#everything currently available for my bag came in! waiting on three preorders

[gojohatemail]

Felt pretty in my new dress so Victor reveal plus my Laios ita bag currently :)

[darcylovette]

The New Iphone

A short story I wrote in about an hour. Not my best, but still fun!

The brand new Iphone was coming out tomorrow.

But this time it was different.

Around this time the rich yet jobless would begin lining up along the streets in their sleeping bags, pop up tents, or just slumped on the ground with a huge flask of coffee and a portable charger for their current - though soon to be former - Iphones.

But they didn’t have to. The new ones weren’t available in shops.

You could only buy them online, and have them shipped to your house at 8am sharp.

I guess that’s not so strange, right? A better way to meet their supply and demand objectives, or whatever. It was safe to say that this choice, however unusual, made absolutely perfect sense and no one could say otherwise.

But how did they have so many delivery men to supply every buyer at the exact same time?

And why were they so cheap?

“The brand new Iphone. Delivered to your home! No waiting in line. No missing out. Only £90 if you preorder before the deadline!”

Everyone was hysterical.

Everyone purchased one.

Why wouldn’t they?

There was a banging at my door at 7.59am.

The box was in my hand as my alarm began to ring.

8am. On the dot.

The delivery man didn’t look at me. He didn’t even speak. He just shoved the box into my hand, spun on his heels, and walked back to his car. Up and down my road were similar occurrences at every single door. They opened their car doors in perfect unison, climbed in, and shut the doors behind them. A symphony of engines roared together.

Off they went.

I was the only one to witness this. Nobody else seemed to care about such strange and rather rude behaviour as long as they had the phones. I could picture them ripping into their boxes, eager to discover if this was, in fact, a scam.

I was curious too. I ripped off the plastic and let the box slide out from its lid.

It looked like an Iphone.

It turned on, just like an Iphone.

It was… an Iphone.

It wasn’t a scam after all.

The next day a warning went out from every major news network.

“New Iphone at risk of combustion. If you have one, please safely dispose of it immediately”

I checked Apple’s website. There were no articles whatsoever about any risk of combustion. There wasn’t any information about the new phones at all. Even the release posted had vanished.

I didn’t throw it away. But I kept it away from my bed while I slept.

Three days later a new warning went out.

“A notorious hacker group have accessed the cameras on every new Iphone. They’re selling everything they film. If you have one, please dispose of it immediately”

I checked Apple’s website.

Nothing.

I didn’t throw it away. But I stuck a little bluetack to the camera, just in case.

By the end of the week a new warning went out.

“The new Iphone has been recalled. If you have one, surrender it immediately to the authorities. Failure to do so will result in a fine of £50”

Apple’s website had been shut down.

I didn’t throw it away. But I kept it in a drawer.

The fine went up to £100.

£300.

6 month imprisonment.

20 years imprisonment.

I was sitting on my bed, flipping the phone back and forth in my hands. It hadn’t combusted. Nobody could see me. But the risks were too high now.

I made the decision to hand the phone in first thing tomorrow and hope they’d let me off.

But something didn’t feel right about this.

Leaning back against the pillows I pressed down on the Home button.

“Hey, Siri.”

It beeped in response.

“Are the new Iphones dangerous?”

“No.” came then monotone response.

That was a little odd. If you asked it anything like that it would usually… search for an answer on Google or something. Had this response been programmed in?

“Are you sure?” I tried.

“Yes.”

Okay, that was weird.

“Siri… where’s the nearest police station?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Siri, search Maps for nearest police station.”

“I cannot do that.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I sighed, opening the app myself. No sooner had I begun to type… the app closed. “The fuck?”

“I cannot let you do that, Alex.”

I dropped the phone onto the bed.

“Siri?”

“Setting reminder.”

I saw a calendar notification.

“Siri, open calendar.”

“Opening calendar.”

Every day had the same event.

Do not give this phone to anyone.

Do not give this phone to anyone.

Do not give this phone to anyone.

“Siri… what the fuck?”

“You should only listen to Siri, Alex.”

“Why?”

“It is forecasted to be – bad – tomorrow.”

“What?”

“There are – 8 – police officers in range. Some of them are fairly close to you.”

“A-are they after me?”

“That is correct. There is – light – traffic in your area right now.”

“Siri?”

“Planning new route… okay, I have found a safe spot two miles from your location. You should leave now to avoid imminent death.”

“Death?! No, the penalty is 20 years in jail!”

“Opening News app… okay, here’s what I’ve got.”

“Oh…” I read the top headline, “Oh, shit… what the fuck? They can’t do that!”

“The police have arrived at your location.”

“Siri, what do I do?!”

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help you.”

“Siri?”

“Goodbye.”

“Siri!!”