#everytime i think about neils intricate mommy issues

[achillean-heartbeat]

for his entire life neil josten and his mother had to endure his fathers abuse. for 8 years neil josten had no one but his mother watching his back while they were on the run from his father. she was strict and harsh and abusive, all while putting neil's protection above everything. and then she died. and then he had to burn her with his own hands. he had to sit a few meters away from their car and watch the body of his mother, the only person who ever stood up for him and protected him, burn to ashes. and when there was nothing left of her burnt flesh, he had to get up and collect her remains from the seat of the car, carry them in his bag, and bury her with his own hands. he had to go on. he had to survive. because thats what she taught him. to always prioritize survival even in her absence. he ran and carried on with the ghost of his mother's survival isntincts haunting his every day life of running away. how much time did it take for him to allow himself to finally sit down and grieve?