#everything is empty and colorless and dull and my GOD the seasonal depression is kicking my ass | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wantonlywindswept · 2 years ago

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the problem with having to be creative for work is that you’re all used up when it comes to things you actually want to do but you still have that itch to create that drives you crazy bc you can’t sate it so you end up staying awake all night playing minecraft in an attempt to make something out of nothing because even a rigid limited version of creation is better than no creation at all, you tell yourself, except it isn’t enough because you need the ability to fully control everything to make the thing that you want to make to get that fulfillment but when you reach for something to do all of your thoughts and originality are already gone and then it’s the same cycle all over, unending, unfulfilling, and it makes you wish you could just stick to answering emails instead of having to use your creativity for something that is, in the end, pointless

#it's like writer's block from hell except it applies to everything #anyway it's 6 am and guess who hasn't slept yet #man i haven't posted anything to ao3 in literal years #and i'd like to say i've been writing in the meantime but #i have not #some random shit here and there #you know when you listen to music and there's so much EMOTION #that it makes your chest ache #and you want to make something with that kind of feeling #something that's yours that is you participating in the act of creation #but instead you just slam facefirst into a blank grey concrete wall #everything is empty and colorless and dull and my GOD the seasonal depression is kicking my ass #it's been raining for 2 straight weeks #this is california who allowed this weather #bitch bitch bitch

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