#everyone uses anorexics as an example but obviously anorexics are an extreme and no obviously ppl wouldnt give them lipo bc it would KILL.

[butchviking]

people will be like “well you wouldn’t give liposuction to someone with body dyspmorphia!” but literally that happens all the time

[wednesdaysswoes]

when u walk away .

pairing : xavier thorpe x anorexic reader

summary : xavier knew reader had mental health issues , but to what extent ?

warnings : mentions of anorexia , depression , anxiety , sorry if u have ed and it’s not like this for u, i personally have it which is why some of the examples in the story are so specific,#skinnyicon 😭😭 also if this makes uncomfortable srry just don’t read it😛

ఌ

you woke up with a gasp , enid had shook you awake when you were in a particularly deep slumber , you squeezed your eyes shut , praying maybe if you pretended you were dead she would leave.

“Y/N!! did you forget an alarm? we have to leave for breakfast soon.”

you rolled ur eyes as you turned back over in bed “im not hungry, plus id rather be sleeping before class, i’ll wake up before class starts .” you said ignoring her other words , exhaustion taking over you.

“well what about xavier ? it’ll be awkward if he sits at the table with us and you’re not there.” she replied back , trying to coax her out of bed.

“well xavier can deal with it im trying to sleep enid “

sighing , enid grabbed her things and went out the door , and about twenty minutes later after silent peace , y/ns alarm went off to get ready for class.

sitting herself up, she rubbed her eyes as she looked at the bruises forming on her legs , her iron had become extremely low recently , causing her to bruise over pretty much everything .

she put mascara on , and spot concealer over her eyebags , but she didn’t really care to do the rest of her makeup , instead putting on her uniform and focusing on avoiding xavier before first period .

which was really the last thing she wanted to do, but she felt like she needed to avoid him for her own sake , lately he has started to do what all bfs to with their gfs , worry about them .

but it was for a specific reason , she has began to heavily decrease the food she was eating , which caused xavier to worry for a multitude of reasons, when you guys were intimate , he held you like glass, like you could break at any moment , any slight grip from his hands would end with a bruise forming on you , which made him worry even more.

but also because of your drop in weight , he even confirmed it himself when he checked the size of one of ur shirts u had left in his room when u first started dating , size M, to your uniform you even had to rebuy to get in a smaller size , a size XS.

you thought about it as you walked , bag over your shoulder as you walked through the halls , and into first period botany . You avoided xavier’s eyes as he obviously was wondering where you were that morning .

sitting down , he taps your thigh . “why didn’t you answer my texts ?” he asks . “i dont think i even brought it with me , i haven’t really been on it.” you reply absentmindedly , which makes him fiddle his fingers in concern .

“it’s just i was looking for you most of the morning .” he said , before mrs thornhill began speaking.

about 45 minutes later , everyone began to pack their things for next period, which unlucky for you was another class with xavier .

as the bell rang and you guys left for class , xavier noticed you turn to the opposite way of the hallway . “did you not wanna walk together ?” he asked catching up with you “plus where are you even going ?”

“im just going the long way , i don’t really wanna go to class” you responded , which made him frown “well you can’t ditch .” he said , matter of factly, to which you rolled you eyes . “obviously, i wouldve just been late or something .” you responded

“oh okay.. so i’ll see you later ? “ he says , heading to your guys’s next class . you didn’t respond as you walked away , you really didn’t mean to treat him this way, when you were at war in you head you tended to create war with everyone else, even if xavier was the one helping you fight .

you walked into the bathroom , sitting in a stall and resting your head against the wall ; you were exhausted, you didn’t even realize when the bell rang for class, or when five minutes turned to ten minutes , when ten turned into you being in the bathroom all period .

You would’ve probably stayed sitting there longer had xavier not texted you.

xav 💕 : did i do smth? why are you avoiding me

you shut your phone off as you walked out of the bathroom to the hallway near your third period , as you had technically already skipped a class, you couldn’t skip anymore . luckily this was a class without xavier in it.

You walked through the door and sat down in the back , the farthest from the teachers desk and you put your head down. you hadn’t realized you began to doze off, and woke up to your teacher shaking you awake .

“Y/N! if you cannot remain awake during class hours i will have to let principal weems know that.”

You rolled your eyes as you walked out , just wanting the day over.

when classes had concluded for the day , you trudged back into your dorm , wanting nothing more then to sleep or even just lay down . But sadly as you walked into your room you realized it was friday.

date night.

you walked in to see Xavier sitting on your bed with flowers , you mustered a smile and greeted him with a hug.

“hey lover” he spoke softly , wrapping his arms around you, to which you reciprocated. he kissed the top of your head , speaking softly “wanna still go out ? we dont have to if you aren’t up for it, i mean you seemed pretty off earlier .”

you took a breath in “yea we can, i just wasn’t feeling well earlier , sorry”

“that’s always your excuse , you never feel well .”

“well what do you want me to say xavier?”

“i just-“ he put his insecurities aside , as much as people told him your behavior meant you were being unfaithful, he knew that wasn’t it. “i just want you to talk to me , im worried about you .”

you blinked at him for a moment “why are you worried about me ?”

“why am i- why wouldn’t i be? im your boy friend and - and you’re dropping weight like crazy y/n, i don’t know if something’s wrong or not when you don’t talk to me.”

you were a little stunned , sure you knew you had a problem, but it was like u had put yourself in a bubble , thinking that you were the only one to notice anything about yourself . you didn’t realize how painfully obvious it was when u skipped breakfast and dinner , only opting for lunch .

“I mean- y/n you weren’t even overweight you - you were healthy and just i don’t understand why you’d do something like that to yourself.”

“well maybe i don’t either Xavier! but the last thing i need is you coming in here and fucking getting mad at me about it!”

“baby im not mad at you . im worried about you , and im sad whatever your dealing with you feel you have to hide from everyone , i just want you to talk to me.”

“nothing is wrong xavier , i just- can we do date night another night ? im tired.” you said , walking away from him.

“but - y/n “ he said standing up and walking towards you “why do you always walk away when i try to help?”

“because i- i don’t even know what’s wrong.” you said , looking away because you were embarrassed. but he gently grabbed ur chin and turned your face towards him . “then please let me help you, i just feel like you aren’t happy , no matter what you do , and it’s just - i’ve noticed things that make me really worried.”

you blinked at him , confused “such as?” you said , which prompted his heavy response . “remember how bad your periods used to get ? like it used to knock you off your schedule for days and made you miserable , you don’t think it was noticeable you stopped having your period ? “

you were irritated now as you thought of a rebuttal “well then why didn’t you check if i was pregnant?” you said spitefully . “i mean , fair. but you were only losing weight , so i didn’t think it was that , i googled it and malnutrition can make your period stop, im - im not trying to be nosy and in your business about it , bu-“

“well you are” you said harshly , standing up “and you shouldn’t be .” he looked at with hurt and concern, as you grabbed your phone and backpack and walked out of your room.

“i died a lot , to live a little with you.”

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

[rikeijo]

Hello! Not to start another drama, but I just wanted to reach out and say that your response(s) in this thread (https://rikeijo.tumblr.com/post/752089697475559425/like-ive-said-i-know-that-people-tend-to-see) was extremely BASED.

Our cultural ubringing affects how we view and interpret media a lot, obviously, and personally I don't see anything wrong with that. It's quite fascinating actually. However, I've noticed that a certain amount of people in Western fandoms (not just YoI) seem to behave that their view is the correct one, and those who don't share it doesn't know any better or is in denial, including authors/creators. Which is interesting (and very annoying) because it usually happens in fandoms of titles that are not made by OR for Western audience. Not that that they can't have their own interpretations/fanon/hcs, of course not. But I think that, in case of YoI, Japanese creator team as well as JP audience understand the canon material (and what it was meant to say) way better than non-Japanese.

Also, how we view things like sexuality, as well as other social topics/issues, is, again, greatly affected by our culture. For example, something may be considered 'gay' in one place (or during one period), and not in another. I may be wrong, but I think it works the same way with asexuality, i.e. one thing will be 'ace-coded' for a Westerner and, simultaneously, not for a Japanese person. Same thing with mental health issues, which seems to be a VERY important thing for Western fans. It baffled me as well. Like I'm reading through a fic and the whole cast is a psychward lol (sorry, jk). Meanwhile for fans from other countries, that's just character being themself, that's their actual personality. E.g. Yuuri may be an anxious person, but he doesn't have an anxiety disorder. That doesn't make those fans uneducated or regressive, it is simply their worldview and their interpretation of canon, that should be respected.

By the way, not really relevant, but personally I didn't think Viktor's 'why? You haven't won anything' comment (as well as the following), was that big of a deal. He was crass, yes, but ... Idk, wasn't Yuuri himself more shocked than offended by it? I just sometimes feel like EN fandom is being a bit dramatic about it. Plus Viktor is Russian, and Russians are know to have no filter, maybe they wanted to portray that, lol. I wonder what JP fandom thinks of that scene.

Lastly, I'll just say that even if certain people recognize themselves in a character, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. There are anorexics who recognize themselves in Howl. Doesn't mean Howl have an eating disorder though. It is, however, very fun to point out similarities.

p.s. sorry if everything above didn't make much sense

Hi! Thank you for your message! 💜

And don't worry, what you wrote makes a lot of sense, imo! I also don't think that it's drama, because it's just a general discussion.

Fandom is such a huge community and you can find the most open-minded, kind and caring people in the world there, but yup, on the other hand some people do have a little bit of this 'Western worldview, Western way of doing stuff is the *correct* one, and everyone else needs to make the effort to meet these standards' arrogance in them, if you ask me.

In case of YoI, I can only imagine (well, also you can read a little bit about it in interviews) how difficult it was for two female creators to get their way (they openly talked about the misogyny they faced, and how they needed Hiramatsu-san, a man, on the team as one of the main creators, to be taken seriously), because the topic (I mean the gay stuff) and their approach wasn't what the industry and fans are used to in mainstream anime, and sure, it's not perfect, and some people would disagree, but imo, they did a lot. Anyway, it's their creation, they were planning and worked on for years - of course they put a lot of themselves and their cultural background into this show. Just one, specific example of this is that Mitsurou is from Sasebo, Nagasaki Prefecture, Kyushu, and YoI, as many of her other works, is connected to Kyushu. One of the most traditionalist places in Jp, where male chauvinism is still doing pretty well. Isn't it kind of obvious that she's going to see Yuuri, a virile son of Kyushu, differently, compared to a teenager from the US?

Eg. on the topic of whether Yuuri has a mental disorder or not - the "canon answer" is no, because Sayo said so, as in: canon = what Sayo&Mitsurou created. Of course, it isn't difficult to understand why people interpret/want to interpret him as having a mental disorder, or why the comments about Yuuri's weight can make people uncomfortable, and my argument even in the slightest bit isn't that it's 'wrong' to interpret things in this way. On the other hand, this kind of mindset (that I personally felt was present a bit in that discussion you've mentioned) that the creators need to do better and educate themselves more and when they do, they will see that Yuuri is canonically ace or that the issue of Yuuri's weight loss was handled in a wrong way etcetc., because a fan felt this way, is just... to me, extreme arrogance. I'd say that people should rather just accept that their own experience is 'subjective', not 'universal', and they are in no position to give a moral judgement on whether the approach that two Japanese female creators took to a certain issue is universally right or wrong, not assume that sb, who thinks differently thinks so because they lack understanding or education. They did in the story what they wanted to do and that's their right as creators and yk, as human beings - to have their own worldview, opinions etc. that may or may not be different than yours or mine.

The funny thing is that we wouldn't probably even have this discussion if the creators were, for example, Ethiopian women or from Peru - but anime is mainstream in fandom spaces, so I don't think that many people care that much/think too deeply about identity of the creators and how it influences their work, as they aren't really perceived as 'minority' (from a western point of view), whose voice should be heard, because it's important and different, on the same level that many other creators (rightfully) are - to give an example, I think that if a Western fan tried to 'replace' a sexuality of a character in a novel written by eg. an Ethiopian woman with their own and argue that it's canon, this character canonically has this label now, bc they feel the character is just like them or whatever, it wouldn't be received in the same way - I think more people would argue that no, there is cultural background that needs to be taken into consideration, don't speak over the author etc.

[miyaniacs]

hello! i just wanted to say that i'm really proud of you for making it so far and it's honestly really inspiring to me. i've struggled with my appearence so much and i saw your requests are open, could you possibly do kuroo, kenma, and bokuto with a s/o who's insecure about being thin hc? thank you sm im advance and i hope things ease up soon 💖

Thank you baby 🥺❤️

And ok so first of all - I think people forget that in today’s society everyone feels insecure about their body even thin people- especially now I feel like thin women feel insecure about not having this ig curvy body - women are pressured so badly for having to have the perfect body - but the perfect body for women is on that is most likely not achievable without getting surgery. Also I feel like every week there is another unrealistic trend that media creates for us to have. And also men are pressured for having to be muscular if not they are not really considered manly.

Ok to the request :

Warnings : me ranting about fashion in bokutos lol

Masterlist

HC s/o who’s insecure about being thin

Kuroo

Soo when he realized how insecure you are for being thin he was confused

Like isn’t this what everyone wants to be rn?

So he asked you about it

When you’re female : you explain that you feel extremely uncomfortable for not having those curves and that you probably also don’t feel like a “women” since - “real women have curves” all those pictures you see on social media make you feel insecure for not having those ‘thick thighs’ and amazing boobs

When you’re male : you explain that you feel insecure that you’re not strong enough, that you look like a stick ( I do know more than one males that are really insecure about not having much muscle )

For both ways : you explain that you feel bad for not having anything for him to grab on while cuddling or having sex, that all your clothes don’t seem to properly fit and when you’re wearing shorts or a bikini people would think your anorexic ( actually what a girl I known struggles with - she’s just thin but people assume she has an eating disorder)

He will listen not saying anything until you’re finished

He will hold your hands and tell you that he never thought any of those things. He loves your body - you make him feel more buff haha

He also asked if there’s a reason why you don’t gain weight - like some medical condition

Also he would ask you if you want to work out with him. Since you’re thin you will easily see results soon - and you will feel more comfortable when you’re able to see those abs or the definition on your legs - and even doing sports will make you feel better because you do something

He will also help you set up a meal plan - so you will get the right amount of proteins, fats, carbs etc.

He will also make sure to show you how much he loves your body using words as : god your so beautiful / hot / jaw dropping etc.

Buys you cute lingerie too

AND right after you first talked about this he asks you to give him your phone - he goes straight on social media and unfollows all those accounts and follows ones that have a body type similar to yours.

Kenma

He loves the fact that you’re thin

He’s not the tallest and buffets gut himself so he likes the fact that he still feels able to protect you ( not that you need this but just for his ego )

You two were playing video games when the comment : god I wish I’d had this body - left your mouth while looking at one of those characters

He immediately stoppes the game and looks at you

“That’s what bothers you?” You blinks still not believing what he just heard you say

You nod and tell him sincerely that you think that you are too thin

“I love your body - and i don’t mind the fact that you’re thin? You know how much I love yo run my fingers over your rib cage ( you know this dum,dumm dummm - you say in your head when you run your fingers over some bumbs? If so that’s what he always does )

He will switch your gaming plans to cuddle time and makes sure to tell you all those little things he loves about your body - He lets you tell what you hate about it and then tells you his opinion about it

He loves the fact that HE can easily gives you piggyback rides or spins you around when you run to him and jump in his arms

The next day he will ask kuroo for some advice tho and gets some more games where the characters aren’t that unrealistically built

Bokuto

After some time even our baby owl realizes that you wear clothes that hide your BEAUTIFUL BODY??

“Babe, isn’t this shirt a bit too big?”

He finally asks and you tell him that you don’t like how you look in tight clothing

He doesn’t get why so you have to explain it to him

Female : you don’t like that you’re not curvy and that you have rather small breast - so you try to hide it in clothes that you drown in

Male : you don’t like how you your bones stick out, that your legs look like sticks and have no shape in it

So this beautiful baby - right after pulling you in his arms and kissing you - walks to your closet and gets trough you clothes

“ babe. OBVIOUSLY you don’t like your body when you don’t have anything that makes your beautiful features POP !! Get dressed we’ll go shopping now.”

Sooo at the mall he chooses all of the outfits for you and makes you put them on ( yes I belive that he has a nice and modern sense in fashion)

female :

Highwaisted dress pants, bralett and a blazer - CHECK

Oversized T-shirt dress and some combat boots / chunky sneakers to make your LEGS LOOK like they are 2m long - CHECK

Wide leg pants and some oversized T-shirt tugged in to give you some shape - CHECK

Those cute slip dresses - HELL YES

baby t-shirts & tennis skirks with HIS windbreaker- YES

Those cute square neck shirts with puffy sleeves YES !!!

He loves you in his hoodies too

With some tights OR with some wide jeans too

If you’re also on the shorter side - PLATFORM shoes. Yes there aren’t too chunky for you ( for example the puma ones with the Rihanna collab - they are like tennis shoes and actually soo comfy)

Those cute cardigans as a shirt - YES

Hny you need to live out the advantages of not needing to wear a bra !!

Obviously accessories to the MAX

Male

Oversize and layering is the KEY

Also those sweatshirts with a more stiff fabrics

Those wide light blue jeans and a simple slightly oversized t-shirt tugged in with a nice belt - YES

Wide trousers and a tighter shirt AND a loose Oversized shirt

Soo After coming home with a whole new wardrobe you look like a model.

And HE SHOWS YOU OFF SO BADLY & HYPES YOU THE FUCK UP

Calls akaashi over to make you model all your new clothes

You don’t have a choice but your ego goes up a little

Also like kuroo will but you cute lingerie

Bonus for female: will ask you non stop if you want to pierce your nippels because it looks so hot on smaller breast ( on all sizes but in my opinion esp on smaller ones )

[fatphobiabusters]

Content warning: Pro Anorexia, Pro Bulimia, Weight Loss, Eating Disorders, Thinspo

I wouldn’t normally post what someone sent us in a fanmail, but this made me angry enough that I feel it should be addressed here.

I’m sure this person was well-intentioned, but I need to discuss this with you all because there is something you really need to understand, something this person didn’t. 

I am sick and tired of the way that, whenever we call out the hatefulness and dangerousness that is the pro-ana mentality, whenever we call out people who just happen to have anorexia for their fatphobia, whenever we call out rhetoric that pushes eating disorders onto others and tries to conflate restricted eating or starving with some kind of glamorous, healthy, wonderful weight loss diet that will make you oh so beautiful, etc., someone always has to scream at us for supposedly hating anorexic people or not understanding what anorexia is. 

I’m fed up, honestly. 

Recently, I made a post explaining that fitspo and pro-ana are connected, and that is why I don’t like fitspo. Fitspo isn’t about being healthy and fit; it’s about damaging your body and taking on dangerous exercise regimens while not nourishing your body or even starving yourself. And like pro-ana, fitspo pushes the idea that having body fat is a horrible, horrible thing, that it is shameful, that it is a failure on your part, etc., and that you should be willing to go to any length, to even die, to get rid of all your body fat. Which, for the record, is literally impossible, and this pursuit really can kill you. 

And in the post, I said, “You can check our other posts on pro ana to fully understand the mindset behind these blogs and see what kinds of things they say and post.” And I said that because every single time we talk about pro ana, people don’t understand how it’s different from just being anorexic, take what we said as some kind of attack against or blanket statement about all anorexic people, and start massive fights and spread rumors about how much we “hate” people with eating disorders. 

Which, by the way, anti fat acceptance people use against us to try to show people with eating disorders that fat people are their enemy (completely ignoring you can be fat with an eating disorder) and that they should become fatphobic and anti fat acceptance too. And it works. And for many people with eating disorders, that is extremely dangerous, because if you see fat people as a bad thing, you will see fatness as a bad thing, and then it only becomes harder to recover and to take care of your body because you become more and more desperate to not be fat. 

Obviously, eating disorders aren’t always about not being fat- but it would be ignorant and false to say that that is never a factor, or that weight is never a massive concern for people with anorexia, bulimia, and the like. 

So I wanted to make the point right away: if you don’t know what pro ana is, you can look it up on our blog and see it for yourself. That way, there should be very little misunderstandings here. 

We have many posts about how people with anorexia are not the enemy, how people with anorexia deserve help, love, and support, etc., but how using anorexic people as a tool in your anti-fat rhetoric or promoting a pro-ana mentality is not okay. We have stated many times that we don’t have a problem with people with anorexia unless they treat us poorly for our weight- which, despite what you might want to believe, happens. We don’t treat them differently from anyone else in that sense. 

We aren’t going to give someone a free pass on being hateful and fatphobic just because of a factor of their identity, and that shouldn’t be seen as unreasonable. It’s not that we are judging them for their mental illness; it’s that we are holding them accountable for how their behavior and words hurt other people. The same thing we do with anyone else of any size or mental health status or whatever else. 

Hating pro ana is not about hating people with anorexia. It is about hating a specific mindset that tells people that starving is better than being fat.

I have literally seen the words “Better dead than fat” on these blogs. So this is not an exaggeration of what they are doing. 

So, onto this fanmail that bothered me so much. 

Hi. I read your recent post on fitspo/eating disorders, and I agree with almost everything. I hate pro-ana blogs with a burning passion, and have blocked a ton of related tags, including fitspo.

This is how the message started. And I want to believe the person meant it, that they understand how these blogs are hurtful and dangerous to a variety of people, that they get why we hate them so strongly. But I’m not convinced, and that’s because of what they said in the rest of their message. 

I do want to say, though, that some of the language you used to describe anorexia felt… surprising. The stuff about “eagerly starv[ing]” and anorexia being about hating fat people… it upset me a little

Except I never described anorexia in the post. I never talked about anorexia in general in the post. I talked only about pro ana blogs, about pro mia blogs, about fitspo blogs. 

And pro ana blogs, pro mia blogs, and fitspo blogs often promote the hatred of fatness, of being fat, of looking fat, of fat people. We’ve talked about it before here, and if this person had actually gone through our other posts on the topic, they’d know what I mean. Many of these blogs hate reblog pictures of fat people to use them as examples of what “ugly” looks like and to motivate themselves not to be fat. They leave mean, horrid comments on these pictures. They describe fatness like it’s a moral failure. Again, they say it’s better to be dead than fat. They bully fat people, they say awful things about fat people, they attack others for not hating fat people... I mean, it’s impossible to deny that much of what they are doing is about their hatred of fatness and their fear and disgust of the idea of being fat themselves.

And they are proud of their starvation. They show it off like a badge of honor. They don’t feel like they are hurting themselves. They, in fact, brag about how much they are bettering themselves by losing weight. They flaunt it, and encourage others to starve themselves. They are always eager to learn new unhealthy quick methods of weight loss to combine with the starvation. They post selfies of their progress, partially to fish for compliments from others who share the same mindset, and partially in hopes of getting insulted to keep motivated to keep starving. That is pro ana! This is not anorexia in general!

And I know that, which is why the post was only about pro ana. 

The whole point of the post was to answer a question we keep getting in our inbox: “How can you possibly hate fitspo/fitspiration?” And so I answered it, by first explaining pro ana and second by drawing the connection between the two. 

The post was never talking about anorexia. Hell, some people who run pro ana blogs don’t even meet the medical requirements of anorexia or even atypical anorexia, because you don’t necessarily have to starve yourself in order to encourage others to starve themselves and say that being fat is the worst thing ever! So although uncommon, not all of these blogs are run by anorexic people! Many fitspo blogs, for example, are not!

Anyway, the fanmail went on from there to talk about the sender’s own anorexia... again, completely missing the part about how this isn’t about anorexia in general. And the best part was that they felt the need to “educate” me on how anorexia is often about control... something I already know, because every time people scream and insult us for “attacking” anorexic people, they feel the need to tell us this.

And never once did the sender consider that maybe we at this blog have more experience with eating disorders than they think. They spent the whole time “teaching” us about them, assuming none of us have ever struggled with one. 

Sender, maybe you should check our “atypical anorexia” tag and see all the drama we have caused in the past by pointing out fat people with eating disorders exist- including fat people who restrict their eating or starve themselves. Why? Because you may find out that making assumptions about the mods is a shitty thing to do. 

My eating disorder isn’t because I hate fat people. I’d wager that most eating disorders don’t stem from that, even if they look like it.

No one was talking about you, though, sender! If you are not a pro ana blog, our posts calling out pro ana are not about you! 

And for the record, not everyone who hates fatness and fat people realizes they do! Fatphobia is one of those things that, like many other prejudices, you can have without even realizing! 

Also, being fatphobic against yourself still counts as being fatphobic! And surprise, there are a lot of people out there who claim to never hate fat people but sure do hate themselves for being too fat or for being too much “like” a fat person (i.e. eating too much, not caring about their weight as much as they “should,” typical fat people stereotypes like that)! And that still hurts other fat people even if you don’t want to believe it! 

Yeah, I know this person meant well, but I am angry. I am tired of having these conversations over and over again. 

Pro-ana is disgusting and should be banned from Tumblr, but anorexic people, and people with other EDs, are human too, and we suffer in ways which are certainly not as superficial as they might seem at first glance.

Yes, I know this. Still doesn’t change that pro ana is fatphobic and dangerous and that I am allowed to call it out. Which is all I did. Seriously. 

Please y’all, read our posts carefully before you “critique” them next time? And don’t make shitty assumptions about our mods or our opinions and viewpoints when you do? 

- Mod Bella 

[the-bounce-back]

THE CONFIDENCE CHRONICLES PART II - CONFIDENCE IN YOUR BODY/APPEARANCE

This is post 2/5 of my “Confidence Chronicles” series, in which I discuss the mindsets, actions and thought processes I’ve applied to build/rebuild my confidence in different aspects of my life. The goal of these 5 posts is for you readers to be able to apply relevant points to your own insecurities in order to combat them, and hopefully aid in building your own confidence over time.

—————————————————————-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before I start...Yes, I am fully aware that it’s been three months since I said I would post more regularly. Yes, things have been shit in my life for a minute, and you probably know that I hate writing when I’m in a bad place. No, I’m not going to address it right now - probably in a future post though.

Cool. Safe. On to the good stuff.

Ever since I started this blog, I knew I wanted to do a post (or even multiple posts!) about confidence in your body, body image and getting to a point where you can look in the mirror and confidently look past your “flaws” and say “yeah… I’m that b*tch”. But truthfully speaking, I’ve been kind of struggling with figuring out how best to approach the subject.

Although I keep reiterating that I write these posts mostly for myself to express my thoughts and feelings on certain topics, I really wanted to make sure that this topic in particular was written in such a way that it can apply to anyone reading it. This, simply due to the fact that the insecurities I’ve battled over the years in relation to my body and appearance made me feel extremely alone, and it took me a very long time to understand and accept that - shock horror - I wasn’t the only one with crippling insecurities that I let limit myself. 

Obviously, now this embarrassingly obvious, but I genuinely think that it took me longer to comprehend it due to that pretty much regardless of what situation I’m in, I’m always different to the norm in some way. My skin, hair, build and other physical features have always and probably will always set me apart from my peers regardless of where they are from, and this whole jOuRnEy has been about learning to accept and eventually love these differences and uniqueness. I want everyone reading this to come away from this post feeling the same way - that you, too, can learn how to love every aspect of your appearance regardless of what your “flaws” are, as an effort to boost your confidence and as a fat middle finger to a society that literally feeds off of our insecurities.

I’ll be using my former insecurities and anonymous examples of other people’s insecurities to illustrate my point, and hopefully you can find something that resonates with you and can help change your perspective on your physical appearance and body.

1. Consider taking time away from social media.

Who else remembers when Instagram first launched, and the “popular page” being clogged up with #thighgaps, #thinspo and #fitspo? I definitely do, because it was at this time in my life that my body image was at its absolute worst. I was very young at the time, and although it makes me sick to admit it, I let all those likes on the photos of thin and petite bodies get to my head and made me hate myself and my body for a very long time.

Looking back on it, I try (and fail) to not beat myself up over letting validation through likes, comments and followers ruin my self-esteem to the extent that it did - but what’s important is that I’ve gotten over it now, and I strongly believe it was due to my decision to take an indefinite hiatus from the app. Without the constant reminder that my body deviates from social media’s (often unrealistic) beauty standards, I definitely feel that learning to appreciate and love my body without something to compare it to came naturally, as opposed to feeling forced to just accept it - a mistake that I feel that many people make in the body positivity movement.

For me, putting some distance between myself and beauty standards online has really allowed me to see how harmful, contradictory and negatively influential social media can actually be - big shocker, I know. It’s no wonder that our generation of young women often struggle with extremely negative views of their own bodies - we literally get indirectly (and sometimes directly!) attacked regardless of how we look.

Naturally skinny? Honey, you’re anorexic.

A few kilos overweight? Babes, you are obese and if you don’t stop eating, you will die!!!11!1

Very curvy? B*tch, I know you’ve had work done.

Not curvy at all? Sweetie, you look like a boy.

In other words… we can’t win, and I’m sick of it. Recognizing that I would most likely (definitely) be somewhat affected (completely destroyed) by these beauty standards and peace’ing out early from Instagram is hands down the best choice I’ve ever made in terms of building my confidence. I can definitely say that due to this choice, I can now look at other womens bodies and appreciate the beauty of them, without letting it undermine my own beauty by cOmPaRiNg ThEm.

Who knows - maybe I’ll rejoin Insta one day, now that I know for sure that these illusions of perfection won’t get to me. I’ll keep it real though… considering I can barely manage to post regularly on here/my other socials, it’s probably a no.

2. Ensure that all changes you make are for yourself, and yourself alone.

This is a bit of a sticky one, and I appreciate that not everyone will agree with me on this. Luckily for me, it’s my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want.

Regardless of what your insecurity/insecurities with your body and appearance are, I’m a firm believer that you are 100% entitled to deal with this insecurity in any way that you see fit. This should be a no brainer - you’re the one dealing with the distress of whatever you’re insecure about, so why should you care what anyone has to say with your coping method?

The way I see it, it’s not the actual notion of doing whatever you want to feel secure in your body that causes division, but the actual coping method in itself. On one hand, we have those that are in favour of using ‘quick fixes’ (i.e. surgery) to achieve the body/features you want to have in order to feel secure. On the other hand, we have the gym goers and body positivity activists that adamantly argue that using invasive methods to change your body is a) not body positive at all (some even go as far as saying that surgery has to imply severe body dysmorphia and self-hate), and b) that not opting for changing your body through exercise and a hEaLtHy DiEt is lazy and implies psychological weakness.

Now - I’m really not here to argue about which one is the “right” or “wrong”, because I honestly believe it isn’t as simple as that. It’s important to remember that we’ve all had different experiences in life that have led to our confidence levels being as high or low as they are, so I really don’t understand why we feel the need to comment and judge other people on how they choose to combat their issues.

Do whatever the f*ck you want with your body - as long as you’re doing it for yourself and not for anyone else's satisfaction/validation.

When I say ‘someone else’s satisfaction/validation’, I mean letting yourself be policed by other people’s thoughts and feelings about your body/appearance - or altering your body/appearance in a way for someone else’s benefit than just your own. Yes, completely shutting other people's opinions out when you’re considering making changes is easier said than done - but the earlier you learn how to do this and understand that people are going to have their opinions regardless of what you do, the better.

Personally speaking, I often feel a little sad that I spent most of my teenage years/early 20s worrying so much about other people’s opinions on what I did with my body to boost my confidence - and not even just in terms of working out/staying in shape. The amount of tattoo/piercing/hairstyle/hair colour ideas I felt I had to shoot down because of fear of what my parents, friends, colleagues and mEn would think genuinely breaks my heart a little. I think it’s because I can look back on it and see how my obsession with how others perceived me ended up overtaking my own happiness and self-confidence. 

Luckily for me, I now associate myself with likeminded people that agree with and encourage people’s individuality and autonomy over their bodies. The notion of doing whatever floats yer boat and makes you feel good about yourself in this life has now become the centre of attention in all aspects of life - and that includes doing whatever you want to do with your body. I’ll drink to that!

Anyways. Devise a 20h/week workout plan and low carb diet. Save up for the surgery. Cut and dye your hair. Get the piercing that’s always intrigued you, and take it out 2 days later if you don’t like it. You get the point. As long as it’s your life, your body and your appearance, do whatever the f*ck you want, because life really is too short to risk lying on your deathbed and wishing you had taken the opportunity to do something for your own satisfaction while you had the chance.

“But Liv! Telling people to alter their appearance to feel better about themselves isn’t body positive at all! How can you promote such?!”

Again, this section isn’t about blindly accepting your body for what it is if you’re not inclined to do so. Whilst we all ideally would be confident enough to leave our bodies in their natural state and not care, the sad reality is that it is actually really hard for most to just accept it. My point is that we should do whatever we want with our bodies to feel happy and confident, because life really is too short to hate the skin that you’re in and care about what other people think. ¿Entiendes? 

(Of course, you should always care about what professionals (e.g. doctors, dieticians, surgeons) have to say - but I’m sure you get that. Do your research and stay safe before making choices, because if you come crying to me I won’t be listening.)

3. There is something very empowering about embracing your “flaws”.

I think everyone can relate to letting their “flaws” and insecurities hold them back in any type of way. 

It can literally be anything - not wearing certain outfits/not having your hair parted a certain way/not doing certain makeup looks/not wanting to show a certain body part because someone at some point gave you the idea that it’s uNfLatTeRiNg when you do it, either directly or indirectly. Either way, it is up to you to determine how you react to criticism of this sort. Most of us (myself included) fall into the trap of just blindly accepting it and doing everything within our power to hide/conceal whatever the thing is - no questions asked.

This is where we’re all going wrong, because why do we care so much about what other people have to say about our natural appearance? Why do we let others dictate how we should present our bodies in order to be considered attractive? It don’t make no sense, luv.

I’m really saying all this like I wasn’t relaxing my hair every 3 months, using tons of makeup to conceal my deep set eyes, wearing clothes that didn’t cling to my stomach or hating how hench my thighs and shoulders are, because I wasn’t conventionally beautiful - at least not in the way that Swedish society dictated at the time. Spending a large time of your life convinced that you are ugly and trying to change things about yourself that make you unique is incredibly hard to break away from - but it is definitely possible and I have made amazing progress with this, and I hope you can too.

Basically, you need to force yourself to let go of all notions of what is considered beautiful and start from scratch with your own body as the bench-mark for beauty. You need to regard your appearance without any kind of input or influence from an external source. Without anything to compare to, how can you not find yourself beautiful? It really is that simple.

I’m definitely kidding, by the way. It’s really f*cking difficult - but it gets easier over time. It’s all about how willing you are to be uncomfortable with your appearance for a while until you’ve gotten used to it, and can work towards loving it. For example, when I decided to cut back heavily on makeup, it took an insane amount of time to get used to seeing my chubby face without painted on cheekbones and perfectly angled eyebrows - now I actually prefer my face without makeup. When I decided to start ignoring that my belly is pretty much visible regardless of what I wear, it took so long to stop trying to subconsciously cover it up, but now I wear whatever the f*ck I want - and look sexy af while doing so.

Etc, etc. You get the point.

The way I see it, letting go of the media’s/society’s notion of what beauty is, forcing yourself to get comfortable with the body you’re born into by any means you see fit and learning how to embrace your “flaws” as something positive that makes you unique are the main keys to becoming very confident in your skin. Of course, everyone has different notions of what body confidence entails, and I’m not really here to dispute anyone else’s theories. 

As long as you’re learning to love what you see in the mirror, not letting your body be policed/criticised by irrelevant audiences and not trying to make changes for anyone else but yourself - I definitely reckon you’re on the right track to loving yourself in the way that you deserve.

Finally - showing how confident and in love with yourself you are has a positive effect on everyone around you, attracts more positive energy and empowers others to love themselves - this is literally a win-win situation, and I really hope you take the time to build this for yourself.

Love,

Liv

[cltwtb-blog]

Hi, I’m old.

I saw strange aeon’s video on the whole tc thing - obv she has a tumblr as well but i don’t know what it is, haha. Anyway, I’ll get to the point. 

To all the teens out there in love with your teachers - I’ve been there too. I understand how much it sucks. Obviously every situation is unique but the general theme is wanting somebody who isn’t allowed to want you back, even if they did. Which, to be clear, they probably don’t, If I were a teacher, I’d much rather have a wank and remain employed. 

I wanted to write this because I did feel like, wow, I don’t know her name, but Strange AEons’ reactions were, while not “wrong” per se - not entirely empathetic. 

The main thing I want to say is - even if it were to happen, you would both regret it; maybe not immediately, but you would. I never dated a teacher (boy did I want to), but my first boyfriend was 30 years my senior - I was 17 at the time. But hear me out.

The thing with relationships like that, is that (as SA said) you aren’t equals - no matter how much you think you are. And a teacher/student dynamic, while it can be hot af, is neither healthy nor fulfilling. At the risk of sounding condescending, as a graduate student in developmental neurology I can truly say that your brain isn’t developed in some really specific and nuanced ways - no matter what you’ve been through, you might have a lot of foresight but there is some inexplicable element of wherewithal that you really don’t get until your 20s (sometimes later).

(tl’dr this paragraph is neuroscience warning) (If you’re curious, your brain finishes sorting itself out from a caudal (near your neck) to rostral (above your eyes) direction - the frontal part of your brain (maturing in your 20s) is involved in complex executive function like empathy and planning. Your emotions, however, are a bit earlier to mature; so to put it (very) simply, emotional maturity is not the only factor in how “ready” or “right” you are/it is to have a relationship with such a massive social connotation attached to it.

(neuroscience over) 

Let me tell you my story. I met David when I was 16, having snuck into a nightclub. He was 47. I’d always been attracted exclusively to older guys; I was lucky in that it had never been a struggle or anything for me to accept that. But I digress. 

David, believing I was 18 (legal bar entry age here - also the age of consent is 16), was very charming and gentlemanly. He was here for work, he was married  (to a woman - she didn’t know he was gay) - he could easily have been a teacher. He wasn’t pushy, and I was there with friends, so nothing ended up happening that night. I’d given him my MSN (throwback!) and we talked on there the next day. We were both also avid gamers so we got to know each other over the next few months very well over a lot of Halo. 

We met in November, then he came back (he was a 3 hour flight away, a different country) the next February. Suffice to say we both disappeared for the weekend (i was still in the last year of high school - notably less interested in the teachers though, ha). I turned 17 that March, and in April, during a holiday, he came back and we disappeared again, this time for over a week. Keep in mind the whole time his wife believed he was at a conference. 

Over these months I became extremely lost in my (our) own little world. This wasn’t to do with the age so much but I did want to mention it because looking back I see I neglected a lot of my friends because I was obsessing over this one person whom I loved so deeply that truly nothing else mattered. By April I was heavily anorexic, and I thought as much about food (and not eating it) as i did of David. I wanted to be perfect for him.

I’ve just realised I’ve gone a bit off topic to the tc theme so I’ll skip ahead a bit. 

We end up together, and we couldn’t be happier (minus the crying and screaming phonecalls from his wife) (I know. Married men...) We have a place, he’s working the same job, after about half a year of adjusting and being in love I decide I’m going to start studying. 

The one line from this time that really reverberates in my mind was “I like my boys to look like boys”. It was funny, at first. I was a very feminine boy to start with, long and thin (still very anorexic - 6′2 and 53kg (don’t know what that is in lb sorry), with long blonde hair, armed with Maybelline dream matte mousse and some mascara. I wasn’t trans (was I? I was still figuring that out - but that’s another story), but I did enjoy playing with makeup on my self, a lot. 

David didn’t mind at first. But a subtle narrative began to arise over the later months. It was a narrative of “I’m the boss” on his part, and “I’m bored so I’m rebelling” on mine. It’s hard to describe so I can only really explain examples. 

When you’re a teen obsessed with someone, and you don’t really know what a relationship is, the boundaries can be a little grey. When you’re an adult and you’ve grown up in toxic/abusive/jealous relationships your whole life, you mightn’t know any different or better. While I cringe heavily to think about it now; we were both obsessed to the point we would read each other’s phones. I don’t know if it was trust or jealousy or what. But it was mutual - for a time. As the months progressed I grew weary of it. I’d never have cheated on him, and as the months passed I assumed he would never have cheated on me, so I lost interest in his phone. But he kept on checking mine. 

I didn’t have any friends there. We joined Grindr and had a profile for both of us, just looking for friends. We met a few people, they were alright, one in particular stood out to me. Cody was super cool, a runway model, super nice, etc. He invited me to parties a fair bit. I never went - at first I didn’t want to, because David was self-conscious (likely beingnearly 30 years older than everyone else there). But with time I did want to go, I was bored and there are only so many videogames one could play, and weed one could smoke, before one becomes restless. So I took Cody up on his offer. David was furious. He didn’t explicitly say no, but he emotionally made it very clear he did not approve. 

I don’t think it was intentional, there were so many aspects of out relationship that were unhealthy looking back now, but he was as oblivious to a lot of it as I. Was he just keeping me stoned 24/7 to fuck me? Was he emotionally blackmailing me when I tried to escape his control? Did he realise how much I loved him, how much I cared and would never have cheated on him? Did he consider how young I was, how I might have been a little naive or not ready to leave home to a new country with no friends and no plan? 

And I know you could easily say “Well it’s your life, you’re a fucking idiot for dropping out of high school (did I mention that?) and eloping with no plan” - and to that I would reply, yes, but love makes you an idiot with no plan. 

I hope I am getting across just how negative this became. Those are just a few examples but it started to feel like if I didn’t conform to his idea of “be a good boy (emphasis on “boy”), stay at home, relax” that I.. Well, I didn’t know. I still haven’t entirely resolved everything in my head and I’ve had a fair bit of baggage when it comes to relationships ever since.

A part of the lack of resolution was how David and I came to end. We were still ok afterwards and he told me later he had been suspecting something, but he came home early one day to find me doing a webcam show. I was exploring a few things I won’t mention here but suffice it to say David, in his absolute well-meaning vanillarity (it’s a word now ok cool) would have never been in to. Maybe he would have tried things for me, but I knew he would never actually be “into” it; maybe it was just in my head. Or maybe I’m just making excuses for him. Either way, more repression of a then-18 year old, still figuring out life and sex and gender etc. 

Whether it was out of a need for control (and not in a hot way) or just out of incompatibility, I would say the overarching theme of the latter days of our relationship was “suppression”. Looking back I feel like I was controlled, manipulated, repressed, emotionally abused - and it was entirely consentual. 

I just... I hope my story speaks for itself, I’m probably missing a lot as it was a while ago and it’s hard to think back to then, but please, tc community, have all the wet dreams you want, and maybe some of you will have a fuck, or a fling, but dear god do not expect to spend your life with someone who might not even be teaching you next year. It’s delusional. As kind and sexy and dominant and whatever the fuck you want that they are, it’s really not worth it. When it’s all over, you get left with three broken hearts (his, mine, wife), and enough baggage to sail around the world with - not to mention potential ruined careers, jail if you’re a minor, infamy (not the good kind), potentially debt for court fees, broken families, who knows. 

(names were changed btw)