#everything has felt off balance and I haven't been able to focus and I have been SO emotional

[byanyan]

writes one tiny thing and fucks back off

[zombie-bait]

Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.

So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:

"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."

(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)

To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.

And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?

At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.

This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.

The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.

(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol

BUT

I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"

Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)

[covenantofthedeep]

electric love ☆

feat. | mona, childe, zhongli, & jean summary | they have a crush on u! a/n | i am trying to write so bad. pleeaseee rb if you see this it really helps esp since i haven't written in a while <3 thank u

mona megistus |

mona's not sure how to explain the crimson flush that spreads from her cheeks to her fingertips when you're around, nor is she willing to.

she doesn't know what's happened; just a couple of weeks ago the two of you were hanging out every day, friends forever, but now it's like something's changed. she can't think of you without picturing your lips, or the sparkle in your eyes, and that throws her off so much she goes out of her way to avoid you.

sometimes from her window she can see you talking to someone in the square, the sun highlighting your face and it's like you've been bathed in an ethereal spotlight. when she thinks about talking to you, her mouth goes dry and she finds herself at a loss for words, and she's not sure how to carry a conversation with you anymore. she hates it, actually. she detests it. you? distracting her so much from her every day tasks that she drops a stack of books on her foot when she sees you sprinting after a cat? how dare you.

the last straw is when she takes a walk through the woods and ends up in a sunny clearing, and she starts to daydream-the sun is just so nice on her face like that, and she's needed a break--and her mind wanders to you. your hands, she can imagine them intertwined with hers. would they be callused, she wonders, with all the sword-wielding you do all day? and then she catches herself and her eyes fly open and she stands. this can't go on any longer. you're taking up too much space in her mind.

she never used to feel this way. what a curious thing.

tartaglia |

childe would rather saw off his own fingers than admit he cares for you, and that's quite a sacrifice, seeing as he needs his bow and arrow. he has tried denying it, going so far as to shoot you down when you ask him to go monster fighting with you, or telling you he's "busy" when you ask him if he wants to hang out.

the crease in your brow when he tells you no kills him every time, making him want to turn you around and shout, i like you!

but that's a childish move, and childe doesn't resort to such tactics. he's decided the best option is to squash down his feelings and act as though everything's okay, despite the fact that taunting you isn't the little game it used to be--the two of you firing insults at each other for ages. now he takes real digs at you, because maybe that'll convince his stupid heart that he doesn't like you. the wounded look in your eyes before the whip-quick insult you spit back makes him want to kiss you, and he's embarrassed to admit that your lips take up more time in his head than they should.

he has no words to say how much he likes you, and he doesn't want any words, either, because that would mean he would have to tell you. even if he didn't want to tell you, he's not confident that his lips would stay sealed around you--one quick smile throws him off his balance these days, and sometimes when you wink (you've always done that, how has he just now noticed how cute it is?) he thinks he sees stars.

jean gunnhildr |

jean's already busy enough without you bothering her. that's what she tells you when you hang in her doorway, complaining that you're bored and will she please hang out with you? she always felt like tearing out her hair when you bugged her, although lately it's been for a different reason.

sometimes when you come in and throw yourself across her desk, she can't focus anymore; she used to be able to tune you out, but now, for some reason, you've been a distraction, one that she can't afford. she's had so much paperwork lately, so many requests from the townspeople asking her to take care of this, look over that, does this sound good. she's just so tired of it all, and she finds herself looking forward to you coming in and throwing her off kilter.

there's something almost magical about the dust motes floating through beams of sunlight that cut across your face when you lie on the floor, an arm thrown over your eyes and paperwork strewn on the ground beside you. she can't put a finger on the emotion she feels, she just knows that on the days you don't pop in, it feels empty and lonely. on those days, she catches herself staring out the window, watching for you, waiting to see if you'll drop by with some sweet madames and an offer to go to the tree by the statue of seven.

thoughts of you won't leave her mind, and it irritates her to no end. her work's been sloppy for the past few weeks, and that's not her brand. she wants to yell at you for distracting her this way, but those arguments just end up with you taking her hand and kissing her on the cheek, which is a strange thing to be imagining about you.

and she asks herself every day, is it odd that she wants to kiss you?

zhongli |

zhongli prides himself on his emotional disconnection from this world, and the way he can stay stable in every situation. except, the other day, your arm brushed his when you were laughing, and his arm tingled. maybe he could've convinced himself that he's imagining things and you just shocked him, maybe, which sometimes happens between people when there's static, except it happened again, and this time when you were handing him a pile of scrolls and books you thought he'd like.

he had dropped them all, sending the scrolls unraveling and the books landing splayed on their spine, which he knew would bend them. you had flashed him a dirty look, but laughter danced in your eyes. and you'd helped him pick them up while he wondered what had just happened.

sometimes he thinks you've noticed that he's been stumbly and stuttery and a mess around you lately, but you choose not to comment and instead tease him about it, which irritates him, and makes him wish that he could fluster you the same way. unfortunately, you remain the same--irritatingly, frustratingly perfect.

he wishes he could invite you to dinner more often without it seeming strange, although you are his closest friend--it can't be that weird?

but he regrets it instantly when you show up dressed up, as though you were going somewhere else than his dining room. after apologizing profusely for not telling you that it was just with him, he feels bad the whole meal and decides to make it up to you by taking you outside to see the stars (although you don't seem to mind being overdressed).

the stars shine and mirror in your eyes, pools of night set into your face. he wonders how much he could possibly love you without his heart exploding.

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence:💙Script progress + Updates💙

Hello and welcome new followers, long time no see! I was very busy most of this month, but I am back and ready to continue from where I left off on the game! This game development post might be a bit long but I tried to condense everything! :]

"How are things going so far?":

It's going slow and steady! I haven't been able to do too much these past few weeks, however, I wrote a few parts out before I got too busy and couldn't do anything else.

I want to be very careful when it comes to spoilers but, based on your choices, some of these areas will give off immersive cozy/homelike vibes that really express Noah and the player(Y/N)'s view towards each other. In the old 2023 script I was very new to writing so the small semi-hints of romance weren't the entire focus compared to the horror aspect but there's a better balance between both genres now and I'm still aiming for a meaningful slow burn versus it just being all over the place. :] I liked writing them a whole bunch which lead to a lot of these taking place in the mid/end of Day 4+, they just need to be placed in specific areas that call for it. With that being said, it felt really comfy adding key details about Noah and creating meaningful sections in the game. I was even going to draw out some of the unseen script/scenes but I believe the best thing to do is give deeper lore from the [Extended Demo] first. Even though my writing style has improved I still have to fix the multiple pacing issues I wrote last year.

"Playtester's advice":

I wanted to continue working through Noah's backstory but I kept having moments where I'd get sidetracked into wanting to fix up the start of the game again. Eventually, I talked to my play testers about it and they gave me a few encouraging pointers.

To help keep my process at ease, I will fix the beginning of the game when I take breaks from writing up Noah's backstory. :]

I talked about this during early 2024 but the start of the game that leads up to the cabin is still getting reworked. I was able to get some of it fixed for the [Extended Demo] but I wasn't done. Things are still up in the air but, I will say that I have a better view of everything than I did before. :] Another priority that needs fixing are the backgrounds! I've improved a lot on drawing and they need to be optimized. When you first start up the game, you wake up in a holed out tree in the swamp with the choice to leave this area and possibly end up in the forest. I was going for a very immersive form of symbolism that only a few noticed but, I believe I can do a better job about this. Unfortunately I don't have any new backgrounds to show right now but maybe next week I'll have some finished up! :]

"Art process/Noah's sprite sheets":

As far as Noah sprite sheet goes, it's still in sketch mode.

I didn't draw anything since I was gone so I need to do a few warm ups before I get to them. There are some old drawing prompts I wrote down and old sketches that I never got a chance to doodle so hopefully I can get to them at some point with some attached lore. :,]

My Q&A / Ask box has been reset!

Thank you to those who have sent in asks in the past, unfortunately they all disappeared except for 1 while I was gone. I have no idea what happened but I can only guess it just got reset.

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask or resend them in here please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I would really like to hear from you guys!

This is all I have to share so far, Thank you to everyone for the continued support and patience while I was gone! I was ready to accept the interest for this game to fade out and coming back to see that it didn't happen makes me happy, I really appreciate it. :,]

[ultravioletfuture]

ULTRAVIOLET VISIONS: We Are Back Online!

May 10, 2024 - portal.rwb

Welcome back everyone to a brand new edition of ULTRAVIOLET VISIONS! It's been months since our last blog post on here and it's honestly been long overdue for some updates. Before I get into the usual music recommendations, discussions, and shoutouts, I just thought I'd give an update on everything going on with me and the label and some explanation for certain delays like with shipping and these blogs.

In August we will be hitting our 2 year anniversary since UVF's initial launch and it has been an absolute blast working on this project. Since Day 1, I've wanted to build a platform to emphasize and promote all of the amazing music I've been a fan of in this scene and giving them a place to really shine and highlight them for the hidden gems that they are. Every single release felt like such a great success in my mind, regardless of sales or numbers, but mainly just due to the fact that we were able to turn someone's digital release and give it a tangible, physical form. With music being so heavily emphasized in the digital space these days, there's a special feeling when getting to hold a physical release in your hand like a tape or a CD. Things have changed a ton since the start of this label (mostly for the better!) and it's been a hard time for me personally to balance everything going on in my busy life. I still have every bit of passion and determination inside of me to continue on with this project as when I first started 2 years ago, but I definitely feel like in the past year or so I haven't been able to live up to my ambitions and fulfill the goals I strive for. There's a lot more I could be doing to improve the whole experience on everyone's end regarding UVF and I really want to focus on just cleaning things up and trying to stay on top of new releases and updates. Currently we have a couple releases lined up for UVF that I'm excited to share, but I wouldn't feel comfortable continuing to put releases out knowing there are still delays for orders. Once all pending orders have been shipped out, I can't wait to continue on with expanding the UVF catalog and sharing more music with you all. In the meantime, please feel free to reach out to me with any concerns regarding your orders and I'd be happy to give you any info you need.

With all that being said, let's kick things off with a recap of all the latest updates regarding artists on the UVF roster!

UVF Updates

Spring Dream

On April 21st, TRUMAN! hosted the "Spring Dream" show at Complex24 in Denver, Colorado with most of the returning roster from the previous "Snow Dream" show. Truman was kind enough to invite me to play and with some planning, I was able to book a flight for the weekend and play my first ever live show!

Our trip to Denver was amazing and we had such a great time hanging out with everyone for the show! This was actually the first time I would be meeting any online mutuals so it was pretty nerve racking, but everyone was insanely kind and welcoming. Since starting our Lunar Data Garden project, Truman and I have gotten to know each other a ton and meeting in person for the first time was pretty surreal. Despite all the nerves, Truman was a great host and took us all around Denver. As soon as we landed we got some Korean BBQ and just yapped in person for the first time. The next day would be our one big day to pack as many things to do as possible before we had to really get into "show mode" come Sunday. We got these fire breakfast bagels, went to the Museum of Nature and Science, visited the Aquarium, stopped by a 4/20 music festival downtown, and ended the night at this super cozy bar with one of the best burgers I've had in forever. I swear all I was thinking of in my head after touring around Denver that day was "God a bacon cheeseburger and a beer would fucking smack right now" and when dinner came around it's like Truman read my mind immediately lol. Sunday rolled around and I met up at Truman's apartment to practice our sets when I met Sam (sigiliyph) and Aiden (Atekin) for the first time! They were super chill and we all practiced our sets for a couple hours before the show. Truman and I rode together to the show and bonded as we feasted on Wendy's Biggie Bags. When the actual show started, the energy was super sick and intimate in comparison to any other show I've been to. It's been a while since I've gone and been to any concerts or shows before so just being around people interested in similar music as me in this super underground venue was such a nice feeling. Without going into extreme detail over everyone's set, I just wanna say that everyone killed it and brought so much energy to the show that night! The whole night felt like it flew by so quickly and the thought of finally having to leave was starting to kick in. Shoutout to Luxury Noise, Big Baby Profit, Charlotte, Astrid, Aiden and Sam for sharing this night with and being super chill people to talk and hang out with! Thanks to Big Baby Profit for setting things up to get our set's recorded! You can watch both my portal.rwb set as well as the world's first Lunar Data Garden set over at the ULTRAVIOLET-FUTURE youtube channel. The Lunar Data Garden set will also be compiled into a Live Album over on the LDG Bandcamp page so be sure to support us there as well.

New scarecrow_ Album, "Our Shadow"!

Progressive Vaporwave artist scarecrow_ is back with their latest album "Our Shadow"! After the release of their ambitious double album "Flora & Fauna", scarecrow_ returns with another 10 boundary pushing tracks that further expand their already vast and intricate take of the NUWRLD style. Starting off the album, "Awake" takes us on a 7 minute expansive journey through multiple different switch ups that somehow blend coherently into each other. The track ranges from it's bright and punchy vocal stabs in the opening to it's melancholic arpeggio passages in the midpoint. I love the way that scarecrow_ can pack so many different styles and layers into one track while constantly keeping the listener on their toes, waiting to see what happens at every turn. Other standout tracks to me include "Lover" for it's tight groove chaotic energy throughout the track. "Station" is a track that takes you on a slow journey down a dramatic path of hard hitting drums and waltz-like melodies. At the halfway point, the song comes to a halt and transforms into this eerie slow building vocal chant that increases in energy as layers of drums and synths pile on top of each other beautifully. The vocal refrains on this track are very reminiscent of something you'd hear on a Giant Claw record. The penultimate track "Separate" is an instant favorite of mine for it's mind boggling production. Easily being the glitchiest track on the album with chops that will leave your ears begging for more, "Separate" is what I can only describe as a stroke of pure genius and masterclass in song structure and creativity. One of my favorite tracks I've heard all year for sure. "Just For Now" ends the album off on such a bittersweet note, wrapping the album up beautifully with a bow on top before crashing into it's destructive and explosive end in the later half of the track. Overall, scarecrow_ proves themselves once again as being one of the most forward thinking artists to come out of the Vaporwave genre in recent years and continues to expand the sound of their already vastly diverse catalog. As always I HIGHLY recommend this album as well as any of scarecrow_'s previous works. If you go into this extensive catalog of music with an open mind, I promise you'll come out the other end with your mind blown. As the title suggests, when I first discovered scarecrow_'s music 2 years ago I was truly "Never The Same" ;) . As previously mentioned, scarecrow_ also released their last album "Flora & Fauna" on ULTRAVIOLET-FUTURE! The album is available on CD and Minidisc if you would like to support both scarecrow_ and I in the process. Personally, this was one of my favorite albums of last year and I was super proud of how the whole CD and Minidisc design came out.

"Heaven's Medallion", a New Album under the Two Circles side alias, out://of//bounds

After the release of their all encompassing record "Inbetween Everything" back in December 2023, Two Circles is back with a brand new album under their more ambient/slushwave side alias out://of//bounds! "Heaven's Medallion" delivers us a heartwarming and enchanting collection of 6 songs that take your mind through a journey that can only be brought by Two Circle's signature charm. The first track "Amulet (魔法)" warps us into an empty plane as a heavenly landscape begins to slowly expand before you. The track slowly envelops every nook and cranny in your brain with its lush pads until suddenly you are stuck with a yearning melody as you stare into heaven itself. "Sailing the Cloud Sea // City Limits" is s slow 2 part endeavor as you traverse through this 10 minute trek. "Sailing The Cloud Sea" is a relaxing boat ride as you stare into a sea of clouds before you and lose yourself in the bright pink skies. Reaching the second half, the clouds begin to clear as we enter "City Limits" and view the city thats ahead of us. Beautiful ocarina melodies flood our ears as we arrive at our destination and dock for now. In "世界の木" , we are confronted with the almighty "World Tree" as we seek for answers from within through the means of connecting with the environment around us. A melancholic resting point to gather our thoughts before continuing on the rest of our adventure. Dawn approaches as "Eventide Nightfall // Moon In Front" brings us into a dreamy, spiraling lullaby where we can slowly melt away as layers of synths cascade onto the night sky. "The Balance of Many" leaves us to gather our things as our journey comes to an end. Pillowy synths build up as we connect one last time with the heavenly atmosphere that's been painted before our eyes. After travelling through clouds and dreams, "Heaven's Medallion" is there in the end, waiting for us to reach out and grab from the skies. As always, this new out://of//bounds adventure doesn't disappoint and will leave you filled with emotion and a sense of what I can only describe as 'home". With every new installment, I'm consintantly blown away by how effortlessly Two Circles is able to build entire worlds in front of you and paint sonic masterpieces for you to pick apart and add to your library of emotions. In case you missed it, Two Circles released their magnum opus "Inbetween Everything" on ULTRAVIOLET-FUTURE late last year! Minidiscs have sadly sold out but the album is still available on CD if you'd like to pick up a copy and support both Two Circles and I. The album is also accompanied by a spectacular visualizer that's available to watch on the UVF youtube channel as well as Two Circle's youtube channel. I can tell they put their entire heart and soul into the visuals they created so I highly recommend you all check it out whenever you get the chance.

UV Spotlight

Moving on from all the happenings with our UVF artists, I wanted to share a couple albums that I've been a fan of and have had in my rotation recently!

"Accela" by Lila Tirando a Violeta

I discovered this album while randomly digging through Bandcamp a few months ago and have been pleasantly surprised with how heavy yet beautiful this album sounds. "Accela" is a mind-melting amalgamation of heavy distorted electronic music with brilliantly crafted sound design experiments sprinkled throughout. The album is entrancing yet abrasive leaving you stranded in this desolate landscape filled with prickly electronics and hellish growls. Definitely might be a more challenging listen and not for everyone but has definitely peaked my interest since first discovering it. The album is also available on cassette through their Bandcamp page if you'd like to support Lila Tirando a Violeta either physically or digitally!

"No More Tears" by Venus Death Trap

Venus Death Trap seems to be an artist that popped up out of nowhere but has made quite a splash with this latest record to come out on Business Casual. "No More Tears" is a brand new hour long record with 17 tracks ranging from bright, upbeat tracks like “You Know I Love You, Right?”, to more NUWRLD styled tracks like “Love Me” that are very reminiscent of albums like “I’ll Try Living Like This”. I’m always happy to hear any new albums in the scene that take heavy inspiration from acts like death’s dynamic shroud so this will be right up your alley if you’re looking for more music in that style.

"👁​点​击​と​👁" by 👁️‍🗨��📲

Legendary Vaporwave duo 👁️‍🗨️📲 delivered with a monumental new album, “I Click With My Eye”. Honestly, I couldn't give all my thoughts here and could probably do an entire video on this album, but in short, this feels like the ultimate culmination of Vaporwave as a genre up to this point in time. A time capsule of sound that has just taken the past 10 years of Internet culture and jam packing it into a 50 minute experience. The Visual Album that accompanies this album is a must watch imo and truly elevates the entire album to a whole new level. 👁️‍🗨️📲 has truly cracked the Vaporwave code and concocted a generational album. The album was released on Kats kill Records along with a beautiful vinyl release that currently has a couple copies left on overstock so grab one while you can!

"The Wrong Side Of The Soul" by アバドン

アバドン (aka Abaddon) released their latest record "The Wrong Side Of The Soul" towards the end of last year, and ended up on my AOTY list. The album is filled to the brim with Abaddon’s usual fusion of heavy electronic instrumentals and glitchy vapor fueled vocal sampling. Abaddon has slowly and slowly perfected their style and you can see them finally reach a point with this album where they are able to show off their creative ideas to the fullest. The album was also accompanied by a gorgeous cassette release under Cityman Productions so be sure to snag a copy for yourself!

"ミ​ラ​ー​リ​ン​グ TOWER" by NUWRLD Clubhouse

Every year, the NUWRLD Clubhouse discord server comes together to form a yearly compilation made by various artists in the mixtape club. This year we decided on finally making a remix compilation of DDS remixes titled "ミ​ラ​ー​リ​ン​グ TOWER"! The compilation features 36 remixes of various songs from the vast DDS catalog. This has been a big passion project for members of the mixtape club and we are super happy to finally have it put together and released! Unfortunately, the compilation is only available to mixtape club members at the moment, but many of the artists have released their remixes on their various platforms to check out. Nevertheless, the DDS mixtape club is one of the best things this scene has to offer and would be a great excuse to check out over 3 years worth of NUWRLD monthly mixtapes! Also big shoutout to Two Circles for coming up with the cover art for the comp since they did such an amazing job I seriously can’t get enought of it!

Finally, I just want to give a huge thank you to everyone out there that checks out and reads these blogs! Writing these blogs up has taken up a lot more of my time than I had expected which is why I haven’t gotten one out in a while, but I figured we were long overdue for a new post. As always, it would be greatly appreciated if you share the blog with your friends or anyone who might be interested and be sure to join our Discord as well as follow us on our social medias to keep yourself updated with all of our releases. Hope you all have a great Friday or whenever you end up reading this and I’ll catch you on the next blog post 💜

-portal.rwb from UVF

[beyoncesdancers]

My (Review? lmao) Thoughts about The RENAISSANCE World Tour That No One Asked For

BITCH I WAS NOT OMFGGGGG

I am SO glad I stayed away from clips of the show (for the most part lol) truly made the experience extremely special. like this is really my GOAT. THEE GOAT. And I got to witness her live and in person for a second time. I'm sooooo grateful and hopefully I'll have another opprotunity.

BUT WE ALREADY KNOW SHE'S THAT GWORL SO IMMA FOCUS ON THE DANCERS!

Amari Marshall is a fucking STAR. That's all I could think whenever I saw her. Stage presense on 100000. She's impactful.

Les Twins were utilized very well! I haven't seen them dance much since i hung up my fangirl cape, lol, but their dancing felt soooo familiar and I really enjoyed them 🥰

DANCE CAPTAIN HANNAH DLAINE! Y'all like to try my girl, but I loved everything she was doing on that stage. She may look diferent next to other dancers, but those lines, technique, elegance, that CLEAN look makes her great and Bey's fave 🤭

Simone showed up and showed out for her hometown! Definitely took notice of that. Ai, Alannah, and Brianna really held it down like the OGs they are. Kyndall may be the baby on tour, but she definitely rises to the occasion! love ha. Trinity is so radiant! Truly. This is her first big gig and she's definitely not taking it for granted. a PROFESSIONAL. Lisa, Nerita, ans Aakilah are all sooooo STUNNING? Truly shook looking at the three of them. Ms. Aliyah Janell doeeeeees thiiiiiiiiis lmao she was eating it up!

The boys, Rob, Zavion, Jus, Konkrete held it dooooown. They were utiilzed so well, especially in comparison to the boys on OTR2, no shade chile 🙃

Darius is also VERY STUNNING. FACE. CARD. and he can dance his ass off some ppl really have it all 😌. I loooved watching Carlos lmao idk what is was but i always found him whenever he was on stage 💕💕💕 And Jonté! Male Beyoncé himself! an undeniable talent.

and a special shoutout to Cha Cha Balenciaga! ate that ball right on up!

BLUE IVY THEE CARTER. That is all.

As for the choreography, I love the direction Fatima took it in. I know there's been criticism over how much Bey is dancing, but I think its the perfect balance of dance and vocals. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. the choreo matches the vibe of the album, of the era perfectly.

MOVE is my fave choreo at the moment, but now that I can watch clips lmao, that might change! I just cant get that Move Your Body Girl/Free Mind mashup out of my head 😌

This was just me writing down my thoughts so I’ll always be able to go back and reminisce on how I felt. If you read this whole thing, just know...

I love you deep deep deep deep 🥰🥰🥰

[honeybunnybeez]

Did you even...? (ANGST)

♡ Prisoner!c!Dream x GN!Reader, (Mention of past poly!dream team x reader)

♡ Summary: You pay an old friend a visit. You just need to get something off your chest.

This place seemed to be even creepier on the inside than on the outside and stepping foot into the prison gave you immediate chills. You look over to Sam, who strides through the hall with no issue at all. Well, that does make sense, he did build the place after all. He knew the prison like the back of his hand.

He gives you a quick glance before breaking the silence and asking,

"You sure you wanna do this?"

"If I don't do it now, I'll never do it. Might as well take advantage of the situation while it's safe, right?"

He doesn't say anything in response, and while it does leave a slightly awkward tension in the air, you think it's for the best.

After going through the countless safety measures, you finally make it to the bridge.

"Stand back, let the lava wall fall first."

You nod, feeling your chest starting to tighten up from how nervous you're feeling. As the wall falls, you can see a cell in the distance, and in that cell, a very familiar figure.

You start to feel hesitant when you see him and soon you start to rethink your decision as well.

"I-"

"Last chance, (Y/n). Do you want to do this?" Sam asks, his voice now firmer than before. "I won't be able to follow you, but just know that he won't be able to harm you in there."

You take a deep breath and remind yourself once again, now or never. Do it while he can't properly hurt you, while he can't manipulate you, while you still want to give him a piece of your mind. If you don't let it out now you'll regret never taking this chance.

"Y-yeah, I want this. I have to do this."

Sam doesn't say anything else and turns his attention to the many switches on the wall. "Stand on the bridge and hold onto the railings tight. The moment the bridge connects to the cell hop off quick."

You nod and step onto the bridge.

Upon seeing that it truly is you, Dream is quick to walk towards you but the netherite wall stops him from getting too close too soon. You were here, actually here, visiting him. He hasn't see you in ages, not since he left you three and you still look so-

"Dream?"

...you still look so lovely.

Despite his blank look, he seems dead tired and for the first time in a long while, you actually feel sympathetic towards him, but that doesn't mean you were going to go easy on him. No, it's going to take a while before you find yourself comforting him. Though, despite what you tell yourself you still have to hold back from holding him like you used to do.

As the lava falls back down, along with the netherite wall, you let yourself step over that line, approaching closer towards him and he does the same too.

"(Y/n)."

You let out a sigh, a hand covering your face as you try to get your emotions in check. So many things to say but the dull ache you feel is a reminder that you have so little time, but you do know what to start off with. With a deep breath you finally say what you've been dying to tell him,

"You absolute fucking asshole."

You can't help the venom that seep into your voice as you utter those words and Dream can feel his heart break a little as you use that tone with him. This wasn't your usual teasing insults anymore, you were furious and your voice more than shows it.

"All of this, and for what, Dream?" You ask him.

'For power, for absolute control,' a part of him thinks to himself, but he can't find the courage to say it to you. He can't make things worse than it already is.

"I'm sure Sapnap told you, he never could keep his feelings to himself," the way he so casually says it makes you want to slap his mask right off. If only he was there to hear Sapnap claim that Dream never cared about them, how devastating it was to hear those words.

"You're a selfish prick,"

He is, isn't he?

"Such a greedy motherfucker,"

He's come to terms with that a long time ago.

"...An absolute heartbreaking bitch."

...He didn't expect to fall this hard, (Y/n), he didn't know he'd fall in love too.

Tears start to fall as everything grows to be too much from all the sorror and frustration you're letting out with each word you say. You try your best to wipe them away but it's no use. It just hurts. You wish George and Sapnap were here to comfort you, to hug you, but they weren't and you aren't going to simply hug the monster in front of you no matter how much you want to. As much as it hurts you can't find it in you to stop talking just yet though.

"Was what we all had just a joke to you?" You manage to sob out.

He stiffens a bit as his thoughts race. Inside he's begging you to stop, to please don't ask him that question.

"Was it fun? Y'know- stringing me, Sapnap and George along, saying such loving words. Sharing all those gentle kisses and late night giggles. Were those moments just fake to you?"

(Y/n) please.

"Dream,"

What can he say, what do you want him to say? Please, (Y/n) he doesn't know what to say-

"Did you even fucking love us?"

'Yes,' something inside of him screams, the part inside of him that he tried desperately to ignore ever since he left you three. He wants to shout out his answer, wants to hold you close and never let go, but he can't, because he knows damn well he doesn't deserve it and it kills him everytime he thinks about it. He doesn't deserve you and them.

His silence and blank stare breaks your heart, but at the same time, it also... relieves you, to know that you don't have to cling to any false hope. To know that you can just let go knowing nothing between you four were ever real to him.

You let out a hiccup and a shuddering sigh. Unclenching the fists you never knew you were clenching to begin with. You have so much to say, but you think you've finally reached your limit, so you focus on calming yourself, starting to feel foolish for losing it in front of him.

Silence between you two filled the room, with you looking down at the floor refusing to even glance at him and Dream not moving from where he stands, his thoughts fighting with one another as he thinks about what he should do or say.

Before Dream can open his mouth he sees you starting to sway a little bit. You feel yourself starting to grow weaker as your sobbing slowly stops and the dull ache from before is becoming unbearable, and that's when you realize the potion was still in effect. Your time was running out, you have to leave soon.

You accept whats coming, you said your piece, and even though you still feel like shit, a slight weight has been lifted off your chest . You got to meet him, and finally got to say what you wanted, face to face. You feel satisfied, at least for now.

"(Y/n)," his voice starts to sound like a distant echo as your head starts to throb.

"Don't... please don't say anything...," you feel the room start to spin and you're slowly losing your balance.

"(Y/n), please listen-"

"...I can't Dream. I can't-," and with that, you feel your heart stop and see the world around you turn black for just a moment before you wake up on the bed Sam had told you to set your spawn at. Your head is in a daze as you look around to check your surroundings. At that moment, it all felt so surreal, but you knew better than to think it was fake.

"...Fuck," you literally can't find anything else to say, feeling speechless and a little emotional.

"Feel better?" Sam asks as he walks over to check you over.

"Yeah, I think so..." a ping can be heard as your communicator goes off and it's from Sapnap.

You told him you'd be visiting the prison a few hours before but you weren't expecting him to come and pick you up, he even brought Quackity and Karl with him too. It's a pleasant surprise after that whole situation at least.

"Best not to keep them waiting, (Y/n)."

You let out a final hiccup before laughing softly, wiping away the remaining tears from your face.

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Sam."

(Bonus!)

Before your souless body can hit the floor, Dream is quick to catch it and hold it as it starts to slowly fade. He starts to feel some of the tears he's been holding back fall and he doesn't bother to stop them. Instead, he just hugs your body closer to him. It doesn't feel the same with how cold and light it feels, but it's better than nothing.

As your body slowly starts to dissapear, he can't help but whisper out a string of apologies to it, pretending like you three can hear his voice.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

But no matter how hard he pleads, no voices answer back, only the soft flowing of lava and his screaming throughts return to be his only company.

Notes: Hello! Thank you so much for reading this if you did! I haven't written fanfic in ages so I may be hella hecking rusty. I'm also really sorry if this is beyond ooc and dramatic! I'll try to get better as time goes on!

(Requests are open and anon is on!)

[ajaviary]

Shatter Me

Summary: One misstep and your carefully crafted world will shatter and reveal the truth you’ve worked so hard to hide. The ugly, shame filled void that you haven't been able to drag yourself out of. You never expect to be on his radar, a string of circumstances bring you two closer and unfortunately he’s drawn into your world.

Some Dark Content with mentions of physical & emotional abuse. Hints at self harm in later chapters.

Rating: M (Explicit) - 18+

Chapters: 1

Word count: 4168

A/N: Thanks for reading and feedback is appreciated. I decided to expand on my Vulnerable Piece, this is the first chapter of that expansion.

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You felt your phone vibrate in the pocket of your leather jacket, but you ignored it as you leapt back out of the way of a fist that smashed against the street. You frown, doing a quick glance at the civilians in the area, too many were still lingering at the intersection, all the cars stopped, but that wasn’t before some of them had swerved to avoid hitting you as you’d suddenly appeared in their way. Your litheal body tucked itself, the palm of your hand glowed for a moment before you were able to attach the small gemstone to the car in a form of a really strong molding and pulled yourself in a twist onto the hood effectively avoiding the prospect of being roadkill.

You were a little too pretty to wind up the bug on someone's windshield today.

The radio in your ear clicked on effectively telling you the eta of your team. Kamui Woods was on his way, he’d gotten held up about three blocks away and that was still long enough for the guy you were facing to cause problems if you didn’t hold his attention. You hoped down off the hood of the car, your boots walking over the torn up roadway. “Throwing a tantrum now, what are you two years old?” you wonder with a tease as you grin. You’re not just the Pro Hero Gemini for shits and giggles, no you had earned the name and it was rising in popularity and your recent joining of The Lurkers.

You were rising in popularity. It was through your hard work. Everything you did was because of your dream to help people, but you weren’t delusional in assuming it wasn’t going to be hard fought to claw your way to the top, you weren’t aiming to be number one, but you were going to do your best.

“All that effort to rob that bank and to think you almost got away with it too, if only it wasn't for that meddling little Gemini.” Your grin was wide as you watched the large man sneer at you, his body glowing a brilliant blue at the center of chest and the color expanded outward along hands and down his legs before he was suddenly rushing you.

So predictable, but then again this is hired muscle for you.

You darted to the left avoiding his swing as you cupped your hand along his ear with a hard slap of sound. The blow left him staggering to the side, but blood oozed out his ear down his cheek. You’d blown out his ear drum.

This sort of thing affects things like balance and depth perception. Not to mention regular things like one's perceptions of sound.

“Oh look at you, all weak in the knees.” Your laughter is enough that even if he can only hear it out of one ear, he’s raising his venomous gaze to you and throwing out a large hand to smack you down.

The crowd expected you dodge and weave out of the way, but their cheers erupt as the smoke clears and your standing there having taken the blow, unmovable as you’d anchored your feet, and your legs are reinforced with the gemstones that gave you your Pro Hero name, your arms raised to block the swing as you hold him back.

The crowd cheering for Gemini shouldn’t have been such a booster to your confidence, you shouldn’t be looking for recognition in the public, when you should get that in your private life too, but you didn’t. When you took off the mask, took off your hero costume you were left with a shattered, broken (Y/N). Your freedom fell away and with it your confidence.

You break in thought, in focus is what left you realizing too late that he’d only hit you as test, but he’d been charing his attack for something else as his wide mouth opened and blue energy swirled inside his mouth, your eyes widened and you knew you couldn’t block that move, couldn’t move out of the way either, not with the civilians clustered behind you.

Shinji Nishiya (Kamui Woods) showed up just in the nick of time, shouting out his special move. “Lacquered Chain Prison!” He throws out his arm as wood from his left arm and entangled the bad guy, his branches curling tightly over his mouth and noise and along his body forcing his hands to his sides and his body back away from you. The crowd was stunned for a moment in silence before their was the clicking of cameras and the sounds of cheers. You should have been upset by your mistake, you were and yet in that moment, as you had stared your death in the face, you were disappointed he hadn’t fired. It was that dark though that left you shaken to your core for more reasons than you wanted to look at right now. Instead you plaster a smile on your face and pull all the emotion you needed too into playing your role for just a little longer. Hoping Kamui hadn’t noticed anything that might give you away.

“I hope you have a good reason for being late,” you joke, poking him in the chest and he only stammers out an apology. He was a little too easy to tease.

“There was a- “ he paused, looking away. “There was a what?” You pressed, sly grin widening. “A cat, ” he mumbled, embarrassed. “that almost got run over in all the confusion,” he defended.

“I always knew you were a softy Kamui-Ichi,” You teased good-naturedly.

You squeeze his shoulder and the ribbing stops as the two of you were just discussing what you were going to do about the muscle head whose part of the crew in charge of a string of robberies lately.

The rest had slipped away in the chaos.

“We keep being a step behind, we have to do better,” your words are low and spoken so only he can hear you. It’s been no secret that this crew has been making a fool out of the heroes who wind up chasing them. They’ve been dubbed Resurgence, but it's their leader the mastermind behind each and every successful hit.

It didn't help that every time their scapegoat was caught he was effectively let go, with the team escorting him to Tartarus unable to provide any details on how it happened, their memories seemed to be altered and in some cases, completely wiped.

“Report Gemini, ” Edgeshot had arrived on the scene, you frown slightly surprised and yet not that your boss had shown up, it wasn't just your reputation on the line after all. He’d become increasingly frustrated that this group kept slipping through their fingers making quite the mockery of all involved.

You efficiently relayed everything that happened to the current moment. How you’d been patrolling and had stumbled upon them as they had fled. You gave chase, but in the confusion, you were left chasing Mr. Humanoid Godzilla over there. You should have been able to do more, you knew this was your fault, but if you were honest you couldn't be too upset. You were alive and that sentiment couldn't be shared with the others who faced them and were left in far worse shape than a scrap or two. You got lucky and you tighten your fist all, too conscious of that fact.

“Let’s double back to the bank,” Edgeshot advises and as a team you head that way it was only a few blocks and traffic wasn’t permitted to pass around the area. Mt. Lady was currently guarding Mr. Godzilla, you hadn’t bothered to remember his real name, it had been in the file this morning, but well you had paid more attention to his looks and his quirk than feeling it necessary to remember his name. It will come back to you eventually.

The bank doesn’t seem very special and you head for the door first as the others are talking a few paces behind you discussing possible scenarios. Your hand curls around the door and pulls it open just as the door opens fully there is a rush of heat and explosion as you’re thrown back.

Edgeshot had reacted by pulling you from the explosion, before you could get hurt by any of the buildings as it exploded outward. You react on instinct, even as you're pulled back into the air your body hardening, golden gemstones extruding from every visible area of your body, even as your fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, as he pulls you closer. “Careful, you’re bleeding,” his voice was hard to hear around the ringing in your ears, but you nodded after a moment as he set you down in the middle of the street and the three of you were left to stare at the rubble of the bank as several other Heroes arrived on the scene to put out the fire, and help with clean up miraculously no one had been hurt.

Your phone buzzed again in your pocket and you swallowed as it vibrated again signifying a call coming in, your hands were clammy as you stepped away from your boss and put a little more distance between you. Your face grim as you were all too aware of the camera’s recording every second of your life. Your heart was pounding in your chest, he knew and he wasn’t happy.

--------

It was a few days later before you could convince Eizan to agree to let you go out with Nemuri at a bar she regularly frequented, you hadn’t been expecting any visitors, it was just supposed to be you and her and then you wouldn’t be lying. He always knew when you lied to him. Luck wasn’t on your side, not when two other Pro Heroes showed up, not when he'd shown up with Hizashi. The meeting hadn’t been planned, but they had been invited to join all the same, Nemuir didn’t realize the predicament she was putting you in, the danger. Nemuri knew so many heroes sometimes you were still left with your head spinning trying to keep up with them all.

Eraser overheard what you had said about your boyfriend, his most recent show up at your interview, how he’d been possessive, harboring a quiet anger over the fact that your interview had been a surprise appearance with you boss Edgeshot, you were there to dispel the rumors of any sort of romantic relationship, a picture that the was running had been of the two of you just a tad too close to each other, but there hadn’t been anything to it, but it hadn’t looked great either way, not when his arm had been around your waist as he’d used his quirk to swiftly curl around you and pull you out of harm's way, only to reform with his hand along your hip and your fingers carefully pressed against his chest, bleeding from a blow to the head. Shinya Kamihara had handled the situation well, and you had too, you knew what to do in these situations, but that didn’t mean the internet wasn’t blowing up either way.

After the interview you’d stepped off stage and Eizan had been there, chatting with your coworkers like it was the most casual thing in the world. Shinya had given him an accessing stare and looked to you, you gave a subtle shake of your head and he didn’t comment, but he wasn’t happy and you could have sworn you saw concern in his gaze when he’d left the station, but he hadn’t made a comment or a scene and instead let you handle it.

Aizawa had shared a quiet look with you before he left to get a drink at the bar before he and Hizashi would join you at the table. Leaving you to finish your conversation with Nemuri in private. She’d placed her hand gently over yours and softly told you that you needed to drop him, that he wasn’t safe for you to be around.

“He was just in the area, ” You grin widely as though to help ease her misgivings, hoped that your smile would be bright enough, convincing enough to hide the truth. You knew she had a right to be worried about you. It hadn’t been a secret that Nemuri wasn't his biggest fan when you guys had started dating. You had been too blinded by love to see him the truth and now you were in far too deep to get out.

You knew that, deep down you knew and the reason you hadn’t left yet was because you were in denial, and then deeper than that was the fear and then shame that you were in this situation in the first place.

It kept you up at night as you wondered what signs you had missed, this sort of thing happened to others, you saved people from abusive relationships and yet here you were in the exact same situation and it was suffocating. It felt like you were walking on a tightrope and it would snap at any moment if any more weight was put on your shoulders.

The conversation didn’t go much further into the subject once the boys came back. The night wore on and eventually you were the only one still sober, nursing a coke with some ice. Your limit was one drink, and that was it, you knew your limit and you had to protect the pretty glass house you had built. If you had a little too much, you would spill your guts to anyone who would listen. You dirty little secret exposed to the world.

Aizawa had stayed with you at the table and sipped his whiskey occasionally, his muscular arms exposed at the forearms as his dark grey long sleeved shirt was pulled up and he leaned his cheek against his fist. You hadn’t expected him to stay there once Nemuri and Hizashi went to play a game of darts as drunk as they were.

Instead you two had talked quietly about life, UA, the hero world and eventually movies and books. He’d warmed up to you after your animated telling of how Kamui had rescued a cat today and how you two had gone back and dripped the little guy off at a no-kill shelter after your patrol was over.

It was crazy for you to get along so well with anyone, most of all a guy who you’d just met, who didn't shut you up or seem like he wanted you to talk about something else. He listened to you, really listened.

You always had to be on, to say the right thing, to have your hero persona on.

This, this was just you, just (Y/N). No special title, just a young woman in way over her head.

“You should be respected and trusted,” the words were soft and you glanced at him, seeing the way he nursed his whisky, but wasn’t nearly as intoxicated as Nemuri and Hizashi as the two played darts in the back. “No man should own you.”

His words wouldn’t normally have caused tears to fill your eyes. You knew that, you knew that, but it was sort of like a wake up call. You blinked and a tear trailed down your cheek. You hastily reached up to wipe it away, an apology on your lips, but he beat you to it. His thumb brushed gently over your cheek as he wiped it away, you shouldn’t have leaned into his hand. It was just so nice, so warm. It wasn’t laced with possessive rage.

“Don’t apologize, ” he cut it, a soft smile curving up his lips.

You stare wondering if he can read your mind and he only slowly draws back and gives you a soft smile before taking a sip of his whisky.

The sounds from Nemuri as she lets out a screech of trumpet has you twisting on reflex toward the noise that he had ignored, but glanced toward once the laughter at Hizashi’s groan. You were just about to thank him for the advice; when fingers curl around your wrist and jerk you from your seat, you stumble in your strappy heels. Only barely managing to catch your feet.

Your mouth is shooting off before you can formulate or stop your words. “Who do you-” the words die in your throat as you take in the form of someone who has their fingers tight along your wrist and they only seem to tighten as he glares at the dark haired man with his hair pulled back into a low ponytail and tipped up, exposing his sharp features.

‘What is he doing here?’ You can’t help but wonder.

Aizawa who had set his glass down and was watching the scene with displeasure in his dark eyes and barely banked anger. He had been taught to respect women, he may have been brash, and inconsiderate sometimes, but he knew what not to do. He didn’t like what he saw, but he was giving you a chance to handle it. He didn’t want to step on your toes, but his hand tightened into a fist under the table, as the other was relaxed and curled carefully around the glass.

“Baby, I thought you said you were getting drinks with Nemuri, you didn’t mention anyone else would be there,” he pulled you closer to him, his grip bruising your slim wrist with the mark of his fingers. You wince, unable to help the movement...to hide it. This side of the abuse is what you desperately tried to hide from the world, you were (Y/N) (Y/LN)...the slightest negative news about Gemini could topple everything you’d been working so hard for. Everything you built and he knew that.

“These are friends of Nemuri, Eizan...her coworkers from UA High. Don’t embarrass me, please. People are starting to stare,” she dropped her voice at the last part, but it wasn’t low enough that Aizawa couldn’t hear every word. He’d also noticed that Nemuri and Hizashi were coming back to the table, Nemuri looked furious like she was ready to go to war for you.

“Embarrass you?!” he suddenly exclaimed loudly, as he jerked you closer forcing you on the tips of your toes, any higher and he’d have you off the ground as he stared with angry eyes down into your own. “Fucking seriously (Y/N)?” he sneers. “You’re embarrassing yourself out here dressed like that for all the men to see. Just trying to get a quick fuck, is my cock not good enough for you, now that you’ve gotten a taste of fame Gemini?”

For a moment you are stunned into silence, unable to formulate a set of words to go with what you had just heard and been accused of. You’d never cheat on him...that was then’t who you were. Guilt courses through you though anyway, as you wonder if you had done something wrong and then you were angry, angry because you hadn’t done anything!

‘You should be respected and trusted,’

Those words from earlier give you an unexpected rush of conviction in your next action, a rush of resolve. You dropped your weight and tried to gain back your footing. “Let go Eizan, just let me go! I’m out with my friends, you don’t get to act like an obsessive jerk!” Her gaze slid to the people who were starting to notice, and someone had their phone out. “Just go home, we’ll -” you fumble here, finally telling him completely what you wanted. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

‘No man should own you.’

You can tell by the way his eyes widen he’d never expected you to attempt to turn this around on him, to make it out like he was the bad guy here, no he expected you to apologize like you always did. He was so hyper focused on you that he almost didn’t notice that Nemuri had come up on your left, her bare hand flush against his chest as she waited to shove him back or activate her quirk and put him to sleep and gladly watch him clumple to the ground. Hizashi was next to her, his hand on her shoulder, his eyes hard behind his glasses and Shota was on your right, his hand curling and tightening on his wrist, his grip was heavy, hard and held no remorse.

Eizan balled his hand and shot a nasty glare toward the man with long black hair. He was stronger than he looked, but now that he gave him another closer look, he recognized him. He was Eraserhead. Did everyone just think you were going to spread those pretty little thighs for them if they came to your rescue?

“You heard the lady, I suggest you take a walk before we get the authorities involved,” It wasn’t a threat exactly, there were plenty of other things he’d like to do, but Aizawa didn’t want to cause anymore of a scene, too many people were paying attention to them and some had heard your name dropped.

Eizan was livid and the look he shot Nemuri was murderous, it was clear who he blamed for this level of defiance. He smiled slowly and released your wrist and somehow that made your heart pound in your chest with a rapid cadence, so loudly it was all you could hear. It left you with such a stark fear, that you were sure something gave you away, because he slowly raised his hands, palms out in front of him. “We wouldn’t want any trouble, of course not,” he said passively, he gave up too easily but it was clear to you as he widened his smile in your direction for a moment before he turned and headed for the door he’d come in...this wasn't over.

“(Y/N)�� Nemuri’s touch was gentle on her hand as she raised your wrist that had dropped to your side, the skin already darkening with a heavy bruise, one you knew you’d have to hide tomorrow. Her touch was so feather light you hadn’t felt it, still struggling to try and hear more than the pounding of your heart.

You didn’t wait to watch him leave, you were suddenly in a twist of limbs and legs as you blindly got some space as quickly as possible darting between your little group and shot for the restroom in the back, you didn’t run, but you moved with a stumble that was clear of the alcohol in your system. The shaking started the moment you shoved the door open, your arms curled around your shoulders as you shoved your fist against your mouth to silence the broken sob that tore from your lips.

No. No. No!!!

This isn’t over. You saw him, you saw him, you saw him!

Those were the only words your mind wanted to shout in your head as you flashed back to the look on his face, the dangerous glint in his eyes.

You were in trouble, you knew that, something bad was going to happen, something was going to happen, he was going to get even with you, he was going to hurt you.

“(Y/N)” the sound of your name spoken softly had you tensing, but you knew who it was, you knew the sound of her voice and somehow, somehow it made everything so much worse. You couldn't hide it now, everyone knew, everyone had seen.

It was another crack against your armor, another break in your chain, it exposed who you wanted so desperately to hide from the world.

Her arms were thrown around you as she drew you against her. “It’s going to be ok,” her words were soft and low in your ear.

Someone telling you everything was going to be ok, holding you with such care...it broke what tiny shred of your self control remained, your knees buckled and heavy soul wrenching sobs were expelled from your body as your fingers curled into the back of her shirt.

Nemuri sank to her knees when your legs gave out, she held you as you cried.

Outside Hizashi and Aizawa lingered outside the bathroom door, they had seen just a glimpse inside, but even the closed door couldn’t stop the sounds from escaping. Hizashi shoved his hands in the pocket of his jeans and looked up at the ceiling as he leaned his head against the wall. “What a night,” he muttered as he pressed his shoulder against his friends. Aizawa was silent for a long while, his gaze on the door, he was going over the night in his head looking for anything he might have missed. He knew leaving either of them alone wasn’t a good idea, not tonight...not for a while. Guys like that didn’t just give up. He sighed softly in the dimly light hallway. “Yeah,” he agreed as he let his gaze drift to the hand that he’d wiped your tears away with.

He knew he wouldn't be able to let this go.

[eloquent-vowel]

Part 4 "Type of" Bucky x OFC (#043)

Description: After two years of upgrades, #043 is finally woken up permanently. Just in time for her fight with the Winter Soldier.

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Slow burn, very much a slow burn. Bucky Barnes x OFC, Winter Soldier X OFC

Warnings: Canon typical violence

Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoy the first meeting between #043 and the Winter Soldier. <3

Part 3

The lights were bright. Too bright, the ceiling was blindingly white and it burned. The light burned. Her eyes were dry, so dry, blinking hurt but having her eyes open hurt.

Everything was loud, not everything, some things were quiet, the things that were loud were meant to be quiet. The buzzing of the air conditioner, the static sound of electricity, footsteps that sounded close but felt far away. It was overwhelming but she couldn't speak, there was something in her mouth.

A high pitched whine filled her ears, they began to ring, louder and louder, until it drowned out the buzzing.

"#043, you have finally woken up."

The ringing in her ears ceased and she could now hear the chatter in the room. A face blocked the light from her eyes, a familiar one.

"It is likely you don't remember but you have been up before." Dr. Leeb began to fiddle with some restraints on her wrists. "We had to wake you up to test if the enhancements worked. It may have taken two years but I believe we have made the latest breakthrough in mechanical enhancements."

#043 was finally able to sit up, disorientated and confused. She had never seen the room she was in yet it felt familiar. White walls and medical equipment surrounded her, there were a couple of men in white coats chatting by the door.

"You are a stunning success #043, almost enough to atone for your previous mistakes." Dr. Leeb undid the restraints on her ankles, as #043 sat up to face him. "Now I want you to do something for me. Listen to the men over there." He pointed to the men in lab coats. "You can't hear them now but perhaps if you just focused, you may be able to."

#043 didn't quite know what focusing your hearing felt like but she did was Dr. Leeb said and focused. Her ear began to burn slightly as she focused in but eventually she could hear the two men talking as clear as day.

"... chip in the Occipital and Frontal lobes, replacement of the Stapes, enhanced prosthetics and enhanced senses, what type of monster is..."

#043 tuned out, before nodding at Dr. Leeb.

"What were they talking about, dear?"

"Me." She paused before staring right at the Doctor. "What did you do to me?"

"We have simply made you better now! Enhanced sight and hearing. I upgraded you prosthetics to fit your fully grown form and added some extra bonuses in them! #043, click your heels together."

#043 slowly stood up from the bed, Dr. Leeb seemed much smaller than she remembered. Her knees almost gave out when she put her full weight on them but she caught herself on the IV pole beside her.

"We haven't got all day!"

Struggling, #043 balanced herself the clicked her heels together. There was a slight hissing noise and two small blades perturbed from her feet, from the heel on her left leg and the toe of the right. She clicked her heels again and they retracted.

"Brilliant aren't they. Come on now, its time for you to get used to these new legs and then it is time for you to fully atone."

Although he wasn't mentioned by name #043 knew that her atonement was in the hands of The Winter Soldier.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Soldier stood on the edge of the fighting ring. It was a large concrete circle with walls built up around it, high enough to prevent escape but low enough to allow scientists to stare at him from above. He knew little of why he was here, other than to fight yet another contender. He was tired, tired of the endless fighting, he always won in the end and those who would lose to him would be taken away for more enhancements or to be disposed of.

For this fight, however, there was a palpable tension in the air as the men above him whispered to each other. He was unarmed, except for a small knife which he was currently flipping between his hands. He was unsure how long it had been, how long he had been waiting for but just has the knife in his hands flipped at the fastest it could the doors on the other side of the chamber opened.

The doors parted to reveal a tall figure, probably as tall as him. She was dressed in a similar fashion to him, black vest and her hair pushed out of her face. The Soldier analysed his opponent. She rivalled him in stature, and her eyes were just as sharp as his as he saw her sizing him up as well.

His eyes flicked down to her legs, he felt his arm whirr slightly as he recognised the same mechanics used in both her legs. They were made of interlocking metal parts that glinted in the florescent lights, with every step she took there was a slight whirring as the metallic joints folded over each other.. Her right leg still had her own knee and was made of metal from there down in contrast her left has an artificial knee joint that clacked slightly when she straightened it, the metal plates going far enough up to just brush her hip.

He walked towards her until they met in the middle. He was right, she was the same height as him and almost as broad. Once she was closer to him, he saw that her shoulder's were littered with scars. They were uniform and regular in their placement, perhaps they were a weak spot of hers? He followed her arms down to see the knuckle dusters clasped in her fists. He looked down at his small knife, this was to be a game of wits as well as strength.

All in all he saw her as a threat, he knew he would have to avoid her legs. Now that she was close enough he looked right into her eyes. They were empty. While her eyes moved over him in a clearly assessing way there was nothing behind them. She was devoid of emotion, his heart beat loudly in his ears as he felt pity. Pity and sympathy. A voice came over the intercom

"#043 meet the Winter Soldier, Soldier meet #043."

They nodded at one another.

"#043, you are to defeat the Winter Soldier. This is the only way you may become Eris. Make me proud, my dear, destroy him."

The Soldier looked as the empty eyes of #043 turned from emotionless to anger, she gave no warning before she attacked.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn't personal, the Soldier was just a target. #043 thought as she launched forwards. Despite not remembering the past two years her movements were the same as always. Chaotic and destructive. She felt her arms moving before her brain and watched as the Soldier jumped to block her.

The two super soldiers battered at each other. #043 felt her arm getting bruised each time she countered the metallic arm. She stared into the eyes of the soldier and he stared back each trying to predict the others moves. They danced around each other. Exchanging pummel after pummel, the brass knuckles caught the Soldier's temple, tearing it. In retort the knife caught #043's cheek. Blood flowed down her cheekbone and she paused.

The Soldier paused too.

They stood for a moment, fists still raised, eyes still locked. There was a hint of recognition that passed between them. A familiarity of shared experience, a moment of finding someone who could finally understand.

"Do I need to remind you what will happen if you lose this #043."

It was enough for #043 to be spurred into action once more. The Soldier was immediately back on the defensive as she attacked him continuously. He couldn't predict a pattern in her blows. She seemed to move with no thought, no direction other than to harm. Her legs kicked out with shattering force and he soon learned it was better to dodge than block. She was unrelenting, while his body was not as tired as hers his mind was beginning to lag. He had to focus, he had no time to switch to the offensive. He had to wait, to wait for her to get tired, for her to slip up.

She punched, he parried. She kicked to his chest, he sidestepped, His eyes narrowed. She was going to kick, with her left, no RIGHT. A deafening clang rang out as he blocked her leg with his arm. Her foot was an inch away from his head. They were both breathing heavily, neither of them having fought someone as similar to the other. Once more their eyes met, the Soldier hesitated- under all the anger and hatred in her eyes was a desperation- fear. She was scared. Not of him. Of consequence, of losing.

She began to push against his arm. The scrape of metal against metal sent shiver's down #043's spine. But she kept pushing, she couldn't lose, she refused to. She grunted out at the effort it took to break the Soldier's guard. She gritted her teeth, she felt his arm give way, she relaxed and was swiftly thrown off balance by the Soldier throwing her leg away. He took the opportunity to run at her.

She was now on the defensive. Using her arms to block in coming knife swipes. Using her legs to parry his own kicks. She tried to get a jab in. Only to have the knife slash across her knuckles, causing her to drop on of her brass knuckles. They clanged against the floor, forgotten as she had to double her efforts to concentrate. She ignored the shooting pain over her hand and continued to block punch after punch.

#043 was tiring. She knew this. He knew it. She felt him doubling his efforts to trap her. Sweat was dripping down her brow. Her usual ability to predict her opponents movements was gone, her brain too focused on surviving. The Soldier drew closer. She blocked a final jab with the knife but he grabbed her. He grabbed her wrists and twisted. She dropped the other brass knuckle. He pulled her close, twisted so that her back was to his chest, and placed his metal arm around her throat. He squeezed.

"Yield." His voice was quiet in her ear, low enough so that Dr. Leeb would not hear.

She struggled, clawing at his arm. She thought of Dr. Leeb, of the chair, of consequences. Black spots began to dance around her vision. She would not go out like this. She focused on her left leg. The chip in her brain that lead directly to her left leg. She really did not want to be disposed of.

Dr. Leeb watched with barely veiled excitement as #043 let out a guttural scream. He watched as her left leg began to twist, it rotated against her skin until it was facing backwards, the foot facing the Winter Soldier. The leg reared back, unnoticed and kicked. Dr. Leeb laughed as that single kick dislocated the soldier's knee. The Soldier loosened his grip and she escaped. They faced each other once again.

The ache in her leg was almost impossible to ignore as it twisted back to the right place. Much to her annoyance the soldier was still standing. They were both breathless, bloody and bruised.

The Soldier grimaced before snapping his knee back into place, he had given enough for it to be considered a fair fight. It was time to end this fight.

They both moved at once. Their dance resumed. This time they were both switching from attacking and defending every other hit. #043 began to launch a series of kicks. The Soldier kept deflecting them. She knew she was becoming predictable but every inch of her hurt. Her knuckles were bleeding. Spraying red droplets everywhere as she continued to punch. In desperation she began to launch a final switch kick. It felt obvious, she saw the soldier's eyes flick to her feet. He knew what she was going to do. It was too late to change. She launched her right leg towards the Solder's temple. He raised his arm.

There was a thud as the Soldier hit the floor. Unconscious.

#043 blinked. He had seen it coming. He had raised to block it. Had he been tired? Was he too slow? Her win felt wrong. She stood frozen over his form. She had won. She was Free. She was Eris. So why wasn't she happy?

"What type of monster have you created Dr. Leeb?"

Dr. Leeb turned to face the General, a joyous smile on his face.

"I have created an unstoppable tide of chaos, General. I have created Eris."

Part 5

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 13

first time readers click here 💖

TWs/Summary: In this house, we ship Reader/Tony's Rolls-Royce. Reader and Tony being dorks on a date. That's it that's the chapter. Lots of sass and Tony being Tony.

A question for my readers: Are you still invested? How's the slow burn? Is everything realistic? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

As usual, my beta is @miscmarvelwritings . I love her.

"Nice digs, Cupcake."

"Nice ride, Tin Man."

The sass fell from my lips, warm and familiar, paving the way for our upcoming debut like the old, soft living room rug. Any awkwardness I had expected there to be left the moment I saw Tony pull up to my front gate in his Royce: the man was just that extra. The size of my estate, the five-figure outfit of mine - it paled in comparison to his own clout. 

In a world where my choices were usually distributed between stuck-up rich boys or insecure middle-class men, Tony was a fresh drink of water with his absolute indifference towards my and his own net worth.

I wasn't afraid to admire said ride, either. Being a huge petrolhead was what got me interested in engineering, physics and computer sciences in the first place. The desire for speed grew into thirst for knowledge: how to get more horsepower, how to tune, how to mod. No mechanic took an eighteen year old rich-girl seriously even when I had all the lingo right, I had to be a step ahead, at all times, if I wanted my ride to be the best. And I never settled for less than that.

"No driver?" I inquired for the reason behind the unusual behaviour. After all, a Rolls' wasn't the kind of car you drive personally. All the amenities it had, it had in the back.

"Gave Happy a day off," Tony remarked absently. I noticed the small quirk of his eyebrow, however. He was intrigued.

I decided to give it a shot. "So what, this thing packs, what, about five-fifty horses?" I mused, watching Tony nearly swerve into the opposite lane. "At two and a half tons, it's still gotta be pretty quick with that V12-turbo. How fast it go?" The satisfaction was immeasurable, as pleasant to my soul as sitting in a heated leather chair with the smell of a new car, engine quietly rumbling in front of me. And by quietly I mean, it was focus-or-you'll-miss-it kind of quiet.

"Well aren't you full of surprises, baby girl," Tony grinned; a happy, excited grin even. It made his face lose ten years of age just like that. "Zero to sixty in five and a half seconds," He said after a moment. 

"Not bad," I said, sounding impressed. I already knew that but I wasn't planning on robbing Tony out of well deserved praise for his choice in vehicles. 

"Got a ride of your own?" He asked with a smile, like he didn't know it already. No background check would have skipped my three speeding tickets, but I concur. This game was fun.

"I do, actually. It's a 2008 Range Rover. Supercharged," I added in the end, just to emphasise.

"A big car for such a little girl," Tony whistled playfully.

"I'm compensating," I deadpanned. "I'm a little slow on the uptake, y'know, so my Rangie with five hundred horses makes up for it. Gotta keep it balanced."

Tony chewed on his lip. "Five hundred? Haven't heard about that, it comes with three-ninety-five in stock," His eyebrow wiggled. "Tuned it?" He cast me a contemplative glance.

"Yup," I exclaimed happily. As far as the date, I would have been utterly ecstatic to talk about cars all evening. Screw the boring "where do you see yourself in five years" questions, talk to me about your favourite engine swaps. Concept cars, give me those. Monster trucks? Yes, please. Vintage low-riders? Couldn't wait to get my grubby little hands on one. Gimmee!

Tony kept his silence and kept his press smile starting the moment we set foot on getting out of the car. The place he'd taken me to was ridiculously upscale and fancy; the valet hesitated only for a second before catching the keys Tony so carelessly tossed in his direction. There was almost no fear in his body language when the boy approached the massive, expensive vehicle.

The hostess smiled big at Tony and gave me the world's biggest stink-eye when he looked the other way but what else is new? As soon as she left us in the privacy of our booth, I didn't hesitate to stick my tongue at her retreating back. A brief lapse in maturity, if you will.

Tony cackled, growing suddenly serious. "Did she bother you? I can get her fired. I should get her fired."

"Nah," I shrugged. "Don't really care, just wanted to showcase my amazing sense of humour." Snorting, I gave Tony a wink and a secretive grin.

"You really don't give a fuck, do you," His eyebrows twitched again, a sign of mild interest that I noted during our routine sciencing time together. Tony was incredibly expressive if one took the time to observe.

"I could suck your dick under the table right now," I answered honestly. "It's just that when God gave out things like dignity and shame, I wasn't home. Too many fun things to do, y'know," I spoke as casually as I could even though I was dying of laughter inside.

Eyes bulging, jaw hanging mid-way to the floor. Tony was serving Looks™ and I didn't mean just the white tee and purple blazer combo. "Princess, you're going to be the fucking death of me!" He took a sip from his water glass, smirking.

Finally releasing my mirth, I gathered my hands in a lock in front of me. His own, warm and calloused, reached over - I allowed the brief intimacy, clasping them, fiddling with the leather band of his watch. For a moment, it was just us, sitting in the dim light, discovering each other anew to Robert Johnson singing the blues and NYC bustling with life just behind the wall. 

The waiter took our orders - and if I totally butchered the Italian, Tony was gentleman enough not to make any remarks. 

"Somehow, every time I am with you, you both manage to meet my expectations to a T and surprise me at the same time," I wasn't able to completely ignore my nerves. My hand was still loosely in his and he didn't mind at all, me messing with his watch.

"How so?"

"I'm going to loosely quote someone, bear with me." Mr Davies's words popped into my mind just as I was wondering how to best articulate my feelings. "You're eccentric and interesting because it's, well, it's you, because it would be much weirder if we'd be sitting here and making boring small-talk and asking each other the genetic get-to-know-you questions," I briefly paused to sip my Dom Peringon and stare at our hands. Gathering my wits. "That would be why I don't do dates. It sounds so tedious on paper, just sorting through people until a person that's not absolutely mind-numbing comes around."

Tony was silent for a moment, the sheen of his eyes, the faraway look; he was lost in memories. Probably remembering all the girls he had charmed before. I didn't doubt it was easy for him: his smile was distracting and people usually were attracted to shiny things. He shone plenty. Also, most people were stupid, they never cared to look past the golden wrapper. I was convinced there was a diamond under it. But then again, I was biased.

"I've never thought about it that way, but I guess you're right," He finally said, serious. "With Pepper, at least, it was. Come to think of it, we never had that much in common, besides Stark Industries and her willingness to put up with my shit." It was painful for him to talk about her, that much was obvious. His laugh was forced and sardonic.

I, on the other hand, never understood why they got together in the first place. Or maybe I did - but the cold, composed Pepper and the chaotic, energetic Tony reminded me too much of my own parents. All four people in this fucked up equation could have been much happier if they choose... What? Being alone? That was terrifying, too.

I kept quiet, giving his hands a gentle squeeze.

"You know, this is so bizarre. Even an eighteen year old kid has got it figured out," He suddenly said, his tone bitter like the coffee that he loved.

"Woah, slow down," I put up a hand. "I never said I know what to do. I just said I know what NOT to do." The 'kid' remark would have made me eye-roll so hard my skull would crack any day. In this context, however, it was pretty spot on.

Tony snorted. "And how did you come by that information, pray tell, Baby?"

I huffed. "Have you met my parents?" We simultaneously cringed and I hurried to erase that mental image. "I make fun of myself for being into old dudes all the time," I made air quotes around the phrase that made Tony scoff, "But, honestly speaking, I've never even been on a date. Like a real one. Usually it's twenty minutes and I'm falling asleep mid-conversation. People can't seem to keep up with me or something," I felt genuinely dejected. "So many meaningless questions, so many downright idiotic comments. From men," I pointed out the obvious. "My mother used to tell me she thought I was gay because I didn't act like a girl... Whatever that means."

"That sounds pretty shitty," Tony was studying me like one would have been looking at an exotic animal in a zoo. "That said, I agree."

"That I don't act like a girl?" I teased him, the left corner of my mouth tilting upward. "Fuck that noise. I want to drive fast cars, drink straight liquor and have orgasms. If that makes me a dude... I look pretty good for a dude in a dress."

We laughed in unison, tension evaporating under the shared, mutual understanding. With Tony, it was easy. The waiter brought our selected dishes. Blink-and-he's-gone. Top notch service.

"A dude in a dress, can't say I'm surprised 'bout your lack of dates," He remarked conversationally, happily digging into his food. The noises he made were intriguing, to say the least, and I followed suit on my own food, finding it absolutely delicious. A delicious meal with a delicious man at my side. I refused to feel guilty about my thoughts.

"I guess I have exactly one (1) date on my ledger now," I raised my argument.

The fork clattered as Tony once again, came to a sudden realization. "Holy shit, you weren't kidding."

"No shit," I gave into the urge to roll my eyes. "But on the upside, my first date was with the most gorgeous, intelligent and witty bachelor of the city. I'd say I don't have it all that bad," I quirked an eyebrow at him.

"Aw, you're making me blush," Tony recovered quickly, grinning. "And don't be shy. The most desired bachelor of the country, if not the world."

I shook my head. "No, the world's most delectable bachelor is one of the Saudi princes. What's-his-name, the one who posts goat and horse pics on Insta," I snapped my fingers a couple of times, trying to remember the name as Tony looked at me all offended. "Anyways, you get my point. I could have a go at him, don't you think?" Cocking my shoulder, coyly twirling the strap of my dress, I gave Tony my best come-hither look and was rewarded with an appreciative once-over. His eyes were growing hungry again. 

"You're a million dollar baby," He finally said, voice low. "And the extent of people I would be willing to share you with is very small."

That got me interested, sudden heat prickling underneath my skin. The conversation took a turn I didn't expect it to; and there lied the delight of being around Tony. He was always ready to surprise, in the best way. "Tell me," I requested politely.

"That's a conversation for another time," He was enjoying the chit-chat, desire beginning to creep into his features.

"Mmm, you think?" I allowed the strap of my dress to slip down my shoulder, exposing a collarbone, showing him just how far I was willing to go to satisfy my curiosity.

He swallowed audibly. "I think... You're smart enough to figure it out," He finally gritted his teeth, finishing off his dinner and immediately calling for the check. 

I wasn't done yet, however. The possibility of riling him up, taunting him into a lustful frenzy - I was in heaven. Karma had favoured me that evening, it had given me a chance to get Tony back for all the times he unknowingly made my mouth water and my brain go blip. "Must be Steve then," I bit my lip in thought. 

Honestly? I was as clueless as the couple next table over. Steve it wasn't, that much I knew for sure, he and Tony had their little love/hate dramatic connection that always ended in a massive ego standoff. Tony would be on the frontline fighting against Steve if the blonde dared to show anything even remotely resembling romantic interest towards someone Tony himself had his eyes on.

"Princess," Tony growled, sarcastically raising an eyebrow.

"Not Steve," I replied, cracking a smile. Success! "You know, I'm really bad at guessing who's into me. Unless someone is balls deep in me," My face was mere inches away as we quickly shrugged on our coats. "And even then, I can't be sure."

My giggling was accompanied by Tony shaking his head in exasperated fashion; he took my hand nonetheless and I happily swayed it between us, poster child for "not a care in the world". He allowed it, maintaining the same exasperated air about him, and I let him. Fondness and happiness seeped through that anyways.

"Brat," His voice was kind. And his kiss tingled where he left it on the corner of my mouth, sweet and short. "Here, have a go," Before I could react, the keys to his Rolls Royce were placed in my palm and he was making his way around the car to the passenger's side.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway (it finally let me tag you)! @softie-socks @schemefrenzy

[venilegiamavi]

Travis Miller moodboard from xSnickerss Wattpad stories Rebel One/Trained One

Also, we were talking about it, so I accidentally wrote more. I haven't edited this because I am lazy also, I included part 1 of my AU for those who haven't read it.

“Travis? Hey, Travis!”

“Hm?” I slowed the drumming of my hands against the lunchroom table and glanced over at Allen, one of my teammates. His eyes shifted past me and he continued, “Is it just me, or has that creepy new girl been stalking us?”

I rolled my eyes, “Creepy? She’s not creepy,” I glanced around the room until my eyes met hers. She was biting her lower lip with creased brows as she stared directly into my eyes. I gave her a wolfish grin, “She’s hot.”

The girl’s blue eyes bore into mine as she brushed her hair from her face. She wasn’t far from our table, probably close enough to hear us even, but who gives a fuck. The hot girl had transferred here a few weeks ago.

“She can be both.” Allen reminded me, then he leaned forward and whispered to me, “That Lacey girl is silent. She has been here for three weeks and she never speaks to anyone, she wears nothing but black, and she doesn’t make a sound when she walks. Can we get ready for class,” his voice was almost inaudible as he hissed, “before she cuts us down with her scythe and sends us to hell?”

“She’s not the grim reaper.” I reminded him, finally breaking eye contact with the hot girl- no, Lacey. That’s what Allen had called her.

“She could be.” He insisted.

“Ugh, I am so tired of this fucking city. I can’t wait until we graduate so I can get the fuck out of here.” I groaned, and Allen just rolled his eyes, “Yeah, right. Your mom won’t even let you go anywhere for our tournaments. You think that she is magically going to allow you to leave when you graduate?”

I ignored him, eying the fire alarm, “Hey, you want to get out of here?”

Allen followed my gaze and his eyes widened.

I tried not to grin as we followed the pack of students out of the building. Allen was in front of me, and he had finally stopped complaining about my ‘rule breaking’ and ‘issue with authority’. Whatever. I reached the bottom of the stairs, still rolling my eyes at the back of Allen’s head, when something covered my mouth. I could hear my own muffled yelp, but Allen continued walking, completely oblivious as the alarm loudly continued. Behind me, I could feel the soft body of a woman press up against my back, just as I began to wonder if I could just break free, I felt nails scape against my scalp as she grabbed a handful of my hair. I winced as she tugged sharply on my curls as she dragged me underneath the stairs.

She shoved me against the wall, and I grimaced at how cold it was against my face and chest. I still couldn't see her, and I realized that I couldn’t hear her breathing or moving; all I could hear was my own heart, thundering in my chest. It was a familiar rush of adrenaline that I often got during tournaments when our team got to host at our school. I swallowed hard, trying to calm myself down.

“Shhh, shh, shh.” The voice calmly whispered to me in a similar tone that most would whisper to a frightened pet. I glowered at the grey wall in front of my eyes and tried to stop tapping my fingers on my thighs. I gave an experimental lean into her hands, trying to shift away from the wall a bit, but the hand in my hair yanked back even farther and I hissed in pain before relaxing and letting her hold me tightly against the wall. She was still pressed up against me. Her body felt small and lithe, and I tried to stop thinking about it. Think about anything else or this was going to be embarrassing, I willed myself. The doors clicked closed, and there was a beat before her grip slowly loosened, and she stepped back a bit to give me some room to turn around.

“Sorry,” Lacey began, removing herself from my personal space. Too bad, I mused. “I wanted to talk.”

I raised my eyebrows as I looked down at her, “Have you considered just passing me a note in class?”

She pinched her blonde brows together slightly as she pursed her lips, and after a moment she whispered in an almost nervous voice, “Isn’t that against the rules?”

Damn, she was cute. I tried to focus, “Well, yeah,” I shrugged, “but so is kidnapping someone during a fire and murdering them.”

Lacey’s blue eyes twinkled with mischief as she smirked, “I saw you pull the fire alarm.”

“So, you’re not going to deny murdering me?” I could feel myself leaning in towards her as I returned her smirk. Lacey crossed her arms, but her voice was still playful, “Is there a reason that I should murder you?”

I couldn’t help it. My eyes wandered down her body. She was shorter than me, very slight, with blonde straight hair and blue eyes. She moved like water. Fluidly, graceful, and with a confidence that her voice didn’t seem to match.

“I am not going to murder you.” She reassured seriously, and I wondered for a moment if she had realized that I was joking, but she continued before I could reply, “I want to talk to you. After school. When the fire alarm isn’t incessantly screaming. Ditch your accessory.”

“Who, Allen?”

“Sure.” She shrugged, disinterested.

I nodded, more confused than anything else.

“Good.” She nodded, and then turned and left the school, leaving me leaning on the wall underneath the stairs, trying to figure out what had just happened.

I was even more antsy for the rest of the day, Allen had been confused about why I had changed my mind about skipping school, and even moreso when. I declined when he offered me a ride home, but I waved him off.

She was nowhere outside, so I decided that I would wait. Leaning across a bench, I propped my legs up on one side and pulled out my phone. There were a few texts from my mother. One from my step brother, and one from Allen about practice tomorrow. I had answered the first two, when I glanced up over my phone, I jumped- Lacey was sitting on the back of the bench with her legs neatly crossed, just barely perching her feet on the bench not touching me.

She looked down at me, frowning, and shrugged, “How was your day?”

I paused before slowly urging my heart rate back down, “Fine, I guess. How was yours?”

She shrugged and stared into the distance. A few moments passed, and I restlessly jiggled one of my legs on the bench, “so,” I said, “any particular reason for the impromptu chat? Not that I am not enjoying it, just, you know, was a bit of a surprise.”

Lacey chewed on her lower lip for a moment before she looked me in the eyes, “I think we should date.”

What? I stared at her, but she didn't add anything to her statement, which made me throw my hands above my head as I asked, “Date? Do you even know anything about me?”

Lacey, apparently unbothered by my reaction, curved her lips into a smirk and said, “Travis Miller. You were raised locally, moved here with your mother at a young age when she settled down with your step father, you have a younger brother Nate who also attends school here. You joined the school paintball team last year and are considered a natural, and you like to make sure people know that. You spend almost all of your spare time with your team or friends. You are relatively popular and well liked here. You also,” she added, putting a hand on my leg to still it’s jiggling, “make a lot of noise and can never sit still.”

I stared at her, stunned into silence for once, and she raised her brows, tilting her hear curiously, “Did I get anything wrong?”

Snapping out of it, I drummed my hands nervously at my sides, “Oh, uh, well, no. All right. So, do you know everything about everyone? Or just me?”

Lacey's smile grew a bit, and a bit of a chill passed through me. After a moment, she admitted, “I don't really, you know, fit in.”

I raised my eyebrows, and she ignored me, “I’m not very good and making friends and socializing. People skills are not necessarily my thing.”

I could see that. Resisting the urge to be rude, I nodded. She continued, “So, if we are dating, then you can teach me. That way, I will be able to fit in better.”

Carefully, I shifted my legs to get up off of the bench without disturbing her, and I stood. Frowning at her for a moment before I paced back and forth and thinking it out. I balanced my options. On one hand, she was drop dead gorgeous, and it could be fun. On the other hand, she seemed like a crazy stalker.

Hating myself a little bit, I hesitated, “What’s in it for me?”

[positiveparker]

blue boy | p.p

hey loves, sorry I haven't posted anything original in agessss!! I have been super busy with school. I am sorry this is super rushed and bad but feedback is always appreciated!! :)

- pairing ; peter parker x reader

- warnings ; fluff! swearing!

- masterlist

- request ; soooo being peter’s chemistry partner and having a huge crush on him. Then him having a huge crush on the reader but she has never told him the name of who she likes and so she talks about her crush on peter and one day he gets fed up and admits his crush on her and yeah

not my gif

“you like someone right (y/n)?” Peter stuttered, he had a stubby pencil intertwined in his pale fingers, writing the title in his grubby notebook. His writing was scratchy and messy, I kind of liked it though. It somehow had its own personality. The way he curled his ‘y’s’ and slit his ‘a’s’ in the middle somehow fascinated my running mind. 

“yeah, yeah, of course” I shrugged. 

My insides twisted. I leant down closer into my notebook and pressed the tip of my pen into the crisp paper. I let my hair fall to the side of my face, this way I could peak through the strands and stare at Peter without him noticing. Every lesson I would analyse every inch of him. The way his brow furrowed in deep thought, the way the corners of his lips curled up when he knew the answer to a question. Everything about him made my fascination grow. Of course I was dying to tell him I liked him, but I guess part of me was scared my love for him would be unrequited. 

Today he was wearing a blue button down shirt with his usual grey hoodie over the top. His face was deep in thought. I watched the way his chest rose and fell effortlessly as he took a deep breath every so often. I wish I could look at him without having to hide. 

“yeah yeah same” Peter nodded, his lips spread into a straight smile. He fidgeted with his pencil, tapping it against the hollow desk. Peter gazed up at our teacher who was droning on about Relative Atomic Mass. I tried focusing on the words coming out of my teachers mouth, somehow they always seemed to brush past me. I guess it gave me more of an excuse to ask Peter for extra tutoring. He was so smart and I envied him. 

My eyes couldn’t focus, they were stuck in my head, envisioning various scenarios about Peter. Every so often I would lean down to write something in my notebook and sense his stare from next to me. I didn’t want to look back though, just incase I was making something out of nothing. “okay class we are going to do a practical!” My teacher hollered, Peter pushed his arms into the edge of the table and casually scraped his stool backwards. He stretched upwards and went bouncily over to the back wall. Most of the class was crowded around the glass cabinets against the wall, they were heaving full of bunsen burners, pungent chemicals and thin flasks. 

I followed Peter and shoved myself amongst the flailing hands. I reached in and touched the tip of a flask, trying to desperately pull it out with my finger tips. During my struggling another warmer hand brushed against my fingers and pulled the flask away, I knew it was him. His warmth seeped into my soul, rooting my feet into the earth. He always managed to comfort me without even opening his mouth. I whipped my body around to peer behind me. There he was holding up all our equipment. He had the glass flask I was trying to reach, effortlessly clasped in one strong hand. 

“thanks” I said softly, our eyes locked for a second and in embarrassment I quickly darted mine to the dark grey, plastic ground. I hated being awkward but for some reason I almost couldn’t linger my gaze on his for too long. I was scared my crush on him would get too strong and it would be even more painful keeping it from him than it already was. We went back to our seats and awkwardly set up our equipment. Looking into his eyes was like liquid obsession being poured into my brain. The more I stared and noticed the little things about him I secretly learned to love, the more I found myself not being able to control my feelings. The rest of our lesson together was spent in awkward silence. 

Everyone else around us was bubbly and talkative. I wanted to know what he was thinking. What thoughts he was associating me with. I was scared he thought I was weird. I wanted to be able to read every positive and negative thing he thought about me, in the hope I could iron out the negatives and be as perfect as possible for him. Every so often in my peripheral vision, I could see him parting his lips to say something. Every single time my heart clenched. He would stop mid breath and carry on adding water to our mixture. I obviously tried avoiding his touch but almost on cue we both reached for the small clear bowl of magnesium. Our hands touched, his over mine. Warm seeping into my cool skin. My heart took a huge, deep sigh. I was expecting him to take his hand away immediately, but in unfamiliarly lingered. Seconds turned to minutes and we both stood, not even looking at each other, but lightly touching. It hurt because his hand felt like it belonged over mine, it was like a missing puzzle piece I had somehow been looking for my whole life. 

*dingggggg dingggggggggg dinggggggg dinggggggg*

The bell blasted in the class’s ears and I yanked my hand violently out from under his, grabbing my backpack from beside me and shoving my books into it. Usually we were forced to pack up our equipment before we left but I had to leave, my emotions were taking over and I was scared that they wouldn’t stop. I slung my bag over my tense shoulder and rushed out the door leaving him behind me. I hoped my teacher didn’t notice but that was honestly the last thing on my mind. I went to my usual thinking spot, under the bleachers. I slid past the passing crowd and slipped under the moss green tin bleachers  overlooking the field.

Something was tearing at my stomach and plucking on my heart strings. It was the most overwhelming feeling and I couldn’t stop it. At the same time I didn’t want to, it was like nothing I had ever felt before. Pain and happiness at the exact same time, morphing and melting into each other. Exhaling, I flopped back on the cool grass feeling the small slits of sun peering through the gaps in the bleachers on my cheeks. I muffled out the noise of the crowds passing around me. Footsteps banged above me and voices rang through the metal. I felt like a tap, overflowing and pouring with thoughts about him. I could turn it off or twist it shut, I couldn’t even adjust the amount. They all just filtered out aggressively, all at once. For some reason more and more voices started to crowd, I hoped they would leave since it was the end of the day. Then my heart sank suddenly, there was an after school football game and I was sat under the heaving crowd.“shit, shit, shit” I repeated whispering into the ground. From next to me I could see hundreds of feet passing and clambering onto the bleachers. I crawled stealthily to the gap I had come through and waited for everyone to pass. I tried picking out familiar voices and then one loud one filled my ears and overpowered the rest.

“where’s Peter, I hope he isn’t here at the game, he hates sports!” Ned’s booming voice rang past me, his scruffy new balance shoes paced passed my head. 

I wanted to grab him and ask him where Peter was but I almost couldn’t. I wanted him to find me. I knew he wouldn’t but the scenarios in my head started to take over, they somehow seemed more believable than usual. After a few minutes the feet filtered away and clambered up onto the bleachers, there was my chance. I grabbed my bag from my side and crawled up and out from under the layered metal. The crowd was silent for some reason, I felt like everyones breath was on me.

“(y/n)?” Peters soft words somehow slapped violently into my back. Like every single feeling all at once. 

A few gasps rang from behind me. His voice was louder than usual, I turned to see a small figure in the middle of the football field clasping a white megaphone. Everyone around us was looking, this time I didn’t mind the attention. Peters face was ashy white with nervousness, he shakily pulled the megaphone away from his lips and started running towards me. he passed the crowds sat on the bleachers. I met him in the middle pacing slowly in his direction. I dumped my backpack on the cement ground and then his body was wrapped around mine, hundreds of eyes still lingering on us. 

“(y/n), there’s something I have to say” He admitted, pulling away slowly

“me too” I replied, my voice was brittle and fragile. He had me at my most vulnerable. 

“you first” He insisted lowly 

“no…you!” I laughed fruitfully

“fine, fine, I didn’t want to admit it at first. I was scared, I was scared about loving you because I didn’t feel good enough” He poured out “You are so much more than you think (y/n) because every little thing about you makes me want to love you more” His words rang against the metal of the bleachers and back into my heart. Clenching and twisting in my stomach. 

“Peter I-“ I started to say “-I think it is just better if I do this” Then every little inch of will power in me leant up to his face and brushed my lips softly against his. My heart was beating so strongly I felt like he could hear it. Every little piece of passion went to my lips and focused on the feeling of him. The moving mass around us started to rejoice as my arms snaked around his neck and his curled casually around my waist. The shouting and cheers clenched around my heart, it allowed both of us to become grounded back to where we were. Peter leant away and started smiling around at the people around us. I looked up at him and the small dips in each side of his smile. The scenarios I had dreamed about somehow came true.

TAGLIST ; 

@tomsfireheart @feelingsareharddd @lovelyh0lland  @hazeyholland @t-o-m-holland @lookclosernow @choke-me-sweet-pea @whatareyouhidingpeter @spidey-pal @cutiepie-holland @radd-but-saddd @pinkcutepug 

[harrowharkwife]

FWIW I haven't seen anyone saying 5x11 was bad or felt off due to the directing, in fact most of the comments I saw across sm platforms praised nearly everything about the episode, including how fun and exciting the truck rescue was, and especially the stuff with Eddie and Eddie/Chris

In every place I looked the ratings and reviews were super low almost entirely because of Lucy. From irritation at the multiple interviews pushing a non-main character and having her take up so much time and space from the main characters only to be the thing that tarnishes a fan-favorite, to general tiredness that after 5A spent so much time on one side character (the white lady, not Ravi or Karen or other side characters that are less developed that fans actually want to see more of) the pre and post premiere interviews were all about yet another side character that's no one we already know, to 9-1-1 stooping to the level of cheap drama you'd expect from Grey's or some teen drama show.

Complaints about this show not "feeling like 9-1-1" have been going on at least in part during season 4, but quite a bit more and louder from casual viewers during 5A. I don't think low ratings and such for 5x11 can be laid, even in part, at the feet of a new director. The direction for the episode was fine, and the framing was actually fascinating especially with Eddie's montage, with the scene at Eddie's and the way characters are seen (or not seen) in the same frame, and at the bar through Eddie's POV with Buck lit up and glowing while everyone else is in shadow. The issues with the episode feeling weird are down to the choices made by the showrunner to push a plot point that the general audience has made abundantly clear they don't want, while also not giving the general audience what they've been asking for all season which was a more equal focus on the characters we already have and to stop bringing in new side characters to take up time away from the characters people watch the show for. 🤷‍♀️

this is fair! i thought the truck rescue was fun and exciting for sure, but i did have a few minor qualms with the direction there- i thought parts of it were really hard to see, the pacing was a little difficult to keep track of, some shots/angles it wasn't super clear to me what was going on, and in particular the music/sound/dialogue balancing made it almost impossible for me to hear any of the dialogue lines in that scene, lol! to be fair though, idk how much of that is directing vs camera work vs editing, etc etc, or i could just be a dumb bitch with audio processing issues lol, who's to say!

my point in making this wasn't to lay blame at the director's feet for the "bad episode" rap, i was specifically referencing a bunch of posts i've seen saying "i get what the episode was getting at and the writing choices make sense but it didn't feel like My Show/Old 911 and i can't put my finger on why," so i was offering a plausible explanation, because i hadn't seen a lot of folks highlighting that there was a new director, which can sometimes translate to a pretty substantial difference in feel! bad direction (OR good but inexperienced direction!) can affect the end result in a lot of ways, and people tend to underestimate that and it's kind of a pet peeve of mine lol. the usual directors who have worked with the main cast repeatedly are going to be able to convey character-driven story beats with more nuance than a guest director due to sheer familiarity and repetition. the kiss scene in particular, minute changes in line delivery, facial expression, body language, framing, etc could make a HUGE difference in the context of it, in how reciprocal it seemed, in how the audience received it, etc. things like that can be tricky to direct, especially if you're trying to convey a very particular and nuanced point. again, i think this episode was well directed AND well written, but that's just me ✌️

i agree that the interviews were irritating, but i highly suspect that a certain amount of press coverage may have been in arielle's guest star contract, based on what we've seen so far. for all we know, arielle could have been the one to request that in contract negotiations, because she wouldn't want to spend her time on a project without ensuring her work got extensive press coverage. some actresses/actors care about shit like that, we have no idea. it seems like by and large most of the 911 cast doesn't love doing press or only does it minimally, so maybe they were just looking for someone willing to do press for the show. but i honestly don't put a ton of stock into BTS interviews anyway because by and large they turn out to be full of clickbait vague clout chasing smokescreen non-info that ends up not meaning all that much in the long run.

Lucy had, what, maybe 4 minutes of total screentime in that episode? i could be low-balling it but it was really only like 3 or 4 short scenes if i remember right so I'm really not too pressed about it- and there was almost no Taylor, so it honestly seems like we swapped one boring white lady guest star for another in terms of filler scenes to pad out runtime. everything in that episode was kind of set up to be a "stasis" filler exposition episode because at this point we're kind of waiting for major story beats to happen, for main characters to come back to LA, etc, so they're going to need to pad the runtime somehow. (would i have preferred they used that "statis" lull for a storyline about, say, Ravi, or Karen, or May? 100%, I think everyone would have.) TBH, the entire speed homage and the super extended sequence with athena at the bomber's house both kinda seemed like filler to me, lmfao. correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure there was an interview the other day where KR all but admitted that the only reason Megan West even got so many scenes in 5A was because they were missing cast members, needed to pad run-time, and she was cheaper to hire than any of the mains. again, would I have preferred more screentime for May, Ravi, Hen, Karen, literally anyone else? yes, i would have! but i also get that they were doing a "fractured team" thing (part of which I'm sure was due to covid risk mitigation on set, emotional distance sure is easier to film right now than huge connected team-as-family scenes) and with JLH gone on leave there was really no one outside of the 118 to show buck interacting with, unless you wanted to put Oliver Stark in an empty room and have him monologue to himself? having him interact with the 118 wouldn't serve the "fractured team" plot they're going with, so they had to have him interact with an external person in order to give him any screentime. do i wish it was someone more interesting than Megan West/Taylor Kelly? ofc, but what's done is done, and with Maddie and Chim back, I'm really, REALLY not worried about Megan/Arielle taking up substantial screen time from here on out.

"tarnishing a fan favorite" listen i get that people are worked up and i wasn't here for S3 when it aired, but were people this mad at Ronda Rousey when fan favorite Eddie pushed a dude's nose into his brain and almost killed him? i feel like we really can't pick and choose our morality here, and it seems like the fact that the whole buck and lucy thing is clearly just buck blowing up his relationships in a relational application of the same danger-chasing, reckless, self-injurious impulses he's always had, is just... completely going over people's heads? if anything they're showing a nuanced and almost never represented form of s*lf-h*rm that's ultimately going to tie in to buck realizing that him staying with taylor and forcing that relationship is ALSO just a way for him to punish himself, but apparently people can't see that, so

also i don't get the whole "cheap teen drama plotline" because when i watched 5x11 what i saw was buck and eddie having a dinner date where taylor was awkwardly third wheeling, having a fight shot blocked and framed exactly like the eddieana breakup scene where eddie told buck to move on, and then buck IMMEDIATELY KISSED EDDIE'S LITERAL REPLACEMENT who he met in the same circumstance he first met eddie, while we got a scene about Bobby calling himself a matchmaker, oh and also buck is clearly spiralling mentally and has a history of unconventional self harm/using sex and relationships in a misguided attempt to cope with his abandonment issues. like? that's pretty convoluted and also some pretty gay and nuanced plot setup so idk, maybe I've just watched too much Riverdale and my teen TV bar is on the fucking floor, but the kiss certainly didn't feel like your average cheap lazy cheating plotline to me, there was a lot going on there.

also yeah i know low ratings aren't due to there being a new director LMAO? i wasn't talking about the ratings, the low ratings are due to the whiny pissbaby Twitter campaign to mass-downvote a solid episode just because they didn't agree with every writing choice, when realistically that's not going to have any impact besides a) risking the show getting cancelled or b) resulting in sloppily cut future episodes that don't make any sense, because this shit is written and filmed ahead of time and TV writers can't? really? react to real time feedback in any way other than weirdly editing shit out and doing hasty last minute re shoots and re writes in an attempt to retcon planned plots, and that ends up being a shit show literally 100% of the time, so like. i don't get what people are hoping to achieve there lol. i literally said multiple times in my post that i thought it was well directed, i was literally just pointing out a potential difference for people who felt like something nebulous was off with that episode in particular lol, because it annoys me that people overlook directors so much when talking about TV shows and just focus solely on writers/showrunners. i have literally zero issues with 5A, even while it was airing i could tell the entire thing was rather obviously just setup for the team coming together again in 5B which I think is a cool storyline, and i was willing to be patient and see what the payoff would be, but evidently some folks aren't and that's cool too ✌️