulong lang kami sa bahay. Siyempre nung una nasa isip ko "yay wala akong gagawin" and spent my days doing whatever. I was cutting my hair, exploring with makeup, watching anime, kdramas, and doing whatever because in my head, wala namang makakakita sakin. I was enjoying those moments of isolation until I was not.

There came a time na parang nauulol na ako kasi parang wala na akong nagagawa sa buhay. I didn't know what to do anymore, I missed hanging out with my friends, I was gaining weight again -- parang bumalik uli ako sa time na ang baba ng tingin ko sa sarili ko kasi wala akong naaccomplish. Yung iba nagpapapayat, yung iba nagdedevelop ng bagong skills, tapos ako andun lang. Tulog, gising, kain, tulog.

The social isolation during the pandemic gave me a lot of time for introspection. So parang inaaway ko lagi sarili ko kasi ako na mismo kumokontra sa sarili ko. One moment, I feel shit about myself tapos eto namang si self, sasabihin "no, don't" tapos parang magkakaroon na ako ng conversation with myself until I eventually just sleep on it kasi napagod dinn ako sa sarili ko. I was basically being my own therapist, at that point idk.

Kaya I don't know how to describe my self-esteem during the pandemic kasi parang ang daming nangyayari sa head ko at that time, but I like to think it was me trying to change my old mindset about myself. I was exploring who I was, and at the same time, I was trying to make myself feel more comfortable about myself.

Feel ko rin naman naaccomplish ko yun, kasi pagdating sa college, hindi na ako katulad ng dati na nangangailangan pa ng external validation para sa sarili, kasi alam ko sa sarili ko kung sino ako at kung ano kaya ko. Siyempre hinuhumble parin ako ni mareng UP pero hindi na siya tulad ng dati when I felt like I had to prove something to have my own worth.

Physically, I am also now more comfortable with my own body, especially since I can dress and act how I want without fear of judgment (siguro factor na dito yung fact na I'm staying in a place that's far from my family). Pero feeling ko nagttranslate din naman ito even when I go home, kasi I am slowly able to act like myself around them.

Feeling secure of myself and finally developing a healthy self-esteem really influenced how I communicate lately. Mas kaya ko na mag set ng boundaries, mas kaya ko na rin sabihin kung ano mga needs and preferences ko, nagulat nga rin ako sa sarili ko na outspoken na ako if may issues or concerns ako regarding something. Napansin ko rin na tuwing mag-uusap din kami ng friends ko, we would always try to encourage one another to build a positive self-esteem. When they're facing anxiety, we would be there to comfort and hype each other up. When they're having trouble, we would be there to help them get through it.

As much as possible, I try to help others feel good about themselves kasi being able to believe in yourself and in what you can do, can feel so empowering that it'll help you get through the ups and downs of life.

[tabbyytabz]

ever since i started working parang gusto ko lagi na may mai provide ako sa fam ko or parang may maitulong ako kahit sa maliit na bagay but knowing that may next line up will possibly be next year parang nakakapanghina at nakaka down lang. kahit panay ang reklamo ko about sa work ko gusto ko parin mag patuloy para sa fam at para sa future ko pero ngayon na nasa ganito akong state ng buhay ko i feel worthless o baka iniisip ko lang. bumaba nanaman ang tingin ko sa sarili ko nawala yung confidence ko na humarap sa tao. everytime na makikita nila ako at tatanungin kung kelan uli alis ko idinadaan ko na lang sa biro na next year pa pero sakit sabihin nun. i know God has a better plan for me. still figuring out kung paano ako this next couple of months. ikaw na bahala G!

[elaysuh]

omg lately bala du waay dn may ga initiate neither kanamon mag ask for dates or mag plan dates???? i mean like literal bala nga ga plan tna ky most of the time pirme lang "din ta madto" "idk" "pende nimo". Kay like du mag hagad lagaw isipay pa kamo din madto hahahahha. Way lang random thought lang. Tas du kung indi ako siguro mag hagad ma date kami or maglagaw di mn kami makitaay hahahahah like pira pa ka weeks after makitaay kami if buhay dn way meet bwhahahah. Waay lang gusto ko lng ma exp ang du ga plan dates hehe. Pay du ka oa matian pay very real if ever kamo maka exp ra. Like du waay effort??? i mean ga effort mn pay ano lng hahahahaha ewan di ako sure di ko alam du ka mixed feeling like du maski admit mo nga du indi mn gd big deal angay ra pay deep inside du tama ka big deal gd or gina isip mo gd nga angay ra eh ahhahahahahahahha. Pay sge lang siguro busy pa mn abi pay angay ligad to pag long weekend du way mn gd ti planned date to wahahhaaha. Like ga expect ako smth more kay tapos dn ang hell week kg exams teh ma pakasadya kami or whatsoever py everytime ma gwa kami du may smth gd ma tabo bwahha what is diszzzxxx.. HELP YO GIRLIE OUT THEREEEEEE HUHU.

Siguro du less than 5 times lang kami may planned date gd? i mean literal nga date gd wnahahha way lang gusto ko lng quality time tas planohan gd indi nga gaubos lang oras namon sa isipay diin maadto ending mauli mn lang gale haha. kitaay mn tuod kamo py pag uli mo may sakit pa kaw nga buot mung hahahaha

[regulatedchaos]

Wtf is going on

We took a walk sa court and Dala nya bola to shoot some hoops habang di pa nag start ng Zumba sila mama.

While walking I noticed a husky sabi ko cutie oh sabi nya negosyante Yan. Tapos kwento kwento, timatawag Ako ni mama tapos sabi ko wait lang kasi di ko kaya makinig ng 2 tao at a time. Tapos nagalit sya then walked faster from me. Hinayaan ko, Maya Maya, he held my hand.From afar we can see someone shooting sa court tapos nung malapit na kami umalis yung guy, while walking dumura sya sa concrete sabi ko ew no manners, disgusting .and he recognized it as disrespect. Tapos shoot shoot sya, kasunod lang Namin sila mama tapos pag dating nila nag aya na sya umuwi.

Fast forward were home ate mcdo I ordered tapos lumabas sya uli nag work na ko uli.

Pag balik nya sa room, tango tango then sabi may meeting mga taga cavite about ginawa nya na pag spit back sa concrete???

Mawawalan na sya ng trabaho bukas - Yan lagi nya sinasabi everytime he doesn't like what other people do or feeling nya lagi kasi towards sa kanya lahat ng ginagawa ng nkakaasalubong or nasa paligid nya.

Tinawagan nya agad si Sherlock after idk what they talked about kasi illonggo.

I blame Sherlock for this. (Remember the face acct he asked cass to make para Manira ng establishment na di sya pinagbuksan after hours) Can't wait for him to go back to Iloilo

Was working and di Ako mapakali so I looked for him downstairs and nasa balcony Pala sya. His eyes filled with negative energy all over and so mad and furious. Nag sumbong sya Kay Sherlock and I told him I'm so worried and my heart is beating fast na I asked him to let it go and he's said Wala naman daw sya kasalanan to which I agree sabi ko can you not do anything na moving forward? Can you let it go?

He said, not till I hear something, mwawalan sya ng trabaho and nagsumbong sya Kay Sherlock I don't know whats gonna happen but if this escalates I'm gonna have to ask him to leave.

It's been more than 3hrs since the spit incident he hasn't let go yet lakad sya ng lakad sa buong room pabalik balik range in his eyes talking to himself from time to time and I tried to hug him and asked him to let it go, if something happens di sya papabayaan ni dad, PAULIT ulit sya na may mangyayari sa guy kasi nagsumbong sya Kay Sherlock, that mf he's done nothing good to cass atleast be a good influence to the kid shit. Sbai nya pag may nangyari sa kanya 10x balik sa guy and all I told him nothing's gonna happen, I asked him if he needs release like box or muai Thai or something I can feel his negative energy it's so stressful, Sabi ko your full of rage relax ka muna, Sabi ko what if its not about you? He sAid what if I wanna fight? Sabi ko don't spread your rage here. Di mo to baluarte, sa Iloilo ka mag spread ng anger mo wag dito. Think of me or kahit si Papicito nalang. Please consider me and your kid.

Tangina. He's so unstable

Another 2 more hours went downstairs to get some water and mum was looking for him cos she got lomi for Cassie. She's the sweetest. So I heated some on a bowl and brought melatonin and mg l theonate with it. Hoping it could calm his nerves but didn't eat nilambing ko lang take yunh melatonin. still not letting go. Papawasak daw buong ks9 paphirapan yung guy and will have a penny on his name.

Tara uwi n akaya tayo Iloilo ngayon na? Ayoko nnamag network bobo ng mga tao?

-he was disappointed nung sinabi ko I'm not going

1Oct23

[saadwriteer]

I have always craved for a gentler type of love. But why do I always end up being with someone who will always hurt me at the end?

During that moment, there were 4 people hitting up on me, but I chose you... honestly, idk why? but maybe because of the theory of proximity? we we're just always together due to having mutual friends. and there i became so attached with u.

I always thought u were going to be a green flag, kasi everytime nagkekwento ka sakin about sa mga past experiences mo, u always say how it felt like being unappreciated and nog acknowledged so i did everything to make u feel appreciated and loved when we had our thing.

Lahat ng first time mo, ako yung kasama mo. Cause I've always wanted you to experience things you've never experienced before. I know di mo naman inask for sakin yun, but know that i AUTOMATICALLY gave them cause thats just HOW I AM. kasi when I love? i give my hundred percent. I give everything I could give you para lang maramdaman mong special ka, na you are so important to me..

You used to tell me how lucky you are to have me but everytime we have a fight, u always make me feel like na ang malas malas mo for having me + comparing me to your exes na never manlang pinahalagahan yung family mo or never manlang niregaluhan ka. Not saying na they didn't love u enough but rather they were not able to give the type of love I was able to gave you.

Sadly, I'm experiencing again what I went through with my ex. Yung hahayaan lang ako magalit hahahaha tapos di ako susuyuin hanggat di ako magrereach out, then papalipasin yung ilang days na di okay dahil lang di ako yung nag iinitiate and nagfifirst move para lang maging okay tayo... i always told myself na ayoko na uli mangyari yun sakin, but here I am again, suffering with your love...

yes, u gave me princess treatment, u gave me special efforts but those are nothing when u are mentally abusing me. calling me things and names na hindi naman dapat, and even using my academic awards to backfire me? you're a fucking red flag.

dun pa lang sa part na nagsisinungaling ka during our early months, I should've left to save myself but I risked kasi baka magbago ka pa hahahaha but i decided to stay kasi attached na rin ako eh. I was hoping na mabibigay mo ung treatment na gusto ko kasi inaalagaan mo naman ako hahahaha but not taking caring of me mentally and emotionally.

u always take a toll on my mental health everytime we fight. i never get the assurance from you. never did i ever felt na nagsissisi ka na unless ako mauna magsisi sa kung ano mang nangyayari satin. u always prioritize your pride and ego rather than my feelings.

u always make me feel like im asking for too much when I'm just asking the bare minimum..and my last straw was you, calling me "walang utak" just because i told your sister about what we went through and what we're having. you're close-minded ass sucks.

what i hate the most was when u keep on insisting to bring back the things I gave you just because we're no longer together (unofficially), and probably 100% sure na ibabadmouth mo lang ako sa ibang tao after this thing, kasi ganun naman gawain mo sa ex mo hahaha na para bang di ka minahal kahit papano.

But i knew for sure, i was the best lover u ever had. I gave you all your first, and even spoiled you, mga bagay na u never thought ur going to experience. But you lost me already. and im so sick of you.

but yeah, im still going to root for u, i hope maging successful ka in the future and may u find the right person for u na suitable sa personality na meron ka.

dahil napapagod na ako sayo, at nakakaubos ka na mahalin.

[kwentoniimmanloloko]

Memories bring back memories.

Nung college ako palaging promissory note yung inaabot ko dito imbis na pambayad. Magbayad man ako good for one day exam lang, kasi laging delay yung padala ng Tita ko. And di din ako pwedeng mag demand kasi pinapaaral lang ako. Kaya nasanay na rin maging makapal ang mukha kasi dito pa lang na train na ko. 😅

Dumating din ako sa point na nag start na yung exam pero ako hindi makapag take kasi nakapila pa sa cashier si Mama. Hindi ako makapag review nang maayos knowing na wala pang kasiguraduhan na makakapag exam ako.

May sem din na nakiusap na lang ako sa professor na pag-examin ako and promise na mababayaran kinabukasan yung balance ko. Grabe lang, kasi kilala ako ng mga prof kaya pinapayagan ako. Factor din siguro na College President ako kaya pati Dean namin pumapayag.

Grabe yung dasal ko everytime exam season na. Yung maiiyak ka pero di mo alam kung dahil mahirap ba yung rereviewhin or dahil walang kasiguraduhan na papayagan kang mag-exam.

Nung time rin na nasunugan kami ng bahay, sumakto ring exam week namin. Nagrereview ako sa labas ng kwarto na pansamantalang tinutuluyan namin. Technically nasa labas, kahit malamig at nasa sahig lang ako, wala akong choice kasi hindi na kasya sa loob at nakakatulog ako. Umiyak ako nun nang walang nakakaalam, sabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi na uli ito mararanasan ng family ko. I will do my best para umangat sa buhay. 🥹

Ayun, nagbunga naman lahat ng iyak at promissory notes ko. Ngayon kaya ko ng bayaran yung mga needs ko and wants. Binubuhay ko na rin sarili ko at family ko. Hindi pa ko nakakabili ng bahay namin pero nagtitiwala ako in God’s time, magkakaron din ako.

From promissory note to cash,

Emmanuel