#everything is so hopeless and yet you gotta concentrate on the positive things

[lesbianfakir]

Cant wait until my mental health drags itself out of the gutter so I can draw again

[shineyma]

1st, I am beyond excited and grateful that you took the time to write all this!! I asked for a rant, Amy, you delivered. 2nd, /I/ should apologize because my reply's probs gonna be long. (Half an ask already. Ugh, I'm hopeless, and you extremely polite.) I'd seen Fitz said Deke's the worst to be their grandson, but not that he persisted! GO, FITZ!! Didn't Iain use to say back in S1 that he didn't want FS to happen? I loved him for it, esp when Liz can't seem to do anything other than wax (1/9)

the rest go under the cut because it’s a lot of asks XD

poetic about FS. (Whyyy, Liz?? Seriously, does she talk about anything other than FS?) LBR though, Fitz is #relatable here. I’ve watched 3 S5 eps and seen many spoilers, and Deke’s 95% a dick, right?? I think TPTB might’ve been going for that particular FS brand of determined, unapologetic, do-what’s-necessary but their compassion and drive to protect were always evident even in their “harsher/colder” actions/attitudes/treatments. (I’m missing the right words but you know, right??) /But/ (2/9)

they missed the mark by 100 miles. Anyway. Frankly, Amy, Jemma fighting viciously Fitz’s pessimism and fatalism, esp by putting forth a positive twist on fatalism (for lack of a better word) has rubbed me so wrong for so long. It’s not necessarily ooc?? But it’s also not Jemma in a right mental and emotional state?? (You’re getting a terrible description of what I mean but I’m no good for anything else right now.) Like she’s broken, resigned, fighting for some thing that just happened, (3/9)

that she didn’t consciously choose, it was forced on her through guilt of her own and of others’ making, and through others pushing for it, and she’s sort of accepted it, it’s just part of her life now, vaguely, automatically placed under the “good stuff” category, and everything around her is in chaos, so she just fights for /it/? I don’t know. There’s a difference between “the universe says we’re gonna be together, look at the signs!!” and “we want to be together and we’ll work for it”. (4/9)

About the logic fail, Jemma probs grabbed onto that “my mom told me the ‘right direction’ thing which her mom had told her”, ergo she raised her some, and coupled with the need to make Fitz feel better and the talk with yet another always unhelpful team member (😒), she just went for that stupid line. Does that make it not ooc? Well, /no/. *makes a paper plane out of your last 3 bullet points and shoots it @ TPTB, yelling “TAKE NOTES!”* Amy, in the AOS house we don’t perform surgery to the (5/9)

tune of melodies that calm and steady and help us concentrate. In the AOS house, we perform surgery while conversing on things that test our ability to hold back tears and shouts and shaking and violence, because we’re hardcore. So, the dog thing. @ Hydra WTF??!!?! Yeah, I’m glad I missed that. And OK, can someone finally confirm if Ward shot Buddy??!! It’s getting ridiculous. I say probs nah, because John used to prod him too often for not being cruel enough, but… I don’t know. Also, (6/9)

I’m so glad Ward didn’t attend Hydra’s School for Young Octopi!! I mean, everything does point to that!! :D Teen!Ward busted out at 17 and dumped in the woods, switching to Brett!Ward still in the woods, John alluding to Ward shooting Buddy and finally leaving the woods as the end of his training and immediate beginning of his SHIELD career… If he attended any Academy, that was SHIELD Ops. It’s canon! New Ward backstory! I LOVE IT!! OK, because Hydra has that elitist vibe, I’m imagining (7/9)

more of a posh-secret-club-inside-the-academy kind of thing?? You know, like the actual Piggate scandal with the UK PM, and there’s many a movie too that show secret societies inside colleges etc, whose members are wealthy kids of old families, and their fathers were members before them, and their grandfathers, and they have weird, twisted rituals. You know the kind. Malick, his daughter and the council of people they had brought to meet Hive, they remind me of that. Anyway, I’m still not (8/9)

forgiving Ruby for what she did to Elena, but the dog thing and the Hydra-engineered super-baby thing are something…?? I’d have to watch S5 to pass judgement and LOL NO, I ain’t about to do that. I thiiink I’m done. Man, I hope that was some damn good strawberry shortcake. I’m gonna need all the favor I can get. 😇 ❤❤❤❤ Also, what’s a strawberry shortcake and why are people discriminating against its physique??? Ah, and why do you use that squiggly line (~) at the end of some words??? (9/9)

Okay! Here we go! XD

First off, I…..go back and forth on Liz’s support of fs. On the one hand, it’s silly to hold it against her; it’s not like attacking her own storyline would be a smart move, either with fans (who for some reason overwhelmingly support it) or with Jed&Mo (who, after all, have made clear that they based fs’ relationship off their own). Sure, Iain got away with it, but look at the way the show treats Fitz vs. Jemma……he’s clearly the favorite. *side eyes aos* Plus, fs being together gets her more scenes with more people (gotta have everyone reminding her how destined~ she and Fitz are after all!!), so it’s understandable she’d like it.

That said….HOW CAN SHE NOT SEE HOW TERRIBLE IT IS? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

And we could talk about that all day so…moving on!

Deke started out as the harsh/cold/doing what’s necessary to survive in a terrible environment character (he SOLD DAISY TO KASIUS because he was afraid her search for Jemma would endanger the rest of them), but the show kind of….dropped that? And tried to switch him to the lovable moron instead? It’s weird.

As for Jemma’s optimism……I guess I can’t totally blame her. Like, she does love Fitz, that’s clear enough. I personally don’t think she’d have gotten there if she hadn’t been constantly pushed towards him, or if he hadn’t made a big deal of “I can’t be just friends,” therefore forcing her to choose between a romantic relationship with her best friend or NOTHING AT ALL of him, but. Whatever.

My point was, she loves him. And he is CONSTANTLY going on about how they’re cursed and they’re never gonna work out and how ‘doesn’t sound great for the girlfriend’ and ‘I don’t deserve you’ and blah blah negativity. And it is just super not fair to her that she has to forever fight this attitude of his and try to keep him positive about THEIR RELATIONSHIP, something he should be excited and positive about ON HIS OWN. Ugh.

So from that perspective, I guess I can see why she’d cling to this, as evidence~ they’re not doomed and they’re gonna be okay. Good point, nonnie!

And another good point: I’d forgotten about the daughter saying that her mom had said the steps in the right direction stuff! to her That makes Jemma’s logic fail a little less egregious, I feel better now.

Oh, right, silly me. Of course aos is way too hardcore to want to focus on the situation at hand when surgery is underway!

I think the show kinda confirmed that it was Grant who shot Buddy? In 2x21 when Bobbi was trying to talk Kara out of the whole….torture thing that was about to happen, she tried to convince her that Grant was grooming her and that he probably started small and probably was started small himself, and Kara was like “yeah, Garrett made him shoot his dog.” So that probably counts as confirmation.

(But I am all about #denial so I choose to ignore it. Alternate explanation: Garrett was the one who did it but Grant wanted to use the story to connect to Kara, so he was creative with the truth. See? It still works!)

And yep! Garrett said, when he finally got Grant from the woods, that he’d gotten him into the ops academy! Which admittedly was four whole seasons before this mess and probably they didn’t know yet they were gonna give Hydra its own Academy, but why would Garrett make Grant do the dog test in the woods if he was about to go to Hydra and have to do it all over again? Doesn’t make sense! So yes, definitely Grant went to SHIELD Academy.

As for the “posh” sense you get of Hydra, nonnie, you are SO NOT WRONG. Hydra’s Academy was seriously SO prep school vibes, I can’t even fully describe it. They had UNIFORMS, nonnie! Suit and tie uniforms with HYDRA LOGOS on the breast pocket!!!! It was…….ridiculous. Ri. di. cu. lous.

And right? TOTALLY NOT COOL that Ruby cut off Elena’s arms, but I have some sympathy for her now. Some.

And thank you for asking, the strawberry shortcake was DELICIOUS! And it’s not discrimination (XD; I literally lol’d, nonnie, thanks for that)—strawberry shortcake is a dessert with sliced, sugared strawberries, whipped cream, and a kind of cake that’s called “shortcake” because of its crumbly, sometimes crispy texture. It is THE BEST and I’m so sad it doesn’t exist in your life. I’m sorry, nonnie.

ETA: sometimes people use spongecake instead of shortcake when making strawberry shortcake. these people are wrong and should not be trusted.

As for the squiggly line, it’s hard to explain! 

Sometimes, I use it to add a note of sarcasm or mocking. Since tone is hard to convey online, it helps me get my meaning across (and feels necessarily mean, in such statements as “Jemma and Fitz are destined~”)!

Other times, it’s more…..hm…..like a gesture, maybe? Like in my rant I wrote “the glory of Hive~” and the sguiggly was meant to convey a kind of handwave, like “the glory of Hive and all that stuff the Hive-worshiping parts of Hydra would concern themselves with.” Does that make sense?

I don’t know, it’s kind of like the tumblr habit of randomly capitalizing words in the middle of a sentence, you know? Sometimes it’s for emphasis, sometimes it’s for sarcasm, sometimes it’s just because it feels right. I hope that makes at least a little sense. XD

Thanks very much for the conversation, nonnie! Sorry it was such a struggle getting your thoughts to me!

[munchkinxcop-blog]

Erin Happy Birthday, CJ!

C.J.

Thank you, baby.

Erin

You do realize it isn't MY birthday, right? 

C.J.

Ugh. I ca- -interrupted by a deep breath.- I can't.

Erin -smirks- Oh... but I think you can.  -bites at her lower lip, giving him a wink-  Can you now?

C.J. You get way too much pleasure out of torturing me.

Erin I gotta make sure that after everything you do to soften me up, there's still a hard side that can drive you wild.  Sue me.

C.J. Sueing is the last thing I want to do to you. But yeah, I can confirm that you still have your edge. Jeans are tight. Job is done.

Erin So is this the point that my job of making your birthday a good one is complete, Mr. Tight Jeans?

C.J. - tilts his head at her, giving her the slow one over. Slightly confused. - You say something?

Erin You... are hopeless.  -smirks at him-  I don't know what to do with you.

C.J. Oh, how horrible it must be to have a boyfriend so intensely attracted to you that he can't concentrate. Must be such a difficult life...

Erin It's just the worst.  -smirks-  I'm pretty sure I'm never going to get used to that word.  We'll be together for fifteen years and I'll still be all... what?!  -laughs-

C.J. Nah, by 15 years you'd have to get used to a brand new word since I intend to make an honest woman out of you way before 15 years down the pike.

Erin You are going to scare the shit out of me.  -closes her jacket-  Is that what you want to do?  Inflict complete panic in me?

C.J. Oh c'mon...-pulls her towards him, trying to work the jacket back open with his teeth.-

Erin -whispers- Don't use scary ass words.  -holding the jacket tightly shut-

C.J. It's scary to me too but it's the truth...now open up. -he stated, giving her the puppy dog pout as his hand trailed up the side of her leg and just underneath of the jacket along her side.-

Erin It only took me months to give you a non-date... It'll take fifteen years before you make an honest anything out of me.  -lets go of the jacket, not depriving him of his birthday gifts-

C.J. "Mmm..." he hummed, his smile reflecting he felt much the opposite but not going to tell her that and ruin it. Not wanting to fight with her on his birthday as he felt that this was a topic that would ultimately lead them there. However, he wasn't just dating her for the sake of dating her. He was dating her because he saw a future with her. Watching her let go of the jacket though, his smile widened. Dimples flaring as he reached down to push the jacket from her shoulders, hearing it hit the floor with a loud thump. He leaned in, face to her neck. Breathing her into his senses, lingering for a moment before his lips even touched her skin. Both the taste and scent of her growing familiar to him. She was beginning to be associated with home and comfort for him. Something new to them both, terrifying but equally as arousing.

"Best birthday gift ever."

Erin -With her jacket now on the floor, back in his arms after a night apart, she knew that she was precisely where she belonged.  His implications of fifteen years in the future were things that terrified her, as she was already so far beyond where she had began that she almost couldn't recognize herself.  She had to push this thought from her mind, as her goal was to give him the most perfect birthday that she could offer.  Her heart should have been guarded, and it had been at first, but he was literally breaking every single wall that she had up with every moment that they spent together.-  

I'm glad you are having a good birthday, baby.  But it's just beginning.

C.J. To say that C.J. was a man without commitment of intimacy issues of his own, was an understatement. The breakdown of walls was much more two-sided than she’d give him credit for and maybe that was for the best. Yet, she had entered his life and lit up every fiber of his being that screamed to him that this was his path to pursue, the illumination through darkness down a path less trodden. While he had grown up Catholic and had long ago shed the superstition for which he was raised and his mother preached daily, the concept of fate was an unchangeable part of him that saw him through. She had reignited that faith in him whether she realized it or not. All day everything would make sense between the two of them as she had already broke the tireless routine of his day to day and gave him a little something (other than his kids) to look forward to.

““Yeah? How do you figure? Should only take me about 2 minutes once started,”” he teased with a wink as his head slipped from her neck. Arms locked around her waist, literally just appreciating her for that moment and unable to help himself from the sight and feel of her.

Erin "Two minutes?  It hasn't taken you two minutes since we started this," She remarked with a smirk to her lips.  She knew that he was teasing, as every ounce of her body had to take the last forty-eight hours to recover.  After staring at an old bottle of muscle relaxers for an hour the day before, she resorted to hot baths, a massage, and Tylenol instead to take the soreness from her body.  There was no way he was going to be through in two minutes time.  With his arms now to her waist, her smirk remained.  "Oh, there just so happens to be some things in the bedroom for us.  I figure if you can buy me a vibrator as a first gift, I should buy you something equally as enticing."  Letting her teeth take hold of her bottom lip for a moment, she slipped from his grasp, grabbing his hand and taking him into the bedroom, holding up a small gift bag.  "Should I make you earn it, or just give it to you and then let you have fun?"  She asked, dangling the bag infront of him, the contents concealed with tissue paper.

C.J. His brows rose instinctively upon the mention of her having something for him. Only able to wonder, laughing softly as he truthfully didn't’t know the concept of a first gift was such a big deal to women but he had learned the hard way on this one as he knew she’d never let him live it down. Still, he followed behind her. Feeling her hand in his while his own obviously overwhelmed hers. Following her loyally and patiently into the bedroom like a milk-fed dog knowing what awaited him. His eyes blatantly glancing down towards her ass where he wanted his other hand to wander but before he knew it, she was turned around and facing him. He shot her a mischievous smirk, suggesting he had other motives in that moment. Yet, watching her with that bag in hand. He gazed down curiously, seeing nothing but the tissue paper as she posed the question.

Shrugging his broad shoulders, he took a seat at the edge of her bed before guiding her to stand between his legs. “”I don’t know but better figure out quick. Your window is rapidly closing,”” he warned playfully as his hands possessively grasped her hips. Lips drifting just above her navel.

Erin Allowing him an ounce of control to guide her between his thighs, she could only glance down for a moment to see how incredibly close his lips were to her flesh, his hands to her hips in a position that she would always love.  In some ways, it was objectification, but she felt as if it was different between them.  She knew he respected her, and this was more than just a fling.  She was learning more and more about the man that she had given so much shit to, finding out that he was more than human, he was amazing.  

The bag still in her small hand, she withdrew a box from it, trying to pay no further attention to where his attention was.  There were still other contents to the bag, but she wanted to be sure that her first gift to him was no where near as raunchy as the one he had bestowed upon her.  Holding her hand out, placing the box in front of his eyes, she drew it upward, commanding his eyes follow.  "First, this."  She demanded with a don't test me tone about her voice.  Inside, there was a keychain that simply read 'mi fido di te' on a round disc.  Attached was a black key that would unlock the door to her apartment.  "You should always be able to be where you belong," she whispered to him in a nervous, raspy voice as she felt her stomach tremble with an appropriate uneasiness, one that she had been fighting all day, but knew that this was what she wanted to do.  She never wanted him to think that he had to arrange a time to come over.  She wanted him to feel that her door was completely open to him, any time, day or night.  

C.J. His eyes watched as she removed the box from the bag, lips still lingering about her skin until she nearly commanded him to look upwards and demanded his absolute attention. Little did she realize that it was beyond him to give it while she stood before him like this but his brows knitted, watching her and at least trying to concentrate on making sense of her words. Green eyes gazed intently at the opening of the box, eyeing the contents. The Italian upon them making him smile softly. There was something about his native tongue that made everything seem ten times more intimate as he spotted the key and her follow up explanation. The key to her apartment. He heard the shake to her voice and knew she was nervous and knew she had every right to be. Yet, it was literally the best thing she could have given to him in that moment and he knew that access went a long way. With his eyes leaving the box, he glanced back up towards her with a quick smile.

“”E non sarò mai approfittare di questa fiducia,”” he returned in Italian of his own, letting the words linger before allowing the immediate English translation. “”and I'll never take advantage of that trust. Thank you,. Sono tuo,”” he confirmed, He leaned back a bit against the bed only to crane up and press a quick and appreciative kiss to her lips. Smiling softly as he met her eyes. Hands gently passing up her sides.

Erin There was a split second that Erin did not follow on what it was that CJ was saying to her, but as he spoke the translation to her, she bit her lower lip in a smile.  Her gift to him had been well received and the moments of nervousness were proving to be nothing but foolishness.  She had nothing to fear with him and though she frequently seemed to forget this, he constantly reminded her of it in the little things.  Though she was not fluent in Italian, she was fluent in Spanish, thus giving her indication that sono tuo must be the same as soy tuyo, only furthering the smile she now wore.

The gift bag still in her hand, she almost didn't want to give it to him now, as it could easily change the tone of what was happening between them at that moment.  His lips to hers, if only for a moment, she met them with a soft touch from her own.  The kiss broken, their eyes meeting, she dropped the bag from her hand, letting it fall to the bed beside him, bringing her to instantly lift one knee to the side of the bed beside him, then did the same on the other side so that she could straddle him while he sat beneath her.  After the act of complete faith, she wanted to be closer to him.  The contents of the bag falling out beside him, she glanced over at the handcuffs and could only laugh at how this had gone down, unplanned.  "So those are for later, if you want them," she grinned, her teeth holding her lower lip.  "You were supposed to open that, but..." she paused, with a shake of her head, leaning in and stealing a kiss from him.

C.J. Feeling her slip into his lap, he welcomed her warmly onto the perch that was hers by right anyway. The shift on the bed causing the bag to fall over and the contents to spill, not yet glancing over to see what they were until she spoke about what they were intended to be. Glancing over though slowly, his one arm slipping around her waist as his free hand reached for the handcuffs. Having to smirk lightly. “”Oh, I definitely want them,”” he added, pressing his lips back to hers after her urging before he was meeting her eyes again. Though there was little more ironic than two cops using handcuffs together in bed, these were definitely one of his favorite tricks as he glanced over them. ““You’’ve spoiled me, woman. Careful. I might get used to it,”“ he warned as he pressed his lips firmly back to hers, taking in the warmth of her taste, pulling back before he met her eyes. “”You know what makes this pair of cuffs different then the ones we use?”” he asked playfully, knowing she’’d probably figure it out as she was quite literally the most capable cop he had ever met in his life bar none. Showing her the side of the cuffs where there was no lever  unlike their own cuffs, just a keyhole.

“”Thank you. For everything.,” he told her though honestly, pressing his forehead to hers as it hadn'’t ruined the mood or changed anything for him. He was quite happy to have both the key and the cuffs, both representing their topic of trust that the two had been working on in recent memory. Both things required trust whether she realized the theme or not, it certainly did not pass his mind.

Erin "Maybe that's my job," she smirked in regards to his spoiling comment.  She wanted to spoil him in any way that she could, especially considering how much he had done for her, whether he knew or not.  "I'm glad you are happy."  She spoke in an honest tone, having had so much nervousness throughout the course of the evening, anticipating his arrival at her apartment.  She wanted him to have a good birthday and took it as her own personal mission, although she felt rather clueless through much of it.  She was a rookie when it came to this stuff, but was finding her way through it remarkably well.  

Leaning into him, she met his unsuspecting lips with a kiss, moving her hands to the sides of his face, only to draw herself back and look into his eyes with her own.  "I'm yours."  She said, in response to his mention of the phrase in Italian moments before.  "And you're mine."  She smiled, a quick brush of her lips to his again.  "Have you had a good day?"  She asked, her fingertips trailing the side of his face as she wanted to be sure that his every wish was granted and that when they eventually would fall asleep that night, that he would do so as a satisfied man that had no negative feelings towards a day that should have been just for him.

C.J. Hearing her return his phrase only in English and tell him that she was his, it was notions such as that which eased his passage through this whole thing. His obvious biggest achilles heel in this whole thing was his territorial jealousy and the fact that he had learned to be distrustful from past experience. Yet, he had shed that distrustful nature with her entirely as he did trust her. The residual territorial bit was not him being unable to trust her, just unable to trust the world with her instead. Brushing his lips back to hers, he hummed in playful agreement back at her. The handcuffs laying against the bed as his arms slipped around her waist. Hearing her question along with her petite hand working over his face, he nodded at her. Flashing her a warm smile. ““I definitely did. best one I’’ve had in… well, a while,”” he stated honestly, for once, he didn'’t hear time clicking away in his ears with each birthday. Reminding him that he was yet another year older and not feeling like he had much to show for it. Something had shifted dramatically and he was suddenly excited to see many more birthdays with her by his side. Or better yet, in his lap.

“”Even if I am an old man,”” he teased, as he laid back against the bed, pulling her to lean over against his chest as his lips found her forehead. Lingering there for a moment as his hand passed up her back and to the back of her neck underneath of the curtain of her hair where he was massaging the back of her neck. “”But a lucky old man.” “

Erin Being brought over him, she rested her face to his chest, letting her body fall slightly to the side of him.  This was the place that everything made the most sense to her, in the somewhat quiet moments, alone with him in her room.  There was a time that the empty room haunted her, though she never would have given him the satisfaction of admitting it before.  She never knew why it felt that way, and surely thought she would be content to spend her life single, working, protecting herself from ever being hurt again, but he broke that into a million pieces, without her consent.  She was given no choice in the matter, but was finding herself in the middle of this relationship that held more promise than she ever could have predicted.

"There will be many more, just like this," she promised, though she had nothing to give as collateral to guarantee her promise was any good.  She just knew that there was nothing she would let tear them apart.  She felt like they were already facing more than most couples, but had been handling it in stride.  The secrecy, the stolen glances, to Erin they all pushed them to some other level that most couples took months to achieve.  "What's age anyways?" she asked, wanting to make sure he didn't feel the effects of the birthday, though she knew in a few months, she'd be likely having the same feelings.

With his hand to the back of her neck, she could only smile against his flesh.  "You realize it is your birthday and you should be getting the massage, right?" She asked, teasing him.  This was the second time that she felt more like she was receiving than giving, but neither time could she actually complain in anything more than a tease.  "With it being your birthday and all, and I've given you what I had for you, now you have to tell me, what is it that you want to do for your birthday?"

C.J. “”That’s what I like to hear.,” he told her in response of them having many more birthdays to look forward, as if she had read his mind in that moment though he hadn't’t been expecting to hear it. Him mentioning the “marriage” word had shrunk her down to size though it didn't’t seem she was afraid of being with him, just the commitment of it all. Regardless, he was a reassuring feeling that he enjoyed. “”Might have to get that in writing,”” he teased honestly, hearing her response to the age thing he had to laugh.” “Yeah, what’s another grey hair for a guy whose been growing them since middle school.,” he recalled honestly, shaking his head at the memory since he might have been teased for it if he wasn't’t the tallest in the grade with a strong enjoyment of pushing his fist through other people’s teeth.

Still, his fingers worked into the back of her neck despite her protest to which he shook his head. “”Maybe giving you a massage makes me happy. Maybe making you feel good, makes me feel good,”” he pointed out, the answer to both being that he very obviously did. Hearing her question, he cracked a smile. Watching her before kissing the top of her head as he pulled her more onto himself rather than the bed. Her weight didn't’t bother him, he could tell her entirely on his chest as his arms slipped around her. Hands trailing down her ass where he gave her a tight squeeze with both respective hands. “I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Erin Erin knew that one of her gifts to him had been sentimental and the other risqué, but there was just a small part of her that wanted to keep talking, to see into him, to feel him out.  She had been blogging for days and it was not helping at all, bringing her to the realization that the only thing that was going to give her insight would be talking.  Yet, it was much easier to just go the route that was a given with them.  His kiss to her forehead, all of her body atop of him, she whispered, "I'm pretty sure you can make it happen."  A dare, but one she knew he would not pass up.  She had been with him long enough to know, pairing it with the gif she had given to him, it was a sure-fire bet.

Feeling as if she were held so close to him, she felt a security that was more reassurance than perhaps his words could give.  Based on body language alone, she knew where she belonged and where she stood with this man, only bringing her to wonder what might have been had she let him in months before.  A kiss placed to his chest, she lifted her head, moving her hands to rest under her chin, bringing him into her eyesight.  "The question is, HOW do you want it for your birthday?"  She smirked, kissing his chin with her lips, moving herself slightly higher on his body so that she could find his lips with hers.

C.J. ““Seems like you got something brewing up here,” C.J. remarked, pressing a kiss to her temple to demonstrate where he meant, she did seem like something was troubling her and if that was the case, he’’d rather she’’d crack it open now so they could handle it. God knows for whatever reason he had infinite patience for this woman. He impressed himself with how he handled her sometimes for surely anyone else would have been cast aside for the shit she occasionally put him through but his feelings for her were without peer the most intense he had ever felt. Times like this he just wanted to take care of her and kiss it all better, even if he knew it to be impractical. Watching her the picture of angelic perfection there at his chest, he smiled softly as he watched her moving towards him. Pressing his own lips back to hers as the question found his ears. “”I’’ll tell you what I want but I don’t know if you’’ll be able to pull it off,”” he told her with a smirk, a challenge she knew she’d inevitably pick up.

““I want to, for once, to not have to think about anything for a good few minutes,”” he began, not sure if she’’d follow him there in his decision to have no decision and let her have control entirely. “”You know how nice it would be to not be a control freak for once? Okay, maybe you don’t but,”…” laughing softly as they both seemed to have that one in common. ““I’’m giving you the reigns. That’s what I want. To not have the option. What do you think about that?””

Erin His series of thoughts spoken out loud were ones that she did not expect in the slightest.  Leave it to this man to shock her at every single turn.  Just when she would think that she had him pegged in one way or another, he never ceased to amaze her in moments such as these.  It was really something very remarkable, as she was a stellar detective and had instincts of gold, just apparently none when it came to relationships.  Perhaps that was the real reason she had pushed him off at every turn, afraid of being wrong - daily.  "You.  The great CJ Luciano.  You are giving up control, to me?"  She asked, letting her words build it up a little higher than perhaps his original intention.  "Be careful.  You might just get what you wish, and once the control is mine, you could end up never getting it back."

It was easy to feed into the game with him.  She was as strong willed as they came.  What he was asking of her had seemed so sensual to her for a moment, and in a flash, it was something different altogether.  Run; the word so clear in her mind, bringing her to quickly lean forward to kiss her lips to his, making her facial expression in that moment impossible to pick up on.  Moving her legs to either side of him, she straddled his body, moving her hands to his and drawing them off of her body and around to the bed on either side of her head.  Her kiss growing in strength, a veil that would hide the deepest parts of her that were threatening to show themselves.  The kiss would not be broken by her, not until she could regain her complete and one hundred percent composure to continue in her mission to make this night every single thing that he could ever want it to be.

C.J. ““That’s the thing about control. It ebbs and flows. Just like you’’ve been kind enough to give up control to me and know that it’s special, I’’m doing the same. Granted, it’’s not entirely that selfless but…I don’’t think you mind anyway.,” he stated honestly, sneaking a smirk. If the experience between the two of them had taught him anything, it was that the most unimaginable euphorias were unveiled when pasting push one’s own self-inflicted personal boundaries. Whether shaped by the past or just fears all together, their limitations were binding. Yet, when one found another willing to break all the rules with them, it was truly magical. The intimacy and closeness they relished in was due in part to this. Both of them were breaking their own rules, not just one.

Feeling her push his hands off of her, he growled softly against her. The inability to touch her was almost painful, wrists lifting where he mildly rebelled against her. Just to see how far he could push her that night as his lips pressed back to hers. Having to put his all into that kiss just to get his fix though it was never enough. He was a fiend for that taste and her touch in everyday possible. His lips meshing to hers as his teeth suddenly found her bottom lip, tugging outwards. Still a silent challenge.

Erin Pushing through was something that Erin had spent her entire life doing.  She was resilient in that way, always finding a way to shut things off, and focus when she needed to.  This would be one of those times as the kiss did for her what she had intended it to do for him, a distraction.  Completely shutting off that side of her that was screaming from the inside, she released both of his hands, sitting atop him and thus breaking the kiss, now that she felt her expression was in order.  Lifting up at his shirt, she tugged him forward to her.  "This has to go," she commanded, a powerful grin appearing to her face.

Lifting the fabric upwards, though she loved to see him remove it, she wanted to disrobe him herself, level the playing field between them.  Already knowing what this game would be, she pulled his shirt completely from his body, throwing it to the floor beside the bed.  Her eyes falling back to him, she whispered to him as her hands reached for the cuffs, "You have about thirty seconds before you won't be touching anything else for the rest of the night, per your request," she added with a grin, giving him just that as she started to count.  "1, 2, 3..."

C.J. “Happy to see it go,”” when she explained to him that his shirt would have to go, his hands against the bed anyway and in perfect position for her to strip it off of him anyway. Not needing to raise his arms as he was already there and he allowed her to pull it up and off of him. He met her eyes and that grin upon her lips as he remained leaned up in seated position. Back of his head settling against the headboard as she gave him the countdown for the cuffs and he had to laugh. Perfectly eager to comply and baptize those cuffs even if she probably predicted she’’d be the first one in it. Yet, biding his time carefully, he made sure to get his time in as he passed his hands down her sides. Fingertips passing over the warmth of her bare sides, down to her hips, giving her a firm grasp before back down the sides of her legs and down towards her knees where she leaned.

“”You are so fucking gorgeous, you know how hard it is to keep my hands off of you?”” he asked honestly, knowing he wouldn’’t have the option this time around and knowing that this was ultimately his bed to lay in and he would enjoy it a little too much for his own good but still. Nonetheless, his point remained as he thoroughly took advantage of that time with her.

Erin Ignoring his words, as they could have easily distracted her from what she was taking as her mission in life at the moment, she continued to count.  "15, 16, 17..."  Her face still bore a smirk as she did her best to ignore his hands to her flesh, another trigger that would make it easy for her to deviate from the plan.  "21, 22..." her voice now coming close to a whisper as she opened the handcuffs in her hand, in complete disbelief that she was truly using them on him first.  Resisting the urge to use any professional lingo, the last two numbers slipped from her lips.

In a quick maneuver, as she would have at work, she had one cuff on him without a seconds warning.  Leaning forward to the rails of the bed, she drug his hand from her thigh that was now imprisoned in the cuff and pulled the cuff behind one of the railings of her bed.  Leaning down to him, she trapped him in a kiss, reaching for his other hand to lock in as well.  It didn't take long before she had his wrist, bringing it up to meet the vacant side of the bonds, clipping him in and completely restrained.  

Quickly breaking the kiss, she laid an additional rule, aside from her original of no touching.  The next, she would deliver with a grin from her lips.  "Did you enjoy that kiss?"  she asked, wanting a completely honest answer from him.  Pausing so that he could answer, she leaned down, her lips to his chest, bringing forth a raspy whisper against his flesh, "because there won't be another."  If he wanted her in control, that was exactly what he was going to get.

C.J. While she got his first wrist quickly, her speed definitely able to outwork his with ease. He had size on his side but definitely not speed where she had always made up for it. Stealth. He pressed his lips back to hers, feeling her pulling back bringing him to crane his hips forward from the headboard. Leaning forward as far as he could as he really didn't’t want that kiss to end until he finally leaned forward as far as he could and she pulled back. Eyes instantly opening to watch her, as if demanding that answer before she spoke. His brows knitted before a whine left his lips, feeling her down his chest as his tongue slipped from the part of her lips. Collecting her taste against his bottom lip since it was evident that he wouldn't’t be getting it again. He watched her slipping down his chest as he leaned his head back against the headboard with a gentle thump.

““It’s official, I have the meanest girlfriend in the world.,” he teased, a wink suggesting he knew it was quite the opposite but he’d still playfully complain as he watched her down his chest. Fists clenching and giving the cuffs a tug forward just to see if they’d be able to withstand him. Feeling that resistance and knowing he’d most likely leave some pleasant reminder cuts against his own palms from where his fingers would curl.  Lower body slightly shifting on the bed as his hips lifted and fell, feeling the tightness in his jeans increasing 10 fold from just those few moments alone.

Erin Erin lifted her face from his chest to give him a grin, shaking her head.  "Now you don't mean that.  You don't think I'm mean..." she teased as she moved her body lower, now straddling his thighs as she twisted open the button on his pants, her eyes on his as she bit at her lower lip, realizing by now that it drove him insane.  There were times she didn't know she was doing it, but this was not one of those times.  "I think you should be nicer to me, or I may have to become <i>that</i> girlfriend."  Slowly unzipping his pants, she moved completely from him, drawing them down in a painfully slow motion, not rushing this at all.  If she was going to be in this element, then she would commit to her role and go for it, for him.

Dragging his pants from his body, she started to fold them, standing just in his vision still wearing what she had met him at the door in.  "You know, I could always do some laundry and clean the kitchen..."  she teased, shaking her head and dropping the jeans to the floor, having had her fun with that one.  Her knees to the bed, she came back over him, but not close enough that he could get his lips to hers.  "Happy Birthday, CJ," she smirked as she tugged the last piece of fabric down, just enough to release him from the cloth that bound him, leaning down with no hesitation and taking him into her mouth to the full depth that she could take, getting his flesh damp.  Coming off of him as fast as she had taken him in, she took her hand to his erect cock, with a slow purpose she moved her hand up his length, then back down, without ceasing.

It was in this moment that she realized that she was truly the one at the disadvantage here.  She thrived in his touch and his kiss.  She needed his hands to her body.  She craved his lips to her flesh, his marks to her skin.  She was certainly at a disadvantage that she would have to rectify immediately, but she was not yet sure how she would do so.  Without him to help her, she would be on her own for every step of this, the idea of it as terrifying as it could be, <i>It's his gift, and so it shall be</i> she confirmed to herself.  Slipping her free hand down her stomach, she watched his eyes, already feeling that there may be a jealous glare to come from them based on their previous experiences, but chancing fate without hesitation.  Moving her hand lower, as her other hand continued to work him, she found her own clit, starting to immediately toy with it, her lip fully bitten by her teeth in that moment.  She felt like a different person, and it made no sense in the world, but she would do absolutely anything it took in that moment to bring a growl from him, a smile, a smirk, anything.  She wanted to see his reactions, and had the perfect vantage point to do so.

C.J. “”Are you reall-You are really folding my pants right now?”” he stated, a stage of utter amazement as he watched her. The gesture almost inappropriately sweet as he flashed her a light smile, gently thumping his head against her headboard. Sure that her neighbors were already mourning their relationship and looking back on the peace they received when they were not together. Shaking his head at her suggestion of her cleaning and leaving him vulnerable. Knowing he couldn'’t put it passed her but knowing she’’d at least take sympathy on him today of all days. They could tease around but ultimately, he knew she wasn’’t that cruel as he lifted his hips to allow her to pull down his boxers. Hearing her statement and not a moment later, his eyes were closing. Groaning softly at that immediate contact, the warmth of her mouth passing down him. It wasn’’t until she lifted that his eyes opened once more to watch her, the feel of her hand replacing her mouth.

His hands clenched into fists, the need to touch her completely overwhelming. Exhaling a deep breath as he kept his light eyes on hers, getting a feeling he’d be begging to get out of these cuffs sometime soon if she kept it up. Just like that, she was at it and making his prediction correct. Watching her wandering hand and her mere response telling him that she knew that he wouldn’’t allow it normally. Watching her bite her bottom lip, his brows rose.

“”Ohhh, you are asking for it,”” he told her honestly, tilting his head slightly as he watched her. Cuffs getting a gentle tug as he felt her hand still working against him. Taking in a deep breath made visible by the rise and fall of his broad ribcage and the indentation of muscle tone at his abdomen. “”You should drag your ass up this way, hm? We can see what feels better for you. Your fingers or my tongue.””

Erin The look upon his face was one that she had not yet seen in him, bringing her to the conclusion that she was absolutely doing everything right.  At first, the idea of complete control had taken her by surprise, even took her key-gift nerves to another level, but now she was enjoying her position and taking advantage, in case he found some way to regain his normal position of King.  Her intentions were to make him absolutely insane and it appeared to be working as his latest demand came forth from his lips.  

With a light shake to her head, the curled lengths of her hair falling over her shoulder, she whispered to him, "You said I was in control."  Her less than gentle reminder to him only brought her to tighten her grip to the thickness in her hand.  The offer was tempting though, as she knew just how he would make her feel.  She also would run the risk of him somehow entrapping her there, both of them having the same instincts and knowing exactly what she would attempt if she were in the same situation.

A smirk formed to her lips as she removed both of her hands and slipped from the bed, reaching into the nightstand drawer and taking out a black stretch of cloth.  She said not a word, which might have been a miracle in and of itself, moving over him, straddling his body, one hand against his chest.  "You do realize that you are in a very bad position, right?"  She asked, actually quite enjoying the fact that he was completely trapped beneath her with no thoughts to flashes from before in her mind.  "Here, I'll help."  She smirked as she leaned forward, not daring to get her lips close enough for him to take over.  Placing the cloth to his eyes, she covered his line of vision, moving her hands behind his head to tie the blindfold in place.

C.J. ””C’’mon, baby,”” He groaned softly at her response, blatantly denying him of what he wanted so badly in that moment. Tongue gliding against his bottom lip to satiate that oral fixation before he watched her slipping up from him all together and into the night stand. Keeping his light eyes on her and her moving hands before she was straddling him. ““Mmm,” he hummed softly, feeling her hand at his chest. Tempted to lean forward and seal his lips to hers and make her a liar from that promise. Yet, he watched her with that fabric. Buying himself his last few minutes before it was slipped over his eyes and he felt her tying it to the back of his head. The darkness quick and eclipsing as he leaned forward, managing to press his lips to her jawline somehow before leaning back with a light smirk.

””Got you. Sort of,”” he added, knowing he was in for it with both the cuffs and the blinders. She was taking away the two most important senses to him being able to enjoy her properly; his sense of touch and sight. With that, his other senses were aflare. Able to take in her scent and the feeling of her warmth against his chest as he took in a deep breath.

””I’’m going to get you back for this one of these days,”” he reminded her honestly and though it had been his birthday gift, she should have never doubted that he would give her a run for her money in a similar fashion one day when he would have the upper hand.

Erin “You will do nothing of the sort," she dared with her words as he threatened payback to her.  Leaning dangerously close to his lips, her own lips barely brushing his through her words, she whispered, "You'd never."  Her own words being more of a dare than anything else, the flirtation heavy on her lips as she pulled back from him, not giving him the opportunity to steal her lips even for a moment.  

A million ideas flooded her mind, things she had never done and had always wanted to, things she could never do, things that were so outside of the box that she couldn't fathom but was somehow intrigued by them.  A light shake to her head, though he could not see her, she moved from him, standing back from the bed and taking in the full view.  It wasn't something she would have ever believed if she wasn't witnessing herself in this scene, almost not recognizing herself in any of it.

Opening the drawer in the nightstand again, she opened the tube of lubricant that he had gifted her a few nights before, putting a small amount into her hand before closing it back in the drawer.  Erin moved over to the bed, facing away from him and straddling overtop of him, though putting no weight on his body at all.  She placed her hand around his fully erect cock, slowly rubbing the lube throughout, the motion alone bringing forth a dampness in herself.  

She could feel the beating in her chest increasing as she moved closer, positioning herself over him and barely letting his tip inside of her.  In a complete act of courage, she pushed herself down, bringing forth a sudden whine from her own lips as she did the same motion again, without giving herself a chance to take him in slowly.  Every time they had been together before, they had taken this act slowly, carefully, but there was not a single part of her that wanted to go slowly tonight.  It was about his birthday, surprising him, and bringing him to a point of complete satisfaction.  She was outside of her element, but in true overachiever form, pushing forth without pause.

-September 1, 2014