#everything feels wrong all the time everything about it. sheets blankets pillows the way my arms legs and neck feel its NEVER comfortable

[worstsequence]

it might be because i spent a 2 year and a 4 year block of time in bed. but beds are not even comfortable pillows are not even comfortable its impossible to relax and unwind in a bed. call me princess anthepy

[puari-vol]

Sleepyhead

CW: Hypnosis, Noncon, Drugging, Kidnapping

My bleary eyes opened slowly as I drifted up from a gentle sleep. The bed was oh so warm and soft beneath me and my dreams were calling me back into their embrace. But as much as I wanted to just snuggle into the warmth and let my eyes slip closed, I couldn’t help but notice I wasn’t in my bed, and wasn’t in my room. All I could see was a deep pink color and for a while my tired mind simply could not comprehend this endless pink world I found myself in. Finally I blinked the sleepiness from my eyes and realized that I had not in fact been transported to a gentle pink reality that simply went on forever and ever in every direction, but that the bed had a pink canopy that hid the rest of the room. But where was I? The question should have been more alarming, but my mind felt foggy and slow, and the bed was just so cozy and comfortable…even thinking about how nice the bed felt was caused me to sigh and relax, my eyes fluttering shut just for a moment…then another…then another…

No. I forced my eyes open once more, it was time to get up. I pushed the soft warm blanket off of me and gasped as a freezing sensation fell across my body. Even as I scrambled to pull the blanket back I began to feel numb from the cold. The moment it was over me again, the cold receded and was replaced by such a lovely warm glow. I let out a soft moan as my body relaxed back into the bed, heavy eyes fluttering shut once more. It was unbearable, unthinkable to leave this lovely feeling behind. And yet something felt wrong, something I couldn't quite place…where am I? My muddled mind tried to work through the question but it kept drifting off as sleep threatened to take me. I scooted about under the blanket, unable or unwilling to leave its comforting embrace again. At the edge of the bed I stuck a hand out to push aside the pink curtain and found...a pink room. Or perhaps not, I saw a lamp that seemed to bathe the room in a gentle pink light. The room seemed ordinary enough, but I still didn’t recognize it. I felt an uneasy feeling in my gut that my drowsy mind couldn’t ignore, I had woken up in a strange place…and I had no idea how. I steeled myself and with the blanket still wrapped tightly around me, let one foot dangle over the side of the bed. When it touched the floor it felt like stepping onto a sheet of ice, I quickly retreated the probing foot back into the safety of the blanket. I curled up into a ball, and I wanted nothing more than to just lay my head back into the soft pillows and let everything drift away... But no, I had to do something. That worried feeling in my gut was stronger now, as though I was running out of time. Wrapping the blanket around me like a cloak, I pulled myself off of the bed and cried out as my feet touched the floor again. The rest of my body was safe and warm in the blanket, but I felt an unbearable icy numbness in my feet. It took all of my willpower not to simply leap back into the bed again. I stumbled away, and nearly fell into a full length mirror. I caught a glimpse of myself, I looked so silly wrapped up in the blanket, my hair was a mess and my eyes looked so heavy and tired. I knew I should try to leave, but I just felt so sleepy right now…maybe I could lie down for a bit and then leave? That seems like a good idea…I shook my head vigorously, trying to chase the drowsiness away. I knew there wasn’t time for that, I had to leave before…before…something. I made my way to the door. But while I was preparing myself to reach a hand out to open it, I heard a sound from the other side. I froze and listened…had that been a different door? Opening and closing…now there were footsteps, they got louder and louder until suddenly the door knob was turning, the door was opening. I was momentarily blinded by the bright daylight that came in, I covered my face with the blanket…then slowly lowered it and looked up. 

Standing before me was a tall woman with long dark hair dressed in casual clothes. She looked down at me, eyes tracing me for a moment, then she smiled

“Why hello there darling, how are you feeling?”

Her voice made me feel warm and soft, my fuzzy brain slowly pondered its way to an answer

“I feel…sleepy…” 

She giggled, stepped into the room, then shut the door behind her. I let out an involuntary sigh of relief as the light dimmed again. 

“If you’re so sleepy, why’d you get out of bed silly?”

It was a good question and while I was considering it, she reached out and pulled the blanket down off of me. I braced myself in anticipation of the unbearable freezing cold…but I felt nothing of the sort. In fact the moment she touched me to take me by the arm, everything from the top of my head to the tips of my toes felt warm and comfortable again. It felt especially nice where her hand gently held my arm, and I found myself leaning into her as she led me back across the room. She stopped to toss the blanket back onto the bed, and I got another good look at myself in the mirror. I noticed I was wearing nothing but a long pink nightgown. But it wasn’t mine…not my bed, not my room, not my clothes…I was so confused. She led me to a small table and sat me down. The warm feeling remained when she let go and sat across from me, the table already had two tea cups set out and she poured something into both of them. Then she stirred something into one the cups before pushing it over to me

“Drink up sleepyhead”

I did, the drink was sweet, I quickly finished the cup while she just watched me smiling. When I was done I set the cup down and a sudden question came to my lips 

“Who are you?”

Her smile widened into a grin and she reached across the table to tuck my hair behind my ear

“It’s so lovely that you don’t remember…we’re making so much progress!”

She gave a light laugh and slid her thumb down my cheek

“It’s so cute that you couldn't get rid of the blanket…and you barely made it far at all this time! I was over an hour late and you still didn’t make it out of the room. Absolutely adorable" 

I blinked slowly, feeling more confused than ever

“This time?”

“That’s right dear, the last time you made it to the living room, and the time before that I found you in the foyer! Its so funny that you don’t remember at all”

As she spoke I felt things coming back to me. This wasn’t my room…not my home…it was hers.  She had taken me here…and she was…she was…who was she?

My eyes were drawn to a logo on the vest she was wearing. It was familiar…suddenly I knew it was the logo of the restaurant that I worked at…the restaurant we worked at…she was my coworker! Icy fear gripped me as my memories slowly returned she cocked her head as if sensing the change

“Oh? Something coming back now darling?”

I leaned away from her, terror filled me and dispelled the last of the drowsiness. 

“You…you took me! What…why? Why did you do this to me?”

Her eyes seemed sad for just a moment

“Why? You were just so tired all the time darling, that’s why. Everyday we’d chat in the break room and you’d tell me how exhausted you were with work and life and all that nonsense…so I decided to save you. You don’t have to worry about any of that anymore, no more stress, no more problems. Just my precious sleepy princess, from now on”

I was shaking my head

“But…but what if I don’t want that!?”

Her grin returned

“That’s the best part…it's not up to you anymore. Nothing is. Isn’t that lovely? Now tell me dear, since your memories are coming back…can you recall exactly how I first took you?”

The memories were flooding back even as she spoke them, it had been a long day and I was exhausted. We were getting ready to go home and she offered me something to drink… and then...

I looked down at the empty tea cup and then back up at her. She just smiled.

I tried to stand but found my hands were too numb to grip the chair. then it started It spreading up my arms. I tried to move but my legs didn’t respond, I would have toppled out of my chair if she hadn’t reached out to keep me upright. Soon the numbness spread up to my neck and head and I was completely paralyzed, propped up in the chair only by her gentle grip on my arm.

“I’m sorry darling, but I’m feeling confident that this is the last time I’ll have to use that on you”

She was still smiling, she reached up to her neck to pull at a chain, and took off the necklace she was wearing

“Now that you seem to be remembering things, let me ask you, do you remember your new favorite color?”

She lifted her closed fist over the table between us. A teardrop shaped gemstone fell from her hand and dangled in front of me. It was a pretty pink stone, and it sparked in the light as it swayed gently from side to side. I found my eyes instantly locking on to it.

“Hmm it seems to you do remember…just let yourself melt for me now darling”

Even as I tried to resist I could feel it, the pink stone filling up more and more of my mind as all my fear and anxiety was pushed out. That familiar warm sleepy feeling was filling me up again...

“Shhh just like that, so easy for you now. So effortlessly you slip right back down. I know you just want to go back to bed where you belong, but first we have to do a little more work on that sleepy head of yours. Just let all those pesky thoughts slip away again…”

I remembered how lovely it felt just to listen to her, how to just take in her words and internalize them without thinking about them at all.

“Such a good sleepy girl, deeper and deeper let those gentle clouds fill your mind as you listen and obey. You are mine. You are a precious princess who wants nothing more than to doze and dream so prettily in your bed. It feels oh so soft and warm to obey, and so cold and hard when you don't. It's just easier to obey isn't it sweetie? that's right everything will feel wonderful as long as you just listen and obey. Soon I’m going to put you back to bed, and its going to feel so wonderful darling, that you'll never want to leave. And when you drift off to sleep again, you’ll forget everything for good this time. Your past, your name, who you are. it will all be gone for good, all you'll remember is me, this room, and how lovely it feels to be my precious sleepy princess”

She put the necklace back on, and pulled me to my feet. I dimly realized that the drug had already worn off. I thought about doing something, about running for the door. She led me back to the bedside and I prepared to make my move, I would shove her back, and run for it. It was my only chance…I had to-

She gave me a gentle push, I leaned forward, my hand resting on the bed. Suddenly the room seemed unbearably cold, and I was so so tired. Before I knew what I was doing I was on the bed pulling the blanket over me again. Whatever my plan had been I could try it later...it would never work when I was all sleepy like this anyway, I needed to rest first…it was just so warm and comfortable here. As my body sank into the mattress I felt oh so drowsy. I barely noticed the shifting beside me. I noticed she had undressed and gotten under the blanket with me. After a gentle kiss on the forehead she wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me gently. I thought back to when I had first woken up, that feeling that something was wrong…now I knew what it was. I had been alone. I nuzzled into her neck, and drifted off to sleep

[twst-drabbles]

Jamil 17

Summary: You and Jamil lay in his bed in his dorm room. While you’re very tired, you’re visibly not bothered by the social implications of being in the bed of another. Jamil, on the other hand, is a little too aware.

(I saw the birthday card and went “eh, why not?” and wrote this.)

Was this something common in your world? Where, out of nowhere, people will just casually ask their friends if they can sleep with them in their bed? Because that’s what you did to Jamil. You approached him, luckily out of earshot from anyone important, and asked that very question with zero shame.

“Hey Jamil? Mind if I sleep with you in your bed tonight?”

Jamil will admit, it took him a good five seconds for him to register the words. And, he will also admit that he banged his knee against the table he was cleaning. Hit it so hard actually that he curled up into a ball, and practically retreated into his hoodie because why would you ask that?! In broad daylight?!

But you know what’s the worst part about all this? Jamil actually got excited. Giddy even! When the hot flush flooding through his body finally settled, all that was left was this glowing feeling.

At the time, he thought that his charms have finally got to you. That all his efforts to be in your good graces have begun to bear fruit.

And so he said, “You know what? Yes, let’s do that. Setting aside the way you asked that, I think I can find it in my heart to forgive that.”

Past him’s an idiot. For all those times he thought himself above the hormonal college students, turns out Jamil was no better. He supposed it was only a matter of time before he was humbled.

And so here Jamil lays on his side of the bed, dressed in his best pajamas, surrounded by the best sheets and pillows he uses for special occasions, and you laying on your stomach, reading the next chapter for one of your classes.

You came in with a tired wave, bag at hand, and flopped over in his bed. And you’ve been in that pose since.

“So, this was what you meant.” Jamil said. Now that his judgment is clear again after an hour of doing nothing, he really should’ve known you didn’t mean anything special by what you asked. Shame on him for expecting an extra meaning to them.

“Hmm? Oh, was the way I asked weird?” You glanced towards him. Jamil recognizes that exhausted look weighing in your eyes. Perhaps, through the rose-tinted glasses, Jamil didn’t notice. Once again, shame on him. Jamil should suffocate himself with these pillows. “Sorry about that. I just really want one good night of sleep. Just one.”

The urge to hit himself with the pillows lessened. Jamil moved onto his stomach, and copied your position, propping his chin on the pile. “Is there something wrong with your bed?”

You put your phone down. “Weather’s getting hotter and I still don’t have a working air con. It gets so humid at night that I sweat through the night. Can barely get more than three hours of sleep at a time.”

…of course the headmage would neglect to give you something as simple as a stable heating and cooling. Leave it to him to ignore your problems while he goes off doing whatever else. Probably binge watching an old drama that’s not even any good.

“I can’t imagine it’s been easy to deal with. Though, I have to ask, why my bed? You have others that you’re closer to, don’t you?”

Others such as Ace and Deuce, but Jamil didn’t want to say their names. It’s childish but he doesn’t want to see if your eyes light up at their mere mention.

You stretched your spine and settled down. “Yeah I know other people, but–how do I say this–they’ll make it weird.”

Weird? Like how Jamil preparing everything from the lights, to the blankets and even stuffing his drawer with extra wipes just in case wasn’t weird? What?

“Wait, what you mean by weird?” Now Jamil’s worried. Did something happen for you to say that? Did someone do something to you?

You waved off his concern. “Well, see, originally I was just going to ask Rook since he doesn’t mind sharing spaces with anyone, but he’s also very into cuddling and I’m not in the mood for that.”

“That’s true, he’s very open about that kind of thin–wait you cuddled him before?” Since when?

“Cuddled him plenty of times. Rook gives the best hugs without trying to flirt with me. Anyways, Rook wasn’t an option, and neither are Ace and Deuce since there’s no room to spare. There was Leona but after that whole ordeal with Azul, I really don’t want to go back there. And as for asking Azul himself… I feel like he’d charge me for that. So, here I am.”

Oh. Well, when putting it like that, it does make sense doesn’t it? So long as you don’t figure out exactly what went through his head when you asked. He’ll just keep quiet about that.

Jamil sighed into his pillow. “While I want to ask why you didn’t ask Kalim, but I know him too well. A peaceful rest isn’t something he can give, not with the way he sleeps.”

You patted his shoulder and it took everything in Jamil to not jump out of his skin. “You get it. So, yeah, thanks Jamil, for not saying no. Honestly, I was ready to find an empty classroom and just sleeping in there.”

Jamil narrowed his eyes. “Don’t do that. You’ll get in trouble. Just sleep here for the time being. When I have time, I’ll see about pestering Crowley into getting everything in order.”

“You do too much for me, Jamil. Really.”

While things didn’t play out the way he wanted to, the warmth flooding in his chest has not once went away. If anything, from the sight of your smile, it threatened to overflow.

This is nice, that you trust him like this.

“…alright, this is still bothering me. How did you and Rook even start cuddling in the first place?”

And can he add himself onto that list of people you cuddle with?

“Hahaha, yeah that is strange, right? Alright, may as well tell you.”

[bangtaninborderland]

JJK- Late Night Calls.

you get a call from Jungkook at 7am, struck with worry you pick up only to find your adorably tired boyfriend.

Genre: smut, fluff, Jungkook x reader.

Warning: NONE!

A/N: came up with this in 10 minuets thought it was cute enjoy :)

The familiar tune of your phone ringing broke you from your sleep, your vision was blurry but you could still clearly read the caller ID

Incoming Factime Video call: JK ♥️

It must have been 7am in Korea, Jungkook was never awake this early. You quickly answered, a million scenarios running through your mind as to explain why he was calling at such a time and none of them were good.

“Hello?”

He must have seen the panic in your face as he croaked out. “Baby what’s wrong?”

“I thought something happened you’re never awake this early?” You felt a small weight lift off your shoulders as he chuckled.

“I’m fine baby just couldn’t sleep, missed you.” You loved how he sounded when he was sleepy.

You laughed at the way he was laying across his bed, small rolled up pillow underneath him. “You have got to get different pillows.”

“No no I like my pillow.” He laughs, showing you how comfortable it is. “How’s London jagiya?”

You suddenly regretted being in a different country for work, the idea of morning sex seemingly more attractive than anything else. “It’s fine here, I can’t wait to be back home though. The food isn’t as good.”

“The food is the only thing?” He pouted, pulling the blanket further over his face. “What about me and bammie?”

You turned to the side, resting your leg atop the blanket. “Of course I miss you and bam too kook.”

“The bed is cold without you, empty. I think you should quit work and just be a stay at home wife.” He laughed again, although you could tell there was a sliver of hope to his absurd suggestion.

“Never gonna happen, you may be rich but I’m only half way there.” You both laughed, money was never something either of you took seriously you had always shared everything for as long as you could remember. You’d buy him dinner and he would buy dessert. He would buy you designer but he would also be more than happy if you brought him a pack of ramen. “Besides we aren’t even married.”

“Don’t remind me.” He shakes his head, before shifting to rest it upon his arms. “How many days until your back?”

“We should have the contracts finished up in a day or two and then we will have a celebratory dinner and I’ll be on the first flight back.” You explained as you watched him, his tattoos standing out against the white fabric of his sheets, his hair messy. You let your eyes wander, your imagination running wild thinking about how he would look completely naked. “are you wearing pants?”

“Come back and find out jagiya, I’m sure you’re already picturing the ways I’d fuck you.”

The sudden vulgarity of his words left you in a state of shock. “I- when I get home we are definitely doing whatever I’m thinking right now.”

“And what is that doll?” He laughed, fingers drawing circles on the sheet. “What’s going on in that pretty mind of yours?”

“Just thinking about how good your hand would look wrapped around my neck.” You pushed yourself further into the pillow, slightly shy.

“Too bad you’re too far away baby. We should sleep.” He closed his eyes, teasing you.

You groaned, fighting the urge to grind against the sheets. “Kook.”

“Hmm?” He mumbled, lazily.

“You turned me on.” You giggled, closing your eyes.

“I’m hard too beautiful, I’ll go to sleep thinking about good good your mouth will feel around my cock.

“Why couldn’t you call me at 8pm and get all dirty with me? Why does it have to be when I’m too tired to do anything?” You whined, wanting to cry from how much you missed his touch.

“It’s okay princess when you’re home I’ll take care of you. we should still sleep you have a meeting tomorrow morning don’t you?” You opened one eye, just enough to see him staring at you smiling.

“At six am, it’s 11pm right now. I have to wake up at 4am so I can finish the presentation.” You explained, your words slurring as you started to drift off. “Are you working tomorrow?”

“I have a few appointments nothing important, call me anytime tomorrow I’ll be there but for now get some sleep baby, I won’t hang up.”

“Promise?” You whispered, the folds of sleep covering you in a sheet of darkness.

“Always jagiya.”

[daisyblog]

Mini Us

Young Love Masterlist Summary: Louis and YN welcome their baby into the world.

Warning: childbirth, labour, unexpected home birth, mention of blood

10th of November 2009

In the quiet bedroom, YN laid in the bed still sore and uncomfortable from the trauma her body had been through earlier in the day. She looked down at the sleeping newborn that laid upon her chest. She admired the little one that was equally half of her and half Louis.

The little ones blue eyes were identical to Louis, whilst their little petite nose and lips mirrored YN’s. YN brought her finger up to their cheek, admiring their precious gift.

“I’m the luckiest mummy ever that you chose me”. She spoke to the sleeping baby who was content in her arms. “Me and your dad are gonna give you the best life possible…we’re going to spoil you with love and make so many memories together”. YN could feel the tears begin to form in her eyes because now that she was a mother herself, she couldn’t understand how her family could have treated her in that way.

---

Earlier that day

The third trimester had certainly taken its toll on YN. She was tired to the point that she could come home from college and take a nap, and still go to bed early and sleep all night. Her heightened hormones caused her to snap at anything, big or small. Louis had been walking on eggshells at the inconsistency in her mood swings.

Four days had passed since YN’s due date, but she had tried everything to kick start labour but unfortunately for them nothing worked. The only thing left to do was take a long walk. That morning YN and Louis had walked around Doncaster at least ten times until YN said she was tired and her feet were hurting.

As soon as YN’s body hit their bed, she was fast asleep as she cuddled up to the pillows. After a while Louis had noticed that YN’s body began to tense for a few minutes but then relax again. Seeing as she was still sleeping, he hadn’t thought much about it.

Louis realised he must have dozed off to when he woke up to YN’s scream. The sound was piercing, sacred and terrifying. He shot up from his sleeping position and the sound of YN crying caught his attention.

“Lou…Lou..there-there’s some-something w-wrong”. YN stuttered out the words in between her sobs, her body still almost like she was afraid to move.

Louis gulped heavily, feeling it travel down his throat and into the pit of his stomach. He looked at scene in front of him and his body froze. The bottom half of YN, including the bed sheets, was covered in red. Blood everywhere, something he would never forget the sight of.

“Lou…please…I need help!”. YN broke him from his frozen state, and without saying a word he called for his mum.

Jay came rushing in and although the sight shocked her and caused her to panic, she remained calm and collected on the outside. “Everything’s going to be alright darling okay…Lou go and get loads of towels and blankets”.

“Mum is the baby okay?”. Louis looked for his mother’s reassurance, but Jay gave nothing away and instructed her son to go and get the stuff quickly.

Once Louis had left, Jay moved quickly. “Alright YN, love…am I okay to check what’s going on?”. When YN nodded, shaking with fear, Jay removed the blood stained clothes and gasped. “Oh my…I don’t know how you’re not screaming in more pain…I can see baby’s head!”.

“I feel numb…and weak”. YN admitted, and it was in that moment that Jay realised that an ambulance wouldn’t arrive in time because this little one was on their way.

Louis walked back into the room, folded towels and blankets gathered in his hands, but was more shocked than before because he could see the top of his baby’s head.

“Is..is…is that?”. Louis eyes were as wide and in shock as the could be.

“Yes! That’s the baby’s head…you need to get over here and support YN…you’re about to have a baby!”.

---

The next hour felt like a lifetime. Jay stayed in the same position, watching to make sure her first grandchild was safe coming into the world. Louis was by YN’s side, moving her hair back from her face whenever she pushed through a contraction.

“YN…darling…you’re doing amazing my love…listen to your body and any minute now you’re about to meet your baby”. Jay spoke calmly, as she reached up to give YN’s hand an encouraging squeeze. “You’re doing so well love”.

Louis felt like a spare part, he wanted to take the pain away, he wanted to be the one that was doing all the hard work so YN didn’t have to experience it.

“I’m so proud of you!”. Louis left a gentle peck to her forehead. “You’re so strong…and me and the baby are so lucky to have you”.

YN felt an immense pressure down below, and like Jay had said, she listened to her body and pushed as hard as she could whilst squeezing Louis’ hand.

“AHHHHH!”: She let out an exhausted scream, hoping this would be the last push she needed for her baby to be born and in her arms.

Jay quickly picked up the crying little baby and placed them on their mother’s chest. Louis and YN both had tears in their eyes as they peered down at their newborn.

“I’ve never felt love like this”. Louis spoke into the room as he held the little ones tiny hand.

“She’s beautiful!”. Jay spoke, carefully revealing that they had a daughter.

YN looked up at Jay, tears still soaking her eyes and cheeks. “A little girl?”. With her own tears matching her sons and YN’s she nodded as she soaked them precious moment.

YN and Louis shared a look, knowing they had already chosen both a girl and boy names ready for the birth of their baby. A smile appeared on both of their faces.

“Welcome to the world Mia Rose Tomlinson!”.

Taglist:

@ell0ra-br3kk3r @slaymybreathaway @wh0s-nadii

[worldlxvlys]

one choice

part 6 of the CRUSH series

bsf! matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: angst, mentions of sex, cursing

a/n -> hope u like <33

read the previous part for context !!

MATT’S POV

when my eyes fluttered open, i was immediately met with a pillow that wasn’t mine. i knew this pillow though, and those sheets.

i had forgotten where i was momentarily, until i looked over and saw her. her eyes were closed, lips parted slightly while she slept peacefully.

she looked angelic, the soft rays of the sun seeming to make her glow. she moved around in her sleep last night, leaving her barely covered by her blanket.

i couldn’t help but let my eyes wander her body, taking in every feature. her smooth skin was littered with dark marks all over, and the blanket left little to the imagination. before i knew it, i was hard again.

it took everything in me to fight the urge i had to take care of it right there next to her. what would she think if she woke up to me jerking myself off to her sleeping form?

oh my god, what was gonna happen when she woke up? she would want to talk about what this meant for us, but i couldn’t handle that.

what if this was a one time thing? what if she wanted nothing to do with me after this ? did i fuck up our friendship? i had to get out of there.

i got up quickly and quietly, careful not to make any noise while i got dressed. when i was done, i pulled her blanket over her so she was fully covered. i looked around for a pen and paper to leave her a note, as i didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

ok, she has nothing to write a note with. i’ll just leave her a text.

well i could have done that, if i had realized i completely forgot my phone in her room before i left. i didn’t make this realization, however, until i had gotten back home.

so not only did she think i was the type of guy to fuck and dip, but i also couldn’t avoid the conversation that i was running from in the first place.

it’s not that i never wanted to talk about it, i just wasn’t ready for our friendship to change yet.

was running away the best way to handle the situation? definitely not, but i only had so much time to decide what to do before she woke up.

so basically, my overthinking ended up screwing me over. doesn’t it always ?

what was wrong with me? this was the girl who made me feel safe and loved, and now i couldn’t even talk to her. how did i manage to fuck up this badly?

one choice. one choice stemming from my fantasy-filled thoughts is all it took. and the decision i made last night led to more poorly made choices. choices that i wouldn’t have made had my brain not been corrupted by her.

her face, her smell, those perfect little moans that fell off her lips, she had a way of making me ignore every logical thought that my brain produced. i was so desperate to finally have her in the way i’d only dreamed about for years.

now if i didn’t fix this, i wouldn’t have her in any way.

———

READER’S POV

when i woke up, matt was gone. the spot where he had slept next to me was cold, meaning he hadn’t been there for a while.

for a second, i questioned whether last night was even real. had i really fallen so deep into my delusions that i started to believe them? i found the thought to be worrisome, but i tried not to dwell on it as i got up and made my way to the bathroom.

when i caught a glimpse of the hickeys decorating my skin i felt relief wash over me. i wasn’t going crazy. just as quickly as it came, the relief was replaced with a new feeling; embarrassment.

i seriously let myself think that he would want something more. hell, he marked me like he did. but he didn’t treat me like i was his best friend, he treated me like i was a one night stand.

maybe he had a valid reason for leaving. i tried to talk myself out of the rabbit hole of assumptions i was about to go down, and picked up my phone.

once a few hours had passed without him returning my texts or calls, i knew. he was done with me, he had to be. why else would he just leave without warning and ghost me?

i should’ve know this was going to happen, people always leave me in the end. it just never occurred to me that matt could be just like everyone else.

——

MATT’S POV

when i got to her house, i let myself in using the key she had given me. “y/n?” i called her name, not receiving an answer.

i pulled out the ice cream i had bought her on the way to her place, putting it in the freezer for her.

when i got to her room, she happened to be fresh out of the shower. she wore nothing but a towel, her eyes widening when she saw me.

“matt?” she asked before rushing over to me, pulling me into a tight hug. the water droplets that coated her skin soaked into my t-shirt, but all i could focus on was the fact that she was in my arms.

i inhaled the scent of her fruity body wash, eyes falling shut as i rubbed her back soothingly.

she then pulled away, smacking me upside the head with her heavy hand. “don’t do that again matt, i thought i scared you off. i thought you hated me- i thought i lost my best friend”

i cupped her cheek gently, “i could never hate you, and i’m not going anywhere. i was just overwhelmed, but i shouldn’t have just left life that. i’m sorry, i was gonna leave a note, but then i couldn’t find anything to write with. and i was gonna text you but i left my phone here and-”

“matt, it’s ok. i’m just glad that you’re here now” she whispered. “but there’s nothing to be scared of, i mean- last night was just the heat of the moment, right? i mean, it had to be, why else would you leave like that” she whispered the last part to herself.

shit. this was the problem, i didn’t know what the night before was.

i didn’t know what i wanted, and i didn’t want to hurt her in the process of figuring it out. what i did know, was i wasn’t going to lose her because i got greedy. so, i decided i would figure it out later, but for now: “yeah, that’s all it was”

“so, we’re good?” she asked. “we’re good” i confirmed.

“good. then i’m gonna get dressed and then we can watch something?” she posed the last part of the sentence as a question.

“yeah, and i brought you ice cream” i told her, watching her face light up at the news. “wow, you thought you really messed up, huh?” she asked as she grabbed her clothes to change into.

“i did really mess up, but i won’t do anything like that again” i told her. she just smiled at that letting out a quick, “i know” before moving to go back into her bathroom.

“wait, you’re seriously going into another room to get changed? did you forget how we spent last night together?” i joked. admittedly, it was probably a little too soon to crack jokes like that.

“last night never happened” she spoke before closing the door.

shit, why did that sting a little?

masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @readerakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @rootbeerworshiper @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @nickgetsmewetter @meg-sturniolo @yamamasjumpercables @vanteguccir @ineedchriscock @junnniiieee07 @breeloveschris @luverboychris

[gowonders]

pervy childhood best friend soobin has been rotting my brain recently,,,

conflicted by his adoration for his best friend and the nasty thoughts and feelings he has for her ><

long night ♥ c.sb

minors dni with this post!!

warnings: fem reader, perv soobin (duhhh!!), pillow humping (soobin :p), small mention of scent, size and bulge kink i think!!!

GASSSPPP YOU ARE SO RIGHT. this actually had me screaming for a second 𖦹 ´ ᯅ ` 𖦹 also lmk if you don’t like this because i can totally rewrite it!! it was just a quick little drabble i wrote in between assignments :3

soobin who’s known you since forever, soobin who’s grown up with you.. soobin who painfully notices how you’ve changed as you grown.. not emotionally— physically.

when you hang out at the park near his house, and it’s a little too warm, so you wear shorts, he notices the way your thighs squish together against the bench, or the way they slightly spill out from the denim.. making poor soobin have to cover his hard on with the folded blanket you brought to lay in later..

or when soobin comes over to your place to swim and inevitably.. you’re wearing a swimsuit.. thankfully, you’re at least wearing shorts? but those don’t even leave room for imagination, the way he can see the swell of your ass under the hem, or the way your cleavage shows in the swim top just enough.. what was going on with him? he just couldn’t stop thinking about his best friend in this light, he couldn’t help but admire your body.. and he definitely couldn’t help thinking about it when he got off with his fist, imagining it was yours instead..

you were his best friend. since childhood. it was wrong to think about you like this.. but it couldn’t be helped! you were just so perfect. not only your personality, but your body. he imagined the way your tits would roll under his larger hands, or how your pretty tummy would show a bulge when he fucked you so right.. the thoughts kept coming— it’s like his mind was always clouded with them, all he could think about was you.. and how he needed you. so bad.

so later, after you were both done swimming, you were both sat in your room, still cold and wet from the pool.

“i’m gonna shower, soobin! you’re cool in here by yourself, yeah?” you say, running your fingers through your wet hair. which leads soobin to quickly think about what those fingers are used for… until he nods quickly and gives you a smile. “yeah, yeah!! i needed to change anyways.” he says with a chuckle at the end, with all these thoughts blooming in his head, he’s gotten really good at hiding everything from you. which is definitely for the better.. if you knew what he thought of you, lord knows what’d happen..

you give him a thumbs up as you leave the room and head to your bathroom. alone. as soobin changes, he keeps eyeing your pillows. the ones you sleep on every night, maybe even drooled on a bit…?

he wastes no time sitting on your bed, fingers gently grabbing your pillow, is this wrong? of course.. but it was as close as he could get to you for now… with a swallow, he places the pillow on his lap and starts rubbing into it, biting his lip as he holds in his groans. the thought of you being only a few feet away, wet and nude really spurred him on, not to mention how you looked in your cute little swimsuit earlier.. he humped your pillow to reckless abandon. this was all so wrong, really.. but it’s not his fault, as you develop more.. he is too!! and it’s also not his fault you’re just so perfect and pretty and hot and—

his release hit him like a truck. maybe it was the smell of you on the sheets around him.. but that was faster than he thought.. and oh.. the sticky mess in his briefs. he’d have to deal with that the rest of the night..

he spots you coming back from the shower, pretty bare face and wet hair, clad with an oversized shirt (that you totally stole from him..) and shorts.. this was gonna be a long night.

[st-eve-barnes]

You know that I'm no good (chapter 8)

(Modern Aegon x fem Reader, Modern Sihtric x fem Reader)

Summary: You want Sihtric. Aegon wants Skade. There's only one small problem: Sihtric and Skade are dating each other.

This chapter: You spend the night in Aegon's bed, finally giving into your true feelings for him. But what then?

Finally smutty times! And ANGST. And...I am so sorry about the ending...you guys didn't think we were there yet, didn't you?😈

Warning for the entire series: 18+ for explicit language and smut. Angst/comfort/fluff. Fake dating and so much mutual pining. Mentions of depression/drinking/self harm.

This is an Aegon x Reader fic with a bit of Sihtric x Reader on the side. I've wanted to write a modern AU that combines The Last Kingdom and House of the dragon for a while now so here it is!

Word count: +4600

Masterlist

***

All my fics are also on AO3

***

Aegon’s driver was as professional as they come, he was overly polite, opened the doors for you and accompanied you to the elevator that lead up to Aegon’s penthouse. 

Because of course Aegon would have the best, most expensive apartment in the entire building, you shouldn’t ’t have expected anything less.

You were nervous when you entered his place, it was dark in the loft as you made your way through the enormous kitchen.

On the way over there Aegon had texted you that the door was open and he’d be waiting for you in his bedroom.

Part of you was convinced you were still actually in your own apartment, in your own bed, sound asleep and having this amazing dream that involved Aegon inviting you into his bed.

It was all just too good to be true.

But it was real.

Light was peaking out from under the door of his room. You knocked softly before opening it.

Aegon’s bedroom was as spacious as the rest of the place, king sized bed with dark sheets, cozy lights and a big tv on the wall opposite the bed. He had never looked smaller to you sitting up against the headboard on his side of the huge bed, shirtless, his hair messy and curly and his sleepy sad eyes locking on yours. 

He looked like a dream. You didn’t want to speak or move, afraid you would shatter the whole thing and wake up alone again.

“Hey,” he whispered and his lips curled up into a smile watching your short pink pajamas,”You really came like that, huh?”

“You said not to change so…your driver gave me some weird looks though,” you joked, making Aegon laugh but then his gaze was serious again.

He lifted up the blankets to make room for you,”Get in here.”

You took off your shoes and climbed into the bed next to him, propping up the pillow behind your back as you got comfortable, not wanting to get too close to him before knowing his intentions.

Did he just want company? Or comfort? Did he just want to fuck or did he want more? 

Or was it none of the above.

Aegon turned on the tv and searched for Stranger Things. Then, without speaking a word, he started up the first episode.

It confused the shit out of you.

You didn’t know how to deal with this quiet version of him, it was the first time you actually had no idea what to say to him. The air in the room felt too heavy and even though Aegon was sitting right next to you it felt like he was a million miles away. 

Did he regret his decision to invite you over already? Was that it? Did you read too much into his words?

You got to about fifteen minutes into the first episode when you just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Is everything alright?” you asked.

Aegon turned to look at you,”Sure, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because you haven’t interrupted the show once, which is highly unlike you, and you’re really unusually fucking quiet.”

Aegon smiled at your directness but once again his smile faded too quickly and never reached his eyes.

“Aegon, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,’ he sighed, a little annoyed.

“Then why won’t you talk to me?” you pressed.

“Because,” he started but then bit his lip and sighed deeply, his hand running across his face,”God, fuck, I’m sorry…I’m so bad at this.

“If you want me to go you can just say…”

“No, please!” he interrupted you and his hand reached for yours, gripping it tight,”Please.”

Your gaze met his and your heart sank seeing the struggle in his beautiful, pleading eyes. 

“Please don’t go,” he repeated, softer.

You nodded and squeezed his hand,”I won’t, I promise.”

He sighed in relief and you moved a little closer to him in the bed,”Why did you invite me over, Aegs?”

“I think you know,” his voice was soft but his gaze even softer, erasing any thoughts you may have had of leaving from your mind.

“I’d like to hear you say it,” you insisted.

You were suddenly very aware of the grip his hand had on yours, clinging to you and very slowly pulling you closer to him. His gaze was no longer soft, his pupils growing darker and blown with lust.

“What do you want?” you breathed.

He licked his lips before he whispered,”I want to pull you into my lap and kiss you. Is that alright?”

You swallowed hard, unable to form any coherent thoughts or words. All you managed was a small nod and it was all Aegon needed to proceed.

He pulled you to him and then gently cupped your face with one hand before leaning in and kissing you, slow and tentative and so soft it was giving you goosebumps all over. Your hands moved to his bare chest and he whimpered at the first contact.

“Sorry,” you giggled into the kiss,”My hands are cold.”

You wanted to pull them back but Aegon was quick to grab them and place them back on his chest,”Your hands are perfect.”

He kissed you again, slow and unhurried, taking his time to taste you and enjoying the way your breathing picked up and the way your hands moved all over his chest and stomach. Then he pulled you into his lap, legs on either side of him and this time you both whimpered when his cock brushed up against your center. Even through the layers of clothing you could feel how hard he was. 

Aegon was kissing you as if he’d been waiting years to do so, as if this was the first kiss, which in a way it was.

There was no audience this time, nobody to put on a show for, it was just you and him, the both of you melting into each other from every angle. He moaned into the kiss when you rolled your hips and then he leaned back to look at you, his gaze both hungry and somehow nervous for your reaction.”Do you want me?” he breathed.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your forehead against his,”Yes, Aegon.”

His entire face lit up at your confirmation.

You moved your lips to kiss his neck and Aegon’s eyes rolled back into his head, blissful little whimpers escaping his lips as he rocked back against you, letting you feel how desperate he was for you. Your hands moved over his stomach to push at the hem of his boxers, desperate to get them off but Aegon stopped you.

“Shhh, not yet, sweetheart,” he shushed you and then patiently kissed your jaw, your neck, your collarbone until you were a whimpering mess in his lap.

“Please,” you moaned quietly,”I need you.”

“And you’ll have me,” he reassured you,” but first…”

His hand moved down your stomach to untie your shorts while he moved his mouth up to your ear,”First I’m going to put my hand underneath those adorable pink shorts you’re wearing and finger you until you cum all over my hand. Is that alright, sweetheart?”

“Fuck, Aegs,” you breathed.

“Is that a yes?” he teased with a smirk.

“Yes,” you begged,”Please, yes.”

Your plea was enough to urge him to speed things up and he pushed you off of his lap to lay you down on his bed. 

His lips latched onto your neck again while his hand caressed your stomach and pushed up your top, his hand moving underneath to cup your tits, paying equal attention to both of them. His thumb grazed over your nipples before taking one of them into his mouth, his tongue lapping at those sensitive spots and as if that wasn’t driving you crazy already he also moaned into it. 

Your panties were soaked and he hadn’t even touched you there, you weren’t even sure if you would be able to handle it if he did. You were already clenching around nothing, so desperate to feel him inside of you. His cock, his fingers, anything, you didn’t care, you just needed to feel him.

“Aegon, please, baby,” you begged, taking his hand in yours and guiding him down between your legs.

He smirked at your impatience and pulled down the hem of your shorts, his lips brushing the shell of your ear while his fingers slipped into your underwear,”It’s okay, lay back and let me take care of you.”

He continued kissing your neck while his fingers ghosted over your clit, barely touching you but enough to feel how soaked you were.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he teased,”Oh, sweetheart, I’ve been a bad boyfriend, huh? Not giving you what you needed so desperately.”

You nodded, biting your lip.

Aegon showed mercy on you, finally circling your clit and putting pressure right where you needed it. You couldn’t hold back your moans and your hips started bucking up into his hand.

“You’re so needy, I fucking love it,” he purred,”Look at you grinding against my hand, my sweet dirty girl.”

His voice was adding flames to your fire, making you burn up for him a little more with every word he whispered into your ear.

The way he held eye contact through it all was driving you insane. Like he couldn’t bear to look away from you even for a second, taking in your reactions to every single one of his touches, eagerly learning what you liked the most and repeating that over and over until you couldn’t take it anymore.

Finally he slid a finger inside your dripping heat, making you press your nails into his shoulder. You covered your mouth to muffle your cries of pleasure but Aegon was quick to slap your hand away.

“I wanna hear you,” he whispered,”Wanna hear how good I make you feel, moan for me, sweetheart.”

He added a second finger, fucking you with them at a slow, unhurried pace while his thumb found your clit again.

You moaned shamelessly, grinding against him, feeling that heat coil in your belly as your orgasm started to build.

Aegon watched you closely, speeding up his movements but slowing down when you got too close, keeping you right on that edge until he could see tears spilling from your eyes.

“That’s it, baby” he then moaned into your ear,”You can let go now, cum for me, sweetheart, soak my fingers, please, come on…”

He kissed you again then, slow and deep while he fucked you with his fingers, making sure to keep circling your clit as well. It was enough to push you over the edge.

You came with Aegon’s name on your lips, your entire body convulsing under his touch, bliss filling your every nerve unlike anything you had ever felt. You never wanted this to end.

Aegon slowly kissed you through your orgasm, letting you come down from your high but also keeping his fingers inside of you until every last wave of it had passed through you.

He smiled softly, eventually pulling back.”Was that alright?” he asked quietly but with a little hint of mischief in those beautiful blue eyes.

“Fuck yes, that was alright,” you giggled,”That was...holy shit.”

His smile grew wider, proud, and he kissed you again, deeper this time and when he moved against you, you could feel his cock resting against your inner thigh. Hard and leaking and so ready for you.

Your hand moved to push his boxers down, your impatience taking over again and this time he didn’t stop you but instead helped you take them off and then started tugging at your shorts to do the same. Your panties quickly followed, ending up in the pile next to his bed.

His one hand moved down your inner thigh, spreading you open for him while he pressed his forehead against yours, holding eye contact while his cock nudged at your entrance.”You want this, right?” he breathed, struggling to hold himself back but needing that last bit of consent from you,”I need you to say it, sweetheart, please.”

You just nodded and let your hand brush his cheek.”I want you, Aegon,” you confirmed,”I want you.”

You were both breathing hard, your arms wrapped around his shoulders, holding him close to you as he slowly pushed himself in, inch by inch. He stretched you to the fullest before slowly pulling out and driving back in again.

Your mind was no longer able to form words, all that filled your senses was him. And you realized there was no going back from this moment, the way he held you and looked at you as if you were the best thing to ever happen to him while he filled you up so perfectly. You had never felt so close to anyone in your entire life and it was making you emotional.

And Aegon noticed, even now. He halted his movements to grab your hand and hold it up against his chest.

“Hey, what’s wrong, baby? What is it? Am I hurting you?”

“No, you’re not hurting me,” you reassured him,”Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s…you’re perfect.”

The soft, loving look in his eyes put a smile on your face.

“You’re so perfect, Aegon,” you repeated in a whisper and he leaned in to kiss you softly. You reciprocated hungrily and then he was fucking you again, more urgent than before.

His pace was slow but when you rocked back against him he started going faster, giving you what you both craved. It didn’t take long for you to lose yourself in him again, and Aegon was right with you this time. His breathing erratic and his moans growing louder as his thrusts became less and less controlled.

“I’m close,” he whimpered,”Fuck, I’m so close, baby.”

“Me too,” you breathed, encouraging him to keep going so he did. His fingers connecting with your clit again, giving you that last little push to topple over the edge with him.

“Fuck,” Aegon was breathing heavily, sweat on his forehead, his cheeks flushed red as he tried to hold back and give you what you needed first,”Shit, I need to…”

“Come inside me,” you whimpered, nails digging into his back.

“You sure?” he checked, biting hard on his lip as his thrusts grew harder and less controlled.

“Yes, I’m on the pill,” you reassured him,”Please, I want to feel you…come inside me, Aegs.”

You had barely finished your words when he did just that, his hot seed filling you up as he buried his face into the crook of your neck with a loud grunt. You followed quickly, moaning his name as your own orgasm rippled through you.

Aegon didn’t move for the longest time after that, just holding onto you as you both tried to come down from it. You hugged him close, neither of you feeling the need to speak for a while. You could have laid here for the rest of your life and be happy.

When Aegon finally looked up he noticed the tears in your eyes.

He gently cupped your cheek and brushed them away, his soft eyes meeting yours,“Hey, you okay, sweetheart?” he checked.

“Yeah,” you smiled through your tears.

“Good tears?” he asked with a hopeful smile.

“Good I-just-had-the-most-satisfying-orgasm-in-my-entire-life tears,” you teased and Aegon’s laughter filled the room, making your heart feel full.

He pulled you next to him in the bed, keeping his arms around you to keep you close to him.

“Was that…okay?” he then asked, insecurity clouding his voice.

You nodded and leaned closer, resting your forehead against his.”Yeah,” you whispered.

His sweet smile warmed your heart and when he placed a soft lingering kiss on your lips you knew your heart belonged to him from now on. It was both the best and the worst feeling in the world.

“Stay,” he then whispered softly,”Please stay with me, my sweet girl.”

”I'm not going anywhere, Aegs,” you kissed him back and pulled him into your arms.

****

You texted Sihtric the next morning to cancel your platonic lunch date, followed by a bunch of apologies but he took it like a true gentleman and told you to text him whenever you felt ready and if that didn’t happen that he would understand.

You had been right about him from the start, he was a truly good man.

But there was only one man on your mind since last night.

Waking up next to Aegon still felt like a dream and instead of kicking you out of his bed he had pushed you down into the mattress and fucked you again before breakfast. He even offered for his driver to take you home, which you gladly accepted.

You had spent that entire Sunday living in a haze and went to bed happier than you had in a really long time that night. 

But then the work week started and you got back into the routine. And you didn’t hear from Aegon during those first days, and then Thursday came along and he still hadn’t texted you. 

That’s when the doubt started to set in. What if it had just been a casual fuck for him? What if he didn’t feel even an ounce of what you felt for him? What if he regretted it and now anything you two may have had was ruined before it even got a chance to start?

It was Friday and you had settled on the couch, your phone on your lap and a bottle of wine by your side. Normally under these circumstances you wouldn’t hesitate to call Helaena and pour your heart out to her, but that was obviously not an option right now.

You jumped when there was a sudden loud knock on your door. You didn’t want to hope, you knew it would only hurt all the more if it wasn’t him but you were quick to rise to your feet and open the door anyway, relief flooding your veins upon seeing Aegon on your doorstep. His hair was messy but his smile was bright.

“Hi,” he spoke softly while shamelessly staring at you.

“Hi stranger,” you teased,”Your phone not working?”

“I’m sorry,” he sighed,”I should have…texted, or something.”

“Yeah, you should have,” you replied, unable to hide the hurt in your voice.

“Can I come in? Please?”

You nodded and moved to let him step inside your apartment.

“There’s a film screening by the water tonight,” he then started,”We could go if you want.”

He moved into your living room and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed when he didn’t even touch you. 

Was that all he wanted? To take you out in public and play the fake couple again? Were you still right there after everything that happened? 

No, it couldn’t be true, your heart could not take this.

“I guess we could,” you tried not to sound as devastated as you felt,”If that’s what you want.”

You stopped to look at him and when your eyes met his he let out a deep sigh.

“No, it’s…that’s not what I want at all,” he confessed,”I don’t care about a stupid movie.”

“What do you want then?” you asked, feeling nervous about his answer but needing him to be honest with you anyway.

“You,” he sighed,”I just want you, Y/N.”

Every doubt and fear fell away when his hands grabbed your waist and he pulled you up against his chest, his lips meeting yours in a soft, deep kiss.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in between kisses,”I should have…called you…I was an idiot…I haven’t…stopped thinking about you…all week. Can you please…forgive me, sweetheart?”

You cupped his face with two hands and kissed him back, unable to stop from smiling.”I forgive you. But don't do that again.”

Aegon didn’t stop kissing you as he pushed you towards the couch, pulling you down onto it with him, making you both giggle. But then he grabbed your neck and looked into your eyes, his gaze suddenly serious and darker.

“Can I fuck you again?” he whispered heavily,”Please?”

“Yes,” you breathed, eyes closing with a soft moan as he started kissing your neck while his hands cupped your breasts through your shirt,”God yes, you can fuck me whenever you want, Aegs.”

It was fast and frantic, clothes were pulled off and discarded, there was no time or no need for foreplay. The both of you starved for each other and when Aegon finally shoved his achingly hard cock inside of you everything was right with the world again. You clung to his shoulders as he fucked you mercilessly on your green couch, bringing you both to a fast and intense climax.

The second time was different, slower, on your bed, with him kissing every inch of skin on your body before he even dared to touch your cunt. When his tongue finally devoured your clit it felt like you ascended to another world and when he fucked you afterwards, lazy and slow and with his eyes on yours the entire time, you cried again.

He kissed away all your tears patiently before making you weep again as he drove you to another mind blowing orgasm. He came with his teeth sinking into the skin of your neck and your name leaving his lips in the most delicious whimper.

****

The weeks that followed felt like a beautiful, romantic and very much not suitable for work dream. You spent your days at work or hanging out with Helaena and you spent your nights in Aegon’s bed, or on your couch, his kitchen table, the balcony of his penthouse, the back of his car, the elevator in your building, …

It didn’t matter what place you were in Aegon needed to have his hands and his mouth on you every night, and preferably in the morning as well. He grew addicted to you fast and you were no less addicted to him.

You felt happy, for the first time in a really long time. Aegon was sweet, always in a good mood and incredibly affectionate. 

He was everything previous boyfriends hadn’t been. 

He’d hold you until you fell asleep in his arms, cuddle up to you in the kitchen while you were cooking, he’d listen to you when you rambled on about customers at work, he’d even bring you breakfast in bed and pick you up after work. He made you laugh every day and every day was better now because of him.

The sex was infinitely better than anything you’d ever had before. Aegon would always make sure you were taken care of first, he wouldn’t even think about his own climax before he’d made you cum first. He also loved to go down on you, usually while you watched Stranger things. He’d eat you out as if he’d been starved for days, making it impossible for you to focus on the plot of the show, which you stopped caring about several episodes ago, you now just put on the show as an excuse to let Aegon have his way with you.

He was the perfect boyfriend in every way, except that he wasn’t your boyfriend.

You never put a name on what you two had and you never talked about your feelings. You didn’t want to push your luck and lose what you had with him. Things were perfect, why force them to change?

It was a slow day at work that Friday when the door opened and Aegon walked in, the store was empty except for the both of you and you could see that eager, mischievous grin on his face as he stepped up to the counter.

“Good afternoon, miss,” he grinned.

“Hi,” you smiled, leaning across the counter to get closer to him. 

Aegon followed your lead.“You alone?”

“Well, there’s one customer in here, it’s this weird but kinda handsome blond guy who comes in every few days,” you teased him,”He never buys anything, doesn’t even look at the books, he just comes in to flirt with me.”

“Hmm, does he now?” Aegon leaned on his elbow, letting his eyes meet yours,”Does he make you uncomfortable? Should I go kick his ass?”

Your lips curled up into a smile,”No. I was just wondering…why he drops by so often.”

Aegon’s hand reached across the counter until he managed to grab your arm and pull you closer.”Maybe he just misses you,” he then whispered. 

“Is that so?” you smiled, feeling your cheeks heat up and Aegon softly pressed his forehead against yours.

“Can you take a break?” he then asked,”Hang up a sign and close the shop for ten minutes.”

“The whole ten minutes, oh my god Aegon Targaryen, you must be every girl’s ultimate sexual fantasy,” you teased and laughed and he hit you on the arm.

But then his eyes locked with yours again, his gaze suddenly intense,“I’m your ultimate sexual fantasy and don’t you fucking deny it.”

You bit your lip shyly and smiled,”I wasn’t going to.”

He grabbed your chin with his thumb, forcing you to look deep into his eyes, nothing but hunger staring back at you,“Close the shop.”

You sighed,“I don’t know, what if my boss happens to drop by?”

Aegon leaned in even closer, just enough so he could nuzzle your cheek, his breath hot on your skin. “Come here,” he whispered and he softly kissed the sensitive spot right below your ear, making you shiver.

His lips brushed the shell of your ear as he whispered,”Been thinking about your pussy all day.”

He smiled when he noticed your breathing picking up and he started kissing and licking your neck, making you breathe even harder.

“Aegs,” you moaned quietly, fingers digging into his arm,”What do you want?”

“I wanna taste you,” he breathed in between kissing your neck and jaw,”Right here…wanna push you up against one of those book shelves…tear those jeans and panties off of you…kiss your thighs….suck on your clit until she’s all sensitive and throbbing for me…then…I’m gonna fuck you slowly with my tongue, get you all nice and wet and then…”

“Jesus fuck, alright, I’ll close the shop!”

Aegon smirked and licked his lips while you rushed to lock the door and hang up the Closed sign. Before he could say another word you pulled him with you towards the back of the store.

It turned out ten minutes was more than long enough for Aegon to make you cum twice, once with his head nestled between your thighs and the second time with his cock buried deep inside of you, thrusting so hard the entire bookshelf was shaking. 

You held onto him so tight afterwards, fingers deep into the skin of his back as you buried your face against his neck.

“God, I’ve missed that,” he whispered in between kissing your shoulder,”I’ve missed you, so fucking much.”

“Missed you too,” you breathed.

Everything was so perfect, if you had known how quickly it would all fall to pieces afterwards you never would have said a damn thing.

You hadn’t meant to say it, you just got caught up in the moment and the way he was looking at you with those soft, loving eyes of his.

“I love you so much,” you breathed against his lips and Aegon froze.

He recovered quickly, trying to shut you up with more kisses and you reassured him that it was okay, that he didn’t need to say it back to you and that it was just a heat of the moment thing and not a big deal.

But it was a big deal, it seemed like a huge fucking deal to Aegon. 

It was the beginning of the end.

[kelcemesoftly]

Heartbreak Series: Part 1 [[Like We Used To]] Song Imagine

Series: Heartbreak Series

Summary: How are you handling the breakup? Based on Like We Used To by A Rocket to the Moon

Words: 1291

Triggers: nsfw, i think that's it???

Part 1 of a potential series. Hope y'all enjoy!

My first Trav fanfic.... be gentle pleaseeee. Requests are more than welcome 🥰

I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me

Sharing pillows and cold feet

She can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat

Under blankets and warm sheets

“How are you always so cold?!” Travis chuckled, draping his arm across your bare waist as you two laid naked, the only thing covering you both being a feather-like, white sheet. Your eyes met his as you let out a small snicker, a sheepish shrug being mustered up even though exhaustion was plaguing your body. 

“Don’t you like it? You’re the one who specifically stated you’re always too warm,” you mused, arching your brows pointedly as if to prove your point to him. As much as you gave Travis shit for it, him being warm had its perks. He was your personal body heater and you never had to worry about being cold when you were in his presence. Cold hands pressed against his back was always a welcome feeling in his mind, and he’d told you that more than once. 

You shuffled closer to Travis in your shared bed, turning around so that he was the big spoon. He tightened his arms around your body, pressing a loving kiss against the back of your head. It didn’t take long for him to doze off, exhausted from the Monday Night game he had just won. You, on the other hand, took a bit longer to fall into a slumber, though the beat of Travis’ heart eventually lulled you into a deep sleep, knowing that you were safe in your boyfriend’s arms.

If only I could be in that bed again

If only it were me instead of him

Does he watch your favorite movies?

Does he hold you when you cry?

Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?

Does he sing to all your music while you dance to Purple Rain?

Does he do all these things like I used to?

What you would give to go back to that time in your life, a mere year ago. It wasn’t as if you didn’t love your new boyfriend, but he wasn’t anything compared to Travis. He was different, in every single way from your ex. Trav was an extrovert, he was an introvert. Trav loved sports, he despised them. Travis’ family was everything to him, he hadn’t spoken to his parents in years. What started out as a welcome change was suddenly becoming a sad realization that you wouldn’t ever have that type of love again in your life.

Trav knew every single movie you had watched, he knew what your favorite TV shows were. He knew that you’d be glued in front of the TV every Wednesday night to catch up on all your missed shows because of the NFL’s hectic schedule. Your new boyfriend didn’t know that he should expect that because he wasn’t nearly as busy as Travis. With him, you could watch the shows as they aired live because there were no football games you attended causing a disruption in your schedule. Secretly, you’d still watch all of Travis’ games, your love and concern for him overpowering your desire to watch your shows.

As you lay next to your new boyfriend, tears filled your eyes at the stark contrast that was now your life. Your new boyfriend turned over, seeing your eyelids red from tears.”What’s wrong?” he asked sleepily, a yawn escaping from his red lips. You shook your head, not wanting to delve into the fact that you were, once again, mourning the loss of your relationship with Travis. 

“Nothing,” you whispered, your voice cracking as you said the word. In reality, everything was wrong. Nodding, your boyfriend turned over, soft snores being heard echoing off the wall. That alone made you turn to face the opposite wall, small sobs raking through your body. It wasn’t as if your boyfriend didn’t care… but he didn’t care in the way Travis would. Trav would have wrapped his arms around you, blinked several times until he came to, and then demanded you to tell him what was wrong, in the most loving way. And you would’ve told him, because he was your best friend. Perhaps that was the hardest part, losing your boyfriend and best friend all in one.

14 months and seven days ago

Oh, I know you know how we felt about that night

Just your skin against the window

Oh, we took it slow and we both know

It should have been me inside that car

It should have been me instead of him in the dark

You had been with Travis not even a month before the first time you slept together. To say it was amazing would be an understatement. He was the sweetest, kindest, most attentive lover you’d ever been with, and that was just the first time. As time went on, it only became more amazing, more magical. And you were convinced that was because of the love that radiated between the two of you, which was evident to everyone in your inner circle. 

The first time you slept with your ex had been a drunken hookup, your attempt to get over Travis. And it worked, for a couple hours. Then your mind went back to your ex, which was precisely what you wanted to avoid. And so began the triad of events, sleeping with your new guy, going home only to call him again a few hours later to try and forget Trav. Eventually, you both decided that since the sex was good, you should try out a relationship. It wasn’t bad, the sex nor the relationship, but it wasn’t the same. It never would be. You knew that, always had. 

For what felt like the millionth time, you slipped out of bed and went into the one bathroom in your rented apartment, locking the door behind you as tears leaked out of your eyes. You were so angry that you let a petty argument with Trav ruin the rest of your life, a life you so wanted with him. You’d never pictured being married until you met Travis, but now that you had, that’s all you saw. And, as sad as it was to say, all your boyfriend was was a nice distraction. 

Your mind wandered over to Travis, curious as to how he was feeling. Was he having the same thoughts? Or did he move on? Have a new girl in his bed? Tell someone else that he loved them? The mere thought alone caused you to become sick, emptying the content of your stomach into the toilet. You fell back onto your ass, desperately reaching for your phone. 

I know, Love (I'm a sucker for that feeling)

Happens all the time, Love (I always end up feeling cheated)

You're on my mind, Love (oh darling, lead her where that leaded)

It happens all the time, Love, yeah

Y/N: Hey… how are you doing?

Trav: Long time no talk! I’m alright, how are you?

You stared at the text for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was less than a minute. In your drunken haze, you clicked on his contact name and pressed Facetime, anxiously awaiting to see if he’d answer. To your surprise, he did. Fuck. What were you going to say? To do? Let him know that you tried to move on but couldn’t? Let him know you watched every single one of his games and still held your breath every time he was tackled? Let him know you watched every video and interview of him? Let him know you thought you saw the heartbroken flickers in his eyes?

“Trav… I miss you.”

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

Glow in the Dark Stars

I was inspired by this post where Steve says he’s overwhelmed. I just did my own twist. This is just a Drabble and quick free write so it isn’t that great lmao.

Description; Steve and Eddie finally come to terms with their feelings, what Steve doesn’t expect it to be overwhelmed by touch and everything around him. Basically, Eddie helping touch starved Steve come down from a sensory overload

Blankets were thrown all over the place along with pillows on the floor. Eddie didn’t have a bed frame for his bed at the moment and Steve didn’t want to sleep on the same mattress that had numerous suspicious stains on it. That and the metalhead didn’t even have sheets on it! Steve had to ramble about how it wasn’t personal for almost five minutes before Eddie shut him up. Sure the other was a little stung by it but he didn’t mind. Sometimes even he didn’t want to sleep on the crappy mattress. Of course, the reason why Steve came over to begin with was to get stoned. They had both agreed that he could stay the night.

Eddie had pulled the joint out, already wrapped and ready to go and gets it situated in his mouth before smoke is starting to float in front of his face. Moving and passing it to Steve he moves and starts to grab blankets and throws them all over the floor. Sloppily making two beds that sort of morphed into one. That’s how they find themselves huddled up together, giggling a bit as they were completely gone. Both of them laid back on a pillow as they look up at the ceiling, pretending to watch the glow in the dark star stickers that scattered the others ceiling. They had stopped glowing a few years ago, which was why they were pretending.

Shifting against each other arms brushing up against each other Steve felt like they were just one blob. Don’t get him wrong, it was fun looking up at the stickers on the ceiling but he much rather turn his head and watch the stars in Eddie’s eyes. He doesn’t realize how long he’s staring at the side of the others face until he turns his head to look at him with a goofy grin. Even though Steve wasn’t sober, he was aware of what he was doing. Time just seemed to go by a lot slower then what it normally was. He bites his lip a little watching Eddie’s eyes look down. His heart starts to race a bit as he moves a little closer.

Eddies the one not to hesitate moving forward. Doesn’t take his time meeting the other just pushes forward and catches the others lips against his. Humming as they both tasted like smoke and weed. Steve’s hand moves up to touch the others hair as his fingers loosely get tangled in the curls. Eddie playfully bites the others lip before his tongue lazily meets the other. The other was a bit sloppy and obviously new to the entire kissing thing, so Steve lets him lead. Lets him figure it out. He was to tired to take control over what was happening, he was letting it just happen. It was going by with a blur that he doesn’t even realize Eddie’s straddling his hips and carefully moving his hands up his shirt until it was a few seconds after his hand brushes up against his scars. Flinching a bit Eddie quickly moves his hands away, “Sorry Stevie.” He mumbles into his mouth.

Everything that was happening Steve had been craving for months. The light touches on his skin, the kissing all of it. Though a part of him was starting to get overwhelmed. He really wanted the others touches but they were overwhelming. The way the others hair fell in his face and tickled his skin, he wanted that he really did. But it was making him whine a bit because it was to much. All of it was just too much.

Not wanting to come off as a dick he gently pushes the other back a bit as he closes his eyes a bit trying to ground himself a bit. Eddies first reaction is to cradle his face but Steve’s quick to say “Don’t, please.” He comes off a bit snippy and if his eyes were open he could probably see the hurt on the others face. Eddie moves off his lap and he’s upset. Something Steve didn’t want to do. But the smell of weed, the friendly touches from the other, the scratchiness of the blankets and god he swears he could feel his teeth. He moves sitting up as he pulls the blankets off. Good that’s one less thing.

“Oh god Harrington I’m so sorry, I must’ve read something wrong. I shouldn’t have kissed you when you were stoned, and I was stoned I feel like that’s on like some creep level of shit. God the queer pushes himself on the straight guy-“ Eddie’s rambling and walking back and forth a bit as his hands fly up in the air. It wasn’t helping at all but Steve still wants to comfort him. He forces himself up and the other gets a little louder to where his voice cracks and all shots are off. He’s pressing his hands against his ears as he makes a noice that forces Eddie to shut up. His eyes are closed as he really tries to calm down. He could feel everywhere his clothes rubbed up against his skin.

“Eddie, no no I really like kissing you.” He whines out a bit. God he sounded pathetic, but he felt like he was on the verge of tears. Eddies quick to throw himself forward and drop to his knees. Trying to touch him again to make sure he was okay. It was really hard having to tell him not to touch him again. This time he could see the hurt in the others eyes. Within the short time they had been friends, touch was Eddie’s comfort language.

“God I sound stupid, but I’m so overwhelmed.” He groans as he has to close his eyes again as his breathing picks up.

“Oh god I didn’t force you into a panic attack did I?” Eddie sounds just as anxious.

“No-no. It’s just. I cant explain it, I really -“ Steve takes a deep breath. “I really liked kissing you but everything just got to much. God I think I can feel my fucking teeth man.” Steve whines as he curls up further into himself.

Eddies still looking concern but he kind of understood. “Ok, can you explain it for my sweetie? So I can try my best to help?” He asks speaking lowly. Catching onto the way the other held his ears.

Steve tries to gather his thoughts and it takes a moment. “It’s just, everything. I know it’s not that loud but I feel like everything is ten times louder then normal and coming at me.” He pauses and he focuses on breathing. Tears forming in his eyes as he forces himself to talk. It was difficult, almost as if his body didn’t want him to.

“I only smell weed right now and that’s overwhelming, the blankets on me too much, even the clothes on my body feel to much.” He whimpers as Eddie nods his head. He kind of understood. He quickly gets up and he moves opening a window to get the smell of weed out. The smell of fresh air felt ten times better then the musty smell of the room. Along with that Eddie shuts his curtains. He pauses to think. He shuts the light off from and he lets the dark take over.

“If your clothes are too much do you want to take them off? Maybe try and find something more comfy to wear?” He asks gently. Faintly he could see the other nodding his head. Moving and standing up as he starts to not feel as overstimulated. Following along carefully as Eddie opens his closet and lets the other feel around for material that felt right. He chooses a black sweater. It would be a little tight on him but the material was a lot more comforting. He moves pulling his shirt off sighing in relief before slipping Eddie’s clothes on. Moving he just pulls his pants off and already he felt better. It wasn’t nearly as bad anymore, but he craved the others touch more then anything.

He moves forward and wraps himself around the other. “Thank you Eddie.” He says softly. Eddie just hums and gently rubs his back.

The night doesn’t end up steamy like they both had though when they had kissed each other. Instead the night ends with both of them curled up on the floor, Steve still didn’t like any of the others blankets so he ended up forcing Eddie to be his weighted blanket. Keeping him more grounded as he passes out.

[trickstarbrave]

i wrote 4500 words of yet another omegaverse au while waiting for my doctors appointment.

its not very good bc im not even half awake and incoherent. it's like. very rambly and i think makes little sense. but here it is

scent kink, clothes stealing, and omegaverse shit. this time with nerevar pining :)

Voryn felt off the last few days. Every time he walked in his room something about the whole space felt… Off. Wrong. But what was wrong he couldn’t place; nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary in his room. All of his alchemical supplies and potions were accounted for. He used detect life so he knew there were no hidden spies lurking in the shadows (though he doubted they would have made it into Kogoruhn in the first place). By all accounts nothing should be bothering him but it felt like something was in the air making him feel completely off. 

After several days of feeling like this he finally got frustrated enough to tear his room apart looking for the source of what was bothering him. He could hardly even sleep properly like this, waking up feeling bursts of energy and his body screaming at him to move and do something. Maybe he was going crazy, but he couldn’t live like this. 

He emptied the closets first, and found nothing, putting all of his clothes back. The same with his dresser. Everything seemed perfectly in order, nothing but the faint scent of his own pheromones on the fabric as well as soap from being washed by servants. Then he checked all the drapes, using all of his magical abilities to make sure everything was in order. 

Lastly, he went to his bed. It was a large, plush bed. A dwemer-made mattress that was just the right level of firmness for his back, plush sheets dyed blood red from the beetles his house farmed, and plenty of pillows, though to be honest Voryn didn’t use most of them. A good chunk were merely decorative, piled up with the excuse that when he found an omega that suited his tastes he’ll be thankful to have them on hand covered in his scent. Voryn had rolled his eyes at that explanation; Voryn didn’t like most omegas. Their scents were overpowering and cloyingly sweet, giving him a migraine, which was surprising given Voryn tended to have quite the sweet tooth his brothers would tease him about. He had assumed he was more interested in betas, though Voryn didn’t go out of his way to look for one to mate with. He had much more pressing things on his mind and he was still young; there would be time to find a mate later. 

After searching through his sheets, blankets, and pillows though, he finally found out buried in a pile. It was a pretty, decorative pillow Voryn just shoved aside, not paying much mind to. But the second he uncovered it he found the source. Something was faintly off about this pillow, and he brought it up to his nose to breathe in the scent. 

Only to have his knees go weak as he all but collapsed onto his bed, moaning softly.

Voryn had never met an omega that smelled good. All of them so far had been passable at best. Some of them tried to suppress their scents but Voryn could pick up on it from them easily when their attention waned--and not to mention he found many of them far too submissive for his tastes, though perhaps that was just because they were trying too hard to get into his good graces. 

But this… Voryn knew it was an omega, but the scent wasn’t sickly sweet in a way that made his head hurt or stomach turn. No, this scent was refreshing, bright, and just sweet enough to make his mouth water. It was like imported candied citrus, or like the herbal infused cookies from Mournhold. It practically made his mouth water, but it was also cut with the heavy scent of musk and pure arousal that made Voryn burn with lust. 

He buried his face into the pillow, one had undoing his robes so he could stroke his cock, hissing from how hard he was. 

This was the perfect omega--Voryn knew it right then. He didn’t know who had snuck in to rub their scent all of his pillow, but they got his fucking attention, and Voryn felt the overwhelming urge to make them his. To hold them down, push their face into his bed, and claim them properly while fucking them good and hard. He couldn’t even imagine how wonderful the scent would be coming from them directly; it would be enough to make him lose control--he knew it. 

Who would be so bold as to come into his room like this? A maid would have an excuse to come into his room without raising any suspicion, but he highly doubted a maid would have the gall to rub themselves all over one of his pillows; it could easily backfire and cost them their position in the house entirely, if not their life. A child of a council member? A possibility, but how would they even get inside his room without someone stopping them? 

It was frustrating. Voryn just wanted to know who they were. He wanted to see if he could pursue them openly or if they would have to do this covertly. But obviously they wanted him--oh how could they not when Voryn could smell just how aroused they were as they grinded against his pillow and then went so far as to leave it on his bed afterwards. All he had to do was find them.

He climaxed as he thought of how wonderful they must have looked, grinding their cunt on his pillow, moaning his name with their face buried in Voryn’s pillow. And as the aftershocks from his orgasm faded he put the pillow back in the pile as though he hadn’t found it, slowly coming up with a plan in his mind.

The scent was strong enough that it couldn’t have been done only once. It was staggered just enough that the scent wasn’t overwhelming and obvious, but it was clear they had been in his room more than once. Voryn had been in the stronghold often the past few days so it was likely they hadn’t been in his room in a while. All Voryn would have to do to lure them out was give them the opportunity, and then see for himself just who they were by catching them in the act. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t have all the tools at his disposal. He had been trained for stealth to a degree, and also had a variety of magic to use at his disposal. He had an amulet that could take him to the stronghold’s shrine that he always used after he was finished after having to run errands, but he also had mark and recall. It wouldn’t be hard to say he was leaving for the day, announce it to everyone, leave the stronghold, and then immediately recall himself to the corner of his room. At that point he just needed to drink some invisibility potions that he had a surplus of after experimenting with lloramor spines imported from Mournhold. Then he could make his presence known if he wished, or he could wait and bide his time to confront them later. 

And if that failed, he would try and try again. It wouldn’t be long until they returned. And Voryn knew he wouldn’t be able to give up after experiencing such an intoxicating scent like that. 

--

Nerevar knew he was doing something horrible. Not only was he playing with fire, but this was a huge violation of Voryn’s trust. 

It had started simply and innocently enough: his little bad habit had initially just been born out of feeling lonely. He had been in Kogoruhn since he was young--before even presenting. And while in Kogoruhn the only person who scented him as a child was Voryn given Nerevar didn’t really have any other friends nor did he have family with him. But scenting children was something that brought comfort and brought a sense of safety and stability, not to mention unity. 

He’d been moody after a particularly rough heat, feeling sluggish and upset about nothing in particular. He just felt painfully alone and cold, craving some stability and comfort. And all that he could think of to bring him comfort was Voryn’s scent of all things. 

Voryn had been out for the day, and so Nerevar pretended to walk into his room to check in on something for him, able to enter without any hassle. Their rooms were in the same hall, though no longer next to each other after they presented. No one paid him any mind as it wasn’t uncommon for Voryn to send him into his room for a potion of some kind or to fetch something else for him. For all they knew Voryn asked him to check up on his alchemical supplies while he was out or do something else. Many in House Dagoth didn’t like Nerevar, but they knew he was trustworthy and he hadn’t given them a reason to doubt him yet. 

He swiped one of Voryn’s robes, bundling it up and tossing it in his bag, before walking back to his room casually and curling up with it. He practically purred at the warm, spicy scent quickly surrounding him, rubbing his face into the soft fabric. He could practically feel Voryn’s body against his own in a warm embrace, his hands stroking Nerevar to scent him thoroughly, and his head felt dizzy as arousal coursed through him.

Originally he had dismissed that first time as simply still being pent up from his heat barely being over. He was ashamed, in fact, that he masturbated with his face buried in Voryn’s robe, moaning and whining low in his throat as he fingered himself, wishing more than anything that he was full from Voryn’s cock instead. Not to mention he was terrified of being caught--they would surely throw Nerevar out of the stronghold if they found out what he’d done, if they didn’t beat him senseless first. Nerevar was a lowly canvasari that they were gracious enough to let live in the stronghold proper by Voryn’s insistence. If Nerevar was found to have been doing something improper like this with Voryn’s belongings he would never be allowed to so much as lay eyes on the heir again. 

So he lied. He lied and said Voryn’s robe must have gotten mixed up in his belongings after laundry, and a servant rolled their eyes and took it from him to be washed properly before being put back. He was on edge for weeks after that, but no one confronted him or even looked at him strangely, so he knew he’d gotten away with it. It had just been a one time thing and Nerevar would put it past him.

Except it wasn’t. 

He had quickly found himself craving that scent again the week after his next heat. He denied it for a solid month, but he felt like a junkie trying to cut skooma abruptly. He was antsy and also mortified by his own reaction, his thoughts consumed by the thought of Voryn. But he also knew he couldn’t do the same thing twice; if he made a habit out of swiping Voryn’s clothes and coincidentally finding them mixed up in his clothes, House Dagoth was going to catch on. Once was excusable--servants made mistakes over the years and they did sometimes come to collect Nerevar and Voryn’s laundry around the same time given they lived in the same hall (though they never really washed them together given the care they had to show Voryn’s). Twice he might be able to get away with it, but the servants would be questioned thoroughly. More than that and they were going to start suspecting Nerevar was the one taking them and try and catch him in the act. 

Instead, Nerevar came up with a compromise which was going into Voryn’s room, locking the door, and getting off there. Very few people came into Voryn’s room without permission and if he didn’t want someone entering it while he was gone in case he was doing an alchemical experiment of some kind he made sure to lock the door. Everyone in the stronghold knew not to go into his room if it was locked unless it was an absolute emergency. And in that event, Nerevar had a recall amulet to use if he heard the door unlock and someone come in. 

What was supposed to be just one more time turned into two, then three, as he buried his face into Voryn’s bed and breathed in his scent. He grabbed a decorative pillow he knew Voryn didn’t give a shit about and normally had buried under piles of equally neglected pillows, and shoved it between his legs. He also made sure to stagger when he came in, pacing himself so that it wasn’t too frequent, and then reburied the pillow.

It wasn’t good; it was still risky leaving his scent on Voryn’s bed, but he had a feeling no one would know it was him. He normally wore perfumed oil to hide his scent after too many complaints from other canvasari, or hid it well enough on his own. If someone could tell something was off about it they would have to bury their face in the pillow and probably only be able to tell an omega had been rubbing up on it, nothing more. And Nerevar knew if someone kicked up a fuss about an omega sneaking into their heir’s room, he would hear about it.

Today was the perfect time too. Voryn had been staying in the stronghold with no particular business for the past week. He was in and out of his room and office so irregularly and frequently that Nerevar knew it would be foolish to even try. The best times were when Voryn had to leave entirely as he’d be gone several hours, giving him plenty of time to sneak in and out without anyone catching him. 

“Voryn?” Nerevar asked quietly after knocking, poking his head in as though he had been ignorant Voryn was gone. He looked around as well, making sure nothing was amiss; Voryn’s room though was the same as ever: same shelf of potions and ingredients, same alchemy aparati, and the same tempting bed. 

He let himself in equally casually, locking the door behind him as he entered with quiet, practiced skill. Then Nerevar looked at the shelves, humming softly. He didn’t know what any of the potions were entirely, nor did he trust himself to go picking them up at random without Voryn present, but he liked looking at the pretty bottles sometimes when he came in here. 

“I shouldn’t dawdle too long…” He chastised himself under his breath. Staying in here too long if someone saw him slip in would raise suspicion. He could always say Voryn had him looking for a book or potion and he couldn’t find it, but that would only work if he wasn’t in here very long. 

So instead he put his bag he almost always had on him down on the ground, climbed up on the bed, and pushed his face into Voryn’s sheets. 

“Fuck…” Nerevar groaned breathlessly, fishing for the pillow in the pile. He knew it by texture at this point, though the color had it blending in with the rest. “Voryn…” He moaned softly next, shoving the pillow half under him and half between his legs, grinding slow and steady. 

If Nerevar had less self control he was certain he would have been grinding his bare cunt against it, making sure his scent was absolutely and unmistakably rubbed into the fabric. His instincts honestly wanted him to do so--he wanted this alpha to know how attractive he found him, how much he wanted him, but Nerevar also knew he couldn’t risk it. If someone caught him he’d be in deep shit. 

“So good…” Nerevar wondered briefly if he should go just a bit further--the next time he did this he could bring a toy. A modest sized one he could slip inside just so he could feel full as he ground his cock against the pillow. It’s not like anyone would know and it might even help him cum faster. “So good, Voryn…” Instead though, he’ll have to use his normal fantasies to help him get off.

Instead of the bed being under him, Nerevar imagined it was Voryn’s chest, and instead of the pillow it was Voryn’s thigh. 

“That’s it, Neht,” Nerevar could practically hear him whispering as he grinded and humped the pillow, covering his mouth to keep himself quiet though continuing to moan and whine under his breath. “Let me see you get off just like this…”

“Voryn,” Nerevar whimpered, wishing more than anything that he was being touched. He wanted to feel Voryn’s hands guiding his hips, wanted to feel Voryn’s lips against his neck and cheeks, encouraging Nerevar with such gentle words. “I need you, I need you…” It was the truth, as awful as it was; he needed Voryn desperately, but he knew he couldn’t have Voryn. As much as he wanted him like he wanted air to breathe, Voryn was the heir of House Dagoth. Already the council had introduced Voryn to various omegas and even a few betas who could bear children in an effort to find him a mate. And even if there wasn’t an issue with class difference, Voryn was disgusted by most omegas. He constantly complained that they smelled off putting, even laughing when Nerevar said he was thankful he wore perfume oil to keep his scent hidden or else Voryn might be put off by him too. Voryn dismissed it afterwards though, claiming he was fine so long as he wasn’t thinking about mating, and even if he didn’t like how Nerevar smelled he couldn’t see himself being outright disgusted with his scent to the point he’d ever avoid Nerevar. Maybe Nerevar could believe that--if he hadn’t seen the faces Voryn pulled when being introduced to a new omega, the subtle grimaces he made whenever they weren’t looking, and for someone as controlled as Voryn he might as well be outright gagging. 

Likely the only reason he wasn’t disgusted with Nerevar’s scent even with the perfume was because they knew each other so long that it was ‘normal’ to him. Normally something like that might offend an omega who was sick with want like he was, but Nerevar knew it would let him get away with something like this. Voryn would likely not even notice Nerevar’s scent on this pillow, at least not if he kept burying it in with the other pillows he didn’t use. 

“It’s so good…” Nerevar could feel how wet he was, his undergarments completely covered in slick. “I’m so wet for you, Voryn…” Nerevar was almost drooling from how turned on he was, his cunt clenching on nothingness, eager to be filled. Yes--next time he needed to use a toy. He needed to use one so he didn’t feel so gods damn empty. 

“Please, I just want you inside me…” Nerevar’s eyes rolled back as he could feel his orgasm starting to creep up on him. He wanted this--needed it. He wanted to feel Voryn’s hands on him, feel Voryn’s lips against his own, feel Voryn fuck him good and hard into the bed. He knew what absolute bliss it was just imagining it, imagining that deep voice moaning his name and panting in his ear. “I’ll be a good omega for you, I’ll be such a good omega just for you…” Nerevar never felt compelled to be submissive in any other context but he knew he would if Voryn asked. He would do anything just to feel Voryn fucking him, to feel Voryn knotting him--

Nerevar covered his mouth as he climaxed, breathing heavily as he tried to come down from the high. As always, thinking about Voryn knotting him never failed to make him orgasm. It was something he fantasized about when he was in heat now too, only having a truly satisfying orgasm when he imagined Voryn was breeding him just like his body wanted so desperately. 

Nerevar laid there a few more moments, humming softly as he nuzzled against the sheets. If he was sane he would leave right away, but the last time he tried that he was left feeling empty when he left. If he stayed for just a few minutes, basking in Voryn’s scent and imagining curling up with the taller chimer, he felt much better. 

He imagined what Voryn might do post sex. Voryn hadn’t really liked someone as far as Nerevar knew, but given he was such an affectionate friend, Nerevar imagined he’d be an affectionate lover too. Soft nuzzling, gentle kissing, all while praising Nerevar for cumming so well for him. Honestly the fantasies about Voryn taking care of him afterwards were more enjoyable than actually getting off in some respects. He felt warm and satisfied in a way he didn’t when just getting off in his bedroom. 

But also, Nerevar knew that was the real problem with this. It wasn’t just lust. If it was, it would have been so much easier to cope with--he could just jack off in his room alone or find someone else to fill the void for him. Nerevar didn’t see himself acting like this out of pure lust alone, not when dick was in high supply and he could find someone else of his station willing to fuck him senseless. 

No, Nerevar knew he felt much more than just lust. It was something he didn’t want to name, but his heart fluttered around Voryn, every brush of their hands and every friendly little gesture made his chest feel warm and tight at the same time. He wanted more and more as time went on, and this was the only thing he could do to keep himself sane and prevent himself from doing something stupid like kissing Voryn on the lips whenever they were alone together. 

There was nothing else he could really do it seemed. Voryn was the heir of House Dagoth and Nerevar a lowly canvari who hadn’t even been adopted into his house. Their difference in status was like night and day. And it wasn’t like Voryn would find him attractive anyways--Voryn was so disgusted by omegas in that sense he was probably the kind of alpha who could only mate with another alpha; it was uncommon for two people of the same secondary gender to mate, but not unheard of. Voryn could just find a beta or omega he could stand to have a child with later in life. 

“I need to get over this…” Nerevar sighed. The nice, happy and tingly feelings had faded by now and he was left mildly disgusted with himself again. Less bad than if he had left right away, but still not pleasant. “It’s not like I have a chance with him anyways.” He muttered, burying the pillow once again as he attempted to do the same with his feelings, before straightening up his clothes. “No doubt if he could smell me without perfume on he’d gag like with every other omega...” At least he knew he hadn’t been caught yet--if he had, Voryn would have no doubt burned the pillow entirely just to remove the offending scent entirely. 

He wanted to continue laying there and wrap himself up in the blankets, hiding himself away from the truth. But that was a base instinct as an omega who found an alpha they really liked, and didn’t take into account the facts of the situation. 

In time he hoped the feelings would fade. Hopefully he could find another alpha who appealed to him, one that was simultaneously warm and protective of him without looking down on him for being an omega. But that would first mean finding an alpha who didn’t hate how he smelled like most alphas seemed to. 

He grabbed his bag again, unlocking the door and leaving quietly, humming softly as though he just left the room after finding something. 

A few moments later, in the corner of the room, Voryn’s invisibility potion wore off. His face was bright, burning red, his hand still palming at his erection through his robes. 

That omega--the omega who had absolutely been driving Voryn wild--was none other than Nerevar. 

Nerevar, his closest friend. Nerevar, the mer who remained at his side faithfully and listened to all of his troubles without complained. Nerevar, the strong canvasari Voryn relied on more than anyone…

Voryn cast lock on the door, before digging up the pillow, tossing the others aside haphazardly, before promptly burying his face in it. 

“I should have cast dispel…” Voryn moaned softly into the fabric, his cock twitching at the scent. Yes, it was much stronger like this, Nerevar’s pheromones absolutely heavenly, all but begging Voryn to fuck him. “I should have taken you right then and there…” He wanted to--he wanted to more than anything but he was also so stunned he was completely paralyzed. He couldn’t make himself move no matter how much he wanted to, though now he was a little thankful he didn’t. He would have scared Neht, wouldn’t he? Nerevar seemed to be in distress afterwards, even muttering to himself that Voryn wouldn’t want him--

Such an idea seemed completely ridiculous right now, not when Voryn couldn’t stop stroking his cock to Nerevar’s scent. He was going to sleep with this pillow from now on, holding it close, and he’d find a way to let Nerevar know he felt the same.

A thought ran through his mind of the common rituals used to test out would be mates. Exchanging clothes with each other’s scents on it was the next stage after determining they both enjoyed how the other smelled. It was based on a natural instinct of omegas and alphas scenting each other’s bedding. It was even used to sync up cycles for would be mates, as claiming bites were traditionally given during heat and rut to maximize pleasure and create a strong, healthy bond. 

He could give Nerevar one of his robes. He could make sure it was one he wore, covered in his scent, and let Nerevar enjoy it. 

Voryn knew his house would be furious if they found out he was courting Nerevar but he simply couldn’t help himself. This was absolutely addicting, and thinking purely politically about this was pointless. He would make it work, somehow, in some way. He would convince his family to let them be together or make a plan of some kind. 

[loungemermaid]

Snippet from my newest fic, The Loneliest Time!

This couldn’t exist without @waywardangel-wilds chatting with me

rest is posted here!

I see him bleeding out in an empty field, mutts in lab coats licking his wounds, lobbing off bits of him to feed the pack. My feet are glued to the ground. He cries out, begs me to run. No matter how much I try I only make it a few steps in front of me. It’s magnetic, except instead of snapping together, we’re repelling each other. Every step I take drags him further away. It doesn’t stop till I see a giant blond mutt I know to be Cato pull his heart out and take a bite.

He’s still screaming my name. I hear it over and over and

I’m snapped out of it in the middle of my own scream. Peeta is here, shaking me awake. Before thinking, I all but collapse into his arms. “You’re okay.” I murmur into his chest.

He’s holding on, but stiffly. I may have melted into him but he’s not drawing me any closer into himself. “Uh huh. Nightmare?”

I sit back a little. “Yes” Guilt twists into my stomach like a dagger. Not too long ago I broke his heart. I saw it break in front of me. “Thanks for coming to check on me.” I smile wanly, rest on my heels to look at his face. There. He’s done rescuing me. I should just be grateful and move on.

But I see him get up, using a set of crutches instead of his prosthetic leg, and something else twists in me. It’s wrong to ask this. It’s selfish. Hell, it’s just plain mean. “Can… I know, with what was said earlier you probably don’t wanna, and you can totally tell me no, I’ll understand, but-“

He sighs. “What is it, Katniss?”

I take a deep breath. “Would it be completely awful to ask you to stay with me? I can’t… I’m not used to sleeping alone, and.” I’m panicking, not taking in any air, watching as he sits back down, wondering what he’s gonna say.

“Hey, it’s okay. Of course. Of course I’ll stay.” He smooths the hair over my head. A different gesture than I’d come to expect from him. It feels oddly clinical, vaguely reminiscent of something my mother did when I got sick as a little kid. He crawls on top of the blankets, giving me more than my share of the bed.

I bite my cheek. “I… I’m still. I don’t know what to say about everything”

“I don’t think now is the time anyway.” He says coolly.

Right. “No. I guess it ain’t. But I don’t want you uncomfortable. You can have more bed than that, is all I’m saying. You don’t need to be there all the way on the edge. I don’t want you falling off.” I huff. There is a small voice in the back of my head that tells me that maybe being this angry would make the situation worse, but it’s drowned out by an endless sea of other emotions.

Peeta rolls his eyes. There’s a look on his face that I can’t parse through, can’t decode. “Alright, Katniss.” He pulls the sheet over himself, wrestles with the pillows and turns his back to me. I can just barely hear him muttering something, just making out gentlemanly and the right thing .

I don’t think about it. I’m not even sure why I do it, or realize I’ve done it until after it’s happened. But I scoot closer to him and press my back to his. The feeling of his breathing lulls me back into a dreamless sleep.

[ankhisms]

have surprised myself with how much ive been able to get done today altho i know ill be hit with exhuastion soon enough, rambling under the cut about things having mixed emotions but not all bad really

so my room in our house isnt really exactly my own room, its the room with the eletric box, water heater/softener closet, furnace filters, and the washer and dryer. its always been this way so im used to like not really ever having a space thats mine and mine alone but i wont get into that. anyway any time the seasons change (or often on my parents whim and never without any warning) we have to get to the water heater closet and the furnace filter so my room has to be torn apart to get to them. my bed is pushed up against the water heater closet so its like i sleep right next to a door so the bed has to be moved. anyway this is usually a very jarring and upsetting thing since it usually happens without warning or telling me and i have everything i own just moved without being told or warned. but today i decided to take agency in this and i was the one who moved the bed and moved all my things so my dad could get in and turn on the water so we can use the outside hose to water things.

ive been meaning to really deeply clean and sort like, everything i have and everything in my room for probably half a year now and to see what i might want to give away/keep and reorrange things and just like take stock of things for the HOPEFUL future where i can move out and be having my real own space yknow. i finally started this process and it felt good to get everything down and to really deeply dust, ive also been meaning to properly wash old stuffed animals of mine bc i love my stuffed animals dearly but some of the ones i had when i was younger are very clearly showing their age so i looked up tips and instructions on hand washing old stuffed animals and i tested it out on two ones that dont mean as much to me to see if it goes ok before trying to wash ones that i absolutely dont want to ruin and it went well! i definitely can feel myself starting to get tired and having more pain as i write this but im still happy with how much i cleaned and sorted along with washing my sheets/pillows/blankets

the thing that makes me have mixed emotions is that what ive also been meaning to do is.... take down and get rid of the things that were drawn by/given to me by the old long term friend who just suddenly cut me off with no warning or explanation and then only messaged me one more to weirdly say "well im hanging out with my new friends and theyre so cool and great" and not responding to me begging him to tell me what was going on or if i had done anything wrong and wanting to talk things out. we were long distance internet friends for over 10 years so i have a lot of drawings and books hed given me and i didnt really get to taking down a lot of drawings but i sorted through one book in particular, he used to do this thing where hed give me a comic book and hed put in sticky notes in a lot of pages with his thoughts on them. so i went through the pages and took out all the sticky notes one at a time since i want to give the comic book to someone i know will like it. and it was a very... weird feeling. taking them all out. i had read the notes and the book when he first gave it to me but now reading them it felt like.. more bitter than sweet but there was still sweetness there. i recognize looking back that i had rose tinted glasses on for the majority of our relationship and it was probably more toxic than i realized and i often blamed myself for harmful things he did. not at all saying hes a bad person or anything btw i just think we both were very damaged kids from abusive homes and i was probably toxic in ways i didnt realize as well im not without blame here but its weird to realize that our friendship wasnt as healthy as i thought it was. but reading those notes as i took them out it was like... he wrote these at a time where i know he loved me and considered me his close friend and i felt the same. and i still love him. the love i have for anyone, especially a close friend, does not just disappear. it stays within me and is not wasted. but it certainly feels like a weight on my chest in this moment.. i keep thinking, what happened? what changed? he didnt even give me this book that many years ago, maybe three or four at the longest. what happened to make him decide to cut me off like that? i dont know, and i know im not going to get closure. so i just have to hold the love i still have and let it ache but then i have to let go and continue trying to live

i dont know how soon im going to have the opportunity and resources to be able to leave my home situation, its become increasingly obvious to me that its not something i can achieve on my own for a multitude of reasons, i know ill need help and i try to remind myself that im not alone in it and that its not impossible for me to get to a safe environment where i dont feel scared and like a cornered animal. for now i feel good about my decision to try and make my living space feel nicer for myself, although im aware that it never really feels like my own space nor does it ever fully feel safe i still am trying to make jt more comfortable for myself while im here and i feel proud of myself for that

anyway thanks if you read this all, i hope youre doing well mwah

[luntica]

I process best when I write it out, so here was my trip to Paradise Valley Hospital.

It was like 3 am by the time we were seen into the er, the waiting room was nice enough, if very prison like. No fault of the people there I'm sure.

But the actual back was small, crowded, odviously under funded, odviously doing the best they can. The rooms were fitted with doors made of fire board of some sort, tape and plastic, held closed by velcro strip. A couple blood drops on the floor, Quentin unable to ignore it, kyr helping keep us calm as our eye's are checking everything. The sink didn't work, storage stuff filled the space, bed old and fitted with a sheet barely hanging on to it. They almost didn't let kyr in with me, but kyr is a much my care taker as partner these days and the guy was to tired to argue.

When we got seen, the nurses worked as quickly and well as they could, no complaint. Told them "rat bite but it's an allergic reaction" they awed at the bite and went about their jobs. One doc came in, we told him the same he left, another came in told him the same, he left. The lab guy came, took 3 weird bottles, and like 5 other vials, normal I think, since you know it could be anything, but they'll try allergy treatment first, it's just in case. A new drop was added to the floor, Quentin locks front and leaves.

eventually got given tylenol and a proxac or something. I wasn't really given a chance to process the different meds here named off to give me for my anxiety. (Melt downs and panic attacks but the unfortunate fawn way that I do, aka crying silently and waiting for numbness to take over) eventually I was given a room upstairs, wheeled in. Blankets, pillow and the gown. After the doctor who ripped one off me before, I preferred to stay in my clothing.

Not long until someone comes and puts the iv in. Confusion if it happened in the er or in the room. Small, sink by the door, folded wall thing keeping another room separate. Tolet in the back, window next to that. The hospital bed sits slightly off a wall because weird shelves are in the way of it being snug on the wall.

There I was occasionally visited by nurses who check the bag, my vitals, or add another bag. Kyr would only leave once I was asleep when they visited because we know I would full meltdown if they didn't.

I'd wake, try to stay calm, panic, cry, sleep. Occasionally during this cycle a nurse would come. I would explain I needed allergy and mental health care. They would say they told the doctor. They would leave. The cycle continued.

They said the doc visited twice, I only remember seeing her once, where she said she met me. I don't remember her, but I can't say she's lying. I have DID and trauma amnesia. I was freaking out, that's trauma, thus memory block.

Every time we tried to eat my thoughts filled with thoughts that it was poison. I knew the food wasn't poisoned, but I couldn't argue that the doctor wasn't blatantly ignoring me and was putting an oddly large amount of antibiotics into me.

I took pictures of the iv bags and sent it to kyr, and when they visited they asked the nurses directly. 3 different types of antibacterial. They were also giving me the normal fluids and one for my lack of eating. (Almost like I didn't have an appetite)

My mouth still has a slight taste to it that makes me feel so wrong.

Im pretty sure my whole microbiome in my body is dead.

My alters with trauma from isolation punishments were hugging scout like they would die if they didn't. Begging to not be in a place like that again.

Why was I and what was legally my caretaker at the time ignored?

Is it cause I disclosed I use weed? In California I think not.

Is it im trans? Or autistic? Or do they just treat everyone like that?

All I know is, we watched brave and cried and are doing everything to not let this fester.

My hand reduced in swelling, at about the rate as if I had never come in. I have those welts from the medical tape that seems to be common among eds sufferers. And two iv holes that hurt more to have in than the swollen hand.

/God bless America/ am I right?

[fredheads]

i am back with kisses as a promise and 'we'll face this together' kisses 😖❤️ trigger warning for eating disorders cuz i got kind of in my feelings ok?? its ok.

17. kisses as a promise

Fred’s having what he considers a perfect day. Winter vacation had started as of three PM this afternoon, and his parents were gone for the weekend, meaning he and FP could drink in the house. Which meant they’d raided Artie’s liquor cabinet (each bottle painstakingly refilled with water to its former level) and bullied Oscar into procuring alcohol for them from his work. The two of them had stayed up until three AM watching movies, and now they’re curled up in Fred’s attic bedroom, sharing the twin sized bed, having the kind of sleepover where you’re both exhausted but enjoying making each other laugh too much to fall asleep. 

FP’s drunk enough to be warm and affectionate without sliding into argumentative, Fred had hit the sweet spot where he was completely tipsy but probably wouldn’t throw up tomorrow, and everything felt warm and Christmassy and safe, his arms wrapped securely around the solid form of FP’s body through layers of blankets. 

“I wish we could stay here forever,” FP mumbles tiredly, nuzzling into the pillow when he rolls over to face Fred in bed. Fred admires the rare sight of him totally relaxed: cheeks pink from the alcohol, hair curly and rumpled, a warmth in his face that matches the youthful sleepiness in his voice. The bed’s so small that they’re just about on top of each other, legs interlocked below the sheets. 

“Me too,” Fred agrees with a lazy smile, reaching out to brush FP’s curls out of his face with his hand. FP pulls the blankets up adorably against his chin, eyes closing against Fred's touch. His breath smells like liquor and his lips are swollen from all the kissing they'd been doing. Fred admires him privately: the side of FP only he ever sees, the side that's gentle and playful and talkative and loving. He wishes FP could feel safe enough to be this way in public, even when he was sober. 

FP runs a hand over the flannel covers between them, stroking them with the palm of his hand. “I love being in your bed,” he whispers, voice clumsy from drinking. There’s a tired smile on his face, so different from his usual perpetual frown. 

“I love when you're in my bed too,” Fred teases, wriggling a little closer so he can pull himself tight to his best friend. FP closes his eyes again, settling comfortably into Fred’s arms. 

“Maybe when I'm grown up I can have a bed like this,” he says in a soft whisper, like it’s a secret. 

“How do you mean?” Fred asks, a little confused. 

“Warm,” FP answers, his voice slurred but matter-of-fact. He’s talking with a cadence Fred recognizes as honesty - the way FP only talks when a line of drunkenness has been crossed beyond his usual self-censorship. And there’s a softness in his voice too - something like hopefulness. “You know? Somewhere its warm and safe. Quiet. A room like yours.” 

Fred just watches him silently, reveling privately in the things he took for granted. Sometimes they talked about dreams for their lives, and Fred had always thought his were relatively modest - go to college, get married, have a family. But FP’s deepest desires ended at a safe house and a warm bed. 

“Maybe I could build you one,” he says softly, running a hand up and down FP’s forearm. FP smiles sleepily and opens his eyes again. 

“A room? Or a bed?” he asks.  

“Both,” Fred offers. “Maybe a house. Maybe we could both live there. Together.”

“Really?” FP asks slowly, in a voice that pitches up at the end like a little kid’s. 

“If you wanted to. I mean, it'd be your house.” 

Fred grins, but tears fill FP’s eyes, and the smile slides off his face at once. He reaches out and grips his friend’s arm. 

“What's wrong?”

“It won't happen,” FP says in a choked voice, staring into Fred’s face with his dark teary eyes. Fred can’t remember the last time FP cried in front of him without hiding it. Maybe that’s a good sign, but his stomach still collapses at the sight. He squeezes his arm tighter. 

“Hey, yes it will. I can build you a house. If you want a house I’ll help you get one. I mean that, FP. I mean it.” 

FP doesn’t answer, and Fred strokes his cheek again. 

“Don’t be so sad. I will.” 

“Really?” FP asks again, damp eyes big and honest, but there’s doubt in his voice now. Fred can hear a bit of his old cynicism sneaking back in below the drunkenness. 

All he knows is that he wants to get rid of it. So he doesn’t mess around with words. Instead he leans up and presses his warm lips to FP’s, promising with a kiss. He wraps one hand around the curve of FP’s cheek and kisses him deeper, trying to press the devotion he feels into every inch of FP’s lips. Tries to kiss him long enough that FP finally believes there’s a world out there where he can have the things Fred takes for granted. 

Tries to tell him without saying it that one day he’ll give him the stars. 

/

24, “we’ll face this together” kisses

FP watches Fred stare at the plate in front of him, his head bowed and his eyes cast down towards his lap. There’s a muscle trembling in his jaw like he might be holding back tears, but the rest of him doesn’t move an inch. He just sits like he’s carved from stone, shoulders tight as a rod, looking like he’s willing either himself or the food to disappear. 

There’s pressure building behind FP’s eyes as he watches him, the inside corners of his eyes stinging as he holds back painful tears. He knows it’s getting bad again. He’s been watching Fred backslide for days. And even though they’ve been through this before, it doesn’t stop the witnessing from feeling like his heart is being physically torn from his body and crushed into pulp. 

FP sucks in a deep breath and tries to unclench his jaw from the breaking point. “Freddie?” he asks, though Fred’s been staunchly pretending he can’t hear FP say his name. “Come on, can you try?” 

Fred silently stares at his lap like it’s the most interesting thing in the world, as though at age twenty-five he’s decided if he sits still enough he’ll just disappear. FP knows Fred’s not ignoring him to be petty or childish. He genuinely can’t face the enormity of what FP’s asking him to do. 

And FP thinks he understands, or something close to it. He was an addict. He knows what it’s like to be on the losing side of a fight with yourself; to have every cell in your body screaming at you mercilessly, forcing you to do the thing that gives you temporary relief. And maybe because he knows how hard that is, he feels the pain Fred’s in like it’s his own. His whole body burns with grief and terror, the emotional equivalent of skinning yourself raw. His own dinner plate is still half-full, shoved to the side, his stomach clenched too violently in fear to try to digest the chicken and rice he’d cooked. 

Because he’s really scared. He knows Fred’s not dying from skipping this one meal, but he only has to look at his downcast face to see how close he is to getting worse. He can see from here how he could lose the colour from his skin, how the strength and vitality would leave as his cheeks hollowed and the light left his eyes. 

He could threaten him. He’s supposed to. He’s supposed to say, if you don’t eat you go back into treatment and these are your only two options. But FP’s not the kind of person who threats work on, and he doesn’t think Fred is either. Or maybe he just doesn’t have the heart. 

So the fear and the sadness win out. He stands behind Fred’s chair instead and hugs him. FP wraps both arms tightly around his best friend and holds him with all the love and strength in his body, as though Fred can take it from him if he holds him close enough. 

“You know I hate seeing you like this,” he whispers into his hair, the tears he’s been swallowing down now finally filling his vision. He tightens his grip when Fred doesn’t move in his embrace, holding him tighter just to cherish the feeling of him warm and alive in his arms. FP sucks in a deep breath, trying to get air through a throat the size of a pinhole. “You’re scaring me, Fred. What can I do? Do you want me to make something else?” 

Fred shakes his head almost imperceptibly against FP’s chin, more of a spasm than an attempt at communication. 

“I know,” FP says, resting his chin on Fred’s head. “But you’re going to be really brave. I know you can be brave.” 

These words have worked on Fred before, but he doesn’t move now. His gaze lowers even further, shoulders clenching tighter, his right hand unmoving by his fork even though FP knows he’s hungry. And there’s a part of FP that knows too exactly what it feels like to be hungry and not to eat. He knows that it makes you slowly insane. How it hurts in a small but constant torture for the longest of hours and days and weeks. And he also knows how it’s worse, so much worse, to watch someone you love suffering than to suffer yourself. 

He lets go, painfully, because he’s worried he’s holding Fred so tightly now that he couldn’t eat if he wanted to. But Fred just drops his hand off the table onto his thighs, pulling physically away from FP as he closes down mentally. 

“Can I go lie down?” Fred asks in a dead voice, like FP’s his parent and he wants to leave the table after school. 

“Yeah,” FP forces out after a pause, the concession cutting into him like a knife. “Okay.” 

Fred pushes the table back with shaking hands and leaves, leaving his plate untouched. FP drops his head into his hands and rubs his eyes. He thinks about kicking the table out of pent up stress and rage. Actually pictures doing it until his toe hurts prematurely. But in the end he just cleans up the dishes. 

He’s getting better with his temper. Slowly. 

/

FP hears Fred crying through the wood when he comes to their bedroom door. He opens it quickly, but it doesn’t surprise him. You can only fight a war in your head so long before you break. 

Fred sits up when he hears the door open, his pale face soaked with tears as if he’s been swimming. He wraps his arms around his legs and puts his back against the wall, watching FP through red, hopeless eyes. 

It hurts to watch. It hurts so much. But there are things you can’t do for someone, no matter how badly you want to. You can’t fight someone else’s war. Which Fred would know very well from all the times they’ve done something like this the other way around. 

FP drops the plate he’s carrying on the desk and sits down to pull Fred into a hug. “I’m sorry,” Fred whimpers into his neck, and FP cups the back of his head and tucks it into the spot right under his chin. He rubs Fred’s back gently, feeling him shaking viciously beneath his clothes. 

“It’s okay,” he says, forcing his voice to be soft. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” 

It’s not okay. But this is comfort the way he learned it from the boy in his arms. These are words you say over and over out of love when what you really mean is I will try to fix it. 

Fred pulls back from him, his brown eyes swimming with dull, exhausted pain when they finally meet FP’s. There are deep furrows under his eyes, and he looks completely broken. Aren’t you sick and tired of being sick and tired?, they ask in AA. And this is why. Because addiction of any kind means living in your own hell day in and day out. Never resting. 

He knows Fred wants out. He can see it in his face. It’s the first thing all day to give him hope. 

“I made a sandwich,” FP offers. “I thought maybe you wanted half.” 

Fred looks at him for a long time. And then silently, he nods okay. 

Trying not to seem too eager, FP retrieves the plate. He’d made it carefully: Fred’s favourite bread, peanut butter, jelly, cut diagonally, all ratios perfect without a crumb out of place. Crusts shaved off into the shape of a heart. Fred takes one half and holds it in his trembling hand. 

This is a lifeline out of hell. But it’s also just love. 

FP raises the other to his lips even though his appetite is completely gone. This is what he has to offer: he eats with Fred. And sometimes that makes Fred comfortable enough to eat better on his own. So he starts eating, sitting opposite his boyfriend on their bed, and then Fred does too. FP rations his carefully so that they finish at the same time. 

When it’s done he looks at Fred warily, expecting to have triggered a meltdown at the best. But Fred’s face is sad and calm as he looks back at him, tears still glistening in his tired eyes. 

“I’m sorry I put you through this,” he says in a raspy, resigned voice. 

“Hey, no,” FP interrupts, shifting closer on the bed. He shakes his head as he cradles Fred’s cheeks in both hands, thumbs smoothing over his cheekbones. “No,” he repeats. Then he kisses him deeply, trying to put everything that he means into the kiss. FP’s speech is always clumsy, especially in situations like this one, moments where he has to be delicate. But the kiss says everything he needs to say. We do this together. You will never face this alone. 

He thinks Fred understands, because when the deep kiss breaks he tries to smile, his lip trembling and his brown eyes wounded, but love clear in his expression. FP clasps one of Fred’s hands and presses it to his heart. He can still taste the peanut butter and jelly from his lips. 

“Was it okay?” he asks softly. 

“Yeah.” Fred sniffs and pulls his hand out of FP’s to wipe his nose, looking like a hurt little kid. FP pulls him close and kisses him on the head. He can feel Fred’s heart beating hard against his chest. After a minute Fred pulls back, speaking softly and still wiping tears from his eyes. 

“Can you - would you make me another one?” he asks quietly. 

Hope explodes in FP’s heart. He knows taking this day by day is the best he can ask for, but suddenly Fred’s fighting harder, and he’ll take it. They have each other for the rest. It’s got them this far. 

“Yeah,” FP answers, trying to hide his smile. 

He’s not good at saying things like I’m proud of you, but he kisses him again on the mouth, hard. And he’s absolutely positive Fred gets the message loud and clear. 

can i get uhhhh 2 and 17 and 21 and 24 for the kisses prompts 👀

Yes you can beloved!!! 🤲💖 Only unlike you I started writing each separate and it was taking a very long time bc of work so here is two and I will reblog with two more later ❤️

Hand kisses and tearful kisses under the cut 😊 ft a school dance and a really fucked up bachelor party

2. hand kisses

“Don’t you look handsome!” Bunny Andrews exclaims as soon as she opens the door to find FP on her doorstep. She holds the door wide and ushers him in, beaming at his thrift-store suit jacket whose sleeves ended at his forearms like he’d shown up in a three-piece tux. 

“FRED!” she calls up the stairs immediately. “FP’S HERE!” Bunny turns back to FP, blue eyes glowing as she looks him up and down with her characteristic warm smile. “Look at you,” she says, pinching his cheek gently. “I know why Fred’s going stag to this dance, but you can’t tell me a handsome man like you couldn’t find a date.” 

FP smiles awkwardly, fiddling with a loose thread in his suit pants for lack of anything to do with his hands. Fred’s recent fight with Hermione - culminating in her keying their van in the high school parking lot - had attained almost legendary status in their town by now. Of course, there had been a whole lineup of Riverdale girls waiting to take her place on Fred’s arm at the winter formal, but Fred had asked FP instead. In the eyes of everyone in town they were going stag together, and the plans they had for the back of said van at Miller’s point tonight were between just the two of them. But it still feels embarrassingly close to the truth to be standing here in Fred’s foyer with a suit on, waiting for him to come downstairs so they could show up to a dance together. 

“No one I liked,” he offers with a shrug. Mumbling and shrugging is his go-to with adults as much as it is with his own peers, but Bunny, unlike the rest of the town, isn’t put off by it. She wraps a slender arm around his shoulders and pulls him to her side affectionately. 

“Come on, FP. I know the truth.” 

FP suddenly feels sick, looking up sharply from where he’s been contemplating his less-than-shiny dress shoes. “You do?” 

“Sure do.” Bunny combs his hair back with her fingers, attempting to push it into place. “You’re too good of a friend to let my boy go alone.” 

FP grimaces a smile as she parts his hair for him, trying not to let the heart attack he’d almost had show. “FRED!” Bunny yells up the stairs again. She shakes her head at FP before she checks her watch. “Honestly, that boy. The last time he was early to something was the day he was born. He was supposed to be an August baby, you know. He couldn’t wait. Oh! While we’re waiting, let me go get the camera.” She smiles apologeticaly and squeezes his arm. “I know I’m being an embarrassing mother, but you’ll want these pictures one day. Mark my words.” 

She zooms off into the kitchen just as FP hears Fred’s bedroom door open upstairs. He glances up at the staircase that leads to the second floor just as his best friend comes into sight on the landing. 

Fred smiles at him - huge and beaming - the second their eyes meet, and any minor incovenience FP felt about his tardiness vanishes like it had never happened. He starts down the stairs, and all the breath gets sucked out of FP’s lungs. He stands still on the hallway carpet, frozen, feeling his heart pumping, his head buzzing and his ears ringing as though all the sound has left the universe. 

Fred’s in a black suit with a crisp white shirt and bowtie, every inch of his outfit dazzlingly bright and looking as though it was made to fit his body. His hair is parted perfectly and gelled back, not a strand of brunette out of place. His face is clean and rosy and glows like a candle, but rather than having a childlike effect, it emphasizes the masculinity in it: his jawline, his brow, the lines of his cheekbones. He’s so handsome that it feels unfair, and the smile on his face just makes it worse. That smile makes FP’s stomach float and his knees turn to butter. 

He didn’t know a human being could be that handsome, so audaciously perfect and spotless and stunning. He feels like his jaw is hanging open. His eyes roam greedily over every inch of Fred, not ever coming into contact with anything less than perfection. Suddenly he feels tiny and shy. How could he ever think he was good enough for this person? 

He’s frozen in place as Fred walks towards him, hand on the banister, grinning his gorgeous smile like he has no idea he’s putting the stars in the sky to shame. No idea he’s the very picture of masculinity right now, or that he’s more beautiful than anything FP ever thought he deserved to see. His brown eyes gleam like mahogany in the twinkling lights from the living room’s christmas tree. 

When he stops before FP, whos only just gaining feeling in his limbs again, he drops effortlessly into a bow, grasping one of FP’s cold hands and bringing the back of it up to his lips. He looks up at FP through his eyelashes as he kisses the skin, the press of his lips leaving a patch of burning heat. Then he straightens up again, each movement as precisely calculated as a dance, and drops FP’s hand with a smile just as Bunny comes back in the room with the camera. 

FP can feel himself blushing, which is not something he does often. His face and the skin of his neck feels like its on fire. Fred winks at him before he turns to his mother, who fusses immediately with his bowtie and his hair. “Go stand next to the tree,” she orders them, and FP allows Fred to pivot him into place, heart still pounding hard, and all the more so when Fred wraps his strong arms around him from behind and clasps his hands over FP’s stomach. The smell of his cologne envelops FP as Fred puts his chin down on his shoulder, grinning for the camera. At least FP assumes he is. He’s focusing all his energy on trying to breathe normally with Fred’s body weight pressed up against his back, hoping the way he feels like shaking all over inside doesn’t translate to his body. 

Bunny tuts. “Fred, can’t we take a nice photo, please?” she scolds him as Fred’s freshly-shaven cheek collides with the side of FP’s face, nuzzling there like a cat. “FP’s been waiting for you, and you’re goofing off.” 

“Just take one like this,” Fred urges, breath tickling FP’s earlobe, his hands never moving from where they’re cradling the hollow of FP’s stomach. Bunny sighs, and the camera flashes obediently, a soft click undoubtably capturing FP’s face in the same red as the Christmas ornaments forever. 

“Now stand next to one another, please,” she orders, so Fred’s hands slip obediently away from FP’s belt, and FP takes the deepest breath he’s taken all night. They pose as any straight guys would: hands in pockets, arms folded, chins tilted confidently, FP pretending with all his might that his knees aren’t still weak from when Fred kissed his hand. It shouldn’t feel this way - he’s had Fred’s mouth on most places on his body by now. But that hand kiss had nothing to do with the kind of sex they had all summer in their van - not that he was complaining about that. But the way Fred had kissed his hand had nothing to do with sex at all.  

That hand kiss was romance. That kiss said I want you and only you. 

Now he gets it. How Fred gets all the girls. 

You’re so stupid, the familiar voice of self-hatred speaks up in FP’s mind as the shutter clicks. It doesn’t mean anything to him. He’ll ditch you at the dance for the first girl he sees. 

But he catches Fred’s eye and sees him smiling; Fred who chose him tonight, who kissed his hand like he was one of those very same girls and who made him feel special and beautiful in his four-dollar suit. Fred who’s all his until the sun goes down. 

And the voice gets a little quieter, just for now.

/

21. tearful kisses

“What was it like?” Fred’s shifting the wood around in the campfire, eyes glued to the embers. His voice comes out flat, but at least they’re talking. That’s something. They’d exhausted small talk in the first few hours he’d been back, and the drive up to the campsite had been choked with painful silence, years of things sitting between them that neither was ready to say. Here was an olive branch. “Basic training?” 

“I wasn’t really there for long,” FP admits. It’s the first time he’s admitting that out loud. The old shame closes over his heart like a fist, but it’s a little easier saying shameful things to Fred. Always has been. He kicks at the bottlecap he’d dropped onto the dirt. “Kicked me out about six weeks in. Dishonorable discharge.” 

“Six weeks,” Fred repeats. When FP looks at him he sees something in Fred’s face that jars him right back to high school: hurt. His brown eyes are full of pain, and there’s an upset surprise there too, a bit of the shocked, wounded look Fred used to get when FP would disappoint him. But there’s something cold in them too, something darker than FP remembers. The injury in his gaze seems to change almost immediately into sad resignation. “Then where did you go?” 

“Around. But I wanted to come back,” FP clarifies, understanding Fred wasn’t really asking about his travels. “I did. I meant to. But I wasn’t ready.” 

“You wanted to.” Fred repeats quietly. 

“Are you just going to repeat what I say?” 

“You joined the army for six weeks,” Fred replies, his voice dripping with venom. “It’s been seven years. My dad was dying. I had no one left. And you left after six weeks and went around.”

“I needed the time-”

"I NEEDED YOU!"

Fred screams it. A ringing silence follows, in which an owl screams somewhere off in the dark. Fred stares at him across the flickering fire and then quickly turns away, wiping his face furiously with his hands. 

“I needed you,” he repeats, voice ragged as glass. “I needed you, FP.” 

FP looks down at his boots, the hand gripping his bottle of beer in a death grip. Contemplates the fucked up tragicomedy of his pathetic little life. How no matter what he tried to do, it always fell short. Fred’s still turned away from him, and that makes it easier to say what he does next. 

“I never stopped loving you, Fred. I left so I could stop, but I didn’t.” 

Anger lights in Fred’s face, enough that he turns immediately back to him and looks FP square in the eye for almost the first time since his train had arrived. “Oh, don’t say that. Don’t you say that now.” 

“What does it matter now?” FP asks, digging in his heels. He shrugs, though his shoulder stay hunched up by his ears, betraying the nonchalant gesture. His hand trembles on the bottle. But he means what he says. “You have Mary, and I’m glad it worked out like that. It’s good for you. She’s good for you.” 

“You don’t get to tell me whos good for me,” Fred answers. His tone is calm, but the words tremble with a thick undercurrent of danger. Of rage. “You don’t get to sit there and say my life worked out for the best. You weren’t here! You don’t know anything about my life! You weren’t here when my dad died. You weren’t here when everyone left for college. You weren’t here all those nights I CRIED OVER YOU!” He strikes both thighs with his balled up fists, his face turning crimson in the firelight. “All those nights I worried you were DEAD! The times I wished I WAS DEAD! You weren’t here all those days and months and years that I drove back and forth from that construction site wondering why the fuck you ran away from me! What the fuck my life was even for! You weren’t here when I was fighting to put food on the table for me and my mom because were are the only ones left after my dad died. You weren’t here when it happened, when I NEEDED MY BEST FRIEND! FUCK ALL THE REST, YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND, FP!” He screams the next words, cords standing out in his neck, hurt in every syllable. “I NEEDED MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU WEREN’T THERE!” 

Fred sniffs, his voice breaking on the last word. His face is red, tears streaming down his cheeks as fast as he can wipe them away. FP feels sick just watching it. 

“And now, what?” Fred stammers, wiping his face. “After you broke my heart? After you said we could never be together? You come back and you say you still love me?” Fred throws his hands down, tears running freely down his face. “You still LOVE ME? THAT’S WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY? SEVEN YEARS LATER?” 

“Just forget it then!”

“I can’t!” Fred screams, his voice breaking. “How could you say that to me when you know that I can’t!” 

“Why not?” FP yells back. 

“You know why I can’t. You know.” Fred puts a shaking finger out in his direction, keeping FP at arm’s length. “Don’t you come here the day before my wedding and ask me to say it.” He runs his hands through his hair and over his face, scrubbing away the tears. “I can’t get married tomorrow,” he whispers, more to himself than FP.

“Don’t you dare,” FP says quickly. That’s not why I came here. I didn’t come to blow up your marriage-” 

Fred gets up and slaps him. There’s not a lot of power behind it, but it’s hard enough to snap FP’s head around, a red mark stinging raw on his cheek in the cool air. 

“That’s great,” Fred says in a voice that’s cold and unfamiliar. He massages the palm of his hand with his opposite thumb. “You come here and tell me you’re still in love with me the day before my wedding, but then you say you don’t want me after all. That’s just like you. I don’t know why I expected anything else.” 

“It’s not that,” FP says through gritted teeth. “I'm not good for you. We've always known that.”

“Is that the self-loathing the army was going to train out of you?” Fred folds his arms, looking older and stronger in a way FP doesn’t recognize.

“I thought about you every day, Fred,” FP says, looking up at him. “All seven years.” 

“STOP IT!” Fred shoves him with both hands, then. FP falls off the log he’s sitting on and lands on his back in the dirt. He stares up at his best friend, whose silhouette is dark and solid against the sky. 

“You come back and you talk to me like nothing's changed between us. Like I haven't lived a whole life without you. Like I haven't finally moved on. I was finally happy, FP.”

“Then why invite me to your wedding?” 

“Because I thought about you too,” Fred says, his voice breaking. “Of course I thought about you. You're my best friend. You're supposed to be.”

FP stares up at him. His pulse is beating furiously in his neck. Fred crouches down, and for an insane moment FP thinks he’s going to climb into his lap and kiss him. But he just reaches out and offers a hand. FP takes it, and Fred pulls him gently to his feet. 

“Fred-” FP says softly, his own throat closing with a lump. 

“Stop it.” 

There’s a muscle trembling in Fred’s jaw when he turns his face away. For a moment he looks so much like Artie that FP feels like he’s dreaming. FP stands there, staring at his profile, the tears spilling over his cheekbones that he doesn’t have a right to wipe away anymore. He can hear himself breathing in the quiet of the woods. And then just when he’s about to step back to give Fred his space, Fred turns and seizes him by the ears and kisses him, so hard that pain explodes in FP’s nose from where their faces smash together.

/

[moonlit-jeno]

friends (m.)

pairing: lee jeno x fem reader

genre: explicit sexual content | omegaverse | heat sex | unprotected sex | some name calling

words: 3.6k

don’t like don’t read :)

“Your heat’s coming up.” Jeno says, point blank in between bites of his apple. You just nod, taking a break from your notes to side eye him. It’s not odd for him to know intimate details of your life- you do make sure to keep him updated on your cycle just so that he can send you the notes for the days you miss - but it’s not exactly a common subject for the two of you. “Who are you spending it with?”

There are still 13 powerpoint slides for you to grind through, but you figure a small break won’t hurt. Might as well use the conversation topic for something good, aka a reason to slam your laptop shut. You turn to Jeno, giving your best friend your full attention, and take the iced coffee right out of his hand. He doesn’t protest. “No idea. Would call Jaemin but he’s ‘found the one’ or something, so I’ll probably just spend it by myself.”

“By yourself?” Jeno’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline as if you’ve just admitted to committing a sin. It’s not like the concept isn’t unheard of, there’s a market full of toys to help you through it. “Isn’t that dangerous?” You shrug and take a sip of the coffee, offering him your smoothie in exchange. He takes a sip and then bites down on your straw. His entire face scrunches and he yanks his face away from the beverage. He pulls the straw up, inspecting the now soggy and dented object with disgust. “Fuck, what is this made out of?”

“Paper.” You huff a laugh out through your nose, taking your smoothie back. “And I mean, it’s not any more dangerous than spending your heat with the wrong person. Plus, my heats get kind of… intense.” If Jaemin sleeping for three days straight and limping after is anything to go by, both parties take the short end of the stick. You’d felt so bad after and apologized to him profusely, but he had just thrown you his signature dazzling grin and told you that drowning in pussy was exactly the way he envisioned himself dying. He definitely didn’t complain about the brownies you’d baked him as a ‘thank you’, though.

“Spend your heat with me.” The bold request has your brain malfunctioning, at a loss for where to even start reacting to his statement. You just stare at him, mouth opening and closing repeatedly while he returns the gaze earnestly. “Look, it makes sense, right? I know you better than anyone, and you already trust me. Plus if they’re as intense as I’ve heard they are, you need someone there.”

You frown, opening your laptop up and staring blankly at the screen just to avoid having to look at Jeno. It does make sense to have him there with you, and it’s not like he’s the worst person to have sex with. Plenty of people around campus have delighted in talking about their nights with Jeno, dreamily telling you how lucky you are to have him and falling deaf to your insistence that the two of you aren’t like that. Plus, you’re not blind and even if you’re not the cute couple everyone thinks you are, you can admit that he’s hot.

“Wait, hang on. What do you mean ‘heard’ about? What shit is Na Jaemin saying?” Jeno’s shoulders shake with his laughter at your sudden concern. “I mean, he didn’t say anything, but that was kind of the problem. He didn’t show up to practice for like a week and when he finally did, he looked like he’d been mauled. Coach had to bench him.”

Your heart drops slightly at hearing that Jaemin’s soccer had been affected. He hadn’t told you that. “Oh.” The guilt must show on your face because Jeno is quickly soothing you, making sure to tell you that they all found Jaemin’s state funny. “Okay, wait. Wouldn’t you have the same problem if you help me?”

“It’s off-season. So, what do you say?” Jeno waits for your response expectantly, eyes soft, curious. “You can say no, y/n. I don’t want to pressure you at all, I’m just letting you know that it’s an option.” “I’ll think about it.” And you do. A concerning amount.

You spend that night tossing and turning, trying and failing to shut your brain off. Worries about ruining your friendship and about hurting Jeno bounce around your brain no matter how much you try to stop thinking about it. What if something bad happens during it? What if you never talk again? And worst of all is your brain telling you that he doesn’t actually want you specifically, he just wants to be with an omega in heat. You’re just convenient. 

That thought actually makes you cry and you wrap your blankets even tighter around yourself, sobbing weakly into your pillows. In an effort to distract your wandering mind you grab for your phone, opening instagram to find an influx of dm’s from Jeno. It calms you a bit, the messages ranging from cute dogs to absolutely cursed memes, and you smile softly at the reminder that he’s your best friend, and that he definitely cares about you. Biting your lip, you hesitate for only a few moments before typing out a “you can help”, hitting send before you can second guess it. You lock your phone and set it face down on the dresser, thankfully finding sleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.

It’s hot when you wake up, clothes clinging to your skin uncomfortably. Peeling your shirt off only gives you relief for a moment but then the sticky heat is back full force. You whimper in misery, trying to snuggle back into your bed for at least some comfort, but you find that the corner of your fitted sheet has come up, the rest of your blankets on the floor. There’s only one pillow near you and it’s soaked in sweat. You panic slightly, frantically yanking your sheets back onto the bed and trying to fluff them up as much as possible, only calming down once the bedding has been fixed to your liking. Only once you’ve settled down in the plushness of your blankets do you have a moment of clarity.

“Oh shit.” You shoot up and search for your phone, dropping it once before finally managing to open the correct app. There’s a few messages from Jeno that you don’t bother looking at, going straight for the ‘call’ button. He picks up on the third ring.

“Hello?” He sounds groggy, like he’s just woken up, and a flash of heat runs through you at the low tone. “Why are you calling me at 5 a.m?”

You manage to stop fantasizing about your best friend long enough to choke out the word “Heat.” It comes out pathetic and whiny and you pause to clear your throat, trying to keep a clear head as well. “I’m sorry, my heat came early and I wanted to call you but you can go back to bed, I didn’t realize-”

“Fuck, okay, I’ll be over in 10.” Jeno cuts off your rambling with a swear, some rustling in the background accompanying his words. 

“Thank you.” You whisper, setting the phone down and curling up in bed, trying not to focus on how agonizingly slow the time is passing.

Jeno’s looking down at his shoes when you open the door, kicking idly at the door mat and fidgeting with the bag in his hands, though his head snaps up when he notices you. The smile on his face falters when he inhales, turns a little strained as he gets a taste of your heat, and you honestly give him props for the amount of restraint he has. It’s definitely more than you have, at least, because you’re on him the second he’s inside. He ends up sandwiched between you and the door, bag dangling precariously in one hand while he envelopes you in his strong arms. You don’t (can’t) do anything besides bury your face in his chest and whimper, knowing exactly what you want but being too needy and fuzzy to remedy it.  

“Jeno, it hurts.” You whimper and lift your face to nose along the skin just above the collar of his shirt, finding that while the skin to skin contact helps, it doesn’t fully relieve the heat scorching through you, the dull ache screaming for Jeno to take you already. “Please…” He holds you closer to his chest, encasing you fully in his scent, and picks you up bridal style. “I’ve got you baby, don’t worry.”

Being around Jeno does help to ease your stress, but it also serves to make you needier. The warm scent that you’ve grown to associate with the man is stronger than you’ve ever smelled it and it’s making you lose your mind more and more by the second. You’re worried that you’re drooling by the time he sets you down on your bed. He pauses to drop the bag he’s holding on the floor, and then he’s on top of you, strong arms caging you in.

The first kiss is soft, chaste. It would be cute if you weren’t so fucking needy, but you are and it’s just not enough. Unsatisfied, you thread your fingers through his hair and tug, nipping at his bottom lip and tilting your head to the side to get a deeper angle. A groan rumbles in his chest and he returns the kiss with more intensity, trying to take control again. You don’t let him, even if every instinct in your body is screaming at you to just submit.

Jeno shifts on top of you, scooting so that he can fully lay down between your legs. You wrap your limbs around him on instinct, pulling him as close as you possibly can and- oh. The close proximity means that you feel everything when he grinds down, and the feeling of having him so close to where you need him has any semblance of control that you had draining out of your body. You gasp pitifully, annoyance clawing at you from the amount of fabric blocking you from what you want.

“Please,” You almost sob, tugging at his shirt while trying to grind your lower half against his, the pressure of his cock against your center making your eyes roll. Jeno pulls back to yank his shirt off and then he’s back, hands sliding down your body to your panties, tugging the fabric down as far as he can before he growls in frustration and just rips the fabric in half. 

“Shit, you’re so wet.” Jeno moans in awe, breaking the kiss yet again to marvel at your pussy. “Bet I could just slip right in.” He drags his fingers through the slick on your upper thighs, eyes glued between your legs. You’re just about to complain when he finally presses his fingers into you. The initial relief has you moaning sweetly, though it quickly turns to impatient pleas for his cock. You clench around his fingers, reaching a hand down to palm over where he strains against his sweats.

“I need you to fuck me.” You beg, looking at him with what you hope is a convincing expression. “Please Jen, I need you.” “You have me.” He promises you, flicking his wrist faster, curling his fingers just right. “I’m right here baby.” It’s sweet, and under normal circumstances it would be enough, but right now it’s not what you need and the frustration has you on the brink of tears.

You buck your hips and try to arch up as if it’ll magically make him slip in, but Jeno remains as patient and controlled as ever. It’s too hot and every part of your body is screaming for him to fuck you, for him to claim you, and his refusal is killing you. “Alpha please, I need you.”

He absolutely snarls, pinning down your wriggling body with one hand around your throat. The other hand stays between your legs where it continues to strike pleasure into every single nerve ending you have, adding to the fire already coursing through your veins. “What you need is to take what your Alpha’s giving you. You’re not in charge here, okay?” With his face pressed so close to yours you have no choice but to make direct eye contact, staring straight into the most intense gaze you’ve ever seen. His pupils are blown out so wide that his eyes are almost black. Unable to tear your eyes away and as if in a trance, you find yourself nodding. The corner of his mouth quirks up. “Good girl. Now listen to your Alpha and cum.”

It happens almost instantaneously, as if his words were directly connected to a trigger, your body exploding just as soon as the words leave his mouth. Your entire body locks up, mind going blank as the immense pleasure takes hold of you, leaving you clawing at his back and screaming silently into the air. 

The orgasm only serves to thicken the haze in your mind, clouding any thoughts that aren’t related to the Alpha above you and his cock. It takes a moment for your eyes to finally come back into focus enough to make out your surroundings, and you’re greeted by the sight of Jeno with his fingers in his mouth, sucking your essence off of his digits. You’re burning so hot, so much hotter than you think you’ve been before, and it’s hard for you to function. All you can think about is his cock.

“Please,” You beg, swatting at him weakly. “Alpha please, I need you so bad.”

There’s no way that Jeno isn’t being affected by the pheromones clouding the air, but he manages to appear unbothered, his actions rough but nowhere near as desperate as yours. He just laughs lightly at your begging. “Aww, baby needs me?” The rhetorical question is punctuated by a slap, his hand coming down on your pussy hard enough to draw a yelp from you, thighs closing on his hand in a conflicting attempt to relieve the pressure from the hit and keep his hand on your cunt. He laughs meanly and pulls his hand away, drawing back slightly to spit onto your already soaking pussy, rubbing the spit into your skin while he talks. “This pussy belongs to me, yeah? You’re mine now.” Jeno leans down, mouth at your neck so that he can bite at the skin. “That means that I can do whatever I want with you.” You can’t speak, can’t even begin to think about what you should say in this situation. He presses a kiss to your jaw before pulling back and uses his free hand to turn your head so that you make eye contact with him. “Tell Alpha what you need.” “Need Alpha in me.” You beg, plead, flipping yourself over onto your hands and knees and arching your back, presenting yourself to him. “Need your knot, need you to fill me up, breed me, Alpha please-” Your sentence is cut off by his cock slamming into you, the filthy sound being drowned out by his groan. You gasp in relief, breathy thank you’s leaving you with each powerful thrust he delivers. His cock stretches you out so well, makes you go dizzy with the relief of finally having him in you. Your elbows give out nearly instantly, your chest hitting the mattress, and Jeno takes instant advantage of the new position to pull your hips even higher into the air.

It’s so good- almost too good- and it leaves you drooling and clawing at the sheets. All you can focus on is how well he’s fucking you, how he’s going to fill you up so well, breed you like he was meant to. 

You scream when he pulls out, alarm bells going off as your body instantly protests. It only lasts a second though, Jeno’s hands never leaving your body as he flips you onto your back. 

“Couldn’t see you,” Jeno pants out, dropping a kiss to the corner of your mouth and pushing back in, returning back to the brutal rhythm he had before. It has your eyes rolling in your head at how fucking good he feels. “My pretty baby, taking everything I give her.” 

He’s got you so fucked out that you don’t even realize your tongue is hanging out of your mouth until he pinches it between his thumb and index finger, pulling it out even more. “You love my cock, hmm? You love everything I give you.” The pad of his thumb rubs over your tongue, the sensation making your toes curl and tears slide down your cheeks. “Such a fucking needy omega, isn’t that right?” He tugs on your tongue, your head following his actions as he leads you into nodding.

Jeno laughs and lets go of your tongue, dropping his face down to kiss at your neck. He sucks mark after mark into your skin, licking over each one to soothe it after, until he finally gets to your most sensitive, vulnerable spot. Even just the feeling of him close to your mating mark has your entire body aching for it, your neck craning to the side and pushing into his touch. The leverage you get from your legs wrapped around his waist has him pushing even deeper into you and you can feel his knot at your entrance, not quite fully swollen but definitely getting there. It has you absolutely keening, the thought of being so totally owned making you desperate.The sweet drag of his cock along your walls paired with the absolute filth he’s spewing has your body locking up with no warning, your orgasm ripping through you. You arch off the bed, the action only pushing you further onto his cock.

“God y/n, fuck!” Jeno curses, slamming his hips into you with even more force, his knot popping into your entrance and forcing the neediest sound you’ve ever made to leave your lips. You desperately wrap your limbs around him, trying to get him even closer, digging your heels into his ass to push him further inside. He grinds his hips against you one, two, three more times before he shudders, teeth clamping down right on your sweet spot as he comes. Jeno seems to come forever, filling you up with delicious warmth, making your body purr in satisfaction. He finally comes down, having the clarity of mind to tip the two of you onto your sides so that he doesn’t crush you when he collapses. He still tugs you close, arm thrown around your body possessively, his chin resting atop of your head.

“Told you it was intense.” You laugh out, trying to break the silence in the room. The heat’s subsided for now, but you’re still barely in your mind, and you have no idea how long the break will last. 

He huffs out a laugh, chest shaking against you. “I understand Jaemin now.” His hand pets over your back, sliding up to the back of your neck and scratching lightly at the skin there. “You alright?” “Mhmm, yeah. Perfect.” His fingertips press lightly against the mating mark, sending sparks shooting down your spine, and it has your head spinning. You try to adjust yourself against him in an effort to keep your cool, but moving has his cock shifting inside of you and you sleepily grind against him, not thinking. Jeno hisses and tightens his grip on you to keep you still, but the way he grabs your leg has him shifting inside of you and pressing against all the right places. Heat floods through you and your grinding turns more urgent. 

“Ohgod,” You moan, finding enough strength to push Jeno flat on his back. Your body has a mind of its own and you find yourself bouncing desperately on his cock. His knot has you locked into place and you’re barely able to move, but you can still swirl and grind your hips against him, feel the delicious friction of his knot against your entrance. “Alpha, it feels so good.”

“Fuck, look at you. So fucking knotdrunk, hmm? Can’t get enough.” Jeno shakes his head, laughs in a way that’s meant to mock you but it comes out strained. His hands are heavy on your ass, squeezing and slapping to feel the way it jiggles, to feel the way you clench around him with every hit. You throw your head back and let him do as he pleases, losing yourself entirely in how full you feel, in how good his knot feels in you. He buries his face into your chest, moving one hand from your ass to play with your tits, his mouth wasting no time in marking the delicate skin up. 

“Shit baby, gonna make me cum again.” His lips seal over your mating mark again in a sloppy kiss and that’s exactly the final push that you need, your eyes rolling back and your tongue lolling out as your cunt spasms around him, orgasm ripping through you almost painfully. Jeno groans as well, hand flying to your back to pull you as close as possible, and his knot pulses inside of you as you swear you feel more cum shoot out.

He shudders against you, tight grip finally relaxing, though he still keeps you anchored to his chest. You follow suit, collapsing against him. A tired moan leaves you and you let yourself relax, lips absentmindedly mouthing at his skin. His hand pets your back soothingly, touch heavy and sluggish, and the last thing you feel before you fall asleep is his lips on your forehead.